I'm only 30mins in, already learning so much about the end of my 4yr relationship. A year on, I've done brutally deep shadow work, therapy etc. I *should* have let go by now, but massive fear of a repeat of my mistakes, poss my denial of seeing my ex in any bad light (there was DV), means I continue to hunt for info on the actuality of what happened. I'm learning from your comments re this letter of what enmeshment wounds look like if not dealt with. This scares me. In my case we were both behaving like the letter-writer's ex, both of us likely FAs, with cycles of panic and resentment ping ponging back and forth as we mirrored terror of engulfment, and of abandonment.
Sadly the behaviour of this man is so close to my ex wife, who was formally diagnosed with NPD a month before we split. She jumped into a relationship right after (or more likely, during) ours and this is what I imagine that poor souls experience to be like. Off the back of an “embarrassing” failed marriage and the diagnosis she was extremely dysregulated and erratic, much more than I had known her to be at her worst because she was so highly triggered. And that was already traumatic, mind-scrambling, and impossible to endure. I can’t help but think the new relationship must have really copped it for “my actions” and how I hurt her by leaving. I thought so much about reaching out but ultimately, I knew I was already the crazy ex who couldn’t accept she never loved me, was trapped with me, etc etc. After all, I heard the same stories about her ex before me. She also called me a covert narcissist, an emotional abuser, and incapable of true love. She never did take any true accountability for anything that happened - at best, she would admit she did something and it was wrong, but added it was because I caused it.
I will add, I still hold a lot of empathy for my ex. Her diagnosis was the result of deep traumas. While I suffered in that relationship, I do believe her suffering due to her past and her own actions in the present was much greater. Of course I wasn’t perfect and I made mistakes too. Still, like Amy pointed out here, we simply can’t hold empathy for others to the point that we allow them to harm or mistreat us.
What always gobsmacks the crap out of me about these Ken Reads videos is how many similarly wounded people are out in the world! Not working on themselves!
sounds like my husband who i separated from , after 3 years of marriage he accused me of abandoning him when he decided to stay and help his sick parents and hes the one that decided to stay and i had to go home after spending 10 days there. and he breaks up with me by text. lowlife digusting behavious
I'm only 30mins in, already learning so much about the end of my 4yr relationship. A year on, I've done brutally deep shadow work, therapy etc. I *should* have let go by now, but massive fear of a repeat of my mistakes, poss my denial of seeing my ex in any bad light (there was DV), means I continue to hunt for info on the actuality of what happened. I'm learning from your comments re this letter of what enmeshment wounds look like if not dealt with. This scares me. In my case we were both behaving like the letter-writer's ex, both of us likely FAs, with cycles of panic and resentment ping ponging back and forth as we mirrored terror of engulfment, and of abandonment.
Sadly the behaviour of this man is so close to my ex wife, who was formally diagnosed with NPD a month before we split. She jumped into a relationship right after (or more likely, during) ours and this is what I imagine that poor souls experience to be like. Off the back of an “embarrassing” failed marriage and the diagnosis she was extremely dysregulated and erratic, much more than I had known her to be at her worst because she was so highly triggered. And that was already traumatic, mind-scrambling, and impossible to endure. I can’t help but think the new relationship must have really copped it for “my actions” and how I hurt her by leaving. I thought so much about reaching out but ultimately, I knew I was already the crazy ex who couldn’t accept she never loved me, was trapped with me, etc etc. After all, I heard the same stories about her ex before me. She also called me a covert narcissist, an emotional abuser, and incapable of true love. She never did take any true accountability for anything that happened - at best, she would admit she did something and it was wrong, but added it was because I caused it.
I will add, I still hold a lot of empathy for my ex. Her diagnosis was the result of deep traumas. While I suffered in that relationship, I do believe her suffering due to her past and her own actions in the present was much greater. Of course I wasn’t perfect and I made mistakes too. Still, like Amy pointed out here, we simply can’t hold empathy for others to the point that we allow them to harm or mistreat us.
What always gobsmacks the crap out of me about these Ken Reads videos is how many similarly wounded people are out in the world! Not working on themselves!
sounds like my husband who i separated from , after 3 years of marriage he accused me of abandoning him when he decided to stay and help his sick parents and hes the one that decided to stay and i had to go home after spending 10 days there. and he breaks up with me by text. lowlife digusting behavious
jesus help me
jesus heal me
jesus I need you
I've been losing my faith in you