He broke up with me because he’s an avoidant. The past 3 weeks since the breakup, I picked up F45, learned my 6th language, started buying myself flowers again, and have read 6 books and traveled to 3 new countries. And yes im freezing my eggs at 39! I’m no longer the person he broke up with.
I’m going through a painful breakup. There were red flags early on in the relationship and I chose to ignore them. There was a voice inside my head saying this is not right, but I still kept going. Now it hurts. I feel empty, confused, angry, heartbroken. We didn’t even talk things through thoroughly. It ended in chaos and anger, even though there were parts of this love that were very deep and beautiful. I will get better. It’s just very tough right now. Time heals all wounds. May we rise again.
I am so sorry for this. I heard someone say, anyone who says time heals all wounds never had a tooth ache. I thot I’d bounce back right away but It’s seemed like forever. I Finally had to get professional help for myself and it’s the best decision I ever made. I have been able to connect the dot between that relationship and the dysfunctional relationships with my parents. It’s been super empowering to recognize that I can create a support system for myself outside of my family! And that my true super power is the love I have for myself and to encourage, support and celebrate myself is a big piece of the puzzle I was missing before he ever came into the picture. I also had to find ways to create joy in my life. I started doing hobbies I ignored in my childhood and that’s been a huge game changer. You will get through this! Keep going and loving and creating, cheers !
My breakup is the very same way yours went. We did not talk things through. We also ended in total chaos and deep anger from my side. I said things I now regret but the damage was done. I cannot sleep or eat. And yet I know I cannot go back. His last voice message to me was "You will always be on my mind and I love you to Bits and pieces but I need to take a step back." The pain is as if he died and I cannot reach out to him. I hope you are doing well.
I'm in exactly the same situation 😢should have heeded those red flags in the beginning. Now I'm just a former shell of myself. Break up was very traumatic yesterday 😢
@@beaker7353 I am sorry to hear this and let me tell you it's going to get worse till finally the sky clears and you will feel so much better. Best of luck and try and watch as many videos on how to get over heart ache.
I just broke up with my BF of over a year. he is a good person and has a good heart, but there were red flags. Ive always ignored red flags. I did the right thing even though it was so beyond hard. Its not that I didn't love him.....i ended it because it was not right for me and ultimately for him as well. I am very proud of myself. Thank you Mel for always being there for me/us
Yeah a week was very exaggerated of saying a shorter amount of time. Sometimes, you’ll even miss someone your whole life. I had the same experience with deep depression. Still dealing with the breakup. Sending love ♥️♥️♥️
Same here, I felt like he was giving me breadcrumbs. Avoidant too, and I'm anxious attachment, so it was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. How are you feeling now?
@@furahayamoyo9193 still missing the fake him but i went on. Dated an ex last few months who was also a diagnosed avoidant. He was changed he claimed after four years. Turned out he was not. 😂😂😂 They lie so much and i blocked him directly when he started to deactivate and starting the blabla bs. Not falling for this trap no more. So i have learned a great lesson from the one i really missed. I dated also another man. My instincts were right. Dont ever take them back. They are the same. .No worse!
Same here. It was making me crazy. I feel so much more sane now that i broke up with him. Hopefully one day i meet someone who take healing their traumas as serious as i do. It’s not fair for one person to put in all the work
@@furahayamoyo9193 I am ok! Secure again. ☺️ Started dating again and you never guess what happened. An ex came back after four years, diagnosed avoidant and we were dating. He said he was changed. He wasnt.. He left after dating for two months. Having a wonderfull time. Out of the blue he ran. But i didn t care anymore. To old and solid for these sad stupid games. Never going to let someone trow me out of balance anymore. And i will never ever trust an avoidant again. They don t change. They only become weirder as they age. Never going to suffer anymore and think what went wrong? I will never understand them and that is a good thing. I have learned a lot. ☺️
I want to appreciate Dr Yusuf for the restoration of my marriage after 1years of separation with my husband, with the help of , my husband return home and now we are happily together for good, once again thanks Dr Yusuf
@@justheretosupport3727 I'm sorry i'm replying so late. Not a day goes by that i don't cry. I don't know how much more i can take. Thank you for caring enough to have asked me
I am hurting and have noone to talk to. People always confide in me yet I have no one to talk to. It’s so painful. The worse part is having no energy, no desire, no spark for anything. I hope it gets better soon. I just have to find the strength not to go into the same old cycle of he comes back. It hurts so much more every time.
You are not alone. I am experiencing the same thing and feel the same way you do. I hope that you're feeling better since you posted it 5 days ago. You are strong. You got this.
@@Jasonm1771 thank you 🙏 That’s very very kind. I do feel better. I also have being doing some guided meditations on YT on letting go, heartbreak meditations etc and it’s very helpful. It’s still hard, but I guess it’s part of the process of healing. Hope you are feeling better too :) Btw he came back but it’s still all the same and somehow I am slowly loosing my respect for him. So the feelings are easing up. I hope 🤞 I will keep doing my meditations. I have no intentions of seeing him and even don’t have the need to talk to him like I had before. Still that feeling of nostalgia is there and it’s hard to let go of good memories. But it’s happening slowly :) You know the funny thing is, when he started realising things and trying to mend things between us, I have started to let him go and not want it all anymore. I feel after repeated intense pain and heartbreak , at some point indifference sets in. And I am grateful for that. I want to be totally indifferent.
@@trinityp8575 I am so happy to hear that for you. Ive been taking the same route and came across Mel Robbins. She speaks my language and has been really helpful in allowing me to reflect on the reality of the situation. Thank you for the kind words. You should feel incredibly proud that you’re choosing the path that’s best for you! If you’re ever feeling that way again, shoot a reply. It’s always nice to know you’re not going it alone.
I am currently in the midst of a break up that is completely 1 sided, im feeling as low as imaginable, what makes things even harder is she seems to be absolutely fine while I am falling apart. We have been together for 13 years, have 2 beautiful children and share a family home..it just feels my entire world has ended, over the past 2 weeks I have slept maybe 1-2 hours per night. I really hope this can get better.
Stay strong bro I'm same I was only married one year and a few months it's the shock that causes us pain and also the detoxification of someone being there , get plenty of fresh air and accept the situation the more you , accept it the less painful it will become , we become addicted to the whole process of being with someone and when they've gone we go through detox I know I'm going through it now it is difficult , if you feel you can't work it out then you have to let go of the relationship , truth hurts and you will constantly think of it everyday all day , keep yourself occupied it complicated when offspring are involved , through marriage, you'll feel upset 😢 try to be amicable avoid confrontation
I did a month ago. It broke me at first. However it was crucial. I was painting to many red flags, white. Reflecting on things I found myself being in love with the illusion of what I thought we were going to be. In reality it was tumultuous, toxic is the best way to describe it. Don't worry. They will realize your worth when they can't find someone like you.
I’ve been separated from my narc ex husband for seven months now and I’m still hurting terribly. We were together for 37 years, I feel so lost, alone, no enthusiasm to do anything other than just sit in the house, the thing is, I know he won’t be feeling the same, being a narcissist, he doesn’t care, he won’t be thinking about me at all, I just wish I could switch off and get him out of my thoughts… I know we’ll never be able to make things work for us as we tried for 37 years but, living with a narc is extremely difficult, they blame you for everything that goes wrong, they have to have everything their way, punish you if things don’t. The life you live with a narcissist is their life, you lose yours.
@@laeh_ Thank you very much. I’m feeling a bit better a month on, I still have not so good days, a lot of ruminating but I also have more good days. Thank you for your kind words❤️
I just broke up with my boyfriend that I’ve dated for a year. The attraction between us is so great and I really love him, but I ignored so many red flags and there were many times I had doubts about him. Decided to finally rip up that bandaid. Whole body is aching now. The pain is just so strong but I know it will get better
Hey, I totally understand you... I was in a relationship with a girl for 2 years, I considered her the woman of my life. I also felt from her side that she loves me, you just feel it, but for the last 2 months of the relationship, she was quite thoughtful and withdrawn somehow... 3.11.23 she left me and blocked me everywhere... Fighting with myself every day and the pain is unbearable... I hope the pain will leave one day, fingers crossed..
I was married for 17 years. If ghosted me and left me for someone else. It’s been 2 years. Still feeling heartbroken. I tried moving on just a few weeks ago . I felt so guilty. The hurt is unreal, I’ve been cheated on times before but this one was rough. I wish this would go away . The pain. The tears . I think it’s the rejection, not sure but I know he’s not worthy of all this energy.
@@latonyaupchurch it is a type of therapy used to help people get over trauma. Effective in treating veterans with post trumatic stress syndome. Requires therapist to have special training. I did it, was painful, but it worked. EMDR stand for "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing".
I'm so sorry for everyone here all going through the same experience I did too I'm getting there but god it's hard when you believe you love them, I ignored red flags too I knew it wasn't right there were many problems along the way it became toxic, the break up was dreadful what happened and the confusion I feel at this moment and the pain just doesn't go away I'm with everyone here take care all
@@julietaperazza Hi thank you for your reply I'm okay I'm so sorry for what has happened it's so hard it does get better with time trying to stay busy does help you will need to really take care of yourself I know and feel that pain, it's been a year now and I still love her for me there is a pain that lingers and I try to work on myself and grow but after a year then feelings I have are just as strong so I know there's something I hope you will be alright reach out to whoever you can I hope you can reconcile too if that's possible take care xx
Some fairly clinical and correct advice and also some very dismissive advice that minimises a lot of people's issues. Saying you'll feel a million times better in a week (post break up) is utterly ludicrous. It's also insanity to completely disregard a relationship's history, family dynamic, other roles the SO plays, sickness, motivational ruts, depression, ambivalence caused by external components such as pressures from family, friends, financial distress etc. The list goes on. Relationships are very intricate interwoven and THE most important social dynamic seen in humans, and we need to approach considering losing somebody exceptional from our lives with greater care and consideration than A+B =C.
Yes, I totally agree. One week is ridiculous. The first week I could barely eat or sleep. I was having anxiety attacks. I was only with him for 5 months. He broke up with me one month ago and I’m still crying every day. I really loved him and this pain is so intense. It is like grief, except that he’s still alive, he just doesn’t want me anymore.
