My research on 'Family Scapegoating Abuse' (FSA)
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
- Join my online educational and peer-support community for FSA adult survivors on Substack. Learn more by visiting familyscapegoa...
What Is Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA), exactly? Clinician and Family Systems expert Rebecca C. Mandeville shares how the research-supported term she created - a term now being used world-wide by adult survivors, clinicians, and researchers - came to be.
🔥Trigger Warning: If you feel activated watching videos on this channel, turn it off and perhaps return to it at another time or consult a licensed Mental Health professional. Viewer comments may contain descriptions of child abuse and neglect and can also be activating.
💡Rebecca C. Mandeville is a thought leader and pioneering researcher in abusive family systems and the poorly understood, under-recognized phenomenon of what she named (during the course of her original Family Systems research) 'family scapegoating abuse' (FSA). You can visit her website and access FSA adult survivor resources at scapegoatrecov.... (Scroll down to access more FSA resources, including 'buy' links to my book, 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed'.)
✅ You can purchase my best-selling book on family scapegoating abuse (FSA), 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed', on Amazon: amzn.to/3sEaqcx. Or buy from your favorite online book retailer via this secure Universal Buy Link (UBL): books2read.com....
💡Learn more about my work on FSA, my book, and my FSA recovery coaching services, visit scapegoatrecov....
💡DISCLAIMER ONE: This channel's focus is on understanding and recovering from what I named 'family scapegoating abuse' (FSA) and is GENERAL and INFORMATIONAL in its scope. It is NOT a substitute for clinical assessment or treatment. It is suitable for both Adult Survivors and Clinicians. I am unable to advise you on your specific family situation nor can I 'diagnose' viewers or their family members. READ FULL DISCLAIMER: www.scapegoatr...
💡DISCLAIMER TWO: Some of these links go to website and some are affiliate links where I'll earn a small commission if you make a purchase at no additional cost to you.
🔥 COPYRIGHT NOTICE: My videos focus exclusively on understanding and recovering from what I named 'family scapegoating abuse' (FSA) during the course of my academic and clinical research. THESE VIDEOS ARE COPYRIGHTED AND CANNOT BE SAMPLED AND USED FOR OTHER PURPOSES.
🔴 NEED HELP NOW? Being scapegoating can be extremely traumatizing. If you feel in danger of harming yourself, this is a list of international hotlines where you can speak to someone: blog.opencouns... For more resources, go here: www.scapegoatr...
Copyright 2024 | Rebecca C. Mandeville | All Rights Reserved
1) Join my new FSA Education online community for adult survivors on SUBSTACK at familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/. Subscribe for free to receive my FSA-related articles or become a paid subscriber to access Community features where you can engage with other FSA adult survivors via Group Chats and Discussion Threads.
2) Purchase my introductory book on Family Scapegoating Abuse (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) via this Universal Buy Link, which includes links to Amazon: books2read.com/intro2fsa.
AGREED... I have her book.
I did. ❤
Just bought your book. Thank you for your content. It's been a journey.
I just finished a session with my therapist and I told her about you. She has your links now and plans on sharing them with several of her clients. ❤
It wasn't until I started giving riding lessons to children that I fully understood the level of abuse we went through as children. Mentoring these young children with kindness,safety, and self esteem building exercises. Realizing how absolutely inappropriate, cruel and demeaning my parents were. I can't imagine how someone could do that to a child. It's diabolical.
I'm a former Equine-assisted therapist. It was eye-opening to observe how clients from 'healthy-enough' families interacted with my horses upon first meeting them versus clients from fear-based, dysfunctional families. And very eye-opening for these latter clients as well as they realized their fear of setting boundaries, asserting themselves, etc as they engaged with my wonderful, gentle 'teacher-horses'.
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Aaw, yes! I was sent horse-riding by my people because I was told to have their interest and hobbies and not to have my own. BUT...I really enjoyed it as I was away from certain people and the horse I was given to ride every week was called Bracken, a gentle, easy-going rusty coloured fluffy small horse/pony. I will always remember how much I loved Bracken.
They are the most wonderful creatures - and teachers - to those open to their innate wholeness, groundedness, and wisdom.
You're doing God's work. Scapegoating victims are invisible no more thanks to you
Not invisible in front of God A Light🌟🕊
@@LION-on4gd I agree!
God sees everything. God hears everything. God knows everything.
@@LION-on4gd That's what saved me, having a direct line to God. Very thankful for that instinctive faith from a young age
@@lafemmevocale1040 Praise God for His grace to help you from a young age.
I follow several channels that have been helpful. But none as helpful as yours. All others are focused on narcissism. And, unfortunately imho, most lean towards “vengeful” language which makes me cringe. I don’t find the thought of revenge remotely helpful. Your videos have helped me find the courage to finally go NC with almost all of my family of origin. Not in anger but out of self preservation. I still have moments of anger but they’re thankfully fleeting now that the scapegoating isn’t ongoing. In the time I have left on this earth I hope to experience more happiness. Thank you SO much!
