Why college students have casual relationships

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  • Опубликовано: 28 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 133

  • @hidden_forest308
    @hidden_forest308 3 года назад +281

    I think either being either one is harmful. I've seen sides where people barred themselves from considering even a potential partner just because they weren't stable at that period of time. This later arises in the form of not being particularly charming or able to communicate in a manner that may arouse romantic interest, even if it's later in life. I've also met people who live the casual culture, without any attachments to their partners as well as zero attachments to how their partner treats others (misleading, future faking, etc). I think college can be a great time to learn about your boundaries, values, what you will tolerate and not tolerate as well as to learn how to communicate and have fun. Remember, you create your own patterns and designs for life :) great video. I really appreciate your content. So insightful. 🌺

    • @ryanzou8280
      @ryanzou8280 3 года назад +13

      As a college student this was something I really needed to read, thank you

    • @lianxie5582
      @lianxie5582 Месяц назад

      …friendships exist?
      Flirting without reproducing 👍🏼🤠

  • @roy.shrestha
    @roy.shrestha 3 года назад +225

    As someone who has never participated in the hookup culture, this video was truly informative. Thank you so much ❤️

    • @Analysis_Paralysis
      @Analysis_Paralysis 3 года назад +35

      Yes, I just realized it would have wrecked me, if I had participated in it.

    • @darksimmie2572
      @darksimmie2572 3 года назад

      I can't believe she flagged my comment. Smh.

    • @raheemcamal998
      @raheemcamal998 2 года назад +2

      👏👏👏

    • @Analysis_Paralysis
      @Analysis_Paralysis 2 года назад

      @Andrei Georgescu What's wrong with you?
      Who hurt you? Stop projecting onto strangers, creep!

    • @joseygonzalez1800
      @joseygonzalez1800 2 года назад +1

      same

  • @jessjass9653
    @jessjass9653 3 года назад +115

    Question/video idea: Relationship dynamics of couples with different cultural and/or religious backgrounds. How much do the differences affect the relationship vs how much does societal pressures and challenges make the relationship harder than it has to be?

    • @thomasbeaumont3668
      @thomasbeaumont3668 2 года назад +2

      That really varies on a case by case basis in the united states. Anecdotally I’d say people are generally attracted to people similar to them, especially in stuff like values.

  • @Almosteasyese
    @Almosteasyese 3 года назад +104

    I just finished my undergrad, and I'm a dude who chose not to participate in this culture. I have been looking back at my decision in retrospect, and you hit on alot of people reasons why my attitude might have shifted.
    When I was younger, I was all about sex ( didn't have very much though) so I always thought college would be my time to shine.
    1. I do have a dismissive- avoidant attachment style. I was more secure in college than previously, and probably would have done fine in a relationship. But I just didn't want to end up in one.
    I also decided that even physical intimacy wasn't something I was willing to engage in. I wasn't fully against the idea, but I just would much rather not so I didn't.
    2. I decided that porn was TERRIBLE for me personally. And I noticed that without it, and without pressure from others ( I did have men and women both make fun of me for my lifestyle lol) , I didn't really have that much of a desire for variety. Porn imo did very much normalize hookup culture to me, and when I was younger + more impressionable it had me thinking everyone had that attitude towards sex.
    This didn't help in the long run, bc it sort of fed trust issues I have. It made it more salient to me that someone could be indifferent or even machiavellian in their approach .
    3.) Socioeconomics is interesting. I'm latinx but white passing and come from a lower middle class, background. Also 1st generation here ( child of immigrants). Most of my friends were POC of same or even lower socioeconomic status. I felt like it was the specific circles I was in however, where it was normal for sex and substance use to be casual forms of entertainment. And sex specifically was entertainment + proving your masculinity, while the actual intimacy of the act wasn't really a factor.

    • @m.g.4830
      @m.g.4830 3 года назад +7

      Thank you for sharing this. It’s very informative and you can clearly see how intuitive you are

    • @Almosteasyese
      @Almosteasyese 3 года назад +7

      @@m.g.4830 Thank you! It's refreshing and validating to get a positive response from it.

