People ask about cancer because that's a pretty big thing to commit to, to someone you don't know. If you have a loved one who develops cancer, of course you stick with them and stuff. But if you're looking for love and someone happens to have cancer, or a terminal illness, not everyone will want to take on that responsibility, or heartache which is completely fine. I wouldn't take offence to people asking, Beckie. People just want to know what they're getting themselves in to.
+Kate Maybe you're right! but it shouldn't be the first question! They should start talking a bit before they ask such question and they should do it with a bit more respect and sense :)
People with cancer or any disorders, should not be avoided like the plague though. And many people with certain disorders are. One mention of autism, Aspergers, amputations learning difficulties even things like stammers.... And countless turn their backs. Being defined and judged by what we have before people know us is exceptionally exhausting over time. I do appreciate what you're saying, but we have feelings too x
+Rebecca Brown I 100% agree, as I have some anxiety issues and bi polar myself. I'm just saying from the other perspective is all, it might be a lot of ( for lack of a better term) baggage for someone to handle.
+Kate Above all this it's mainly ignorance why people behave this way. They don't have the intention to be insensitive but they simply don't know what thrichotillomania or alopecia is. They see a woman with a shaven head (which is not that 'standard') and automatically assume she is either a) suffering from cancer or b) a big Sinead O'Conner fan or c) a skinhead. No offence. I personally find that all dating sites especially apps focus too much on appearance. Nobody ever reads your profile anymore, it's all about pics. Sad but that's how it is these days. It's embedded in society
A girl I like asked me a couple days ago "what exactly happened to your eyebrows and lashes? I mean you dont have to tell me I'm just curious" and I told her I have trich and she was very understanding, and then laughed because she thought maybe I had burned off half my eyebrows and lashes some how. She also said that she didnt even notice when we went to get drinks for the first time and I was like "good, then the makeup is working ;)" then we both laughed.
I recorded this with intent of talking about Trichotillomania and dating sites, but of course some of what I say can be applied to regular dating too! Also, I am used to odd/bad comments, I just wanted to cover them here! :).
I've been watching your videos/checking out your tumblr art projects and such for about three-four years and I recently began watching them again and oh my gosh. Thank you for bringing light to trich bc if it wasn't for you I'm sure I wouldn't even know what it is. You're amazing ❤️
A question that popped into my head whilst watching this: do you think it would it be beneficial or detrimental (or would it purely just depend on the person/scenario) for you (or somebody else with trich) to date another person with the same disorder? I would imagine it's not something that would occur on a regular basis and that it may be hard to seek something like that out to find out for yourself firsthand but I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the matter. I don't have trich myself but years ago I came across your channel (I believe when your "picture a day" sort of video went viral) and I've been subscribed ever since. Your strength and outlook on life managing trich and everything else life has to throw at you is incredible and so very real. Thank you for making these videos for those people who do and even those who don't have trich. Much love xx
*If you look at my right temple - you can see where I shaved my hair too close! (I cut/shaved my own hair). REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU MOVE YOUR JAW, IT CHANGES THE SHAPE OF THE SIDES OF YOUR HEAD. I hope this makes sense haha! :D
Its so horrible that the majority of people dating, have to be ok with your appearance before they feel like they can be ok with you as person. Its horrible we look with our eyes and not our heart, sometimes they play together though, stay hopeful!!
Well, I have dating problems because I'm ugly(And shy), but yeah we need to keep battling through loneliness until we find love. I truly believe that everybody has someone out there, we just need to find it.
You're such an inspiration Beckie! I love how honest you are! I really super wish for you that someone lovely pops up and talks to you for hours about Doctor Who and cats and other cosy topics and makes you feel safe and loved xxxx
I find your life and your videos very interesting... but the main reason I watch is your voice! You are so articulate and soft and just a dream to listen to. I hope some dream guy comes along who doesn't look twice at your hair and loves your voice as much as I do!
Hello Beckie, I have watched your channels for a while now and suffer with trick myself with my eyelashes and eyebrows. This was something that really knocked my confidence and made me feel like I never fitted in. Dating wise, i'd never had a boyfriend since now. I met him online and it was obvious in my photos that my eyebrows were pencilled on. He never asked. I explained that I am not your average person and explained. He did not batter an eye-lid at all. His response was 'I doesn't change the way I feel about you'. 8 months on and we are still together. He knows all my problems and has seen me without eyelashes completely; yet he still told me I did not need to wear makeup. The fact that he was not embarrassed by my appearance meant a lot. Beckie, I just wanted to say, there are people out there that accept you as a person and not for what you look like. You are a stunning girl and if people are shallow enough to not get to know the real you, it's their loss. Take care Beckie, xxxxxxxxxxx
Well, a girl who puts up pictures with a shaved head can't avoid questions about her missing hair and about why she's so unusual, so if you don't want those questions, just upload a picture of you wearing a wig or an old pic with hair. But that would be hiding a piece of truth if you really meet someone online, so you'd again need to talk about that and do some explanation.
I used to have this friend who I really liked and one day, while they ran their fingers through my hair, they found my bald spots and immediately stopped talking to me. Its quite hard to realize that people like this aren't worth my time, but I try to stay positive about it!
Also, from the bottom of my heart, I wanted to say thank you. Your candidness has helped so many of us who deal with this disorder in the shadows. Your bravery and openness has given trichsters a platform in the mental health community. If anything, what you have done for the trich community is a true, lasting mark of beauty, in the way hair could never be.
I have short hair because of trich and I'm also pansexual and I get to so many comments from guys saying well are you just gonna turn around and date a girl in the end because you look like your probably more into them anyhow, which obviously feels like a comment on my short hair. And it bothers me cause I have pictures posted where I present as being extremely feminine which I can be at times and I'm like really? We live in an age where what your clothes and hair are have nothing to do with the type of people you like. Ugh, I get your frustration.
You are one of the most influential and incredible people in my life. You inspire me in my eating disorder recovery, in my lack of motivation, in my anxiety. And honestly, I'd love to talk to you more (I've sent a card before and intend to start sending proper letters soon!). Whether you find your love or not, you can find friendship in me (presuming you're straight - I sure as hell am not) because friendship love is important too. And self love. Please always do something good for yourself daily.
People are going to ask, Beckie. They ask because they want to know what they're getting into/involved with. Even though asking someone if they have cancer seems a little rude, or might be a sensitive subject for the person, it _is fair that they ask_. If you fall in love with someone with a terminal illness, then that can be painful relationship to get into, for the both of you. (see Kate's comment) If someone asks you rudely, or if they ask you in a manner which suggests that your baldness disgusts or offends them in some way, then that's fair enough of you to be upset. I have Trich myself, and have had my fair share (believe me) of people asking me if I have cancer. I know how hard it is to explain to someone what TTM is, and how annoying it gets. But I wouldn't dislike the person for asking. It's a perfectly fair question, if they ask in a fair way. If someone asks you (nicely) if you have cancer, then it's unfair for you to take offence. And it's certainly not reasonable to ignore that person/not talk to that person if they did indeed ask you in a fair, kind way. I understand that for the majority of this video you were talking about the people who asked you rudely. I've just been reading some of your tweets, and I can see the amount of legitimately rude responses you've had on dating websites and comments from boyfriends. I hope you understand that I am not trying to make you accept/ see the good in those people. I hope you understand what I mean. x
beckie, u have inspired me so much. i also suffer from trich and it's always so hard but watching your videos, as cliche as it might sound, make me feel so much better. so thank u for being such an amazing inspiration and amazing person overall ❤️ xx
Oh man does this hit home with me! I've had so many questions because I am disabled and put that within my profile, and some really insensitive people too, but I'm glad that I put it there, 1. because I don't show any visible indicators of being disabled with an chronic invisible illness in my photos it allows me to tell straight away who actually bothered to read my profile before trying to converse with me, and 2. it allows me to tell people that I'm not going to be a 'regular' person to date, I can't leave my bed most days, so I'm not interested in not talking before we meet, I can't commit to that. Thank you so much Rebecca! I hope this dating stuff gets a bit easier the longer you are at it and that the people you are enjoying talking to are great! xoxo
Your persistent positive attitude is great, Beckie. Not only will it help you in the search, but it's an attractive part of your personality. Keep it up and you'll find someone if you continue to want that. Either online or off line.
I have the same issue when it comes to online dating... Or dating in general. I am so self conscious about the way I look, and having trich just makes it worse. I feel like I unintentionally give out a vibe that I am insecure, and that not only affects my dating relationships (which are nonexistent) but also my relationship with my peers and coworkers. It is a constant daily battle to deal with and manage my anxiety disorder and trich,, and I find myself thinking that I will never find that person that will be supportive of me. It's also affecting my professional life. Rebecca your vlogs are so inspiring and make me. Feel so much less alone. I know it is difficult to go through life with a mental illness, but it is comforting knowing that I'm not the only one having these issues.
