The narcissist says he "loves" you, but then turns around and cheats on you. Then he turns around again and claims he is sorry, has issues, but REALLY does love you. This is nonsensical and incongruent to healthy, mature people. There is NO way to wrap your head around how horrible they treat people whilst claiming to love them. At the end of the day, they may claim to love people, but they prove through their actions and behaviors that they really have no clue what the definition of love actually is and how to behave in a reciprocal relationship. Mine almost strangled me to death when I caught him cheating! Let me repeat that...he almost killed me for his shitty behavior! They can be very dangerous people to be around! Their version of love is: I will do things for you only if it benefits me, I will be faithful...maybe, only if I really want to but if an opportunity presents itself, I may not, and you need to be there for me, but don't expect that in return. Sound like a child...? It's because they are. Inside that adult body is a child who never matured into a healthy adult. The type of treatment they give others is abuse, make no mistake about that. And even when people want to change (and most narcissists do not) they rarely do. It is exceedingly hard to change. That's why most people say leave them, go no contact, etc. For most cases, that is the best thing to do. There are exceptions, of course, but generally they cannot change, don't truly want to change, and therefore will continue hurting those they "love".
I assumed because I trusted him and had no reason (at first) to doubt him, that when he said he lived me and did little acts of lovieness that it was love. I didn't realise that his idea of love was different from mine and included cruelty etc. He was a good Actor it turned out. 🍒
You are absolutely correct, Ben! Love is a commitment, it’s a decision one makes every day to choose to love another person. It cannot be based on a feeling - feelings dissipate. Saying to someone “I’m so IN LOVE with you” communicates a feeling. “I love you,” communicates a commitment (most of the time 🙂).
LOVE IS EMOTION THAT COMES ON MANY PLATFORMS AND IT COMES AND GOES. TO RETAIN LOVE IS TO WORK DAY TO DAY, RESPECTFULLY. ❤ 🙇♀️🎀. LOVED THE NARC MASK! TRUE. FALSE PROJECTION OF THE SELF.
Oh my God, I watched the whole video and didn't understand that you're a self aware narcissist till the end of the video!!! 😱😱😱 I was soooo shocked! 😂 Maybe it's because English is not my first language but anyways 😅 I agree exactly with everything you said and I'm here cause I dated a narcissist for almost three years and we are apart from each other because I found something about him that is really bad but I'm not sure if he actually did it, so... I'm here cause I'm wondering if he really loved me cause I really think he was trying and I saw changes! I saw him never doing again what he did in the past cause I had a serious conversation with him about the bad thing he did to me. I saw him cry in front of me and I just can't understand if he really loved me or not, but what I feel inside of me, even if no one understands, is that he really loved me, but was struggling too much with his own mask, always running away from guilt and shame EXACTLY as you said, trying to protect his ego. He has put the blame on me a lot, and it was very hard for me to stand up for myself cause I've come from a family that my mom was very narcissistic and maybe my dad too. I always bottled mu feelings to make them happy and when I started to be myself and speak for myself they would call me ungrateful, rebel, not a good daughter, and that hurt me a lot, so I learned that from them, but, before getting to know my boyfriend I was already through a journey of years with myself to learn how to put myself first ans search for my own happiness, so when my boyfriend came to my life I had already learned lots of stuff about protecting myself and how my mom would do emotional manipulations on me, so I didn't fell that hard for the manipulation my boyfriend was trying to do to me, and I guess that that's what made him respect me and love me, cause I heard once that narcissists "love" who stand up for themselves... Anyways.. I just wanted to help him to have a better life, being the empath I am, I saw him dancing when he never danced anymore in years, I saw him expressing himself and crying, I saw him taking care of me when I needed, and I just can't agree for now that narcissists can't love.. all this subject is very complicated and for now, the only thing I can say with certainty is that I'm suffering very much and I miss our times together. He went to therapy cause I asked him to do it and he never tried it before. He was trying, and I know it, but what bothers me the most is that he would lie a lot. It was like he couldn't control himself but to lie just to protect himself. It's so hard to deal with all of this! We haven't talked for almost a weak and I'm going crazy now, but I'm standing up for myself cause I know I wanted to talk to him, and he just ran away from me, so I'm not gonna force anything. If I really want something god comming out of this, I need to encourage him to do what's right and to be a man and let go of his ego and come and talk to me, or else I will always be the person that's running after him to be together! It's so hard!! I don't even know what to do now. All I can do is pray to God so that the best outcome happens to me and him. I know I love him, but I don't know if he loves me for real. I'll let God do the rest and I will do what I can and what's right for me to do. I'm so so so glad you're out here speaking from your point of view and it's amazing!!!! I don't believe there's such a thing like "no hope". I think people can change. Not everyone does, but if someone really wants that, I believe they can change! For God, nothing is impossible! ❤
👩🏾🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️Can someone help me: how a person with BPD can let go of a toxic relationship with a diagnosed narcissist? Who’s in and out with love bombing and ghosting the next day ? Cause if you know bpd is not easy we hurt 1000 times more regardless of what happens Btw therapy didn’t really helped unfortunately😢🙆🏾
What helped me was to look back at the relationship and realize that i THOUGHT i was in a marriage but i was really all alone .... All alone for 26 years without even knowing!!! Once i realized it then i started seeing the discard the gaslighting and the mental abuse.... If you were with a covert narcissist it was hard to understand what you were going through
The only way I got out (I'm not bpd) was he blocked me after we split. I used that time to breathe and after about 8 weeks I had come to far to go back that way. Its almost like you've got to go through a couple of months going cold turkey and things hopefully move up. If you can get a support plan in place like therapy. Good video playlist on you tube. Get busy with something (I began walking in the forest and near lakes.) Talk to friends and journal or set an extra email account up and write how you feel down and save it to drafts to read later. But it only will happen when you are going to carry on forward amd not go back no matter how sad you feel and I'm so glad I did. 7 months on I'm still thinking of him a fair bit. I had to deactivate fb and change my number to not only remove him but other people linked to him. It wad the best thing I did..
