How to Handle Passive Aggressive Behavior - Stephanie Lyn Life Coaching
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
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Walking out on a "conversation" where someone is straight up yelling, bullying, degrading you etc is not giving someone the silent treatment but removing yourself from the abuse
Well said.
Healthy content people don't do it out it revenge like as in a challenge way or have a face off with them.
But narcs won't even respect you to leave you alone for a moment to recharge. Because that means you will become wholesome and that's a no no from the narc like some impeding disaster is gonna strike at them.
Exactly.....when insults are hurled at you, texted to you, u are always showed down, remaining silent is like protecting yourself...so that they can't catch on any word that u said and hurt u over and over again
Yes. It is not. No one says that it is Silent Treatment. That's not the definition. Although, why was someone yelling? Is it becomes that they are frustrated of the passive agressive behaviour and blow up.
No that isn’t passive aggressive,but walking out or hanging up the phone when somebody is giving you advice or constructive criticism is or they are trying to cheer you up.I have been on the end of that.That really messes with my mind and stresses me out.
You gave me some good insight.In the future I will just cut out all the people who are passive aggressive.They are impossible to deal with anyways.
i believe that this topic needs to be taught at schools.
Tomba khagokpam I absolutely agree!
Tomba khagokpam
It should be, but most values will not be tought in government ( or even private schools, for that matter) establishments.
If you are a parent, or plan on being one, these are some of the best values you can teach/ instill in your kids!❤
For real!! This is the knowledge that is needed in this society/ world....
@@rpmcmurphey927 yeah this is more of a parenting thing.
Maybe it should be taught in schools, because some of the older kids in school do this to one another, and there might be some teachers as well who need to learn this.
Silence can be a form of self defense! When someone is continually violating your boundaries and anything that you say they use against you, Silence becomes the only defense that you have..
That's grey rock method and it a defense tool. They hate it but with time they get bored and go away.
I had a family member who use to give me the silent treatment and every time I mirrored her she always complain that I was being disrespectful. So happy I left that situation.
me using tactics I learned from people to not react caused them to finally stop being passive and more aggressive... they realized that they did come off as unhinged after a few months because I literally did nothing to them but be nice
They get aggressive because they are not getting what they want; making you feel bad and lack of attention.
@@Lyrielonwind that's a classic example of a narcissist
I find that passive aggressive people are normally afraid to say what they want to and it's scary for them to maturely approach a topic.
Exactly
Not really, they temper centrum spoil people.
Me too
Sometimes people become passive aggressive towards overly aggressive and violent people who go in an uncontrollable state of wrath and rage when they hear something they don't like.
No they’re people who feel entitled to punish and abuse other people through covert tactics with plausible deniability.
These kind of conversations really do need to have in schools. A "life coaching" type of class could help so many youths in the brink of adulthood.
Jennifer Cantu
Life skills are important at every age 😁 the earlier the better 👍
Yes, especially teenagers
Yeah because you can't learn everything in this universe by doing Google searches
I'm direct. And I've learned is that directness is often mischaracterized as aggression.
Very true. And for somebody like myself who has to consciously try to stand up for himself, it can be annoying when people take self confidence for selfishness.
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Yes. PA behavior only works if you take the bait. "Pretend not to notice or care." --Anna Wintour
Or confront them and call them out
@@jeremyskeesick6179 But if you've done it repeatedly it doesn't do any good. If stuck with someone and can't leave immediately, La La has the right idea.
I don't know if the movie is accurate but Wintour looks quite PA, although her statement is true.
@@jeremyskeesick6179
That's what they are looking for although I have done it in this way; "We don't get along so, best is ignore each other" and usually it works.
If you feel like your opinions are pointless to the other person, no matter how good the argument is, the silent treatment is just your best bet. If someone isn't able to let you have an opinion there is no point in arguing. Doesn't mean that you don't love yourself, you are just acknowledging the fact that the other Person doesn't want to communicate.
Well put.
USUALLY a Passive Aggresive person keeps on playing their passive aggressiveness being their only or best tact. They always find the side road and the loopholes.
Matti Mu are you suggesting given the emotionally abusive person the silent treatment? If so has this worked for you?
@@ha8236 I don't think this type of silence is passive aggressive behavior.
Matti Mu I refuse to waste my breath if the other person is emotional while debatin, that’s one argument u won’t win, also if they arnt using reason or logic I’ll just walk away. Beat me with knowledge and facts....not emotion feelings and tears
the biggest lesson I learned from you and other people who talk about this sort of stuff is that the way someone treats you has nothing to do with you. And to be concinesous of yourself and to pay close attention to who other people are and believe it when they show you who they are or tell you.
One example I have dealt with is when I would be going over to a friends for a birthday party, pampered chef event or anything. My ex would say " Of course I am okay with you going and I hope you enjoy it." Followed by.... "I guess I will find something to eat." or talk to the dogs as I was getting ready and say "Well its just me and you tonight, I guess we will find something to do." then remind me to "Be Good". then call or text me a thousand times asking how its going and if I didn't respond immediately he would then say he was worried about me and ask if I was okay over and over. Like... hey remember me... don't forget about me over here. Basically ruin my entire night. Then, if I confronted him about it he would always remind me of his original comment... "I am fine with you going." SO DARN FRUSTRATING! Which is one of the many reasons he is now my EX
Did you ever try bringing up this subject to him? It sounds like he was feeling neglected but had issues bringing it up with you. Like he was trying to play the expected role of being okay with you going out but still had insecurities on his part that he couldn't ignore.
i had the same experience before word for word the same thing i went through minus the last part. its jealousy in my case. U gotta work through it or break up. Drove me nuts but i can be worked over. u should set a time limit though don't let this shit drag on for too long.
I will turn it around, its like saying: Honey, I am gonna play games now, please do not disturb me, then I'll probably sleep, and then I go to work. Sure I love you, just keep cooking for me and paying my bills and dont ask for sex or I will leave you.
Wow hahah. You explained that well. That does appear and sound crazy! Thanks for sharing!
@@RomanowRomanow1 ?
There are people in my life who are hurtful to me. They alternate with nice/charming to mean/cruel. I go no contact with them by being silent. I'm not being silent to manipulate them. I just can't talk with them because I need to sort through my feelings and forgiveness is a process for me.
Absolutely! Going silent or no contact at times allows us to protect ourselves from people that are abusive, toxic and unhealthy for us.
Yeah, there is a real difference between the silent treatment and not giving your energy to poisonous people! They think I'm trying to punish or hurt my parents, but I'm only wanting to self-protect and they are the ones who drove me to this, so I'm the one who needs protection from them, not the other way around.
