How to Forget Someone you LOVE and MOVE ON!
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2022
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
*** PROGRAMS ****
Self-Parenting Course - (NEW Online Course) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
9 Weeks to Emotional Healing (online program) - BEST SELLER! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
The Bootcamp (online program) - Rebuilding and Goal Setting Course! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Bundle your Courses - (BEST DEAL!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
****** COACHING SERVICES ********
Book an Individual Session! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Private Coaching (BEST SELLER!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Coaching Bundle www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
🎧 iTunes Podcast podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
✔️INSTAGRAM - / stephanielyncoach
✔️TIKTOK - vm.tiktok.com/ZMeg1m9pu/
✔️FACEBOOK - / stephanielyncoaching
Thank you for your love and support!
Stephanie
www.StephanieLynLifeCoaching.com
![Veeze - F.A.F (ft. Rylo Rodriguez) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/7hlz2S2GmIY/mqdefault.jpg)
I tried to forget him - but couldn't - until one day I said to myself, "He's not the man you think he is. If he was the man you thought he was, he would love you and care for you." That's when I realized I'd been in love with a figment of my imagination - and then I realized I was free.
@Lily M Schons Monsters that dispose other human beings - as if they're trash - are telling us that they are non-human ... the creature that uses another human is not human ... that behavior is typical of the male species - even those that think of themselves as "gentlemen" are self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing predators ...
He doesn't deserve one second of your time - remind yourself of all the horrible things he did to you - write them down and every time you start to think about him, remind yourself that he's a monster from hell that doesn't deserve one second of your time ... Remind yourself of how awesome you are ... Write down everything that is awesome about you... Write down all the things that you want to do now ... every day ... and in the future ... Picture in your mind the spectacular human being that you are ... and your amazing vision for your life ...
Be the truth of who you are and remind yourself that compared to the magnificence of humankind, evil is less than a speck of dust ...
Remind yourself that your soul is alive with beauty and kindness and that you can be everything wonderful.
This is the exact realization I’ve had to come to. My husband of 10 years came home and said I found someone else. I was shocked I thought we were best friends as well. I was in complete shock for a month now I’m realizing it was all just lies. I meant nothing to him. I hope you are doing well. It’s been 6 weeks and I’ve struggled but I’ve decided to let it go.
@@tobysmom6362 Put the trash out.
@@WhirledPublishing but what if there are lil ones involved.. not soe easy, impossible really.. cursed like that now, still havin to..
@@tobysmom6362 how? How did you do it? 20yrs here and lil ones too, smallest in 4k.. every single day is jus lure pain, even now 6 months after d-day..
Pray, read, work out, hike, get out and force yourself to smile and say hi to people. cut your soul tie connection with your negative partner and get out of your own head. You will heal day by day.
Good advice
@@blueseptember2174 Just got over the hump. First month was hard but really alot of the time, the other person is the mirror showing us what we need to fix/work on ourselves.
@@ericlee419 I'm glad you're in a better place. I don't necessarily agree with mirroring thing though when the other person is an addict of sorts.
@@blueseptember2174 sure enough. sometimes its completely the other person. but then the question comes why did we pick them or were attracted to them?
Thanks Eric, this is so tru.
Don't let a man tell you twice he doesn't want you
Facts!!!!!
Or a women
Absolutely
He will never get me back after 38years of mental abuse and I take baby steps each day 😢
Don't let ANYONE tell you they don't want you more than once................ Nothing on this planet is one-sexed.
Don't rush your healing...you will move on when you are good and ready. Don't allow the relationship propaganda to make you feel guilty about the fact that you are still missing someone. Allow the natural flow of life to take you there.
Best advice on here.
Thank you so much @Clara
Is 8 months normal? 😢
@@drusca2323 totally normal. Don't put a time on it. Just go with the flow and aim to do the things that make you feel good. You will find joy which will aid your healing and personal growth.
@@drusca2323 Allow yourself to do what it wants so long as you're not neglecting your needs. ❤ Sending love and virtual hugs.
I just want everyone who is going through this to know that you’re incredibly strong. Please also remember that them disrespecting you (whether it was cheating, lying, disrespecting your time, not being appreciated, etc) has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Whether it’s their traumatic past or their own insecurity, this does not mean you need to be their therapist and especially not their mother. You are a brave, strong person and I’m so proud of you for putting yourself first to detach yourself from whoever was draining your life. In the end, think of yourself as beautiful, powerful tree. They go through seasons, sometimes it’s sad in winter when they lose all their leaves, but when spring comes around, notice all the beauty and life that returns to their branches.
❤thank you needed to read this today!
