@@nathanlong4801mines not a day. It’s been a month and I’m still feeling it but I’m hoping it disappears because it’s making me feel deeply worthless and hopeless and it’s also making me feel ashamed that I even feel that! Whew
You know what ? So many people don’t confess their feelings to their crushes because of their fear. But us, we were brave enough to put ourselves out there and told them. And this guys, THIS, we can be so proud of it. We can be SO proud of us.
I'm here because I've been rejected. But you know what..? When I reject someone, IT IS because the age, it is because I don't like the appearance, or a billion of superficial aspects. So yeah I'm in the loop "I'm too old, I'm too ugly, it's because what I said, how I speak my accent, the way I did it" and so on.
I need to hear this because I actually just pranked myself into telling someone from the gym that I liked him and then unsent the message but they heard it and have been silent since. I feel so deeply embarrassed…!! And I came to this video for perspective but thisssss - recognising that he isn’t my person is something I’m going to keep repeating myself. I have been ruminating on the thought and embarrassment of it all SO BADLY, that I have actually been having some trouble sleeping and also it’s increased my ticks (I’m neurodiverse and everytime I have a deeply embarrassing thought - I speak out loud to avoid the visceral discomfort it gives me). Basically I now have a strong and clear thought to repeat back to myself by way of what you wrote - thank you!
Thank you Matthew this is very helpful. Currently heartbroken over a man who led me on for month's acting interested. When I asked him out he rejected me but for some reason still acts interested..unfortunately I completely invested myself in the dream of what I thought was going to happen..💔 now trying to get over this whole nightmare.
This recently happened to me. I was mad that I knew I had to draw the line to keep this person from messing with me. But I did it and told him to just keep walking! No more interest from me! I feel I dodged a bullet with common sense and logic. No one has the right to play me like that. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth. Take care.
I find the 3 months window the best way to get to know someone’s true intentions. Typically around that time things naturally escalate to the point where things start to get serious. Questions around commitment start being thrown into the mix. I find that for men and women - a lot of people either step down or step up at the 3 month mark. That is usually nothing to do with you - has all to do with their emotional availability, maturity, trauma etc. Avoidants are known for exiting around this time. That being said .. I know that there are some people who are aware of this window consciously or subconsciously and they will use this time to lead women on, giving them the false promise of a relationship for sex and then when questions at the 3 months mark come up - It brings up their own fear to commit. They bounce, move onto the next. And sometimes. Come back to use the pre-existing connection to get more sex now they’ve established they’re not interested in a relationship.
I hear ya - Jennifer! No matter how much you might like someone - it’s not going to work out in the long run, if they’re not the right type of people for you! If you want a happy life - consider someone that fits your personality, that matches well with you, and that is supportive of what you want to do - and actually wants to be part of it! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
The second point makes so much sense. I've always wondered why he rejected me, but never gave myself the credit for my reaction. I've accepted it, even though I didn't like it, I told him it was okay, I've moved on with my life. Yes, in the back of my head I always thought about him. But when he came back after months I politely declined because I respected myself too much. I guess even though I don't accept my own feelings here, all of my actions were the right thing to do. I should be more proud of that.
This came like thunder from heaven. Few hours ago I received rejection text after two most amazing dates I have ever had. It felt like she is the one. I know just two dates, but on the first date we spent whole day together and it was something.. The energy.. the connection.. The sparks.. I feel like I'm gutted.. Somehow empty.. Sorry for my english.. But I needed it.. Thank you Matthew
Same here bro I had a date last week and everything went perfect 100% the connection, the energy, the laugh and all of that just to get rejected like mf.
True. Very relatable. Just got rejected by a girl I honestly didn't really value. It was just lust. But since it was lust, I immediately took it personal. Play with fire and it'll burn.
I feel you 100%. Same thing happened to me, immediately devasted after seeing such text after two wonderful dates. Hope you got over it completely by now.
Major red flag on online dating profile: looking for amazing chemistry. By definition, they almost never are looking for that subtle and you get rejected as soon as their version of that diminishes, which happens by definition
I definitely needed to hear this. I’ve been needlessly cruel to myself as a result of repeated rejection and this helped me realize that my sense of value was misplaced. Thank you.
Becoming a person of value and then finding someone who uniquely values what you have to offer. Thank you, sometimes feel frustrated that I haven’t found someone yet. Had a 17 year marriage with someone who didn’t love me but stayed for the kids. Sometimes feel like my life will pass by without ever being loved but I’m working on myself through counselling and with a personal trainer. In the past yr, have lost 45 pds, gained a new good job, become very active, and have found a nice little home for me and my kids. This helped me to just calm down and remember, I want someone who values me, not just anyone.And I can slow down and wait.
A guy and I were talking every day for almost a year. I thought I had a connection with him, but sometimes I wasn’t sure. So I decided to ask him, and he said he doesn’t have any intentions, just wants to talk as friends. I’m trying my best to overcome it. The funny part is, I’ve never been in a relationship before, and he’s the first person I made an effort to connect with. I ignored all the other guys because I was talking to him. Now, it feels like nothing. We’ve decided to stay friends.
It happens in romantic situations. We sometimes confuse friendship with sexual attraction. In friendship, there is always love. There isn't just any sexual attraction and that's completely okay. I faced rejection two days ago and I loved that person for almost 12 years. My situation was exactly the same as yours. There was respect, trust, care, and fun between us. But for her, there wasn't any sexual attraction. It boosts up more when we fanatacise about the person we like. The moment you try to stop those fantasies, things go in another direction.
I wish someone had had this talk with my 14-15 year old self. Hearing it decades later after all the damage has been done makes it all feel insurmountable. But I still appreciate this video and words very much!
I've been rejected my whole life. By friends, family, lovers. I've never been good enough for anyone. No matter how much I believe I am good enough, someone always ends up making me feel less than. Esp with romantic relationships tho. I'm starting to believe I'm cursed with the male gender. I've never had a solid male friend, and men reject me like sardines on icecream. I often wonder if I'm getting my karma back from something horrible I've done in my past life that makes me not deserve love in this one. Idk. Idk what else to think at this point in my life. I'm 40. I'm getting older. And it's harder to find any kind of love as you get older.
Most of the things you've said aren't true. Our brain plays tricks with us. Don't know why it does that though. Sometimes, we get rejected by someone and feel that it's our destiny and believe that others don't like us too. But that isn't true.
Thank you Matthew so much. Often, in my experience, rejection sounds like not been chosen by a person I like. So, I repeat in my hand, again and again: hey, why not me? And all seems so unpleasant. Perhaps we'd rather choose ourselves everyday, being confident about the positive consequences, acting in this perspective. A big hug to all those are walking towards the "core" of what they really are.
Laura...you're a woman, right? I'm gonna be honest with you as a man, if you are not being chosen by a man that you like. You're choosing a man that has no interest in you, has many options, genuinely doesn't want a relationship, is having fun being single, they're getting with different women, they're actually a bad boy. I'm telling you this, because in the past I used to make friendships with many women, I still do. Most would tell me their dating problems n struggles n most would show me pics of who they were interested in. They were mostly attractive, egotistical, good looking men, these were clearly men with many women choosijg them. I came to see how most women tend to want the men that other women want. You're all going after the same type of men, sadly. I never dated any of my lady friends, because their actions towards me indicated they they friendzoned me. I was also obese, nerdy, odd, n was that "chubby nice guy" then. Interesting enough, now that I'm fitter, physically look better, not fat anymore. I attract women a little easier now. I still get rejected, they hurt. And I tend to go back to my old chubby self n think that I'm getting rejected because I'm "still fat and ugly." When the reality could be, that individual woman has a confusing story of who she wants, which isn't me. Good luck to you.
Amen to that and let’s work on who we are rather than anything else. How we treat others is inherently more important than anything else and I do try to make others feel good about themselves and I inspire when I can. I don’t know their story. We have to think about that also.
