They Won't All Be Happy for You... | 1000-Lb Best Friends
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- What happens when one friend is crushing life - while the others are being left behind?
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TLC's 1000-Lb Best Friends is a show centered around 4 best friends trying to lose weight and change their bad habits. In season 1, Vannessa Cross was the largest of the four, but now in season 2, she has lost over 200 lbs and is now the smallest in the group.
By comparison, her two best friends Meghan and Ashely have slipped up on their weight loss goals. They have both gained weight since last season and they're both in the same boat - but their reactions to Vannessa's success are completely different.
Today we will learn about the concept of Envy as it relates to behaviour change. We'll learn about Malicious Envy and Benign Envy, as well as how we can use the awareness of these concepts to improve our change outcomes.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 - ENVY & 1000 Pound Best Friends
2:01 - Sponsorship
3:10 - Vannessa is CRUSHING it
5:59 - Meghan x BAD Envy
9:43 - Dinner Fight
10:26 - Malicious Envy
13:09 - Ashely x GOOD(?) Envy
14:32 - Benign Envy
15:34 - My Dark Past Lol
17:33 - The Motivation of Benign Envy
18:22 - A Key Factor
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Love your videos ❤
Sellout
So its just Cliff Note. Do they still Make Cliff Notes?
You should do about video of supersize vs superskinny kids
kiana may have been chubby before, but she turned out ripe and well done😋
This reminds me of the quote: "Watching someone else totally go for it can be incredibly upsetting to the person who’s spent a lifetime building a solid case for why they themselves can’t" - Jen Sincero
ooouuuufff lol good one!
Oh wow that is a powerful quote
The victimhood mentality is truly debilitating
That is a cool quote indeed. I personally have been more on the envy/victimhood side, but I am trying very, very hard not to be an asshole about it even if something does upset me. I don't have my life figured out, but I am trying.
The idea that "The only person why some people suffer less than you is that they work harder" upsets me a bit, personally. From my experience I also had a harder time when my mental health was worse. When I was working on it and also feeling better at the same time, I did not feel like I was putting in harder work than when I was spending half the day crying and just forcing myself to endure that instead of doing something stupid.
Working hard and sacrificing things to feel better is something I didn't experience yet, literally never, so far I had the greatest success when I was feeling the best. I am motivated and always trying my best, but not particularly much, and when I feel like garbage I don't think that I have to sacrifice myself even more for things to improve again.
I don't know. Maybe I am the only person in the universe who feels like that, or maybe I am just not there yet in my journey to personal growth or whatever. Probably noone will read this rant, but if anyone did, have a nice day.
I had to read that a couple times to understand it. It even reminds me of another quote "if we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives"- Lemony Snicket.
She even tried to help her friends by cooking a healthy meal for them.
She is an angel for that.
It's super unfair of anyone to be mad at her for doing what they all set out to do! Vanessa had to do it all alone 😢
it’s really helpful for everyone bc it normalizes healthy eating as an option for social gatherings. most (usually overweight) people associate getting together with family or friends with huuuge quantities of unhealthy foods
@@nic00001 It was wonderful when Ashley took it as motivation and they became closer 😭
Dr.Proctor is a pos though...or an idiot 🤷
And the food she made looked so good too!
what wasnt angelic was pushing the weigh in at the dinner. Its easy to jump up and down and be a cheerleader for your friends when you know that you are going to come out as the most successful at the weigh-in. Even if she used to be the heaviest before, that is not the present. Megan fears her current failure, and thinking about her past success or others' past failures does not relieve that. They should not have pushed her, and should have left it at NO.
She's also doing her hair, putting on make-up and even wearing brighter colors. She is seriously enjoying the person she is and excited for who she's becoming.
Doing my hair, putting on make up and wearing more girly colors/clothes is what helped me start eating better and exercising as well. I came out as non-binary and never been happier. 😝 A positive self Image is so crucial to better health!
@@spyfire242Congrats boo keep it up!! 🫶
I don’t have a problem with weight . I have insecurities and I think I need to feed nicer and brighter and feel myself more .
And through it all, she even finds ways to laugh at life; notice when she said "[I get to] spread my wings" while flapping her arms' excess skin. This is a person with a sense of humour, and I love it!😄
Not that it makes any difference L0LZ
I had a friend tell me once "Everyone wants to see you well, but not better than them" and it's true. When I lost 40 kg (about 80 lbs), I also lost several friends, and other people started to be rude and make mean comments. Like, we'd go out to eat and one would say "I bet YOU will only eat a salad, right? hahaha" when I was totally going to order pasta. Or, that I was only going to the gym to pick up men (which I'd reply, "yes, I literally need to pick up my 23 year physically disabled son, you're right"). It is deeply unheartening.
40kg is amazing, congratulations
You didnt just lose weight, you also lost toxic people in your life. They weren't 'friends' if they can't celebrate your achievements and be happy for you. Good job! You're amazing.
Congrats on the weight loss! I've also gone on a fitness journey, and have a pretty good body now. Met up with someone over the weekend who constantly made snide remarks about my body--"You're so skinny!" "Things must be so easy for you!" "You can wear all these small things!" "You're so lucky!" I was, like, "Dude, this wasn't easy to achieve. I've had to be pretty disciplined for years to achieve this--it didn't come out of the blue." And it's true, achieving these things takes a lot of time and hard work. I hate it when people are so insecure about the achievements of others.
after i moved out of my parents place i lost weight because i was able to cook my own food and i started exercising. when my family saw, they told me it “would never last”
lol
I've truly never been a fit person even if I wasn't fat, but when I did get on a regular workout regimen and it started becoming visible to others, my friend got so irritated at me (and also her boyfriend, nothing to do with me but he'd also been working out) for having visible muscle definition and I was like "Girl wtf, I worked on this, I didn't just wake up this morning with a bit of definition."
I think Vanessa went full steam because she got results and liked it. The first time you weigh yourself and it’s actually working can be extremely encouraging
Currently on my own weight loss journey and I recently started taking progress photos, it's motivating to see the small changes.
Agreed! I’ve tried for years to lose weight and could never stay committed cause the scale barely moved. Now that I’ve lost 20lbs I am so motivated to keep going because I love the way my body feels now and love seeing the number drop in my chart!
Faxx
This is such an underrated comment!
I was always skinny. Like, tiny skinny.
And because I counted every bite and walked/ran/exercised 6+ times a day, I had no pity for anyone who was overweight.
Then, around 33-35 I became severely depressed. Now (39) I'm so overweight (and it all in my belly) that I look like a boiled egg on two toothpicks.
I've struggled. So hard.
Finally got some diet meds last week and within 2 days I had lost 2 lbs! I was SUUUUPER encouraged!
This was IT! Nothing could bring me down!
I've started exercising and eating less and less... but now I'm gaining again.
Above where I started.
So I just want to go back to bed and give up.
(Literally, 4 days... and I've gone from OVER THE MOON motivated!!!
To even worse depressed and ready to give up. Crying in the bed as we speak.)
@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582 don’t let the plateau get you down. Happens to everyone.
This makes me feel lucky to have my best friend. When we met, we were both obese and did spend a lot of time eating together. Then i started working out and tracking and when my weight started coming off, she decided to join me. Our relationship switched from eating, shopping and watching tv together to running, hiking, going to fitness classes together and holding each other accountable. She's amazing.
That's a real friend!
This is so wholesome it made me tear up lol, so happy for y'all :)
@Tori Bryant I hope you have a good friend like that too! We don't live in the same state anymore, but next month I'll be going to visit her and we'll do the Hot Chocolate 5k together. It's our 11th year running it together.
man, i want a good friend like that :) someone i can hang with and be myself around. that's awesome.
@@AlexisTwoLastNames Same I never had a good friend 😔
I love when she “spread her wings” 😂. She’s absolutely adorable!!
Girl got actual wings. She’s a butterfly❤
That was amazing! I love her for saying that! xD
It's so great when someone has a sense of humor like that. Vanessa is an inspiration to me... I'm so proud of her even though I don't know her IRL 😊
Just an amazing sense of humour lol
Yeah, that cracked me up, too.
I was the anorexic, alcoholic junkie of my friend group. Now I'm clean, enjoy a drink a few days out of the month, well into recovery for my ED and engaged and in a healthy relationship. I know what it's like to shock people with progress, big respect to this girlie change isn't easy but it is worth it ❤️
My biggest respect!! I love hearing storys like these, because it's so hard to make major changes especially if you're on drugs or alcohol(alcohol is a dangerous drug too, but you definetly know it) I wish you the best for your future, much health, time and happiness!!!
