How to Stop Getting Triggered & Keep the Ego in Check
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- This video is part 3 of my 3 part series on ego work. Most of the time, when we're getting emotionally triggered it's because our ego is feel threatened and so it gets defensive. This triggered defensiveness can show up in many different ways and in this talk I give 7 different ways our ego shows up to try and protect us when we're feeling vulnerable or defensive and what we can do to manage the ego so the ego doesn't control us.
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#ego #defensiveness #emotionallytriggered
Hi friends, what was one of your biggest takeaways from this?
Being a beginner and asking why I'm defensive.
People respond at their current level of awareness and it is no use in me taking it personally.
Everyone can only be at their own current level of awareness, and it's not all about you. Great video, thank you!
@@timmeshiawilson4859 YES!
@@CristiBundukamara Glad this connected with you.
My BIG problem is that when I’m being triggered, I go from 0 to 100😰. I just end up reacting, saying the wrong thing, making arguments worst and then feeling miserable, stupid and guilty about my reaction 😖
i know its hard, i used to be like that & end up hurting someone or getting in trouble. try doing what i did it worked for me, make it a challenge for urself, that the next person who gets on ur nerves u immediately talk to urself by saying for example." im currently driving, i need to focus on that only, this persons probably having a bad day, or just a plain idiot, i have bad days too sometimes i know what theyre goin through. im here driving right now and my goal is to get home safe not teach people lessons. i am responsible for my actions not other peoples actions."
if you practice that every time somethin happens it will start becoming a habit, it may take a loong time but eventually ull find urself alot calmer (try 5 minute meditation s everyday too). i used to think i have to not let anyone "get away" with the horrible things they do to others or to me i still do from time to time alot less than before tho, but then I started to understand what might be causing their idiot behaviors and realize that my purpose isnt to fix anyone, but to look after myself, be kind, and become a little forgiving. we humans tend to judge eachother it has alot to do with ego ofcourse, this video is incredible and i hope what i said helps a little too💕
Im the opposite, im goin from 10 to 0 in a second, blank and numb
My take away from this is to have a "beginners mind". It's a humbling experience as I learn continually.
Thank you for this very insightful video ❤️
Thankyou so much for your videos... so educational and informative... i learn so much from you. 🥰
Dear Julia. Thank Jou for all your work. Could you please speak about counterdependence and the mechanisms of a hard to tame superego?
be a good listener
don't make it about you
be willing to be a beginner, regardless of how long you have been doing it, this allows you to see things from a new perspective
Thank you Doc!
You're the best frfr
U mentioned inner work, and do u go inward???
Do you think you could make a video on the power we have on others and how we can impact the life’s of others without the material things?
Can you tell me more what you mean by that? I'm not sure I follow.
Sorry about that, to explain it better... I guess i mean do you think you could make a video on how someone can leave a memorable mark on someone’s life. How can we impact another persons life psychologically, emotionally or spiritually in a positive way, without all of the materials things (money, gifts, etc.) What actions can we take to be remembered as remarkable or astonishing to another individual?
Your question "What am I trying to protect / defend?" What an excellent question / point! Will try to remember that question the next time I am feeling defensive.
I thought about this question… I think my own ego wants to prevent being misunderstood, judged, and discarded. It comes from things in the past - some of us weren’t allowed to be ourselves in childhood. Thinking about this really clarifies things!!
The ego is not your amigo.
cute!
ego gives you sense of identity, but you can't overprotect your self sense of identity or you are trappting yourself in that state, and identity is not stable, it always moves and grows.
Ain’t that the truth!!!! 😂😂😂😂
I think you are the only or one of few coaches I can relax to . You are such a great presenter.
Thanks Valentina. That means a lot.
I agree with you
I find kids are like the beginners we should choose to be inspired by. Their simple discoveries and candid opinions are funny, beautiful, sometimes annoying, but unashamedly curious and brave.
Ok, my shame normally stops me from commenting on public sites, but it cannot stop me this time. Holy smokes, sister! You are ridiculously real and aren’t afraid to get down and dirty. Thank you for your insight, vulnerability and wisdom. I so appreciate this lesson. Sending love and light....💜🌟
Ego should provide you with a healthy defense that allows you to safely transition between ideas and personalities as you learn, grow, and explore. The ego becomes unhealthy when it is fixed on a certain idea, outcome, or thing.
