Hey Courtney, what do you think of Corey Wayne’s advice? It’s helped me a lot in dating and it’d be interesting to hear a woman’s opinion on his advice
I'm 38 and broke up with my ex 2 months ago after 6 years together. Been listening to alot of you're content which has helped 100%. My 3 biggest takeaways from the relationship is 1. Don't become to attached to someone and always keep in contact with Friends. 2. Set and stick to boundaries! 3. What I'm learning now is happiness comes from within and doesn't depend on another person.
Brother I am right here with you. After. 6 year relationship myself. Careful about some things, for example. Emotional Intelligence is a buzz word that only women use. It’s not based in science at all. It’s more about maturity and patience.
That’s what they say yet you had someone for 6 years (longer than most and some might say you’re ungrateful for leaving) without knowing the details, from an outside view it can be seen as such. Some just can’t find happiness within if they know the one thing they’d want is a partner, but in the end everyone only has themselves, as a girl once told me “we’re all just strangers” and yes and no at the same time.
"Youth is wasted on the young." That's something I've realized is so unbelievably true as I get close to the big 40. There are so many things I wish I'd learned the other side of 25.
Be thankful you DID learn those things. So many people wander thru life never learning those things. Nothing can be done with the past, the future is not ever guaranteed, all we have is this moment….live in the moment
My biggest mistake while young was paying attention in school, getting a job, learning a trade, and having a strong work ethic. Had I known being a useless POS pays off on welfare, sex, drugs, and otherwise a life free of burdens, my mother would have lived to see her grandchildren. Instead, my efforts and sacrifice results in perpetual celibacy, lack of relationships, and a genetic dead end.
The lessons that men learn too late: 1. Don't put a woman on a pedestal. 2 Don't chase after a woman. 3. Have much better boundaries. 4. Don't compromise your values.
@@coolbreeze5683If you're not supposed to center your life around romantic relationships, what are you supposed to center it around, your jobs? At least romantic relationships can lead to marriage, children, family. I think that's more important.
If you're Asian, family will only care about 2 things: Are you a lawyer or doctor. In the case you are neither, please proceed back to being a wage slave of some sort (and no I'm not talking about the outliers and 1% out there).
Long summary: 1. Emotional intelligence: question why you feel the way you feel. (you've been told to feel and express that way all your life, is that the right way to feel?) 2. Self care: take care of your physical and mental health. 3. Career and future planning: think about what you're going to do in the future and do it. From point 2, think of WLB as well as family planning, not just money. 4. Be good with money spending and usage. 5. Communication: expressing emotions in the right way (to not frighten people). Talk about it, but don't avoid it. (women are scared when men show their anger the way men do. Also, learn to listen to other people. 6. Being vulnerable: don't hide your emotion, but like point 1 and 5: express it in a controlled that don't scare people. Don't do emotion vomiting.
There is always the possibility that you will meet people who were never taught the skill of self-reflection or how to be vulnerable or open up to an analyst or friend about emotionally-charged issues so it follows that you may on occasion meet individuals who do "emotionally vomit". Please listen with as much empathy as you can muster and then excuse yourself and spend some time thinking about how privileged you "should" feel because they felt safe enough with you to "open up" to you about their problems. I hope you feel good about being that kind of person who is willing to listen with empathy. Those character qualities are seemingly becoming all to rare..
I'm probably older than most of your audience Courtney, but if I could tell my younger self a few things I learned way to late in life it's would be these: 1.) Live below your means. Save as much as you can. Invest. Save for retirement. 2.) Take care of your health. The younger you start doing that, and get into healthy habits, the better. Eat right, exercise, make time for good sleep. 3.) You're not perfect, you never will be. If you always strive for perfection, you're going to be very disappointed and frustrated. 4.) Understand that life is about compromise. I've spent 20 years at my current job. The work isn't exactly what I would call inspiring, but the benefits are unbeatable. Compromise. 5.) Keep your friends and family close. You'll never know when you'll need one another. Worse, but sadly very true, you never know when one day you'll wake up and they'll be gone. 6.) Don't be afraid to ask for help. You wouldn't try to do your own brain surgery would you? Of course not. You're never going to know how to do everything. If you need help ask. Myself, I suck at mechanical things. I try, but I often get stuck. For years, I wouldn't ask. Know when to admit you need some help. 7.) You don't need a girlfriend/wife, etc. to be happy in life. Would it be nice? Sure, but if you make yourself happy you'll never have to depend on someone else for your happiness. Just a few things I've learned way too late in life.
a intimate partner is necessary for a happy life, men without wives die younger. from what i understand its the equivalent to smoking daily. Don't lie to people and say you don't need that. everyone needs and intimate partner and family. it's even on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Also, you have to create your own family because as you get older your family you grew up with dies. so in order to maintain that you have to create your own.
@@bryanlopez2529 Are you high? I'll tell you this, clueless one: I'd rather have a happy life, even if it is allegedly shorter than a married man's. Where did you even get the notion that married men live longer? Here's a fact for you: until the very modern age, women outlived men, typically by about 5 years, which is statistically significant. Tell us you've never been in a relationship without telling us.
Everything said here is very true. My decision for my life began at age 17 to make the army as my career. Gentlemen I’m 61 years old now and a retired soldier of 20 years. I look young for my age because I swim, hike, lift weights daily and watch what I eat and practice mindfulness and meditation. I embrace hobbies such as reading and traveling to every state regularly. My friends my age are often in ill health or depressed because they didn’t care for themselves all these decades! Young men, you too will be my age someday. The choice is yours on how you will age. Happy and strong or sick and unhappy. 😉👍🇺🇸
@@djunclephill422 No. I asked a question to this life advice giving dude, what is he doing on comments section to the video about giving life advices. Isn't his way of living fine enough for him if he's still looking for life advices? If so what credibility does he have to give others life advices?
The power of walking away is something everyone needs to learn. If you chose poorly in your youth and have been saddled with an terrible partner, you don't have to stay. I wasted my 20s with a single mom looking for a free ride. You've got one life to live, dont waste it being unhappy.
I am a 59-year-old man. I wish I had known that most (not all) women love men who are evil. That's why you hear women saying they want to "change" the a-hole they are dating/married to. Also, when a woman puts you in the friend zone, it is a life-sentence with no parole. If a woman just wants to be "friends," walk the hell away and never speak to her again. Do not waste your time. I just saved you years & money.
Yep. I dont care what any video on youtube says. Once youre in the friend zone, you NEVER get out. Delete her number, delete her from social media, and never think of her again.
@@FuckKamalaHarrisThe sad part is, i made an Instagram to see her Instagram photos and she posted a recent video and photos of how beautiful she is before she told me she was going to Mexico but it's depressing all the girls I talked to never wanted to date me but only wanted to be friends even the girls in real life only wanted to friend zone me. and my advice to guys is Don't do long-distance relationships it likely won't work.
Hindsight is 20/20. I was a nice guy and now working on becoming a good guy. Going through a divorce & being in a rebound relationship made me a better person than I was in those two relationships.
I'm nearing 30 in a few months. One thing that I learned a bit too late is that work experience is king in the labor market, the masters degrees & certificates are only valuable once you have some sort of value pre-established. If you start recruiting with all of your qualifications and not enough work experience, you'll appear overqualified on paper & employers will suspect you want too much $ for basically being a rookie (basically, the on-paper qualifications don't set you up for roles with more responsibility).
"Is this a dumb decision?" and the even better "how does this become a bad decision?" Are incredibly valuable questions to consider before starting anything... great advice.
It's never too late to know what you want to do with your future, but don't wait around too long and end up living with regrets. #3 is very true and if more people did this, you wouldn't have a lot of disgruntled and angry people who hate their lives.
Not necessarily, it depends on the individual. I've known plenty of poor people with no notable career and they're far happier than people I know with great careers and a big 401K.
I sought professional career advice and did a bunch of aptitude tests in my late teens. Well worth it. Helped me figure out what skills I am good at, my personality, which careers are a good fit for me, and what it's like to work in those careers before committing years of my life. I love my job 20 years later.
Both my parents kind of taught me that I am not a real person and should not expect to be treated like one, so I am spending my early forties now trying to figure out how to be human and not a hollow shell, so that I could become interested in knowing people and having a future and wanting to do something.
Hi Courtney! About "vulnerability". I have been in relationships with people who were never willing to admit that they were wrong, or made mistakes, or ever apologize for anything. You just can't have any real relationship with people like that. As a result, I have learned that I am hardly perfect and I am not going to try to be! Also, a great point about investing. I hope you and your husband have a great week ahead!
Very true. My ex was always right. Throughout the 27 years of marriage, she never admitted being wrong or apologizing. She must have been a perfect person. She never apologized for anything she did. On the contrary, when I did something wrong I admitted it and apologized. This made me look to be the weak one and the strong one in the relationship in her eyes. Guys if you don't want to fuck up the relationship don't every show any sign of weakness or vulnerability no matter how she says it's okay. It will eventually destroy how she sees you and will cause her to walk away. She doesn't want to be with a wimp. She wants a strong leader, her hero.