I was smacking big amounts White and Brown for years while being on Abilify and Antidepressants, not being afraid of overdosing alone. Now I'm clean off heroin since 5 years, and I never have relapse thoughts. everytime I think about it, even when something horrible happens, I get more like disgusted and disapointed for thinking about it.Cocaine Is a different story. I get excited when I think about it and thats really bad. Being clean off cocaine since maybe 4-5 months, had a really small relapse 2 months ago, but really regretting it.flushed the rest down the toilet. About 6 months ago I stopped taking my meds.This is usually a bad idea if you have a chronic mental illness, but I wasn't diagnosed with one. Had one time a depressive phase, but everyone has a experience like this at some point in life. But now I'm more successfull than ever. I'm still on Levo-Methadone but I decrease the dosage regulary every few weeks. My Goal is getting completely clean off all drugs, losing 11 pounds, I have a small belly and eating more healthy.
That's amazing! Just wow!
🤘🏻 Rock on with your bad self! 🤘🏻
A shit ton of respect to you. Cheers! 🍺
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I'm a recovering meth addict. I salute you.
Most people have crab bucket mentality. When I got in shape, my out of shape friends stopped talking to me, and my in-shape friends would find some way to discount my progress: "well I'm still stronger than you", "That 1 rep max didn't count because A, B, or C reason", etc. I have found entirely new friends that celebrate my victories and you can too.
Yes same thing happened to me when I lost weight too
When I lost weight I noticed the women at my yoga studio stopped being supportive. "You're so skinny and you can't even hold that pose", "wow must be nice to be so skinny must be so easy" and once I felt dizzy after hot yoga and reach out for help and instead of helping me the lady said "omg did you guys see how that little bitch try to push me she thinks she's better then everyone else".
@@seekittycatThat's awful! I had comments like "you are skinny because you don't eat enough" or "don't loose too much weight" or "don't eat to little". I got a lot of body checking from obese women, some were my friends. Men were okay, my dad defended decreasing my food portion sizes. At the gym men helped me with heavy free weights when I asked them to move them for me since they were too heavy at the time. It was women making all those comments to me
@@seekittycat women are easily more jealous than men
You know you've made it when others try to drag you back down.
One sign of envy is toxic praise. When someone says something complementary but phrases it in a way to be negative. Like, "wow, you lost so much weight, you must have absolutely starved yourself to death to do that."
I lost weight because of eating smaller portions and regular exercise. I got those comments too 😂
Backhanded compliments as well
Is that what people mean? I never assumed that. I just thought they had misconceptions about weight loss and management so I would launch into a happy explanation about sustainable deitary changes and exercise. Always seemed to get a good response, so maybe they say it that way because they ARE ignorant and frustrated because they want what you're doing, but don't know how to achieve it?
This hurts
@@BasedZoomer
Could be a mix of both. But backhanded compliments are definetly a thing, especially when someone doesn't want to be an obvious jerk.
Megan says "it's over for me" as if she just simply CANNOT keep losing weight. She totally can.
"And I've learned that if I can season it, make it taste good, then you don't miss your fat food"
YES. Omg, yes. This is one of the things that helped me on my own weight loss journey. Some people honestly think that weight loss means you have to chew on cabbage and vegetable all day. Trust me, once you start eating the ACTUAL good food, fast food becomes less and less appeal
Exactly!
Just take salads as an example. So many people imagine it as just eating plain green leaves with nothing and that’s all you taste, that raw green taste. And ngl, that makes me feel disgusted as well. But that’s not how you should make a salad. You use greens, sure, but then you also use dressing (which can be a light but delicious dressing), add in a variety of vegetables with different textures, colours and tastes, and suddenly you have a very colourful and pretty meal that feels fresh, crunchy, slightly sweet, slightly salty, slightly sour (if you put vinegar in the dressing), is very varied and is just a bliss to eat. It even leaves you feeling nice - your body will thank you for the nutrients and vitamins by making you feel great - and knowing that you ate something good for you.
It’s an extremely positive experience and comes nowhere close to chewing on bland leaves. But sadly so many people don’t know that, and don’t ever learn it.
And the same thing applies to all sorts of food too… you can make very delicious healthy food if you just know how to season them and what to make them with…
Even as I'm on my health and dieting journey I still don't find most salads enjoyable. I like big bold flavors. I prefer lean meat and veggies cooked with flavorful spice blends.
Yes! I love food, and now I channel that energy into learning how to cook more dishes and thinking of ways to manipulate recipes to make them tastier and also healthier (eg. I’ve been trying to incorporate more protein bc I realized my macros were not so balanced before). So much fun to cook and eat
@@elbuhdai605lmao same i cn not like op's still-light flavors. I like v bold flavours w lotsa meat!
+1, I way prefer to have something like spicy beans with the leafy greens on top. Then you get a variety of textures and flavors instead of just a load of fresh vegetables that all taste and feel pretty similar
At about 5:50 "I WILL BE 180LBS" followed by the "I hope!" and the laugh and fingers crossed shows an admirable amount of realism and positive attitude. You can tell she is driven, but also not the type to beat herself up over failures.
Yeah the fact her friends thought she'd be the one to never succeed showcases the truth about her. She's one of those people that go all in whenever they decide to do something, all in with bad eating and now all in with the opposite.
You hit the nail on the head. Vanessa's attitude is what gives her the ability to lose weight. She's approaching it like an adventure whereas the others are looking at it like a task.
In a sense, Vanessa got lucky because she worked hard enough to get noticeable results early on and after that, her motivation just snowballed. Oftentimes it's just getting over that initial hump of feeling trapped and powerless that leads to success with losing weight.
Yup. When goal setting its important to remember that you can only control the inputs, not the outputs. In general its better to goal set around what inputs should (emphasis, should) get you the outcome you want. After all, outcomes can be tricky things with some randomness (good and bad) in them.
I really like this concept, I hadn't thought about it in these terms before and I will be turning this over in my noggin and hopefully applying it myself😊 @@Badartist888
I’m still saddened by the 1000lb sisters story because Amy lost weight and stayed committed while Tammy never had the drive to change in the first place so they grew completely apart from being the closest siblings in their family. The envy of others doing better even comes between sisters, it’s just so sad. Why can’t people just be happy for each other’s success?
Apparently Tammy is doing better now? I think it’s an ongoing struggle but there may be hope yet
Tammy has lost a lot of weight, it’s just the tlc show is an entire year in the past you can tell in her face on TikTok how much she’s lost
afaik Tammy lost weight and Amy gained weight because of the pregnancy
@@ren5221 nah bfr she used the pregnancy as an excuse to gain weight. when you're morbidly obese and pregnant, it's a high risk pregnancy. she should have been LOSING weight for the baby and herself. and in fact as the doctor said himself, she shouldn't have gotten pregnant at all until she was at her ideal weight. now her babies are at high risk of being obese too because she had them when she was obese.
Tammy needs a lot of counseling. She's a very angry and miserable person.
Vanessa is killing it!
I weighed 420lbs and was told lose weight or have surgery or you're gonna die.
So I began a journey, I started eating in moderation, swimming 2 times a week and walking with weights 3 days a week. I've lost 300 pounds. It took me almost 2 years. I've had 5 skin removal surgeries and now I'm 120 pounds and I wear a size 6. I use to wear a size 5x or plus size 32. I even lost shoe size from 10.5 to 8.
Wow!!! I am proud of you! It is so much harder and slower to go the route without the surgery but worth it.
CONGRATULATIONS Bev!!! YOU are killing it! I'm very proud of you for real!!
You Go Bev!!! Whoop whoop!
You did amazing!
YOU GO GIRL!!!!🎉🎉❤ Do you have any tips for a struggling girl???
I lost a friend I’d been friends with since 5th grade in senior year when I lost 80lbs. Very similar story to yours we bonded over making fun of the “twigs” and binge eating together. The bond was crazy close I was SURE we’d be friends forever. Until I wanted better for myself and she took offense to that
Sorry you had to find out the hard way. Here's to hoping you find better more supportive people.
Sadly, misery likes company
@@annah9122took my comment from me. Such wise words.
😮😮😮😮😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
I was borderline obese in my late teens due to emotional eating. When I went to college, I managed to lose over 50 pounds and gain so much confidence. I was more outgoing and overall happier with myself and then my mom (who would make fun of me for being fat) told me I was way too skinny and long story short I ended up gaining all that weight back and she’s happy because she can bully me for being fat again. I’m working on losing it again, finally got away from her 🎉
You can totally do it! I believe in you!
You got this, worm!!!
