@@hypatiatv1 women rarely are confident. I think you mean cocky/proud. Pride is ugly with anyone but women are too critical of themselves and others to ever be considered confident-in-self. Women make horrible men and need to quit trying to be like men. F's for the 90% of modern women. F F F F F lol
It's rather not caring about it in the first place. Confidence is knowing who you are and what you want and being fully self-reliant - it doesn't matter what ANYBODY else thinks. Be a Bird of Prey or a Kangal - not a Golden Retriever (as beautiful as they are).
True. But here's the caveat. Being okay if they don't like you - means you have to treat positive and negative outcome in the same manner. And that means - not caring at all. If you don't care what kind of response you get, if you won't be happy when the girl responds positively and is eager to talk to you - why would you approach her in the first place? You just don't care about her. Don't know about you, but I'd better go put my effort into something I care about. Which leads to never approaching women, which leads to never talking to them and having zero dates. But that is fine, since you don't care))
Summary: 1) Body language (stand tall and proud, moderate eye contact) 2) Look the part (dress for success, an outfit speaks volumes, grooming habits) 3) Be decisive and direct (this gives you a sense of control and minimizes feelings of doubt) 4) Change your internal monologue (be self-aware, and be constructive of your self-criticism) 5) Practice (how else can you become better? Experience allows you to learn and process) 6) Improve other areas on your life (focus on hobbies, skills, and career; this will make you feel positive and happy when goals are met) Here's one that could be added to the list: be mindful of your tone when talking to others. Avoid sounding sarcastic, negative, blunt, etc. Instead, focus on sounding polite, welcoming, and include a moderate amount of humor.
@@kevinsamson1693 I, respectfully, do not agree with your statement. Now, if a man is constantly fretting about looking good all the time (e.g. fixing hair continuously, becomes visibly uncomfortable with minor stains on clothing, etc.), then that control-freak behavior will definitely be a turn off. If you're going to dress for success , then do so to impress as well as to feel calm, cool, and collect.
You need to be blunt. Women in todays world dont respond to kindness. Theres millions of hounds being kind to women, dont waste time and get to the point.
@@CookieMonster-we1in aren't you supposed to be shoving a cookie down your throat at this moment instead of spewing ignorance? Then again, what else should I expect from a "muppet" that has an eating disorder; as the saying goes, "if you eat like trash, then you will feel like trash." Was that blunt enough for you?
The biggest things I'm trying to work on are making eye contact in public, and conquering the lie that says, "You have nothing to offer." Thank you, Courtney, for all you do to help men who strive to be better.
Whenever I'm feeling down and hopeless I often have this internal and powerful roar that comes from a place of being fed up with my own inadequacy and knowledge of the fact that I can be so much better than I am. Instant goosebumps and inspiration to keep fighting the darkness within
The biggest game changer for me was taking the time to look at my past traumas and heal the wounds that they caused. Doing this helped me achieve a level of maturity, confidence, resilience and emotional intelligence that no dating coach could have ever taught me. Whatever form of therapy or emotional healing you choose, showing yourself that you love and value yourself enough to do the work will do wonders for your self esteem and self image. I'm still a work in progress, and my energy has already changed enough that people who barely gave me the time of day are reaching out to me to start interactions. And yeah, the healing process sucks. It hurts, it can feel punishing, and it can be so hard to even want to go on some days. But if you value yourself enough to keep taking the next step, the transformation will be SO worth it. And, it's like any other skill. The more you do it, the easier it gets. It still sucks and hurts, but you can keep at it because you'll have seen yourself succeed before. You've survived literally 100% of everything the world has thrown at you thus far. Don't let this be the thing that defeats you.
This is why you're one of my favorite RUclipsrs: your humility and humanity and the fact that you reveal your struggles as ell gives us something to connect to, and yeah, we struggle, too. Thanks Courtney.
The best thing that's helped me out on confidence with women is visualization by far. I find that it gets me to take make moves and really gets me to believe I deserve her deep down after visualizing/meditating on it for some time. Since the body doesn't know the difference between whats imagined and whats real you literally condition your body to receive and believe whatever you visualize on. I've put this over courses, seminars etc etc. The emotions that come up for me are confidence, thrill, joy, spontanuity, laughter and so on. I visualize and bring these emotions up then try and stay in these elevated emotions for as long as I can until the meditation/ visualization feels foreced or gets boring and I can't bring up those elevated emotions anymore. When that happens I simply stop the meditation/ visualization and go about my day and revisit the exercise again the next day. It could be tough in the begining but once you get the feel for it boy to the reuslts come! Especially when you get specifin with your meditations on scenarios.
I fully agree with the "Be Positive" statement. Lessons learned early in life for me and it makes a world of difference. I grew up playing baseball but I had a period when baseball was getting more advanced, pitches were becoming real, I couldn't hit water if I fell from a boat. It was bad. 1st half of the season I was bating a cool .000 (no joke) My Father at this point, made me 4 signs that I hung up on my wall and that I repeated in my head in the On Deck Circle 1. You are a great hitter. 2. I never strike out! 3. I always get a hit. 4. I am a superior hitter! I finished that season hitting .310 average. That means that 2nd 1/2 of the season, I held true to the statements. The next 3 years after that, I made the All Star team every year and my average was always north of .500 average. It was fantastic. It was always my proof of "If you think it, you will be it" . Stay positive fellas and believe that you can do it and you will.
Wow that's amazing! I was just listening to Tate the other day and he had a very similar thing. Someone was arguing about how depression is real, but he was saying in his mind it's not real. He said for him it's not real and that it's not even a remote possibility that it can happen to him. Different story for sure but similar idea. Failure is not an option!! Like the bible says, if you open the door to evil and give it an inch, it will take a mile! Your thoughts are the same way, don't give in to doubt and pay no mind to it!!
Actually these 6 tips for confidence building with women are pretty awesome, because they nail it on the head on accuracy. And grateful to Courtney for giving them out to us, because their helpful.
Reframing my perspective definitely helped me. The challenge was not feeling like I was lying to myself Reframe your opinion of yourself, but be sure to remain grounded (positively and negatively) when forming your new opinion
Courtney, your body language exudes genuineness and shows you really care about your profession and your viewers -- very refreshing -- good for you. As a result, your viewers are more engaged and (hopefully) take your "tips" to heart.
What I like to do to be straightforward with myself (and yeah I overthink a lot!) is to ask myself why at least 3 times trying to go deeper with the answers I give. Definitely love where you said change your internal monologue Courtney (you want balance in your end choice and remember to stay positive not only NEGATIVE!)🙃
You only get comfortable to rejection to a certain level. It still hurts regardless of how much rejection you’ve gone through. It just hurts less. I’ve been rejected at least 1000 times and it still sucks (well only if it’s a girl i got to know well then caught feelings). If I immediately ask out a girl and she rejects me then it feels like nothing.
Confidence is also something that’s built from doing hard things. Complete difficult projects at work, take long breaks from social media and entertainment, STOP watching porn, take care of your body and your mind, pay attention to what you put into your mouth, and your headspace will be SO much better when you talk to girls. If you prove to yourself that you can do hard things, talking to girls will feel like a walk in the park.
