If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor BetterHelp. Click betterhelp.com/lana for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy with a licensed professional specific to your needs.
🌷❤ My love for you is pure and true, Your character shines like the morning dew. Your mind is sharp and wise, Your spirituality a beautiful surprise. Your beauty radiates from within, A heart full of love and kindness therein May your life be filled with love and light, May your path be blessed with all that's right. You are a treasure to behold, A precious gem worth more than gold. I am grateful for the gift of you, My love for you forever true. My love for you is like the stars above, Endless and eternal, full of love. Your character shines like the sun, A true reflection of the Almighty One. Your mind is sharp and wise, A fountain of knowledge that never dies. Your spirituality is a beautiful sight, A beacon of hope in the darkest night. Your beauty radiates from within, You are a treasure to behold, A precious gem worth more than gold. Your body parts are a work of art, Each one a masterpiece that sets you apart. And your love and affection is what makes me weak. And your encouragement and smile makes me strong and keeps me going on Your love for God is pure and true, A testament to your faith that shines through. Your fear of Him is a sign of respect and love to him, A virtue that makes you perfect. Refraining from sin and ill behavior, Shows your strength and good character. Your beauty is for my eyes only, A privilege that makes me feel holy. Addicted to you, I will always be, For your love is my only destiny. Wise advice I give to you today, Cherish your love and never stray. Stay true to yourself and your beliefs, For they are the foundation of your relief. Love with all your heart and soul, And let God's light guide you to your goal. May your life be filled with love and light, May your path be blessed with all that's right.🌷❤ ,
BetterHelp was honestly one of the worst experiences I've had. The person I got didn't bother to even remember what I said from session to session, wouldn't use headphones to stop really bad feedback, and told me to just get over the recent death of my dad. And there weren't many other people who were willing to make appointments outside of common work hours, contrary to their claims. It was horrid.
I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds really unprofessionell. Normaly therapists take notes so that they at least remember the most important things you said, so that they can help you in the best way. I hope you find a psychotherapist apart from betterhelp that's more professional and can really help you!
Write a complaint to the boss. They want to know if the people they hire do something unprofessional. It doesn't mean BetterHelp is bad, it just means the person they hired didn't do his/her job. Your complaint may be the reason the person gets fired. Don't let rude people get away with this.
@@misscleo_ Unfortunatelly there are TONS of reports like this! I also had 2 therapists before I reached out to them to get at least a partial refund because one of them clearly judged me for daring to not want to have kids while I actually seeked therapy to cope with my health problem that ironically anyway limits fertility strongly and the other one simply talked to me like I was a friend not guiding me once or ever but just letting me vent pointlessly. I waisted a full session ones just getting interviewed on a huge list about all forms of possible past traumas and basically got bombed with deep questions not relating once or ever to what my reason for therapy was and ended just irritated with no time left to even talk freely about my topic. Should have received a full refund cause they just wasted my time. They don't even background check their therapists and give patients who are mentally unwell the responsibility to check credibility, when there are tons of real therapists getting their names hurt and stolen. It's ridiculous and the page should not be allowed to run this way.
My experience was equally as bad. The first person didn't do video, phone only. The second person's advice was essentially "look on the bright side". Not clinical or therapeutic in any way. That and he was conducting sessions from a basement with some old gym equipment behind him, and he had a persistent smoker's cough (you could tell, he looked really, really rough). Never again.
“You want to look for a partner who seems genuinely interested in you, who is good at perspective taking with you, and who seems to be responsive to your needs. Someone who makes you feel understood, validated, and cared for”. So powerful
@@nicholashartmann4525 Keep your chin up, they do. Typically though at that age if they're good at these things, it's because they've seen some shit. There's nothing wrong with that of course, not like they could help it, but you need to go in with eyes open and be ready to support in return.
a lot of single people think that they will be happy if they have a partner, and then a lot of couples who are dating think that they will be happy if they are married, and so on. people doesnt understand that they need to be content and happy with themselves before they can be happy with anyone one else. when you are unhappy and discontent you project this a lot and it could potentially taint any relationship you get into. learn to be content with yourself so you dont damage your relationships.
I agree that it's mainly about the dynamics of the relationship that you build together. We are all different towards different people. Some bring out the worst in you and others bring out the best. As much as we all want to be consistent from person to person, we aren't. Humans are fickle in general and partners feed off the energy each exude towards one another. Learning to navigate eachother's changing energy with nuance is what builds trust, safety and a steady foundation in a good relationship.
@@actual_susu I think so. Sometimes it's subconscious.. for example, a person has a quality or a similar appearance to someone from your past that you didn't get along with. You might have sour feelings towards that person because of your own past issues, which has nothing to do with them. There's also the whole "twin flame" thing where there's the belief that we might meet people in our lives who rub us the wrong way and bring out our worst in order for us to bring those feelings to the surface so we can heal those qualities in ourselves. I have a co-worker that is irked by another co-worker because she's "too cheery" everyday and that gets on her nerves lol. Neither of them are bad people, just have different outlooks on life.
isnt there a huge general sense amongst women that they kinda just sit back and respond to what a man does.....they dont ask out, they dont propose etc.....they select, passively. ...... it is generally shocking to me any time a woman is proactive in a relationship.....wish women were "builders" but I RARELY see it
@@adamtash2891 I guess some women fit into this stereotype the same way some men fit into a stereotype but everyone is different at their core. Within the differences, each person changes and grows all the time. If someone is looking for a relationship, it's not about the perception of what most women do or what most men do. It's about figuring out your own energy first and being genuine about it. That's what compells others that are meant for you to be drawn to you and vice versa. That goes for friendships as well. There have been some guys that I have approached and others that have approached me in the past. When I met my husband, we just started talking to eachother at a gathering and we both pretty much knew right away it was something special. No expectations or games. Everyone can probably tell within a couple of minutes if their vibes match and if that person brings out their good side. This excludes seeing someone through dating apps which have messed up many people's ability to find genuine matches for themselves.
Yes, you're right about those traits. Dating is a comparatively new thing societally though and 'the rules' of dating have been dismantled recently and now dating is like a dance, where no one knows what the steps are now. Confusing? Yes. I agree about working on yourself to understand yourself better though. 100%
And that's why I don't like taking relationship advice from just anyone, because most of the time it just doesn't feel natural. I see very often how people, who aren't happy with themselves, try to control their partner to be something else. Such life must be very burdensome for them.
All good while it remains true. Someone may display genuine feeling of compassion, care, n validation in the every sense for you, until they don’t. What we find in happiness just depends on your definition .
I recently started to try out online dating and I feel like you never really get a chance to know who someone is and how their personality vibes with yours. A lot of it seems to be based on general interests that can be vague at times, but I know some of my best friends in the past I feel like I didn’t have a lot in common with but we still had fun together talking about our interests and just felt comfortable around each other. I think if there were events designed for single people to meet in person and there were “profiles” available that had a brief summary of their interests that served more as a starting point for conversations rather than measures of compatibility then it would be a more productive way to date. This way you get to know someone better while also getting to see how comparable you are with people outside your general interests
Hinge has prompts but I rarely get answers. I am meeting someone I met on Hinge next week. However, we knew each other before the app it was just a chance that we saw each other on the app. I think you'll never know their personalities fully if they are not going to actually talk on video or voice call.
perceived partner commitment was the one thing that got my relationship. Well she didn´t feel I was committed enough. I was and am with mindset that if we won´t try to live together then I won´t perceive you as my future wife. She couldn´t understand that me dating her was me acknowledging her my potential wife.
It's unfortunately true😅 compatibility isn't on the surface, but a result of interactions. That's why having an observant and perceptive friend can help when you are "blinded" by love😂
We don’t want things to change, things already shifted, we’re already started to improve ourselves in oder to pump and dump, we know it’s all about looks, money etc so I hope you girls keep going like that. 👌🏾
I kind of disagree. As a man, no amount of comprehension, caring, or thoughtfulness is going to make a woman who’s not physically attracted to all of a sudden be attracted. There’s a conflicting study that says that women are on average happiest with men that are at least 11 inches taller than they are.
It might be right, because higher man gives "guardian vibe". Yet there are many couples where they're the same height or even man is shorter. "Guardian vibe" might come also from within or other physical traits, like broad shoulders or muscularity. From my experience and what people tell me, even though I'm 167cm tall, my physicality (broad shoulders, a lot of muscle mass) makes them comfortable and safe around me.
Kinda hard to ''date wrong'' when you're an attractive girl in her 20s or 30s. Men, on the other hand, actually have to put in the work and have a personality. No matter how many women try to claim otherwise, 99% of the time it's men who need to approach a woman, while women can just sit back, say yes or no, and judge us if we fail by making fun of us or calling us ''creeps'' for being nervous.
I have to disagree. I mean, you have a valid point, of course, but let me tell you: yes, a girl can "date wrong". Guys make fun of us and play us too. There are guys who are willing to fake everything, tell us they want/love us just to manipulate us.
@@franciscaqueiros9259 ... but you have a pool of like 30+ guys in your DM's to choose from and most women always have their ''back up'' men they keep around when things don't work out with their main men (something most women do all the time, as I, most of my male friends and most men have experienced this). Also, girls/women actively seek out toxic men as they don't want ''weak, boring and soft men''. They want a man they can ''fix'' and love the drama, but somehow act surprised when said men turns out to be... toxic??!!!!!!!!! Usually they discover this when they're in their 30s and then go settle with their backup men, whom they would've NEVER dated in their ''wild era''. And as someone who has been told by countless women that ''I was a great guy, but they wanted a more manly man'' I don't really have sympathy tbh. But my original point still stands. Girls who look like Lana have it FAR easier getting a man than if you're some average, socially awkward dude. If you disagree with that, you're either lying, or you're just so far out of touch and have never spoken with men about their experiences.
