I so needed to hear this. I am 71 and retired. Live alone. I have not showered in a week. I don't think am notI depressed. Just tire easily. Can't sleep at night. Can't get up in the morning. Due to knee pain. and being retired without a schedule made me lazy. And I was the woman that never left the house without make up, hair perfect, perfumed, and dressed to impress. Now I do not know who I am. Oh wait, yes I do.......I am the "invisible woman". And it's not a fun place to be. This podcast gave me hope. I can't wait for Part 2.
All this material stuff should not hold such high importance! The top priority should be our emotional well being! If your child is crying, the dishes do not matter. Emotional well being in the home comes first. Of course, making sure your children feel safe, and clean and well fed gives them well being. So outside of that, don't sweat the small stuff.
Someone very wise said that we should take care of ourselves the way we would someone we love dearly ❤️ Just like putting on our air mask on a plane, FIRST, before we start taking care of others! If we're not good, we can't keep taking care of our loved ones! ❤
Me too. I'm 78 wake with all kinds of pain especially back pain. I too never left the house without makeup. Now being morbidly obese I say why bother? 5 years ago before COVID I was walking 5 miles a day + did a half hour of weights and floor exercises + played Pickleball 5 day a week every week. Now I don't socialise and do no conscious exercise . It sucks. The less I do, the less I want to do. And yes I take a shower once a week when I wash my hair. When you have health issues and in pain it's hard to even walk. All I do is accept where I am. I choose not to get cleaning people because having things to do keeps me going and even though it doesn't get done in a timely matter it eventually gets done BY ME. Hang in there.
I use daily chores as my prayer time. I wash dishes and talk to God. I fold laundry and talk to God. I ask for His help to keep my house a safe and cozy space for my family to come home to, and He helps me keep up day to day. I can’t believe the difference it’s made for me mentally to practice gratitude while working on chores - thank you for the dirty dishes, my family ate a nutritious hot meal tonight. The laundry means we have plenty of clothing to wear… can’t do it all without Him. It never worked when I left Him out. Also, I do recognize that if my house is out of order, that means my priorities are out of whack and I have to “reset” to get everything back in order.
Yes this is what I do as well! Prayer helps me get THROUGH EVERYTHING! IT WORKS. I am grateful I have a house to clean, clothes to wash, dirty dishes mean we have food ETC. I'm raising 3 grandkids and put them to bed early so that I can have me time. It's so important to be able to do things we like to do as well. I now do laundry while watching t V. at night, because I never had time for that. Lol
I became overwhelmed with housework so I tossed half of my furniture, clothes, kitchen items to Goodwill. Now, I have half of what overwhelmed me. I feel so much happier!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! At 67 and disabled, I am so tired of the judgement of family and friends who have all disappeared as my home became less orderly and more cluttered and not the cleanest place to visit. The guilt doesn't help, it is paralysing. You have not helped me clean more, but helped me to feel less bad that I can't do more. I may not be the cleanest person in the World, but hey - I'm still here.
“My favorite way to clean is to close the door and feel bad about it” 😂 that was painfully hilariously relatable ❤ glad to know we are all struggling periodically 😅
I literally thought that this morning. How the hell am i supposed to clean this apartment when i feel so down. And the mess just gets worse every day. And now i find this video. There are no coincidences. Thank you Mel x
my mother was the 50s housewife, and even though she had lupus, the house was clean and organized, laundry was done, dinner from scratch was on the table every evening. she used to say “women never get to retire” and I used to think “Mom you never worked.” I worked all my life, am now retired but in good health, but can’t seem to keep house like she did. Last Saturday I drove past a golf course on my way somewhere and it was full of men golfing. I wonder how many of those men have working wives, who are with the kids and spending their day off cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. I’ve struggled all my life to figure out how to find a fair balance. My husband worked too and cut the gras, painted, washed the car, but now that he’s older we pay to have the grass cut, go to the car wash, pay someone to paint and here I am still cooking, doing laundry, cleaning.
Your husband has then time to share the load now… but how true what you wrote, how many times my husband goes to swim or to playgyms or sports with our girls and I stay home doing all the cleaning and laundry shopping… but then he says he doesn’t have time for himself and I’m just home…
I could have placed a comment at every step of this conversation! I will say, I always listen to a motivational or inspirational conversation (like this) while I brush my teeth (electric toothbrush!) ~ then my mind is more focused on the content I am taking in. And I agree ~ showers are boring, and THERE ARE so many seemingly minuscule steps to taking a shower which is exhausting just thinking about it!
Sometimes I brush my teeth in my bed and put the toothbrush on my bedside table. And I use wipes to wash my face. In bed. And often my body. Boka brand toothpaste is the only brand that doesn’t burn my mouth! It’s $13, but since we don’t brush too often…haha!
Do you know what I do? I walk away from THE LOT. Hair a mess, pj bottoms still on. Grab my airpods and I walk. There’s a mile circular field usually quiet. I talk to my deceased parents, I sing my favourite song (loudly and badly) I swear a bit, sometimes a gentle sob then I go back and reset.
I have gone through phase of not washing my hair cos I cannot be bothered so i use dry shampoo however….a shower washes away the day. It prepares you for bedtime, it’s hygiene, it’s self care and it’s my time. No matter how tired stressed mentally challenged I am. I always shower!
Angie I love that, I think I’ll,try it , but not wear the pj pants, haha 👖 I’m in a house on my own, but can still get so over whelmed with house work, and gardening, the weeds are taking over my garden beds. 🤷♀️
Reminds me of when my youngest was in grade school and said this to me when I got behind on chores. Mom thanks for not making me feel like household chores are more important than me. Which is what her friends felt about their Mom's when they were trying to be super Moms.
Gosh I can relate, I was undiagnosed hypothyroid and anemic for 10 yrs, and I haven't sorted my paperwork for 7 yrs, and the house hasn't been declutered for at least the last 3 yrs. I had someone pop over and was astonished I hadn't put things away for the 3 yrs we had been in our new house. I'm just struggling only doing the daily shit that never ends like meals, dishes, laundry, self care, I don't have the mental energy for both daily shit plus putting things away or organising 😅
OH MY GAWD!!!! This is 100% me!!! Literally, not wanting to take a shower is not about the shower. It’s about drying the hair, doing the makeup, curling the hair…UGH I don’t have the mental energy for this, along with my mess in the bathroom and in the kitchen. Holy shit Mel! You and your guest have hit it in the head. This could partly be due to my PTSD. I LOVE YOU for bringing these educated and wonderful experts to us. I have exactly those struggles regarding my clean body going to the gym, or dirty body going out into my day. ❤
I'm so glad she mentioned disability. I have MECFS and chronic pain. The telling myself to do it sometimes just doesn't work at all. Sometimes I skip dinner , fall asleep, and have to be ok with feeling bad lol. "Morally neutral" ...love it.
Yes, same here. I have chronic pain and chronic fatigue and just eating can be a struggle. I’ll always make sure my kids and dog are fed but I don’t always feed myself. Same with showering. It’s just so exhausting. And if I need a shower and go grocery shopping, well I have to feed everyone but I don’t have to be clean. So I will go to the grocery store.
same here. MG. Have gone to intermittent fasting so only eat in a 4 hr window so I focus on good self care feeding for that time. Just there was a housework fairy
now THIS is a truly valid reason for feeling overwhelmed. Chronic pain is horrendous. You never get a break, and sometimes the 'break' is simply not doing something normal like having a shower, or doing dishes, or eating. Sometimes, that IS the most self-care thing you CAN do. Be kind to you. It can be tough sometimes, being an adult and doing this on your own, when you ALSO have things out of your control (eg chronic pain) that are impacting your life. Be kind to you. And be kindest, when you're giving yourself a break and skipping the dishes / show / cooking. I wish you all the best.
Oh my gosh!!! I could literally hug both of you! I am a 68 year old married woman with four grown children and I’m blown away by what I just heard!! I’ve lived my whole life trying to figure out why I do things the way I do or don’t do them. Beaten myself up, placed a ton of blame and shame on myself, gone to a dozen therapists, cried, screamed and basically felt like a worthless loser most of the time, to come to this podcast and find my answer. I have ADD!!!!!!! Thank you so much for this and I will continue to listen and learn!!💖💖💖💖💖
@@loritaylor8335 you are worthy of SELF LOVE & APPRECIATION!!!!! Even those without developmental challenges don't process or do everything perfectly so why should you expect to? Nature, itself is imperfectly Perfect and so are all of us humans...you are wonderful!
I'm about your age and my husband is retired, and he does most of the cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. I watch videos and write freelance articles speaking out about things in order to help save the world.
I am 63 and recently became an empty nester. My husband is retired. I have animals, a house and pets I adore. I feel so compelled, but I also feel as though I have the right to waste some time after all these years--but I feel enormous guilt! Thanks for addressing some of the very real emotions working through my brain.
@@donnaburns-parmon7430 I would find it difficult to feel as though I had nothing to look forward to. I wonder if you have the opportunity to pick up or a renew a hobby or interest, or do volunteer work? Personally, I have too many interests and can get hyper-focused on them, neglecting the things in my life that need my attention. My best friend from childhood is in your situation and often volunteers to tutor young people or children of friends and others in the community. She says she wasn't perhaps cut out to be a mother, however she makes a good "fun auntie".