Hi Courtney, Very useful and valuable advices again. Especially in my case, what you said about indecisiveness and passiveness. Thank you for helping in regathering our focusmana and further strengthening us. Have a nice day and next week! 🙋♂️
Your last point has become a true statement in my life recently. I’m figuring out the kind of personality I want to have, fully committed myself to playing lead guitar, and I have the confidence that I haven’t had in years. I can’t wait to have another chance with a girl and see how far I’ve come after almost two years since my last date.
I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head. It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women. A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice "It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first" I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken. I thought that was bang-on right there. and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex. It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys. He said: "Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving." That pissed me off more when I read that. Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though. And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman. If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems. Another reason why i feel the world would be a better place if social-skills, or people skills, how to successfully socialize and interact with people, social intelligence and understanding social cues, social boundaries, were taught in school in our teenage years, and i feel those classes should be for men only in our teenage years, is that way, women would feel much safer world-wide, it would completely eliminate the risk or almost eliminate, the risk of guys, men, being perceived as creepy or weird in interactions, social situations around women.
With the body language thing, I'd always just put my hands in my pockets and crossed my arms just because it's comfortable. Had nothing to do with the psychological implications. Now, I just put my hands on my hips. Same amount of comfort, but it makes you look bigger and implies confidence.
One other thing about body language, make a concerted effort to keep your head up as much as possible, and I mean that literally. Keeping your head constantly hunched forward will put stress on your spine, your neck, and your shoulders, causing upper body pain which makes people feel uncomfortable and unconsciously makes you feel less confident. I know it can be difficult these days since most of us are hunched over looking at a computer screen or our cell phones, but we need to stay aware of this.
Body language is something that needs to be learned and if you're a socially awkward person, you might have to consciously think about how you behave around others. But it can also be a catch-22 since thinking about yourself in a social situation does also make you more socially anxious. For those of us who are chronic overthinkers, it can be really difficult to make swift decisions since we're battling with our own mind about whether we made the most optimal choice. I think one way to alleviate the burden is by limiting your options since it forces you to narrow your decision-making. As for rejection, it's something that you need to try to desensitize and not take personally because it will happen in all facets of life, not just dating. Don't blame yourself for a girl rejecting you because there are other variables at play that may have led her to that decision that may not necessarily be because of your own doing.
#5 is such an underrated component. So many people don’t realize that confidence is a learned skill that can strengthen over time. Getting out and interacting with people on a regular basis will help not only with your romantic appeal, but also your appeal in other social circles as well.
In a world where lowering the bar is all too common, there are still some people like Courtney shining a light in a dark room cheering us on to become better men. Hats off to you Courtney!
I am tired of being not confident, I am learning that, I finally need to accomplish goals, so I can feel better. I am not even going to look for women right now, alone time right now is needed to study, lift weights, etc. In the meantime watch as many videos as I can
10:58 Repeated rejections and negative experiences will certainly NOT improve your confidence. We learn through experiences...fire burns "ouch". And certainly experiencing that feeling more often that does not make you more comfortable with it. "She wasn't the right girl for me ...again".
I’ve had two dates cancelled on me this week, one of them rescheduled for an odd day, I still went with it only because it’s the last week for my school district. Anyways, going into these dates, I want to see what stories they are about and see if I want to be part of it. It’s easier to do this when you have put yourself out there doing things that interests you. Trust me, at times you’ll catch yourself saying in the middle of a date, “I don’t think this is it”.
As an older guy, I genuinely wish I had someone like Courtney when I was young. I would emphasize to change the way you think about rejection. Instead of thinking that you don't measure up, guys need to start thinking in terms of "I gave the woman an opportunity and she blew it". Often rejection comes from something that has nothing to do with you, some event or experience in her life caused her to reject you.
I'm almost 31yrs old, 6'1", athletic, fit, awesome career making high 6-figures, got my own apartment, got my own car and I'm totally done with dating and besides a bunch of meaningless flings - I've been single my whole life and absolutely nothing will change. I'm painfully lonely, like - PAINFULLY. I'd love nothing more than to take care of a good woman in every way - which I totally can. Good women don't exist anymore in the US. It's so gut wrenching being my age and not having a romantic partner. People who are in successful romantic relationship, like Courtney, ALWAYS say "oh you need to love yourself first". I DO love myself. Otherwise, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in today in terms of my finances, career and health. Most women are career oriented feminists which’s a massive turn off for me. Where are the normal women out there? I'm so over it. How can I help not being bitter at this point in life?
You should take a whole year away from the states and travel abroad. This could be easier if you have a remote job, if not then try to get one or once your lease is up you can use that extra money to live abroad for a year. I’m 24, but I plan to do this when I turn 30. Your money is valued even more in certain foreign countries as well, it’s worth the plunge because I don’t believe you can find anything long term in the US. I’ve also been single my whole life so I feel you
Bitter! If even half of what you claim is true, SO many men in this comment section would have 10x the confidence. Reading your bio is like seeing an Escalade next to most men's invisible average Malibu of a life. Unless your face looks like Quasimodo, you are well in the top 10% of men. If you are really that lonely and that well off financially, go become a passport bro. Quit complaining.
If a woman ask "how tall are you", you MUST ALWAYS ask "what's your weight"... 7 in 10 times you'll not need to spend your time... If they want 6 foot tall, you never settle for anything more than 120-125 pounds... :) :) :)
Courtney, I absolutely love this video. I really enjoy all of your videos, to be honest, and I hope you can make time to read these comments because you need to know how great you really are. I hope one day I find a really great woman like you because you and I have so much in common. And I appreciate that you are married to a great man. He is very blessed. Keep up the great inspirational videos about relationships. They are very important to God. Blessings as always, Courtney 🙂
Shes 💯 on this. Confidence means conviction which is the highest belief its knowing. So if you lack confidence you need to pratice and in this case pratice going up go women and talk just talk then ask them out ask them for numbers i recommend daytime on this or non alchol fueled areas at first. Great opener is hi , or make situational joke or comment , asking for advice. This should give you enough confidence to approach.
Hi Courtney, this is Patrick ; I just listened to this video back to back ! Courtney I had a dad instead of a Father !!! He was a very mean n inconsiderate , we ran to bed when we heard his car pull in, n from that moment tried to not make a noise, not even the bathroom !!! My Dr. said I had PTSD which my major inflection is High Anxiety , about almost everything, until I get out the door n in my car , I’m fine n can talk to anyone , pleasant to most people ! I even been to head Dr.’s , n personalized cd’s to meditate to !! Courtney if you have any ideas I’d love to hear them 🙏 thank you for all the good you do ❣️ Best Wishes , Patrick 🤔
Also don't forget to be tall, handsome, muscular, with the appearance of wealth and status. Knowing you are these things will give you a huge confidence booster.
You’d be surprised how feeble the tall, handsome, muscular dudes with a little bit of money and status are with women. Looks and status don’t make the man, the man makes the man.
@CourtneyRyan, I have a friend who is a girl who says that she’s bad at responding back to her messages, and part of me began to doubt that until a couple of her friends have confirmed this. So my question is, what is the best way to deal with this behavior?
