Join the club. I valued a man that Never valued this relationship we had. Matthew said in another message one day that really touched my heart and sparked my thoughts. Answer this... Does he value the relationship? Does he invest in the relationship? Does he act like he never wants to let you go? I heard this on a video that he recorded a few months back. And my answers then were no! My boyfriend actually saw it posted on my bookshelf. He started to make some changes, but not enough that could substantially keep us together! Now that I see this message, I have woken up doing my pain.
You know what? I'm thankful if someone rejects me. If we are not on the same wavelength then let's not waste each other's time and energy. Let's not force things. We all know how that turns out.
I have rejected someone, but u did it with grace and LET THEM KNOW. I didn’t ghost, or make them wonder. I gave them closure. It’s the human, nice thing to do…
When a man wants you, values you, appreciates you, he will move mountains to be with you! If not let them ghost you, leave you, thank them in the end 👍
But what happens when they move mountains time and time again for people and yet it never means anything to them, no matter the person, no matter how different or where and when.. no matter how much you understand why..
MY HOW TO COPE WITH DISAPPOINTMENT: 1. Manage emotion. 2. Don't take it personally. 3. Review expectations. 4. Take a big picture perspective. 5. Try again or try another tack.
@@viennala2528 NEVER THAT lol, I want you to be happy not even more pissed lol. Im just saying dont give up because its always the good ones that stop and the dickheads that keep on pushing. Hence why most of us are feeling unfulfilled now.
i am guilty of creating an idea of someone in my head and falling in love with that idea!! One way to prevent myself from doing this is giving myself a "rule" where I dont allow myself to get invested until at least date 4. I keep reminding myself, Im still in the getting to know you phase and the idea I have of them in my head is not reality!!
Thank you for the TIP, I really need it, I mean I know the idea of not falling for the idea or the possibility of someone it was already there, but I really appreciate the action plan to make it happen.
@@laracroft9079 IT means that you can't walk on top of his Dreams. He says in old Enghish in a verse of a beautifull poem 'Thread softly cause you thread on my Dreams 'WB Yeats .
Im a man and this identifies us aswell, or maybe I just have a real femenine energy which i can tell its hard when i want to be with girls and they want a masculine man :(
I think everybody experience dissapointment in their lives. In online dating my advice is to go on a physical date asap. It is the only way to get to know the other person for real. If your date doesn't wanna have a real date in person, make time for you, etc, that is not your person. He built up an image of himself that is not true and that is what leads to your dissapointment. Accept it and move on, look for your genuine partner and trust in destiny.
Too late nwo order coming soon we won't be able to leave the house this was planned years ago and all those dating apps are destroying us....... The problem lies with modern technology
@@tinalove7860 You can do video calls in the meantime. The problem is not technology it is the bad use of it by humans. The main issue is the pandemic for all types of relationships but we have to deal with it.
This is a really good perspective. It is very hard not to get caught up in a fantasy world of what could be when you really like a person, but the reality is that that overexcitement could even be signaling to them that you aren't ready for a relationship because you aren't thinking about it realistically.
"Poetry is what you build. A poet is someone you go on a date with and gives you a great date because they're super charismatic, oooh I bet one day he's gonna write great poetry... well, who gives a f*** if he's not writing it..." - M.Hussey 👏👏👏
Thank you. I've been watching many of these videos for the last few days after a sudden breakup. I always felt something was wrong... that somehow I was suffering, but shouldn't have been. This video single handedly mended my heart by finally making me realize the person was amazing, but the relationship was shit, and I was feeling such pain for the loss of such an amazing person without noticing that the person doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that the relationship was shit. It's something that should be obvious when you finally see it, but somehow we don't. This completly shifted my perception from "I lost someone amazing and I will miss her" to "I lost a shit relationship and thank god for that".
Never become dependent on someone you love. Do not put them in a pedestal. Have your own interest and your own life aside. Do not show them you love them too much. Do not check on them every second and do not fear to lose them. Have a mindset that you can live without them. Do not idealised them, cause they are also human and they are also afraid of losing you. You would not like someone who is too clingy and whose life revolves only around you right? Trust me. I was too clingy and I lost some people like that.
Great tips . Hope this works for some people. I know rejection is protection but the older you get the harder it is to remain motivated for a great relationship.
For me the biggest issue with dating and especially online dating these days is that no matter what you do, everything feels like a job interview. You tend to date a few people at the same time and select the one you like best, a bit like how you’d find a job. The other person does the same, and every time you get ghosted you know they’ve made another choice, and you get disappointed when you find out later the choice they’ve made on social media and that they’ve been talking to someone else the same time as with you. There would be candidates like a dream job, when if you don’t ‘get the job’ you build this fantasy of what it would be like if you ‘worked there’ and how magical your life would be and how others would envy you. During dates the purpose is to see if you have common values and interests - basically an interview. I find it hard to develop a spark during first dates because you haven’t done anything together nor know a thing about them. It’s just super draining - as someone who 1) hates wasting time and 2) expects results from time and energy invested, it’s an exhausting process. Even if you do get that ‘job’, after 1-3 years you’ll mature and move on to another target. Why does something which is supposed to be romantic feel so mechanical and boring? I really have lost hope - it’s better to meet new people for common interests in a platonic manner!