You got this mate! I’m rooting for you!🎉🎉
You're worth it. You're making a positive change for good right now by being out of her influence. Your story is very relatable
You have to be my sister! Your story sounds like mine.
You handled this topic so beautifully! It’s so HUMAN to experience envy, but to recognize it in ourselves so we can stop the harm it causes is a worthwhile skill to master.
thank you very much!! and EXACTLY!
@@KianaDocherty I've always said "In order to be a good person you have to be fully aware of your omnipresent capacity to be an asshole".
I don’t quote me I’m like 95% sure but jealousy is a normal human trait which can motivate you to thrive, but envy is the desire to take from others so only you have it. Something like that.
@@ispilled_thetea3286 you’re not wrong; envy is definitely taking jealousy to the next level!
As a person who has felt envy many times in my life I'd like to say it is indeed a horrible feeling, this feeling of not being happy for someone you care about succeeding and just in general being inferior. Worst thing is that inferiority just ends up holding you back from trying to achieve things
This gave me flashbacks to HS. I had a friend that I considered a sister. When I started losing weight she cut me off and hated me out of nowhere. It broke my heart and she would constantly tell me I was conceited any time I talked about myself. To this day I still hear she talks about me even though I haven’t seen her in like 6 years
I had a "friend" like this too. We both joined at work a biggest loser competition and it is so funny because when we are about to go to the scale, she insist on using another scale (she's a narc and obviously wont accept defeat) cut the story short, I won the competition and one day in the office, she blurted out that she thought me keto. That I actually learned it from her when in fact, I lost the bulk of the weight by just eating whole foods and then I did Keto to fully get rid of my sweet cravings. I am telling you, the amount of gaslight from this person is ridiculous. She went on not accepting defeat , downplaying that I won to then taking credit for "teaching" me Keto thats why I won. This whole jelousy thing reveals a lot about people. 😂😅 Its sad.
You literally outgrew that relationship, it happens.
@@hellobirdie0617more like she dropped a bunch of dead weight literally and metaphorically.
That wasn't a friendship. If something good happens to you and your friend is betrayed by that it means they thought of you as lesser than them
@@ya-pizza-wachu-wantSo true. People sometimes latch onto people that make them feel good about themselves, and then drop them if they start to make them feel bad. That’s where the term DUFF comes from. “Designated ugly, fat friend”. They’ll attach themselves to someone who makes them feel better in contrast to themselves, and who they think makes them look better to others. It’s an awful mindset, but we’re all better off when they finally exit our lives. Most of them aren’t even conscious they’re doing it. They’re just so self-absorbed that it happens naturally.
I loved her from the moment she called herself a beautiful butterfly and waved her arm flaps! Fantastic sense of humor
after i lost weight my brother just started randomly buying chocolate, junk food, crisps etc, and leaving them around. he blatantly didn't like that i'd lost weight and he hadn't lost any, and was actually gaining weight. He was passive aggressively trying to get me to eat junk and put weight back on so he wouldn't feel as bad about himself.
I had a similar thing happen to me too except it was co-workers. Once they noticed that I was dropping weight some of them started getting really nosy and judgemental about anything I was eating and were aggressively pushing fast food/candy/junk food on me.
damn...
I wonder if that's what my mom subtly does whenever she brings unhealthy food home despite knowing for the fact I can't eat it and she shouldn't eat it. Such as those really long chocolate square things, she got two of them and she's diabetic so I have no idea what's with her and buying the chocolate.
@@proton8689chocolate bars?? 😭😭
@Vomit Fountain ya know what l used to get from people around, lack of recognition for the consistency and work "oh you're lucky, you're naturally thin.."
I think Vanessa’s hard work came from unpacking her past trauma and valuing herself. She realized that she can have the life she wants and it’s up to her. Vanessa was always happy and positive but she was masking her pain. Now that she’s working to clear out that pain, her happiness is coming from a more authentic place.
Yup. For all the armchair experts spouting "Calories in, calories out", the number one predictor of morbid obesity is a high Adverse Childhood Experiences score: things like abuse, and the death or imprisonment of a parent
@@ivorykimble the thing is that often morbidly obese ppl with childhood trauma use food as a coping mechanism, it gives them comfort and it's how they deal with their emotions.
So it's not just about shifting their diets but to tackle and change their way of coping
THEN you can implement dietary rules like calories in calories out but again, it's useless until they change their coping mechanism
This is true. I’m 258 pounds now. Trauma is definitely a contributing factor… I survived two forest fires. One hurricane. Saw murder on vacation and dealt with all forms of childhood abuse… 1% of my trauma before 12 years old… Vicious cycle. Angry at myself for not getting healthier. Depressed leads to eating as a coping mechanism. Know it’s not okay. Trying to change. Constantly.
@Rebecca-zj4wq this is true because your body composition changes when eating proper food.
No matter how envious I feel of a friend, I would never try to bring them down. On the contrary, I'd congratulate them honestly and work hard on myself. It's obviously a personal issue so why would I let it out on my friends that probably fought for these blessings to enter their lives? Envy is a human emotion, that's neither good nor bad. What you do with it, is wat counts.
Yeah, I'd keep those ickier feelings of 'losing out' entirely to myself while celebrating them, and privately make plans to try and do better
When I get envious of someone, it's showing me where I want to be better x
I actually would ask for advice to start bettering myself. Since friend already knows how it'd be easyer for me 😊
Exactly! A few years ago I was slowly gaining weight. I didn’t care much about it, because it was really at snail’s pace. That was until I saw that a friend of mine had lost some weight. I felt envious and had the urge to discourage her to make myself feel better. So the next time we meet I earnestly compliment her and asked her for tips. Then I got my shit together and started to work on myself instead of just complaining about how unfair everything is. That’s how it should be. Seeing others succeed should motivate you. We aren’t children who act on a whim!
She seriously is incredible and I hate when people who shine bright have to dim their light because it makes others uncomfortable.
My motivation was simply "I want to wear nice clothes" I woke up one day and decided I was fed up looking like crap. When the weight loss got to the point where they couldn't pass it off as 'the light' or 'the angle' or 'the bodysculpt clothes' I lost my entire friend group. Even my now-ex fiancé at the time was like "I like you how you are, I love you as you are etc." and while initially nice to hear, it became so often that he'd say it any time I turned down junk food or cooked something better. "You don't have to lose weight, I love you as you are." It went from being supportive to feeling like sabotage. He didn't get that I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for me.
So I lost basically everyone in my life besides my mother because of my weight loss. And even she wasn't supportive, when I stared losing weight, she started buying more junk food and kind of.. filling the house with it. Also telling me that I didn't need to lose weight. Needless to say, everyone who told me I didn't need to lose weight was also overweight.
You lost weight double time...yours and the toxic environment weight
I'm so sorry to hear that. A big well done and a hug from a stranger. And you'll make much better friends who appreciate and applaud you. x
Not surprising, on average at least in the states everyone is either overweight or obese. If youre skinny or fit, either people will tell you too eat more to look like themselves or sabotage envy your fitness journey. Youre basically an alien outsider if your healthy in general, people hate that.
@@semekiizuio what part of the states are you living in???
@@semekiizuio for sure
You nailed it bro. It's sad and disgusting
The best thing Megan can probably do is see a different doctor for her weight-loss. What he said to her was unacceptable even for tough love. He basically called her the least successful patient he’s ever seen. That’s not medical honesty, that’s a legitimate roast. Why couldn’t he have said, “here is where you’re at, here is where we want you to be. We want you to be as successful as possible and you’re not there yet”. Why compare her to other patients?
He said, “she’s one of the less successful people.” Not the less successful he’s ever seen. I do agree that that’s hurtful and if their personalities don’t match she should find another doctor. But the next episode it did help her understand that she still has to make progress. Sometimes hearing the truth is very hurtful no matter how nice we try to go about it. She’s still dangerously obese. Again if she wants to find another doctor, I would understand that as well
For some patients, such comments are the kick in the but they need to make progress. i had a psychologist once say something about a bad habbit of mine and what he said just felt like an absolute roast to me. It always stuck with me and made me more aware of when i was doing said habbit and i actively tried to stop it to the point i barely do it anymore. the mental state Megan's at, unfortunately, makes what he said terrible. She appears to be in a defeatest mindset and is giving up. That's exasperated by seeing her friend drastically improve herself and lose weight whilst she remains stagnant. his words just reaffirmed her thoughts and was not at all the best approach for this patient.
Isn't that the same doctor that Tammy Slaton had? Tammy has definitely been less successful.