Truly an awesome comment god bless you man I really hope you get exactly what you want out of life ❤
Thank you for this comment ! ! ! I just separated from someone I loved deeply, who disrespected me, lied to me and was heartless to me. Even though I found out they had BPD ( borderline personality disorder) I still hurt really bad. I gave 100% to this person. And your right. Her actions were all on her and not me. It's her loss. Now I have to work on being the best version of myself I can be.
The tree metaphor is so beautiful. If we think about how much time and energy was spent to grow the beautiful leaves, flowers, and fruits for them to fall off… in the spring they come back and sometimes even larger and more beautiful.
❤
1. Never, never blame your self. If you are doing it, stop immediately.
2. Swallow the bitter pill.
3. Meditate.
4. Spend some time with nature. It's really beautiful.
5. Read, read and read more.
6. Strive hard not to have negative thoughts.
7. Engage in your hobby or pursue your long lost wish.
8. Travel.
9. Have faith in your self.
10. Pray every day.
How can I not blame myself if it was my fault?
its so hard to do all these whn u r in depression. Dont feel like waking. I jst feel like shutting down frm the world. Every waking second reminds me of him..the fact tht he is enjoying himself wt someone else hurts so bad
or you stay emotional broken until your heart broken, you automatically found peace in your mind.
Swallow that bitter pill, brilliant advice 👍
Blame yourself for the mistakes you made. Learn from them and behave better next time.
To be honest, the break up was the best thing for me. When we were together I had low motivation and ambition. All I would do was go to work and then play video games. I tried to spend time with her during the relationship but she did not want to spend time with me. When she broke up with me something changed in me. Now I go to the gym 5 days a week. I box and I am going to college to get a computer science degree. I am also traveling and meeting all kind of different people. I still miss her and love her to this day but as one of the comments say, "If someone doesn't want to be with you, grace them with your absence".
I'm truly comforted by the comment section. Thank you all, I hope and pray we all heal and move on with our lives, we deserve it. Love you all💯👌
Amen
Right back to you with love! ❤
People with a heart have a hard time dealing with being discarded after a long marriage. We tend to make many excuses for our narcissist. No more!!
I think you are right, my mind battles for me to accept that.
thats what im going through now im so hurt and she is one on top of it i relaize that she is cold hearted
Yes. 22 years of being blind to my narcissist boyfriend has left me really damaged. I learned he was a narcissist when I started Googling "low self-esteem" which I had never felt before.
I’m going through this right now. I wanted the divorce and after 14 years I had to move on. My wife kept showing signs that she didn’t love me, was cold hearted, had no sympathy, no affection, or no compassion for me. I for some reason can’t get over her. It seemed that she meant so much to me than I did to her. I don’t know why I can’t get over it.
Yes
"If he is the guy, he will care about and love you. So stop thinking about the past, you can't change it, and start thinking about the future."
The comment section says it all 😂😂 I'm not alone indeed, people are facing hardest heartbreaks in here. I pray we all heal
Love is so short, but forgetting is so long 😢
Man exactly!!
Yes that's what Im going through!
Psychological pain can be just as painful as physical pain. You're definitely right Stephanie when you say be logical
Usually it's more. Physical wounds heal. But the psychological damage can last a lifetime.
sending love to whoever is going through this process of greiving
Grieving is so hard. Depression is killing me. I miss him so so bad
@@annsumrall2593me too girl but we will be okay. We are still here. God isn’t done with us. Also to be able to mourn over something when it ends is proof it was quite nice while it lasted. Good luck ❤
Well, she left me after 31 yrs. I been alone for one year now. You're right, I had to truly answer the tough questions. It's not easy to hear the truth but it necessary to move forward.
The best quote I heard so far.
Don't worry about the people that God removed from your life.
- He saw things you didn't see.
- He heard conversations you couldn't hear.
- He made moves you wouldn't make.
This was so true with my situation. It got me through some rough days.
I truly hope this video helps a lot of people who are going through this painful situation.
Thank you for this video.
God bless
I hope you feel better king. I'm moving on to my first love (9 yrs) when she decided to stop loving me where it happened in the midst of this year and still having these flashbacks. At first, it was excruciating and the pain was immeasurable. But, time is really my best friend i feel better now and i indulge myself in the gym and read books. There's a quote that really inspired me "Tough times never last. But, tough people do." 💯
@@matthewluardo6973
I totally agree. We differently need time to heal. I went through my season. GOD put me through his process. Not trying to spread religion belives here but prayer does work. My faith is even stronger. I'm ready for new and wonderful things to happen with my life.
I wish you the best with your chapter in life. We differently deserve it..
God bless
Did she leave because you cheated on her?
@Joanne Carr
Hell No! I loved her too much.
Great perspective, this is really helpful. Thank you!
Love isn't suppose to feel bad anxious and worried... Walking away hurts but do it sooner than later
The sooner the better.
Love is nothing more than a temporary imbalance in your brain that heals itself over time. Once you understand that life is so much better.
