How To Have Mostly Good Days (The Happiness Equation)
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- Опубликовано: 12 май 2024
- You might be (accidentally, unknowingly, unintentionally) making your life worse in a number of ways.
One way is your (internal and implicit) criteria for what is considered a "good day." Your requirements for defining a good day might be ruining your life.
But you can modify these "checkboxes," and I'm going to help you do that.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.
After a horrible decade, I’ve lowered the bar so far that a good day is one where I don’t drink alcohol and I accomplish the slightest task or two. I’m trying to ramp it up a bit, so that I might make progress toward getting my life together and really live and not just squeak by.
Hang in there. I’m also a “friend of Bill’s.” I’ve been in recovery from alcohol for 25 yrs. I’m going through a very bad time mentally. I know this will pass and to continually rely on a higher power. Not drinking feels so good. I like Dr Eilers, because he gives me hope. His messages are short and to the point. I love it.❤ keep on keep on keeping’ on. Youave the right attitude. Things will go well for you.
When I was at my lowest, I discovered that I could make my day better by setting and achieving micro-goals... silly little things such as finding a flower (or a weed) to smell, getting someone to smile, riding an elevator all the way up and down a couple of times just for the ride. Achieving secret insignificant goals can be amazingly empowering.
It's very sweet that even at your lowest, one of your goals was to make others smile. That's lovely 💜
I am in complete darkness today. Came here to listen to whatever Dr. Scott has to say to get through this day.
At yr lowest did u ever think of 'leaving' ..u know what I mean?
I like the idea thanks for sharing
It works. I also try to remember to ask myself: how good can it get? Often surprisingly good.
I make it a daily practice of mine to not allow anything outside of myself to steal my happiness. We have very little control of what goes on around us so protect your peace at all cost because without peace there's no joy and without joy there can be no happiness.
The battle is for mind, don't let Satan win!
That’s a very good one!!❤
As alcohol recovery,depression,divorced,suicidal i am super slowly going for the better passing that awfull phase thanks to learning curve.I am thankfull for this content
Congrats for working on improving your life, it will definitely pay off. Best wishes! :)
good luck to you.
You make an excellent point: I am not going to change them by being miserable. Right on. They don't see and don't care about my anxiety. It only hurts me and me alone. So easy to forget this...
Wind ruins everything! 😂 I actually said that to myself the other day. I have long hair and wear glasses, and when there's even the slightest wind my hair whips around, gets stuck to my lip gloss, and then leaves streaks on my glasses. Argh, wind! 🤭
Me too (long hair, glasses & lip gloss). Wind makes me laugh because for some reason, hair stuck to lip gloss strikes me as as comical. Then, I remember to suck lips in to avoid it, which is also funny. Having said that, I empathize with you and others whose funny bone isn’t tickled by the absurdity of wind, hair & lip gloss.
A good day is getting out the bed, watching something inspiring, eating breakfast, praying, and drinking enough water
Lower expectations And concentrate on the good things. More good advice thanks dr. Scott
I also has to recently reminded myself that NoOne can give me an emotional state. My boss can be annoying but it's up to ME to BE annoyed. 🤣🤯
This was a good message to hear today. I was thinking how a smooth commute is a requirement for my good days lol. No hazardous weather, no surprise road closures, no crazy drivers. 😅 It inspires me to think of more things I can control, like putting music on in the car and singing loud!
You know what this is? This is what mindfulness looks like on paper,literally. No longer a nebulous concept, at least for me. Great how-to.
Thankyou Scott
“Maybe your thing isn’t wind…”
Anakin Skywalker: “I hate sand….”
When I was a child, maybe 8-ish, I was one of those small aluminum boats with an outboard motor in the back. I was with my family, sitting on one of those bench style seats. The waves were splashing me from the wind blowing. I was angry, really angry at the waves. I thought..no I knew they were intentionally splashing me. Oh, how the seeds of my misery were planted then.
Letting go of what you cannot control and focus on what you can control in your every day life.