Thank you for sharing your experience of my work here on FSA. I appreciate this and am glad that my videos have been helpful. Linking you to my resource page for FSA adult survivors in case you need more support: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/
❤
I just turned 65. I lived thru both physical and SA abuse as a child. I've actually had fairly little counseling but have done the work in other ways. In my early 20's a counselor did point out my role as scapegoat. I remember having an instant experience of recognition and feeling off the hook from blaming myself, and took on a way of being a witness that unplugged a fog of emotions in many ways. I'm grateful for that.
Glad to hear that you had such a savvy therapist. Years ago there was more training and education on Family Systems but that is not the case in many of the counseling programs these days as more and more ‘required curriculum’ is pushed through by licensing boards nation-wide in the U.S. I saw this occur first-hand in the Grad school I taught in, btw.
@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Yes, it was a significant dawning. Extrapolating from there, I realised that I needed to respect myself and get out and that I did early on. It changed my trajectory absolutely for the better. It sounds like benchmark testing has diminished creativity and discovery on all levels of academia, while thru technology, it may reappear.
Many of us have been taught to not:
Talk.
Speak.
Tell.
Cry.
Rage.
Grieve.
Experience joy fully.
Have self compassion and empathy.
Speak truth to power.
Name the abuse.
Rebecca, you have given us words and their true meanings to do all of that and more. You’ve taken the silence and shame out of secrets. Naming the things done to us is so powerful and gives us the first steps in freedom from being hostages to toxic and abusive people.
Freedom to choose, to say: No More.
Your ‘naming ‘ sheds light on the darkness many of us were forced to live in all of our lives.
That’s the truth! As a teen my narcissistic father kicked me out of the house. As I packed a few belonging, crying....I said “I’m going to Grandmas and tell her the way you are!!” He replied “Put your stuff away and go to bed.” He didn’t want his secret narcissistic behavior exposed to his mother (who, btw, had him on a pedestal!)
Hi Jaye, I apologize for my delayed reply. So well said. If you didn't watch this video yet, you will want to. It mirrors your family (unspoken?) 'rules' very closely: ruclips.net/video/IfpqW3328HA/видео.html
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thank you, Rebecca. I will watch!
Thank you for all your work. I restarted therapy 3 years ago for the CPTSD I have been enduring for my entire life. I was abused by both parents as lo g as I remember. I placed most of the blame on my domineering father, attempted to build a relationship with my mother. However, she eventually showed her true colors, as a covert narcissist. My CPTSD intensified, I started therapy realizing that I was her scapegoat. Thanks to you, going NC, reading your book, and the ones you recommend with a great therapist is helping. You are a godsend!
You're very welcome. Thank you for sharing a bit of your FSA story with our community here - I am sure it will prove inspiring and generate hope for those who wonder if recovery is even possible. Glad you're here.
I relate 😥😮💨💜🙏
Same here. Cptsd from narcissistic abuse. My parents are both different types of Narcissists, but due to living with my mother after their divorce, I was exposed to the typical, bodyshaming treatment by my mother, starting really bad when I was about 12. My stepfather knew she hated me so he took his chance to abuse me (and other girls). It's been hell, my mother turned my siblings against me, who are Narcissists. And one of my younger sisters, my father's golden child, started contact with my daughter when she turned 18 and influenced her and my son against me. Both have ended contact with me, but after some years I'm happy about it now, because they treated me really badly (their father is a Narcissist, I'm an Autist, which I only know for some weeks). My mother always told me she wished that my kids would treat me as bad as I treated her (which I never did!). So she kinda has gotten what she wanted for me.
FINALLY at 72 .... because of your work... NOW i fully understand! Its life changing. A Million thanks! Ive shared this video. ❤
Wonderful to hear, and thank you for supporting my work on FSA via your channel membership. Much appreciated.
Thank you. Your videos have helped me to identify the scapegoating abuse that I endured as a child and all I carry into adult situations, I am healing now with recognition. Thank you.
You're very welcome. Thank you for letting me know.
Thanks for another great video! As the former scapegoat in a very sick and abusive narcissistic family, there was no information or help for victims of this devastating abuse when I was trying to survive in the abusive home many years ago. Because I was scapegoated by my entire family (not just the main narcissist parent), I was afraid to tell anyone what was happening (teachers, child protective services, police, etc...). I knew that if my family were confronted regarding allegations of abuse, they would be able to convincingly say that I was just crazy, unstable, etc....and afterwards I would be in even more danger. I was trapped and all I could do was try to survive. My hope is that there is more education for teachers, guidance counsellors, etc... so that children feel safe enough to get the help they need.
Thank you for emphasizing the systemic nature of FSA - This is critical in both understanding what happened to survivors of this form of abuse - and providing appropriate resources for healing and recovering from it.
I have been through countless therapy sessions, in which I’ve sometimes been retraumatized, just trying to find someone who has described my situation as perfectly as you have. Maybe, now that this is coming out into the world, I can finally find someone to talk to who will know how to navigate this with me. Thank you for spreading this awareness. I’ve just found your videos in the last few days, but I have NEVER felt more seen or heard and I don’t think I need to tell you how amazing that feels. I deeply appreciate the work that you’re doing.