@@rickyfargason8859 bingo They like the idea but not in practice Keep it to urself for the sake of the relationship and mainly become a man that doesn’t need it
If there is one lesson I would like to share is that people don't really change. Don't bend backwards to please anyone expecting them to appreciate your effort. More important than feeling happy is feeling respected. Walk away. All this within reason, nothing relatable to those checklist people.
I'm a 53 year old man. The biggest advice I would give to my younger self would be to stop trying to understand women and try to understand myself. Along those lines, the next piece of advice I would give myself is, as I get to understand myself, try to understand people in general, rather than focusing on understanding women.
45 De. So, true. Today would've been my Mama's birthday. It's weird you think your loved ones will ALWAYS be there. And then, one day you're one of the few left. The world moves on. You're older. And still you have SO MUCH to say. Young people should treasure their youth because one day they will wake up and realise time and fate has replaced them. David
I know exactly what you're saying. I used to feel all sorry for myself about all the (perceived) bad luck and string of failed relationships I'd experienced : but eventually got to thinking, "Maybe take a look at yer'self mate?"
The secret? Try to understand people in general and then treat women--no matter how impressive they may seem--like they are people: Nothing more, nothing less.
On that last point, the two times I tried to be vulnerable with women I was in a relationship in ended both of those relationships. There is clearly a wrong way to be vulnerable in my experience.
As long as you don't wear your heart on your sleeve, women don't want emotional men. If they claim that, they don't know what they're asking for. Don't debate them on that, just be a rock in terms of expressing feminine emotion (highly sensitive, mood swings, etc) Let your affection towards them be in the form of actions. Show that you are a gentleman. The only exception I can think of is if a loved one passes away, of course you are free to cry but other than that, be a rock.
Thank you for giving men good advice. You are a person who is really pleasant to listen to, and there is so much bullcrap out there on the internet that it's really nice to find a person who is sincere in wanting to help people.
I struggle with self care (physically), career & future planning, and being money literate. Everything else I'm proficient in. This has been THEE most helpful video that I needed to see from all the videos I've watched on your channel because it made me realize that if I want someone who has their act together and wants to live the best life- I need to do that too. Afterall, how can I have such expectations and not show any of that in return for my significant other? Thank you Courtney! ❤
I really appreciate how much effort you put into these videos. I can feel you genuinely care about what you're doing. You're one of the only content creators to actually create lasting changes in my thought patterns and lifestyle.
Well done, Courtney. For myself, realizing just how important special moments can be. Kind of sappy, but valuable later in life. You can't get them back. Pay attention, kick your ego aside and open your heart.
Courtney, you nailed it, I can tell you because at 64 yrs old, I can attest to and support what you are saying 100 % ... you are very wise for your age, and I believe that because your good parents were not able to financially support you, you had to learn life lessons and succeed on your own power....there is a direct connection there. Anyway, I am certain that they supported you in ways that money could not approach in effectiveness. Great job as always in articulating these really important issues that men in my generation were not properly exposed to. Thank you
In regards to the last topic, the older I get, the more I realize how valuable and CRUCIAL support in a romantic relationship is. That sort of ties in with the last point in you both feel safe to express yourself because you know you have their love and support no matter what. I've had a tone of non supporter women in my life, so when I met a couple of VERY supportive and patient women over the last few years, it made me realize just how important it is.
Here’s mine: don’t ever make a major life decision based solely on what other people want. Unfortunately, while growing up with tiger parents and in a bad area, I was taught to always put other’s people thoughts and opinions before mine. I ended up developing terrible anxiety and making major life decisions that I preferred not to do. Now, I make decisions based solely on what I want, including where I’m living, my career, what I spend my money on, and who I decide to spend my life with. I’m much happier now. Sure, I lost a lot of friends in the process and my parents aren’t very happy with my life choices, but so what? It’s their problem, not mine and I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.
I've been very thoughtful about my life for the most part of my life, and it's been a huge disservice to myself, because it made me constantly anxious of being behind the schedule,while also too careful to undertake anything at all. So if you're a naturally careless person - yes, you've got to work on being more mindful; but if you're naturally prone to overthinking, it may be better to focus on just doing it.
I knew what I wanted to do from a young age, but the industry is very competitive that I wanted to work in and I had a hard time getting to the next step. Even though I did a lot of things to put my best foot forward. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I decided to pivot and try to work for myself under the same types of goals I had when I was younger.
Important things: 1:06 First Thing - Emotional Intelligence; 3:46 Second Thing - Significance Of Self-Care; 8:25 Third Thing - Career & Future Planning; 9:55 Important Two Decisions - Career, and Who we will marry; 16:20 Additional advice - Have balance; 16:57 Fourth Thing - Impact Of Financial Literacy; 19:08 Financial requirements: discipline; goal settings; financial literacy; 19:14 The benefits of the learning: personal growth, self-confidence, sense of accomplishment, helping to develop other disciplines in other life areas as well; 20:47 Fifth Thing - The Power Of Communication; 22:55 Sixth Thing - The Value Of Vulnerability; 25:24 That's one good advice - Be with the people that will encourage you to be open, and honest (meaning to accept you who you really are. With all the faults and the virtues that you have, cause we all have them. Men, and women); and 26:19 to summarize all the told here. I might say that the Third, and Fourth thing did hit me hard (in the positive way I mean). I don't know about you people, but for me it did hit me. I'm willing to hear your opinion. Is it possible that you share a link of David Ramsey's episode that you have mentioned Courtney? And just like you have said there Courtney, some of these things can also apply to women as well, and not just to men. Additional things that probably we all learn late are these: Seventh Thing - Worrying Too Much About The Outcome Of Any Situations (but that can be partly applied to first point); Eight Thing - Not Changing Our Mindset (sometimes it occur to either men, and women); Ninth Thing - Not Being Relaxed (and by that to know when to know to be relaxed, and when be serious - balance these two things); Tenth Thing - Showing Immaturity. When I was listening to you Courtney, I have remembered three quotes that I have heard, and some of them I have mentioned in one of your videos. And they go like this (you can correct me if I'm wrong): 1. Ivo Andric once told this (the famous Nobel laureate. You can find the details about him on internet if you are interested): "The human who never makes a mistake, he / she does nothing in life. And so his / her life passed. And that human who makes a mistake, at least he / she is doing something in his her life. And that's why he / she tries." 2. I have mentioned this thing from my professor at faculty: "It's easy to be a general after a battle. Let's see you as generals during the battle and you make some crucial and most important decisions to solve those dilemmas and the outcomes of problems. 3. In Balkan peninsula we say this thing as well: "He / She who helps himself / herself is also helped by mighty God." Thank you so much Courtney. It means a lot ❤💙🤍.
@@bogdankovalenko5096 Well,you're willing to live life how you want. I'll think of that what you have told when I ask you next time for your opinion. I have asked for video, cause maybe someone else will wanna watch it.
Hi Courtney, I agree with most of the things you mentioned here, except the Vulnerability part. One thing I have experienced in my life is this.. How much every you love/Respect your partners/friends, or how much ever your partner/friends Respects/loves you, When hard times hits your relationships (Like divorce or breakups), women (may be men too) will always weaponize your Vulnerabilities. When that happens you will always regret sharing that with them. In my opinion, its always better not to show your weakness/vulnerabilities to anyone. If you really need to, share it with your therapist. I have been naïve most of my life, I learned it the hard way.
My advice with regard to communication with women (sorry Courtney): 1) When she asks "how was your day?" or "how are you feeling?" or "what do you think about that?" Your response is: "it was fine, how was YOUR day?" or "I'm OK, how are YOU?" or "that was interesting, what do YOU think?" Don't reveal yourself (because that will be used against you) and turn the conversation to HER as quickly as possible (because women love nothing more than talking about themselves). 90% of problems solved, right there. So, yes Courtney, communication is very important.
I am doing each of these things. Didn’t learn it from the family, but found out everything myself. Now looking for a high value woman to come across in my life.
I am just going to say I have been watching your videos and it has helped me get over my fears of women, and more importantly has allowed me to face my fears of getting my life in order. I find it ironic that when I want to find and meet women it's difficult, but when i am focusing on my life by, exercise, buying healthy food to make dinner, studying to obtain my dream career, all these wonderful women appear and want more of my attention. Balancing when to really pursue, and flirt, versus just focusing on my life is what i find the hardest challenge.
Vulnerability = blood in the water for the sharks. A great woman would never weaponize it against you, but great humans (male or female) are exceedingly rare.