This is what I’ve concluded too in my life, that doing something that makes us proud and hopeful meanwhile making some kind of progress, is key to self esteem and feeling joyful or at least peaceful. I think I sprung to this conclusion coming from a place of deep depression. This is how you come alive again.
I needed to hear this. I'm replaying. I was going through a superficial low self-esteem moment because I went to salsa with my friend and her new boyfriend and I danced with her. We were watched by a random older guy who asked if she wanted to dance with him. Her new BF says to her later while I was there: see.. he could have picked your friend but he picked you. That left me feeling crappy. It was a compliment at my cost and I found myself thinking about what he said more than I should have.
Than man is a god damn jerk. Be sure he will shit and treat badly your friend sooner or later. You dodged a bullet. Any man acting like a jerk to make himself or her woman looks better, is a narcissistic garbage. He will flatter her ego to be sure to get laid and keep her with him.
This video was really comforting to me. Thank you for all these golden words 🥺🥺. Although I'm really sad right now, your video really helped me come back up as I was feeling upset. Your words gave me hope and a little bit of confidence boost 🥺
I love this, I used to post selfies on my IG all the time now there’s nothing wrong with this but at times I felt my only value was how I look. Now I post things i love and enjoy nature and beaches and beautiful places I’ve been and I feel so more fulfilled in myself not thinking about how I look to the world but more what I love x
This is beautiful and so true. We need more videos explaining this more simply and bluntly. My friend just went on a date and came back crushed. Due to her date telling her she wasn’t what he expected on the first date and left. Her confidence and hope to find the right man went down asap after the date. I would love to share more of your videos to help her understand. And find hope and confidence again.
As always, this advice is very wise and insightful! Your conversation about putting value in your character is spot on. However, it made me wonder.... Matthew, you talk about the fact that you don't care what people think about your attractiveness - you place your value in your character - but you're an objectively attractive man. I've noticed in my life that attractive people are consistently flooded with positive attention and reinforcement because of/ related to their good looks from early childhood, whereas those of us who aren't attractive don't have that experience. It's like a chronic surface level rejection that we're asked to break through to build character and confidence in ourselves. I remember my Dad telling me I'd have to work hard on my personality because my looks would never get me far. It's taken me over 30 years and a daily mantra of "people love Julia Childs too" to care less about my looks as I continue to work towards my best possible inner self. What are your thoughts about a person trying to find value in themselves after a life of experiences where peoples' actions seem to suggest their first assessment of your value is always your looks?
I was thinking exactly the same thing! It’s…. curious…how easily conventionally attractive (and often quite materially successful!) people come to see their ‘inner value’. I’ve always been a bit suspicious of how dating gurus insist that confidence and character are what men REALLY want. If you’re in a body that is constantly denigrated, no amount of ‘confidence’ is going to counter the way basically all men automatically put you in the ‘only friend material’ box - before they even speak to you. I appreciate much of what Matt says. It IS important to shift one’s self-worth to deeper aspects of the self. But fat-phobia, racism, colorism, classism…. heck, the shape of our facial features and texture of our hair - they all play a role in what we can realistically hope for in the dating realm.
@@bookNerd151 "How to not get friendzoned advice incoming !" As a man, i would say what men want more, outside of a good body, is a woman that's generous, easy to talk too, and value him. And the more important? Women want a strong men, meaning a man can't get any emotionnal support from a woman, or she will throw him out like garbage. Be the kind of women guys talk about anything, and then pull back. Once a man know your true value as a woman, don't let him get a lot of deep emotionnal support for free. "I am the best woman ever, but i won't be your best best-friend UNLESS you become my man. No open-bar of free emotionnal support for you". Friendzone, a lot of time, is just about pulling back once you showed how much valuable is your emotionnal support. You need to show 100% of your value, without giving 100% of your value. If you don't give the opportunity for someone to get both emotionnal support from you, and being in couple from prettier girls. If you give everything in friendship while you are not pretty or handsome enough, people think "i have already emotionnal support for him/her, so i can just focus on trash but attractive people." You can't keep giving 100% of your value. Show your value, then pull-back a little if you get nothing from it. You need to create a "emotionnal-support boyfriend privilege" by showing how much YOU COULD emotionnaly support, but WON'T unless you get into a couple. A lot of values you have are shown passively, like looks. "You can't sleep with me, you become my BF" vs "I will give you 100% emotionnal support anyway, no need to date me". The dude take emotionnal support from you, and sex/couple from the prettiest girl. For women, the more difficult is overcoming better lookings women. For men, the more difficult is to be extraordinary enough to overcome women boredom. Woman compete against other women, Men compete against himself and the world to be at the top. Women beauty are make-or-break, while men need to work their ass off to be extraordinary. Men have more freedom to get better, but they have to work their ass off since birth. Popular men always take the younger women, while inpopular men are virgin or inexperienced, and have to wait women with the most baggage to get older and being thrown out by popular men. Now, unpopular men need to wait 30+ desperate women, or single mother, wich could't get a popular man, or get thrown out by him for a younger woman. Unpopular = ordinary men have to wait popular men finish bet bored to have fun with ordinary women as sex toy/wife, to finally get a chance. Wait for popular men to ignore ordinary women, and then you will get an opportunity to leave singledom. But don't be a virgin, or women won't even give you a chance, unless they are gold-digger. No empathy or respect for virgin. And women are wondering why men are obsessed about "purity" and getting sex experience before getting too old. No ordinary man, want to get a ordinary women used to fuck and get in couple with popular men better than them. Ordinary woman have much more experience than ordinary men. "The more sexual partner, the more she choose men too good for her ?" is kinda what men can't not think about. Women get engage with the worst men she slept with but will commit, while men commit with the best woman they don't want to lose. Since men want more sex, they are the one downgrading their partner to get sex. Women sleep with the best men they can't keep, while men sleep with women not good enough for them to commit. Sexual freedom with max sexual-partner = best men getting the ordinary girls they won't commit too, or leave behind for younger, while other get the left over are "used" ones. The more sexual liberty, the more ordinary men have to wait their turn, while popular men get harem. Hypergamy for most women, polygamy for some popular men, it's complete each other. Like in gorilla social structure. Winner/male alpha take all. That's why lower body count mean to men that a woman respect herself more, for not chosing jerk but men she can keep. Women need to be accountable, but men need to be fair in assessment. Women virginity, is totally an hardcore fantasy.
Love this... it really spoke to me. I've been working on this side of me since my divorce 7 years ago. My love for myself and self worth has grown alot. But I'll tell ya... man, it it can be tuff fighting that inner voice that wants to be your own worst critic and beat you up when someone isn't loving you the way you were hoping they would. But I have come to learn it's not all but me when rejection come. Alot of time people just aren't ready, or a bit broken, it's a big list. It's just my patience and my inner voice that questions weather or not I will actually meet someone amazing for me. I turned 58 this year. It's that... "am I just running out if time" thing. Maybe I wouldn't meet someone thats right for me. I feel that I have to learn to be ok with that possibility. Sometimes I am.... sometimes I'm not.
This video helped me today. Thank you. I behaved courageously at the time, but when I am by myself (like now) negativity creeps in. Thanks to this video I have notes to read back to myself over and over again, so I don't feel so bad and avoid doubting myself again.
I feel proud of myself today. Even though i got rejected, i know for sure now. I can now let this go learn from it and not make the same mistake the next time.
3rd one is so right! It clicked with me more than the first 2, not that they're not important. It's just that I've been through a lot when it comes to the rejections I've gotten in the past: being called ugly, friendzoned, not respected, not valued as a man, not being notice, etc. I've been rejected so much, and yeah! It was based on my "looks" but! You're so right! It's based on whatever story they had about themselves, it wasn't about me. Right now, I'm at a good spot in my life. I have a good career (I'm a teacher), I'm the healthiest n physically fitter than even in my 20's, close to 40 n I'm actually training in a martial arts I love BJJ, I'm making changes in my community for helping my group of students, n I'm continuing to progress in myself n trying to raise myself. Thanks for the video. I really needed to hear this.