Great video, as always !! Whenever I have a bad day, I remind myself that my bad day may be someone else's best day. It's all context. We live such privileged lives when we contrast our lives with what's happening in other parts of the world. We have food, water, shelter, clean air to breathe and are relatively safe and most of us have good health. Those who live in war torn countries or in third world countries don't have that privilege. We also have a negatively bias which doesn't help. I always remember too that there's always someone who has a bigger problem than I on any given day and to go and help them!
Some days are good days for me if I'm not feeling suicidal or having the urge to self harm.
I am 50, and I have lived everyday in survival mode. I do completely relie on external factors, interations with people to make a good? Or bad day. With a 90% bad day ratio.
This leaves me being lonely and feeling sad.
I understand exactly how you feel. ❤
me too Im 55
My days aren't even bad, they just aren't worth living in them
Same here
I have days like that too. What I do is to remind myself that there are other people that depend on me continuing living. Its not all about me.
Helping someone in need moves the focus from yourself to get out of a funk.
This.
@@emilywilson7308maybe it works for you. N=1
Dr. Eilers, thank you for sharing your back history, something comforting to know you can relate on many levels. I don't usually sign into my account I watch your videos on the big screen TV. Anyway I signed in today to say something and subscribe and to say thanks!
Congrats on 200k subcribers Scott!! You are killing it in the mental health space right now. Much love.
Thank you! This talk really made me think about things. About high standards I set for myself. I made high productivity a requirement for a good day. We demand too much of ourselves. We expect it from ourselves to be as full of energy and productive as some other (often imaginary) people who have a different body, different health, different circumstances, different family, different everything. We often want us and everything around us to be perfect - we want to have a beautiful home that is always clean, to be a perfect parent, to have a perfect fit body, etc. etc. And if we don't have it or spent a day without getting closer to that picture in our mind, we often consider a day wasted.
WOW! This is so true. I remember flipping over to the dark side one night when a semi-final contestant on Big Brother was evicted. I was so invested in her winning that her eviction triggered suicidal thoughts in me. I knew at the time what had just happened to my psychology, but it took hours to hose myself down. I haven't watched a TV contestant show since (and feel the better for it).
Although I love structure, perfectionism, and rigidity can be stifling. Flexibility is so important to keep us motivated and hopeful. Life is difficult. When we expect it to be perfect, the difficulty may reside in us.
@Dr. Scott Eilers You have made it so much easier to communicate with my therapist. And she is amazing and she challenges me. But my communication was stunted. Thank you for your perspective, understanding it, and putting it into words. Thank you.
Don't forget Dr. Scott that you were going through the maturing years and hormones can really cause a lot of mischief even for boys I suspect that would work against you in your view of life on a daily basis. Thankfully though we get wiser as we get older. Such good advice for those of us still not viewing the days of our lives in the most positive way. I guess that's why they say journalling can help you see that not all days were bad ...🌈
Thank you so much for the video. Going to start watching your videos as a bridge until I see my therapist every other week. Thank you for constantly sharing your morning routine to set your day off to a better start. As a new working mom I am so stressed and depleted that I want to start filling my cup before my family wakes up 🙏🏼🩷
If I can get through a day and not make myself look like a complete fool, then I consider that a good day. That's about as well as it ever goes.
Oh my goodness...that comment resonates with me.
Sometimes i just tell myself that my role is to make everyone else look good by comparison, thereby feeding their self confidence. 😅
Well, in me you have at least 1 person who doesn't think you a complete fool...because that comment itself tells me something good about you.
May you be relaxed on yourself and kind to yourself, realizing that everyone, no matter how perfect the facade, has weaknesses and gaps that need to be filled by others.
We're like jigsaw pieces.
