Shan saw through him like glass it was so unnerving. He has a lot of trauma and I hope he heals. He gave a very long summary about how he had been traumatized and conditioned to distrust women and then immediately went in on black womens conditioning without being able to heal and reflect thoughtfully on his own. He gave an important take though because a lot of black men (& women) are traumatized and feel that way and end up projecting. He's making all of his decisions from a place of trauma and trying to protect himself.
@@gabrielar9611 thank you! I wanted to go in on him but honestly I recognized a lot of him in some of the men I've loved. Sometimes they're not just terrible people, they're hurt people who do terrible things who don't have the right tools. Damaged people damage people.
His strong negative feelings toward black women is clearly the same feelings he has towards his mom. Every woman that I am personally close to is always extending grace, warmth, and trying to understand a man and their pain. Even in these comments, dozens of women are wishing him well and sympathizing with him, seeing beyond the facade and even hurtful things he’s saying out of hurt. Now it’s up to him to be responsible for his healing, may he find peace and a supportive community along the way (especially before dating again)
ALLLL of this and I went from feeling bad for him to feeling bad for the women he encounters to enraged to just apathetic- and wanting to say choose better just like they say to us. Idk, clearly i have mixed feelings... im gonna go evaluate
This reminds me of my ex so much, he didn’t appreciate his mom due to childhood traumas, now he just dislikes black women in general, unless she doesn’t act like a “black women”, it felt so weird when he said that to me, guys like him is the problem, our whole relationship was so toxic, and he was 17 years older than me, I met him when I was 17, I seriously thought I could help him heal, but I ended up hurt and traumatized. I think guys like that, it doesn’t matter who they date, if they don’t heal their relationship is not gonna work, they need to stop blaming on women, instead to focus finding their wounds and heal first.
Whew😢😢😢😢😢 He represents many men who have everything and nothing all at the same time. He has no idea the pain he is walking in and the help it needs ASAP! The interview made me confused, sad and concerned. I truly hope he watches this back and starts a path toward real healing so he can be fulfilled
This is the first time it's clicked why I'm 24 and have never wanted a relationship. I was also sexually abused when I was a kid by women and it makes sense why I cannot commit no matter how good she is. Now I see what needs to be addressed. Thank you Shan for having Sincere on.
I worked at a Child and Protective Service call center for a very brief moment and this is where I learned that parents not only have to be careful about who they leave their children around but simply ALL spaces you leave your children in because unfortunately molestation becomes a cycle often where children act out on other kids
Wow im glad that's being taught. It seems more often than we care to admit, we commit and repeat our own traumas no matter how big or small. Same vein as the 'our insecurities and accusations of others are often just reflections of ourselves rather than actually being true about the other person'
Absolutely. Kid-on-kid assault is just as damaging and is (luckily) becoming more widely recognized. It does happen a lot, even between siblings. My heart goes out to all the survivors out there, & I wish them the best of their healing journey 💗💗💗
Absolutely. My experience was like his, in reverse from boy children (relatives). The crazy thing is, at least one of them had been abused by an older teen themselves and was acting that out on me. It happens a lot more than people know or want to admit.
@@alishaendre616 it’s an entire pathology. I’m not sure how many reports received are false but there is usually history of abuse to the victim’s siblings, step-siblings, step father, mother etc… I don’t believe I was able to humanize the teens who offended. In his story i became angry and disgusted with his abusers and i for some reason am more perturbed when the perpetrators are females. I can understand the cycle and I know I should have had sympathy. Majority of the time supervision in my department would go agains labeling a minor as a perpetrator. There was only one supervisor who would label a teenager who committed a sex crime as a “perpetrator” in our system while other supervisor majority of the time never titled them as one as they were more empathetic.
I think it’s interesting that he brought up the jazzy interview and he saw her as being “selfless”, when in reality if you really payed attention she wasn’t really being selfless in the way he thinks. She was being selfless as a trauma response. She made sure that the man had everything he could ever need to try an ensure that he wouldn’t leave or step out on her or the relationship. Maybe I’m reaching in my understanding but regardless this man needs to heal big time. I wish you a productive and insightful journey.
Jazzys trauma response is the fantasy of many men... and almost none of those men have realized that yet. Thankfully Jazzy seems to be doing her own healing and hopefully soon won't be letting these men selfishly fantasize about her trauma no more
Nah, you're spot on - she literally was perplexed that Shan speaks up in her marriage when she feels her needs aren't being met and he heard that and said yeaaa I want a woman like that.
I was very sad watching Jazzys episode and the fact that he made it seem like she was doing the exact thing that makes it seem like he “found a pot of gold” was very sad to me. She was shocked that Shan can ask for what she wants/needs in her relationship and she seemed like she couldn’t do that in her relationship so then for him to make it seems like it’s a really great thing is even more sad to me.
And Sincere, all black women don’t want men with chains - I actually want the opposite like most of my friends 😂 lol he should definitely broaden his circles, Shan is 100% right. But the kind of woman he wants won’t want him because he needs to heal. He will attract who he is. A healed and whole woman won’t be attracted to his spirit, she will run. That’s why he’s attracting the women he is. They are on the same vibration. He can’t get a woman like Jazzy with how he operates.
Omg yea when i saw the first 5 minutes my first thought was run for the hills. 🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️💨 run fast away from this man! Low vibrational being
Dude came in guns ablazing ready to light up the place and Shan was not having it lol I enjoyed the way Shan kept the interview on him was not swayed by the antics of his personality. He had to show up his full self, whether he liked it or not, and I hope it made the conversation more enlightening for him, as I know it did for the rest of us.
Babyboy needs to heal! This is so sad. He said "i cant sleep with women" BECAUSE of the fear to get taken advantage of by more women like what happened in his childhood. He is scared to go to sleep & wake up vulnerable! seeeessshh my guy. HE WOULD THRIVE IN A SAFE, LOVING RELATIONSHIP. I absolutely bow down to Shan for holding him accountable. My guy needs therapy, AHORITA MISMO!
He’s using the word abundance in such a minute way. What He wants is an “abundance” of women who think of themselves in a small way to inflate his sense of self.
I am so glad that he called you. That was his first step to another level of his healing. Something in him has opened, he will not be able to go back...the conversation has already started inside him. His okay. All the best to him. He doesn't even trust his mum, whose part of the people who are still taking. If he sees this...we are all on a journey of unlearning. You're not alone. Thank you for being brave and sharing.
He is very emotionally aware, he just needs to heal. I appreciate his openness & transparency. It sounds like he wants to have a family and settle but he always protects himself first
Let’s not act like this conversation is not monumental thank you for having him on the podcast ❤ and thank you for being brave enough to open up its a great dialogue
I haven't seen many of Shan's interviews, but it's obvious that she has the gift/skill of being able to digest and process very quickly AND respond. She doesn't miss a thing, specifically as it pertains to the topic of love and relationships. It's impressive to watch. And it's obvious that he respects her.
Shan Shan Shan, whooo. Shan's skills of listening and comprehending what someone is saying are undeniable. She put what he was trying to say in such a cohesive way He understood what He was saying and so did I. I was skeptical by the title but this was good. I felt fulfilled by the end. Thanks Shan for what you do!!!
My heart breaks for him because believing love is toxic is so unfortunate. But being abused is a horrible experience I don’t wish on anyone. Also, this shows me, what you truly believe becomes your reality. If you don’t heal, you will create narratives that you will take as a concrete facts instead of just one-off experiences. I learned how mentality can shape my own life.
As I talk to my therapist I am often surprised by how much of my adult life is being run by the traumatuzed little girl I use to be. This gentleman is no different . I hope he continues to explore his past with a professional who can help him make sense of it all. It's funny how people who have been through trauma often recreate situations very similar to the ones they have been liberated from.
Goodness. I’m so glad these ‘mother wound’ conversations are happening and it is great to see a man bring himself to the conversation. I wish him all the very best in his healing journey. Well done Shan.
The best thing about this interview is SHAN. Trying to give him a different perspective and insight. He's so wounded and traumatized and should not be touching another living soul. His words are telling on him and he doesn't get it. If anything I hope this recording would better serve him on his healing journey and help him see what he couldn't see. Before and After.