Glad you're here, Louise, and thank you. Linking you to my resource list for FSA adult survivors in case you need additional support. I encourage you to read my introductory book on FSA as well, listed at the top of the page (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed). It will serve to fill in many missing puzzle pieces, no doubt: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/
You will find Rebecca's book SO HELPFUL, I encourage you to read it!
Blessings to you on your healing journey.
Ms. Rebecca, your a treasure!
Yes ma'am. Every word you said has occurred. However, not only am I a SURVIVOR...I AM UNBREAKABLE!!!!!
NOW, it's time to create a bill to introduce to Congressional Representatives to make this behavior an official CRIME.
As I've said for years, these days we would never tell an abused spouse to "work it out" with their abusive partner; but when it comes to invisible family abuse, this is typically society's message to adult survivors. This must change.
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse EXACTLY! I have actually said this very thing to people who attempt to dismiss my request for help. "Would you tell someone who is being physically harmed to do what you are suggesting?" Not that I receive true support but it does provide a clearer picture into what is being experienced and expressed. It must ABSOLUTELY change!
More resources on my website on the home page and in the menu at scapegoatrecovery.com.
Right on! It IS criminal and evil.
The inroads you are making by exposing this hidden form of familial abuse are much appreciated by those who are expected to deny our experiences and bow to the insidious abuse perpetrated on us by 'family' members . Denial, shaming , threatening , assaulting , verbal abuse , belittling , projecting , name calling , body shaming and constant lying were some of my covert narc mother's bag of tools to use , NO child should ever have to experience this form of hate within their own home . The aftermath of this evil is life altering .
Sadly, this is so very true. And you summarize the devastating impact well.
You’re just beginning to scratch the surface of the well deserved recognition you have earned! Brace yourself because I believe your research and conclusions are going to become very well known 💖
I appreciate that! Thank you for this.
Good morning, Rebecca. I have been questioning whether or not to share your videos with my daughter. She is an RN in a pediatric mental health hospital, and, I cringe when she shares stories about what goes on there. It seems that their “go to” method of treatment is drugs and more drugs, some of which my daughter administers by shots or other forms of medications. The children, I believe, arrive there broken, and, they leave either unchanged or more broken. I don’t know how to approach the subject with her, because, I know that she struggles with her conscience at times, and constantly shifts back and forth between her personal beliefs and her professional responsibilities. I think that having your information about FSA would give her insight into some of her “cases”.
😢 poor kiddos , I would go with your gut. Sorry I know you were asking her specifically but so sad the damage done from covert abuse along with no so covert.
Hi Sunny, versus my work initially, you might share articles on the 'Identified Patient', which is well researched on within the field of Family Systems. More information here: medcircle.com/articles/identified-patient/
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I was a mental health specialists. For a children's mental hospital. I definitely think the system could use an update. It would be great if the insurance money actually went into the patients and the hospital itself. as a society we are missing out on such an opportunity to actually help. ❤
I went and read the article, and I will definitely share that with her. Thank you.
I have recently discovered your channel, its a source of validation for me. My family system was not narcissistic, and most materials I have found made me question my reality. However I've always known I was treated differently to my siblings, I remain the only adult child to never be invited to my mother's at Christmas, the treatment extends to my children. The treatment runs deeper and covers many years. I'm starting to find my way out and have gone no contact. This was hard as my mother is not a narcissistic parent. She does however devalue me, dismiss me, has a negative perception of me, leading me to experience imposter syndrome in work, rejecting love in relationships. The list goes on.
Best wishes to everyone on their journey ❤️
Thank you for naming it. I like that.
It has dignity for the scapegoated one.
You’re welcome. It was definitely needed. Glad you find it helpful.
Oh Rebecca! I’m very excited to hear that you’re working on another book!! Can’t wait to read it!❤️❤️❤️
Thank you - It will take me some time but this has long been my goal. Some traditional publishers would also like me to publish an FSA workbook with them, so much to do!
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I found a therapist who specializes in trauma and have my first appointment next month. I’m very hopeful that she will be able to help guide me through this healing. I’ll keep you posted!❤️
Please do - and many therapists are happy to read my book, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed, if they want to learn more about FSA and how their client may be impacted by this phenomenon.
I am honored to be a small part of your process. Thank you for all your wonderful work. You have been a huge help to me!
You are so welcome!
Me too.
Good for you! It needs to be understood. Funeral? Yes. I had a verbal attack at my mother's funeral. Only in dysfunctional families! I encourage your book!
Here's another video you may want to watch - I discuss Family Mobbing at funerals: ruclips.net/video/6gb_dDqWLiQ/видео.html
Congratulations! 🎉 As far away as South Africa too! 🙏
Thank you!
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuseand from East Africa too... thank you!
Wonderful!!
Your work has helped inform my understanding of my chaotic childhood in a dysfunctional family home. Thank you! ❤ Love your book, too!
I'm so glad!
When writing about my own experience with childhood scapegoat abuse I came to the conclusion that malignant Narcissism in my family was only partially responsible for my trauma - by entering the terms c-PTSD, Narcissism and Scapegoating into the search engine I came across your work! For me it was incredibly validating on my path of recovery after hitting so many invisible walls.