Yeah plus i got no matches on Tinder, got my heartbreak by a beautiful woman (who actually wanted a marriage for green card(met her at college)), got blocked by some women who are not interested anymore, and gotten ignored. It hurts as a guy who actually made effort is now burnt out through rejection, school and work. Maybe in Japan I would have a much better chance, assuming I'm Fluent in Japanese and the culture dynamics
Omg I ❤️ when you said “who gives a fuck” ... I actually laughed out loud. Yes, this concept is so fucking true. I tend to immediately see myself trimming the Christmas tree next year with him or us rocking on the front porch in our old age before he even earns it. And then BOOM... the courtship blows up or he disappoints and the dream of “what could have been” dies and it’s devastating. Over and over and over again. Thanks Matthew. You are a keeper. 💗
Right!!!! It was a blow to my head too girl! Picture me growing old with this man. Even though we have talked about it so many times about what we would do when we get old together. I've just loved myself to fabricate more onto it. Which made me think why I continue to hold on after a year and a half. I'm thinking too much of what could possibly be 🤦♀️. But I needed that mental blow! 👊👊👊
I'm going to be 35 y.o. next month. Single. Every time I go for a date, I come back with broken heart. I'm constantly rejected. Every time I open dating apps, I want to cry, because of horrible guys there, rude... I give up on dating, I'm simply not attractive enough to find someone. So I've decided to take a break from dating. Yes, I know I'm old already and screwed as a woman living in a traditional Catholic society. But I've never met the one. Some people might say "you friendzoned some guys, who liked you"- No... Its always opposite, I'm the "always friendzoned girl". It hurts... And every time I hope for sth, I'm ghosted or they simply get cold. I'm just tired. I miss intimacy, hugs, etc. but at least I don't cry hurt again while being single. Sometimes I say, I'd like to be a man: I would be a tall, handsome, brunette guy, with appearance from south. But unfortunately I'm a girl...
Honey, you are not alone. Even attractive people, their relationships don’t work out. I dated a perfect rich man but he was cold, he had his own demons, he just got divorce. The point is, no matter how you look or how perfect you are, a perfect relationship is not guaranteed. I hope you find love, if not, you will be ok. I recently divorced and it hurts, see, nothing is guaranteed to last.
Got rejected today after a first date i thought went really amazing . I was really chuffed I hit it off with her and was excited about the future . She then text me today that nice date but best to be friends . My heart sunk and was really sad as it’s story of my life . Needed this video to get back to confidence as a guy .
Oh I feel you ,I was rejected after 2 months of dating ,And this person was even kissing me,I was intimate with him And he was showing a lot of interest on the beggining,we had really nice connection,he was really romantic but after two months change his mind,I don’t know How It’s even possible🥺💔 One day you will meet someone for yourself who will appraciate you🥰
Ah the highs and the lows... See someone you like and then that person doesn't follow through. And all that after already building my imaginary fairytale life with them 😋 Oh the poetry 😁😂
Mr. Hussey you are sent from God! I'm giving my man some space, after a 5 month long distance relationship. I understand. He's facing some intense personal struggles. But I recognized I've been celebrating the poet and not the poetry.
Many people give up too easily don't to try hard enough to make it work together. Everyone looks for certain compatibilities, standards, boundaries & if it doesn't resonate with them that's why they move on. We all have different attachment styles & love languages which is what makes it work or not but we all have to be looking for the same thing in one another in order for it to become a success or be content. Some people are users like the narcs are & only care about their supply. No feelings for others except themselves. Everyone has different characters & intentions..
I felt really broken when he just ignored me and showed me that I don't have the right to think about him in that way. But I can't force anyone. Thank you ❤️😍🤱
I love how Matt angry on this video lol :D He is %100 right. Poetry is not 'he is super charismatic on the date'. It's effort, time, understand eachother and willing to be together.
I'm officially done with woman to many heartbreaks and dissapointments for trying to do the right things! Best way forward me,myself and i and my life goals
While I wasn’t going through a break up, I had to make a decision to not see her romantically anymore because I couldn’t focus on my career and/or studies. At the moment we are trying to be friends but I’m sad because now we have just become two people who are unable to connect to one another. While I am able to continue focussing on investing in myself, I am still heartbroken but this video helped contextualise things and I will probably continue not to date until my desired career has put me in a comfortable spot.
Excellent! We do this as human beings. Fantasize, build someone up prior. Then we are disappointed if date does not go well. Instead of taking one step at a time. Go on date first, enjoy it only. Not thinking "he is the one".
Repeat After Me: - I'm Going to Love again. - I'm thankful of what I learned. - I'm going to take care of myself :) (4 u) - I worth and deserve. Don't be afraid to walk away. • Smile, You're so Hot smiling
"Anyone can say one day i'm gonna write a book, that's not where the value is, the value is in the book, the value is in the person that actually puts pen to paper that's a real relationship, putting pen to paper." 👏👏👏 Matthew Hussey
Thank you so much for always being there Matthew with EXACTLY the things we could imply for not only in our love life but also to improve our relationships in general !
I really needed to hear this. Just yesterday I was suppose to go on a date and was stud up, by a guy I was reconnecting with from my past, no call or text.
This video couldn't have come at a more perfect time. In this very moment, i really needed to hear this. Because it was something that had been on my mind all week.
Omgoodness 🥺 as if you were telling me again about potential. I just broke up with my man after a year and a half on Monday. My older son just told me, "mom you're leading with potential potential". Of course I didnt understand in the beginning. My heart was broken. I loved this man so much. I didn't understand after that I saw the potential he had to be the man I needed. Not because he said he was that man, but because he brought it out from time to time. But when my son said what he said to me a few days ago, I didn't want to feel more stupid! I'm in my 40's and I let this happen again? I wake up this morning and see this email. What a hit in the head! Thank Matthew.... seriously! Because you're 100% correct on what you said, I have allowed myself to create this vision of what he could be, not what I'm dealing with. I was focused on the poet not the pen to the paper. He would say a few things from time to time that sounds so great, meaningful, words that touched my heart. But all it was was like how you said, about writing the book. If it's NEVER done, who gives a fuck! Thank you Matthew, I really needed that. I need something to help me, but honestly 14 day free trial I know won't help. Where I'm at I couldn't continue after that. I will just have to replay this message to help me understand more. You're awesome 🙂. thanks for the words wisdom.
I love watching your videos. I don’t have these issues anymore because I’ve been married for 10 years, but I could have saved myself so much confusion and heartache if I had this advice in my 20s.I don’t want my girls to go through what I did so all of this is helping me help them when their older.
I know a great powerful man that can help you get your ex or crush back forever,he helped me too immediately without delay or stress...And he also have solutions to all problems 💯
I have valued the poet for my entire life. I haven't had much experience in the art of prose, save for an 8 year that recently ended. That was more real than any charisma I've experienced. Thanks, Matthew.