Mental health is especially important when approaching modern dating. It's often tempting (and easy) to be bitter or depressed about all the unrealistic expectations, bad experiences, and poor behavior. But in the end, keeping yourself healthy and positive is the way to keep going and eventually attract someone who can be good for you. Reading up on ways to avoid spiraling into negative thoughts, plus large doses of sunlight/therapy light, has helped me stay positive even when I'm feeling lonely. I also have more fun at work now!
I think these are good lessons for men and women. I’ve met more than a handful of women who when young wanted to marry a rich guy, and now that they’re older they have 0 to fall back on and no man.
I believe we all learn at least a thing or two much later in life. There was a mass shooting that took place a couple weeks ago in my hometown. I reacted by reaching out to a family member I've not spoken to in years and they were alright, as some friends I went to college. I even told this love interest and she was asking if I was okay and my family member. I said yes and was thankful for it. Told her how much I appreciated it, as I also maintained bearings. Self care is so crucial! There is a percentage where being selfish is not a bad thing...just many take it such extremes
Not sure is she will mention this as I am watching this video while typing but take care of yourself both mentally and physically. I’m 46 and didn’t give a flying F about my physical health until last summer. I’ve made major life changes in diet and exercise and it has made an impact on how I feel and the energy I have for my everyday. Guys, take care of yourselves.
i get so many compliments from women talking about how in touch i’m with my feelings and emotions. i have gotten so much better interactions with women since i learned about my emotions and feelings. it’s changed my life with self care alongside it.
I can feel how much you care about the men you are speaking to. Takeaway: A lot of life comes down to the decisions we make. Whether that’s what career we choose, the person we marry, or how we connect with others. Making sure to align those decisions with who you are authentically, and aren’t about childhood programming is a lesson that MOST people don’t learn. 🙏🏻
Great video. Thank you from a 37 year old male. I definitely have learned a few of these too late. However, I guess it is not to late once one takes action.
As a disillusioned Western male in his 30's whose life has been on an upward trajectory as of late, I can confirm that barring a meteorite, you still have time to make something of yourself to the point that you begin to positively impact those around you. It's important to remember that our generation was, for a multiplicity of reasons which don't involve feminism, destined and set up for financial failure. Unfortunately for us, these machinations were put in motion long before we were old enough to understand what was going on; but although we may not be responsible for the cause of these generational financial catastrophes, we can and must be responsible for their fixing.
I,m a builder / carpenter who advocates therapy and wellness , a lot of guys i worked with on sites percieved me as being conceited because of my interests , but i really enjoy looking good , feeling good , smelling good , with the help of Courtneys videos ive fine tuned all of these things , i would tell my teenage self to trust my own judgement and dont mind what other people are doing !
I like the thing about volnurability, i'm a profession BDSM Master. We're known to be quite thick skinned. However, not many days ago i just started to sing opera specificly. To a woman just to prove a point. And she was absolutely in shock and asked "how is that possible?". My response was simple but honest. "I'm Master of myself, mind, body and soul".
I've had bad moments in life, and most of the lessons i've learned were learned the hard way because i was born on the wrong side of stupid, but as much as i appreciate the sentiment behind this video i can say confidently: If i had a time machine i would not go back and teach myself anything. I learned things as i needed them and i did it at my own pace, and that made me into who i am today. I think more people need to learn this mindset, but at the same time it definetly shouldn't be used as an excuse to not avail yourself of freely given advice (such as this video, or many in this comment section.)
These are the most common regrets of the dying, as observed by a palliative nurse: 1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. 3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. Some of your advice does help to avoid these regrets, like financial literacy, so you don't have to work so hard all your life, and you'd have more time to stay in touch with friends.
Courtney, you are like the most soothing thing on earth for men! I really hope more women follow you in your path and your positive attitude. They need to leave the propaganda behind. -
Having lived a pretty long and successful life for the most part I would have to say, work is NOT the most important thing in your life. If you feel that it is then you are compensating for something that is missing elsewhere. This might sound harsh but it's honest advice. Definitely do NOT conflate your sense of self and especially your sense of self-worth, with your job. You are not your job. That is very self-limiting although all too many people engage in that erroneous thinking. That's all I will say and I am sure some people won't like this message but they need to take some time to think deeply about this rather than engaging in a quick knee jerk reaction.
The key is to keep work where it belongs:- at work. It has no place in any other part of your life, particularly as an employee as opposed to an employer. I can have a lousy day at work where everything goes wrong. The minute I remind myself it's just a job, I feel better. When I go home, I leave work at work. Good health, a peaceful home life and healthy family are the most important things in life. When you die, your job won't come with you.
The sad thing to me about the career and future as a man is that some women don't tend to understand or value the hard work it took for the man to reach where he worked so hard to be. Many find it to be selfish to be a career-focused man when almost all our lives up to the point we are it's been non-stop work to reach where we wanted to be and the common doubts and tribulations of that risk tasking behavior that pays off the investment but some women don't see the value in that as the men do and it can be difficult to navigate in my opinion cause when a moment of choice comes...what will be the best option? Would that option later come with regrets?
Career focused is an excuse to be a narcissist quite often. Women use the term to so they can do whatever they want in a relationship. Men use the term to justify being emotionally closed down and not making time for someone in their life. Men who claim to be career focused with "non stop work" often find time to drink at the bar with a buddy, go golfing, and do things they want to do....just not for their woman. Unless you work 18 hours a day, it's flat out bullshit to use "career focused" as a justification for selfish behavior. In your scenario, if the woman doesn't understand, it's may be because you gave her the impression she's not important enough.
@@Omen465 More terrible advice for a jaded loser who can't keep a woman. With the divorce rate being around half or a little more, clearly they don't "always" end. Just choose wisely and as equally important is make sure you're a good partner. Most of you no doubt make just as lousy partners as many of the women out there. You piss and moan, blame everything on someone else; you take no personal responsibility for your own shortcomings. You're the last people who should be giving advice to anyone. You just want them to be as lonely and miserable as you are.
Excellent points. As a retired guy, some perspective about career. Agree that you need to try and make best choice you can, but it’s just not that simple. I’m a chemical engineer, so I heeded your advice. However, I have seen so much turmoil due to external forces far beyond your control. Most people are going to have multiple careers, just to survive. I’ve always told people I was really a ‘bullet’ dodger’ just to avoid all the ‘challenging’ things that happened to me in my career. What I would say is that your husband’s emphasis on NETWORING is SUPER important. That saved my butt multiple times. But I would also emphasize staying current with what’s happening. In other words, you need to be at the front of your ‘ship’, looking out to see what ‘icebergs’ are out there that you may hit - and adapt before it happens. Wish it were as simple as choosing a career, but external events drive most lives. Like a cat, you need many lives to survive. Stay current and NETWORK.
I’m so very grateful that there are women like this. I mean, she went into this knowing she’d encounter a great deal of “creepy” feedback, yet she carried on. Love this channel, and it is always a place for knowledge.
11:20 - Courtney, this is completely off-topic but, for some reason, hearing you say “my husband” sounds so much more refreshing than hearing a woman refer to a man as “my partner”.
I believe you are speaking to the Millennial Generation. I am 35 and am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Been a long time coming but I am on the right path now. Great episode and Happy New Years.
Agree on all points, with maybe that emotional intelligence is not that easy to learn, unless you have experienced what drives those emotions. My first relationship was a roller-coaster with clearly the wrong person. But it taught me what to look out for, what to avoid, how somebody can manipulate you, but it also made it very clear what I really wanted. I don't think there would have been a way to figure that out prior to that.
Good general advice. About health, I was navigating through hospitals to take care of some of my girlfriends, and paid for them, but I wasn't allowed to catch a cough or rest if I was cold. Then mocked about how I had to take a medical leave at the job. Even when I had high fever, these girlfriends demanded the same things, nonstop. Some woman wants an iron-man, a machine who provides, takes care of them to feel safe etc. etc., and never get ill. I was dumped from these relations due to a cough.
Emotional intelligence / self awareness, I didn't really learn this until last year (early 30s). It was speaking with a therapist that really opened up that line of thought, and it's been massively helpful. I don't know why I never analysed these things before, or tried to understand why I would response in certain ways to specific factors. But yeah, gentlemen - try and look into this.
You are so poised, calm, and wise. I’m so glad you’re married and off to a great life. Thanks for being an inspiring example that sharing wisdom itself can be a career pursuit…
One lesson I learned too late: if she doesn't bring you peace, she's wrong for you. She might be the finest babe in town, but if she's always stressing you out, she's wrong for you. She might be the most talented girl in the town, but if she adds to your anxiety, she's wrong for you. And she might check all the boxes for the perfect woman for you, but if her FAMILY is toxic, think very long and hard if that's what you want to get involved with. After all, how many women nowadays will listen more to her mom and sisters than her husband? My wife was being told by her family that she should leave me because I wasn't willing to put up with their bullshit. Fortunately she saw their claims were baseless and instead cut them out of her life.