I’m a little confused because he said that black women have too high expectations for black men, but then he said he wants a woman who has her own money and own things going for herself and is okay with sharing him. You want a woman who has her own everything in life to be okay with sharing her man? I think his view of black women is projection. He says he doesn’t like the girls who likes to date a certain “lifestyle,” but he’s giving off that exact lifestyle that would not get any attention if there weren’t women envying over it trying to get a spot. You cannot be a full participant in that lifestyle and then try to talk down on it. If you want to have the flashy chains, flashy cars, flashy house, flashy clothes, you attract women who want that. If that’s not what you want, YOU have to change to attract different.
He also mentioned how he really liked Jazzy because she’s selfless and how rare that is. But how can you want someone who’s selfless when one of your requirements to date you is a woman being okay with sharing you so you’re not limiting your own happiness? I think it’s okay to want that for yourself. The issue comes in when you talk down on something you are engaging in yourself, or you glorify something to say you want it but do not possess the quality yourself And seem okay and strong minded in what you want for yourself. I think it’s dangerous the projections that can happen when you don’t accept certain parts of yourself
It is unfortunate that this gentlemen is racially and culturally profiling women. I believe you did a great job bringing him back around to the awareness that the woman of his interest and desire can also be Black, any ethnicity. His experience, his trauma, is limiting his possibilities.
I don’t think he’s profiling at all. He’s just expressing his experiences. This is a reality for a good majority of black men in the industry. It’s probably more reflective of the industry though and since his preference may be black women that’s where his statements are coming from.
His description of what he felt in his big house during covid can be summarised in the word loneliness. I felt sad for him for how unachievable his longer term desire for a child and stable partnership/s (as it was unclear if he desires polyamory) may be. I’m glad Shan made the distinction between security and safety clear because how many women would get into a relationship with a man who is unable to spend the night in the same bed? How many would also choose to have children with that person whilst supporting him to feel safe and secure? The emotional gap in what he can provide is just too wide for him to aspire to Jazzy’s relationship. And we saw from her interview that she cries in the shower and doesn’t feel like all her needs are being met! How would he deal with the child having nightmares? What if the partner just wanted some comfort under a warm blanket during a difficult time? He seems to logically understand that he is not his father but I also wonder if this is also in part due to a fear that a woman may perceive him as such? I’m glad you’re touching on male abuse (especially in the black community) and it’s brave that he felt able to open up about it. But the desires and lifestyle just seem to be so inconsistent and largely trauma driven. Good luck to him on his healing journey.
I can always appreciate when someone is very honest and vulnerable when sharing their personal experiences. He seems to have a good heart and wasn't defensive with Shan. He appreciated her expressing what he was feeling when he couldn't find the words himself. God bless him. Since he had such a pernicious childhood, his behavior and outlook on women is extremely unfortunate. I've noticed that so many people in the music, sports, and tv/film world often have a jaded view of love and relationships...whether romantic or platonic. They simply don't trust people based on what they see in their surroundings. His reality is not a reflection of life outside Hollywood. It's hard to convince him otherwise though when that's all he sees.
This gentleman may be a grown ass man but the mother in me just wanted to scoop up the little boy in him so that the clear part of him can flourish. I wish him all the best in his healing. So sad to think that there are those in this planet that will never heal. Makes me thankful for the progress I have made although I know I have so much further to go. ❤
He’s so self aware and I feel like more healing is totally available to him but it’s probably hard existing in an environment that affirms the current paradigm. Healing ultimately brings peace, no matter what we do from there.
Shan….you’re amazing. I loved how you didn’t allow your guests to skip over the bigger issues that were being presented. But the biggest part of that was you allowed him to address it in a way that he felt safe.
I like how you did not hold back when you heard him speak in a reckless way and you explained why you said what you said and he understood the correction. I also like how straightforward your questions are, he didn't need you to explain the question. Your question made him pause and think. I hope he finds the healing he desires
Ngl, I feel because Shan has been open about her open relationship with Jared people feel like they can come to her with their desires for open/poly relationships. They don’t completely understand the foundations of trust, honesty, safety, MUTUALITY, and respect needed in any and every relationship. They seem more in conflict with being controlled and think poly relationships are medium to escape that. Lacking the awareness of how controlling they maybe themselves. And honest or upfront terms aren’t palatable just because they are in front of you. In compassion of him, I do hope he gets the healing he needs to develop a sense of safety, trust, respect, in women and in his relationships. I pray that he experiences love that is fortifying and fulfilling for him and his partner(s).
I love that he was open about his trauma and I hope that he can heal and find TRUE loving relationships around him rather that comes in form of a partner, family, or friend.
From the first moment he opened his mouth I knew we were on for a ride. Not sure I’ll even finish the interview. My head already hurts. I pray healing over his life. Cause this man needs a hug and sincere love.
I’m so happy that he was so transparent and receptive to your thoughts. I hope this conversation brought clarity to your guest and the viewers about how past trauma can shape your current reality if you don’t do the internal work. Thanks so much Shan! I’m a fluid newly wed and I learn so much from you. ❤
Amazing interview, Shan! Thank you. I wish trust, healing, and a safe partnership for your guest. It was so wonderful and a big step for him to want to speak with you. I’m glad he did. I’m hopeful that he will take what he got from unloading his trauma and will go forward in therapy. Great conversation.
Heavy The brief topic of adopting out 2 kids but it was brief and I expected him to say the household wasn’t a safe space to keep children in instead of the father not believing those two kids were his. Heartbreaking
How does he run all those businesses while clocking into a DJ job. It’s giving scammer. I’m dying at him saying beautiful women in other cultures date regular men. Umm what kind of man do black women date? Almost zero black men have any money. Lololol men are sick in the head. He’s upset because he can’t compete with richer men. Give it a rest.
BW marry down more than any other race of women, or rather DSBW do. This lie is about keeping BW in the BC (even to his own detriment), instead of widening their dating options.
I love how you called it as it was seen and his OPENNESS to receive your reflection... “I see how you got there...I understand that.... etc” Shows a lot of wisdom and strength in his healing to be corrected in his language and his style of communication. That was refreshing to see from a man. Hats of to him, hope he continues to do the hard work within himself. Rooting for you kid ♥️
Honestly, YES! You are so incredibly gifted Shan and display a capacity to hold people, their stories and truths whilst holding a mirror reflecting their decisions back to them in such a thoughtful way - a talent and years of refining a skill! This is how you hold space without compromising on accountability as a host on a public-facing show rooted deeply in people's humanity. Definitely was a therapy session for him, one he did not anticipate and I hope he takes this experience and expands on it by seeking a therapist so this growth becomes constructive, with clear, safe mutual boundaries with the understanding that he is solely the focus of engagement. I hope for him (and everyone who's watched this) that there is no expectation that all women ought to hold him the way you held him here, especially women he hopes to have sexual or romantic relationships with, he speaks heavily about what his expectations are and has such a fragile formula/idea for what relationships are. Never spoke once about how he imagines to show up for his partner, not a smidge. His needs govern in his hypothetical set-up (many can relate to falling short at this level). I hope he finds healing/healthy resolution. I hope we all cause this shone a lot on my subconscious limited beliefs. For him, I see that one of the first steps was to find words/language to the feelings he has been burdening him for years - very liberating. This has helped me think through a lot as I process the reality of being a heterosexual woman - this podcast (amongst other things) is an invitation to think through reciprocity in vulnerability which grows to inspire action towards peace - we are all hurt in some shape or form. For ourselves as individuals first, so we can sleep at night knowing that we are making decisions from a place of safety, clarity and freedom.
This chat is a whole mess. But I'm glad he was open and honest. Especially about his abuse which isn't easy. The generalizations about women were ridiculous and self-hating tho. I'm tired on BM projecting their issues onto BW.
This episode was so helpful for me. My ex-boyfriend is very similar. He wanted to be in multiple relationships at the same time and he had issues with control in relationships. My ex has a fantasy of possibly living with a woman in the future but having separate bedrooms as well. My ex was extremely emotionally immature. My ex had experienced a lot of trauma. This interview helped me to find closure with the difficulties I experienced in my past relationship. I feel like I made the right decision to leave.