@@Elizabeth-ef2mm i feel you so damn well, loved her with ALL i got, even her father saw this. She left me almost 2 months ago and said to me to move on, that i am gonna do it because i am an awesome guy, she “simply” can’t love me back as much as i do love her. The pain still takes my appetite away to this day. I know she isn’t worth it, but my heart don’t. From the bottom of my heart i hope we can heal and move on, much love from Brazil.
@@tadeualvesdossantos5681 como estás? im going through a similar experience. he left and it’s only been 10 days after 2 years together and is already looking for/with someone new, i wanna kms, it feels like nothing was real on his end and i am still so deeply in love i cannot stop crying
This is the best advice I have seen or heard ! This is so me right now. I knew the 5 year relationship I was in was not someone I was gonna grow old with. Yes I stayed with her cause I loved her and I didn’t want to be alone. In the end she broke up with me for the same reason, she said we grew apart and it was beyond repair. Yes it hurt and I will be fine because I know it was over at least a year ago. The only thing I deal with is anger because less than a week after we broke up I saw her on a date. I had a gut feeling there was someone else and that confirmed it. Thing is you gotta let go and move on and even wish them the best. I’m working on me now and looking in the mirror.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm working on myself but I'm still on that grieving stage so it still hurts. But at least I'm making the attempt to make sense and make peace with my break up, and to move on.
So much of our attractions are based on our parents. Not only do we need to learn and heal from this relationship, we also need to find the wound from our parents that’s having us be attracted to the same type of person for a partner. We keep trying to heal that parent wound by finding someone who will create the same wound so we can heal it this time. Trauma bonding is a real thing.
I’m dealing with heartbreak still after a rejection. We never dated or anything, but I will always remember him as a kind soul. This man really impacted me in ways I don’t even think about. He led me to some powerful speakers and I will always carry that with me. We weren’t meant to be, but I thank him for that.
Lost my girlfriend after 4 years because I wasn’t up to par with her expectations. I come from a bigger struggle than her and the last 6 months have been really hard on me. I wasn’t motivated and I lacked drive. I felt like I wasn’t what people wanted and I ended up being exactly that to her. I manifested my own downfall. I loved her with all my heart, I’d talk with her everyday, see each other weekly and take her out to nice places. I’d always praise her and I guess I put too much emotional dependency on her and it became overwhelming for her. I wished we communicated better and were able to resolve these issues. Most were fixable but she did not want to give us a chance to work through it. She claims to have fallen out of love with me. I gave her time, love and attention. It wasn’t enough and I’m feeling at all time low.
It sounds like you grew from this and are a changed person. I think you are growing into the person she was looking for, maybe. I pray she realizes this or you find peace, happiness and love again.
I have been with my girlfriend for 7.5 years and she dumped me via text message a week ago. This is not my first heartbreak but it’s excruciating nonetheless. Now, I’m seeing a therapist and trying to speak to friends as much as possible without being overbearing. I wake up in the night, crying, but I made a promise to myself and my family that I will do my best…
@@Daniel-fj3vt hey how are you now? im going through a similar experience. it’s only been 10 days after 2 years together, he left and is already looking for/with someone new, i wanna kms, it feels like nothing was real on his end and i am still so deeply in love i cannot stop crying everyday
Broke up with someone in May and so mad at myself I am not over it. Have felt the pain so acutely this Christmas. It has shrouded my day and now I am crying
@@danbaker7640This comment is ignorant and insensitive. Sometimes you have to break it off with someone you still care about. Maybe they hurt and betrayed you. Or maybe you’re growing apart.
As a person who doesn't have parents and currently going through a terrible breakup, it's a blessing to stumble upon this video. Listening to Mel Robbins is like taking advice from a tough, yet loving mother. Thank you.
I just got out of a trauma bond. I am in my mid 30s never been married. My parents have a wonderful relationship and have been married for 30 plus years. Looking at this rationally now I think I fell in love so fast because I was codependent and wanting love not rejection like my past. Throughout this ordeal I have decided that no one can love me the way I want to be loved and that I have to love myself. Unfortunately my last relationship ghosted me after 8 months for someone else. I think what hurts the most is that I was vulnerable with someone havent done that in a long time. I realize the more vulnerable I am the more I am acceptable to hurt. However the pain of a BPD relationship is far more extreme than anything I have ever been in. I will perserve through it however I have learned that I do NOT need to fix everyone and need to stay in my lane focusing on myself.
Im on day 3. I had a big meltdown yesterday after I stupidly decided to try to drink my pain away. After 7 years together he got under his coffee chick in the first week after I moved out. I'm on day 3 because I found out 3 days ago, and it destroyed me. Thank you for your videos. You are helping me a lot in this hard time.
It's so hard for me to listen to advice like this, because I've never felt more myself than when I was with my ex. I felt safe. I felt loved. And now I'm supposed to do "the things I could never do" because of him -- but there's nothing. I was even so secure in the relationship that I was finally able to study abroad for some time. The relationship gave me hope and so much power. Videos like these seldomly talk about losing a great relationship. One that was really fulfilling.
I feel exactly how u feel. I thought everything was perfect (well we had arguments but we always talked them out). Last weekend we had the best time we could it was like a scene out of a movie and i thought we were in a good place. Until he invited me to sleepover this weekend. I was so happy that im gonna see him and have fun and all this bs and then he dumped me and I literally crashed down while he was just cold like i was talking to the wall. I even BEGGED him to not leave... I knew it was pathetic but i also knew id regret not trying everything i could (even if its begging..) I felt the same with him as u and it was mutual for a long time but then he fell out of love, at least thats what he said. So now im really grieving this man that i was in love with, still am in love with. The person that left me doesnt even feel like the same guy.
I feel same as you. I was happy and felt loved, even with all troubles we had. After 13 years I left because of infidelity on his side. It hurts like hell, there is nobody around who would understand the pain, I had to take some leave from work bt now I have to go back and have no idea how to cope, my brain is not functioning, I cant smile. I feel for you and others here.
We have been separated and not talking for a few months and I still cry everyday and a few times a day, it just hurt so bad and when I try not to cry it makes me feel so heavy inside.
I’m on the same boat. We’ve been together for two years and just broke up over a month ago.. I still cry everyday. I feel like something inside me is brokenhearted..
@@hlee0928 how are you? im going through a similar experience. it’s only been 10 days after 2 years together and he is already looking for/with someone new, i wanna kms, it feels like nothing was real on his end and i am still so deeply in love i cannot stop crying
I could write a book for what i have been though.With Golddiggers and narcissists .tryingto destory my life.i am amazed i am still alive.I have come close
My boyfriend and I just broke up recently. We only dated 6 months, but he was the best and healthiest guy I've ever been with. We both knew it was not going to work out long term because we are currently on different paths in life, but what kept us going was our attraction, strong connection and care for each other. He initiated the breakup even though it was mutual, but I wasn't brave enough to ever do it. This video helped me see that he truly did love and care for me by being honest with me in this conversation and being strong enough to walk away, when he could have easily kept me around for himself and his own needs. This will help me move forward and heal knowing I was with a truly good person who genuinely cares about my well-being. Thank you Mel.
Yes yes and yes!!! And remember emotions are hormones, chemicals in the body...drugs we can easily get addicted to. You have to learn to recognize the emotional addictions first before you can even hope to break these patterns. The best training that changed my life was learning how to cultivate the feelings of what I desire in my life before the actual event...and I mean really feel it as if it was real and guess what..according to modern studies the brain doesn't know the difference...it just equates emotions with events and survival and will work behind the scenes so to speak to manifest in your reality those desires you are able to make real in your emotions and thoughts on a daily basis.
I didn't even want to break up. I had to because I couldn't handle the circumstances. I can't stop crying. I'm losing any beauty and connection I ever had.
Same. I am hurting and depressed. Have no desire for anything… it’s been more than a month or more … I wish in 1 month time I will feel lighter and my spark is back. Because this is emotional hell.
Today is the 3rd day of our breakup. My mind is all over the place. We were together for 3.5 years. We tried very hard to hold on to each other to save the relationship but nothing worked. We weren't toxic but due to some situations we had grown distant. We turned against each other. We had ugly fights and lots of arguments, every other day. And 2 days ago we just broke up. I shared it with my friend who is there for me. I am afraid no one is there for my partner, or ex, hah. It kills me inside. But i know going back would only cause more harm than any good. I still feel lost. And worry about him constantly. I hope he will be okay and he'll finally be able to be happy!
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
@@kimberly9207 Hi, thank you for asking. He actually came to my city to resolve things and we had a good first day. But at night I found out he cheated on me. And I ended the relationship for good this time. I thank God everyday that he made us meet. ❤️
You are so right - I knew it wasnt working and should have addressed it. In short, I was in a relationship for 2 years with a woman I go on well with and we could talk about anything.....except feelings. My ex is from a family where there wasnt much love or closeness but more 'getting on with it, onwards and upwards' and so if something is bothering her, she wouldnt really say - rather she would apply stonewalling (which her mum used to do to her as a child). She snores exceptionally loudly so when I stayed over I would go into the spare room and eventually we'd hardly have any physical contact.....eventually she just said she's not in love with me and stonewalled me....this is after nearly 2 years of saying 'I love you too' when I told her I love her which had become less frequent. Also, physically I was always unsure whether or not I fancied her...again this should have been addressed. Despite this, I still hurt. Why?
Just broke up with my GF, found out she wasn’t sure of our future together and that I wasn’t able to make her feel loved. She was really upset that I chose to end the relationship instead of trying to change myself for her. Thanks for reaffirming my choice.
I am so sad I can’t stop crying. My ex and I got back together and he said he can’t have a serious relationship with me, coz of stuff I’ve done ? And so we spent over 3 months together as if we were normal and I hoped we would get back together but no he said he can’t and he would wait til he finds someone or meets someone he could be with properly then end it with me and said same goes for me I don’t think that level of rejection is good for either of us so we agreed to end it and now I’m so heartbroken 💔 I can’t sleep or anything I can’t stop thinking about him 😢
my and my bf of almost 4 years just broke up… i wanted us to break up and it is being so difficult not knowing what he is doing, not having his hug to look for… and waiting for his message… yes, he had a lot of red flags, but i loved (and still do) so much
I want to appreciate Dr Yusuf for the restoration of my marriage after 1years of separation with my husband, with the help of , my husband return home and now we are happily together for good, once again thanks Dr Yusuf
I loved him and looked over all the red flags for 6 years, took him back a few times. Finally ended it with the the avoidant. Painful for us both. Trying to separate. This is a tough stage for me since his Dad is now dying and I was hoping that man would have been my father-in-law. Dreams were dashed and now I'm washed up, dusting myself off and moving on. Using pillows to hug is helping somewhat.