From my experience and observation I can say that governments around the world rely and build their control systems upon Scapegoating dynamics, hence, family Scapegoating abuse finds its equivalent in the public school system, politics, media and every aspect of society. Healing from Scapegoat Abuse would strip those in power of their control while simultaneously robbing those unwilling to deal with their own frustrations of the convenient object of projection: the chosen Scapegoat.Healing from Family Scapegoat Abuse is indeed a revolutionary act, the ultimate Paradigm shift towards Liberation. Resistance by those unwilling to relinquish control is to be expected!
Very well said. And explains in part why I have difficulty being able to monetize my videos here, as well as difficulty being able to advertise my book (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) on Amazon. Apparently, it is ‘not ad friendly’ to use the words ‘family’ and ‘abuse’ together (as if it doesn’t happen, sigh…).
Found your channel today. Your work is much needed. For the first time in my life I feel understood by you. Even though it was the joke of the family that I was the "black sheep" it wasn't until my parents needed care when they got ill and I was around the family again daily did I realise just how abusive they all were.
Once they died I finally felt free only to find like you pointed out in another video golden children were treating me exactly like they did.
I took it all. Up until recently
I snapped out of the illusion
I have stopped their access to me. Vowing to myself never to let them in again.
All the situations you described are exactly how it's played out.
The anger and resentment I felt after my parents passing arose unexpectedly inside me.
And I've been working through it. But finding you is like a blessing from God.
This will definitely help the healing process and the feeling of isolation.
One of the most hurtful things was while I was actually slaving away helping them. My dad actually said to me. Not only did he not love me. But he didn't even like me. And other hurtful comments.
Didn't matter what I did for them. I was always the scapegoat. Lesser than. And the disappointment.
I needed this information you've given
Thank you so much 🙏❤️
You're very welcome. Glad you're here. Linking you to my list of resources in case you need additional support. www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thank you 🙏
Really positive that your work has reached these numbers and that clinicians are listening.
Yes - after a five year push since releasing my book. RUclips exposure of FSA helped tremendously. Grateful to all of you here.
I told my councilor how Rabecca has helped me so much & now my Councilor is tuning into Rabecca too ❤
Love hearing this!
I recently found your Chanel and it literally is bringing new awareness and understanding I have never had. Your work is so needed and so appreciated. I’m going to get your book!
Good to hear! I have additional resources via my website menu at www.scapegoatrecovery.com, should you be seeking additional support.
Thank you for “naming” the most horrific behavior a family member has endured. Once named, specialists, like you, can proceed in formulating well regulated FSA treatment and recovery plans by using the scientific method. ❤
Thank you for being here. Yes, naming it has been critical.
✨🙏🏼✨
There is no healing in this abuse. Theres only clarity and a thousand cuts.
Based on your comment, you may appreciate my video here: ruclips.net/video/nBg9dZZzzNE/видео.html
Thanks Rebecca!
I tried to connect with you as you suggested last week, however I am not certain that I succeeded. So, I went the old fashioned route by a hand written note, which the postal ponies will get to you, I trust.😊
Thank you for the naming.
So grateful more and more people from all walks of life are gaining awareness, knowledge, understanding, and wisdom from your labor of lovingkindness.
Jane
You're welcome, Jane. No, I didn't see an email from you but look forward to the Pony Express delivery and will contact you then.
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thank you Rebecca
Congrats 🎊🎈 ❤ Rebecca!! Thank you for all your hard work!
You're welcome - and thank you for being here!
Great work! Your book is a valuable tool. It validates those who are healing, but also by putting a name on helps survivors as well by sewing CPTSD together with the abuse they experienced whether it was narcissistic abuse or abusive dynamics within the family unit. Its a tangible term. Great discussion, keep doing what your doing🕊
Thanks very much - Your support is much appreciated and I always value your insightful comments.
@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thank you. I appreciate the work that you do helping and educating others on these dynamics and it's impact on lives.🕊
I always look forward to your posts…you’ve been such a great help! So glad you’re getting the recognition you deserve, and ppl are getting the help they need🙏💖
Thank you so much! FSA is getting the recognition it deserves - slowly but surely - which is my primary aim.
Just bought your book. Thank you. I went no contact with my mother 6 years ago. I have had no contact with any of my family members. My abuse started early. I started dtinking alcohol at 12. Ive been sober since 9/13/2008. It took me a long time to get here, but im here and free ftom the lies. Never the pain, but no more shame and guilt.
Very glad you're here - and that you bought my book. Linking you to my list of resources in case you need additional support. www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/
You are doing some really incredible work. I have felt absolutely lost and ashamed since my mom died 8 years ago when I was 26. My sister went no contact on me and it was a traumatizing and very confusing experience that nearly destroyed me.
I found my brain frequently randomly telling me, “ you are bad!” With little understanding of why. It has been a long path to get here, but after reading your book, I knew what I experienced was real and sad.
