Deal with Your Triggers
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- You may be tempted to deal with your triggers by avoiding everything or everyone that triggers you. Although that will help you feel better in the moment, it will make life a lot harder for you over all. Instead, here's an emotionally intelligent way of managing your triggers that will help you a lot more.
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#triggers #emotionalintelligence #wellness
You have just described how I have made my world so tiny. No friends, or family. Have not been able to protect myself without pushing others away. I am so glad I found you.
I may be missing something here but when someone repetitively behaves a certain way that directly affects you...that may deserve a different response which may include avoidance.
As a recovering codependent, I have spent years understanding and accepting people's explanations for their hurtful behavior. This was damaging to me. I finally decided to cut someone out of my life in order to protect myself.
As someone who suffered from codependence, it is a natural response to cut someone off completely because they disrespect you or make you feel insecure/uneasy...
There is a better response, however, that could be implemented before deciding to cut someone completely out of your life... The solution is to set boundaries and to enforce them with consequences (such as limiting time together or walking away from the situation) if the other person chooses to ignore/violate them.
I understand that it will take some real courage to implement this and say it. However, if the other person truly values your presence and cares for your well-being then they will do their best to make you feel comfortable by respecting your limits. If they don't care, then it is best to remove them from your life altogether.
I love how you use the word curious! It takes the drama out if it.
One of my favourite words - glad you like it too ;-)
This video really hit home with me. I get the fight or flight feeling when triggered.
Me too
Same lol
Sometimes the triggers can bring your happy mood down easily and it bugs you the entire day. Thank you Julia for this friend!!
You're welcome. Glad you're here.
Things happen, you'd be amazed at how explainable situations are if you just ask. Most people dont do 'to you' on purpose, once u stop taking so much personally, there's room for understanding and assess whether ok to continue the relationship or not, peacefully. Thank you Julia!
You're welcome. Thank you for your beautiful words.
In my case my emotionally abusive husband would tell me I’m seeing him all wrong after he would treat me like shit. Sometimes asking gets you set up for another round of abuse. Every situations different so I would take everything said on this video with a grain of salt.
I totally agree that running away or avoiding whatever triggers us is not the answer, there will always be someone or something that will bring up our wounds. We must learn to look within and listen to our inner pain.
Yes, the drama in our own minds can cause a lot of needless suffering.
Thank you for the video I’ve learned a lot from this, I’m in college and I had this tutor and she triggered me, and I found a way to handle it. All thanks to you.
Exactly your meant to face your triggers and heal them .
Thank you Julia , I use to suffer intense anxiety with my bipolar condition but since finding your videos it has helped me alot personally with dealing with people around me and you have really helped me set my boundaries alot more stern and it makes such a huge difference. Love your work!
You're so welcome. I'm glad you're here and good for YOU for investing in your wellbeing.
Much needed! If I remove myself, they have control of my world. Restrict my perimeters is more work. I notice it happens in my work place with management. Thank you!
the last time I lashed out on a guy because when I called he told me he can’t talk long because he needed to finish up a movie so I got triggered thought he was rude and he could watch it next day since he was unemployed that time… anyway, we don’t talk any more I know I could have handled it in a calm way
Well, this is certainly me. It's been some times since since I've co existed harmoniously with the others. Honestly, i don't have anything to lose. My only fear is that I've built up so much resent towards everyone, I'm afraid of being triggered so harshly that all the years of shinning, mocking, and shaking will all boil up and I explode. Ii have a physiatrist appointment in a few days and therapy sessions starting up in a little over a month. This is probably a topic that I shouldn't bring up
I swear you follow me through my day and post the perfect thing at the perfect time 🤣. Thank you!!
When making a game plan to approach our triggers, it's helpful to put these circumstances in categories: ready, cautious and need practice. This gets us thinking and helps to keep us safe.
I think you're right about challenges,I have not been in a challenge and long time.iam going to do the work.thans I needed this.
Meditation (15 years) changed my life. There is a short moment when you feel the energy "rise" (trigger), you can shift your mind otherwise the energy can take over. Often I think about us on this Earthship zipping through space feeling like we are a big speck. The older I get, "events" are just that, events we often can't control. Be Free
I love this. Yes, our experiences are just events.
Thank you, I really needed this today 😍
You're welcome. So glad you're here.
Hey Julia I came across your channel from a search of how to deal with anxiety and I'm glad I did.
I'm a very emotional person and to be honest this video is what I needed. You... are... amazing!! Thanks for your help and I look forward to watching more of your videos for my own self help :)
You have talked about the cocept"what do you make it mean for you" It makes alot of sense, I've used this way of thinking often lately,it does help.
so glad to hear it Chris.
