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My wife and I just went to the courthouse and paid $30 to get married. We both have "good" jobs and could have afforded a modest wedding but we both thought spending $10k+ on a day was not our vibe. No regrets.
Me too!! I spent in total 200€, including matching wedding rings. I was the bride and everyone was surprised by my decision, even shaming us and trying for us to have a dinner party. Nope! Not gonna spend that money. We are a private couple and don't like gatherings with large groups of people. Because it snowballs. You have to invite EVERYONE. By not inviting anyone, you are not going to leave anyone behind 😂
We would have done this if we didn't feel morally obligated to have an event for our families. Our rationale was to ensure our parents experienced a wedding since our siblings eloped & it was their last chance to be parents of the bride/groom 😅
Without going into detail, we had a very small, inexpensive wedding, and it was the most beautiful and intimate experience. And the number of people who have told us that it was the best wedding they'd ever been to was actually quite moving. Just one small example: we didn't have a photographer. We just told everyone to take pictures and send them to us. We now have loads of interesting, funny, natural photos which really capture the day and what we experienced, rather than a bunch of overpriced, posed, fantasy pictures that look exactly the same as everyone else's overpriced, posed, fantasy pictures. Focus on being together, not on putting on an expensive show for everyone else.
The photographer is not something I would give up, but other than that, pretty much everything can go. I would get married in a barn :D Just don't have my wedding photos with my eyes closed :D
Instead you got no real quality and good looking memories from your wedding day, and had all the guests performing shooting for you. Unless you really don’t care about photos/memories, hopefully your bargain is not a hidden regret now.
@@loving0u Absolutely not. The photos are fantastic, seriously. Staged wedding photos look unnatural and posed, and often the couples don't even look like themselves. If people want to go that way, doesn't bother me. 👍
@@M123OCT good wedding photographer wont be just about the poses, they know how to catch a glipse of important moments, and they will do infinitely better than your friend with iPhone :) Unfortunately the best photographer I knew that could do that, couldn't make it to our wedding and what I got was all posed pics where I look pregnant, and everything is warm beige 😮💨 so it is a gamble!
My parents married in my grandparents garden. (Normal, middle-class home). And my uncle made barbecue. My mom's dress was rented. The guests took the photos. They are married for 38 years and are still sooo happy. My mom says it's not important to have an expensive wedding but about the love and respect for each other. I want THAT!
Mine was very similar! Just immediate family, grandparents and godparents, at my Aunt's house with a borrowed dress. Grandma was a cake decorator and made us one, there's a couple hobby photographers in the family. Potluck food. Pictures at the lake in town. only things paid for were the license, the officiant, a couple small decorations, and flowers at a discounted price from a family friend. My friend did city hall for $300, then food at a Chinese buffet lol. Best 1k they ever spent
Yeah... I've watched those weird wedding TV shows and when the woman insists on having a $30k wedding ring...yeah that marriage ain't gonna last. There's a certain level of intelligence and maturity you need to have in order to keep up a marriage, and if you're asking for a middle class man for a ring that expensive, I don't think you've got it. I suppose the same applies to weddings as well. Also no shame on those who can afford extravagant weddings or overpriced rings, because _you can afford them._
In my experience as a guest at many weddings, the less expensive or simpler weddings have also been the most enjoyable. I believe they also are more enjoyable for the couple, since they are more present in the experience instead of worrying about “perfection”.
From my experience being from the lower class, all of my family's weddings have been cheap and held together by personal favors and frail lines of love. It's a personal goal of mine that my wedding will be less about my family helping us "start off right" and more so a show of how my boyfriend and I work well together and can provide for ourselves, since no one in my family to date has been able to go without intense support (save for my parents- they're the ones going broke from all the support they provide). That's just me though, I can understand why people want to keep it a cheap family affair.
Don’t get me started on bachelorette and bridesmaid activities where you have to buy useless garments, merch, and one time use plastics and then pay to fly to random destinations to celebrate with the bride. This is usually nowadays in addition to the engagement announcement party and the bridal shower, the rehearsals, then the actual wedding itself. Brides make it so elaborate now to the point that you need to buy certain color clothes, get your hair and makeup done professionally and pay for flights/hotels/foods/drinks/gifts out of your own pocket to help them celebrate. And not to be a Debby downer but much of it feels pointless given that the divorce rate is at almost 60%. The cycle restarts itself when someone becomes pregnant and there’s the gender reveal, baby shower etc. it’s exhausting
Haha I decided to not do that for the very reason! My only bridesmaid activity might be a craft night for the decor for the big day. Just a chill, relaxing time together. Nothing crazy. I would never ask my friends to pay for something they couldn't.
As a European, just reading all those different things that you have to do (go through?) sounds very exhausting and honestly boring. I love that in Europe things are more laid-back. No engagement ceremony, no destination bachelorette party (just a party with your girlfriends), no crazy dress code,... There is no pressure to have a crazy wedding ceremony. I really feel for you 😞 now the gender reveal is unfortunately becoming more and more common in Europe.
Having a flashy, expensive wedding is nice. A marriage with stable and sufficient finances is better. Some people can have it both ways, but some of us will have to choose one or the other.
@@nicolemurphy2629 lol guess what? Most people who have expensive flashy weddings are just very wealthy people, and often the parents are paying and not the couple. It is a myth that poor couples are running around hosting these suares. It’s generally rich people who have a lot of money. Or they are middle class but belong to cultures that value weddings (Hindus and Catholics for example), and the parents may have saved up very deliberately for the event that bears great importance to them.
I got married on top of a mountain with two friends as witnesses. Paid $200 for the officiant/wedding certificate. It was incredible. I will remember every moment of that day because there was zero stress or planning involved. Just a stunning sunset on top of a mountain while saying vows to the man I love. We've been together 17 years, married for 6. I have no regrets about not having a traditional wedding!
Tip : Tell people you want to invite that you're having a simple wedding... The people who will respond happily and come to your wedding are you're real friends.
its so strange they weren't happy for you, its your wedding! I'm having a 30k euro wedding however my friend had a small wedding at her family home. It was so beautiful. Your wedding, your style!@@eugeniesh7285
@@eugeniesh7285omg, 50k weddings?! My husband and I just had a micro wedding and I could sense only 1-2 couples of our circle of friends were a bit annoyed by the fact that friends weren't invited. But I hadn't thought that this could also have happened because they might have reflected on themselves and the money they have spent for their own wedding but also other sorts of expensive crap, because "we have to". Thanks for that input. Also, it is very freeing that apart from our immediate families who were the only attendants, no one else was asked to offer us a wedding gift (and no one did, frankly -it's almost a year now since our wedding), so we don't feel any obligation to offer very expensive gifts when we attend other couples bigger weddings. Moreover, we can leave relatively early (right after the cake for eg) and not feel guilty that we did not dance a lot or stay until late to other weddings. Of course we follow etiquette, but if tired/ not in the mood that night, we don't feel obliged to go the extra mile, because people did so in our wedding (had we had a big one). 😉
The wedding is the least important day of the marriage. I know this idea would never take off (as the video astutely points out, there are a lot of people with an interest in people having ever bigger and more expensive weddings), but it would be so cool if we barely celebrated weddings, and instead had big blowouts for 25 or 50 year anniversaries. Those are worth celebrating. Any idiot can say "I do".
That's an amazing idea! We were gonna do something like that for our 10 but honestly it feels like marriage only gets real around that time, so I've decided to wait til our 20th in 8 years because that one seems like it's more of an accomplishment.
My great-grandparents did this. I went to their 60th anniversary when I was 10. They held a big party every decade. Unfortunately they couldn't throw one for their 70th anniversary because that was after the pandemic started.
My best friend recently spent $200k on her wedding and each bridesmaid had to cough up $2k each to be able to go to the bachelorette party, mind you we are not all as affluent as her. But it just makes me question so much on how some people don’t mind being in debt just to have one nice day like their wedding
This is the most annoying part of the wedding industry to me. I don't care if other people spend a ton of money on their weddings - sometimes I find it peculiar what they want in their wedding and how obsessed they are, but in the end it's not my place to judge it. However if someone would expect me to spend a significant amount of my own money on their ideas of extravagance, yeah no, they can celebrate with their rich friends, but without me. I find it really selfish if they put other people in such a position.
The willingness to dive into cartoonish debt like that is a turn off for a lot of people. Maybe even a deal breaker! Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. 😬
2 of my friends had Overseas’s weddings and cos I couldn’t afford to go, I’m a bad friend, we don’t talk anymore, people think they’re kardashians or something, really cringe behaviour. While they’re trying to keep up with Joan’s, I’m watching David Ramsey and trying to get a down payment on a home, we’re just very different people.
I still want a wedding. I never had anything special growing up, I couldn’t go to prom or graduation, my family doesn’t even celebrate my birthday. I want something normal like a wedding for once. I don’t think I need to spend $30,000 on it, but my god if I hear people say “oh just married at the court house” and my breaks thinking I’ll never have anything to celebrate. I want to feel special and have photos to look back on and have for my kids. I just want one thing and I tired to feeling bad for wanting it
I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I got married at the courthouse because that's what we wanted to do. If this is what you want and you're not going into debt over it, I don't see why anyone would have a problem.
You can absolutely have a beautiful wedding if you wish, it's your and your spouse's day after all ❤ The video was just criticizing the impossible high expectations that some people have on wedding ceremonies, regardless if the couple can afford it or not! As long as you don't go into debt, you should feel free to organize your wedding the best way you want!
As long as you aren't starving or getting into debt, I think it's fine. I have side eyed some people I know who had expensive weddings but couldn't pay me back for money they borrowed or complained they can't do x anymore since they are broke.
@@mayhem875The general attitude about weddings can be black and white. If you spend more than $X on your wedding you're not doing it right and you're going to be divorced in a few years because your priorities are screwed. If you get married in a city park, and serve hot dogs and punch, then you're uber-wise. Black/White
im introverted so i want a small wedding, close friends and family or even no wedding. just go to a courthouse and get married and then spend time with friends and family afterwards. but a good honeymoon vacation is where most of my money will go
I feel like a wedding is a "once in a lifetime event" so it's ok to splurge on it, but within your means. We got married in 2022 (Germany) and spend around 9.500€ on everything including my wedding dress and my husbands wedding suit, our wedding bands (which were the most expensive individual items, as they are intended to last for many years) and us staying in a nice hotel suite afterwards. But we didn't invite a lot of people as we only wanted to have our closest family and friends with us - 27 in total. We also did our own flower arrangements and decorations, because the prices for anything wedding related are just ridiculous. And we also asked for money as a wedding gift (it's typical in Germany), so all in all we spend a lot less then the initial 9.500! And it was totaly worth it :)
WOW nobody includes the groom’s suit AND the wedding rings aaaand the honeymoon stay!! The number sounded midrange until you mentioned it truly included everything. Typical amazingly efficient German not forgetting important details. ;) while the rest of us let the honey, suit, bands, and a million other things run away from us…!