Because he's caught up in the Hawthorne Effect. Camera's on him so it's his time to shine and drop some hard facts, tough love, zingers and get his character over with the audience at Megan's expense.
@@kaylabean3693 That’s why I said “basically”. Doesn’t matter if that’s not what he actually said, that’s what she heard. When trust is broken by a medical professional, it’s time to move on to a new one. Dude messed up
"The fact of the matter is, sometimes people DO use you as a comparison point to make themselves feel better. And when you're no longer that person, it doesn't feel good for them. It's a very uncomfortable experience."
Nailed it, Kiana. I have been in this situation with things other than weight loss too, and the other end of the spectrum, when people turn EVERYTHING into some sort of one-up competition, it's not cool either! I am hardly going to say I've never felt envy. I think envy is a normal human emotion, but I learned long ago it's what we do with it that matters, and it can actually be transformed into introspection about where we feel we are falling short for ourselves or have something to work on.
Well written
I relate to this a lot. My friend group is all heading toward 50, and the older we get, the more I get iced out. These are my best, life-long friends. I don't look my age, I'm happily childfree, I'm only slightly greying, and I've lost a lot of weight. The better I look, feel, and do in my career, the more I get pushed aside. It's breaking my heart.
Do you rub your lack of children in other people's faces like a lot of 'childfree' people do? Because that's a huge problem that a lot of CF people have and it annoys tf out of most people, even other people who happen to not have kids. Maybe you act superior to them because you're not a 'slave' to your kids and you don't even realise it. This lack of self awareness tends to be a problem in that 'community'.
They may feel they have less in common with you.
i am so sorry you are going through that.
I’m glad you talked about how tough love doesnt work for everyone. I’m definitely one of those people that just falls apart and gives up if someone tells me they are disappointed. When you have depressive tendencies, someone telling you that you’ve failed just feels like confirmation of what you already believed about yourself.
I completely agree. I think tough love must be for people in denial - but for those of us who already give ourselves all the homegrown deprecation, we don't need another "tough" voice in our lives. I feel so(oooo) much more motivated when someone notices my success than when someone comments on my mistakes.
Relatable. Plus, it hurts even more if the person trying to motivate you doubles down on 'tough love' because it's the only form of motivation they know and if it doesn't appear to be working with you, they assume you are the problem and become convinced they just weren't applying it hard enough or that you weren't following it closely enough. Then it can escalate to just a constant barrage of shaming tactics like throwing your past mistakes, setbacks, or failures in your face while you feel increasingly crushed under the weight of all that shame.
@@johnwalker1058 Nicely worded.
@@arctic_desert but the lady in the video was clearly in denial so she needed tough love. if someone won’t stop doing heroin for example, it may hurt them but u have to give them tough love and tell them to f-ing stop doing heroin bc it’s going to kill them. exact same thing with food addiction. they have a whole addiction and need to be told to stop
Yup it depends by person, sometimes babying someone isnt a good thing and thats when tough love can come in. I break down with tough love since im overly sensitive but what gets me motivated and proactive is when im tired of the suffering around me and the hardships in life so its basically will power lol
Who else got too in love with the sleeping dog in the background to hear a word Kiana said?
Seriously, that dog is adorable.
Now, excuse-me while I play the video again.
hahah he's a handsome boi what can i say🤷♀️
@@KianaDocherty He sure is. S2
@@KianaDocherty what is his name? (If i may ask)
YEESSS i noticed him and just got distracted immediately (in the best way possible).
I also have a corgi! they're such lazy little dogs sometimes :)
@@KianaDocherty I need the Corgi's name!! He looks like a Wellington 🤣!! If it's not off brand for your channel, can we get an introduction video for the Corgi? 🤣 I hope I'm not asking for too much LOL
One thing that shows Meghan is not mean spirited is that she never tries to saboutage her friends, she's frustrated that she was once the one who motivated them to change their life style and then went back to the habits that harm her health. I hope she gets back on track. And I wish all the best to all of them. Plus, Vanessa is a great inspiration to anyone who thinks they can't change what's hurting them.
omg, the last time i saw vanessa i felt like there was no hope for her because of her attitude. seeing this makes me so happy. she is KILLING it.
I relate to Vanessa a lot. I met my ex boyfriend in college and he introduced me to his friends. His friends were very envious people who would gossip and find a reason wrong with everything. I was so naive I didn’t understand that they were showing me who they were. Fast forward, we had been together for FIVE years and in January 2022 I found out I was ahead of schedule and I was going to graduate with my B.S. in biology in May. When I told my boyfriend and my “friend circle” this news is when I noticed everyone was acting distant toward me. I started to walk on eggshells with my ex and his friends because I started to get iced out. After several months of emotional abuse from these people, my ex dumped me the day of my graduation in front of my family.
When he did that, I knew I was given a chance to leave toxic people behind. So I did. I cut contact with him, his family, our “friends” because he showed me he was rooting for my downfall. It’s been 8 months since my break up and I honestly have not felt more free and happy in my life. I still have a ways to go but my breakup taught me so much about myself and people.
That's beautiful. Congratulations!
What a petulant man. I'm curious as to what he thought would happen, but your improvement is far more important.
GOOD FOR YOU! You graduated AND lost a miserable 200 or so pounds!
Funny how some men feel threatened by a successful woman with her own goals.
I’m a bit confused. Weren’t you on track to graduating anyway? Wouldn’t you at most be graduating a year or so earlier? Do they go to university? Wasn’t your graduation inevitable? How long did it take you to graduate?
"Healthy food doesn't have to taste nasty, if I can season it I don't miss my fat foods. Most of the time" She just summed up my adventure with healthy eating. I fell off the wagon and really need to get back on, I've had financial difficulties and can't really cook which is my issue right now.
I just gave up eating...went to one meal a day due to the financial issues. Healthy food isn't cheap. I find that not eating decreases movement. But I drink lots of water.
I hate the rep that healthy food gets. Eating healthy doesn't mean "eating like a rabbit." Diet is one of the mainbfactors in health. Yet, ppl dread healthy food bc they think it's just salad, chicken breast, and broccoli. I lost 15lbs in a couple months eating healthy and exercising. Not a single one of my meals were salad or chicken breast and broccoli. Not everything has to be deep fried or doused in cheese to taste good! Wish ppl would explore more with healthy food :(
@@joywebster2678no shit sherlock u hv way less energy
@@joywebster2678OK thats definitely not the right way to do things. Please take care of yourself. Gotta nourish to flourish.
@blueturtle3623 if it's not the right way, why do fasting and OMAD get so much press?
I love it when Vanessa say “I will be 180lbs by this year; I hope” because she is determined but then also she doesn’t want to guarantee it so that she does discourage herself
Hearing you say "tough Love doesn't Help everyone" (or something along those lines) really touched me. Thank you for saying that. Especially in our day and age where sooooooo many people praise tough Love to obese people and have No empathy for them. That can cause someone who is struggling, but improving their behaviour little by little to Fall Back into old Bad habits because it devalues you once again and makes it all seem worthless. I am definately reacting very sensitive to negative feedback - I have been trained from a VERY little age that I don't Matter, and so I am still currently learning to NOT Let "failures" define me. It's hard.
One day at a time, u can definitely do it 🎉
@@plaster.art.ho3 thank you ❤️
Slow and steady, wins the race, and you’re right top lov does not work on everyone. i’m totally blind and can’t see, in 14 weeks I went from 273 to 183. I am my harshest critic, and I give myself the most criticism. So for me, tough love works just fine. But this isn’t gonna work for a lot of people having the same issues.
Much luck to you ✌️😁
I also grew up with a “fat friend” - we bonded over our status of being the outcast loaner kids who were shy (as an adult now I also realize that one of the reasons we bonded is because we both came from physically and emotionally abusive and unstable households) - and then our bond grew to food and our entire relationship revolved around it…whenever we hung out, MASSIVE QUANTITIES OF FOOD had to be consumed…
I eventually realized that I had to do something about my weight gain because it was causing me some real health issues…meanwhile she was still consuming enough fast food per week that the floor of her bedroom and vehicle was littered with fast food wrappers, and her doctor told her she had fatty liver disease and would be dead soon if she didn’t make a change…
she asked me for tips and when I gave her my personal regimen of diet and exercise, she FLIPPED OUT ON ME for suggesting that she stop eating junk food and move her body around. I remember her screaming at me saying, “well I’M not doing THAT!” - as if I had asked her to saw off her arms and legs…she had an unhealthy emotional attachment to food and an even more toxic definition of healthy habits.
