3 Power Phrases for Responding to Insults at Work
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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In this video you'll learn 3 power phrases for responding to insults at work.
What is the best way to respond to insults at work? All right, so there you are, mining your own beeswax, thinking that you're just focusing on your work when all of a sudden somebody throws out one of these no offense, but, Or, um, where did you go to school? Or can I touch your hair?
If you've had enough of feeling bad or frustrated about other people's insulting comments or rude behavior at work, but you get tongue tied or taken off guard, or you're afraid of making things worse in the moment, then stick with me because in this video, you're gonna get the three most common things that people do that sabotage their success when they try to stand up for themselves or address rude behavior or insulting comments and what to do instead.
Then you can easily put an end to that type of bologna at work and start taking your joy back from those people. But first, what do rumination and a gift and like some type of potential serial killer all have in common? Stick with me to the end of this video to find out. All right, I think you're really gonna like this.
𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗹𝗼𝗮𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗙𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗦𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗞𝗶𝘁 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲:
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Being a big believer in listening to what the world is telling you to do rather than telling the world what you’d like to do, once he received enough suggestions to get into teaching, Dan started teaching on the elementary level at Harland Johnson Del Bosque before becoming a professor at Autonoma University Guadalajara, and ultimately taking his unique teaching style to the world with Dan O’Connor Training.
Dan divides his time between the United States and Mexico, where he lives just outside of Guadalajara, in a lakeside village nestled in the Sierra Madres. It is there that Dan lives to spoil his two Springer Spaniels-Maggie Mae, his material girl If you have watched Dan’s videos on the 5 languages of love, appreciation, and respect you’ll know, and the four-legged relationship hero that’s changing the course of communication history: Buddy the Dog.
Thank you for this!! I can’t wait to say “hot damn! I’m in control of my relationships!”
Self esteem and dignity, exactly what I want
You're a blessing to us Dan.
Absolutely!!
You got us forever, it doesn't take crazy glue for us to stick to something.
This teaches more than communication, it trains the brain, alters our attitudes, and teaches us the inner work, right perspectives, positive self talk, identification, rebounding, responses and healthy ways of expression, for them and us. No more white knuckling, red eyes, cracking voice, flying off the handle or looking down because that's how they try to make us feel.
AMEN, JANICE!!!
I AGREE
Very good comment. You win this weeks “Best of the Best” in comments on YT for this week & possibly for the month. - From the Official Prize Giver of the RUclips Entity. (Who is a 2L law student, if that’s worth anything to you.) Well written, well thought out, not reactionary, sensitive and very useful. The fact that you appreciate this man’s gifts gives you an additional one of these - 🍭. Congratulations!!!
Constantly up against unfiltered responses. I am continually stepped on and blamed by strong personalities, because I don't reaspond. Just like what you are saying! I get caught off guard each and every time. Now I am asking, "Why am I allowing this behavior towards me?" Thank you for giving me some good tools and great statements to work with ❤ It's making a difference!
Very happy to hear that, debdemark. Consider more training at danoconnortraining.com
I’m just like you, my little fawn. It’s been very trying, humiliating and deeply painful. I often wonder how I could possibly be of the same species as the reptiles who live to prey upon those they judge to be weaker & more vulnerable than themselves. My heart is so large & full of kindness & I have no “comebacks” on the ready - ever -to defend myself with. I wish I lived in a world where I didn’t need to. I bet you do, too. I hear the pain in your comment as I know it well. I don’t know you, but I care about you anyway. I have your back and love you for all the wonderful things you are. Brontë . (If you ever need a friend or a chat - tag me or DM me. Is that possible? Try anyway, if the need arises.) 🍒
today at work my abusive coworker (i work only with her and my boss (who is absolutely wonderful)) rudely stated she didn’t care when i tried to start a friendly conversation and i instantly responded “i’m allowed to speak” she was flabbergasted and struggled to justify herself to which i replied, “well you can just say ‘oh’ rather than say that you ‘don’t care’” she was SILENT. i was shocked with how quickly i responded and how concise i was without being rude back, it was just very a matter of fact statement that couldn’t be argued and i made her realize that.
I've used the following: "that's a very interesting response, Felicia. No one could mistake you for possessing any perspicacity," resulted in a dumbfounded stare and no further shenanigans.
This channel is a gold find for me I have no idea how to truly communicate, I freeze up and don't full get to talk to what I want in any aspect of life, can't wait to learn more
Welcome! And I'm happy to help.
I am using my time more productively on RUclips by watching your videos. Thank you!
Happy to hear that, Rocker--that's quite a compliment and I thank you.
Came here looking for advice as I was insulted at work today pretty much out of the blue and was left somewhat stunned.
Your suggestions appear like solid counsel to set boundaries, control the way people treat oneself and retain some dignity without getting too defensive. I'm going to try this for the next time. Thanks
JanJan, check out other videos on my channel dealing with this topic.
You're so gifted at getting to the root of good communication.