I was with my ex for nearly 18 years. I was 18 when we met, he 21. We separated 5 years ago. I still love him with all of my heart and struggle to move on. He just got married last weekend and its killing me literally. I have been through therapy, antidepressants, gym classes, meeting new people, volunteering, changing jobs, changing where I live and I still cannot let go. I want to, because it's not helpful but I fear it will never happen. I am at the end of my rope, and hope. I watch your videos all the time and I wish I was as strong, well spoken, and knowledgeable as you. The kicker is, he just married the man that I had met/dated first after our break up. The guy stopped talking to me a year into the relationship and sought out my ex and my ex had no clue :( I would love your advice on what I need to do, how I can do this. I remember one of your famous lines and I understand it but sometimes people just need a push in the right direction, your quote is "No one is coming. No one is coming to save you. Its up to you"
OMG this is a horrible pain you are suffering but wait you separated 5 years ago!? If you got therapy they would not good. My message to you, love yourself more. He did not love you as you loved him. It doesn’t mean you are not worthy of love. Think about all the amazing celebrations who are beautiful , talented and fabulous and were left. Emma Thompson left by her husband Kenneth Branagh who left her for the actress Helena Bonham Carter but they broke up 4 years later. Emma was DEVASTATED! Who knows if his new marriage will survive. I’m thinking not. It’s brand new, give it time. I just broke up with my partner after 7 years. He wasn’t “in” the relationship as before and I was always anxious so I ended it. It hurts, I miss what was but accept that it’s not going to be. I was the one committed and totally in it. He wasn’t. Some people just can’t do it. But don’t judge who you are based on him. Talk to yourself as you would your own son suffering from a lost love. You see him hurting so what would you say? I want to see you meet someone who will match you in your ability to love. Put THAT in your mind and heart that there is a person out there who would feel blessed to have you in his life.
@@lreevesnyc21 Thank you for your kind reply/words. I am happy to say, I am a whole new person today. Am I perfect no, far from it. Do I have days where I still think about the past of course but that is normal, but I don't stay in the past. I focus on me, myself, and I, my future, what I want, what makes me happy, what makes me tick, what I want out of this life. I have not given up on dating, but its not my main goal. If someone comes into my life awesome, but if not I am ok with that as well for the time being. I am making the most out of this stage of my life and still figuring things out one day at a time. Thank you for your kindness, and thank you Mel Robbins for your awesome advice and motivation!
I ended a relationship I thought was my last. He was a good man but had two horrible addictions. He left one night (for the sixth time while we were together) to do his thing in the middle of a family reunion.. when I realized he had left, I texted him to move out. He knew I wasn’t going to allow him back so he did three days later (I wasn’t there, my two young adult kids were and he was on a high).. we never spoke again. It’s been a month since and I still cry and hate the world.. I haven’t had closure and it’s killing me. I don’t know if he is homeless.. in jail or at the hospital.. dead or at someone else’s. I know I made the right decision but I still can’t believe he would leave our life together and plans and dreams over his addictions. I feel I am worth nothing.. at least not enough to him to fight for us and get help so we could stay together.. 💔
I was broken up with less than a month ago. It really felt like we had an awesome connection. If there was any sign of disagreement, we'd talk about it. Nothing ever got ugly. It lasted about 3 1/2 months. There was a 2 week long breakup before the final one. There was about 3 weeks between the breakups. Both initiated by her. I blame myself for ignoring the red flags of being a rebound, she was fresh out of a bad relationship, which in itself may have been a rebound from her divorce. We tried to be friends after the first breakup, and I did my best to respect that, but I couldn't resist the mixed signals I was getting from her. I really just want to be able to look out the windshield more and stop looking in the rearview mirror so much and work on myself. It's not easy, but no one said it would be.
going through this now. he needs serious therapy and I can't help him. and you are on point except that I'm not scared to be alone..I'm more afraid of him hurting himself
Im in so much pain. I hope i can keep listening and applying what I hear. Im old now, i feel if i was younger, I'd have more if I had a chance to find someone else. I feel trapped in this sorrow. I try to end it, but he keeps coming back to manipulate me. I dont understand why.
I actually realized I was not moving toward being together but avoiding him and creating time apart…we were both miserable - trying to get back to the high of the early stage. It hurt us not helped evolve. ❤ THANK YOU MEL. I needed this.
Mel you look amazing . Recently subscribed to your channel and I am learning so much. I just love your podcasts, With respect to relationships i have had 3 husbands and many lovers The only thing that took the pain away was no contact, I would pretend they passed away just to cope. Excellent advice Mel Have a great day.
Thank you very much for this. It helped me a lot in the break that I'm going through at the moment. You spoke about what I'm going through, all the feelings, all the sadness, and all my desire to talk or text them. Thank you again
Yup I was over my last ex 3 years Met my current ex a few months after his split from his wife ( not divorced yet) I broke my own rule of not dating someone who is not divorced, not healed from their past relationship, separated, etc. I knew it wasn’t working after the first three months Then I went back a second time then I went back a third time! A year and a half later he is still not divorced & the relationship hasn’t really progressed much I am so mad at myself because now it has turned toxic ! He is a narcissistic avoidant alcoholic! I hope this taught me now to never date another alcoholic !
My boyfriend broke up with me last week and we live together. He took a a “break” for a month and a half before this and I had to make him tell me what was going on. He said if he has to decide then he wants to break up. We have been together for 4 years. I moved across the country with him where I have no family. Now, though we still live together and have the same bank accounts and he is fine and acting fine. I am looking for a place to finish out the year and I had just got a new job. He is not acting like the guy I fell in love with. I have issues to but I wanted to talk about them and work them out. He is done. It hurts
In my case she left me for someone else after 10 years. I had to leave out to other place with my stuff in a city where I do know anybody while she kept living in the apartment. It pains a lot, I feel completely without hopeness. She is not the same person who I once fell in love
Nice going, Mrs. Robbins. You knocked this one out of the park. I like this video length too. Takes a brief time to watch, but not short on content. Thx!
It took me 16 months and two international trips to see him to end it. We met online, opposite sides of the world, fell in love… it’s been 6 weeks since it ended. I wish I listened to my intuition in the first place… I look back at my journal and cringe because it was all there. “I don’t feel like he cares. He doesn’t love me gently. He’s so cold. Why can’t I ask him to be nicer and have him listen?” I should have listened to myself…
I'm at a crossroads after 27 years of marriage. We are not the yoked the sane, we don't want the same things and have drifted so far apart. He doesn't want to work on us and doesn't want help when I am the one working 50-6]0 hours to provide for our family. I am at a loss.
Hardest part of getting over my break up is that she cheated on me and left me for that person. The idea of her starting a new relationship while we were still living together hurts so much. She couldn’t even own up to what she was doing when I confronted her about the cheating. I moved out because I couldn’t handle the stress anymore and she didn’t even hesitate to move the person in 2 days afterwards.
I know how you're feeling. Take your time to grief but make sure you don't reach out to her. Some says you'll feel all the rage and anger, you'll have a lot of questions but know that everything is a process. You'll feel better eventually.
@@ttlyaen couldn’t reach out to her even if i wanted to. She has me blocked and last thing she told me was to leave her alone. I know i wasn’t the best boyfriend but i tried my best. I have come to realize that even with all my flaws i still didn’t deserve to be thrown away like i was.
I had to walk away from a long term relationship because he never married me . Every time I was close to ending, he would promise that he’s very close to making that step. All of that caused me a lot of anxiety while hoping and instead of me being normal I started to act out to which he was using it as an excuse not to do it. I’ve done everything for him and for his family, but wasn’t good enough to be more than a gf. I wanted the white dress and commitment - so I gathered all my courage and left. I’ve never suffered so much in my life
My 7 year marriage ended 2 years ago and I’ve stayed single to avoid carrying the breakup pain into meeting someone new. I don’t feel the pain as intensely, but it still hurts. I’m still learning and definitely growing from it.
All i did was worry about what he was doing behind my back. I wasted my energy gaslighting myself and worrying about the extent of his lies. He spent most of his spare time with me, he took me to beautiful places and in many ways seemed perfect. The dissonance was real and like you said Mel i knew it wasn't right but i kept lying to myself. Lying is not ok, to yourself or someone else. I know I'm in for some really sad times but i listened to my heart. I'm free now although i don't want to be alone. I have wished him well. I'm beyond anger now. He has no capacity to understand that i can not stay with him after the lies. He doesn’t even understand that his lies were wrong. I gave him a chance after he was caught lying yet he did it again. That was my boundary and he crossed it. So i have no choice but to respect myself and love me more. Thanks Mel for your great work. I'm binge watching your videos
Mel, we were married for 22 years, together for 25. He discarded me and the children when I discovered his affair. Why after 9 months do I feel love for him and so sad for our long marriage not counting for anything. I have been so strong and kept the family going and went to work each day but still I do not want another man. I am 53 but still feel so hurt at how he did not have my back or even care about how this situation would effect me. Help
Awful. I am so so sorry you were betrayed. There are so many stories like this. It’s been nine months and you are still processing it. Get support from all the people who care about you. Get confirmation over and over that this man is NOT worthy of your precious love. Love YOU as you would your own daughter suffering from heartaches. You would HATE the man that hurt your daughter. Think about that. He had an affair! WHAT a selfish bastard. LOVE him?? You love the memory of who you thought he was, not him. Such a betrayal. His toxic Karma will follow him. He betrayed you and his family. Be well, heal your heart and go forward with peace. You are young. You have a long life ahead of you. Nine months isn’t long you WILL heal 💕
How are ya doing now Jules? I hope you are in a better place for a year ago? Stay strong and here’s a hug😊. As for you Ireevsnyc21, yo,,where you at? I’m from Alphabet City, LES.