We haven’t spoken in years and I hope she’s doing well, no matter what ❤
There was a video I saw, where a British doctor did a diet of super processed foods for a month and did a before and after brain scans.
After the second brain scan there were similar neurological connections that were made that matched those of drug addicts, which makes sense as some people make it seem like they'd "die if I stopped eating breads", and so on.
Don’t reach out, some people you have to love them from a far.
@@bingusmctingus4395 When I was younger, I had a decently severe pill addiction (stimulants mostly). Concurrently, I had bulimia/ food addiction. It took me months to break the pill addiction, but TWO YEARS to fix my ED. Even now I slip up from time to time and binge. Food addiction is no joke, for sure
Probably dead
@@bingusmctingus4395well bread is not a bad thing to eat so I don't think that's a great comparison. the comparison of "I'd just die if I stop eating fast food regularly" is accurate enough.
My brother's wife used to be upset with me. She told me I had an ED, anorexia, because I was counting my calories, exercising all the time (like I used to when I was a teen, I love getting stronger) and actively and responsibly fighting my food addiction. I ate plenty of food, (I would eat up to 2,500 calories in day on occasion, I just had to earn those excess calories) I just made sure I earned that one snack cake I allowed myself every day. I avoided trigger foods, like pizza, etc. And then she got one of my sisters to join her for a little while. She joined the early stages of the intuitive eating, fat acceptance movement. People want to see you fail so they don't feel alone.
So she wanted to be accepted by a whole community, but had no problem bullying you? This is why l have no friends and avoid certain inlaws, weightloss is hard, sabotage and jealously is real. Stay on your journey, the meaner they are the better you are doing ✨️ 👌 💯 ❤️
I don't think intuitive eating is really part of the fat acceptance movement. It can be a good lifestyle choice for people for whom counting calories is mentally damaging, as long as you actually start paying attention and using your intuition.
I’m sure you’re SIL was jealous of you, but the statement ‘i had to earn my calories’ is similar to what people with ED say. Not saying you had/have an ED, but there is a thin line between living a healthy active style and becoming obsessive about it.
@@platosfriend to be fair it might be a lot of calories for that person, I know it would be very much over my limit and that I'd for example skip one snack the next day
@bruh that is exactly it. I didn't have to earn my daily intake. I had to earn anything excessive, ie the snack cake I allowed myself each day but I had to exercise for about 20-45 min first. Because it had around 240 calories. I have a food addiction. If I was going to eat extra and it was junk food I had to earn it. I used my words correctly. It kept me in check when it came to eating excess.
I watched a few episodes of this season and I love Vannessa. She is so determined, not just for herself, but for her friends and her son. She isn't flaunting or bragging, she is reaching out and trying to pull them up from the pit she finally got out if.
I have a "best friend" who has NEVER found it in herself to be genuinely happy for me.. so I feel this. It's heartbreaking. She always seems to "be there for me" when times are hard, but when life is good, she's a ghost.
Energy vampire. She feeds off of your misery, not your joy.
Just curious: Why do you remain friends with this person if that's the consistent case?
God I can relate to Vanessa SO much. I was in an abusive marriage, my father died, and I had postpartum depression with a newborn. I had tons of friends that pitied me. I lost over 50lbs, left my husband, met an amazing man and became an incredible mom and business owner. I truly changed my life! And guess what? All those friends are nowhere to be found. Not a peep from anyone now.
Who needs fake "friends" anyway. At least they took themselves out! You deserve the best 💜
@@McFlatulence Thank you for that, I needed to hear that especially tonight.
Some people can only handle you when you're low enough to be pitied. Truly sad.
They were happy to see you hurting 😔
Rejoice in knowing the trash removed itself. You go girl!
Dude...this video makes me wish I knew Vanessa in real life. Hope she achieves all of her goals.
She’s the friend we didn’t know we needed ❤❤❤
"Tough love does not work on people who already view themselves as a failure.'" is one of the most accurate statements I think I've ever heard. I rarely 'like' (thumbs up) videos but you definitely earned it with that.
This is exactly what I had with my dad. We were both overweight and both wanted to lose weight and I was the first to actually wanna take action. So I told him the planning I had made for myself and immediately he wasn't like "Great! Good for you! How can I help?", but he was saying stuff that demotivated me. Already making me feel like I would never be able to pull through and questioning whether the planning I made would even help me at all with losing weight. I didn't think much of it at the time and I asked him to just buy less sweet things or at least not offer me more food or unhealthy food when I was at his place. He kept offering and I kept declining and he would make me feel really bad with guilt tripping. Making me feel like I was betraying him or something. Even when I ate less than usual at dinner he would say things like: "You don't like the food I cook for you.", so I would be guilt tripped into eating more anyway. Now I realize I just have to ignore him and do my own thing regardless, cause I won't get any further with his "help"
It's really good you're talking about this, not all friends will grow with us
the life lesson i'm working on right now is that there are certain friends for certain points of our lives. those friends may be there for everything, they may only be there for a month, but the friendship and time is important. even if it wasn't as long-lasting as I had hoped or thought or wished.
That's such a hard lesson for me to learn
Your analysis of how your closest circle reacts “when you get your shit together” makes me feel so very understood! Thank you! I had a huge bunch of friends when we would get together at the bar at least three times a week for years because, you would say, we liked getting drunk. But when I had a spiritual awakening and stopped drinking, they didn’t want to see me anymore. Lonely but 100% worthy path. 💕 Blessings
When I started doing better my "best friend" started being/getting angry all the time at what seemed like nothing to me.. to the point attacking me. Most people or "friends" really dont want to see you doing well as that makes them think about reality
As I'm watching the video, envy may be a great word for it!
If your spiritual awakening was "as a result of these steps," I don't blame them. When I did those, I was a real buzzkill.
Addicts like to share the addiction around. That way what they do is normalised.
Vannessa is a force! That's a strong woman if I've ever seen one. You being pulled back down by the people you love and trust is a huge heartbreak
I went through a weightloss recently , I was 325 , and now I am standing at 228 , it’s life changing , and honestly I’ve had my family bully me my whole life , “ fat, whale, lose weight , your stomach hangs” … when I lost 100 pounds , I stopped hearing those remarks .. but what i started hearing is “ WOW YOU LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT!! , BUTTTT you have loose skin “ , “ you looked better fat instead of having loose skin” … hearing this hurts in many ways because honestly I hurt my mind , my brain , my lifestyle thoughts because it sure does bring down my motivation, it brings down my self appeal .. but when I learned that THEY WILL ALWAYS JUDGE AND NEVER CHANGE .. I keep everything to myself, yes it’s noticeable to the eyes of others but I no longer “ make it known “ anymore . For my own happiness.
Please never let those words about loose skin take away any of what you have achieved. You've already lost 100lb! THAT'S AMAZING! I can't congratulate you enough. You have already made your body so much healthier and extended your life on this planet, for your "family" to denigrate that success over something as stupid as skin, makes me want to slap them all on your behalf. You are so right, that they will always judge. You can never change that in them, all you can do is not let it change your determination. This isn't just for your happiness, it's for your life. You're doing something truly awesome and I hope you keep up with the good habits and mindset you've adopted to get there. Motivation is a fickle creature and we cannot rely upon it. There will be many days when you don't feel motivated...those are the days when better habits allow you to keep on track and dedication stops you from losing control. I'm proud of you girl. Keep it up...and keep those haters hating, lol! Take care x
Please never let those words about loose skin take away any of what you have achieved. You've already lost 100lb! THAT'S AMAZING! I can't congratulate you enough. You have already made your body so much healthier and extended your life on this planet, for your "family" to denigrate that success over something as stupid as skin, makes me want to slap them all on your behalf. You are so right, that they will always judge. You can never change that in them, all you can do is not let it change your determination. This isn't just for your happiness, it's for your life. You're doing something truly awesome and I hope you keep up with the good habits and mindset you've adopted to get there. Motivation is a fickle creature and we cannot rely upon it. There will be many days when you don't feel motivated...those are the days when better habits allow you to keep on track and dedication stops you from losing control. I'm proud of you girl. Keep it up...and keep those haters hating, lol! Take care x
So sorry you have to deal with that negativity and toxicity. They sound like truly unhappy people that feel the need to bring everyone down to their level. Don’t listen to them and know you’re doing amazing things! Congrats on your weight loss and keep up the good work.
Keep doing good for yourself. Your family sounds like mine, always saying mean things. You are correct, people will always judge so just be you. Sad that people have such small minds
What’s important is that you are healthy mind, body and spirit. It is difficult when others criticize and judge you no matter what you do, but at the end of the day, it is a healthy realistic view of yourself is what is important, which can be hard when surrounded by a holes, but just realize when someone is saying something crappy to you, about you, it is an indictment on them not you!!!!