    • @timd7043
      @timd7043 2 года назад +5

      You misspelled Latino

  • @blackbaseballfield1
    @blackbaseballfield1 3 года назад +63

    8:52 interestingly indeed. why don't we teach young adults about attachment styles? if nothing else they could be more aware

  • @gabyr.1561
    @gabyr.1561 3 года назад +70

    I've participated on before & did so for life experience, adult pleasure, and despite initially there's no intimacy, they would become attached and they would seek more time with me beyond physical intimacy. During these times, I also got to see their negative & positive characteristics transparently for who they are. It lets me know whether I want to be with this person or not. Although, I recognized my risks of pregnancy and physical health, I never regretted taking part in this or did not impact my mental/emotional health because I learned a lot about other people's lifestyle and what I really wanted in a relationship.

    • @Jokaanan
      @Jokaanan 2 года назад +2

      i love your perspective Gaby! for the most part i don't share your positive experience with hookup culture; for me it would never lead to a relationship, instead i'd just feel like i was being too much and too attached all the time. but i respect what you've been able to experience. i admit i've also learned a lot about people and witnessed many unforgettable moments of male beauty.

    • @alphabeta3105
      @alphabeta3105 2 года назад +3

      I imagine when your future lifelong partner will ask about ur body count. Will you lie him?

  • @Almosteasyese
    @Almosteasyese 3 года назад +31

    This is such a nebulous topic. I'm definitely interested in the rest of the series! Your dissertation is going to rock

  • @Leshenn
    @Leshenn 3 года назад +47

    I think there are so many great learning opportunities in college, along with some really helpful aspects of college culture. However, I also find that norms may exist despite whether those who engage in it feel they benefit. Specifically, I work with many students who are engaged in Captain Cook Culture, shallow friendships (e.g. people they are social with but do not have trusting or vulnerable relationships), and leaning on drinking as a social glue. It has been a really interesting experience because, as someone who strongly identifies as a lifelong nerd and found people with corresponding interests in college, I felt I was able to form healthy friendships and dodge most of these pressures. However, the more insight I get into people who participate, the more I have seen students who want deeper relationships with their peers but also feel there are no ways to achieve such. Especially when students do not lean on academics as a way to meet people and form relationships. I'd be interested into your insights on how to find healthier people in environments or cultures in which few alternatives are visible. Also how to build hope or challenge limited worldviews for people in these situations.

    • @elizette8723
      @elizette8723 2 года назад +1

      Yes please!!

    • @vanillavania.
      @vanillavania. 3 месяца назад

      Commenting just in case someone has suggestions (other than joining on-campus clubs, drinking outings, and/or faith groups. I just need a chill environment where I can meet others).

  • @Crybabyhere
    @Crybabyhere Год назад +2

    Proud of you with your education and growing as a person. I don’t get notified like I used too.

  • @Amthealpha
    @Amthealpha 3 года назад +59

    This is really interesting ....one of my seniors told me in collegs about this. He said majority of the people even in college have a positive view towards commital relationships and a minority participates in hookups and all but this minority gets talked about and gets amplified so much that even people who were looking for commited relationships think that since everybody is doing this why should they miss the fun and hence even the people who had no interest in participating into this gets drawn into this. So yeah stand true to your values and what you want and dont follow the herd mentality. And also lets be honest social media (the grazing ground of college people) has literally made everything about sex sex and sex like wtf calm your tits and balls man.

    • @plateofpasta12
      @plateofpasta12 2 года назад +12

      I get this impression as well. It's more interesting to talk about "this person hooked up with this person" than "all these people are in happy committed relationships," so that's why we hear about it everywhere, especially in the media.

  • @MerkGGs
    @MerkGGs 2 года назад +5

    This is one of the most informed, respectful, mature, insightful comment sections I've ever seen.
    Felt like I was in college just scrolling lmaoooo

  • @mma48578
    @mma48578 3 года назад +9

    We need much more people like you are. Thank you.

  • @Fake_Robot
    @Fake_Robot 3 года назад +45

    As a guy I’ve experienced a few women who seem primarily interested in a casual encounter and I legit can’t tell if that’s what they truly want or if it’s merely their way of luring me in. I’m sorry if they feel the need to do that despite their personal preference, but my reflex is to avoid that energy altogether and move on.