That's not what love is
You are wrong
If that helps you sleep at night.
Yes it is, it lasts on average for 3 months then after that its just habit.@julesclarke6140
I actually love this 🙌
It's been a year since I found this video. I can't even begin to tell you how my life turned around from that point on. The idea of using logic rather letting your emotions lead . Now I'm thinking he's voice wasn't that sexy after all, I was always anxious, my tummy used to hurt, every song was sad (not any more) , obsessive thoughts , heartbreaks, dreams. Now all I obsess about is grape juice and chocolate. I'm so happy I can't take it. Thank you so much Stephanie Lyn.
Grape juice.
Hardest 7 months of my life. Miss her so much.
Hope you are feeling better
😢❤🙏🏼🌹 hoping your healing and happy with time
you miss the good moments, not her specifically
I hate the constant obsessive thoughts that I have about the break up! That part of my brain! Has been difficult to regulate my entire life!
I truly agree with this. I’m going through the same thing. I have done everything in my control to let her go but I still think about her everyday. I feel like something is wrong with me. I love her so much. I take full responsibility for our breakup. I just didn’t have the tools at the time. I’m trying so hard but I can’t turn my brain off.
@@sathomas7 it will come with time….
Just know, God has a plan for you 🙏
Think of that past relationship as an old movie that met its predetermined end. You enjoyed it while it lasted and now it’s time to watch something new.
Probably the best advice I've heard
Hi all , everything that Stephanie is talking about is exactly what i am thinking all the time .
It is painful . My ex wife has gone back with an ex boyfriend from 17 years ago after the divorce .
Its destroyed me . I am a fighter .
I am 67 but i still think life is for living . I will fight on . Thankyou .
Be strong brother
The fact that you can never really know what is in someone’s heart and head is why I will never enter another relationship. I no longer have the emotional resources to go through another break up. I’ve lost my faith in the process. Ten years on, this hasn’t changed at all.
That's really sad.
I’m so sorry😢 I hope someone shows up who can restore all ur faith and more.
Thank you Stephanie! My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago and I've been miserable since then. I've finally reached the stage where I don't want to feel sad every day and I want to move on and be happy again. I put this video on replay and it really makes the whole process a lot easier!
yes, I think I will watch this video every time I need to hear this.
Sending virtual hugs😕
Went through last December. Pretty much no contact.
If someone broke up with you, don't give them the time of day! That's what they want is to get you to chase them to stroke their ego! You want to show them that you don't care just as much as they don't care. Don't give them your energy even if they hurt you, as this is what will keep you attached to them.
💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Very good
Thank you .....
Sometimes you have to break up with them …because they hurt you too much. Just because you leave doesn’t mean u was the bad person
I left and it still hurts, I sent him a text wishing him a happy birthday after no contact (almost 3 months no contact) and he's still upset that I broke up with him, told me no to reach out anymore, as he "would also like a lot of things but he's not telling me any of it out of respect for my decision", and so he asked me to do the same
If you love someone that much, let them go.
It's difficult because I get SO attached. I'm going through it right now with someone that is VERY dear to my heart. I put unrealistic expectations on the relationship and became obsessed. If it's true love, perhaps the Universe will unfold as it always does. Missing my person dearly, I'm learning to redirect all that obsessive love right back to my beautiful self.
Depends! If someone breaks up with you because you disrespected them, it’s on you not them
Everybody breaks up with someone at some point. That is part of life. The narc is a selfish monster. Heal. God bless
I really feel like people have unreasonable expectations. People always leave relationships just to get into another one only to find themselves in the same scenerio a few months later. Find someone who treats you good and ride it out. Everyone on this earth is damaged and going to come with baggage. Unless you are getting abused,used or cheated on, you should have more mindfulness that being with someone is hard. Either accept that and be resilient or stay single
That analogy about your inner child wanting not to move on and having to parent it really got me, I will not let her do whatever that is hurting me and her
This comment was deep and very relatable😭
Thank you for commenting this
I am not an expert, however I have this to offer: To release yourself from negative or sad energy ‘redefine yourself’. Change some habits. Change patterns. “Take a different way home”. Find new ways to do the same things. Takes some time but it helps.
Yes, it is about connecting the heart and the mind. The love doesn't have to end, just the relationship.
This is what I needed to hear! I have had great difficulty with this subject. I divorced after 44 yrs of marriage. It's a long time, and will probably take a long time before I deal with it completely. But what you said today is exactly what I need to do. I saw red flags during the marriage, but ignored them as was raising two children. Thank you soooo much for this video. I moved out of state 3 1/2 yrs ago after we separated, I think the distance helped. He is not communicative. Lost my Mom recently as well, so a lot of change in my life in a short period of time. Thanks again!