A healthy ego allows others to have differing viewpoints while one retains his/her own point of view. One does not feel personally attacked if his/her views and opinions are questioned since his/her survival is not associated with any view or opinion.
The unhealthy ego comes about as a result of a stifled exploration period, primarily associated with childhood experiences, that shows one that the world outside of one's own beliefs, views, experiences is unsafe and dangerous to one's well being (survival was threatened). To recover a healthy ego, a person must practice acceptance, return to an expansion and exploration type of mindset, and discover the boundaries that will allow one to be one's self while being accepting of others.
Ego is NOT the enemy. Ego is a friend once you become aware of it and learn how to manage it. It will keep you safe if you learn to use it appropriately.
"People are showing up in their current state of awareness, whatever they have going on" do not take their comments or reactions personally. We are all in different places of growth and development.
Hello Adam Loza here. I have been an addict my whole life and I was sober for a few years. I thought I had it all together... than I relapsed.... and I went to rehab... I still used in rehab and I could not figure out how to get right....till.. I decided to start over... I needed to be a beginner again.... I'm still sober today... I love all you are doing I want more info omg....
Glad you're here brother. And good for you for always getting back up.
Loved the discussion about celebrating the journey as well as the goal. Love your energy about...everything .
Never give up. You are loved and valued. 🧡
That's the story of a hero, getting back up. I'm sure you'll stay that way.
I love your talks.
I'm so glad it connected Anne.
"People are projecting from their own current state of understanding" This is so good! Super helpful! Thank you!!
This is great advice. I was taking notes of things I will implement in my relationships. Thank you! My favorite takeaway: "If you've done nothing wrong, there is nothing to defend. If you've done something wrong, there is nothing to defend."
Super helpful!
Great stuff
🙌🙌🙌
I use to get defensive. I didn't realize that was my ego. Good to know that there's nothing to defend just accountability, responsibility, and apology. I guess we should still apologize even when didn't do anything wrong but for some reason the other may have been offended or didn't like what was/wasn't done.🤔💭
How to become " thickskinned)
Ego is the little centre of the Babushka doll... the core of self.... surrounded by the colourful exterior.
It's Matryoshka doll, not Babushka. :-)
Julia have you read a New Earth by Eckhart Tolle? Your content so reminds me of that book! Love love how you deliver this information in such a practical way ❤️
You're going to laugh at this - but I tried reading it about 5 years ago and it didn't make sense to me so I stopped. I have since done more research on ego from other teachers that connected with me more. I do respect the bits of Eckhart Tolle's work that I have connected with.
Julia Kristina Counselling see THIS is why I so enjoy being one of your subscribers. Your honesty and authenticity is so infectious. Thank you for being you ❤️
The beginners mind... you sound like the Buddha... it's so true... it humbles you... it shows you your strengths and limitations... thank you. For your wisdom.
Everything made so much sense to me, I feel like I gained a lot of insights and aha moments from this 25 min talk. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge ❤️✨
Really glad it connected Sandra - thanks for being here.
Julia Kristina Counselling Thanks. Julia. was great thanks Maria. S
Hello,
My name is Nicolas, I’m from France. I’m new here.
Thank you for that channel, nice work !
I just found it, working on my (very protective) ego. The biggest takeaway in this video is to be curious instead of defensive, I bet it will help a lot.
I love the part of "A Beginners Mind." We bring way too much stuff forward with our relationships. Children don't hold grudges because they come forth with a beginners mind. This is so mindfulness. Thanks.
Truthfully people don't deserve forgiveness and if they cross me they deserve death
Your second point of "living for celebrating only a few moments of success" totally hits me right in there...
This is why I really love you and your channel, so deep, detailed, and right to the point
Glad that connected. It was a big realization when I saw that this is exactly what I'd been doing. Happy you're here.