    • @Jokaanan
      @Jokaanan 2 года назад +7

      they're not "luring you in", they feel obligated to give you free samples

    • @Feber2001
      @Feber2001 2 года назад +3

      Broooo, same. I don't like hookups and it's even worse when you can't tell what exactly they want from you (when they don't tell you upfront). Sick

    • @Jokaanan
      @Jokaanan 2 года назад

      @@Feber2001 People don't know what they want from you until they get to know you. You have shitty social cognition. Congratulations, welcome to the club.

  • @nadiadee3387
    @nadiadee3387 3 года назад +30

    I really appreciate your video. I was badly affected by hookup culture. I had 12-14 back to back random one night stands in college by guys who just never talked to me afterwards. I was always hoping for a relationship afterwards but the guy would just ghost. At first, I would just hope the guy would reach out, but after when I would reach out to the guy after wards they would call me "clingy" and when I seeked counseling after even the counselor would call me "clingy" and desperate! I felt like I wasn't supposed to tell the guy at the beginning that I wanted a long term relationship because they would react badly to that calling me "clingy and smothering" and then my (not close) friends would tell me that seems too desperate or too strong. so I just ended up getting in these situations where the guy use me for a one time hook up. the sex was always bad (no orgasm) and gross, and after a while I never knew why men didnt want to have me be their girlfriend, (why I wasn't good enough to be a girlfriend). It really damaged me. I got my first boyfriend when I turned 29 but I still have pain from what I went through. I think because I was decently attractive female (5'8, small waist) and I didnt know how to select for a good guy I ended up being a target for men who do this.

    • @nadiadee3387
      @nadiadee3387 3 года назад +1

      one question for your series: after going through all this, my first boyfriend, I ended up breaking up with him like once a week to try to seem less "clingy" and then talking to him again the nest day, because I wanted to be with him. Then after a month and a half of that he broke up with me for good. He eventually came back and said he only wanted casual sex with me. I went along with it hoping it would lead to relationship, eventually he called me clingy when I brought up to him I wanted to date. What should a woman do to stop being used for casual sex and instead have a real relationship?

    • @carmen_444
      @carmen_444 3 года назад +37

      @@nadiadee3387 I think this reason was is that casual sex barely leads to a relationship. You don't have sex to have a relationship. They thought you were clingy because you were having sex before they even took you out on a date so they assumed as well it was just casual. Maybe have sex later on, after a few dates because it sets the assumption. Never ever have sex because you think you'll have a relationship from it. That rarely happens ever

    • @carmen_444
      @carmen_444 3 года назад +18

      @@nadiadee3387 self respect comes a long way too, having boundaries, not accepting certain things. Lots of women don't do this it's a.) Who you choose and b.) Who you leave behind. The men who want just casual sex aren't good enough for YOU. Not the other way around

    • @britt6880
      @britt6880 3 года назад +4

      I recommend the book Men Chase, Women Choose. It changed my life

    • @radiadakhama4761
      @radiadakhama4761 3 года назад +5

      ​@@carmen_444 thanks carmen. I think that helps. I started doing this as I got older where I waited much longer. Because even the 5 out of the 14 random hookups were guys who took me on 2-3 dates and then leave after the hookup. So I started waiting 2-3 months before wanting to do anything. But going through all this has definitely damaged me, I ask for a lot of reassurance from the guy when I date now, I worry if the guy doesn't text back in a day, sometimes I text like 15 times at once with insecure questions if the guy doesn't reply. I have basically become more insecure and worried that guys are just going to ghost me.

  • @admirbarucija2018
    @admirbarucija2018 3 года назад +6

    I just recently discussed this with a friend of mine now that I’m back in college for a second time (grad school), can’t wait to see the video!! ☺️

  • @jeannetteilunga9519
    @jeannetteilunga9519 3 года назад +17

    Me hearing captain hook culture more than half the time

  • @Shivam-vj9it
    @Shivam-vj9it 3 года назад +10

    Hey Ana thankyou for this video. I am from India and also I am doing MSc. Clinical Psychology and this is a very informative video for me. And one more thing,🤫 YOU ARE SO PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL 😊

  • @Myria83
    @Myria83 2 года назад +4

    As a demi person, I have a hard time relating to the ""hookup culture"...

