As an adult, if you don't have access to your emotions, it can destroy your life in so many ways. I hope anyone reading this will get the help they need, to connect with their emotions and learn to live with them instead of against them.
Yes, I just discovered this a few days ago after 54 years...I finally have a name to what I experienced as a child. My father died young and left with a mother who didnt expressed or showed me affection it was becoming an orphan at age 9. I thought it was me feeling different and alone. She is dead but I am still here and will work on myself to be the best person I can be because I deserve to be happy and felt loved!
Yup this is how me and all my other siblings were raised.. no compassion no family talks no basic talking about our feelings EVER. Do this and do that and you shouldn’t feel that way since there’s children in Africa that don’t have what you have... my parents gave me everything but the most important part they missed
I can't speak for Eddie, but I can attest to how fucked up my life is as a result of growing up with emotionless parents. I have been blaming myself my whole life untill this past year in which I discovered the work of Gabor Mate, Bessel Van Der Kolk, Peter Levine, Stephen Porges, Bruce Perry, Dan Siegel, Richard Schwartz and others. I was completely oblivious to the importance of a healthy secure attachment in childhood to shaping the rest of my life.
I read Running on Empty, and it inspired me to share it with others. I am in the process of setting up a RUclips channel, a blog and podcast episode to spread the word about CEN and about Dr. Webb's book. If anyone has recovered from CEN, please let me know where I can contact you. I would love to interview you so we can give others hope of recovery.
Daniel Cameron I feel same my parents made it clear that I should not ask them for help or tell them my problems they did basic cook clean shopping but they were too emotional and judgemental to help with problems with friends and partners
Absolute consequence of emotional neglect/abuse is the victim goes on later in life clueless, empty and they ultimately ABANDON themselves. Self abandonment is the ultimate price we pay for our empty childhood. I'm 200 lbs, in a horrible relationship and I don't care
Sadly, I think this applies to a good number of us. I was mocked and ridiculed by my brother and parents if I cried or was scared. In response, I withdrew from them so deeply that I barely spoke at all. After my mother told me to stop asking stupid questions on a car trip (I was 5 and asked why the bridge ices before the road), I never asked another question - either of them or my teachers. It's far less damaging to pretend you don't have feelings than to be made to feel bad for showing them.
I'm 60, and my head has been so messed up for so many years. The one person who was able to help me moved a couple thousand miles away in 2003 and there's nobody who has since been able to talk with me and how childhood neglect-emotional and physical. That only scratches the surface for me. If I were single, I would have taken my own life years ago, but I have a great husband, and 2 grown sons. I don't want to ruin their lives.
Have you tried online chat places like Discord servers or Betterhelp which is a therapy site, or online support groups for abuse/trauma/childhood trauma?
I can't stop crying, I found out tonight that I have "Emotional Deprivation Disorder" or as you much more nicely have put it, CEN, they're tears of sadness and happiness that I finally know why I am the way I am..
Its help me to identify how emotionaly abuse behavior from my parents, and how far i went to make them happy, specialy my mom , she is a narcist person , and now i have understand the way she used her emotion and blaming game , now i start neglecting her fake emotion blackmailing , but the demaged already done with my persnality have no attachment and also expressing my feeling, i am strugling with life, i m glade and thanks the way she point out the problem
Selena Marilyn tonight, I realized that although my ‘father’ had said his love for me is ‘conditional,’ and he later rectified and told my mother that he didn’t mean it the way it sounded & that he’d meant something else, the truth is, he did..! Maybe he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, but it is true. His feelings for his own child ‘is’ conditional. This man isn’t worthy of being anyone’s father. He is nothing but a source of financial support, and for that, I am grateful to him. Beyond that, save for some professional advice he’d graciously given me, he is a totally cold, emotionally unavailable, complicated, highly sensitive and not easily forgiving man. I don’t know why / how such people dare to bring children into this world...it *disgusts* me...selfish man.
I am crying right now. I always felt these things and never understood why. Right now my mind is blown and I kinda feel relief because I can now start to heal and be able to move on. I will be buying your book.
Man...can't believe I found this video. By accident too. I'm going to do more research on CEN. It's pretty spot on with how I've been functioning as an adult. I had parents that gave me everything except for emotional support. Thank you so much for this vid.
@movingonandup773 - But not everyone brought up that way suffers as much as i have. My siblings managed better than I have - not perfectly, though. They have more success in life, my brother has friends and raised good sons, but i think we are all quite isolated inside at least.
I'll be 65 in a few days. I've been working on it for 40 years. I've even founded an organization, SEASCAT, A Supportive Environment for Adult Survivors of Child Abuse & Trauma. But I'm still completely alone. I have nothing- not even a car to get to a store or do laundry. A motel room without a kitchen across from my little thrift store full of posters, handouts, and a good sized lending library of books on the subject.
You have a good message, but the volume of your background music made it hard to concentrate on your words. I have auditory processing disorder, but I think others may find this to be a drawback too.
You finally named what I have been trying to understand for 54 years and in 15 years of therapy. What a revelation! Many pieces of the puzzle are falling into place!🙏🏻💫💝 Thank you so much. Just finished your first book and started reading the second. Just read your description of what has been my marriage. Got divorced last year, now finally understand what went wrong!!😲. Wow!
I am in the middle of reading your book ! Thank you! I recommend it to anyone that wants to end the emptiness. I want to share a phrase that has taught me quite a few lessons. "You can change without growing, but you cant grow without changing. Which one are you doing?"
Thanks Jonice. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I was always self aware enough to know I was raised by two parents that had no parental skills and left my brother and I to fend for ourselves with no emotional skills. Sadly I now have been left to care for my "mother" who is still emotionally absent while being under the same roof and is completely in denial if the subject is brought up. Your videos are a great help.
love the videos and the message is hugely important. I'm a 61 year old codependent empath resulting from childhood emotional neglect. Please lose the background music, though. It's distracting.