Out of all the dieties, Shan is doing the work of the goddess. I am absolutely amazed at how your channel and podcasts have evolved into what you are doing with this new season right here. First of all, shifting your podcast from mainly guests that support your own personal opinions to famous guests that have opposing opinions that we can all learn, relate, and heal from (and that their multitudes of young impressionable fans can listen and learn from omg) ... is the most ingenious natural evolution. I feel Shan is a woman that wants to be honest and authentic in everything she does, but in following her passion, she's chosen a life and livelihood that is rooted in usually the exact opposite. This podcast season is almost a perfect balance of appealing to "that world" and at the same time being able to speak honestly and even invoking healing into this torn world, and all while maybe even escaping from the vulnerability that being honest in "that world" usually gets you. I wanna insert another thought/opinion after binging your new season. Why do we use the word vulnerable as something positive in our relationships...vulnerable means you are open to being hurt because you are weak in that area. As your partner but especially a newer partner, tell your vulnerabilities to your therapist. Do you want your partner to be your therapist? Why are we calling on men with a word that means to tell us their weaknesses? I want the same concept but with a word change. I want it to be honesty. Be honest with those you love and/or care for. I think you can still protect yourself and be honest at the same time. Honest doesn't mean you have to give specifics on your traumas and vulnerabilities before you've dealt with them. It means you're honest about your desire to heal (bc we all have traumas) and honest about your road to healing. Maybe that's one reason for our lack of honesty with partners, we can't even be honest with ourselves about healing being worth it or the concept of healing even existing. I love what Shan is doing with this podcast. Because what are we doing on this earth? preaching healing in all areas but not putting in the honestly easy work with all the privileges we have? We get too wrapped up in our traumas and egos. But this podcast is putting in the work all while staying relevant and trending. Fascinating! Haha If Shan happens to be reading this, your disgust for astrology /zodiac intrigued me. And knowing that every single thing we know today was probably just an evolution and progression of a concept or historical event before it. Astrology as the study of stars and their positioning and patterns was a way that the first humans in Africa had calenders, as well as with the moon. But I'm not sure if the lunar cycles were eventually just a better way to keep calenders, or if the constellations were used in conjunction with lunar cycles as a yearly calender, or if they were both originally mutually exclusive and evolving from different tribes and peoples. Anyways, NASA released an article a couple years ago saying that the zodiac birthdays can't be true dates because the timing of when constellations appear is not consistent with the solar/gregorian whatever calender, and even because the earth's rotations and spins have changed so much over thousands of years. And... every one freaks out on NASA.... because in my opinion, the zodiac and horoscopes are the same thing as a religion. Religion being a "language for how to live your life" (Reza aslan) like dedicating yourself to the zodiac isn't any different than to modern day religions. So, imo, astrology evolved over thousands of years as a calender to a religion (and also to hobby) . Regardless of science finding holes in some of the logic. Ok Shan, it would be amazing to get Jidenna and his circle of people on your podcast sometime. Listening to his "Lit Review" episodes from during the pandemic, Jidenna and the people he surrounds himself with, it seems to be, are also all on this europhoric learning and healing higher energy journey. "The Great Cosmic Mother" by Monica Sjöö is a book that has helped open my eyes to the history of the earth. Regardless of believing in a diety or not, this book was the first to tell me that our world and society wasn't always what it is today. After reading this book, I'm crying while seeing the trailer ads for the new Black Panther movie. Those societies, in similar ways, could have actually existed! Any why can't we go back to that?? Sampa the Great and Greentea Peng have recently been some healing artists in my life too. Check out both their top songs. It's not often that lyrics give you healing. Ok. Thanks for reading :)
He has the capacity to give love and be loved. I see it in him... He's OPEN. He honestly just needs to unpack all of this with a GOOD therapist that will help him come to a conclusion about the type of relationship that will be healthy for him long term.
He comes in loud and clear: Broken and unhealed little boys in mens bodies. 😞 His parents failed him, his community failed him, and for that I am very sorry. I wish he would help his community out, save a man, not a Ho. Make a black man in his community great again. He will be fulfilled and blessed three times over.
His comments on Black American women disappoint me, because he has money. Don’t men get money to appeal to women? Now he has money and is afraid of gold diggers? Women want men with financial stability, all women are like this. For him to single out Black American women, is an example of how Black American men are harsher and more critical of women of their own culture. Hollywood and fame is clouding his mind, it’s poisoning him. He seems like a good guy, he just needs some healing.
Thanks your words was a light bulb 💡 moment when you talked about having a back door if things didn't work. I got married last year and I had the same mindset. Thanks for helping me heal. I am in a loving marriage with a Man who show me his love not how I expected it but he is what I need and it gives me a safe space to grow in every area of my life!😊❤️
i enjoyed all of the insight shan brought: its interesting to hear a man in this mindset of feeling like he doesn't want to offer companionship but he does want companionship. that's a rough space to be in, and lonely. i feel like she offered compassion without agreeing with him, which is difficult.
Let's not take for granted that every traumatized person wants to heal. Some people, no matter how much they are hurting, need and identify with their trauma so much that they wouldn't know who they would be without it. These are people who genuinely cannot imagine their life without their trauma, as they have positioned it as part of their personality. This can be difficult to let go of when those very same trauma responses have repeatedly resulted in rewards (financial, status, etc). I'm not an expert but I feel like he could be one of those people. At least at this time.
Okay so watching this episode brought about so many emotions! What I’ve noticed between Shan and him is Shan is coming from a place of an open heart and abundance and he’s coming from a place of a closed heart and this like scarcity mindset! What I’ve also caught on is the body language! Trauma, scarcity, and a wounded soul/ mind/ and heart is that you tend to kinda tense up which I get because when you have been in a damage environment you tend to go into survival mode ( flight or fight ) ! I’ve also noticed is that his voice tends raise and remain loud and he tends to almost laugh not from a place of bliss and happiness jokes that isn’t really transnational like it’s not receptive ! Shan is constantly relaxed and calm so when she speaks it calms you! And when she jokes around it’s light hearted, transactional, energetic radiant and just comes from the heart! I hope I made sense 😊😂
@@ak-47intelligence75 I believe that a lot of men visit prostitutes, not for sex, but to confide in. Going to see a prostitute is the "cover" a man needs to talk. In reality, it's more likely to be a trauma dump......and most prostitutes would prefer to have the sex, which will be over reasonably quickly, than to hear the punter go on interminably.
His story reminds me SO MUCH of my partner’s story and initial conclusions about life and love, when we met. We were together 10 years-he passed a few months ago. We all come to conclusions that, at some point in our lives, must be questioned. It sounds like he’s not sure he can be with one woman and feel free... However, those who have fallen in love know how freeing being with one person can be. Trust is where freedom lives.
I loved your position in this interview, really challenging his thought process. But I think on the road to healing, he needs to have a conversation with his mom on why she didn’t care to know more or discuss when he told her about his trauma and what happened to him as a child. Maybe they need a third party to lead the convo but that convo is a must for his healing journey.
I see just from her response and as someone that experienced a very similar response from my mother after telling her about my experience, is the guilt that a parent feels from not protecting their child, or the parent experienced the same thing and don’t want to face that within themselves.
This is why you need to have extreme mental clarity when dating. Be aware of your own relationship attachment issues, trauma then actively work towards healing and be able to recognize that intentional healing in others as well (not just those who talk the talk). . Then use that information to establish boundaries, create standards, protect yourself and don't tolerate anything less than you deserve and desire.
ALSO, wait. This man said in order to get the good girl in the Black community you have to wear chains and bling etc. My question is, what is his definition of a good girl? Or does he mean a highly desirable woman because of the way she looks? Because there are so many intellectual, empowered, emotionally intelligent, nurturing, loving, conscious Black women that exist in the world that Black men like him don’t desire because she doesn’t present herself in a certain way.
It is quite interesting how this idea of abundance is what he regularly leans into in this discussion. An abundant lifestyle, money, cars and women but what I find strange is when he experiences other women get pulled into his life of abundance and then act in the same manner, i.e fan over a “Drake” or move on to another rich person in front of him. If you swim in a particular type of pool those are the only fish you’re going to see. Even if you’ve caught 500 fish they are still swimming in the same pool.