I usually look straight at the person and say, "Excuse me?" with a very distinct enfasis on the word excuse. They usually get it.
Sometimes that strategy can be used inappropriately- had a person who sold me a faulty heater try that one on me to shut down my complaint.
So important to focus on the upsetting behaviour and clarifying what their thinking process for such upsetting behaviour may have been.
It’s a good thing that you are on the right side because your bad guy acting is spot on! Thank you for your work, your videos have help this former timid doormat evolve into a much stronger person. ❤
You are so 😁
I think most of your videos deal with work environments but they definitely help for all interpersonal relationships. I wish I had seen these videos before I retired because I would have been able to deal with some obnoxious coworkers over the years. These skills require practice but also having the vocabulary ready, it must make it easier to deal effectively with those challenging people.
Simon, your observation is spot-on. Much of what I teach--words reflecting mindful communication is equally applicable to home or work. Not all--but much :)
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you! I appreciate it!
I always said, in order to have a healthy marriage. You have to run it like a company and same with other things I mean you have to be willing to grow and own your own stuff and boy do we all have stuff! Growth! 🥂
Thank you Dan. I am learning so much from you. You are helping me get through a toxic work environment that will be ending very soon. You are giving me tools to navigate my future professional relationships . You made me realize I am in demand in my field and th at I am worthy of respect. I will never let a boss gaslight me again. You are life saver .
They're unconsciously reacting to their less than perfect early childhood attachments and making it about you. 😅 Maybe they'll figure that out when we ask them why. If they're a serial killer, they won't care. Yeah, it's not ok. I admire you, Dan. 💙
You're content has helped me w/skills I was craving for my whole life. Thank you w/all my heart. You're the voice in my head that reminds me to focus on who/how I want to be. I'm changing generations🙏❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Wow, thank you, Nikki :). Which generation are you now?
GenX and never felt younger. Thanks for all your help. I love your humor and caring nature 😘
Love these videos, thank you Dan.
More to come!
Love your architecture and styling Dan!!
Very good- really breaking it down- yes language training makes way less emotional gor me. Thank you Dan.
I love your channel. Could you speak to interacting with narcissists and other personality disordered people? People who only want to hear yes, and dump you if you say no, or choose what’s best for yourself instead of their agenda, (not work related). It is their way or the highway. People who live in their own world of revisionist lies? They are actors pretending to be something they are not and they need you to believe they are that something too, because your belief in it makes it real for them. People who are so deeply selfish, you can make yourself crazy explaining to a grown adult, why lying, cheating and stealing is not ok? Who exploit others for their own gain without thought to their feelings?
Still Awake--my best advice is that you distance yourself from the person you are describing--quickly.
I think your free trade deal is a win win situation. Your ideas here help me express myself better and your a real winner in my circle of friends because of this.
Wonderful to hear, AlgisKemezys.
I'm new to your channel. This is a major gift & I'm very grateful
Many thanks, Peaceful One.
In the UK - saying 'what?!' Is seen as very rude and, often corrected as kids, we were taught to say 'pardon' - I still have a lot of brain retraining .....
My grandmother taught my mother the very same thing and she passed it on to me :). Pocket, your mother and mine were referring, I believe, to saying "what?" when you didn't hear something and want it repeated. In that case, you say "pardon??" :)
@@TheWizardOfWords
I'll have to push through my people pleaser Brit reserve?😁
I'll try it with a laugh?..
" 🤣 what? What did you just say to me?"
So glad to have found your site. Have told others about your helpful excellent content. Thank you
Thank you for your comment and for the share :)
“What made u ask a question like that? “
It is really loving. Well
Said.
I'm so glad your channel is back on my feed! Much love 💕
thanks, Natural :). Much love to you as well.
Another great teaching! Thanks:)
You give good advice.
Omg brilliant
great advice cheers
You are the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great channel
Great Video! Does anyone have their go to communication list, they wish to share?
It’s 24/8/24 and I would like to get information on your classes . How do I do that?
Great video ! But , do speak a bit more slowly!
Thanks Dan
@evangeliakaratza-styliara4413. Please go to danoconnortraining.com for information on all my courses :)
2:38. 🧡. Beautiful.
Isn't this just semantics? If someone cussed at me... If I ask what lead you to/opposed to why did you? It might turn out to be the same answer
No, it's not semantics. What have I said or done that would lead you to . . . . is very different from why would YOU . . . . The first one requires a specific response about what YOU have done that gave them permission to be ignorant in their communication with you.