While, I do not have trich, I did meet my current boyfriend right at the beginning of a terrible downward spiral of depression, skin picking, and relapse into my eating disorder. I definitely think meeting your partner when you aren't doing particularly well can be very good for the relationship. I also find it super helpful when my partner is able to understand what I am experiencing to at least some extent. I hope you are able to find happiness, and I wish you the best of luck.
im 16 and finding a partner is hard... specially because I have a shaved head (I also have trich). It's sad how some people judge you by your hair or don't even try to be friends with you because of it, it hurts me
+LlamaDelRey me too... it also changes how I feel about guys and I cant even be comfortable around guys or meeting new people because they will always look at my friends/other people because im the girl who doesn't have hair
+Luana santos Oh man, I totally feel ya. I have trich also and man, it is just the absolute WORST! I just really felt for you, while reading your comment, and just wanna say... Im sorry. Im sure, like myself, many other people know exactly how you feel. But hey, I've been married 4 years and have worn a wig for 2 of those years, and my husband still thinks I am absolutely beautiful, even when I find that extremely hard to believe. There are good people out there who will see your beauty with trich. They are out there -- don't give up!
I'm a larger girl and I get a lot of negativity on dating sites for my appearance too :/ It's really hurtful what people say. They assume I'm lazy, that I smell, that I'm of low intelligence when it states in my profiles I have two master degrees. When it's not about my size, people talk down to me because I have tattoos. When like, there is a whole profile of fandom love, art love etc to talk about. It does also attract the wrong kind of people. Somehow people assume I'm only out for sex or they can manipulate me into sex because of my chest size etc. I'm done with datingsites. I really do prefer to meet people in real life. I feel like a piece of meat on those sites.
+Natascha Clerinx (BennieNC) Oh bless you! (And two masters?! WOW!!!). I'm not a fan of tattoos, but even if someon has one, I don't judge them as a person! One of my friends has loads of tattoos and she's absolutely gorgeous (and funny). As for weight - BLOODY SOCIETY! :(. Yeah... I don't really have a choice. It's either dating sites or nothing for me. All the people who want me, I don't fancy/want to know romantically and all the people I like don't want me! So I've got to go somewhere else! It's a new and odd experience alright! :x
You're so sweet :) thank you. Sad thing is I don't have a choice either. I'm the caretaker of my granny so I don't get out much :D You took the words out of my mouth BLOODY SOCIETY! You are a wonderful and beautiful person, I'm good the way I am :) and so is everyone else who fits into the standard, doesn't fit into it or doesn't even want to come close to the standard :) It's like you said there have been good conversations (that have also sadly ended sometimes because people can't get passed the way I look) but the way people judge is just sad. But I'm with you :) love is out there and you know if I don't find it I'll save up and start an animal shelter so I can finally become the crazy dog lady I am on the inside ;) x
Lol im 1 year late to join this conversation but i can relate on sooo many levels.. You really look pretty (and may i mention nice lipstick, i looove makeup
I found it interesting when you said "I would like to find somebody when my trich is at its worst", I can empathize with that quote - but in another field. I loved this video, thank you!
I totally understand! Not in the exact same way, but I have really bad cystic acne and pectus excavatum which makes my chest looks really weird and lots of people ask about those things. You aren't alone!
I have to say that I admire your determination to go on in life. I do not have the same problems as you, I did some research on your disorder when I noticed that I kid I was a nanny to had a very similar problem of pulling all of his hair out. I have found through life, trial, and now acceptance that I am absolutely undatable and completely replaceable, but in all respects I am considered "normal". The fact that you are going through such a hard time, through disorders, and all manners of mental pain you are still trying to live a happy and full life is so admirable and I just love your spunk for life. I wish I naturally had the boldness that you display in your videos. Keep on keepin' on. :)
Beckie. Your a beautiful human being! I've been watching your videos and if people can't see the amazing person you are then it's really their loss! I saw you at Summer in the City last year and I was actually so nervous to talk to you but I wish I had of done now as your such a lovely person! I hope you find someone loving and can see you for the person you are and not what your going through :) Stay strong Beckie :)
One thing I've been learning as a trans person is that it is okay, even necessary, to respond to invasive questions with "that's a personal question and I'm not comfortable answering it." If I want the other person to be educated about something I can refer them to another resource, but I'm trying to defend my boundaries more strictly and simply refuse to answer questions about my body. On your profile you could consider stating a clear boundary up-front. "I don't answer questions about my hair. If you ask about my hair I will end our conversation".
+Zoya Street This! setting up clear boundaries in a conversation on a dating site is SO important! bc you would do the same if someone tried to have a verbal conversation with you!
As a woman who has been bald in the dating world, I too found that people think my baldness is a good ice breaker. I guess my only advice is to keep moving forward, knowing that your uniqueness is simply a point of genuinely innocent curiosity. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt in regards to their curiosity. Hopefully you can continue to inform people, and move right along from it into great conversations about Harry Potter and Doctor Who. Good luck, Beckie
A weird tip that i have found useful in my life is to find a new hobby, find a space where that hobby is celebrated and then attend vigorously. it's amazing finding someone who is interested in what you are interested in and then when your really not looking the real thing can come along.
i remember cuddling with friends, and feeling love really helped slow my trich down at the time when i had my head buzzed. i went two weeks without pulling, and that was amazing for me.
It's horrible that appearance is so important to some people! Yes it's the first thing you see on dating sites but obviously that doesn't mean you have to ask someone about it. I mean people would find it strange if someone asks you why is your hair brown? Yet it's not strange if you ask someone why they're bald which can of course potentially a very sensitive and personal topic
People say, "at least it weeds out the bad ones you don't want to be talking to"... except it doesn't. In some cases, it attracts them, and attracts the people brazen enough to message you about it, and be insensitive.
I do not have Trichotillomania, but I have depression and anxiety and I do mention that on my dating sites and people always have a need to tell me "Are you sure you want to put that on there?" or "You're so brave for disclosing that since it might scare people away but not me!" So I understand the struggle of a disorder and dating sites. It's rough.
I pull out my eyebrows and use pencils to fill them in as best that I can. Before that however, I just had very long hair that covered the as far down as my eyes. During that time, I was lucky enough to find someone that I was able to discuss it with early on and they have been nothing but supportive for the past 6 years. I try not to take her and her acceptance/help for granted. You're a beautiful and thoughtful person so I'm sure you'll have even better chances than I did to find that right person sooner than later.
You are amazing :) I can't wait to watch the film! Thank you for helping me improve my self confidence, to let me know I am not alone in this and to be exactly who you are. Always. Thank you :)
You are an amazing human being and one of my favorite youtubers; literally one of the first things that I do when I am upset or stressed out is watch one of your videos and they instantly put me out of my misery. I am a firm believer of fate and I sincerely believe that everyone is bound to find their soul mate sooner or later, and I pray to god that you will soon find yours that will love you just the way you are; a beautiful, smart, and engaging woman. In the meantime I hope you know that you are not alone and that there are people that love you and look up to you as well (even if you don't know them personally). I am dealing with a thyroid disease and I have been for four years; we all have our own problems and it's good to know that you are not alone. Sending you lots of love and strength, xoxo.
I met my boyfriend on a dating website and explained all about my bipolar it was the first thing that you read about me I got some really hurtful uneducated comments and they did judge me and if I didn't answer them back I would get called for everything (some situations where they would get girls to message me and threaten me too) but then Jamie messaged me and thanked me for being honest and as soon as we swapped numbers and I heard his voice the first 10 minutes I knew I wanted him to be in my life for a very long time and that was almost a year ago and I couldn't ask for a more supportive partner he's seen me at my best and at my worst and has still stuck by my side. I hope you find that special someone one day that is willing to see a person more than a disorder he will come along one day.
I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago. I have some severe medical conditions and I was open right from the start (despite having bad experiences to do with my medical issues and not) I never thought I would find someone who would be so helpful and supportive. he is the best thing that has happened to me and I wouldn't change him. there still are some understanding people out there that care about you and not the conditions :)
It is annoying dealing with date or friendship sites, I agree! As much as there are many positive things to be said, I understand needing to voice your feelings about the negative stuff, too. I like a site that lets you find penpals (for friendship, not dating) around the world, but even speaking as a person without trich, people can be rude or even disgusting. I've been able to find good people to talk to, which is fantastic, but there were times I questioned being on the website. I can't imagine what it's like dealing with all the odd/bad comments non-trichers get in addition to dealing with trich related things, too. Good luck!!!