Each time there is a creation of truth to the word you always say . Bringing a change in pattern when there is no " Satisfying Connection "and feelings of compromised trust that man /woman start to pot more efforts to see a change in relation one day .On the contrary when there is a feeling of the self power back with positive energy our mind and body receive and the silence that speaks the volume of right person that the specific one is here to stay .The specific one make a the other to be ready for "main course of unending trust of sparks ". Thanks for everything and much Care .😘
Yup, that's me..! Over-Investing mostly based on the potential and what we could be and not seeing the reality of what they are right now... Great video..!🙌🤘💝
Omg it’s really true! I just did this to someone whom (if) my brain thinks clearly he’s not worth my time&energy! I’ve wasted months to have my feelings/emotions fall for him🤦🏻♀️ so now I have to use my brain more than heart, slap it if I have to, in order to think instead of imagining
Hey Matthew! I want to say that I really appreciate you. You always empower me and help me to gain my hope and confidence back. No matter how much does a person know or is knowledgeable and positive, there is always a point that I at least become impatient and negative a bit. And in those times we need someone or something to help us to get through it. You helped me a lot during those times like a good friend! Thank you and I hope you have a great day❣️🌹
From today I’m valuing the poetries in my life (people building castles with me and genuinely investing on me) rather than the potential poets! Much 💕 for the wonderful message Matt!
Matthew you are a gem - enjoy watching you brainwash the illusion we have created in the name of love. Thank you so much - you can’t even imagine how helpful your ideas have been for me. God bless you 🙏
Hey Matthew. this hit me hard. because I myself am a writer. I write poetry but have always found most of my inspiration in my own sadness. but with this particular connection I had two years ago, I wasn't writing poetry. I was writing a tragedy from the very start. because when we met I was at a very dark point in my life. and he himself had a pretty big load of sadness and grieve to carry and overall just too many issues for one pair of shoulders. but when we met I laid everything bare. every flaw, every insecurity, every imperfection of mine. because for the first time in a long time I felt like someone could actually understand. some who was just as miserable as I was. and in my mind, I was writing this narrative of us being two broken pieces who could miraculously make each other whole again. that we could fix each other. and when it didn't work out I was devastated. and it took me so long to come to the conclusion that we were doomed from the very start. and that what we had was so far from being a healthy and healing relationship for neither of us. and still, I find myself wanting to go back to him sometimes, because I keep holding on to the thought, that somehow, maybe I could have fixed him. that he could have fixed me. that we could have worked out. and though it was hard to come to terms with that, I am glad that I was able to get out of my dark place.
I LOVED this video! Not just on a macro level (I definitely create stories about someone’s potential when I shouldn’t...I’m still learning how to check myself) but I loved the use of poetry/story to illustrate the point too. Really interesting 🙂
I get not trying to picture the future right away (if things are going well) .....BUT...... nothing excuses bad behavior like ghosting someone, after both people have made some investment in each other. I’m tired of the facade. Stop faking it out of boredom or needing an ego boost. Only no-conscience and self-centered people ghost another human being. It’s so unkind. That kind of behavior needs to stop. It’s not acceptable.
Not gonna lie man, playing this fucking game is really hard. Sometimes God isn't on your side- it is a fact for sure. How do you not get excited and how do you not fall into the emotions? It really isn't in our hands. It's in something higher and it is up to them to find it for us. That is what I believe. Just put yourself in the position and hope the luck falls through
I understand but I'm a very social outcast, and it took every ounce of literal will power to pursue to then be rejected. I have never done that before but to then be rejected shattered me. Idk man I'm trying to look for ways to better myself but it looks like you have a program so I'll definitely look into it.
I know a great powerful man that can help you get your ex or crush back forever,he helped me too immediately without delay or stress...And he also have solutions to all problems 💯
I have been ghosted by a surgeon. He came across as not knowing what he wants or even being grateful for what he has gained. He was very sweet. But I now see that was a close call
This is ironic because I got dumped once when I pushed in a new relationship for someone to do the writing he said he wanted to do. He proved he did not want/couldn’t to communicate or repair after he felt too pushed, which is actually the most important part of a relationship. Yeah, so no poetry literally 😂😂😂
Omg Matthew, that has struck a chord with me. I am having real issues with a 'relationship' i have with someone I haven't seen for 40 years. I am just confused.
Why do we have to think so hard to please a man? Text this, don't text that. Do this .... don't do that because he will loose interest. Why can't it be like the old fashion way. You meet someone, you date them a few times you develop feelings for the person and you enter in a relationship with them. It's like in these times that we're living we are using more our heads than our hearts. People are more shallow. You don't fall in love with beauty, with time you fall in love with who the person is inside. People complicate things too much. Love is a choice. You either want to or you don't. If you have the connection, chemistry, attraction and things in common... you have it all. You have a huge potential to develop a beautiful love story. But I don't know..... people get so scared or so picky? I don't know what it is. It's like there is a huge wall. Sadly, they will miss out on how awesome the relationship could have been. They think that someone better is coming their way. That shows insecurity and fear to open up.
Wow Matt... You just set straight the source of so much heartbreak for me... In just 5 minutes and 35 seconds lol I can't tell you how serious I am. Thank you💛
Matthew Hussey..u r the most valuable person in my life..coz I have learned a lot from you and I am still learning from u.. Matthew Hussey..I respect ur good thoughts..I respect ur good intentions..I respect ur kindness..I respect ur good character..I respect u the most coz u are a good person.. Matthew Hussey..Big Thank You for making this world a better place to live..
Just got out of something because we had two different religions and he didn’t want to make it work. I’ve really been hurting the last couple of days but I realized/agree I am hurting over the “potential” I saw on him. I was focused on the poet not the poetry, thank you for helping me ❤️
This makes perfect sense when I think what I’ve just been through. Thank you for this, I’ll try and remember this for the future. I probably do invest too much into the ‘poet’ rather than the poetry.