Working on your mindset of abandonment triggers and the story you are telling yourself that keeps you stuck. Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones
Meatloaf: "Baby, we can talk all night But that ain't gettin us nowhere I told you everything I possibly can There's nothing left inside of here And maybe you can cry all night But that'll never change the way I feel The snow is really piling up outside I wish you wouldn't make me leave here I poured it on and I poured it out I tried to show you just how much I care I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout But you've been cold to me so long I'm crying icicles instead of tears And all I can do is keep on telling you I want you (I want you), I need you (I need you) But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you Now don't be sad (Don't be sad, 'cause two) 'cause two out of three ain't bad Now don't be sad ('Cause two) 'cause two out of three ain't bad You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach You'll never drill for oil on a city street I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks But there ain't no Coup de Ville hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box I can't lie (I can't lie) I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not No matter how I try I'll never be able to give you something Something that I just haven't got"
Think they can love but they love themselves more. The way the can truly be love is getting help go to therepy and stay with it. They need to love themselves before loving someone else.
The narcissist says he "loves" you, but then turns around and cheats on you. Then he turns around again and claims he is sorry, has issues, but REALLY does love you. This is nonsensical and incongruent to healthy, mature people. There is NO way to wrap your head around how horrible they treat people whilst claiming to love them. At the end of the day, they may claim to love people, but they prove through their actions and behaviors that they really have no clue what the definition of love actually is and how to behave in a reciprocal relationship. Mine almost strangled me to death when I caught him cheating! Let me repeat that...he almost killed me for his shitty behavior! They can be very dangerous people to be around! Their version of love is: I will do things for you only if it benefits me, I will be faithful...maybe, only if I really want to but if an opportunity presents itself, I may not, and you need to be there for me, but don't expect that in return. Sound like a child...? It's because they are. Inside that adult body is a child who never matured into a healthy adult. The type of treatment they give others is abuse, make no mistake about that. And even when people want to change (and most narcissists do not) they rarely do. It is exceedingly hard to change. That's why most people say leave them, go no contact, etc. For most cases, that is the best thing to do. There are exceptions, of course, but generally they cannot change, don't truly want to change, and therefore will continue hurting those they "love".
I assumed because I trusted him and had no reason (at first) to doubt him, that when he said he lived me and did little acts of lovieness that it was love. I didn't realise that his idea of love was different from mine and included cruelty etc. He was a good Actor it turned out. 🍒
You are absolutely correct, Ben! Love is a commitment, it’s a decision one makes every day to choose to love another person. It cannot be based on a feeling - feelings dissipate. Saying to someone “I’m so IN LOVE with you” communicates a feeling. “I love you,” communicates a commitment (most of the time 🙂).
LOVE IS EMOTION THAT COMES ON MANY PLATFORMS AND IT COMES AND GOES. TO RETAIN LOVE IS TO WORK DAY TO DAY, RESPECTFULLY. ❤ 🙇♀️🎀. LOVED THE NARC MASK! TRUE. FALSE PROJECTION OF THE SELF.
THAT'S KEY, REWIND THE MINDSET! EXACTLY!!! 💯 THE ROAD TO FREE CLEAR MIND. SPOT ON BEN!
I used to say,"It is NOT all about you."
Fantastic take, i have the same opinion on that matter
Great video!