I have very curly hair, and very often on dating sites the first thing people say is 'your hair' or simply 'HAIR!!' It's so common I often don't realise that they hadn't said hi or asked how I was, just pointed out that I had hair
You won't see this but I want to thank you. I want to thank you for being you. I've recently found this TrichJournal and just knowing that I'm not the only one makes me feel so much better. I watched your video of you shaving your head and I understand what you went through and all the emotions you felt because I've been through that too. You're beautiful and you're doing a lot of good in this world, not just for yourself but for others as well.
I agree that must be annoying if people only or at first talk about your lack of hair. But if you think about it, it does make sense. It's the first thing people see and it is also a really dramatic thing that you can't ignore.
Well done! This seemed very well planned and presented. I never would have guessed this was spontaneous. I have to add that from the perspective of someone who has been following you for some time, I wish with all my heart that you find someone who will see you as the beautiful, creative, and intelligent person that you truly are.
I agree with you Beckie people can be so insensitive when talking to people, just wish people would get to know others but going in to depth about things that can make you feel uncomfortable or sad talking about. But we love you Beckie. x
Most people here are saying to just explain it but it is so frustrating after awhile. Having to repeat yourself several times a day is just exhausting. Even more so if that conversation turns sour afterwards and you just dealt with the hard work of explaining everything and answering a boat load of questions.
i really feel this so much. not so much in terms of trich, (it's isolated to my eyebrows and i can draw them on and pass it off as me being edgy...) but in regards to being trans. there are so many people who message you, not to talk about common interests, but just to rudely interrogate you. if you're going to be mean, why bother messaging in the first place.
You're such an inspiring and beautiful person Beckie, I think the message you portray online is so wonderful and has definitely over the years helped me to become more educated on certain topics 💛 ps you have the prettiest eyes omg
Although my trichotillomania case is mild, and rather new to me, I can relate. However appearance isn't everything, that not what I'm trying to portray, trichers like me and others suffering cancer and terminal illnesses, the first thing most of us feel self-conscious about is our appearance. There's a difference between being loved by your friends and family, and being loved by a significant other. Being told that you're beautiful feels different coming from your partner father than your mother or anyone else that loves you. I can relate to you, Becca, but don't give up, because once you give up there's no hope at all :)
+Appel Achternaam Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. EVERYONE is asking about my hair sooner or later. If I ignore everyone who mentions the hair, I'll have no options for people to talk to x
Thats absolutely true! I didnt ment my comment in the way that I think Ignoring it is the best thing to do. I only wanted to explain what pinksealight was saying TrichJournal
I could totally imagine how hurtful your situation could be! Unfortunately, online dating is very looks oriented in some ways. Also, people can be very direct. I've never been on a date where you make a full profile before, but I've had experience with how forward people can be in those circumstances. It's so much nicer when people make the effort to get to know a person!
As a guy I, in general, like the short haired look, I would probably bring it up as general chit chat as a style point, but thats it really, not at all a focus of everything. Dating sights seem, rather shallow.
First let me put it out there, I think your candor is awesome. I do not have trichotillomania, but I do understand what you are going through, I was born with spina bifida. I tried dating sites for few years and ran into the problems you did. I gave up on ever finding a partner and being loved....UNTIL.... I met a wonderful person in real life who captured my heart and who got to know ME and the the sb too. We've been together almost 9 years. In those 9 years I've gone from being able to walk to being in the hospital (and almost dying) for 4 months, to being confined to a wheelchair. Through all that we are still together and talking marriage. I share this with you because something you said struck a chord with me. Online dating is like a catalog and that makes everything so superficial. I want to encourage you to keep trying, be on the look out. You never know where you will find someone who wants to get to know you and who will love you as is all day every day.
Dating websites are really hard. I have epilepsy, a condition which you couldn't even see from my profile picture but like you I felt it was important to let people know because it means a) I can't drive and b) I have a slight eye twitch due to the nature of my condition. Many people asked me if I was contagious, stopped talking to me, one person said "does that mean you are spastic?". But once you fish through all of the ignorant plonkers, you end up finding a good guy. That's how I found my fiancé....he looked past everything and continues to look past my issues (I also have mental health problems), and loves me for me. Good luck - the song "love is battlefield" is so true but once you get there, it's totally worth it xxxx
I've had an NG tube for a long time, and have had exactly the same experiences, down to the 'do you have cancer lol?' questions. I've met you once before Beckie, and I still say that I have the utmost respect for everything you say. Good luck with the quest for love! :D -the girl that looked like a really sick merida
I would normally ask about someone being baled/about their hair just because of curiosity and as a conversation starter and not in a hurtful and meaningful way, and I guess lots of people immediately ask is because its one of the first things they see. How/when would you prefer people to ask about your hair?
I told my husband about my trich on the 3rd date. he didn't care. he didn't realize how bad and stressful it was until we moved in together but overall it has made us stronger in the relationship and he loves me with or without hair or eyebrows and eyelashes. he tells me I'm beautiful everyday. find someone who finds you beautiful even (and especially) when you are feeling ugly. I hate looking in a mirror yet he can't stop looking at me. find that person because you deserve to have that, everyone with trich deserves to have someone in their life who makes you feel beautiful!
I totally agree that it's better to be open when first dating. When I first shaved, I covered it with a wig for a year! It made dating so awkward and stressful. I never realized how often guys will run their fingers through my hair until I had the wig. Their faces when they felt the wig cap...ugh. I was constantly avoiding any physical contact. I couldn't get myself to tell them it was a wig because that would lead to a long conversation about my trich, which at the time was my biggest secret. Trich can be so isolating.
You don't want to be defined by your disorder when you go on dating sites, I definitely get that. I have MDD and I've experienced going out and meeting people and casually mentioned that I'm sick. Of course I know that that invites them to ask and that's okay, I want that out of the way as well, but I can literally see the change in people's eyes: I go from a person, with a complex personality with lots of facets to a victims that they now need to save. At this point I don't tell people that I'm depressed anymore because I feel so exposed and their pity makes me feel like shit. My disorder still shows on my body but not nearly as much as yours Beckie and I think it's really badass to brave tindr or wherever it is you're looking and being so open to other people when you get stupid reactions like the ones you talk about in the video. Keep going, that person is out there.
Slightly different situation but one of my close friends was undergoing chemotherapy (she's now two years in remission) and in doing so lost all her hair. At the time she was single and really wanted to find a partner and I remember her telling me that she struggled with a lot of the same things you mentioned here. Being single when you want so badly to find and be in love is so hard. You're not alone and I know you're gonna find the lucky guy some day soon!!
I don't have Trich, but I do have a hearing disorder (complete opposite of deafness where one has extremely acute and sensitive hearing) that limits where and for how long I can go out. This truly has put a dampner on my social life and definitely on dating. I've been debating joining the online dating scene, but it's just so bloody terrifying. The majority of the time you are judged by your appearance and not your profile online, which is absolutely rediculous because there is so much more to a person than what they look like. It does make me sad that people's reaction to your profile, Rebecca, is mainly a reaction to your hair. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I hope you find someone. X
I have dermatillomania, and can't stop picking on my fingers and my scalp. it ends up bieng a painful bloody mess. i'm also bipolar 1. i'm so happy i found Your vlog. It actually helps me, considered that I don't know anyone who struggle With the same thing, they just think i'm doing it to hurt my self and for the pain. but i hate the pain ! And i really have to say that you are truly beautiful. C
Although I completely agree with the majority of this, I do find it somehow unfair that you're insinuating someone is stupid/rude for asking if its contagious, I mean, of course in your position (actually having trich) you'd know an awful lot about the disorder, if not everything. I didn't even know what it was before I found your channel so I'm just confused why you would make this judgement?
It's more frustration. At the situation and the fact they don't understand and in some cases where it's come up before, it has been said with cruel intentions.