@@franciscaqueiros9259 If you change 'guys' to 'girls', "there are girls who are willing to fake everything, tell us they want/love us just to manipulate us" its even more true! Because men are physically stronger than women, men first and foremost use their strength to get what they want, on the other hand women tend to use emotional manipulation to get what they want. It is in general is a feminine tactic. Sure men and women might be capable of similar type of manipulative tactics, but women are the masters of it. For a man to be on the same manipulative level as a woman means that something is VERY wrong with him (narcissistic, sociopath, machiavellianism, etc). Simply put, for women manipulation its a built-in feature, a second nature, they just do it. For men its a learned behaviour.
If you don’t have the funds for therapy then look at these things for free: PERSONALITY temperament, ATTACHMENT, love languages, and explore your childhood traumas. This information will give you excellent insight prior to any therapy. It will also help you answer the first question a therapist will ask: “what do you want to accomplish in therapy?”
Has anyone ever tried to find a partner through an astrological/numerological route? With the older ways of Eastern matchmaking. Astrology and deriving of alignments used to be the way to find out if your partner is a good, bad, great, or terrible match for you. Strangely the study of how your spiral of events, associations, progression, and debilitations is quite a beautifully deep telling of how much we do belong to this place... Also, the makeup of you and your perfect partner doesn't just stop there in this astrological breakdown. I think that two other parts are your name and your last name (which numerologically breaks down to find other things) and then it is your place of birth, including your time of birth. Which would make your initial start in this world... ..If you decide to dive down this route. There are a few resources on RUclips. but, when you finally get to the point of finding out something. It's hard to unimagine this defining track, this belonging, the unknowing path of a plan that we might not understand. Hope this helps
Why did tears wallow up in my eyes by the end of the video? Maybe cause i do understand the gravity of what you were saying. Your video has been really informative and has a fresh insight to it. Thank you so much !!! And your hair is amazing, if you can, could you tell how may I describe your hair cut to the stylist cause it seems to be just perfect for my face cut too 💓💓 much love💗
6:24 I have been saying this for the past few years. There is not a "soul mate" out there you have to "find". You meet someone that has similar core values and some similar interests and start to build a common narrative. I also think that delaying marriage is nonsense when think of it as building something beautiful together that lasts a lifetime. It really is comical that we think relationships/marriage is something that comes naturally without much effort. We don't think that a career or a sixpack just comes naturally either. It is work, compromise, endurance, discipline, consistency.
Very famous study with plenty of things to learn but large flaws which can lead to misleading conclusions. Personality has been shown to be associated with relationship satisfaction and outcome, specifically low-neuroticism. Gottman has shown a variety relational dynamics which predict divorce with great accuracy, and many of these dynamics are linked with personality characteristics/temperament/attachment (see Johnson & colleagues). Some research suggests that enough personality trait mismatch can harm communication. Large observational studies like this make it very, very difficult to make causal inferences and must be thought of at the population level instead of the individual level. Personality probably does have a substantial role to play in relational satisfaction, specifically neuroticism levels and cognitive/emotional schemas built from all of one's close relationships throughout life.
Hi Lana. Great video. Only comment: I understand personality doesn't matter, but the Growth Mindset sure feels like a personality trait that many people lack or run away from. At least, in my experience, I feel like that is something I can hardly help build in someone with a fixed mindset - and as you mentioned, what you are able to build in a relationship will most likely determine the level of happiness of the couple.
If online dating sites were effective, it would be economically undermining. Car dealers need repeat customers. So there must be revolving door consumerism, otherwise things would fold. The more frequent customer returns, the better!!
It's funny, bevause I always considered those things insignificant. It's easy for a man, because there are no choices. You either find a woman who treats you right or you don't, and most men never find a woman who treats them right - not even close. When a man thinks about settling, it isn't settling for anything women consider settling, it's settling for a woman who isn't very interested in them. It's settling for a woman who makes you try too hard and makes you feel like crap. I never had the tolerance.
i think women make men try to hard when they expect men to change, which it has been said all women do. Men don't put that kind of pressure on women because we don't expect them to change or want them to change.
percieved commitment is an issue, at least it was a big issue to me, because I believed commitment to the ideal of marriage meant one didn't do anything sexual with anybody but the person one was already married to. people who were messing around with sex were not serious and not committed to marriage. I couldn't even explain that to women because they started shouting and spitting insults as soon as the conversation started.
I'm lacking in personality, like heavily and on game too, I'm very very good looking but i have difficulty with girls. Even if i get with one it's just their interest falls apart after awhile and it's gone
Focus on just being a better person. Listen more than talk, and try to show u care about people. Hold yourself with confidence but not cockiness, and be kind to everyone. If you take it to heart, things will change very fast for u
The problem with the westerners is the so-called contentment. Western culture is kind of experimenting life in a pursuit of happiness which degraded the value of contentment. Not to stereotype, mostly, would like to jump from bed to bed/ open relationship style which is demoralizing and abhorrent. So, it doesn't matter if you meet someone who has the perfect traits: big ducks, great personality, perfectness if the value of contentment is set aside. With contentment, there is also sacrifice (giving up some worldly habits,etc.), and sacrifice molds a better person because of the challenges you have to won over. If you are contented in life, then you will pursue the lifetime happiness, not the happiness you have felt for a night, a week. The concept is, contentment is the pathway of happiness.
Of course personality matters, as it will effect the dynamics you build with other people. Perhaps it’s indirect, but it almost definitely matters. A lot. Take someone with a narcissistic personality, who more likely prioritises all the superficial things you listed at the start of the video that have no bearing on relationship happiness, obviously this person will be garbage at relationships. But other than that (major) point, this is a great video & I’ll share it with others.
What do I think? I think I’m attracted to you, and that you need to trust the science. It’s literally practical, you were just talking about the line of logic behind practical procedures in attraction, so now you’re just avoiding an opportunity…
Science Offers a Fresh Perspective on Love. In this eye-opening statement, explore the transformative insights that science brings to the world of dating and relationships, helping us approach matters of the heart with a new understanding. Embrace genuine connections, emotional intelligence, and communication.
What are these lies. Beauty and physical attraction matters. It doesnt matter when there is money & status. Beautiful people with great personality are attractive. If a person doesnt have dating options than physical attraction doesnt matter. The man & woman with the hot body, beautiful face, and outstanding personality will go after someone at or above their level. This study had to be on older people, people without dating options, and people desperate for attention or intimacy, keep the false narrative going, “you’ll find the one.”
Dating apps are pulling wool over people's eyes. They teach you to overvalue all of the wrong things because it's very difficult to measure the "right things". It's also important to remember the motivations of most dating apps... They're designed to keep people using them, because that is how the app makes the most money.
@@Ang36914 Yep. Apps are designed to be addictive and keep you on there. If they make you feel as though apps are the only way to meet people then the companies win!
Saw your comment, and for a moment thought that I already watched this video and left this comment, cause this is my exact words to everyone who’s looking
I was thinking this same thing as well when she was talking about personality not being important. Of course it is its about the compatibility of 2 personalities that create everything in the relationship.
Their is no perfect match or perfect person. This isn't what to look for. Instead, it's better to focus on the qualities of a person's character and how they treat you and other people. Compatability comes with time, and experience. Expecting a potential partner to meet your needs, right away; is too much for anyone to handle at the get go of building a potential relationship. It's tiring for the human soul to have to endure the constant ego, needs and wants; at all times. We have to find fulfillment and meaning within ourselves first, not to seek it within relationships.
@@lostinkyoto8444 nope there is nothing perfect in this world. The first thing to look for the type of person that best fits you. You will bring out the best in each other when its the right fit Compatibility is the start of the relationship and the work you put in is how well it grows. If your not compatible then it will be harder to get to certain points in your relationship. There are needs our soul can only get through relationships that cannot be received any other way. Also when we get the fulfillment it is much easier to push the ego away it never goes away but it will not be the source of your personality when you do. Also yours and your partners needs change and you have to adjust if your not compatible from the start that is also a problem.
Vet him through his friends and yours. What patterns has he shown in previous relationships? Find out if and how he lies in other parts of his life. What's his family like and what do they say about him? Job history, academic history. Scumbags be scummy all over the place, not just with you.
This. Actions and specific behaviour speak louder than words. Check how he behaves arround family, friends, strangers, children, animals, elders etc. Other people's opinion of the person are important. People he surrounds himself with have a certain reflection of his personality. The family vibe he comes from is more important than you think.
@@skinnyguy7773don't be willfully obtuse. You can have everything to offer and said person wants none of that. Case in point: people apply to go to a college, are rejected, yet go on to be successful. Imagine that instead of this college saying we don't just like you for us, they find a way to get you to part with your money or something of value to you and then cast you aside. This is a similar experience a lot of people have in dating, they don't see innate value in you, even though it doesn't say anything about your inherent value but because they want to bust a nut, they just act like they see value in you. Again, stop being willfully obtuse.
In my opinion, there's this common misconception about 'feeling the need' to be in a relationship. Like Lana addressed, desire and happiness are two different things. Someone who is dealing with personal issues shouldn't deceive themselves by thinking that those issues will be cured or fixed by the mere fact of having a relationship with someone else. Healing and growth is necessary to achieve that.
@@adamtash2891 Absolutely, I think it takes full commitment and effort. You don't get something for nothing. And even then there is no certainty. Still, it all comes down to self-love (I know cliché) which lays the foundation for so many things in life.