Stumbled onto your channel by accident. The vision of a beautiful woman caught my eye. But, having viewed several of your videos, if ever someone (their brain, thought process) was to be cloned, girl you are the one. Every video is like you read my mind. There has to be another like minded person you somewhere on this planet. So much knowledge in so few years. The mention of Dave Ramsey, this girl is a winner.
Courtney, this is by far the best video you've made. Please make more positive videos like this and less videos of toxic women. The toxic women videos are pushing men towards inceldom. It is validating the incel worldview of what they think women are like. Those videos don't help them. Videos like this HELP MEN. Do more videos like this. Please.
@@noelgibson5956… and a lot aren’t. The people who are watching her videos are already aware of these toxic kind of women. They’re on the brink of no-return if they enter inceldom. Letting them know there are plenty of good women out there is what they need to hear. Not this narrative that most women are evil. That’s Fresh and Fit/Pearly Things territory.
The fact you had a honorable mention of Dr. Huberman makes me like your Channel even more. That guy is so freaking brilliant. And being vulnerable has definitely helped me with relationships, because it helps decide if that person you’re with is going to stick around in the long run.
Okay, be flexible. When it comes deciding what you want to do in life, believe me, things will change and you will have opportunities to do things you never thought you would do; please, do not ignore these opportunities. Give them a chance. I am 30 now, and 10 years ago, I had all these different ideas of who I wanted to be and what to do back then, but guess what, I am doing completely different things in life now. Be flexible and adjust to changes. I joined the military and it was a plan of mine to do 20 years and retire; oh well, six years later I decided I wanted to leave the military. This opened up new opportunities for me. Now I am in a place where I never thought I would be nor wanted to be. But it is working for me. It is okay to go through changes in life.
Number Three is the most difficult thing - I have a clear image about a a feeling what is important for me but no clear location or job because I work for a tech corp and everything changes so fast. Unfortunately, this is often vague for many
I wish #3 had been taught to me/i found out its importance sooner; cause right now it feels like life is going to be much harder. I cant go back to college and waste another 4 years and add debt. But my current career path sucks. Really wish i had someone tell me the importance of career choice/salary needed to live financially well.
Hi Courtney! I just discovered your channel last Spring. I think you provide great & super resourceful content. I had no idea of you personal & financial background. I’m even more impressed with your perspectives & advice. I’ll chime in at times. - Your Newbie & Loyal Listener Steven ‘Fridge’
9:50 Court, I would respectfully like to add a 3rd decision: where will you spend eternity? This is of course a question of someone's belief system, but to me personally this is THE most important decision.
Soo happy for u Courtney for ur success and u found ur purpose in life and thank u for all ur wise advice.. ur very lucky cuz ur smart, healthy, nice and very pretty.. i would be very lucky to find a woman like u.. i learned a lot from u, thanks..
As a man myself i think Character is the utter most importants. Men don't grow because they like their comfort zone. most try to avoid hard conversations. we don't know how to communicate. Most are quick to react and get quickly angered. It really comes down to pride. Im 33 and this is what my life is all about... i love this topic.
Hi Courtney, thanks for the video! I've been finding your content really, really helpful recently as I try to grow as a person. I'm trying to grow in multiple areas of life, including wrapping up college and finding a good job, growing to a more emotionally mature person for myself and a future wife, taking care of myself better, and trying to set up my life for success. Your videos have been incredibly helpful for getting better clarity on the things I should focus on! I'm trying to really absorb the information and not just be passively consuming your videos (i.e. I actively take notes throughout). I don't want my consumption of your advice to just be a binge where I watch a few hours of content, get overwhelmed from the self-inflicted information overload, and then don't actually integrate any of this into my life... so my question for you is, what else can I do to not just be "consuming" but actually fusing this guidance into my life?
I agree...I had to go through the penalty system for me to open my eyes and be blessed with the opportunity to start over again....of course I have never been married nor do I have any children.....it's been difficult @ times but it has definitely made me a better & stronger man.
Almost 32 years old here , i wasted a lot of time in my life. Stayed in my comfort zone, struggled with mental health issues and was careless in my 20s. Needless to say I am no where in my life and I take full responsibility of it.
Great advice for young people in general. My passion was being a paid firefighter, second passion was aircraft. Fortunately I went to a combination trade/High School and received my FAA Aircraft Maintenance Tech. License. Due to the high reputation of my High School and a little bit of luck or fate, I was hired right out of High School as an Aircraft Mechanic/Inspector. I did that for 13 years and because of the economy was laid off. Unfortunately due to circumstances out of my control, was not hired by the FDNY when I took the Civil Service Test during HS. Not until I reached 46 y/o did I find my dream job of FD Manager. I also at the same time became a Volunteer Firefighter going on 44 years now. From what I learned in life, is to never give up no matter the setbacks and obstacles that comes your way. Remain tenacious and determined and you can accomplish any of your goals in life with a little luck thrown in!
Great points Courtney! Emotional intelligence has helped me defuse escalating situations and arguments. I do wish that I would have been more financially literate growing up but I learned the hard way. Vulnerability is important for mental health, I talk to a few trusted friends about my feelings and it’s helped tremendously.
The single most important lesson I learned (almost) too late is: every relationship that isn't a true partnership - where your welfare and fulfillment aren't just as important to her as hers is to you - is just a ticking time bomb. Doesn't matter how great the sex is, how good looking she is, how much money she makes - or anything else - if it's all about her - what she needs, what she wants, what her plans are, etc - trust me, you will eventually be looking for the exit. Trust me on this...
^^^Learn this men. Know what it looks like! You can adopt ALL of these 6 lessons listed here, but if you do NOT recognize when she does not view you / relationship as union and true partnership, time is running out like grains of sand in the hourglass, before she leaves you, or you have to leave her. Trust this.
Goooooood video. Except the vulnerability part! Guys are instinctive about vulnerability. They can be trusted to know when and what to share. If a guy isn't being vulnerable in a relationship, it's because he doesn't trust that woman and that is always for a reason and it is to do with her. If he's vulnerable with his buddies - and almost all guys are - he knows how to be vulnerable. Women weaponizing vulnerability is more common than not. Being vulnerable isn't a lesson guys need to learn - how to handle a man being vulnerable is a lesson women need to learn.
Another way to help determine who you want to be is to look at the people you know in life and in the media and figure out who you admire and why. This may be the biggest help.
One other lesson learn later or never, is that that there is nothing better from the love of a GOOD woman but if you cannot find one, it is better to leave alone
I wish I learned about communication like "love speech", selling something at the market, or just plain communicating with others so I could leave a mark in my history to the people I love and respect. And plus I could probably have lots of fun doing it.
Get 30% off your first box, plus a FREE gift, when you give Tiege Hanley a try at tiege.com/crlate
What is life?
We spend our days,
Like we spend spare change.
Only at the end do we see our true balance.
By David
Courtney 💋🌹Christen Ryan!
Hey Courtney, what do you think of Corey Wayne’s advice? It’s helped me a lot in dating and it’d be interesting to hear a woman’s opinion on his advice
Society lies to you and says you’re “ too late” but they don’t make your choices… you do. As long as you’re breathing, nothing is “too late” to learn.
70 is too late. 80 is too late. I've watched my dad lose everything and still keep his arrogance.
Exactly, never give up never surrender. Hoorah!
Facts
@@orangewarm1
Have you read the Catholic Bible book about Abraham's 80 yrs old wife gave birth?
Nice one G.
I'm 38 and broke up with my ex 2 months ago after 6 years together. Been listening to alot of you're content which has helped 100%. My 3 biggest takeaways from the relationship is 1. Don't become to attached to someone and always keep in contact with Friends. 2. Set and stick to boundaries! 3. What I'm learning now is happiness comes from within and doesn't depend on another person.
This should work for the boys: "70% are going to get divorced in affluent societies nowadays and and lose half their wealth through alimony"
If it comes from within I'm screwed..
Brother I am right here with you. After. 6 year relationship myself. Careful about some things, for example. Emotional Intelligence is a buzz word that only women use. It’s not based in science at all. It’s more about maturity and patience.
That’s what they say yet you had someone for 6 years (longer than most and some might say you’re ungrateful for leaving) without knowing the details, from an outside view it can be seen as such.
Some just can’t find happiness within if they know the one thing they’d want is a partner, but in the end everyone only has themselves, as a girl once told me “we’re all just strangers” and yes and no at the same time.
F ing a bro
"Youth is wasted on the young." That's something I've realized is so unbelievably true as I get close to the big 40. There are so many things I wish I'd learned the other side of 25.
Be thankful you DID learn those things. So many people wander thru life never learning those things. Nothing can be done with the past, the future is not ever guaranteed, all we have is this moment….live in the moment
what are some of the things you wish you wouldve learnt? im 21 and I feel like well i understand every single of these points that Courtney mentioned
My biggest mistake while young was paying attention in school, getting a job, learning a trade, and having a strong work ethic.
Had I known being a useless POS pays off on welfare, sex, drugs, and otherwise a life free of burdens, my mother would have lived to see her grandchildren.