Should you not at least be able to respond to the negative behaviour that's upsetting you so those who are triggering you know what theyve done. I've spent 10 years just putting up with things I hate because I felt like I was an awful person to say no, but I've come to realise that while I was thinking of others while they were only thinking of themselves, no one was thinking of me. And now I'm so angry. Angry that they did it all and angry that they cant see how selfish and inconsiderate they are.
Don't think 'some people' are born without an ego. That is a naive & dangerous statement. Please do not say that to your clients again. It reinforces the believe that some ppl are born defective by comparison. I'm sure your hubby works every day to stay in control of his ego so it doesn't run his live. He may be a master of his ego when you met him but don't take from his achievement.
Thank you for your videos, it helps me a lot! You are helping people to change their realities and consequently change their surroundings and make the world a better place. Thabk you
That’s me! The goal chaser! In between I become “almost” depressed. I have to move out of this. Thank you so much!
I hear you sis. That used to be me too. Glad we're in this together.
Whew this hit home like crazy 😫
I have noted that I have grown at pretty much a snail's pace. I have also noted how often people have tried to rush my growth, not really respecting my own pace and need for self-examination. If it weren't for my previous boundary work I think I could easily gotten waylaid/sidetracked and thrown way off my own course. Thanks for your help in my own development.
You should be open to learning new things I agree with you Julia.❤
why am i crying thank you very much again and please be safe
Have you figured out why you're crying? Is everything okay?
You’re lucky you have such an easygoing husband Julia.
Hi Julia! I want to take some time to thank you for your videos. I tried many times therapy and rarely got what I needd out of it. These videos are super helpful and correspond perfectly to my needs growthwise. I also want to take this time to thank you specifically because I am so grateful that these videos are free. I don't have a big enough income to pay a therapist and these really help me understand a lot about myself. So once again thank you!
I like it when you admit that you struggle or have struggled with things. Or that you aren't perfect for whatever reason. You admitted you have an ego. If you're this honest about yourself then I guess you don't have an inflated one. Excellent!
Thank you so much for your videos. I have a horrible habit of procrastination and feel anxious about the task at hand for days and weeks together .i tried meditating on why I keep doing that but dont seem to understand why I keep procrastinating again and again knowing that I will be in a trap of anxiousness. Can you please do a video on that? why we procrastinate and how I can overcome this horrible habit .
How your videos are free is simply mind blowing! The amount of information that you have put out in these videos with all your heart, speaks volumes about how much you are willing to help people heal and grow.
I am a new subscriber of your channel. I intend to finish watching all your videos and join the Shift Society as soon as possible. I am already addicted to listening you unveil the reality of life in the most simplest ways possible. You are simply Awesome! May God bless you ❤❤❤
You are such a good teacher..I really enjoyed this..Going back to vid 1 & 2 , Thanks Julia :)
Always! Glad you're here.
Your husband lucky to have you as a wife I watch all your videos like over and over lol
Thank you so much to your teaching God bless you.
You too friend.
I have to tell you. God actually put your video in front of me! Really! I’ve been struggling so hard with this! Your guidance is easy to understand and is to the point! Just what I needed. Once again, thank you for sharing your knowledge! It’s so helpful!💥💗😇🙏😁❗️
I am new here! It sounds like micro steps are the best way to go~~~. My ego seems to be ruining my life. I get hurt SO easily. I am afraid to follow my passion because I am afraid to be seen, to fail, and the biggest "story" I have is that I am the outsider, even in my family of origin. My brother is extremely popular, even with our first cousins, whereas I am not included. I am extremely sensitive, and don't know if I am an EMPATH or just a "submissive animal in the jungle." I tend to post when I've had a rough day...sorry for the dumping :(
Thank you so much for this video. That part about being defensive really helped me a lot. Thank you!
It's funny because I was thinking this week that I need to work on not getting defensive with people. So I was going to look through your videos to find one about it. And here we are.
Ha! I love it. I'm also going to do an entire video on defensiveness because I think it's such an important topic.
Awesome, I look forward to it! I really enjoy your videos and they have really helped me. Thank you 💕
Thank you for these Ego videos Julia.. I have really connected to them and have learnt so much❤️ thank you for doing what you do.
I'm so glad they've connected Monica. Was there something in particular and created a bigger shift for you?