Stay Strong....Loads of strength from my end to you..
Yes - distance to the narc and also NC with those people, their supply and even to the Flying Monkey is definitely good for our health.
Let the healing of Your self take time and don't get bitter cause it's now You can live again. Be grateful that You get out and get free to live as You want
I'm grateful at the age of 62 years old that I at least ended my toxic relationship and get away from the narc's abuse thank's of my education of narcisstic behavior.
I agree and empathize. It's hard to cope with the fact the majority of your prime years were with someone used you as aATM machine and step-and -fetch slave.
Pretty much my same story.
Doing good girl iv the same story 13 days short of 45 years yes there were red flags but you didn't know what a red flag was .I never knew why I was unhappy had everything but really had nothing..now we can breathe.
What’s difficult for me is being alone again. I’m not afraid to be alone because I left…it’s way better then being with someone toxic. But I miss having someone to hold and be held, to kiss, make love with, have dinner together, watch a movie with. I miss that very much. And it can be hard to meet another especially when you have children.
That’s how it should be with a nice reasonable person,I miss my wife dearly,she was good at it,hope you get another better relationship going,if I knew some how that I could have a relationship as good as the one I had I would do it in a heart beat♥️♥️
All of this, especially the children part. He accepted me. But he also cheated.
Why did you leave if you have kids?
There is no easy solution or a pill to fix how you need. Find the support in family and friends vent dont hold it in everyone can give you advice but you are the only one who knows how you feel every day the sun shines remember that
Most people, don't really understand the true meaning of love, so letting someone go, isn't that hard. But if it is genuine love, you will never get over that person, you will however learn to live without them...
I respectfully disagree, I think you can get over someone, but maybe not forget them completely. But I think you can get over the intensity of the feelings.
Betrayed, abandoned, lied to..... all because of a 3rd party who was the catalyst of the divorce, a person who inserted lies, innuendos, that destroyed what you thought was a life time love. Forgiveness , many times, comes slowly............Keep seeking the help of God to give you the peace to forgive, and find freedom to move on.
A third party was also one of the reasons my relationship ended.
Always because of a third party
This is the best community of people learning to heal and learning to love themselves and others in the right way. You rock ladies and guys!
true!
God, I needed this a few months ago. I never thought the grief would be so deep. I got through it by myself for myself.
How long did it take? I'm 4 months in and even with therapy it's very difficult
I'm at 1 year 4 months. Healing happens when it happens 😔
It's really tough to get over the fantasy of the person when they're gone. Coming back to reality helps but it's hard for those emotions to go away.
That really is the hardest part.
We have to:
1.Accept that the good times are gone then we can
2. Let go of the feelings that make us lonely so we can
3. Move on slowly
It's been 4months, but I'll keep telling myself to be stronger everyday 🙏
That’s what I’ve done too.
Well said x
some people are doing the wrong things when trying to move on. don't rush it. don't force yourself if you are not ready. healing is the single most important factor in getting to the next step of your life.
Discomfort breeds discomfort. I have to decide to get out of my discomfort daily. Your thought life is so important. Focus on moving forward. Even if it's one step in an hour. Get busy. Move. Work. Exercise. Call a friend. Dance.
God bless you all!!!
thanks im hurting love god bless you too
I'm currently going true this trauma, it's feels like hell. May God heal us. Thanks for this content.
yes it does. hell on earth. its crazy to think a person can hurt another person so badly without even touching us.
Advice which came my way was after a significant breakup, meditate on the person you were before you met and your relationship began. What did you like and enjoy, passions and hobbies. Reconnect with that person. Absolutely agree with this!! You don't have to dismiss your feelings and emotions, rather orient and guide them through a logical mind.
I stopped dating after a breakup with a narcissist. That pain nearly killed me and I barely understand it today. Your vid has the nuggets of wisdom for mental health work I still need to do. Thank you Stephanie for your sharing.
I also left a narcissist after a 5 yr engagement. I pulled thru, but I did suffer..Good luck to you..
@@drbt65884 Ya, the narcs are really good at making you think that you’re the problem.
@@drbt65884 same here one just dumped me after two years out of no where didn’t realize who and what he was until now . The pain is unbearable I feel like I’m losing my mind . He stonewalled me after two years of what I though was a wonderful relationship
It's so sad to hear it but we need yo move forward
Define narcissist. Its the most overused word today. Toxic is a close second.
Thank you for this video. I think sometimes we're in love with the idea of people than the actual people themselves. Disconnecting the expectations from the actual person helped SO much
I FINALLY Did all of this after a 6 year off/on relationship about 5 months ago asking myself those same questions . Your words are SO true!
Now In a very mutually happy committed relationship 😋
already in a happy committed relationship 5 months after an 6 yr on/off relationship? Is that called a rebound?