Ironically, my mom saw a therapist and had me go to him as well. When she died, he told me she was the “identified patient”. He never told me I was there for her to support her therapy even though he saw me alone. I thought I was there for an eating disorder and my parents divorce. I spent years covering the awful stuff my mom did because I thought she needed the support more than I did.
It’s the beginning of a new life for me, now that’s I’m finding how to process my history and experiences.
Bless you.
Thank you for sharing your experience of FSA - and how my work on it has helped you - with us all here. Very glad you're here. My website and menu also have more resources at www.scapegoatrecovery.com.
how come my 2 brothers have a very high opinion of our father and when I talk about him I call him the C word he was an abusive alcoholic and been dead for about 25 years we are all 3 of us late 60s'. Strange thing I won't drink and they were both alcoholics I was also scapegoated by some of my teachers at school
Each sibling has their own 'place' in the family, and typically are filling one or more family roles when the family is dysfunctional or narcissistic. Therefore, each sibling has their own experience of the family. Alternatively, some family members can be in denial and repressing painful events and awarenesses.
I could only think of the words “family scapegoating” to search the internet desperately trying to figure my life out and it lead me here. I am so thankful I did find the help I need but it's tragic how little known all this is. THANK GOD FOR REBECCA💙💙💙
I feel the same about all of you. Glad you found my channel. More resources are available over on my website (including the menu) at www.scapegoatrecovery.com.
Hi! Rebecca! It's very good to see you looking better and well again.
I am a successful survivor of FSA and I asked my Occupational Therapist last month if she had heard of FSA and she said "No, I haven't." Most full time health workers in the UK NHS have never heard of FSA. Your work is vital, Rebecca C. Mandeville! I have bought your book from Amazon as a new not used product so the money goes to your research. Kind regards, Bess in England.
Thank you very much, Bess. The road is long but together we can bring attention to FSA, I'm sure of it. And love your term 'successful survivor'!
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thanks! You may go ahead and use the term SUCCESSFUL SURVIVOR! 🙂From Bess!
In coming across the work of Martin Bohus, there is so much invalidation in the abuse that kids go through with parents' drug/alcohol problems, and/or mental disorders. That invalidation leads to a lot of shame and unexpressed grief. It took five years of therapy for me in my 20s to recognize that I grew up in an abusive family and with an abusive mother. TY for posting this.
You're welcome. Do perhaps watch this video I did on Traumatic Invalidation and FSA: ruclips.net/video/8BQ5Vrarp1g/видео.html
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I will. TY.
You are the BEST. It is also clear that you have experienced this personally and that is the most valuable clinical experience you can get. Soo happy you’re doing well. Blessings.
You are so welcome - and thanks!
I'm so glad your work is gaining traction!! The more of us that can recognize what we endured, the more of us there are to start calling out this type of abuse. And we can form groups where this type of abuse isnt tolerated; where no abuse is tolerated. Thank you for all you do!
You're very welcome! Speaking of groups, I just started a Substack community for FSA adult survivors this weekend you're free to check out. I'll announce it here later: familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/
Rebecca, thank you for your courage, your kindness, your compassion, your wisdom, and your excellent research and clinical work!
I appreciate this, thank you so much!
Righteous Rage! Anger is a tremendous struggle during years of horrific abuse when there is no way out. Normal reactions to abnormal behavior are real. We don't need to be drugged. We need to rationally face the struggle, know what is healthy and not. Get our validation, recognize our needs and stay safe while navigating out of the muck.
Well said. You may want to watch my video on Traumatic Invalidation and FSA: ruclips.net/video/8BQ5Vrarp1g/видео.html
So grateful for you and your valuable work!
You are so welcome!
Finding your channel is helping in my journey. I am grateful for the ability to understand the whys of my choices. I’ve called myself an only child in a large family. Living as a shunned family has affected me more than I understood. You’re work has given me a loving perspective. I’m able to be kinder to myself ❤️Knowing why’s are so important in knowing yourself. Thank you so much for all your work and sharing 🙏🙏❤️.
Very glad you're here. More resources can be found on my website menu at scapegoatrecovery.com.
The book that you offered has been a life changer for me and help me in many ways. Please continue to publish and promote it. I honestly believe it should be a part of an academic program for all mental health clinicians.🙏🙏🙏
I have no plans to stop! Glad you're here.
Congratulations Rebecca! So good to hear all your heartfelt, courageous and hard work is being recognized. Sending you a BIG hug! ❤ linda
Thank you so much, Linda, and wonderful to hear from you again!
It’s so good to actually have a name for what happened to me.
Your book should be on the table at every Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.❤
Would you believe that Amazon kicked my book out of the 12-Step and Adult Child of Alcoholics categories? Never-ending battle to get this form of abuse recognized.
God bless you , Rebecca 🙏🙏🙏
Congratulations on the continued growth of your channel! More people need what you offer. 🙂
Thank you so much, and thank you for supporting this channel via your membership!