Instead, my efforts and sacrifice results in perpetual celibacy, lack of relationships, and a genetic dead end.
@@tailgunner2 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@MarylandGuy-ey3st There was a time I would have been angry at a reply like that. But now, it is quite the joke.
The lessons that men learn too late:
1. Don't put a woman on a pedestal.
2 Don't chase after a woman.
3. Have much better boundaries.
4. Don't compromise your values.
Very much agreed
One main lesson: don't centre your life around romantic relationships.
Let the church say amen!!
@@coolbreeze5683If you're not supposed to center your life around romantic relationships, what are you supposed to center it around, your jobs? At least romantic relationships can lead to marriage, children, family. I think that's more important.
If you're Asian, family will only care about 2 things: Are you a lawyer or doctor. In the case you are neither, please proceed back to being a wage slave of some sort (and no I'm not talking about the outliers and 1% out there).
Long summary:
1. Emotional intelligence: question why you feel the way you feel. (you've been told to feel and express that way all your life, is that the right way to feel?)
2. Self care: take care of your physical and mental health.
3. Career and future planning: think about what you're going to do in the future and do it. From point 2, think of WLB as well as family planning, not just money.
4. Be good with money spending and usage.
5. Communication: expressing emotions in the right way (to not frighten people). Talk about it, but don't avoid it. (women are scared when men show their anger the way men do. Also, learn to listen to other people.
6. Being vulnerable: don't hide your emotion, but like point 1 and 5: express it in a controlled that don't scare people. Don't do emotion vomiting.
There is always the possibility that you will meet people who were never taught the skill of self-reflection or how to be vulnerable or open up to an analyst or friend about emotionally-charged issues so it follows that you may on occasion meet individuals who do "emotionally vomit". Please listen with as much empathy as you can muster and then excuse yourself and spend some time thinking about how privileged you "should" feel because they felt safe enough with you to "open up" to you about their problems.
I hope you feel good about being that kind of person who is willing to listen with empathy. Those character qualities are seemingly becoming all to rare..
I'm probably older than most of your audience Courtney, but if I could tell my younger self a few things I learned way to late in life it's would be these:
1.) Live below your means. Save as much as you can. Invest. Save for retirement.
2.) Take care of your health. The younger you start doing that, and get into healthy habits, the better. Eat right, exercise, make time for good sleep.
3.) You're not perfect, you never will be. If you always strive for perfection, you're going to be very disappointed and frustrated.
4.) Understand that life is about compromise. I've spent 20 years at my current job. The work isn't exactly what I would call inspiring, but the benefits are unbeatable. Compromise.
5.) Keep your friends and family close. You'll never know when you'll need one another. Worse, but sadly very true, you never know when one day you'll wake up and they'll be gone.
6.) Don't be afraid to ask for help. You wouldn't try to do your own brain surgery would you? Of course not. You're never going to know how to do everything. If you need help ask. Myself, I suck at mechanical things. I try, but I often get stuck. For years, I wouldn't ask. Know when to admit you need some help.
7.) You don't need a girlfriend/wife, etc. to be happy in life. Would it be nice? Sure, but if you make yourself happy you'll never have to depend on someone else for your happiness.
Just a few things I've learned way too late in life.
I love this. Thank you for taking the time to write for us.
a intimate partner is necessary for a happy life, men without wives die younger. from what i understand its the equivalent to smoking daily. Don't lie to people and say you don't need that. everyone needs and intimate partner and family. it's even on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Also, you have to create your own family because as you get older your family you grew up with dies. so in order to maintain that you have to create your own.
@@bryanlopez2529 Are you high?
I'll tell you this, clueless one: I'd rather have a happy life, even if it is allegedly shorter than a married man's.
Where did you even get the notion that married men live longer? Here's a fact for you: until the very modern age, women outlived men, typically by about 5 years, which is statistically significant.
Tell us you've never been in a relationship without telling us.
This should work for the boys: "70% are going to get divorced in affluent societies and lose half their wealth through alimony"
Tanks for the advice 👍🏽
Everything said here is very true. My decision for my life began at age 17 to make the army as my career. Gentlemen I’m 61 years old now and a retired soldier of 20 years. I look young for my age because I swim, hike, lift weights daily and watch what I eat and practice mindfulness and meditation. I embrace hobbies such as reading and traveling to every state regularly. My friends my age are often in ill health or depressed because they didn’t care for themselves all these decades! Young men, you too will be my age someday. The choice is yours on how you will age. Happy and strong or sick and unhappy. 😉👍🇺🇸
Thanks, the internet needs this, sounds like an advice from father to son. Thank you and thank you for your service sir
Love this, thanks.
Why are you here?
@@PaulieTheDudeare you talking to yourself?
@@djunclephill422 No. I asked a question to this life advice giving dude, what is he doing on comments section to the video about giving life advices. Isn't his way of living fine enough for him if he's still looking for life advices? If so what credibility does he have to give others life advices?
The power of walking away is something everyone needs to learn. If you chose poorly in your youth and have been saddled with an terrible partner, you don't have to stay. I wasted my 20s with a single mom looking for a free ride. You've got one life to live, dont waste it being unhappy.
its a two bladed knife. people tend to just throw you away bc they learned to walk away... easily. its a balance to stick with someone.
I am a 59-year-old man. I wish I had known that most (not all) women love men who are evil. That's why you hear women saying they want to "change" the a-hole they are dating/married to. Also, when a woman puts you in the friend zone, it is a life-sentence with no parole. If a woman just wants to be "friends," walk the hell away and never speak to her again. Do not waste your time. I just saved you years & money.
i have had many women put me in the friend zone and it happened recently with a Canadian girl on the internet and I stopped communicating with her.
Yep. I dont care what any video on youtube says. Once youre in the friend zone, you NEVER get out. Delete her number, delete her from social media, and never think of her again.
@@FuckKamalaHarrisThe sad part is, i made an Instagram to see her Instagram photos and she posted a recent video and photos of how beautiful she is before she told me she was going to Mexico but it's depressing all the girls I talked to never wanted to date me but only wanted to be friends even the girls in real life only wanted to friend zone me.
and my advice to guys is Don't do long-distance relationships it likely won't work.
This is the comment I was looking for.
Hindsight is 20/20. I was a nice guy and now working on becoming a good guy.
Going through a divorce & being in a rebound relationship made me a better person than I was in those two relationships.
I'm nearing 30 in a few months. One thing that I learned a bit too late is that work experience is king in the labor market, the masters degrees & certificates are only valuable once you have some sort of value pre-established. If you start recruiting with all of your qualifications and not enough work experience, you'll appear overqualified on paper & employers will suspect you want too much $ for basically being a rookie (basically, the on-paper qualifications don't set you up for roles with more responsibility).
Your compassion comes through in this video. You're a kind person, Courtney. Great advice!
🥹🤍
One of the most important videos you’ve made, Courtney. Simple to follow and thought provoking.
"Is this a dumb decision?" and the even better "how does this become a bad decision?" Are incredibly valuable questions to consider before starting anything... great advice.
It's never too late to know what you want to do with your future, but don't wait around too long and end up living with regrets. #3 is very true and if more people did this, you wouldn't have a lot of disgruntled and angry people who hate their lives.
👌🏼
Damn well said I'm living this right now. Lol.
Not necessarily, it depends on the individual. I've known plenty of poor people with no notable career and they're far happier than people I know with great careers and a big 401K.
I sought professional career advice and did a bunch of aptitude tests in my late teens. Well worth it. Helped me figure out what skills I am good at, my personality, which careers are a good fit for me, and what it's like to work in those careers before committing years of my life. I love my job 20 years later.
Both my parents kind of taught me that I am not a real person and should not expect to be treated like one, so I am spending my early forties now trying to figure out how to be human and not a hollow shell, so that I could become interested in knowing people and having a future and wanting to do something.
Hi Courtney! About "vulnerability". I have been in relationships with people who were never willing to admit that they were wrong, or made mistakes, or ever apologize for anything. You just can't have any real relationship with people like that.
As a result, I have learned that I am hardly perfect and I am not going to try to be!
Also, a great point about investing.
I hope you and your husband have a great week ahead!
Very true. My ex was always right. Throughout the 27 years of marriage, she never admitted being wrong or apologizing. She must have been a perfect person. She never apologized for anything she did. On the contrary, when I did something wrong I admitted it and apologized. This made me look to be the weak one and the strong one in the relationship in her eyes. Guys if you don't want to fuck up the relationship don't every show any sign of weakness or vulnerability no matter how she says it's okay. It will eventually destroy how she sees you and will cause her to walk away. She doesn't want to be with a wimp. She wants a strong leader, her hero.
