I leave my pads in my purse and I work in retail. Let her leave them in the bathroom just tell her not to be mad when they go missing. Because they will go missing
I worked in retail restaurants and offices. I've always kept my tampons in my bag. I've never heard of them being in the general bathroom. Not even female employee only bathrooms
For products in bathrooms accessible to multiple people, I would never leave personal hygiene products out. Even in staff only bathrooms, I find people help themselves and never replace the products such that when I need it, the box is empty. Unless this employee is OK with subsidizing every woman who uses the washroom, she should keep it where access to the product is limited.
@@tylerjones1645 its one thing to spare a pad or tampon when someone needs it or asks but to have a whole box on the ground as a "just take it!!!!!!!!" is irresponsible with your items and she doesn't even wanna share so she'd be bitching and moaning if the customers helped themselves anyway
This!!! I keep a small "makeup" bag in my back back or locker with some other necessities for when that week comes and NEVER leave it out where others can take. If I have a friend who happens to start at work, i have some generic brand I keep in case that happens for them.
@@christinaburney5935 Similar to this, if it (or any other personal item) is left out in a place that customers can take it, they'd be liable for any "damage" the customers incur. It would be different if it was a dispenser/product that the store purchased and maintained for public use. But they don't want to be responsible for random personal items being used by customers. It's a liability issue.
For the paternity story, the Elle Woods reference is there because in the movie she said that paragraph verbatim in a law school class debate against her ex. The topic was a case where a sperm donor was trying to sue for visitation of his biological child.
Did you know there are actaul law cases over if a sperm donner has rights or has to pay child support or not and depending on the state your out come will very
The mixed up Swedish speaking: When I was in Japan (I was USA Navy), my buddies and I began having a swearing contest to see who could out swear the others. I was running out of swears pretty quickly and used a phrase of Latin my old friend had taught me. I figured no one spoke Latin, but suddenly out of the blue Cowboy translates it (It meant "you have the breath of a male sex organ.") and we were all flabbergasted that Cowboy knew Latin. He looked at me with mock shock but we laughed. That really had been my last known swear (I'd already gone through my Italian stock my mother had taught me). So, I made my tone really nasty and basically, in Swedish, said "Do you speak Swedish." Mind you, I was speaking in very poor Swedish. Eric suddenly comes out with fluid, delighted Swedish proclaiming that he does speak Swedish and was glad someone else did, though my accent sucked. (He translated in English for me after). I flushed and admitted to not knowing Swedish, just that one question. Everyone thought it was funny and Eric revealed that Eric was his middle name and his name was really Sven and he was a Swedish national working on an Armed Forces Visa to get his USA citizenship. None of us had known, but he seemed to really appreciate hearing his language, even butchered, in such a "far away" place as Japan. We became closer after that. It was a bonding moment. Linda the semi-Swedish speaker cold have had such a bonding moment if she had worked it right. Seems to me that not only did she decide she was embarrassed but lost out on a great opportunity to learn it from a native speaker!
I only agree with the OP only because this is a restroom accessible by customers. You run the risk of customers taking items (or worse, opening them and wasting them just because they feel like it.)
He also said it would have been fine if it was a employee restroom. Not you, but I am surprised at the lack of listening eading skills of some people. They are so wrapped in their own personal opinions that they missed read a decent amount of stories.
Op is the AH for the sheer factor that his reasoning for not having tampons/pads in the bathrooms is that a sexist old manchild might be grossed out by it
@@s0lar.ecl1pse83 reading the title alone i said yta but actually if you had read it it said that had they had an audit a box of [unsecured] tampons would earn them a violation. As a former retail manager those violations could lose someone their job. Also since the female employee had no intention of sharing having it in a public restroom is unacceptable. It would be slightly different if they were meant to be public use. i am a strong advocate for tampon dispensers with a lock so it’s sanitary and safe for everyone but this was not the case
@@s0lar.ecl1pse83 and where is he going to put it? If you read the damn story you'd know op isn't allowed to make changes to the restroom without approval. So he can't just buy a locking cabinet.
I disagreed with OP at first but gradually I agreed with them because of 2 reasons that play into each other 1) it's a public bathroom and 2) OP said the employee wanted them in there just for their use. This is equivalent in my opinion to someone leaving a toothbrush in the bathroom. It is a personal product, it is only used by one person, and it can easily be put into a pocket or purse. NTA HOWEVER, if this was about a staff-only bathroom AND the employee had put the tampons in the bathroom for the common use of all the women who worked in the store, while I understand the policy and I fail to see how keeping in your purse is a terrible option and I do that, I can see how someone would want to challenge the policy on sexist grounds. ANOTHER HOWEVER, if the employee in this same instance still said it was for their personal use only, they shouldn't be allowed to keep it in a staff-only bathroom either. Coming back to the toothbrush analogy.
Yup. What sold me on "NTA" is the fact that the employee didn't mean the tampons to be for everyone's use, just hers. That's the definition of "personal." She can't keep personal items in the bathroom.
I will let her do it see how long it takes for them to disappear 😂. Plus as a woman I don't think i will dare use them as I don't know if someone touch them. I think she is so blinded about being right that he is sexist that she really doesn't understand that she either won't find them or they will be messed with.
This and there nowhere to store them, so basically she would either leave them on the back of the toilet, the floor, or on the sinks. That kinda unprofessional. Imagine going into a bathroom and seeing tampons/ pads just laying about. That would make me not want to use them. (Saying this as a women if that count), along with anybody could tamper with it. If I left a tampon in my work bathroom that anyone can use, even on accident, I would feel uncomfortable using it. Very unsanitary.
Right? the comment that said OP is mysoginistic and "nO uTeRuS nO oPiNioN" is criminally stupid. No need to keep any hygine products in a bathroom, for example, I keep my toothbrush, mouthwash and pads in my room, what's the big deal? the employee wants to drown herself in a glass of water
My main concern would be: “who is responsible if/when they are stolen?” Given the description of a small bathroom with little/no room and no ability for you to modify the bathroom, I’d say no too. If you need those products and they are stolen, then no one wins. Normally, I would sympathize with the employee in this topic, but it seems like one of those situations where I make an exception.
@@tylerjones1645 tp is cheap and something literally everyone who goes to the bathroom uses so it's a necessity. Same with soap. But with tampons and pads people use different brands and absorbanses and there's too much variance between pads than 1 ply and 2 ply. Tampons are expensive too. And another thing, she didn't want the tampons to be stocked and available for public use. She wanted her own private products to be in the bathroom for her and only her convenience. It wasn't an issue of "my boss won't accommodate people who's menstruating!!!!" it's "my boss won't let me do something that can get him fired!"
You don't see that the fact that she had to bring them instead of the company providing them is a problem? You must have never had a menstrual cycle. Do you provide toilet paper and paper towels? Feminine Hygiene Products ARE ESSENTIAL! (JUST LIKE TOILET PAPER IS ESSENTIAL FOR ANYONE WHO HAS BOWEL MOVEMENTS! ) YOU ARE THE A-HOLE! All the women of you company need to stand together and walk off the job until you pull the tampon out of your ass....
@@tylerjones1645 There are lots of weirdos out there, I personally wouldn't leave my tampons in a place that was accessible to the public. I want to have, at least, a little confidence the item I am about to insert into my vagina, has not be tampered.
So what though? If they wanna be nice and buy everyone tampons then thats their problem. Hey guess what there was literally no reason for him to cause a fuss over this, like Christ bro its just cotton, its needed, its not a fucking razor or deoderant 🤣 Yes The Dipshit
"No uterus, No opinion!" is a toxic double standard that needs to stop! That seriously ticks me off for so many reasons. "Not YOUR uterus, Not your decision," would be a much healthier alternative. Uterine issues do not just affect those with them and if we want people without uterus's to support people dealing with uterine issues (and to be able to get support for themselves through it, too), then they deserve a place in these conversations. We want men to be 'manly enough" to be able to buy us tampons, but at the same time, we also don't want them to be able to have any opinions or thoughts on anything to do with a uterus? Either they should be involved or they shouldn't, but it can't be both, especially not at the same time. The 'no uterus' attitude belittles every single SO without a uterus who has comforted their partner as they grieve a miscarriage. It diminishes the efforts of every single caregiver without a uterus who upends their life in order to be able to support someone close to them dealing with uterine cancer. It ridicules every one of them that ends up physically carrying their partner to the closest ER because of an endo flare up so bad that their partner passed out from the pain. It leaves no-longer-soon-to-be-fathers struggling to get support for the loss they experience when a pregnancy involving them doesn't successfully produce a child he was looking forward to meeting. (If he lost the opportunity due to abortion, he may have even been the main support person for the person going through the procedure, regardless of his thoughts or feelings on having the child or abortion. That isn't an easy thing to go through and it does happen - not all abortions are elective and potential mom's aren't always ready to become mom's before potential dad's are ready to become dad's. Someone who has gone through that doesn't need to be told they don't have the right to an opinion when they seek out supports for themselves because of uterine related traumas.) Seriously, are lesbian, AFAB and certain inter's the only SO's who are allowed to feel that a loss like that is traumatic? People without a uterus deserve to have their experiences recognized and to be able to access supports for the traumas that uterus's bring their way. (There also needs to be more supports available for everyone in any of those situations in general.) That mindset leaves significant and unique perspectives out of very important conversations. It creates more sides on certain issues that really would benefit much more if everyone to get on the same side of rather than continuing to create even more schisms and reasons not to agree. If it's body autonomy that we are going for, then we shouldn't be leaving our decisions up to others at all, regardless of whatever body parts they do or do not possess. Just because someone has a uterus doesn't mean that they will automatically act in the best interests of others with uterus's (or even the best interests for their own uterus). History has already proven that. We need to let everyone have a place in conversations regarding uterus's. Making conversation and making a decision are two very, very different things and we need to start acknowledging that so we can get more perspectives and information through conversation to be able to make better decisions.
Nah. I’m a male and I support that. Unless it’s affecting me directly, I’m not going to tell someone what to do with their monthlies and uterus. How stupid
@@thegayestgoth you should never tell anyone what to do with their bodies, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion. Women have opinions on circumcision, because women have sons. Men have daughters, so they should have their opinions on women’s issues too.
Just my read, but I don't really get misogyny/"grossed out by periods" vibes from story 1. While their certainly is a lot of that in the world and it is ridiculous, I don't think it really applies if the policy is that nobody can keep any personal hygiene items in the bathroom (at least so long as that rule is truly applied equally.) TBH I probably wouldn't make it an issue if I were the manager in absence of an official policy though. That said, OP did mention a corporate audit, so if that's the issue, yeah you have to follow the rules and policies that are placed on you and if an employee doesn't like it they can kick it up the chain. Also, it just seems like a questionable idea from a common sense standpoint. Unless this employee is intending to subsidize every tampon user who may enter the bathroom, it seems like a good way to get her property stolen.
Story 1: Will it still be sexist when her products are stolen? And she has to replace them with her own money? Who am I kidding? Of course. 😆 Don't leave your personal belongings unattended where strangers can access them. It's common sense. 🙄 Story 2: Kid can meet dying grandma if John starts paying child support. John will back off fast. 💸
NTA in the first story with the tampons. It‘s a PERSONAL Item! 1. Especially if costumers may have also access to it, even if you say it for your use only. You don’t know it costumers or other colleges will/can temper with the tampons. 2. If no other personal hygiene products are allowed to be stored there, then Tampons are also not allowed. 3. I‘m a person with a uterus, no I don’t find the decision sexist
Dancing baker is in big trouble. Nate walking in on her and being mad is bad enough. But she is feeling guilty because "he wanted to do something nice"? What the hell is "nice" about a surprise visit by in-laws who already don't like you? She has clearly been brainwashed by this dude, and it will only get worse.
Story 1. There's no way he can be in the wrong, it is a unisex restroom that is also available to the customers. She wants to place pads and tampons and there while not allowing the customer to use them. If you were to place them in there what's going to stop the customers from stealing them? If they were to be stolen then she's going to complain the HR which is going to cause an even bigger mess. I get it was an employee bathroom but this is not the case.