@@epieremy9158 my thoughts exactly, she said she saw me as more of a friend. We definitely weren’t doing just friend stuff. But clearly wasn’t meant to be
I got rejected by a girl and my sister brought it up everyday for two years straight. I’m heading off to uni in a month and am gonna start slowly build back my confidence.
Got rejected last night after a couple months... I wasn’t even looking for someone, I was in an actual good, peaceful place, call it a comfort zone if u want but at least I was at ease. And then this person came into my life and kinda’ led me on for personal vanity and selfishness and now I’ve been just thrown away to the garbage bin, as if I was disposable. Hurts horribly, don’t know what to do or where to start to recover from this.
Thank you so much Matthew, this is the video I will always come back to whenever I feel weak and have doubts about my own value. I am trying to embrace the fact that rejection is complex, so it shouldn't make me feel small.
Yessss, well said Matthew!! If we want partners that grow us rather than projects that slow us we need to be solid in all those ways ourselves. Relationships are hard work and won't stand the test of time without having solid foundations to build upon. 💝⚖️💝
Thank you so much for this, Matthew. This video has confirmed that I’m on the right path working on my confidence and self-worth, which will be the found for a joyful life, both whilst single and in relationships. I appreciate your kindness and wisdom. 🙏
Thank you Matthew, this vid has been of tremendous help for me. I was wondering why it takes me more than six months to get over a guy who I had dated for one month, when it takes me three months to get over my previous three years long relationship. Now I understand that perhaps it’s not about the guy, but is because I couldn’t get over the fact that I was rejected. I usually get my way with guys as I am considered attractive to them. This tells me that I still have a long way towards working on myself, thank you for that.
I'm usually not commenting much but this is now my second video I watch in two different scenarios where I felt like it helped incredibly and opened my mind for another way of thinking. Thanks so much for doing these great videos
Great video 🎉 Anyone who puts their value on pictures and instagram will end up alone like the Kardashians, in fake lives. Where we place our value is where others will also.
I really appreciate you putting this out there, I've gained alot of weight as I have gotten older and I currently have lost the love I had for self and feeling very insecure but I am a very postive person. When I get lemons I need to remember lemonade can be made or a pie or lemon water there so much more to a situation I'm currently in. And in this video you helped me remember that I have more to give than just my current physical shape and what is the most important thing about me I love. Bottom line positive, moving forward, and appreciate who I am. Situations and life change and evoles and so can I.
I think most rejection is based on a persons past experiences with other people…….therefore they become “experts” on people without realizing how little they know about the present person. They reject a new person based on what other people did to them.
This is a really good point.Its something that I have had to stop doing.It leaves you in a fixed mindset and unable to see opportunities that are right before you.
Thank you for your video. I wanted to talk about a trend I have been noticing lately. I am over 40, always been quite appreciated physically, and I am quite proud of myself as a human being. However I have noticed that some men like to act as if they are interested, so they attract my attention, and then as soon as they notice that I might be interested, they sort of disappear or brutally change their mind. I literally saw one guy talking to me in a very flirty way and the minute after suddenly mentioning an “girlfriend” and escaping from our conversation, quickly! And I didn’t say anything compromising or dangerous or ambiguous. Many act like this, they also nurture hopes and projects, like “I want to get to know you better” etc. I of course think it’s the age because if they are younger I think that they just want to have some fun, if they are older I feel like I am not interesting enough. It’s a vicious circle. Of course character means a lot but I feel like it’s not sufficient. There are other subconscious elements that play a role. Thank you
I relate to the first point 100%. She rejected me because of age: she's is 12-14 years younger than I. My ego fed this age insecurity to my mind. I think she's into someone as young and as beautiful as she. I am enamoured of her physical charm; she seems to value the same in someone else. What an irony. Tough to deal with rejection. Your videos help a lot in coping with the concomitant feelings of rejection.
Being proud of yourself is no joke!! I really think you can even reprogram your own thoughts and mind by focusing on yourself, your own life and projects that you are proud of. And the attraction between people who have "done the work" is no joke! And even better if they value you back.
Welp this made me cry. So glad I found this video. I was actually told by a guy I confessed my feelings to I was too old to date. I've been crushed ever since. I never considered myself old and was actually proud that at my age, Im on the trajectory to retire at a fairly early age and not have to work again. Now I doubt myself COMPLETELY. To hear, it may be HIS perception of what age means is something I never thought about. Only thing I can think is that he thinks 36 is too old to have kids. Oh well bc I KNOW its not. I KNOW I want that and its still a very real possibility for me. So I'm trying to internalize I didn't lose anything by losing what I THOUGHT him and I could have had. It would have been SOMETHING else later...and if a child was involved that damage would be more devastating and not just for me but my child.
What I love about this is Hussey doesn't deal with false guarantees. If someone rejects you it DOES NOT mean that somebody better is around the corner. Life isn't fair like that and it's totally out of our control. It is very very possible to be rejected every time you try to date someone. The end. So you don't go about this believing that rejection brings you closer to the one of who will accept you, because of course, it may not.
I was rejected today for speaking my mind - this guy was psychoanalysing something I did during a date the night before - I spoke up and asked him that I didn’t want to be interrogated moving forward - he quickly said he had to go. I kind of felt into a deep depression today-thankfully this video is helpful.
Hi Matthew! This video and many others of yours have been very eye-opening and comforting and re-orienting for me. Thank you for providing so much valuable free content.
I was rejected this week. I had a crush on this guy for two years and finally told him in a funny sort of way that I was waiting for him to ask me out. We still speak and have friendly exchanges. I try to take that as a good sign that maybe one day he’ll change his mind.
This was really helpful, especially the last tip. I've spent the last several years doing "hidden inner work" on myself and you perfectly captured that left behind feeling. I'm not even sure I've been consciously aware that I've worried that "no one will see me on IG" meant that I would be invisible to good people. I do have to trust that for the right person, I've invested in myself and become an attractive person to them naturally.
Needed this today. Received what felt like rejection from a man, but trying to believe it’s not about something wrong w/me but his emotional unavailability. He’s just not my person.
I got rejected by this kind, commmunicative, respectful, caring guy. All qualities ive rarely met. Dated 3 times. He texted last week to cancel the 4th one. His ex reached out and he wanted to try it again with her. I felt gutted. Not enough. Out of luck. Like i truly lost a gem. But how well did i know him after 3 dates?! Its expectation and fantasy vs head. We called and i appreciated his communication and honesty. The fact that he texted a whole explanation really showed he was a good guy. We called and i said he shouldnt feel bad and these things happen, i was very rational and mature( proud of myself) but still i think about him😢
Thank you for uploading this video. Honestly felt very horrible about myself. I was rejected by a guy that has been gaslighting me for at least four years. He kept telling me that we would end up eventually in a relationship and would turn around and get into a relationship with someone else I forgive his stupidity. And stupidly fell for it again. But I am just tired of it so I went on a date with someone else today. But it’s weird because I feel awful about it because I know that I’m externalizing my need for companionship and reassurance. I am overweight and I’m struggling because I’ve been told by guys that I’m not attractive because of my weight. They usually cheat on me with very skinny girls. but this video put different perspective on it for me and it helps. Thank you.
I talked to this girl for 3 years getting to know her and over the past year she became friends with my sister so that made things difficult and I thought I would finally ask the question before it became to late but that had became the case because she said that we should just be friends instead of dateing to keep our well built relationship and so she could keep her relationship with my sister as well and this hit me hard and I have been avoiding her the past few days but she won’t leave me alone joking with me and messing with me but I don’t want to be friends anymore because it just doesn’t feel the same anymore so I don’t know what to do anymore.