He is confusing abundance lifestyle with hedonism An abundant life refer to life abounding with fullness of joy, strength of spirit, soul & body. Hedonism ife in which is the satisfaction of desires is the highest goal.
That’s fine. I think the issue is women who sleep with him not knowing he feels this way. But those women don’t inquire about mindset before getting caught up with men sexually. Additionally men like him can only do this if they have money. No woman, black white Latina or Asian, is accepting this from a broke man. I hope he heals and stirs clear of everyone I care about. I wish he wouldn’t traumatize others just be he was. He needs therapy. And when will women start saying no? I know we are economically disadvantaged but there’s gotta be a better way.
Exactly! I was like dude, you can sleep in a separate bed if you want, permanently, or just temporarily while you get on your path to healing, but the other person has to be consenting and you have a human deciency obligation to use your words with them....😣 But yeah. He's probably not gonna find anyone to consent to all that
Wow! Shan you are doing some incredible work. Excellent podcast and I wish Sincere the best. It was brave for him to speak out. Broke my heart at how much trauma he is carrying and unfortunately he is one of many that play out their trauma as adults.
This was interesting. I think he's aware of what he's been through and what it's doing to & for him today. But he hasn't actually done anything with emotions. That a huge part of healing. You can run from emotions and that's what he's doing. I appreciate the vulnerability of telling his story, most men won't do that. I hope he continues to heal and find the love he deserves! He deserves to be and feel safe with a woman.
THAT WAS A HUGE STATEMENT! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING SO!! MOST PEOPLE WONT SAY IT! WE NEED MORE BROWN PEOPLE SPEAKING ON PLATFORMS LIKE THIS SAYING “ THAT WAS A NUTTY OPINION THAT YOU JUST ESPOUSED” YOU ARE CORRECT SHAN
Not sure if Sincere will read this but from a listener perspective you need to TRULY heal and the fact that you're asking what does it look like or mean or how will it affect you let's us know you have not even begun to heal.... sending good vibes and energy your way so that real peace and healing will find your soul.
Good video, and a good start to his healing. Hopefully he continues to do the work. I wanted to be mad and comment on his "black women" statements but then realized, that's his hurt, pain and experience. I just wish men, especially black men would leave us out of their over generalized negative comments...to be vulnerable is to allow yourself to be open to growth, and a lot of his comments showed he needs growth. I like Shan's conversations, because I see areas where I too need to grow!! May we all grow and heal ☺️
Shan, you are an excellent listener. I’m just taking notes. You helped him gain clarity on why he was even there. To be honest, this was lowkey a therapy session for him and I hope it’s encouraged him to continue doing some of this work in a safe space. It’s terrible the abuse that so many men and women have faced in their childhood. It literally falls you around like a ball on a chain. Praying for everyone’s healing that has experienced childhood abuse.💛
Great interview, and a stand up man. Not a narcissist at all, just guarded. A narcissist would let women think they were the one, and then still keep acting single. Maybe he'll find the one someday, but better to be single than to find the wrong one.
Hmm....this was definitely an interesting convo to listen to. Definitely speaking from a place of hurt and trauma, which he understood. It was almost like...cognitive dissonance. He realized he was speaking from a place of trauma but he still speaking like those ideas based in trauma are 100% facts. Very interesting indeed. I think a lot of men, specifically black men, think like this because of unresolved trauma. I wish him deep healing and security of self
And Lastly Thank you for letting him know that this particular group of "black women" he was speaking on was not the majority and are not the ones who are tuning in and championing for him to win. I want him to heal for himself but also when he heals than he will notice that more beautiful black women who are successful will be attracted to him.
Darlene Saldana The feedback at the end. Super insightful.This is a pretty powerful interview. He is somewhat aware, but has a lot of work to do. I am a trauma survivor too, and sounds all too familiar when I started to become aware. I hope he seeks therapy to help stop his self sabotaging cycles. It's even harder to be wounded in this industry because of the endless abundance. This can be super dangerous. My best to him in his journey.
What an amazing job Shan did hear. You can see beyond the expertise of a specific subject matter and really see conducting and navigating through a bit of a mess here. Not to call Sincere nor his life a mess, but more so thinking this interview would go one way, and it going in several different directions. This made me want to protect my son more and love him harder, I immediately text my man and told him i love him. I also want to become a safer place for him. Me go through so much, and don’t always have the support in dealing and healing. I hope he continues to talk…hopefully with a professional. Because he does need to heal. He’s so jaded. Jaded in his thoughts on women specifically black. Jaded in what love looks and feels like, and in a few other ways.
Funny that he noticed his mom doesn’t want to be vulnerable in that way but he also doesn’t. The difference is Men get to still have women around due to women usually accepting mean men and expect men to be stand off ish.
This really felt sad to watch, I see so many black men and men in generals perspective in this one person, it helps seeing what’s going on from his inside perspective and how that manifests in the behaviours he’s talking about.
Powerful interview for many reasons .. I hope this was a healing conversation for him and sure it was. Shan did great to reel in and reframe the discussion.. he deserves healthy and safe love whenever he’s ready and equipped for it..🙏
Shan you did a great job with your clarifying questions, and I appreciate the way you steered the conversation, I can always count on you to bring me back!
It’s clear that he needs professional counseling and therapy. That’s mainly what I concluded from this interview. Shoutout to Shan for her willingness to offer support to him on this platform, in this way. She isn’t a mental health counselor, so she didn’t have to show up for him in this way, if she didn’t want to.
This podcast, has me going back to find more videos! Being someone that is interested in how men deal with trauma. In hopes to help my younger brother, from all trauma, I love how this episode really shined light on various topics. Making it easy to relate too! You are an inspiration to what my future could possibly hold as a woman, I see us💜 Thank you for all you and your team do!!
Shan! Your work is so incredible. There’s so many comments echoing my feelings so I’m gonna keep it simple, you’re such an inspiration. Thank you for all that you do for all of us. 💚
Thank you for having this discussion. Shan you speak so eloquently, intently, and you pulled so much out of him. He felt so comfortable with you and I loved the way you carried this conversation even when you didn't agree with him. This was beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think this conversation will help him start his healing journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shan saw through him like glass it was so unnerving. He has a lot of trauma and I hope he heals. He gave a very long summary about how he had been traumatized and conditioned to distrust women and then immediately went in on black womens conditioning without being able to heal and reflect thoughtfully on his own. He gave an important take though because a lot of black men (& women) are traumatized and feel that way and end up projecting. He's making all of his decisions from a place of trauma and trying to protect himself.
YES!!!!!! "He's making all of his decisions from a place of trauma and trying to protect himself."
This is the comment. You did it respectfully too. We as a community need work.
@@gabrielar9611 thank you! I wanted to go in on him but honestly I recognized a lot of him in some of the men I've loved. Sometimes they're not just terrible people, they're hurt people who do terrible things who don't have the right tools. Damaged people damage people.
He is asking for help but doesn't know how to or doesn't have the words
Facts
Shan be handling these interviews like a G. She conducts some of the best interviews.
Agreed. This one was tough
Agreed. She’s a straight professional
1000%!
His strong negative feelings toward black women is clearly the same feelings he has towards his mom. Every woman that I am personally close to is always extending grace, warmth, and trying to understand a man and their pain. Even in these comments, dozens of women are wishing him well and sympathizing with him, seeing beyond the facade and even hurtful things he’s saying out of hurt. Now it’s up to him to be responsible for his healing, may he find peace and a supportive community along the way (especially before dating again)
ALLLL of this and I went from feeling bad for him to feeling bad for the women he encounters to enraged to just apathetic- and wanting to say choose better just like they say to us. Idk, clearly i have mixed feelings... im gonna go evaluate
@@krbk26 same.. honestly he’s not our problem so I just wish him well and moving on.
Women are way too forgiving.
This reminds me of my ex so much, he didn’t appreciate his mom due to childhood traumas, now he just dislikes black women in general, unless she doesn’t act like a “black women”, it felt so weird when he said that to me, guys like him is the problem, our whole relationship was so toxic, and he was 17 years older than me, I met him when I was 17, I seriously thought I could help him heal, but I ended up hurt and traumatized. I think guys like that, it doesn’t matter who they date, if they don’t heal their relationship is not gonna work, they need to stop blaming on women, instead to focus finding their wounds and heal first.