Confidence comes before money and should be something you have whether you have money or not confidence is a mentality of ability and skill if you lack confidence it’s because you feel you have no ability or skill or missing something that you feel will give you it, which should be knowledge of learning about yourself and improving yourself you should never place your confidence in your money you should place it in the things you are secure you can do, and in the things you can’t do you are confident, you can learn and grow and to keep yourself from growing out of control you stay humble and take time to self reflect. negativity is a part of yourself, but neglecting it is a weakness, crying is a part of overcoming, but sitting in your tears in self-pity is a weakness that will eat you alive. Learn, overcome, grow, learn to lift those emotional weights not just the physical ones and you will become confident.
True. Without that first step, none of this really does much. It's one thing to "look" confident, but then have nothing of substance when actually talking to others, and then come across as boring or something worse. At the point, they drift away, and the confidence becomes insecurity. All of this to say don't "look" confident, be confident (in something)
@@michaelrespicio5683 yeah exactly people dont understand that confidence comes from competence and then your experience speaks for itself later on in life, it takes years to build confidence, which is something that you have to work on consistently. but nowadays people just love repeating what "feels and sounds good" and just "be confident" and do this and do that blah blah blah, its just typical internet advice to lie to insecure people tbh
@@MikeyP109 True. Therein lies the problem with a lot of content like this. Preaching for guys to do all that for the sake of women, because the recurring theme in many of these videos is that it's always about what THEY want and what us guys should be doing about it whereas we seem to not have much of a voice in the matter because calling them out on their selfish, stupidly large grocery list criteria gets us attitude on their part. "You won't get a woman like that" many say, and yet they themselves can't sustain a relationship...Gee I wonder why...
Hi Courtney. Thank you so much for this video with your advice. I really want to work on my interactions with women. I like always be positive and eye contact to feel confident. Also, you're so beautiful❤
I agree with everything you say. However, there's only so much confidence you can have when you're frequently ghosted, abandoned and can't even get a first date. I know I deserve someone special. I have worked hard to improve my appearance, financial situation and interpersonal skills. I am stable in every way and try to incrementally improve myself. And...NOBODY is remotely interested.
comfort and confidence in your SELF, knowing your self, and then being true to your self everything healthy is contained within this ^ know your desires prioritized, pursue
I know myself really well. I've lived with myself my whole life. I have more experience with myself than anything else I have ever done or accomplished in life. Myself is still not good enough for modern women these days.
@@zerpblerd5966 How so? If myself is not "healthy" enough, knowing that will not make me healthier, but it will be true. If I prioritize a long-term relationship, it takes two. Knowing myself is not going to help if I'm invisible to the opposite sex no matter how much pursuing I put into it. If I want to play in the NBA, but I'm only 5 feet tall, no amount of pursuit is going to get me drafted. Typing platitudes does not change the world. It just makes realists frustrated.
It’s extremely hard to have confidence at this point. I feel like I’ve been beat down. Growing up the main group of people extremely critical of my looks/height have been women. I’ve been demeaned for it. And that’s when I actually was confident.
The number one way to build confidence is to build competence. Develop your quality. And you will "be" quality. She's not telling you how to "Be" confident, just how to "Look" confident.
Number - 7 Be selfless in all you do Number - 8 Give of yourself freely and effortlessly Number - 9 Open your heart and mind to everyone and all things Number - 10 Be fearless.
7. Gets you put in the "friend zone" as the "nice guy". 8. Gets you taken advantage of by women in the relationship and people in broader society. 9. Gets you into bad situations or evil people. 10. Unnecessary if you have enough confidence already.
@@pace1195 None of you assertions are true when you make it clear to the woman you are only interested in her as a love interest by being decisive and direct. Courtney's 6 tips may get a woman interested in you, my 4 additional tips convince them you are a man of substance worthy of their love. Being fearless, is part of being confident. Being fearless sets the tone for that confidence. Opening your heart and mind to everyone and all things, doesn't mean being passive or foolish and allow people to take advantage of you. With wisdom and good common sense, you can spot evil people and users a mile away. If all you want is to get women in bed, then none of these 10 tips apply. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
@@pace1195 7. Gets you put in the "friend zone" as the "nice guy". No because you set boundaries. 8. Gets you taken advantage of by women in the relationship and people in broader society. No because you have a clear understanding of what you want and cast aside any one who seeks to take advantage of you. 9. Gets you into bad situations or evil people. Nope because having a strong sense of self and confidence keep evil people away. They want an easy vulnerable mark and are not interested in one who will stand up to them. 10. Unnecessary if you have enough confidence already. You can't have true confidence if you are insecure and you can't be confident without being fearless. Bottom line, if all you want to do is hit it and quit it, then you will never find a great woman. Great women can spot you coming a mile away and won't be interested. Sure you can get some to talk you by pretending to be a good guy, but they always learn the truth and when they do, they bail.
@RoyDaBoom Male 2s with female 7s-9s? Seriously? Not in my whole life did I ever see such an uneven couple, and I've been out and about quite a bit. An average or even ugly guy with a hot girlfriend, this happens only if the man is famous and/or rich. Besides the classic "sugar daddy & gold digger" constellation I've yet to witness ONE SINGLE EXAMPLE of what you claim to see on a regular basis. Fact is, most couples are roughly looksmatched, and if one of the partners is actually more attractive than the other, today in most cases it's the man (like, he's athletic and she's overweight).
With women having so many things a man used to "bring to the table", it's hard to project something a woman would think she needs or wants. Good luck out there, young men!
The only problem I have is that it is very difficult to change my internal monologue and reframe the way I look at it when all I got is no or much, MUCH worse for 31 years. That's borderline impossible to do.
@RoyDaBoom It has just happened too many times and if it wasn't a no or "gross" (yeah, that happened before), then I was either ghosted, friend-zoned, mislead, or lead-on. Girls tell me they like me yet when I try to make a move, they all of a sudden don't like me anymore. Go figure. You are right. I did give up a long time ago, because it never works and it never will, especially at my age. I am sick and tired of getting rejected so I just don't ask them anymore knowing for a fact that it will just be the same outcome every time I try.
Seek God my friend, I'm similar to you. This life is so short and pointless. Serve the Lord for your remaining time here and never look back, in heaven there will be no relationships, sex, dating, etc. Romans 10:9-10.
Please look at Will Cullen. He is a musician who does direct contact performance. His videos are a study in approaching people you have never met. Their body language is unmistakable.
My job required me to make quick correct decisions and I did that for 20yrs in the usaf, I still act that way but a little less stressful, now that I'm older I'm more dismissive of women who raise red flags no matter how pretty they are, new york
Do you know what happens to me , ive been working on self improvement for a long long time , thats my hobby , thats why i enjoy courtneys videos , anyway i find now when i go to a diffferent city or on holiday i get a really good reaction from people, but its the product of 1000 mistakes and learning from other people who know more or can give me a different perspective. if you keeping making small improvements eventually it makes a big difference.
The biggest key to confidence that has worked wonders for me just in life, not even women, is 100% owning who I am and being true to myself whether a woman likes it or not. What bothers me is seeing guys ONLY be confident for WOMEN and not themsleves, meaning that these guys aren't really confident because they only act that way to get women but are never truly confident deep down. Stop downplaying who you really are and be YOU regardless of any woman or man's opinion.
If YOU is not worth the woman you are trying to get, most men go with the "fake it till you make it" tactic. Otherwise, you end up with nothing. When men end up with nothing long enough, they just quit all together. If all this self help was easy enough, there wouldn't be a confidence problem or a societal relationship problem.