Im 64 and list my husband two years ago. Im lonley but uve learned to line dance and shoot a gun. I just found a man to date. So anything is possible. Just find your vibration. But in focus with this podcast i take a day off for just me sometimes! I live in the country and the women here don't work outside the home and say they have a rule " never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink," I work. I have rules too...i wash dishes when i run out of coffee cups! Lol
This podcast episode made me feel soo seen and normal. Currently mom of a 7month old and 5 yr old and I felt the struggle to shower and brush my teeth for the first 5 months of my newborn. Thank you for these types of conversations 😢
It’s funny but I too felt better thinking “there’s someone else “ and I don’t feel as bad about just trying to do what I can manage . I just turn down all visits, lol
Oh my gosh I have been there many years ago with four children under the age of 10. hair in a ponytail every single day and no shower for days same dirty t- shirt on. and glasses on, didn't even have time to clean those!
Yes, Mel! I completely identify and just last year at 48 yrs old , I hired a housekeeper who comes twice a month. I work full time and have 2 kids left at home 19,11 both boys. Hiring my housekeeper was one of the best decisions I’ve made!!!! 🥰
Mel, you and your collaboration with KC Davis, is a Sheer Genius. After the passing of my wife...coming up on a year now, I've been 'Frozen In Time', in a state of chronic depression, doing as little as necessary to get by, Day by Day. I had stumbled upon this specific video of yours, earlier in the day, and has changed me, forever. Although I have a loving daughter and her family nearby, I didn't want my down-in-the-dumps attitude, to rub off on them, so I kept quiet, all-along. Not only that, I also watched each of your TEDx videos, and I'm back for more! Thank you so much, ladies...you're Two of the Best Miracle Workers, on the Planet! Greetings from N. Kentucky.
@@sl4983 I am taking Lugols iodine drops. Anywhere from one to three drops works for me. Also have started back to going to an infrared sauna. Seems I am sleeping deeper. Believe it is strengthening my adrenals. Hope this helps.
Divorced ADHDer mum here, three kids (two teenagers, one has autism) and full time worker. Until last year i was working 11 hours a day to make a living and i felt so guilty when my house was a mess. It took me years to understand that "me" time is essential and precious.
I watched KC Davis’s Ted Talk last year and it changed my life because it felt like she was talking to me. I immediately bought her book and as someone who has autism, reading her book made me feel seen and validated, especially when she talks about executive dysfunction. This podcast episode combines two of my favorite people ever and I can’t thank you enough ❤
This episode was right on time, Mel! I listened to this while doing my dishes and rotated my laundry as well as caring for myself and my son this morning…. Knowing someone as successful and productive as Mel Robbins is dealing with shit like me is such a confidence boost. I’m pursuing an entrepreneurial path and I struggle with balancing it all. Thank you for your podcast and for being my friend. Hope you have a great day. ❤
As a 22 year old that recently started living on my own this was so beneficial to listen to. Half the time I struggle to even go grocery shopping by myself and it’s nice to not feel so alone. Thank u🫶🏻
Walmart+ delivers groceries to our door. Free delivery. Saves time, energy, gas. And to me, it's easier because I shop online & they can deliver the same day. I can choose express delivery, & they deliver within an hour. I love shopping this way! I'm not getting paid to share about them, LOL. It's time-saving, saves energy & gas, too. Less stress. I can shop in the evening & schedule delivery for the next day, at a time when it's convenient. Practice makes you better & better! God bless you always! 🤗❤️🌹🙌🙏🏻🫶👍
@@faithl4105 I actually live in the UK haha so we don’t have walmart. But yes online shopping can be so helpful I have done that a few times it’s great when you don’t want to leave the house. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Have a lovely day and best wishes!😊🩷
Coming from a 59 year old... Try not to let stuff pile up if you can help it. It might get harder as you get older. I worry if I don't do it now what is it going to be like when I am 10 years older? Could I have got it done when I was younger?
Very relatable! The moment I chose to wear a shower cap in the shower and only wash my hair 1 -2 times a week...was the moment when showering lost its bullying over me! Who says hair has to be freshly washed every day!?? Sweet relief!
Good 4U that your mind had the ability to create an ‘adjustment’. Most of us could use Mental Wellness in so many different ways. Sometimes our minds just can’t even process 1 whole thought. The adjustment you made stemmed from your ability to let go of a ‘habit”. Ive been paying attention to that for myself as well, over the years, such as letting go of folding panties & pairing & folding socks as well. I decided to buy 2 packs of socks exactly the same brand, (as I wear them daily for work) so it’s about 14 pairs. & now when I do my laundry I can just throw them in the drawer effortlessly & it takes up no time at all. I just had a thought that, that’s a great idea for parents that have small children. Love & Light to you all, especially those really struggling mentally. LvUMel & wonderful guest speaker
This completely resonated. 20 years in a household with brain injured husband and two kids on autism spectrum, you have the most astoundingly clear description of executive functioning I have ever heard.
You really have your hands full! I hope you get support somehow! My sister cared for her husband after TBI, and I have 2 close friends with family members on the Austism spectrum. Sending good vibes your way. Oh, & I agree - her description of how executive function works is sooooo good! I already have 5 people in mind to share this with. Hopefully, it might help them gain insight into themselves, or others, or to understand my ADHD better.
My mom aised four kids and used to say that she could either keep a clean house & spend time with her kids or ahe could keep a spotless house & not spend nearly as much time with us… she chose us 😊
I am feeling vulnerable about how much the shower decision making saga is my story. This is something I struggle with that definitely makes me question my worthiness. Why is it so hard for me to shower daily? Thank you for spelling this out and acknowledging with gentle light a tender dark place in my self awareness. ❤🙏🏻thanks
It important to have everyone in a family contribute to household chores. Teaching our children to take care of their share of chores is vital. That way us as moms we don’t overwhelm ourselves with being solely responsible our home.
I totally agree and how I raised my kids. But I notice so many people don’t anymore like parents are afraid to have expectations. It’s a family and we all share the responsibilities, good , bad and the ugly, lol
I needed this today! Yes, I have been through a lot and have no help and am alone every day, but I just have to tell you, Mel, “when I run out of underwear is when I start washing”! For 2 years and losing my Son & more, I have not gotten my house like it used to be. I should be glad your far away so no one will just drop in ! I had the dishes done and now I have 4 weeks worth of pots & pans & dishes soaking in this nasty gross water that I change once in a while and adding more everyday! I promised after every dish I would wash it. When my kids were still here it was their job. I think your kids are way past the age of helping. I get up & go to bed in the same clothes, sometimes for days! Shower? I went back to washing up & showering once a week and washing my hair when it starts to itch (bought a wig) lol Everything is overwhelming and I’m turning 75 next month and can’t race around like I used to. I have arthritis & back pain & just got my knees done & lots of other things. Then I get tired, anxious and depressed by evening! Back when, people didn’t have as many clothes! Even my Mom only had a few things she wore over & over & washed clothes, towels, etc when she only had about a half a load , not to overfill. I think if everyday we did one load , it wouldn’t pile up! I have slept on half a bed for years because of all the stuff on it! I’m sleeping on the mattress cover now because changing the sheets seems too much ! I just want to lay down and rest my overthinking head🥴 Gail (I have a RUclips channel and that’s just what I want to do )!! It was so good to hear this podcast! You have no idea AND your voice was very calming today, which helps me!
Losing a child changes every aspect of your life! Breathe and pray. I am praying for you and also wishing I was close enough to give you a hand and a hug!
I could not imagine the loss of a child. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I wished I was closer to you, I'd be your friend and helping hand. (((((Virtual hugs))))) prayers for you sweet lady.
Good morning. It’s currently 6:43am and I’m awake because I’m anxious. I find getting up in the morning and moving to help with my anxiousness, which feels like bloating and nausea. I also find listening to this podcast makes me feel more normal about myself and that I am not alone in how I’m feeling right now. Thanks for being the calming voice I really need every morning.
I recall many years ago when my son was a preteen. I was so overwhelmed with housework and I felt like I was the only one keeping it up, I tearfully called a family meeting and sat my son and husband down and tried to explain to them that when someone comes over and the house is a mess, unfortunately, I believe what most people would think is ' this woman is a terrible housekeeper. Not the man, not the child but the 'Mom'. Sad but true!
Yes, I am full of shame and dread my kids friends dropping by. My kids barely lift a finger to help and I am terrible about asking for it. It is so hard for me.