I did have one male friend who did admit to passive aggression when I called him out on his behavior, and said he didn't know any other way to communicate, so at least he was honest. He would say I was being defensive when he was telling me off for some really small thing...and it's not just me saying it was small but I'm just not taking his reality into consideration and maybe it was a big thing to him, it was actually a really small thing to raise an issue with me over. I do need to improve at not taking things personally.
When I'm not traumatised and going through life stuff, I'm stronger and don't take things on so easily, but other times I'm not so good at not reacting. I was better at it in my late teens.
same thing for me and members of my family! After 30 years of worsening behavior and watching it emerge in their children I can't see any way to make it a safe place for me. I've had to walk away and I don't think I could ever trust them enough to go back. It pains me to be a part of this divide as I know other members of my family hurt from it, but I remind myself that I would never ask someone to stay in a dangerous situation for my comfort and I won't allow someone else to do it to me
Patricia Herlevi
Same here. If that's PA than I guess I can definitely be PA. Also, I am not good with confrontation.
Luci Bloom
Yes
"I love myself, and I don't have to deal with this behavior." Great affirmation. Some people will literally try and suck you into their misery. But when you're vibrating high, it won't allow you to be sucked in.
That’s right...keep positive....be aware of Narcissistic idiots out there...learn to deal with them if you need to...Steph is great, also try Dr RAMANI....
"Misery loves company" as the saying goes. I had a terrible, toxic boss who was and still is completely miserable and unhappy with himself. He hated me because I was always keeping a positive upbeat demeanor while interacting with coworkers and managers. He couldn't stand it that I wasn't miserable and depressed like him.
Been there. Done that. On both sides of passive aggressiveness. Learning to do it better with healthy self-love and respect.
Adam Nicholes its a practice..
Stephanie Lyn Coaching, Yes! As they say: "Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect." Before we can do it, we must learn how to do it right. Then we practice with the proper technique to make it second nature.
@@nicholesap trying to be perfect often leads to passive agression
@@ultravioletpisces3666 yes!!
@@ultravioletpisces3666 hi, can you explain that?
I've encountered people in my life who did and said things to me that I find so hurtful and outrageous that I chose to 'ghost' them, to NOT have ANY contact,conversation,interaction with them again. Ever. In my experience, ANY response is taken as a 'door opening' to continue that 'bad' behavior. Trying to 'talk it out' was always futile, since no responsibility was taken for it, on the contrary, it was turned around as MY doing, or gaslighting or turned into new insults. So, I do not feel that 'silent treatment' is passive-aggressive at all, but rather a 'snip'off of the 'connection' in self protection and moving on.
Omg totally! Did this recently and then it seemed to make my dude fight harder for me thus charming/dragging me back into that game AGAIN. Ugh
Well said. Me and my fam.
Relatable. I had undergone a situationship where there was nonconsensual sexual offense at first, in which I was drunk and had passed out, so there was discrete memory lapse. After this incident, followed a profound emotional manipulation from the perpetrator and it took me 2 months to realise that. The perpetrator had been sly, cool and smooth as silk in dealing with me, so it was hard af to confront. I did stop talking to him, and finally I got a chance to storm upon him, a consequence I couldn't avoid due to the emotional havoc I was undergoing that phase, from crying intermittently amidst the day, educating myself enough, taking therapy, to completely shutting down, till a lot later after that. Amazingly, after my final confrontation, he chose to shift the narrative and play the victim, and hence discarded me totally. Anyway I've moved past that.
So, my shutting down was absolutely not ghosting him or anything neither is my final angry-sad-aggrevated-helpless confrontation, because, it is I suppose a form of reaction abuse, only God knows how much I had suffered around that time. I plead not guilty for my reactions.
Self preservation
@@shellym1736 sorry for what you lived through. I went through something similar. Your statement “only God knows how much I suffered at that time I plead not guilty for my reactions” that really helped me thank you 🙏❤️
In my mid 40s I got accepted into university and completed my undergraduate degree, and went on to get my MSW and MEd. degrees...all without having a HS diploma. When I tell this most people feel the need to say "...that's okay you didn't finish HS." I have to say I achieved this high level of education INSPITE of not having a HS diploma."
You can also say: "that's right but it didn't affected the results". You might hear some teeth grinding.
Don't tell a narcissist how u feel!!
@Mc Psychedelic this knowledge just gives them more power. Next time they will hit u 10 fold or hold it against you later....or throw it back in your face accusing you of making them feel so much worse. Truth is any feedback given to a narcissist is taken as a personal attack or criticism which they can't handle. They're so unstable they don't care how you feel and cannot take any kind of criticism no matter how you deliver it. Remember they have a false sense of grandiose and "will not let you degrade their self image"
Anything you say becomes about them. You're talking on deaf ears telling them how you feel.
They only care about satisfying their agenda and are using you as a tool to do so. Don't be someone's tool, move on!
Samantha
They already know how you feel.
I agree. It’s better to not let others know they offend you. Distancing and avoiding them and setting boundaries is better. They will never change
Yes I agree actually
Agreed....they mock you...every time
This was very helpful for me to recognize my own flaws. To be more present within myself and to grow on all levels.
Thank you for doing this work. My marriage of 10 years is ending because this was never addressed. You are doing yourself and future partner (if you want) a huge favor.
I dealt with the silent treatment for four years and it was excruciating. There was no way to communicate, I didn't know what I did to bring it about, I would get eye rolls, he'd act like I wasn't in the room. I felt like I was always being punished for something. I was treated inferior. I found the term object constancy and it truly fits this type of person.
I dealt with this too for over a year. Then I found out she was having an affair.
FOUR YEARS? Jesus Christ .... you're a masochist, don't you get that? You're addicted to being abused. This whole section is filled with punch bags ...
Object constancy?
Nautilus1972 & Youre the Asshole who throws the punches.
Passive aggressiveness works great with psychopaths that you don't want anything to do with. No contact is best.
She Wheels
Psychopaths are passive-aggressive themselves.
haha never considered i was being passive aggressive in doing that. I think looking after yourself by keeping right away from them is not passive aggressive lol but technically it is i guess.
If you're dealing with a psychopath you're never winning. You have no tools to deal with a psychopath, especially as a woman.
Passive-aggressive is more of the sociopath. Sociopathologically leading you into suicide. That is what these demons want to do
@@Nautilus1972 just keep away from them...them u are winning
I think you should show passive agressivenessness in action. Have a conversation between two people and show how to compact the passive aggressive attack. That would be more effective in explaining your points.
*USUALLY a Passive Aggresive person keeps on playing their passive aggressiveness being their only or best tact. They always find the side road and the loopholes.*
Having people around you that help take care of you emotionally is the best feeling I think... Letting go of people that did not had a positive impact on me, first made me sad but the cost was simply too much. In your heart you know if it is truly worth it. Be kind to yourself, that is always a good choice ❤
I feel like since I know they are getting over on me, they believe I am beneath them.
september luketz But when you learn to love yourself you don’t care who thinks that your Bing meet them. You don’t associate with those people at all but you also don’t fight it so bad trying to prove to someone you’re worth your value. Does that make sense?