@@juliakristinamah For me personally the biggest thing was realising my error in allowing the behavior of people to mean something personally about me and letting it affect my sense of self instead of realising their behavior is based on them. This was huge. And that I don't need to react or defend that. I also overthink a lot and stress myself over things before they even happen as I'm the type that likes to know what to expect before hand, and realising now as you said that you will always have your own back and should trust in yourself to handle uncertain situations. ❤️
What about if someone humiliates you? The only time they voice any issues they have is in front of people. Sometimes in front of strangers and sometimes in front of my loved ones. Everything seems to come to a head with him only when there’s other people around. It’s as if he wants to make a scene and I refuse to make a scene and don’t say anything to minimize the situation. He’s just fine when there’s no one around. What do I do about this? He’s also a sick man who’s been battling cancer for years.
Yes! Great information! I have always had a fear of being judged. And I have a lot of opinions that I defend by not presenting them to others. 🙂💞I love that you enjoy dancing!
Wow during this video I found myself smiling a lot, you are so safe and validating. You make it all so simple because these concepts and practices are quite thorny. My share, growing up in a family where my parents egos were and are still disturbingly fragile the ego has been always interesting concept. It is very frustrating when two people can speak the same words yet have totally different meanings.
Don’t take everything personally.❤
Hi JUlia!! This is so encouraging and motivating 🧡 What i loved the most was let my self be a beginner, alow my self to be courios, allow people to be in a different stage of understanting of things. Thanks!! i clicked the like button now!!
Welcome Ron! Glad you're here and I love your insights. Thanks for sharing.
Don’t try to be something or someone you’re not.❤
Thanks, you totally make so much sense. So many people need to listen and take a step back and be who they were created to be.
My biggest takeaway from this Julia is to not put all my eggs in one basket.❤
Not everything is about you.❤
Hi Julia, I’m a trainee therapist and it’s nice to see therapists using RUclips as a platform 😊
Narcissists have enormous egos. Empaths and co-dependents have small egos.
it's actually not entirely true- everyone has an ego. The ego is your constructed sense of self and filters how you see others, life and the world as they pertain to you - we all have an ego.
Co-dependents, empaths (I don't like that term, empathy is a behaviour not an identity) and narcissists all carry very similar wounds. It is the response to that wound that is different. All lack good boundaries and all are deeply wounded.
@@SusanaXpeace2u It is fascinating, but I wouldn't say that the behaviours are polar opposites, they are basically coping mechanisms learnt at the time of trauma and as such are equally damaging, to self and other. Personally, I don't really like the use of terms such as narcissist or empath, or even co-dependant as they are not identities but coping mechanisms. Narcissism is really just a very deep wound during our healthy narcissism phase as an infant, and as such, co-dependency and over empathy spring for that same place: basically, narcissistic behaviour 'kills' the other, whilst co-dependancy and over empathy 'kills' the self.
I see it as both have damaging coping mechanisms to protect the ego. It's egotistical to play the part of fixer, server and carer.
I’ve really enjoyed your ego series so far and can’t wait to watch this video as well, getting triggered is something I’m guilty of from time to time! Admittedly, hearing the truth from other people can really hurt, and that’s the situation in which I sometimes feel this way. I hope you’re having a wonderful week so far 💕
I got a lot out of this video on the ego.i will definitely watch more on you series. Thank you for your brilliant knowledge of this subject!
Hi Julia this video is in the all time top 10 for me on your channel, you really crushed it on this one well done
Thanks friend. Your comment made me smile.
Thanks for your videos , there really helping me out. Biggest takeaway for me , is don’t make everything about me , and don’t take everything so personal .
Yes! Growth is painful, but this is a pain that leads to a broader perspective, to expand as JK mentions.
Love this content ! Thanks 👍
Every time I am about to watch one of your videos, Julia, it's like I am choosing the 'red pill'. The unpleasant truth is about to unveil.. Although it sucks realizing that many of these negative mindsets relate to me, understanding what it is and what caused them will help with my positive transformation, I am sure! I cannot thank you enough. I am guilty for not 'liking' all the videos that I like but since I came across your channel a little while ago, I have been binge-listening to one after another..and re-listening again. I like your positivity and it's amazing how things you say make so much sense. Even when they don't at first :) Thanks Julia! ❤
P.S. I am going to be more consistent with putting 'likes' so more people can benefit from your advice :)
The element of defensiveness stood out to me the most...I am now doing ego work, starting here! Thank you for this presentation, I’m a new sub!