Whew😢😢😢😢😢 He represents many men who have everything and nothing all at the same time. He has no idea the pain he is walking in and the help it needs ASAP! The interview made me confused, sad and concerned. I truly hope he watches this back and starts a path toward real healing so he can be fulfilled
Omgosh yes
everything and nothing. So so profound LL
It reminds me of a British rugby player on tour in South Africa, who went to an orphanage in Soweto. He said: “they have so little, but yet so much”.
This is the first time it's clicked why I'm 24 and have never wanted a relationship. I was also sexually abused when I was a kid by women and it makes sense why I cannot commit no matter how good she is. Now I see what needs to be addressed. Thank you Shan for having Sincere on.
Good for you ❤
I worked at a Child and Protective Service call center for a very brief moment and this is where I learned that parents not only have to be careful about who they leave their children around but simply ALL spaces you leave your children in because unfortunately molestation becomes a cycle often where children act out on other kids
thank you for sharing and thank you for this work
Wow im glad that's being taught. It seems more often than we care to admit, we commit and repeat our own traumas no matter how big or small. Same vein as the 'our insecurities and accusations of others are often just reflections of ourselves rather than actually being true about the other person'
Absolutely. Kid-on-kid assault is just as damaging and is (luckily) becoming more widely recognized. It does happen a lot, even between siblings. My heart goes out to all the survivors out there, & I wish them the best of their healing journey 💗💗💗
Absolutely. My experience was like his, in reverse from boy children (relatives). The crazy thing is, at least one of them had been abused by an older teen themselves and was acting that out on me. It happens a lot more than people know or want to admit.
@@alishaendre616 it’s an entire pathology. I’m not sure how many reports received are false but there is usually history of abuse to the victim’s siblings, step-siblings, step father, mother etc…
I don’t believe I was able to humanize the teens who offended. In his story i became angry and disgusted with his abusers and i for some reason am more perturbed when the perpetrators are females. I can understand the cycle and I know I should have had sympathy. Majority of the time supervision in my department would go agains labeling a minor as a perpetrator. There was only one supervisor who would label a teenager who committed a sex crime as a “perpetrator” in our system while other supervisor majority of the time never titled them as one as they were more empathetic.
I think it’s interesting that he brought up the jazzy interview and he saw her as being “selfless”, when in reality if you really payed attention she wasn’t really being selfless in the way he thinks. She was being selfless as a trauma response. She made sure that the man had everything he could ever need to try an ensure that he wouldn’t leave or step out on her or the relationship. Maybe I’m reaching in my understanding but regardless this man needs to heal big time. I wish you a productive and insightful journey.
Nah you’re on to something
Jazzys trauma response is the fantasy of many men... and almost none of those men have realized that yet.
Thankfully Jazzy seems to be doing her own healing and hopefully soon won't be letting these men selfishly fantasize about her trauma no more
Nah, you're spot on - she literally was perplexed that Shan speaks up in her marriage when she feels her needs aren't being met and he heard that and said yeaaa I want a woman like that.
I was very sad watching Jazzys episode and the fact that he made it seem like she was doing the exact thing that makes it seem like he “found a pot of gold” was very sad to me. She was shocked that Shan can ask for what she wants/needs in her relationship and she seemed like she couldn’t do that in her relationship so then for him to make it seems like it’s a really great thing is even more sad to me.
nope u nailed it
I’m glad that I’m at the age and point in my life where I can use my discernment and stay away from men like this 🥰
This comment 🙏🏾💞💯💯💯
And Sincere, all black women don’t want men with chains - I actually want the opposite like most of my friends 😂 lol he should definitely broaden his circles, Shan is 100% right. But the kind of woman he wants won’t want him because he needs to heal. He will attract who he is. A healed and whole woman won’t be attracted to his spirit, she will run. That’s why he’s attracting the women he is. They are on the same vibration. He can’t get a woman like Jazzy with how he operates.
Noone should get a woman like Jazzy... That is just toxic AF.
Omg yea when i saw the first 5 minutes my first thought was run for the hills. 🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️🏃🏽♀️💨 run fast away from this man! Low vibrational being
@@lexd9805 You lack empathy for men
Dude came in guns ablazing ready to light up the place and Shan was not having it lol I enjoyed the way Shan kept the interview on him was not swayed by the antics of his personality. He had to show up his full self, whether he liked it or not, and I hope it made the conversation more enlightening for him, as I know it did for the rest of us.
Babyboy needs to heal! This is so sad. He said "i cant sleep with women" BECAUSE of the fear to get taken advantage of by more women like what happened in his childhood. He is scared to go to sleep & wake up vulnerable! seeeessshh my guy. HE WOULD THRIVE IN A SAFE, LOVING RELATIONSHIP. I absolutely bow down to Shan for holding him accountable. My guy needs therapy, AHORITA MISMO!
He’s using the word abundance in such a minute way. What He wants is an “abundance” of women who think of themselves in a small way to inflate his sense of self.
I am so glad that he called you. That was his first step to another level of his healing. Something in him has opened, he will not be able to go back...the conversation has already started inside him. His okay. All the best to him. He doesn't even trust his mum, whose part of the people who are still taking. If he sees this...we are all on a journey of unlearning. You're not alone. Thank you for being brave and sharing.
He is very emotionally aware, he just needs to heal. I appreciate his openness & transparency. It sounds like he wants to have a family and settle but he always protects himself first
Let’s not act like this conversation is not monumental thank you for having him on the podcast ❤ and thank you for being brave enough to open up its a great dialogue
I haven't seen many of Shan's interviews, but it's obvious that she has the gift/skill of being able to digest and process very quickly AND respond. She doesn't miss a thing, specifically as it pertains to the topic of love and relationships. It's impressive to watch. And it's obvious that he respects her.
Shan Shan Shan, whooo. Shan's skills of listening and comprehending what someone is saying are undeniable. She put what he was trying to say in such a cohesive way He understood what He was saying and so did I. I was skeptical by the title but this was good. I felt fulfilled by the end. Thanks Shan for what you do!!!
This conversation is too much for him. I hope he finds the right community of support to heal.
Exactly
My heart breaks for him because believing love is toxic is so unfortunate. But being abused is a horrible experience I don’t wish on anyone. Also, this shows me, what you truly believe becomes your reality. If you don’t heal, you will create narratives that you will take as a concrete facts instead of just one-off experiences. I learned how mentality can shape my own life.
As I talk to my therapist I am often surprised by how much of my adult life is being run by the traumatuzed little girl I use to be. This gentleman is no different . I hope he continues to explore his past with a professional who can help him make sense of it all. It's funny how people who have been through trauma often recreate situations very similar to the ones they have been liberated from.
We all are shaped by our younger years
Goodness. I’m so glad these ‘mother wound’ conversations are happening and it is great to see a man bring himself to the conversation. I wish him all the very best in his healing journey.
Well done Shan.
The best thing about this interview is SHAN. Trying to give him a different perspective and insight. He's so wounded and traumatized and should not be touching another living soul. His words are telling on him and he doesn't get it. If anything I hope this recording would better serve him on his healing journey and help him see what he couldn't see. Before and After.
Whoo. It’s eye opening.
I’m a little confused because he said that black women have too high expectations for black men, but then he said he wants a woman who has her own money and own things going for herself and is okay with sharing him. You want a woman who has her own everything in life to be okay with sharing her man? I think his view of black women is projection. He says he doesn’t like the girls who likes to date a certain “lifestyle,” but he’s giving off that exact lifestyle that would not get any attention if there weren’t women envying over it trying to get a spot. You cannot be a full participant in that lifestyle and then try to talk down on it. If you want to have the flashy chains, flashy cars, flashy house, flashy clothes, you attract women who want that. If that’s not what you want, YOU have to change to attract different.
🎯
Yep. He was full of internal conflicts and contradictions, which is very common in men generally.
Yes its like going yo buy a boat & going to VW & being upset that they do not sell boats. He has nothing to offer a women that he says he wants.
He also mentioned how he really liked Jazzy because she’s selfless and how rare that is. But how can you want someone who’s selfless when one of your requirements to date you is a woman being okay with sharing you so you’re not limiting your own happiness?