Passive aggressive behavior is acting out the rigid unspoken rules instead of using words. Adult children set high standards for others and scrutinize and nitpick. They confront but if the person reacts they say they are being "defensive" or "abusive" or "confrontational" or that the targets anger, fear, sadness, and shame is "wrong". Narcissists think they are unmasking an abuser when they provoke and the person responds angrily. It's bait and bash and stonewall. Flip the script. Narcissists confront but the other person is not allowed to confront. Double standards. They want their human rights respected but they dont respect other people's human rights. They are superficial. People have a right to be heard and responded to with dignity and respect. Narcissists don't level. They imagine that a true adult stays very calm and cold and callous all the time. People have a right to know what the accusations are and to defend themselves do the truth may be established. Fair fighting rules. Passive aggressive behavior is storing up resentments and withholding. Then silent treatment. Or taking "sides" and flipping the script. Secret alliances. Acting haughty and arrogant with an omniscient certainty. They make up they know what others are thinking and feeling and motivations and intentions but they dont level. Not straightforward. They jump to conclusions. They project narcissism onto others. They misuse words and phrases. They make up they know what one upping and grandstanding is. One upping is when you talk down to a person. Missatunement. Some people are less intelligent or younger or less knowledgeable about certain subjects. Narcissists are rigid narrow minded bigots. They dint have open minds and open hearts. They have rigid boundaries. Boundaries involve using words lovingly and patiently to get along. Not vague generalities that make you feel "powerful". Boundaries are a matter of knowing where I end and other people begin. Physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and sexually. Narcissists enjoy being in the one up power position. They can have deficits with critical thinking, complex thought, insight, empathy, conscience and remorse. They excuse and justify bad behavior. They are full of self pity. Sense of entitlement. Entitled to evade, divert and deflect from reasoned deliberation. When someone says they aren't making sense they think they are being gaslighted. They have trouble with seeing cause and effect. They dont self reflect. Reciverybis very much an inside job. Seeing our part is key. Seeing others imperfections as pathological is what narcissists do. They scapegoat. With haughty arrogance. They learn recovery jargon to pontificate but they filter it through the same old distortions.
It's funny how passive aggressiveness works, I deal with passive aggressive behavior by being using silence, recently I have been getting my chair "accidentally" hit at work, I notice that this has become a pattern - I confront the issue after becoming frustrated and confront the issue but then they act as if they did not do anything as if I just imagine that this happening to me, I don't know who to speak to anyone else about this but as soon as I confront the issue it no longer happens again. But then I take a step back and become silent. I like my job and I know these people don't. I would like advice on how I can deal with this and like you said educate yourself on the topic and I don't want to speak to managers about it because I feel like I will snubbed by other colleagues and gang up on me, but I don't want to leave my job because of it. I was emotionally abused by my mother all of my life and just need to understand how to move forward. Please help.
@@misstmemrs Wow, great comment. Thank you!
@@HillStreetReds : You're being gaslighted. People like that do little, seemingly insignificant things to aggravate. If you tell someone, usually that person won't understand. But it's a game, meant to make you angry. The goal is to have you flip out and become upset. Maybe begin arguing or screaming. Then they will stand back, look innocent and tell everyone what a horrible person you are. They can't understand why you act that way. On a practical note, can you turn your desk around to face the other way? Or put a camera somewhere and videotape them. Or better still, maybe pretend there is a camera somewhere and say: "Smile, you are on Candid Camera!" The point is, detach from the situation. You make it a game, laugh everytime they do it and say something like: I would be happy to give you my desk, all you have to do is ask for it." Something like that, done light heartedly, without a hint of anger, would be discouraging for the persecutor, because he isn't getting the desired response. Not only that, but no one witnessing what's going on can say that you were anything but friendly. Your persecutor will hate that! You win by not reacting negatively!
Ok so what if your not getting anywhere with someone so you stop talking? I’ve done that because some people you just can’t reason with and what’s the point of engaging in a conversation like that?
Yes
Crystal Lee it’s different. Your situation is justified and logical. Keep in mind that passive aggressive behavior is done intentionally as a way to release anger and frustration , with the specific intention to hurt others. For example, like greeting a person , but ignoring the other person standing next to them on purpose to make them feel badly. There’s nothing wrong with refusing to be abused. We have to do what we must do to protect ourselves.
The difference is that you will be straightforward about it and tell them just what you said in your post. Hopefully they are someone you can delete from your life right after the short "closing conversation".
I appreciate your videos. im a narcissist in recovery. I have suffered so much and im learning to love others. your so beautiful. thank u.
How did you come to the realisation that you had Narcissistic traits ?
KId Savage Boy it would interesting to see your point of view. What triggered a change? We often hear the victims point of view but not really the narc’s side.
Wow it takes a big person to say this. Thank you for being honest with yourself and your flaws.
a narcissist wouldn't admit they were a narcissist - they never admit faults.
Are you sure you’re not just a person who was toxic with bad conditioning? A true narcissist wouldn’t be so remorseful.
My brother on christmas: "Wow, you're looking soo good. You're looking so healthy --- unlike last time I saw you...."
Bam! 👊🏻 right into my face!
Can u make a video about how to cut toxic people forever? because I feel like I end up either forgiving them each time they're back to me or when I myself get them back to my life!
Thanks
I know what you mean. I finally had to let a friend of 14 years go. It was too much not understanding why I was being ignored when I never did anything wrong.
It says in the bible that Jesus said "Forgive 7 x 70." That means.... even Jesus doesn't believe in forgiving someone over and over and OVER again.
What if you say you're fine because you were taught growing up that your feelings didn't matter and/or if you did share your feelings then you were gaslighted, yelled at, punished, dismissed, disregarded, told you were too sensitive, overreacting etc. People didn't take you seriously and didn't change and got mad at you for being mad them so you just want to avoid all that and just say "I'm fine" because you want to avoid the abuse and you know nothing will change anyway with this person. Essentially it's a coping mechanism. That's not passive aggressiveness is it Stephanie?
Colleen Kimberly yes that is passive aggressive… It’s understandable why you don’t want to be vulnerable with your feelings because that was the blueprint growing up was that your feelings didn’t matter but as an adult that has self awareness you have to learn how to be vulnerable and self loving at the same time. What this means is when you’re vulnerable and you let someone see the real you That you know how to love yourself regardless of how they respond or react. Does that make sense?
Stephanie Lyn Coaching Yes it does...thanks!
