Ultimately, your relationship status and experience do not define who you are and won't matter when you find the right person. What does matter is your relationship with yourself; building self-esteem and confidence so that you're grounded in who you are, regardless of whether you're single or attached 💖
I'm in my late 30's and have never been in a relationship. Once I show interest in a guy (never in an extreme, obsessive way, just in a normal way), they back off.
Great video, though some of this advice got me in a lot of trouble when I was younger. Specifically the bit about "playing the field" or "dating for experience". I think the quality of relationships you've had is way more important than the quantity of relationships you've had, and people tend to overvalue quantity which doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. The goal for most of us is to find one person to spend the rest of our lives with... not date every person in the entire world. I think you made a lot of great points when you talked about this, and I hear what you're saying, but also like you mentioned later on the video; depending on where you're at emotionally, you can do a ton of damage to yourself. Someone who is neurotypical with a relatively stable childhood has a much different experience than someone who is neurodivergent with a personality/mood disorder or C-PTSD. Especially for folks with borderline or codependent tendencies, who get demonized and misunderstood by other people as "the problem". If you're that person, the young adult world is an extremely emotionally triggering and confusing place, and you'll more than likely end up hopping from unhealthy dynamic to unhealthy dynamic such as "favorite person" relationships while you are trying to "get experience". Taking ownership of your own emotional problems is of course paramount for healing here, and therapy and other supplemental resources like CODA groups can be amazing here... but I think for a lot of folks it takes hitting rock bottom multiple times to realize the model of the way they understand their own emotions doesn't work. Everyone has their own traumas and problems like you mentioned in the video, but continuing to engage in behavior patterns that are re-traumatizing usually does more harm than good, and the vague "work on yourself" or "build self esteem" advice isn't really what people like this need to heal in these kinds of situations. They need resources to meet other people who are working through the same challenges that they can grow together with. I know that is the biggest thing that made the difference for me as someone with C-PTSD, BPD, and high functioning autism.
Don't know if you'll see this but you seem like you have a lot of knowledge and experience about this topic. I got the whole BPD/PTSD diagnosis but also never grew up around other kids and was raised in a cult till around 14 so excuse my bad writing. I have been extremely lonely at my age late 20's. Of course I have online friends sometimes, but, I haven't really been in a real relationship ever. Most if not all my past "favorite person" types have been gay male friends. Whom Id never see as anything other than a friend or a brother or child. I've always had to be independent, on money, food, clothes, nothing to make me dependent on someone, however with BPD, life has no meaning almost without a favorite person, and all together with that, people. I'm scared to date for experience, because I don't want to hurt anyone or waste anyone's time. Because I have such little to no experience, I'm not even sure what I am looking for other than that FP mentality where we click and it just works. Not sure if I like men or women, although women are less threatening and I feel safer with them physically. I've been in therapy as well working on myself. I don't know where to start, on hinge? tinder? bumble? I haven't met a single soul whos similar, and the ones I have swiped with and became friends they eventually threw me away after they get into a relationship. Which further feeds into my fear of never finding anyone. I only really click with people who like video games and doin arts and crafts. I love making things for people. I worked hard to where I am, got an apartment, a job, everything I pay for, but now I'm like, what now? If you have any advice/knowledge on this subject as someone whos also diagnosed BPD although I cannot relate to the autism I'd love to have any feedback you can give!
I'm 42 and have never been in a relationship. The last date I went on was over 2 years ago. There just aren't any options out there for many guys. Online dating leads to absolutely nothing and I've either worked alone or with 99% men. My few friends have no single female friends and women have better options than me. Getting experience is extremely difficult.
Yeah, as a guy especially this is more of my problem. Everytime I have ever had an attraction for a person and asked them out it either was rejected, i got ghosted, and in some cases i even got insulted for trying. I wish being able to get onto a single date would be so much easier than how it has been for me so far.
Men are too ashamed to talk about their unfortunate experiences. This is also why a lot of intactivists are women, they're more open to talking about social issues and/or are advocating on behalf of a male loved one.
Ultimately, your relationship status and experience do not define who you are and won't matter when you find the right person. What does matter is your relationship with yourself; building self-esteem and confidence so that you're grounded in who you are, regardless of whether you're single or attached 💖
I'm in my late 30's and have never been in a relationship. Once I show interest in a guy (never in an extreme, obsessive way, just in a normal way), they back off.