I've had my fair share of strange conversations on dating sites too, but not to the same extent as you. For me, I'm more ashamed of myself than I realised before trying the websites. I quickly left them because it just made my anxiety go haywire. Online dating is difficult and strange but sometimes it does work out great. I myself don't want a relationship at the moment, but I do get cravings (couldn't think of a better word!) to have someone like that, especially seeing all the romance around. I hope it works out well for you Rebecca, I really do, you deserve the best 😊❤
I don't have any experience with this but what I do have experience in is finding love when you have a stutter. It can be really difficult because you know your voice has so much impact on the other person and you can see the other person's reaction to what you're saying (or the facial ticks). With my current boyfriend, our first date didn't really reveal too much about my stutter, but he knew about it beforehand and I have had boys say to me 'it's a turn off' and 'it's a distraction to me'; but finding my current boyfriend who says none of that douchey shit and appreciates everything I have to say has kind of bought my spirits up. It's just nice to know that you're more than than your disorder/disability :)
This has been so relevant to me recently, it's insane how many people bring up hair and demand to know why I shaved it within the first or second message
I started dating my current boyfriend two years ago and i actually was having one of my pull free periods actually. He has been really supportive and when we hang out he reminds me not to pull because I subconsiously pull my eyelashes, eyebrows and a largish part of my scalp. He really is sweet, and always makes a point to be there after my episodes, and its really wonderful, I feel really lucky actually because most people dont get lucky when they start losing their hair during a relationship. My exs all reacted like I was some freak after an episode, and usually the months before were months of being pull free. Hopefully everyone else can have the same luck in finding an understanding person
Yes but then again you have to imagine it from their perspective. They are there to find a partner and terminal illness is massive factor when you look for a relationship. And given that a substantial share of bold people struggle through cancer, you can't blame them for wanting to figure that out earlier rather than later. Otherwise, I think you're awesome and beautiful and will stumble upon a great match :)
+Muravina Maria Yeah, I understand that! But there are more tactful ways to approach that. Even as someone who doesn't have cancer, I feel terrible at the either that someone needs to find out that type of information from me before they even consider wasting time on me. People with Cancer or any disorder, are not objects to be rejected and passed over... we have feelings too xx
Love does exist for trichsters!! Both my current bf and my last bf were very accepting of my Trich. Both have seen me without eyebrows, and they still said I was beautiful. Don't give up Beckie!
I never told anyone about my trich when I was dating although it definitely did effect me! It effected my confidence and made me want to hide it away from people. I only told my boyfriend about it a couple of months into being with him. I had met him on a dating app called happn. But I didn't find from putting my RUclips channel on my dating sites that is alllllllll that people spoke to me about. Pretty annoying really! So I feel your pain. Anyway. Good luck! You will find someone who accepts you just the way you are X
Hi Rebecca I just watched your video from 2009. I am honestly balling my eyes out because I've never met anyone who can describe how I feel and why I can't control it. I'm 21 and I've been doing it since I was a little girl. you video has made me feet better I want to thank you
My old best friend had Trichotillomania. She would pull her eyelashes and eyebrows out when she was lost in her thoughts or felt lonely or stressed. Best thing was always to chat or touch her and bring her back to the real world. I never really thought of it as too much of an issue. Obviously it wasn't great for her but it was just part of her personality and rarely came up. she actually got tattooed eyebrows (yes they do that now) so even when she is having a spars week she has eyebrows :)
A lot of the time people are afraid to even approach me because I have a visual impairment. Sometimes I use my cane and sometimes I don't (I still have some vision) I notice people tend to act as if I'm not there when I do use it. I understand your frustration. People almost always judge a book by its cover. It's not fair because they never get to find out what's inside.
I hope you don't feel discouraged by these difficulties you are facing and that you find a loving partner for yourself. I'm certain that a wonderful person will come your way. Just make sure that you know the things your partner needs to have/be in order for you to have a great relationship (i.e. being understanding, being funny, having a curiosity about the world, liking to travel, being willing to learn about your condition without prejudice, etc...). Good luck!
When I was a teenager was hard to explain the missing bits of my hair, or why ocasionaly my eye lashes were not there. People though I was stupid for doing that, mind you that wikipedia didn't exist back then. Fortunately my last girfriend and my current one are very supportive and help me with it a lot. You will eventually find someone who will walk with you side by side. All the best
Having a trich and dating has been very hard for me. Men are constantly asking if I have cancer, if I am contagious, am I a boy, am I trans, to the point where I just gave up. I was having more bad conversations that good, nobody seem to want to know me, they just wanted to know why I didn't have hair. And I have also had a few people send me some graphic BDSM messages thinking my shaved head was related to that so you aren't alone there either!!
Every time I watch one of your videos, the honest to God thing that pops up in my head repeatedly about your appearance are those big, beautifully blue eyes. It may be because being raised on Scifi my whole life, a bald head is not foreign to me. i was on dating sites for about two seconds(not my cuppa), but both my mother and father met their respective spouses on sites and I can not even describe how perfectly matched they are. Those sites can and do work, but for those of us who enjoy growing relationships around experiences, like books and T.V. shows and news articles(etc), it can be disheartening to be in a spot where the shared experience starts with a photo and straight to conversation. Keep at it.
On the one hand, it sucks to be alone when you don't want to be. But on the other hand, it's not worth being with the wrong someone. Personally, I like to get to know people, and I let them decide when they are comfortable with sharing things. I would hate to imagine some of the wonderful people in my life that I would have avoided if I let fear of their condition (if they have one) keep me from getting to know them.
I'm lucky enough to have trich to a degree where it doesn't affect the hair on my head much. In the 13+ years I've had trich I've had one thin spot on my head, never a completely bald spot, and that's it. However, it does affect my body hair. A lot. Especially downstairs. I have had sex with a woman before and that was alright because I was going through a good patch with it so it just looked like it was shaved and there were no major wounds or anything, but I'm terrified that the first time I have sex with a man (I'm bi) it's going to be at a time when it's not so great down there and, seeing as men tend to be more direct, he's going to end up stopping things and asking if I've got an STD or something and I'm going to have to explain and end up a crying mess. Any tips anyone?
Finding love on the internet is probably not the way to go. I have suffered with trich all my life and honestly, the right person will not care. I can promise you that you will meet someone amazing, because you're incredibly pretty, smart, funny and you have a really cute cat. I only say that the Internet isn't the way to go because it's not 100% legit, and it's easy to hide behind a computer screen and lie about who you are, much love Beckie xxx
This is a great video. Please make more like this, these are really enjoyable to watch!!❤️❤️ I don't think you were too offensive either, things need to be said and you made the right choice in saying them on this channel. (I hope I don't sound patronising, I just really love what you're doing)
I have trich and my wife never cared. She died of cancer and lost all of her hair for the last 2 years of her life and I never cared. So, Beckie, if someone only cares about your hair; move on. There is someone for you, don't worry. It will be your sparkling personality and undying optimism that will make them want you. Patience dear girl.
cheer up, you are brave, smart and beautiful both outside and inside, you have a strong will, so don't bother thinking about the people that you talked about. go ahead and i wish you a best of luck, you deserve it.
not Trich but Dermatilomania ... I end up not even trying to date because of not feeling comfortable with my skin's appearance. I applaud you for putting yourself out there! :) maybe someday I will too.
Hey Beckie, I don't have trich, but I do have dermatillomania. For about the first 4 months of the relationship with me boyfriend, I was too embarrassed to ever let him see me without makeup due to all of my scars. I know it was very hard for me, and still is very hard even though we have been together for 2+ years. You just have to find someone you can be open with. Who you can trust to talk to, and not be afraid to be yourself. Sending love Xx
I have a problem online dating while black and bi. Statistics show that people don't even message black women nearly as often as other races, and I get weird questions like you do about things I never even though about when all i wanted was to date, not be someone's fetish, or the third in their relationship, or they just don't speak to me at all because their assumptions show me as not even being an option. Dating is frustrating all around.
People ask about cancer because that's a pretty big thing to commit to, to someone you don't know. If you have a loved one who develops cancer, of course you stick with them and stuff. But if you're looking for love and someone happens to have cancer, or a terminal illness, not everyone will want to take on that responsibility, or heartache which is completely fine. I wouldn't take offence to people asking, Beckie. People just want to know what they're getting themselves in to.
+Kate Maybe you're right! but it shouldn't be the first question! They should start talking a bit before they ask such question and they should do it with a bit more respect and sense :)
People with cancer or any disorders, should not be avoided like the plague though. And many people with certain disorders are. One mention of autism, Aspergers, amputations learning difficulties even things like stammers.... And countless turn their backs. Being defined and judged by what we have before people know us is exceptionally exhausting over time. I do appreciate what you're saying, but we have feelings too x
+Rebecca Brown I 100% agree, as I have some anxiety issues and bi polar myself. I'm just saying from the other perspective is all, it might be a lot of ( for lack of a better term) baggage for someone to handle.
+Kate Above all this it's mainly ignorance why people behave this way. They don't have the intention to be insensitive but they simply don't know what thrichotillomania or alopecia is. They see a woman with a shaven head (which is not that 'standard') and automatically assume she is either a) suffering from cancer or b) a big Sinead O'Conner fan or c) a skinhead. No offence. I personally find that all dating sites especially apps focus too much on appearance. Nobody ever reads your profile anymore, it's all about pics. Sad but that's how it is these days. It's embedded in society
You are ridiculously beautiful.