Congratulations on 200K my love…
Thank you :)
6:08
what would you say that to me
I have a situation where I could use your help. I have an 8 year old granddaughter. I was at a family get together and I was showing my toes. I just got them done with a really cute pink glitter. I was really excited about it and I was showing my daughter my toes. My 8 year old granddaughter came up looked at me and said 'grandma your bragging.' Talk about a toxic strike! I was so flabbergasted! Where the h*** did she get that comment from. It was really rude. Just took the energy out of my sail. I felt it on an energetic level it was really weird. There was something really odd about it. I can understand she was jealous because she didn't get her toes done an she didn't want to hear me go on about it. Her mom called her on it instantly and made her apologize but it wasn't a real apology and she was just laughing and wouldn't even listen to what I have to say. She just put her hand up and started waving it in front of my face turning away. Unbelievable the arrogance on that child! The only thing I pointed out was that a person who says that is a person who is your enemy, they're not your friend. You don't say something like that especially to a family member. It's not bragging when they really like you, you're just sharing something great that happened. She got the energy in the room all on her instead of me which is what she wanted. She's extremely smart and she has a huge attitude, which can be an issue at times. This was the 1st time I can see where we are going to have some issues in the future. My daughter has been talking about her moods to me but I haven't seen it in person. Most of the time I have seen her she's been sweet, just a small attitude. Her mother was our adopted daughter with a lot of trauma and issues. This reminds me of some of the problems we dealt with in the past with her which are now completely gone and over and we're very close. It brought back bad memories. But the hooks she threw out are still inside me. I can't stop thinking about it. Help! She's a child, how do I address this in her because I do want to. I want to tell her that we're going have a 'come to Jesus talk' before we move forward because she needs to understand that this behavior is wrong. She's going have trouble making friends and keeping them with this type of behavior. They used to call her mother a puppet master because she would pull strings from behind the scene and just sit and watch her handiwork getting adults to fight against each other and making little toxic comments. I see her daughter has some of the same skills. It's amazing the similarities except she doesn't have all the trauma that my daughter did. She does have some trauma but not to the same degree. It's amazing to me that these traits can be genetic possibly or so it seems. I did the impossible with my daughter and it worked out great she's now doing well is an adult but I'm not sure I have the energy to do it all over again. It was a long hard road and a lot of trauma for me too!
PW, I would leave this up to your daughter. Anything you say or do will not be appreciated. I'm going to bet you didn't want your mother interfering with your parenting. Trust that your daughter has the skills to deal with this. In re your granddaughter interacting with YOU, I would suggest you handle it on a case by case basis, rather than having a come to Jesus meeting. "I don't know why you've chosen to treat me in this manner, but I'm not going to tolerate it." Then get up and move and start to converse with someone else. Don't engage with her; that's what she wants.
Ha ha ha! I’m the cause!😂
4:29. 🏆
A VP recently asked me if my hairstyle was called a big crown triple weave in front of my team. I informed him over email that the question came off demeaning.
He apologized saying that he would never knowingly want to demean me & he wasn't aware his comments would be taken that way.
I'm not sure how he thought I would take it.
When I sent the email to him I cc my manager. Should I have kept the email between myself & the VP?
I would not have cc'd anyone. I believe you should have given him an opportunity to either double-down or become aware that he had said something inappropriate. To his credit, he did the right thing. Let's not assume we all see things the same way. We have to give people a chance to learn and grow.
Lol at the end you overthought
My husband will say "who do you think your talking to". I'm curious, what do you think about that response?
I feel it’s easier for a man to say that. If a woman says to another woman at work "who do you think you’re talking to" it would create intense feelings and comes off as very aggressive. Some neighborhoods be prepared to physically fight after that. How to de-escalate a matter without appearing hostile or weak or being fired at the workplace is tricky I think.
@@mssweets6119 : I guess it only works if you are in a power position and only certain industries.
It's gaslighting. It doesn't address the issue, but rather turns the conversation on you personally, with the implication that you are being disrespectful. The answer is "I know perfectly well to whom I am speaking" and then you continue with issues, rather than ad hominems.
Actually, no one should be saying it. It's gaslighting. It takes away from the issue and puts the spotlight on the speaker, as though the speaker is being disrespectful. It is a ploy and should be given a spotlight, not a reaction.
No one should be saying this--even a parent to a child. It's always most constructive to be clear. If a child is being disrespectful, the parent should spotlight that behavior with specifics, such as "You are speaking to me in a disrespectful manner . . . ." And if you're not a parent, you most certainly shouldn't be using this ploy that is designed to distract from ISSUES.
You're not making any sense with the way you talk.
Where do you live and work, Ograro?
I just give a cold unblinking stare for minutes and make the person feel uncomfortable and they leave me alone...I don't react to the insults, I am cold myself in real life and my empathy is very low because I was severe abused as a child/ teen this is why I don't react to the insults much and it's for me easier...Bullies are insecure losers in real life they want to boost their pathetic ego to feel better about themselves by belittle, downgrading you, it's pathetic if you ask me, a sign of vulnerability and they're exposing their weakness to me, easy for me to hurt them, they're fragile, weak. Act like me Dan and you will see they won't get nothing from you because you don't respond to their insults and that's what they want from you a ''response'' don't give them the power, take away their power by giving them a silent treatment. Just giving advice to the people....Thanks for the video Dan.
That’s a long time to just look at them but it can certainly work to show the behaviour was unacceptable