If it makes you feel better, I think I look like a fool nearly every day of my life, but I’ve been trying to reframe it as a funny story instead. Joking about it to my friends helps a lot, since we both get a laugh out of it and I’ve made their day 1% better. It also turns out that my friends don’t find my idiocy off-putting at all, and usually even think it’s endearing. I suspect strangers have even less reason to care about me so they probably don’t think twice about the things I say or do. It’s really hard to get out of your own head, but keep in mind that what other people make of you isn’t in your control, so it’ll be impossible to have a good day as long as your brain is able to twist every social cue into something harmful.
Also for what it’s worth, you sound like a very reasonable and not foolish person to me.
your journey from misery to contentment is truly inspiring! 🌟 your insights on redefining what constitutes a good day and simplifying the happiness equation resonate deeply, offering practical tools for anyone seeking greater fulfillment in life.
Wind usually causes me to have Asthma Attacks!
Weather affects my physical health.
But escaping Winter by traveling is great!
Having enough food to eat, being with people I love, doing some good writing, exercising, are important.
Sometimes you need to have bad, sad or depressing days. If you don’t, then you wouldn’t appreciate the good days that you have. Just my two cents worth.
Nah, romanticizing your own suffering ain't the vibe. I don't need to suffer to appreciate life.
@@OGpostaldude to each their own, it’s just what helps me, especially if you have severe anxiety and depression. Like I said, I was just giving my two cents worth. Glad you are enjoying life.🙂👍
I regularly have depressing days and need to change it to stay sane
@@zila626 good luck 🤞 definitely not an easy thing to do. Reach out to caring people in your area if you can. Knowing that none of us are entirely ALONE on it makes things only slightly easier to deal with.
A new way to think about my state! A very helpful way to evaluate my days. Thank you so much!
I realized a lot of my current requirement revolve around my mood and my feelings, as well as having no stressful things happening (mostly university) so that’s I don’t have to feel stressed. I have to feel good about life, about myself, feel motivated and be on top of all my responsibilities to have a good day. The thing is, having a cyclical mood disorder makes those unrealistic. It’s still very difficult to accept that sometimes (a lot of times) I feel low. Or anxious, or self-conscious. I can take steps to change that, but thats what I still have to work with that particular day. Feeling good can’t be a requirement
There are so many defense mechanisms that will excuse behavior it sometimes astounds me how anyone is sane! These mechanisms can overwhElm so easily!
Ken Keyes Jr. Has long taught that if we can learn to uplevel our demands into preferences we are much more likely to be able to enjoy our life in spite of it all. 😊
Your words make my day better!! Thank you 🙏🏻
Good advice, Scott. I've been having at least 50% good days but would like to increase it to at least 80%. I'll see what I can recategorize on my good day list. Thank you!😊
There are times a good day means leaving the bed, take a shower and dress. And perhaps a meal, if my eating disorder allows it.
It really depends on so many things. At the moment I need a little bit more to say that's a good day. 😊
Dr Eilers-thanks so much for sharing what you’ve been through & what you learned.. I will watch again tmrw & write it out what to do & to think about & to consider. Btw, I saw a quote late last night & I want to share it. It goes “tomorrow needs you”. Many of us need to know that. I put it where I see it often in my days/nights. Congrats on 200k subscribers. You are doing amazing work to help so many. You have helped me immensely. You get it. Ty I appreciate you. Jody from Wisconsin.
As a Buffalo Bills fan I feel this. Late Jan early Feb can be depressing. Seriously though excellent points appreciate your content
Excellent Video Dr. Scott!!❤ Could you please speak about people living with chronic pain and older age?
I believe there needs to be some added nuance to this.
I believe there are some people who for various mental and physical health reasons just aren't able to have many good days.
For me, I try to simply have mostly neutral days and allow that to be enough.
It's not because I have so many things on my "list" to create a good day either. It's more about accepting certain aspects about myself rather than fighting them or trying to force myself to feel something I don't. Or think/believe in a certain way that isn't true to me.
The fishing thing.. yea same here! The wind man!! 😂 This video was really helpful, thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much ❤️
“It was a good day, I didn’t have to use my AK. “
- Ice Cube
Looking forward to hearing & seeing you today! Interesting title!