@@rickyfargason8859 bingo
They like the idea but not in practice
Keep it to urself for the sake of the relationship and mainly become a man that doesn’t need it
If there is one lesson I would like to share is that people don't really change. Don't bend backwards to please anyone expecting them to appreciate your effort. More important than feeling happy is feeling respected. Walk away. All this within reason, nothing relatable to those checklist people.
I'm a 53 year old man. The biggest advice I would give to my younger self would be to stop trying to understand women and try to understand myself.
Along those lines, the next piece of advice I would give myself is, as I get to understand myself, try to understand people in general, rather than focusing on understanding women.
Simp
45 De. So, true. Today would've been my Mama's birthday. It's weird you think your loved ones will ALWAYS be there. And then, one day you're one of the few left.
The world moves on. You're older. And still you have SO MUCH to say.
Young people should treasure their youth because one day they will wake up and realise time and fate has replaced them.
David
I'm heading into my 30's next year and your comment really had an impact on me. Thank you.
I know exactly what you're saying. I used to feel all sorry for myself about all the (perceived) bad luck and string of failed relationships I'd experienced : but eventually got to thinking, "Maybe take a look at yer'self mate?"
The secret? Try to understand people in general and then treat women--no matter how impressive they may seem--like they are people: Nothing more, nothing less.
On that last point, the two times I tried to be vulnerable with women I was in a relationship in ended both of those relationships. There is clearly a wrong way to be vulnerable in my experience.
As long as you don't wear your heart on your sleeve, women don't want emotional men. If they claim that, they don't know what they're asking for. Don't debate them on that, just be a rock in terms of expressing feminine emotion (highly sensitive, mood swings, etc) Let your affection towards them be in the form of actions. Show that you are a gentleman.
The only exception I can think of is if a loved one passes away, of course you are free to cry but other than that, be a rock.
Thank you for giving men good advice. You are a person who is really pleasant to listen to, and there is so much bullcrap out there on the internet that it's really nice to find a person who is sincere in wanting to help people.
I struggle with self care (physically), career & future planning, and being money literate. Everything else I'm proficient in.
This has been THEE most helpful video that I needed to see from all the videos I've watched on your channel because it made me realize that if I want someone who has their act together and wants to live the best life- I need to do that too. Afterall, how can I have such expectations and not show any of that in return for my significant other? Thank you Courtney! ❤
I really appreciate how much effort you put into these videos. I can feel you genuinely care about what you're doing. You're one of the only content creators to actually create lasting changes in my thought patterns and lifestyle.
Well done, Courtney. For myself, realizing just how important special moments can be. Kind of sappy, but valuable later in life. You can't get them back. Pay attention, kick your ego aside and open your heart.
Courtney, you nailed it, I can tell you because at 64 yrs old, I can attest to and support what you are saying 100 % ... you are very wise for your age, and I believe that because your good parents were not able to financially support you, you had to learn life lessons and succeed on your own power....there is a direct connection there. Anyway, I am certain that they supported you in ways that money could not approach in effectiveness. Great job as always in articulating these really important issues that men in my generation were not properly exposed to. Thank you
In regards to the last topic, the older I get, the more I realize how valuable and CRUCIAL support in a romantic relationship is. That sort of ties in with the last point in you both feel safe to express yourself because you know you have their love and support no matter what. I've had a tone of non supporter women in my life, so when I met a couple of VERY supportive and patient women over the last few years, it made me realize just how important it is.
Here’s mine: don’t ever make a major life decision based solely on what other people want. Unfortunately, while growing up with tiger parents and in a bad area, I was taught to always put other’s people thoughts and opinions before mine. I ended up developing terrible anxiety and making major life decisions that I preferred not to do.
Now, I make decisions based solely on what I want, including where I’m living, my career, what I spend my money on, and who I decide to spend my life with. I’m much happier now. Sure, I lost a lot of friends in the process and my parents aren’t very happy with my life choices, but so what? It’s their problem, not mine and I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.
I've been very thoughtful about my life for the most part of my life, and it's been a huge disservice to myself, because it made me constantly anxious of being behind the schedule,while also too careful to undertake anything at all.
So if you're a naturally careless person - yes, you've got to work on being more mindful; but if you're naturally prone to overthinking, it may be better to focus on just doing it.
I knew what I wanted to do from a young age, but the industry is very competitive that I wanted to work in and I had a hard time getting to the next step. Even though I did a lot of things to put my best foot forward. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I decided to pivot and try to work for myself under the same types of goals I had when I was younger.
So much wisdom!!!!!! You talk like a 47 years old person,,, and you are only 27 ,,,,, awesome...
Important things: 1:06 First Thing - Emotional Intelligence; 3:46 Second Thing - Significance Of Self-Care; 8:25 Third Thing - Career & Future Planning; 9:55 Important Two Decisions - Career, and Who we will marry; 16:20 Additional advice - Have balance; 16:57 Fourth Thing - Impact Of Financial Literacy; 19:08 Financial requirements: discipline; goal settings; financial literacy; 19:14 The benefits of the learning: personal growth, self-confidence, sense of accomplishment, helping to develop other disciplines in other life areas as well; 20:47 Fifth Thing - The Power Of Communication; 22:55 Sixth Thing - The Value Of Vulnerability; 25:24 That's one good advice - Be with the people that will encourage you to be open, and honest (meaning to accept you who you really are. With all the faults and the virtues that you have, cause we all have them. Men, and women); and 26:19 to summarize all the told here.
I might say that the Third, and Fourth thing did hit me hard (in the positive way I mean). I don't know about you people, but for me it did hit me. I'm willing to hear your opinion.
Is it possible that you share a link of David Ramsey's episode that you have mentioned Courtney?
And just like you have said there Courtney, some of these things can also apply to women as well, and not just to men.
Additional things that probably we all learn late are these: Seventh Thing - Worrying Too Much About The Outcome Of Any Situations (but that can be partly applied to first point); Eight Thing - Not Changing Our Mindset (sometimes it occur to either men, and women); Ninth Thing - Not Being Relaxed (and by that to know when to know to be relaxed, and when be serious - balance these two things); Tenth Thing - Showing Immaturity.
When I was listening to you Courtney, I have remembered three quotes that I have heard, and some of them I have mentioned in one of your videos. And they go like this (you can correct me if I'm wrong):
1. Ivo Andric once told this (the famous Nobel laureate. You can find the details about him on internet if you are interested): "The human who never makes a mistake, he / she does nothing in life. And so his / her life passed. And that human who makes a mistake, at least he / she is doing something in his her life. And that's why he / she tries."
2. I have mentioned this thing from my professor at faculty: "It's easy to be a general after a battle. Let's see you as generals during the battle and you make some crucial and most important decisions to solve those dilemmas and the outcomes of problems.
3. In Balkan peninsula we say this thing as well: "He / She who helps himself / herself is also helped by mighty God."
Thank you so much Courtney. It means a lot ❤💙🤍.
Dude, that he / she stuff is really annoying AF. Stop being woke. Its dangerous and false ideology
@@bogdankovalenko5096 Dude, be so kind to think of something else.
Stop being negative. It's also dangerous and false way of solving the problems.
@@Harikejn it is not negativity. its common sense. That woke crap is garbage
@@bogdankovalenko5096 Well,you're willing to live life how you want.
I'll think of that what you have told when I ask you next time for your opinion.
I have asked for video, cause maybe someone else will wanna watch it.
Appreciate you, Courtney. Thank you for helping the community and positive thoughts for you and those close to you.
Hi Courtney, I agree with most of the things you mentioned here, except the Vulnerability part. One thing I have experienced in my life is this.. How much every you love/Respect your partners/friends, or how much ever your partner/friends Respects/loves you, When hard times hits your relationships (Like divorce or breakups), women (may be men too) will always weaponize your Vulnerabilities. When that happens you will always regret sharing that with them. In my opinion, its always better not to show your weakness/vulnerabilities to anyone. If you really need to, share it with your therapist. I have been naïve most of my life, I learned it the hard way.
My advice with regard to communication with women (sorry Courtney): 1) When she asks "how was your day?" or "how are you feeling?" or "what do you think about that?" Your response is: "it was fine, how was YOUR day?" or "I'm OK, how are YOU?" or "that was interesting, what do YOU think?" Don't reveal yourself (because that will be used against you) and turn the conversation to HER as quickly as possible (because women love nothing more than talking about themselves). 90% of problems solved, right there. So, yes Courtney, communication is very important.
I've been going through a lot lately and really needed to hear this. Thank you Courtney, keep up the great work!
I am doing each of these things. Didn’t learn it from the family, but found out everything myself. Now looking for a high value woman to come across in my life.
I am just going to say I have been watching your videos and it has helped me get over my fears of women, and more importantly has allowed me to face my fears of getting my life in order. I find it ironic that when I want to find and meet women it's difficult, but when i am focusing on my life by, exercise, buying healthy food to make dinner, studying to obtain my dream career, all these wonderful women appear and want more of my attention. Balancing when to really pursue, and flirt, versus just focusing on my life is what i find the hardest challenge.
