It's fascinating for me as a coach working with men and also as a woman to see some of these comments. Many of my male clients actually express the opposite experience - they realize that they treated the marriage as a transaction, believing their role was to protect and provide. A lot of the healing many of them experience is learning how to give and receive love within themselves, and then within their external relationships. Not just romantically, but with their children and other loved ones as well. It sounds like that hasn't been your personal experience at all.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I am currently going through a divorce initiated by my ex-spose, married 8 years. I choose to give her my trust and she choose to sell her body online during our time dating, being fiances, and through out our marriage. Tell me how the OG comment is wrong. And before you say ""did you see the signs" of course i did not when the person you love and trust does not show you the 7 (literal number) other social media accounts showing off their body, both for free and for finance leading to her "modeling" site. Btw I am currently putting myself out on the market and the last person i just was with told me something i have not heard or felt in my 33 years of life, not even from my wife of 8 years. She told me that she appreciated me for caring, actually wanting to listen to her and value her opinions and encourage her decisions, shame she is poly and i want a mono relationship (is what it is).
Men are in love wo3men are in business. Remember this. A wo3mens worst nightmare is when a man because successful after she is no longer dating him @@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach For men, protecting and providing is how we express love for a woman. It's a transaction in its coldest and simplest form, but so is everything else in life. Healing and loving within ourselves is for women, not men. We are external and women are internal. This misunderstanding is exactly why couples therapy fails - because the language and signalling are all based on how women communicate, and not men. The OP is 100% correct about men being in love and women being in business. Why? Because it is love that prompts the man to give away his resources to his woman without a struggle. This is why men get crushed during divorce and suffer the most psychologically. It's personal for us. But for women, it's just business.
Women have been planning on leaving you for a long time. She waited until she was in the best position which probably means there was something she could blame you for and she met somebody else already. Women rarely leave to go be alone...
It was a set-up for me too! My children were happy we divorced as our last six months together were horrible. I finally discovered that whe was seeing someone! That person moved into our home about a month after I was evicted by the family judge. I had to pay for her, kids and loans for two years before the final papers were done. Great system!
This is very well presented and articulated. Im 9months in after 28yrs, agreed-very mistakenly-to leave our home and place of business. I stayed with friends and tried to find work and eventually had a complete break down, suicidal and broken. She has moved on quickly, after convincing me it was all my fault im starting to see some small pinholes of light through the darkness and grief. I was literally thrown out like i was garbage. I am not a villan, i dedicated my life to her and made the mistake of trusting her with mine, i would never treat anyone the way i have been.
Never leave the home. It will be framed as abandonment. But more importantly, do not dedicate your life to a woman - they will stop respecting you if you do this. Lead, don't follow. You can lure, but not chase. Women are cats, not dogs.
@@toadman5184 yes, after i did as she desired ie. 'stay somewhere else for 2 weeks' , she framed it as me abandoning her. in this time, she was coached by toxic women and became unrecognizable.
@toadman5184 little late for not leaving advice. But they make it so uncomfortable there, that it would be better for you to live on a leaking roof. And she stopped having sex with me first so that is marital abandonment as well.
After what mine just put me through....almost causing suicide....after ripping my children out of my life and falsely charged with assualt I can say with 100% certainty that as long as I live I will NEVER fall victim at the hands of any woman....ever again.
16 years out from same experience...calmly having boundaries is what women want, it actually creates attraction. You will be 100x in a better place than her in 5-10 years. Get red pill knowledge but not bitter.
I had the same, she falsely accused me of many things including assault and having an affair. Five years later, most of my family still won’t even talk to me. All of it was lies to hide a long term affair she was having. Everything about her was a lie. The night before she left, we went out for food and drinks and had a normal time. We were together for 15 years. I 100% will never date again.
Absolutely same scenario, even to amount of time in marriage. - narcissistic women are absolutely unbelievable. It is not defined or bound to and culture, ethnicity, country, continent, morality, etc. Someone in Chicago is having the same thing happen to him as someone in Dubai.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Upbringing and set moralities and strategies when dealing with the opposite sex. Example: Male self help is tell one's self they are nothing and need to be more, vs. how women self help with positive affirmation that avoid the deep roots of cause (manifest drizzle drizzle).