I'm currently planning my wedding and everything about this industry and the way people act around this day makes me cringe. Don't understand why people are insisting I go into debt so they can have 4 hours of photos to post on their social media about my marriage. I'm going to wear a black wedding dress 😂
My great grandma wore a black dress to her wedding. It was quite fitting, as her brother was killed that day by the Russians. Wasn't a very happy wedding from what I've heard
Our friends wanted a fancy wedding in Spain, because they are quite wealthy. But then they wanted all the guests to stay in the hotel they chose (for our own money), wear branded suits what they want (for our money), and no kids allowed at the wedding, what meant we need to find a nanny there for 24-48 hours for 2 small kids🌚 it would cost us all together 4k€ at least. I’m happy for our friends, but I would rather spend a week or 2 with my family by the beach in a nice hotel
@@lalalabetina6436I think they just lost sense of reality, it’s a gay couple with no kids, and both of them making good money working in medical/pharma business, and they surrounded by many other similar gay couple, so they probably don’t even understand how expensive it is to have kids and that people with kids need to spend their money a little more practical. We simply can’t use so much money for a party, because we have other responsibilities
@@elenao_o8234 so what I understand is that they prefer to celebrate their wedding in a luxurious and they don't really care who is joining and celebrating with them. I think we have totally lost the point of the wedding celebration 😕
My fiancé and I are deeply in love and so happy together. We have been together for 9 years and were saving up for a wedding (for years now!) when we decided to use the money for a down payment on a house and get married at our favorite music festival instead. I'm glad we decided to go this route. My point is the wedding doesn't = relationship happiness.☺️
I got married 2 weeks ago the money and the timelines (bridal shops and venues wanting a [years] notice for the most part) were so off putting. We are putting our savings into buying a house and our entire wedding was less than £1500, I wore a blue [satin] dress and shoes I already had he brought a tie and pocket square to match my dress and wore a grey suit he already had. We had 10 family members for the ceremony and dinner somewhere we like, then a dozen friends joined for drinks at the pub in the evening
Had a super frugal wedding 20+ years ago and haven’t thought too much about it since then because I’m too busy living today’s life! It DID NOT MATTER at all that we had no money. There was a dress from a yard sale and Costco cheesecake and it was FINE!
My husband and I DIY'ed most of our wedding and spent as little as possible on it, but it was still beautiful. We held it at my in-laws house and got married on their pond dock. We bought fake flowers from Hobby Lobby and created a couple flower arches to put over doors and the dock using those fake flowers, some wire, and pool noodles (I still have all three of them and display one in my kitchen). We got the cake done at Hy-Vee and it was gorgeous (and delicious), and they also did our catering (less delicious, but affordable and still good). All our decorations were handmade by me, my mom, and my mother-in-law. My mom and I got to make our invitations, which is a memory I cherish deeply, and they were beautiful. My favorite part is my dress. I went with my mom to our local mall, one of the bigger clothing stores Marshall's or Dillard's or something (I don't remember now), and they had a bunch of white dresses, which weren't wedding dresses) on sale. My dress was originally around $50 and I got it for $30. There are so many ways we saved money without sacrificing a nice wedding, and it gave me so many chances to bond with my in-laws, my parents, and my husband. Altogether, our wedding probably cost around $1,000, the food being about $500 of that. To each their own, and if you want to go all out for your wedding and can afford to do so, that's wonderful and I'm happy for you. But I'll never understand the ridiculous amount of money people will spend on weddings, even going into debt for it, and will always encourage the people in my life to spend less on their own weddings.
Never been to a wedding before but I think most people have inexpensive weddings. I think these “picture perfect” (literally) weddings are just for show and just for those who’s lives are on social media. And I truly believe that a happy ever after doesn’t end at a wedding. You still have another half of your life left that you are sharing with someone else.
im with you there - id bet a good portion of these high follower count instagram weddings have some or all of the costs deferred by the vendors or paid for by outside company sponsorships instead of by the actual couple
My husband and i went to Vegas for our wedding and honeymoon, invited only our parents and paid around 4000 to a chapel that did all the photos, flowers and video. It was gorgeous and super professional. My dress was a $20 white cotton dress from tj maxx. We sent invitations to watch the live stream and threw a party when we got home. It was absolutely perfect and we didn't have to have the insane wedding planning stress or go into crippling debt in the middle of grad school.
My dream wedding is genuinely an elopement. I'm pretty reserved and get stressed out by big social gatherings (even when I'm not the centre of attention!).
There was a movie like that I think, where the bride always ran away because of the immense pressure she felt on the wedding reception, and the last guy simply suggested "okay, let's NOT have 200 people watch us then" I honestly find that way more romantic than a 30k wedding with 200 people watching. (Sadly I forgot the title of the movie) Also, some friends of my parents DID exactly that, they had been living together and having kids FOR YEARS, but only recently had a quiet reception with like. the absolute minimum amount of whitnesses required by the registry office, on some random day of the week. And only told everyone AFTER the fact.
Being a gay couple whose families aren’t exactly thrilled with our relationship, my husband and I just went to the courthouse and spent $100 to get married. About 8 years later, we are still married while many people we know who spent thousands of dollars on their weddings have already divorced. We always say it sucks we never got all those wedding gifts to help us get started but the idea of spending thousands of dollars on a wedding is just ridiculous to us.
i feel like it’s a delicate balance between, throwing a party within your means-so that your friends can be there, celebrate you, and you can get that little headstart with gifts like cutlery and a new vacuum or whatever haha. I hate that your family didn’t support you tho. :( hopefully you have one cool aunt between you if you ever do get to celebrate ♥️ many more years of love to you 💕
Another odd thing with weddings is the social pressure/compulsion to invite every member of your family. From your immediate parents and siblings, to your great aunt twice removed who you haven't seen since you were maybe 6 and now you're now 26. And sometimes, those extended family get so upset about not being invited even though you've never spoken to them since your toddler years!
Yess! There’s people I don’t want to invite and don’t want to hear any fuss about it so my fiancé and I are just planning on having an engagement party and getting eloped then having a fun honeymoon to avoid unnecessary drama.
My partner and I decided to skip the wedding receptions and, instead, get married in court(since neither of us likes big weddings anyway :p). We chose to invest those money into our new house and honeymoon expenses☺️✨
Is it wrong that I just want a very, small intimate wedding as opposed to what everyone thinks a wedding should be? Nope. I still want a small wedding and not stress about it. 👌🏻
@@DillishUs I thought of that too. But having such a huge family in the Philippines with a separated parents that doesn't get along (my mom doesn't want to walk me down the isle if my father is there huhu) and all sorts of drama that comes along with it, it discouraged me to get married instead. Moved to Sweden and realized I'm okay with a court house wedding or an intimate garden wedding and that whatever I chose, it's okay and respected here. Or should we just elope instead and surprise everyone? 🤣 P.S. My family (my father's side) in the Philippines had planned my wedding right away once I got engaged. So we shall see if we'll get married twice but if it were up to me, one would do but I know it would cause a lot angry relatives if we do not do one in PH also. 🤦🏻
You can do a small guest list ( no extended family) or a big one with all the family. Mid size is a headache because you may offend one some family members because you invited others and not them
I had a small (50 guest) out of state wedding in 2019 and it cost us about 30k. We saved like hell and paid it off in full without going into debt, but I can definitely see how even a small wedding can creep up in cost! The word 'wedding' makes anything you buy triple in price.
I never understood weddings. I am a hopeless romantic and yet never dreamed of one as a child. I just never saw the point of paying money to host people to see me get married. I married my husband in a courthouse in a $20 dress and never had a honeymoon. I had cash saved for my dream ring that would stay with me for life vs way more for just one day. We are still super in love without debt 14 years later.
We had a very chill, intimate wedding. It was magical! And, the venue was free, our backyard. So now, whenever we look out on our backyard, we will always carry the memory of a big, beautiful step in our lives. Still together 6 years later, and planning on a lifetime more. 🥰
This is my favorite video of yours ever!!! I love how you explain how our culture commodifies love and therefore creates the avenue for weddings to keep us poor in a gentle and approachable way without alienating people by having that nuanced discussion. I feel like it allows for the viewer to still have a position against capitalistic structures and tendencies if they wish to hold corporations, marketers, and cultural makers accountable, but the video is open-minded enough that those who have not started thinking in this critical way and feel uncomfortable about changing the traditions they've seen can be persuaded. Great messaging, awesome technique!
Thank you for talking about this! My husband & I spent less than $200 to elope in my parents' backyard. We have nothing to show for it on social media, and that's perfectly fine. The money we saved (moreso chose not to spend) went towards completely paying off both our student loan debt and eventually buying a house within 5 years! Keep doing these great videos. 💜
I’ve set aside a total of a $10k budget for my future wedding, though I’m not yet dating anyone, so most of it is in a 5% 3-year CD, and I purchased my home 8 years ago and hope to have it paid off in 6 years. I was raised to believe you can have anything you want if you plan and save early enough.
Throughout human history it was the parents that put on and paid for the wedding. Over the last 50 years, for some reason, parents aren’t doing it. A newly wed couple is going through the most important financial window of their lives, house, kids, saving for retirement, and we have just normalized the couple paying for the wedding. It’s absolutely terrible. I read a story of a future groom being asked by his future father in law why he didn’t want a wedding and he said it was too expensive. The father in law said that he’d been waiting his whole life to walk his daughter down the aisle and his son in law shouldn’t take that away from him. The groom said “I’ve known I wanted to marry your daughter for almost a year now and have saved up a substantial amount for the ring, honeymoon, etc. you’ve known you wanted to walk her down the aisle for almost 30 years and don’t have a cent saved for it. Which of us really wants this more?”
I've never regretted not having a wedding. I watched so many friends go nuts, start their marriages in debt and not even have a honeymoon because of the cost. For years I've said "people care more about the wedding than the marriage and one only lasts a day".
Even if i had the money, I would not spend it on a wedding. I stil can't believe people really go into debt for this. A coworker of mine, who makes significantly less than me told me she spend 100k on her wedding. Now they are divorced! It is insane they literally could have done so much with that kinda money
We got a frugal marriage and we spent our savings in our new home, we are now in process of buying our second bigger home. I'm 38 and hubby is 44. Best decision ever and I have never regretted it 😊
My partner and I have been discussing getting married and what kind of wedding we'd like - ultimately, we decided we would want something small and relatively cheap with our close friends and family there. That way we can spend more on our honeymoon or on the house we eventually want to have.
We have a very interesting culture in Romania, where I'm from. We don't give gifts at weddings, we give money. Everyone participating must pay at least approximately how much it would cost for them to drink and dine at the wedding. The closer relative you are to the groom or bride, the more money you should give. Given that, some weddings in Romania are investments. Most of the time, people giving money covers the cost of ones wedding, sometimes most of the cost, other times you might even be able to make a profit! Yes, it's an upfront cost, but at least you get your money back.
Yes! Oh my god, I was so confused when I first heard that in other places, you give wedding gifts instead of money. People in my family who got married are pretty poor, but they managed to have nice weddings because the guests basically paid for their stuff.
Fellow Romanian here! When I first heard that the bride and groom in other countries have to bear the actual cost of the wedding it was so weird to me. But lately I noticed this started shifting a bit. I live in the US now and all the weddings I went to in the last year or so, there was an actual item in the registry that was a money gift.
Romanian here as well. I had to giggle a little when I read in "Commitment" by Elizabeth Gilbert that in some "less developed/poorer communities", a wedding party is almost considered to be a banking system. People participating are obligated to give the couple money as gifts, in order for them to be able to start their life together worry-free. This way, they are able to not only pay for the wedding cost and not go into debt over the obligatory party (with help from the newlyweds' parents of course), but pay for some stuff as well (down-payment, family car, furniture, newborn expenses, etc). In return, the newlyweds and their close family members are now obligated to participate (i.e. gift money) in the future weddings of the guests and their children. It's a loaning system, a community-regulated bank. I got a laugh out of my culture probably being considered "poorer/less developed" (do not quote me on the wording, it's been a while since I read the book), but also because it was the first time something I never thought about in regards to my culture was being explained so intellectually, like an anthropology expert observing us and taking notes.
The wedding is just a celebration for everyone else, not the couple. Don't waste your money on making others happy, just focus on your partner. Your friends and family will be happy that you're married, anyone else isn't worth worrying about.
true but that’s why relatives will be pissed if it’s too modest/not invited. And guests will be pissed if it’s dinky/no food cause they shelled out $100 for their gift. Those point out how not-for-you it is, but that’s just like all etiquette.
Hey honey let’s start our marriage by going into debt… unless you’re Vietnamese, you can beg/pressure your guests into giving you money for attending your wedding.
When cash gifts are the norm, there’s really no begging happening (I had a Chinese-Vietnamese wedding) We paid into the weddings of others in the community. When it came to be our turn, the community gave back.
@@lanbao2010 Exactly! Only people who are purely takers in a community would see it as "begging." If you've been attending weddings, it's just part of being part of the community.