She lost the equal of me at my largest basically (250ish lbs). Losing the literal equivalent of a grown ass man is something to be extremely proud of and I am so glad to see her feel that joy. I swear the grin is the most beautiful thing she can wear at her new slimmed sizes.
damn, well done!
I'm glad you addressed the fact that Dr. Procter used the most unhelpful way to speak to Meghan. I don't care if everyone is of the mindset that tough love is the only way to go. I've been there, being raised by abusers my whole life and fake/genuine tough love for the entirety of someone's life will destroy a person's soul and core.
Your obese ex-friend's 'you can only be friends with me if you gained all the weight back' IS FUCKING WILD, Kiana. I'm glad you're here and healthy with us.
This was a great video. I've been on both sides of the envy scale. All my life I've been obese, poor, living in a state I hated, and resentful of everyone--of life in general. There were a few of us that were pretty fat at work, but I was always the heaviest at 370 pounds. The pandemic hit, and I decided I'd had enough. In one year I lost over 100lbs, and when I came back to the office, no one recognized me. I kept losing weight and building muscle until I was down almost 200lbs. Naturally this made one of my co-workers the new heaviest person, and every time I'd talk about my weight loss, he'd shut me down in some way. We had originally wanted to lose weight together, but he was never motivated.
When I lost all the weight, I published a book, and I moved to the mountains where I'm constantly living a healthy, active lifestyle. Weight loss and lifestyle change changes your entire outlook on life. Eating the right foods even changes your mental health. I had struggled all my life with depression and anxiety, and most of it was attributed to my weight. The biggest motivator now not to binge eat and gain weight is how I feel physically and mentally compared to when I was morbidly obese. No food tastes good enough to ever feel like that again.
Congratulations on your health success! It's a tough road, one I've been on for four and a half years, but we can't give up!
Your last sentence makes me think of a saying that used to be prevalent in the 1960s when I was a teenager: "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!"
I've been remind myself of that statement every day, but substituting the word "healthy" in place of 'thin' (Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels).
I'm a 70 y.o. woman, but age doesn't matter when it comes to the need to lose weight---rather, it DOES matter because I don't want my sister to have to have me cremated inside a piano box!
Dr. Proctor’s comments about “you are one of the less successful people that I’ve seen“ really hit me hard.
I’m a doctor myself. Patients take what we say very seriously, and they look up to us as role models and sources of positivity and encouragement.
When somebody that you look up to, somebody that you rely on so much for guidance about such a difficult thing in your life says something like that to you? It cuts deep.
That was a hugely missed opportunity on his part to encourage her, rather than share his disappointment with her. I’m so happy you pointed that out in your video!
Definitely! Every time I get to write "quit" beside "Smoker?" and circle "Never" under "Alcohol Use?" I feel like I am finally getting a perfect grade back for a semester haha
Yes, what the doc said to Meghan was so hurtful. If i was Meghan's positive I wouldve been hurt too by that statement.
The truth, even when painful can be incredibly freeing. Kissing ass or constant "encouragement" can be detrimental.
@@Falconer22 it's like you didn't even listen to the video. Some people will find it motivating, but a lot are going to be entirely thrown off track by tough love. It's one of those situations where you have to consider whether you want to be right or whether you want results.
Felt that lol. I got weighed at the doctor the other day and I lost 27lbs! But my doctor said “I thought you’d look thinner” and I’ve spent everyday since then thinking about that
I remember when I started to take my health seriously (200lbs to 160lbs) my big friends went from supportive to passive aggressive.
They would act offended when I explain why I decided to go small instead of a large for my take out. I get it but at the same time it’s not my responsibility if they felt triggered by my personal choices. Never told them to lose weight or anything but the more I lost, the more they over analyzed my choices. Safe to say I cut them off.
Even *safer to say* you made the best choice possible.
@@iamme25yago23 Yeah it still blows my mind people would destroy years of friendship over a personal choice! My bf still doesn’t understand why I got paranoid that I’ll lose more friends when I continued losing weight. He said it doesn’t make sense but unfortunately it comes with the weight loss journey.
@@emmy_cat_taylor Still don’t regret that choice after many years. Thanks to this channel I really understand the importance of how mental health determines the success of achieving any personal goals.
Also..people arent supposed to weigh as much as adult Male Grizzlies 🐻our hearts and JOINTS dont allow it
500-700 lbs.
Years ago. Most stopped at 300
I'm sorry your friends weren't supportive, but good for you for getting healthier!
I'm obese (used to be 300lbs, now 270ish and still working on it) and I remember when my boyfriend started shedding pounds (and I wasn't) I started feeling insecure- I wondered if he'd still love me if he was a normal weight and all that. But I sucked it up and supported him because I love him and want him to be healthy. He's helping me lose weight too because we cook much healthier meals now.
Absolutely love your doggo in the chair...so cute!
Me too
vanessa’s success and great attitude is definitely a rarity in a situation such as hers. i loved her in the beginning of the show, and i really love and admire her now, i literally say out loud while watching sometimes, “man she’s such a great girl, she’s so cool”.
I know exactly what Vanessa's feeling. I was 210 and went down to 125 at 5ft 4in,through changing diet and exercising,and it took a year and a half.
I got accused of being a drug addict,(apparently that's how I lost all that weight 🙄)even though I explained very firmly I did not do drugs and lost the weight through diet and exercise..over and over again 😒
I got 'concern' comments from people(some who didn't have anything to do with me),saying I was beautiful the 'way I was',and they were worried I was anorexic and had body issues..
This was years ago and I still get angry if think about this..
I lost a few 'friends'..
It's hard when people do this crap! If you want it,then get off your a$$ and get it for yourself. This is truly deplorable behavior.
Good for Vanessa!!!
Congrats on your hard work! Going from 210 to 125 in a year and a half is super impressive!
My childs diebetic nurse (he's type 1) said to me after l said my son was really really ropey, he's very tall, but l thought he was too thin, " to me people have a warped idea of what healthy looks like now as everyone is fat, thin and healthy is a minority and now looks out of place."
So they genuinely might have thought you were sick, because they have dismorphia.......or they are just jealous.
Either way good for you tho 👏 👌
@Mae Lindsey so amazing!!
@@irishcountrygirl78 That makes sense!
Thank you 💕
@@bkwrm85 thank you! ❤️
I used to be the “B” person. It’s crazy how I used to hate it when a friend or something succeeded especially something I failed at. What helped me was to actually be happy for them starting by complementing them on their success. Not only does it feel good but it humanizes the efforts and shares some of the success with you. Do it enough and it can be motivating for me.
If they are jealous it's their own fault, hard work does pay off, I need a slice of her determination
Vanessa's whole outlook on life changed and she seems pretty unstoppable now!
Shoutout to the doggo living their best life on the chair behind you!
(Whats their name? Also, pet them for me)
Blue!!! But we mostly call him ..."Shrimps"🦐 for whatever reason lol😂 and will do !
Personally for me envy came from a place of low self-esteem. I remember back in middle school like Meghan I was envious of two girls. Both skinny, pretty and high academic achievements. I never sabotaged them or even was malicious towards them but I was pretty bad to myself. I had entire diaries filled with words of self criticism. I was overweight, not pretty and academically good but never where I wanted to be. But what hurt the most was the things could fundamentally not achieve. I remember one of the girls lost her Grandmother and was grief stricken coming to school crying, the entire school from classmates to teachers to parents all came to console her and give her words of support and kindness. She even gave a speech about her Grandmother which made everyone teary eyed. I remember pathetically sobbing in the bathroom that day. I was crying because I knew for a fact that if this happened to me no one would care. I remember losing my granny when I was nine and a teacher telling me to get over myself and do better on the English test. I was envious that she could be vulnerable and people would treat her with compassion. That she was allowed to be fragile and nobody would take advantage of her. All I had gotten from life was that vulnerability was weakness, showing any emotion was unacceptable especially crying. One must be strong and stoic. I wondered why life had treated her better, what had she done to win such admiration and support. I told myself I it was weakness to want someone to deal with my pesky emotions. Some people can afford weakness while others cannot. My father worked in a different town so I rarely saw him and my mother was completely home bound due her schizophrenia. I always had to look after her and the house so I never could have the luxury a childhood. I had no friends because I couldn't socialize due to my responsibilities at home. I could become skinny, pretty and everything else but I could never have a good support system. No friends. No parents. No family. I always had only myself and as long as I had that nothing could hurt me. It didn't matter other people didn't choose me, I chose myself. It didn't matter others didn't say nice things , I was my biggest supporter. I have been a cheerleader to myself as well as completely self sabotaged. But I never leave, I'm always there with myself through thick and thin. It gets tiring rooting for the antihero. I dislike people's sympathy, it affronts my strength. I guess it has made me over protective of myself and weary of others. Anyways, I've come a long way since then and that mindset. I lost 55 lbs, had a glow up in highschool and am now starting college. The way people treat me has changed a lot since elementary and middle school.