Thanks Mel. I've been plagued by this for quite a awhile. I'm currently working on myself slowly to get me back. It took a while to get here. And I'm determined to do me right for the rest of my life. Your amazing. I'm your age and your messages matter to me. Mel to Mel 😊❤
Yesterday I ended things between him and I. He was someone who didn't appreciate ME! He was in the player mode, but it comes the day when I have decided that this toxicity should be stopped. My hair started falling 😩 I gained weight from stress. Sometimes it's the best decision for us!
The worst part of breaking up as a man is when you caused it for one or two years and then once you’re ready to make things better and commit, the other person walks away and if they were your best friend, it’s hard to literally do anything else and your whole routine gets messed up. I’ll find it hard to even listen to music now because that was one of the things that connected us. It’s like an instant trigger almost anything I do is a trigger because we did everything together. That’s the hardest part truly to get over.
22 years, 10 kids (oldest is on his own already) never had to work. But now he lies to me about stuff and it hurts. I don’t want to do this anymore but I have nothing to walk away to 😢
Mel, I am separated for a couple of months now. I was with her 24 years, married 18 years. We have a son,, 16 yo. I separated & filed for divorce from her & I feel better. So far, she is 0 for 8 in seeing our son...that's not good. I'm trying to have a better relationship with our son now. We are good but it is getting better.
Thank u so much my ex lead me on and let me fall in love with him and he knew he didn't want me. He lied to me that he was single and he was married to his wife in Nigeria I found out he was married 1 months before he bring his wife here from Nigeria he even trick me and borrow my money from me to pay his wife and his child fare to bring them here from Nigeria. I feel it with all my heart.
This helped so much! I may need to watch it over and over to remind myself! After almost 20 years with someone I’m feeling lost and my heart hurts. It’s broken even though I know it’s for the better. This is a trauma bond, but I just need to cling to better days coming! Thank you for your words again always so uplifting and positive and gives me some hope for better days to come.💔
Mel, You are amazing. You are able to help us to face facts and acknowledge our pain at the same time. Thank You so much for your compassion! I am hurting more than I ever have !
I don't see how I'll ever be okay and heal. I've lost all interest in the things I used to enjoy doing and can barely get myself to do a simple task. I miss him so and love him so much. I don't know how to stop the pain or even believe in anything positive. Life!
to all those people in the comments: I feel you, but YOU WILL BE FINE!!! everything will get better, you’ll smile again, you’ll laugh again, you’ll be in love again! trust me - a person who went through such a painful breakup I thought I’d die without them but now I’m smiling again
i like you you have No music. It somehow seems more authentic, real, professional and helpful. I love music but not sure i like it when we are trying to learn to be better, to heal, to grow.
I agree! I can't stand how everyone uses music in the background. It's immature and very distracting. If we need sober advice, we also need a quiet setting to be real.
1:37 A friend had a relationship of 6+ years, the girlfriend who he had a child with and wanted him to commit dumped him. About 2 months later he was posting photos with his 1st ex wife and mother of his other children and also photos with his 2nd wife, all the while he would tell me over the phone crying how much he missed his girlfriend, he got depressed and got other health issues because of the breakup.
Yes Mel. Definitely needed to hear this right now. Yes ignored my intuition about this new person and came to bite me in my behind won’t do that again!❤
Thanks Mel. I really appreciate your authentic realness and bluntness❤ breakups suck but the wrong relationship sucks more. I just ended a relationship and its scary and it hurts, but it feels like the right thing to do
This is Bomb Ass advice…. I love it and thank you. This is week two for me and what you’re saying is Excellent advice. Feeling motivated already. Thanks Again!!!
It’s been 3 months. I was just triggered and now I feel like crying all over again. Im proud of myself for walking away, but damn-I thought I had my person. I’m going to take my time and revisit the message in the mess.
i experience not a break up. But an ex boyfriend contacts me...its complicated...i knew talking to him was not a good idea...it brought up feelings for both of us. but the circumstances ae not good... now i have feelings and i don't know how to deal with them...i stop talking to him. Because i felt it was a way to heal...he wants to continue talking but until he has change his situation i don't want to continue ..i am not angry. but its been a difficult year for me in general so this is the last thing i needed in my life.. very informative video..
And what should I do if I cannot exclude him of my life as we have daughter? He left me in a really sneaky and unworthy way - he had no courage to tell me that my cousin’s wife had been his lover for more than 6 months’ time then when I told him to do something for our relationship (15 years). He let me coming with my ideas and struggeling for nothing when he had already planned his future with the other woman. I’m getting better but still have nightmares with them although this stuff turned out in january.
It’s been half a year and I’m still in love with my ex. I have tried going on some casual dates with guys but I am just not into them no matter how good looking they are I just don’t have any feelings. I decided in the last few month to just work on myself delete all dating apps and stop trying dating. It has been hard just being alone, working on myself and everyday I still think about my ex. I think I tend to choose the same type of men not decisive, more feminine and too soft. Sometimes during relationship I feel frustrated with some of the traits he had and all my partners have all been the same type of guys.
I agree it's not as easy as Mel says but let me be the lesson what not to do. I have been married 26 years and thought we were pretty good. I did ignore some signs but no marriage is perfect. Thought we were better than most. Love the woman dearly. I'm a surgeon, good money, no drugs, abuse, violence. Just found out she is miserable and is leaving. Hard to put a life back together at 60.
Hi. Thank you for these video. I have been struggling. I met someone i know is the one and only person i have ever loved these much, someone i would ride and die for. BUT.. i have problems about myself that i can't figure out what. Maybe after my last divorce in which was traumatic, since then i could not or is afraid for commitment that when i met these person i love, i always almost switch my self off in every conflict which drives him crazy. His reactions and my fear of commitment is not a good combination. He has his own problem and it's clear.. it is also clear for him what my problem is which is switching off..but we could not find the solution.. we talked about it... but it still kept repeating. Now we finally broke up for good and for real. It hurts. 100% i don't want someone else. I love him in ways that he is a part of me and my life now even if we won't talk or see each-other anymore. I just wanna stay alone now and try to be happy for what i have. Maybe then... i will look back little by little to those moments that i will realize and understand my problem with a total clear mind.
Thanks Mel😊I needed that.Im breaking up with my partner she told me before Xmas 2023 that she needs her space,leaving in 2 weeks, my head is still spinning Harry thankyou❤
I loved him with all my heart. I chose to grieve in peace than to stay and hope in anxiety.
I feel the same way. I like the way you phrased this
@@gmul1401 Thank you. I'm much happier each day
Nicely put. I will keep telling myself that.
❤❤❤ omg this should be a quote x beautiful it’s just how I feel x
@@tikioluu2321 I hope it is the best decision you've ever made, even though it may not feel like it right now.
He broke up with me because he’s an avoidant. The past 3 weeks since the breakup, I picked up F45, learned my 6th language, started buying myself flowers again, and have read 6 books and traveled to 3 new countries. And yes im freezing my eggs at 39! I’m no longer the person he broke up with.
I envy your bravery ❤️
What’s F45? Just curious. Sorry for my ignorance.
I’m so proud of you
Great work you out there
Can’t wait to be there
@@xdmztryvsvedine2773 it’s a HITT workout (high intensity circuit training)
@@xdmztryvsvedine2773workout program
If I get a notification of 'like' in this comment, I will get reminded that, I am not alone... People are with me...
We are with you
you are not alone
It feels like shit
I'm with you, you are not alone🫂
🎉🎉
I’m going through a painful breakup. There were red flags early on in the relationship and I chose to ignore them. There was a voice inside my head saying this is not right, but I still kept going. Now it hurts. I feel empty, confused, angry, heartbroken. We didn’t even talk things through thoroughly. It ended in chaos and anger, even though there were parts of this love that were very deep and beautiful. I will get better. It’s just very tough right now. Time heals all wounds. May we rise again.
I am so sorry for this. I heard someone say, anyone who says time heals all wounds never had a tooth ache.
I thot I’d bounce back right away but It’s seemed like forever.
I Finally had to get professional help for myself and it’s the best decision I ever made.
I have been able to connect the dot between that relationship and the dysfunctional relationships with my parents.
It’s been super empowering to recognize that I can create a support system for myself outside of my family!
And that my true super power is the love I have for myself and to encourage, support and celebrate myself is a big piece of the puzzle I was missing before he ever came into the picture.
I also had to find ways to create joy in my life.
I started doing hobbies I ignored in my childhood and that’s been a huge game changer.
You will get through this!
Keep going and loving and creating, cheers !
My breakup is the very same way yours went. We did not talk things through. We also ended in total chaos and deep anger from my side. I said things I now regret but the damage was done. I cannot sleep or eat. And yet I know I cannot go back. His last voice message to me was "You will always be on my mind and I love you to Bits and pieces but I need to take a step back." The pain is as if he died and I cannot reach out to him. I hope you are doing well.
Literally me now! How are you holding now?
I'm in exactly the same situation 😢should have heeded those red flags in the beginning. Now I'm just a former shell of myself. Break up was very traumatic yesterday 😢
@@beaker7353 I am sorry to hear this and let me tell you it's going to get worse till finally the sky clears and you will feel so much better. Best of luck and try and watch as many videos on how to get over heart ache.
I just broke up with my BF of over a year. he is a good person and has a good heart, but there were red flags. Ive always ignored red flags. I did the right thing even though it was so beyond hard. Its not that I didn't love him.....i ended it because it was not right for me and ultimately for him as well. I am very proud of myself. Thank you Mel for always being there for me/us
@@rebeccastacy9540 scammer
🥰
How you’re doing now?
Same here .. Exactly the same
@@kaoutaeaea649 I am proud of you! I know it was not easy.
For about a week? With all due respect, my last breakup brought me into a deep depression full of suicidal ideations for nearly half a year.
Me too. And I think that is more the norm. In a week I was still in shock.
That caught me too...more like 3-6 months :(
Really, I thought a week? If u get over someone in a week u didn't love that person.
Yeah a week was very exaggerated of saying a shorter amount of time. Sometimes, you’ll even miss someone your whole life. I had the same experience with deep depression. Still dealing with the breakup. Sending love ♥️♥️♥️
@@sarahskicks I'm sorry to hear that... I resonate with your experience.
Broke it off. Avoidant crazy. I was done. I miss him his heart was good but i deserve real love and someone who deals with trauma just like i did.