Exactly! We're also asking for cash gifts and not taking out any debt either. Its custom to give cash gifts (Nigerian/British-Italian wedding)@@lanbao2010
I'm pretty sure the tradition was well intention in the old days in a Vietnamese village and neighborhood where every knows each other and take care of each other, gifitng money in cycles was a well intention thing. But today, in the US, Vietnamese is all out inviting as much people as they can, most of the time they dont even know who they are inviting. On their weeding they can walk around tables during a reception in a run down Chinese Seafood restaurant serving crappy food asking for money to start their life as a married couple while their bridemaids/groomsman pass around the donation box for people to put their envelope with cash in. But hey more people means more money. Couples are looking forward to "profit" from the wedding. Is it begging? Well, is raising money on goFundMe a form of panhandling? it all semantic right?
What a cynical way to look at traditional gift giving…which is the same all over asia btw China Taiwan Japan and India all have CASH gifts as the norm, even in Africa extravagant gifts from the village at the norm. By your logic registering for matching napkins is “begging” and every single person who gets married is just a beggar. It’s smarter to get cash imo than useless household items and go into debt. You yourself acknowledge those couples are better off yet you still can’t help but hating~~~
My first wedding, which was while we're both very broke, all total cost about $500. If that. I love the aesthetic of fancy weddings, but the fact that I know multiple people that have had weddings like these, and gotten divorced within a couple of years, terrifies me. I would hate to be divorcing someone and still paying for my wedding to them at the same time.
What's really insidious is the wedding industry has gotten into people's deep-seeded fears and superstitions. I've had many friends stress over how expensive planning a wedding is, feeling like they have to check off every box no matter how expensive, when I've asked them if it's really necessary to check off every box, they say things to the effect of, "I can't half ass my wedding, I need to show I'm really committed to this relationship" as if not spending $29k on a party means you're destined for divorce. Or "it only happens once in a lifetime, why wouldn't I give it my all?" which to me feels like a copy/paste marketing tagline straight from the industry's mouth. I love my friends and I want everyone to do what makes them happy, but if it makes them bankrupt, it's not making them as happy as they think it is.
Instead of a 100 guest 30k wedding, we had 40 guests including ourselves at a small chapel, local restaurant for reception and took 2 honeymoons that year instead. It was the best decision! And our wedding was perfect.
I got married two years ago . The wedding cost £6000.00. Yes family gifted us services as wedding gifts . But we didn’t see the need to spend a stupid amount of money on just one day ! Everyone enjoyed it and everything went perfectly well !
I did something different for my wife's engagement ring, I got a silver band with 2 emeralds and one sapphire in the middle. It wasn't expensive but it was personalized to her. And for actually wedding rings we got tattoos.
I have a wedding coming up in 3.5 months, and I gotta say, so much of the spending can be cut back without the actual experience being much less enjoyable. Don't want to pay $500-1000 for a DJ? Make a playlist and plug your phone in. Don't want to spend $150/guest on food and drinks? Have a simpler meal and a cash bar. Our wedding is going to end up costing around $12-15k USD, and should be a total blast!
I had a $17k wedding in IL with 70 people in March 2023. Everything was paid off within a few months after the wedding and mostly paid through savings. It was stressful but I am glad we did it for the memories with family and friends and because we work hard and having a wedding was a nice experience.
If I ever get married, I want my wedding to be about me and my lover, not the sparkly decorations, not the 7 layer cake, not the 10 foot long dress, not the stone on the ring. The real star is and should be the couple giving their promises to eachother. There's no point in trying to impress with how much you're willing to spend (or waste) for a one day event. It is about taking the next step into life with someone you love and trust (and the benefits that come with the "married" status). I grew up always putting my own needs and comfort aside, in order to have "excititng" celebrations inside my family. I was never asked what cake flavor I like for my birthday, or who I want to be there for the celebration, my family didn't care, it was always about having the biggest cake (even if it tasted horrible), the most guests (also people I don't even know or like), the loudest music, the most unpersonal gifts, but never things that actually mattered to me, so I was always left feeling worse on my birthdays than on normal days. Now, as an act of rebellion, I refuse to accept these things and instead insist on just baking cookies for myself and giving myself some time-out on my birthdays, away from everyone and their excpectations, and I feel like a new person. But I digress, if I get married in the future, I won't fall into the pressure of trying to be the more impressive one, actually the opposite. It's gonna be just us in our favorite clothes, my closest friends and family and nothing but the beautiful view into the ocean, eating homemade Schwarzwälder cake (my favorite) with the sound of the waves crashing in the distance, and no weird decorations lying around to create litter. Simple and perfect.
My husband and I hiked into a mountain lake for our wedding with a few close friends! It cost us $100 for my athletic dress, and ~$200 to pay for everyone’s pack-in sandwiches. Best day of my life, and the few people that came still talk about how beautiful it was. 1 year later, we bought a house. Can attest, it was the better investment, and I feel like I got to have my cake and eat it too.
My husband and I felt a lot of pressure from our families to have a big party wedding, when we would have preferred to do something super simple and small. We were quite modest with it and it was nothing extravagant by any means. Still cost us over 20k once all added up. Ended up having to cancel our honeymoon plans :/
Y'all gotta get on the asian banquet weddings, held in a big asian banquet restaurant that serves dimsum on the weekends. Tons of food and booze for everyone to consume, and all the relatives give you money.
Just got married at a beautiful chapel with 32 guests for $1k and it was beautiful and memorable. They Livestreamed it and also included a minute long highlight video that had our relatives who couldn't make it crying. My ivory satin dress and shoes felt expensive but were shy of $200(ABC fashion and JCPenney). I made my own bouquet with dry flowers from Michaels covered by a Christmas gift card we were given. We barhopped downtown and were bought rounds of drinks by our guests. Strangers congratulated us. For $2k more, we had dinner at a family style Mediterranean restaurant that had a belly dancer and DJ for entertainment every weekend regardless of occasion and they were already decorated beautifully. We didn't have to stress about details. No regrets and it was lots of fun.
its crazy how weddings are handled differently in different countries. Where I was born the weddings were usually half sponsored by the couples parents. Small weddings, in common venues with a little bit of fancy here n there. Theres an unspoken rule for guests to try return a monetary gift for what their attendence would cost, to lower the financial burden on the newly weds too (unless youre much closer to the couple!) To think people would pay so much money for a wedding is mind blowing to me. Theres so many better ways to spend that
We got married and had a small intimate wedding with about 35 guests, but with the venue (where we had the ceremony and lunch) the cake, officiant and photographer, it was still almost $10k AUD all up. I must say it was all worth it because we considered and chose based on what we wanted and NOT what other people expected, so not big wedding guest list, or long drawn out dinners etc...and we also made a point NOT to make our guests feel pressured to bring expensive gifts to compensate for the wedding expense, especially the ones that had to travel. I agree that a photographer is a must - the day went by in a flash, and you cant rely on your guests to "work" by taking photos on your wedding - they should be there to share the moment with you and help celebrate.
Loved this thoughtful essay. Wholeheartedly agree that access to so many other people’s lives via social media and traditional media has added a whole new level of pressure to “Keep up with the Jones” - especially ones who are in completely different tax brackets. I’m always encouraging couples to put their wedding budget into the context of their overall life goals and plan. The increasing stats on couples taking on debt for weddings is distressing to see, especially as money issues are such a common reason cited for marital stress and divorce. I’m all for planning a celebration couples can actually afford without debt, and that requires getting crystal clear on the aspects that matter most and being intentional with your decisions and committed to staying within the budget you set. Luckily there are savvy ways to reduce costs on every aspect of the day!
While our wedding meant literally nothing to us, and we signed a paper at the courthouse and had the justice there say some vows for us, the *marriage* is something I'm deeply competitive about. We got married young, just like my own mom I was 19. I'm 40 now, and we've weathered the ups and downs of life in a way that I'm damned proud of. We've been dangerously poor, we've been reasonably okay. We've made the occasional good decision, and we've made a boatload of bad ones. But we've done it as equals. They're things I'm proud of that, by and large, you cannot photograph. The milestones of us owning a house and taking a photo do not share what it took to get there, nor does the selling of said house and the moving out show the agony of the decisions that lead us there either. Our wedding cost nothing more than a couple hundred dollars for the license, the justices' time, a sheet cake, and some party nibbles, but the *marriage* has been invaluable. And I just cannot convey that on social media.
Had a simple wedding that had disruption from hurricanes incoming. So, good there wasn’t a huge cost towards it. I would LOVE to have a more extravagant event… BUT for that to be a Vow Renewal after my husband and I have insured we survived a couple decades and a handful of kids to celebrate our love as we head towards our golden years
My husband and I spent $3k USD on our wedding. I We got married at city hall for $60, had a small luncheon with close friends and family at a nice restaurant’s event space, and had an after party at our home. We are financially stable, middle class, we just don’t like parties or large groups, attention, etc. Our Micro wedding was perfect for us and we didn’t go into debt for a 4 hour event.
I’m a professional in the industry, but I was also a bride so I think I probably have a very spicy take, which is that I wouldn’t pay for the weddings I work - BUT, I do think different strokes for different folks. I used to scoff at weddings until I was engaged and suddenly I realized how much I wanted to be able to make such a rare occasion in my life special. My advice to couples is always to pick the top 3 things that matter to you, splurge on those, then DIY/go budget on the rest. Good quality anything isn’t cheap, so don’t expect it to be. But unless you have the money for an expensive wedding, don’t feel like you have to have the best in every category. Only pay for what you’ll regret not paying for later down the line.
I got married in 2019 for about 10K for 100 people. Costs have definitely gone up since then but my biggest recommendation is to have the reception at a restaurant. We had a Saturday brunch reception at a restaurant that typically wasn't open for brunch so it was a much cheaper cost compared to buying out a restaurant that would normally have been open at that time.
I love the point about the cost of your ring and your wedding not being a direct representation of your love or status. It’s hard to not get lost in who can have a more mind blowing wedding or innovative feature. Like the TLC show Four Weddings where they literally make it a competition. The most beautiful wedding I went to was because of the mood of how genuinely happy everyone was, not the lavish shocking things. Your relationship makes it romantic, not your dessert table
I am a wedding photographer and i struggle with the spectacle weddings have become. Dont get me wrong i absolutely believe in marriage as an institution. The idea of two people coming together in front of the people to care about to declare their commitment to eachother is universal. Its an old tradition that goes beyond american culture or in my case mexican culture. And i get it. All the extras are nice but i promise your marriage will mean just as much without them.
As a photographer i have been on the gray zone about how i feel about working a wedding because i know about 50% of these are just lies and the insane spending is just way too much. It would be nice to get 3/4 grand for a wedding but yah. Idk. I really just want to make art and great photos but i feel wedding photography is really the only business still getting good business.
@ElevenAce dude every one deserves to make a living. I think the problem lies in everyone wanting to project that they can afford more than they can instead of being comfortable with what they can do. My wife and I had a very budget wedding just because we are not very flashy people. To us the rituals of a.wedding were more important. But we did spend where we felt it was important. Like our photos. I try to be honest with my couples about how weddings don't need to be this grand ordeal and some couples get it.
When my friends got engaged, i was so excited to help her plan a small wedding, make food, get a dress, all the things. But they got married by a judge, in the judge's field where he had just been riding a tractor, and we all ate at a family restaurant in town to celebrate. It was WAY BETTER than any idea i could have had. Their wedding was perfect and literally cost them $30 plus gas lol
Not married yet; but when that time comes, I definitely plan to keep it simple, small, and elegant. The amount of money spent on the wedding (a ONE day ceremony) doesn't equate to the love between the two.
California wedding DJ here. It's...a disaster. Not that I didn't keep a day job, but I use to be able to live off just being a DJ two weekends a month pre-Covid. NOPE. 95% of my wedding business is gone. And the post-covid world is really different and won't be improving anytime soon. All good. Almost 700 ish weddings, really happy memories with lots of families. I did alright.