@Mel Robbins!!!! I heard about you from Cass at Organized Clutterbug. I would love to hear both of y’all on the same podcast speak about how to get motivated to clean and talking about organizing styles. She has some amazing tips and I went from being a super slob to being pretty organized and having a tidy home. Please do a podcast with her ❤
OMG 😱 Everyone gets those days of not feeling like talking a shower, from my personal experiences, I plan my morning routine before going to bed, so I don’t waist time in the morning or overthink it and lose the energy. You never know who can show up by your home or have unexpected emergency needs…. Please take care of your hygiene first and say your prayers “Thank goodness I awoke up” take care of yourselves, take 1 step forward and the rest will come by itself. Love ❤️ and Peace ✌️
Since I moved to New Hampshire 5 years ago from Brazil, I’m working as a housecleaning around New Hampshire and Vermont. I’m sure my Job is wonderful and worth since I realize that with my job I release my dear costumers to enjoy themselves in the very good energy around the own house. Mel, I’ve been getting a bunch of interesting knowledge from this podcast, I’m listening to you from this RUclips and from spottily. ❤
Yes Im feeling overwhelmed thank you for this podcast Im not alone felt I was the only one dealing with these things also dealing with depression & anxiety this helped me so much ❤❤❤
Not willing to take shower is huge 😞 whenever you feel low self respect you don't want to take shower and wash ur hair , and surprisingly , when you pack yourself together.... by taking shower you assure urself you are better, clean , fresh and ready to face and solve all the troubles and issues . Thank you for the episode
This is spot on. There are some men stuck doing these tasks as expected by women as well in narcissistic abuse relationships. I lived this though. It is endless and there is shame involved. I have a chronic illness and it is definitely overwhelming! Feeling unworthy as a human being is a good way to put it. We absolutely do need to redefine it! Great podcast!! Thanks Mel! Wow!! Needed this and sharing it!! 💯👍💯❣️
Try it being disabled and no help. I feel like a failure even though I am in pain and tripping on a walker. Can't afford help. This is a hard road. Today the kitchen is done, half the laundey. I feel satisfied with this.
Many people are looking for work, and if you can afford to hire someone to help with the household work, you are helping someone financially, and you are helping yourself. It is a win-win!
It is actually awesome that this video showed up for me today. Just last night I was venting to my husband about how much laundry I do and how I can't keep up with it. How I fold everyone's laundry and I have two adult aged children in my home and I have to stop folding their laundry AND washing it. This really helped me realize things that I hadn't considered before. I actually cried multiple times during this because it is exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you for having KC Davis on! She's one of my favorites - along with Dana K. White and Cas from Clutterbug. KC's idea that there are only 5 things in this room - trash, dishes, laundry, stuff with a place and stuff without a place - was life-changing for me.
Yes! Putting off hair washing. LOL No shame; no denial concept keeps us centered. That doesn't take away the overwhelming load of things to do especially if we are homeowners. I also find it encouraging to remember that creative people tend to have more clutter. So many of us are in that category. When the clutter becomes dysfunctional, that's the key motivation.
Thank Goodness for this podcast today. I have done nothing today. Had to cancel all laundry, fell asleep at noon after ordering a home delivery of food. Starting it again tomorrow. 😅
Once in a while I remind myself that I GET to do all these unending chores. And I'm not as good at them as I would like to be. I have known people who never were able to buy a house, didn't find the right person to marry, were unable to have children. I waited three days before opening my school tax bill this week because I didn't want to see how much it had gone up. But then I realized that I choose to live here and I thanked God for the ability to continue to work so I can earn the money to pay the taxes so I can stay in my home that I love so much. If you have enough money to hire someone to help, then do it ! The money they earn might help them pay their rent/mortgage, buy soccer shoes for their child, get the dental work they need.......
OMG, when she talking about all the steps with taking a shower made me feel quite tired & overwhelmed! Thank God I don't think about all the steps involved when I take a shower! I just know that when I need a shower i make myself take one, even a quick one really helps me feel better. I would definitely fall into a non-functional person if I thought about all the steps prior to showering! Just do it without overthinking it for goodness sakes!
I don't think I've ever commented on a youtube video but I just have to this time. This book literally completely changed the way I think about myself, my home and the way I clean. As as woman with ADHD and ALOT of trauma, this book was the fist thing that really made sense to me with how to veiw the task of cleaning and decluttering my home. Not long after finding this book I found you on RUclips Mel. KC's book and your podcast/videos were huge contributors to finally helping me get on a good path in life. So this video is already going to be one of my favourites I just know it ❤
In listening to KC I literally HEARD my brain say: “Wait a sec, how did you get in here??” 😆🤣🤣🤣 I stopped cleaning the baseboard BEHIND my commode to stand myself up (literally & figuratively) & look in the mirror to high 5 myself and say AND truly believe: “I love you/me” THANKS ya’ll!!!! Please take care of yourselves as much ya’ll do others! I love YOU! 👏🏻👍🏻✌🏻💓
Sometimes when I’m doing the chores I feel like weeping, my husband sat on the couch watching tv. He does help but the responsibility feels mine and it’s like he’s doing me a favour when he ‘brings the washing in for me’ ! Off to watch the rest of the video and hope I see some light
I’ve heard all these same complaints since I was a young wife and mother in the late 69’s and early 70’s when feminism became a thing. I’ve never regretted making my home a sanctuary from the chaotic world first. It has brought me and my family, and everyone who enters my home, great peace. Everyone creates their life according to their own priorities. Be satisfied with whatever that means. Or change your priorities until life feels right. Find joy in your own choices.
@@allisonb.8492 Yes I did. I went to nursing school which wasn’t an easy feat while caring for a family and working part time as an aide to get experience. I chose nursing in part because it’s a field that offers flexibility in hours. Sometimes worked part time, sometimes full time. While working full time I hired a housekeeper once a week. When I figured out that the housekeeper was making my house look fabulous in only two hours a week I decided that if I was smart I could do that too and save the money. So I did. But my career was always my sideline. That was my choice. Because homemaking was always my first love.
SO much wrong with your comments, I don't even know where to start!... "Everyone creates their life according to their own priorities. Be satisfied with whatever that means. Or change your priorities until life feels right. Find joy in your own choices."
Feminism really screwed up some things for us. My mom always kept a very good house, but somehow as a “feminist“ she literally never taught me how to clean! Because i was a girl and cleaning was “demeaning.” I didn’t realize people clean their baseboards or inside their ovens until my 40s! And i wondered for so long why my house doesn’t feel homey like my mom’s. Ug. I am slowly learning lol
Wow, grandmother of 4 here living with a houseful of blessings (9 humans under one roof). For various complex traumatic reasons (including the death of 4 family members in two years) we are all grieving over here and we are all living with real emotional issues but I’m overwhelmed and so ashamed to live like a slob as well as an angry old(ish) woman! Thank you Mel & Casey for this real talk! I’m so grateful for you Mel- I’ve decided to stop the madness in my mind and sit down- WITH ZERO GUILT - light a candle and take a deep breath and just listen to this podcast with a mug of peppermint tea in my hand (I’m finally beginning to believe the mantra “self care is not selfish”)! Tomorrow is another day (Monday) & after listening to this podcast I’m going to be in a better headspace to do what I can with my bullet journal list for tomorrow (I call it my “do/due”).
I hear & feel you & see you. Sending Warm healing hugs for you & your family for the grief you all are enduring….For the moment, JST do the best you can & be kind to yourself & continue to stay close to Mel. & breathe.
I am an empty Nester and I get on myself regularly about how are used to be able to do what I do on auto pilot and now I have to push myself to clean a 700 square-foot apartment. It’s not because I have kids and I’m over won’t be busy I’m tired of being responsible. I’m tired of having it all together. I want to be set free and care less.
I love this topic❤.As humanly possible,it’s okay to give each other grace to navigate the daily mundane task of selfcare ,selflove and overall house management.Thank you Mel for navigating this topic without guilt and shame that it’s acceptable to have overwhelming mess and appreciate the deeper connection and fun having guest at home.Above all everything is in cycles…most of this daily task is rinse and repeat.Appreciate your podcast guest for all the tips and the easy way of tackling home chores at hand.Have amazing day!
Ditto! I have dealt with this since my teenage years/dysfunctional family unit into adulthood. For me- All tied to Southern moral values, women’s role of meeting needs of everybody else before taking care of myself-household choirs, other’s needs. If I don’t take care of it, I don’t deserve love! I needed this today! ❤️💯
I love cleaning my home, doing the laundry and cooking family dinners. Because I work full time we’ve decided to get household help with the house cleaning and split the other chores. It’s a good balance .
WOW what a fresh perspective. I listen to Dana, Cass and Dawn declutter podcasts regularly, just joined their Take Your House Back course and loving it, yet Casey enriches the whole clutter venture even further, getting me to examine the auto-shame re undone tasks. We all need to give ourselves a freaking break. Thanks for doing another hour, I definitely want to hear more.
It amazes me when I wake up in the morning… And I state I wonder what Mel Robbins is talking about this morning. I feel like it’s going to church… When I get there, I always feel like this message was targeted for me! This topic is exactly where I’m at right now. I just feel like life is overwhelming.
Our little family has made a crack in that societal mold of gender roles. For 11 years, my husband was a stay at home Dad to our two sons. They grew up seeing their Dad do laundry, dishes, vacuuming, as well as mowing and car washing. For a long time, I felt like a bad mother that I wasn't home with my children and due to college, full time work, undx ADHD, anxiety and depression, I wasn't able entirely present Mom when I was home. So while I felt like a hot mess Mom most of the time, our sons were growing and thriving. The whole time, they were learning that any household job belongs to whomever lives in the house and has a minute to do it. Both of my sons do laundry, dishes, and cooking as easily and willingly as they do lawn mowing and car washing. The world needs more attitudes like those articulated here. No job other than childbirth needs to be assigned to one gender only. 😊
Pro-tip for those who are laundry challenged: I solved part of my laundry pressure by just buying myself about 3 weeks worth of underwear. Since "no clean underwear" is usually the trigger for "gotta do laundry", owning 3 weeks worth of underwear helped relieved the pressure of having to do laundry so often. Extrapolating to broader aspects of life: sometimes you can relieve time pressure by changing the environmental factor that is causing the pressure.