Let me tell you, if you make 150K+ and are jacked, you don’t need to “look the part” you are the part, and you don’t need to “act confident”, you are confident, and you certainly don’t think about it.
So I have an issue where I can be super confident at work, or talking to people platonically. But if I see a girl I want to ask out, or if someone asks me about my non existent love life, all the insecurity comes up and I have no idea how to act
Act like you do at work. Fake it till you make it. If she likes you when you act platonic to her, she'll like you more when she really is interested in a relationship.
They say there’s nothing women like more than confidence. Why can’t she just like me for me? - my bad joke. Seriously, if you’re not sure where to start, look at self help, a dating coach, or a therapist. We can all improve and sometimes reframing “I have to” to “I get to” and someone helping with that framing is all you need to find someone. The struggle is real but the struggle is worth it when you find the right someone.
The girl I've known for 4 years has rejected me several times but she still wants to see me every day, she doesn't even want to spend time or date other guys and she also told me that she feels more comfortable with me than with other guys. I'm so confused right now. 😵💫
women tend to be most decisive when it comes to attacking their man ... no matter how mutually contradictory the verbal assaults -- be decisive w/ your values and grateful for what he adds to your life
First of all, the biggest advice I would give to someone is to search for the nature of the soul and not define oneself by it's action or it's appearance, because it's limited. As for self-confidence, my two cents, is that self-confidence is a result and should not be a aim. I wouldn't date a women that is all about self-confidence even though I amassed a lot by going through hell and coming back. I do think that what is importance is the purpose. The difference we make, the orientation of the heart and the nature of the soul of the person. I saw too many self-confident twits that acted like shit, and I think self-doubt is important at some point to make wise decisions. I would value a deep thinking and honest individual over a self-confident one anytime. That's my values and I would prefer to stay alone than have a girlfriend that's not only looking for power, may it be good or bad, but for the ''look'' of power. That's clearly what I call superficial. Also, I don't like the aspect of choosing a person about how that person presents herself. I think life's too short for superficial stuff like that and life's not about self-fulfillment, but the input we make in the world surrounding us. That's what will be left when we die and that's what's giving energy for those bones to continue. Being concerned by appearances just add to possible useless self-doubt and it only works to add conviction to useless minds around us that don't know how to see farther than that.
The cart was put before the horse here. These are all symptoms of low self esteem. Sure, do these things on a date and you might appear confident, but its not a switch that just gets flipped. There are many reasons people lack confidence but if they aren't addressed the symptoms will continue. If you want to change how you feel about yourself and improve your self talk, seek therapy. At that point, these symptoms will start to diminish. There is also a contradiction here. Guys are being told to behave in a confident manner even though that's not who they are. Then, they are told not to be a people pleaser because they aren't being genuine. Guys, if you go out and try to be someone you're not (confident), you won't have mid to long term success. This is another area where not listening to a professional could come back to bite you.
Nice to see someone else noticed. Strange that so many people here need their hands held. The first step people should take is to find something (a skill, in particular, especially one that demonstrated) to hone and become good at. The better you become at it, the more confidence one will have (theoretically, at least in my experience). Learn a language so you can interact with others from another group/open opportunities, etc. Learn an instrument, learn coding. There are so many things, but one should explore their options to see what clicks. There's a joy to knowing you can do something many others can't and taking pride in it. Real confidence comes from within, not superficial stuff like a lot of this. Case in point, what does it matter if you wear "nice" clothes (whatever thhat counts as) and then nobody approaches us? Where's the confidence then? Maybe diminishing as we contemplate why we spent 30+ minutes in our rooms choosing a bunch of clothes that nobody cares much about
@@michaelrespicio5683 You can be the best coal miner, trash truck driver, or vacuum repair person in the country. It still doesn't mean you are visible to women no matter how confident you are at your skill. The guy busking with his guitar gets interest if he looks like he belongs in a boy band. If he looks like a homeless, homely hobo; he's left on the street to starve. I agree with the clothes comment. Women these days want a good looking man (in nice clothes) as a social media prop, not for a relationship.
I figured out my own way. I just don't care. I really don't. Therefore I'm not nervous, I'm being myself and I treat meetings with women as a reason to have an interesting conversation, not to impress them at all costs and absolutely "score" with them. Not being desperate for anything works wonders.
What if you have failed at everything. I've been fired and laid off 5 times in the past year because I can't cut it. How can I be confident if every situation says I suck?
Rejection… she doesn’t want to get to know me… that’s her loss. It’s also an escape as she’s likely judging me on shallow qualities & shows her values as being just as shallow. I’m sure there’s plenty of someones that’ll spend the time & money to look all exfoliated & pruned for her, but they’ll be doing it for plenty of other women too & are far more likely to cheat in my experience. Be who you are. Yes… work on improving yourself, but remain completely authentic in that, working to your goals & not that of a woman you may or may not attract.
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3 days ago? I'm still claiming first 😂
Actually, i do not like confident girls, i am not confident also and thisn roules was not for me.
😁
@@hypatiatv1 women rarely are confident. I think you mean cocky/proud. Pride is ugly with anyone but women are too critical of themselves and others to ever be considered confident-in-self. Women make horrible men and need to quit trying to be like men. F's for the 90% of modern women. F F F F F lol
Be gorgeous to absolutely FYGBO Miss Courtney yummy and delicious Ryan 💋💖🔥🤤
Confidence isn’t “I know they’ll like me”, it’s “I’m okay if they don’t”.
It's rather not caring about it in the first place. Confidence is knowing who you are and what you want and being fully self-reliant - it doesn't matter what ANYBODY else thinks. Be a Bird of Prey or a Kangal - not a Golden Retriever (as beautiful as they are).
That 1 sentence is better than the entire video.
Exactly
Maybe its both
True. But here's the caveat. Being okay if they don't like you - means you have to treat positive and negative outcome in the same manner. And that means - not caring at all. If you don't care what kind of response you get, if you won't be happy when the girl responds positively and is eager to talk to you - why would you approach her in the first place? You just don't care about her. Don't know about you, but I'd better go put my effort into something I care about.
Which leads to never approaching women, which leads to never talking to them and having zero dates.
But that is fine, since you don't care))
Summary:
1) Body language (stand tall and proud, moderate eye contact)
2) Look the part (dress for success, an outfit speaks volumes, grooming habits)
3) Be decisive and direct (this gives you a sense of control and minimizes feelings of doubt)
4) Change your internal monologue (be self-aware, and be constructive of your self-criticism)
5) Practice (how else can you become better? Experience allows you to learn and process)
6) Improve other areas on your life (focus on hobbies, skills, and career; this will make you feel positive and happy when goals are met)
Here's one that could be added to the list: be mindful of your tone when talking to others. Avoid sounding sarcastic, negative, blunt, etc. Instead, focus on sounding polite, welcoming, and include a moderate amount of humor.
The problem is people will call a guy sus if he cares about his looks
@@kevinsamson1693, those people are the ones that are most likely shallow and alone, so they need to be ignored.
@@kevinsamson1693 I, respectfully, do not agree with your statement. Now, if a man is constantly fretting about looking good all the time (e.g. fixing hair continuously, becomes visibly uncomfortable with minor stains on clothing, etc.), then that control-freak behavior will definitely be a turn off.