Thank you for encouraging curiosity instead of bolting out of relationships. I am open to expanding my ability to be challenged while having meaningful relationships.
I wouldn’t say I’m avoiding things that makes me uncomfortable. My husband triggers me and pisses me off a lot. When he doesn’t validate or acknowledge me I get triggered AF.. it’s been 16 years and I no longer can take it. Avoiding him is a relief from feeling the fight of flight feeling.
Dear get a divorce, it is not worth it...
Sounds like you guys need to work on your communication and validating each other. Try to use "I" statements. Divorce doesn't always need to be the answer. It's the easy way out.
@@pokefusion746 I agree, I got a divorce from someone that if we had taken the time to get therapy, we might still be together today.
Both people need to want it, but if you do then it's a great idea. And if not, well then the fact that the other is not interested in taking steps to save the marriage means they might not be worth your time after all.
You only get one go around in life, might as well try to minimize the suck as much as possible. ;-)
@@mandodelorian4668 yeah three therapists later and we still are having issues
@@pokefusion746 sounds like I say I all the time lol.
He tells me my perspective is wrong and that I just see him negatively.
It’s been 16years three different therapists and we are about to see another. We shall see if we can get a long
Hi Julia! One of your Shifters here!! 😁 I'm really enjoying these videos! They complement and reinforce what I'm learning in the Shift Society 😊❤❤
Shifter Kirsten! So glad you're here - I love having you as a Shifter and see how intentional you've been with the work you're doing for yourself.
This resonates with me today and I thank you
I have been working on triggers and you helped me realized the difference about challenges and triggers
I am mainly working on responding instead of reacting
Which is a challenge for me
Wow this is the story of my daily life ! Glad to know it’s not just me that struggles with all of this :) Look forward to learning more, thank you !
you are SO not alone. Ever.
Thanks Julia!
Hello Julia,
There you go again!
You "triggered" (read:motivated) me to be happier and healthier. I want you to know that in such a short time of watching your videos and reading your book how much better I am with dealing with (not uselessly controlling) my world. A lot better! 👍
Thank you!
This is a very helpful message to us who struggle with being triggered. Thank you Julia, for a very sensible approach.
You're welcome - thanks for being here and I'm glad you found it helpful.
Hi Julia, thanks so much for this great video and all the others! I have one person ( a patient) who just pisses me off on a daily basis, which leaves me drained. I'm trying to keep my mind in check. Barbara Southworth
Julia, I have been listening to your teachings for about a year now and have learned so much. "Dealing with your triggers" has greatly resonated with me and made me aware that I have work to do, thank you
I truly enjoy your episodes, wisdom, and guidance. Thank you.
Hi Julia, I suffer with fibromyalgia, this talk has helped me a great deal. Have you any guidance on how to deal with this syndrome, especially the pain and social isolation side? I love the way you present yourself.
Needed to hear this today. Thank you! I am so glad that your offer all this advice free of charge. It’s great to see people who actually want to help others. Shows what kind of person you are :)
Very on point. Self love also helps to bounce back from setbacks and expectations not met.
Thank you for rewiring my brain and heart in a different perspective ❤️
Ahhh, I have so much work to do on myself. This is such good advice to help me heal, thank you.
Hi my name is John and I want to thank you for this video I do have a lot of triggers I have to work on and this video will help me a lot, have a great day Julia.
I find your personal examples very useful. Thank you for your work, Julia! ❤️
I have a sister who I have tried numerous things to remain in her life. Finally, I've made the decision to get her out of my life. My other sisters (2) others are now seeing the light and they are doing the same. This sister has no friends. This sister has continuous issues with her daughter in law. This sister has neighbors who avoid her. I'm just too exhausted when I have to deal with her. So, I feel like I've done what's best for me.
Wow!!! You helped me oodles today 🥳💝 thank you 😊
kinda weird that your friend didn't explain why she was postponing when she did, but cool that it ended in a valuable lesson for you 😊
I feel like I want to do this. I feel I really needed to hear this. But as I listen, my brain is coming up with excuses and feeling pushed into a corner. I believe I am an empath and it's so difficult to be around difficult people because I haven't exactly learned how to navigate myself without absorbing everything from everyone. It makes me feel awful and drained and whatever they feel, I feel be it sadness, anger etc. So, I know I need to put myself out there and deal but my solution is always to run away and push others away because it just becomes such an overload to take on any toxic situations. I needed this though I'm still feeling, "no I wont do this". I understand your message and I appreciate it. Thank you for the video.