But romantic relationships provide both? That`s what I dislike about this video. Who gets in a relationship expecting either only sex(you can just skip the relationship part and get a hooker or go to a club and hook up with someone for a one night stand), or only happiness without desire(that`s friendship). So her description could apply for a regular friendship, because desire isn`t necessary for a relationship`s happiness. Otherwise very vague and not very detailed book. Like half of the video was either a sponsorship for getting therapy and putting some attachment styles theory and not explaining it??? Like she should have explained it in broad strokes, and not just say oh its complicated buy this book trust me it`s really good and totally worth it(totally not a random quasi-psychology quack book).
Kinda cope tbh. when I was in love in my teens it was probably the only period in my life when I was genuinely happy and enjoyed life. Love and relationships are such a lifefuel, it's definitely one of the most enjoyable human experiences. No point in denying it
Problem with dating apps (and something most people don't know) is that they're based on what's called the "halo effect", which means when we meet someone who is physically attractive or good looking we tend to associate that person with virtues and traits that they don't have or not so much. This cognitive bias is something to be considered and a warning not to judge a book by its cover.⚠
Funny thing, I had a call with this local photography business specializing in dating profiles and the salesman was selling me on how to capture the best pictures of myself doing what I love to show the girls and have them see if they can find themselves doing it with me. The whole statistics thing was mind boggling. For the price he suggested, I was shocked because they’re preying on a lonely guy to basically spend a lot of money to “potentially” impress girls on a dating app when that money could be spent on experiences with their friends or even themselves and have the fun to do it themselves. The most shocking part was how they set up their clients not just with dating profile but on Google search too which weirded me out. Hearing all this made me realize dating apps itself is a business that preys on one’s insecurities to suggest “potential” chances with money and it has made opportunities for many to make money around dating apps by preying on their insecurities and making profiles that d not guarantee much. For me, I’d prefer meeting girls in person, whether it’s cold approach or meeting through common interests. This whole dating apps is way beyond me
6:10 You nailed it right here. The INTENTIONs and ACTIONs of both partners towards common goals and each other in the relationship determine whether the relationship is created or not. I say created [or as you put it, build] because that's what a relationship is - something created on an ongoing basis. You don't need to cheat or break up to kill a relationship. Just stop participating long enough - no creation - leads to the relationship ceasing to exist, just like if you stopped watering your house plants, they would cease to exist after a time. My wife and I went into the marriage knowing this thanks to a little fortunate research of our own on the topic. 25 years married so far, 31 years total together as of next month, and - I kid you not - she's still jumping up and down happy to see me when I get home from work, which is so endearing to see.
One thing - physical attractiveness and personality might not matter in *a* relationship. But that’s because they already were checked with the other person by *entering* the relationship.
Knowing you feel comfortable with a person and being able to act like yourself without holding back is love that can’t easily be obtained, but in my opinion its the best one. Being able to be in eachother’s presence without noise and still be fine or happy is also a good one.
I love this. It’s all about what you build together. ❤ One of my favourite words of advice I’ve heard is to schedule a relationship check-in with your partner. Connect with them on a biweekly or monthly basis and talk about goals, intimacy, appreciation and any grievances. Talking it out keeps your relationship on track and healthy. Open communication is always the key 😊✨
It can't be stressed enough how important that is. I can't wrap my head around people who are in relationships just for the sake of not being alone. You're sharing life with another person and are practically strangers. Intimacy can't be built and maintained without communication because people are always evolving; which means that sometimes the relationship gets left behind, holding a place in each others past but collecting dust in the present. It requires effort and consistency. Most people these days confuse "love" with "lust", it's no wonder why modern dating is so shallow and lifeless.
Underrated comment. I'd go so far as to say brilliant. How can you create/build the relationship if you don't take the time to communicate on the regular? This cannot be understated. It is through communication that your partner remains _real_ to you, and establishes/maintains the affinity between you.
@@tuinov6286 I understand how you feel. Many women did not give a chance. The ones who did turned out to be liars. I was supposed to go on a date with a supposed *Christian* girl and she ended up not showing up at the date location. I was sitting by myself all alone. Next thing I know, that same girl ghosts me and immediately gets with some taller white kid. It made me feel so unloved and made me question my physical attractiveness. I see now that I was always an ugly young man and women do not find me appealing no matter how good of a person I am. Personality means absolutely nothing if women don't give you a chance in the first place.
@@DeRez19 I’m sorry that happened to you; however, it doesn’t mean you are less than or unloveable. Everyone is not who they are, especially when we concoct some fantasy, and their actions are theirs, and that’s something we can’t control. What we can control is our actions and our response to their actions. Don’t let one girl’s actions hurt your ability to love, who you are, and your values. Remember, you’ll find someone but it’s going to take time. So relax, do what you gotta do, and have fun along the way.
Ok. But if you are ugly or have low status as a guy, you dont even get to start a relationship. And you will not have sexual satisfaction nor appreciation either. So still its all about the looks an money. So its not really a dating advice, but advice for those already in a relationship: Be responsible and commited on every level of the relationship. But that doesnt help the majority (of men) who are simply invisible to potential partners.
Nothing can change female sexual desire (biological essentialism) in a free mating market, post-sexual revolution SMV is determined by things men cannot easily improve on such as looks, money, status, physical stature, race, IQ, and neurotypicality. It is argued that women don't care about a man's personality, which is often conflated with morality. Some argue that only looks matter. Some say stuff like 'confidence' etc. matters a little but much less than readily observable material factors. SMV is argued to be the same as dating success, and it is commonly argued that direct female mate choice is primary in determining a man's sexual success, and not other external factors, apart from rare circumstances Cosmetic surgery can drastically improve men's mating success That men's genetic quality is accurately determined by women at large (good genes hypothesis) and that this applies today; therefore incels have 'bad genes'
I can relate to a lot of this. I have been together with my wife for a 19 years and if we had made a checkbox list of who we were looking for prior to getting together then neither of us would have fit the criteria. Finding the right partner can sometimes feel a bit like being introduced to some new awesome style of music you never heard before and never knew existed. If you asked someone to define the music they wanted to listen to ahead of time then you would never have discovered this kind of music. I just could not have known ahead of time that my wife was the kind of person I would be into. You don't really understand that until you have spent some time with that person. My takeaway is to simply meet many people and just try to have a good time. Don't necessarily look for a partner. It could just be looking for a female friend. And just like Lana says here it is those kinds of interactions you build up with people that somehow make a relation or future with a person look attractive.
@@skinnyguy7773 Women don't have issues with being friends with guys. Lots of women are friends with guys. But it is not like they go out of their way to specifically get guy friends. But it isn't like they are avoiding guys either. If you have a connection with someone it doesn't matter what the gender is.
At the end of the day, the "in-love" feeling fades and people go back to being themselves. During the beginning of the relationship they may change or act different to attract or keep you. That changes over time. That's why it is important to see how they treat their family and friends. If they yell at their parents, rest assured they will do that to you too someday. That in itself is not a red flag, you can be passionate in arguments but still love people, just something to be aware of.
On average people subconsciously show their true selves after 6 months up to 2 yrs + after being around them. When dating or dealing with relationships of any kind wait a minimum of 6 months to get to know someone etc then see how they differ from the version they initially showed you.
personality is separate from a person's ability to cultivate a relationship, they do mesh into a gradient but they are not one in the same. As in, there is overlap between the two, even as this was stated, but introversion or extraversion for instance won't determine the relationship, despite being part of personality.
@@TheBanjoShowOfficial I don't disagree with you, I'm simply stating that personality does play a role, because if you don't like someone's personality there's no attraction.
The only thing not mentioned is laughter. I tend to like somebody who makes me laugh. It's not about jokes for me, but a deeper laughter I get from the person's personality, body language, and how they handle the ups and downs of life. It takes awhile to know somebody on this level, which can be frustrating.
Or you laugh with someone regardless of them telling good jokes. Laughter is a sign you enjoy their company. But you might not laugh at an ugly person's funniest jokes while laughing with a boring idiot because they look good or make you feel good.
The reason why people are so unhappy is because they feel entitled to happiness. Happiness is a temporary experience of fulfilling a mission. Men notice this when they solve a problem or fix something. Women notice this when they soothe a child or a close friend’s emotions. But happiness is an experience of creating order in the world around you in an area you perceive in chaos. Perhaps if the chaos is within yourself you would find happiness by surrounding yourself in the orderliness of nature or animals but make no mistake happiness is fleeting and must be earned through proper awareness of disorder and having the courage to confront and fix it. Relationships fail because often time partners are focused on different areas of disorder and are trying to convince each other of whose problem needs addressed first. Communication and a common awareness of each others perception of disorder would allow them to work together to resolve both…together as a team.
I'm writing this from two perspectives that I have to put on the table. 1) I've been happily married for 48 years. 2) I have no respect for psychology which has always struck me as pseudoscience. My own admittedly anecdotal experience tells me that personality is crucial to a marriage/relationship. It's true that looks, though important, is minor. My wife is a constant joy to be around. I could never be with anyone who wasn't, no matter what she looked like. I don't know much about attachment theory. The little I do know leads me to believe it's mostly bunk. Humans cannot be separated into four or five tidy types. We react to different people in different ways. People would call me an introvert, and I am happy to be one. People would not say I'm a warm or friendly person, but I'm not unfriendly either. Yet I'm warm to my wife. She is my only friend and the only person I miss when she's not around -- and I'm content with that. My supposed personality type has not dictated how I relate to my wife. We are a separate entity -- a team. Are our present relationships products of our childhood? My wife's parents divorced when she was young. She was not attached to either parent. She was miserable around her mother who raised her. Yet my wife is a warm person. Everyone likes her when they meet her. OTOH, I had a stable upbringing. My parents have been married 70 years. Yet I would not say I was "attached" to my parents as a child. My brothers and I had a Tom Sawyer childhood. The more we were out of the house and exploring the world, the better. Still, my brothers had 4 failed marriages while I have one great one. My sister, otoh, has been married 40+ years. My father was also the product of a divorced and "dysfunctional" family whereas my mother's family was ideal, as far as I know. I see no common denominators that would have predicted these outcomes. So much for childhood influences. Happiness cannot be measured with any credible degree of scientific accuracy. Anyone who claims to know what makes people happy is not making a scientific claim. Nevertheless, I agree one should look for someone who is genuinely interested in you & etc. I knew from our first date that my wife fit this pattern. What surprises me is that so many people need to seek outside help to see what should be so obvious and was obvious to me even at 17. I can't explain this phenomenon. My own unprofessional advice to guys like me would be this: Look for someone who fascinates you continually: you like watching her do the little things -- the way she stretches, the way she laughs, even the way she brushes her hair or folds laundry. Example: I got my drivers license renewed a few months ago, as did my wife. We were in separate lines. While I was waiting I could see my wife take her vision test. The way she related to the employee warmed my heart -- her smiles, her self deprecation, her little fumbles, retries and corrections. She made the tedious fun. If your partner does that for you then you're probably set for life. Jump at that chance.