I thought that she left the tampons in the bathroom because her in the other female employees were sharing but that's not even the case. She should keep her tampons out of the bathroom so other people don't use her stuff.
Even employee bathrooms ya risk theft. And unless they have a camera in it, which for obvious reasons isn't a good idea, it's rather silly to leave shit you need to public or coworker whim
BTW even TP isn't safe in quite a few shared employee bathrooms I have been in... I have known coworkers that don't buy TP, they borrow rolls from work \;p Worked as a janitor at a mine for a while, that provided free pads and tampons in a box, at first.. But box after box vanished, so they put in a vending machine (they had very few female employees, but we couldnt figure out who kept boosting them, and it was a dialy thing
Yes! Said the same thing! Or what if some psycho creep messes with them and she gets hurt or sick or something, the company could be liable. I don’t get at all why she’s even arguing to keep them there it’s so weird and dumb to cause such a stink when I’m sure he’d be fine with her having them anywhere else that isn’t accessible by customers.
Wouldn’t these personable articles be accessible to be stolen? I’m female and would hate to have my seriously intimate items accessible to others. There is some seriously weird people there. Not sexist or AH.
I agree that the tampons shouldn't be kept in that bathroom.. only because of the risk of customers coming in and pinching stuff. His personal reasons are absolute trash though.
@@wheelsndealz could have been remarks like how he didn't see how there being no "male equivalent" of period products is relevant. which I think is a fair consideration to have. the only thing I can think of is condoms (which are genuinely very important for the health of everyone in bed to have), which in some places are put in dispensers in bathrooms and even given out for free (both good things and should be the case for period products), however that isn't a true equivalent since sex is a choice while periods aren't
I was about 7 when my mom told me I was adopted. It was NOT a normal adoption, it was actually a surrogacy, where my mom found someone before I was even conceived. When I told kids at school, because of course I did, they called me little orphan Annie, which confused me because I had never been to an orphanage. I was more planned than most of them. I knew that my adoption was different than hers, but I had no idea how. Have you ever realized that a word you thought was two words turns out to be the same word? Even though it's spelled the same, you've only seen it in two, very different contexts so you think it's two, very different words. Yeah, that. There's no way that kid would get it.
@@margaretbruhn4376 oh for sure, but I do think a manager has some power to send word upstairs, and possibly get some policies changed for the better? he also has the power to not make it an issue and look the other way
This AH father believes Paternity leave isn't to help his wife and new baby. It means free vacation time. Time for him not to help out as it was intended but to catch up on sleep a relax
1st Story: It seems any personal products which are kept in a bathroom available for use to both employees and customers could develop legs and run away. What would the employees say if their personal products went missing? I can even see customers believing if those types of female hygiene products were left in the bathroom, they are available as a courtesy to customers who need them… I’m not getting what the issue is with this one employee… She seems obtuse…
For the wedding dress one: If everyone on that side of the family knows of the dress and isn't going because of it then won't they all know MIL didn't copy her... Like if that's the real issue then it's already solved because everyone knows already that MIL bought it technically first but bride didn't copy because she didn't know it before she fell in love with it. They just have similar styles.
So I looked in to it. OP give in cause she found out that it hurt MIL that much. There is more to it then she posted. And the wedding my not go down, the main point is there is more to it. Yet the OP not saying it. So in the end, the OP returned the dress and they put things on hold. MIL only talking with the son.
So OP is expecting to have the house to herself, Nate barges in with company and NATE and company has the nerve to be angry!?! Hard NTA. They don't get an opinion, and they ducking DO NOT GET AN APOLOGY. They owe OP an apology. How do you face them? With head held high. "Nate, everybody, I understand you think I owe you an apology. I don't know why. I was home alone behind closed doors by myself when Nate brought you all in without warning me. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Sorry if you don't approve, but it was rude to call me names when YOU barged in on ME. And (to SiL) I'm not your child or Nate's, he doesn't get to tell me to 'behave.' Nate you may have had good intentions, but you went about it the wrong way."
The Dress story. Went to reddit and found the last update and she returned the dress and the family is still outrageously mad at the fiance now husband for not immediately backing his mother. Mother came to wedding but not the other family and Op and spouse chose not to come to her birthday party. Seriously i think the MIL has issues and it’s unreasonable that she took this as such a horrendous betrayal. Oh there’s another post I missed. The MIL has past trauma from abuse so the family is so mad at OP for not giving in immediately and for her rude responses to MIL.
I'm 69 year old widow , grandmother, & mother. U do not keep personal items like like tampons n a public place. Keep them in your purse r your locker. Don't need to keep them in the office either. Manager is only doing what's professional.
For the op who called the cops on the kid, my neighbors have a kid (I think he’s 6-7) my natural response to hearing him screaming would be “probably getting grounded or throwing a tantrum”, and as op chose to drown the noise with headphones, this probably happens frequently. I would personally had checked on the kid but op called the police thinking there was someone I see and honestly if there was, it would be better help than going out to rescue the kid if op doesn’t even know what was out there, some people can think under pressure others don’t, and op is clearly one of those that don’t. Also if the police aren’t giving the kid back to mom, it’s probably for a reason, and if the mom expects op to take care of her kid without reason, she should at least give op a head up that the kid is gonna be by themselves. ----------- The last one I hope op is just overly kind and not have some last issues from her ahole ex
Is there some reason your female employees can't keep tampons in their purses, pockets, backpacks, lockers, etc.? I've never seen a washroom (let alone a public one) which has such things. If you store it there, you know you are asking for it to be used by customers, stolen, kids to stuff it in the toilets, public to us it themselves, liability, etc., etc.? Also, imagine the reaction of a customer finding a used one around -- say used by another customer. Simple rule. Don't leave anything in washrooms.
A group has donated tampons and pads to our school district. So in the middle school and the high school, all the girl restrooms and unisex bathrooms have baskets of these products. This way girls do not have to run to the nurse's office to get supplies. They have even placed them in the unisex bathrooms that the teachers use. This is a great program, because sometimes, some kids just do not have these products at home. And they can go to the nurse to get some to take home. But I have worked retail and you could not leave personal items in public bathrooms, because it would not be there when you needed it. And depending on the size of the company, we could leave supplies in the employee only bathrooms. The big problem though, is the mess that can happen when you have numerous people leaving personal items in the employee bathrooms.
I know of a few hole in the wall bars that do it. It's always a cute little set up. Some include lotion & I've seen one that even had some hairspray. All of this is pre pandemic. I know one place has it because it's also a restaurant & drive through store.
For the same reason you don't have to carry toilet paper around with you. It's a necessity that should be provided in every washroom. Ask yourself all the same questions about toilet paper.
I'm in a wheelchair and need to use prepackaged catheters in the bathroom. I wouldn't dare leave them in a public bathroom and it's not ableist to say that I shouldn't. Also, I wouldn't no wheelchair no opinion. That is so stupid/sexist to dictate who can provide an argument based on their genitalia. A reasonable argument isn't determined by the gender of the presenter.
@@mothergoose9383 How is it not? It's a medical required package for bodily function that only a specific type of person can use. Provide and actual argument not just, "nuh uh".
Story 1: NTA ONLY FOR THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE ONLY BATHROOM IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE STORE. Customers are also going to be using this bathroom and you don't know what they're going to do with her stuff. You you are going to have some prude complain about the tampons being in the bathroom. A customer might steal the tampons. Teens are obviously going to play a prank with them. And a whole lot of other drama you most likely don't want to deal with. If the customer start taking her tampons thinking they're free you know she's going to complain.
If an employee wants to be nice and leave tampons out for anyone w a bleeding uterus, thats their problem. ADULTS understand those kinds of things EXIST in bathrooms. I don't care how small the store is, this literally should never have been an issue. Good luck in HR bud 🤣
Minor correction, they were going to be left for that particular employee's personal use. To use an already existing analogy, it'd be like leaving a toothbrush in this specific case.
The best way I can come up with to handle the situation with the little kid whose dads friend is the bio dad, he could easily tell his mother what is going on. Tell her that the kid is too young to be told but that he wants her to be aware that she is in fact biologically a grandmother. Let her spend some time with the boy and his family (not alone) and make sure she knows not to say anything to him about his paternity. She can experience some time with her grandson but the kid won’t be traumatized. When he is older and the parents decide to share his history with him it will be nice to be able to bring up that his biological grandmother loved him and that he had been able to help ease her suffering in a little way just by spending time with her even though he wasn’t aware of it at the time. Take pictures with her so he will have that. He doesn’t have to know at 7 everything that’s going on other than just spending time with a nice family friend and making special memories she will cherish and he will one day cherish as well. If she truly loves her grandson she will be happy to have that time with him and not want to traumatize him just for her own selfish desires.
Lead Singer Dream Man: NTA. My wife and I are very close, but we're also realistic and mature, so we know we find other people attractive. If one of us sees someone hot or stacked or whatever, a casual comment on it doesn't even ruffle feathers. We're secure and committed. But I would NEVER tell my wife that someone else was my "dream woman". There isn't the slightest chance I'd ever disrespect or hurt her like that. That's a ridiculous things to say to your spouse. It doesn't make a woman "empowered" to demean her husband. The commenter that called out the double-standard when dealing with men and women on Reddit was 100% spot on. NO ONE would have voted a woman "Y T A" in such a scenario.
In the case with the boyfriend cancelling on his girlfriend for a family only dinner- the woman has been in a relationship with this man for two years. They are not just casually dating. The daughter-in-law is an asshole for not inviting her, and the boyfriend is an asshole for not insisting she come. I am, like commenters have already mentioned, concerned that she is more serious about this relationship than he is.
Also, sometimes women don't realize they need one of those products until they are already in the bathroom. Whether it be a surprise start to your menstrual or leak plus work may have you in a rush so grabbing something from the office every time you go to the bathroom "just in case" isn't always doable
THIS! Why is nobody talking about this? Often you'll only realize that you need to change it after sitting down and start doing your business. Having to stuff your underwear with toilet paper or else it's gonna leak/leak more is dehumanizing! It's a product you use in the bathroom! Imagine toilet paper were policed in the same way. That you would have to get your own and hide it in your desk until you'll need to go, only for you to realize you forgot it once you're sitting down. "That's not the same because everyone uses it!" Okay so 50% of the populations need is not reason enough, it needs to be 100%?
@@CleopatraDK I think the main issue is that she intends for no one to take them, so for her private use only which is unrealistic with costumer coming in and out.
@@NYLazyme In my country it's totally normal for employees to store their private products in the bathroom. Sure, someone might take some, but that's up to the individual to decide if they wanna take that risk. Also, I've never met a woman who would deny someone a pad or tampon. We all understand the struggle.
@@CleopatraDK it was said in the post that it was for her use only, if that had not been the case sure take the risk but she did told the manager that she didn't intend to subside the use of tampons, she doesn't want costumers or other employees to use them so how exactly would this be regulated?
@@NYLazyme the same way you just hope people don't steal rolls of toilet paper. You just hope. Why is the 'how' so important? That's her problem. But banning a needed bathroom item is just ignorant and shows the people on top have no idea what goes on at the bottom. Pun intended lol
Wedding dress story: If I were OP I would leave the fiance. I would not want to join this family...there's no dialogue, they just immediately jump to cutting OP and their son/brother completely out of their lives. It doesn't matter what happens going forward, whether OP and her SO decide to go no contact with his entire family or whether she decides to get a different dress and go grovelling back to MIL, either way I cannot see this marriage lasting - and I say that because SO is already siding with his mother who immediately cut him out of the family because she doesn't want to buy a new dress. In scenario one, the SO WILL eventually go grovelling back to his mother and the rest of his family and in scenario two, OP will NEVER get along with the in laws and will always feel like she's battling against them and MIL will ALWAYS pull the "I have final say in every decision in your life OR ELSE" card because she knows that it works. If hubby were as absolutely disgusted and shocked with his family's behavior as he should be then I'd say MAYBE the whole going no contact deal would work with them but he is obviously a whipping boy and will NEVER stand up to them.