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
This is beautiful! Matthew you are my Poet and I love your Poetry! Thank you for the beautiful message. You connected with me. I will use this and sign up for the 14 day tryout. Have a beautiful day!
Some people say don't love anyone more then yourself. Some people say go and move on to the next one. All that is very true but I think I can top it. Fuck all the bullshit and just don't date. Avoid stress at all time life is too short. Good day to you all
I got ahead of the "story" in a recent relationship that lasted a year. Everything was awesome for 6-7 months. The reason I got ahead of myself was unfortunately because we talked extensively about a home, kids, and everything associated with a future together. WE were planning for the future. I invested so much, am now trying to sort through all of this emotionally. If I had to describe my current emotion, I'd say it's just extreme "disappointment." Just that idea that an entire year of my life is gone...And for what?
There was this beautiful woman who talked about marriage to me and unfortunately, it was a marriage for green card and got my heart broken after the argument and disagreement
Thanks Matthew. I guess that idea of being a poet is holding one back in the first place. If there's nothing going on, than it is what it is. Of course then your ego keeps coming back at you by making you look at the past ("what did I do wrong, wasn't I enough?" etc.), but that doesn't help. It's like you say, whether you are writing the poetry TOGETHER or not, if not, that's ok.
So Matthew shared this principle so many times already in different forms (people building a castle together or valuing the trash cans instead of the big rides in Disneyland) but every single i find myself thinking "Oh ja! Right, i should and will do that!" It changes my mindset for a week or so but two more dates in I am overinvesting again 😅🙈
yeah me too. We can't change overnight. But I think everytime I overinvest I change myself a little bit, because it forces me to go deeper inside of my mind, my experiences, my story, my traumas.. that's how you change. Change is made of bumps and also mistakes. Good luck :)
Facts or undeniable truth?...Best way to cope is to learn how dating and relationships actually work plus learn how to deal with your emotions and problems effectively. And accept what you can't change but also accept that you are responsible for how you react to disappointments. You can either be emotional and reactivate or be proactive and look for solutions and keep it moving.
This hit me so hard. I tend to overvalue people and it gets me confused and heartbroken . It’s such a beautiful term .
Join the club. I valued a man that Never valued this relationship we had. Matthew said in another message one day that really touched my heart and sparked my thoughts. Answer this... Does he value the relationship? Does he invest in the relationship? Does he act like he never wants to let you go? I heard this on a video that he recorded a few months back. And my answers then were no! My boyfriend actually saw it posted on my bookshelf. He started to make some changes, but not enough that could substantially keep us together! Now that I see this message, I have woken up doing my pain.
Same
You hv an anxious attachment style.. After working on yourself you will become Secure😌❤🤗
Stop over valuing or and under valuing yourself.
@Helle Thorning exactly EXACTLY
You know what? I'm thankful if someone rejects me. If we are not on the same wavelength then let's not waste each other's time and energy. Let's not force things. We all know how that turns out.
But outring yourself out there many times can burn you out eventually via rejections
rejection is always better than ghosting. i also prefer a clear end instead of an endless waiting!
@@christiansnaturestudio6599agreed
I have rejected someone, but u did it with grace and LET THEM KNOW. I didn’t ghost, or make them wonder. I gave them closure. It’s the human, nice thing to do…
"The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters"
When a man wants you, values you, appreciates you, he will move mountains to be with you! If not let them ghost you, leave you, thank them in the end 👍
I don’t think they move mountains, maybe it’s what I’ve experienced
But what happens when they move mountains time and time again for people and yet it never means anything to them, no matter the person, no matter how different or where and when.. no matter how much you understand why..
Men, Not be a simp!
Your advice only applies if the woman has high interest if it's low I'd rather not.
Yes and you just stay there and do nothing when the men climb the mountains.. fuck that logic. A woman should put in some work too
MY HOW TO COPE WITH DISAPPOINTMENT:
1. Manage emotion.
2. Don't take it personally.
3. Review expectations.
4. Take a big picture perspective.
5. Try again or try another tack.
My how to cope: done with men.
@@viennala2528 A real man is waiting to meet you and fill your heart with joy. Keep trying.
@@ButterfingerBB Trying with what? For sure not with internet men. 😂😭
@@viennala2528 NEVER THAT lol, I want you to be happy not even more pissed lol. Im just saying dont give up because its always the good ones that stop and the dickheads that keep on pushing. Hence why most of us are feeling unfulfilled now.
@@ButterfingerBB aww, thank you. ❤❤ Good luck to you too
i am guilty of creating an idea of someone in my head and falling in love with that idea!! One way to prevent myself from doing this is giving myself a "rule" where I dont allow myself to get invested until at least date 4. I keep reminding myself, Im still in the getting to know you phase and the idea I have of them in my head is not reality!!
Yes, thank you! I will remind myself of this:)
Interesting. I should do this cause I find my head always up in the clouds and it's not easy!
@@thirteen7349 I know exactly what you mean!!! I hope it helps 😊
Good idea
Thank you for the TIP, I really need it, I mean I know the idea of not falling for the idea or the possibility of someone it was already there, but I really appreciate the action plan to make it happen.
“Life is a long preparation for something that never happens.” - W.B. Yeats.
Don't thread on my Dreams WBYeats
Wonderful way of putting it out with the simil plenty of poets but not very much poems
What does that something mean? I dont understand this quote
Yep im 52 and cant agree more.
@@laracroft9079 IT means that you can't walk on top of his Dreams. He says in old Enghish in a verse of a beautifull poem 'Thread softly cause you thread on my Dreams 'WB Yeats .
