I’ve been yearning for a female mentor for some time now..I’m so blessed to have found you..thank you for your wisdom..I know you are going to help me and countless others through this life❤
I'm mopping the kitchen floor and listening to you (on full blast). I literally had to play this particular video 3 times because something clicked. I still get triggered by some phrases and some actions but luckily time has been my friend, the triggers are less often and less dramatic (if that makes sence). So the phrase " it's not healthy keeping all that anger in" is always replied with " maybe, but the anger has kept me alive". I literally stood there and pandered with my mop handle as you were explaining things.
I don't feel injured, rather informed about how gullible I can be, which is my work to do in letting go of people & even religious institutions that haven't let go when I've walked away. When I considered going back, there always seems to be something terribly toxic that informs me to hold on to the gems gained while not investing more with that person or institution in the future. This transition in adopting a new mindset is really challenging but absolutely necessary. My task is to become self-determined & focused on growing despite valuing and even loving parts of the past. Thank you for your help.
Such a powerful approach! Focusing on "releasing resentment" to move forward makes forgiveness clearer and achievable. Also a good "burn ritual" is such a freeing experience! Thank you for walking us through the process.
Thanks so much, Terri, for, yet again, another great video. Your steps/tips here are really helpful, make sense, are practical, and are 'spot on'. You have helped me so much! I always look forward to 'Terri Tuesdays'! God Bless you & your Family -- 💞🙏
I like the concept of forgiving on your own account and not for others. However, what about people who are still present and playing a significant role in our life? At best I feel extremely wary when I’m around them and there seems no way to rebuild the relationship (which I still hope to save) unless the other does show that they “deserve” forgiveness
I agree, forgiveness is for the forgiver. I also agree that being around those in forgiving is very difficult too. I think it's a warning that I need more boundaries with that person, and whatever kind of relationship that comes from that I have to accept will be different from what we had before.
Great question. Sounds like your trust was broken or severely damaged by this person. Sadly, you may never get a genuine apology (as in my own experience), but hopefully there can be some discussion in which your feelings are acknowledged. Maybe bring up the topic of trust in a positive way? Say it in the form of boundaries, as in "I'd like for this relationship to work/improve and I need you to meet me halfway for that to happen..."
I love this! I needed this ! I chose to use my lunch break to tune in, and I am so glad I did! Thank you for every single thing you do to help us continue to heal 💞
Miss Terri , What you are saying is a blessing. All and everything you have touched on is totally right on.Help to all who hear this message.Wonderful Release
Lot where I am at. Its letting go for my own freedom. Grievance land is just pure hell. Encountered some psychopaths. Would rather be me. Hoonopono prayer also for self forgiveness🥳❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🤍
This was very informative. July will be a year that I’ve been divorced. I’ve worked very diligently finding myself again and healing but the ONE thing that has lingered and would sporadically weigh down my mind and heart is the resentment for the betrayal . How could he ….. thank you, thank you for this episode. I took many notes as I watched this and i WILL release the resentment by following your advised process. Thank you so much. Also, I just ordered your book.😊
Thank you for all the powerful videos you put out! I find that it takes me a few rewatches to really soak in all the wisdom and guidance you share! Please please do videos on doing relationship checks or evaluations we can do with our partners
This reminds me of the 7-Day letter writing challenge my therapist told me about. You sit down at the same general time everyday for 7 days and write basically a grievance letter to the same person (only one 7-day challenge per person, not meant for groups) and let it all out. All the feelings, thoughts and beliefs that you hold towards that person no matter if it's based on facts or feelings. At the end of the 7-day challenge, you aren't supposed to share these letters with anyone, but you can share them with a therapist/mentor - definitely not the person they are about, and then you burn them and release/let go of either the person, situation, past, or whatever. It's great for people who have grievances with someone who has already passed on. I love your suggestion too, especially if you can't/don't want to commit to 7 days.