That's all they should be seeing. :)
+Hayley Longster Agreed! Your eyes alone are gorgeous, Rebecca. x
Beautiful both inside and out!
+Hayley Longster And adorable!
yes.
A girl I like asked me a couple days ago "what exactly happened to your eyebrows and lashes? I mean you dont have to tell me I'm just curious" and I told her I have trich and she was very understanding, and then laughed because she thought maybe I had burned off half my eyebrows and lashes some how. She also said that she didnt even notice when we went to get drinks for the first time and I was like "good, then the makeup is working ;)" then we both laughed.
I recorded this with intent of talking about Trichotillomania and dating sites, but of course some of what I say can be applied to regular dating too! Also, I am used to odd/bad comments, I just wanted to cover them here! :).
We share an oddly similar life.. ^^
I love you and youre videos, beckie :)
Hope you have a nice day and feel well
You are so inspirational Rebecca. You really have made me realise that I am not alone with Trich. xxx
I've been watching your videos/checking out your tumblr art projects and such for about three-four years and I recently began watching them again and oh my gosh. Thank you for bringing light to trich bc if it wasn't for you I'm sure I wouldn't even know what it is. You're amazing ❤️
you are so brave😘
hang in there, all those idiots don't deserve you.
I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS
greetings from Mexico🎀
A question that popped into my head whilst watching this: do you think it would it be beneficial or detrimental (or would it purely just depend on the person/scenario) for you (or somebody else with trich) to date another person with the same disorder?
I would imagine it's not something that would occur on a regular basis and that it may be hard to seek something like that out to find out for yourself firsthand but I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the matter.
I don't have trich myself but years ago I came across your channel (I believe when your "picture a day" sort of video went viral) and I've been subscribed ever since. Your strength and outlook on life managing trich and everything else life has to throw at you is incredible and so very real. Thank you for making these videos for those people who do and even those who don't have trich. Much love xx
*If you look at my right temple - you can see where I shaved my hair too close! (I cut/shaved my own hair). REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU MOVE YOUR JAW, IT CHANGES THE SHAPE OF THE SIDES OF YOUR HEAD. I hope this makes sense haha! :D
WHATS THE RIGHT TEMPLE
IS IT A DENT IN THE SKULL?
comnique939 It's part of your head. Actually, I mean the bit behind it, within the hair. Where your jaw connects to the skull.
I noticed but I thought it was intentional. I really like it!
amcol85 Really? Awesome!!
"Do the carpets match the drapes"
Dude, this is a dating site, not a freaking Ikea catalogue
Its so horrible that the majority of people dating, have to be ok with your appearance before they feel like they can be ok with you as person. Its horrible we look with our eyes and not our heart, sometimes they play together though, stay hopeful!!
Well, I have dating problems because I'm ugly(And shy), but yeah we need to keep battling through loneliness until we find love. I truly believe that everybody has someone out there, we just need to find it.
You're not ugly. Don't say that.
Jokes on all of you guys, I've never dated anyone before, so I haven't dealt with any problems! Hahahahahahaha hahahahahaha.......oh
+StereotypicalNerd ouch. It hurts how much I can relate to this.
+Allison Hewitt Sorry :(
Your voice is so calming! I'm so sorry about your experiences on dating sites.
You're such an inspiration Beckie! I love how honest you are! I really super wish for you that someone lovely pops up and talks to you for hours about Doctor Who and cats and other cosy topics and makes you feel safe and loved xxxx
Men, ESPECIALLY on dating sites, can be VERY insensitive. :/
I find your life and your videos very interesting... but the main reason I watch is your voice! You are so articulate and soft and just a dream to listen to. I hope some dream guy comes along who doesn't look twice at your hair and loves your voice as much as I do!
Hello Beckie, I have watched your channels for a while now and suffer with trick myself with my eyelashes and eyebrows. This was something that really knocked my confidence and made me feel like I never fitted in. Dating wise, i'd never had a boyfriend since now. I met him online and it was obvious in my photos that my eyebrows were pencilled on. He never asked. I explained that I am not your average person and explained. He did not batter an eye-lid at all. His response was 'I doesn't change the way I feel about you'. 8 months on and we are still together. He knows all my problems and has seen me without eyelashes completely; yet he still told me I did not need to wear makeup. The fact that he was not embarrassed by my appearance meant a lot. Beckie, I just wanted to say, there are people out there that accept you as a person and not for what you look like. You are a stunning girl and if people are shallow enough to not get to know the real you, it's their loss. Take care Beckie, xxxxxxxxxxx
Well, a girl who puts up pictures with a shaved head can't avoid questions about her missing hair and about why she's so unusual, so if you don't want those questions, just upload a picture of you wearing a wig or an old pic with hair. But that would be hiding a piece of truth if you really meet someone online, so you'd again need to talk about that and do some explanation.
I used to have this friend who I really liked and one day, while they ran their fingers through my hair, they found my bald spots and immediately stopped talking to me.
Its quite hard to realize that people like this aren't worth my time, but I try to stay positive about it!
Also, from the bottom of my heart, I wanted to say thank you.
Your candidness has helped so many of us who deal with this disorder in the shadows. Your bravery and openness has given trichsters a platform in the mental health community.
If anything, what you have done for the trich community is a true, lasting mark of beauty, in the way hair could never be.
I have short hair because of trich and I'm also pansexual and I get to so many comments from guys saying well are you just gonna turn around and date a girl in the end because you look like your probably more into them anyhow, which obviously feels like a comment on my short hair. And it bothers me cause I have pictures posted where I present as being extremely feminine which I can be at times and I'm like really? We live in an age where what your clothes and hair are have nothing to do with the type of people you like. Ugh, I get your frustration.
You are one of the most influential and incredible people in my life. You inspire me in my eating disorder recovery, in my lack of motivation, in my anxiety. And honestly, I'd love to talk to you more (I've sent a card before and intend to start sending proper letters soon!). Whether you find your love or not, you can find friendship in me (presuming you're straight - I sure as hell am not) because friendship love is important too. And self love. Please always do something good for yourself daily.
People are going to ask, Beckie. They ask because they want to know what they're getting into/involved with. Even though asking someone if they have cancer seems a little rude, or might be a sensitive subject for the person, it _is fair that they ask_. If you fall in love with someone with a terminal illness, then that can be painful relationship to get into, for the both of you. (see Kate's comment)
If someone asks you rudely, or if they ask you in a manner which suggests that your baldness disgusts or offends them in some way, then that's fair enough of you to be upset. I have Trich myself, and have had my fair share (believe me) of people asking me if I have cancer. I know how hard it is to explain to someone what TTM is, and how annoying it gets. But I wouldn't dislike the person for asking. It's a perfectly fair question, if they ask in a fair way.
If someone asks you (nicely) if you have cancer, then it's unfair for you to take offence. And it's certainly not reasonable to ignore that person/not talk to that person if they did indeed ask you in a fair, kind way.
I understand that for the majority of this video you were talking about the people who asked you rudely. I've just been reading some of your tweets, and I can see the amount of legitimately rude responses you've had on dating websites and comments from boyfriends. I hope you understand that I am not trying to make you accept/ see the good in those people.
I hope you understand what I mean. x
+Bridget I would rather someone ask right away before assuming things and jumping to conclusions.
beckie, u have inspired me so much. i also suffer from trich and it's always so hard but watching your videos, as cliche as it might sound, make me feel so much better. so thank u for being such an amazing inspiration and amazing person overall ❤️ xx
Oh man does this hit home with me! I've had so many questions because I am disabled and put that within my profile, and some really insensitive people too, but I'm glad that I put it there, 1. because I don't show any visible indicators of being disabled with an chronic invisible illness in my photos it allows me to tell straight away who actually bothered to read my profile before trying to converse with me, and 2. it allows me to tell people that I'm not going to be a 'regular' person to date, I can't leave my bed most days, so I'm not interested in not talking before we meet, I can't commit to that. Thank you so much Rebecca! I hope this dating stuff gets a bit easier the longer you are at it and that the people you are enjoying talking to are great! xoxo
Your persistent positive attitude is great, Beckie. Not only will it help you in the search, but it's an attractive part of your personality. Keep it up and you'll find someone if you continue to want that. Either online or off line.
I have the same issue when it comes to online dating... Or dating in general. I am so self conscious about the way I look, and having trich just makes it worse. I feel like I unintentionally give out a vibe that I am insecure, and that not only affects my dating relationships (which are nonexistent) but also my relationship with my peers and coworkers. It is a constant daily battle to deal with and manage my anxiety disorder and trich,, and I find myself thinking that I will never find that person that will be supportive of me. It's also affecting my professional life.