Same here, I felt like he was giving me breadcrumbs. Avoidant too, and I'm anxious attachment, so it was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. How are you feeling now?
@@furahayamoyo9193 still missing the fake him but i went on. Dated an ex last few months who was also a diagnosed avoidant. He was changed he claimed after four years.
Turned out he was not.
😂😂😂
They lie so much and i blocked him directly when he started to deactivate and starting the blabla bs.
Not falling for this trap no more.
So i have learned a great lesson from the one i really missed.
I dated also another man.
My instincts were right.
Dont ever take them back.
They are the same. .No worse!
We deserve better, wish you much love and happiness
Same here. It was making me crazy. I feel so much more sane now that i broke up with him. Hopefully one day i meet someone who take healing their traumas as serious as i do. It’s not fair for one person to put in all the work
@@furahayamoyo9193
I am ok!
Secure again. ☺️
Started dating again and you never guess what happened. An ex came back after four years, diagnosed avoidant and we were dating. He said he was changed.
He wasnt..
He left after dating for two months. Having a wonderfull time.
Out of the blue he ran.
But i didn t care anymore.
To old and solid for these sad stupid games.
Never going to let someone trow me out of balance anymore.
And i will never ever trust an avoidant again.
They don t change.
They only become weirder as they age.
Never going to suffer anymore and think what went wrong?
I will never understand them and that is a good thing.
I have learned a lot.
☺️
It's been over 3 years and it still hurts. I no longer desire to have the person back who broke my heart. But it still hurts. I'm tired.
I want to appreciate Dr Yusuf for the restoration of my marriage after 1years of separation with my husband, with the help of , my husband return home and now we are happily together for good, once again thanks Dr Yusuf
I’m praying for your heart🙏🙏🩷🩷🩷
I just want the pain to stop
I'm suffering too. I'm so sorry i really am i hope the both of us feel well soon 🫂
@@armytilltheend2071how are you now?
Same! Everyday is hard but I’m praying it gets better. Hope for healing for you guys ❤️🩹
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
@@justheretosupport3727 I'm sorry i'm replying so late. Not a day goes by that i don't cry. I don't know how much more i can take. Thank you for caring enough to have asked me
I am hurting and have noone to talk to. People always confide in me yet I have no one to talk to. It’s so painful. The worse part is having no energy, no desire, no spark for anything. I hope it gets better soon.
I just have to find the strength not to go into the same old cycle of he comes back. It hurts so much more every time.
You are not alone. I am experiencing the same thing and feel the same way you do. I hope that you're feeling better since you posted it 5 days ago. You are strong. You got this.
@@Jasonm1771 thank you 🙏 That’s very very kind. I do feel better. I also have being doing some guided meditations on YT on letting go, heartbreak meditations etc and it’s very helpful. It’s still hard, but I guess it’s part of the process of healing.
Hope you are feeling better too :)
Btw he came back but it’s still all the same and somehow I am slowly loosing my respect for him. So the feelings are easing up. I hope 🤞
I will keep doing my meditations. I have no intentions of seeing him and even don’t have the need to talk to him like I had before. Still that feeling of nostalgia is there and it’s hard to let go of good memories. But it’s happening slowly :)
You know the funny thing is, when he started realising things and trying to mend things between us, I have started to let him go and not want it all anymore.
I feel after repeated intense pain and heartbreak , at some point indifference sets in. And I am grateful for that. I want to be totally indifferent.
@@trinityp8575 I am so happy to hear that for you. Ive been taking the same route and came across Mel Robbins. She speaks my language and has been really helpful in allowing me to reflect on the reality of the situation.
Thank you for the kind words.
You should feel incredibly proud that you’re choosing the path that’s best for you! If you’re ever feeling that way again, shoot a reply. It’s always nice to know you’re not going it alone.
Sorry to hear, tough to do anything alone, please try to find someone to talk to, here’s a hug, hang in there😊
@@trinityp8575 Hey! Wanted to check in and see how you are doing.
I am currently in the midst of a break up that is completely 1 sided, im feeling as low as imaginable, what makes things even harder is she seems to be absolutely fine while I am falling apart. We have been together for 13 years, have 2 beautiful children and share a family home..it just feels my entire world has ended, over the past 2 weeks I have slept maybe 1-2 hours per night. I really hope this can get better.
💞
Stay strong!!! I am
Sorry but do
Not give up
On yourself when everyone else does
Stay strong bro I'm same I was only married one year and a few months it's the shock that causes us pain and also the detoxification of someone being there , get plenty of fresh air and accept the situation the more you , accept it the less painful it will become , we become addicted to the whole process of being with someone and when they've gone we go through detox I know I'm going through it now it is difficult , if you feel you can't work it out then you have to let go of the relationship , truth hurts and you will constantly think of it everyday all day , keep yourself occupied it complicated when offspring are involved , through marriage, you'll feel upset 😢 try to be amicable avoid confrontation
Hi friend,
I am going through the same. 14 years and 1 child. I'm 9 months alone now. It's very hard. I wish you the best.
I'm going through it too, trying to keep going but failing 💔
I did a month ago. It broke me at first. However it was crucial. I was painting to many red flags, white. Reflecting on things I found myself being in love with the illusion of what I thought we were going to be. In reality it was tumultuous, toxic is the best way to describe it.
Don't worry. They will realize your worth when they can't find someone like you.
I’ve been separated from my narc ex husband for seven months now and I’m still hurting terribly. We were together for 37 years, I feel so lost, alone, no enthusiasm to do anything other than just sit in the house, the thing is, I know he won’t be feeling the same, being a narcissist, he doesn’t care, he won’t be thinking about me at all, I just wish I could switch off and get him out of my thoughts… I know we’ll never be able to make things work for us as we tried for 37 years but, living with a narc is extremely difficult, they blame you for everything that goes wrong, they have to have everything their way, punish you if things don’t. The life you live with a narcissist is their life, you lose yours.
You’re not alone. Super proud you did what’s best for you! ❤ I hope you are doing well
@@laeh_ Thank you very much. I’m feeling a bit better a month on, I still have not so good days, a lot of ruminating but I also have more good days. Thank you for your kind words❤️
I just broke up with my boyfriend that I’ve dated for a year. The attraction between us is so great and I really love him, but I ignored so many red flags and there were many times I had doubts about him. Decided to finally rip up that bandaid. Whole body is aching now. The pain is just so strong but I know it will get better
Hey, I totally understand you... I was in a relationship with a girl for 2 years, I considered her the woman of my life. I also felt from her side that she loves me, you just feel it, but for the last 2 months of the relationship, she was quite thoughtful and withdrawn somehow... 3.11.23 she left me and blocked me everywhere... Fighting with myself every day and the pain is unbearable... I hope the pain will leave one day, fingers crossed..
Same thing happened to me. I dated a guy about 8 months. We broke up 2 months ago. I still feel so much pain and hurt and loneliness...
Same thing happened to me. I dated a guy about 8 months. We broke up 2 months ago. I still feel so much pain and hurt and loneliness...
Going through the same right now
Did you at least have a talk with him first? Maybe resolve things? Or did you just go ahead and make the decision
I was married for 17 years. If ghosted me and left me for someone else. It’s been 2 years. Still feeling heartbroken. I tried moving on just a few weeks ago . I felt so guilty. The hurt is unreal, I’ve been cheated on times before but this one was rough. I wish this would go away . The pain. The tears . I think it’s the rejection, not sure but I know he’s not worthy of all this energy.
I feel you. I have been doing EMDR therapy and it's helped me so much to move through my 10 year relationship betrayal breakup. Sending light and love
@@lizettev emdr?
How are you doing now? Does it get better? I am going through a 25 yr marriage breakup. He left me 3 months ago, no warning. I’m devastated.
@latonyaupchurch
@@latonyaupchurch it is a type of therapy used to help people get over trauma. Effective in treating veterans with post trumatic stress syndome. Requires therapist to have special training. I did it, was painful, but it worked. EMDR stand for "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing".
It takes more than WEEKS to get over a separation due to all of the practicalities. It also effects so many other relationships.
I'm so sorry for everyone here all going through the same experience I did too I'm getting there but god it's hard when you believe you love them, I ignored red flags too I knew it wasn't right there were many problems along the way it became toxic, the break up was dreadful what happened and the confusion I feel at this moment and the pain just doesn't go away I'm with everyone here take care all
how are you? I’ve gone through a similar experience but I’m still so deeply in love I cannot stop crying
@@julietaperazza Hi thank you for your reply I'm okay I'm so sorry for what has happened it's so hard it does get better with time trying to stay busy does help you will need to really take care of yourself I know and feel that pain, it's been a year now and I still love her for me there is a pain that lingers and I try to work on myself and grow but after a year then feelings I have are just as strong so I know there's something I hope you will be alright reach out to whoever you can I hope you can reconcile too if that's possible take care xx
Some fairly clinical and correct advice and also some very dismissive advice that minimises a lot of people's issues. Saying you'll feel a million times better in a week (post break up) is utterly ludicrous. It's also insanity to completely disregard a relationship's history, family dynamic, other roles the SO plays, sickness, motivational ruts, depression, ambivalence caused by external components such as pressures from family, friends, financial distress etc. The list goes on. Relationships are very intricate interwoven and THE most important social dynamic seen in humans, and we need to approach considering losing somebody exceptional from our lives with greater care and consideration than A+B =C.
Yes, I totally agree.
One week is ridiculous.
The first week I could barely eat or sleep. I was having anxiety attacks.
I was only with him for 5 months.
He broke up with me one month ago and I’m still crying every day. I really loved him and this pain is so intense. It is like grief, except that he’s still alive, he just doesn’t want me anymore.
This woman is massively in her masculine so naturally a lot of her advice isn't suited coming from a woman
@@Elizabeth-ef2mm i feel you so damn well, loved her with ALL i got, even her father saw this. She left me almost 2 months ago and said to me to move on, that i am gonna do it because i am an awesome guy, she “simply” can’t love me back as much as i do love her. The pain still takes my appetite away to this day. I know she isn’t worth it, but my heart don’t. From the bottom of my heart i hope we can heal and move on, much love from Brazil.