Mathew is now yelling at us, so we can get the message!!! Not more excuses ladies 😅
I'm not hearing anything Matthew speak louder.
i loved it when he cussed
Im a man and this identifies us aswell, or maybe I just have a real femenine energy which i can tell its hard when i want to be with girls and they want a masculine man :(
😂 that’s what I was thinking of
And men
sometimes you gotta swipe right on mental health
@МАРОККАНКА you’re right, always. actually making a video about this tomorrow at 9am. you should check it out
Disagree
"Hope is a dangerous thing" - Shawshank Redemption
I think everybody experience dissapointment in their lives. In online dating my advice is to go on a physical date asap. It is the only way to get to know the other person for real. If your date doesn't wanna have a real date in person, make time for you, etc, that is not your person. He built up an image of himself that is not true and that is what leads to your dissapointment. Accept it and move on, look for your genuine partner and trust in destiny.
Very true
Too late nwo order coming soon we won't be able to leave the house this was planned years ago and all those dating apps are destroying us....... The problem lies with modern technology
@@tinalove7860 You can do video calls in the meantime. The problem is not technology it is the bad use of it by humans. The main issue is the pandemic for all types of relationships but we have to deal with it.
Exactly the words that I need to keep telling myself about a recent situation. Perfect👍
This is a really good perspective. It is very hard not to get caught up in a fantasy world of what could be when you really like a person, but the reality is that that overexcitement could even be signaling to them that you aren't ready for a relationship because you aren't thinking about it realistically.
The bit about overexcitement is mind blowing. Very novel perspective to put it that way. Thank you!
"Poetry is what you build. A poet is someone you go on a date with and gives you a great date because they're super charismatic, oooh I bet one day he's gonna write great poetry... well, who gives a f*** if he's not writing it..." - M.Hussey
👏👏👏
Loved him say that - this is reality which we women completely miss in the midst of emotions!
Thank you. I've been watching many of these videos for the last few days after a sudden breakup. I always felt something was wrong... that somehow I was suffering, but shouldn't have been. This video single handedly mended my heart by finally making me realize the person was amazing, but the relationship was shit, and I was feeling such pain for the loss of such an amazing person without noticing that the person doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that the relationship was shit. It's something that should be obvious when you finally see it, but somehow we don't. This completly shifted my perception from "I lost someone amazing and I will miss her" to "I lost a shit relationship and thank god for that".
What a perspective. I can relate to this so much. Thanks for sharing.
Never become dependent on someone you love. Do not put them in a pedestal. Have your own interest and your own life aside. Do not show them you love them too much. Do not check on them every second and do not fear to lose them. Have a mindset that you can live without them. Do not idealised them, cause they are also human and they are also afraid of losing you. You would not like someone who is too clingy and whose life revolves only around you right? Trust me. I was too clingy and I lost some people like that.
Way easier said than done
Even when I wasn't clingy at all, people still drift apart such as friendship
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 i kmow, but I've learned it the hard way. Detach from them.
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 let go, because they weren't for you or only interested.
@@MrAllywood79 damn, adulting is even harder than I thought. Guess I'm too ugly for yhe ladies
Sometimes we overvalue the poet and undervalue the poetry. Love this phrase so much. I learned a lot. Thanks Matthew! 🌷🙏🏻
Great tips . Hope this works for some people. I know rejection is protection but the older you get the harder it is to remain motivated for a great relationship.
No thanks
Yeah I mean I am better off finding love in Japan than in USA.
No motivation at all and everyone is very unattractive . Stay well.
Foreal!!
Yes. My heart is tired.
For me the biggest issue with dating and especially online dating these days is that no matter what you do, everything feels like a job interview. You tend to date a few people at the same time and select the one you like best, a bit like how you’d find a job. The other person does the same, and every time you get ghosted you know they’ve made another choice, and you get disappointed when you find out later the choice they’ve made on social media and that they’ve been talking to someone else the same time as with you.
There would be candidates like a dream job, when if you don’t ‘get the job’ you build this fantasy of what it would be like if you ‘worked there’ and how magical your life would be and how others would envy you. During dates the purpose is to see if you have common values and interests - basically an interview. I find it hard to develop a spark during first dates because you haven’t done anything together nor know a thing about them. It’s just super draining - as someone who 1) hates wasting time and 2) expects results from time and energy invested, it’s an exhausting process. Even if you do get that ‘job’, after 1-3 years you’ll mature and move on to another target.
Why does something which is supposed to be romantic feel so mechanical and boring? I really have lost hope - it’s better to meet new people for common interests in a platonic manner!
Matthew has a great video about this called "Ready to Give Up on Dating? Watch This..."
Yeah plus i got no matches on Tinder, got my heartbreak by a beautiful woman (who actually wanted a marriage for green card(met her at college)), got blocked by some women who are not interested anymore, and gotten ignored. It hurts as a guy who actually made effort is now burnt out through rejection, school and work.
Maybe in Japan I would have a much better chance, assuming I'm Fluent in Japanese and the culture dynamics
Learning how to let go and to stop expecting things from people in return is 🔑
"God created alot of poets, but not enough poetry." 💜
But there's always enough beer.
Omg I ❤️ when you said “who gives a fuck” ... I actually laughed out loud.
Yes, this concept is so fucking true. I tend to immediately see myself trimming the Christmas tree next year with him or us rocking on the front porch in our old age before he even earns it. And then BOOM... the courtship blows up or he disappoints and the dream of “what could have been” dies and it’s devastating. Over and over and over again.
Thanks Matthew. You are a keeper. 💗
Right!!!! It was a blow to my head too girl! Picture me growing old with this man. Even though we have talked about it so many times about what we would do when we get old together. I've just loved myself to fabricate more onto it. Which made me think why I continue to hold on after a year and a half. I'm thinking too much of what could possibly be 🤦♀️. But I needed that mental blow! 👊👊👊
@@virginiafujiwara7973 it happens to us men too, you know.
I laughed so hard too. Because deep inside we know it's the truth.
🎯🎯
I'm going to be 35 y.o. next month. Single. Every time I go for a date, I come back with broken heart. I'm constantly rejected. Every time I open dating apps, I want to cry, because of horrible guys there, rude... I give up on dating, I'm simply not attractive enough to find someone. So I've decided to take a break from dating. Yes, I know I'm old already and screwed as a woman living in a traditional Catholic society. But I've never met the one. Some people might say "you friendzoned some guys, who liked you"- No... Its always opposite, I'm the "always friendzoned girl". It hurts... And every time I hope for sth, I'm ghosted or they simply get cold. I'm just tired. I miss intimacy, hugs, etc. but at least I don't cry hurt again while being single. Sometimes I say, I'd like to be a man: I would be a tall, handsome, brunette guy, with appearance from south. But unfortunately I'm a girl...