My partner and I just decided we wanted to get married finally a few days ago! I am just eloping in the woods with my both of our parents and my best friend is officiating it, we’ll have a photographer and that’s pretty much it haha. Our rings are cute but no diamonds! I’m so excited 🥹🥹🥹
I am actually in the midst of researching how much it costs to have a wedding in my hometown in China, to support my decision-making of where to have it. And just the bridal makeup alone costs up to 12k CNY which is about 1.7k USD, and about one month's average salary in my city, insane!
My husband and I spent less than $2000 on a wedding 10 years ago. We would have spent less if, 1. We didn't have to pay for a space to have it in (no houses or yards available to us). 2. If we didn't live in the Pacific NW where it rains most of the year so outdoor events are risky.
I’ve been married for 10 years and we had a super casual wedding in my parent’s front yard! We rented a big tent, a dance floor, hired a DJ, and had lobster catered for our guests. The grand total was $6000 and it was lovingly paid for by both our parents. I wouldn’t have done it any other way!
We did a courthouse wedding, no reception. All said and done, I believe we spent about a $1,000. Courthouse was only $200 of that. The rest was spent on my dress, his suit, bouquet of flowers, hair and make up, etc. My friend was nice enough to take our photos for free but I sent her a little money anyways. I have no regrets about doing it this way. We saved so much money and the day still felt extremely special to us. It was also way less stressful since we kept it so small and simple. ❤
My wedding will probably cost around £3,000. I want a church wedding, which is one substantial portion of the costs at £550. That's for a wedding at the local parish church. I want a proper church wedding and I'm not prepared to compromise on that. The other big part is my dress. That's costinf £600 because I'm having it made to measure. I'm under 5ft, I have scoliosis and I want something that actually fits me properly for once. It's a 1950s style dress and it's beautiful. It's gold, so I can wear it at a later date too. The rest is going on hiring the local village hall for the reception, food, decorations, my bouquet, etc etc. My mother in law, my mum, my granny and me are doing the catering. My mum is bakinf the cake and my mother in law is decorating it. I think I'm spending as little as I can whilst still having a really nice day. Yes I could spend less, but then I wouldn't have the things I want. I'd have to have the reception in the backroom of a pub, wear a dress that I don't really like and have a registry office wedding. I don't want any of those things and they feel like huge sacrifices in a way that DIY catering doesn't.
We started with a $6k budget, and ended up spending $16k for a small wedding with 50 guests. We didn't make anyone dress up (no wedding colors or bridesmaids/groomsmen), but just renting a space costs thousands of dollars (outdoor spaces cost a ton to build infrastructure for waste, whereas indoor spaces know this business is easy to squeeze money out of people). Renting the same venue for both the ceremony and reception was on average $10k. I spent $400 on a used wedding dress and LOVED it, $100 on tailoring, and my husband and I made the decorations with fake flowers (most donated by a coworker). We re-used the engagement ring for the wedding ring. Doing things to cut costs together really helped us bond! But there are some things that you can't get around - I was mind blown by the cost of services: photographers were $2k+, DJs similar story (even the sketchy ones), and while we had cake included with our venue (and it was a local business that was loved by locals), I feel like it was a huge chunk of our venue pricetag. Catering is also insanely expensive. We rented the same space for both morning ceremony and afternoon lunch reception (since dinner was more expensive), and it hurt to spend so much. We did a single RSVP card, and used modern communication (texting/ emailing a Google Survey) to get head count, meal preferences & dietary restrictions).... Main point is that we aspired to have an affordable wedding, and ended up with a $16k pricetag. Big takeaway: businesses know they can squeeze $ out of brides and grooms (and I'm guessing people tap into family resources to inflate the budget). Even if you plan for bare bones wedding, plan to be in debt. 😂
Can you please do something on the push of fashion trends from fashion houses? There is this ongoing thing on TT between Millenials and Gen Z over what is "trendy" but honestly it's not any generations say in what is the new thing to wear. Gen Z didn't decide skinny jeans were out and everything 90's is back, that's the fashion houses who only make money if they can give you enough reasons to not wear those pants from last year. This wouldn't be about fast fashion as much as it would be how we went from 2 seasons of clothes per year to 52 seasons per year, and why it feels like once you get a complete wardrobe of "timeless" pieces you have to start from scratch because even though you have great jeans they aren't the right kind of jeans anymore. That feeling of never quite having it together isn't any generations fault or push, it's just really good marketing. Thank you.
Have you read the emory univeristy study showing the more couples spend of their weddings the more they're likely to end up fueding over finances and ending up divorced? They also calculated the ideal amount in order to not end up you know, divorced. you know how much it was? A mere 1000 dollars.
I'm in the process of planning my wedding. My partner and I both want a very small wedding and have agreed that we are trying to keep it as simple as possible. There are some costs that are unavoidable as my family and most of my friends are coming in from abroad/out of state and we don't have a place to do a backyard wedding, but we found a lovely place that considers us an elopement and as we are getting married on a Sunday (considered mid-week). Their elopement package includes our stay, dinner, champagne, cake, bouquet, boutonniere, the venue itself, and a little more. We are renting a table, but are saying no to most other things. I am actively trying to reframe the Pinterest and Instagram photos as they are beautiful with several questions. Will this matter to a grandchild looking at photos? I recently found photos from my grandparents wedding and my great-grandmothers autograph book. What truly matters? What is our goal for this day and what will we and our guests care about? Is this needless consumption? Is the cost of this item/service worth it's price to me and do we truly need it? Is this just for a photo or will it enhance the day? We could do less, but we are trying to keep it modest.
the main thing i want for my wedding is a great party where me and my spouse can invite everyone who is special in our lives. that would be around 75 ppl minimum and there are no cheap ways to feed and host that number. i dont feel like the desire to celebrate with all of my loved ones is frivolous but when you crunch the numbers of hosting them all, it sadly seems to be a terrible financial decision.
I went to the courthouse this past Monday. 150 to get a marriage license. 150 to have the ceremony. 300 total. :) couldn’t be happier. We are planning on having a wedding in the fall but going to have the reception in my parents backyard and keep it fun and small.
I want to have a wedding because I have never celebrate anything big in my life. People normally don't congratulate me of my achievements, no birthdays and my parents didn't celebrate birthdays, nothing. However, I do not want to invite random people as is normal for African weddings and spend over £10k for one day. That's a waste of money. Also the word "Wedding" spikes the prices up significantly. For example if you want a wedding cake, don't mention the bakery/person is a wedding cake, say is just a normal cake and add the decorations yourself later or instead of cake, have a cheese layer or sushi "cake". My hardest thing will be to find a small cute place to host a wedding.
We just took a trip to muskoka and got married at our cabin with some friends who took our pictures ♡ it was simple and beautiful and now I feel less stressed about tryint to figure out a whole wedding without going into debt
Generally like this video! But as you guessed im about to push back on the "consumer responsibility" aspect of this, especially as it relates to weddings. You acknowledge how it is hard because of family and cultural pressure but it still feels SO glossed over. As an individual you might be disillusioned with wedding industry and want to choose not to buy into it. BUT pressures mounted by family in some cases do cause for disagreements, fights, and falling out. Or what about pressures where your PARTNER has completely bought into the idea of a wedding? The consequence at times might be that a wedding is called off because you pushed for an affordable ring or to have a small ceremony. "Consumer responsibility" only goes so far when youre faced with ultimatums from loved ones and people just cave sometimes because it's easier. And companies absolutely prey on this :) so Im on the boat that it is in fact, nefarious, though perhaps indifferently so. Because the companies are apathetic about the consequences here. So long as they make their dollar. When profit is the only motive, companies trying to compel people to purchase at any cost (legally) becomes the game and can and does border into the unethical. And I personally think leveraging human psychological tendencies to constantly bait people into spending (to a point where so many people meet financial ruin) is unethical. But this isnt the fault of one industry. Our whole system seems to support all of this. Having credit cards that let you purchase more than you have, creating a constant sense of "want" with infinite advertisements barraged at us daily, and little to no support for fiscal education. And so, I believe, it is nefarious. "We have decision making power" is true, but its made difficult on purpose. So if you have a community that supports you then its always easier to choose not to buy into these things. Basically smaller community support is a small scale cultural shift which to me speaks that larger scale cultural shift is needed to buck these trends overall and consumer responsibility alone can only do so much.
My wedding was incredibly simple, and small. I cannot emphasize enough how amazing that was. The only money we spent was on the marriage license thingy, our wedding clothes (which are clothes we bought to rewear to most formal occasions) and our rings. Extended family was upset but I knew they would cause drama one way or another!
This is why I truly admired couples with close, intimate wedding or a court house one. The moment should be more about how you feel as a couple rather than how you want others to see you as a couple.
My wifes grandma made the dress. A friend made the cake. Me and my boys paid for the cheapest tuxedos from the mall that were the color we wanted. We printed the invitations. My best man decorated my car that we drove away from our church. The food was cAtered from a chicken restaurant in our city. My niece rationed the food. We all had an amazing time. In total we spent about $2000 for clothes food venue people gift etc.. That was 20 years ago. I've watched friends divorce, marriages split, people we love go into debt. It's sad
Use code “CARA” at joindeleteme.com/cara if you’re interested in getting your own detailed report and having your personal information stay private!
Thanks for watching!!
I would rather spend that much money on the honeymoon or a house to start our lives.
You smart
Yes! And if people don’t understand that when they don’t get an invite BYE. Close circle, dinner, done.
I mean doing an extravagant honeymoon would be just as bad. Put that down for your new home
Could not agree more
I DESERVE MY DREAM WEDDING!!!
And the whole marriage thing too or whatever.
My wife and I just went to the courthouse and paid $30 to get married. We both have "good" jobs and could have afforded a modest wedding but we both thought spending $10k+ on a day was not our vibe. No regrets.
That’s how it should be!!!!
Me too!! I spent in total 200€, including matching wedding rings.
I was the bride and everyone was surprised by my decision, even shaming us and trying for us to have a dinner party. Nope! Not gonna spend that money. We are a private couple and don't like gatherings with large groups of people.
Because it snowballs. You have to invite EVERYONE. By not inviting anyone, you are not going to leave anyone behind 😂
@@margaridamdlyes! Yes! This is why my fiance and I are going this route.
We would have done this if we didn't feel morally obligated to have an event for our families. Our rationale was to ensure our parents experienced a wedding since our siblings eloped & it was their last chance to be parents of the bride/groom 😅
Y’all are likely gonna be together forever! I swear, the more a couple spend on their wedding, the more likely they’ll get divorced.
Without going into detail, we had a very small, inexpensive wedding, and it was the most beautiful and intimate experience. And the number of people who have told us that it was the best wedding they'd ever been to was actually quite moving.
Just one small example: we didn't have a photographer. We just told everyone to take pictures and send them to us. We now have loads of interesting, funny, natural photos which really capture the day and what we experienced, rather than a bunch of overpriced, posed, fantasy pictures that look exactly the same as everyone else's overpriced, posed, fantasy pictures.
Focus on being together, not on putting on an expensive show for everyone else.
Yes, in my case we hired the photographer for the ceremony and for a quick photoshoot and it was very affordable.
The photographer is not something I would give up, but other than that, pretty much everything can go. I would get married in a barn :D Just don't have my wedding photos with my eyes closed :D
Instead you got no real quality and good looking memories from your wedding day, and had all the guests performing shooting for you. Unless you really don’t care about photos/memories, hopefully your bargain is not a hidden regret now.
@@loving0u Absolutely not. The photos are fantastic, seriously. Staged wedding photos look unnatural and posed, and often the couples don't even look like themselves.
If people want to go that way, doesn't bother me. 👍
@@M123OCT good wedding photographer wont be just about the poses, they know how to catch a glipse of important moments, and they will do infinitely better than your friend with iPhone :) Unfortunately the best photographer I knew that could do that, couldn't make it to our wedding and what I got was all posed pics where I look pregnant, and everything is warm beige 😮💨 so it is a gamble!