You are a good person and I wish you happiness and success in the future. To go through all that alone and still never give up and try to be better, I hope you know how strong you are
@@diyan5077 Thank you .
You’re really wise, I hope you succeed on your future endeavours
:) Wishing you success as you go ahead!
Not you making me cry
Man, I've totally been in their modes during my weight losing journey, the one where you continuously get results, the stagnant one, the rebound and then the one where you slowly lose weight again. I feel for all of them, really. Thanks for another great video!
I think benign envy is about wanting success for yourself so you can match the person your envious of. Malicious envy is wanting the other person to fail so that they match you.
My mom and sis are pissed at my weight loss. At first I thought it was me being arrogant just assuming people were jealous of my newfound confidence with the weight loss, but the compliments quickly turned into insults. They talk about my loose skin, they say I'm shaped like a boy now (I lost my chest and butt lol), and I'm getting TOO skinny like whaaat?!?!?!? I'm still considered overweight 🤣🤣🤣 I still love them though.
hard to hear it from the ppl closest to you but keep it up! family is family but sometimes we have to tune out what they're saying if they're not on the same page
Sending internet love to you ♥️♥️ my mum used to comment that I had gained a bit of wait and how she was concerned for me --- completely understandable, I had gained 124lbs over covid and she was terrified I would follow her path. Now that I've dropped weight, she comments about how healthy I look. She's so supportive... Unlike my friends, who had said I looked ano***** even though I've finally gotten to a healthy weight, trying to scare me back into the mindset I'd had before. I'm glad you were able to keep it up!!! Ngl I relapsed but I'm back on the weightloss and that healthy lifestyle 💪💪💪
@@20dabarr58 congratulations 🎊
@@coreyh6698 my family's harsh. I'm used to it 😅 went from too fat to too skinny.
When I lost 50 pounds two years ago, my best friend at the time who was also very overweight, switched up REAL quick. The second she realized I was actually dropping pounds she basically ditched me, and when we ended up working at the same place together, she put me down in front of everyone (especially guys) because suddenly I was a threat? And then she suddenly wanted to hang out again more but conveniently always wanted to go out to eat. I wasn’t stupid, so when we went out I made it a point to order the SMALLEST portions ever and I could tell she was pissed. Always saying I could eat more than that and she missed the old me. I lost weight and never changed; she’s the one who switched up. Like wtf?
She sounds like a complete bitch. Happy for your progress and ability to drop the dead weight...
One thing I have learnt in life is that you can enjoy and share in other peoples success too. When you get over the envy you realise that you can also benefit from their success and share in their joy if you would just loose the ego.
My friends in college definitely loved that I was fat and insecure. I was around just to make them feel better, and now I don’t speak with any of them. It took me losing weight to realize that was all I really was to them
To be fair, Vanessa did admit at the beginning of the show that she was jealous that Meghan lost weight before her, so it does go both ways. I think those emotions are unfortunately just part of the process when you're trying to lose weight with people you're close to, but what's truly important is that you eventually overcome those emotions. I think deep down all they want is for them both to be successful.
Oh man, yeah, I'm totally like Meghan, I feel her...I'm still blown away every time I reach a goal at the gym, my head is still at the beginning where I couldn't do anything. It's really hard when you feel like a failure. Man that hit hard.
Honestly I can be like this too!!! it takes time to overcome these sorts of beliefs
Reminds me of how cultists keep their people in line. How the friends all act like somethings being taken away from them and try to reciprocate by taking something from her
Hi Kiana. Your wonderful videos started coming up in my RUclips feed and I wanted to share my story. I wasn't overweight, but my story about envy is similar. I had a male friend I met while I was still in high school. We both had similar interests in music and writing, however when my career began surpassing his, I noticed him drifting away. He once told me that he was a dreamer, but I was a "doer." After my first book was published, he sent me a super long email of emotional vomit, bringing up stuff I did wrong when we were teenagers. He never said this stuff to me before, but obviously the publication of my book triggered him. He said I promote my book too much and that I was a narcissist. That was almost 10 years ago. When I heard your story about your friend no longer talking to you, it was so familiar. We just can't hold ourselves back to appease the egos of other people. We have to let them go and move on. Keep up the great content. You're beautiful and a wonderful You Tube influencer. :)
This hits home. I got accepted to work at a hospital and my current coworker tried to bring me down as soon as it was announced that I would leave. Envy can be so hurtful.
Her preparing a healthy meal for her friends was so sweet!
Watching one of your friends take steps to better their lives "feels bad" or threatening when we are insecure of our own decisions and accomplishments, or lack of them.
It's like a reminder of the things we "should" be doing, but have a million excuses (some more valid than others) to not do more, or make changes.
Today is my 10 years of sobriety. When I went into rehab, my father stopped talking to me. All he could think was how I had betrayed him. He didn't know. But all these years I have tried to reach out to him, he doesn't want a relationship any longer. So I can relate to doing something to save and improve your life, and having a close person totally drop the "stay away" bomb
So glad you mentioned the "though love" thing. Tough love never worked for me. The way you explained it is better than I ever could've put into words. I've never had an inch of competition in my body and never was a "oh ill show you" kind of person. When someone is discouraging it just makes me deeply unsure and I ended up quitting. Only once I started doing things for my self abd not telling anyone about it, was I able to succeed
It's sad to see how your own friends wouldn't be there for you for your best changes in your life. At the end of the day, it's worth it to change yourself for yourself even if those "friends" aren't beside you. It's better to find new friends at that point.
It’s crazy how we are all mirrors for each other. And we choose wether we are going to use it to better ourselves or get resentful
I think it's pretty fair to choose to end a friendship if it makes you feel bad...just be honest like: "I'm glad you're in a good position, but rn I'm not there and I think it' ll be better to keep some distance, at least for now".
Sometimes we are not ready for some battles and that should be ok...why stay in that friendship and turn it sour and see yourself becoming the toxic friend?🤷
In other words, you’re putting a semicolon on the relationship, not a period
I appreciate you talking about the area you lived in and how it made you feel envious of others at times. I grew up in a low income home my entire life (in Toronto Canada). Our house was down the street from an area where gangs were present and just a violent area all around. Gunshots were normal to hear and they scared me. My neighbour was shot by her boyfriend and didn’t make it. A 17 year old across the street was shot in his car and didn’t survive. I remember seeing the car flee and the car the victim was in through my bedroom window. I couldn’t do anything the entire day as I watched it unfold from inside.
I was jealous of people who lived in normal homes without that fear. I moved out over a year ago and feel so grateful now. It makes for interesting storytelling like you said but it’s not a fun environment at all. All in all, jealousy is normal for those who see what they wish they had around them. I’m also glad no one experienced it alongside me (same goes for situations like in this video. You can be jealous yet still proud of what they’ve achieved)
Wow that place was literally downtown Toronto too! (off of Queen & Bathurst). Man that is a scary situation to be in!!! Glad you got out and congrats for your big change! And yes exactly 💕
@@KianaDocherty Toronto definitely has a problem with it, thank you so much ❤ I’m glad we’re out of those environments now. I hope over time it gets better for everyone else too.
I feel your pain, but on the west coast, I moved here from overseas and lived just off East Hastings Street in Vancouver, having no idea what I was getting in to. It was awful, and I used telling these wild stories to friends back home as a cover for how much of a failure I was. I came to Canada for a better job and a better life and it all fell apart. Moved away into the suburbs, made it through and I am still here. So glad you got out of that situation and I'm so glad you're living in a nicer, safer place.
Every time I go to Toronto (usually for specialists because Toronto is where all the good doctors are) I ask myself, first of all, how do people drive here for work every day. Second of all, how do people live like this. Chaotic, too many people, thieves, mentally ill homeless and drug addicted people because our tax money goes to other countries instead of helping our citizens, etc. I go home completely exhausted, disheartened, and disoriented and just take a nap every time. The art there is beautiful. The best entertainment around. But my God, some of the things that go on there.