I think it’s okay to want that for yourself. The issue comes in when you talk down on something you are engaging in yourself, or you glorify something to say you want it but do not possess the quality yourself And seem okay and strong minded in what you want for yourself. I think it’s dangerous the projections that can happen when you don’t accept certain parts of yourself
Hey Shan, I like that you are now putting this podcast on RUclips. I always enjoy your content. Keep it up!
It is unfortunate that this gentlemen is racially and culturally profiling women. I believe you did a great job bringing him back around to the awareness that the woman of his interest and desire can also be Black, any ethnicity. His experience, his trauma, is limiting his possibilities.
I don’t think he’s profiling at all. He’s just expressing his experiences. This is a reality for a good majority of black men in the industry. It’s probably more reflective of the industry though and since his preference may be black women that’s where his statements are coming from.
His description of what he felt in his big house during covid can be summarised in the word loneliness. I felt sad for him for how unachievable his longer term desire for a child and stable partnership/s (as it was unclear if he desires polyamory) may be. I’m glad Shan made the distinction between security and safety clear because how many women would get into a relationship with a man who is unable to spend the night in the same bed? How many would also choose to have children with that person whilst supporting him to feel safe and secure? The emotional gap in what he can provide is just too wide for him to aspire to Jazzy’s relationship. And we saw from her interview that she cries in the shower and doesn’t feel like all her needs are being met! How would he deal with the child having nightmares? What if the partner just wanted some comfort under a warm blanket during a difficult time?
He seems to logically understand that he is not his father but I also wonder if this is also in part due to a fear that a woman may perceive him as such? I’m glad you’re touching on male abuse (especially in the black community) and it’s brave that he felt able to open up about it. But the desires and lifestyle just seem to be so inconsistent and largely trauma driven. Good luck to him on his healing journey.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Really good analysis
Ironically enough because of his severe mistrust of women I would be fearful of Jazzy, or someone like Jazzy being with him😢.
Shan you conducted this interview so well, it was very enlightening. I love the way you can keep an open mind with your guests
This is a very intelligent and self-aware man. I pray he heals from all his trauma
I can always appreciate when someone is very honest and vulnerable when sharing their personal experiences. He seems to have a good heart and wasn't defensive with Shan. He appreciated her expressing what he was feeling when he couldn't find the words himself. God bless him. Since he had such a pernicious childhood, his behavior and outlook on women is extremely unfortunate. I've noticed that so many people in the music, sports, and tv/film world often have a jaded view of love and relationships...whether romantic or platonic. They simply don't trust people based on what they see in their surroundings. His reality is not a reflection of life outside Hollywood. It's hard to convince him otherwise though when that's all he sees.
The comments are funny. A BM could throw feces in your face and some BW would collectively say “wow king it’s okay I understand” smh.
These comments
He wants someone to “be his peace” while he brings the chaos
This gentleman may be a grown ass man but the mother in me just wanted to scoop up the little boy in him so that the clear part of him can flourish. I wish him all the best in his healing.
So sad to think that there are those in this planet that will never heal. Makes me thankful for the progress I have made although I know I have so much further to go. ❤
Me too! His parents are the root of his problems!
He’s so self aware and I feel like more healing is totally available to him but it’s probably hard existing in an environment that affirms the current paradigm. Healing ultimately brings peace, no matter what we do from there.
This conversation was tough for him. You can tell he keeps himself so busy that he barely takes the time to think deeply and analyze the way he is
Shan….you’re amazing. I loved how you didn’t allow your guests to skip over the bigger issues that were being presented. But the biggest part of that was you allowed him to address it in a way that he felt safe.
I like how you did not hold back when you heard him speak in a reckless way and you explained why you said what you said and he understood the correction. I also like how straightforward your questions are, he didn't need you to explain the question. Your question made him pause and think. I hope he finds the healing he desires
She is so AMAMZING!!!! Like truly
Just realized, you're so right, Shan is putting that masters degree to work 👏👏
Ngl, I feel because Shan has been open about her open relationship with Jared people feel like they can come to her with their desires for open/poly relationships. They don’t completely understand the foundations of trust, honesty, safety, MUTUALITY, and respect needed in any and every relationship.
They seem more in conflict with being controlled and think poly relationships are medium to escape that. Lacking the awareness of how controlling they maybe themselves. And honest or upfront terms aren’t palatable just because they are in front of you.
In compassion of him, I do hope he gets the healing he needs to develop a sense of safety, trust, respect, in women and in his relationships. I pray that he experiences love that is fortifying and fulfilling for him and his partner(s).
I love that he was open about his trauma and I hope that he can heal and find TRUE loving relationships around him rather that comes in form of a partner, family, or friend.
From the first moment he opened his mouth I knew we were on for a ride. Not sure I’ll even finish the interview. My head already hurts. I pray healing over his life. Cause this man needs a hug and sincere love.
“Secure and save aren’t the same thing.” *takes sip of water* lol! Shan is AMAZING!!
I’m so happy that he was so transparent and receptive to your thoughts. I hope this conversation brought clarity to your guest and the viewers about how past trauma can shape your current reality if you don’t do the internal work. Thanks so much Shan! I’m a fluid newly wed and I learn so much from you. ❤
He trusted Shan and that’s beautiful it’s apart of his healing ❤
Amazing interview, Shan! Thank you. I wish trust, healing, and a safe partnership for your guest. It was so wonderful and a big step for him to want to speak with you. I’m glad he did. I’m hopeful that he will take what he got from unloading his trauma and will go forward in therapy. Great conversation.
Heavy
The brief topic of adopting out 2 kids but it was brief and I expected him to say the household wasn’t a safe space to keep children in instead of the father not believing those two kids were his.
Heartbreaking
How does he run all those businesses while clocking into a DJ job. It’s giving scammer. I’m dying at him saying beautiful women in other cultures date regular men. Umm what kind of man do black women date? Almost zero black men have any money. Lololol men are sick in the head. He’s upset because he can’t compete with richer men. Give it a rest.
BW marry down more than any other race of women, or rather DSBW do. This lie is about keeping BW in the BC (even to his own detriment),
instead of widening their dating options.
I love how you called it as it was seen and his OPENNESS to receive your reflection... “I see how you got there...I understand that.... etc” Shows a lot of wisdom and strength in his healing to be corrected in his language and his style of communication. That was refreshing to see from a man. Hats of to him, hope he continues to do the hard work within himself. Rooting for you kid ♥️
Honestly, YES! You are so incredibly gifted Shan and display a capacity to hold people, their stories and truths whilst holding a mirror reflecting their decisions back to them in such a thoughtful way - a talent and years of refining a skill! This is how you hold space without compromising on accountability as a host on a public-facing show rooted deeply in people's humanity. Definitely was a therapy session for him, one he did not anticipate and I hope he takes this experience and expands on it by seeking a therapist so this growth becomes constructive, with clear, safe mutual boundaries with the understanding that he is solely the focus of engagement. I hope for him (and everyone who's watched this) that there is no expectation that all women ought to hold him the way you held him here, especially women he hopes to have sexual or romantic relationships with, he speaks heavily about what his expectations are and has such a fragile formula/idea for what relationships are. Never spoke once about how he imagines to show up for his partner, not a smidge. His needs govern in his hypothetical set-up (many can relate to falling short at this level). I hope he finds healing/healthy resolution. I hope we all cause this shone a lot on my subconscious limited beliefs. For him, I see that one of the first steps was to find words/language to the feelings he has been burdening him for years - very liberating. This has helped me think through a lot as I process the reality of being a heterosexual woman - this podcast (amongst other things) is an invitation to think through reciprocity in vulnerability which grows to inspire action towards peace - we are all hurt in some shape or form. For ourselves as individuals first, so we can sleep at night knowing that we are making decisions from a place of safety, clarity and freedom.
Shan is a #therapist.... get your license already gurl😁
I thought she was 🤔
I agree.
This chat is a whole mess. But I'm glad he was open and honest. Especially about his abuse which isn't easy. The generalizations about women were ridiculous and self-hating tho. I'm tired on BM projecting their issues onto BW.