Colleen Kimberly wow. Thats me to. Its hard tho when you have been abused. Because you cant win either way and your words are minipulated. I guess in this situation developing our emotional health in ourselves is important. Showing people they cant treat us in a certain way is a start. But even that is a process isn't it. I can't believe it. I can be passive aggressive. It actually makes me feel sad. I wonder if i have hurt people.
A family member is passive aggressive for the same reasons you described. She was never heard and her feelings didn't matter. But for this reason she is passive aggressive with her children in order to manipulate them and do as she pleases. A very simple example is that when she wants a favor she never asks, she makes a statement. There is no would you help me but You WILL help me. Another time she was left waiting outside the door for 30minutes and instead of calling to see where we were she just waited until we showed up to scold us and say things like if it was a friend you wouldn't be late. When confronted about why didn't you call she answered I don't call so quickly. Mind you she was on the phone talking to her daughter probably complaining that we were late.
Stephanie Lyn Coaching
It would be helpful to give an example of a passive aggressive statement vs an acceptable vulnerable self loving statement. Tone of voice is tricky too, as people tend to respond to tone more than words I find. Thank you for sharing 👍😁 Appreciated
So is this just a clear lack of intelligence and/or selfishness? I guess I find it difficult to believe people can be so irrational/unfair/immature in how they CHOOSE to conduct themselves.
Sometimes I become passive aggressive towards negative people because I don't want them in my life so I just shut down them . isn't it right ? I can't tolerate it any more so I think it's the best way to show them wath I feel...and I want to ignore them 😂 just like they did before and now I love myself enough to stand up for my self respect :) no more drama #peace
mahnoor ali 🙌
mahnoor ali, I agree with you.
😍
That means there's still a part of you that is negative that can be triggered by those people. Nothing we do is ever really about anyone else but ourselves.if that's the path you find yourself on, honour it. However you should consider that by that statement you're completely giving your power away and saying someone else's behaviour is responsible for your character.
mahnoor ali I would say that what you're doing is filtering put the people you want in your life and you have all the right in the world to do that. Sometimes you just gotta cut out some people from your life with a little indifference.
After my manager avoided me, i finally cornered her in her office over a problem she wouldnt face me with, she still avoided it and reported it to the area manager who she told i used inappropriate behavior. I had crossed off on the rota my shift which she had not ok'd with me as she wouldnt speak to me about it. I will not be going to a meeting to have my dirty laundry aired about my past as this is what they want me to do. I gave this job 100% for it to be thrown back in my face, i will have lost nothing when i leave. This is from someone who was emotionally abused all her life to turn full circle and stand up to these bullies. Many thanks for you videos.
You will have lost everything, because you allowed yourself to be crushed and didn't assert yourself. It will be just another thing that eats you up inside. You're just continuing to run away from problems.
When it comes to work, always cover your ass. Communicate via email so you have a paper trail. Make sure to have a witness who is an allie to verbal communications, etc.,
Nautilus1972 I didnt lose anything. I moved on and was happy to be away from a supervisor who was toxic and not do her job, she thought by avoiding me I would do it, instead of speaking to me like an adult face to face. I was in a long line of people leaving because of her so in this instance you're in the wrong Nautilus1972. Thank you Ultraviolet Morgan Tarot, I am learning this process at the moment. Many thanks.
You "cornered" her? 🤨
Then you just ran without resolving anything.
Right.
@@teresafarrell6457 Did you actually read the full story, i think not.
This is such hurtful behavior especially when you yourself know how good of a person you are. I really do try not to let " the silent treatment " hurt my feelings but I chalk it off to ignorance. I NOW REFUSE TO LET THIS PERSON USE ME AS THEIR PERSONAL PUNCHING BAG AND AVOID. I have promised myself to only keep a on formal / professional basis and NEVER a personal / friendly. Battling my own issues is tough yet I ALWAYS smile and never take it out on others. Having to deal with this " Jekyll and Hyde " personality on a daily is exhausting.
Too old to tip toe around peoples feelings. Kindness and empathy only go so far with passive aggressive people
Reminds me of my dear old mother. She never gave an actual honest compliment to anyone without taking a shot at some level, not even to the golden child.
I feel like those who choose the silent treatment can also be afraid of the response that they’ll get. Especially from an abusive partner or parent
Absolutely
Thank you, Stephanie, for your excellent insights and explanations. My mother used the silent treatment on me. I learned it well and I am doing everything in my power to stop repeating that pattern.
I passed a big passive-aggressive test with my family recently. I was able to respond in a healthy way to their unhealthy behavior. Sometimes we don't recognize how far we have come until the trigger is activated.
I was/am so proud of myself. It validates all my efforts to grow. I write this to encourage someone else on the journey to wholeness. blessings to ALL
It's okay to say I'm fine when you are talking to a narc because, you never want to tell a narc if you are sad or upset. For normal humans, being honest is fine but, with narcs, opening up the truth isn't fine.
I love what you are doing and I support you because, I was in a relationship with a narc for 11 years. They do teach defense mechanisms in university but, they skip over the subject very very quickly, like, 5 minutes in class.
creator Thank you so much! Absolutely never convey your feelings and emotions to a nurse assess! You are absolutely right.
This lady got mad at me, she asked me how I am and I said I'm sad because my friend is in the hospital, and she didn't like that, she I but how are you, I said Fine with frustration, because I couldn't believe she said that. And she never hugged me again.
USUALLY a Passive Aggresive person keeps on playing their passive aggressiveness being their only or best tact. They always find the side road and the loopholes...
creator how did you cope? Did you just detach yourself from them?
@@pamelapap ...listen also to Dr RAMANI about narcissistic people....she’s also an expert, just like Steph....
1. DON'T let them drive. Don't be the passenger.
2. Don't make plans to have them meet you anywhere. (they will be late).
3. I f you ask them to DO anything, they will screw it up, do it incompletely, much too slowly, or do it wrong or in a way you didn't want it done.
In my opinion, along with abusive narcissists, these are some of the first people you should cut out of your Life. With the Narcissist you dont deserve the abuse and with passive-aggressive's you don't deserve the irresponsibility, laxness, incompetency and un-dependable-ness.
Holy shit I didn't notice I did back handed compliments. I grew up thinking it was a way to continue a conversation. No wonder I feel weird after pretty much anything I say. 😳 Still time to grow
Thanks you!!
Thank you for this video! One thing that should be clarified is the difference between the silent treatment and going no-contact. The latter is the action you take when you realize that you must cut off all interaction with a person forever because there is no hope of fixing the situation and any further interaction will only cause more pain.
Sometimes people choose these kinds of behaviors because they can accomplish a sense of power. I have been around people who behave this way and are basically mean and rude. Humour can be used in this way as well and it really does make people feel awful. I tend to stay away from people who consistently act this way. It is quite unhealthy. It also damages trust between people.