Rebecca your vlogs are so inspiring and make me. Feel so much less alone. I know it is difficult to go through life with a mental illness, but it is comforting knowing that I'm not the only one having these issues.
While, I do not have trich, I did meet my current boyfriend right at the beginning of a terrible downward spiral of depression, skin picking, and relapse into my eating disorder. I definitely think meeting your partner when you aren't doing particularly well can be very good for the relationship. I also find it super helpful when my partner is able to understand what I am experiencing to at least some extent. I hope you are able to find happiness, and I wish you the best of luck.
im 16 and finding a partner is hard... specially because I have a shaved head (I also have trich). It's sad how some people judge you by your hair or don't even try to be friends with you because of it, it hurts me
I'm 17 and my trich is the thing that stops me being as confident as I would like to be around guys. I know how you feel, it sucks :/
+LlamaDelRey me too... it also changes how I feel about guys and I cant even be comfortable around guys or meeting new people because they will always look at my friends/other people because im the girl who doesn't have hair
Well I hope you'll find someone, also I hope your name is referring to frank Iero, and lastly, awesome name! ;)
+Skylar Chumley yes it is!!!! He's amazing :)
+Luana santos Oh man, I totally feel ya. I have trich also and man, it is just the absolute WORST! I just really felt for you, while reading your comment, and just wanna say... Im sorry. Im sure, like myself, many other people know exactly how you feel. But hey, I've been married 4 years and have worn a wig for 2 of those years, and my husband still thinks I am absolutely beautiful, even when I find that extremely hard to believe. There are good people out there who will see your beauty with trich. They are out there -- don't give up!
I'm a larger girl and I get a lot of negativity on dating sites for my appearance too :/ It's really hurtful what people say. They assume I'm lazy, that I smell, that I'm of low intelligence when it states in my profiles I have two master degrees. When it's not about my size, people talk down to me because I have tattoos. When like, there is a whole profile of fandom love, art love etc to talk about.
It does also attract the wrong kind of people. Somehow people assume I'm only out for sex or they can manipulate me into sex because of my chest size etc.
I'm done with datingsites. I really do prefer to meet people in real life. I feel like a piece of meat on those sites.
+Natascha Clerinx (BennieNC) Oh bless you! (And two masters?! WOW!!!). I'm not a fan of tattoos, but even if someon has one, I don't judge them as a person! One of my friends has loads of tattoos and she's absolutely gorgeous (and funny). As for weight - BLOODY SOCIETY! :(. Yeah... I don't really have a choice. It's either dating sites or nothing for me. All the people who want me, I don't fancy/want to know romantically and all the people I like don't want me! So I've got to go somewhere else! It's a new and odd experience alright! :x
You're so sweet :) thank you. Sad thing is I don't have a choice either. I'm the caretaker of my granny so I don't get out much :D
You took the words out of my mouth BLOODY SOCIETY! You are a wonderful and beautiful person, I'm good the way I am :) and so is everyone else who fits into the standard, doesn't fit into it or doesn't even want to come close to the standard :)
It's like you said there have been good conversations (that have also sadly ended sometimes because people can't get passed the way I look) but the way people judge is just sad.
But I'm with you :) love is out there and you know if I don't find it I'll save up and start an animal shelter so I can finally become the crazy dog lady I am on the inside ;) x
from your profile picture, you look beautiful!!!! i can't see why anybody would talk down to you!!
Thank you that's kind :)
Lol im 1 year late to join this conversation but i can relate on sooo many levels.. You really look pretty (and may i mention nice lipstick, i looove makeup
I found it interesting when you said "I would like to find somebody when my trich is at its worst", I can empathize with that quote - but in another field. I loved this video, thank you!
I totally understand! Not in the exact same way, but I have really bad cystic acne and pectus excavatum which makes my chest looks really weird and lots of people ask about those things. You aren't alone!
I have to say that I admire your determination to go on in life. I do not have the same problems as you, I did some research on your disorder when I noticed that I kid I was a nanny to had a very similar problem of pulling all of his hair out.
I have found through life, trial, and now acceptance that I am absolutely undatable and completely replaceable, but in all respects I am considered "normal". The fact that you are going through such a hard time, through disorders, and all manners of mental pain you are still trying to live a happy and full life is so admirable and I just love your spunk for life. I wish I naturally had the boldness that you display in your videos. Keep on keepin' on. :)
Beckie. Your a beautiful human being! I've been watching your videos and if people can't see the amazing person you are then it's really their loss! I saw you at Summer in the City last year and I was actually so nervous to talk to you but I wish I had of done now as your such a lovely person! I hope you find someone loving and can see you for the person you are and not what your going through :) Stay strong Beckie :)
One thing I've been learning as a trans person is that it is okay, even necessary, to respond to invasive questions with "that's a personal question and I'm not comfortable answering it." If I want the other person to be educated about something I can refer them to another resource, but I'm trying to defend my boundaries more strictly and simply refuse to answer questions about my body.
On your profile you could consider stating a clear boundary up-front. "I don't answer questions about my hair. If you ask about my hair I will end our conversation".
+Zoya Street This! setting up clear boundaries in a conversation on a dating site is SO important! bc you would do the same if someone tried to have a verbal conversation with you!
As a woman who has been bald in the dating world, I too found that people think my baldness is a good ice breaker. I guess my only advice is to keep moving forward, knowing that your uniqueness is simply a point of genuinely innocent curiosity. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt in regards to their curiosity. Hopefully you can continue to inform people, and move right along from it into great conversations about Harry Potter and Doctor Who. Good luck, Beckie
A weird tip that i have found useful in my life is to find a new hobby, find a space where that hobby is celebrated and then attend vigorously. it's amazing finding someone who is interested in what you are interested in and then when your really not looking the real thing can come along.
you are an amazing speaker, so engaging!
It IS out there, and you are SO smart to do this. Hair or no hair, people are just ANNOYING. Well done, Miss Rebecca!
i remember cuddling with friends, and feeling love really helped slow my trich down at the time when i had my head buzzed. i went two weeks without pulling, and that was amazing for me.
It's horrible that appearance is so important to some people! Yes it's the first thing you see on dating sites but obviously that doesn't mean you have to ask someone about it. I mean people would find it strange if someone asks you why is your hair brown? Yet it's not strange if you ask someone why they're bald which can of course potentially a very sensitive and personal topic
I really admire your courage to do this, both doing it and also talking about it! It's nice to see someone like you out there..
People say, "at least it weeds out the bad ones you don't want to be talking to"... except it doesn't. In some cases, it attracts them, and attracts the people brazen enough to message you about it, and be insensitive.
I do not have Trichotillomania, but I have depression and anxiety and I do mention that on my dating sites and people always have a need to tell me "Are you sure you want to put that on there?" or "You're so brave for disclosing that since it might scare people away but not me!" So I understand the struggle of a disorder and dating sites. It's rough.
I pull out my eyebrows and use pencils to fill them in as best that I can. Before that however, I just had very long hair that covered the as far down as my eyes. During that time, I was lucky enough to find someone that I was able to discuss it with early on and they have been nothing but supportive for the past 6 years. I try not to take her and her acceptance/help for granted. You're a beautiful and thoughtful person so I'm sure you'll have even better chances than I did to find that right person sooner than later.
Because most people on dating sites are boring, superficial, and average. They're not a good place to meet people, as a rule.
It's better to meet people through other platforms , tbh, like an mmo or a forum for something else like music.
You are amazing :) I can't wait to watch the film! Thank you for helping me improve my self confidence, to let me know I am not alone in this and to be exactly who you are. Always. Thank you :)
You are an amazing human being and one of my favorite youtubers; literally one of the first things that I do when I am upset or stressed out is watch one of your videos and they instantly put me out of my misery. I am a firm believer of fate and I sincerely believe that everyone is bound to find their soul mate sooner or later, and I pray to god that you will soon find yours that will love you just the way you are; a beautiful, smart, and engaging woman. In the meantime I hope you know that you are not alone and that there are people that love you and look up to you as well (even if you don't know them personally). I am dealing with a thyroid disease and I have been for four years; we all have our own problems and it's good to know that you are not alone. Sending you lots of love and strength, xoxo.
I met my boyfriend on a dating website and explained all about my bipolar it was the first thing that you read about me I got some really hurtful uneducated comments and they did judge me and if I didn't answer them back I would get called for everything (some situations where they would get girls to message me and threaten me too) but then Jamie messaged me and thanked me for being honest and as soon as we swapped numbers and I heard his voice the first 10 minutes I knew I wanted him to be in my life for a very long time and that was almost a year ago and I couldn't ask for a more supportive partner he's seen me at my best and at my worst and has still stuck by my side. I hope you find that special someone one day that is willing to see a person more than a disorder he will come along one day.