I would write such letters that I didn't show anybody when I had the two narcissistic, psychopathic disordered parents in the same household who kept abusing me. They letters and writing it all out was making me fall into a more of the mental crisis
Thank you for posting this, I'm a big fan, I know this works I used the burn ritual for grief with my parents death, wrote them a letter. My question is how to move forward with the person who inflicts the pain? It's a relative.
This is really helpful, except that many people who have painful experiences, often have trauma associated with it. The trauma needs to be 'untangled" before forgiveness can be worked on. I do like the 'new forgiveness, resentment" exercise you are sharing. Thank you.
Great video as always, Terri. How do you forgive a "repeat offender," meaning someone I've set boundaries with who continues to cross the line despite my efforts. How do I forgive this person, especially because they are a family member? I'm so tired of holding onto the resentment.
Hi. you might enjoy the videos of another therapist : Jerry Wise: ruclips.net/channel/UCZWHfOsTVegeEFEXV56llWAfeatured He works with the 'family systems' perspective, complementary with Terri's, and gives wonderful insight and advice on how to deal with family members and roles. Check him out !
As a highly empathetic person, I have trouble not taking “in a bad way” any critizism I receive. Do you have any tools or recommendations on how to not take things personally or make that resentment towards someone grow when you know that they are giving you well intentioned critizism or pointers. It’s hard to shift my perspective in the moment and realize they are not critizising me as a person, just trying to help.
But that is not what forgiveness is. At least not Biblical forgiveness, which is a pardoning of a transgression and 'remembering' it no more. It is wiping the slate clean as if ithe offense did not happen. You can release the anger and resentment, yet still not have forgiven the offense / offender.
I think the Biblical getting rid of all resentment and never remembering the abuse anymore, or justifying the abuse, if it's the case in the Bible, is brainwashing.. I think having the 2 highly abusive parents, a lot of other bullying, the resentment is inevitable... The CPTSD is kinda a life-long thing, too...
I personally would like to hear more from Terri about this, because I agree with you, and I'm so sorry you went through this, I had a similiar experience. There are many things that are unforgiveable.
I'm not sensing this is Terri Cole, however there are too many therapists, religious people and others in the spiritual community that love to push as a strategy that people have to/must forgive and 'forgiveness is not for the person/people who hurt you it is for you'. Forgiveness is NOT a requirement for healing. So many people including myself are healing/have healed and are finding peace despite the traumatic aftermath have found peace without forgiving those who have committed crimes against us and deeply hurt us in whatever situation it may be. I have spoken to a lot of people(I am not a clinician) who are constantly told, gaslighted, been gaslit and shamed into the 'reasoning' of, 'you must forgive or this will happen or you will never... if you don't forgive'. People DO NOT HAVE TO FORGIVE and some things are unforgiveable and people do not have to pray for their enemies either. People DO NOT HAVE TO FORGIVE especially when it's some kind of abuse, any abuse, from parents, siblings, so called friends, colleagues, boss, neighbours, whether it happened in childhood,teenage years, or adult life, or all stages of life, any violence, murder, stealing cheating and so on. People who choose to forgive are not going to be transported to some magical realm, they will still go through hurt pain, trauma, mental illnesses maybe and it will take time to heal just like those who do not forgive, but we DO NOT HAVE TO FORGIVE.
I’ve been yearning for a female mentor for some time now..I’m so blessed to have found you..thank you for your wisdom..I know you are going to help me and countless others through this life❤
❤️❤️❤️
I'm mopping the kitchen floor and listening to you (on full blast). I literally had to play this particular video 3 times because something clicked. I still get triggered by some phrases and some actions but luckily time has been my friend, the triggers are less often and less dramatic (if that makes sence). So the phrase " it's not healthy keeping all that anger in" is always replied with " maybe, but the anger has kept me alive". I literally stood there and pandered with my mop handle as you were explaining things.