You've seen her masks... have you become aware of your own? That's where the real capcity for healing lies, in recognizing our own masks and learning why we put them on in the first place.
@@DanHoller-eb6xt I just can't see eye to eye at all with this content creator. I think many men based on the comments can't either. I think most men that are smart are avoiding marriage and relationships with women in general. I'm not going to try to reason with women who are mostly emotion and feeling based. The divorce courts could care less about that stuff. Stay single men. Focus on yourselves
@@stormchaser419 " I'm not going to try to reason with women who are mostly emotion and feeling based" Um, that is the basis of a woman. If you can't handle that, best you do focus on yourself as you are, but it sounds like its coming from a place of bitterness, not self improvement. I hope you can work towards understanding what each person brings to the relationship and that its a good thing if each person has self reflected, left their baggage in the past and doesn't blame the other one for their own inadequacies.
Guys, want to avoid all of this unnecessary drama, heartbreak and passive-aggressive abuse? It is simple. Avoid serious relationships with women. Protect your heart, your financial resources and your mental health. You don't have to trust me, just open your eyes and look around. The reason she is acting like you didn't mean anything to her is you didn't. The reason she is happy is because she is back on the hunt for a new simp and she is confident Mr. Next will be better than you.
The fact that you are here watching Rachel & this video is a clear sign to everyone that you are hurting & so we understand & wish only the best for you. You will be ok
@@videogroovetoo bad he is really really right. I dont watch her videos anymore. Used to watch her videos, i used to hope, now im just watching the comments. Women are unempathic egocentric little four year old children, some women like Rachel are less like that, but underneath there is still this "but it must be your fault" mentality.
@dalord63 Everything you said is true. I went thru this years ago and haven’t looked back. It’s devastating at first but I’m 100% better. Each chance I get, I give these words to the younger fellas only because society doesn’t care for men. We’re all we got. Have a good day!
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
24 years marriage of taking care of my wife. Helped her through nursing school and a failed attempt at nurse anesthesia. Helped raise three kids to adulthood. Welcomed all the animals she brought home. Even took care of her while she struggled with mental and physical health issues over the past two years. I have started building a better life for myself and looking forward to not wasting my time on someone who threw me away.
I hear you there. I just don't understand how a woman can be so ungrateful for everything their husband's do for them and then one day decide to throw that marriage and that man in the trash. It is heartless.
17 ys married wife tells me she wants a divorce then leaves the house to stay at a friends 3 hrs later. Shocked I just try to keep up my spirits and go along. 5 yrs later She is remarried to the guy she met while we were married. I just didnt even believe it......and the more I tried to be rational with her the more angry she became. we had horses she told me to sell hers...when I found a good home for him I sent her the pic to see how nice it is going to be for him with the new owners... she blew up at me saying why are you trying to make me feel guilty? She said well I'm not...lose my number.....I did. It was like I never knew this person. I talked to a great therapist and she told me....she is not angry at you..... she is angry at what she has become.
@dcjocho1894- she does not need you anymore as she has a new man to provide and protect. What happends to old replaced tools? You need to understand you need to move onwards for You. Forget her.
grieving someone that lived a long good life doesn’t have to be “punishing”. rather you can celebrate the the good life they enjoyed. if it was a tragic death, the grieving hurts much more because you feel cheated for not having more time with them. that is similar to the pain of divorce.
12 years ago, my ex met some guy on line, filed, and boarded a plane across the country to "Live happily ever after." She then convinced the kids to live with her. After 10 years of parental alienation, the kids are now saying mom is going crazy. They blame menopause
I don’t need to hear anymore. If she can’t regulate her emotional state and be willing to take accountability for her behavior. I am tired of being treated like crap and constantly getting blamed for everything. Good luck to anyone that wants to go through this.. all the effort and sacrifices will end with splitting the family up, assets and the money. Don’t get married. As for the video, I thought it was very accurate and spot on.
Hi Ben, thanks for watching and for commenting. It sounds like you are putting up some important boundaries - you're right. Ultimately it doesn't really matter why she's acting this way, you don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm glad that you're able to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough.