Thank you Matthew for your videos because you make sense. I’m proud of who I am in my heart and how I care about people and I’m more interested in what God wants me to do here and how to spread love and encouragement and I’ve been through trials that are unbelievable. But. I know what kind of person I am and that makes me happy with myself.
Hi Sir ... So big and informative with words that highlights that feeling struck is to practice being in alignment who you want to be versus who you have been . Problems don't ends when the relationship ends because people get stuck up in the cycle of guilt and blame on the other and themselves too. Instead if you want to shift and grow so will be the relation because instead of blaming ourselves we create a structure where love is from a choice and setting new pattern and standards don't diminish anything . Being your real self is what is the real worth and growth with a new perspective and direction instead of focusing on other matters outside of it . Thanks Sir for enlightenment .Much Care and Regards 💝
I think it’s all part of a game, I always thought since I was a child that when I was rejected and deprived of something I wanted, it meant I had the chance to go for bigger and better and that would make me happy and motivated, success is the sweet revenge on rejectors, so every time I am rejected, I channel the anger into energy to prove them freaking wrong by becoming even more successful, so I double down on my efforts
Thanks a lot for this video and great/insightful advice...... Loved these words of yours: The really courageous thing to do is to start proactively working on ourselves in the ways that no one else can see but have the faith that will attract someone of true substance in the long term because someone who has done the work sees someone who has done the work on themselves … That person stands out perhaps more subtly but much more profoundly and that then becomes the basis of a real and lasting relationship!!!!!
1. Rejection is complex: You dont know the whole story of why someone rejected you, and it doesnt necessarily say something about your value. 2. Put your value on your character: Put the standard of how much you are valuable on things you yourself can control, put on things you ARE, instead of how others perceive you. 3. Do the work: Become someone you are proud of. You do it by actively doing things you are proud of. This is not about perspective, its about actual action. Do the work of little by little becoming better and better, become the best version of yourself. Then, when someone who has a lot to offer finds you, they will see you have a lot to offer as well.
@Knight-Sgt. Reyes i think its completely valid, to be honest, to have the motivation of becoming better based on having something to offer to others. Its not about becoming something that has nothing to do with your values, its not at all about pretending to be what you dislike Its about finding out your values and actually practicing them so you can be proud of yourself and be who you need to be. Because you will want to find someone with your same values, that practices them. And what would you have to offer back? You need to, first of all, practice your values yourself.
_,,I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by (Doctor Akhigbe) after many years of separation with my partner. contact him also to restore yours,,,,_
This was one of your best videos, Matthew. You went to the essence of things. Very useful advice. By the way, I always think about this when I watch your videos, but love your use of English.
I have inactivated my Facebook so I will not use it anymore for a long time. I am impressed with myself. I have been addicted to Facebook and Instagram. I won over my addiction.
The thing that spoke to me was (I’m summarizing): they are not of substance if they haven’t done the work on themselves and therefore won’t appreciate the work I’ve done. Just hearing “not of substance” has helped me take this person off the pedestal I put them on. Because I KNOW he hasn’t done any work. I’m going to try to repeat this to myself daily.
Just got rejected by one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen . You know life is a crazy journey filled with twists and turns and I believe that god will guide me to the one I’m meant to be with. I really tried to put myself out there and I’m 1 year removed from a 3 and a half year relationship. Learning self love is the most important thing is key for my happiness! I love my friends and family and I’m going to keep grinding . Stay safe everyone I love you all and bless up it could always be worse:)
Approached 2 girls that I liked and got rejected both times. I could stop trying and stop going through pain but your video convinced me to keep going thanks !
@@mkkk992 Hey! It definitely hurt my ego gotta keep working on myself! At least I shot my bullet and got a result (Not a good one lol) but we just need to keep going!
@@will_cyclingfitness6106 The ego is the main enemy man. I have learnt that everyone has their choices and hence as we dont love everyone, everyone dont love us❤
I don't have a problem getting offers but it seems to be me who constantly rejects people. I want to be in a relationship but i can't seem to find a spark. I think because i've been single for so long, i've become so comfortable. On a positive note, I found in my past to be very needy, so maybe being single and content with myself has been very good for me for any future relationships. x
At the moment I’m rejected yes I feel hurt, but as soon as I realise he’s not worth my time&energy, I’ll move on by improving myself to have a better life like joining training or some classes that I’ve been wanting to do
Got rejected today and I’m here because I needed this advice. I feel proud that I behaved courageously.
Yeah that feeling typically lasts a day or two. It doesn’t last.
Same! This video was so helpful for me - sending love.
@@nathanlong4801mines not a day. It’s been a month and I’m still feeling it but I’m hoping it disappears because it’s making me feel deeply worthless and hopeless and it’s also making me feel ashamed that I even feel that! Whew
Me too 😔
Same guys, but the girl admitted to liking me
You know what ? So many people don’t confess their feelings to their crushes because of their fear. But us, we were brave enough to put ourselves out there and told them. And this guys, THIS, we can be so proud of it. We can be SO proud of us.
I'm here because I've been rejected. But you know what..? When I reject someone, IT IS because the age, it is because I don't like the appearance, or a billion of superficial aspects. So yeah I'm in the loop "I'm too old, I'm too ugly, it's because what I said, how I speak my accent, the way I did it" and so on.
#1: Appreciate that rejection is complex
#2: root your value in your character
#3: go slow to go fast
When someone rejects me, it makes THEM MY WRONG PERSON! It doesn’t make ME THEIR wrong person, it makes THEM MY WRONG PERSON!
Wow powerful
thats narcisim
Love this🎉
I need to hear this because I actually just pranked myself into telling someone from the gym that I liked him and then unsent the message but they heard it and have been silent since. I feel so deeply embarrassed…!! And I came to this video for perspective but thisssss - recognising that he isn’t my person is something I’m going to keep repeating myself. I have been ruminating on the thought and embarrassment of it all SO BADLY, that I have actually been having some trouble sleeping and also it’s increased my ticks (I’m neurodiverse and everytime I have a deeply embarrassing thought - I speak out loud to avoid the visceral discomfort it gives me). Basically I now have a strong and clear thought to repeat back to myself by way of what you wrote - thank you!
Just got rejected. Wasn't able to think straight. Glad I saw this video rather than trying to escape the uneasiness.
Thank you Matthew this is very helpful. Currently heartbroken over a man who led me on for month's acting interested. When I asked him out he rejected me but for some reason still acts interested..unfortunately I completely invested myself in the dream of what I thought was going to happen..💔 now trying to get over this whole nightmare.
This recently happened to me. I was mad that I knew I had to draw the line to keep this person from messing with me. But I did it and told him to just keep walking! No more interest from me! I feel I dodged a bullet with common sense and logic. No one has the right to play me like that. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth. Take care.
I find the 3 months window the best way to get to know someone’s true intentions. Typically around that time things naturally escalate to the point where things start to get serious. Questions around commitment start being thrown into the mix.
I find that for men and women - a lot of people either step down or step up at the 3 month mark. That is usually nothing to do with you - has all to do with their emotional availability, maturity, trauma etc. Avoidants are known for exiting around this time.
That being said .. I know that there are some people who are aware of this window consciously or subconsciously and they will use this time to lead women on, giving them the false promise of a relationship for sex and then when questions at the 3 months mark come up - It brings up their own fear to commit. They bounce, move onto the next. And sometimes. Come back to use the pre-existing connection to get more sex now they’ve established they’re not interested in a relationship.
I hear ya - Jennifer!
No matter how much you might like someone - it’s not going to work out in the long run, if they’re not the right type of people for you!
If you want a happy life - consider someone that fits your personality, that matches well with you, and that is supportive of what you want to do - and actually wants to be part of it!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Not worth it!