To explain attachment (am a psych student)- attachment categories are extremely robust when applied to infant-child relationships. The problem is applying these traits to other relationships later in life- while SOME studies have found correlations they are weak and the studies use small sample sizes. Meta-anayltical reviews of the literature show either EXTREMELY weak or no correlations at all between infant attachment and functioning in later relationships. However it's important to note that attachment styles can exist in other relationships and can even be pretty consistent in adulthood- however this will not necessarily be the same as your infant attachment pattern. And also it often varies depending on the specific relationship.
Even though I heavily disagree with your views on psychology, granted that you even admit to not know much about it in relation to what you're talking about, I still completely agree with your advice. Sounds like you had some great pair bonding with your wife and found someone that satisfies your personal needs and vice versa. That's good for you!
Its fantastic that you have such a long term loving and close partnership with your wife. For the less fortunate of us the real question is how does one find a partner that fascinates and delights you like this on a regular basis? Is it just luck? Or was there some way in which you sought her out or attracted her into your life?
@@aikighost I suppose there's a bit of luck in it. But I've always believed some people help their luck work out whereas others don't see it or squander it. I believe my youngest brother lucked into a great first wife but he squandered that luck within a year. She was heartbroken and I thought he was being an idiot. Three wives later and one long term partner and I remain convinced he never did better than that first marriage.
What even is "happy" when you're talking about relationships. Perhaps the verbiage should be changed to "fulfilling", bc relationships are difficult no matter what. But often challenging things bring a sense of worthiness or it being worthwhile. Romanticizing relationships is kinda killing them because none of us measure up to any ideal someone might have of us. It should likely be framed more as duty if you're seeking something long term bc it is going to take work, and it has to be bigger than the respective individual otherwise anyone can leave at any time for any reason. I am not talking about the obvious radical negative cases where there is abuse or whatever, ofc don't stay in those situations but what about the median of relationships that are just normal and boring or not as exciting as movies, media and social media would have us believe. People need meaning in order to be fulfilled. Meaning in relationships is often built by each of us showing our whole ass to each other and the other person Still choosing to stick it out with us anyway. Lastly, I do not believe in a 1 special person or that anyone is forever. A lot of us could probably build great relationships with a bunch of different kinds of people. And it may sound like a contradiction, but even if you stay with someone for 50+ years, the expectation should never be that they are with you forever. No one in our lives could boast such a feat.
Can you make a guide to therapy? You often say that everyone should get therapy but going into a session without having any problems seems confusing. Usually in therapy you set goals (eg. increasing self esteem), I wonder what other things you can do in therapy and what is the reason you advocate it.
You're totally right, it doesn't make sense to go to therapy if you have no problem/goal. In that case you'd probably go to some kind of coaching to work on a specific topic you'd like to achieve or work on some behavior patterns you'd like to change. If you have neither of it you don't have to visit a therapist. That also means that you probably doing a good job in caring for your yourself and have a stable social system (family, friends) around you that you trust and can rely on if you need help, which is a truly wonderful thing. :)
About the personality thing, I think a way to put it is what becomes when the individuality of two people fuse together, even if they have great personalities, they might not compliment each other so well. Actually now that I think of it, maybe that's why we use the word 'chemistry'.
Your video are very informative ❤ I just kinda blanked out at this moment when I read personality doesn't matter. So I was right the whole time. Looks do play a part in how attracted we are to a person! ✨
Looks matter, but saying personality doesn't is a big problemo ! How would you feel to be married to a partner who's personality was not considerate, extremely selfish, and unkind with you? That would be one hell hole of a relationship... and it would lead to more trauma and pain, all because of not caring about someone's personality. Personality is monumental to creating safety and trust, with a partner.
You never know how much your videos helped me, ever since I started watching your content, I'm more motivated to read books, more confident and overall in harmony with myself. Oh also, amazing video, I love it
True, I don't like the video. There are several unadressed ambiguities mounting in the video, was watching it with increasing frown on my face. Probably just a woman logic, we must live with it :). Looks are very important and also that growth mentality is a part of personality, so it matters too.
6:48 So my follow-up question would be: What about the shared norms, jokes, and shared experiences? Is it completely subjective from there? Just simply base it off of "this feels good/right"? Rather than shared experiences through common interests or shared experiences through unfortunate extremes, etc?
Most desirable traits: Sexy name creates desire ( does not create happiness) What made them happier If they were happy before they meet Must be happy with you first before Growth mindset Improving themselves Perceived partner commitment Feeling lucky to have your partner Sexual satisfaction How much or little conflict Personality does not matter much Characteristics of the relationship matter most.......the relationship you build. Set up conditions that create a great relationship (money needed) Go to therapy Only life can tell you if you 2 would work Selling bettter help
I mean "the experts" often times say its okay for a woman to go out to a club, shake her ass, get hit on by other men, and not being okay with that is a controlling behavior. They also say that men are women and women are men and that theres no difference between men and women. So...
I think this is the best and last video youll ever need to understand relationships. I was so tired of all the bs/traditional advice, this has really changed my perspective on relationships!
![Tee Grizzley - Blow for Blow (feat. J. Cole) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wNLN5xsx5dc/mqdefault.jpg)
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor BetterHelp. Click betterhelp.com/lana for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy with a licensed professional specific to your needs.
0:17 one frame is added between video.
🌷❤
My love for you is pure and true,
Your character shines like the morning dew.
Your mind is sharp and wise,
Your spirituality a beautiful surprise.
Your beauty radiates from within,
A heart full of love and kindness therein
May your life be filled with love and light,
May your path be blessed with all that's right.
You are a treasure to behold,
A precious gem worth more than gold.
I am grateful for the gift of you,
My love for you forever true.
My love for you is like the stars above,
Endless and eternal, full of love.
Your character shines like the sun,
A true reflection of the Almighty One.
Your mind is sharp and wise,
A fountain of knowledge that never dies.
Your spirituality is a beautiful sight,
A beacon of hope in the darkest night.
Your beauty radiates from within,
You are a treasure to behold,
A precious gem worth more than gold.
Your body parts are a work of art,
Each one a masterpiece that sets you apart.
And your love and affection is what makes me weak.
And your encouragement and smile makes me strong and keeps me going on
Your love for God is pure and true,
A testament to your faith that shines through.
Your fear of Him is a sign of respect and love to him, A virtue that makes you perfect.
Refraining from sin and ill behavior,
Shows your strength and good character.
Your beauty is for my eyes only,
A privilege that makes me feel holy.
Addicted to you, I will always be,
For your love is my only destiny.
Wise advice I give to you today,
Cherish your love and never stray.
Stay true to yourself and your beliefs,
For they are the foundation of your relief.
Love with all your heart and soul,
And let God's light guide you to your goal.
May your life be filled with love and light,
May your path be blessed with all that's right.🌷❤ ,
Hello Lana :)
BHelp are scammerz...
so we've dating all wrong huh?
alright Lana let me take you out on a date
*and let me lay you **_right after_* ***kisses Lana passionately***
BetterHelp was honestly one of the worst experiences I've had. The person I got didn't bother to even remember what I said from session to session, wouldn't use headphones to stop really bad feedback, and told me to just get over the recent death of my dad. And there weren't many other people who were willing to make appointments outside of common work hours, contrary to their claims. It was horrid.
I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds really unprofessionell. Normaly therapists take notes so that they at least remember the most important things you said, so that they can help you in the best way. I hope you find a psychotherapist apart from betterhelp that's more professional and can really help you!
Write a complaint to the boss. They want to know if the people they hire do something unprofessional. It doesn't mean BetterHelp is bad, it just means the person they hired didn't do his/her job. Your complaint may be the reason the person gets fired. Don't let rude people get away with this.
@@misscleo_ Unfortunatelly there are TONS of reports like this! I also had 2 therapists before I reached out to them to get at least a partial refund because one of them clearly judged me for daring to not want to have kids while I actually seeked therapy to cope with my health problem that ironically anyway limits fertility strongly and the other one simply talked to me like I was a friend not guiding me once or ever but just letting me vent pointlessly. I waisted a full session ones just getting interviewed on a huge list about all forms of possible past traumas and basically got bombed with deep questions not relating once or ever to what my reason for therapy was and ended just irritated with no time left to even talk freely about my topic.
Should have received a full refund cause they just wasted my time. They don't even background check their therapists and give patients who are mentally unwell the responsibility to check credibility, when there are tons of real therapists getting their names hurt and stolen. It's ridiculous and the page should not be allowed to run this way.