  • @deathlessmile
    @deathlessmile 2 года назад +1

    Love how straight to the point your outro is
    Thanks for the video! Great explanations

  • @stellastella4418
    @stellastella4418 3 года назад +49

    As someone who never engaged in the hookup culture, I wanna more about this topic, give us all the data and statistics 😄

    • @alphabeta3105
      @alphabeta3105 2 года назад

      What's your body count so far?

    • @bilalafzal7442
      @bilalafzal7442 Год назад

      There's a book on this called hooking up: sex, dating and relationship on campus by Kathleen A. Bogle

    • @vanillavania.
      @vanillavania. 3 месяца назад

      @@bilalafzal7442 How is it?

  • @Dad_Brad
    @Dad_Brad 3 года назад +20

    How about lack of relationship skills being the main reason college kids act like college kids

  • @ericshiel
    @ericshiel 3 года назад +19

    Your dissertation sounds interesting!

  • @Rinirinirinirin
    @Rinirinirinirin 3 года назад +11

    Thank for the video! That's a very interesting video and I can't wait for the whole series! I am definitely one of those women who was (greatly) harmed by the captain hook culture, so it's really interesting to learn about this phenomena from the psychological perspective.

    • @AnaPsychology
      @AnaPsychology  3 года назад +8

      Sorry to hear you were harmed by it :( The next video on this will probably feel quite validating

    • @Rinirinirinirin
      @Rinirinirinirin 3 года назад +3

      @@AnaPsychology thank you! I can't wait to watch more! This video was also very informative though! My therapist has pointed out I have an anxious attachment type before, but I honestly never linked it to the captain hook culture and the peer pressure to participate in it before. This makes so much sense!

  • @GUT5S
    @GUT5S 3 года назад +28

    This is a certified hood classic

  • @katrin6388
    @katrin6388 3 года назад +20

    can you link the study about students with secure attachement style who tend to avoid this type of culture? interested in reading more about it

  • @Amazing_Mark
    @Amazing_Mark Год назад +3

    Gen Z is destroying itself.

  • @alinaroxTV
    @alinaroxTV 3 года назад +7

    I want to call it captain cook culture from now on ahah

  • @MLSwann
    @MLSwann 3 года назад +1

    You're the best, Ana!

  • @beatrix2745
    @beatrix2745 3 года назад +8

    First comment?🥺 I adore your videos!

  • @56dragonfly
    @56dragonfly 3 года назад +2

    I'm really looking forward to this series; it's such a topical area, I can't wait to learn more! :)

  • @kitten0331
    @kitten0331 3 года назад +2

    I’m so glad you made this video 💕

  • @user-jk4jj4nm1q
    @user-jk4jj4nm1q 3 года назад +1

    Thank you for this video! Looking forward to the next one.

  • @hartmaps838
    @hartmaps838 3 года назад +12

    Im curious to know, why did you choose to study 'hook-up culture for college women' for your dissertation?

    • @alphabeta3105
      @alphabeta3105 2 года назад

      Coz it's the hot topic, the question of the hour. No one has deeply researched yet

  • @elicruz03
    @elicruz03 2 года назад

    Uuuuy huuuunayyyyyy! I moved abroad and worked for an international airline after college. This is where the real hook up culture happens. Thankfully, hooking up was never my thang. I still remember sitting in the galley listening to all the spicy tea 🍵

  • @Amazing_Mark
    @Amazing_Mark Год назад

    Everyone watching this needs to watch what Louise Perry has to say about this topic (and preferably read her book).

  • @sabrinae.6361
    @sabrinae.6361 3 года назад +9

    So glad 98% of my college courses I take online.

  • @nihalhathaway4089
    @nihalhathaway4089 2 года назад

    I'm securely attached and not impulsive at all and would maybe engage in this culture at some point in my life

  • @SweetSourPickle
    @SweetSourPickle 2 года назад +1

    Because they're at their peak of their lives and they're surrounded by similar people.