@@Pedro-of6zn exactly!
Just stop searching for someone or behave a certain way to impress someone....the right one will get attracted to you for who you are
Sunita prasad. Ur saying absolutely right.
Wonderful advice
Not really I’ve tried for years and due to me being bullied my whole life I’ve been rejected many times
Yet people die alone every day, without ever being able to connect with others. And I'd wager not for lack of trying.
In these day an time no not really sadly.
The second point makes so much sense. I've always wondered why he rejected me, but never gave myself the credit for my reaction.
I've accepted it, even though I didn't like it, I told him it was okay, I've moved on with my life. Yes, in the back of my head I always thought about him. But when he came back after months I politely declined because I respected myself too much.
I guess even though I don't accept my own feelings here, all of my actions were the right thing to do. I should be more proud of that.
I think you handled that amazingly well! Something for me to strive for! Thank you
Thank you for sharing your experience. Very insightful 🥺
This came like thunder from heaven. Few hours ago I received rejection text after two most amazing dates I have ever had. It felt like she is the one. I know just two dates, but on the first date we spent whole day together and it was something.. The energy.. the connection.. The sparks.. I feel like I'm gutted.. Somehow empty.. Sorry for my english.. But I needed it.. Thank you Matthew
Same here bro I had a date last week and everything went perfect 100% the connection, the energy, the laugh and all of that just to get rejected like mf.
Me too lol did that person ever come back?
True. Very relatable. Just got rejected by a girl I honestly didn't really value. It was just lust. But since it was lust, I immediately took it personal. Play with fire and it'll burn.
I feel you 100%. Same thing happened to me, immediately devasted after seeing such text after two wonderful dates. Hope you got over it completely by now.
Me too dealing with someone not wanting more after two wonderful dates that he said he was especially happy to have spent together.
Major red flag on online dating profile: looking for amazing chemistry. By definition, they almost never are looking for that subtle and you get rejected as soon as their version of that diminishes, which happens by definition
Just got rejected today and I needed this. 😭
I am going to listen to this several times most likely.
I know he is right. I need to work on myself.
I definitely needed to hear this. I’ve been needlessly cruel to myself as a result of repeated rejection and this helped me realize that my sense of value was misplaced. Thank you.
Becoming a person of value and then finding someone who uniquely values what you have to offer. Thank you, sometimes feel frustrated that I haven’t found someone yet. Had a 17 year marriage with someone who didn’t love me but stayed for the kids. Sometimes feel like my life will pass by without ever being loved but I’m working on myself through counselling and with a personal trainer. In the past yr, have lost 45 pds, gained a new good job, become very active, and have found a nice little home for me and my kids. This helped me to just calm down and remember, I want someone who values me, not just anyone.And I can slow down and wait.
Good luck
Heard someone say once 'if someone isn't into you it's ok....cos someone else will find you irresistible'
Wooooooohooooo💚💜💚💜💚💜
❤️❤️❤️
A guy and I were talking every day for almost a year. I thought I had a connection with him, but sometimes I wasn’t sure. So I decided to ask him, and he said he doesn’t have any intentions, just wants to talk as friends. I’m trying my best to overcome it. The funny part is, I’ve never been in a relationship before, and he’s the first person I made an effort to connect with. I ignored all the other guys because I was talking to him. Now, it feels like nothing. We’ve decided to stay friends.
If you’re unsure he’s not into you!
It happens in romantic situations. We sometimes confuse friendship with sexual attraction. In friendship, there is always love. There isn't just any sexual attraction and that's completely okay. I faced rejection two days ago and I loved that person for almost 12 years. My situation was exactly the same as yours. There was respect, trust, care, and fun between us. But for her, there wasn't any sexual attraction. It boosts up more when we fanatacise about the person we like. The moment you try to stop those fantasies, things go in another direction.
Everytime you get rejected your self esteem diminishes.
That’s good because self esteem is actually just selfishness.
@@EmilyGloeggler7984self esteem might mean selffullness
What if you had little self esteem to begin with?
Absolutely
Same😢
I wish someone had had this talk with my 14-15 year old self. Hearing it decades later after all the damage has been done makes it all feel insurmountable. But I still appreciate this video and words very much!
The present matters the most.
Wish you the best life❤
“… its about becoming a person of value, and then finding someone who uniquely values what you have to offer.” ♥️
I've been rejected my whole life. By friends, family, lovers. I've never been good enough for anyone. No matter how much I believe I am good enough, someone always ends up making me feel less than. Esp with romantic relationships tho. I'm starting to believe I'm cursed with the male gender. I've never had a solid male friend, and men reject me like sardines on icecream. I often wonder if I'm getting my karma back from something horrible I've done in my past life that makes me not deserve love in this one. Idk. Idk what else to think at this point in my life. I'm 40. I'm getting older. And it's harder to find any kind of love as you get older.
sounds self defeating. Seek counseling
Most of the things you've said aren't true. Our brain plays tricks with us. Don't know why it does that though. Sometimes, we get rejected by someone and feel that it's our destiny and believe that others don't like us too. But that isn't true.
Thank you Matthew so much.
Often, in my experience, rejection sounds like not been chosen by a person I like. So, I repeat in my hand, again and again: hey, why not me?
And all seems so unpleasant.
Perhaps we'd rather choose ourselves everyday, being confident about the positive consequences, acting in this perspective.
A big hug to all those are walking towards the "core" of what they really are.
Laura...you're a woman, right? I'm gonna be honest with you as a man, if you are not being chosen by a man that you like. You're choosing a man that has no interest in you, has many options, genuinely doesn't want a relationship, is having fun being single, they're getting with different women, they're actually a bad boy. I'm telling you this, because in the past I used to make friendships with many women, I still do. Most would tell me their dating problems n struggles n most would show me pics of who they were interested in. They were mostly attractive, egotistical, good looking men, these were clearly men with many women choosijg them. I came to see how most women tend to want the men that other women want. You're all going after the same type of men, sadly. I never dated any of my lady friends, because their actions towards me indicated they they friendzoned me. I was also obese, nerdy, odd, n was that "chubby nice guy" then. Interesting enough, now that I'm fitter, physically look better, not fat anymore. I attract women a little easier now. I still get rejected, they hurt. And I tend to go back to my old chubby self n think that I'm getting rejected because I'm "still fat and ugly." When the reality could be, that individual woman has a confusing story of who she wants, which isn't me. Good luck to you.
Amen to that and let’s work on who we are rather than anything else. How we treat others is inherently more important than anything else and I do try to make others feel good about themselves and I inspire when I can. I don’t know their story. We have to think about that also.
Hugs to you also because we’re all walking that road together! Much love my friend.
@@ricardogalindo8794 so I read whole your text...so are you in shape now or not? Just wondering 🤣
This is what I’ve concluded too in my life, that doing something that makes us proud and hopeful meanwhile making some kind of progress, is key to self esteem and feeling joyful or at least peaceful. I think I sprung to this conclusion coming from a place of deep depression. This is how you come alive again.
Thanks for existing, Matthew. These videos are so comforting
I needed to hear this. I'm replaying. I was going through a superficial low self-esteem moment because I went to salsa with my friend and her new boyfriend and I danced with her. We were watched by a random older guy who asked if she wanted to dance with him. Her new BF says to her later while I was there: see.. he could have picked your friend but he picked you.
That left me feeling crappy. It was a compliment at my cost and I found myself thinking about what he said more than I should have.
Than man is a god damn jerk. Be sure he will shit and treat badly your friend sooner or later. You dodged a bullet.
Any man acting like a jerk to make himself or her woman looks better, is a narcissistic garbage.
He will flatter her ego to be sure to get laid and keep her with him.