If you're going to dress for success , then do so to impress as well as to feel calm, cool, and collect.
You need to be blunt. Women in todays world dont respond to kindness. Theres millions of hounds being kind to women, dont waste time and get to the point.
@@CookieMonster-we1in aren't you supposed to be shoving a cookie down your throat at this moment instead of spewing ignorance? Then again, what else should I expect from a "muppet" that has an eating disorder; as the saying goes, "if you eat like trash, then you will feel like trash."
Was that blunt enough for you?
The biggest things I'm trying to work on are making eye contact in public, and conquering the lie that says, "You have nothing to offer."
Thank you, Courtney, for all you do to help men who strive to be better.
This is a good goal. Eye contact is huge, also try to keep your posture more upright and approachable.
Lol. What do you have to offer?
Same
@@Coreisus Honesty, for one thing.
@@liverbot4854 so you're a simp who'll get cheated on
Whenever I'm feeling down and hopeless I often have this internal and powerful roar that comes from a place of being fed up with my own inadequacy and knowledge of the fact that I can be so much better than I am. Instant goosebumps and inspiration to keep fighting the darkness within
The biggest game changer for me was taking the time to look at my past traumas and heal the wounds that they caused. Doing this helped me achieve a level of maturity, confidence, resilience and emotional intelligence that no dating coach could have ever taught me. Whatever form of therapy or emotional healing you choose, showing yourself that you love and value yourself enough to do the work will do wonders for your self esteem and self image. I'm still a work in progress, and my energy has already changed enough that people who barely gave me the time of day are reaching out to me to start interactions. And yeah, the healing process sucks. It hurts, it can feel punishing, and it can be so hard to even want to go on some days. But if you value yourself enough to keep taking the next step, the transformation will be SO worth it. And, it's like any other skill. The more you do it, the easier it gets. It still sucks and hurts, but you can keep at it because you'll have seen yourself succeed before.
You've survived literally 100% of everything the world has thrown at you thus far. Don't let this be the thing that defeats you.
1000% So much respect and support to the men (and people in general!) who do this hard work.
Great advice
Well spoken my guy and so true as one of my favorite artists said maneuver through the cruelty, beautiful is what you grew to be.
This is why you're one of my favorite RUclipsrs: your humility and humanity and the fact that you reveal your struggles as ell gives us something to connect to, and yeah, we struggle, too. Thanks Courtney.
The best thing that's helped me out on confidence with women is visualization by far. I find that it gets me to take make moves and really gets me to believe I deserve her deep down after visualizing/meditating on it for some time. Since the body doesn't know the difference between whats imagined and whats real you literally condition your body to receive and believe whatever you visualize on. I've put this over courses, seminars etc etc. The emotions that come up for me are confidence, thrill, joy, spontanuity, laughter and so on. I visualize and bring these emotions up then try and stay in these elevated emotions for as long as I can until the meditation/ visualization feels foreced or gets boring and I can't bring up those elevated emotions anymore. When that happens I simply stop the meditation/ visualization and go about my day and revisit the exercise again the next day. It could be tough in the begining but once you get the feel for it boy to the reuslts come! Especially when you get specifin with your meditations on scenarios.
I fully agree with the "Be Positive" statement. Lessons learned early in life for me and it makes a world of difference. I grew up playing baseball but I had a period when baseball was getting more advanced, pitches were becoming real, I couldn't hit water if I fell from a boat. It was bad. 1st half of the season I was bating a cool .000 (no joke) My Father at this point, made me 4 signs that I hung up on my wall and that I repeated in my head in the On Deck Circle 1. You are a great hitter. 2. I never strike out! 3. I always get a hit. 4. I am a superior hitter! I finished that season hitting .310 average. That means that 2nd 1/2 of the season, I held true to the statements. The next 3 years after that, I made the All Star team every year and my average was always north of .500 average. It was fantastic. It was always my proof of "If you think it, you will be it" . Stay positive fellas and believe that you can do it and you will.
Thatta boy! Did you make the pros?
whoa
Wow that's amazing! I was just listening to Tate the other day and he had a very similar thing. Someone was arguing about how depression is real, but he was saying in his mind it's not real. He said for him it's not real and that it's not even a remote possibility that it can happen to him. Different story for sure but similar idea. Failure is not an option!! Like the bible says, if you open the door to evil and give it an inch, it will take a mile! Your thoughts are the same way, don't give in to doubt and pay no mind to it!!
Thanks!
Actually these 6 tips for confidence building with women are pretty awesome, because they nail it on the head on accuracy. And grateful to Courtney for giving them out to us, because their helpful.
Reframing my perspective definitely helped me. The challenge was not feeling like I was lying to myself
Reframe your opinion of yourself, but be sure to remain grounded (positively and negatively) when forming your new opinion
Courtney, your body language exudes genuineness and shows you really care about your profession and your viewers -- very refreshing -- good for you. As a result, your viewers are more engaged and (hopefully) take your "tips" to heart.
The ability to know that you will be okay after a rejection, after a loss, or things not going the way you had hoped is confidence.
hope and expectation, as well as assumption, are bad
have desire, work from there, based on reality and real potentials, open to what comes as reality
What I like to do to be straightforward with myself (and yeah I overthink a lot!) is to ask myself why at least 3 times trying to go deeper with the answers I give. Definitely love where you said change your internal monologue Courtney (you want balance in your end choice and remember to stay positive not only NEGATIVE!)🙃
You only get comfortable to rejection to a certain level. It still hurts regardless of how much rejection you’ve gone through. It just hurts less. I’ve been rejected at least 1000 times and it still sucks (well only if it’s a girl i got to know well then caught feelings). If I immediately ask out a girl and she rejects me then it feels like nothing.
Confidence is also something that’s built from doing hard things. Complete difficult projects at work, take long breaks from social media and entertainment, STOP watching porn, take care of your body and your mind, pay attention to what you put into your mouth, and your headspace will be SO much better when you talk to girls. If you prove to yourself that you can do hard things, talking to girls will feel like a walk in the park.
Life is hard. Talking to women is not hard.
Talking to women is the hardest, especially pretty women. Everything else in life is easy.
Hi Courtney,
Very useful and valuable advices again. Especially in my case, what you said about indecisiveness and passiveness. Thank you for helping in regathering our focusmana and further strengthening us. Have a nice day and next week! 🙋♂️
Your last point has become a true statement in my life recently. I’m figuring out the kind of personality I want to have, fully committed myself to playing lead guitar, and I have the confidence that I haven’t had in years. I can’t wait to have another chance with a girl and see how far I’ve come after almost two years since my last date.
*It's all about putting yourself out there and learning from the experience. Rejection is part of the process, not the end of it!*
I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head.
It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women.
A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice
"It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first"
I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken.
I thought that was bang-on right there.
and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex.
It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys.
He said:
"Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving."
That pissed me off more when I read that.
Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though.
And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman.
If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems.
Another reason why i feel the world would be a better place if social-skills, or people skills, how to successfully socialize and interact with people, social intelligence and understanding social cues, social boundaries, were taught in school in our teenage years, and i feel those classes should be for men only in our teenage years, is that way, women would feel much safer world-wide, it would completely eliminate the risk or almost eliminate, the risk of guys, men, being perceived as creepy or weird in interactions, social situations around women.