I let them know. And the availability they advertised on was simply provided either.@@misscleo_
My experience was equally as bad. The first person didn't do video, phone only. The second person's advice was essentially "look on the bright side". Not clinical or therapeutic in any way. That and he was conducting sessions from a basement with some old gym equipment behind him, and he had a persistent smoker's cough (you could tell, he looked really, really rough). Never again.
“You want to look for a partner who seems genuinely interested in you, who is good at perspective taking with you, and who seems to be responsive to your needs. Someone who makes you feel understood, validated, and cared for”. So powerful
That feel when you realize there is nobody like that in you life, not only partner-wise
This is what I’ve been looking for but I remain unconvinced that men in their 30s who aren’t already with someone and are good at this exist 😩
@@LorraineVirginiedon’t know what to tell you, they’re in the UV light range of your vision
@@LorraineVirginie I'm equally unconvinced that women in their early 20s who are good at this exist.
@@nicholashartmann4525 Keep your chin up, they do. Typically though at that age if they're good at these things, it's because they've seen some shit. There's nothing wrong with that of course, not like they could help it, but you need to go in with eyes open and be ready to support in return.
a lot of single people think that they will be happy if they have a partner, and then a lot of couples who are dating think that they will be happy if they are married, and so on. people doesnt understand that they need to be content and happy with themselves before they can be happy with anyone one else. when you are unhappy and discontent you project this a lot and it could potentially taint any relationship you get into. learn to be content with yourself so you dont damage your relationships.
Spot-on.. If you aren't happy with what you got - you will never be happy with what you get. ;)
Fukcing yes
Yeah, although some people really want to be in a relationship but aren’t willing to fix themselves.
I agree that it's mainly about the dynamics of the relationship that you build together. We are all different towards different people. Some bring out the worst in you and others bring out the best. As much as we all want to be consistent from person to person, we aren't. Humans are fickle in general and partners feed off the energy each exude towards one another. Learning to navigate eachother's changing energy with nuance is what builds trust, safety and a steady foundation in a good relationship.
I gotta ask. Can a person be a generally good person and still bring out the worst in you?
@@actual_susu I think so. Sometimes it's subconscious.. for example, a person has a quality or a similar appearance to someone from your past that you didn't get along with. You might have sour feelings towards that person because of your own past issues, which has nothing to do with them.
There's also the whole "twin flame" thing where there's the belief that we might meet people in our lives who rub us the wrong way and bring out our worst in order for us to bring those feelings to the surface so we can heal those qualities in ourselves. I have a co-worker that is irked by another co-worker because she's "too cheery" everyday and that gets on her nerves lol. Neither of them are bad people, just have different outlooks on life.
this is such a wonderful insight, thank you!! :>
isnt there a huge general sense amongst women that they kinda just sit back and respond to what a man does.....they dont ask out, they dont propose etc.....they select, passively. ...... it is generally shocking to me any time a woman is proactive in a relationship.....wish women were "builders" but I RARELY see it
@@adamtash2891 I guess some women fit into this stereotype the same way some men fit into a stereotype but everyone is different at their core. Within the differences, each person changes and grows all the time. If someone is looking for a relationship, it's not about the perception of what most women do or what most men do. It's about figuring out your own energy first and being genuine about it. That's what compells others that are meant for you to be drawn to you and vice versa. That goes for friendships as well.
There have been some guys that I have approached and others that have approached me in the past. When I met my husband, we just started talking to eachother at a gathering and we both pretty much knew right away it was something special. No expectations or games.
Everyone can probably tell within a couple of minutes if their vibes match and if that person brings out their good side. This excludes seeing someone through dating apps which have messed up many people's ability to find genuine matches for themselves.
Yes, you're right about those traits. Dating is a comparatively new thing societally though and 'the rules' of dating have been dismantled recently and now dating is like a dance, where no one knows what the steps are now. Confusing? Yes. I agree about working on yourself to understand yourself better though. 100%
And that's why I don't like taking relationship advice from just anyone, because most of the time it just doesn't feel natural. I see very often how people, who aren't happy with themselves, try to control their partner to be something else. Such life must be very burdensome for them.
All good while it remains true. Someone may display genuine feeling of compassion, care, n validation in the every sense for you, until they don’t. What we find in happiness just depends on your definition .
A new valuable lesson today. I never thought about building a relationship rather than finding the one.
I recently started to try out online dating and I feel like you never really get a chance to know who someone is and how their personality vibes with yours. A lot of it seems to be based on general interests that can be vague at times, but I know some of my best friends in the past I feel like I didn’t have a lot in common with but we still had fun together talking about our interests and just felt comfortable around each other. I think if there were events designed for single people to meet in person and there were “profiles” available that had a brief summary of their interests that served more as a starting point for conversations rather than measures of compatibility then it would be a more productive way to date. This way you get to know someone better while also getting to see how comparable you are with people outside your general interests
Hinge has prompts but I rarely get answers. I am meeting someone I met on Hinge next week. However, we knew each other before the app it was just a chance that we saw each other on the app. I think you'll never know their personalities fully if they are not going to actually talk on video or voice call.
perceived partner commitment was the one thing that got my relationship. Well she didn´t feel I was committed enough. I was and am with mindset that if we won´t try to live together then I won´t perceive you as my future wife. She couldn´t understand that me dating her was me acknowledging her my potential wife.
It's unfortunately true😅 compatibility isn't on the surface, but a result of interactions. That's why having an observant and perceptive friend can help when you are "blinded" by love😂
We don’t want things to change, things already shifted, we’re already started to improve ourselves in oder to pump and dump, we know it’s all about looks, money etc so I hope you girls keep going like that. 👌🏾
I kind of disagree. As a man, no amount of comprehension, caring, or thoughtfulness is going to make a woman who’s not physically attracted to all of a sudden be attracted. There’s a conflicting study that says that women are on average happiest with men that are at least 11 inches taller than they are.
It might be right, because higher man gives "guardian vibe". Yet there are many couples where they're the same height or even man is shorter. "Guardian vibe" might come also from within or other physical traits, like broad shoulders or muscularity. From my experience and what people tell me, even though I'm 167cm tall, my physicality (broad shoulders, a lot of muscle mass) makes them comfortable and safe around me.
We've seen it many times too
Kinda hard to ''date wrong'' when you're an attractive girl in her 20s or 30s. Men, on the other hand, actually have to put in the work and have a personality. No matter how many women try to claim otherwise, 99% of the time it's men who need to approach a woman, while women can just sit back, say yes or no, and judge us if we fail by making fun of us or calling us ''creeps'' for being nervous.
Exactly.
I have to disagree. I mean, you have a valid point, of course, but let me tell you: yes, a girl can "date wrong". Guys make fun of us and play us too. There are guys who are willing to fake everything, tell us they want/love us just to manipulate us.
@@franciscaqueiros9259 ... but you have a pool of like 30+ guys in your DM's to choose from and most women always have their ''back up'' men they keep around when things don't work out with their main men (something most women do all the time, as I, most of my male friends and most men have experienced this). Also, girls/women actively seek out toxic men as they don't want ''weak, boring and soft men''. They want a man they can ''fix'' and love the drama, but somehow act surprised when said men turns out to be... toxic??!!!!!!!!! Usually they discover this when they're in their 30s and then go settle with their backup men, whom they would've NEVER dated in their ''wild era''. And as someone who has been told by countless women that ''I was a great guy, but they wanted a more manly man'' I don't really have sympathy tbh.
But my original point still stands. Girls who look like Lana have it FAR easier getting a man than if you're some average, socially awkward dude. If you disagree with that, you're either lying, or you're just so far out of touch and have never spoken with men about their experiences.
@@franciscaqueiros9259 If you change 'guys' to 'girls',
"there are girls who are willing to fake everything, tell us they want/love us just to manipulate us"
its even more true!
Because men are physically stronger than women, men first and foremost use their strength to get what they want,
on the other hand women tend to use emotional manipulation to get what they want. It is in general is a feminine tactic. Sure men and women might be capable of similar type of manipulative tactics, but women are the masters of it. For a man to be on the same manipulative level as a woman means that something is VERY wrong with him (narcissistic, sociopath, machiavellianism, etc).
Simply put, for women manipulation its a built-in feature, a second nature, they just do it. For men its a learned behaviour.
@@franciscaqueiros9259 no disregard for your comments but try seeing beyond the top 1 percent of men who have all the options
If you don’t have the funds for therapy then look at these things for free: PERSONALITY temperament, ATTACHMENT, love languages, and explore your childhood traumas. This information will give you excellent insight prior to any therapy. It will also help you answer the first question a therapist will ask: “what do you want to accomplish in therapy?”
This was very interesting! Thank you so much Lana ❤
1:40 "No correlation between desire and happiness "
I love how u say based on those real researches . They made your speeches more informative and reliable🎉
Good job, pausing between phrases and words, slowly and delicate delivered message
Atractive personality
Very interesting findings - never thought about it like this. You've earned yourself a new sub!
Has anyone ever tried to find a partner through an astrological/numerological route?
With the older ways of Eastern matchmaking. Astrology and deriving of alignments used to be the way to find out if your partner is a good, bad, great, or terrible match for you.
Strangely the study of how your spiral of events, associations, progression, and debilitations is quite a beautifully deep telling of how much we do belong to this place... Also, the makeup of you and your perfect partner doesn't just stop there in this astrological breakdown. I think that two other parts are your name and your last name (which numerologically breaks down to find other things) and then it is your place of birth, including your time of birth. Which would make your initial start in this world...
..If you decide to dive down this route. There are a few resources on RUclips. but, when you finally get to the point of finding out something. It's hard to unimagine this defining track, this belonging, the unknowing path of a plan that we might not understand.