It's such a huge red flag for her, too. He's already comparing her to other people 😢
@@joannajung9279 I didn't think of that, you're right! XD
This video was really comforting to me. Thank you for all these golden words 🥺🥺. Although I'm really sad right now, your video really helped me come back up as I was feeling upset. Your words gave me hope and a little bit of confidence boost 🥺
I love this, I used to post selfies on my IG all the time now there’s nothing wrong with this but at times I felt my only value was how I look. Now I post things i love and enjoy nature and beaches and beautiful places I’ve been and I feel so more fulfilled in myself not thinking about how I look to the world but more what I love x
Definitely feel “finding someone who uniquely values what you have to offer”
This is beautiful and so true. We need more videos explaining this more simply and bluntly. My friend just went on a date and came back crushed. Due to her date telling her she wasn’t what he expected on the first date and left. Her confidence and hope to find the right man went down asap after the date. I would love to share more of your videos to help her understand. And find hope and confidence again.
As always, this advice is very wise and insightful!
Your conversation about putting value in your character is spot on. However, it made me wonder.... Matthew, you talk about the fact that you don't care what people think about your attractiveness - you place your value in your character - but you're an objectively attractive man. I've noticed in my life that attractive people are consistently flooded with positive attention and reinforcement because of/ related to their good looks from early childhood, whereas those of us who aren't attractive don't have that experience. It's like a chronic surface level rejection that we're asked to break through to build character and confidence in ourselves. I remember my Dad telling me I'd have to work hard on my personality because my looks would never get me far. It's taken me over 30 years and a daily mantra of "people love Julia Childs too" to care less about my looks as I continue to work towards my best possible inner self. What are your thoughts about a person trying to find value in themselves after a life of experiences where peoples' actions seem to suggest their first assessment of your value is always your looks?
Great comment, and I’d love to hear Matthew’s response to this ❤️
I was thinking exactly the same thing! It’s…. curious…how easily conventionally attractive (and often quite materially successful!) people come to see their ‘inner value’. I’ve always been a bit suspicious of how dating gurus insist that confidence and character are what men REALLY want. If you’re in a body that is constantly denigrated, no amount of ‘confidence’ is going to counter the way basically all men automatically put you in the ‘only friend material’ box - before they even speak to you.
I appreciate much of what Matt says. It IS important to shift one’s self-worth to deeper aspects of the self. But fat-phobia, racism, colorism, classism…. heck, the shape of our facial features and texture of our hair - they all play a role in what we can realistically hope for in the dating realm.
Also - I’m really sorry you experienced that kind of feedback from your dad. That sucks, and you are absolutely right about Julia Childs 😊
@@bookNerd151 "How to not get friendzoned advice incoming !"
As a man, i would say what men want more, outside of a good body, is a woman that's generous, easy to talk too, and value him. And the more important? Women want a strong men, meaning a man can't get any emotionnal support from a woman, or she will throw him out like garbage. Be the kind of women guys talk about anything, and then pull back. Once a man know your true value as a woman, don't let him get a lot of deep emotionnal support for free. "I am the best woman ever, but i won't be your best best-friend UNLESS you become my man. No open-bar of free emotionnal support for you".
Friendzone, a lot of time, is just about pulling back once you showed how much valuable is your emotionnal support. You need to show 100% of your value, without giving 100% of your value. If you don't give the opportunity for someone to get both emotionnal support from you, and being in couple from prettier girls. If you give everything in friendship while you are not pretty or handsome enough, people think "i have already emotionnal support for him/her, so i can just focus on trash but attractive people."
You can't keep giving 100% of your value. Show your value, then pull-back a little if you get nothing from it. You need to create a "emotionnal-support boyfriend privilege" by showing how much YOU COULD emotionnaly support, but WON'T unless you get into a couple.
A lot of values you have are shown passively, like looks. "You can't sleep with me, you become my BF" vs "I will give you 100% emotionnal support anyway, no need to date me". The dude take emotionnal support from you, and sex/couple from the prettiest girl.
For women, the more difficult is overcoming better lookings women. For men, the more difficult is to be extraordinary enough to overcome women boredom. Woman compete against other women, Men compete against himself and the world to be at the top. Women beauty are make-or-break, while men need to work their ass off to be extraordinary. Men have more freedom to get better, but they have to work their ass off since birth.
Popular men always take the younger women, while inpopular men are virgin or inexperienced, and have to wait women with the most baggage to get older and being thrown out by popular men. Now, unpopular men need to wait 30+ desperate women, or single mother, wich could't get a popular man, or get thrown out by him for a younger woman. Unpopular = ordinary men have to wait popular men finish bet bored to have fun with ordinary women as sex toy/wife, to finally get a chance. Wait for popular men to ignore ordinary women, and then you will get an opportunity to leave singledom. But don't be a virgin, or women won't even give you a chance, unless they are gold-digger. No empathy or respect for virgin. And women are wondering why men are obsessed about "purity" and getting sex experience before getting too old.
No ordinary man, want to get a ordinary women used to fuck and get in couple with popular men better than them. Ordinary woman have much more experience than ordinary men. "The more sexual partner, the more she choose men too good for her ?" is kinda what men can't not think about.
Women get engage with the worst men she slept with but will commit, while men commit with the best woman they don't want to lose.
Since men want more sex, they are the one downgrading their partner to get sex. Women sleep with the best men they can't keep, while men sleep with women not good enough for them to commit.
Sexual freedom with max sexual-partner = best men getting the ordinary girls they won't commit too, or leave behind for younger, while other get the left over are "used" ones. The more sexual liberty, the more ordinary men have to wait their turn, while popular men get harem. Hypergamy for most women, polygamy for some popular men, it's complete each other. Like in gorilla social structure. Winner/male alpha take all. That's why lower body count mean to men that a woman respect herself more, for not chosing jerk but men she can keep.
Women need to be accountable, but men need to be fair in assessment. Women virginity, is totally an hardcore fantasy.
Love this... it really spoke to me. I've been working on this side of me since my divorce 7 years ago. My love for myself and self worth has grown alot. But I'll tell ya... man, it it can be tuff fighting that inner voice that wants to be your own worst critic and beat you up when someone isn't loving you the way you were hoping they would. But I have come to learn it's not all but me when rejection come. Alot of time people just aren't ready, or a bit broken, it's a big list. It's just my patience and my inner voice that questions weather or not I will actually meet someone amazing for me. I turned 58 this year. It's that... "am I just running out if time" thing. Maybe I wouldn't meet someone thats right for me. I feel that I have to learn to be ok with that possibility. Sometimes I am.... sometimes I'm not.
Sending you love ❤️ 🌞
0:54 - #1: Appreciate that rejection is complex.
3:17 - #2: Root your value in your character.
7:54 - #3: Go slow to go fast.
Hows life after 1 month🙃
not only you are proud of yourself, we are as well proud of you very much.
This video helped me today. Thank you. I behaved courageously at the time, but when I am by myself (like now) negativity creeps in. Thanks to this video I have notes to read back to myself over and over again, so I don't feel so bad and avoid doubting myself again.
This is very valuable information. I would also add, that everyone gets rejected at one point or another. Such is life!
I feel proud of myself today. Even though i got rejected, i know for sure now. I can now let this go learn from it and not make the same mistake the next time.
3rd one is so right! It clicked with me more than the first 2, not that they're not important. It's just that I've been through a lot when it comes to the rejections I've gotten in the past: being called ugly, friendzoned, not respected, not valued as a man, not being notice, etc. I've been rejected so much, and yeah! It was based on my "looks" but! You're so right! It's based on whatever story they had about themselves, it wasn't about me. Right now, I'm at a good spot in my life. I have a good career (I'm a teacher), I'm the healthiest n physically fitter than even in my 20's, close to 40 n I'm actually training in a martial arts I love BJJ, I'm making changes in my community for helping my group of students, n I'm continuing to progress in myself n trying to raise myself. Thanks for the video. I really needed to hear this.