My parents married in my grandparents garden. (Normal, middle-class home). And my uncle made barbecue. My mom's dress was rented. The guests took the photos.
They are married for 38 years and are still sooo happy. My mom says it's not important to have an expensive wedding but about the love and respect for each other.
I want THAT!
I love that, however you know people can have both right?
Mine was very similar! Just immediate family, grandparents and godparents, at my Aunt's house with a borrowed dress. Grandma was a cake decorator and made us one, there's a couple hobby photographers in the family. Potluck food. Pictures at the lake in town. only things paid for were the license, the officiant, a couple small decorations, and flowers at a discounted price from a family friend.
My friend did city hall for $300, then food at a Chinese buffet lol. Best 1k they ever spent
Eww, why would you rent a dress?
Of the few dozen weddings I've been to, budgets from $200 to maybe a quarter mil, the cheapest ones have had the happiest couples over time.
Yeah... I've watched those weird wedding TV shows and when the woman insists on having a $30k wedding ring...yeah that marriage ain't gonna last. There's a certain level of intelligence and maturity you need to have in order to keep up a marriage, and if you're asking for a middle class man for a ring that expensive, I don't think you've got it. I suppose the same applies to weddings as well.
Also no shame on those who can afford extravagant weddings or overpriced rings, because _you can afford them._
In my experience as a guest at many weddings, the less expensive or simpler weddings have also been the most enjoyable. I believe they also are more enjoyable for the couple, since they are more present in the experience instead of worrying about “perfection”.
that makes sense since finances are one of the top reasons why couples get divorced
From my experience being from the lower class, all of my family's weddings have been cheap and held together by personal favors and frail lines of love. It's a personal goal of mine that my wedding will be less about my family helping us "start off right" and more so a show of how my boyfriend and I work well together and can provide for ourselves, since no one in my family to date has been able to go without intense support (save for my parents- they're the ones going broke from all the support they provide). That's just me though, I can understand why people want to keep it a cheap family affair.
That’s drastically been proven accurate. :)
Don’t get me started on bachelorette and bridesmaid activities where you have to buy useless garments, merch, and one time use plastics and then pay to fly to random destinations to celebrate with the bride. This is usually nowadays in addition to the engagement announcement party and the bridal shower, the rehearsals, then the actual wedding itself. Brides make it so elaborate now to the point that you need to buy certain color clothes, get your hair and makeup done professionally and pay for flights/hotels/foods/drinks/gifts out of your own pocket to help them celebrate. And not to be a Debby downer but much of it feels pointless given that the divorce rate is at almost 60%. The cycle restarts itself when someone becomes pregnant and there’s the gender reveal, baby shower etc. it’s exhausting
Haha I decided to not do that for the very reason! My only bridesmaid activity might be a craft night for the decor for the big day. Just a chill, relaxing time together. Nothing crazy. I would never ask my friends to pay for something they couldn't.
As a European, just reading all those different things that you have to do (go through?) sounds very exhausting and honestly boring. I love that in Europe things are more laid-back. No engagement ceremony, no destination bachelorette party (just a party with your girlfriends), no crazy dress code,... There is no pressure to have a crazy wedding ceremony. I really feel for you 😞 now the gender reveal is unfortunately becoming more and more common in Europe.
Yes, I feel this comment. You put what I been feeling in the most perfect words. Thank you!
The divorce rate is NOT that high. It's a myth!
@perthfanny3017 that's actually not normal in the US. Or at least, not all of it? Midwest girl very confused by this comment section
Having a flashy, expensive wedding is nice. A marriage with stable and sufficient finances is better. Some people can have it both ways, but some of us will have to choose one or the other.
No its a waste of money and pointless
@@nicolemurphy2629 lol guess what? Most people who have expensive flashy weddings are just very wealthy people, and often the parents are paying and not the couple. It is a myth that poor couples are running around hosting these suares. It’s generally rich people who have a lot of money. Or they are middle class but belong to cultures that value weddings (Hindus and Catholics for example), and the parents may have saved up very deliberately for the event that bears great importance to them.
@@minnie9649 very well said, or in some cases the couple takes a loan/ borrows money.. 🫤 such a pity, to go into debt for just one day
I got married on top of a mountain with two friends as witnesses. Paid $200 for the officiant/wedding certificate. It was incredible. I will remember every moment of that day because there was zero stress or planning involved. Just a stunning sunset on top of a mountain while saying vows to the man I love. We've been together 17 years, married for 6. I have no regrets about not having a traditional wedding!
Tip : Tell people you want to invite that you're having a simple wedding... The people who will respond happily and come to your wedding are you're real friends.
so true. got two wives of my husband's friends who were not happy that we were not throwing 50k euros wedding (because they had 50k weddings :D)
@@eugeniesh7285 Great decision! Have a debt free and good life ma'am!
its so strange they weren't happy for you, its your wedding! I'm having a 30k euro wedding however my friend had a small wedding at her family home. It was so beautiful. Your wedding, your style!@@eugeniesh7285
@@eugeniesh7285omg, 50k weddings?! My husband and I just had a micro wedding and I could sense only 1-2 couples of our circle of friends were a bit annoyed by the fact that friends weren't invited. But I hadn't thought that this could also have happened because they might have reflected on themselves and the money they have spent for their own wedding but also other sorts of expensive crap, because "we have to". Thanks for that input. Also, it is very freeing that apart from our immediate families who were the only attendants, no one else was asked to offer us a wedding gift (and no one did, frankly -it's almost a year now since our wedding), so we don't feel any obligation to offer very expensive gifts when we attend other couples bigger weddings. Moreover, we can leave relatively early (right after the cake for eg) and not feel guilty that we did not dance a lot or stay until late to other weddings. Of course we follow etiquette, but if tired/ not in the mood that night, we don't feel obliged to go the extra mile, because people did so in our wedding (had we had a big one). 😉
The wedding is the least important day of the marriage.
I know this idea would never take off (as the video astutely points out, there are a lot of people with an interest in people having ever bigger and more expensive weddings), but it would be so cool if we barely celebrated weddings, and instead had big blowouts for 25 or 50 year anniversaries. Those are worth celebrating. Any idiot can say "I do".
That's an amazing idea! We were gonna do something like that for our 10 but honestly it feels like marriage only gets real around that time, so I've decided to wait til our 20th in 8 years because that one seems like it's more of an accomplishment.
I love this jdea
Agree 100%. A long and happy marriage should be celebrated. 🙂
why is it good in your eyes to tolerate an abusive old prick for 50 years?
you think it should be celebrated?
NO
My great-grandparents did this. I went to their 60th anniversary when I was 10. They held a big party every decade. Unfortunately they couldn't throw one for their 70th anniversary because that was after the pandemic started.
My best friend recently spent $200k on her wedding and each bridesmaid had to cough up $2k each to be able to go to the bachelorette party, mind you we are not all as affluent as her. But it just makes me question so much on how some people don’t mind being in debt just to have one nice day like their wedding
This is the most annoying part of the wedding industry to me. I don't care if other people spend a ton of money on their weddings - sometimes I find it peculiar what they want in their wedding and how obsessed they are, but in the end it's not my place to judge it. However if someone would expect me to spend a significant amount of my own money on their ideas of extravagance, yeah no, they can celebrate with their rich friends, but without me. I find it really selfish if they put other people in such a position.
The willingness to dive into cartoonish debt like that is a turn off for a lot of people. Maybe even a deal breaker! Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. 😬
@@intuitive_duck definitely was a turn off come to find out.
Yikes…
2 of my friends had Overseas’s weddings and cos I couldn’t afford to go, I’m a bad friend, we don’t talk anymore, people think they’re kardashians or something, really cringe behaviour. While they’re trying to keep up with Joan’s, I’m watching David Ramsey and trying to get a down payment on a home, we’re just very different people.
I still want a wedding. I never had anything special growing up, I couldn’t go to prom or graduation, my family doesn’t even celebrate my birthday. I want something normal like a wedding for once. I don’t think I need to spend $30,000 on it, but my god if I hear people say “oh just married at the court house” and my breaks thinking I’ll never have anything to celebrate. I want to feel special and have photos to look back on and have for my kids. I just want one thing and I tired to feeling bad for wanting it
I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I got married at the courthouse because that's what we wanted to do. If this is what you want and you're not going into debt over it, I don't see why anyone would have a problem.
You can absolutely have a beautiful wedding if you wish, it's your and your spouse's day after all ❤ The video was just criticizing the impossible high expectations that some people have on wedding ceremonies, regardless if the couple can afford it or not! As long as you don't go into debt, you should feel free to organize your wedding the best way you want!
As long as you aren't starving or getting into debt, I think it's fine. I have side eyed some people I know who had expensive weddings but couldn't pay me back for money they borrowed or complained they can't do x anymore since they are broke.
@@IosonoRob thanks.. I don’t know why I was so upset about it all of sudden. I think the video hit a nerve I didn’t realize was there
@@mayhem875The general attitude about weddings can be black and white. If you spend more than $X on your wedding you're not doing it right and you're going to be divorced in a few years because your priorities are screwed. If you get married in a city park, and serve hot dogs and punch, then you're uber-wise. Black/White
im introverted so i want a small wedding, close friends and family
or even no wedding. just go to a courthouse and get married and then spend time with friends and family afterwards.
but a good honeymoon vacation is where most of my money will go
I had a very small wedding - yes, the extended family talked about this but soon afterwards the gossipers found new targets - wish you all the best
I feel like a wedding is a "once in a lifetime event" so it's ok to splurge on it, but within your means. We got married in 2022 (Germany) and spend around 9.500€ on everything including my wedding dress and my husbands wedding suit, our wedding bands (which were the most expensive individual items, as they are intended to last for many years) and us staying in a nice hotel suite afterwards. But we didn't invite a lot of people as we only wanted to have our closest family and friends with us - 27 in total. We also did our own flower arrangements and decorations, because the prices for anything wedding related are just ridiculous.
And we also asked for money as a wedding gift (it's typical in Germany), so all in all we spend a lot less then the initial 9.500! And it was totaly worth it :)
They don't have to be once-in-a-lifetime. Some people do it plenty of times! 😂
WOW nobody includes the groom’s suit AND the wedding rings aaaand the honeymoon stay!! The number sounded midrange until you mentioned it truly included everything. Typical amazingly efficient German not forgetting important details. ;) while the rest of us let the honey, suit, bands, and a million other things run away from us…!
also your wedding sounds really special and i agree, it’s a once in a lifetime celebration. ♥️
I'm currently planning my wedding and everything about this industry and the way people act around this day makes me cringe. Don't understand why people are insisting I go into debt so they can have 4 hours of photos to post on their social media about my marriage.
I'm going to wear a black wedding dress 😂
Why are people willingly going into debt for this?! I'm so confused.
My great grandma wore a black dress to her wedding. It was quite fitting, as her brother was killed that day by the Russians. Wasn't a very happy wedding from what I've heard
@@aurin_komak well damn, definitely memorable at least ig
@@aurin_komakbringing grief into families, old Russian tradition.
Usually it’s women who want the big wedding. The average man don’t give a f.
Our friends wanted a fancy wedding in Spain, because they are quite wealthy. But then they wanted all the guests to stay in the hotel they chose (for our own money), wear branded suits what they want (for our money), and no kids allowed at the wedding, what meant we need to find a nanny there for 24-48 hours for 2 small kids🌚 it would cost us all together 4k€ at least.