I tried the same thing, (underwear & socks) but then I had 3 weeks of regular clothes in addition to the underwear & socks! It seemed insurmountable, especially in the winter! I just recently threw out the older half of the undies because, for me, more frequent small loads are more likely to get *done* - as in also *dried, *folded, AND *put away. At least, that's the theory... 😉🤞🏻
@@MsTubbytubehonestly, I wear pads ( I am postmenopausal but started my period again after my 2nd C0vid jab) and I wash underwear by hand but sometimes I just change the pad! I have ME/CFS, fibromyalgia and chronic pain and constant exhaustion. I am a widow, 65 and still working to make a living with all these issues. I have to pick and choose between tasks. I sometimes force myself after work to do at least one task JUST so I can do NOTHING on my day off!
I had that too, having a little bleeding every day and then a full period at 69. Went to gynocologist. Had exploratory surgery to look at uterus and take samples and look for endometriosis, etc. Turns out I have endometrial cancer. Had another surgery, a hysterectomy, in September and will have radiation in December. It was early level of cancer and all contained in the uterus. But point being that the bleeding is not normal. I was proud that I was having the bleeding thinking it meant I was still young, but it is really a beginning symptom of endometrial cancer. Please see a gyn doctor.
These are so valuable: 1. take the shame off your to-do-list and 2. remember this is the process, not a moral dilemma - 'it's either done or not done'. In my case it's either done PERFECTLY or not done at all. 3. Detach the moral judgement from these tasks
KC is the bomb and her message is so refreshing. Her podcast is amazing also!! The listener messages you read at the beginning of this were literally all the things I have been feeling and dealing with. This is a big deal. Thank you for spreading these important words about the pressures and struggles of how we handle our day to day. You are not alone!❤
Love this! We have started loading the dishwasher and keeping like-things together. We put all the forks (separated so they’ll get clean), spoons and knives together, etc. Makes it super easy to unload the same items at the same time.
Amazing episode! So nice to hear others talk about this struggle. Thank you for shedding light on this topic and offering advice! The talk about the brain and it's decisions about a shower was so insightful and nice to know it's not just me! Thank you Mel and KC! Can't wait for episode 2
Heartfelt gratitude to Mel and KC for this incredible podcast episode. The discussion about the pervasive challenge of negative self-talk and self-belief struck a chord with me. It's comforting to know that many of us grapple with these issues and the associated feelings of shame, thinking we're alone in this struggle. First great step - tackling “not making it a moral issue” and STOP self-condemnation. And the realization about the value of speaking plainly and liberating ourselves from shame was a true "aha moment" for me. I can't express how much I needed this wisdom today. The cycles! And the Patterns! Spot on. So much gold in this episode. 💛 And Mel, you aren’t the only one! Nothing is wrong with you. Your story of toothbrushing and gag reflex was me word-for word!
Postpartum months were the toughest for me. But, I read this poem and I took it TO HEART: “Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo. But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep! I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.” ♥️
I can't wait to hear the second hour of this podcast! I literally was just feeling super overwhelmed by the huge pile of dry clean clothes and the piled high of dishes this morning!!!!
Thank you soooo much Mel, although we know a lot at the back of our head, we need kind people like you that talks from the heart on relevant topics and take the dust of the truth into reality. Couldn't thank you enough about how you made me and many others feel after listening to this and offcouse a big Thank you to K C Davies about all the points covered. I feel I have a new set of eyes that make me a bit gentler on myself... BIG HUG.....
Real talk how sweet it is! Getting stuck and having paralysis in your mind, it's real. I feel great when my house is clean and in good working order, it's a great feeling.
What a synchronous podcast, I’m cleaning my house because I dabble in different areas, the mess doesn’t overwhelm me, it is when relatives and sibling drop in and make a lot of criticism, like my sisters , but they are not creative, and my other sister since she earns big money can afford to hire maids to clean her house. 😊
This episode is fantastic! As a heterosexual, middle-aged man, I wonder if I am eavesdropping on conversations not meant for me. But I find so much value in your videos, chock full of wisdom. And laundry is a chore I don't mind doing. If I'm ever in vermont, I will happily help you with yours. Mahalo!
I love her!! Listening to her over and over again has really helped me change my mindset! But due to some hard life events lately, I've slacked off, so thank you so so much for having her. ❤️
Oh my God I think this is one of your better videos. Well I’m 75 years old no husband anymore. No kids at home. Just the two cats and me. I sent this to my two daughters and granddaughters. I think this is something we all need to hear. Thanks Mel and thanks to your guest.
My husand is retired and does most of the cooking, laundry, even grocery shopping, while I watch videos and write freelance articles speaking out about antiwhitism, school indoctrination, etc. Even before my husband retired he did a lot of stuff around the house.
Insta cart & setting a 15 minute timer has been a game changer for me. I am always shocked how much I can get done in 15 minutes! Best of luck ladies 😊!!
T H A N K. Y O U!!!!!! This segment is the answer to my prayers. Via various Life circumstances piled on top of each other, I am broken in two and beaten down. I don’t shower or wash my hair for DAYS! I need to be looking for work and I can’t even get it together to start. I am overwhelmed, walk in circles and get back in bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. Day after day. For 6 months now. I have always been on top of my game my entire Life and now I can only get it together to feed my two cats and clean their litter box. I live alone, no children, no husband, don’t even want a boyfriend. Piles of paper for days all over on the floor that I can’t get it together to even pick up one paper. I feel TERRIBLE about myself. Useless, stupid, like nobody likes me, like I’ll never get a job again. I can do dishes and eat right and do laundry…But self-care of my body, my mind and Soul is overwhelming. Brushing my teeth is overwhelming. It’s all so daunting. 😩😩😩
Your podcast is really helpful in my life. One thing I've done for several years now is to brush my teeth in the shower. When you get out, you are totally done and it feels really good to do it. God bless you and your family.
I so needed to hear this. I am 71 and retired. Live alone. I have not showered in a week. I don't think am notI depressed. Just tire easily. Can't sleep at night. Can't get up in the morning. Due to knee pain. and being retired without a schedule made me lazy. And I was the woman that never left the house without make up, hair perfect, perfumed, and dressed to impress. Now I do not know who I am. Oh wait, yes I do.......I am the "invisible woman". And it's not a fun place to be. This podcast gave me hope. I can't wait for Part 2.
Hang in there. You are loved and valued.
Same here. Exhausted all the time. Back pain. Too much to do. Just let me take a nap.
All this material stuff should not hold such high importance! The top priority should be our emotional well being! If your child is crying, the dishes do not matter. Emotional well being in the home comes first. Of course, making sure your children feel safe, and clean and well fed gives them well being. So outside of that, don't sweat the small stuff.
Someone very wise said that we should take care of ourselves the way we would someone we love dearly ❤️
Just like putting on our air mask on a plane, FIRST, before we start taking care of others! If we're not good, we can't keep taking care of our loved ones! ❤
Me too. I'm 78 wake with all kinds of pain especially back pain. I too never left the house without makeup. Now being morbidly obese I say why bother? 5 years ago before COVID I was walking 5 miles a day + did a half hour of weights and floor exercises + played Pickleball 5 day a week every week. Now I don't socialise and do no conscious exercise . It sucks. The less I do, the less I want to do. And yes I take a shower once a week when I wash my hair. When you have health issues and in pain it's hard to even walk. All I do is accept where I am. I choose not to get cleaning people because having things to do keeps me going and even though it doesn't get done in a timely matter it eventually gets done BY ME. Hang in there.
I use daily chores as my prayer time. I wash dishes and talk to God. I fold laundry and talk to God. I ask for His help to keep my house a safe and cozy space for my family to come home to, and He helps me keep up day to day. I can’t believe the difference it’s made for me mentally to practice gratitude while working on chores - thank you for the dirty dishes, my family ate a nutritious hot meal tonight. The laundry means we have plenty of clothing to wear… can’t do it all without Him. It never worked when I left Him out. Also, I do recognize that if my house is out of order, that means my priorities are out of whack and I have to “reset” to get everything back in order.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thanks for this!
Perfect!🙏🏻Do everything with love. Pray always.
I’m gonna try this. Thank you!
Yes this is what I do as well! Prayer helps me get THROUGH EVERYTHING! IT WORKS. I am grateful I have a house to clean, clothes to wash, dirty dishes mean we have food ETC. I'm raising 3 grandkids and put them to bed early so that I can have me time. It's so important to be able to do things we like to do as well. I now do laundry while watching t
V. at night, because I never had time for that. Lol
I became overwhelmed with housework so I tossed half of my furniture, clothes, kitchen items to Goodwill. Now, I have half of what overwhelmed me. I feel so much happier!
Was it hard to know what to donate?
@@jennifertalkstodeer4928 This is so hard for me, I am a very sentimental person, and I am afraid of offending my ancestors, LOL!
@@philipgrobler7253 same same, I'm a lil chef and I don't want to give away what I will need for a recipe some day lol
@@philipgrobler7253 same same, I'm a lil chef and I don't want to give away what I will need for a recipe some day lol
Thanks for sharing! What a positive perspective!👏🏻👏🏻
😇🙌
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! At 67 and disabled, I am so tired of the judgement of family and friends who have all disappeared as my home became less orderly and more cluttered and not the cleanest place to visit. The guilt doesn't help, it is paralysing. You have not helped me clean more, but helped me to feel less bad that I can't do more. I may not be the cleanest person in the World, but hey - I'm still here.