Great advice . I really needed that . Thanks
Hey! Game of thrones went on for over a decade! We invested too much in it, it's a different story! :D
This is great. Thank you ❤
I did not expect the last of us 2 to be mentioned in this video 😂 thanks Doctor very helpful perspectives
Your videos and book have been so helpful to me! Thank you for putting out this content!!
You're right, and i have done it already :) But thanks, your thoughts are very helpful for me to correct my way of life.
Apparently the only things I need for a good day are energy and company. But because I’m trapped in a small town with no one my age, and am having a horrible flair up and have zero energy, I cant just remove that from my requirements for a good day. I can’t just change these things to have a good day.
Never considered this before Thanks
Your earlier days were lacking some pivotal base - partner, emotional acceptance etc, and your needed more compensations like better weather etc - some hook to pull you higher. For me, yes, when I realised that there are some people who can accept me, my "list" dramatically decreased immediately. So, we all need "our" people to exist in our minds to feel connection to this world.
Congratulations on reaching 200K subs!
I wish we could go fishing together. Fishing has been my lifeline.
This has really opened my eyes 🙂Thanks Scott, found myself laughing and oh yeah'ing 🙂to many rules for good and not enough for bad...
Uh I may do exactly the same thing about the weather as you did.
Wow! Just Wow..
Thank you Dr. Scott.. I've never had a therapist talk like you have . You are the first... I've been to different therapists for about 25 years. And never heard this. I think that if I did, I would be alot better. Now I'm going to be 72 net month, I have health issues, where I feel like a very old woman. Have alot of pain due to different reasons, besides my anxiety, panic, depression. And the young lady inside of me. Always struggling. Again thank you, for doing these videos..God bless 😊
This is me. I suck the life out of everyone around me. Lol Thank you Dr Scott! I’m working on it. 🙂
It took you many years to get that morning routine. At 70, living isolated, I've been bedridden for weeks until late afternoon firstly because I'm so exhausted after only getting 2 to 4 hours sleep (and unable to sleep during the day to play catch up. I have no nutrition - nothing to eat before late afternoon and then it's not great because i am unable to cook or prepare meals due to poor physical and mental health.
I don't exercise at all, haven't done so for many years.
I stopped doing the things i loved, like your fishing, a decade ago. I can count on one hand the number of times I've done them.
ALL of these are basic for survival but at my age, i don't have time left to turn them around. Too sick. Fail EVERY day. On my last legs now. I had such good intentions to try again today. I'm in bed here at 9am profoundly tired and exhausted after 4.5 hrs sleep and 3 hrs trying to find mental and physical strength to get up and eat. If i can't do it, it's going to be Ground Hog Day again and each day i live in procrastination, the tighter the small space of life is pressing in on me. I feel caught in a vice being squeezed tighter each day. There is only a finite space and eventually i will have the life squeezed out of me. Will I start to survive at the last minute or be extinguished?. My bet is on the latter as my mind and body are suffering so much and there is no calvary coming to save me. If i wasn't totally isolated and had 1person i could rely on, i might succeed but no chance with only my non-stop destructive thoughts for company.😢
Praying might help you
Praying helps a lot of people
🙏
Maybe you will hate this idea, but could you reach out to an organization that could give you some support, at least with meals.
You’re a handsome wise and classy communicator. You’re a gift, make it so simple and understandable. Ohhh thank you for be in RUclips, otherwise I never met the one!
Your mention of that thing that happened in the last of us 2 was great i really needed that gaming refference in this video lol
HELL YEAH ANOTHER SCOTT VIDDD
I'll add the Good Day equation/limited checklist to the list of practical mental health practices I've learned from this channel along with John Maddening yourself/good manager vs bad manager; Yerkes-Dodson; and the importance of basic physiological care for mental health!
Greetings from Spain
My definition of a “good” or “ok” day is:
How did I handle the hard situations?
How did I handle tuff emotions?