This episode was so helpful for me. My ex-boyfriend is very similar. He wanted to be in multiple relationships at the same time and he had issues with control in relationships. My ex has a fantasy of possibly living with a woman in the future but having separate bedrooms as well. My ex was extremely emotionally immature. My ex had experienced a lot of trauma. This interview helped me to find closure with the difficulties I experienced in my past relationship. I feel like I made the right decision to leave.
Real love isn’t abuse.
GOOD FUCKING JOB SHAN! Damn this is your element !
Out of all the dieties, Shan is doing the work of the goddess. I am absolutely amazed at how your channel and podcasts have evolved into what you are doing with this new season right here. First of all, shifting your podcast from mainly guests that support your own personal opinions to famous guests that have opposing opinions that we can all learn, relate, and heal from (and that their multitudes of young impressionable fans can listen and learn from omg) ... is the most ingenious natural evolution. I feel Shan is a woman that wants to be honest and authentic in everything she does, but in following her passion, she's chosen a life and livelihood that is rooted in usually the exact opposite. This podcast season is almost a perfect balance of appealing to "that world" and at the same time being able to speak honestly and even invoking healing into this torn world, and all while maybe even escaping from the vulnerability that being honest in "that world" usually gets you.
I wanna insert another thought/opinion after binging your new season. Why do we use the word vulnerable as something positive in our relationships...vulnerable means you are open to being hurt because you are weak in that area. As your partner but especially a newer partner, tell your vulnerabilities to your therapist. Do you want your partner to be your therapist? Why are we calling on men with a word that means to tell us their weaknesses?
I want the same concept but with a word change. I want it to be honesty. Be honest with those you love and/or care for. I think you can still protect yourself and be honest at the same time. Honest doesn't mean you have to give specifics on your traumas and vulnerabilities before you've dealt with them. It means you're honest about your desire to heal (bc we all have traumas) and honest about your road to healing. Maybe that's one reason for our lack of honesty with partners, we can't even be honest with ourselves about healing being worth it or the concept of healing even existing.
I love what Shan is doing with this podcast. Because what are we doing on this earth? preaching healing in all areas but not putting in the honestly easy work with all the privileges we have? We get too wrapped up in our traumas and egos. But this podcast is putting in the work all while staying relevant and trending. Fascinating! Haha
If Shan happens to be reading this, your disgust for astrology /zodiac intrigued me. And knowing that every single thing we know today was probably just an evolution and progression of a concept or historical event before it. Astrology as the study of stars and their positioning and patterns was a way that the first humans in Africa had calenders, as well as with the moon. But I'm not sure if the lunar cycles were eventually just a better way to keep calenders, or if the constellations were used in conjunction with lunar cycles as a yearly calender, or if they were both originally mutually exclusive and evolving from different tribes and peoples. Anyways, NASA released an article a couple years ago saying that the zodiac birthdays can't be true dates because the timing of when constellations appear is not consistent with the solar/gregorian whatever calender, and even because the earth's rotations and spins have changed so much over thousands of years. And... every one freaks out on NASA.... because in my opinion, the zodiac and horoscopes are the same thing as a religion. Religion being a "language for how to live your life" (Reza aslan) like dedicating yourself to the zodiac isn't any different than to modern day religions. So, imo, astrology evolved over thousands of years as a calender to a religion (and also to hobby) . Regardless of science finding holes in some of the logic.
Ok Shan, it would be amazing to get Jidenna and his circle of people on your podcast sometime. Listening to his "Lit Review" episodes from during the pandemic, Jidenna and the people he surrounds himself with, it seems to be, are also all on this europhoric learning and healing higher energy journey.
"The Great Cosmic Mother" by Monica Sjöö is a book that has helped open my eyes to the history of the earth. Regardless of believing in a diety or not, this book was the first to tell me that our world and society wasn't always what it is today. After reading this book, I'm crying while seeing the trailer ads for the new Black Panther movie. Those societies, in similar ways, could have actually existed! Any why can't we go back to that??
Sampa the Great and Greentea Peng have recently been some healing artists in my life too. Check out both their top songs. It's not often that lyrics give you healing.
Ok. Thanks for reading :)
He has the capacity to give love and be loved.
I see it in him... He's OPEN.
He honestly just needs to unpack all of this with a GOOD therapist that will help him come to a conclusion about the type of relationship that will be healthy for him long term.
29:30 took me slap outttttt 😭😭😭😭. “I don’t know if I’m not healed” like sir. Its giving alot of unhealed, traumatized thoughts and behavior.
He comes in loud and clear:
Broken and unhealed little boys in mens bodies. 😞
His parents failed him, his community failed him, and for that I am very sorry.
I wish he would help his community out, save a man, not a Ho. Make a black man in his community great again. He will be fulfilled and blessed three times over.
Yes, this!! So many more men should really focus on that, it can only help our community by helping themselves first.
spot on
His comments on Black American women disappoint me, because he has money. Don’t men get money to appeal to women? Now he has money and is afraid of gold diggers? Women want men with financial stability, all women are like this. For him to single out Black American women, is an example of how Black American men are harsher and more critical of women of their own culture. Hollywood and fame is clouding his mind, it’s poisoning him. He seems like a good guy, he just needs some healing.
Thanks your words was a light bulb 💡 moment when you talked about having a back door if things didn't work. I got married last year and I had the same mindset. Thanks for helping me heal. I am in a loving marriage with a Man who show me his love not how I expected it but he is what I need and it gives me a safe space to grow in every area of my life!😊❤️
i enjoyed all of the insight shan brought: its interesting to hear a man in this mindset of feeling like he doesn't want to offer companionship but he does want companionship. that's a rough space to be in, and lonely. i feel like she offered compassion without agreeing with him, which is difficult.
That contradiction in desire fuels many an internal conflict.
This was painful to watch, I hope he is getting or gets the help he needs to heal🖤.
Let's not take for granted that every traumatized person wants to heal. Some people, no matter how much they are hurting, need and identify with their trauma so much that they wouldn't know who they would be without it. These are people who genuinely cannot imagine their life without their trauma, as they have positioned it as part of their personality. This can be difficult to let go of when those very same trauma responses have repeatedly resulted in rewards (financial, status, etc). I'm not an expert but I feel like he could be one of those people. At least at this time.
That's a very insightful post.💯💯💯💯💯
Okay so watching this episode brought about so many emotions! What I’ve noticed between Shan and him is Shan is coming from a place of an open heart and abundance and he’s coming from a place of a closed heart and this like scarcity mindset! What I’ve also caught on is the body language! Trauma, scarcity, and a wounded soul/ mind/ and heart is that you tend to kinda tense up which I get because when you have been in a damage environment you tend to go into survival mode ( flight or fight ) ! I’ve also noticed is that his voice tends raise and remain loud and he tends to almost laugh not from a place of bliss and happiness jokes that isn’t really transnational like it’s not receptive ! Shan is constantly relaxed and calm so when she speaks it calms you! And when she jokes around it’s light hearted, transactional, energetic radiant and just comes from the heart! I hope I made sense 😊😂
It is broken men like that that are ravaging the world with their brokenness, harming innocent women with their unaddressed trauma.
They enjoy trauma dumping. Especially on women and children. Makes them feel superior and in control.
@@ak-47intelligence75 I believe that a lot of men visit prostitutes, not for sex, but to confide in. Going to see a prostitute is the "cover" a man needs to talk.
In reality, it's more likely to be a trauma dump......and most prostitutes would prefer to have the sex, which will be over reasonably quickly, than to hear the punter go on interminably.
His story reminds me SO MUCH of my partner’s story and initial conclusions about life and love, when we met. We were together 10 years-he passed a few months ago. We all come to conclusions that, at some point in our lives, must be questioned. It sounds like he’s not sure he can be with one woman and feel free... However, those who have fallen in love know how freeing being with one person can be. Trust is where freedom lives.
Wow powerful comment !
I loved your position in this interview, really challenging his thought process. But I think on the road to healing, he needs to have a conversation with his mom on why she didn’t care to know more or discuss when he told her about his trauma and what happened to him as a child. Maybe they need a third party to lead the convo but that convo is a must for his healing journey.