I can’t get through any of your videos without crying. So glad I have a great therapist and see her soon. Thank you for your wisdom. I never knew. Age, 69
Thank you, Dr. Webb, for giving me and people like me neglected as children an understanding of our motivations and how to change our lives to find happiness.
I was the dustbin . Emotional dustbin. Marriage counsellor. The unavailable spouse. But I can feel. I spoke to my youth psychologist for~ 3 years. A father I never had. Thanks. These videos cost a lot of money.
I have behaved over the top only to be seen, because that was the only way they could see me. I am going to therapy now. It is difficult to accept that my parents couldn't show me love, but now we can start loving ourselves.
Hi Andrey, I have learned that forgiveness is for me, so I can move on and not continue to hold myself hostage waiting for 'them' to apologize or feel sorry that 'they' hurt me. Forgiveness does not say that what happened is ok or right or deserved it is saying that I don't want to stay stuck and I want to move on.
They may never change, so...First, you need to access your emotions so that you can grieve over your losses. Over what could have been but never was, and what may never be. Writing your feelings out helps you to access them more and more. Second, as you go through the grieving process you'll be able to start emotionally distancing yourself from them. As you separate from them emotionally and begin to find your own sense of self apart from them, you will eventually be able to forgive them, as you will see that they are weak and you are much stronger than they are.
I figured my parents would never change, but they're elderly and frail now, and I want to take care of them, so I guess I'm over it by now. It only took 30 years! :D
Man...man. This hit home so hard. smh...I know this is tough for people, but it takes work and painful HONESTY to get through all this. I know this too well. Drugs or any outside "thing" do not truly help to resolve this trauma. This is a deep, inside thing; extremely intimate and personal in nature that you have to go through by yourself with support to make you accountable when you need it. You gotta put in a LOT of work and be personally disciplined. We are all individually responsible to "feed" ourselves and be organically healthy on the inside FIRST so we can have healthy lives on the outside after the work is done. Apples always make apples...never oranges.. so it's important to dig deep to see what was planted so you can get the food that you expect and not be upset with what you don't get when you're expecting something else. Too many people are afraid to dig. Objectivity is essential and we are what we eat. "...the one who is unwilling to work shall not eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10
I did the questionnaire only saying yes if I was absolutely positive I identified with the points and came out with 13, I could easily have added a few more that seemed true to a lesser extent. I have only just come across your book and I feel like I finally have the words to put to what is wrong with me. Thank you for your work, I have bought your book and am trying to work from it, I'm still nervous of trying to see a therapist because I'm terrified of being told there's nothing wrong with me after all.
This almost hits the mark with me. I learnt Buddhism & that caused a big shift. Basically you get clear instructions on all types of mind and emotion. This removes any confusion and lack of understanding of yourself and other people & feelings. What happens then is that emotions are still distant & you stay objective. Ie it doesnt solve it. You have emotional knowledge but still come across as totally dry and objective
Life has opened me up to more understanding about childhood neglect and I'm grateful to have been brought to your video. It makes a lot of sense and brings ease to me. Maybe, after all, there isn't anything wrong with me. I can let go of all those old, dysfunctional patterns and care for myself the way I needed and deserved. Thank you!
THERE IS EVEN A MEDICAL NAME CEN I THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO I HAVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR A LONG TIME AND IT HELPS GETTING IT OUT ..KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL NEEDS LOVING YOURSELF ENOUGH TO. DELVE DEEP INTO YOUR CONSICIOUS..
Oh wow! You know my childhood pretty well, all right. I had both parents suffering and emotionally neglected themselves. I don't blame them. They did try their best and I have more insight than all of them. Mom was adopted by a very dear couple but I have no idea what that did to her. Dad was a child genius, home schooled and admitted into college at 13. Then, their first child was born six weeks early (in 1947) and has retinopathy of prematurity and has been legally blind all his life and he also appears to be saddled with high functioning Asperger's. I guess he was a handful. I came along three years later. And my CEN started almost immediately. But I understand all of that now and I've come to not put myself down as often as I did as a child. It didn't help that I was the outcast of my class from kindergarten on either. But many things changed, including my parents. "What I am is enough." (from Ode Magazine)
I'm glad I found this. Thank you for caring enough to make a video. I have always been aware of my child neglecting trauma and after over 20 years of self help books, therapy, EFT, and " you name it and I tried it " , I still suffer with a huge feeling of being emotionally unsafe. Any idea why is that ?
My father was mentally abusive and my mother was not a demonstrably affectionate person. There were no hugs, kisses, I love yous, no asking how me and my siblings were, no reading to us, offering to help with homework/projects/etc. We accepted that and simply thought that was the way things were. I’m 53 now and finally discovered that the way I’ve felt and behaved toward myself and others isn’t because I’m a loser or a failure, but because of what was done/not done by my parents. I’m now in therapy, on medication and feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life.
I just recently found out about this ECN stuff & it all makes sense. I really thought something was wrong with me or I was missing something everyone else has. I was right ... connecting to my emotion is what I'm missing. Makes so much sense, I'm 40 and just now understand why I'm like this & why my relationships suck.
Excellent little video but big on very meaningful content. Almost 60 years ago I was using the words "there is something missing in me like a missing link in a chain" long before I ever heard of therapy etc. I could not relate to the boys in my class in Secondary School in any meaningful way which was a very lonely, disabling, disempowering way to live and I was starting to become annoyed or as my Mother referred to me as becoming crabbed if anyone understands that word. It is only in recent years that I have able to relate to people in a more way. satisfying way.
You just described me through out this video.....All of this started for me, at the age of 7 and lasted until i was 15. So, i feel like crap most of the time, but i'm slowly learning to change that. And honestly, the affects are still there today, and i'm 27.