With the body language thing, I'd always just put my hands in my pockets and crossed my arms just because it's comfortable. Had nothing to do with the psychological implications. Now, I just put my hands on my hips. Same amount of comfort, but it makes you look bigger and implies confidence.
Sense of humor and self confidence and being a little fearless works well for me. I'm not interested in a lot of dates just finding that one person.
One other thing about body language, make a concerted effort to keep your head up as much as possible, and I mean that literally. Keeping your head constantly hunched forward will put stress on your spine, your neck, and your shoulders, causing upper body pain which makes people feel uncomfortable and unconsciously makes you feel less confident. I know it can be difficult these days since most of us are hunched over looking at a computer screen or our cell phones, but we need to stay aware of this.
Always present the best version of yourself, not a fake version but the best version of the real you, it will make you feel good and boost confidence.
I'm so glad i found your channel Courtney. Many many thanks and love from Sweden! ❤🙌
Body language is something that needs to be learned and if you're a socially awkward person, you might have to consciously think about how you behave around others. But it can also be a catch-22 since thinking about yourself in a social situation does also make you more socially anxious.
For those of us who are chronic overthinkers, it can be really difficult to make swift decisions since we're battling with our own mind about whether we made the most optimal choice. I think one way to alleviate the burden is by limiting your options since it forces you to narrow your decision-making.
As for rejection, it's something that you need to try to desensitize and not take personally because it will happen in all facets of life, not just dating. Don't blame yourself for a girl rejecting you because there are other variables at play that may have led her to that decision that may not necessarily be because of your own doing.
just loving this channel!! helping man to improve themself in a right way
Courtney. Thank you for being a generous lighthouse for those of us hoping to find the shore with a meaningful catch.
improving urself is huge i think learning from failure is essential too
#5 is such an underrated component. So many people don’t realize that confidence is a learned skill that can strengthen over time. Getting out and interacting with people on a regular basis will help not only with your romantic appeal, but also your appeal in other social circles as well.
In a world where lowering the bar is all too common, there are still some people like Courtney shining a light in a dark room cheering us on to become better men. Hats off to you Courtney!
I am tired of being not confident, I am learning that, I finally need to accomplish goals, so I can feel better. I am not even going to look for women right now, alone time right now is needed to study, lift weights, etc. In the meantime watch as many videos as I can
10:58 Repeated rejections and negative experiences will certainly NOT improve your confidence. We learn through experiences...fire burns "ouch". And certainly experiencing that feeling more often that does not make you more comfortable with it. "She wasn't the right girl for me ...again".
Really sound advice actually applicable to anyone in any setting personal or professional
Thanks so much Courtney for this ! getting a partner is one of my goals in life, really appreciate it ❤ 👍
👍 Personally my motto is being *genuine* and *open* if/where possible. Everything you have said *will* naturally follow.
I’ve had two dates cancelled on me this week, one of them rescheduled for an odd day, I still went with it only because it’s the last week for my school district. Anyways, going into these dates, I want to see what stories they are about and see if I want to be part of it. It’s easier to do this when you have put yourself out there doing things that interests you. Trust me, at times you’ll catch yourself saying in the middle of a date, “I don’t think this is it”.
Thank you, things are getting better.
As an older guy, I genuinely wish I had someone like Courtney when I was young. I would emphasize to change the way you think about rejection. Instead of thinking that you don't measure up, guys need to start thinking in terms of "I gave the woman an opportunity and she blew it". Often rejection comes from something that has nothing to do with you, some event or experience in her life caused her to reject you.
I see no reason to assign fault in these situations at all.
Always have a smiling face and read an inspirational motivational quotes.
My great indecisiveness I didn't know was from a lack of confidence.
Thank you.
The stoics believe change your perspective.
Self monologue
I'm almost 31yrs old, 6'1", athletic, fit, awesome career making high 6-figures, got my own apartment, got my own car and I'm totally done with dating and besides a bunch of meaningless flings - I've been single my whole life and absolutely nothing will change.
I'm painfully lonely, like - PAINFULLY. I'd love nothing more than to take care of a good woman in every way - which I totally can. Good women don't exist anymore in the US. It's so gut wrenching being my age and not having a romantic partner.
People who are in successful romantic relationship, like Courtney, ALWAYS say "oh you need to love yourself first". I DO love myself. Otherwise, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in today in terms of my finances, career and health. Most women are career oriented feminists which’s a massive turn off for me. Where are the normal women out there? I'm so over it. How can I help not being bitter at this point in life?
You should take a whole year away from the states and travel abroad. This could be easier if you have a remote job, if not then try to get one or once your lease is up you can use that extra money to live abroad for a year. I’m 24, but I plan to do this when I turn 30. Your money is valued even more in certain foreign countries as well, it’s worth the plunge because I don’t believe you can find anything long term in the US. I’ve also been single my whole life so I feel you
Bitter! If even half of what you claim is true, SO many men in this comment section would have 10x the confidence. Reading your bio is like seeing an Escalade next to most men's invisible average Malibu of a life. Unless your face looks like Quasimodo, you are well in the top 10% of men.
If you are really that lonely and that well off financially, go become a passport bro. Quit complaining.
Plug yourself into a local church.
I can Only imagine the fobstacles you face what it's like dating for the youne generations. I know it sounds corny but
@@KarkandMadnessAdmin Already did that - for many years. It hasn't worked.
If a woman ask "how tall are you", you MUST ALWAYS ask "what's your weight"... 7 in 10 times you'll not need to spend your time... If they want 6 foot tall, you never settle for anything more than 120-125 pounds... :) :) :)
Courtney, I absolutely love this video. I really enjoy all of your videos, to be honest, and I hope you can make time to read these comments because you need to know how great you really are.
I hope one day I find a really great woman like you because you and I have so much in common. And I appreciate that you are married to a great man. He is very blessed. Keep up the great inspirational videos about relationships. They are very important to God. Blessings as always, Courtney 🙂
Shes 💯 on this. Confidence means conviction which is the highest belief its knowing. So if you lack confidence you need to pratice and in this case pratice going up go women and talk just talk then ask them out ask them for numbers i recommend daytime on this or non alchol fueled areas at first.
Great opener is hi , or make situational joke or comment , asking for advice. This should give you enough confidence to approach.
Hi Courtney, this is Patrick ; I just listened to this video back to back ! Courtney I had a dad instead of a Father !!! He was a very mean n inconsiderate , we ran to bed when we heard his car pull in, n from that moment tried to not make a noise, not even the bathroom !!! My Dr. said I had PTSD which my major inflection is High Anxiety , about almost everything, until I get out the door n in my car , I’m fine n can talk to anyone , pleasant to most people ! I even been to head Dr.’s , n personalized cd’s to meditate to !! Courtney if you have any ideas I’d love to hear them 🙏 thank you for all the good you do ❣️ Best Wishes , Patrick 🤔
Also don't forget to be tall, handsome, muscular, with the appearance of wealth and status. Knowing you are these things will give you a huge confidence booster.
😂
You’d be surprised how feeble the tall, handsome, muscular dudes with a little bit of money and status are with women. Looks and status don’t make the man, the man makes the man.
Listening too you speak soothes my soul. Listen too Courtney not that old time rock n roll
Thinking about all the steps and hoops to jump through to "be confident" makes me more nervous and unconfident than I was to begin with.