Post online that the wedding is off, because his family doesn’t like your dress and you don’t want him to sacrifice his family. So give him this gift! He keeps his family and you keep the dress! Everyone one wins!
Amy is a troll story: There is no apology that makes up for what Amy has done, and she is so shallow she doesn't see just how cruel this was. She cost Tally her job. Any wonder she didn't want to talk to OP? Amy was perfectly OK deliberately, cruely creating false drama and upend another person's life. And she's surrounded by people who support this toxic behaviour. If he stays with this horror this will be OP's life from now on, Amy lashing out every time something triggers her insecurities. Run, OP, run.
The OP being in underwear when her SO and his family came in reminded me of a story about my grandma. My aunt and uncle stopped by and walked in unannounced. My grandma was naked or maybe in her underwear. She loved her privacy and she refused to move to town because she valued the ability to be the way she wanted. For years after that, they would buy her pajamas every Christmas. She had a stroke years ago, so she is no longer the same. I miss her.
Regarding the wedding/birthday dress: most dresses that would be appropriate for these occasions can have added bling to change the dresses enough to make them look different. Hire a good seamstress to do their magic on the wedding dress, and peace could be quickly restored. Both women should be complimenting each other on their good taste. Obviously, they have similar taste in clothes, which should connect them, rather than separating them.
I was thinking the same thing. They can do things to make them a little different, right? And at this point, since everyone knows it’s the same dress, what difference does it make anyhow?
OP in first post NTA I’m a woman and I wouldn’t keep pads or tampons in a bathroom shared with other people thats not something everyone needs to see OP you are not in the wrong at all
OP requiring husband do more chores story: 2 pieces of OP’s comments stood out to me for some reason. “I have been lenient” stated at the beginning of OP’s post and “I will sit John down tonight and have a long talk”, at end of updates per OP. These are not words a wife uses when discussing interaction with her husband. These are words a woman would use for a child. That is why these 2 utterances seem to signal the relationship is no longer wife and husband, but woman with spoiled man-child. OP, it seems, has clearly surpassed her husband. The husband-wife dynamic is gone. I see no problem with a woman being the breadwinner, while husband maintains the home and takes care of their family unit’s needs, BUT it does not sound like husband will ever see things that way. Their relationship will continue to degrade. It’s sad, but it seems to be inevitable that the relationship will end, should end, since it is in its death throes; at least that is what I pick-up from OP’s story…
1:06:00 NTA. Why is this person the love of your life?! If my husband came home to me dancing in my underwear with his mom in tow he would be apologizing to me for not calling ahead to give me a heads up someone was coming over. Also my husband and I always give each other heads up when we’re expecting someone so that no one ends up in an awkward situation like this. You are allowed to have fun and do stuff in your home and no one should shame you!
The Nightmare child story: OP wasn't responsible for the child nor was OP notified that the parent was gone. Also there were like three other besides OP, the child, and the mother. Also if the mother ain't getting the child back. You gotta wonder why? And for the OP. NTA for the most part. Because I see it as they not knowing what to do since I can't have enough information. Even they did, there could be more to the story like the child could have been a brat or something. Or assumed someone else was there. But, again, I'm assuming they didn't know since that sounds like the safer bet
What would have happened if she hadn't sent her a picture of the dress. And then just let her see it at the wedding it still would have been the same dress as her mother-in-law's because at that time she did not know that her mother-in-law had already purchased a dress like hers now whose fault is it if she wears the same dress as her daughter-in-law's wedding dress
Story 1. The YTA commenter seems to not have read the story. The bathroom is small, op can't add any cabinets or shelf they are just having the tampons in the office that is 10 steps away. Not a huge deal. Even the other female is fine with this so don't know why other lady is making such a fit.
2nd Story: It seemed OP thought it was cool to be able to speak Swedish with someone; a pleasant surprise. The ‘fake Swedish speaker’ blew it… She simply got caught in her unnecessary lie and now she feels foolish…
I'm so thankful that my kid was the best baby and I was able to get through it without the help of his father. It was still exhausting but if he had been any more chill I would've worried there was something wrong. He's 10 now and still the best. ❤
Toothbrush and razor are not the same thing. It's more like toilet paper. Single use and the most hygienic thing in the world. It's her choice if she wants to run the risk of the customers stealing them
I think they are very badly matched. He should love her idiosyncrasies, not judge her. Also, if my SO brought people over unannounced, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE HE WANTED ME TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON, I would have killed him. He’s lucky he is still alive, IMO
For my INTERNSHIP in Denmark I started out in a small private business by using the same bathroom as the only other woman. The sweet secretary. Then, they decided to move me out of the tiny "office" that was placed in their makeshift storage for standing posters. I got moved into the only other empty room. The top floor with a floor to celling window that had an amazing view of a field. It used to be a nursing home. This room was BIG. It was way nicer than my boss' office, but he liked to be close to his secretary and the front door, so my office got made into the "interns office" And my colleagues printed out a "ladies" label and put it on one of the bathroom doors on that floor so I didn't have to walk down one flight of stairs to use the bathroom. They sacrificed one of their 3 bathrooms just so I didn't have to walk a few extra steps 😭 They were some of the nicest people I have ever met and I really miss them. Would probably have gone back to work there if I didn't realize that I actually suck at what I was studying. Whoops. 🙃
No, it's your work place bathroom not your own home bathroom. This is standard process in my own workplace, we sleep at our workplace when doing long shifts. Every employee after using the bathroom/shower have been explicitly told to remove every single item that is not provided for by the company (towel, soap, deodorant etc). Bathrooms must be kept up to standard. Imagine if everybody left thier items in there? They'd be 5 x different soaps, nose hair cutters, shavers, tampons and pads. People would start using other people stuff. Just yuck.
Story with the op calling the police on the kid as op didn’t know that the mother was or wasn’t in the house at the time. Also at 2am I would not deal with a kid screaming the mother should have been in the house op thought that the mother of the 8yr old was in the house
The big problem with story one is the asymmetric facilities across the company. I couldn't keep my products in a separate location when I was still dealing with that issue. Most offices are secured by the manager when the manager isn't in it. Weird thing about company sensitive data. The best option here is to put in a request to the company for a secure cabinet, and that should have been done proactively. Good management doesn't give close ended answers when there are other options that can be requested.
Story One: This is a very difficult one for me to put down an opinion, since I'm not a person with a uterus. However, I will say that this one's is NTA, however, it does veer very closely to YTA for reasons associated to time and bodily functions. The person with the uterus might have heavy period flows or fibrosis, like a commenter from here says, and not have a choice to get to the office in time, where they only make it to the bathroom. This is one of those where it is extremely out of my hands, and that the big problem is the asymmetrical bathroom availability, since the company policy is one bathroom should be for customers and one for staff, and since there's no bathroom available except for that one, it's for customers. I do agree with the idea of getting a tampon or pad dispenser put in, since it would mean more accessibility for people with periods and such. Story Two: NTA. Just like one redditor said, John's using the poor child as an emotional support animal, and that should not be allowed. Calling OP the AH because John is the biological father and the child should know their biological father and their biological grandmother is missing the point. If the kid was told, their world would shatter and this might end up driving a stake between the child and OP if he lets the child know. Story Three: NTA, veering close to NAH. She made some insensitive comments about a celebrity crush who's the complete opposite of OP, which made OP feel uncomfortable and inadequate. Like some redditors on that post commented, there's a difference between a celebrity crush and a 'dream man', like OP's wife says. Also, if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to, and she doesn't have to agree about that. I do think that OP does need to talk to her about this and the insecurities he felt with her comments. Also, he didn't ban her from going, so she could take a friend with her to see the concert. Story Four: NTA. Linda should've known this lie would've been found out eventually. Besides, if Linda's friend has been dating OP for years, how could she have NOT known it wouldn't work when OP talks to her in Swedish and finds out she's lying? Story Five: NTA, and for obvious reasons. The boyfriend cancelled plans with OP to go to a last minute dinner, so evaluating the relationship sounds like a good idea.
About story 1. But I agree with you. If she has any issues (heavy periods, PCOS, etc) it would be a YTA. If any costumer complains the OP can just be like “my employee has personal reasons to keep them there, if they bother you, grow up!” I sometimes postpone and procrastinate going to the bathroom until I’ll literally go when I’m barely able to hold it, and I’m in the room and not doing anything. She’s in work, probably helping costumers or doing whatever job was assigned to her. And if the bathroom is not free when she is there’s another thing to keep her from relieving herself. And if she’s on her period (especially in the beginning of it) she’s going to need a tampon on her at all times. Which is mostly unattainable. So having a box of tampons in the bathroom can be a necessity, but the OP is refusing to see how it can be.
And about story 2. Honestly I get the mixed race husband/white celebrity thing that was insensitive I will admit. But I’m gonna be honest, I thought “geez straight people”. Mostly cause I hear so much about how much bi women in “straight” long term relationships always joke “oh if only I was just gay” about their girl celebrity crushes. I know different people, different lives. But I feel like it’s not toxic to gush about your celebrity crushes in front of your SO. Like obviously proper communication of like “this is just a silly celebrity crush and you’re my truest love” to avoid hurt feelings is the best solution. But I don’t think expressing aesthetic attraction to people that probably don’t know that you exist in front of the person you chose to live your life with and love with all your being. Proper communication would’ve made this a non-issue
@@hugdispenser5627 it doesn't matter how heavy her periods are. OP legally can't allow it. Why should he have to risk his job? And even if op were to turn the other way how is she going to react when customers start stealing her things because I can bet she won't be happy.
@@Treveyon2010 I’m not saying that he’s bad. I’m just saying that in case she has an issue (whether diagnosed or not) he should be more mindful and talk to his superiors to find a solution for her.
For the nut in a cup story if they didn't go through the proper legal channels and used a turkey baster as you will then the other guy has rights. He can sue you for custody.
2:13:00 NTA- I have a son with my ex and if he started dating someone who came in making all kinds of demands and trying to be his mom when he’s there once per week I would be going back to court and changing the conditions of the custody agreement.
The OP in the rock show story, I agree with the one commenter that mentioned OP should have said he was uncomfortable when his wife was rambling on, instead of waiting until she was getting tickets. Something for everyone: If you're uncomfortable, SPEAK UP (unless, it'll put you in harm's way).
Diaper Change AH: OP's updates seem designed to get a 'not the AH'. Mum is nursing, round the clock, seven days a week. This isn't the 1950s. Do the DUCKING DIAPER CHANGING! It won't be like this for the next 18th months. The overnite nursing and diapering lessen over time, but right now OP needs to be a PARTNER, not another larger baby.
there was a update to the boyfriend cancelling dinner plan last update: it was not a special dinner and no news was announced the son actually was not upset with my BF decided to keep his plans with me I had a great night with my BF we went out to dinner and then cuddled while watching a scary movie
As soon as you started reading the comment about the hunting down of "all mashupatory emissions" I started dying 🤣 I was just like Legally Blonde has taught a generation so much 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Spicy take but I think there should be period products in bathrooms like this for everyone to use (even in men's bathrooms, since some trans men need them)
I agree and in the first story OP mentioned maybe talking to HR about possibly putting a dispenser for feminine hygiene products in the bathroom, which I think is wonderful!
This is why I don’t date what my mom and dad would consider to be real guys. I am a musician myself, and I do have what I consider to be more than just innocent crushes on artists who have inspired me. Maybe I wouldn’t go onto marry them in real life, but I would never want to close that door by settling for some normal guy just to make my folks happy. Saves me from Breaking a lot of hearts. The wife is an asshole for making her husband feel inferior to the lead singer of her favorite band. If he was really just a dumb celebrity crush, then why did she keep going on about how he was her dream man?