I'm only 16 and don't have a mother or father in my life.. I feel like I don't have my own personality.. I use other people's lingo a bandwagon other people's way of talking. I'm always alone & I always knew it had something to do with my abandonment issues.
Hi Kris, sorry to hear your storry. Don´t be disheartened. Just embarque on your healing journey. There a a lot of good teachers and videos on RUclips that can guide you how to do it. You will become a very wise and emotionally healthy adult because of what you will learn on the way. Much love to you.
Kris, you’re super fortunate cuz it took me 40 years of endless work to find CEN & Dr Webb. I’m telling ya, read the 2 books & begin remarkable healing to true happiness! 👊👌
Kris Papi look at borderline personality disorder this cam be caused by neglect you have no personality you copy other peoples read David prezail books a child called it he admitted as a child he would do things to be popular and became a people pleaser
Dr. Webb, Your work is really important to me as I go forward. I'm glad you made this breakthrough in clinical psychology. I have real difficult though in listening to this video with the famous Pachelbel canon being played in the background. Would it be possible please to make a copy of your video and not include the soundtrack? That would be fantastic !! thank you, John
Ugh, I am glad someone is out there. I was kicked as a baby and got beat up one time. Someone pushed me into a pool. I drowned. Everyone laughed at me. I didn't get the emotions I needed. As an adult, I had educate and behave my ass like ghandi.
Yeah I was made to drink piss in front of class. Everybody laughed at me. That was a good day compared to beeing in my fucking room all day . But who the fock cares right?
My parents were quick to let us know that we had nothing to be sad/mad about because we had a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food on the table. The fact that I basically took care of myself by the age of 6 doesnt seem to be an issue for my parents. I would climb the counters in the kitchen in the morning to retrieve my cerial bowl. I also always felt that I was a burden and my parents were to busy for me.
Same here. All emotional needs were met with phrases like "what am I supposed to do", "I had a long day", "anything else?"... Bad parents but the nicest strangers ever.
This is such great info. The music is so loud I’m having to focus really hard to absorb what you’re saying. I’ll try the subtitles for this. Thank you for the good information.
I am mum to my adult daughter...the wounds exist but I just need a new opportunity to find back life.it's most ESSENTIAL to do it my way.❤ D'u understand what I want to say? Thanking..my youth psychologist also encouraged me to picture the man of MY DREAMS to really find out what it was that I wished for The MOST about a Man's Man....
Sarah Dawes I still remember the time when I was 3yrs old mom put a lock on my door on the outside so couldn't get out. Multiple times she went to party all day long . Hungary, went on myself 5 days straight no access to the bathroom until she went to check on me
OMG! Thank you for posting this video. It's very concise and informative. I can't buy the book yet. I am looking for ways to overcome CEN. I'll stay tuned to your channel. Again, thanks!
So, you did say you could talk for an hour on each if the top 10 struggles. I would listen to that. Dr Ramani is a psychologist who specializes in narcissistic abuse, and she made her RUclips channel a platform to educate people on narcissism, identifying it, and healing from it. I'm sure it's a big commitment for her, but I want to throw the idea out there, because I think it would it would be incredibly valuable to have something like that for CEN too.
I have CEN:self care I would never care about myself over other people and I can't say know if somebody asks for help or money. The cool thing is I deal with this and I'm told I'm too nice by my friends, I still can't say no when anybody asks for something. I'm 15 and I made it on my own. Although I don't have a relationship with my parents, I am doing great in school, sports, and have a ton of great friends. I still have trouble talking about my troubles and problems.
Could you lower the volume of the music on your next video? You have important things to share with me a woman who grew up suffering from CEN, I want to learn as much as I can, but the music is intrusive. Thank you for this and all of your work on CEN.
My dad comes across as having Schizoid personality. Emotions were classed as weakness and he would ignore me when I'm upset. Now I'm stuck with C-ptsd and Bpd. And apparently it is still all my fault. Im 33 and still feel like a child. My dad still has so much control over me still, and he doesnt even know it. My feelings never mattered.
As a child of emotional neglect I know the effect it has on an adult relationship. I have noticed a pattern of meeting ladies who are emotionally unavailable. How do I meet people who are emotionaly available?
Hello Druidbos, I hope you have found meanwhile the answer to your question. You meet them by first healing yourself internally and learning to love yourself. By law of attraction our inner vibration creates our outer experience. When you love yourself, you attract people who love you, too. When you don´t love yourself or when you are emotionally needy, you attract people who are emotionally unavailable. All the best on your journey!
Yes... I am ashamed that I am not happier.... and I am tired of everyone shocked that I am not married or in a relationship. I would like to know how to get "over" this... break down the walls. For example, do I find a mental health professional that specializes in CEN?
can I suggest something? look into trauma release exercises by David bercelli. they have been helping me for a few years now. I used to put up walls when I was in relationships
can I suggest something? look into trauma release exercises by David bercelli. they have been helping me for a few years now. I used to put up walls when I was in relationships
I’ll be honest, I’ve always been satisfied I guess with my family, but I’ve always struggled with my mother. I realize what the problem has always been now. Just a preface, every time I would try to communicate with her about how the way she speaks never feels good, or she isn’t listening, it became a blame game and she would say things along the lines of “I’m the adult, think about how I feel.” I’ve always wondered why I act out and also why people call me “emotionless” even though I feel I am very emotional. It’s probably because it’s buried and I only feel things for myself. Now I can see, as my mother still tries to cope with major anxiety, when in anger muttering how she doesn’t feel like the family accepts her or we kids don’t do what she asks, I can see what I’m really dealing with in order to improve with a widened mindset.
I don’t want to be driven in the wrong direction by watching one video so obviously I won’t pity myself boohoo me kinda thing, but looking over the questionnaire, if it’s legitimate I literally have like 19/22 yes and rest are maybe.