I’m happy for our friends, but I would rather spend a week or 2 with my family by the beach in a nice hotel
Your friends sound really out of touch
Are they still your friends? I think you need to reconsider 😂
@@lalalabetina6436I think they just lost sense of reality, it’s a gay couple with no kids, and both of them making good money working in medical/pharma business, and they surrounded by many other similar gay couple, so they probably don’t even understand how expensive it is to have kids and that people with kids need to spend their money a little more practical. We simply can’t use so much money for a party, because we have other responsibilities
@@elenao_o8234 so what I understand is that they prefer to celebrate their wedding in a luxurious and they don't really care who is joining and celebrating with them. I think we have totally lost the point of the wedding celebration 😕
@@elenao_o8234honestly good for them lmao kids at weddings are always the most annoying part
My fiancé and I are deeply in love and so happy together. We have been together for 9 years and were saving up for a wedding (for years now!) when we decided to use the money for a down payment on a house and get married at our favorite music festival instead. I'm glad we decided to go this route. My point is the wedding doesn't = relationship happiness.☺️
I got married 2 weeks ago the money and the timelines (bridal shops and venues wanting a [years] notice for the most part) were so off putting. We are putting our savings into buying a house and our entire wedding was less than £1500, I wore a blue [satin] dress and shoes I already had he brought a tie and pocket square to match my dress and wore a grey suit he already had. We had 10 family members for the ceremony and dinner somewhere we like, then a dozen friends joined for drinks at the pub in the evening
Sounds great. Wish you all the best.
Had a super frugal wedding 20+ years ago and haven’t thought too much about it since then because I’m too busy living today’s life! It DID NOT MATTER at all that we had no money. There was a dress from a yard sale and Costco cheesecake and it was FINE!
My husband and I DIY'ed most of our wedding and spent as little as possible on it, but it was still beautiful. We held it at my in-laws house and got married on their pond dock. We bought fake flowers from Hobby Lobby and created a couple flower arches to put over doors and the dock using those fake flowers, some wire, and pool noodles (I still have all three of them and display one in my kitchen). We got the cake done at Hy-Vee and it was gorgeous (and delicious), and they also did our catering (less delicious, but affordable and still good). All our decorations were handmade by me, my mom, and my mother-in-law. My mom and I got to make our invitations, which is a memory I cherish deeply, and they were beautiful.
My favorite part is my dress. I went with my mom to our local mall, one of the bigger clothing stores Marshall's or Dillard's or something (I don't remember now), and they had a bunch of white dresses, which weren't wedding dresses) on sale. My dress was originally around $50 and I got it for $30. There are so many ways we saved money without sacrificing a nice wedding, and it gave me so many chances to bond with my in-laws, my parents, and my husband. Altogether, our wedding probably cost around $1,000, the food being about $500 of that.
To each their own, and if you want to go all out for your wedding and can afford to do so, that's wonderful and I'm happy for you. But I'll never understand the ridiculous amount of money people will spend on weddings, even going into debt for it, and will always encourage the people in my life to spend less on their own weddings.
so sweet & creative 🥹 wish i was invited but it sounds intimate lol❤️
Never been to a wedding before but I think most people have inexpensive weddings. I think these “picture perfect” (literally) weddings are just for show and just for those who’s lives are on social media. And I truly believe that a happy ever after doesn’t end at a wedding. You still have another half of your life left that you are sharing with someone else.
im with you there - id bet a good portion of these high follower count instagram weddings have some or all of the costs deferred by the vendors or paid for by outside company sponsorships instead of by the actual couple
My husband and i went to Vegas for our wedding and honeymoon, invited only our parents and paid around 4000 to a chapel that did all the photos, flowers and video. It was gorgeous and super professional. My dress was a $20 white cotton dress from tj maxx. We sent invitations to watch the live stream and threw a party when we got home. It was absolutely perfect and we didn't have to have the insane wedding planning stress or go into crippling debt in the middle of grad school.
My fiance and I are thinking about this. How far in advance did you plan? Would you mind giving me details. Thank you
My dream wedding is genuinely an elopement. I'm pretty reserved and get stressed out by big social gatherings (even when I'm not the centre of attention!).
me too
There was a movie like that I think, where the bride always ran away because of the immense pressure she felt on the wedding reception, and the last guy simply suggested "okay, let's NOT have 200 people watch us then"
I honestly find that way more romantic than a 30k wedding with 200 people watching.
(Sadly I forgot the title of the movie)
Also, some friends of my parents DID exactly that, they had been living together and having kids FOR YEARS, but only recently had a quiet reception with like. the absolute minimum amount of whitnesses required by the registry office, on some random day of the week. And only told everyone AFTER the fact.
Being a gay couple whose families aren’t exactly thrilled with our relationship, my husband and I just went to the courthouse and spent $100 to get married. About 8 years later, we are still married while many people we know who spent thousands of dollars on their weddings have already divorced. We always say it sucks we never got all those wedding gifts to help us get started but the idea of spending thousands of dollars on a wedding is just ridiculous to us.
For what it's worth with the money you saved you could get exactly what you need for your home instead of 3 espresso machines 🤷🏽♂️
And the money you've saved is worth more than the wedding gifts that everyone else got. You've got a better start than they did
i feel like it’s a delicate balance between, throwing a party within your means-so that your friends can be there, celebrate you, and you can get that little headstart with gifts like cutlery and a new vacuum or whatever haha. I hate that your family didn’t support you tho. :( hopefully you have one cool aunt between you if you ever do get to celebrate ♥️ many more years of love to you 💕
Another odd thing with weddings is the social pressure/compulsion to invite every member of your family. From your immediate parents and siblings, to your great aunt twice removed who you haven't seen since you were maybe 6 and now you're now 26. And sometimes, those extended family get so upset about not being invited even though you've never spoken to them since your toddler years!
Yess! There’s people I don’t want to invite and don’t want to hear any fuss about it so my fiancé and I are just planning on having an engagement party and getting eloped then having a fun honeymoon to avoid unnecessary drama.
My partner and I decided to skip the wedding receptions and, instead, get married in court(since neither of us likes big weddings anyway :p). We chose to invest those money into our new house and honeymoon expenses☺️✨
That's the right way to do it!
Is it wrong that I just want a very, small intimate wedding as opposed to what everyone thinks a wedding should be? Nope. I still want a small wedding and not stress about it. 👌🏻
SAME!!
Small is tough - think through your guest list very carefully and be prepared to deal with people/family being offended by not being invited 😭
@@DillishUs I thought of that too. But having such a huge family in the Philippines with a separated parents that doesn't get along (my mom doesn't want to walk me down the isle if my father is there huhu) and all sorts of drama that comes along with it, it discouraged me to get married instead. Moved to Sweden and realized I'm okay with a court house wedding or an intimate garden wedding and that whatever I chose, it's okay and respected here. Or should we just elope instead and surprise everyone? 🤣
P.S. My family (my father's side) in the Philippines had planned my wedding right away once I got engaged. So we shall see if we'll get married twice but if it were up to me, one would do but I know it would cause a lot angry relatives if we do not do one in PH also. 🤦🏻
You can do a small guest list ( no extended family) or a big one with all the family. Mid size is a headache because you may offend one some family members because you invited others and not them
I had a small (50 guest) out of state wedding in 2019 and it cost us about 30k. We saved like hell and paid it off in full without going into debt, but I can definitely see how even a small wedding can creep up in cost! The word 'wedding' makes anything you buy triple in price.
I never understood weddings. I am a hopeless romantic and yet never dreamed of one as a child. I just never saw the point of paying money to host people to see me get married. I married my husband in a courthouse in a $20 dress and never had a honeymoon. I had cash saved for my dream ring that would stay with me for life vs way more for just one day. We are still super in love without debt 14 years later.
That’s how it should be!!!!
We had a very chill, intimate wedding. It was magical! And, the venue was free, our backyard. So now, whenever we look out on our backyard, we will always carry the memory of a big, beautiful step in our lives. Still together 6 years later, and planning on a lifetime more. 🥰
This is my favorite video of yours ever!!! I love how you explain how our culture commodifies love and therefore creates the avenue for weddings to keep us poor in a gentle and approachable way without alienating people by having that nuanced discussion. I feel like it allows for the viewer to still have a position against capitalistic structures and tendencies if they wish to hold corporations, marketers, and cultural makers accountable, but the video is open-minded enough that those who have not started thinking in this critical way and feel uncomfortable about changing the traditions they've seen can be persuaded. Great messaging, awesome technique!
thank you so much! this comment really means so much, it’s great to hear that my approach is coming across the way I was hoping ❤️
Thank you for talking about this! My husband & I spent less than $200 to elope in my parents' backyard. We have nothing to show for it on social media, and that's perfectly fine. The money we saved (moreso chose not to spend) went towards completely paying off both our student loan debt and eventually buying a house within 5 years! Keep doing these great videos. 💜
I’ve set aside a total of a $10k budget for my future wedding, though I’m not yet dating anyone, so most of it is in a 5% 3-year CD, and I purchased my home 8 years ago and hope to have it paid off in 6 years. I was raised to believe you can have anything you want if you plan and save early enough.
Throughout human history it was the parents that put on and paid for the wedding. Over the last 50 years, for some reason, parents aren’t doing it. A newly wed couple is going through the most important financial window of their lives, house, kids, saving for retirement, and we have just normalized the couple paying for the wedding. It’s absolutely terrible.
I read a story of a future groom being asked by his future father in law why he didn’t want a wedding and he said it was too expensive. The father in law said that he’d been waiting his whole life to walk his daughter down the aisle and his son in law shouldn’t take that away from him. The groom said “I’ve known I wanted to marry your daughter for almost a year now and have saved up a substantial amount for the ring, honeymoon, etc. you’ve known you wanted to walk her down the aisle for almost 30 years and don’t have a cent saved for it. Which of us really wants this more?”
I've never regretted not having a wedding. I watched so many friends go nuts, start their marriages in debt and not even have a honeymoon because of the cost. For years I've said "people care more about the wedding than the marriage and one only lasts a day".
!!!!!!!
I spent only 16k-20k for over a month of activities (ceremony, 2 honeymoons, and a reception) and we loved it! Our guests did too ❤
Even if i had the money, I would not spend it on a wedding. I stil can't believe people really go into debt for this. A coworker of mine, who makes significantly less than me told me she spend 100k on her wedding. Now they are divorced! It is insane they literally could have done so much with that kinda money
100k 😭 Holy shit~~~
My wedding cost about $1000 in total. Including travel, clothing, venue, officiant…everything. And it was absolutely amazing, I have no regrets.
when? & where?
(& congrats!!🤍🤍)
We got a frugal marriage and we spent our savings in our new home, we are now in process of buying our second bigger home. I'm 38 and hubby is 44. Best decision ever and I have never regretted it 😊
My partner and I have been discussing getting married and what kind of wedding we'd like - ultimately, we decided we would want something small and relatively cheap with our close friends and family there. That way we can spend more on our honeymoon or on the house we eventually want to have.
I wish wedding only cost $29k. Indian wedding would can end up costing over 120-150k in 2023 for 250 guests.
😱😱 wow! I will say that Indian weddings seem like the most spectacular and entertaining of all cultures.
We have a very interesting culture in Romania, where I'm from. We don't give gifts at weddings, we give money. Everyone participating must pay at least approximately how much it would cost for them to drink and dine at the wedding. The closer relative you are to the groom or bride, the more money you should give. Given that, some weddings in Romania are investments. Most of the time, people giving money covers the cost of ones wedding, sometimes most of the cost, other times you might even be able to make a profit! Yes, it's an upfront cost, but at least you get your money back.
Yes! Oh my god, I was so confused when I first heard that in other places, you give wedding gifts instead of money.
People in my family who got married are pretty poor, but they managed to have nice weddings because the guests basically paid for their stuff.
Fellow Romanian here! When I first heard that the bride and groom in other countries have to bear the actual cost of the wedding it was so weird to me. But lately I noticed this started shifting a bit. I live in the US now and all the weddings I went to in the last year or so, there was an actual item in the registry that was a money gift.
So, I feel like that's what it is now in the US. At least in my part. But I love this and it helps the couple so much!
Romanian here as well. I had to giggle a little when I read in "Commitment" by Elizabeth Gilbert that in some "less developed/poorer communities", a wedding party is almost considered to be a banking system. People participating are obligated to give the couple money as gifts, in order for them to be able to start their life together worry-free.