I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago. I have some severe medical conditions and I was open right from the start (despite having bad experiences to do with my medical issues and not) I never thought I would find someone who would be so helpful and supportive. he is the best thing that has happened to me and I wouldn't change him. there still are some understanding people out there that care about you and not the conditions :)
It is annoying dealing with date or friendship sites, I agree! As much as there are many positive things to be said, I understand needing to voice your feelings about the negative stuff, too. I like a site that lets you find penpals (for friendship, not dating) around the world, but even speaking as a person without trich, people can be rude or even disgusting. I've been able to find good people to talk to, which is fantastic, but there were times I questioned being on the website. I can't imagine what it's like dealing with all the odd/bad comments non-trichers get in addition to dealing with trich related things, too. Good luck!!!
I have very curly hair, and very often on dating sites the first thing people say is 'your hair' or simply 'HAIR!!'
It's so common I often don't realise that they hadn't said hi or asked how I was, just pointed out that I had hair
You won't see this but I want to thank you. I want to thank you for being you. I've recently found this TrichJournal and just knowing that I'm not the only one makes me feel so much better. I watched your video of you shaving your head and I understand what you went through and all the emotions you felt because I've been through that too. You're beautiful and you're doing a lot of good in this world, not just for yourself but for others as well.
I agree that must be annoying if people only or at first talk about your lack of hair. But if you think about it, it does make sense. It's the first thing people see and it is also a really dramatic thing that you can't ignore.
Well done! This seemed very well planned and presented. I never would have guessed this was spontaneous. I have to add that from the perspective of someone who has been following you for some time, I wish with all my heart that you find someone who will see you as the beautiful, creative, and intelligent person that you truly are.
I agree with you Beckie people can be so insensitive when talking to people, just wish people would get to know others but going in to depth about things that can make you feel uncomfortable or sad talking about. But we love you Beckie. x
Most people here are saying to just explain it but it is so frustrating after awhile. Having to repeat yourself several times a day is just exhausting. Even more so if that conversation turns sour afterwards and you just dealt with the hard work of explaining everything and answering a boat load of questions.
i really feel this so much. not so much in terms of trich, (it's isolated to my eyebrows and i can draw them on and pass it off as me being edgy...) but in regards to being trans. there are so many people who message you, not to talk about common interests, but just to rudely interrogate you. if you're going to be mean, why bother messaging in the first place.
You're such an inspiring and beautiful person Beckie, I think the message you portray online is so wonderful and has definitely over the years helped me to become more educated on certain topics 💛 ps you have the prettiest eyes omg
Although my trichotillomania case is mild, and rather new to me, I can relate. However appearance isn't everything, that not what I'm trying to portray, trichers like me and others suffering cancer and terminal illnesses, the first thing most of us feel self-conscious about is our appearance. There's a difference between being loved by your friends and family, and being loved by a significant other. Being told that you're beautiful feels different coming from your partner father than your mother or anyone else that loves you. I can relate to you, Becca, but don't give up, because once you give up there's no hope at all :)
Can't you just say you like to have a shaved head and once you know if you might like them, then get into it? :)
+pinksealight Get into what? x
+TrichJournal I think she means get into the trich part about your life. So only start about it when you have a real connection with the other person
+Appel Achternaam Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. EVERYONE is asking about my hair sooner or later. If I ignore everyone who mentions the hair, I'll have no options for people to talk to x
Thats absolutely true! I didnt ment my comment in the way that I think Ignoring it is the best thing to do. I only wanted to explain what pinksealight was saying TrichJournal
+TrichJournal ooooh you misunderstood :( never mind
I could totally imagine how hurtful your situation could be! Unfortunately, online dating is very looks oriented in some ways. Also, people can be very direct. I've never been on a date where you make a full profile before, but I've had experience with how forward people can be in those circumstances.
It's so much nicer when people make the effort to get to know a person!
As a guy I, in general, like the short haired look, I would probably bring it up as general chit chat as a style point, but thats it really, not at all a focus of everything.
Dating sights seem, rather shallow.
First let me put it out there, I think your candor is awesome. I do not have trichotillomania, but I do understand what you are going through, I was born with spina bifida. I tried dating sites for few years and ran into the problems you did. I gave up on ever finding a partner and being loved....UNTIL.... I met a wonderful person in real life who captured my heart and who got to know ME and the the sb too. We've been together almost 9 years. In those 9 years I've gone from being able to walk to being in the hospital (and almost dying) for 4 months, to being confined to a wheelchair. Through all that we are still together and talking marriage. I share this with you because something you said struck a chord with me. Online dating is like a catalog and that makes everything so superficial. I want to encourage you to keep trying, be on the look out. You never know where you will find someone who wants to get to know you and who will love you as is all day every day.
Dating websites are really hard. I have epilepsy, a condition which you couldn't even see from my profile picture but like you I felt it was important to let people know because it means a) I can't drive and b) I have a slight eye twitch due to the nature of my condition. Many people asked me if I was contagious, stopped talking to me, one person said "does that mean you are spastic?". But once you fish through all of the ignorant plonkers, you end up finding a good guy. That's how I found my fiancé....he looked past everything and continues to look past my issues (I also have mental health problems), and loves me for me.
Good luck - the song "love is battlefield" is so true but once you get there, it's totally worth it xxxx
I've had an NG tube for a long time, and have had exactly the same experiences, down to the 'do you have cancer lol?' questions. I've met you once before Beckie, and I still say that I have the utmost respect for everything you say. Good luck with the quest for love! :D -the girl that looked like a really sick merida
I would normally ask about someone being baled/about their hair just because of curiosity and as a conversation starter and not in a hurtful and meaningful way, and I guess lots of people immediately ask is because its one of the first things they see.
How/when would you prefer people to ask about your hair?
I told my husband about my trich on the 3rd date. he didn't care. he didn't realize how bad and stressful it was until we moved in together but overall it has made us stronger in the relationship and he loves me with or without hair or eyebrows and eyelashes. he tells me I'm beautiful everyday. find someone who finds you beautiful even (and especially) when you are feeling ugly. I hate looking in a mirror yet he can't stop looking at me. find that person because you deserve to have that, everyone with trich deserves to have someone in their life who makes you feel beautiful!
I totally agree that it's better to be open when first dating. When I first shaved, I covered it with a wig for a year! It made dating so awkward and stressful. I never realized how often guys will run their fingers through my hair until I had the wig. Their faces when they felt the wig cap...ugh. I was constantly avoiding any physical contact. I couldn't get myself to tell them it was a wig because that would lead to a long conversation about my trich, which at the time was my biggest secret. Trich can be so isolating.
You don't want to be defined by your disorder when you go on dating sites, I definitely get that. I have MDD and I've experienced going out and meeting people and casually mentioned that I'm sick. Of course I know that that invites them to ask and that's okay, I want that out of the way as well, but I can literally see the change in people's eyes: I go from a person, with a complex personality with lots of facets to a victims that they now need to save. At this point I don't tell people that I'm depressed anymore because I feel so exposed and their pity makes me feel like shit.
My disorder still shows on my body but not nearly as much as yours Beckie and I think it's really badass to brave tindr or wherever it is you're looking and being so open to other people when you get stupid reactions like the ones you talk about in the video. Keep going, that person is out there.
Slightly different situation but one of my close friends was undergoing chemotherapy (she's now two years in remission) and in doing so lost all her hair. At the time she was single and really wanted to find a partner and I remember her telling me that she struggled with a lot of the same things you mentioned here. Being single when you want so badly to find and be in love is so hard. You're not alone and I know you're gonna find the lucky guy some day soon!!
I don't have Trich, but I do have a hearing disorder (complete opposite of deafness where one has extremely acute and sensitive hearing) that limits where and for how long I can go out. This truly has put a dampner on my social life and definitely on dating. I've been debating joining the online dating scene, but it's just so bloody terrifying. The majority of the time you are judged by your appearance and not your profile online, which is absolutely rediculous because there is so much more to a person than what they look like.
It does make me sad that people's reaction to your profile, Rebecca, is mainly a reaction to your hair. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I hope you find someone. X
I have dermatillomania, and can't stop picking on my fingers and my scalp. it ends up bieng a painful bloody mess. i'm also bipolar 1. i'm so happy i found Your vlog. It actually helps me, considered that I don't know anyone who struggle With the same thing, they just think i'm doing it to hurt my self and for the pain. but i hate the pain ! And i really have to say that you are truly beautiful. C
youre so right. this society can be so frustrating.
Although I completely agree with the majority of this, I do find it somehow unfair that you're insinuating someone is stupid/rude for asking if its contagious, I mean, of course in your position (actually having trich) you'd know an awful lot about the disorder, if not everything. I didn't even know what it was before I found your channel so I'm just confused why you would make this judgement?