Honey, you are not alone. Even attractive people, their relationships don’t work out. I dated a perfect rich man but he was cold, he had his own demons, he just got divorce. The point is, no matter how you look or how perfect you are, a perfect relationship is not guaranteed. I hope you find love, if not, you will be ok. I recently divorced and it hurts, see, nothing is guaranteed to last.
It should not be a workout, I think it should flow naturally. Such a nice analogy with poetry 🥰
Got rejected today after a first date i thought went really amazing . I was really chuffed I hit it off with her and was excited about the future . She then text me today that nice date but best to be friends . My heart sunk and was really sad as it’s story of my life . Needed this video to get back to confidence as a guy .
Oh I feel you ,I was rejected after 2 months of dating ,And this person was even kissing me,I was intimate with him And he was showing a lot of interest on the beggining,we had really nice connection,he was really romantic but after two months change his mind,I don’t know How It’s even possible🥺💔 One day you will meet someone for yourself who will appraciate you🥰
I feel you bro, my most recent date told me she had fun and want to go on another date but ghosted me. So there's no second date 😕
Ah the highs and the lows... See someone you like and then that person doesn't follow through. And all that after already building my imaginary fairytale life with them 😋 Oh the poetry 😁😂
i'm still learning not to overvalue people from the first time i meet them, it's hard work but worth it
Mr. Hussey you are sent from God!
I'm giving my man some space, after a 5 month long distance relationship.
I understand. He's facing some intense personal struggles.
But I recognized I've been celebrating the poet and not the poetry.
Many people give up too easily don't to try hard enough to make it work together. Everyone looks for certain compatibilities, standards, boundaries & if it doesn't resonate with them that's why they move on. We all have different attachment styles & love languages which is what makes it work or not but we all have to be looking for the same thing in one another in order for it to become a success or be content. Some people are users like the narcs are & only care about their supply. No feelings for others except themselves. Everyone has different characters & intentions..
Compatibility is such a difficult task to work with, even if you improve everything to make the conversation flow naturally
I want more of Matthew reading poetry and calling me out on my terrible dating patterns
I felt really broken when he just ignored me and showed me that I don't have the right to think about him in that way. But I can't force anyone. Thank you ❤️😍🤱
I love how Matt angry on this video lol :D He is %100 right. Poetry is not 'he is super charismatic on the date'. It's effort, time, understand eachother and willing to be together.
I’ve met lots of poets... who have no words to write ✍️
I'm officially done with woman to many heartbreaks and dissapointments for trying to do the right things! Best way forward me,myself and i and my life goals
Plus, love is a risk that you may get hurt many times before you click with someone. It's a hit or miss
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 so true my brother much respect from cape town south africa👊
While I wasn’t going through a break up, I had to make a decision to not see her romantically anymore because I couldn’t focus on my career and/or studies. At the moment we are trying to be friends but I’m sad because now we have just become two people who are unable to connect to one another. While I am able to continue focussing on investing in myself, I am still heartbroken but this video helped contextualise things and I will probably continue not to date until my desired career has put me in a comfortable spot.
This resonated with me in such an incredible way! You blew my mind today. How simple, yet, so very profound and true!! Thank you, Matt. Thank you!
Marcie C,you got a lovely smile!
This is one of the best pieces of advice I’ve seen on the internet on how to understand a breakup. Thank you!
Excellent!
We do this as human beings.
Fantasize, build someone up prior.
Then we are disappointed if date does not go well.
Instead of taking one step at a time.
Go on date first, enjoy it only.
Not thinking "he is the one".
Repeat After Me:
- I'm Going to Love again.
- I'm thankful of what I learned.
- I'm going to take care of myself :) (4 u)
- I worth and deserve. Don't be afraid to walk away.
• Smile, You're so Hot smiling
"Anyone can say one day i'm gonna write a book, that's not where the value is, the value is in the book, the value is in the person that actually puts pen to paper
that's a real relationship, putting pen to paper." 👏👏👏 Matthew Hussey
Thank you so much for always being there Matthew with EXACTLY the things we could imply for not only in our love life but also to improve our relationships in general !
What have I just watched...you usually give me the good goosebumps Matthew but that's on another level.
Just Wow.
I like when you said ...having something special is when someone is actually trying. Those words say it all.
I really needed to hear this. Just yesterday I was suppose to go on a date and was stud up, by a guy I was reconnecting with from my past, no call or text.
This video couldn't have come at a more perfect time. In this very moment, i really needed to hear this. Because it was something that had been on my mind all week.
Omgoodness 🥺 as if you were telling me again about potential. I just broke up with my man after a year and a half on Monday. My older son just told me, "mom you're leading with potential potential". Of course I didnt understand in the beginning. My heart was broken. I loved this man so much. I didn't understand after that I saw the potential he had to be the man I needed. Not because he said he was that man, but because he brought it out from time to time. But when my son said what he said to me a few days ago, I didn't want to feel more stupid! I'm in my 40's and I let this happen again? I wake up this morning and see this email. What a hit in the head! Thank Matthew.... seriously! Because you're 100% correct on what you said, I have allowed myself to create this vision of what he could be, not what I'm dealing with. I was focused on the poet not the pen to the paper. He would say a few things from time to time that sounds so great, meaningful, words that touched my heart. But all it was was like how you said, about writing the book. If it's NEVER done, who gives a fuck! Thank you Matthew, I really needed that.
I need something to help me, but honestly 14 day free trial I know won't help. Where I'm at I couldn't continue after that. I will just have to replay this message to help me understand more. You're awesome 🙂. thanks for the words wisdom.
I just read your comment and it left me in tears.. You have an amazing personality dear
@@michaelarchibaldgeorge8220 thank you.