I’ve dealt with so much passive aggressive BS thru my life it’s damn maddening. These videos really help. Empaths are drawn to trying to appease these people and get sucked in easily
You are such a blessing. I am learning so much and am becoming aware of The needful things I must come to terms with. Thank you for your hard work and taking time to fine tune these broadcasts you are helping so many people. God bless you.
If I am not fine I don't have an obligation to tell others. And it is not passive-aggressive not to tell others. Honesty with others is a privilege, not a right. People often use that as a way to control to tell me how I need to handle a situation, or how I need to be honest.
If u come into a relationship with bounderies in check u can be honest and open with them about it. Also not being honest and talking to your Parthner about the issues is very wrong cause the problem later will increase all because there wasent communication about it
Agreed
Are you a psychologist or are you just a really good life coach that teaches us the psychological part?
Shante Cooks Thank you so much for the compliment! No I’m not a psychologist. I am a life coach with a lot of life experience and have educated myself on these types of things.
Well thank you a bunch! The Lord knows you came into my life at just the right time. Sometime I have a hard time with forgiving someone and allowing them to stay in my life & all the things you teach have just been giving me a bunch of clarity on what I should do. So thank you so much!
Shante Cooks You’re so welcome
Stephanie Lyn Coaching Do you need a certification to be a life coach or just life experience? I think you are amazing by the way! Love your videos ❤️
Shante Cooks hi I just listen ur RUclips channel, I'm from Paraguay living in the US, I'm going through a verbal abuse relationship, my husband is a narc, is hard to deal with it, I'm trying to be strong, I just want to be happy , but even if I'm trying, everything is difficult with him, is a rollercoaster of emotions, I want out but is so painful and I have a lot to think about, thanks for educated about this, is very helpful
For all those out there that I was passive aggressive: I'm sorry!! I didn't know that I grew up in a family of highly narcissistic people and I thought what I was saying was OK, was normal.
My husband never complemented me. When I would bring up something positive about myself he wouldn’t agree, he would stay silent.
ana munoz there’s two parts to understanding how to deal with emotionally abusive people… 1. Is understanding that the abuse you’re getting is not a reflection of yourself. So him withholding any positive feedback complements whatever has nothing to do with you and it actually has to do with his own wounds, insecurities, and lack of self-love that he has within himself. Because happy healthy people that really love themselves do not do those things. 2. Is learning that while hearing a compliment from someone else feels great it’s not what you need it to fill yourself up. External validation is the icing on the cake but you have to be the cake.
Same here , wow
My husband is exactly the same...it got to me though, so I used to compliment myself in front of him to shit him. I wAs angry that I never had his support, so I just got bitchy and I’d be like GOSH THIS Cake TURNED OUT GREAT...in hearing these compliments I made to me, he would sort of try to defuse it, by laughing under his breath....or making some degrading sounding grunt....I wonder if what I was doing by BEING OUT THERE WITH MY COMPLIMENTS was passive aggressive ?.
I like being active aggressive to people
ha ha ha, you're funny Ascetic. I appreciate it.
😂😂
I think I saw you at Olive Garden bro
😂
I have aspergers and when I experience passive aggressiveness and manipulaion, I just shutdown. It has nothing to do with aggression, I just have never had it be effective when I nicely approach someone about how they hurt my feelings by what I said. I just fall into an overwhelmed depressive shutdown.
this was so so good . i have friends around me that make snide degrading "jokes" then when confronted about putting me down say they are just joking and never acknowledge they are taking jabs to tru and ruin how i feel about myself.
Really helpful. Thanx :) XXXX
Perfect timing on finding your channel. They have been very beneficial, thank you!
Ryan Cozzens welcome! So glad you’re here and enjoying the videos!
I just don't know what to do. She's a huge bully but pretending to be a victim. Everyone is actually believing her. I was once them. I was where they were. This is absolute insanity. So I'm being treated like crap when all I do is tell the truth about my life. I have so much more to do with my life than this. Nobody should spend every single day defending themselves from others. Even when the truth is in plain sight.
My experience with PA the person knew exactly what he was doing with his favorite PA tool: silent treatment. It was not because he wanted to avoid feelings or couldn’t handle them, he did it to punish me and to get me to react. He knew I would come running with my attention, trying to “fix” things. Turning tables, where I would end up apologizing for his behavior. It took me 15 years to figure out all this dysfunction (this is only a piece of it) it finally say I’m done. I just wanted to mention this because there is a definitely a “spectrum” or PA behavior used for different reasons, some much more innocent than others.
Cali Stew thank you for your comment!
Cali Stew 15 years! ? 2 years tore my soul apart. I am so happy you were able to see what was really happening to you.
Is taken me 15 years to start working it out too.
Cali Stew very true on the last part of your comment. Sometimes its purely innocent and people dont do it yo get a negative reaction that just trying to process the situation.
Your situation is very different. He did it to get a negative reaction to so he can minipulate it for his advantage. Abusers use this and know they are doing. 15 years is a long time 🙁. Especially if he wasn't changing and saying its your fault for his actions. No more of that girl. It is hard for a domestic violence victim to leave tho. So hats off to you. X
Excellent point ... PA person does that yet I find I end up apologizing.
I think silent treatment can be the best way to stay away from ppl you don't like... not everyone worths it your time, especially those disrespectful people.
Its tough to not let it hurt, but you are so right, I'm learning how to ignore the silent treatment, subtle insults, and I still try to have a logical discussion or for some closure. Once the silence begins I have to walk away, it just eats at me. I will never understand how someone that has been so close, to just ignore the problem that still exists and doesn't want to work things out(without knowing what the problem is)?, and when there is conversation, it's ("I take things too personally"), who wouldn't, if your loved one insults you? I am cursed with morale consciousness and caring it seems. I don't want to hurt the person I love with insults, nor can I walk away.
Wyatt Sprague please walk away. I did and my energy returned. dont give them your precious time 😊
I think if we tell passive aggressive people how we feel about the way they are treating us is not useful as they never acknowledge. The best way would be limit our interactions or cut them completely out. Winning through actions is better than arguments. Explaining to those people is absolutely a waste of time and get more poison from them
Know yourself, understand yourself, prepare yourself, love yourself and don’t let others try to manipulate your thoughts.
I had a friend who had passive aggressive. They are narcissism to me .. i was getting tired to be her punching bag . The worst part i accept for who she is . The worst part she ditch me bc i didnt kiss her ass and come to her rescu.
Growing up I was always told to not mix or align your self with people who are not sane because you will begin to act like them or be the same.
Good point
Love the comment on self love 👏. When I start feeling needy and insecure, and as corny as it may sound, I tell myself that I love myself and that I will always “have me” no matter what. It seems to break the obsessive thoughts about needing somebody else (who’s not necessarily good for me) as an emotional safety net.