For the story with the OP having a trans sister. Repeatedly deadnaming and misgendering a child is abusive and does so much more long term damage than you would think. It destroys a childs sense of self worth and being. Especially if it starts when the child is so young. I just hope that father loses access to his little girl because he shouldnt be near her if he's going to abuse her like that.
The woman pretending to speak Swedish: okay, listen, I get it. My oma and opa immigrated from the Netherlands, and I lived with them when I was 1-3, and am forever salty they never taught me Dutch even though my mum (their ex-DIL) was really insistent about it. But that doesn't mean I go around saying I can speak Dutch when I can't!!! I just say exactly this, and explain that's why I'm gonna try learning it now in adulthood, because I feel genuinely robbed of the language. This person was just so idiotic c'mon
1st - I’ve worked in 4 different offices for my company, with only two of those offices sharing a bathroom with other offices. They are gender-designated bathrooms. No one every kept hygiene products in any of the bathrooms nor were there dispensers. I would never consider it sexist or misogynistic if I was told not to keep hygiene products in the bathroom even the bathroom within one of the very, small offices I worked in. I kept them in my desk. 2nd story - not only the trauma to the child but how do you think grandmother will feel knowing she’s had a grandson for 7 years and only found out now that she’s dying. This is why it’s always best for donors to be anonymous. I hope OP had legal papers drawn up at the time of donation because “friend” can take them to court.
A joke would've been somewhere along the line of saying "stop making me feel even more single, please" while dramatically holding onto someone else when OP acted that way to her husband. Heck, my friends ridiculously swoon and tease our other friends who are in a relationship. That's a good joke, you're happy for them and you mean well.
Wedding Dress Story: The mother-in-law even shows a receipt showing she had already purchased the dress. Her event is as important to her as yours is to you. You two wearing the same dress will, as you well know, only invite comparisons where you will, very likely, come out on top. I think you are creating more of the problem than the mother-in-law, as you chose a non-traditional dress, she had already purchased the dress and there are a LOT of dresses out there that you could easily fall in love with too. Think about if the situation was reversed and your mother-in-law chose the same dress AFTER you chose yours and she looked better in the dress than you, then you would think the mother-in-law was being a witch and trying to hurt your feelings (which is probably how SHE felt). If you found the dress first I would have sided with you. I think you are a bit of a bridezilla. I will say that your fiancé's family blocking communication is a low move. I see fault on all sides here.
Yeah, in the case of the dress in this story, I feel it's first come first serve. Even if MIL had actually bought a wedding dress, if she got it first before OP had seen it, it's on OP to find something else.
@@veronicavatter6436 Exactly, so why is OP wanting to wear the same dress as MIL? She can go find an actual wedding dress as it's possibly her only chance.
@@izzisart yeah but she’s(op) is fine with wearing the same dress? It’s the mil problem if she’s not ok wearing it at literally a completely different event, she doesn’t like it,tough shit, she’s acting like a child…perpetuating such controlling behavior on the marriage will only lead to more issues in the future.
@@mimi.dixon.b Not sure if it's in this video or not (I've seen a few with this story since), but the general gist is that MIL's isn't just any normal party, but partly a celebration of someone who was abusive to her being put away in prison (if I recall correctly). So she wanted the dress to be something special she has for herself for once.
Ask her if she’s willing to supply customers with the products--because that’s what will happen to her products. Customer’s will assume they are for public use just like toilet paper, soap & paper towels.
Story 1- NTA OP is being fairly reasonable and the employee is entirely right Story 2- I think you hit the nail on the head here Markee, and that John isn't thinking rationally. He needs to go into therapy not destroy a child's sense of security in his family. Story 3- I cannot imagine why OP wouldn't be fine with his wife going to this concert, to try and meet this singer, after she tears down his self esteem and implies she would dump him in an instant given the chance. /s Story 4- AITA for taking a woman's lie at face value and doing the normal thing that literally everybody would do? No. No you're not.
Working for a restaurant where we did NOT have a staff bathroom but used the restroom for our guests and staff therefore we stored ALL feminine products in office which was right around the corner from restrooms! Along with any headache meds, Pepto, midol, etc. That us staff may need at any time and was never denied access to those items from office. Idk how many times I popped in to grab pads or tampons from my managers office 😂 he didn't care bc that's what they're there for. God if we left them in the bathroom customers would've helped themselves or destroyed them bc people suck! Oh and our manager literally bought them for us ladies that worked for him! And they were the good brand kind 😂
You have to tell Abram someday, seven years old may not be the time. How about a compromise? Don’t tell Abrams yet but let the donor dad let his mom know her grandchild
That would be traumatic to the child... Op mentioned that if he knows that's his grandma... He'll know John is his dad, not OP. And two . The biggest issue here... Imagine telling your child you have another grandma and she's going to die soon so that's why we told you now! This child will get attached to her and lose her all in the same year. That's too much for a kid to process... And then he'll also have to process dad's bf is his bio dad. That would be so selfish & traumatic. And John needs to back off.
Yup legally blonde, Elle Woods ( sounds like L Woods) perfect submission of the part were Elle Woods is showing how smart she is and won the argument. Watch it Markee. It's a fun movie.
NTA. If you lie and wind up with egg on your face, it belongs there. Don't claim to speak a language you cannot speak, because sure as certain someone there will speak that language and try to have a conversation. While I took Spanish in high school and had Mexican neighbors for 12 years(wonderful people, by the way), I am quick to point out to people that I speak a tiny bit of Spanish only. I took French in college. I can usually cover ordering off a menu in those languages, but fluency is not in play. You did not try to embarrass Linda. Linda embarrassed herself. Your girlfriend should understand that.
The op and his cousins that made fun of his academic cousin weren't just joking. They were being bullies. It's okay to not have a pension for academics, but what is not okay is making fun of someone for something they are passionate about. And one of the cousins saying to save that kind of talk for when academic cousin isn't there makes me hope that smart cousin never talks to those assholes ever again. Loving families dont do that to each other.
Tho sperm donor story. OP needs to sit John down and explain, while he feels for his situation the trauma this news would do to a SEVEN year old trumps it. Abram is not mature enough to understand the first situation of his dad not being his bio dad. But then to add "hey I'm not your bio dad but he is and your bio grandma is dying!" Is a whole other level. John is in shock and trying to give his dying mother everything she wants before she passes and that's normal and fine. However he cannot upturn a little boy's life like that and think it will be ok and everything will go back to normal after his mother dies, which I have a feeling that's what John thinks will happen.
Wedding Dress versus Birthday Dress: OP already said birthday anniversaries are a BIG deal in the MIL's family. So, to her, this would be as significant as your wedding dress. A 50th birthday is a grand milestone in some cultures. Since MIL could prove she bought the dress first, and you didn't choose and pay for a traditional, expensive wedding dress, it might be more reasonable to keep the peace and get a new dress. It's not ideal to lose out on a dress you like for your wedding, but you are pushing to lose out on much more. Look at it from MIL's point of view: this event is just as important and she told you, and showed, she had he dress first. Thus, to her, it looks like you are trying to copy or one-up her. This is offensive and she will not take such disrespect from an as-yet outsider. In ordr to build bridges, not fences, with the in laws, get a new dress and apologize for the fuss.
The nightmare kid: there was a missing adult woman. I would've called the police once I helped the kid. They still would've called CPS, for sure. Claw machine story: she's asking a teenage child to help placate a tantrumimg toddler to reinforce that if you act like an ass, you'll get your own way. Yta for sure! The garden/ flower business: keeping everything separate eat his idea. It's to protect himself during divorce. It's not ok if she uses separation of finance to protect herself during the marriage? Well that's hypocritical!
NTA, exactly. OP, you are a homemaker just not in the way your husband thinks. You have made your house a home, from what it sounds like, since the beginning. And you've done it without a lot of help from him. Sounds like you would have absolutely no problem continuing to make a home with or without him. You didn't do him any favors, though, by allowing him to shift the Lion's Share of keeping a home onto you for such a long time. He got used to being the Poor Pitiful husband who works so hard and is so exhausted when he gets home that he deserves someone to have his slippers, pipe, and his hot dinner on the table when he arrives. If you did not work or contribute financially to the household, his expectation of a dynamic like the one he expects might be more reasonable. Unfortunately, for him, that is not the case. The reality of that situation has now hit him in the face like a bucket of iced water. Browbeating and screaming at him constantly in order to try and reinforce your reaction to his archaic and rude ideas about your place in your own home is not productive. If you are that unhappy with the situation, and he is unwilling to change, then you have a big decision to make. Otherwise, you will continue to have to rail and scream over the same issue indefinitely. That is neither physical nor mental energy you can afford to waste.
Story 1 - NTA. Tell the female employees to keep their pads, tampons, cups, etc. in their purse. I do, and guess what? No one knows if I'm on my period or not.
I hate it when people say I need to be the bigger person. ESPECIALLY when the other person is older than me. Also I have heard so many times "you are fighting over something that small?" And every time I think "it takes two to tango." You are making just as big a deal as the other person. Re-evaluate what you are actually fighting about, because it's rarely about this small thing. Go fight the fights you need to fight, not the fights you want to fight right now
I leave my pads in my purse and I work in retail. Let her leave them in the bathroom just tell her not to be mad when they go missing. Because they will go missing
Honestly, the office is a good place to keep them. It's not like they told her she can't bring any at all
I manage by leaving them in my locker or put one in one of my work vest pockets(which are huge)
I worked in retail restaurants and offices. I've always kept my tampons in my bag. I've never heard of them being in the general bathroom. Not even female employee only bathrooms
Feminine products are ridiculously expensive so I can’t imagine why any woman would want to leave them where anyone can just take them.
@@belantww OK now I'm curious. How much does a package of tampons on average, cost where you live?
For products in bathrooms accessible to multiple people, I would never leave personal hygiene products out. Even in staff only bathrooms, I find people help themselves and never replace the products such that when I need it, the box is empty. Unless this employee is OK with subsidizing every woman who uses the washroom, she should keep it where access to the product is limited.
Exactly what I was thinking… she would be the first one to whine when she goes in and they’ve been nicked…!
@@tylerjones1645 its one thing to spare a pad or tampon when someone needs it or asks but to have a whole box on the ground as a "just take it!!!!!!!!" is irresponsible with your items and she doesn't even wanna share so she'd be bitching and moaning if the customers helped themselves anyway
Iet me wave my tampon in the air, this is what im doing, keep it in your purse no one needs to know your period
This!!! I keep a small "makeup" bag in my back back or locker with some other necessities for when that week comes and NEVER leave it out where others can take. If I have a friend who happens to start at work, i have some generic brand I keep in case that happens for them.
@@christinaburney5935 Similar to this, if it (or any other personal item) is left out in a place that customers can take it, they'd be liable for any "damage" the customers incur. It would be different if it was a dispenser/product that the store purchased and maintained for public use. But they don't want to be responsible for random personal items being used by customers. It's a liability issue.
For the paternity story, the Elle Woods reference is there because in the movie she said that paragraph verbatim in a law school class debate against her ex. The topic was a case where a sperm donor was trying to sue for visitation of his biological child.
Did you know there are actaul law cases over if a sperm donner has rights or has to pay child support or not and depending on the state your out come will very
The mixed up Swedish speaking: When I was in Japan (I was USA Navy), my buddies and I began having a swearing contest to see who could out swear the others. I was running out of swears pretty quickly and used a phrase of Latin my old friend had taught me. I figured no one spoke Latin, but suddenly out of the blue Cowboy translates it (It meant "you have the breath of a male sex organ.") and we were all flabbergasted that Cowboy knew Latin. He looked at me with mock shock but we laughed. That really had been my last known swear (I'd already gone through my Italian stock my mother had taught me). So, I made my tone really nasty and basically, in Swedish, said "Do you speak Swedish." Mind you, I was speaking in very poor Swedish. Eric suddenly comes out with fluid, delighted Swedish proclaiming that he does speak Swedish and was glad someone else did, though my accent sucked. (He translated in English for me after). I flushed and admitted to not knowing Swedish, just that one question. Everyone thought it was funny and Eric revealed that Eric was his middle name and his name was really Sven and he was a Swedish national working on an Armed Forces Visa to get his USA citizenship. None of us had known, but he seemed to really appreciate hearing his language, even butchered, in such a "far away" place as Japan. We became closer after that. It was a bonding moment.