This way, they are able to not only pay for the wedding cost and not go into debt over the obligatory party (with help from the newlyweds' parents of course), but pay for some stuff as well (down-payment, family car, furniture, newborn expenses, etc). In return, the newlyweds and their close family members are now obligated to participate (i.e. gift money) in the future weddings of the guests and their children. It's a loaning system, a community-regulated bank.
I got a laugh out of my culture probably being considered "poorer/less developed" (do not quote me on the wording, it's been a while since I read the book), but also because it was the first time something I never thought about in regards to my culture was being explained so intellectually, like an anthropology expert observing us and taking notes.
@@samevans1289 That sounds very interesting! I might read the book to find out more. ☺
The wedding is just a celebration for everyone else, not the couple. Don't waste your money on making others happy, just focus on your partner.
Your friends and family will be happy that you're married, anyone else isn't worth worrying about.
!!!!!!!!!
true but that’s why relatives will be pissed if it’s too modest/not invited. And guests will be pissed if it’s dinky/no food cause they shelled out $100 for their gift. Those point out how not-for-you it is, but that’s just like all etiquette.
Hey honey let’s start our marriage by going into debt… unless you’re Vietnamese, you can beg/pressure your guests into giving you money for attending your wedding.
When cash gifts are the norm, there’s really no begging happening (I had a Chinese-Vietnamese wedding)
We paid into the weddings of others in the community. When it came to be our turn, the community gave back.
@@lanbao2010 Exactly! Only people who are purely takers in a community would see it as "begging." If you've been attending weddings, it's just part of being part of the community.
Exactly! We're also asking for cash gifts and not taking out any debt either. Its custom to give cash gifts (Nigerian/British-Italian wedding)@@lanbao2010
I'm pretty sure the tradition was well intention in the old days in a Vietnamese village and neighborhood where every knows each other and take care of each other, gifitng money in cycles was a well intention thing.
But today, in the US, Vietnamese is all out inviting as much people as they can, most of the time they dont even know who they are inviting. On their weeding they can walk around tables during a reception in a run down Chinese Seafood restaurant serving crappy food asking for money to start their life as a married couple while their bridemaids/groomsman pass around the donation box for people to put their envelope with cash in. But hey more people means more money.
Couples are looking forward to "profit" from the wedding.
Is it begging? Well, is raising money on goFundMe a form of panhandling? it all semantic right?
What a cynical way to look at traditional gift giving…which is the same all over asia btw China Taiwan Japan and India all have CASH gifts as the norm, even in Africa extravagant gifts from the village at the norm. By your logic registering for matching napkins is “begging” and every single person who gets married is just a beggar. It’s smarter to get cash imo than useless household items and go into debt. You yourself acknowledge those couples are better off yet you still can’t help but hating~~~
29k for weddings, and 150k average for divorces.
My first wedding, which was while we're both very broke, all total cost about $500. If that. I love the aesthetic of fancy weddings, but the fact that I know multiple people that have had weddings like these, and gotten divorced within a couple of years, terrifies me. I would hate to be divorcing someone and still paying for my wedding to them at the same time.
What's really insidious is the wedding industry has gotten into people's deep-seeded fears and superstitions. I've had many friends stress over how expensive planning a wedding is, feeling like they have to check off every box no matter how expensive, when I've asked them if it's really necessary to check off every box, they say things to the effect of, "I can't half ass my wedding, I need to show I'm really committed to this relationship" as if not spending $29k on a party means you're destined for divorce. Or "it only happens once in a lifetime, why wouldn't I give it my all?" which to me feels like a copy/paste marketing tagline straight from the industry's mouth. I love my friends and I want everyone to do what makes them happy, but if it makes them bankrupt, it's not making them as happy as they think it is.
Instead of a 100 guest 30k wedding, we had 40 guests including ourselves at a small chapel, local restaurant for reception and took 2 honeymoons that year instead. It was the best decision! And our wedding was perfect.
I got married two years ago . The wedding cost £6000.00. Yes family gifted us services as wedding gifts . But we didn’t see the need to spend a stupid amount of money on just one day ! Everyone enjoyed it and everything went perfectly well !
I did something different for my wife's engagement ring, I got a silver band with 2 emeralds and one sapphire in the middle. It wasn't expensive but it was personalized to her. And for actually wedding rings we got tattoos.
I have a wedding coming up in 3.5 months, and I gotta say, so much of the spending can be cut back without the actual experience being much less enjoyable. Don't want to pay $500-1000 for a DJ? Make a playlist and plug your phone in.
Don't want to spend $150/guest on food and drinks? Have a simpler meal and a cash bar.
Our wedding is going to end up costing around $12-15k USD, and should be a total blast!
I had a $17k wedding in IL with 70 people in March 2023. Everything was paid off within a few months after the wedding and mostly paid through savings. It was stressful but I am glad we did it for the memories with family and friends and because we work hard and having a wedding was a nice experience.
If I ever get married, I want my wedding to be about me and my lover, not the sparkly decorations, not the 7 layer cake, not the 10 foot long dress, not the stone on the ring. The real star is and should be the couple giving their promises to eachother. There's no point in trying to impress with how much you're willing to spend (or waste) for a one day event. It is about taking the next step into life with someone you love and trust (and the benefits that come with the "married" status). I grew up always putting my own needs and comfort aside, in order to have "excititng" celebrations inside my family. I was never asked what cake flavor I like for my birthday, or who I want to be there for the celebration, my family didn't care, it was always about having the biggest cake (even if it tasted horrible), the most guests (also people I don't even know or like), the loudest music, the most unpersonal gifts, but never things that actually mattered to me, so I was always left feeling worse on my birthdays than on normal days. Now, as an act of rebellion, I refuse to accept these things and instead insist on just baking cookies for myself and giving myself some time-out on my birthdays, away from everyone and their excpectations, and I feel like a new person. But I digress, if I get married in the future, I won't fall into the pressure of trying to be the more impressive one, actually the opposite. It's gonna be just us in our favorite clothes, my closest friends and family and nothing but the beautiful view into the ocean, eating homemade Schwarzwälder cake (my favorite) with the sound of the waves crashing in the distance, and no weird decorations lying around to create litter. Simple and perfect.
I got married 10 years ago, I choose a green sapphire as my engagement ring, and diy'ed the wedding decorations & candy buffet ourselves.
yup, I will definitely buy myself a white evening dress (80-200€) and put some cute accessoires on it instead of buying a wedding dress (>800€) 🤗
My husband and I hiked into a mountain lake for our wedding with a few close friends! It cost us $100 for my athletic dress, and ~$200 to pay for everyone’s pack-in sandwiches. Best day of my life, and the few people that came still talk about how beautiful it was. 1 year later, we bought a house. Can attest, it was the better investment, and I feel like I got to have my cake and eat it too.
My husband and I felt a lot of pressure from our families to have a big party wedding, when we would have preferred to do something super simple and small. We were quite modest with it and it was nothing extravagant by any means. Still cost us over 20k once all added up. Ended up having to cancel our honeymoon plans :/
Y'all gotta get on the asian banquet weddings, held in a big asian banquet restaurant that serves dimsum on the weekends. Tons of food and booze for everyone to consume, and all the relatives give you money.
Just got married at a beautiful chapel with 32 guests for $1k and it was beautiful and memorable. They Livestreamed it and also included a minute long highlight video that had our relatives who couldn't make it crying. My ivory satin dress and shoes felt expensive but were shy of $200(ABC fashion and JCPenney). I made my own bouquet with dry flowers from Michaels covered by a Christmas gift card we were given. We barhopped downtown and were bought rounds of drinks by our guests. Strangers congratulated us. For $2k more, we had dinner at a family style Mediterranean restaurant that had a belly dancer and DJ for entertainment every weekend regardless of occasion and they were already decorated beautifully. We didn't have to stress about details. No regrets and it was lots of fun.
its crazy how weddings are handled differently in different countries. Where I was born the weddings were usually half sponsored by the couples parents. Small weddings, in common venues with a little bit of fancy here n there. Theres an unspoken rule for guests to try return a monetary gift for what their attendence would cost, to lower the financial burden on the newly weds too (unless youre much closer to the couple!) To think people would pay so much money for a wedding is mind blowing to me. Theres so many better ways to spend that
We got married and had a small intimate wedding with about 35 guests, but with the venue (where we had the ceremony and lunch) the cake, officiant and photographer, it was still almost $10k AUD all up. I must say it was all worth it because we considered and chose based on what we wanted and NOT what other people expected, so not big wedding guest list, or long drawn out dinners etc...and we also made a point NOT to make our guests feel pressured to bring expensive gifts to compensate for the wedding expense, especially the ones that had to travel. I agree that a photographer is a must - the day went by in a flash, and you cant rely on your guests to "work" by taking photos on your wedding - they should be there to share the moment with you and help celebrate.
Loved this thoughtful essay. Wholeheartedly agree that access to so many other people’s lives via social media and traditional media has added a whole new level of pressure to “Keep up with the Jones” - especially ones who are in completely different tax brackets.
I’m always encouraging couples to put their wedding budget into the context of their overall life goals and plan. The increasing stats on couples taking on debt for weddings is distressing to see, especially as money issues are such a common reason cited for marital stress and divorce. I’m all for planning a celebration couples can actually afford without debt, and that requires getting crystal clear on the aspects that matter most and being intentional with your decisions and committed to staying within the budget you set. Luckily there are savvy ways to reduce costs on every aspect of the day!
While our wedding meant literally nothing to us, and we signed a paper at the courthouse and had the justice there say some vows for us, the *marriage* is something I'm deeply competitive about. We got married young, just like my own mom I was 19. I'm 40 now, and we've weathered the ups and downs of life in a way that I'm damned proud of. We've been dangerously poor, we've been reasonably okay. We've made the occasional good decision, and we've made a boatload of bad ones. But we've done it as equals. They're things I'm proud of that, by and large, you cannot photograph. The milestones of us owning a house and taking a photo do not share what it took to get there, nor does the selling of said house and the moving out show the agony of the decisions that lead us there either. Our wedding cost nothing more than a couple hundred dollars for the license, the justices' time, a sheet cake, and some party nibbles, but the *marriage* has been invaluable. And I just cannot convey that on social media.
This!❤
Had a simple wedding that had disruption from hurricanes incoming. So, good there wasn’t a huge cost towards it. I would LOVE to have a more extravagant event… BUT for that to be a Vow Renewal after my husband and I have insured we survived a couple decades and a handful of kids to celebrate our love as we head towards our golden years
These videos are always so analytical and nuanced, well-edited and thought-through.
My husband and I spent $3k USD on our wedding. I We got married at city hall for $60, had a small luncheon with close friends and family at a nice restaurant’s event space, and had an after party at our home.
We are financially stable, middle class, we just don’t like parties or large groups, attention, etc.
Our Micro wedding was perfect for us and we didn’t go into debt for a 4 hour event.
I’m a professional in the industry, but I was also a bride so I think I probably have a very spicy take, which is that I wouldn’t pay for the weddings I work - BUT, I do think different strokes for different folks. I used to scoff at weddings until I was engaged and suddenly I realized how much I wanted to be able to make such a rare occasion in my life special. My advice to couples is always to pick the top 3 things that matter to you, splurge on those, then DIY/go budget on the rest. Good quality anything isn’t cheap, so don’t expect it to be. But unless you have the money for an expensive wedding, don’t feel like you have to have the best in every category. Only pay for what you’ll regret not paying for later down the line.
I’m married. I lost on everything but the diamond ring; my birthday is in April, I hate diamonds… and I didn’t budge on that. Went with an opal.
I just love how 'comfy' your videos are yet so informative and eye-opening. I always feel good watching your videos, great content as always!
aww thank you!! such a lovely thing to hear :D glad you like the videos!
I got married in 2019 for about 10K for 100 people. Costs have definitely gone up since then but my biggest recommendation is to have the reception at a restaurant. We had a Saturday brunch reception at a restaurant that typically wasn't open for brunch so it was a much cheaper cost compared to buying out a restaurant that would normally have been open at that time.
Plus, if you pick a cute restaurant, the decor is taken care of for you.