I’ve done silent treatment
thank you Stephanie Lyn,for coaching life.you are definitely expressing the inner talents you are endowed with.and your truth light is shining bright. I now understand in relationships if it doesn't feel right then chances are it isn't. and I say to my inner self,self what did you get your loving self into this time? and do you love yourself enough to rid yourself of the things that no longer serve you?" love ya...
Don Martin yay!!! I love the inner dialogue! That is self-parenting.. ask questions, be curious, be loving! 💗
Love it Don.......you are so right!!!
I do silent treatment because I've been raised by a malignant narcissist mother and stepdad and my mother who has inexplicable narcissistic rage tantrums like clockwork would always always take it out on me through baiting and I just got tired of it so I've absolutely stopped speaking to her because most of the time she only talks to me to bait me. Also, because of being subjected to narcissistic abuse I tend to hold things in and then after a while have explosive rage so I just resort to the silent treatment when I'm mad at someone in order to calm myself, put things in perspective and avoid saying cruel things to the person in the heat of fury.
sometimes I've had coworkers that is like 50-60 years old acting like angry little children. That one is what confuses me the most.
This is a video about recognizing passive aggressive, but does not teach you how to respond. I think these people need to see your strength mirrored back. Just being able to recognize what’s happening is only half the battle. Make no mistake, this is an attack. They are bullies. Telling people what you think and how you feel is just seen as being weak and whining to these people . If you do not stand your ground immediately with these demons, they will continue to harass and mock you. You need to recognize their disrespect, keep your calm, but come back with strong sharp assertiveness and resolve all the while making direct eye contact. They want you to crack. They want to see you fear them. They feed off of your fear and softness. YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE WITH A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. THE ONLY THING THEY UNDERSTAND IS FIRE . THEY DO NOT GIVE A CRAP HOW YOU FEEL. THEY DO NOT CARE TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. You need to show up strong to these people. They need to get “your message” that your not to be messed with, or else it will continue. Passive aggressive, narcissistic, rude, bullies are all one in the same. If you don’t stand up to bullies, they keep bullying. You don’t show up to a knife fight with a stick of butter. True, if you are being treated this way in a relationship continually , you need to go no contact with these people, or get them out of your life. I’m not encouraging fighting. It depends on the type of situation your having, whether to confront, or just leave. If it’s a relationship , or just an acquaintance. You can’t ever really win with these types. They are damaged goods, not good for life partners, or friends. Let them know you mean business and will not stand for their behavior and then be prepared to follow through and don’t look back. Stay strong and March on. These types are crazy, so don’t waste your breath trying to talk, explain , demand, etc. Use your good intelligence and get them out of your life. For good.
I love your videos cuz I can always relate but I’m this one I def relate as the bad guy ... I am very passive aggressive and I wonder why and where did I even start being this way!!! 😩 it makes it so easy to understand now why nobody can stand me .... is there anything I can do to figure out where this stems from? 😞😞😞😞
You’re not alone. Atleast you recognize and care. I struggle to from childhood. I prayed today and ask God to heal me cause He the only one that wants me to be healthy and in my right mind. For me I am calling on Jesus and J also pray for Him to lead me to the right help if need be. I need help to.
I am an expert in this by now. Not by choice tho. My ex treated me w silent treatment on regular basis. He was not talking and ignoring me for 6 mo on end AND this was happening as we are living in the same house. This happened THREE TIMES so add up to 1.5 years of total silence and ignoring!!!!!! Plus all the other passive agresive crap he did. I went through hell emotionally with him. Enough is enough! I'm in process of finally leaving him and moving the hell out!!
My wife states I'm passive agressive. Like every other week she vents on me telling me I'm forgetting, my daughter's don't trust me, that I'm not providing a sufficient lifestyle, that I'm cutting myself out of family events. During these 35 - 45 min ventings I've learned to sit, listen and never interrupt, ask questions, and never defend myself as doing so really upsets her and end up hating my life even more. No matter if I try to be loving, nice, neutral, or try to say anything; I'm met with anger, "When you act this way it makes me not want to be around you". She pulls away when it suits her and trying to be loving, responsive, touching her is met with vile responses. She hates me trying to improve myself and work to support her and our daughters and now...clean the apartment. Life can really suck!
I tend to shut down a lot. It’s because I realize that the conversation isn’t going anywhere. Not because I want to give silent treatment. My wife is VERY good at speaking and arguing, and has much more of an arsenal to fight with. I have always been very quiet, shy, and non-confrontational. Having a speech impediment on top of that makes it very difficult to get any of my words in to argue my opinion , so I have just learned to recognize when my voice won’t be heard and just shut down. VERY frustrating. Unfortunately it has become a way of life for me.
I do appreciate all these videos. They are helping me learn a lot of things about recognizing abusive behaviors in not just others, but keeping myself in check.
Thank you Stephanie.
Through this journey. I have eliminated passive aggressive friends. It is hurtful when you think your girlfriend really values your friendship and when she becomes a flying monkey- you see patterns of these behaviors. Women who are jealous and competitive- it would throw me but I would forgive. Now I am eliminating them from my life.
Mmmmm among civilised people I agree to an extent.
However being male then throw alcohol into the mix….hooligan and aggressive men bore me.
After giving a recent one 4 chances to be normal……you realise he/they are not.
They are immature bullies and I for one just get sick to the teeth with their tantrums and posturing …using ultimately violence.
So I become passive aggressive as you call it…..sending a clear message I’ve had enough and won’t stand for anymore.
In short there is no reasoning with these people.
To be or not to be springs to mind…..I’d rather not suffer anymore.
It’s a big topic really…… blessed you are born a woman in a civilised world.
I’m not being derogatory.
Listening to your videos is giving me hints of confidence that I am not crazy. Marriage is hard enough without having a crazy-maker spouse; but now I see why I feel the way I do. You have added the bonus information that is helping me learn how to remain sane and happy in spite of the repeated unhealthy communication between me and my spouse.
Dawn Staples I am so glad that you got some insight and yes you are not crazy!
Dawn Staples I’m on the sand boat. I would’ve left if it wasn’t for my son n lack of finance. How are you coping?
My almost ex husband, of 30 yrs, is the king of P/A interaction with an ass loads of silence. There were times I almost wanted to bash his brains in. He’s so childish, generally immature.