You go, Girl! Hold your head high, you’re an awesome person! 👍
“My favorite way to clean is to close the door and feel bad about it” 😂 that was painfully hilariously relatable ❤ glad to know we are all struggling periodically 😅
My go-to method.
I literally thought that this morning. How the hell am i supposed to clean this apartment when i feel so down. And the mess just gets worse every day. And now i find this video. There are no coincidences. Thank you Mel x
Think of how much harder life would be if homeless. Be grateful for the home. Take action.
I know just how you feel !
Omg yessss!!
I reframed laundry chores into gratefulness…grateful to have clothes and loved ones to wear them. Makes all the difference.
This is so hard when you have chronic illness.
It’s extremely difficult with a chronic illness… 🥺
I can relate 😢❤️🙏🏼
I understand that, being in constant pain is another reason for a a messy house, and feeling so very overwhelmed.
Same here.
That's another reason why you can't view it as moral failing
my mother was the 50s housewife, and even though she had lupus, the house was clean and organized, laundry was done, dinner from scratch was on the table every evening. she used to say “women never get to retire” and I used to think “Mom you never worked.” I worked all my life, am now retired but in good health, but can’t seem to keep house like she did. Last Saturday I drove past a golf course on my way somewhere and it was full of men golfing. I wonder how many of those men have working wives, who are with the kids and spending their day off cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. I’ve struggled all my life to figure out how to find a fair balance. My husband worked too and cut the gras, painted, washed the car, but now that he’s older we pay to have the grass cut, go to the car wash, pay someone to paint and here I am still cooking, doing laundry, cleaning.
Your husband has then time to share the load now… but how true what you wrote, how many times my husband goes to swim or to playgyms or sports with our girls and I stay home doing all the cleaning and laundry shopping… but then he says he doesn’t have time for himself and I’m just home…
I could have placed a comment at every step of this conversation! I will say, I always listen to a motivational or inspirational conversation (like this) while I brush my teeth (electric toothbrush!) ~ then my mind is more focused on the content I am taking in. And I agree ~ showers are boring, and THERE ARE so many seemingly minuscule steps to taking a shower which is exhausting just thinking about it!
And cutting the grass, painting, etc aren't every day things, but cooking and housework is.
Yep! The men get to retire - and we women get to stay tired.🥹
Sometimes I brush my teeth in my bed and put the toothbrush on my bedside table.
And I use wipes to wash my face. In bed. And often my body.
Boka brand toothpaste is the only brand that doesn’t burn my mouth! It’s $13, but since we don’t brush too often…haha!
I love when smart people take a hard look at seemingly simple things. Great conversation.
Do you know what I do? I walk away from THE LOT. Hair a mess, pj bottoms still on. Grab my airpods and I walk. There’s a mile circular field usually quiet. I talk to my deceased parents, I sing my favourite song (loudly and badly) I swear a bit, sometimes a gentle sob then I go back and reset.
you sound like me! 😁❤️
It's dangerous to walk around places with your airpods, especially secluded places .. be safe ❤
I have gone through phase of not washing my hair cos I cannot be bothered so i use dry shampoo however….a shower washes away the day. It prepares you for bedtime, it’s hygiene, it’s self care and it’s my time. No matter how tired stressed mentally challenged I am. I always shower!
Sounds like a winner
Angie I love that, I think I’ll,try it , but not wear the pj pants, haha 👖 I’m in a house on my own, but can still get so over whelmed with house work, and gardening, the weeds are taking over my garden beds. 🤷♀️
Reminds me of when my youngest was in grade school and said this to me when I got behind on chores. Mom thanks for not making me feel like household chores are more important than me. Which is what her friends felt about their Mom's when they were trying to be super Moms.
Gosh I can relate, I was undiagnosed hypothyroid and anemic for 10 yrs, and I haven't sorted my paperwork for 7 yrs, and the house hasn't been declutered for at least the last 3 yrs. I had someone pop over and was astonished I hadn't put things away for the 3 yrs we had been in our new house. I'm just struggling only doing the daily shit that never ends like meals, dishes, laundry, self care, I don't have the mental energy for both daily shit plus putting things away or organising 😅
OH MY GAWD!!!!
This is 100% me!!!
Literally, not wanting to take a shower is not about the shower. It’s about drying the hair, doing the makeup, curling the hair…UGH I don’t have the mental energy for this, along with my mess in the bathroom and in the kitchen. Holy shit Mel! You and your guest have hit it in the head. This could partly be due to my PTSD.
I LOVE YOU for bringing these educated and wonderful experts to us.
I have exactly those struggles regarding my clean body going to the gym, or dirty body going out into my day. ❤
YES it's about all those extra things that come with it! For women anyway!
And if I take a shower, I’m going to have to redraw my balding eyebrows.
@@65cupcakeYes!! Sometimes that's overwhelming for me.
I'm so glad she mentioned disability. I have MECFS and chronic pain. The telling myself to do it sometimes just doesn't work at all. Sometimes I skip dinner , fall asleep, and have to be ok with feeling bad lol.
"Morally neutral" ...love it.
Yes, same here. I have chronic pain and chronic fatigue and just eating can be a struggle. I’ll always make sure my kids and dog are fed but I don’t always feed myself. Same with showering. It’s just so exhausting. And if I need a shower and go grocery shopping, well I have to feed everyone but I don’t have to be clean. So I will go to the grocery store.
Me too!
Disability.. The over thinking shower thing did me good!❤😂
same here. MG. Have gone to intermittent fasting so only eat in a 4 hr window so I focus on good self care feeding for that time. Just there was a housework fairy
now THIS is a truly valid reason for feeling overwhelmed. Chronic pain is horrendous. You never get a break, and sometimes the 'break' is simply not doing something normal like having a shower, or doing dishes, or eating. Sometimes, that IS the most self-care thing you CAN do.
Be kind to you. It can be tough sometimes, being an adult and doing this on your own, when you ALSO have things out of your control (eg chronic pain) that are impacting your life.
Be kind to you. And be kindest, when you're giving yourself a break and skipping the dishes / show / cooking. I wish you all the best.
Oh my gosh!!! I could literally hug both of you! I am a 68 year old married woman with four grown children and I’m blown away by what I just heard!! I’ve lived my whole life trying to figure out why I do things the way I do or don’t do them. Beaten myself up, placed a ton of blame and shame on myself, gone to a dozen therapists, cried, screamed and basically felt like a worthless loser most of the time, to come to this podcast and find my answer. I have ADD!!!!!!! Thank you so much for this and I will continue to listen and learn!!💖💖💖💖💖
I have it too! I am shamed everyday, by myself.
So glad it helped. Nothing like finding someone who understands
@@loritaylor8335 you are worthy of SELF LOVE & APPRECIATION!!!!! Even those without developmental challenges don't process or do everything perfectly so why should you expect to?
Nature, itself is imperfectly Perfect and so are all of us humans...you are wonderful!
Same 67
I'm about your age and my husband is retired, and he does most of the cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. I watch videos and write freelance articles speaking out about things in order to help save the world.
I am 63 and recently became an empty nester. My husband is retired. I have animals, a house and pets I adore. I feel so compelled, but I also feel as though I have the right to waste some time after all these years--but I feel enormous guilt! Thanks for addressing some of the very real emotions working through my brain.
hi Anna. I am 61. Married, but no kids. Nothing to look forward to.
@@donnaburns-parmon7430 I would find it difficult to feel as though I had nothing to look forward to. I wonder if you have the opportunity to pick up or a renew a hobby or interest, or do volunteer work? Personally, I have too many interests and can get hyper-focused on them, neglecting the things in my life that need my attention. My best friend from childhood is in your situation and often volunteers to tutor young people or children of friends and others in the community. She says she wasn't perhaps cut out to be a mother, however she makes a good "fun auntie".
Im 64 and list my husband two years ago. Im lonley but uve learned to line dance and shoot a gun. I just found a man to date. So anything is possible. Just find your vibration.
But in focus with this podcast i take a day off for just me sometimes!
I live in the country and the women here don't work outside the home and say they have a rule " never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink," I work. I have rules too...i wash dishes when i run out of coffee cups! Lol
Yes @@tmalp328857thank you!!!!! That is basically me
This podcast episode made me feel soo seen and normal. Currently mom of a 7month old and 5 yr old and I felt the struggle to shower and brush my teeth for the first 5 months of my newborn. Thank you for these types of conversations 😢
Easy solution: make the dad responsible for 1/2 of their care…
It’s funny but I too felt better thinking “there’s someone else “ and I don’t feel as bad about just trying to do what I can manage . I just turn down all visits, lol
Your not the only one
Oh my gosh I have been there many years ago with four children under the age of 10. hair in a ponytail every single day and no shower for days same dirty t- shirt on. and glasses on, didn't even have time to clean those!
Yes, Mel!
I completely identify and just last year at 48 yrs old , I hired a housekeeper who comes twice a month.