I don’t think my bd ever loved me I feel he used me wasted 12years of my life 😢
Great content
BEN 💣💣💣💣 🚀! GREAT ANALOGY! 👍👌👌👏😀
Oh my God, I watched the whole video and didn't understand that you're a self aware narcissist till the end of the video!!! 😱😱😱 I was soooo shocked! 😂 Maybe it's because English is not my first language but anyways 😅 I agree exactly with everything you said and I'm here cause I dated a narcissist for almost three years and we are apart from each other because I found something about him that is really bad but I'm not sure if he actually did it, so... I'm here cause I'm wondering if he really loved me cause I really think he was trying and I saw changes! I saw him never doing again what he did in the past cause I had a serious conversation with him about the bad thing he did to me. I saw him cry in front of me and I just can't understand if he really loved me or not, but what I feel inside of me, even if no one understands, is that he really loved me, but was struggling too much with his own mask, always running away from guilt and shame EXACTLY as you said, trying to protect his ego. He has put the blame on me a lot, and it was very hard for me to stand up for myself cause I've come from a family that my mom was very narcissistic and maybe my dad too. I always bottled mu feelings to make them happy and when I started to be myself and speak for myself they would call me ungrateful, rebel, not a good daughter, and that hurt me a lot, so I learned that from them, but, before getting to know my boyfriend I was already through a journey of years with myself to learn how to put myself first ans search for my own happiness, so when my boyfriend came to my life I had already learned lots of stuff about protecting myself and how my mom would do emotional manipulations on me, so I didn't fell that hard for the manipulation my boyfriend was trying to do to me, and I guess that that's what made him respect me and love me, cause I heard once that narcissists "love" who stand up for themselves... Anyways.. I just wanted to help him to have a better life, being the empath I am, I saw him dancing when he never danced anymore in years, I saw him expressing himself and crying, I saw him taking care of me when I needed, and I just can't agree for now that narcissists can't love.. all this subject is very complicated and for now, the only thing I can say with certainty is that I'm suffering very much and I miss our times together. He went to therapy cause I asked him to do it and he never tried it before. He was trying, and I know it, but what bothers me the most is that he would lie a lot. It was like he couldn't control himself but to lie just to protect himself. It's so hard to deal with all of this! We haven't talked for almost a weak and I'm going crazy now, but I'm standing up for myself cause I know I wanted to talk to him, and he just ran away from me, so I'm not gonna force anything. If I really want something god comming out of this, I need to encourage him to do what's right and to be a man and let go of his ego and come and talk to me, or else I will always be the person that's running after him to be together! It's so hard!! I don't even know what to do now. All I can do is pray to God so that the best outcome happens to me and him. I know I love him, but I don't know if he loves me for real. I'll let God do the rest and I will do what I can and what's right for me to do. I'm so so so glad you're out here speaking from your point of view and it's amazing!!!! I don't believe there's such a thing like "no hope". I think people can change. Not everyone does, but if someone really wants that, I believe they can change! For God, nothing is impossible! ❤
👩🏾🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️Can someone help me: how a person with BPD can let go of a toxic relationship with a diagnosed narcissist? Who’s in and out with love bombing and ghosting the next day ? Cause if you know bpd is not easy we hurt 1000 times more regardless of what happens Btw therapy didn’t really helped unfortunately😢🙆🏾
What helped me was to look back at the relationship and realize that i THOUGHT i was in a marriage but i was really all alone .... All alone for 26 years without even knowing!!!
Once i realized it then i started seeing the discard the gaslighting and the mental abuse....
If you were with a covert narcissist it was hard to understand what you were going through
The only way I got out (I'm not bpd) was he blocked me after we split. I used that time to breathe and after about 8 weeks I had come to far to go back that way. Its almost like you've got to go through a couple of months going cold turkey and things hopefully move up. If you can get a support plan in place like therapy. Good video playlist on you tube. Get busy with something (I began walking in the forest and near lakes.)
Talk to friends and journal or set an extra email account up and write how you feel down and save it to drafts to read later.
But it only will happen when you are going to carry on forward amd not go back no matter how sad you feel and I'm so glad I did. 7 months on I'm still thinking of him a fair bit. I had to deactivate fb and change my number to not only remove him but other people linked to him. It wad the best thing I did..
Working on your mindset of abandonment triggers and the story you are telling yourself that keeps you stuck. Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones
Meatloaf: "Baby, we can talk all night
But that ain't gettin us nowhere
I told you everything I possibly can
There's nothing left inside of here
And maybe you can cry all night
But that'll never change the way I feel
The snow is really piling up outside
I wish you wouldn't make me leave here
I poured it on and I poured it out
I tried to show you just how much I care
I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout
But you've been cold to me so long
I'm crying icicles instead of tears
And all I can do is keep on telling you
I want you (I want you), I need you (I need you)
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
(Don't be sad, 'cause two) 'cause two out of three ain't bad
Now don't be sad
('Cause two) 'cause two out of three ain't bad
You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach
You'll never drill for oil on a city street
I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks
But there ain't no Coup de Ville hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box
I can't lie (I can't lie)
I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not
No matter how I try
I'll never be able to give you something
Something that I just haven't got"
That think that because they feel like they love you it excuses everything they does to actually hurt you.
Nail it
Think they can love but they love themselves more. The way the can truly be love is getting help go to therepy and stay with it. They need to love themselves before loving someone else.
I don't think the narcissist can love anyone buy themselves. Rotten demons, living in an imaginary world of lies
People who love themselves are usually able to love another . Narcissist's do not feel love for themselves from what I've understood
@@caur739 Exactly!!
Love/infatuation of the mask. Not themselves.
Do narcissistic love children or anyone i read website
Not really no
Nope not their own kids they be obsessed with other people kids
I think people get a bit fairy tale over love. Love is a chemical reaction in the brain. Seems it gets twisted by disney
Very true
Can a narcissist have a broken heart