When I was mad/upset/pissed off what did I do?
Most Importantly remembering what my fav councillor said “will This matter tomorrow/a week or month or year from now? Is this that important?”
By the end of the day I’ve forgotten what I was upset/mad about. I just most days remember that I had those emotions. When it sticks around and remember it at the end of the I ask the same questions again and most time I’m just annoyed about the situation.
I miss that councillor
Lol. That's funny, but true. I have naturally curly hair and wind really blows it up. Not a good look. Wind ruins everything.
too honest 🙏
A good day for me is not arguing with my teenage daughter! Starts the day all wrong 😢 but... I understand that most of the time i cave in to the "well todays ruined " feeling and actually thats just silly
Iam now that miserable person. I pray to God things will get better
What about working to change the things that suck? There's no way I can just ignore all the bad & "get on with my life" because I know I'd be living a lie. Activism helps a bit.
How could I tweak my list:
Happy day =
Not crying
Not being in pain
Having food to eat
Possessing x amount of money
Getting a text from the one I love
How can I check this list off in the morning? How should I rephrase it?
You should really reconsider pain imho. Pain is a part of life but some people are terrified of being in pain and I don't know why. If I had "not being in pain" on my list I would have very few good days.
@@info1418They might have chronic pain.
What if you aimed to send a loved one a message instead?
@@sarawareing3017 you mean “a loved one”, right? Love is a construct.
My goal is just to make it back to my bed at this point. The Maintaining stage is hard.
The only thing on my list is find a job but the job postings are fake so a year now without a job.
Does this apply if in a MDD?
Not in my case, but that’s just n=1. Every now and then dr. Scott slips into mental coach mode. ‘Come on, you can be good looking and successful and happy, just like me 🤗! Just follow these simpke steps, even if years and years of therapy and medication have been of no use.’ That probably works for many gullible people, (and fanboys~fangirls), but not for everyone.
I just want to clean the house lol, it feels like such a huge thing, I'd be happy to just have it done
👍👍👍👍👍
Wait I can consider days as good. Kinda forgot about that. Well days are a bit mashed together anyways
As soon as you strive for happiness, you set yourself up for a fall. Happiness is fleeting, momentary. Far better to strive for contentment.
Facts!!💯👍💞
That what my therapist told me. But how to be content with contentment if you’re aware there’s the elusive ‘happiness’ somewhere out there? And if you’re content with contentment, aren’t you actually happy? For me, even contentment is too high a bar to reach.
I'm reall If I'm sad I. SAS I hate words happy
I don't know what I would put as a criteria for a good day :(
For me it would be: this was the last one. Not happened yet 🤷🏻♂️.
I probably had a good day today. Did I enjoy it though. Nah.
omg
What about the scientific fact of free will being a trick of the mind? Like gamblers who feel certain they them are controlling their luck. Its obvious when you consider it
Satan obviously tricked Adam and Eve with free will...makes sense.
i’m happy with my life until they interfere. i dont have a problem with my life. they do
I yield... too many ads.
Thank you, Dr.!
I have christian derangement syndrome...yay...
Don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. I’ve been through the exact same thing. It’s very difficult. Hang in there and reach out to others. You’re not alone.❤
Dude, all the days are the same. Not good or bad. Just blah
from Squidward to Spongebob 🚀
I dont want to be part of this world? Theres too many suffering. How do i become part of a world that creates so much pain?
@@michele0324 already do this. And I still don't want to be here
Do you like dogs or any animal? I swear, my sweet little dog is how I get through the day. Just knowing she is totally dependent on me to take care of her. Dogs are such good companions ❤
You don't have to. That's the good news!
Without evil there can be no good. The world creates suffering but it also makes miracles every day. You choose to only focus on the bad.
@@info1418 focusing on the good is what's kept me here.
Before you say you had a bad day, think about this. There's 86,400 seconds in a day; Were they ALL bad?
It would have been better if you started at the 5 min. mark...you almost lost me with baloney not important to the issue.