Thank you!!! This is much more applicable for me than the prayer from the big book! Burn rituals are the best! 🔥
I don't feel injured, rather informed about how gullible I can be, which is my work to do in letting go of people & even religious institutions that haven't let go when I've walked away. When I considered going back, there always seems to be something terribly toxic that informs me to hold on to the gems gained while not investing more with that person or institution in the future. This transition in adopting a new mindset is really challenging but absolutely necessary. My task is to become self-determined & focused on growing despite valuing and even loving parts of the past. Thank you for your help.
Thank you for being here and sharing your insight with us, Helen ❤️
Dear Terri, I am so touched that you highlighted in this video one of my comments - you have made my day! XX
I'm so glad!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your kindness.
Such a powerful approach! Focusing on "releasing resentment" to move forward makes forgiveness clearer and achievable. Also a good "burn ritual" is such a freeing experience! Thank you for walking us through the process.
You are so welcome ❤️ Thanks for watching!
Thanks so much, Terri, for, yet again, another great video. Your steps/tips here are really helpful, make sense, are practical, and are 'spot on'. You have helped me so much! I always look forward to 'Terri Tuesdays'! God Bless you & your Family -- 💞🙏
Glad it was helpful!
What a gift you are, Terri! Thank you so, so much!
❤️❤️ Thank you for being here, Marilyn!
Been listening last few days to your videos to supplement marriage counseling. Very helpful for me. Thanks!
Glad it was helpful!
Hello Andrea your really beautiful 🌹🌹
I like the concept of forgiving on your own account and not for others. However, what about people who are still present and playing a significant role in our life? At best I feel extremely wary when I’m around them and there seems no way to rebuild the relationship (which I still hope to save) unless the other does show that they “deserve” forgiveness
I agree, forgiveness is for the forgiver. I also agree that being around those in forgiving is very difficult too. I think it's a warning that I need more boundaries with that person, and whatever kind of relationship that comes from that I have to accept will be different from what we had before.
That's absolutely right.
Great question. Sounds like your trust was broken or severely damaged by this person. Sadly, you may never get a genuine apology (as in my own experience), but hopefully there can be some discussion in which your feelings are acknowledged. Maybe bring up the topic of trust in a positive way? Say it in the form of boundaries, as in "I'd like for this relationship to work/improve and I need you to meet me halfway for that to happen..."
I love this! I needed this ! I chose to use my lunch break to tune in, and I am so glad I did! Thank you for every single thing you do to help us continue to heal 💞
i love this. thank you
Miss Terri , What you are saying is a blessing. All and everything you have touched on is totally right on.Help to all who hear this message.Wonderful Release
Lot where I am at. Its letting go for my own freedom. Grievance land is just pure hell. Encountered some psychopaths. Would rather be me. Hoonopono prayer also for self forgiveness🥳❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🤍
Thank you! ❤️I’m going to try this.
Hope you like it!
This was very informative. July will be a year that I’ve been divorced. I’ve worked very diligently finding myself again and healing but the ONE thing that has lingered and would sporadically weigh down my mind and heart is the resentment for the betrayal . How could he ….. thank you, thank you for this episode. I took many notes as I watched this and i WILL release the resentment by following your advised process. Thank you so much. Also, I just ordered your book.😊
Thank you for all the powerful videos you put out! I find that it takes me a few rewatches to really soak in all the wisdom and guidance you share!
Please please do videos on doing relationship checks or evaluations we can do with our partners
This reminds me of the 7-Day letter writing challenge my therapist told me about. You sit down at the same general time everyday for 7 days and write basically a grievance letter to the same person (only one 7-day challenge per person, not meant for groups) and let it all out. All the feelings, thoughts and beliefs that you hold towards that person no matter if it's based on facts or feelings. At the end of the 7-day challenge, you aren't supposed to share these letters with anyone, but you can share them with a therapist/mentor - definitely not the person they are about, and then you burn them and release/let go of either the person, situation, past, or whatever. It's great for people who have grievances with someone who has already passed on. I love your suggestion too, especially if you can't/don't want to commit to 7 days.