Hope this helps
Losing all hope was freedom
Why did tears wallow up in my eyes by the end of the video? Maybe cause i do understand the gravity of what you were saying. Your video has been really informative and has a fresh insight to it. Thank you so much !!! And your hair is amazing, if you can, could you tell how may I describe your hair cut to the stylist cause it seems to be just perfect for my face cut too 💓💓 much love💗
6:24 I have been saying this for the past few years. There is not a "soul mate" out there you have to "find". You meet someone that has similar core values and some similar interests and start to build a common narrative. I also think that delaying marriage is nonsense when think of it as building something beautiful together that lasts a lifetime.
It really is comical that we think relationships/marriage is something that comes naturally without much effort. We don't think that a career or a sixpack just comes naturally either. It is work, compromise, endurance, discipline, consistency.
A lot of thanks for making and sharing your video!!
I agree with the last statement. I high key disagree that Hunter and Jacob are hot names tho 😂
People need to open their minds ❤
Today I learned that ladies think the name Jacob is sexy. That’s huge for me actually.
Know yourself and only then can you meet the right person.
Being shallow leads to shallow relationships... shocker!
A video about attachment styles!! 😊
You inspire me ❤
Very famous study with plenty of things to learn but large flaws which can lead to misleading conclusions. Personality has been shown to be associated with relationship satisfaction and outcome, specifically low-neuroticism. Gottman has shown a variety relational dynamics which predict divorce with great accuracy, and many of these dynamics are linked with personality characteristics/temperament/attachment (see Johnson & colleagues). Some research suggests that enough personality trait mismatch can harm communication. Large observational studies like this make it very, very difficult to make causal inferences and must be thought of at the population level instead of the individual level. Personality probably does have a substantial role to play in relational satisfaction, specifically neuroticism levels and cognitive/emotional schemas built from all of one's close relationships throughout life.
Hi Lana. Great video. Only comment: I understand personality doesn't matter, but the Growth Mindset sure feels like a personality trait that many people lack or run away from. At least, in my experience, I feel like that is something I can hardly help build in someone with a fixed mindset - and as you mentioned, what you are able to build in a relationship will most likely determine the level of happiness of the couple.
Attachment styles are 90% bs. You are avoidant with people you don't care about as much. You are anxious when you are with someone you love.
I love your contents so so much Lana keep making like this only videos and I will support you so so much ❤️
Lana love your brains and beauty and vox.I like what you say you made my morning thank you.Jerome❤❤❤
People are shallow what a shocker
Lol😂
Great conversation 😂❤
It's pretty simple, it's having both partners be considerate and responsible. And unfortunately, that's rare.
If online dating sites were effective, it would be economically undermining. Car dealers need repeat customers. So there must be revolving door consumerism, otherwise things would fold. The more frequent customer returns, the better!!
It's funny, bevause I always considered those things insignificant.
It's easy for a man, because there are no choices.
You either find a woman who treats you right or you don't, and most men never find a woman who treats them right - not even close.
When a man thinks about settling, it isn't settling for anything women consider settling, it's settling for a woman who isn't very interested in them.
It's settling for a woman who makes you try too hard and makes you feel like crap.
I never had the tolerance.
I think men who settle end up drinking.
i think women make men try to hard when they expect men to change, which it has been said all women do. Men don't put that kind of pressure on women because we don't expect them to change or want them to change.
percieved commitment is an issue, at least it was a big issue to me, because I believed commitment to the ideal of marriage meant one didn't do anything sexual with anybody but the person one was already married to. people who were messing around with sex were not serious and not committed to marriage. I couldn't even explain that to women because they started shouting and spitting insults as soon as the conversation started.
Some people are gonna be single forever ❤
Of course personality matters, because good personality can produce good intrapersonal connection. Bad personality produce none of that.
I'm lacking in personality, like heavily and on game too, I'm very very good looking but i have difficulty with girls. Even if i get with one it's just their interest falls apart after awhile and it's gone
Focus on just being a better person. Listen more than talk, and try to show u care about people. Hold yourself with confidence but not cockiness, and be kind to everyone. If you take it to heart, things will change very fast for u
The problem with the westerners is the so-called contentment. Western culture is kind of experimenting life in a pursuit of happiness which degraded the value of contentment. Not to stereotype, mostly, would like to jump from bed to bed/ open relationship style which is demoralizing and abhorrent. So, it doesn't matter if you meet someone who has the perfect traits: big ducks, great personality, perfectness if the value of contentment is set aside. With contentment, there is also sacrifice (giving up some worldly habits,etc.), and sacrifice molds a better person because of the challenges you have to won over. If you are contented in life, then you will pursue the lifetime happiness, not the happiness you have felt for a night, a week. The concept is, contentment is the pathway of happiness.
Of course personality matters, as it will effect the dynamics you build with other people. Perhaps it’s indirect, but it almost definitely matters. A lot.
Take someone with a narcissistic personality, who more likely prioritises all the superficial things you listed at the start of the video that have no bearing on relationship happiness, obviously this person will be garbage at relationships.
But other than that (major) point, this is a great video & I’ll share it with others.
What do I think? I think I’m attracted to you, and that you need to trust the science. It’s literally practical, you were just talking about the line of logic behind practical procedures in attraction, so now you’re just avoiding an opportunity…
☕.. Being a happy person doesn't guarantee any happiness when it comes to relationships, though 😂😂😂
I feel like in another life we would have been good friends
Personality does matter, women just confuse it with over confidence.
EARLYYYY LOVE YOU LANA
❤
Aside from that, why is this weird urge for people to go to therapy?!
Science Offers a Fresh Perspective on Love. In this eye-opening statement, explore the transformative insights that science brings to the world of dating and relationships, helping us approach matters of the heart with a new understanding. Embrace genuine connections, emotional intelligence, and communication.
I dunno, being single is pretty damn good as well. The other party has to be very special for me to give it up.
What are these lies. Beauty and physical attraction matters. It doesnt matter when there is money & status.
Beautiful people with great personality are attractive. If a person doesnt have dating options than physical attraction doesnt matter.
The man & woman with the hot body, beautiful face, and outstanding personality will go after someone at or above their level.
This study had to be on older people, people without dating options, and people desperate for attention or intimacy, keep the false narrative going, “you’ll find the one.”
yeah but...... what happened when the person wwho loves you, dont work, massively over weight, and comes with a whole lot of headaces?
Lana, at 7:38 good at "perspective-taking" What is meant by that, please?
This was some pop-psychology and worthy of psych2go's page. Like theres so much to this ice burg that you minas well be mowing the lawn on it.
dating, what is that? Something to eat. never had it before.
Dating apps are pulling wool over people's eyes. They teach you to overvalue all of the wrong things because it's very difficult to measure the "right things". It's also important to remember the motivations of most dating apps... They're designed to keep people using them, because that is how the app makes the most money.
You hit the nail on the head with this comment!
Yes, and unfortunately most people feel that dating apps are their only avenue for meeting people these days...
Righttt
@@Ang36914 this is the real tragedy
@@Ang36914 Yep. Apps are designed to be addictive and keep you on there. If they make you feel as though apps are the only way to meet people then the companies win!
Don't look for the perfect person, look for the perfect match.
Saw your comment, and for a moment thought that I already watched this video and left this comment, cause this is my exact words to everyone who’s looking
I was thinking this same thing as well when she was talking about personality not being important. Of course it is its about the compatibility of 2 personalities that create everything in the relationship.
Don't look for the perfect person be the perfect person
Their is no perfect match or perfect person. This isn't what to look for. Instead, it's better to focus on the qualities of a person's character and how they treat you and other people. Compatability comes with time, and experience. Expecting a potential partner to meet your needs, right away; is too much for anyone to handle at the get go of building a potential relationship. It's tiring for the human soul to have to endure the constant ego, needs and wants; at all times. We have to find fulfillment and meaning within ourselves first, not to seek it within relationships.
@@lostinkyoto8444 nope there is nothing perfect in this world. The first thing to look for the type of person that best fits you. You will bring out the best in each other when its the right fit Compatibility is the start of the relationship and the work you put in is how well it grows. If your not compatible then it will be harder to get to certain points in your relationship. There are needs our soul can only get through relationships that cannot be received any other way. Also when we get the fulfillment it is much easier to push the ego away it never goes away but it will not be the source of your personality when you do. Also yours and your partners needs change and you have to adjust if your not compatible from the start that is also a problem.
Besides being heavenly pretty, she's the older calm, kind sister my inner child always wanted...…Thanks a lot Lana
True❤️🩹
Pretty she is, but boring and self obsessed as it gets. Ego fest of a channel.
Steady
And if she's good at taking perspective, she'll understand my anxiety around how all that hair could affect the drains.
@@karinababy6557 she is well above average
Someone who makes you feel understood, validated, and cared for? Sure, as long as it’s not all an act to get into sexual territory with you.
you can do both!!!
that probably means you have nothing else to offer
Vet him through his friends and yours. What patterns has he shown in previous relationships? Find out if and how he lies in other parts of his life. What's his family like and what do they say about him? Job history, academic history. Scumbags be scummy all over the place, not just with you.
This. Actions and specific behaviour speak louder than words. Check how he behaves arround family, friends, strangers, children, animals, elders etc. Other people's opinion of the person are important. People he surrounds himself with have a certain reflection of his personality. The family vibe he comes from is more important than you think.
@@skinnyguy7773don't be willfully obtuse. You can have everything to offer and said person wants none of that. Case in point: people apply to go to a college, are rejected, yet go on to be successful. Imagine that instead of this college saying we don't just like you for us, they find a way to get you to part with your money or something of value to you and then cast you aside. This is a similar experience a lot of people have in dating, they don't see innate value in you, even though it doesn't say anything about your inherent value but because they want to bust a nut, they just act like they see value in you. Again, stop being willfully obtuse.