Rejected yesterday after 8 wonderful dates with someone. Loved this just helped me to realign my thoughts and focus.
How can you go on 8 dates???? I think after 2 dates you already know if you are compatible or not
So you paid for the whole 8 dates???
@@epieremy9158 my thoughts exactly, she said she saw me as more of a friend. We definitely weren’t doing just friend stuff. But clearly wasn’t meant to be
@@epieremy9158 no she paid her way too
I got rejected by a girl and my sister brought it up everyday for two years straight. I’m heading off to uni in a month and am gonna start slowly build back my confidence.
maybe there's a reason why your sister brought it up everyday for two years straight
Yes yes yes! 'People who work on themselves are attractive'
Got rejected last night after a couple months... I wasn’t even looking for someone, I was in an actual good, peaceful place, call it a comfort zone if u want but at least I was at ease. And then this person came into my life and kinda’ led me on for personal vanity and selfishness and now I’ve been just thrown away to the garbage bin, as if I was disposable. Hurts horribly, don’t know what to do or where to start to recover from this.
Your messages are powerful and centering. Glad I found this today after two rejections. Thanks!
Thank you so much Matthew, this is the video I will always come back to whenever I feel weak and have doubts about my own value. I am trying to embrace the fact that rejection is complex, so it shouldn't make me feel small.
I love this message about valuing myself and not getting hung up on why someone walks away. Really needed to hear this right now - thank you!
Me too!
Yessss, well said Matthew!! If we want partners that grow us rather than projects that slow us we need to be solid in all those ways ourselves. Relationships are hard work and won't stand the test of time without having solid foundations to build upon. 💝⚖️💝
Thank you so much for this, Matthew. This video has confirmed that I’m on the right path working on my confidence and self-worth, which will be the found for a joyful life, both whilst single and in relationships. I appreciate your kindness and wisdom. 🙏
Getting over a work crush who I know has no interest. Neeeeeddddd this video - thank you
Thank you Matthew, this vid has been of tremendous help for me. I was wondering why it takes me more than six months to get over a guy who I had dated for one month, when it takes me three months to get over my previous three years long relationship. Now I understand that perhaps it’s not about the guy, but is because I couldn’t get over the fact that I was rejected. I usually get my way with guys as I am considered attractive to them. This tells me that I still have a long way towards working on myself, thank you for that.
I'm usually not commenting much but this is now my second video I watch in two different scenarios where I felt like it helped incredibly and opened my mind for another way of thinking. Thanks so much for doing these great videos
Great video 🎉 Anyone who puts their value on pictures and instagram will end up alone like the Kardashians, in fake lives. Where we place our value is where others will also.
I really appreciate you putting this out there, I've gained alot of weight as I have gotten older and I currently have lost the love I had for self and feeling very insecure but I am a very postive person. When I get lemons I need to remember lemonade can be made or a pie or lemon water there so much more to a situation I'm currently in. And in this video you helped me remember that I have more to give than just my current physical shape and what is the most important thing about me I love. Bottom line positive, moving forward, and appreciate who I am. Situations and life change and evoles and so can I.
Go slow to go fast, I love that. Thanks Matthew! ♥️
I think most rejection is based on a persons past experiences with other people…….therefore they become “experts” on people without realizing how little they know about the present person. They reject a new person based on what other people did to them.
This is a really good point.Its something that I have had to stop doing.It leaves you in a fixed mindset and unable to see opportunities that are right before you.
And means you sabotage because deep down you don't believe you are worthy or lovable
Is content with myself good enough cause proud (or maybe how I interpret the word proud) seems a bit much.
This is it omg!! i have always done this thats why i feel like am in an endless cycle of rejection
@@heatherdavison-2891 i have done that too
Number 3 is so beautiful and so true!!! We have to value ourselves and continue to add value to our lives
Thank you for your video. I wanted to talk about a trend I have been noticing lately. I am over 40, always been quite appreciated physically, and I am quite proud of myself as a human being. However I have noticed that some men like to act as if they are interested, so they attract my attention, and then as soon as they notice that I might be interested, they sort of disappear or brutally change their mind. I literally saw one guy talking to me in a very flirty way and the minute after suddenly mentioning an “girlfriend” and escaping from our conversation, quickly! And I didn’t say anything compromising or dangerous or ambiguous. Many act like this, they also nurture hopes and projects, like “I want to get to know you better” etc.
I of course think it’s the age because if they are younger I think that they just want to have some fun, if they are older I feel like I am not interesting enough. It’s a vicious circle. Of course character means a lot but I feel like it’s not sufficient. There are other subconscious elements that play a role. Thank you
Realising
Every
Journey
Excels
Creating
Terrific
Ideas
On
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I relate to the first point 100%. She rejected me because of age: she's is 12-14 years younger than I. My ego fed this age insecurity to my mind. I think she's into someone as young and as beautiful as she. I am enamoured of her physical charm; she seems to value the same in someone else. What an irony. Tough to deal with rejection. Your videos help a lot in coping with the concomitant feelings of rejection.
Being proud of yourself is no joke!! I really think you can even reprogram your own thoughts and mind by focusing on yourself, your own life and projects that you are proud of.
And the attraction between people who have "done the work" is no joke! And even better if they value you back.
you're really nice to listen to when I feel lonely
Go slow to go fast.... absolutely true ❤️
God i freaking love you dude
Welp this made me cry. So glad I found this video. I was actually told by a guy I confessed my feelings to I was too old to date. I've been crushed ever since. I never considered myself old and was actually proud that at my age, Im on the trajectory to retire at a fairly early age and not have to work again. Now I doubt myself COMPLETELY. To hear, it may be HIS perception of what age means is something I never thought about. Only thing I can think is that he thinks 36 is too old to have kids. Oh well bc I KNOW its not. I KNOW I want that and its still a very real possibility for me. So I'm trying to internalize I didn't lose anything by losing what I THOUGHT him and I could have had. It would have been SOMETHING else later...and if a child was involved that damage would be more devastating and not just for me but my child.
Within month getting rejected by four different women really tests me as a man, thats why I am here! Even when first it started well.. then nothing
Twelve straight years of being rejected will change your thinking brother. Life just sucks sometimes and there’s no fix.
What I love about this is Hussey doesn't deal with false guarantees. If someone rejects you it DOES NOT mean that somebody better is around the corner. Life isn't fair like that and it's totally out of our control. It is very very possible to be rejected every time you try to date someone. The end. So you don't go about this believing that rejection brings you closer to the one of who will accept you, because of course, it may not.
I was rejected today for speaking my mind - this guy was psychoanalysing something I did during a date the night before - I spoke up and asked him that I didn’t want to be interrogated moving forward - he quickly said he had to go. I kind of felt into a deep depression today-thankfully this video is helpful.
Thank you Matt, I really needed to hear this today. I find dating so hard and dealing with rejection. I found your advice really helpful. Thank you!
i asked my best friend out and got rejected. i am mortified, but these tips were really helpful. thank you.
Hi Matthew! This video and many others of yours have been very eye-opening and comforting and re-orienting for me. Thank you for providing so much valuable free content.
Great tips Matthew! ❤️ currently experiencing rejection from someone I was dating. This really helped!
Hey I am too! When we talk so we share our testimonies? Do you have Instagram?
I was rejected this week. I had a crush on this guy for two years and finally told him in a funny sort of way that I was waiting for him to ask me out. We still speak and have friendly exchanges. I try to take that as a good sign that maybe one day he’ll change his mind.
This was really helpful, especially the last tip. I've spent the last several years doing "hidden inner work" on myself and you perfectly captured that left behind feeling. I'm not even sure I've been consciously aware that I've worried that "no one will see me on IG" meant that I would be invisible to good people. I do have to trust that for the right person, I've invested in myself and become an attractive person to them naturally.