  • @pragya6413
    @pragya6413 3 года назад +16

    Love this topic I’m 19 saving myself and would love to know about it ♥️✨

    • @moonlightbae333
      @moonlightbae333 2 года назад +3

      I’m 19 too and a virgin because i had mamy opportunities for a hook up but I can’t imagine being attracted to someone i am not emotionally attached to

    • @pragya6413
      @pragya6413 2 года назад

      @@moonlightbae333 exactly me as well , hot many opportunities but just didn't wanted to do it with someone I don't love .

  • @tacrewgirl
    @tacrewgirl 3 года назад

    Great video. Excited to watch the rest of the series. Very interesting.

  • @ericsierra-franco7802
    @ericsierra-franco7802 2 года назад +4

    Why is it called "Captain Cook Culture"? What does it have to do with James Cook?

    • @vanillavania.
      @vanillavania. 3 месяца назад

      Because you’re *cooked* emotionally and physically (as in health/sexual diseases) from a “partner” that mainly cares only about their needs (just like how greedy Captain Hook was). I don’t know. Just my thoughts.

  • @Malusawe
    @Malusawe 3 года назад +2

    Hi Ana! I think your content is amazing and I've been learning and integrating much of it into my daily life.
    Regarding this video, I was wondering if you could maybe add a link to the research you mention on the description? Or share it in a comment? I would deeply appreciate this
    Thanks and keep up the amazing work!

  • @loria287
    @loria287 3 года назад +19

    It’s interesting I’m currently 26 in grad school. While in undergrad I was a committer and while living on campus my main focus was on seeking a relationship. I’m highly driven by romantic connections and the least driven by sexual connections. I only have sex for the romantic intimacy. I’ve had over 15 relationships as an adult (age 20+) each lasting about 6 months to a year or happening during the same time frame. And have had maybe 2 casual hookups in my lifetime.

    • @Amthealpha
      @Amthealpha 3 года назад +9

      Do you even consider those 6 months rlationships to be RELATIONSHIPS?

    • @GalacticNovaOverlord
      @GalacticNovaOverlord 3 года назад

      @@Amthealpha 6 months can be considered a dating relationship.
      It's about the quality of the relationship, not the time

    • @merlokiii
      @merlokiii 3 года назад +2

      @@GalacticNovaOverlord yeah right, but if it always lasts 6 months I'm not sure about the quality (unless there are certain factors like living far away)

    • @GalacticNovaOverlord
      @GalacticNovaOverlord 3 года назад +2

      @@merlokiii yeah, then it depends, but it's more of a question of where are you looking, what are you looking for and how have you been acting through these moreso than the time?
      Because something is clearly going wrong after 15 so early. (Or she could just be REALLY unlucky too, in which case f ;-;)

    • @merlokiii
      @merlokiii 3 года назад +6

      @@GalacticNovaOverlord that's for sure. But believe me, if two people really love each other then it usually last more than 6 months

  • @Analysis_Paralysis
    @Analysis_Paralysis 3 года назад +4

    I'd be interested in a similar video on polyamory and the motivations and demographics, etc.

  • @publiozinj4882
    @publiozinj4882 Год назад +2

    Lol. This is for like 5% of college students.

  • @Pizzaenjoyer111
    @Pizzaenjoyer111 3 года назад +3

    I’d love to see a vid about termination. I had to terminate with my therapist a year ago and it’s still very painful; I miss them a lot

    • @vanillavania.
      @vanillavania. 3 месяца назад

      I’m not sure if I missed when she said it but do you mean abortion termination?

    • @Pizzaenjoyer111
      @Pizzaenjoyer111 3 месяца назад +1

      @@vanillavania. no, termination as in the end of a client/therapist relationship

    • @vanillavania.
      @vanillavania. 3 месяца назад

      @@Pizzaenjoyer111 Oh okay, thank you for the clarification!

  • @Aieshoo
    @Aieshoo 3 года назад +11

    I’m so tired of men trying to ask me for FWB.

    • @avilla4013
      @avilla4013 2 года назад +4

      Gotta choose a different type of dude lol

  • @rxy1486
    @rxy1486 3 года назад

    This segment is very interesting!