Linda the semi-Swedish speaker cold have had such a bonding moment if she had worked it right. Seems to me that not only did she decide she was embarrassed but lost out on a great opportunity to learn it from a native speaker!
Please teach me how to say that in Latin!
@@TheNormExperience I am not sure how it's spelled, but "Gratzae lena pena testa."
This is precious lol
Thank you for your service!!
@@oougahersharr sounds like a fancy "pasta" dish my Nonna would make 🤣🤣
I only agree with the OP only because this is a restroom accessible by customers. You run the risk of customers taking items (or worse, opening them and wasting them just because they feel like it.)
He also said it would have been fine if it was a employee restroom. Not you, but I am surprised at the lack of listening
eading skills of some people. They are so wrapped in their own personal opinions that they missed read a decent amount of stories.
Then buy them a lockable safe thing for them!
Op is the AH for the sheer factor that his reasoning for not having tampons/pads in the bathrooms is that a sexist old manchild might be grossed out by it
@@s0lar.ecl1pse83 reading the title alone i said yta but actually if you had read it it said that had they had an audit a box of [unsecured] tampons would earn them a violation. As a former retail manager those violations could lose someone their job. Also since the female employee had no intention of sharing having it in a public restroom is unacceptable. It would be slightly different if they were meant to be public use. i am a strong advocate for tampon dispensers with a lock so it’s sanitary and safe for everyone but this was not the case
@@s0lar.ecl1pse83 and where is he going to put it? If you read the damn story you'd know op isn't allowed to make changes to the restroom without approval. So he can't just buy a locking cabinet.
I disagreed with OP at first but gradually I agreed with them because of 2 reasons that play into each other 1) it's a public bathroom and 2) OP said the employee wanted them in there just for their use. This is equivalent in my opinion to someone leaving a toothbrush in the bathroom. It is a personal product, it is only used by one person, and it can easily be put into a pocket or purse. NTA
HOWEVER, if this was about a staff-only bathroom AND the employee had put the tampons in the bathroom for the common use of all the women who worked in the store, while I understand the policy and I fail to see how keeping in your purse is a terrible option and I do that, I can see how someone would want to challenge the policy on sexist grounds. ANOTHER HOWEVER, if the employee in this same instance still said it was for their personal use only, they shouldn't be allowed to keep it in a staff-only bathroom either. Coming back to the toothbrush analogy.
Yup. What sold me on "NTA" is the fact that the employee didn't mean the tampons to be for everyone's use, just hers. That's the definition of "personal." She can't keep personal items in the bathroom.
I will let her do it see how long it takes for them to disappear 😂.
Plus as a woman I don't think i will dare use them as I don't know if someone touch them.
I think she is so blinded about being right that he is sexist that she really doesn't understand that she either won't find them or they will be messed with.
This and there nowhere to store them, so basically she would either leave them on the back of the toilet, the floor, or on the sinks. That kinda unprofessional. Imagine going into a bathroom and seeing tampons/ pads just laying about. That would make me not want to use them. (Saying this as a women if that count), along with anybody could tamper with it. If I left a tampon in my work bathroom that anyone can use, even on accident, I would feel uncomfortable using it. Very unsanitary.
@@shawnesmith5364 Laying about? They come wrapped, in a box. JFC
Right? the comment that said OP is mysoginistic and "nO uTeRuS nO oPiNioN" is criminally stupid.
No need to keep any hygine products in a bathroom, for example, I keep my toothbrush, mouthwash and pads in my room, what's the big deal? the employee wants to drown herself in a glass of water
My main concern would be: “who is responsible if/when they are stolen?”
Given the description of a small bathroom with little/no room and no ability for you to modify the bathroom, I’d say no too. If you need those products and they are stolen, then no one wins.
Normally, I would sympathize with the employee in this topic, but it seems like one of those situations where I make an exception.
@@tylerjones1645 tp is cheap and something literally everyone who goes to the bathroom uses so it's a necessity. Same with soap. But with tampons and pads people use different brands and absorbanses and there's too much variance between pads than 1 ply and 2 ply. Tampons are expensive too. And another thing, she didn't want the tampons to be stocked and available for public use. She wanted her own private products to be in the bathroom for her and only her convenience. It wasn't an issue of "my boss won't accommodate people who's menstruating!!!!" it's "my boss won't let me do something that can get him fired!"
@@diamondwhite8938 TAMPONS and PADS are necessities the same as toilet paper. No one is picky when they need them.
You don't see that the fact that she had to bring them instead of the company providing them is a problem? You must have never had a menstrual cycle. Do you provide toilet paper and paper towels? Feminine Hygiene Products ARE ESSENTIAL! (JUST LIKE TOILET PAPER IS ESSENTIAL FOR ANYONE WHO HAS BOWEL MOVEMENTS! ) YOU ARE THE A-HOLE! All the women of you company need to stand together and walk off the job until you pull the tampon out of your ass....
@@tylerjones1645 There are lots of weirdos out there, I personally wouldn't leave my tampons in a place that was accessible to the public. I want to have, at least, a little confidence the item I am about to insert into my vagina, has not be tampered.
So what though? If they wanna be nice and buy everyone tampons then thats their problem. Hey guess what there was literally no reason for him to cause a fuss over this, like Christ bro its just cotton, its needed, its not a fucking razor or deoderant 🤣
Yes The Dipshit
"No uterus, No opinion!" is a toxic double standard that needs to stop! That seriously ticks me off for so many reasons. "Not YOUR uterus, Not your decision," would be a much healthier alternative.
Uterine issues do not just affect those with them and if we want people without uterus's to support people dealing with uterine issues (and to be able to get support for themselves through it, too), then they deserve a place in these conversations. We want men to be 'manly enough" to be able to buy us tampons, but at the same time, we also don't want them to be able to have any opinions or thoughts on anything to do with a uterus? Either they should be involved or they shouldn't, but it can't be both, especially not at the same time.
The 'no uterus' attitude belittles every single SO without a uterus who has comforted their partner as they grieve a miscarriage. It diminishes the efforts of every single caregiver without a uterus who upends their life in order to be able to support someone close to them dealing with uterine cancer. It ridicules every one of them that ends up physically carrying their partner to the closest ER because of an endo flare up so bad that their partner passed out from the pain. It leaves no-longer-soon-to-be-fathers struggling to get support for the loss they experience when a pregnancy involving them doesn't successfully produce a child he was looking forward to meeting. (If he lost the opportunity due to abortion, he may have even been the main support person for the person going through the procedure, regardless of his thoughts or feelings on having the child or abortion. That isn't an easy thing to go through and it does happen - not all abortions are elective and potential mom's aren't always ready to become mom's before potential dad's are ready to become dad's. Someone who has gone through that doesn't need to be told they don't have the right to an opinion when they seek out supports for themselves because of uterine related traumas.) Seriously, are lesbian, AFAB and certain inter's the only SO's who are allowed to feel that a loss like that is traumatic? People without a uterus deserve to have their experiences recognized and to be able to access supports for the traumas that uterus's bring their way. (There also needs to be more supports available for everyone in any of those situations in general.)
That mindset leaves significant and unique perspectives out of very important conversations. It creates more sides on certain issues that really would benefit much more if everyone to get on the same side of rather than continuing to create even more schisms and reasons not to agree. If it's body autonomy that we are going for, then we shouldn't be leaving our decisions up to others at all, regardless of whatever body parts they do or do not possess. Just because someone has a uterus doesn't mean that they will automatically act in the best interests of others with uterus's (or even the best interests for their own uterus). History has already proven that. We need to let everyone have a place in conversations regarding uterus's. Making conversation and making a decision are two very, very different things and we need to start acknowledging that so we can get more perspectives and information through conversation to be able to make better decisions.
I'm slow clapping with pride over here, you just can't see it 👏👍
HEAR HEAR!!
Well said
Nah. I’m a male and I support that. Unless it’s affecting me directly, I’m not going to tell someone what to do with their monthlies and uterus. How stupid
@@thegayestgoth you should never tell anyone what to do with their bodies, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion. Women have opinions on circumcision, because women have sons. Men have daughters, so they should have their opinions on women’s issues too.
Just my read, but I don't really get misogyny/"grossed out by periods" vibes from story 1. While their certainly is a lot of that in the world and it is ridiculous, I don't think it really applies if the policy is that nobody can keep any personal hygiene items in the bathroom (at least so long as that rule is truly applied equally.) TBH I probably wouldn't make it an issue if I were the manager in absence of an official policy though. That said, OP did mention a corporate audit, so if that's the issue, yeah you have to follow the rules and policies that are placed on you and if an employee doesn't like it they can kick it up the chain.
Also, it just seems like a questionable idea from a common sense standpoint. Unless this employee is intending to subsidize every tampon user who may enter the bathroom, it seems like a good way to get her property stolen.
Seriously, I wouldn’t want the public pawing through my stuff
Story 1: Will it still be sexist when her products are stolen? And she has to replace them with her own money? Who am I kidding? Of course. 😆 Don't leave your personal belongings unattended where strangers can access them. It's common sense. 🙄
Story 2: Kid can meet dying grandma if John starts paying child support. John will back off fast. 💸
ALL 7 years of child support that he's missed.
It's sexist not to provide tampons and pads wherever you supply toilet paper.
NTA in the first story with the tampons. It‘s a PERSONAL Item!
1. Especially if costumers may have also access to it, even if you say it for your use only. You don’t know it costumers or other colleges will/can temper with the tampons.
2. If no other personal hygiene products are allowed to be stored there, then Tampons are also not allowed.
3. I‘m a person with a uterus, no I don’t find the decision sexist
Dancing baker is in big trouble. Nate walking in on her and being mad is bad enough. But she is feeling guilty because "he wanted to do something nice"? What the hell is "nice" about a surprise visit by in-laws who already don't like you? She has clearly been brainwashed by this dude, and it will only get worse.
I agree! She deserves someone who thinks she’s adorable. How the hell is showing up unannounced during her personal day “doing something nice?”
The comment on the first story that went ''No uterus no opinion'', given the context of the story, sounds sexist af
The first story is literally no big deal. People really have to find things to complain about.
Story 1. There's no way he can be in the wrong, it is a unisex restroom that is also available to the customers. She wants to place pads and tampons and there while not allowing the customer to use them. If you were to place them in there what's going to stop the customers from stealing them? If they were to be stolen then she's going to complain the HR which is going to cause an even bigger mess. I get it was an employee bathroom but this is not the case.
I thought that she left the tampons in the bathroom because her in the other female employees were sharing but that's not even the case. She should keep her tampons out of the bathroom so other people don't use her stuff.
Even employee bathrooms ya risk theft. And unless they have a camera in it, which for obvious reasons isn't a good idea, it's rather silly to leave shit you need to public or coworker whim
BTW even TP isn't safe in quite a few shared employee bathrooms I have been in... I have known coworkers that don't buy TP, they borrow rolls from work \;p Worked as a janitor at a mine for a while, that provided free pads and tampons in a box, at first.. But box after box vanished, so they put in a vending machine (they had very few female employees, but we couldnt figure out who kept boosting them, and it was a dialy thing
This. The moment she wasn't sharing the tampons, it became a true 'Personal Use Item'
Yes! Said the same thing! Or what if some psycho creep messes with them and she gets hurt or sick or something, the company could be liable. I don’t get at all why she’s even arguing to keep them there it’s so weird and dumb to cause such a stink when I’m sure he’d be fine with her having them anywhere else that isn’t accessible by customers.
Wouldn’t these personable articles be accessible to be stolen? I’m female and would hate to have my seriously intimate items accessible to others. There is some seriously weird people there. Not sexist or AH.