I'd love to be able to hear this - but the background music is too loud. Perhaps this could be re-recorded w/o it, or, set very low as to not be so distracting. Thanks! :)
I grew up in a physically, verbally and emotionally abusive household. Besides witnessing my parents screaming at each other ending in dad hitting mom and then leaving, I remember him telling me that if I wanted sympathy that I should look it up in the dictionary. Needless to say this was a less than ideal childhood.
That me. I realized this fully for the first time when my fiance died and I fell down. I'd rather than pick me up people liked me down and I was the only reason I had most of the relationships that I had in my life because I was the one doing all the work to have them. Wound up miserable after giving my entire life and even going to counseling.
Pachelbel's Canon in D Major is soothing and lovely to hear, but the background music is way too loud. Needs to be tuned way down, like a hint of perfume, not a strong whiff. That was illuminating. I feel so much relief just listening to you, and seeing your lovely smile. Thank you for not making me feel isolated and lonely without understanding why. I feel a wave of peace. Looking forward to learning more.
I read Running on Empty, and it inspired me to share it with others. I am in the process of setting up a RUclips channel, a blog and podcast episode to spread the word about CEN and about Dr. Webb's book. If anyone has recovered from CEN, please let me know where I can contact you. I would love to interview you so we can give others hope of recovery.
Off topic but I love the harp in the background. Even playing my favorite song to play on harp (lol) (I’m here to do research on my characters and how their childhood has affected them. This is one of the most important things in two of my character’s childhoods)
Dr. Webb, firstly thank you for posting your findings on CEN. I answered yes to everything on questionnaire but my question is not for me. My question is regarding my being a parent who suffers from CEN, and how I can avoid these pitfalls with my own children?
cute haircut-- I was emotionally neglected-- I don't know how to fix this-- Can you help?? My career is in ruins over this-- I am so unhappy, I am 55, no family and always alone-- it is too much. I struggle all the time-- Life is not fun for me.
+Dr. Jonice Webb hello Dr jonice. I've been a viewer for some time. I'm currently really struggling as a 30 year old man who's been neglected badly. It's affected my physical health, appearance, hygiene and many other things. I'm at a crisis point.
+Dr. Jonice Webb hello Dr jonice. I've been a viewer for some time. I'm currently really struggling as a 30 year old man who's been neglected badly. It's affected my physical health, appearance, hygiene and many other things. I'm at a crisis point.
Joseph Elias I m so sorry-- I tried this nd it worked! Listen to Louise Hay evening and morning. Love yourself. Love yourself! It works! This seems to simple but work at this and you will repair your life!
My mum didn’t mean to do it she was on anti depressants if she did, honestly when on public I just put a persona on and can easily fake it as when I did something wrong people told me rather than talking through it to rather fake it until you make it and not let the problem happen at all, or if it does always be the bigger person and apologize first
Saying no is a biggie. I just have a hard time telling people no. I don't want to make people upset with me. So even if I want to say no, I just say yes.
Narcissistic/ toxic parents are too selfish and lack empathy and transmute guilt and toxic shame on to you. They will destroy you, they will not change. Its a very lonely one sided relationship ( codependency) go no contact or low contact and get with a good therapist, you have repairing to do.
As an adult, if you don't have access to your emotions, it can destroy your life in so many ways. I hope anyone reading this will get the help they need, to connect with their emotions and learn to live with them instead of against them.
Yes, I just discovered this a few days ago after 54 years...I finally have a name to what I experienced as a child. My father died young and left with a mother who didnt expressed or showed me affection it was becoming an orphan at age 9. I thought it was me feeling different and alone. She is dead but I am still here and will work on myself to be the best person I can be because I deserve to be happy and felt loved!
Yup this is how me and all my other siblings were raised.. no compassion no family talks no basic talking about our feelings EVER. Do this and do that and you shouldn’t feel that way since there’s children in Africa that don’t have what you have... my parents gave me everything but the most important part they missed
How are u now?
I can't speak for Eddie, but I can attest to how fucked up my life is as a result of growing up with emotionless parents. I have been blaming myself my whole life untill this past year in which I discovered the work of Gabor Mate, Bessel Van Der Kolk, Peter Levine, Stephen Porges, Bruce Perry, Dan Siegel, Richard Schwartz and others. I was completely oblivious to the importance of a healthy secure attachment in childhood to shaping the rest of my life.
More or less the same I experienced and my sisters probably, too.
I feel you…i recall my mom always telling us how lucky we were compared to her. She grew up so poor & had nothing compared to us
Glad I'm not alone!!!! it feels like a lonely existence the majority of the time.
I read Running on Empty, and it inspired me to share it with others. I am in the process of setting up a RUclips channel, a blog and podcast episode to spread the word about CEN and about Dr. Webb's book. If anyone has recovered from CEN, please let me know where I can contact you. I would love to interview you so we can give others hope of recovery.
Magali Ramos Excellent! I’m in. 👊👌
Daniel Cameron I feel same my parents made it clear that I should not ask them for help or tell them my problems they did basic cook clean shopping but they were too emotional and judgemental to help with problems with friends and partners
Daniel Cameron I'm sorry you feel this way I can relate for sure
Almost cried at 4:05
Absolute consequence of emotional neglect/abuse is the victim goes on later in life clueless, empty and they ultimately ABANDON themselves. Self abandonment is the ultimate price we pay for our empty childhood. I'm 200 lbs, in a horrible relationship and I don't care
Heather Quinn your right we end up abandoning ourselves... I hope things are looking up for you now!💜
Same.
👻
MONSTER MOTHER A FARTHER
I love how blunt u are. Im also feeling empty & dont care at the moment yet here i am..