What gets me is how the results of a lot of domestic violence situations are not hidden at all in places like doctor's offices and in hospitals at all. The indifference of others towards people from some backgrounds is unbelievable. On a couple of occasions in hospital it was emotional abuse too so bizarre I was for a long time after not able to talk about it to anyone without risking further complications to both me and to others too in our social circles. Domestic violence perpetrators are abusing all bystander witnesses to it too. It is almost as if some bitter self-righteous professionals everywhere instead enjoy hearing about their suffering whiile coming from a different family background than the people whom they are suppposed to be helping by threatening them at the same time with deportation or being perrmanent shut away in some long term faciliity for the mentally insane. So later they can in that kind of crowd among themselves laugh at how anyone from their targeted community is often going through a tough time. Some of the more clever and good looking types end up instead making a good living only acting the part of the targets in those T.V. sitcoms.
Ive died 3 times at the hands of doctors. Dying now . Refuse to go to another 1. Not going down like that
THANK YOU 💗
No problem 😊
Glad to hear your health is better! Grateful for your work.
Thank you!
I have chronic illnesses and haven’t worked like i should be in a year now, and am in a southern state where if you can’t afford healthcare, you don’t get healthcare regardless of the federal laws in place that they rejected. So i am experience a financial hardship at the moment and a lack of real health care for physical conditions never mind mental…..so, I would gladly donate my time to your reaearch anytime! If you have questionaires or panels set up beyond the clients you work directly with, I would love to be a part of that. I have been experience this since i was born, and i am desperatly trying to unpack it all for myself!
Thank you, I announce my research projects publicly. You may want to watch this video: ruclips.net/video/ytSdn8nQCBg/видео.html Also, check out my resource list here: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/
So happy that ur work is informing professional practice as well as helping us survivors directly 💎💕
Yes - It was a long, hard push but finally our collective efforts to raise awareness about FSA are paying off.
Thank you Rebecca & Congratulations on your subscribers! ❤
Thanks, Leslie!
Such good work Rebecca 👏💯❤️
🙏💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🌍💜🙏
Thank you so much ❤ you helped me to educate on this topic. Wishing the best for your service. I did psychology courses last year.
You're very welcome. Glad you're here.
Thank you for your contribution 😊
My pleasure 😊
Thank you so much for the support and helping us to become aware of what is happening❤
You are so welcome. Glad you're here.
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I watch you, Les Carter, Jay Reid, Tamara Hill just to name a few. You guys don't even know the impact you have on society. It's very positive!❤ you help people to get knowledge on narcissism and knowledge is power!
It is a wonderful thing. I enjoy being here as a RUclips Health Partner. The subscriber community here is amazing and have been so very supportive of me and my work on FSA, through good times and bad (I was very ill and gone for 7 months last year).
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I'm so sorry to hear you weren't feeling well and I hope you are doing better!❤
Yes, doing great, thanks!
🙏🏼
Thank you for your work and videos. Even though I have been serious and consistent about therapy the scapegoat phenomena still hurts me.
It goes very deep. Until recently, we were wired as humans with the belief / certainty that to be ejected from our 'tribe' would leave us vulnerable and could result in death. There is a part of our brain that still reacts in this way when experiencing FSA dynamics. I'll do a video on this, hopefully this year.
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Fortunately there are other tribes and the works of Robert Green that teach us how to deal with narcisistic and insecure folks. Your work shed light on a serious pervasive issue, thank you for all you do.
You're welcome, glad you're here.
I do not remember a time when I felt like I was part of the so called family. From a very young age I was outside the game they played with rejecting me. It was not that I did anything wrong, and if it had perhaps been a healthier group I may have escaped years and years of pain. What strikes me about what I experienced and the abuse is that to most whole people the actions and behaviors within a criminal intent, would be so obvious. The malignant narcissist chooses a victim to bury their own fractures and like a fix or addict feels relief temporarily. Thank you for your work.
Well said. And you're welcome. Glad you're here.
I wanted to add a comment regarding your insight into so called grandparents trying to turn the child of the scapegoat against their parent. Not sure if it was this video. I have experienced several attempts at this by the cult narcissists including offering the child what is called "future Baiting". The horror kicks in when the child refuses and then becomes the next generation scapegoat. Once again having to give up extended family for well being.
This indeed can be one of the dynamics that causes FSA to perpetuate down through the generations.
You are such a nutricious woman... Thank you ❤
You're welcome!
the new video editing 👍🏽
Your insights are so helpful. Thank you! I've been going through many of your previous videos, and I wanted to ask you a question. -
Is it common to encounter for the scapegoating family member to be abused sexually by older siblings? I felt like I was powerless and not believed.
Again, thank you for your videos.
Yes, this came up in my original FSA research - enough where I included it in my introductory book on FSA, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed. The sexually abused child will be labelled "a liar," "crazy," etc at time by the sibling or parent perpetrating the sexual abuse as a sort of 'preemptive strike', in case the child ever told 'the secret'. It is yet another means of invalidation for the child victim of abuse.
@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thank you for your reply. This validates what I've experienced in my family. Thank you for giving me and others your insights.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it typically the mother, the main female and matriarch of the family, who starts this vicious abuse?
I have rarely heard of a case where a man singles out a certain child to take all his abuse out on.
If he is abusive, he's typically abusing all of them, not just one.