I work full time and have 2 kids left at home 19,11 both boys. Hiring my housekeeper was one of the best decisions I’ve made!!!! 🥰
Mel, you and your collaboration with KC Davis, is a Sheer Genius. After the passing of my wife...coming up on a year now, I've been 'Frozen In Time', in a state of chronic depression, doing as little as necessary to get by, Day by Day. I had stumbled upon this specific video of yours, earlier in the day, and has changed me, forever. Although I have a loving daughter and her family nearby, I didn't want my down-in-the-dumps attitude, to rub off on them, so I kept quiet, all-along. Not only that, I also watched each of your TEDx videos, and I'm back for more! Thank you so much, ladies...you're Two of the Best Miracle Workers, on the Planet! Greetings from N. Kentucky.
Energy is the key! And sleep is a big part of that. Working on my thyroid and things are improving. Hang in there y’all! 🙏🏻
The luxury of being able to prioritise sleep.
What are your doing on the thyroid?
@@sl4983 I am taking Lugols iodine drops. Anywhere from one to three drops works for me. Also have started back to going to an infrared sauna. Seems I am sleeping deeper. Believe it is strengthening my adrenals. Hope this helps.
Wondering the same thing.
Divorced ADHDer mum here, three kids (two teenagers, one has autism) and full time worker. Until last year i was working 11 hours a day to make a living and i felt so guilty when my house was a mess. It took me years to understand that "me" time is essential and precious.
I watched KC Davis’s Ted Talk last year and it changed my life because it felt like she was talking to me. I immediately bought her book and as someone who has autism, reading her book made me feel seen and validated, especially when she talks about executive dysfunction. This podcast episode combines two of my favorite people ever and I can’t thank you enough ❤
I recently made a list called “promises to myself” and on that list is the shower/wash my hair at least every other day. This is real people!! ❤
❤
This episode was right on time, Mel! I listened to this while doing my dishes and rotated my laundry as well as caring for myself and my son this morning…. Knowing someone as successful and productive as Mel Robbins is dealing with shit like me is such a confidence boost. I’m pursuing an entrepreneurial path and I struggle with balancing it all. Thank you for your podcast and for being my friend. Hope you have a great day. ❤
As a 22 year old that recently started living on my own this was so beneficial to listen to. Half the time I struggle to even go grocery shopping by myself and it’s nice to not feel so alone. Thank u🫶🏻
Walmart+ delivers groceries to our door. Free delivery. Saves time, energy, gas. And to me, it's easier because I shop online & they can deliver the same day. I can choose express delivery, & they deliver within an hour. I love shopping this way!
I'm not getting paid to share about them, LOL.
It's time-saving, saves energy & gas, too. Less stress.
I can shop in the evening & schedule delivery for the next day, at a time when it's convenient.
Practice makes you better & better!
God bless you always!
🤗❤️🌹🙌🙏🏻🫶👍
@@faithl4105 I actually live in the UK haha so we don’t have walmart. But yes online shopping can be so helpful I have done that a few times it’s great when you don’t want to leave the house. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Have a lovely day and best wishes!😊🩷
Thank you. Having mental health issues this video is so reassuring.
Coming from a 59 year old... Try not to let stuff pile up if you can help it. It might get harder as you get older. I worry if I don't do it now what is it going to be like when I am 10 years older? Could I have got it done when I was younger?
@@brendalg4Declutter.
Be ruthless.
Keep only what you actually use or love that you have space to display.
Very relatable! The moment I chose to wear a shower cap in the shower and only wash my hair 1 -2 times a week...was the moment when showering lost its bullying over me! Who says hair has to be freshly washed every day!?? Sweet relief!
Good 4U that your mind had the ability to create an ‘adjustment’.
Most of us could use Mental Wellness in so many different ways. Sometimes our minds just can’t even process 1 whole thought.
The adjustment you made stemmed from your ability to let go of a ‘habit”. Ive been paying attention to that for myself as well, over the years, such as letting go of folding panties & pairing & folding socks as well. I decided to buy 2 packs of socks exactly the same brand, (as I wear them daily for work) so it’s about 14 pairs. & now when I do my laundry I can just throw them in the drawer effortlessly & it takes up no time at all. I just had a thought that, that’s a great idea for parents that have small children.
Love & Light to you all, especially those really struggling mentally.
LvUMel & wonderful guest speaker
Actually it’s not good for your hair, it needs to build up natural oils to keep your scalp healthy. Twice a week is all you need to do.
This completely resonated.
20 years in a household with brain injured husband and two kids on autism spectrum, you have the most astoundingly clear description of executive functioning I have ever heard.
You really have your hands full! I hope you get support somehow! My sister cared for her husband after TBI, and I have 2 close friends with family members on the Austism spectrum.
Sending good vibes your way.
Oh, & I agree - her description of how executive function works is sooooo good! I already have 5 people in mind to share this with. Hopefully, it might help them gain insight into themselves, or others, or to understand my ADHD better.
God bless you! A great reward in life you are giving to other, will come back to you!
My mom aised four kids and used to say that she could either keep a clean house & spend time with her kids or ahe could keep a spotless house & not spend nearly as much time with us… she chose us 😊
I am feeling vulnerable about how much the shower decision making saga is my story. This is something I struggle with that definitely makes me question my worthiness. Why is it so hard for me to shower daily? Thank you for spelling this out and acknowledging with gentle light a tender dark place in my self awareness. ❤🙏🏻thanks
You're not alone.
I really thought I was alone in the Shower Struggle. Thank you for sharing that 💜
Buy one of those tub chairs so u can sit down 😂 I’ve thought about it. I think I just don’t always feel like standing there.
Showering requires so much work. Wash body, wash hair, condition, body lotion, face cream, hair product, blow dry...I do every other day
@@lauras4472 I just shaved my head to a men’s haircut so I don’t have to spend as much time on that.
It important to have everyone in a family contribute to household chores. Teaching our children to take care of their share of chores is vital. That way us as moms we don’t overwhelm ourselves with being solely responsible our home.
@maria and husbands too!
I totally agree and how I raised my kids. But I notice so many people don’t anymore like parents are afraid to have expectations. It’s a family and we all share the responsibilities, good , bad and the ugly, lol
I don't know what I would have done if I didn't discover KC. She has SAVED my life and self-image.
I needed this today! Yes, I have been through a lot and have no help and am alone every day, but I just have to tell you, Mel, “when I run out of underwear is when I start washing”! For 2 years and losing my Son & more, I have not gotten my house like it used to be. I should be glad your far away so no one will just drop in ! I had the dishes done and now I have 4 weeks worth of pots & pans & dishes soaking in this nasty gross water that I change once in a while and adding more everyday! I promised after every dish I would wash it.
When my kids were still here it was their job. I think your kids are way past the age of helping. I get up & go to bed in the same clothes, sometimes for days!
Shower? I went back to washing up & showering once a week and washing my hair when it starts to itch (bought a wig) lol
Everything is overwhelming and I’m turning 75 next month and can’t race around like I used to. I have arthritis & back pain & just got my knees done & lots of other things. Then I get tired, anxious and depressed by evening!
Back when, people didn’t have as many clothes! Even my Mom only had a few things she wore over & over & washed clothes, towels, etc when she only had about a half a load , not to overfill. I think if everyday we did one load , it wouldn’t pile up! I have slept on half a bed for years because of all the stuff on it! I’m sleeping on the mattress cover now because changing the sheets seems too much ! I just want to lay down and rest my overthinking head🥴
Gail (I have a RUclips channel and that’s just what I want to do )!!
It was so good to hear this podcast! You have no idea AND your voice was very calming today, which helps me!
Reading you I wished I am close to you , perhaps could give a hand sometimes,
Losing a child changes every aspect of your life! Breathe and pray. I am praying for you and also wishing I was close enough to give you a hand and a hug!
I could not imagine the loss of a child. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I wished I was closer to you, I'd be your friend and helping hand. (((((Virtual hugs))))) prayers for you sweet lady.
I wish I was near you, to help sometimes.❤
I also wished I was near to help you ❤I’m in Australia
Good morning. It’s currently 6:43am and I’m awake because I’m anxious. I find getting up in the morning and moving to help with my anxiousness, which feels like bloating and nausea. I also find listening to this podcast makes me feel more normal about myself and that I am not alone in how I’m feeling right now. Thanks for being the calming voice I really need every morning.
Up at five for the same reasons. Trying to get packed for a road trip!
You may want to check out content about the vagus nerve. Deb Dana wrote a lot about it.
I just have to say, your podcasts help me daily tremendously... every single day.
I recall many years ago when my son was a preteen. I was so overwhelmed with housework and I felt like I was the only one keeping it up, I tearfully called a family meeting and sat my son and husband down and tried to explain to them that when someone comes over and the house is a mess, unfortunately, I believe what most people would think is ' this woman is a terrible housekeeper. Not the man, not the child but the 'Mom'. Sad but true!
Yes, I am full of shame and dread my kids friends dropping by. My kids barely lift a finger to help and I am terrible about asking for it. It is so hard for me.
And even when we as, sometimes they won't do it. So challenging.
@Mel Robbins!!!!
I heard about you from Cass at Organized Clutterbug. I would love to hear both of y’all on the same podcast speak about how to get motivated to clean and talking about organizing styles. She has some amazing tips and I went from being a super slob to being pretty organized and having a tidy home. Please do a podcast with her ❤
OMG 😱 Everyone gets those days of not feeling like talking a shower, from my personal experiences, I plan my morning routine before going to bed, so I don’t waist time in the morning or overthink it and lose the energy. You never know who can show up by your home or have unexpected emergency needs…. Please take care of your hygiene first and say your prayers “Thank goodness I awoke up” take care of yourselves, take 1 step forward and the rest will come by itself.