@@tadeualvesdossantos5681 como estás? im going through a similar experience. he left and it’s only been 10 days after 2 years together and is already looking for/with someone new, i wanna kms, it feels like nothing was real on his end and i am still so deeply in love i cannot stop crying
This is the best advice I have seen or heard ! This is so me right now. I knew the 5 year relationship I was in was not someone I was gonna grow old with. Yes I stayed with her cause I loved her and I didn’t want to be alone. In the end she broke up with me for the same reason, she said we grew apart and it was beyond repair. Yes it hurt and I will be fine because I know it was over at least a year ago. The only thing I deal with is anger because less than a week after we broke up I saw her on a date. I had a gut feeling there was someone else and that confirmed it. Thing is you gotta let go and move on and even wish them the best. I’m working on me now and looking in the mirror.
Wish you much happiness
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm working on myself but I'm still on that grieving stage so it still hurts. But at least I'm making the attempt to make sense and make peace with my break up, and to move on.
So much of our attractions are based on our parents. Not only do we need to learn and heal from this relationship, we also need to find the wound from our parents that’s having us be attracted to the same type of person for a partner. We keep trying to heal that parent wound by finding someone who will create the same wound so we can heal it this time.
Trauma bonding is a real thing.
Truth. My father taught me what to accept from a partner. That was very little.
What can i do
I’m dealing with heartbreak still after a rejection. We never dated or anything, but I will always remember him as a kind soul. This man really impacted me in ways I don’t even think about. He led me to some powerful speakers and I will always carry that with me. We weren’t meant to be, but I thank him for that.
Lost my girlfriend after 4 years because I wasn’t up to par with her expectations. I come from a bigger struggle than her and the last 6 months have been really hard on me. I wasn’t motivated and I lacked drive. I felt like I wasn’t what people wanted and I ended up being exactly that to her. I manifested my own downfall. I loved her with all my heart, I’d talk with her everyday, see each other weekly and take her out to nice places. I’d always praise her and I guess I put too much emotional dependency on her and it became overwhelming for her. I wished we communicated better and were able to resolve these issues. Most were fixable but she did not want to give us a chance to work through it. She claims to have fallen out of love with me. I gave her time, love and attention. It wasn’t enough and I’m feeling at all time low.
Put that energy back into you, find that love your searching for within 💕
Related too much to this exactly my thought
It sounds like you grew from this and are a changed person. I think you are growing into the person she was looking for, maybe. I pray she realizes this or you find peace, happiness and love again.
I have been with my girlfriend for 7.5 years and she dumped me via text message a week ago. This is not my first heartbreak but it’s excruciating nonetheless. Now, I’m seeing a therapist and trying to speak to friends as much as possible without being overbearing. I wake up in the night, crying, but I made a promise to myself and my family that I will do my best…
@@Daniel-fj3vt hey how are you now? im going through a similar experience. it’s only been 10 days after 2 years together, he left and is already looking for/with someone new, i wanna kms, it feels like nothing was real on his end and i am still so deeply in love i cannot stop crying everyday
Six years after our break up, I'm finally in peace with it.
6 years 😢…I’m not going to make it!!!
@@vshort02 What do you mean? :o How long has it been for you?
@@evagabrysova8871Well it’s Day 5 after 26 years off/on
@@evagabrysova8871 2 weeks but it’s been a 25+ year relationship
@@vshort02you will ❣️❣️. I pray you are doing better friend🙏🙏❣️
Breaking up with a narcissist is whole different dynamic. Pls make a video on the same. Thank you 🙏🙏
Broke up with someone in May and so mad at myself I am not over it. Have felt the pain so acutely this Christmas. It has shrouded my day and now I am crying
Don't be mad at yourself, I still cry about my first love. It is what it is.
Find someone else by becoming whole and complete yourself
You ended the relationship and now you are sad ? You created your own pain, lay in the bed you made.
@@danbaker7640 thanks, Dan. Helpful!
@@danbaker7640This comment is ignorant and insensitive. Sometimes you have to break it off with someone you still care about. Maybe they hurt and betrayed you. Or maybe you’re growing apart.
As a person who doesn't have parents and currently going through a terrible breakup, it's a blessing to stumble upon this video. Listening to Mel Robbins is like taking advice from a tough, yet loving mother. Thank you.
Same here, sending you hugs
I just got out of a trauma bond. I am in my mid 30s never been married. My parents have a wonderful relationship and have been married for 30 plus years. Looking at this rationally now I think I fell in love so fast because I was codependent and wanting love not rejection like my past. Throughout this ordeal I have decided that no one can love me the way I want to be loved and that I have to love myself. Unfortunately my last relationship ghosted me after 8 months for someone else. I think what hurts the most is that I was vulnerable with someone havent done that in a long time. I realize the more vulnerable I am the more I am acceptable to hurt. However the pain of a BPD relationship is far more extreme than anything I have ever been in. I will perserve through it however I have learned that I do NOT need to fix everyone and need to stay in my lane focusing on myself.
Wow, word for word I could have written. Ended it a few days ago and just trying to manage basic day to day tasks. Best of luck to both of us!
Im on day 3. I had a big meltdown yesterday after I stupidly decided to try to drink my pain away.
After 7 years together he got under his coffee chick in the first week after I moved out. I'm on day 3 because I found out 3 days ago, and it destroyed me.
Thank you for your videos. You are helping me a lot in this hard time.
It's so hard for me to listen to advice like this, because I've never felt more myself than when I was with my ex. I felt safe. I felt loved. And now I'm supposed to do "the things I could never do" because of him -- but there's nothing. I was even so secure in the relationship that I was finally able to study abroad for some time. The relationship gave me hope and so much power. Videos like these seldomly talk about losing a great relationship. One that was really fulfilling.
I feel exactly how u feel. I thought everything was perfect (well we had arguments but we always talked them out). Last weekend we had the best time we could it was like a scene out of a movie and i thought we were in a good place. Until he invited me to sleepover this weekend. I was so happy that im gonna see him and have fun and all this bs and then he dumped me and I literally crashed down while he was just cold like i was talking to the wall. I even BEGGED him to not leave... I knew it was pathetic but i also knew id regret not trying everything i could (even if its begging..) I felt the same with him as u and it was mutual for a long time but then he fell out of love, at least thats what he said. So now im really grieving this man that i was in love with, still am in love with. The person that left me doesnt even feel like the same guy.
I feel same as you. I was happy and felt loved, even with all troubles we had. After 13 years I left because of infidelity on his side. It hurts like hell, there is nobody around who would understand the pain, I had to take some leave from work bt now I have to go back and have no idea how to cope, my brain is not functioning, I cant smile. I feel for you and others here.
We have been separated and not talking for a few months and I still cry everyday and a few times a day, it just hurt so bad and when I try not to cry it makes me feel so heavy inside.
How long were u together. I’m so sorry you feel soo sad
I’m on the same boat. We’ve been together for two years and just broke up over a month ago.. I still cry everyday. I feel like something inside me is brokenhearted..
I think you need to stop crying and start living and seeing what the relationship was really about and not what you wanted the relationship to be..
@@hlee0928 how are you? im going through a similar experience. it’s only been 10 days after 2 years together and he is already looking for/with someone new, i wanna kms, it feels like nothing was real on his end and i am still so deeply in love i cannot stop crying
I could write a book for what i have been though.With Golddiggers and narcissists .tryingto destory my life.i am amazed i am still alive.I have come close
My boyfriend and I just broke up recently. We only dated 6 months, but he was the best and healthiest guy I've ever been with. We both knew it was not going to work out long term because we are currently on different paths in life, but what kept us going was our attraction, strong connection and care for each other. He initiated the breakup even though it was mutual, but I wasn't brave enough to ever do it. This video helped me see that he truly did love and care for me by being honest with me in this conversation and being strong enough to walk away, when he could have easily kept me around for himself and his own needs. This will help me move forward and heal knowing I was with a truly good person who genuinely cares about my well-being. Thank you Mel.
And I hate when ppl discredit it and say oh that's not that long but it's still painful especially when you had hopes of longevity
But why exactly did you break up? Were your paths in life and plans for the future so different?
Same problem here she broke up with me because she wanted to focus more on herself and career she didn't have time for me.
How are you now
Yes yes and yes!!! And remember emotions are hormones, chemicals in the body...drugs we can easily get addicted to. You have to learn to recognize the emotional addictions first before you can even hope to break these patterns.
The best training that changed my life was learning how to cultivate the feelings of what I desire in my life before the actual event...and I mean really feel it as if it was real and guess what..according to modern studies the brain doesn't know the difference...it just equates emotions with events and survival and will work behind the scenes so to speak to manifest in your reality those desires you are able to make real in your emotions and thoughts on a daily basis.
Yes! Thank you for this comment 🙏
I didn't even want to break up. I had to because I couldn't handle the circumstances. I can't stop crying. I'm losing any beauty and connection I ever had.
Same. I am hurting and depressed. Have no desire for anything… it’s been more than a month or more … I wish in 1 month time I will feel lighter and my spark is back. Because this is emotional hell.
@@trinityp8575 I wish you well. I haven't healed since.
3:23 that intuition has been there in every relationship I’ve ever been in. So listening to it means I’ll never be with anyone
Landed on this at the right time. Two weeks into the breakup now and everything around me just irritates me now.
Today is the 3rd day of our breakup. My mind is all over the place. We were together for 3.5 years. We tried very hard to hold on to each other to save the relationship but nothing worked. We weren't toxic but due to some situations we had grown distant. We turned against each other. We had ugly fights and lots of arguments, every other day. And 2 days ago we just broke up. I shared it with my friend who is there for me. I am afraid no one is there for my partner, or ex, hah. It kills me inside. But i know going back would only cause more harm than any good. I still feel lost. And worry about him constantly. I hope he will be okay and he'll finally be able to be happy!
"When one door closes, another opens; but
we often look so long and so regretfully
upon the closed door that we do not see
the one which has opened for us."
@@Ladybirdtaj so true! Thank you so much 💓
How are you 1 month later?