In my opinion, there's this common misconception about 'feeling the need' to be in a relationship. Like Lana addressed, desire and happiness are two different things. Someone who is dealing with personal issues shouldn't deceive themselves by thinking that those issues will be cured or fixed by the mere fact of having a relationship with someone else. Healing and growth is necessary to achieve that.
not having the relationship one wants is also a personal issue. being happy doesnt mean the right relationship will just manifest itself.
@@adamtash2891 Absolutely, I think it takes full commitment and effort. You don't get something for nothing. And even then there is no certainty. Still, it all comes down to self-love (I know cliché) which lays the foundation for so many things in life.
But romantic relationships provide both? That`s what I dislike about this video. Who gets in a relationship expecting either only sex(you can just skip the relationship part and get a hooker or go to a club and hook up with someone for a one night stand), or only happiness without desire(that`s friendship). So her description could apply for a regular friendship, because desire isn`t necessary for a relationship`s happiness. Otherwise very vague and not very detailed book. Like half of the video was either a sponsorship for getting therapy and putting some attachment styles theory and not explaining it??? Like she should have explained it in broad strokes, and not just say oh its complicated buy this book trust me it`s really good and totally worth it(totally not a random quasi-psychology quack book).
Kinda cope tbh. when I was in love in my teens it was probably the only period in my life when I was genuinely happy and enjoyed life. Love and relationships are such a lifefuel, it's definitely one of the most enjoyable human experiences. No point in denying it
@@Augustus1456 So you’re basically saying to work on yourself before getting into a relationship.
Women never cared about personality😂 if the man is attractive he can get away with everything
"Just be more confident and the ladies will be all over you bro!" 😂
@@MrLove717 its so easy bro be funny bro
"Just be able to do stand-up while lifting weights in the shower, bro"
Problem with dating apps (and something most people don't know) is that they're based on what's called the "halo effect", which means when we meet someone who is physically attractive or good looking we tend to associate that person with virtues and traits that they don't have or not so much. This cognitive bias is something to be considered and a warning not to judge a book by its cover.⚠
Never thought of it that way!! Thats a cool perspective
Def gonna,use that in conversation LMAO
@@adrianinhha Then remember the effect goes both ways: virtuous people also seem more physically attractive.
Yes and no matter what black pill people say, if you find someone you really click with, they absolutely start to appear more attractive.
Funny thing, I had a call with this local photography business specializing in dating profiles and the salesman was selling me on how to capture the best pictures of myself doing what I love to show the girls and have them see if they can find themselves doing it with me. The whole statistics thing was mind boggling.
For the price he suggested, I was shocked because they’re preying on a lonely guy to basically spend a lot of money to “potentially” impress girls on a dating app when that money could be spent on experiences with their friends or even themselves and have the fun to do it themselves.
The most shocking part was how they set up their clients not just with dating profile but on Google search too which weirded me out.
Hearing all this made me realize dating apps itself is a business that preys on one’s insecurities to suggest “potential” chances with money and it has made opportunities for many to make money around dating apps by preying on their insecurities and making profiles that d not guarantee much.
For me, I’d prefer meeting girls in person, whether it’s cold approach or meeting through common interests. This whole dating apps is way beyond me
6:10 You nailed it right here.
The INTENTIONs and ACTIONs of both partners towards common goals and each other in the relationship determine whether the relationship is created or not. I say created [or as you put it, build] because that's what a relationship is - something created on an ongoing basis. You don't need to cheat or break up to kill a relationship. Just stop participating long enough - no creation - leads to the relationship ceasing to exist, just like if you stopped watering your house plants, they would cease to exist after a time.
My wife and I went into the marriage knowing this thanks to a little fortunate research of our own on the topic. 25 years married so far, 31 years total together as of next month, and - I kid you not - she's still jumping up and down happy to see me when I get home from work, which is so endearing to see.
What do you do to maintain the relationship?
One thing - physical attractiveness and personality might not matter in *a* relationship. But that’s because they already were checked with the other person by *entering* the relationship.
Knowing you feel comfortable with a person and being able to act like yourself without holding back is love that can’t easily be obtained, but in my opinion its the best one. Being able to be in eachother’s presence without noise and still be fine or happy is also a good one.
Usually comfort/loyalty and honesty make a great trio for long term love.
I love this. It’s all about what you build together. ❤
One of my favourite words of advice I’ve heard is to schedule a relationship check-in with your partner. Connect with them on a biweekly or monthly basis and talk about goals, intimacy, appreciation and any grievances. Talking it out keeps your relationship on track and healthy. Open communication is always the key 😊✨
I agree! My partner and I do this once or twice a month and we both feel it helps us stay connected ❤
It can't be stressed enough how important that is. I can't wrap my head around people who are in relationships just for the sake of not being alone. You're sharing life with another person and are practically strangers. Intimacy can't be built and maintained without communication because people are always evolving; which means that sometimes the relationship gets left behind, holding a place in each others past but collecting dust in the present. It requires effort and consistency. Most people these days confuse "love" with "lust", it's no wonder why modern dating is so shallow and lifeless.
Underrated comment. I'd go so far as to say brilliant.
How can you create/build the relationship if you don't take the time to communicate on the regular? This cannot be understated. It is through communication that your partner remains _real_ to you, and establishes/maintains the affinity between you.
@@Conaty "...holding a place in each others past but collecting dust in the present." 🔥🔥🗣🗣🗣
@@jovanlee7714 I have my moments
We can go through these but women are biologically and evolutionarily hardwired to want men of Attractiveness, Wealth, and Status FIRST...........
This is sooo true. At the end of the day do you feel safe, seen, heard, understood by your partner, even in the most difficult times?
I don't feel safe, im not seen or heard or understood by anyone. And if i say this women like you will start shaming me and humiliate me even more.
@@gabriellanoronha4804 Women who have infinite options and a huge ego.
@@tuinov6286 I understand how you feel. Many women did not give a chance. The ones who did turned out to be liars. I was supposed to go on a date with a supposed *Christian* girl and she ended up not showing up at the date location. I was sitting by myself all alone.
Next thing I know, that same girl ghosts me and immediately gets with some taller white kid. It made me feel so unloved and made me question my physical attractiveness. I see now that I was always an ugly young man and women do not find me appealing no matter how good of a person I am. Personality means absolutely nothing if women don't give you a chance in the first place.
@@DeRez19 I’m sorry that happened to you; however, it doesn’t mean you are less than or unloveable.
Everyone is not who they are, especially when we concoct some fantasy, and their actions are theirs, and that’s something we can’t control. What we can control is our actions and our response to their actions. Don’t let one girl’s actions hurt your ability to love, who you are, and your values.
Remember, you’ll find someone but it’s going to take time. So relax, do what you gotta do, and have fun along the way.
Ok. But if you are ugly or have low status as a guy, you dont even get to start a relationship. And you will not have sexual satisfaction nor appreciation either. So still its all about the looks an money. So its not really a dating advice, but advice for those already in a relationship: Be responsible and commited on every level of the relationship. But that doesnt help the majority (of men) who are simply invisible to potential partners.
Nothing can change female sexual desire (biological essentialism) in a free mating market, post-sexual revolution
SMV is determined by things men cannot easily improve on such as looks, money, status, physical stature, race, IQ, and neurotypicality. It is argued that women don't care about a man's personality, which is often conflated with morality. Some argue that only looks matter. Some say stuff like 'confidence' etc. matters a little but much less than readily observable material factors. SMV is argued to be the same as dating success, and it is commonly argued that direct female mate choice is primary in determining a man's sexual success, and not other external factors, apart from rare circumstances
Cosmetic surgery can drastically improve men's mating success
That men's genetic quality is accurately determined by women at large (good genes hypothesis) and that this applies today; therefore incels have 'bad genes'
I can relate to a lot of this. I have been together with my wife for a 19 years and if we had made a checkbox list of who we were looking for prior to getting together then neither of us would have fit the criteria. Finding the right partner can sometimes feel a bit like being introduced to some new awesome style of music you never heard before and never knew existed. If you asked someone to define the music they wanted to listen to ahead of time then you would never have discovered this kind of music.
I just could not have known ahead of time that my wife was the kind of person I would be into. You don't really understand that until you have spent some time with that person. My takeaway is to simply meet many people and just try to have a good time. Don't necessarily look for a partner. It could just be looking for a female friend. And just like Lana says here it is those kinds of interactions you build up with people that somehow make a relation or future with a person look attractive.
@@carlgauss1702idk how you rationalized the comment to come up with that conclusion
That's a really interesting comparison you're making. Thank you!
most vvomen are not looking for male friends, you might have caught the exception
@@skinnyguy7773 Women don't have issues with being friends with guys. Lots of women are friends with guys. But it is not like they go out of their way to specifically get guy friends. But it isn't like they are avoiding guys either. If you have a connection with someone it doesn't matter what the gender is.
@@erikengheim1106 Thats a fair point, how did you go about finding female friends?
At the end of the day, the "in-love" feeling fades and people go back to being themselves. During the beginning of the relationship they may change or act different to attract or keep you. That changes over time. That's why it is important to see how they treat their family and friends. If they yell at their parents, rest assured they will do that to you too someday. That in itself is not a red flag, you can be passionate in arguments but still love people, just something to be aware of.
You know what you are talking about, Tommyboy.
On average people subconsciously show their true selves after 6 months up to 2 yrs + after being around them.
When dating or dealing with relationships of any kind wait a minimum of 6 months to get to know someone etc then see how they differ from the version they initially showed you.
"personality doesn't matter" everything mentioned in this video are aspects of personality.
personality is separate from a person's ability to cultivate a relationship, they do mesh into a gradient but they are not one in the same. As in, there is overlap between the two, even as this was stated, but introversion or extraversion for instance won't determine the relationship, despite being part of personality.