Love ❤️ and Peace ✌️
I am with you Mel; a clean, organized space does make my brain relax!
Since I moved to New Hampshire 5 years ago from Brazil, I’m working as a housecleaning around New Hampshire and Vermont. I’m sure my Job is wonderful and worth since I realize that with my job I release my dear costumers to enjoy themselves in the very good energy around the own house.
Mel, I’ve been getting a bunch of interesting knowledge from this podcast, I’m listening to you from this RUclips and from spottily. ❤
After losing my Mum 15 months ago everything is cluttered. Like my mixed emotions. I am being compassionate to me! Thanks so much xxx❤❤❤
Yes Im feeling overwhelmed thank you for this podcast Im not alone felt I was the only one dealing with these things also dealing with depression & anxiety this helped me so much ❤❤❤
Not willing to take shower is huge 😞 whenever you feel low self respect you don't want to take shower and wash ur hair , and surprisingly , when you pack yourself together.... by taking shower you assure urself you are better, clean , fresh and ready to face and solve all the troubles and issues . Thank you for the episode
This is spot on. There are some men stuck doing these tasks as expected by women as well in narcissistic abuse relationships. I lived this though. It is endless and there is shame involved. I have a chronic illness and it is definitely overwhelming! Feeling unworthy as a human being is a good way to put it. We absolutely do need to redefine it! Great podcast!! Thanks Mel! Wow!! Needed this and sharing it!! 💯👍💯❣️
YESS 100% TRUE
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99o99?9
99o99?9
I literally felt my blood pressure drop during this podcast. THANK YOU ❤ and Mel your last statement made me cry. Everyone needs a bear friend Mel.
THUNDEROUS applause!! This was honey to my ears!!
Thanks Mel for speaking about this! Lately I feel, the more I do, the more there is to do! 😬😵💫🤷🏾♀️
Try it being disabled and no help. I feel like a failure even though I am in pain and tripping on a walker. Can't afford help. This is a hard road. Today the kitchen is done, half the laundey. I feel satisfied with this.
Thank you for talking about the shower issue. For years now this has been a struggle for me. I thought I was all alone in this.
Many people are looking for work, and if you can afford to hire someone to help with the household work, you are helping someone financially, and you are helping yourself. It is a win-win!
I'm interested in jobs please 😭 I'm poor man please 😭 contact me 🙏
It is actually awesome that this video showed up for me today. Just last night I was venting to my husband about how much laundry I do and how I can't keep up with it. How I fold everyone's laundry and I have two adult aged children in my home and I have to stop folding their laundry AND washing it. This really helped me realize things that I hadn't considered before. I actually cried multiple times during this because it is exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you for having KC Davis on! She's one of my favorites - along with Dana K. White and Cas from Clutterbug. KC's idea that there are only 5 things in this room - trash, dishes, laundry, stuff with a place and stuff without a place - was life-changing for me.
Yes! Putting off hair washing. LOL
No shame; no denial concept keeps us centered. That doesn't take away the overwhelming load of things to do especially if we are homeowners.
I also find it encouraging to remember that creative people tend to have more clutter. So many of us are in that category.
When the clutter becomes dysfunctional, that's the key motivation.
Thank Goodness for this podcast today.
I have done nothing today. Had to cancel all laundry, fell asleep at noon after ordering a home delivery of food. Starting it again tomorrow. 😅
Once in a while I remind myself that I GET to do all these unending chores. And I'm not as good at them as I would like to be. I have known people who never were able to buy a house, didn't find the right person to marry, were unable to have children. I waited three days before opening my school tax bill this week because I didn't want to see how much it had gone up. But then I realized that I choose to live here and I thanked God for the ability to continue to work so I can earn the money to pay the taxes so I can stay in my home that I love so much. If you have enough money to hire someone to help, then do it ! The money they earn might help them pay their rent/mortgage, buy soccer shoes for their child, get the dental work they need.......
OMG, when she talking about all the steps with taking a shower made me feel quite tired & overwhelmed! Thank God I don't think about all the steps involved when I take a shower! I just know that when I need a shower i make myself take one, even a quick one really helps me feel better. I would definitely fall into a non-functional person if I thought about all the steps prior to showering! Just do it without overthinking it for goodness sakes!
I don't think I've ever commented on a youtube video but I just have to this time. This book literally completely changed the way I think about myself, my home and the way I clean. As as woman with ADHD and ALOT of trauma, this book was the fist thing that really made sense to me with how to veiw the task of cleaning and decluttering my home. Not long after finding this book I found you on RUclips Mel. KC's book and your podcast/videos were huge contributors to finally helping me get on a good path in life. So this video is already going to be one of my favourites I just know it ❤
What’s the name of her book ? Thank you 😊
How to Keep House When Drowning
In listening to KC I literally HEARD my brain say:
“Wait a sec, how did you get in here??”
😆🤣🤣🤣
I stopped cleaning the baseboard BEHIND my commode to stand myself up (literally & figuratively)
& look in the mirror to
high 5 myself and say AND truly believe:
“I love you/me”
THANKS ya’ll!!!!
Please take care of yourselves as much ya’ll do others!
I love YOU!
👏🏻👍🏻✌🏻💓
Sometimes when I’m doing the chores I feel like weeping, my husband sat on the couch watching tv. He does help but the responsibility feels mine and it’s like he’s doing me a favour when he ‘brings the washing in for me’ ! Off to watch the rest of the video and hope I see some light
I’ve heard all these same complaints since I was a young wife and mother in the late 69’s and early 70’s when feminism became a thing. I’ve never regretted making my home a sanctuary from the chaotic world first. It has brought me and my family, and everyone who enters my home, great peace. Everyone creates their life according to their own priorities. Be satisfied with whatever that means. Or change your priorities until life feels right. Find joy in your own choices.
Did you work full time? Just curious bc most moms/women work full time these days.
@@allisonb.8492 Yes I did. I went to nursing school which wasn’t an easy feat while caring for a family and working part time as an aide to get experience. I chose nursing in part because it’s a field that offers flexibility in hours. Sometimes worked part time, sometimes full time. While working full time I hired a housekeeper once a week. When I figured out that the housekeeper was making my house look fabulous in only two hours a week I decided that if I was smart I could do that too and save the money. So I did. But my career was always my sideline. That was my choice. Because homemaking was always my first love.
SO much wrong with your comments, I don't even know where to start!... "Everyone creates their life according to their own priorities. Be satisfied with whatever that means. Or change your priorities until life feels right. Find joy in your own choices."
Feminism really screwed up some things for us. My mom always kept a very good house, but somehow as a “feminist“ she literally never taught me how to clean! Because i was a girl and cleaning was “demeaning.” I didn’t realize people clean their baseboards or inside their ovens until my 40s! And i wondered for so long why my house doesn’t feel homey like my mom’s. Ug. I am slowly learning lol
Wow, grandmother of 4 here living with a houseful of blessings (9 humans under one roof).
For various complex traumatic reasons (including the death of 4 family members in two years) we are all grieving over here and we are all living with real emotional issues but I’m overwhelmed and so ashamed to live like a slob as well as an angry old(ish) woman! Thank you Mel & Casey for this real talk!
I’m so grateful for you Mel- I’ve decided to stop the madness in my mind and sit down- WITH ZERO GUILT - light a candle and take a deep breath and just listen to this podcast with a mug of peppermint tea in my hand (I’m finally beginning to believe the mantra “self care is not selfish”)!
Tomorrow is another day (Monday) & after listening to this podcast I’m going to be in a better headspace to do what I can with my bullet journal list for tomorrow (I call it my “do/due”).
I hear & feel you & see you. Sending Warm healing hugs for you & your family for the grief you all are enduring….For the moment, JST do the best you can & be kind to yourself & continue to stay close to Mel. & breathe.
I am an empty Nester and I get on myself regularly about how are used to be able to do what I do on auto pilot and now I have to push myself to clean a 700 square-foot apartment. It’s not because I have kids and I’m over won’t be busy I’m tired of being responsible. I’m tired of having it all together. I want to be set free and care less.
Jeez, I literally just finished crying all day yesterday bc I'm so overloaded, and then I get my email - it's like you read my mind 😂
Same here
I'd like to add that sometimes showers are so soothing that I'll end up feeling worse emotionally because feelings will come up.
I always sing in the shower. My favorite songs.
I listened to this as I was doing self care, facial, washing hair, full sink bath (leg in cast), and it really made me happy!!
I love this topic❤.As humanly possible,it’s okay to give each other grace to navigate the daily mundane task of selfcare ,selflove and overall house management.Thank you Mel for navigating this topic without guilt and shame that it’s acceptable to have overwhelming mess and appreciate the deeper connection and fun having guest at home.Above all everything is in cycles…most of this daily task is rinse and repeat.Appreciate your podcast guest for all the tips and the easy way of tackling home chores at hand.Have amazing day!
You are my podcast.
I have been paralyzed before!!!
I am so overwhelmed with everything I can’t even doing anything‼️‼️‼️‼️
This was the bomb on several levels. Other than KC's awesomeness.. watching Mel unravel her thoughts and such was VERY beneficial!