Vulnerability = blood in the water for the sharks. A great woman would never weaponize it against you, but great humans (male or female) are exceedingly rare.
All females will use it against you.
I appreciate this and shared it with my adult son.
Mental health is especially important when approaching modern dating. It's often tempting (and easy) to be bitter or depressed about all the unrealistic expectations, bad experiences, and poor behavior. But in the end, keeping yourself healthy and positive is the way to keep going and eventually attract someone who can be good for you.
Reading up on ways to avoid spiraling into negative thoughts, plus large doses of sunlight/therapy light, has helped me stay positive even when I'm feeling lonely. I also have more fun at work now!
I think these are good lessons for men and women. I’ve met more than a handful of women who when young wanted to marry a rich guy, and now that they’re older they have 0 to fall back on and no man.
Yep, just need to be careful with the vulnerability. Pick your points don’t dump.
I believe we all learn at least a thing or two much later in life. There was a mass shooting that took place a couple weeks ago in my hometown. I reacted by reaching out to a family member I've not spoken to in years and they were alright, as some friends I went to college. I even told this love interest and she was asking if I was okay and my family member. I said yes and was thankful for it. Told her how much I appreciated it, as I also maintained bearings.
Self care is so crucial! There is a percentage where being selfish is not a bad thing...just many take it such extremes
Thanks for sharing Tommy 🤍 hope you’re well!
@@CourtneyRyanmany thanks! I hope you are as well
Not sure is she will mention this as I am watching this video while typing but take care of yourself both mentally and physically. I’m 46 and didn’t give a flying F about my physical health until last summer. I’ve made major life changes in diet and exercise and it has made an impact on how I feel and the energy I have for my everyday. Guys, take care of yourselves.
i get so many compliments from women talking about how in touch i’m with my feelings and emotions. i have gotten so much better interactions with women since i learned about my emotions and feelings. it’s changed my life with self care alongside it.
Your advice helps me a lot, Courtney. It's good to know there's women like you in our corner. God bless you.
I can feel how much you care about the men you are speaking to.
Takeaway: A lot of life comes down to the decisions we make. Whether that’s what career we choose, the person we marry, or how we connect with others. Making sure to align those decisions with who you are authentically, and aren’t about childhood programming is a lesson that MOST people don’t learn. 🙏🏻
Great video. Thank you from a 37 year old male. I definitely have learned a few of these too late. However, I guess it is not to late once one takes action.
As a disillusioned Western male in his 30's whose life has been on an upward trajectory as of late, I can confirm that barring a meteorite, you still have time to make something of yourself to the point that you begin to positively impact those around you.
It's important to remember that our generation was, for a multiplicity of reasons which don't involve feminism, destined and set up for financial failure. Unfortunately for us, these machinations were put in motion long before we were old enough to understand what was going on; but although we may not be responsible for the cause of these generational financial catastrophes, we can and must be responsible for their fixing.
I,m a builder / carpenter who advocates therapy and wellness , a lot of guys i worked with on sites percieved me as being conceited because of my interests , but i really enjoy looking good , feeling good , smelling good , with the help of Courtneys videos ive fine tuned all of these things , i would tell my teenage self to trust my own judgement and dont mind what other people are doing !
I like the thing about volnurability, i'm a profession BDSM Master. We're known to be quite thick skinned. However, not many days ago i just started to sing opera specificly. To a woman just to prove a point. And she was absolutely in shock and asked "how is that possible?". My response was simple but honest. "I'm Master of myself, mind, body and soul".
As a 40 year old, you are planting seeds that I wish had inside me earlier. I felt your heart, thank you.
Pause.
I've had bad moments in life, and most of the lessons i've learned were learned the hard way because i was born on the wrong side of stupid, but as much as i appreciate the sentiment behind this video i can say confidently: If i had a time machine i would not go back and teach myself anything. I learned things as i needed them and i did it at my own pace, and that made me into who i am today.
I think more people need to learn this mindset, but at the same time it definetly shouldn't be used as an excuse to not avail yourself of freely given advice (such as this video, or many in this comment section.)
These are the most common regrets of the dying, as observed by a palliative nurse:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Some of your advice does help to avoid these regrets, like financial literacy, so you don't have to work so hard all your life, and you'd have more time to stay in touch with friends.
Courtney, you are like the most soothing thing on earth for men!
I really hope more women follow you in your path and your positive attitude.
They need to leave the propaganda behind. -
🥹🤍
Having lived a pretty long and successful life for the most part I would have to say, work is NOT the most important thing in your life. If you feel that it is then you are compensating for something that is missing elsewhere. This might sound harsh but it's honest advice. Definitely do NOT conflate your sense of self and especially your sense of self-worth, with your job. You are not your job. That is very self-limiting although all too many people engage in that erroneous thinking. That's all I will say and I am sure some people won't like this message but they need to take some time to think deeply about this rather than engaging in a quick knee jerk reaction.
The key is to keep work where it belongs:- at work. It has no place in any other part of your life, particularly as an employee as opposed to an employer.
I can have a lousy day at work where everything goes wrong. The minute I remind myself it's just a job, I feel better. When I go home, I leave work at work.
Good health, a peaceful home life and healthy family are the most important things in life. When you die, your job won't come with you.
I've watched dozens of your videos, this one is truly a masterpiece. Thank you for sharing.
🥹 I’m so glad you enjoyed it. It’s my pleasure!
The sad thing to me about the career and future as a man is that some women don't tend to understand or value the hard work it took for the man to reach where he worked so hard to be. Many find it to be selfish to be a career-focused man when almost all our lives up to the point we are it's been non-stop work to reach where we wanted to be and the common doubts and tribulations of that risk tasking behavior that pays off the investment but some women don't see the value in that as the men do and it can be difficult to navigate in my opinion cause when a moment of choice comes...what will be the best option? Would that option later come with regrets?
Career focused is an excuse to be a narcissist quite often. Women use the term to so they can do whatever they want in a relationship. Men use the term to justify being emotionally closed down and not making time for someone in their life. Men who claim to be career focused with "non stop work" often find time to drink at the bar with a buddy, go golfing, and do things they want to do....just not for their woman. Unless you work 18 hours a day, it's flat out bullshit to use "career focused" as a justification for selfish behavior. In your scenario, if the woman doesn't understand, it's may be because you gave her the impression she's not important enough.
Just live a free agent lifestyle bro don't focus on one women it always ends up in a divorce or break up anyway.
@@Omen465 More terrible advice for a jaded loser who can't keep a woman. With the divorce rate being around half or a little more, clearly they don't "always" end. Just choose wisely and as equally important is make sure you're a good partner. Most of you no doubt make just as lousy partners as many of the women out there. You piss and moan, blame everything on someone else; you take no personal responsibility for your own shortcomings. You're the last people who should be giving advice to anyone. You just want them to be as lonely and miserable as you are.
Excellent points. As a retired guy, some perspective about career. Agree that you need to try and make best choice you can, but it’s just not that simple. I’m a chemical engineer, so I heeded your advice. However, I have seen so much turmoil due to external forces far beyond your control. Most people are going to have multiple careers, just to survive. I’ve always told people I was really a ‘bullet’ dodger’ just to avoid all the ‘challenging’ things that happened to me in my career.
What I would say is that your husband’s emphasis on NETWORING is SUPER important. That saved my butt multiple times. But I would also emphasize staying current with what’s happening. In other words, you need to be at the front of your ‘ship’, looking out to see what ‘icebergs’ are out there that you may hit - and adapt before it happens. Wish it were as simple as choosing a career, but external events drive most lives. Like a cat, you need many lives to survive. Stay current and NETWORK.
This is the most Courtney has talked about money. Very refreshing and a major self-improvement area men can work on. It's easier while single!
I’m so very grateful that there are women like this. I mean, she went into this knowing she’d encounter a great deal of “creepy” feedback, yet she carried on. Love this channel, and it is always a place for knowledge.
11:20 - Courtney, this is completely off-topic but, for some reason, hearing you say “my husband” sounds so much more refreshing than hearing a woman refer to a man as “my partner”.
Sorry Courtney I am awake now, I'm the man of today and will make a difference to my future generation promise. Thankyou for this video
I believe you are speaking to the Millennial Generation. I am 35 and am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Been a long time coming but I am on the right path now. Great episode and Happy New Years.
Agree on all points, with maybe that emotional intelligence is not that easy to learn, unless you have experienced what drives those emotions. My first relationship was a roller-coaster with clearly the wrong person. But it taught me what to look out for, what to avoid, how somebody can manipulate you, but it also made it very clear what I really wanted. I don't think there would have been a way to figure that out prior to that.
Good general advice. About health, I was navigating through hospitals to take care of some of my girlfriends, and paid for them, but I wasn't allowed to catch a cough or rest if I was cold. Then mocked about how I had to take a medical leave at the job. Even when I had high fever, these girlfriends demanded the same things, nonstop. Some woman wants an iron-man, a machine who provides, takes care of them to feel safe etc. etc., and never get ill. I was dumped from these relations due to a cough.