@@kimberly9207 Hi, thank you for asking. He actually came to my city to resolve things and we had a good first day. But at night I found out he cheated on me. And I ended the relationship for good this time. I thank God everyday that he made us meet. ❤️
@@Ladybirdtaj another door indeed opened for me 😁😂❤️
You are so right - I knew it wasnt working and should have addressed it. In short, I was in a relationship for 2 years with a woman I go on well with and we could talk about anything.....except feelings. My ex is from a family where there wasnt much love or closeness but more 'getting on with it, onwards and upwards' and so if something is bothering her, she wouldnt really say - rather she would apply stonewalling (which her mum used to do to her as a child). She snores exceptionally loudly so when I stayed over I would go into the spare room and eventually we'd hardly have any physical contact.....eventually she just said she's not in love with me and stonewalled me....this is after nearly 2 years of saying 'I love you too' when I told her I love her which had become less frequent. Also, physically I was always unsure whether or not I fancied her...again this should have been addressed. Despite this, I still hurt. Why?
Just broke up with my GF, found out she wasn’t sure of our future together and that I wasn’t able to make her feel loved. She was really upset that I chose to end the relationship instead of trying to change myself for her. Thanks for reaffirming my choice.
Never cry for men
They literally not deserve it ❤
I wish a quik healing for all who is going through the break up right now
I am so sad I can’t stop crying. My ex and I got back together and he said he can’t have a serious relationship with me, coz of stuff I’ve done ? And so we spent over 3 months together as if we were normal and I hoped we would get back together but no he said he can’t and he would wait til he finds someone or meets someone he could be with properly then end it with me and said same goes for me I don’t think that level of rejection is good for either of us so we agreed to end it and now I’m so heartbroken 💔 I can’t sleep or anything I can’t stop thinking about him 😢
I am going through this situation and the universe popped up with his video..thanks ma’am …🙏🏼😕
my and my bf of almost 4 years just broke up… i wanted us to break up and it is being so difficult not knowing what he is doing, not having his hug to look for… and waiting for his message… yes, he had a lot of red flags, but i loved (and still do) so much
I want to appreciate Dr Yusuf for the restoration of my marriage after 1years of separation with my husband, with the help of , my husband return home and now we are happily together for good, once again thanks Dr Yusuf
I loved him and looked over all the red flags for 6 years, took him back a few times. Finally ended it with the the avoidant. Painful for us both. Trying to separate. This is a tough stage for me since his Dad is now dying and I was hoping that man would have been my father-in-law. Dreams were dashed and now I'm washed up, dusting myself off and moving on. Using pillows to hug is helping somewhat.
Needed this today. Told Hubby I want to separate and it’s SO hard but I know it’s right.
I was with my ex for nearly 18 years. I was 18 when we met, he 21. We separated 5 years ago. I still love him with all of my heart and struggle to move on. He just got married last weekend and its killing me literally. I have been through therapy, antidepressants, gym classes, meeting new people, volunteering, changing jobs, changing where I live and I still cannot let go. I want to, because it's not helpful but I fear it will never happen. I am at the end of my rope, and hope. I watch your videos all the time and I wish I was as strong, well spoken, and knowledgeable as you. The kicker is, he just married the man that I had met/dated first after our break up. The guy stopped talking to me a year into the relationship and sought out my ex and my ex had no clue :( I would love your advice on what I need to do, how I can do this. I remember one of your famous lines and I understand it but sometimes people just need a push in the right direction, your quote is "No one is coming. No one is coming to save you. Its up to you"
How are you doing now?
You doing good
OMG this is a horrible pain you are suffering but wait you separated 5 years ago!? If you got therapy they would not good.
My message to you, love yourself more. He did not love you as you loved him. It doesn’t mean you are not worthy of love. Think about all the amazing celebrations who are beautiful , talented and fabulous and were left. Emma Thompson left by her husband Kenneth Branagh who left her for the actress Helena Bonham Carter but they broke up 4 years later. Emma was DEVASTATED! Who knows if his new marriage will survive. I’m thinking not. It’s brand new, give it time. I just broke up with my partner after 7 years. He wasn’t “in” the relationship as before and I was always anxious so I ended it. It hurts, I miss what was but accept that it’s not going to be. I was the one committed and totally in it. He wasn’t. Some people just can’t do it. But don’t judge who you are based on him. Talk to yourself as you would your own son suffering from a lost love. You see him hurting so what would you say?
I want to see you meet someone who will match you in your ability to love.
Put THAT in your mind and heart that there is a person out there who would feel blessed to have you in his life.
@@lreevesnyc21 Thank you for your kind reply/words. I am happy to say, I am a whole new person today. Am I perfect no, far from it. Do I have days where I still think about the past of course but that is normal, but I don't stay in the past. I focus on me, myself, and I, my future, what I want, what makes me happy, what makes me tick, what I want out of this life. I have not given up on dating, but its not my main goal. If someone comes into my life awesome, but if not I am ok with that as well for the time being. I am making the most out of this stage of my life and still figuring things out one day at a time. Thank you for your kindness, and thank you Mel Robbins for your awesome advice and motivation!
Oh hun, I feel your pain... I hope you are doing better
I ended a relationship I thought was my last. He was a good man but had two horrible addictions. He left one night (for the sixth time while we were together) to do his thing in the middle of a family reunion.. when I realized he had left, I texted him to move out. He knew I wasn’t going to allow him back so he did three days later (I wasn’t there, my two young adult kids were and he was on a high).. we never spoke again. It’s been a month since and I still cry and hate the world.. I haven’t had closure and it’s killing me. I don’t know if he is homeless.. in jail or at the hospital.. dead or at someone else’s. I know I made the right decision but I still can’t believe he would leave our life together and plans and dreams over his addictions. I feel I am worth nothing.. at least not enough to him to fight for us and get help so we could stay together.. 💔
I love this. Just left my ex of 7.5yrs. I regret not leaving her at the beginning
I was broken up with less than a month ago. It really felt like we had an awesome connection. If there was any sign of disagreement, we'd talk about it. Nothing ever got ugly. It lasted about 3 1/2 months. There was a 2 week long breakup before the final one. There was about 3 weeks between the breakups. Both initiated by her. I blame myself for ignoring the red flags of being a rebound, she was fresh out of a bad relationship, which in itself may have been a rebound from her divorce. We tried to be friends after the first breakup, and I did my best to respect that, but I couldn't resist the mixed signals I was getting from her.
I really just want to be able to look out the windshield more and stop looking in the rearview mirror so much and work on myself. It's not easy, but no one said it would be.
Impeccable timing. Thank you, Mel. Working my way through the heartache.
going through this now. he needs serious therapy and I can't help him. and you are on point except that I'm not scared to be alone..I'm more afraid of him hurting himself
Im in so much pain. I hope i can keep listening and applying what I hear. Im old now, i feel if i was younger, I'd have more if I had a chance to find someone else. I feel trapped in this sorrow. I try to end it, but he keeps coming back to manipulate me. I dont understand why.
What men want:
Attention, validation & sex.
Could any of these things be why he keeps coming back?
I actually realized I was not moving toward being together but avoiding him and creating time apart…we were both miserable - trying to get back to the high of the early stage. It hurt us not helped evolve. ❤ THANK YOU MEL. I needed this.
Mel you look amazing . Recently subscribed to your channel and I am learning so much. I just love your podcasts, With respect to relationships i have had 3 husbands and many lovers The only thing that took the pain away was no contact, I would pretend they passed away just to cope. Excellent advice Mel Have a great day.
We was togheter for 14 years and now divorcing
Me too, sorry to hear that. Here’s a hug😊
Thank you very much for this. It helped me a lot in the break that I'm going through at the moment. You spoke about what I'm going through, all the feelings, all the sadness, and all my desire to talk or text them. Thank you again
Yup
I was over my last ex 3 years
Met my current ex a few months after his split from his wife ( not divorced yet)
I broke my own rule of not dating someone who is not divorced, not healed from their past relationship, separated, etc.
I knew it wasn’t working after the first three months
Then I went back a second time then I went back a third time! A year and a half later he is still not divorced & the relationship hasn’t really progressed much
I am so mad at myself because now it has turned toxic !
He is a narcissistic avoidant alcoholic!
I hope this taught me now to never date another alcoholic !
My boyfriend broke up with me last week and we live together. He took a a “break” for a month and a half before this and I had to make him tell me what was going on. He said if he has to decide then he wants to break up. We have been together for 4 years. I moved across the country with him where I have no family. Now, though we still live together and have the same bank accounts and he is fine and acting fine. I am looking for a place to finish out the year and I had just got a new job. He is not acting like the guy I fell in love with. I have issues to but I wanted to talk about them and work them out. He is done. It hurts
In my case she left me for someone else after 10 years. I had to leave out to other place with my stuff in a city where I do know anybody while she kept living in the apartment. It pains a lot, I feel completely without hopeness. She is not the same person who I once fell in love
Nice going, Mrs. Robbins. You knocked this one out of the park. I like this video length too. Takes a brief time to watch, but not short on content. Thx!
It took me 16 months and two international trips to see him to end it. We met online, opposite sides of the world, fell in love… it’s been 6 weeks since it ended. I wish I listened to my intuition in the first place… I look back at my journal and cringe because it was all there. “I don’t feel like he cares. He doesn’t love me gently. He’s so cold. Why can’t I ask him to be nicer and have him listen?” I should have listened to myself…
A week… I’m going on 3 weeks and I’m still fucked up.. the thought that she could have been okay after a week has just skyrocketed that hurt.
The woman I loved... Her sons, her dog... God.....Less than 24 hours ago... I threw up...I'm crying.. This is so hard
I hope you’re feeling better. You’re a good person. You’ll find love again. You deserve it. ❤
@@mariaroy3367 Thank you, I'm doing better
I'm at a crossroads after 27 years of marriage. We are not the yoked the sane, we don't want the same things and have drifted so far apart. He doesn't want to work on us and doesn't want help when I am the one working 50-6]0 hours to provide for our family. I am at a loss.
Hardest part of getting over my break up is that she cheated on me and left me for that person. The idea of her starting a new relationship while we were still living together hurts so much. She couldn’t even own up to what she was doing when I confronted her about the cheating. I moved out because I couldn’t handle the stress anymore and she didn’t even hesitate to move the person in 2 days afterwards.
I know how you're feeling. Take your time to grief but make sure you don't reach out to her. Some says you'll feel all the rage and anger, you'll have a lot of questions but know that everything is a process. You'll feel better eventually.