Thanks for the recommendation!! ✨
Great idea
There’s a lot of ways to cut costs on a wedding but the one thing you should never skimp on is the pictures. $2-3k for pics will be worth a lifetime
I'm glad my wedding will just be done at my own/ parent's house. Really takes a lot off the shoulders :)
I love the point about the cost of your ring and your wedding not being a direct representation of your love or status. It’s hard to not get lost in who can have a more mind blowing wedding or innovative feature. Like the TLC show Four Weddings where they literally make it a competition. The most beautiful wedding I went to was because of the mood of how genuinely happy everyone was, not the lavish shocking things. Your relationship makes it romantic, not your dessert table
I am a wedding photographer and i struggle with the spectacle weddings have become. Dont get me wrong i absolutely believe in marriage as an institution. The idea of two people coming together in front of the people to care about to declare their commitment to eachother is universal. Its an old tradition that goes beyond american culture or in my case mexican culture. And i get it. All the extras are nice but i promise your marriage will mean just as much without them.
As a photographer i have been on the gray zone about how i feel about working a wedding because i know about 50% of these are just lies and the insane spending is just way too much. It would be nice to get 3/4 grand for a wedding but yah. Idk. I really just want to make art and great photos but i feel wedding photography is really the only business still getting good business.
@ElevenAce dude every one deserves to make a living. I think the problem lies in everyone wanting to project that they can afford more than they can instead of being comfortable with what they can do. My wife and I had a very budget wedding just because we are not very flashy people. To us the rituals of a.wedding were more important. But we did spend where we felt it was important. Like our photos. I try to be honest with my couples about how weddings don't need to be this grand ordeal and some couples get it.
When my friends got engaged, i was so excited to help her plan a small wedding, make food, get a dress, all the things. But they got married by a judge, in the judge's field where he had just been riding a tractor, and we all ate at a family restaurant in town to celebrate. It was WAY BETTER than any idea i could have had. Their wedding was perfect and literally cost them $30 plus gas lol
Not married yet; but when that time comes, I definitely plan to keep it simple, small, and elegant. The amount of money spent on the wedding (a ONE day ceremony) doesn't equate to the love between the two.
California wedding DJ here.
It's...a disaster.
Not that I didn't keep a day job, but I use to be able to live off just being a DJ two weekends a month pre-Covid.
NOPE. 95% of my wedding business is gone. And the post-covid world is really different and won't be improving anytime soon.
All good. Almost 700 ish weddings, really happy memories with lots of families. I did alright.
My partner and I just decided we wanted to get married finally a few days ago! I am just eloping in the woods with my both of our parents and my best friend is officiating it, we’ll have a photographer and that’s pretty much it haha. Our rings are cute but no diamonds! I’m so excited 🥹🥹🥹
My fiancé & I will be eloping in a few months. We plan to have a party with our friends and family to celebrate. Very excited!
I am actually in the midst of researching how much it costs to have a wedding in my hometown in China, to support my decision-making of where to have it. And just the bridal makeup alone costs up to 12k CNY which is about 1.7k USD, and about one month's average salary in my city, insane!
My husband and I spent less than $2000 on a wedding 10 years ago. We would have spent less if, 1. We didn't have to pay for a space to have it in (no houses or yards available to us). 2. If we didn't live in the Pacific NW where it rains most of the year so outdoor events are risky.
I’ve been married for 10 years and we had a super casual wedding in my parent’s front yard! We rented a big tent, a dance floor, hired a DJ, and had lobster catered for our guests. The grand total was $6000 and it was lovingly paid for by both our parents. I wouldn’t have done it any other way!
We did a courthouse wedding, no reception. All said and done, I believe we spent about a $1,000. Courthouse was only $200 of that. The rest was spent on my dress, his suit, bouquet of flowers, hair and make up, etc. My friend was nice enough to take our photos for free but I sent her a little money anyways. I have no regrets about doing it this way. We saved so much money and the day still felt extremely special to us. It was also way less stressful since we kept it so small and simple. ❤
My wedding will probably cost around £3,000. I want a church wedding, which is one substantial portion of the costs at £550. That's for a wedding at the local parish church. I want a proper church wedding and I'm not prepared to compromise on that.
The other big part is my dress. That's costinf £600 because I'm having it made to measure. I'm under 5ft, I have scoliosis and I want something that actually fits me properly for once. It's a 1950s style dress and it's beautiful. It's gold, so I can wear it at a later date too.
The rest is going on hiring the local village hall for the reception, food, decorations, my bouquet, etc etc. My mother in law, my mum, my granny and me are doing the catering. My mum is bakinf the cake and my mother in law is decorating it.
I think I'm spending as little as I can whilst still having a really nice day. Yes I could spend less, but then I wouldn't have the things I want. I'd have to have the reception in the backroom of a pub, wear a dress that I don't really like and have a registry office wedding. I don't want any of those things and they feel like huge sacrifices in a way that DIY catering doesn't.
We started with a $6k budget, and ended up spending $16k for a small wedding with 50 guests. We didn't make anyone dress up (no wedding colors or bridesmaids/groomsmen), but just renting a space costs thousands of dollars (outdoor spaces cost a ton to build infrastructure for waste, whereas indoor spaces know this business is easy to squeeze money out of people). Renting the same venue for both the ceremony and reception was on average $10k. I spent $400 on a used wedding dress and LOVED it, $100 on tailoring, and my husband and I made the decorations with fake flowers (most donated by a coworker). We re-used the engagement ring for the wedding ring. Doing things to cut costs together really helped us bond! But there are some things that you can't get around - I was mind blown by the cost of services: photographers were $2k+, DJs similar story (even the sketchy ones), and while we had cake included with our venue (and it was a local business that was loved by locals), I feel like it was a huge chunk of our venue pricetag. Catering is also insanely expensive. We rented the same space for both morning ceremony and afternoon lunch reception (since dinner was more expensive), and it hurt to spend so much. We did a single RSVP card, and used modern communication (texting/ emailing a Google Survey) to get head count, meal preferences & dietary restrictions).... Main point is that we aspired to have an affordable wedding, and ended up with a $16k pricetag.
Big takeaway: businesses know they can squeeze $ out of brides and grooms (and I'm guessing people tap into family resources to inflate the budget).
Even if you plan for bare bones wedding, plan to be in debt. 😂
may i ask? what country/city do you live in?
Can you please do something on the push of fashion trends from fashion houses? There is this ongoing thing on TT between Millenials and Gen Z over what is "trendy" but honestly it's not any generations say in what is the new thing to wear. Gen Z didn't decide skinny jeans were out and everything 90's is back, that's the fashion houses who only make money if they can give you enough reasons to not wear those pants from last year. This wouldn't be about fast fashion as much as it would be how we went from 2 seasons of clothes per year to 52 seasons per year, and why it feels like once you get a complete wardrobe of "timeless" pieces you have to start from scratch because even though you have great jeans they aren't the right kind of jeans anymore. That feeling of never quite having it together isn't any generations fault or push, it's just really good marketing. Thank you.
Have you read the emory univeristy study showing the more couples spend of their weddings the more they're likely to end up fueding over finances and ending up divorced? They also calculated the ideal amount in order to not end up you know, divorced.
you know how much it was? A mere 1000 dollars.
In India those $29,000 dollars wouldn't even be sufficient for the Dowry requirements
For real
I'm in the process of planning my wedding. My partner and I both want a very small wedding and have agreed that we are trying to keep it as simple as possible. There are some costs that are unavoidable as my family and most of my friends are coming in from abroad/out of state and we don't have a place to do a backyard wedding, but we found a lovely place that considers us an elopement and as we are getting married on a Sunday (considered mid-week). Their elopement package includes our stay, dinner, champagne, cake, bouquet, boutonniere, the venue itself, and a little more. We are renting a table, but are saying no to most other things. I am actively trying to reframe the Pinterest and Instagram photos as they are beautiful with several questions. Will this matter to a grandchild looking at photos? I recently found photos from my grandparents wedding and my great-grandmothers autograph book. What truly matters? What is our goal for this day and what will we and our guests care about? Is this needless consumption? Is the cost of this item/service worth it's price to me and do we truly need it? Is this just for a photo or will it enhance the day? We could do less, but we are trying to keep it modest.
the main thing i want for my wedding is a great party where me and my spouse can invite everyone who is special in our lives. that would be around 75 ppl minimum and there are no cheap ways to feed and host that number. i dont feel like the desire to celebrate with all of my loved ones is frivolous but when you crunch the numbers of hosting them all, it sadly seems to be a terrible financial decision.
I went to the courthouse this past Monday. 150 to get a marriage license. 150 to have the ceremony. 300 total. :) couldn’t be happier. We are planning on having a wedding in the fall but going to have the reception in my parents backyard and keep it fun and small.
I want to have a wedding because I have never celebrate anything big in my life. People normally don't congratulate me of my achievements, no birthdays and my parents didn't celebrate birthdays, nothing.
However, I do not want to invite random people as is normal for African weddings and spend over £10k for one day. That's a waste of money.
Also the word "Wedding" spikes the prices up significantly. For example if you want a wedding cake, don't mention the bakery/person is a wedding cake, say is just a normal cake and add the decorations yourself later or instead of cake, have a cheese layer or sushi "cake".
My hardest thing will be to find a small cute place to host a wedding.
I think that similarly to having kids or going to college, people spend so much on weddings because “it’s just what people do”
I worked in the dress rental industry and it deffos made me change my option on weddings. I’d rather get eloped than have a wedding at this point
We just took a trip to muskoka and got married at our cabin with some friends who took our pictures ♡ it was simple and beautiful and now I feel less stressed about tryint to figure out a whole wedding without going into debt
Generally like this video! But as you guessed im about to push back on the "consumer responsibility" aspect of this, especially as it relates to weddings. You acknowledge how it is hard because of family and cultural pressure but it still feels SO glossed over. As an individual you might be disillusioned with wedding industry and want to choose not to buy into it. BUT pressures mounted by family in some cases do cause for disagreements, fights, and falling out. Or what about pressures where your PARTNER has completely bought into the idea of a wedding? The consequence at times might be that a wedding is called off because you pushed for an affordable ring or to have a small ceremony.
"Consumer responsibility" only goes so far when youre faced with ultimatums from loved ones and people just cave sometimes because it's easier. And companies absolutely prey on this :) so Im on the boat that it is in fact, nefarious, though perhaps indifferently so. Because the companies are apathetic about the consequences here. So long as they make their dollar.
When profit is the only motive, companies trying to compel people to purchase at any cost (legally) becomes the game and can and does border into the unethical. And I personally think leveraging human psychological tendencies to constantly bait people into spending (to a point where so many people meet financial ruin) is unethical. But this isnt the fault of one industry. Our whole system seems to support all of this. Having credit cards that let you purchase more than you have, creating a constant sense of "want" with infinite advertisements barraged at us daily, and little to no support for fiscal education. And so, I believe, it is nefarious.
"We have decision making power" is true, but its made difficult on purpose. So if you have a community that supports you then its always easier to choose not to buy into these things. Basically smaller community support is a small scale cultural shift which to me speaks that larger scale cultural shift is needed to buck these trends overall and consumer responsibility alone can only do so much.
My wedding was incredibly simple, and small. I cannot emphasize enough how amazing that was. The only money we spent was on the marriage license thingy, our wedding clothes (which are clothes we bought to rewear to most formal occasions) and our rings. Extended family was upset but I knew they would cause drama one way or another!
This is why I truly admired couples with close, intimate wedding or a court house one. The moment should be more about how you feel as a couple rather than how you want others to see you as a couple.
My wifes grandma made the dress. A friend made the cake. Me and my boys paid for the cheapest tuxedos from the mall that were the color we wanted. We printed the invitations. My best man decorated my car that we drove away from our church. The food was cAtered from a chicken restaurant in our city. My niece rationed the food. We all had an amazing time. In total we spent about $2000 for clothes food venue people gift etc.. That was 20 years ago. I've watched friends divorce, marriages split, people we love go into debt. It's sad