Ditto! I have dealt with this since my teenage years/dysfunctional family unit into adulthood. For me-
All tied to Southern moral values, women’s role of meeting needs of everybody else before taking care of myself-household choirs, other’s needs. If I don’t take care of it, I don’t deserve love!
I needed this today! ❤️💯
I love cleaning my home, doing the laundry and cooking family dinners. Because I work full time we’ve decided to get household help with the house cleaning and split the other chores. It’s a good balance .
WOW what a fresh perspective. I listen to Dana, Cass and Dawn declutter podcasts regularly, just joined their Take Your House Back course and loving it, yet Casey enriches the whole clutter venture even further, getting me to examine the auto-shame re undone tasks. We all need to give ourselves a freaking break. Thanks for doing another hour, I definitely want to hear more.
It amazes me when I wake up in the morning… And I state I wonder what Mel Robbins is talking about this morning. I feel like it’s going to church… When I get there, I always feel like this message was targeted for me! This topic is exactly where I’m at right now. I just feel like life is overwhelming.
Our little family has made a crack in that societal mold of gender roles. For 11 years, my husband was a stay at home Dad to our two sons. They grew up seeing their Dad do laundry, dishes, vacuuming, as well as mowing and car washing.
For a long time, I felt like a bad mother that I wasn't home with my children and due to college, full time work, undx ADHD, anxiety and depression, I wasn't able entirely present Mom when I was home.
So while I felt like a hot mess Mom most of the time, our sons were growing and thriving. The whole time, they were learning that any household job belongs to whomever lives in the house and has a minute to do it. Both of my sons do laundry, dishes, and cooking as easily and willingly as they do lawn mowing and car washing.
The world needs more attitudes like those articulated here. No job other than childbirth needs to be assigned to one gender only. 😊
Pro-tip for those who are laundry challenged: I solved part of my laundry pressure by just buying myself about 3 weeks worth of underwear. Since "no clean underwear" is usually the trigger for "gotta do laundry", owning 3 weeks worth of underwear helped relieved the pressure of having to do laundry so often. Extrapolating to broader aspects of life: sometimes you can relieve time pressure by changing the environmental factor that is causing the pressure.
I tried the same thing, (underwear & socks) but then I had 3 weeks of regular clothes in addition to the underwear & socks! It seemed insurmountable, especially in the winter!
I just recently threw out the older half of the undies because, for me, more frequent small loads are more likely to get *done* - as in also *dried, *folded, AND *put away.
At least, that's the theory... 😉🤞🏻
Also sometimes it helps to just handlaunder 1 set or pair of underwear, it doesn't take very long. Rest can get packed down in a hamper or bag
@@MsTubbytubehonestly, I wear pads ( I am postmenopausal but started my period again after my 2nd C0vid jab) and I wash underwear by hand but sometimes I just change the pad! I have ME/CFS, fibromyalgia and chronic pain and constant exhaustion. I am a widow, 65 and still working to make a living with all these issues. I have to pick and choose between tasks. I sometimes force myself after work to do at least one task JUST so I can do NOTHING on my day off!
I only do one load a day, it helps stay caught up.
I had that too, having a little bleeding every day and then a full period at 69. Went to gynocologist. Had exploratory surgery to look at uterus and take samples and look for endometriosis, etc. Turns out I have endometrial cancer. Had another surgery, a hysterectomy, in September and will have radiation in December. It was early level of cancer and all contained in the uterus. But point being that the bleeding is not normal. I was proud that I was having the bleeding thinking it meant I was still young, but it is really a beginning symptom of endometrial cancer. Please see a gyn doctor.
Thank you for this episode Mel. Thank you for sharing KC Davis with us . I’m looking forward to part 2 ❤
These are so valuable: 1. take the shame off your to-do-list and 2. remember this is the process, not a moral dilemma - 'it's either done or not done'. In my case it's either done PERFECTLY or not done at all. 3. Detach the moral judgement from these tasks
KC is the bomb and her message is so refreshing. Her podcast is amazing also!! The listener messages you read at the beginning of this were literally all the things I have been feeling and dealing with. This is a big deal. Thank you for spreading these important words about the pressures and struggles of how we handle our day to day. You are not alone!❤
This episode was way more liberating than I thing it would ever be. Thank you so much!
Love this! We have started loading the dishwasher and keeping like-things together. We put all the forks (separated so they’ll get clean), spoons and knives together, etc. Makes it super easy to unload the same items at the same time.
Great tip- I will try this!😊
I'm crying while listening to this. I struggle with this so much. ❤️ speaks to me so much!
Amazing episode! So nice to hear others talk about this struggle. Thank you for shedding light on this topic and offering advice! The talk about the brain and it's decisions about a shower was so insightful and nice to know it's not just me! Thank you Mel and KC! Can't wait for episode 2
OH My God! Where have you ladies been all my life 🎉
Heartfelt gratitude to Mel and KC for this incredible podcast episode. The discussion about the pervasive challenge of negative self-talk and self-belief struck a chord with me. It's comforting to know that many of us grapple with these issues and the associated feelings of shame, thinking we're alone in this struggle.
First great step - tackling “not making it a moral issue” and STOP self-condemnation. And the realization about the value of speaking plainly and liberating ourselves from shame was a true "aha moment" for me. I can't express how much I needed this wisdom today. The cycles! And the Patterns! Spot on. So much gold in this episode. 💛
And Mel, you aren’t the only one! Nothing is wrong with you. Your story of toothbrushing and gag reflex was me word-for word!
MEL!!! My brother and i both gag every time we brush!!! YOUR NOT ALONE!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When I wake up from an epic dream, I do not open my eyes. I go over the dream and relive it as best I can. Then I'm ready for the day
Postpartum months were the toughest for me. But, I read this poem and I took it TO HEART:
“Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo. But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep! I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.” ♥️
I can't wait to hear the second hour of this podcast! I literally was just feeling super overwhelmed by the huge pile of dry clean clothes and the piled high of dishes this morning!!!!
Has she released it yet? I was looking for it.
@@susanclemens4723 I couldn't find it yet
OMG . I thought I was the only one who felt this way . Shame has ruled my life. Thankyou because now I feel ok. Wow!
Thank you soooo much Mel, although we know a lot at the back of our head, we need kind people like you that talks from the heart on relevant topics and take the dust of the truth into reality. Couldn't thank you enough about how you made me and many others feel after listening to this and offcouse a big Thank you to K C Davies about all the points covered. I feel I have a new set of eyes that make me a bit gentler on myself... BIG HUG.....
Real talk how sweet it is! Getting stuck and having paralysis in your mind, it's real. I feel great when my house is clean and in good working order, it's a great feeling.
What a synchronous podcast, I’m cleaning my house because I dabble in different areas, the mess doesn’t overwhelm me, it is when relatives and sibling drop in and make a lot of criticism, like my sisters , but they are not creative, and my other sister since she earns big money can afford to hire maids to clean her house. 😊
This episode is fantastic! As a heterosexual, middle-aged man, I wonder if I am eavesdropping on conversations not meant for me. But I find so much value in your videos, chock full of wisdom. And laundry is a chore I don't mind doing. If I'm ever in vermont, I will happily help you with yours. Mahalo!
I love her!! Listening to her over and over again has really helped me change my mindset! But due to some hard life events lately, I've slacked off, so thank you so so much for having her. ❤️
Oh my God I think this is one of your better videos. Well I’m 75 years old no husband anymore. No kids at home. Just the two cats and me. I sent this to my two daughters and granddaughters. I think this is something we all need to hear. Thanks Mel and thanks to your guest.
As someone with Autism and ADHD shower is sooo many steps an its so overwhelming
I soooo get it.
My husand is retired and does most of the cooking, laundry, even grocery shopping, while I watch videos and write freelance articles speaking out about antiwhitism, school indoctrination, etc. Even before my husband retired he did a lot of stuff around the house.
I so needed this today. I am sick with the flu and my house is a demolition derby. My teenage daughter just last here and does nothing.
Insta cart & setting a 15 minute timer has been a game changer for me. I am always shocked how much I can get done in 15 minutes! Best of luck ladies 😊!!
T H A N K. Y O U!!!!!!
This segment is the answer to my prayers. Via various Life circumstances piled on top of each other, I am broken in two and beaten down. I don’t shower or wash my hair for DAYS! I need to be looking for work and I can’t even get it together to start. I am overwhelmed, walk in circles and get back in bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. Day after day. For 6 months now. I have always been on top of my game my entire Life and now I can only get it together to feed my two cats and clean their litter box. I live alone, no children, no husband, don’t even want a boyfriend. Piles of paper for days all over on the floor that I can’t get it together to even pick up one paper. I feel TERRIBLE about myself. Useless, stupid, like nobody likes me, like I’ll never get a job again. I can do dishes and eat right and do laundry…But self-care of my body, my mind and Soul is overwhelming. Brushing my teeth is overwhelming. It’s all so daunting. 😩😩😩
you are not alone! give it time and be kind to yourself!
Your podcast is really helpful in my life. One thing I've done for several years now is to brush my teeth in the shower. When you get out, you are totally done and it feels really good to do it. God bless you and your family.
Love ya Mel ❤
When I don’t want to take a shower, I take a bath so much more relaxing which I deserve