I agree that the tampons shouldn't be kept in that bathroom.. only because of the risk of customers coming in and pinching stuff.
His personal reasons are absolute trash though.
What personal reasons do you mean? He didn't give any, just professional reasons.
@@wheelsndealz could have been remarks like how he didn't see how there being no "male equivalent" of period products is relevant. which I think is a fair consideration to have. the only thing I can think of is condoms (which are genuinely very important for the health of everyone in bed to have), which in some places are put in dispensers in bathrooms and even given out for free (both good things and should be the case for period products), however that isn't a true equivalent since sex is a choice while periods aren't
@@damien678 yeah and he admitted it was a bad analogy. So idk what personal reasons they thinks is trash.
Put in an employees only lockbox. Bam. Problem solved. Its a reasonable accommodation.
@@thegayestgoth unless the whole damned thing goes missing because someone thinks something valuable is inside
I was about 7 when my mom told me I was adopted. It was NOT a normal adoption, it was actually a surrogacy, where my mom found someone before I was even conceived. When I told kids at school, because of course I did, they called me little orphan Annie, which confused me because I had never been to an orphanage. I was more planned than most of them. I knew that my adoption was different than hers, but I had no idea how. Have you ever realized that a word you thought was two words turns out to be the same word? Even though it's spelled the same, you've only seen it in two, very different contexts so you think it's two, very different words. Yeah, that. There's no way that kid would get it.
i think it's easiest to provide tampons as part of your company expenses, both for employees and customers. problem solved.
Unfortunately it looks like OP doesn't have the power to do that.
@@margaretbruhn4376 oh for sure, but I do think a manager has some power to send word upstairs, and possibly get some policies changed for the better? he also has the power to not make it an issue and look the other way
@@jammie7822 He can't just look the other way. If an auditor ever comes and sees it that's a write-up.
@@Treveyon2010 For tampons being in the bathroom...? Where they belong lol? The stakes surely can't be that high
@@jammie7822 this is a business bathroom not a home one. The same rules don't apply. Personal use items aren't allowed in company bathrooms.
This AH father believes Paternity leave isn't to help his wife and new baby. It means free vacation time. Time for him not to help out as it was intended but to catch up on sleep a relax
1:04:18 how can you be annoyed by a lady dancing in lingerie baking cupcakes 😂 I would totally live with her!
1st Story: It seems any personal products which are kept in a bathroom available for use to both employees and customers could develop legs and run away. What would the employees say if their personal products went missing? I can even see customers believing if those types of female hygiene products were left in the bathroom, they are available as a courtesy to customers who need them… I’m not getting what the issue is with this one employee… She seems obtuse…
All this fuss, and there is a n office next door!
Obtuse and entitled.
NTA I keep my tampons and pads in my locker. It's not your home, it's a public bathroom, keep your personal items in your locker
For the wedding dress one:
If everyone on that side of the family knows of the dress and isn't going because of it then won't they all know MIL didn't copy her... Like if that's the real issue then it's already solved because everyone knows already that MIL bought it technically first but bride didn't copy because she didn't know it before she fell in love with it. They just have similar styles.
Pretty sure I heard a more complete version previously and OP absolutely copied MIL's dress.
So I looked in to it. OP give in cause she found out that it hurt MIL that much. There is more to it then she posted. And the wedding my not go down, the main point is there is more to it. Yet the OP not saying it. So in the end, the OP returned the dress and they put things on hold. MIL only talking with the son.
So OP is expecting to have the house to herself, Nate barges in with company and NATE and company has the nerve to be angry!?! Hard NTA. They don't get an opinion, and they ducking DO NOT GET AN APOLOGY. They owe OP an apology. How do you face them? With head held high. "Nate, everybody, I understand you think I owe you an apology. I don't know why. I was home alone behind closed doors by myself when Nate brought you all in without warning me. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Sorry if you don't approve, but it was rude to call me names when YOU barged in on ME. And (to SiL) I'm not your child or Nate's, he doesn't get to tell me to 'behave.' Nate you may have had good intentions, but you went about it the wrong way."
The Dress story. Went to reddit and found the last update and she returned the dress and the family is still outrageously mad at the fiance now husband for not immediately backing his mother. Mother came to wedding but not the other family and Op and spouse chose not to come to her birthday party. Seriously i think the MIL has issues and it’s unreasonable that she took this as such a horrendous betrayal. Oh there’s another post I missed. The MIL has past trauma from abuse so the family is so mad at OP for not giving in immediately and for her rude responses to MIL.
I'm 69 year old widow , grandmother, & mother. U do not keep personal items like like tampons n a public place. Keep them in your purse r your locker. Don't need to keep them in the office either. Manager is only doing what's professional.
nice
For the op who called the cops on the kid, my neighbors have a kid (I think he’s 6-7) my natural response to hearing him screaming would be “probably getting grounded or throwing a tantrum”, and as op chose to drown the noise with headphones, this probably happens frequently. I would personally had checked on the kid but op called the police thinking there was someone I see and honestly if there was, it would be better help than going out to rescue the kid if op doesn’t even know what was out there, some people can think under pressure others don’t, and op is clearly one of those that don’t. Also if the police aren’t giving the kid back to mom, it’s probably for a reason, and if the mom expects op to take care of her kid without reason, she should at least give op a head up that the kid is gonna be by themselves.
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The last one I hope op is just overly kind and not have some last issues from her ahole ex
Is there some reason your female employees can't keep tampons in their purses, pockets, backpacks, lockers, etc.? I've never seen a washroom (let alone a public one) which has such things. If you store it there, you know you are asking for it to be used by customers, stolen, kids to stuff it in the toilets, public to us it themselves, liability, etc., etc.? Also, imagine the reaction of a customer finding a used one around -- say used by another customer.
Simple rule. Don't leave anything in washrooms.
A group has donated tampons and pads to our school district. So in the middle school and the high school, all the girl restrooms and unisex bathrooms have baskets of these products. This way girls do not have to run to the nurse's office to get supplies. They have even placed them in the unisex bathrooms that the teachers use. This is a great program, because sometimes, some kids just do not have these products at home. And they can go to the nurse to get some to take home. But I have worked retail and you could not leave personal items in public bathrooms, because it would not be there when you needed it. And depending on the size of the company, we could leave supplies in the employee only bathrooms. The big problem though, is the mess that can happen when you have numerous people leaving personal items in the employee bathrooms.
I know of a few hole in the wall bars that do it. It's always a cute little set up. Some include lotion & I've seen one that even had some hairspray. All of this is pre pandemic. I know one place has it because it's also a restaurant & drive through store.
For the same reason you don't have to carry toilet paper around with you. It's a necessity that should be provided in every washroom. Ask yourself all the same questions about toilet paper.
@@debrasedgwick4697 Tampons and pads are no more personal than toilet paper.
I'm in a wheelchair and need to use prepackaged catheters in the bathroom. I wouldn't dare leave them in a public bathroom and it's not ableist to say that I shouldn't. Also, I wouldn't no wheelchair no opinion. That is so stupid/sexist to dictate who can provide an argument based on their genitalia. A reasonable argument isn't determined by the gender of the presenter.
Not remotely comparable.
@@mothergoose9383 How is it not? It's a medical required package for bodily function that only a specific type of person can use. Provide and actual argument not just, "nuh uh".
@@wheelsndealz Menstruation is not a disability.
@@mothergoose9383 I didn't say it was. How did you get that from my comment?
@@wheelsndealz You're trying to compare your personal catheters with tampons and pads. It's a false equivalence.
Story 1: NTA ONLY FOR THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE ONLY BATHROOM IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE STORE. Customers are also going to be using this bathroom and you don't know what they're going to do with her stuff. You you are going to have some prude complain about the tampons being in the bathroom. A customer might steal the tampons. Teens are obviously going to play a prank with them. And a whole lot of other drama you most likely don't want to deal with. If the customer start taking her tampons thinking they're free you know she's going to complain.
I'm honestly more scared of tampering, like absorbing medications or toxins put on a tampon is is terrifying
when I was a kid, I would have absolutely opened them up to try to figure out what they were. I may have even opened ALL of them.
If an employee wants to be nice and leave tampons out for anyone w a bleeding uterus, thats their problem. ADULTS understand those kinds of things EXIST in bathrooms. I don't care how small the store is, this literally should never have been an issue. Good luck in HR bud 🤣
Minor correction, they were going to be left for that particular employee's personal use. To use an already existing analogy, it'd be like leaving a toothbrush in this specific case.
The best way I can come up with to handle the situation with the little kid whose dads friend is the bio dad, he could easily tell his mother what is going on. Tell her that the kid is too young to be told but that he wants her to be aware that she is in fact biologically a grandmother. Let her spend some time with the boy and his family (not alone) and make sure she knows not to say anything to him about his paternity. She can experience some time with her grandson but the kid won’t be traumatized. When he is older and the parents decide to share his history with him it will be nice to be able to bring up that his biological grandmother loved him and that he had been able to help ease her suffering in a little way just by spending time with her even though he wasn’t aware of it at the time. Take pictures with her so he will have that. He doesn’t have to know at 7 everything that’s going on other than just spending time with a nice family friend and making special memories she will cherish and he will one day cherish as well. If she truly loves her grandson she will be happy to have that time with him and not want to traumatize him just for her own selfish desires.
Lead Singer Dream Man: NTA. My wife and I are very close, but we're also realistic and mature, so we know we find other people attractive. If one of us sees someone hot or stacked or whatever, a casual comment on it doesn't even ruffle feathers. We're secure and committed. But I would NEVER tell my wife that someone else was my "dream woman". There isn't the slightest chance I'd ever disrespect or hurt her like that. That's a ridiculous things to say to your spouse. It doesn't make a woman "empowered" to demean her husband. The commenter that called out the double-standard when dealing with men and women on Reddit was 100% spot on. NO ONE would have voted a woman "Y T A" in such a scenario.
In the case with the boyfriend cancelling on his girlfriend for a family only dinner- the woman has been in a relationship with this man for two years. They are not just casually dating. The daughter-in-law is an asshole for not inviting her, and the boyfriend is an asshole for not insisting she come.
I am, like commenters have already mentioned, concerned that she is more serious about this relationship than he is.
Also, sometimes women don't realize they need one of those products until they are already in the bathroom. Whether it be a surprise start to your menstrual or leak plus work may have you in a rush so grabbing something from the office every time you go to the bathroom "just in case" isn't always doable
THIS! Why is nobody talking about this? Often you'll only realize that you need to change it after sitting down and start doing your business. Having to stuff your underwear with toilet paper or else it's gonna leak/leak more is dehumanizing!
It's a product you use in the bathroom! Imagine toilet paper were policed in the same way. That you would have to get your own and hide it in your desk until you'll need to go, only for you to realize you forgot it once you're sitting down.
"That's not the same because everyone uses it!" Okay so 50% of the populations need is not reason enough, it needs to be 100%?
@@CleopatraDK I think the main issue is that she intends for no one to take them, so for her private use only which is unrealistic with costumer coming in and out.
@@NYLazyme In my country it's totally normal for employees to store their private products in the bathroom. Sure, someone might take some, but that's up to the individual to decide if they wanna take that risk. Also, I've never met a woman who would deny someone a pad or tampon. We all understand the struggle.
@@CleopatraDK it was said in the post that it was for her use only, if that had not been the case sure take the risk but she did told the manager that she didn't intend to subside the use of tampons, she doesn't want costumers or other employees to use them so how exactly would this be regulated?