Sadly, I think this applies to a good number of us. I was mocked and ridiculed by my brother and parents if I cried or was scared. In response, I withdrew from them so deeply that I barely spoke at all. After my mother told me to stop asking stupid questions on a car trip (I was 5 and asked why the bridge ices before the road), I never asked another question - either of them or my teachers. It's far less damaging to pretend you don't have feelings than to be made to feel bad for showing them.
I'm 60, and my head has been so messed up for so many years. The one person who was able to help me moved a couple thousand miles away in 2003 and there's nobody who has since been able to talk with me and how childhood neglect-emotional and physical. That only scratches the surface for me. If I were single, I would have taken my own life years ago, but I have a great husband, and 2 grown sons. I don't want to ruin their lives.
Have you tried online chat places like Discord servers or Betterhelp which is a therapy site, or online support groups for abuse/trauma/childhood trauma?
I can't stop crying, I found out tonight that I have "Emotional Deprivation Disorder" or as you much more nicely have put it, CEN, they're tears of sadness and happiness that I finally know why I am the way I am..
Its help me to identify how emotionaly abuse behavior from my parents, and how far i went to make them happy, specialy my mom , she is a narcist person , and now i have understand the way she used her emotion and blaming game , now i start neglecting her fake emotion blackmailing , but the demaged already done with my persnality have no attachment and also expressing my feeling, i am strugling with life, i m glade and thanks the way she point out the problem
Selena, have you recovered from CEN?
Selena Marilyn
I’ve never heard of this disorder, but I’m so sorry that you have this.
How are you today?
Selena Marilyn tonight, I realized that although my ‘father’ had said his love for me is ‘conditional,’ and he later rectified and told my mother that he didn’t mean it the way it sounded & that he’d meant something else, the truth is, he did..! Maybe he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, but it is true. His feelings for his own child ‘is’ conditional. This man isn’t worthy of being anyone’s father. He is nothing but a source of financial support, and for that, I am grateful to him. Beyond that, save for some professional advice he’d graciously given me, he is a totally cold, emotionally unavailable, complicated, highly sensitive and not easily forgiving man. I don’t know why / how such people dare to bring children into this world...it *disgusts* me...selfish man.
Amen..wish I had understood this 20 years ago but better late than never..
ty Dr
I just took your test and answered yes to nearly all questions. I have to get over this. It has crippled me my entire life.
Annie Harrison That’s the spirit! Do it & read Dr Webb! Clarity is a great thing! 👊👌👍
Sitting here crying at the part about being an island who's only purpose is serving other people's needs.
Well understood and relief for many children of Ireland in the clergy/ nun run homes..
I am crying right now. I always felt these things and never understood why. Right now my mind is blown and I kinda feel relief because I can now start to heal and be able to move on. I will be buying your book.
Man...can't believe I found this video. By accident too. I'm going to do more research on CEN. It's pretty spot on with how I've been functioning as an adult. I had parents that gave me everything except for emotional support. Thank you so much for this vid.
@movingonandup773 - But not everyone brought up that way suffers as much as i have. My siblings managed better than I have - not perfectly, though. They have more success in life, my brother has friends and raised good sons, but i think we are all quite isolated inside at least.
Same.
I'll be 65 in a few days. I've been working on it for 40 years. I've even founded an organization, SEASCAT, A Supportive Environment for Adult Survivors of Child Abuse & Trauma. But I'm still completely alone. I have nothing- not even a car to get to a store or do laundry. A motel room without a kitchen across from my little thrift store full of posters, handouts, and a good sized lending library of books on the subject.
Connie Jean Conklin hope you are well.
You have a good message, but the volume of your background music made it hard to concentrate on your words. I have auditory processing disorder, but I think others may find this to be a drawback too.
I totally agree, and I do not have auditory processing disorder. Super distracting. I turned it off after 2 minutes.
I also found the music distracting.
Annoying and unnecessary musical background.
The music in her first video was way worse :-(
I don't have any disorder but also found the music way too loud. Nice choice though. Pachelbel.
You finally named what I have been trying to understand for 54 years and in 15 years of therapy. What a revelation! Many pieces of the puzzle are falling into place!🙏🏻💫💝 Thank you so much. Just finished your first book and started reading the second. Just read your description of what has been my marriage. Got divorced last year, now finally understand what went wrong!!😲. Wow!
I am in the middle of reading your book ! Thank you! I recommend it to anyone that wants to end the emptiness. I want to share a phrase that has taught me quite a few lessons. "You can change without growing, but you cant grow without changing. Which one are you doing?"
Thanks Jonice. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I was always self aware enough to know I was raised by two parents that had no parental skills and left my brother and I to fend for ourselves with no emotional skills. Sadly I now have been left to care for my "mother" who is still emotionally absent while being under the same roof and is completely in denial if the subject is brought up. Your videos are a great help.
love the videos and the message is hugely important. I'm a 61 year old codependent empath resulting from childhood emotional neglect. Please lose the background music, though. It's distracting.
I can’t get through any of your videos without crying. So glad I have a great therapist and see her soon. Thank you for your wisdom. I never knew. Age, 69
Thank you, Dr. Webb, for giving me and people like me neglected as children an understanding of our motivations and how to change our lives to find happiness.
I am so glad to have found your book Dr. Webb. It is truly a life changer. Word for word CEN, I see it now.
Everything of this resonates with me. People don't realise how much of perceived 'awkwardness' is rooted in trauma.
I was the dustbin . Emotional dustbin. Marriage counsellor. The unavailable spouse. But I can feel. I spoke to my youth psychologist for~ 3 years. A father I never had. Thanks. These videos cost a lot of money.
I have behaved over the top only to be seen, because that was the only way they could see me. I am going to therapy now. It is difficult to accept that my parents couldn't show me love, but now we can start loving ourselves.
How do you forgive your parents, who deny your struggle?
Hi Andrey, I have learned that forgiveness is for me, so I can move on and not continue to hold myself hostage waiting for 'them' to apologize or feel sorry that 'they' hurt me. Forgiveness does not say that what happened is ok or right or deserved it is saying that I don't want to stay stuck and I want to move on.