It's more frustration. At the situation and the fact they don't understand and in some cases where it's come up before, it has been said with cruel intentions.
+Chelsea Hogewoning I doubt he had read the whole page.
I've had my fair share of strange conversations on dating sites too, but not to the same extent as you. For me, I'm more ashamed of myself than I realised before trying the websites. I quickly left them because it just made my anxiety go haywire. Online dating is difficult and strange but sometimes it does work out great. I myself don't want a relationship at the moment, but I do get cravings (couldn't think of a better word!) to have someone like that, especially seeing all the romance around. I hope it works out well for you Rebecca, I really do, you deserve the best 😊❤
I don't have any experience with this but what I do have experience in is finding love when you have a stutter. It can be really difficult because you know your voice has so much impact on the other person and you can see the other person's reaction to what you're saying (or the facial ticks). With my current boyfriend, our first date didn't really reveal too much about my stutter, but he knew about it beforehand and I have had boys say to me 'it's a turn off' and 'it's a distraction to me'; but finding my current boyfriend who says none of that douchey shit and appreciates everything I have to say has kind of bought my spirits up. It's just nice to know that you're more than than your disorder/disability :)
This has been so relevant to me recently, it's insane how many people bring up hair and demand to know why I shaved it within the first or second message
I feel for u xx in time u will find the right person that accepts you for you xxxx
I started dating my current boyfriend two years ago and i actually was having one of my pull free periods actually. He has been really supportive and when we hang out he reminds me not to pull because I subconsiously pull my eyelashes, eyebrows and a largish part of my scalp. He really is sweet, and always makes a point to be there after my episodes, and its really wonderful, I feel really lucky actually because most people dont get lucky when they start losing their hair during a relationship. My exs all reacted like I was some freak after an episode, and usually the months before were months of being pull free. Hopefully everyone else can have the same luck in finding an understanding person
Yes but then again you have to imagine it from their perspective. They are there to find a partner and terminal illness is massive factor when you look for a relationship. And given that a substantial share of bold people struggle through cancer, you can't blame them for wanting to figure that out earlier rather than later.
Otherwise, I think you're awesome and beautiful and will stumble upon a great match :)
+Muravina Maria Yeah, I understand that! But there are more tactful ways to approach that. Even as someone who doesn't have cancer, I feel terrible at the either that someone needs to find out that type of information from me before they even consider wasting time on me. People with Cancer or any disorder, are not objects to be rejected and passed over... we have feelings too xx
Love does exist for trichsters!! Both my current bf and my last bf were very accepting of my Trich. Both have seen me without eyebrows, and they still said I was beautiful. Don't give up Beckie!
I never told anyone about my trich when I was dating although it definitely did effect me! It effected my confidence and made me want to hide it away from people. I only told my boyfriend about it a couple of months into being with him. I had met him on a dating app called happn.
But I didn't find from putting my RUclips channel on my dating sites that is alllllllll that people spoke to me about. Pretty annoying really! So I feel your pain.
Anyway. Good luck! You will find someone who accepts you just the way you are X
ugh, I hate it when people make presumptions rather than just asking
It took me a while to understand the "do your curtains match your drapes" thing
Hi Rebecca I just watched your video from 2009. I am honestly balling my eyes out because I've never met anyone who can describe how I feel and why I can't control it. I'm 21 and I've been doing it since I was a little girl. you video has made me feet better I want to thank you
My old best friend had Trichotillomania. She would pull her eyelashes and eyebrows out when she was lost in her thoughts or felt lonely or stressed. Best thing was always to chat or touch her and bring her back to the real world. I never really thought of it as too much of an issue. Obviously it wasn't great for her but it was just part of her personality and rarely came up. she actually got tattooed eyebrows (yes they do that now) so even when she is having a spars week she has eyebrows :)
A lot of the time people are afraid to even approach me because I have a visual impairment. Sometimes I use my cane and sometimes I don't (I still have some vision) I notice people tend to act as if I'm not there when I do use it. I understand your frustration. People almost always judge a book by its cover. It's not fair because they never get to find out what's inside.
I hope you don't feel discouraged by these difficulties you are facing and that you find a loving partner for yourself. I'm certain that a wonderful person will come your way. Just make sure that you know the things your partner needs to have/be in order for you to have a great relationship (i.e. being understanding, being funny, having a curiosity about the world, liking to travel, being willing to learn about your condition without prejudice, etc...). Good luck!
When I was a teenager was hard to explain the missing bits of my hair, or why ocasionaly my eye lashes were not there. People though I was stupid for doing that, mind you that wikipedia didn't exist back then. Fortunately my last girfriend and my current one are very supportive and help me with it a lot. You will eventually find someone who will walk with you side by side.
All the best
Having a trich and dating has been very hard for me. Men are constantly asking if I have cancer, if I am contagious, am I a boy, am I trans, to the point where I just gave up. I was having more bad conversations that good, nobody seem to want to know me, they just wanted to know why I didn't have hair. And I have also had a few people send me some graphic BDSM messages thinking my shaved head was related to that so you aren't alone there either!!
Every time I watch one of your videos, the honest to God thing that pops up in my head repeatedly about your appearance are those big, beautifully blue eyes. It may be because being raised on Scifi my whole life, a bald head is not foreign to me. i was on dating sites for about two seconds(not my cuppa), but both my mother and father met their respective spouses on sites and I can not even describe how perfectly matched they are. Those sites can and do work, but for those of us who enjoy growing relationships around experiences, like books and T.V. shows and news articles(etc), it can be disheartening to be in a spot where the shared experience starts with a photo and straight to conversation. Keep at it.
On the one hand, it sucks to be alone when you don't want to be. But on the other hand, it's not worth being with the wrong someone.
Personally, I like to get to know people, and I let them decide when they are comfortable with sharing things.
I would hate to imagine some of the wonderful people in my life that I would have avoided if I let fear of their condition (if they have one) keep me from getting to know them.
I'm lucky enough to have trich to a degree where it doesn't affect the hair on my head much. In the 13+ years I've had trich I've had one thin spot on my head, never a completely bald spot, and that's it. However, it does affect my body hair. A lot. Especially downstairs. I have had sex with a woman before and that was alright because I was going through a good patch with it so it just looked like it was shaved and there were no major wounds or anything, but I'm terrified that the first time I have sex with a man (I'm bi) it's going to be at a time when it's not so great down there and, seeing as men tend to be more direct, he's going to end up stopping things and asking if I've got an STD or something and I'm going to have to explain and end up a crying mess. Any tips anyone?
Finding love on the internet is probably not the way to go. I have suffered with trich all my life and honestly, the right person will not care. I can promise you that you will meet someone amazing, because you're incredibly pretty, smart, funny and you have a really cute cat. I only say that the Internet isn't the way to go because it's not 100% legit, and it's easy to hide behind a computer screen and lie about who you are, much love Beckie xxx
This is a great video. Please make more like this, these are really enjoyable to watch!!❤️❤️ I don't think you were too offensive either, things need to be said and you made the right choice in saying them on this channel. (I hope I don't sound patronising, I just really love what you're doing)
I have trich and my wife never cared. She died of cancer and lost all of her hair for the last 2 years of her life and I never cared. So, Beckie, if someone only cares about your hair; move on. There is someone for you, don't worry. It will be your sparkling personality and undying optimism that will make them want you. Patience dear girl.
cheer up, you are brave, smart and beautiful both outside and inside, you have a strong will, so don't bother thinking about the people that you talked about.
go ahead and i wish you a best of luck, you deserve it.
not Trich but Dermatilomania ... I end up not even trying to date because of not feeling comfortable with my skin's appearance. I applaud you for putting yourself out there! :) maybe someday I will too.
I don't like online dating at all it freaks me out knowing people can hide behind a computer and feel it is ok to be rude
Hey Beckie, I don't have trich, but I do have dermatillomania. For about the first 4 months of the relationship with me boyfriend, I was too embarrassed to ever let him see me without makeup due to all of my scars. I know it was very hard for me, and still is very hard even though we have been together for 2+ years. You just have to find someone you can be open with. Who you can trust to talk to, and not be afraid to be yourself. Sending love Xx
I have a problem online dating while black and bi. Statistics show that people don't even message black women nearly as often as other races, and I get weird questions like you do about things I never even though about when all i wanted was to date, not be someone's fetish, or the third in their relationship, or they just don't speak to me at all because their assumptions show me as not even being an option. Dating is frustrating all around.
I wish you all the best and to me you're so brave! ALSO never noticed this before but Beckie your eyes are uh-mazing