@@NYLazyme the same way you just hope people don't steal rolls of toilet paper. You just hope. Why is the 'how' so important? That's her problem. But banning a needed bathroom item is just ignorant and shows the people on top have no idea what goes on at the bottom. Pun intended lol
Wedding dress story: If I were OP I would leave the fiance. I would not want to join this family...there's no dialogue, they just immediately jump to cutting OP and their son/brother completely out of their lives. It doesn't matter what happens going forward, whether OP and her SO decide to go no contact with his entire family or whether she decides to get a different dress and go grovelling back to MIL, either way I cannot see this marriage lasting - and I say that because SO is already siding with his mother who immediately cut him out of the family because she doesn't want to buy a new dress. In scenario one, the SO WILL eventually go grovelling back to his mother and the rest of his family and in scenario two, OP will NEVER get along with the in laws and will always feel like she's battling against them and MIL will ALWAYS pull the "I have final say in every decision in your life OR ELSE" card because she knows that it works. If hubby were as absolutely disgusted and shocked with his family's behavior as he should be then I'd say MAYBE the whole going no contact deal would work with them but he is obviously a whipping boy and will NEVER stand up to them.
Post online that the wedding is off, because his family doesn’t like your dress and you don’t want him to sacrifice his family. So give him this gift! He keeps his family and you keep the dress! Everyone one wins!
Amy is a troll story: There is no apology that makes up for what Amy has done, and she is so shallow she doesn't see just how cruel this was. She cost Tally her job. Any wonder she didn't want to talk to OP? Amy was perfectly OK deliberately, cruely creating false drama and upend another person's life. And she's surrounded by people who support this toxic behaviour. If he stays with this horror this will be OP's life from now on, Amy lashing out every time something triggers her insecurities. Run, OP, run.
The OP being in underwear when her SO and his family came in reminded me of a story about my grandma. My aunt and uncle stopped by and walked in unannounced. My grandma was naked or maybe in her underwear. She loved her privacy and she refused to move to town because she valued the ability to be the way she wanted.
For years after that, they would buy her pajamas every Christmas. She had a stroke years ago, so she is no longer the same. I miss her.
Regarding the wedding/birthday dress: most dresses that would be appropriate for these occasions can have added bling to change the dresses enough to make them look different. Hire a good seamstress to do their magic on the wedding dress, and peace could be quickly restored. Both women should be complimenting each other on their good taste. Obviously, they have similar taste in clothes, which should connect them, rather than separating them.
I was thinking the same thing. They can do things to make them a little different, right? And at this point, since everyone knows it’s the same dress, what difference does it make anyhow?
OP in first post NTA I’m a woman and I wouldn’t keep pads or tampons in a bathroom shared with other people thats not something everyone needs to see OP you are not in the wrong at all
You shouldn't have to. They should be provided just like toilet paper.
OP requiring husband do more chores story: 2 pieces of OP’s comments stood out to me for some reason. “I have been lenient” stated at the beginning of OP’s post and “I will sit John down tonight and have a long talk”, at end of updates per OP. These are not words a wife uses when discussing interaction with her husband. These are words a woman would use for a child. That is why these 2 utterances seem to signal the relationship is no longer wife and husband, but woman with spoiled man-child. OP, it seems, has clearly surpassed her husband. The husband-wife dynamic is gone. I see no problem with a woman being the breadwinner, while husband maintains the home and takes care of their family unit’s needs, BUT it does not sound like husband will ever see things that way. Their relationship will continue to degrade. It’s sad, but it seems to be inevitable that the relationship will end, should end, since it is in its death throes; at least that is what I pick-up from OP’s story…
1:06:00 NTA. Why is this person the love of your life?! If my husband came home to me dancing in my underwear with his mom in tow he would be apologizing to me for not calling ahead to give me a heads up someone was coming over. Also my husband and I always give each other heads up when we’re expecting someone so that no one ends up in an awkward situation like this. You are allowed to have fun and do stuff in your home and no one should shame you!
The Nightmare child story: OP wasn't responsible for the child nor was OP notified that the parent was gone. Also there were like three other besides OP, the child, and the mother. Also if the mother ain't getting the child back. You gotta wonder why? And for the OP. NTA for the most part. Because I see it as they not knowing what to do since I can't have enough information. Even they did, there could be more to the story like the child could have been a brat or something. Or assumed someone else was there. But, again, I'm assuming they didn't know since that sounds like the safer bet
What would have happened if she hadn't sent her a picture of the dress. And then just let her see it at the wedding it still would have been the same dress as her mother-in-law's because at that time she did not know that her mother-in-law had already purchased a dress like hers now whose fault is it if she wears the same dress as her daughter-in-law's wedding dress
Story 1. The YTA commenter seems to not have read the story. The bathroom is small, op can't add any cabinets or shelf they are just having the tampons in the office that is 10 steps away. Not a huge deal. Even the other female is fine with this so don't know why other lady is making such a fit.
2nd Story: It seemed OP thought it was cool to be able to speak Swedish with someone; a pleasant surprise. The ‘fake Swedish speaker’ blew it… She simply got caught in her unnecessary lie and now she feels foolish…
I'm so thankful that my kid was the best baby and I was able to get through it without the help of his father. It was still exhausting but if he had been any more chill I would've worried there was something wrong. He's 10 now and still the best. ❤
Toothbrush and razor are not the same thing. It's more like toilet paper. Single use and the most hygienic thing in the world.
It's her choice if she wants to run the risk of the customers stealing them
It’s perfectly healthy to act like a child sometimes! She was home alone with the door locked, what a turd
I think they are very badly matched. He should love her idiosyncrasies, not judge her. Also, if my SO brought people over unannounced, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE HE WANTED ME TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON, I would have killed him. He’s lucky he is still alive, IMO
OP has since left Nate 😺
For my INTERNSHIP in Denmark I started out in a small private business by using the same bathroom as the only other woman. The sweet secretary.
Then, they decided to move me out of the tiny "office" that was placed in their makeshift storage for standing posters. I got moved into the only other empty room. The top floor with a floor to celling window that had an amazing view of a field. It used to be a nursing home. This room was BIG. It was way nicer than my boss' office, but he liked to be close to his secretary and the front door, so my office got made into the "interns office"
And my colleagues printed out a "ladies" label and put it on one of the bathroom doors on that floor so I didn't have to walk down one flight of stairs to use the bathroom. They sacrificed one of their 3 bathrooms just so I didn't have to walk a few extra steps 😭
They were some of the nicest people I have ever met and I really miss them. Would probably have gone back to work there if I didn't realize that I actually suck at what I was studying. Whoops. 🙃
No, it's your work place bathroom not your own home bathroom. This is standard process in my own workplace, we sleep at our workplace when doing long shifts. Every employee after using the bathroom/shower have been explicitly told to remove every single item that is not provided for by the company (towel, soap, deodorant etc). Bathrooms must be kept up to standard. Imagine if everybody left thier items in there? They'd be 5 x different soaps, nose hair cutters, shavers, tampons and pads. People would start using other people stuff. Just yuck.
Too bad we can't leave our periods at home. Pads and tampons should be freely available anywhere toilet paper is supplied.
I love English people trying to speak Swedish it sounds funny
Story with the op calling the police on the kid as op didn’t know that the mother was or wasn’t in the house at the time. Also at 2am I would not deal with a kid screaming the mother should have been in the house op thought that the mother of the 8yr old was in the house
The big problem with story one is the asymmetric facilities across the company. I couldn't keep my products in a separate location when I was still dealing with that issue. Most offices are secured by the manager when the manager isn't in it. Weird thing about company sensitive data. The best option here is to put in a request to the company for a secure cabinet, and that should have been done proactively. Good management doesn't give close ended answers when there are other options that can be requested.
My mom always says don’t hand anyone money you can’t afford to lose! Be happy you got your $100 back and made that kid happy!
Story One: This is a very difficult one for me to put down an opinion, since I'm not a person with a uterus. However, I will say that this one's is NTA, however, it does veer very closely to YTA for reasons associated to time and bodily functions. The person with the uterus might have heavy period flows or fibrosis, like a commenter from here says, and not have a choice to get to the office in time, where they only make it to the bathroom. This is one of those where it is extremely out of my hands, and that the big problem is the asymmetrical bathroom availability, since the company policy is one bathroom should be for customers and one for staff, and since there's no bathroom available except for that one, it's for customers. I do agree with the idea of getting a tampon or pad dispenser put in, since it would mean more accessibility for people with periods and such.
Story Two: NTA. Just like one redditor said, John's using the poor child as an emotional support animal, and that should not be allowed. Calling OP the AH because John is the biological father and the child should know their biological father and their biological grandmother is missing the point. If the kid was told, their world would shatter and this might end up driving a stake between the child and OP if he lets the child know.
Story Three: NTA, veering close to NAH. She made some insensitive comments about a celebrity crush who's the complete opposite of OP, which made OP feel uncomfortable and inadequate. Like some redditors on that post commented, there's a difference between a celebrity crush and a 'dream man', like OP's wife says. Also, if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to, and she doesn't have to agree about that. I do think that OP does need to talk to her about this and the insecurities he felt with her comments. Also, he didn't ban her from going, so she could take a friend with her to see the concert.
Story Four: NTA. Linda should've known this lie would've been found out eventually. Besides, if Linda's friend has been dating OP for years, how could she have NOT known it wouldn't work when OP talks to her in Swedish and finds out she's lying?
Story Five: NTA, and for obvious reasons. The boyfriend cancelled plans with OP to go to a last minute dinner, so evaluating the relationship sounds like a good idea.
About story 1. But I agree with you. If she has any issues (heavy periods, PCOS, etc) it would be a YTA. If any costumer complains the OP can just be like “my employee has personal reasons to keep them there, if they bother you, grow up!” I sometimes postpone and procrastinate going to the bathroom until I’ll literally go when I’m barely able to hold it, and I’m in the room and not doing anything. She’s in work, probably helping costumers or doing whatever job was assigned to her. And if the bathroom is not free when she is there’s another thing to keep her from relieving herself. And if she’s on her period (especially in the beginning of it) she’s going to need a tampon on her at all times. Which is mostly unattainable. So having a box of tampons in the bathroom can be a necessity, but the OP is refusing to see how it can be.
And about story 2. Honestly I get the mixed race husband/white celebrity thing that was insensitive I will admit. But I’m gonna be honest, I thought “geez straight people”. Mostly cause I hear so much about how much bi women in “straight” long term relationships always joke “oh if only I was just gay” about their girl celebrity crushes. I know different people, different lives. But I feel like it’s not toxic to gush about your celebrity crushes in front of your SO. Like obviously proper communication of like “this is just a silly celebrity crush and you’re my truest love” to avoid hurt feelings is the best solution. But I don’t think expressing aesthetic attraction to people that probably don’t know that you exist in front of the person you chose to live your life with and love with all your being. Proper communication would’ve made this a non-issue
@@hugdispenser5627 it doesn't matter how heavy her periods are. OP legally can't allow it. Why should he have to risk his job?
And even if op were to turn the other way how is she going to react when customers start stealing her things because I can bet she won't be happy.
@@Treveyon2010 I’m not saying that he’s bad. I’m just saying that in case she has an issue (whether diagnosed or not) he should be more mindful and talk to his superiors to find a solution for her.
@@hugdispenser5627 like the post says op already plans to talk with his higher ups, but that's all he can do.
For the nut in a cup story if they didn't go through the proper legal channels and used a turkey baster as you will then the other guy has rights. He can sue you for custody.
Can he sue for custody if his father and mother adopt their son
@@shirleywarren9507 if the when through proper legal channels then no but if it was a hand shake and turkey baster then yes.
To Jake Carlisle Thanks You did read my question right as I meant the parents of the child. Shirley Temple from DE
Me hearing the responses from Markee and others on the first story: "I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!!"
2:13:00 NTA- I have a son with my ex and if he started dating someone who came in making all kinds of demands and trying to be his mom when he’s there once per week I would be going back to court and changing the conditions of the custody agreement.
Invite her to wear the dress to your wedding. Tell her you knew she had the same good taste as you in fashion.
As someone with a uterus, that one person can stfu he's not sexist.
The OP in the rock show story, I agree with the one commenter that mentioned OP should have said he was uncomfortable when his wife was rambling on, instead of waiting until she was getting tickets.
Something for everyone: If you're uncomfortable, SPEAK UP (unless, it'll put you in harm's way).