I love watching your videos. I don’t have these issues anymore because I’ve been married for 10 years, but I could have saved myself so much confusion and heartache if I had this advice in my 20s.I don’t want my girls to go through what I did so all of this is helping me help them when their older.
Hello friend,true love never dies don’t give up in anything in life because all hope is not lost yet
I know a great powerful man that can help you get your ex or crush back forever,he helped me too immediately without delay or stress...And he also have solutions to all problems 💯
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I love that you quoted Bukowski. That alone tells me something remarkable about you for me
Hi
@@robertmicheal1332 Hi
@@jocelyn2662 how are you doing?
@@robertmicheal1332 I am very cold and dreaming of the tropics :). How are you?
@@jocelyn2662 I'm good too
Can you send me a DM on my WhatsApp or hangout
Sometimes, we find it hard to adapt and accept change. Great session.
The poetry of two people building the castle together....🥰✨
I have valued the poet for my entire life. I haven't had much experience in the art of prose, save for an 8 year that recently ended. That was more real than any charisma I've experienced. Thanks, Matthew.
I see the analogy of poems to love. Poets/dates or lovers (or so we think) and poems/love. This video was so insightful.
Each time there is a creation of truth to the word you always say . Bringing a change in pattern when there is no " Satisfying Connection "and feelings of compromised trust that man /woman start to pot more efforts to see a change in relation one day .On the contrary when there is a feeling of the self power back with positive energy our mind and body receive and the silence that speaks the volume of right person that the specific one is here to stay .The specific one make a the other to be ready for "main course of unending trust of sparks ". Thanks for everything and much Care .😘
Yup, that's me..! Over-Investing mostly based on the potential and what we could be and not seeing the reality of what they are right now...
Great video..!🙌🤘💝
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW APT IS THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW MATTHEW. Guys keeping pulling away. I am soooo done.
Omg it’s really true! I just did this to someone whom (if) my brain thinks clearly he’s not worth my time&energy! I’ve wasted months to have my feelings/emotions fall for him🤦🏻♀️ so now I have to use my brain more than heart, slap it if I have to, in order to think instead of imagining
I did not expect to have the spiritual experience I had with this video 😭
So much yes to the poetry, that is everything.
THIS IS TRUTH. I feel I do this all the time and why I get so disappointed.
Hey Matthew! I want to say that I really appreciate you. You always empower me and help me to gain my hope and confidence back. No matter how much does a person know or is knowledgeable and positive, there is always a point that I at least become impatient and negative a bit. And in those times we need someone or something to help us to get through it. You helped me a lot during those times like a good friend! Thank you and I hope you have a great day❣️🌹
From today I’m valuing the poetries in my life (people building castles with me and genuinely investing on me) rather than the potential poets! Much 💕 for the wonderful message Matt!
Why did I just get the notification for this video, really good timing for what I’m going through right now.
Matthew you are a gem - enjoy watching you brainwash the illusion we have created in the name of love. Thank you so much - you can’t even imagine how helpful your ideas have been for me. God bless you 🙏
Hey Matthew.
this hit me hard. because I myself am a writer. I write poetry but have always found most of my inspiration in my own sadness. but with this particular connection I had two years ago, I wasn't writing poetry. I was writing a tragedy from the very start. because when we met I was at a very dark point in my life. and he himself had a pretty big load of sadness and grieve to carry and overall just too many issues for one pair of shoulders. but when we met I laid everything bare. every flaw, every insecurity, every imperfection of mine. because for the first time in a long time I felt like someone could actually understand. some who was just as miserable as I was. and in my mind, I was writing this narrative of us being two broken pieces who could miraculously make each other whole again. that we could fix each other.
and when it didn't work out I was devastated. and it took me so long to come to the conclusion that we were doomed from the very start. and that what we had was so far from being a healthy and healing relationship for neither of us. and still, I find myself wanting to go back to him sometimes, because I keep holding on to the thought, that somehow, maybe I could have fixed him. that he could have fixed me. that we could have worked out.
and though it was hard to come to terms with that, I am glad that I was able to get out of my dark place.
Thanks, Matthew. You are like the older brother I have always wanted.
literally every video I've watched by you is telling me a hard to swallow truth. Thank you.
The poet and poetry analogy...Matt you're a genius. I love you!!
I don't even care about keeping the attention of stupid jerks who don't like me anyway, I just like to watch Matthew. Who agrees with me? :p
I LOVED this video!
Not just on a macro level (I definitely create stories about someone’s potential when I shouldn’t...I’m still learning how to check myself) but I loved the use of poetry/story to illustrate the point too. Really interesting 🙂
What a lovely way to bring me down to earth. Thank you 🙏🏽
Donnita George,you got a lovely smile!
This applies to many other aspects of life. I also think on my goals and projects. This is gold. Thanks.
@@cahilpeterson4978 I'm doing great, thanks! Working at home and learning a great deal from people like you!
@@cahilpeterson4978 Hi. I hadn't seen you answered again.
@@cahilpeterson4978 Where did you send them? I never got anything
@@cahilpeterson4978 I'm sorry. I don't give my contact details to strangers. You were polite and I was too. Nothing else.
I get not trying to picture the future right away (if things are going well) .....BUT...... nothing excuses bad behavior like ghosting someone, after both people have made some investment in each other. I’m tired of the facade. Stop faking it out of boredom or needing an ego boost. Only no-conscience and self-centered people ghost another human being. It’s so unkind. That kind of behavior needs to stop. It’s not acceptable.
Not gonna lie man, playing this fucking game is really hard. Sometimes God isn't on your side- it is a fact for sure. How do you not get excited and how do you not fall into the emotions? It really isn't in our hands. It's in something higher and it is up to them to find it for us. That is what I believe. Just put yourself in the position and hope the luck falls through
I understand but I'm a very social outcast, and it took every ounce of literal will power to pursue to then be rejected. I have never done that before but to then be rejected shattered me. Idk man I'm trying to look for ways to better myself but it looks like you have a program so I'll definitely look into it.