@@ttlyaen couldn’t reach out to her even if i wanted to. She has me blocked and last thing she told me was to leave her alone. I know i wasn’t the best boyfriend but i tried my best. I have come to realize that even with all my flaws i still didn’t deserve to be thrown away like i was.
Omfg I have a mini version regarding that!! I am so sorry my dear🙏🙏
Sorry for that, here’s a hug for all of y’all 😊
She will 100% cheat on this other person as well. This is clearly a pattern of behavior for this narcissist.
I had to walk away from a long term relationship because he never married me . Every time I was close to ending, he would promise that he’s very close to making that step. All of that caused me a lot of anxiety while hoping and instead of me being normal I started to act out to which he was using it as an excuse not to do it. I’ve done everything for him and for his family, but wasn’t good enough to be more than a gf. I wanted the white dress and commitment - so I gathered all my courage and left. I’ve never suffered so much in my life
My 7 year marriage ended 2 years ago and I’ve stayed single to avoid carrying the breakup pain into meeting someone new. I don’t feel the pain as intensely, but it still hurts. I’m still learning and definitely growing from it.
How do i get over 11 years of pain from being rejected? I cant stop thinking of her
All i did was worry about what he was doing behind my back. I wasted my energy gaslighting myself and worrying about the extent of his lies. He spent most of his spare time with me, he took me to beautiful places and in many ways seemed perfect. The dissonance was real and like you said Mel i knew it wasn't right but i kept lying to myself. Lying is not ok, to yourself or someone else. I know I'm in for some really sad times but i listened to my heart. I'm free now although i don't want to be alone. I have wished him well. I'm beyond anger now. He has no capacity to understand that i can not stay with him after the lies. He doesn’t even understand that his lies were wrong. I gave him a chance after he was caught lying yet he did it again. That was my boundary and he crossed it. So i have no choice but to respect myself and love me more. Thanks Mel for your great work. I'm binge watching your videos
How would he like it if YOU were lying to HIM?
It’s scary how easily some people can lie in order to get what they want!
SICK behavior!
Something that is ment for you will not cause confusion and overwhelming thoughts! ❤
Mel, we were married for 22 years, together for 25. He discarded me and the children when I discovered his affair. Why after 9 months do I feel love for him and so sad for our long marriage not counting for anything. I have been so strong and kept the family going and went to work each day but still I do not want another man. I am 53 but still feel so hurt at how he did not have my back or even care about how this situation would effect me. Help
Awful. I am so so sorry you were betrayed. There are so many stories like this. It’s been nine months and you are still processing it. Get support from all the people who care about you. Get confirmation over and over that this man is NOT worthy of your precious love. Love YOU as you would your own daughter suffering from heartaches. You would HATE the man that hurt your daughter. Think about that. He had an affair! WHAT a selfish bastard. LOVE him?? You love the memory of who you thought he was, not him. Such a betrayal. His toxic Karma will follow him. He betrayed you and his family. Be well, heal your heart and go forward with peace. You are young. You have a long life ahead of you. Nine months isn’t long you WILL heal 💕
How are ya doing now Jules? I hope you are in a better place for a year ago? Stay strong and here’s a hug😊. As for you Ireevsnyc21, yo,,where you at? I’m from Alphabet City, LES.
Thanks Mel.
I've been plagued by this for quite a awhile.
I'm currently working on myself slowly to get me back.
It took a while to get here.
And I'm determined to do me right for the rest of my life.
Your amazing. I'm your age and your messages matter to me. Mel to Mel 😊❤
Yesterday I ended things between him and I. He was someone who didn't appreciate ME! He was in the player mode, but it comes the day when I have decided that this toxicity should be stopped. My hair started falling 😩 I gained weight from stress. Sometimes it's the best decision for us!
It’s been a week since I was let go. It was tough but I wish I had the courage to act months ago. ❤
The worst part of breaking up as a man is when you caused it for one or two years and then once you’re ready to make things better and commit, the other person walks away and if they were your best friend, it’s hard to literally do anything else and your whole routine gets messed up.
I’ll find it hard to even listen to music now because that was one of the things that connected us. It’s like an instant trigger almost anything I do is a trigger because we did everything together. That’s the hardest part truly to get over.
I love you. I almost couldnt see the video with tears in my eyes. Thank you. It calm myself down. Love from 🇧🇷
22 years, 10 kids (oldest is on his own already) never had to work. But now he lies to me about stuff and it hurts. I don’t want to do this anymore but I have nothing to walk away to 😢
Mel, I am separated for a couple of months now. I was with her 24 years, married 18 years. We have a son,, 16 yo. I separated & filed for divorce from her & I feel better. So far, she is 0 for 8 in seeing our son...that's not good. I'm trying to have a better relationship with our son now. We are good but it is getting better.
Thank u so much my ex lead me on and let me fall in love with him and he knew he didn't want me. He lied to me that he was single and he was married to his wife in Nigeria I found out he was married 1 months before he bring his wife here from Nigeria he even trick me and borrow my money from me to pay his wife and his child fare to bring them here from Nigeria. I feel it with all my heart.
This is so true. ❤ Thank You Mel❤
Thank you for this. It helps me to get unstuck… This process is so deeply painful but I know it’s the right thing to do.
This helped so much! I may need to watch it over and over to remind myself! After almost 20 years with someone I’m feeling lost and my heart hurts. It’s broken even though I know it’s for the better. This is a trauma bond, but I just need to cling to better days coming! Thank you for your words again always so uplifting and positive and gives me some hope for better days to come.💔
Mel, You are amazing. You are able to help us to face facts and acknowledge our pain at the same time. Thank You so much for your compassion!
I am hurting more than I ever have !
I don't see how I'll ever be okay and heal. I've lost all interest in the things I used to enjoy doing and can barely get myself to do a simple task. I miss him so and love him so much. I don't know how to stop the pain or even believe in anything positive. Life!
In my case she left me for someone else after 10 years. I know how You feel, it pains a lot
to all those people in the comments: I feel you, but YOU WILL BE FINE!!! everything will get better, you’ll smile again, you’ll laugh again, you’ll be in love again! trust me - a person who went through such a painful breakup I thought I’d die without them but now I’m smiling again
I wanted to make it work 😩 I don't want to start ovet😢
i like you you have No music. It somehow seems more authentic, real, professional and helpful. I love music but not sure i like it when we are trying to learn to be better, to heal, to grow.
I agree! I can't stand how everyone uses music in the background. It's immature and very distracting. If we need sober advice, we also need a quiet setting to be real.
yeah as soon as i hear the music in a lesson, i think it's a commercial, it's fake and not worth my time.
@@piercethesnare
I have to revisit this video everyday. 19 days! Still crying 😢
1:37 A friend had a relationship of 6+ years, the girlfriend who he had a child with and wanted him to commit dumped him. About 2 months later he was posting photos with his 1st ex wife and mother of his other children and also photos with his 2nd wife, all the while he would tell me over the phone crying how much he missed his girlfriend, he got depressed and got other health issues because of the breakup.
This is perfect timing for my daughter 💕
RUclips recommended this video wasn't just a coincidence am sure it's a cosmic message
Yes Mel. Definitely needed to hear this right now. Yes ignored my intuition about this new person and came to bite me in my behind won’t do that again!❤
Thanks Mel. I really appreciate your authentic realness and bluntness❤ breakups suck but the wrong relationship sucks more. I just ended a relationship and its scary and it hurts, but it feels like the right thing to do
This is Bomb Ass advice…. I love it and thank you. This is week two for me and what you’re saying is Excellent advice. Feeling motivated already. Thanks Again!!!
It’s been 3 months. I was just triggered and now I feel like crying all over again. Im proud of myself for walking away, but damn-I thought I had my person. I’m going to take my time and revisit the message in the mess.
I'm just going through a divorce with my wife. This is helpful
i experience not a break up. But an ex boyfriend contacts me...its complicated...i knew talking to him was not a good idea...it brought up feelings for both of us. but the circumstances ae not good... now i have feelings and i don't know how to deal with them...i stop talking to him. Because i felt it was a way to heal...he wants to continue talking but until he has change his situation i don't want to continue ..i am not angry. but its been a difficult year for me in general so this is the last thing i needed in my life.. very informative video..
And what should I do if I cannot exclude him of my life as we have daughter?
He left me in a really sneaky and unworthy way - he had no courage to tell me that my cousin’s wife had been his lover for more than 6 months’ time then when I told him to do something for our relationship (15 years). He let me coming with my ideas and struggeling for nothing when he had already planned his future with the other woman.
I’m getting better but still have nightmares with them although this stuff turned out in january.
It’s been half a year and I’m still in love with my ex. I have tried going on some casual dates with guys but I am just not into them no matter how good looking they are I just don’t have any feelings. I decided in the last few month to just work on myself delete all dating apps and stop trying dating. It has been hard just being alone, working on myself and everyday I still think about my ex. I think I tend to choose the same type of men not decisive, more feminine and too soft. Sometimes during relationship I feel frustrated with some of the traits he had and all my partners have all been the same type of guys.
I agree it's not as easy as Mel says but let me be the lesson what not to do. I have been married 26 years and thought we were pretty good. I did ignore some signs but no marriage is perfect. Thought we were better than most. Love the woman dearly. I'm a surgeon, good money, no drugs, abuse, violence. Just found out she is miserable and is leaving. Hard to put a life back together at 60.
Hi. Thank you for these video. I have been struggling. I met someone i know is the one and only person i have ever loved these much, someone i would ride and die for. BUT.. i have problems about myself that i can't figure out what. Maybe after my last divorce in which was traumatic, since then i could not or is afraid for commitment that when i met these person i love, i always almost switch my self off in every conflict which drives him crazy. His reactions and my fear of commitment is not a good combination. He has his own problem and it's clear.. it is also clear for him what my problem is which is switching off..but we could not find the solution.. we talked about it... but it still kept repeating. Now we finally broke up for good and for real. It hurts. 100% i don't want someone else.
I love him in ways that he is a part of me and my life now even if we won't talk or see each-other anymore. I just wanna stay alone now and try to be happy for what i have. Maybe then... i will look back little by little to those moments that i will realize and understand my problem with a total clear mind.
Thanks Mel😊I needed that.Im breaking up with my partner she told me before Xmas 2023 that she needs her space,leaving in 2 weeks, my head is still spinning Harry thankyou❤