Yes, I love this practice! Getting it all out and then burning the letter (in a safe way) is a great way to experience release ❤️ Thanks for sharing!
I would write such letters that I didn't show anybody when I had the two narcissistic, psychopathic disordered parents in the same household who kept abusing me. They letters and writing it all out was making me fall into a more of the mental crisis
Love this! Needed this today!!! Thank you
You are so welcome!
Thank you 🙏🏻 your amazing teachings have changed my life !
Wow, thank you
For me, it depends. Forgiveness should be for yourself for the most part.
Thank you for posting this, I'm a big fan, I know this works I used the burn ritual for grief with my parents death, wrote them a letter. My question is how to move forward with the person who inflicts the pain? It's a relative.
Thank you for being here - glad my videos have been helpful for you. ❤️ In this case, I would definitely limit their access to you.
This is really helpful, except that many people who have painful experiences, often have trauma associated with it. The trauma needs to be 'untangled" before forgiveness can be worked on. I do like the 'new forgiveness, resentment" exercise you are sharing. Thank you.
Great video as always, Terri. How do you forgive a "repeat offender," meaning someone I've set boundaries with who continues to cross the line despite my efforts. How do I forgive this person, especially because they are a family member? I'm so tired of holding onto the resentment.
Hi. you might enjoy the videos of another therapist : Jerry Wise: ruclips.net/channel/UCZWHfOsTVegeEFEXV56llWAfeatured
He works with the 'family systems' perspective, complementary with Terri's, and gives wonderful insight and advice on how to deal with family members and roles. Check him out !
@@MusicAddictAda Thank you so much!
Yes, Jerry Wise on staying Calm and Self -Differentiation in family systems
❤
As a highly empathetic person, I have trouble not taking “in a bad way” any critizism I receive. Do you have any tools or recommendations on how to not take things personally or make that resentment towards someone grow when you know that they are giving you well intentioned critizism or pointers. It’s hard to shift my perspective in the moment and realize they are not critizising me as a person, just trying to help.
But that is not what forgiveness is. At least not Biblical forgiveness, which is a pardoning of a transgression and 'remembering' it no more. It is wiping the slate clean as if ithe offense did not happen. You can release the anger and resentment, yet still not have forgiven the offense / offender.
The audio on these podcasts is too low. I have my laptop volume up all the way .
I think the Biblical getting rid of all resentment and never remembering the abuse anymore, or justifying the abuse, if it's the case in the Bible, is brainwashing.. I think having the 2 highly abusive parents, a lot of other bullying, the resentment is inevitable... The CPTSD is kinda a life-long thing, too...
I personally would like to hear more from Terri about this, because I agree with you, and I'm so sorry you went through this, I had a similiar experience. There are many things that are unforgiveable.
I'm not sensing this is Terri Cole, however there are too many therapists, religious people and others in the spiritual community that love to push as a strategy that people have to/must forgive and 'forgiveness is not for the person/people who hurt you it is for you'. Forgiveness is NOT a requirement for healing. So many people including myself are healing/have healed and are finding peace despite the traumatic aftermath have found peace without forgiving those who have committed crimes against us and deeply hurt us in whatever situation it may be.
I have spoken to a lot of people(I am not a clinician) who are constantly told, gaslighted, been gaslit and shamed into the 'reasoning' of, 'you must forgive or this will happen or you will never... if you don't forgive'. People DO NOT HAVE TO FORGIVE and some things are unforgiveable and people do not have to pray for their enemies either.
People DO NOT HAVE TO FORGIVE especially when it's some kind of abuse, any abuse, from parents, siblings, so called friends, colleagues, boss, neighbours, whether it happened in childhood,teenage years, or adult life, or all stages of life, any violence, murder, stealing cheating and so on.
People who choose to forgive are not going to be transported to some magical realm, they will still go through hurt pain, trauma, mental illnesses maybe and it will take time to heal just like those who do not forgive, but we DO NOT HAVE TO FORGIVE.
❤