Eric Lee sounds like it
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.
@@HarrisonS. wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@@HarrisonS. Thank you for this valuable information,i just looked her up now online. impressive
😢
6+ months out of my second long term relationship and through my journey of trying to understand wtf happened, I found this channel and went down a rabbit hole of the narcissism videos and particularly connected with the video about being discarded. As time goes on, I find my healing and processing evolving, but always find my way back to this particular video. Sometimes I just need the reminder that my fantasy of who she was, was not actually who she was. It hurts to realize that the girl I loved didn't dump me, she simply never existed, but its also healthy for me to disenchant myself. However painful that process has been and will take...
That’s powerful right there!!👍🏽
Excellent advice!! We can so easily fall in love with someones potential, not realizing that they really aren't the right person for us at all.
Exactly!!! 💯
I'm 65, kids grown and living away from home , i had to put the dog to sleep thus week and I'm on my own for the first time In my adult life
😢
Understand. Make as many friends or connect with others asap. I am widower and have recently loved and lost. Making a new community is an answer.
I'm going to celebrate and express my gratitude for the fact that my heart still beats and pumps strongly enough to be broken by someone, instead of concentrating on the cipher who did it.
this really hit me : you are mourning over a hypothetical character you created...
I showered emotionally to my SP with my attention, love, and support. Even alot of money- given. Obviously I was taken advantage of. Im ok. Im not asking for anything back. Im moving on. Its very hard. Im ok. Now its just me and my dog. She left to be with someone else. God bless her. Hope she will be okay w him. ❤
I’m 10 months into my break up she moved on think she monkey branched but thanks to your videos they have helped me so much .after 15 years I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me I’m still single getting myself emotionally ready for my next partner I know Even if it takes 10 years I’m never settling again so thank you
im so sorry chris im hurting too my ex just left me 2 weeks ago stay strong you aren't alone brother
That's a good way to look at it. I need to start thinking this way, even if it takes me 10 years to find another partner but do not settle.......way to go girl!!
Let’s get to know each other.
I just found out my husband is cheating.I’m devastated .I need to let go and move on,he wants to try and work through this. But I keep telling myself , he didn’t love or respect me enough to not cheat in the first place it’s probably been going on and the shit finally came out in the wash. I can’t see the sense in continuing forward. I don’t know how to love him like a husband when he doesn’t act like one .But struggling with how the hell do I start over ,feeling so lost and so alone . I also don’t understand why I feel ashamed ? I never stopped loving him and taking care of him ,even now in this awkward crazy limbo I feel like I’m in I’m still taking care of him as a wife should.where do I go from here ??? Help 😢
@@kim96533 I think you just answered your own question. He doesn't act like a husband and yes you are right, someone that loves you would NOT CHEAT ESPECIALLY I repeat ESPECIALLY when you are taking care of him. I hope you see how valuable you are and see you deserve the best!
We met online last year and we used to Skype very often. He ghosted and came back to test the waters the other day. During his absence I went through pain and found healing. I am very indifferent for I have psychologically moved on . I want to be with someone who appreciate me the same way I appreciate him. Done with breadcrumbs 😊
You lose two things the older you get: 1) your memory, 2) I forget the other thing.😂
I'm on the process of grieving (still), and it is harder for me when I found out that he has already found someone new, and it was a mutual friend of us. I'm still having intrusive thoughts of them being together, and it really feels horrible. But then, I will impliment this video in my process of moving on. I really want a way out of this attachment. I hate this horrible feeling. I just want my feelings for him to fade away.
Me too😞I’m a cancerian and can literally live in my emotions
Please dont give up on yourself ,Im leaving my narc 5 days ago ,stay in faith ,fight for it ,your inner peace. Im here if you wanna talk :-)
@@sukma5277 Hi! I just read your reply to my comment. Thank you very much for the nice words. I hope you find the peace in your heart and mind soon too. Stay strong!
@@lilliepad24 Thank you! It was harder before, but I find it easier as days go by. Of course, it is only possible because I controlled myself (I had been online stalking them until I decided to stop for my OWN sake). Although I still feel bitter pain, I'm starting to feel myself now, even just a little.
I hope everyone who experience heartbreak get through it. Love lots
Just read your post and can completely relate. Thank you for sharing your story.
😲 No joke, I've watched a thousand videos on this topic since I went through a breakup a couple years ago, and none came close to being as helpful as this one was for me right now.
I've come to realize, by other means, a few of the things mentioned, but not only did this video hit on every one of my own epiphanies, but it also brought up multiple facts & perspectives that I'd not heard before - and when I thought about them, I was like "Holy sh%t, that's so true! I wish someone would've told me that a year ago." It's so helpful to realize I WAS holding onto the disappointment of losing what was "never supposed to end" - like I'm a victim...something was stolen from me...someone betrayed me. This video made me realize it was never going to work out. It was never even a possibility. It's not my fault for messing it up, or her fault for giving up without trying - it was that we were just wrong for each other.