You are a gift to humanity ♥️
Sometimes it’s hard not to get defensive.
I learned so much by just watching your videos than learning as in my life. Although I am just 18 years old but everything you said was on point and made lots of sense to me.
So i wanna thank you for all these wonderful and knowledgeable videos. You literally taught me more than than any other teacher in my life.
Thank you Julia for the great video. Many of the these characteristics have affected me to find personal happiness. Like the video "Why we do not feel good enough" my gremlin is the fear of rejection if I do not express my thoughts well. Doing the self-journal mindfulness exercise, I have recognized better what type of ego affects me and what is ego fear and real fear. I have an open-mind, but I used to be defensive and to take everything personally.
"I cannot express my thoughts well" Ego fear
Ego tip 1: It used to be very difficult for me to speak english(I am multilingual) with others because I thought that people spoke english to me because I could not "speak" other languages. I am more open to talk to anyone in whatever language and if someone speaks english to me, I understand that they want to learn languages just like me. Why should I discourage that? I am not sure why I used to think like this, but it was an ego fear and frustration for feeling rejected due to an cultural identity crisis.
EGO tip 2: Missing life
During the trip, my ego affected me so much that I did not have fun with my family and my friends. I was so focused to reach my "goal" to travel to Italy and speak italian and the sicilian. This makes me sad, but my girlfriend and I went to Paris and I was so focused to go to Italy , I was closed minded to do a lot of things instead of enjoying the moment and opening the doors to another culture.
EGO tip 3: To be a beginner
This is a great technique to improve the foundation of our goals and personal projects. I am starting a youtube channel in a week, but you taught me something that was crucial. We can be imperfect, we decide what we want to do with the videos for example, if it is editing, the length of the video, the video production. We must step back because the question that I had was "This is an ego threat that i cannot have a successful youtube channel", but it is not about how i can be successful, it is how i can grow with public speaking and having a cultural dialogue with others.
EGO tip 4: Defensiveness
I used to be very defensive with many things. I still continue to work on acceptance of my life and my abilities.
Ego tip 5: Overthinking
I have been overthinking since I was a little kid to feel good enough or be someone that i am not. Mindfulness allows me to calm the brain and reflect what is ego fear and thoughts that do not serve me.
Ego tip 6: be yourself
I have noticed that my ego did not allow me to be authentic. I am in a language exchange program, I ask more questions, I try to be the most authentic and what I have learned is that people appreciate it. I used to avoid making mistakes, but it did not allow me to grow. People want authentic conversations, and personally I am working to be imperfect not perfect.
Ego tip 7 Judgement
This is important because I used to think that it was my problem. When I went to Italy, my cousins did not want to talk to because I was not from Italy. I thought that there was a problem with me, but it was not my state of awareness. I can reflect due to my maturity and awareness, this is not me. It is ego fear that makes me feel vulnerable.
So powerful and poignant . Thank you for this!
E.G.O.= Everyones Got One.
Can I say, and I am not very good at this myself, that perhaps we need to remember that psychology points out the kinds of things to look for but that the ecosystems of the mind are as vast as the ecosystems of "consequence, cause and effect" and we could explore the symbiotic relationships between the vast nurturing, foundational, support, adversarial, hinderance, and toxic aspects of self, others and the environment in which we live in order to not do too much damage when setting off thinking what is in the psychology books, talks, discussions and lectures is the whole of the truth.
Truth itself is a vast symbiotic ecosystem of ;
1:facts, fiction and lies,
2:commitment and avoidance,
3:build up and release,
4:deliberate actions, accidents and negligence,
5:cause and effect,
6:willed action, willed non-action and accidental action.
etc.
etc.
It seems we may have to grow into some of our new habits carefully, although a complete change in direction is often very good for us.