do you feel like you lose yourself when you're around others and absorbing everything from them? I think it's a subconscious defense mechanism to be reading others that intensely to make sure there's no threats around. I think the solution is to just become more confident and aware of yourself but I'm not really there yet either 😅
I think you're onto something. Great insight. I appreciate it 😊
Your insight is so sharp and you articulate it with grace. Always appreciated. ❤️
Julia thank you for your lovely spirit ❤ I am part of the shift society and belong to the six-month membership. I go under the name Yvonne Heisner as a Facebook ghost account 😁 I hope you have a lovely Thursday Julia! I love this your society and the community it is such a warm and welcoming safe space❤
Hello Julia, listening from Nevada, good morning 🌄
HI Valarie from Nevada - glad you're here.
Hi Julia!!! Hope you are doing awesome!!
Hey I’m Steph :) loving your channel and videos x
Thank you so much Julia this video is me all the way! I have noticed myself doing this to the point that my world has become so narrow, when something stresses or scares me, witch is almost everything anymore I avoid it! not only that it make's it more stressful and anxious, it's down right EXHAUSTING! I think to my self why am I doing this? and I recognize this is a serious problem, and at the end of the day I feel horrible not at all better cause I avoided the problem or situation I know I need to train my mind to think rationale and curious. I love this video Julia it's just what I needed.👍💞
I have this ex-bestie who did the same thing Julia said, except that when the committed date kept growing close she and my other friend would tell me that stuff happened so they can't make it. They couldn't commit to me an exact date and they became furious I was being too controlling of the reunion. This is different from what Julia said since I don't want to make it about me and emergencies do happen but if I feel that there's always a reason every time I ask why they can't make it, I feel like it's no longer the truth. I'm still friends with this other friend and she doesn't bring up the issue when we talk. We still meet up (before the pandemic) without issue and I no longer ask for my ex-bestie's condition. I just shut up whenever she brings her up and move on with the next topic.
Wow so much sound advice packed into this video in particular for me right now. Thank you. Light bulbs went off and it really resonated to a place needed in an ah-ha moment 💡
Very well said
...this was great!!! ...helped me with a situation in my life today!!! Thank you so much!!! I could see myself and the other person in this...and solve it much much better for myself...and oh wonder the other person reacted in a much nicer way...my mind went through hell a bit though 😉...also made me think of my ex....yes...it's very hard to do this Work after a relationship where one person didn't want to grow...with my new partner I get poked yes...it's hard...and I react super emotionwl ..we can talk and both grow though...understand each other...I love it so much...feels we are both so valuable ❤️
The last part is very important. A lot of idiot “helpers” are harmful when they insist “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger “ by forcing what they have learned from the movie “Anger Management”. Hollywood can be harmful!
I have been meaning too do this for a long time,I am so thankful for you and the patience I guess,but you have helped me at a time I really needed it,it's divine ,because you ,,I just realized I did do this,but I'm doing it again,Thank you,I will break it down in detail someday if you want,thank you,luv ya
Your videos have been so helpful.
Your so good you need to do a video about having patience, I need to see that video
ouuuu... GREAT suggestion. I'm going to put it on the list.
Can you be more specific about what kind of situations you're looking for more patience with?
@@juliakristinamah patience with situations like most of the things that happens in life like hard and difficult times that with friends and family
Great advice
Hi Julia! Shifter here! Great video! Always good reminders - especially triggers! I have a lot of catch up work to do now that I have come back from my camping trip! This RUclips video and Zoom meeting recordings! I always appreciate you sharing your stories and I remember you sharing that with some of us Shifters. I love that I am getting better at not taking things personally. =) #Shifter
I put my headphones on. Just barely heard the motorcycle. Nice noise cancelling mic you have.
oh great! Glad to hear it.
I had a huge trigger happen yesterday through a music video. Ed Sheeran Thinking Out Loud. Somehow hearing that song made me wanna scream and cry at the same time. Advice?
Love the simple and valuable phrase, "Get curious." Thank you!
So valuable and educational!!! Thank you!
Good day owner thank you for your brilliant post I learn so much my owner respectfully speaking owner
Thank you so much I realised I was slipping into this mode. I will now reflect and get curious 🙂
Thanks for the awesome video Julia, you are one in a million. I love the Instagram post you talked about. I’m going to send it to a special friend of mine. You are the best of the best!🧑⚕️🙏😍
Great points Julia! Stuff you don't hear much.
Thank you
I love the videos it’s helped me a lot! Also, how do you stop being so dependent on someone and be okay with giving them space?
work on your relationship with yourself by working on building your self-trust.
@@juliakristinamah how exactly do you do this?