I also like the example of, or comparison to, being a parent to ourselves. I hadn't thought of moping & dwelling on things as comparable to a 3-year-old who's being irrational, but now that you draw the comparison, I can totally see where the grown-up in me needs to be the one in control of the situation & not let my inner child pout about not having that which I had become attached to because.... like you said, we can't control or predict what life has in store. We have to accept that we can't predict how relationships will turn out...ever.
Something I have come to realize is that it's truly not rational to ever plan on spending forever with anybody. We may never go into a relationship expecting it to end, but we need to be honest with ourselves about the fact that we can't control what the future holds for us or for our partner.
The reason my last break up hurt so badly & was so hard to get over was that I unrealistically convinced myself that I could bank on something that only had a 50/50 chance of going my way. That's a valuable lesson learned.
I also learned that we usually rush into emotional commitment (give our hearts away, ie. fall in love) before we get to know who someone truly is underneath the dopamine high that takes over our brains at the start of a new relationship. When the high ("honeymoon") wears off, we see new sides of someone. Inevitably, there are red flags that we missed cuz of the love drug - and now we are too emotionally invested to walk away.
"Relationships can dissolve."💯
I was married to a narc for 18 yrs. I started to work on me. We split up and the coming & going started for the past few years. Even after the divorce. I finally got to the "no contact" place. Through a mutual friend, I found out that he got engaged to his new supply after my no contact in 3 weeks. Honestly, I feel crushed! This heartbreak is serious! I have never felt this type of pain before. Thank you for these videos. T
You have helped me so much. Thank you!
How are you doing now?
@@thinkingbeliever247 Thank you for checking on me. I am actually moving on with my life. I have so much peace now. He did me a favor.
@@melissamartin9275 I am soooo glad you are ok now and getting on with your life. You're right, getting rid of that toxicity opens up the door to peace! 🤗🥰🤗
Breakups feel like death. I got logical I’m healing and feeling better!
I so needed this right now😩Will have to saturate my soul into listening to this 10 more times🤔to get it in my thick skull that actually refuses to s👀 what reality truly is😭
Ugh same 😭
Thank Steph, my grief is not a divorce or break up, But a super close friendship with the opposite sex. Who turned out, i had feelings for and now trying to let go, Sooo difficult. This advice will help me tremendously to move on. I rarely have people come and go in my life, so this 7-year friendship is stuff. I will apply everything you told me. This is the first week of grief, so you give me much hope. :)
You’re exactly right. You have to ask yourself these questions, then you’ll remember the truth of the matter.
Goodness, I needed to hear this, what a great video. I made the decision today to logically move on, hearing this content gave me the nudge I need! No more time to waste stuck in my negative emotions, going to focus on the positive, I've grieved for long enough. Thank you Stephanie 😄
A breakup is a form of death. It is the end of a life.
I feel like i am dying....
or the beginning!
🙏🙏🙏
Almost 4 weeks ago, my husband told me he doesn't love me anymore and no longer wants to stay in our marriage. This video is perfect. Thank you 👍🙏💗
Sorry that happened to you it definitely damages your heart.. The ones I thought would stick around fooled me.. I just focus on me and keep to myself anymore.. I’m lost for words when it comes to love!!
I’m going through the same exact situation 😢 stay strong ❤ we got this!!!
Wow, stay strong, we will be okay sister ❤
This is one of the most refreshingly real videos I’ve seen on YT regarding this. Just ended a trauma bonded 6 year long relationship, so unweaving that web has been difficult. Thanks for the good video.
Often times the relationship was very much “meant to be”and a partner died so that is actually the worst because then you’re mourning the loss of having the best and not wanting the rest!!
You can’t win someone back with showing/telling them you’ve changed for them. Let them be, change yourself for the better, cry and embrace your emotions. Understand that you can’t do anything about it. Focus on yourself and don’t panic to try to fix it. Detachment is the most important thing to do. If it was meant to be then you will both be together someday. You will hopefully both be better, so you will be strangers because you have different mentalities. And if you both are strangers, but still want to be together then it’s meant to be, but if you did the work and they didn’t then you might not want them back. Focus on yourself and let them be! They can’t miss you if you’re always around, and they can feel you thinking of them.
Thank you, I really needed this.
@@val3ntin3.. np, I’m going through it now, and it still hurts almost 3 months later, but I’m making sure I’m better equipped for the future regardless of what happens. Keep your head up even though it feels like you have the weight of the world on you. That feeling will slowly fade week by week. Take it one moment at a time. Don’t freak out, and learn to love/learn yourself. Be the best you. I believe in you.