Fuck them
You dont. I broke with my parents a couple of months ago and I feel liberated. My parents will never change.
They may never change, so...First, you need to access your emotions so that you can grieve over your losses. Over what could have been but never was, and what may never be. Writing your feelings out helps you to access them more and more. Second, as you go through the grieving process you'll be able to start emotionally distancing yourself from them. As you separate from them emotionally and begin to find your own sense of self apart from them, you will eventually be able to forgive them, as you will see that they are weak and you are much stronger than they are.
I figured my parents would never change, but they're elderly and frail now, and I want to take care of them, so I guess I'm over it by now. It only took 30 years! :D
Man...man. This hit home so hard. smh...I know this is tough for people, but it takes work and painful HONESTY to get through all this. I know this too well. Drugs or any outside "thing" do not truly help to resolve this trauma. This is a deep, inside thing; extremely intimate and personal in nature that you have to go through by yourself with support to make you accountable when you need it. You gotta put in a LOT of work and be personally disciplined. We are all individually responsible to "feed" ourselves and be organically healthy on the inside FIRST so we can have healthy lives on the outside after the work is done. Apples always make apples...never oranges.. so it's important to dig deep to see what was planted so you can get the food that you expect and not be upset with what you don't get when you're expecting something else. Too many people are afraid to dig. Objectivity is essential and we are what we eat.
"...the one who is unwilling to work shall not eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10
yes...its truly invisible. This video sorted years of doubts, wondering, self-blame. Grateful, truly, Joni.
I did the questionnaire only saying yes if I was absolutely positive I identified with the points and came out with 13, I could easily have added a few more that seemed true to a lesser extent. I have only just come across your book and I feel like I finally have the words to put to what is wrong with me. Thank you for your work, I have bought your book and am trying to work from it, I'm still nervous of trying to see a therapist because I'm terrified of being told there's nothing wrong with me after all.
This almost hits the mark with me. I learnt Buddhism & that caused a big shift. Basically you get clear instructions on all types of mind and emotion. This removes any confusion and lack of understanding of yourself and other people & feelings. What happens then is that emotions are still distant & you stay objective. Ie it doesnt solve it. You have emotional knowledge but still come across as totally dry and objective
I thought it was a shame that there is background music in this video. It made it really hard for me to concentrate on what was being said.
Yeah I just read the comments while listening. Helps to heal connecting with other ppls stories
Life has opened me up to more understanding about childhood neglect and I'm grateful to have been brought to your video. It makes a lot of sense and brings ease to me. Maybe, after all, there isn't anything wrong with me. I can let go of all those old, dysfunctional patterns and care for myself the way I needed and deserved. Thank you!
THERE IS EVEN A MEDICAL NAME CEN I THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO I HAVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR A LONG TIME AND IT HELPS GETTING IT OUT ..KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL NEEDS LOVING YOURSELF ENOUGH TO. DELVE DEEP INTO YOUR CONSICIOUS..
My life in a nutshell...
Same, unfortunately
Oh wow! You know my childhood pretty well, all right. I had both parents suffering and emotionally neglected themselves. I don't blame them. They did try their best and I have more insight than all of them. Mom was adopted by a very dear couple but I have no idea what that did to her. Dad was a child genius, home schooled and admitted into college at 13. Then, their first child was born six weeks early (in 1947) and has retinopathy of prematurity and has been legally blind all his life and he also appears to be saddled with high functioning Asperger's. I guess he was a handful. I came along three years later. And my CEN started almost immediately.
But I understand all of that now and I've come to not put myself down as often as I did as a child. It didn't help that I was the outcast of my class from kindergarten on either. But many things changed, including my parents. "What I am is enough." (from Ode Magazine)
I'm glad I found this. Thank you for caring enough to make a video. I have always been aware of my child neglecting trauma and after over 20 years of self help books, therapy, EFT, and " you name it and I tried it " , I still suffer with a huge feeling of being emotionally unsafe. Any idea why is that ?
130brenda you could have soul loss. Look into getting a soul retreival
I cried a lot. I didn't push away. But so true. I am a softie.Truly.
Background music is VERY loud, at least for me. Great info, I'm buying the book =)
My father was mentally abusive and my mother was not a demonstrably affectionate person. There were no hugs, kisses, I love yous, no asking how me and my siblings were, no reading to us, offering to help with homework/projects/etc. We accepted that and simply thought that was the way things were. I’m 53 now and finally discovered that the way I’ve felt and behaved toward myself and others isn’t because I’m a loser or a failure, but because of what was done/not done by my parents. I’m now in therapy, on medication and feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life.
My cold hearted mother left me alone with no attention whatsever. its horrible. thank u for the video. appreciate
I just recently found out about this ECN stuff & it all makes sense. I really thought something was wrong with me or I was missing something everyone else has. I was right ... connecting to my emotion is what I'm missing. Makes so much sense, I'm 40 and just now understand why I'm like this & why my relationships suck.
Excellent little video but big on very meaningful content. Almost 60 years ago I was using the words "there is something missing in me like a missing link in a chain" long before I ever heard of therapy etc. I could not relate to the boys in my class in Secondary School in any meaningful way which was a very lonely, disabling, disempowering way to live and I was starting to become annoyed or as my Mother referred to me as becoming crabbed if anyone understands that word. It is only in recent years that I have able to relate to people in a more way. satisfying way.
You just described me through out this video.....All of this started for me, at the age of 7 and lasted until i was 15. So, i feel like crap most of the time, but i'm slowly learning to change that. And honestly, the affects are still there today, and i'm 27.
Jessi Cunningham Read Dr Webb man & get rid of all that emotional garbage! 👊
Thank you for sharing the life changing information. While the music is very thoughtful it distracted from your gentle voice.