I see just from her response and as someone that experienced a very similar response from my mother after telling her about my experience, is the guilt that a parent feels from not protecting their child, or the parent experienced the same thing and don’t want to face that within themselves.
This is why you need to have extreme mental clarity when dating. Be aware of your own relationship attachment issues, trauma then actively work towards healing and be able to recognize that intentional healing in others as well (not just those who talk the talk). . Then use that information to establish boundaries, create standards, protect yourself and don't tolerate anything less than you deserve and desire.
Reading the title like... 🤨
ALSO, wait. This man said in order to get the good girl in the Black community you have to wear chains and bling etc. My question is, what is his definition of a good girl? Or does he mean a highly desirable woman because of the way she looks? Because there are so many intellectual, empowered, emotionally intelligent, nurturing, loving, conscious Black women that exist in the world that Black men like him don’t desire because she doesn’t present herself in a certain way.
It is quite interesting how this idea of abundance is what he regularly leans into in this discussion. An abundant lifestyle, money, cars and women but what I find strange is when he experiences other women get pulled into his life of abundance and then act in the same manner, i.e fan over a “Drake” or move on to another rich person in front of him. If you swim in a particular type of pool those are the only fish you’re going to see. Even if you’ve caught 500 fish they are still swimming in the same pool.
😆😆😆👏👏👏
He is confusing abundance lifestyle with hedonism
An abundant life refer to life abounding with fullness of joy, strength of spirit, soul & body.
Hedonism ife in which is the satisfaction of desires is the highest goal.
That’s fine. I think the issue is women who sleep with him not knowing he feels this way. But those women don’t inquire about mindset before getting caught up with men sexually. Additionally men like him can only do this if they have money. No woman, black white Latina or Asian, is accepting this from a broke man. I hope he heals and stirs clear of everyone I care about. I wish he wouldn’t traumatize others just be he was. He needs therapy. And when will women start saying no? I know we are economically disadvantaged but there’s gotta be a better way.
Exactly! I was like dude, you can sleep in a separate bed if you want, permanently, or just temporarily while you get on your path to healing, but the other person has to be consenting and you have a human deciency obligation to use your words with them....😣
But yeah. He's probably not gonna find anyone to consent to all that
You model such great interviewing skills! Thank you for this episode Shan!
I like the way you challenged his beliefs it’s good to have that challenge ❤
Wow! Shan you are doing some incredible work. Excellent podcast and I wish Sincere the best. It was brave for him to speak out. Broke my heart at how much trauma he is carrying and unfortunately he is one of many that play out their trauma as adults.
I appreciate this man for his transparency.
This was interesting. I think he's aware of what he's been through and what it's doing to & for him today. But he hasn't actually done anything with emotions. That a huge part of healing. You can run from emotions and that's what he's doing. I appreciate the vulnerability of telling his story, most men won't do that. I hope he continues to heal and find the love he deserves! He deserves to be and feel safe with a woman.
My heart broke for him watching this, wishing him so much healing
THAT WAS A HUGE STATEMENT! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING SO!! MOST PEOPLE WONT SAY IT! WE NEED MORE BROWN PEOPLE SPEAKING ON PLATFORMS LIKE THIS SAYING “ THAT WAS A NUTTY OPINION THAT YOU JUST ESPOUSED”
YOU ARE CORRECT SHAN
Not sure if Sincere will read this but from a listener perspective you need to TRULY heal and the fact that you're asking what does it look like or mean or how will it affect you let's us know you have not even begun to heal.... sending good vibes and energy your way so that real peace and healing will find your soul.
Good video, and a good start to his healing. Hopefully he continues to do the work. I wanted to be mad and comment on his "black women" statements but then realized, that's his hurt, pain and experience. I just wish men, especially black men would leave us out of their over generalized negative comments...to be vulnerable is to allow yourself to be open to growth, and a lot of his comments showed he needs growth. I like Shan's conversations, because I see areas where I too need to grow!! May we all grow and heal ☺️
Shan, you are an excellent listener. I’m just taking notes. You helped him gain clarity on why he was even there. To be honest, this was lowkey a therapy session for him and I hope it’s encouraged him to continue doing some of this work in a safe space. It’s terrible the abuse that so many men and women have faced in their childhood. It literally falls you around like a ball on a chain. Praying for everyone’s healing that has experienced childhood abuse.💛
Great interview, and a stand up man. Not a narcissist at all, just guarded.
A narcissist would let women think they were the one, and then still keep acting single.
Maybe he'll find the one someday, but better to be single than to find the wrong one.
How is he a stand up guy
@@anna-mariadavis5914 he is honest with the woman he meets.
How is he not a stand up man?
Hmm....this was definitely an interesting convo to listen to. Definitely speaking from a place of hurt and trauma, which he understood. It was almost like...cognitive dissonance. He realized he was speaking from a place of trauma but he still speaking like those ideas based in trauma are 100% facts. Very interesting indeed.
I think a lot of men, specifically black men, think like this because of unresolved trauma.
I wish him deep healing and security of self
He’s not letting his guards down….Every human wants that real love. Love isn’t perfect and I feel like he’s looking for perfection.
And Lastly Thank you for letting him know that this particular group of "black women" he was speaking on was not the majority and are not the ones who are tuning in and championing for him to win. I want him to heal for himself but also when he heals than he will notice that more beautiful black women who are successful will be attracted to him.
But will he be attracted to them?
Darlene Saldana
The feedback at the end. Super insightful.This is a pretty powerful interview. He is somewhat aware, but has a lot of work to do. I am a trauma survivor too, and sounds all too familiar when I started to become aware. I hope he seeks therapy to help stop his self sabotaging cycles. It's even harder to be wounded in this industry because of the endless abundance. This can be super dangerous. My best to him in his journey.
What an amazing job Shan did hear. You can see beyond the expertise of a specific subject matter and really see conducting and navigating through a bit of a mess here. Not to call Sincere nor his life a mess, but more so thinking this interview would go one way, and it going in several different directions. This made me want to protect my son more and love him harder, I immediately text my man and told him i love him. I also want to become a safer place for him. Me go through so much, and don’t always have the support in dealing and healing. I hope he continues to talk…hopefully with a professional. Because he does need to heal. He’s so jaded. Jaded in his thoughts on women specifically black. Jaded in what love looks and feels like, and in a few other ways.
Thank you for creating a safe place and for raising awareness about the impact of trauma. We need it. Thank you!
Funny that he noticed his mom doesn’t want to be vulnerable in that way but he also doesn’t. The difference is Men get to still have women around due to women usually accepting mean men and expect men to be stand off ish.
I love that he shared his stories, this was a great watch. Im so heartbroken from what had happen to him.
This really felt sad to watch, I see so many black men and men in generals perspective in this one person, it helps seeing what’s going on from his inside perspective and how that manifests in the behaviours he’s talking about.
Powerful interview for many reasons .. I hope this was a healing conversation for him and sure it was. Shan did great to reel in and reframe the discussion.. he deserves healthy and safe love whenever he’s ready and equipped for it..🙏
All those voice notes at the end were EVERYTHING and I bet he will appreciate them
Shan you did a great job with your clarifying questions, and I appreciate the way you steered the conversation, I can always count on you to bring me back!
It’s clear that he needs professional counseling and therapy. That’s mainly what I concluded from this interview. Shoutout to Shan for her willingness to offer support to him on this platform, in this way. She isn’t a mental health counselor, so she didn’t have to show up for him in this way, if she didn’t want to.
I think he's very self reflective. I don't find him emotionally immature because he takes accountability this entire interview.
This podcast, has me going back to find more videos! Being someone that is interested in how men deal with trauma. In hopes to help my younger brother, from all trauma, I love how this episode really shined light on various topics. Making it easy to relate too! You are an inspiration to what my future could possibly hold as a woman, I see us💜
Thank you for all you and your team do!!
Shan! Your work is so incredible. There’s so many comments echoing my feelings so I’m gonna keep it simple, you’re such an inspiration. Thank you for all that you do for all of us. 💚
Thank you for having this discussion. Shan you speak so eloquently, intently, and you pulled so much out of him. He felt so comfortable with you and I loved the way you carried this conversation even when you didn't agree with him. This was beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think this conversation will help him start his healing journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!