Reminds me of an acquaintance: He used to complain about all the criminal energy in his neighbourhood/district but when I said that he seemed frustrated he got offended and stopped talking to me ("Why would I be frustrated?! I got a girlfriend and a good job, things are going well for me"). Having to (in his case repeatedly) deal with a living situation that makes you uncomfortable *is* frustrating though.
Vanessa's smile and positive attitude is so contagious, I couldn't help but smile like a little boy while watching this one. Glad she's finally making progress and feeling better about her life.
I cry for Megan, I've experienced this many times, sometimes it motivated me to prove that I can do it, but often I gave up because like you said, the self-confidence is missing to know that you can do it, especially if you has already screwed up. How could he say something like that, and even if he apologized to me, I would still think he meant it, otherwise he would never have said it and that now he's just lying. I hope that she wouldn't think like me and that her friends would want to pay more attention to her feelings and motivate her. When you're in a position like that, you feel like others are looking down on you.
No, it's much worse, because the topic keeps coming up, you're hurt and sad every time and you're reminded that you can't do it! (and that's probably why friendships break down, you associate your friends with negative feelings that you want to avoid, so you avoid them so you don't feel bad anymore.) Alternatively they can also remind her that she did it at one point, so she can do it again and how great that felt. They're just busy with themselves and that's it sad. Her friends shouldn't force her to weigh herself so much and should rather talk about why she doesn't want to and that even if she doesn't weigh herself, we can still go on a diet together. Maybe not just focus on the diet but also have fun together at the gym for example or simply eat healthy foods. It's so sad how quickly good friendships can break down. That kind of thing ends up eating away at her self-confidence because she was swapped with Ashley. It's just a negative downward spiral. I bet Tammy felt that way too.
i lost over 100 pounds and my one "friend" from 4th grade said "i hate you for the way you look now." that was my first sign lmao.
I love that you didn't condemn the envious friend. She's just a person going through a hard time.
Vanessa is a QUEEN who deserves everything good that's coming her way. It's kind of impossible not to like her, she's so bubbly, infectiously positive and down to Earth.
I love that you included clips of her from Meghan's episode of "Too Large" because it shows exactly how far shes come. Anyone who has only seen her on 1000 lb Best friends hasn't seen just how resistant she was when Meghan started her journey and how far she has truly come.
Thank you for touching on benign envy. I felt that way about one of my close friends, and it really alarmed me because I wasn't willing to damage our friendship over something positive. I did ask to stop talking about the subject anymore, but I also went on reddit and made a post asking how to process and handle this feeling. The responses I got were so helpful and compassionate and I was able to successfully reframe the situation in my mind so that I had nothing to be envious about anymore. It's important to put boundaries between your own success and that of others, because you have different unique lives and struggles. We have to focus on what we have going for us personally and what we can actually do to align our actions with our values. This is the greatest gift we can give to our friends and loved ones.
What did reddit say bcuz im goin thru a shit time rn and am envious of my close loved ones. I dun feel happy fr their successes one bit.
It’s crazy how many parallels there are between this (weight loss) and my past with addiction. My mom always used the “tough love” approach and it wasn’t *my reason* for success - I succeeded *in spite of it.* I think your distinction of the difference there between the girls really was astute.
Am just glad to be blessed with a sister who offered to keep me accountable during my weight loss journey otherwise I would have given up on myself. I’ve lost 7 kgs since December last year and I have 13 more to go. I have started falling in love with my body again which is amazing
You got this! It's a marathon, not a sprint! :)
@@NadiaSeesIt thank you for your kind words. It’s going to be my mantra from now on
We are progress twins lol. Ny sister is the one who keeps me accountable, too. Let’s crush and drop those 13kgs!
@@turkuyaren woohoo
Wish there was a way to update you on the progress
That woman is crushing it!! I wish I could send her fan mail to let her know just how incredibly strong she is and to wish her an absolutely wonderful life!
I remember being jealous of my friend getting pregnant because I have unexplained infertility. But I'm proud that I have not been an asshole to her and never stopped the friendship. I processed my feelings and got to the point where I am happy for her.
GURL i was just scrolling through your channel looking for something I hadn’t already watched to keep me company on my walk and you posted. PERFECT.
yesss love that!!! enjoy your walk!👟🌱 (...I'll be right there with you LOL 💫😂)
...
(I'm silly today idk hahah)
@@KianaDocherty 😂🫶
I have definitely been in Megan’s position. I keep wanting to yell at her through the screen that even though it’s Vanessa changing the most right now, SHE is the one who started her friend getting so motivated. Which means she’s not a failure at all!! She just needs to give that same love to herself!! Motivating someone else is hella hard and she’s clearly not a failure in any way! Poor woman. I think she can turn it around too and I hope she gets ahold of what’s going on in her head.
She can definitely do it, I do agree tough love does not work on everyone. for me, and it worked just fine, I am my harshest critic. being totally blind, and dropping from 173 to 183 in 14 weeks. I put myself down the most, but that just kept me more motivated and wanting to keep going. But this is not the same approach that’s gonna work for everyone.
I just finished binge watching the 2 seasons of this show. I am so freaking proud of Vanessa and how far she has come.
I really appreciate that your content always has a purpose. There's always a point, very unlike many youtubers today who just show us clips and react to them. I like your delivery and what you have to say✨
The way her friends tried to shame her for losing weight makes me so mad. When your friends do well you are supposed to be happy for them not jealous of them.
It’s a part of being human to feel envy. I’d say everyone will feel envy at some point in life, most likely multiple points. While we can’t fully stop ourselves, we can learn to cope with these emotions and stop ourselves from doing something bad. I don’t think the worst case scenario is walking away from somebody you feel furiously envious of you don’t think you can stop yourself from being angry or sabotage them. Some people aren’t there in their coping skills yet, but hopefully they work on themselves enough to be able to handle their envy. I agree it’s terrible the way they shame her while still understanding why they’re so jealous.
@@mummytrolls personally I prefer to use envy as a learning attempt. "If people can pull this bullshit off, so can I!" and all, just need better techniques and skills perhaps... 😅
Well, nobody wants to be the ugly friend and now Vanessa’s gonna look better. She’s probably gonna want to get better friends that are more active. They’re the lame asses.
It’s okay to feel jealousy, it’s not something you can control. What you can control is how you act towards the people you are jealous of.
Envy/jealousy are normal human emotions though. I think those feelings should be acknowledged, it's just important not to act destructively upon them.
Cheering for everyone, especially for Ashely. Me being envy was one of the worst feelings i have ever felt in my life, but the moment i turned it into benign envy, my brain just started brainstorming all the benefits, the positives, the "i can do" and "i can have". Since that period i always try to see the good fortunes in everyone's life, how everyone deserves happiness. And if i feel envy again, i try to put it on my mind that it's nobody's fault. It's ok to feel this way. But i should never wish bad things to others, because eventually this feeling will go away.
"Eating healthy doesn't always mean that you're eating something nasty"- Vanessa. What a fascinating statement-- I wonder what she thinks is in actual 'junk' food. Regardless: many congrats to this lady!
Yea, a fish steak lightly seasoned and then seared well is a good meal imo. Also pretty healthy since it's still mostly fish lol
I think it has to do with how when people think of healthy food they usually associate it with kale salads or green juices, to each their own but to me those taste really bitter. Thankfully that mentality has started to pivot with the rise of people having more options and recipes online that they can follow to make tasty healthier meals.
I was so glad to hear that! A lot of people refuse to eat healthy because they think it tastes bad and bland. Healthy food, if done right, is actually really delicious! The essence of eating healthy is eating a variety of stuff, which means: different flavors, textures and colors all together in your meals. It's actually very far from bland or boring! :)
I'm so glad she discovered that too, it's going to keep helping her so much!
@@user89389 personally, I think the best way to deal with adding colours into your food is to either research very hard or just... Try something lol. Sometimes it's just that specific plant that is awful, but sometimes cooking method play a huge role in reducing the weird flavour as well.
Like cauliflowers that seem to play nice with my palate if I blanched them and then seasoned and chuck them into an oven. I believe just plain boiling them is straight up awful though. 🤔
@@crowdemon_archives For sure, preparation and seasoning matters A LOT. I also think there is no universal advice here, everyone needs to experiment! And give things a 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance after some time has passed. Tastes change!
I, for example, used to hate the taste of carrots a couple years ago. Now I'm obsessed with it. It's my favourite veggie, hands down. I can't explain it, I don't know what happened, it's not a deficiency or imbalance, I just randomly started liking them.
So if you don't like something, try them a couple months or years later again. You might be in for a pleasant surprise. :D
I'm so glad your life has improved and you've moved to a much safer place! Thank you as always for your great content.