Hi @Julia Kristina! When will you be on Oprah? 😉 I have shared your videos with so many. You are salt of the earth!
I agree that we should always have a curious lens, but also if someone is triggering me by manipulating me, lying, treating me poorly etc. and I've tried to communicate and set more boundaries... then what point can I walk away or "avoid"? Isn't there a healthiness to walking away sometimes when triggered??
Very important information. Keep up the good work!
My parents and my siblings are big triggers for me Julia especially my siblings because I think they’re idiots.
Salve Doctore! I grew up in a violent upbringing. I don't want to live for vasic survival. I want to be a Shifter. I want to be better. Gratis.
This is really helpful Julia, thank you.
You're welcome - I'm glad it connected.
I am even dealing with this within my job
Wow another nice and to the point post
I am a shifter!!
Hi Julia, enjoying ur stuff .
Not only pretty but dang smart too🤗
Good video....Thank you!
RUclips narcissists should crumble in your presence. Finally someone who gets it.
Hiiii Julia!! I am Sadia and I have been following you for about a month or more and I find you amazing! I learn so much from your videos as someone with a specific life story leading to ptsd. Love your work!! How do I join the Shift Society?
Love it, always great, thank you!
This is so good!!!!! Thank you.
Thanks for telling us your own experience. You are so real.
Hun I loved this but you stopped at curious. How did you do the healing of the trigger
First i love your channel you truly have the right training ... Secondly What do you do when you make plans with someone one week in advanced few days before you reminded them of they date and on the day they did not call you one more day pass they did not say anything but when you come to work they smile and say good morning and did not address that they cancel the engagement and when you turn ask them why didn't they tell you they would cancel and they turn and say " Oh I had a migraine " how do you treat that situation and yourself?
i can learn how to deal with other triggers, but my most difficult challenge is dealing with triggers that stays in my house that i have to face everyday. i have been having my sister in law stays with me, i hate it more as days goes by. but i cant seem to do anything about it because my mother in law is sick (also stays in my house) and i can't push them to other siblings due to their family issues. been married for 10 years, she stays with us more than 5 years already, which triggered me! i even have the feeling that i'm actually staying in their house, and not mine. I find this bothering me every single day, and having difficulty being positive about it. it doesnt seem that she'll be moving out anytime soon. urgh, i feel so stuck...
G’day. I tend to push people away so I don’t get hurt 😔. They don’t understand me and I can’t handle their judgment of me as a person. I don’t know if I want to let anyone “in” again? I’m under less stress this way.
It’s my own daughter’s I’m avoiding. They’re very critical of me and everything I do or say. I’m tired of walking on eggshells. They know I have mental issues and yet they constantly get upset with me and stop talking to me. I’ve apologised a thousand times for being the way I am and I’ve tried to BE who they expect me to be, but I just can’t 😞. I am still trying, at 52 years old, to learn how to deal with my issues instead of ignoring them because I love my girls and I would love to have them in my life again. Both my boys are still talking to me but they have mental illnesses too so we can empathise with each other. Thank you for this video and I’ve put my name on the list for the Shift ❤️
I ask myself why and it is always that I am making it mean there is something wrong with me instead of the people that are triggering me---but I can not get past that point. I am still triggered by the same group of people over and over and over.
do you know what's being triggered?
@@juliakristinamah Just the fact that I think people don't want me or dislike me.
@@Mary-1111 Perhaps there's missing boundaries that you haven't established about the way the group(s) should behave towards you... So you may be afraid that they may walk all over you and thus you are triggered... Could also be an unresolved insecurity that makes you feel ashamed/guilty and thus unable to fully express yourself
@@tomasbritt4444 Wow thank you that helps me so much
I think my world has been getting smaller and smaller lately… may need to start expanding it again
How can you know which one it is? Whether you're actually being rejected example or whether you're just taking it that way???
So what about the advice counselors keep telling us about reducing negativity including encounters with negative people.
We all have a certain amount of energy.
We only can handle so much a day.
When it is someone who is not necessary in our life. It is dealing with unnecessary drama. We already have too much on our plate. That is called boundaries. No thank you.
I'm keeping them out of my life.
My ex-friend Becky Keena was also a big trigger for me Julia because she just drove me to drink Julia. Have you ever had a friend that just drove you to drink Julia?
But I can still make my decisions based on my values, no matter what, right?
Not new, but, hi Julia!
How did you challenge your story in your mind?
I’ve been going through counseling the past two months on being very defensive. Is being triggered the same as getting defensive? do these two pretty much go hand-in-hand?
I don't think you should not removed your self and depends on situation.
It's called freedom of speech