An abusive woman on the other hand has a tendency to pick just one child; typically another female she's jealous of.
None of this is true, but this is the general narrative being promoted out there, which is not informed by Family Systems research - and reflects the patriarchal, misogynistic society we live in. Family scapegoating is in fact typically driven by systemic forces stemming from intergenerational trauma, as described in my introductory book on FSA, 'Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed'. It can also be driven by a narcissistic family member, who can be - and often is - in a power-position in the family, which can include fathers.
Absolutely can be fathers leading the charge
It was my father.
I appreciate your knowledge very much. I am left with one question which you may have addressed, nevertheless what I would like information on would be how the other family members whose roles are not the scapegoat, seem to cope so much better in life even though they too were raised in a dysfunctional system?
Good question ! Maybe because their dysfunctional system wasn't as dysfunctional as the scapegoat & they may have had more support, both emotionally & financially & they don't carry the burden of the "wounds" Rebecca describes in this video, or the injustice & gross unfairness from those who should love the scapegoat but favours others within the dysfunctional family. Maybe too, pick on the weakest or be picked on yourself ?
Rebecca...if you are reading this I am in a dilemma. My narc mom was just put in hospice. I went no contact in Dec 2023. Of course, I'm wondering do I go see her before she passes? Next week or so from what doctors are saying. Thank you in advance for an answer
I mention this situation in the video I released last week on Family Mobbing, I believe, did you get a chance to watch it yet? There is no 'right' answer in regard to your dilemma, but it is good to be aware of the risks one takes when attending family events that are highly charged - such as funerals - after ending contact. Planning on how to protect yourself ahead of time is key, if you choose to re-engage. Weighing both the short-term and long-term 'pros' and 'cons' is also helpful, as well as the impact on your peace of mind and nervous system, if you suffer from complex trauma symptoms. Family mobbing video here: ruclips.net/video/6gb_dDqWLiQ/видео.html
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse I will watch now. Thank you.
That is the coolest thing that your work is getting so much attention and recognition! Congratulations on that.
I'm grateful for your channel as it has helped me put some more puzzle pieces in place. I love that you focus on the scapegoating aspect too. I also really appreciate that it comes from a researcher pov rather than doing videos talking about your own personal experience. I find those videos too triggering and not all that helpful, especially when the person speaking gets noticeably distressed about what they're talking about. I mean it's completely understandable that they're distressed and triggered but it's just not helpful for me because I get angry on their behalf and end up dysregulated. To be clear though, using parts of personal experience in order to illustrate a point is a different thing and can be useful.
I have a question: Could you do a video or include it in a video, an example of how FSA happens in non-narcissistic environments? I can't wrap my mind around how if scapegoating happens, there isn't any narcissism involved. Just as there is a continuum of scapegoating, narcissism is also on a continuum so it's difficult for me to see at least one narcissistic person at the helm of the scapegoating while maybe the rest of the fam is going along for their own survival and safety, especially the other kids of minor ages. I would love an example to help me understand how scapegoating can exist in an environment without any (toxic) narcissism/self-absorption being part of it.
Glad my work on FSA had been helpful. The fact is, most people discussing family scapegoating are not trained in Family Systems, nor have they actually sat in rooms working with various types of dysfunctional / narcissistic family systems. I have a video that describes the difference, and keep two separate playlists on dysfunctional vs narcissistic family scapegoating dynamics on the home page of my channel here. My introductory book on FSA, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed, primarily focuses on scapegoating in dysfunctional families, although I do address the narcissistic family as well. They are different in their construction; the forces at work driving the scapegoating can differ, and of course, some family systems are both dysfunctional and narcissistic - and perhaps more. Video with some basic discussion on the differences here: ruclips.net/video/AD-rwWEbcWE/видео.html
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse Thank you I'll check out the video you linked above plus the playlists you mentioned. My family is likely both although no one is dx'd. I'm making that judgment myself based on what I know about narcissism, other personality disorders and scapegoating...which has been my role. Seems it's carried outside the family too.
plz boost volume .. inaudible on iPhone
Will do, thanks for letting me know.
I am a Scapegoat survivor my name is Malachi.
Hello Malachi, and welcome. Linking you to my resource page for FSA survivors in case you are seeking additional education and support: familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/p/resources
I like that you've distinguished the differences and similarities between a narcissistic system and a dysfunctional one. Do you have any research on the kind of system that might develop when a narcissist builds a family with someone who comes from generational trauma but not a narcissistic system? Does it change the dynamic at all or is the result just a narcissistic system?
Not direct research, but based on 20-plus years of actually sitting in rooms working directly with families, there is a high likelihood that the spouse coming from a traumatized family system will develop a trauma bond with their narcissistic partner and will not protect their children from covert and overt forms of abuse as a result. It is far more complicated than that but this is a generalized possibility.
Can your book be translated ?. Scapegoating is universal. I am a victim of scapegoating. On the end of my father’s life I couldn’t care for hem because I was excluded from all decisions true my siblings. The loneliness is so spot on. The sexual, verbally and fysical abuse. I had it. Never never sorry. The day I stood up for myself hell Brooke loose. The recognizing is not only important for caregivers but for all professionals that involve family issues . Because scapegoaters exclude you from everything, everything and go all the way and tell everyone you are the problem.