Courtney voice is like an older sister educating me on how to be a good man and find a good girl with courage.
@CourtneyRyan, I have a friend who is a girl who says that she’s bad at responding back to her messages, and part of me began to doubt that until a couple of her friends have confirmed this. So my question is, what is the best way to deal with this behavior?
Confidence comes before money and should be something you have whether you have money or not confidence is a mentality of ability and skill if you lack confidence it’s because you feel you have no ability or skill or missing something that you feel will give you it, which should be knowledge of learning about yourself and improving yourself you should never place your confidence in your money you should place it in the things you are secure you can do, and in the things you can’t do you are confident, you can learn and grow and to keep yourself from growing out of control you stay humble and take time to self reflect. negativity is a part of yourself, but neglecting it is a weakness, crying is a part of overcoming, but sitting in your tears in self-pity is a weakness that will eat you alive. Learn, overcome, grow, learn to lift those emotional weights not just the physical ones and you will become confident.
confidence only works if you have something to be confident about in the first place
True. Without that first step, none of this really does much. It's one thing to "look" confident, but then have nothing of substance when actually talking to others, and then come across as boring or something worse. At the point, they drift away, and the confidence becomes insecurity. All of this to say don't "look" confident, be confident (in something)
The suggestion here to basically fake confidence could be seen as false advertising.
@@michaelrespicio5683 yeah exactly people dont understand that confidence comes from competence and then your experience speaks for itself later on in life, it takes years to build confidence, which is something that you have to work on consistently. but nowadays people just love repeating what "feels and sounds good" and just "be confident" and do this and do that blah blah blah, its just typical internet advice to lie to insecure people tbh
@@MikeyP109 True. Therein lies the problem with a lot of content like this. Preaching for guys to do all that for the sake of women, because the recurring theme in many of these videos is that it's always about what THEY want and what us guys should be doing about it whereas we seem to not have much of a voice in the matter because calling them out on their selfish, stupidly large grocery list criteria gets us attitude on their part. "You won't get a woman like that" many say, and yet they themselves can't sustain a relationship...Gee I wonder why...
BINGO
Hi Courtney. Thank you so much for this video with your advice. I really want to work on my interactions with women. I like always be positive and eye contact to feel confident. Also, you're so beautiful❤
Man this honestly is just good advice for life
I agree with everything you say. However, there's only so much confidence you can have when you're frequently ghosted, abandoned and can't even get a first date. I know I deserve someone special. I have worked hard to improve my appearance, financial situation and interpersonal skills. I am stable in every way and try to incrementally improve myself. And...NOBODY is remotely interested.
I feel this can also go for women aswell. Great video. You've boosted my confidence! Lol
comfort and confidence in your SELF, knowing your self, and then being true to your self
everything healthy is contained within this ^
know your desires prioritized, pursue
I know myself really well. I've lived with myself my whole life. I have more experience with myself than anything else I have ever done or accomplished in life.
Myself is still not good enough for modern women these days.
@@pace1195 you miss the point if that is your angle
@@zerpblerd5966 How so?
If myself is not "healthy" enough, knowing that will not make me healthier, but it will be true.
If I prioritize a long-term relationship, it takes two. Knowing myself is not going to help if I'm invisible to the opposite sex no matter how much pursuing I put into it.
If I want to play in the NBA, but I'm only 5 feet tall, no amount of pursuit is going to get me drafted.
Typing platitudes does not change the world. It just makes realists frustrated.
It’s extremely hard to have confidence at this point. I feel like I’ve been beat down. Growing up the main group of people extremely critical of my looks/height have been women. I’ve been demeaned for it. And that’s when I actually was confident.
The number one way to build confidence is to build competence. Develop your quality. And you will "be" quality.
She's not telling you how to "Be" confident, just how to "Look" confident.
Number - 7 Be selfless in all you do
Number - 8 Give of yourself freely and effortlessly
Number - 9 Open your heart and mind to everyone and all things
Number - 10 Be fearless.
7. Gets you put in the "friend zone" as the "nice guy".
8. Gets you taken advantage of by women in the relationship and people in broader society.
9. Gets you into bad situations or evil people.
10. Unnecessary if you have enough confidence already.
@@pace1195 None of you assertions are true when you make it clear to the woman you are only interested in her as a love interest by being decisive and direct.
Courtney's 6 tips may get a woman interested in you, my 4 additional tips convince them you are a man of substance worthy of their love. Being fearless, is part of being confident. Being fearless sets the tone for that confidence.
Opening your heart and mind to everyone and all things, doesn't mean being passive or foolish and allow people to take advantage of you. With wisdom and good common sense, you can spot evil people and users a mile away.
If all you want is to get women in bed, then none of these 10 tips apply. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
@@pace1195
7. Gets you put in the "friend zone" as the "nice guy". No because you set boundaries.
8. Gets you taken advantage of by women in the relationship and people in broader society. No because you have a clear understanding of what you want and cast aside any one who seeks to take advantage of you.
9. Gets you into bad situations or evil people. Nope because having a strong sense of self and confidence keep evil people away. They want an easy vulnerable mark and are not interested in one who will stand up to them.
10. Unnecessary if you have enough confidence already. You can't have true confidence if you are insecure and you can't be confident without being fearless.
Bottom line, if all you want to do is hit it and quit it, then you will never find a great woman. Great women can spot you coming a mile away and won't be interested. Sure you can get some to talk you by pretending to be a good guy, but they always learn the truth and when they do, they bail.
Occasional or even relatively consistent rejection builds character and resilience. Sustained and unceasing rejection does not. They are not the same.
Important for men to remember that none of this works if you aren’t “conventionally attractive” first.
@RoyDaBoom Male 2s with female 7s-9s? Seriously? Not in my whole life did I ever see such an uneven couple, and I've been out and about quite a bit. An average or even ugly guy with a hot girlfriend, this happens only if the man is famous and/or rich. Besides the classic "sugar daddy & gold digger" constellation I've yet to witness ONE SINGLE EXAMPLE of what you claim to see on a regular basis. Fact is, most couples are roughly looksmatched, and if one of the partners is actually more attractive than the other, today in most cases it's the man (like, he's athletic and she's overweight).
BINGO
Hi Courtney, I’m glad I found you and I just have to improve eye contact.
With women having so many things a man used to "bring to the table", it's hard to project something a woman would think she needs or wants. Good luck out there, young men!
love from kerala,India❤❤❤
The only problem I have is that it is very difficult to change my internal monologue and reframe the way I look at it when all I got is no or much, MUCH worse for 31 years. That's borderline impossible to do.
@RoyDaBoom It has just happened too many times and if it wasn't a no or "gross" (yeah, that happened before), then I was either ghosted, friend-zoned, mislead, or lead-on. Girls tell me they like me yet when I try to make a move, they all of a sudden don't like me anymore. Go figure. You are right. I did give up a long time ago, because it never works and it never will, especially at my age. I am sick and tired of getting rejected so I just don't ask them anymore knowing for a fact that it will just be the same outcome every time I try.
Seek God my friend, I'm similar to you. This life is so short and pointless. Serve the Lord for your remaining time here and never look back, in heaven there will be no relationships, sex, dating, etc. Romans 10:9-10.
@@jvo3777 I might just do that. Thanks.