Can I contact you ? I am feeling lost right now
thank you so much. its really useful. i feel empowered to be better for me. do u hv an ig?
Wow thank you 🙏🏼
Love how you get down deep under the surface. This is exactly the direction to take your mind when you’re getting lost in the emotions of a breakup and feeling so stuck it’s suffocating.
My anger got outta control and that's how I lost her now she wants nothing to do with me and hearing those two words "we're done" broke my heart in half 💔 😭
I think what’s helping me is realizing that they are not who I thought they were. That I’m not the problem, they are. I know what I want while they’re confused as can be.
I have to know my self worth instead of thinking I’m not enough because someone that wasn’t who I thought they were doesn’t care about me and I can move on. That there is someone better for me out there. I just haven’t found them yet. Gotta look forward, not back.
I needed to see your videos badly. I have been hung up on someone who is ruining my peace for a few months, and am struggling to let go because of the emotions. Walking away is 1000% logical, stings but, I choose me. Thank you Stephanie.
The most resonating message and accurate message is here guys. Moving on is a decision and practice like anything else.
I was in love with someone ,got emotionally entangled and messed up my mind completely...and my thoughts became worse with pain as I realized how foolish I was...and to think he must have been playing the same trick with many women at the same time.But I have learnt my lesson...and I let it go.I am in a better place now...getting better.Worst part is that when they play...they play so safe,that make the world feel it was we who was chasing them.I was much much older to him...and what a mess I made out of me.I need to pamper,cherish and help me to be the new me...and I will be there.
I’ve been going through a divorce (vacillation) for two years. The reason it’s been difficult is because I love her. The truth is, I will always love her….but I’m moving on because it’s best for both of us. I had to realize she will never choose to be who I wish her to be.
Going through the same. He cheated which showed no respect for me. I was a good partner. He allowed himself to get into bad habits. I will always love him but he will drag me down if I don't go.
You need to love her for HER. Not who you WANT her to be! You did her a favor.
I am going through this as well. Finally figuring out I can’t live someone based on potential.
I needed to hear this. I’ll probably listen to this multiple times so it sinks in. Knowing that it wasn’t meant to be hurts. Really hurts. I hope using this advice gets me off this emotional roller coaster that I’ve been on for the last 10 months. Happy, sad, angry, depressed. I need to break the cycle. I deserve to break the cycle. It will be one of the hardest things I will have ever done but I must remember that I’ll be stronger because of this. The strongest metals are forged in fire and I’m worth it.
This is literally the most profoundly helpful & effective video out of hundreds I've watched about getting over someone. Everything she talks about is true, & she points out a lot of the specific nuances of heartbreak that make it so difficult to get over when left to our own devices.
It's like every little thing I could bring up to defend why I deserve to be so sad or stay stuck, she has a counter argument that I absolutely agree with & know is valid. She said the things I've been needing to hear for 2 years and that no other video ever said.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I have been trying to heal for 2 years from a breakup with someone I was with for 5 years & had planned to marry. This video helped me realize I was holding onto the disappointment of losing what was "never supposed to end" - like I'm a victim...something was stolen from me...someone betrayed me. This video made me realize it was never going to work out. It was never even a possibility. I was always who I was and they were always who they were, & the problem was that we didn't know each other in the beginning.
When it comes to exes, usually, had we known everything about them then that we know about them now, we wouldn't have decided to be in the relationship, right?
I've been holding onto this story about how things were in the beginning & how happy we once were together...feeling so sad that we lost what we had when we were just in love. I'm sad because I didn't get my happily ever after. This video made me understand that it's not my fault for messing it up, or their fault for giving up without trying - it was that we were just wrong for each other and we didn't wait to find that out before completely giving our hearts to each other.
I liked her example of, or comparison to, being a parent to ourselves. I hadn't thought of moping & dwelling on things as comparable to a 3-year-old who's being irrational, but I can totally see where the grown-up in me needs to be the one in control of the situation & not let my inner child pout about not having that which I had become attached to. We can't control or predict what life has in store.
I don't know if this was solely intended for women, but as I learned a lot about this as a man for a woman, I cared about it, especially when Stephanie was talking about fantasizing (I do not mean sexual in anyway). I mean what you thought you had and what could have been. Quite a bit of what she said resonated with me in my particular situation years ago-that I had been left behind, but you know your history is a part of you; it defines you, and well, we all learn from experience, whether female or male. We are different, but we are human beings, and we have feelings. We make mistakes and need to try to learn from those mistakes, no matter how hard they are. The woman I speak of is married, and yet we are still friends; even me and her husband get along very well; strangely enough, he and I are very much alike. It isn't about animosity, but sometimes you just want an honest answer about what you did wrong or what other people didn't like about you, even if it is difficult. You know because you feel like if they had true concern about you, they would tell you, even if that meant ending whatever level of relationship you had. It would be hard, but it would make you grow, learn, and be better as a human being.