Thank you Matthew, for your words. These thoughts go beyond dating, and we all need to take your advise and apply it for life. Very powerful for me.
Needed this today. Received what felt like rejection from a man, but trying to believe it’s not about something wrong w/me but his emotional unavailability. He’s just not my person.
First one to comment, much needed video, yeah I am anxious, I got rejected as always 😭😭 although I a gal bit still I got rejected yesterday even.
Timing couldn't be better, thanks Matthew. :)
I got rejected by this kind, commmunicative, respectful, caring guy. All qualities ive rarely met. Dated 3 times. He texted last week to cancel the 4th one. His ex reached out and he wanted to try it again with her. I felt gutted. Not enough. Out of luck. Like i truly lost a gem.
But how well did i know him after 3 dates?! Its expectation and fantasy vs head. We called and i appreciated his communication and honesty.
The fact that he texted a whole explanation really showed he was a good guy. We called and i said he shouldnt feel bad and these things happen, i was very rational and mature( proud of myself) but still i think about him😢
Brutal. And them there's probably other guys who you scoffed right off
I’m going through something similar. I didn’t know him very long, but he was certainly a gem IMO. Whomever he’s with is lucky. I’m hurting
GEM oh hell no he wasn't...he didn't see YOUR VALUE
....you are clearly then gem!!! 💎
@@Matanumi not really though.. guys who come off to strong yeah, and sometimes there just isn't a physical attraction. But then i tell them.
I got the courage to ask someone out and got rejected ..ouch
i know is my huge ego hurting
Thank you for uploading this video. Honestly felt very horrible about myself. I was rejected by a guy that has been gaslighting me for at least four years. He kept telling me that we would end up eventually in a relationship and would turn around and get into a relationship with someone else I forgive his stupidity. And stupidly fell for it again. But I am just tired of it so I went on a date with someone else today. But it’s weird because I feel awful about it because I know that I’m externalizing my need for companionship and reassurance. I am overweight and I’m struggling because I’ve been told by guys that I’m not attractive because of my weight. They usually cheat on me with very skinny girls. but this video put different perspective on it for me and it helps. Thank you.
I talked to this girl for 3 years getting to know her and over the past year she became friends with my sister so that made things difficult and I thought I would finally ask the question before it became to late but that had became the case because she said that we should just be friends instead of dateing to keep our well built relationship and so she could keep her relationship with my sister as well and this hit me hard and I have been avoiding her the past few days but she won’t leave me alone joking with me and messing with me but I don’t want to be friends anymore because it just doesn’t feel the same anymore so I don’t know what to do anymore.
I got rejected today and I also needed this advice.
Thank you Matthew for your videos because you make sense. I’m proud of who I am in my heart and how I care about people and I’m more interested in what God wants me to do here and how to spread love and encouragement and I’ve been through trials that are unbelievable. But. I know what kind of person I am and that makes me happy with myself.
Hi Sir ... So big and informative with words that highlights that feeling struck is to practice being in alignment who you want to be versus who you have been . Problems don't ends when the relationship ends because people get stuck up in the cycle of guilt and blame on the other and themselves too. Instead if you want to shift and grow so will be the relation because instead of blaming ourselves we create a structure where love is from a choice and setting new pattern and standards don't diminish anything . Being your real self is what is the real worth and growth with a new perspective and direction instead of focusing on other matters outside of it . Thanks Sir for enlightenment .Much Care and Regards 💝
I have been rejected over 25 years and it’s rough. I just meditate and workout to get over it.
They just aren’t the right persons for me.
I think it’s all part of a game, I always thought since I was a child that when I was rejected and deprived of something I wanted, it meant I had the chance to go for bigger and better and that would make me happy and motivated, success is the sweet revenge on rejectors, so every time I am rejected, I channel the anger into energy to prove them freaking wrong by becoming even more successful, so I double down on my efforts
Thanks a lot for this video and great/insightful advice...... Loved these words of yours:
The really courageous thing to do is to start proactively working on ourselves in the ways that no one else can see but have the faith that will attract someone of true substance in the long term because someone who has done the work sees someone who has done the work on themselves …
That person stands out perhaps more subtly but much more profoundly and that then becomes the basis of a real and lasting relationship!!!!!
1. Rejection is complex:
You dont know the whole story of why someone rejected you, and it doesnt necessarily say something about your value.
2. Put your value on your character:
Put the standard of how much you are valuable on things you yourself can control, put on things you ARE, instead of how others perceive you.
3. Do the work:
Become someone you are proud of. You do it by actively doing things you are proud of. This is not about perspective, its about actual action. Do the work of little by little becoming better and better, become the best version of yourself.
Then, when someone who has a lot to offer finds you, they will see you have a lot to offer as well.
@Knight-Sgt. Reyes i think its completely valid, to be honest, to have the motivation of becoming better based on having something to offer to others.
Its not about becoming something that has nothing to do with your values, its not at all about pretending to be what you dislike
Its about finding out your values and actually practicing them so you can be proud of yourself and be who you need to be.
Because you will want to find someone with your same values, that practices them. And what would you have to offer back?
You need to, first of all, practice your values yourself.
Awesome video, you’re so inspiring 🙏🏼✨Don’t ever stop trying to make people you love see the way you see them
Thanks Matthew as always going through something like that , self love is so important and when we learn that we don’t need validation from others.
_,,I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by (Doctor Akhigbe) after many years of separation with my partner. contact him also to restore yours,,,,_
This was one of your best videos, Matthew. You went to the essence of things. Very useful advice. By the way, I always think about this when I watch your videos, but love your use of English.
Thank you❤
Such an insightful video - enjoyed listening to you , thank you 🙏
Rejection is never personal …just say thank you and leave to carry on with your life
I love his accent. Hes so well informed
I have inactivated my Facebook so I will not use it anymore for a long time. I am impressed with myself. I have been addicted to Facebook and Instagram. I won over my addiction.
The thing that spoke to me was (I’m summarizing): they are not of substance if they haven’t done the work on themselves and therefore won’t appreciate the work I’ve done. Just hearing “not of substance” has helped me take this person off the pedestal I put them on. Because I KNOW he hasn’t done any work. I’m going to try to repeat this to myself daily.
Just got rejected by one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen . You know life is a crazy journey filled with twists and turns and I believe that god will guide me to the one I’m meant to be with. I really tried to put myself out there and I’m 1 year removed from a 3 and a half year relationship. Learning self love is the most important thing is key for my happiness! I love my friends and family and I’m going to keep grinding . Stay safe everyone I love you all and bless up it could always be worse:)
Thank you for sharing this video. I really appreciate your support to the community ❤
Approached 2 girls that I liked and got rejected both times. I could stop trying and stop going through pain but your video convinced me to keep going thanks !
Hii bro
How are you now
Currently going through the same shit
@@mkkk992 Hey! It definitely hurt my ego gotta keep working on myself! At least I shot my bullet and got a result (Not a good one lol) but we just need to keep going!
@@will_cyclingfitness6106 The ego is the main enemy man. I have learnt that everyone has their choices and hence as we dont love everyone, everyone dont love us❤
It’s like he spoke to me in this moment. I bookmarked this video and subscribed! Thanks!
I don't have a problem getting offers but it seems to be me who constantly rejects people. I want to be in a relationship but i can't seem to find a spark.
I think because i've been single for so long, i've become so comfortable. On a positive note, I found in my past to be very needy, so maybe being single and content with myself has been very good for me for any future relationships. x
Michelle Waterfall. Are you saying ture.?
stop chasing a feeling and look for a lasting connection
Loved this Matthew! Such an important message
Thank you Matthew ....i have dealt with rejection in every form...its really difficult i give so much love and get none in return
At the moment I’m rejected yes I feel hurt, but as soon as I realise he’s not worth my time&energy, I’ll move on by improving myself to have a better life like joining training or some classes that I’ve been wanting to do