Dating seems so complicated and hard to do I don't know if I will ever be able to do it.
Please look at Will Cullen. He is a musician who does direct contact performance.
His videos are a study in approaching people you have never met.
Their body language is unmistakable.
My job required me to make quick correct decisions and I did that for 20yrs in the usaf, I still act that way but a little less stressful, now that I'm older I'm more dismissive of women who raise red flags no matter how pretty they are, new york
run away from there
Very wise. Thanks.
Do you know what happens to me , ive been working on self improvement for a long long time , thats my hobby , thats why i enjoy courtneys videos , anyway i find now when i go to a diffferent city or on holiday i get a really good reaction from people, but its the product of 1000 mistakes and learning from other people who know more or can give me a different perspective. if you keeping making small improvements eventually it makes a big difference.
The biggest key to confidence that has worked wonders for me just in life, not even women, is 100% owning who I am and being true to myself whether a woman likes it or not. What bothers me is seeing guys ONLY be confident for WOMEN and not themsleves, meaning that these guys aren't really confident because they only act that way to get women but are never truly confident deep down. Stop downplaying who you really are and be YOU regardless of any woman or man's opinion.
If YOU is not worth the woman you are trying to get, most men go with the "fake it till you make it" tactic. Otherwise, you end up with nothing. When men end up with nothing long enough, they just quit all together.
If all this self help was easy enough, there wouldn't be a confidence problem or a societal relationship problem.
Let me tell you, if you make 150K+ and are jacked, you don’t need to “look the part” you are the part, and you don’t need to “act confident”, you are confident, and you certainly don’t think about it.
Hi, Courtney! Your videos are great! I'm not on Instagram -- I spend entirely too much time on social media already.
So I have an issue where I can be super confident at work, or talking to people platonically. But if I see a girl I want to ask out, or if someone asks me about my non existent love life, all the insecurity comes up and I have no idea how to act
Act like you do at work. Fake it till you make it.
If she likes you when you act platonic to her, she'll like you more when she really is interested in a relationship.
They say there’s nothing women like more than confidence. Why can’t she just like me for me? - my bad joke.
Seriously, if you’re not sure where to start, look at self help, a dating coach, or a therapist. We can all improve and sometimes reframing “I have to” to “I get to” and someone helping with that framing is all you need to find someone. The struggle is real but the struggle is worth it when you find the right someone.
The girl I've known for 4 years has rejected me several times but she still wants to see me every day, she doesn't even want to spend time or date other guys and she also told me that she feels more comfortable with me than with other guys. I'm so confused right now. 😵💫
Thing is though, it's hard to be confident when people talked down to you all your life.
Hi! I enjoyed your vlogs. I have a question for you. Should I date a woman who travels very often?
Courtney, I am grateful for you. BTW you are perfect!!
Words of wisdom from miss Courtney dress well guys appearance matters.
women tend to be most decisive
when it comes to attacking their man
... no matter how mutually contradictory
the verbal assaults -- be decisive w/
your values and grateful for what
he adds to your life
First of all, the biggest advice I would give to someone is to search for the nature of the soul and not define oneself by it's action or it's appearance, because it's limited.
As for self-confidence, my two cents, is that self-confidence is a result and should not be a aim. I wouldn't date a women that is all about self-confidence even though I amassed a lot by going through hell and coming back. I do think that what is importance is the purpose. The difference we make, the orientation of the heart and the nature of the soul of the person. I saw too many self-confident twits that acted like shit, and I think self-doubt is important at some point to make wise decisions. I would value a deep thinking and honest individual over a self-confident one anytime. That's my values and I would prefer to stay alone than have a girlfriend that's not only looking for power, may it be good or bad, but for the ''look'' of power. That's clearly what I call superficial. Also, I don't like the aspect of choosing a person about how that person presents herself. I think life's too short for superficial stuff like that and life's not about self-fulfillment, but the input we make in the world surrounding us. That's what will be left when we die and that's what's giving energy for those bones to continue. Being concerned by appearances just add to possible useless self-doubt and it only works to add conviction to useless minds around us that don't know how to see farther than that.
Watching your videos, Courtney all the way from East Europe. Its just sooo different here than in US of A.
I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.
~Michael Jordan
The cart was put before the horse here. These are all symptoms of low self esteem. Sure, do these things on a date and you might appear confident, but its not a switch that just gets flipped. There are many reasons people lack confidence but if they aren't addressed the symptoms will continue. If you want to change how you feel about yourself and improve your self talk, seek therapy. At that point, these symptoms will start to diminish. There is also a contradiction here. Guys are being told to behave in a confident manner even though that's not who they are. Then, they are told not to be a people pleaser because they aren't being genuine. Guys, if you go out and try to be someone you're not (confident), you won't have mid to long term success. This is another area where not listening to a professional could come back to bite you.
Nice to see someone else noticed. Strange that so many people here need their hands held. The first step people should take is to find something (a skill, in particular, especially one that demonstrated) to hone and become good at. The better you become at it, the more confidence one will have (theoretically, at least in my experience). Learn a language so you can interact with others from another group/open opportunities, etc. Learn an instrument, learn coding. There are so many things, but one should explore their options to see what clicks. There's a joy to knowing you can do something many others can't and taking pride in it. Real confidence comes from within, not superficial stuff like a lot of this. Case in point, what does it matter if you wear "nice" clothes (whatever thhat counts as) and then nobody approaches us? Where's the confidence then? Maybe diminishing as we contemplate why we spent 30+ minutes in our rooms choosing a bunch of clothes that nobody cares much about
@@michaelrespicio5683 Agreed, fake confidence is just as useless as no confidence.
@@michaelrespicio5683 You can be the best coal miner, trash truck driver, or vacuum repair person in the country. It still doesn't mean you are visible to women no matter how confident you are at your skill.
The guy busking with his guitar gets interest if he looks like he belongs in a boy band. If he looks like a homeless, homely hobo; he's left on the street to starve.
I agree with the clothes comment. Women these days want a good looking man (in nice clothes) as a social media prop, not for a relationship.
Hey, Courtney and everyone.
I figured out my own way.
I just don't care.
I really don't. Therefore I'm not nervous, I'm being myself and I treat meetings with women as a reason to have an interesting conversation, not to impress them at all costs and absolutely "score" with them.
Not being desperate for anything works wonders.
Do you provide 1-1 consultation meetings for guidance to relationships
Don't forget about investing in yourself..To build confidence..
What if you have failed at everything. I've been fired and laid off 5 times in the past year because I can't cut it. How can I be confident if every situation says I suck?
Stellar advice!
What are top conversation starters and how to keep the flow going if she’s interested?
It's one thing to be direct and decisive, but can you do a video about how to be flirtatious too?
Great advice for girls
Courtney you are amazing AMAZING!
When do you will do a live to us, your followers and fans?
Rejection… she doesn’t want to get to know me… that’s her loss. It’s also an escape as she’s likely judging me on shallow qualities & shows her values as being just as shallow. I’m sure there’s plenty of someones that’ll spend the time & money to look all exfoliated & pruned for her, but they’ll be doing it for plenty of other women too & are far more likely to cheat in my experience.
Be who you are. Yes… work on improving yourself, but remain completely authentic in that, working to your goals & not that of a woman you may or may not attract.