Crying while watching this...
As Matt gets older, h ou s work ignites my soul. This video absolutely nails human dynamics at it's best! Mr. Hussey needs his own show. Go buddy!
Hello friend,true love never dies don’t give up in anything in life because all hope is not lost yet
I know a great powerful man that can help you get your ex or crush back forever,he helped me too immediately without delay or stress...And he also have solutions to all problems 💯
Text him on WhatsApp
+2349069188070
I have been ghosted by a surgeon. He came across as not knowing what he wants or even being grateful for what he has gained. He was very sweet. But I now see that was a close call
I love Matthew omg his words break everything all the way down!! He never misses!
Very well said! Wow! Why do we focused so much on the poet - the potential and not the actual writing - poetry!
This was perfect therapy regarding my current dating situation. Thank you for this.
Same.it gives me some relief.
This is ironic because I got dumped once when I pushed in a new relationship for someone to do the writing he said he wanted to do. He proved he did not want/couldn’t to communicate or repair after he felt too pushed, which is actually the most important part of a relationship. Yeah, so no poetry literally 😂😂😂
It seems that too many men want casual dating and hook-ups. They can keep those and stay away from me. 😁😁
Omg Matthew, that has struck a chord with me. I am having real issues with a 'relationship' i have with someone I haven't seen for 40 years. I am just confused.
This is such career advice as well. Time to starting writing why I’m amazing at the craft I’m developing.
Why do we have to think so hard to please a man? Text this, don't text that. Do this .... don't do that because he will loose interest. Why can't it be like the old fashion way. You meet someone, you date them a few times you develop feelings for the person and you enter in a relationship with them. It's like in these times that we're living we are using more our heads than our hearts. People are more shallow. You don't fall in love with beauty, with time you fall in love with who the person is inside. People complicate things too much. Love is a choice. You either want to or you don't. If you have the connection, chemistry, attraction and things in common... you have it all. You have a huge potential to develop a beautiful love story. But I don't know..... people get so scared or so picky? I don't know what it is. It's like there is a huge wall. Sadly, they will miss out on how awesome the relationship could have been. They think that someone better is coming their way. That shows insecurity and fear to open up.
Ooh sorry dear but are you ever rejected by ur loved❤ one
Wow Matt...
You just set straight the source of so much heartbreak for me... In just 5 minutes and 35 seconds lol
I can't tell you how serious I am. Thank you💛
Matthew Hussey..u r the most valuable person in my life..coz I have learned a lot from you and I am still learning from u..
Matthew Hussey..I respect ur good thoughts..I respect ur good intentions..I respect ur kindness..I respect ur good character..I respect u the most coz u are a good person..
Matthew Hussey..Big Thank You for making this world a better place to live..
Just got out of something because we had two different religions and he didn’t want to make it work. I’ve really been hurting the last couple of days but I realized/agree I am hurting over the “potential” I saw on him. I was focused on the poet not the poetry, thank you for helping me ❤️
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whoever you want to manifest within two-day ♥️♥️♥️
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯💯
Whtsaap him**
+234=915=205=2063....
She sort of looked like the love of my life. Lol been there 👀
I will find better looking guy 🐸😔
I give up on relationships. I am never going to date again, because it's only going to end up with me getting hurt in the end.
This makes perfect sense when I think what I’ve just been through. Thank you for this, I’ll try and remember this for the future. I probably do invest too much into the ‘poet’ rather than the poetry.
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This! This is what I was looking for but I didn't know the right words for it. Thank you.
This is beautiful! Matthew you are my Poet and I love your Poetry!
Thank you for the beautiful message. You connected with me. I will use this and sign up for the 14 day tryout. Have a beautiful day!
Some people say don't love anyone more then yourself.
Some people say go and move on to the next one.
All that is very true but I think I can top it.
Fuck all the bullshit and just don't date.
Avoid stress at all time life is too short.
Good day to you all
You are amazing Matthew it took me a long time to finally understand your words
I got ahead of the "story" in a recent relationship that lasted a year. Everything was awesome for 6-7 months. The reason I got ahead of myself was unfortunately because we talked extensively about a home, kids, and everything associated with a future together. WE were planning for the future. I invested so much, am now trying to sort through all of this emotionally. If I had to describe my current emotion, I'd say it's just extreme "disappointment." Just that idea that an entire year of my life is gone...And for what?
Hugs
Dating is so complex
There was this beautiful woman who talked about marriage to me and unfortunately, it was a marriage for green card and got my heart broken after the argument and disagreement
Thanks Matthew. I guess that idea of being a poet is holding one back in the first place. If there's nothing going on, than it is what it is. Of course then your ego keeps coming back at you by making you look at the past ("what did I do wrong, wasn't I enough?" etc.), but that doesn't help. It's like you say, whether you are writing the poetry TOGETHER or not, if not, that's ok.
So Matthew shared this principle so many times already in different forms (people building a castle together or valuing the trash cans instead of the big rides in Disneyland) but every single i find myself thinking "Oh ja! Right, i should and will do that!" It changes my mindset for a week or so but two more dates in I am overinvesting again 😅🙈
yeah me too. We can't change overnight. But I think everytime I overinvest I change myself a little bit, because it forces me to go deeper inside of my mind, my experiences, my story, my traumas.. that's how you change. Change is made of bumps and also mistakes. Good luck :)
You have to make it a HABIT. That is the clue.
Facts or undeniable truth?...Best way to cope is to learn how dating and relationships actually work plus learn how to deal with your emotions and problems effectively. And accept what you can't change but also accept that you are responsible for how you react to disappointments. You can either be emotional and reactivate or be proactive and look for solutions and keep it moving.
Absolutely
Perfect timing.......in my pity party right now. Thank you Matthew ❤️
Same.
Hi, how are you doing?
Always put on that smiling face on your dp
“Disappointments are to the soul what a thunderstorm is to the air.” - Friedrich Schiller.
Yes, we are good at creating stories.
So true special reveals itself.