I circled YES to everything on the ENQ and can actually identify certain instances in my childhood that I think led to that.
Please continue with your awesome videos. They are helping people like me a lot, who until now thought everything was wrong with them the whole time.
I'm only 16 and don't have a mother or father in my life.. I feel like I don't have my own personality.. I use other people's lingo a bandwagon other people's way of talking. I'm always alone & I always knew it had something to do with my abandonment issues.
Hi Kris, sorry to hear your storry. Don´t be disheartened. Just embarque on your healing journey. There a a lot of good teachers and videos on RUclips that can guide you how to do it. You will become a very wise and emotionally healthy adult because of what you will learn on the way.
Much love to you.
What's your website address
Kris, you’re super fortunate cuz it took me 40 years of endless work to find CEN & Dr Webb. I’m telling ya, read the 2 books & begin remarkable healing to true happiness! 👊👌
Kris Papi look at borderline personality disorder this cam be caused by neglect you have no personality you copy other peoples read David prezail books a child called it he admitted as a child he would do things to be popular and became a people pleaser
Chris. You are one , but you are not alone..Much caring and often thoughts of YOU. The Blessing upon you.
Dr. Webb, Your work is really important to me as I go forward. I'm glad you made this breakthrough in clinical psychology. I have real difficult though in listening to this video with the famous Pachelbel canon being played in the background. Would it be possible please to make a copy of your video and not include the soundtrack? That would be fantastic !! thank you, John
I'm crying just watching this video because it's what I'm going through right now.
Ugh, I am glad someone is out there. I was kicked as a baby and got beat up one time. Someone pushed me into a pool. I drowned. Everyone laughed at me. I didn't get the emotions I needed. As an adult, I had educate and behave my ass like ghandi.
Pablo Pastrana Nobody gets it for you cuz only you can! 👊
Yo bro me too fucking Mandela
I was fucking gone save the world. Now I say fuck the world!
Yeah I was made to drink piss in front of class. Everybody laughed at me. That was a good day compared to beeing in my fucking room all day . But who the fock cares right?
Thank you dr. Jonice for these greatly helpful videos.
I hope you are celebrated for being the pioneer you are. You are doing Gods work. Blessings
My parents were quick to let us know that we had nothing to be sad/mad about because we had a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food on the table. The fact that I basically took care of myself by the age of 6 doesnt seem to be an issue for my parents. I would climb the counters in the kitchen in the morning to retrieve my cerial bowl. I also always felt that I was a burden and my parents were to busy for me.
Same here. All emotional needs were met with phrases like "what am I supposed to do", "I had a long day", "anything else?"...
Bad parents but the nicest strangers ever.
Very well said. Thank you. This is very helpful for a number of my clients.
Thank you so much, you sound so sweet and caring. The last part of the video where you say we are okay really hit me. Thank you so much
thank for summing up what i felt all my life but didnt have a language to express it thank you
This is such great info. The music is so loud I’m having to focus really hard to absorb what you’re saying. I’ll try the subtitles for this. Thank you for the good information.
Love love love your books! Such helpful info & practices. IAAA talks have brought great conversations with hubby! Ty! 💕🌷
You are so welcome!
I am mum to my adult daughter...the wounds exist but I just need a new opportunity to find back life.it's most ESSENTIAL to do it my way.❤ D'u understand what I want to say? Thanking..my youth psychologist also encouraged me to picture the man of MY DREAMS to really find out what it was that I wished for The MOST about a Man's Man....
Dr Webb you are a freaking genius! 👊👌👍👏
The music is making this unwatchable. I really want to hear your message but I can't focus!
thank you so much for this video. it's really helped me and given me hope in a dark time x
Sarah Dawes I still remember the time when I was 3yrs old mom put a lock on my door on the outside so couldn't get out. Multiple times she went to party all day long . Hungary, went on myself 5 days straight no access to the bathroom until she went to check on me
Thank you. I will buy the ebook.
OMG! Thank you for posting this video. It's very concise and informative. I can't buy the book yet. I am looking for ways to overcome CEN. I'll stay tuned to your channel. Again, thanks!
So, you did say you could talk for an hour on each if the top 10 struggles. I would listen to that. Dr Ramani is a psychologist who specializes in narcissistic abuse, and she made her RUclips channel a platform to educate people on narcissism, identifying it, and healing from it. I'm sure it's a big commitment for her, but I want to throw the idea out there, because I think it would it would be incredibly valuable to have something like that for CEN too.
Why the music? It detracts from the message.
I have CEN:self care I would never care about myself over other people and I can't say know if somebody asks for help or money. The cool thing is I deal with this and I'm told I'm too nice by my friends, I still can't say no when anybody asks for something. I'm 15 and I made it on my own. Although I don't have a relationship with my parents, I am doing great in school, sports, and have a ton of great friends. I still have trouble talking about my troubles and problems.
With your voice, you don't need background music. It's very disturbing.
Thank you for your message.
Could you lower the volume of the music on your next video? You have important things to share with me a woman who grew up suffering from CEN, I want to learn as much as I can, but the music is intrusive. Thank you for this and all of your work on CEN.
Thank you for posting the video.
My dad comes across as having Schizoid personality. Emotions were classed as weakness and he would ignore me when I'm upset. Now I'm stuck with C-ptsd and Bpd. And apparently it is still all my fault.
Im 33 and still feel like a child. My dad still has so much control over me still, and he doesnt even know it. My feelings never mattered.
As a child of emotional neglect I know the effect it has on an adult relationship. I have noticed a pattern of meeting ladies who are emotionally unavailable. How do I meet people who are emotionaly available?
Hello Druidbos, I hope you have found meanwhile the answer to your question. You meet them by first healing yourself internally and learning to love yourself. By law of attraction our inner vibration creates our outer experience. When you love yourself, you attract people who love you, too. When you don´t love yourself or when you are emotionally needy, you attract people who are emotionally unavailable.