@@TheBanjoShowOfficial I don't disagree with you, I'm simply stating that personality does play a role, because if you don't like someone's personality there's no attraction.
The only thing not mentioned is laughter. I tend to like somebody who makes me laugh. It's not about jokes for me, but a deeper laughter I get from the person's personality, body language, and how they handle the ups and downs of life. It takes awhile to know somebody on this level, which can be frustrating.
Or you laugh with someone regardless of them telling good jokes. Laughter is a sign you enjoy their company. But you might not laugh at an ugly person's funniest jokes while laughing with a boring idiot because they look good or make you feel good.
The reason why people are so unhappy is because they feel entitled to happiness. Happiness is a temporary experience of fulfilling a mission. Men notice this when they solve a problem or fix something. Women notice this when they soothe a child or a close friend’s emotions. But happiness is an experience of creating order in the world around you in an area you perceive in chaos. Perhaps if the chaos is within yourself you would find happiness by surrounding yourself in the orderliness of nature or animals but make no mistake happiness is fleeting and must be earned through proper awareness of disorder and having the courage to confront and fix it. Relationships fail because often time partners are focused on different areas of disorder and are trying to convince each other of whose problem needs addressed first. Communication and a common awareness of each others perception of disorder would allow them to work together to resolve both…together as a team.
Now let’s look at the statistics around what makes you more likely to date someone and female selective choice.
I'm writing this from two perspectives that I have to put on the table. 1) I've been happily married for 48 years. 2) I have no respect for psychology which has always struck me as pseudoscience.
My own admittedly anecdotal experience tells me that personality is crucial to a marriage/relationship. It's true that looks, though important, is minor. My wife is a constant joy to be around. I could never be with anyone who wasn't, no matter what she looked like.
I don't know much about attachment theory. The little I do know leads me to believe it's mostly bunk. Humans cannot be separated into four or five tidy types. We react to different people in different ways. People would call me an introvert, and I am happy to be one. People would not say I'm a warm or friendly person, but I'm not unfriendly either. Yet I'm warm to my wife. She is my only friend and the only person I miss when she's not around -- and I'm content with that. My supposed personality type has not dictated how I relate to my wife. We are a separate entity -- a team.
Are our present relationships products of our childhood? My wife's parents divorced when she was young. She was not attached to either parent. She was miserable around her mother who raised her. Yet my wife is a warm person. Everyone likes her when they meet her. OTOH, I had a stable upbringing. My parents have been married 70 years. Yet I would not say I was "attached" to my parents as a child. My brothers and I had a Tom Sawyer childhood. The more we were out of the house and exploring the world, the better. Still, my brothers had 4 failed marriages while I have one great one. My sister, otoh, has been married 40+ years. My father was also the product of a divorced and "dysfunctional" family whereas my mother's family was ideal, as far as I know. I see no common denominators that would have predicted these outcomes. So much for childhood influences.
Happiness cannot be measured with any credible degree of scientific accuracy. Anyone who claims to know what makes people happy is not making a scientific claim.
Nevertheless, I agree one should look for someone who is genuinely interested in you & etc. I knew from our first date that my wife fit this pattern. What surprises me is that so many people need to seek outside help to see what should be so obvious and was obvious to me even at 17. I can't explain this phenomenon.
My own unprofessional advice to guys like me would be this: Look for someone who fascinates you continually: you like watching her do the little things -- the way she stretches, the way she laughs, even the way she brushes her hair or folds laundry. Example: I got my drivers license renewed a few months ago, as did my wife. We were in separate lines. While I was waiting I could see my wife take her vision test. The way she related to the employee warmed my heart -- her smiles, her self deprecation, her little fumbles, retries and corrections. She made the tedious fun. If your partner does that for you then you're probably set for life. Jump at that chance.
To explain attachment (am a psych student)- attachment categories are extremely robust when applied to infant-child relationships. The problem is applying these traits to other relationships later in life- while SOME studies have found correlations they are weak and the studies use small sample sizes. Meta-anayltical reviews of the literature show either EXTREMELY weak or no correlations at all between infant attachment and functioning in later relationships.
However it's important to note that attachment styles can exist in other relationships and can even be pretty consistent in adulthood- however this will not necessarily be the same as your infant attachment pattern. And also it often varies depending on the specific relationship.
Even though I heavily disagree with your views on psychology, granted that you even admit to not know much about it in relation to what you're talking about, I still completely agree with your advice. Sounds like you had some great pair bonding with your wife and found someone that satisfies your personal needs and vice versa. That's good for you!
Lol. This guy
Its fantastic that you have such a long term loving and close partnership with your wife. For the less fortunate of us the real question is how does one find a partner that fascinates and delights you like this on a regular basis? Is it just luck? Or was there some way in which you sought her out or attracted her into your life?
@@aikighost I suppose there's a bit of luck in it. But I've always believed some people help their luck work out whereas others don't see it or squander it. I believe my youngest brother lucked into a great first wife but he squandered that luck within a year. She was heartbroken and I thought he was being an idiot. Three wives later and one long term partner and I remain convinced he never did better than that first marriage.
What even is "happy" when you're talking about relationships. Perhaps the verbiage should be changed to "fulfilling", bc relationships are difficult no matter what. But often challenging things bring a sense of worthiness or it being worthwhile. Romanticizing relationships is kinda killing them because none of us measure up to any ideal someone might have of us. It should likely be framed more as duty if you're seeking something long term bc it is going to take work, and it has to be bigger than the respective individual otherwise anyone can leave at any time for any reason. I am not talking about the obvious radical negative cases where there is abuse or whatever, ofc don't stay in those situations but what about the median of relationships that are just normal and boring or not as exciting as movies, media and social media would have us believe. People need meaning in order to be fulfilled. Meaning in relationships is often built by each of us showing our whole ass to each other and the other person Still choosing to stick it out with us anyway. Lastly, I do not believe in a 1 special person or that anyone is forever. A lot of us could probably build great relationships with a bunch of different kinds of people. And it may sound like a contradiction, but even if you stay with someone for 50+ years, the expectation should never be that they are with you forever. No one in our lives could boast such a feat.
Can you make a guide to therapy? You often say that everyone should get therapy but going into a session without having any problems seems confusing. Usually in therapy you set goals (eg. increasing self esteem), I wonder what other things you can do in therapy and what is the reason you advocate it.
Oh I like this idea. I’ll see what I can do!
You're totally right, it doesn't make sense to go to therapy if you have no problem/goal. In that case you'd probably go to some kind of coaching to work on a specific topic you'd like to achieve or work on some behavior patterns you'd like to change. If you have neither of it you don't have to visit a therapist. That also means that you probably doing a good job in caring for your yourself and have a stable social system (family, friends) around you that you trust and can rely on if you need help, which is a truly wonderful thing. :)
The title is wrong. WOMEN have been dating wrong. Men have always dated around the important points when looking for a longterm partner.
Love how you help so many people, Lana! You are very wise!
About the personality thing, I think a way to put it is what becomes when the individuality of two people fuse together, even if they have great personalities, they might not compliment each other so well. Actually now that I think of it, maybe that's why we use the word 'chemistry'.
this video really verbalized how i feel about my current relationship and made me feel more confident about the durability between me and my partner.
Did the opposite for me lol
Your video are very informative ❤
I just kinda blanked out at this moment when I read personality doesn't matter. So I was right the whole time. Looks do play a part in how attracted we are to a person! ✨
❤
Really❤
❤
Looks matter, but saying personality doesn't is a big problemo ! How would you feel to be married to a partner who's personality was not considerate, extremely selfish, and unkind with you? That would be one hell hole of a relationship... and it would lead to more trauma and pain, all because of not caring about someone's personality. Personality is monumental to creating safety and trust, with a partner.
So my take from all this is: don't despair that you are sad and lonely. Because if you was in relationship you would still be sad anyway xD
I think you missed the whole point of the video, you can try to rewatch it if you want.
😂❤
You never know how much your videos helped me, ever since I started watching your content, I'm more motivated to read books, more confident and overall in harmony with myself. Oh also, amazing video, I love it
Looks might be more important than these studies suggest. This factor has probably already been filtered for before the relationship.
True, I don't like the video. There are several unadressed ambiguities mounting in the video, was watching it with increasing frown on my face. Probably just a woman logic, we must live with it :). Looks are very important and also that growth mentality is a part of personality, so it matters too.
6:48 So my follow-up question would be: What about the shared norms, jokes, and shared experiences? Is it completely subjective from there? Just simply base it off of "this feels good/right"? Rather than shared experiences through common interests or shared experiences through unfortunate extremes, etc?
Most desirable traits:
Sexy name creates desire ( does not create happiness)
What made them happier
If they were happy before they meet
Must be happy with you first before
Growth mindset
Improving themselves
Perceived partner commitment
Feeling lucky to have your partner
Sexual satisfaction
How much or little conflict
Personality does not matter much
Characteristics of the relationship matter most.......the relationship you build.
Set up conditions that create a great relationship (money needed)
Go to therapy
Only life can tell you if you 2 would work
Selling bettter help
I mean "the experts" often times say its okay for a woman to go out to a club, shake her ass, get hit on by other men, and not being okay with that is a controlling behavior.
They also say that men are women and women are men and that theres no difference between men and women. So...
Personality doesn’t matter-especially for women? Color me completely shocked
it does in a way, if you arent emotionally mature and level headed any man who is of high value or wants a healthy relationship would leave
Your face = personality
Height = confidence
I think this is the best and last video youll ever need to understand relationships. I was so tired of all the bs/traditional advice, this has really changed my perspective on relationships!
I usually love you videos, because they are so well researched. But a two-minute sponsorship on a eight-minute video just isn't it...
when someone this beautiful talking, I cant even keep track of what she is saying!