I definitely resonate with the way you are describing how to deal with these topics. What I dont get is, I dont believe I owe anyone an explanation for why I need to disregard their questions or them altogether. Nor do I ever want to open up "How Im doing" forreal with them, so in that case "I'm fine" is a perfectly good answer. I dont fear the confrontation, I just dont care about how people feel or expect them to care about how I feel
When I determine whether someone is being passive aggressive, I find it helpful to remember I seek to empathize with others and respect n not judge their boundaries, while also respecting my own. I don't feel entitled to others' energy, as an introvert often I wish no mal-intent if I don't acknowledge others...i simply must conserve my energy. This also helps me cultivate gratefulness and joy, for if someone goes out of their way to lend me their energy I feel blessed that they wish to connect with myself!
Hannah Miller I loved that. Im exactly the same.
Wow you are healthy and beautiful. And...very STRONG
What if your roommate gives you the silent treatment for 2 months and won’t respond to necessary conversations about the living space? I can’t afford to move…
Maybe they should be told the truth and then have boundaries which include limiting conversation and contact? I’ve found that these types of people are exhausting and makes for an happy relationship so why bother? Go spend your limited time elsewhere. I’m in a predicament where my nieces and nephew have been turned into these kinds of people. I love them but they aren’t able to behave in less toxic ways. It’s been a horrible experience for me and their lives have been really harmed by their mother and father.
Very helpful. Thank you. Still learning to love myself after narcissistic abuse. 💞
What if someone does this perpetually, time after time, just to push your buttons? How many times do you let it go before it seems like acceptance of the behaviour?
Thanks for all the videos such as yourself and others giving us the answers we need to the many questions I would say, what just happened. Now I know. God bless you all. My state of mental health has grown leaps and bounds. I am for the first time in my life (62yrs young] I can have the peace in my soul. So keep them videos coming. I love you all for the answers.
Lol I’m aggressive aggressive. Nothing passive about how I get mad 😡
There's too many people using these tactics. They allow their negative emotions to influence their behaviour instead of working to obey their conscience. There's not enough encouragement in the world around us to be a good, loving person. It's left up to the media to be the moral teacher for young people today and we all know what is admired on those platforms.
I’ve actually learned to use the silent treatment to my advantage. It gives me a chance to refresh my batteries and have a short time of peace before he starts up again.
Momma Bear. I agree. I have no obligation to take care of someone's needs ahead of mine if they're behaving so badly. Time for meditation and yoga is especially needed to keep calm and focused on not letting him dictate every subject's accessibility.
Damn, I can't help it. You're so Beautiful miss, crush material. Haha Anyway, I was brought to this video because my Gf is passive-aggressive. It's so frustrating, it's like drinking you're favorite Wine with Poison mixed in it. ☹️
What about if you are tired of repeating yourself. I'm just exhausted so I don't talk anymore
I am gonna be eternally grateful to you for your channel. This video is a great picture of my former lack of emotional maturity. I would probably be ranked in the world's top 'silent treatment' manipulators. I knew I was doing it and it was to punish them (but also, it was in contact with toxic people) but it was purely from a lack of communication skills and emotional stability. I'm sooo glad I watched this video! Thank you.
I have a few questions about crazy town but I don’t know how to express them. I’ll just say thank you.
The person I am married to right now is very passive aggressive. He gaslights me,
and says horrible things to me on purpose to provoke me.
I would love if you touch on how some of these traits rub off on a person who uses passive aggressiveness as a defensive mechanism towards the narcissist. I’m realizing that some of these traits have rubbed of on me, it’s taken some time but I’m slowly becoming my healthy self again but I realized how I did some of these things and felt awful about it but I realized where I learned these traits
Stephanie when I hear you talking I feel like you are a good friend talking directly to me. Giving me some of the best advice I've ever been given. Not even my family members and the best of my friends have ever given me this kind of loving advice and knowledge on how to handle these types of people. God bless you and thank you so much for being brave and sharing your knowledge with everybody who seeks information and guidance on this situation
This is something I’m dealing with, and am pretty used to, and I have no problem in admitting that I’ve probably been guilty of it myself.
The problem I’m facing is being quite aware of one or two people who read my RUclips profile and comments, and are having issues with something about me, or what I’ve said or how I express myself, so they passively try to upset me.
Obviously, I sense the negative energies and anger etc.., I’m an empath... I’m familiar with certain mechanisms, due to my past, and these little indirect criticisms, negativity or anger aimed at me, hurt, because at the end of the day, I come on here for ME, to engage with the music or videos I relate to, or what interests me; and apart from the publisher of the video, I’m commenting on, I’m not forcing or making anyone come on here and read my stuff. I already have a lot of guilt when I’m in pain, I hide a lot of emotional stuff relating to self abusing behaviours, and yesterday I tried my best to be me, be positive, and go with it, even though I had self abused earlier that day and was bottling things up. I try to focus on helping me, learn what helps me and what brings me smiles; and embracing the spirit and the beauty I see in this world, despite the evil and war, and cherish the moments I witness.
I sometimes come here to vent, like relating to videos about abuse, which help me feel less isolated, but then am often ending up feeling like I wrote too much, am bringing everyone down, and maybe I should just shut up, and take some sleeping pills or something. I was used to this emotional suppression as a child - usually I was told to just shut up, not being allowed to express myself. So I often end up feeling torn between hiding my pain or being real and sharing it, engaging in online communities etc., and expressing myself. Then I am trying to get balance, because, as you probably can see, I have a lot going on in my head and sometimes can’t help writing the large amounts I do, otherwise I end up bottling everything up, zoning out and dissociating. So it sometimes means that I’m writing a hell of a lot, and then dealing with passive aggressive people, judging me and accusing me of certain things, or making me feel like shit for my way of trying to deal with a lot of what to online eyes, and outside my house, is unseen. It just triggers me.
I sometimes feel like maybe I should change all my ‘Liked’ videos to ‘Private’, so people who view my profile don’t see my comments, unless they happen to see the same video I watched, or be the video publisher. But, being used to bullying in various ways and people having a problem with me or understanding me, my natural feeling is, if I, or my comments upset or offend, then don’t read my channel, or don’t look at me.
I’m very used to people being passive-aggressive by indirectly communicating negativity, and I am very aware of certain tactics and emotional manipulation. Often I’ve used my avoidant ways to ignore what I felt to be passive aggressive threats. As an empath, and a survivor of Narcissistic abuse, you are made hyper-aware and self conscious because you are always criticised, I always needed to be on guard for fear of triggering rages, was often subtly and cleverly abused, and gaslighted. So out of fear of triggering abuse or judgments, you are left feeling insecure and like you are walking on egg shells. Passive aggressive behaviours were quite common in the NPD background, as subtle bullying or criticising and erosion of self esteem..
It also can bear similarities to ‘gaslighting’, which can make you feel like you are going crazy, and self doubt. When I was a kid, things would be moved from where I left them, to make me doubt my memory or beliefs, and I’d often be told I had imagined things I’d witnessed, or experienced during my abuse.