Diaper Change AH: OP's updates seem designed to get a 'not the AH'. Mum is nursing, round the clock, seven days a week. This isn't the 1950s. Do the DUCKING DIAPER CHANGING! It won't be like this for the next 18th months. The overnite nursing and diapering lessen over time, but right now OP needs to be a PARTNER, not another larger baby.
there was a update to the boyfriend cancelling dinner plan
last update: it was not a special dinner and no news was announced the son actually was not upset with my BF decided to keep his plans with me I had a great night with my BF we went out to dinner and then cuddled while watching a scary movie
As soon as you started reading the comment about the hunting down of "all mashupatory emissions" I started dying 🤣 I was just like Legally Blonde has taught a generation so much 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Spicy take but I think there should be period products in bathrooms like this for everyone to use (even in men's bathrooms, since some trans men need them)
I agree and in the first story OP mentioned maybe talking to HR about possibly putting a dispenser for feminine hygiene products in the bathroom, which I think is wonderful!
Hell to the YES!!!
@@EsmeTheEmerald but they shouldn't have to pay for them
@@Flufferz626 pay for what?
Trans men use the female room as bathrooms in most places are divided by sex and not gender
This is why I don’t date what my mom and dad would consider to be real guys.
I am a musician myself, and I do have what I consider to be more than just innocent crushes on artists who have inspired me.
Maybe I wouldn’t go onto marry them in real life, but I would never want to close that door by settling for some normal guy just to make my folks happy.
Saves me from Breaking a lot of hearts.
The wife is an asshole for making her husband feel inferior to the lead singer of her favorite band.
If he was really just a dumb celebrity crush, then why did she keep going on about how he was her dream man?
For the story with the OP having a trans sister.
Repeatedly deadnaming and misgendering a child is abusive and does so much more long term damage than you would think. It destroys a childs sense of self worth and being. Especially if it starts when the child is so young. I just hope that father loses access to his little girl because he shouldnt be near her if he's going to abuse her like that.
The woman pretending to speak Swedish: okay, listen, I get it. My oma and opa immigrated from the Netherlands, and I lived with them when I was 1-3, and am forever salty they never taught me Dutch even though my mum (their ex-DIL) was really insistent about it. But that doesn't mean I go around saying I can speak Dutch when I can't!!! I just say exactly this, and explain that's why I'm gonna try learning it now in adulthood, because I feel genuinely robbed of the language. This person was just so idiotic c'mon
1st - I’ve worked in 4 different offices for my company, with only two of those offices sharing a bathroom with other offices. They are gender-designated bathrooms. No one every kept hygiene products in any of the bathrooms nor were there dispensers. I would never consider it sexist or misogynistic if I was told not to keep hygiene products in the bathroom even the bathroom within one of the very, small offices I worked in. I kept them in my desk.
2nd story - not only the trauma to the child but how do you think grandmother will feel knowing she’s had a grandson for 7 years and only found out now that she’s dying. This is why it’s always best for donors to be anonymous. I hope OP had legal papers drawn up at the time of donation because “friend” can take them to court.
A joke would've been somewhere along the line of saying "stop making me feel even more single, please" while dramatically holding onto someone else when OP acted that way to her husband. Heck, my friends ridiculously swoon and tease our other friends who are in a relationship. That's a good joke, you're happy for them and you mean well.
A tampon is classified as a medical device. You can keep a first aid kit anywhere .
The screaming child one. ESH. The parents left the 9 year old child by herself so the police needed to be called.
Eight. And she didn’t even tell the neighbor (OP).
"She might be dangerous though!"
"She's 8! What's more likely is that she is in danger herself"
Wedding Dress Story: The mother-in-law even shows a receipt showing she had already purchased the dress. Her event is as important to her as yours is to you. You two wearing the same dress will, as you well know, only invite comparisons where you will, very likely, come out on top. I think you are creating more of the problem than the mother-in-law, as you chose a non-traditional dress, she had already purchased the dress and there are a LOT of dresses out there that you could easily fall in love with too. Think about if the situation was reversed and your mother-in-law chose the same dress AFTER you chose yours and she looked better in the dress than you, then you would think the mother-in-law was being a witch and trying to hurt your feelings (which is probably how SHE felt). If you found the dress first I would have sided with you. I think you are a bit of a bridezilla. I will say that your fiancé's family blocking communication is a low move. I see fault on all sides here.
Yeah, in the case of the dress in this story, I feel it's first come first serve. Even if MIL had actually bought a wedding dress, if she got it first before OP had seen it, it's on OP to find something else.
But MIL will have a birthday again next year. This will be, presumably, be her only wedding!
@@veronicavatter6436 Exactly, so why is OP wanting to wear the same dress as MIL? She can go find an actual wedding dress as it's possibly her only chance.
@@izzisart yeah but she’s(op) is fine with wearing the same dress? It’s the mil problem if she’s not ok wearing it at literally a completely different event, she doesn’t like it,tough shit, she’s acting like a child…perpetuating such controlling behavior on the marriage will only lead to more issues in the future.
@@mimi.dixon.b Not sure if it's in this video or not (I've seen a few with this story since), but the general gist is that MIL's isn't just any normal party, but partly a celebration of someone who was abusive to her being put away in prison (if I recall correctly). So she wanted the dress to be something special she has for herself for once.
Ask her if she’s willing to supply customers with the products--because that’s what will happen to her products. Customer’s will assume they are for public use just like toilet paper, soap & paper towels.
Story 1- NTA OP is being fairly reasonable and the employee is entirely right
Story 2- I think you hit the nail on the head here Markee, and that John isn't thinking rationally. He needs to go into therapy not destroy a child's sense of security in his family.
Story 3- I cannot imagine why OP wouldn't be fine with his wife going to this concert, to try and meet this singer, after she tears down his self esteem and implies she would dump him in an instant given the chance. /s
Story 4- AITA for taking a woman's lie at face value and doing the normal thing that literally everybody would do? No. No you're not.
I was going to text this is not Legally Blonde 😂😂
Y’all stop saying “most women”. Not all of us are the same. Some of us don’t mind celebrity crushes. Also some comments are literally misogynistic.
The Elle woods joke is amazing!!!
Working for a restaurant where we did NOT have a staff bathroom but used the restroom for our guests and staff therefore we stored ALL feminine products in office which was right around the corner from restrooms! Along with any headache meds, Pepto, midol, etc. That us staff may need at any time and was never denied access to those items from office. Idk how many times I popped in to grab pads or tampons from my managers office 😂 he didn't care bc that's what they're there for. God if we left them in the bathroom customers would've helped themselves or destroyed them bc people suck! Oh and our manager literally bought them for us ladies that worked for him! And they were the good brand kind 😂
Question about story 1
That employee wants the tampons for their use only. How is that to be enforced if they are in the public bathroom?
Noooo. He can’t put something in the bathroom without PERMISSION. It could be done. He HASN’T BOTHERED TO ASK! Ah
You have to tell Abram someday, seven years old may not be the time. How about a compromise? Don’t tell Abrams yet but let the donor dad let his mom know her grandchild
That would be traumatic to the child... Op mentioned that if he knows that's his grandma... He'll know John is his dad, not OP. And two . The biggest issue here... Imagine telling your child you have another grandma and she's going to die soon so that's why we told you now! This child will get attached to her and lose her all in the same year. That's too much for a kid to process... And then he'll also have to process dad's bf is his bio dad. That would be so selfish & traumatic. And John needs to back off.
Yup legally blonde, Elle Woods ( sounds like L Woods) perfect submission of the part were Elle Woods is showing how smart she is and won the argument. Watch it Markee. It's a fun movie.
NTA. If you lie and wind up with egg on your face, it belongs there. Don't claim to speak a language you cannot speak, because sure as certain someone there will speak that language and try to have a conversation.
While I took Spanish in high school and had Mexican neighbors for 12 years(wonderful people, by the way), I am quick to point out to people that I speak a tiny bit of Spanish only. I took French in college. I can usually cover ordering off a menu in those languages, but fluency is not in play.
You did not try to embarrass Linda. Linda embarrassed herself. Your girlfriend should understand that.
A pimp says go make me money. Or someone in a pyramid scam.
The op and his cousins that made fun of his academic cousin weren't just joking. They were being bullies.
It's okay to not have a pension for academics, but what is not okay is making fun of someone for something they are passionate about. And one of the cousins saying to save that kind of talk for when academic cousin isn't there makes me hope that smart cousin never talks to those assholes ever again. Loving families dont do that to each other.
Tho sperm donor story. OP needs to sit John down and explain, while he feels for his situation the trauma this news would do to a SEVEN year old trumps it. Abram is not mature enough to understand the first situation of his dad not being his bio dad. But then to add "hey I'm not your bio dad but he is and your bio grandma is dying!" Is a whole other level. John is in shock and trying to give his dying mother everything she wants before she passes and that's normal and fine. However he cannot upturn a little boy's life like that and think it will be ok and everything will go back to normal after his mother dies, which I have a feeling that's what John thinks will happen.
Wedding Dress versus Birthday Dress: OP already said birthday anniversaries are a BIG deal in the MIL's family. So, to her, this would be as significant as your wedding dress. A 50th birthday is a grand milestone in some cultures. Since MIL could prove she bought the dress first, and you didn't choose and pay for a traditional, expensive wedding dress, it might be more reasonable to keep the peace and get a new dress. It's not ideal to lose out on a dress you like for your wedding, but you are pushing to lose out on much more. Look at it from MIL's point of view: this event is just as important and she told you, and showed, she had he dress first. Thus, to her, it looks like you are trying to copy or one-up her. This is offensive and she will not take such disrespect from an as-yet outsider. In ordr to build bridges, not fences, with the in laws, get a new dress and apologize for the fuss.
Any work bathroom I’ve been in has tampon and pads in there, if a customer has a emergency they can use it too wtf
The nightmare kid: there was a missing adult woman. I would've called the police once I helped the kid. They still would've called CPS, for sure.
Claw machine story: she's asking a teenage child to help placate a tantrumimg toddler to reinforce that if you act like an ass, you'll get your own way. Yta for sure!
The garden/ flower business: keeping everything separate eat his idea. It's to protect himself during divorce. It's not ok if she uses separation of finance to protect herself during the marriage? Well that's hypocritical!
NTA, exactly. OP, you are a homemaker just not in the way your husband thinks. You have made your house a home, from what it sounds like, since the beginning. And you've done it without a lot of help from him. Sounds like you would have absolutely no problem continuing to make a home with or without him.
You didn't do him any favors, though, by allowing him to shift the Lion's Share of keeping a home onto you for such a long time. He got used to being the Poor Pitiful husband who works so hard and is so exhausted when he gets home that he deserves someone to have his slippers, pipe, and his hot dinner on the table when he arrives. If you did not work or contribute financially to the household, his expectation of a dynamic like the one he expects might be more reasonable. Unfortunately, for him, that is not the case. The reality of that situation has now hit him in the face like a bucket of iced water.
Browbeating and screaming at him constantly in order to try and reinforce your reaction to his archaic and rude ideas about your place in your own home is not productive. If you are that unhappy with the situation, and he is unwilling to change, then you have a big decision to make. Otherwise, you will continue to have to rail and scream over the same issue indefinitely. That is neither physical nor mental energy you can afford to waste.
Story 1 - NTA. Tell the female employees to keep their pads, tampons, cups, etc. in their purse. I do, and guess what? No one knows if I'm on my period or not.
I hate it when people say I need to be the bigger person. ESPECIALLY when the other person is older than me. Also I have heard so many times "you are fighting over something that small?" And every time I think "it takes two to tango." You are making just as big a deal as the other person. Re-evaluate what you are actually fighting about, because it's rarely about this small thing. Go fight the fights you need to fight, not the fights you want to fight right now
Op upside is you don’t have to have kids, cause you already have one!
It’s the responsibility to take care of her child, and set up child care
This is my first time listening to one of your videos. I liked it very much. New subscriber.