Great video, though some of this advice got me in a lot of trouble when I was younger. Specifically the bit about "playing the field" or "dating for experience". I think the quality of relationships you've had is way more important than the quantity of relationships you've had, and people tend to overvalue quantity which doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. The goal for most of us is to find one person to spend the rest of our lives with... not date every person in the entire world. I think you made a lot of great points when you talked about this, and I hear what you're saying, but also like you mentioned later on the video; depending on where you're at emotionally, you can do a ton of damage to yourself.
Someone who is neurotypical with a relatively stable childhood has a much different experience than someone who is neurodivergent with a personality/mood disorder or C-PTSD. Especially for folks with borderline or codependent tendencies, who get demonized and misunderstood by other people as "the problem". If you're that person, the young adult world is an extremely emotionally triggering and confusing place, and you'll more than likely end up hopping from unhealthy dynamic to unhealthy dynamic such as "favorite person" relationships while you are trying to "get experience". Taking ownership of your own emotional problems is of course paramount for healing here, and therapy and other supplemental resources like CODA groups can be amazing here... but I think for a lot of folks it takes hitting rock bottom multiple times to realize the model of the way they understand their own emotions doesn't work.
Everyone has their own traumas and problems like you mentioned in the video, but continuing to engage in behavior patterns that are re-traumatizing usually does more harm than good, and the vague "work on yourself" or "build self esteem" advice isn't really what people like this need to heal in these kinds of situations. They need resources to meet other people who are working through the same challenges that they can grow together with. I know that is the biggest thing that made the difference for me as someone with C-PTSD, BPD, and high functioning autism.
Don't know if you'll see this but you seem like you have a lot of knowledge and experience about this topic. I got the whole BPD/PTSD diagnosis but also never grew up around other kids and was raised in a cult till around 14 so excuse my bad writing. I have been extremely lonely at my age late 20's. Of course I have online friends sometimes, but, I haven't really been in a real relationship ever. Most if not all my past "favorite person" types have been gay male friends. Whom Id never see as anything other than a friend or a brother or child.
I've always had to be independent, on money, food, clothes, nothing to make me dependent on someone, however with BPD, life has no meaning almost without a favorite person, and all together with that, people. I'm scared to date for experience, because I don't want to hurt anyone or waste anyone's time. Because I have such little to no experience, I'm not even sure what I am looking for other than that FP mentality where we click and it just works. Not sure if I like men or women, although women are less threatening and I feel safer with them physically. I've been in therapy as well working on myself.
I don't know where to start, on hinge? tinder? bumble? I haven't met a single soul whos similar, and the ones I have swiped with and became friends they eventually threw me away after they get into a relationship. Which further feeds into my fear of never finding anyone. I only really click with people who like video games and doin arts and crafts. I love making things for people. I worked hard to where I am, got an apartment, a job, everything I pay for, but now I'm like, what now? If you have any advice/knowledge on this subject as someone whos also diagnosed BPD although I cannot relate to the autism I'd love to have any feedback you can give!
I'm 42 and have never been in a relationship. The last date I went on was over 2 years ago. There just aren't any options out there for many guys. Online dating leads to absolutely nothing and I've either worked alone or with 99% men. My few friends have no single female friends and women have better options than me. Getting experience is extremely difficult.
I don't even know how to get people to date
Yeah, as a guy especially this is more of my problem. Everytime I have ever had an attraction for a person and asked them out it either was rejected, i got ghosted, and in some cases i even got insulted for trying. I wish being able to get onto a single date would be so much easier than how it has been for me so far.
i feel like my friends jump from relationship to relationship while I've only had two failed situationships
Why can’t I find a “still single in your 20s?” video from a male POV?
Men are too ashamed to talk about their unfortunate experiences. This is also why a lot of intactivists are women, they're more open to talking about social issues and/or are advocating on behalf of a male loved one.
Great. Now I'm craving soup.
😂💗
😊
What about your 30s
I’m in my early 30s and never dated 😂
Thank you SO much for your advice. It resonated 100%🤍
Glad it was helpful! ☺️💗