Oh girl! These are bomb x 3. I have severe ego issues d/t narc mom plus stress career. It ruins my whole life. Tfs🔥🌹
Excellent view of what the Ego is and how it can be managed. Thank you.
Thought I was educated in ego, because I know mine is too strong for my own good! WOW! now I know why I'm afraid to figure out work problems at the root level, ( I'm supposed to be better or know that) Loving all your teaching, this might be my favorite lesson I'll watch again! I'm also from Vancouver Canada, I hate the city probably because of my ego.
I would love a video of you to telling blacks and browns how not to be triggered when white supremacy is all over Canada.
Marco, that is such a good and important question. I am however completely unqualified to speak on behalf of Black or Brown people. Are you following any of the incredible Black activists over on Instagram? People like Rachel Cargle and Andrea Ranae (to start).
Im in dark times. You are helping me.
Uhh I want to talk to Julia once bc she makes so much sense and my situation is so hard to deal with at times.
Hi again Julia.
You are by far the easiest, clearest, most down to earth person out there to listen to. You give such fabulous advice. There's so much to learn about ourselves and because of the world we live in and constantly meeting new people and entering new situations our perception of ourselves changes too. A simple thank you seems so little in comparison to what you share with us, but thank you so very much.
You are heaven sent! Everything you said resonated with me and that’s ok right 🤗Thanking you with all my heart!♥️🙏🏾
All I can say is thank you Julia....you have helped me to improve my life by giving me the tools to get control of my ego.
great
content
thank
you
Julia
be open to learning
dun put all eggs in one basket
dun be defensive. be curious
dun overt
be urself auth
ppl have ego
I am about to move to a different state where I know no one and I am escaping 16 years of abuse. I have such bad anxiety now that I can barely function. I stutter and tremble and make wierd noises and have panic attacks non stop. I have been listening to you for a few weeks and I listen about 3 hours a day. You speak so clearly and I relate. You make me realise that my bad habits and weaknesses are allowing the things that have happened me. The same things over and over again like being taken for granted and being treated badly or stalked or beaten. I now feel like if I work hard on myself, I won't have to worry about it happening again. I will protect myself by having boundaries and not craving attention. You are helping me change my life. I am so grateful for you.
I finally have hope and I don't hate myself.
Thank you.
I didn't have an ego problem until I watched this series (Joke). Ignorance is bliss. Great series! Thank you.
New to your channel and you are just fantastic. Wonderful information presented in such a warm, thoughtful manner. Thank you 🙏🏻
It’s good to strive for a goal.❤
We all have an ego you just have to learn how to tame it.❤
0:42 I agree that killing your ego shouldn't be the goal however there are people that have experienced "ego death" through intense psychedelics... it's not for everyone and it's usually a last resort for PTSD but I just thought I should mention it. 😊
I find myself being defensive all the time and I don't know why. I guess I am protecting myself from peoples judgement or rejection. I have been told to just be myself when around other people, because I tend to try to be of an extrovert than I am, but I don't know how to be myself, I don't know what that means or looks like. How do I figure that out?
Omg, my husbAbd is an engineer and he is very controlling!!! And worse under stress with the pandemic!! And I get sooooo triggered!!! I am learning how to stay in my own self. It’s difficult!! It’s a huge change for me! 🥸
It is all helpful. You describe beautifully the process. Thank you. Blessings!
Happy 4th, my name is Jon and this my 2nd video. The first being last night and it couldn't have been more perfect for a trauma that's been controlling me for many years. God bless you 🙏
I would love to know what your sun sign is.....(or even your big 3, perhaps that's more private, but I would love to understand why you're so inspiring to me on a deeper level. )
Julia, I can’t believe some people would leave you a nasty comment. Thanks for being you.
Being an artist creating tools for your emotions. With your attention to time.
Repetitively repeating with no distractions or breaks. Mastering silence to organize your thoughts, action and emotions inline with your hearts dreams. Repetitive practice on positive roll playing options of the future creating spiderwebs of ideas. The journey to Installing any program into the subconscious becomes a habit. Action without thoughts. For me life is what I can install into my subconscious that leads me to my future goals. when you reach a goal you don't get bored of it. It's in the subconscious it's love for life. The journey is the process of training the subconscious.