Another example would be, someone posting things to trigger me, or making posts in someone else’s name, and making me question my sanity. I’ve also had people from my past set up fake-profiles to watch my social media, add me, and then post nasty and evil comments, raging at me. Though their profile appeared innocent, like someone I’d never met, I could sense it was the energy of someone from my past. You get to notice subtle and indirect things aimed at you because you’ve been conditioned to be so hyper-alert and sensitive, because you had to be, to survive. Then, being an empath can make things so much more intense, if you are not stable and often in ‘fight or flight’ mode.
If certain bullies or insecure people know that I’m sensitive to energies, which I am, then typically it’s common to take advantage. And lately, with such energy shifts, my inner growth and changes happening, meaning a lot of repressed shit coming out, my sensitivities are amplified.
I have been struggling with nearly relapsing, after managing to come off potent sedatives that nearly killed me. Then, also trying to raise my moods and deal with the horrible drug withdrawal, depression and conflict pain, I fell back into taking stimulants, which obviously can further amplify my sensitivity to energy, and affect depression. Yesterday certain self abuse was quite bad, but then later that night, the view of the night skies was so awe-inspiring and beautiful. Watching the stars, I was writing poems and listening to the music... I felt calm, happier, and positive energy. I felt positive with myself for having got through the day, trying to embrace love and positivity.
Today I just feel so low, wanna take a load of pills and just sleep for 24 hours.
I know, wanting very much to recover from a life of self abuse and child abuse, I’ve been trying a lot to better my life recently,. But I guess if I have anything I say public,, like on social media (a lot of which I’ve avoided using now) or public likes/videos on here, then there will inevitably always be people who’ll have a problem with me or how I write etc..That is life, in general.
All I’m trying to do is keep my head up, engage in things that I enjoy, or that make ME smile; like yesterday, even if I’m still masking a lot and not wanting to burden people. Trying to survive a hell of a lot of inner pain, invalidation, and certain things I feel I can’t even reveal publicly on here, or to anyone, except certain medics are aware because of past treatments, engaging, hospital etc.
My RUclips channel is like my space or place, to try and avoid going into isolation, and reducing self-destructive behaviours. To use my writing to express things. I have a lot of poems and things that I don’t actually publish publicly, but sometimes it’s nice to share my heart and my inspirations with others. It’s nice to find others who may relate to things I’ve been through, too.
It is a kind of therapy, to be in the moment and write poems with the music I listen to on here, which I enjoy sharing publicly, and that is why I have my ‘Liked’ videos set to public view. I was already tempted before, to avoid publicly showing of my video likes or favourites with my comments, because I sensed my NPD abuser was following my social media, RUclips etc.. It’s just horrible when I feel like it’s a struggle just to BE, and feel ok.
Being so damn sensitive can really suck, sometimes. But I really try to focus on remembering the nice things, like all the people bringing us the great music (music is my life-line), and one person on here even made a music mix, especially for me! It’s often a challenge, when you are very low, and have a lack of object constancy, to truly hold on to positive thoughts I remind myself of the nice comments on my poems that I look back at - like a lovely comment I got on a very emotional poem that I felt quite vulnerable writing, in the comments of depressing song I’d listened to previously, where another commenter told me my words were beautiful, and to “Keep on writing poems”. In those times, when I’m feeling like I wanna give up - to have seen that, brought a tear to my eye and inspired me to believe, and to work on myself and my low self esteem. I’m no super woman, I have my faults and flaws, things I need to work on, and I am sure that I have been passive aggressive myself, at times.
I know people project, sometimes totally unconsciously, and that I’m no saint, I’ve been dealing with destructive, avoidant and dissociating coping mechanisms most my life. Now, I’m facing a lot of things, so I get easily triggered because of my past.
I also see the mirror effect that people can have. What this means for the empath, is that people can have a problem with them/their sensitive nature, or writing or expression, because they can reflect something that deep down certain people dislike or lack in themselves. I’ve also come to notice how people have reflected things in me that I need to work on. It’s not easy, it’s all a learning process.
I just gotta keep on keeping on. My motto: I have come this far. I am appreciative of the things I have, and life can be so beautiful. I just have to try not to let people bring me down.
Thanks for uploading.
Best wishes xx
I love your suggestion for the back handed compliments. I need to do that.
I was thinking about how if someone is upset I want to self reflect and find out what they're thinking. The passive aggressive behavior can be acting out the underlying drama instead of using words. Rigid petty rules and storing up grievances and not leveling. Then they explode or angrily withhold and stonewall or talk to you through a third party or indirect communication and innuendo. So crazy making! They can be so nice to your face and thinking and saying terrible things about you behind your back. Some people are so afraid of confrontation. And paranoid! I have family members I discussed these issues with for years to no avail. It's so often triangulation and unspoken secret rigid rules. With double standards in a bizarre hierarchy. This behavior in families can cause such anguish. People can be tactless and make mistakes and be taken wrong too. Truth and trust in intimate relationships is wonderful and takes time. I really think in terms of quality and not quantity. Because love takes time. With people I m not that close to or don't know that well I just want to keep it simple. It's hard to deal with each other's imperfections and differences in temperament and values. If people aren't in reality and very immature or mentally ill they just can't hear us. You can't have intimacy with people who aren't in reality. It's much nicer to be able to read that and understand it and keep it simple for the ignorant or slightly autistic around us. It's nice to be able to gauge that. People can fool people. You really have to be savvy lol.
Wow , she really dives into the psychological spectrum of how we are
I do this. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I would get so hurt by him that this was my way of " getting even" and in my mind..talking to him was a sign that everything was fine when it wasn't.. I also do this when I am angry with people..I shut down and shut them out
To be honest passive aggressive behavior displays immaturity and lack of courage. I used to do this crap eons ago (20 years ago). People don't seem to understand that passive aggressivor is hurting themselves. You are carrying a truckload of issues. I started losing friends. I hated myself and was very unhappy. I grew up and learned to channel my feelings in a more productive healthy way (self improvement/speaking up etc). I have little tolerance for people who do this me. I know how to dominate the situation without getting emotionally upset. Sometimes look back and say, "Wow that used to be me. Thank God I changed."
When someone say “I’m so happy for you “ that irks me
Hi there, thank you for sharing this video with us.
I've been thinking about this a lot, and it definitely happened to me, and i have done this to others. But i think there's just a few people in the world who master this negative skill of passive-aggressive behaiver, and do it intentionly. The rest are just unaware of doing it, and its really confusing becuase you want to communicate it through with them and kind of solve the problem, in one hand, but in the other you dont want to bring other problems on the way. So.you choose to silence treat them and be passive-aggresive yourself.
Its really not easy in the real life. And my question would be: do we just stay away from these prople and make as less contact with them ( if they are unimportant to us) or we still need to communicate with them and explain to them that something is wrong?!