All the best on your journey!
Right on Project! 👊
Man this needs to be in the school system
Yes... I am ashamed that I am not happier.... and I am tired of everyone shocked that I am not married or in a relationship. I would like to know how to get "over" this... break down the walls. For example, do I find a mental health professional that specializes in CEN?
can I suggest something? look into trauma release exercises by David bercelli. they have been helping me for a few years now. I used to put up walls when I was in relationships
can I suggest something? look into trauma release exercises by David bercelli. they have been helping me for a few years now. I used to put up walls when I was in relationships
Thank you for taking the time to respond, Lawrence. Gratitude.
I’ll be honest, I’ve always been satisfied I guess with my family, but I’ve always struggled with my mother. I realize what the problem has always been now. Just a preface, every time I would try to communicate with her about how the way she speaks never feels good, or she isn’t listening, it became a blame game and she would say things along the lines of “I’m the adult, think about how I feel.” I’ve always wondered why I act out and also why people call me “emotionless” even though I feel I am very emotional. It’s probably because it’s buried and I only feel things for myself. Now I can see, as my mother still tries to cope with major anxiety, when in anger muttering how she doesn’t feel like the family accepts her or we kids don’t do what she asks, I can see what I’m really dealing with in order to improve with a widened mindset.
I don’t want to be driven in the wrong direction by watching one video so obviously I won’t pity myself boohoo me kinda thing, but looking over the questionnaire, if it’s legitimate I literally have like 19/22 yes and rest are maybe.
Thank you beautiful! I plan to take your test right now.
I'd love to be able to hear this - but the background music is too loud. Perhaps this could be re-recorded w/o it, or, set very low as to not be so distracting.
Thanks! :)
I grew up in a physically, verbally and emotionally abusive household. Besides witnessing my parents screaming at each other ending in dad hitting mom and then leaving, I remember him telling me that if I wanted sympathy that I should look it up in the dictionary. Needless to say this was a less than ideal childhood.
That me. I realized this fully for the first time when my fiance died and I fell down. I'd rather than pick me up people liked me down and I was the only reason I had most of the relationships that I had in my life because I was the one doing all the work to have them. Wound up miserable after giving my entire life and even going to counseling.
Thank you for reading through the lines. Have a great day:)
Thanks for the explanation, so relatable.
Pachelbel's Canon in D Major is soothing and lovely to hear, but the background music is way too loud. Needs to be tuned way down, like a hint of perfume, not a strong whiff.
That was illuminating. I feel so much relief just listening to you, and seeing your lovely smile. Thank you for not making me feel isolated and lonely without understanding why. I feel a wave of peace. Looking forward to learning more.
Just a quick question: Do CEN people also suffer from trying to overachieve to impress people?
Thanks.
Consider posting an outline for listeners to follow content sequence for application within the context of their specific situation.
I read Running on Empty, and it inspired me to share it with others. I am in the process of setting up a RUclips channel, a blog and podcast episode to spread the word about CEN and about Dr. Webb's book. If anyone has recovered from CEN, please let me know where I can contact you. I would love to interview you so we can give others hope of recovery.
Again, fantastic content but the background music is incredibly distracting and unnecessary!
I’ve been learning this lately. Me to a tee.
Off topic but I love the harp in the background. Even playing my favorite song to play on harp (lol)
(I’m here to do research on my characters and how their childhood has affected them. This is one of the most important things in two of my character’s childhoods)
Dr. Webb, firstly thank you for posting your findings on CEN. I answered yes to everything on questionnaire but my question is not for me. My question is regarding my being a parent who suffers from CEN, and how I can avoid these pitfalls with my own children?
Yikes cut the music!
cute haircut-- I was emotionally neglected-- I don't know how to fix this-- Can you help?? My career is in ruins over this-- I am so unhappy, I am 55, no family and always alone-- it is too much. I struggle all the time-- Life is not fun for me.
bad decisions-- low confidence-- wondering where I went wrong, looking for answers.. thanks
+Dr. Jonice Webb
hello Dr jonice. I've been a viewer for some time. I'm currently really struggling as a 30 year old man who's been neglected badly. It's affected my physical health, appearance, hygiene and many other things. I'm at a crisis point.
+Dr. Jonice Webb
hello Dr jonice. I've been a viewer for some time. I'm currently really struggling as a 30 year old man who's been neglected badly. It's affected my physical health, appearance, hygiene and many other things. I'm at a crisis point.
Joseph Elias I m so sorry-- I tried this nd it worked! Listen to Louise Hay evening and morning. Love yourself. Love yourself! It works! This seems to simple but work at this and you will repair your life!
Dr. Jonice Webb Thanks for all of your help! I found something that worked! Thanks!
Thank you but the music is very distracting. Wish you were music free.
My mum didn’t mean to do it she was on anti depressants if she did, honestly when on public I just put a persona on and can easily fake it as when I did something wrong people told me rather than talking through it to rather fake it until you make it and not let the problem happen at all, or if it does always be the bigger person and apologize first
I was diagnosed with cen and still struggle after 5 years of therapy.
Is BPD linked to this?
I’m reading Running on empty at the moment.
Saying no is a biggie. I just have a hard time telling people no. I don't want to make people upset with me. So even if I want to say no, I just say yes.
Nice job
Narcissistic/ toxic parents are too selfish and lack empathy and transmute guilt and toxic shame on to you. They will destroy you, they will not change. Its a very lonely one sided relationship ( codependency) go no contact or low contact and get with a good therapist, you have repairing to do.
Excellent video, Dr. Webb! Can you turn down the music a bit? It drowns out your voice. :(
Thank you.
Thank you!
It so sad when you have APD and have a problem, but your parents didn't care. It feels disappointed and lonely...