  • @cre8gnr8nrg
    @cre8gnr8nrg 3 года назад +1

    I didn't know I was in Cpt. Cook culture but after being on Tinder for the past year plus....I seem to be. lol

  • @selenodaeia6182
    @selenodaeia6182 3 года назад +3

    This is so interesting! It’s one of the questions I’even been asking myself. I’m looking forward to this series 🤍

  • @lamabryant9758
    @lamabryant9758 2 года назад +1

    Ana, why are you so interested in "Captain Cook Culture"???

  • @SHYDLCRNTStudio
    @SHYDLCRNTStudio 3 года назад +8

    My ex broke up with me now ik why

    • @Greeb750
      @Greeb750 3 года назад +1

      Whys

    • @SHYDLCRNTStudio
      @SHYDLCRNTStudio 3 года назад +5

      @@Greeb750 cuz she was seeking fun not stability and I was seeking stability

    • @selrox879
      @selrox879 2 года назад

      @@SHYDLCRNTStudio lol same here. But im a girl tho, my ex bf broke up with me then started hooking up right and left..

  • @timothymills8047
    @timothymills8047 2 года назад +2

    Wish adult entertainment didnt exist

  • @devankurmitra4118
    @devankurmitra4118 2 года назад +1

    Could you pls link the studies

  • @serafinaobi
    @serafinaobi 3 года назад

    I love your videos ❤️❤️

  • @j.goethe4980
    @j.goethe4980 3 года назад

    very interesting!!

  • @joelevans2886
    @joelevans2886 3 года назад

    Can you do a video on knowing when to walk away

  • @WoahhTeamJacob
    @WoahhTeamJacob 3 года назад

    Good video

  • @DanielHernandez-sg9sg
    @DanielHernandez-sg9sg 3 года назад +5

    Out of curiosity does your research take into account of cis heterosexual women, and women who trans, not straight, or nonbinary?

    • @scoobyd3691
      @scoobyd3691 2 года назад

      You can find tons of peer reviewed articles, papers and studies done by professionals and scholars on this topic, pretty much anywhere these days. The internet is free, buddy.

  • @dongysakura418
    @dongysakura418 3 года назад +3

    Do you think adult movies should be excluded for only adults and what are the affects on teenagers and early 20 year olds

  • @dabidbarcel
    @dabidbarcel 3 года назад +5

    can you talk about mansplaining? idk but it interests me in that whole region of men doing this subconsciously or consciously. might be short or might not be but its just a bit interesting to me

  • @mustakbelle
    @mustakbelle 3 года назад

    ❤️❤️

  • @samonellasgayclone1054
    @samonellasgayclone1054 2 года назад

    Imagine being ABLE to participate in these cultures. Oh well, I wouldn’t participate anyways

  • @oguzcan815
    @oguzcan815 Год назад

    sup

  • @bestvidsdottk
    @bestvidsdottk 3 года назад +2

    It is important to note that this Captain Cook Culture does not apply to people of color. If your data shows otherwise I would love to see the sample group. Thanks!

    • @AnaPsychology
      @AnaPsychology  3 года назад +31

      My literature review and own study found that hookup culture is huge among African-American groups (less so in Hispanic and Asian groups). I'll talk about that in a later video but, as one participant of color described it, hookup culture can be "rampant" among people of color

    • @chamham6734
      @chamham6734 2 года назад +2

      ITS WORSE IN AA communities

    • @raheemcamal998
      @raheemcamal998 2 года назад

      @@AnaPsychology 👏👏

  • @explodingrubberducky797
    @explodingrubberducky797 3 года назад

    second comment!

  • @no1run732
    @no1run732 2 года назад +2

    Can you like NOT jump cut all the time? Someone needs to help you prepare, have some notes to refer to, maybe something on a screen. Like seriously, you need a production assistant. The jump cuts are annoying.

  • @thomasbeaumont3668
    @thomasbeaumont3668 2 года назад +1

    You don’t need to tell us you didn’t engage in hookup culture, we know

  • @b.a.r.c.l.a.y
    @b.a.r.c.l.a.y 8 месяцев назад

    Too much ageism and misogyny in this comment section

  • @serafinaobi
    @serafinaobi 3 года назад +2

    I love your videos ❤️❤️