Yes. Interested publishers can contact dropcapmarketplace for translation rights.
What can be done to breakup narcissistic group stalking at workplaces like schools?
Please, can you let me know how to find remote, affordable experts in this kind of trauma counselling?
Not sure about affordable, but I make suggestions in my book (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) as well as on my resource list here; also, within the Self-Care article in this resource list - In that article I mention how to search for a therapist in the U.S. using the filters on psychologytoday.com: www.scapegoatrecovery.com/updated-fsa-recovery-resources-2023/
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thank you for replying. Is there an international list?
The TIST trained therapist search on Dr Janina Fisher's website on that list is international.
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thank you so much !!!
My family has a fascinating karmic story for you and your listeners.
A colleague may do a podcast featuring such stories. You might subscribe to my newsletter via my menu at scapegoatrecovery.com to be notified if she gets this off the ground.
I have felt betrayed by my family for many years whenever things were really bad for me they either were not there or actively worked against me l can see signs that it is intergenerational
Yes, in many families it is; it can also be driven by a narcissistic family member, typically a power-holding patriarch or matriarch. You may want to watch my video on betrayal trauma and FSA here; I also have a chapter on betrayal trauma in my book, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed. Video here: ruclips.net/video/0RXlyIFrb7k/видео.html
Your work is so valuable, but identifying these behaviors and standing up to people is tough.It's hard to be a daughter-in -law and stand up to an entire family . They need an outsider to take their stuff out on. But they hold on to me because "I'm part of the family". I want out of it at this point , but what do I do about my husband??
Those are tough situations. I can’t advise viewers directly as a RUclips Health Partner, but the spouses need to remain aligned and act as a united front (protecting each other) and not let themselves be ‘split’ by these dysfunctional dynamics. Couples counseling is often necessary or the marriage can become too strained to remain viable.
@beyondscapegoatingabuse, is there a CPTSD assessment therapists can use to dx?
Complex trauma is still not recognized by the APA in the U.S. (it is not in our diagnostic manual); however, the WHO does now recognize it as does the V.A. in the U.S. The standard assessment is the ITQ (International Trauma Questionnaire) assessment, which I share in my introductory book on FSA (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed) and that's the one I use with clients as well. More information here: novopsych.com.au/assessments/diagnosis/international-trauma-questionnaire-itq/
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse They don’t have CPTSD in the DSM, but F43.12 is PTSD, Chronic. Could that work until CPTSD is installed? Thanks much!
That is what most of us use to code, as I mention in my book (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed); some use a combination of anxiety/depression disorders as well. I prefer the former.
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse thank you so much. I have your book recently purchased.
How do I subscribe to your substack group, including chat?
Thanks
Hi Josephine, I was notified by Substack you followed or subscribed to my substack but I don't see you in the subscriber list. I just sent you a direct message on substack with more details. familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/
@@beyondfamilyscapegoatingabuse
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@marybeth -- I made a long response, and my post said there's an error and to RETRY
Don't know how or where that's happening? .. (this is testing a retry)
I can see your comment here...
Rebecca, how to you respond to people who tell you that you just need to "move on"?
That this is yet another way to invalidate the 'lived experience' of abuse survivors and deprive them of the support and help they desperately need and deserve. Watch my video on Traumatic Invalidation, if you missed it when it came out: ruclips.net/video/8BQ5Vrarp1g/видео.html
Friend, they have no idea & really no right to tell U that. Tell them to fallow their own advice & move on 😢😮❤❤❤
When l went to my brother's funeral nobody spoke to me or my family
So very sorry to hear it. I mention funerals as well as passive-aggressive, covert forms of family mobbing in my last video here: ruclips.net/video/6gb_dDqWLiQ/видео.html
I'm sorry to hear this & can sort of understand. Similar experience but myself & my family were ignored by the golden siblings (loath to call them brothers as I do not consider they are) at both our parents funerals. Guessing it was just a continuation of the way I & my family were treated by such parents, their wills made their feelings for myself & my family very clear. It hurts to be rejected from beyond the grave.
Is your only Family brother & his wife going Silent & seems like no contact considered Scapegoating?
Hard to know - but scapegoating dynamics can certainly be at the root of such behaviors at times.
🤍🤍🤍
((my comment didn't post?))
I see this one as well.
WNY
Can’t change these people snd their behaviors although you can spend all your time, money and effort trying.
Free Palestine SO TO Free Israel ALONG WITH USA
Gazans are all being treated as scapegoats in the worse possible ways.
A kind person recommended you to me 🥰 glad i found you! Much love from the UK 🩷
Glad you're here. Linking you to my list of resources for FSA survivors for additional information and support ideas: familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/p/resources
Hours after my father’s funeral, my sister asked to take over the cabin my father gave to me right in front of her before his passing. To this day, she can’t even take the time to maintain the cabin.
So sorry to hear it. Linking you to my resource list for FSA survivors here for further education and support: familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/p/resources