Omg...you hit the nail on the head Ms Lady. I can begin to thank you for all the help and healing you have facilitated!
Currently going through this. Trying so hard to find myself again. We’ll get through it ❤️
How did it end for you? If you can sink deep into your heart that you fell for a person who didn’t exist, it will help you to move on.
And that might feel like the worst because it’s all one sided where you feel crushed on your end and they don’t feel a thing on their end but it’s really one of the most effective (and hardest) ways to move on.
Same.. it’s scary not being able to find yourself through the grief. I’ve been having panic attacks.
@@kristinagradishar4824same
I have to say this lady is beautiful. I agree with her and just remember we were born alone and can live alone. Focus on the bad not the good times only. I learned people fall in love and fall out of love.
Ive been watching your videos. You’re literally saving my life. Thank you!
Omg thank you, Stephanie, more than I can say…this was all spot on in what I needed to hear. There’s no common rule book for getting over a heartbreak, as it’s different for each of us. However, the powerful concepts and knowledge you revealed here will go a long way now into helping me and many others begin to heal properly and move on sooner than dragging out. Cannot thank you enough. Cheers to all of our long term happiness!!!
Well that just kicked my butt into reality. Every single point was valid …easier said than done but i am working on it. Love your videos!
I like that phrase ... It kicked my butt into reality.
Let me add this to it ... AND MOVING FORWARD.
I saved this video to a folder named "things I want to remember." I watch this video frequently when I find myself hurting and grieving. Reminding me to shift from my emotional state to my logical state is extremely helpful as I struggle to heal and grow. Thank you for your wisdom and truth.
Avoiding uncomfortable feelings is a lot what a lot of people do - I realized this. Easiest way is to go through - don't stay in hell. Keep walking.
The bit about story thinking really resonated with me because I practice awareness of story thinking during rock climbing, surfing, physical activities and how inhibiting it can be to performance. I did not realize I have been fully immersing myself in story thinking while grieving my 5 year relationship that unexpectedly ended a couple of weeks ago. I can snap out of it now and look at the realities of what the relationship actually was and how it was probably a good thing it ended. can't thank you enough.
Stephanie 💗 I LOVE how you explain things so much ! You are So helpful and I am very grateful for you and this channel! 🙏❤
After 22 years of marriage, then being a single parent for twelve years, I think I’ve done enough work on myself to be an asset to a new relationship.
Good job! Go get them!
Thank you for these videos. I don’t care if the ex is narcissistic, I know they are. I want to heal and not keep getting into relationships with people that aren’t for me.
You helped me a lot! I'm going through the break up stage right now and I'm greatful that I came to this channel of yours. ❤️✨
Thank you Stephanie 😊... for all.of your messages and coaching you provide to women like myself. When I first started listening to your channel I had just went through a break-up and it was so painful 😫 😭...but today I feel so much better because of messages like yours and prayer ❤️ 🙏🏽. God bless 🙌🏽 you 🙏🏽.
You can actually make yourself physically sick if you don't move forward...high blood pressure....heart disease
The way you’ve worded this is exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve been really struggling and I’m devastated. Moving on and letting go has been so difficult but hearing this has made the world of difference….thank you ❤🙏
You are so welcome!!
You are awesome. My wife died two years ago coming up this Monday. 35 years together. I met a lady that was divorced for ten years. She was married twenty. We hit it off great and were in love. I think she started getting scared of the thought of loving someone again because she did not want to be hurt again. I was the first man in ten years that she has been with. Thank yoou for your video.
Your videos are great-succinct, informative, and soothing at the same time. Exactly what I needed at this time. Thank you!
Wow thank you so much, Ive been stuck for a month replaying the past in a loop all day. It was doing me a lot of harm to my mind and heart, this will be hard but thank you for breaking this down and speaking this truth. May God bless you!
I let her go because i thought of my friend, i didn't want to hurt him so that's why i stopped talking to this woman. I know i did the right choice, my heart still hurts though. I'm still thinking about her and it really sucks. 4 years have passed and i guess i didn't move on, i just don't know what to do. But, in the end, i'm happy for doing that cuz i still have this incredible friend beside me.
what do you mean?
This was actually really helpful thank you for diving deeper into what’s going on in these deep pain cycles you can trap yourself in
You’re the best help on RUclips & I am sure you are in real life too but the only experience I’ve had is here. I am so thankful I found you & your channel. Thank you for all the help.
This is so so so true. Its many years later and I still sometimes feel like I’m still grieving and its because of all the things mentioned here. wish there were a transcript version of this so I can take note and practice these everyday. Thank you Stephanie Lyn, this is so very helpful ❤