Emotional intelligence / self awareness, I didn't really learn this until last year (early 30s). It was speaking with a therapist that really opened up that line of thought, and it's been massively helpful. I don't know why I never analysed these things before, or tried to understand why I would response in certain ways to specific factors.
But yeah, gentlemen - try and look into this.
You are so poised, calm, and wise. I’m so glad you’re married and off to a great life. Thanks for being an inspiring example that sharing wisdom itself can be a career pursuit…
One lesson I learned too late: if she doesn't bring you peace, she's wrong for you.
She might be the finest babe in town, but if she's always stressing you out, she's wrong for you. She might be the most talented girl in the town, but if she adds to your anxiety, she's wrong for you.
And she might check all the boxes for the perfect woman for you, but if her FAMILY is toxic, think very long and hard if that's what you want to get involved with. After all, how many women nowadays will listen more to her mom and sisters than her husband? My wife was being told by her family that she should leave me because I wasn't willing to put up with their bullshit. Fortunately she saw their claims were baseless and instead cut them out of her life.
Stumbled onto your channel by accident. The vision of a beautiful woman caught my eye. But, having viewed several of your videos, if ever someone (their brain, thought process) was to be cloned, girl you are the one. Every video is like you read my mind. There has to be another like minded person you somewhere on this planet. So much knowledge in so few years. The mention of Dave Ramsey, this girl is a winner.
Courtney, this is by far the best video you've made. Please make more positive videos like this and less videos of toxic women. The toxic women videos are pushing men towards inceldom. It is validating the incel worldview of what they think women are like. Those videos don't help them.
Videos like this HELP MEN. Do more videos like this. Please.
Well a lot of women really are like that. She's giving us a heads up.
@@noelgibson5956… and a lot aren’t. The people who are watching her videos are already aware of these toxic kind of women. They’re on the brink of no-return if they enter inceldom. Letting them know there are plenty of good women out there is what they need to hear. Not this narrative that most women are evil. That’s Fresh and Fit/Pearly Things territory.
All of these are also dependant on life experience, and some men can have these 'enlightening moments' earlier in life than others.
Be willing to make the tough decisions, even if people get hurt in the process.
I love your videos. It is never too late to start over or doing anything new.
The fact you had a honorable mention of Dr. Huberman makes me like your Channel even more. That guy is so freaking brilliant. And being vulnerable has definitely helped me with relationships, because it helps decide if that person you’re with is going to stick around in the long run.
Good grammar + Abundant vocabulary = Good communication Skills
Okay, be flexible. When it comes deciding what you want to do in life, believe me, things will change and you will have opportunities to do things you never thought you would do; please, do not ignore these opportunities. Give them a chance. I am 30 now, and 10 years ago, I had all these different ideas of who I wanted to be and what to do back then, but guess what, I am doing completely different things in life now. Be flexible and adjust to changes. I joined the military and it was a plan of mine to do 20 years and retire; oh well, six years later I decided I wanted to leave the military. This opened up new opportunities for me. Now I am in a place where I never thought I would be nor wanted to be. But it is working for me. It is okay to go through changes in life.
Number Three is the most difficult thing - I have a clear image about a a feeling what is important for me but no clear location or job because I work for a tech corp and everything changes so fast. Unfortunately, this is often vague for many
Thank you @CourtneyRyan for another important lesson for the youth. Love how much valuable information you fit into your content. 🥰🤗
I wish #3 had been taught to me/i found out its importance sooner; cause right now it feels like life is going to be much harder. I cant go back to college and waste another 4 years and add debt. But my current career path sucks. Really wish i had someone tell me the importance of career choice/salary needed to live financially well.
This is the top Pinnacle of advice. Awesome presentation Ms. Ryan. Never too late.... So get with it!
Such valuable lessons! So great that you are taking about this Courtney. Thank you!
Hi Courtney! I just discovered your channel last Spring. I think you provide great & super resourceful content.
I had no idea of you personal & financial background. I’m even more impressed with your perspectives & advice. I’ll chime in at times.
- Your Newbie & Loyal Listener
Steven ‘Fridge’
9:50 Court, I would respectfully like to add a 3rd decision: where will you spend eternity? This is of course a question of someone's belief system, but to me personally this is THE most important decision.
My daughter also had to pay for her college education and appreciates it far more than I did not paying for mine.
Soo happy for u Courtney for ur success and u found ur purpose in life and thank u for all ur wise advice.. ur very lucky cuz ur smart, healthy, nice and very pretty.. i would be very lucky to find a woman like u.. i learned a lot from u, thanks..
As a man myself i think Character is the utter most importants. Men don't grow because they like their comfort zone. most try to avoid hard conversations. we don't know how to communicate. Most are quick to react and get quickly angered. It really comes down to pride. Im 33 and this is what my life is all about... i love this topic.
Hi Courtney, thanks for the video! I've been finding your content really, really helpful recently as I try to grow as a person. I'm trying to grow in multiple areas of life, including wrapping up college and finding a good job, growing to a more emotionally mature person for myself and a future wife, taking care of myself better, and trying to set up my life for success. Your videos have been incredibly helpful for getting better clarity on the things I should focus on! I'm trying to really absorb the information and not just be passively consuming your videos (i.e. I actively take notes throughout). I don't want my consumption of your advice to just be a binge where I watch a few hours of content, get overwhelmed from the self-inflicted information overload, and then don't actually integrate any of this into my life... so my question for you is, what else can I do to not just be "consuming" but actually fusing this guidance into my life?
Good news in my life:
I started to go, again, to a psychologist, because, ya know, it was about time.......
Thnx 4 the advice.....
I agree...I had to go through the penalty system for me to open my eyes and be blessed with the opportunity to start over again....of course I have never been married nor do I have any children.....it's been difficult @ times but it has definitely made me a better & stronger man.
Almost 32 years old here , i wasted a lot of time in my life. Stayed in my comfort zone, struggled with mental health issues and was careless in my 20s. Needless to say I am no where in my life and I take full responsibility of it.
Great advice for young people in general. My passion was being a paid firefighter, second passion was aircraft. Fortunately I went to a combination trade/High School and received my FAA Aircraft Maintenance Tech. License. Due to the high reputation of my High School and a little bit of luck or fate, I was hired right out of High School as an Aircraft Mechanic/Inspector. I did that for 13 years and because of the economy was laid off. Unfortunately due to circumstances out of my control, was not hired by the FDNY when I took the Civil Service Test during HS. Not until I reached 46 y/o did I find my dream job of FD Manager. I also at the same time became a Volunteer Firefighter going on 44 years now. From what I learned in life, is to never give up no matter the setbacks and obstacles that comes your way. Remain tenacious and determined and you can accomplish any of your goals in life with a little luck thrown in!
Great points Courtney! Emotional intelligence has helped me defuse escalating situations and arguments. I do wish that I would have been more financially literate growing up but I learned the hard way. Vulnerability is important for mental health, I talk to a few trusted friends about my feelings and it’s helped tremendously.
That’s just called patience and self control. . .
The single most important lesson I learned (almost) too late is: every relationship that isn't a true partnership - where your welfare and fulfillment aren't just as important to her as hers is to you - is just a ticking time bomb. Doesn't matter how great the sex is, how good looking she is, how much money she makes - or anything else - if it's all about her - what she needs, what she wants, what her plans are, etc - trust me, you will eventually be looking for the exit. Trust me on this...
^^^Learn this men. Know what it looks like! You can adopt ALL of these 6 lessons listed here, but if you do NOT recognize when she does not view you / relationship as union and true partnership, time is running out like grains of sand in the hourglass, before she leaves you, or you have to leave her. Trust this.
Great job. CR is so refreshingly practical and well-grounded.
Excellent video, thank you queen!
Goooooood video.
Except the vulnerability part! Guys are instinctive about vulnerability. They can be trusted to know when and what to share. If a guy isn't being vulnerable in a relationship, it's because he doesn't trust that woman and that is always for a reason and it is to do with her. If he's vulnerable with his buddies - and almost all guys are - he knows how to be vulnerable. Women weaponizing vulnerability is more common than not. Being vulnerable isn't a lesson guys need to learn - how to handle a man being vulnerable is a lesson women need to learn.
Never Cry in front of a Women, Remain Strong.
Women ask themselves ”who am I?”. Men ask themselves ”Who can I be?”.
Another way to help determine who you want to be is to look at the people you know in life and in the media and figure out who you admire and why. This may be the biggest help.
One other lesson learn later or never, is that that there is nothing better from the love of a GOOD woman but if you cannot find one, it is better to leave alone
I wish I learned about communication like "love speech", selling something at the market, or just plain communicating with others so I could leave a mark in my history to the people I love and respect. And plus I could probably have lots of fun doing it.