Women live by feelings yet live by spite. Genesis 3 shows why women act peacefully yet act in total outrage toward her husband. Eve was a totally different person at marriage than when she was with Satan. Many men rediscover this when they find the woman they married isn't the same woman in their divorce.
This video is excellent and so refreshing to hear someone discuss. I'm going through the actual divorce now after being separated for almost 15 months. To the entire world she's the happiest person alive but like you said she kept every single thought to herself that led to our divorce. She never once told me she needed anything other than what I was providing, I even asked her occasionally what I could do better and her answer was always "You're amazing and I could never ask for more." Looking back that obviously wasn't the truth because we're here now. Comparing the way she's acting now to the way she must have hid everything during our marriage is SOOOO eye opening and helpful. Occasionally during child exchanges she's let slip how stressed she is, how tired and overwhelmed but 99% of the time she's GREAT! lol...Stay strong everyone. Every hard thing we go through with this situation can make you stronger if you do the healing and repair the proper way.
More often than not a woman left because of things which are out of your control. Things could range from you are not blessed with the best genes, you're not her first choice or she was bored. Most of the time a woman will guilt trip you into thinking there are something wrong with you, something you did, or didn't do, but believe me, the only reason she left is to satisfy her hypergamous nature. There will always be someone better than you.
Thank you for watching and for sharing some of your story. Honestly, what she told you may well be true. What you're describing isn't a problem with you. It's a problem with her - perhaps low self esteem, lots of self judgment or even self loathing. These feelings are sadly common in men and women both because of childhood trauma. If she hated or hates herself, there is nothing you can do to make her happy. That is her healing work to do, and it may well be that your marriage ended because she wasn't able or didn't know how to do that work within herself. Thank you again for watching, commenting and sharing here. Your posts help others in this little youtube community :)
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Thank you....Not to keep this comment going but what you're explaining about her is mostly correct. She had some very traumatic things happen before we got together....Self harm, attempted to take her life at one point, bulemia...But she was an amazing woman and I loved her to death, hoping I could help her through it but I wasn't able to do the work for her. She did tell me after she left "This isn't about you." It's just hard to hear. I love your content and you've helped me a ton. At some point I will reach out to you for after care. I already have went through and get your emails. Thank you so much.
@@sstevo4066 I'm so glad that the videos and emails have been helpful. It's really hard to watch someone you love suffering and not be able to be fix it or change it for them... especially if the end result is losing them. There is a lot of grief to process there. Sometimes the brain holds on to the belief that it was somehow about you, because if that were true you have some sense of control or agency. The alternative, that it isn't about you, leaves you in a position where the only thing you can do is grieve both your loss and her pain. I hope you have some good support for yourself as you process that grief. Thank you for watching and sharing some of your experience here.
Exactly what I'm in the middle of after 22.....almost 23 yrs of marriage. She's in business mode, and I'm a wreck. Such an insightful message in this video.
@@John_Wood_ My soon to be x is the same. She has spent 1000 of dollars this summer going to concerts and staying in hotels with her divorced g\fs. We have 3 children together and I go over to the home we were married home or the holy matrimony home I lived in for 13 years to put our dog down for the night and I noticed a couple of Louis Vuitton small hand bags she had purchased. Couldn’t believe it.
sorry buddy, but we’re nothing but sperm donors & the indentured servants until the discard. rachel always attempts to rationalize a woman’s behavior as simply normal course of husm interaction between a man & a woman. she never addresses why a woman’s need to be so overly vicious & destructive. i’ve listened to plenty of these and it always comes down to you can’t blame a woman for her actions, you just have to accept it.
My partner of over 7 years. Was going out with her so called friends. Then found out it was a guy, she monkey branched and cheated on me while we were together. Never talked to me about her feelings or wanting to end. i have been trying to improve our relationship and life and she already emotionally detached long time ago it appears. A women who does this is a monster. She alsowanted for me to still be in her life after the fact. I said thats not how it works. I said good luck and sll the best. She is still with the guy she cheated me with. Why not communicate and end it if all failed? Why did she need to use me as security to find herself another person while having me as a fall protection. Pure evil and it destroyed everything i thought of the relationship after 7 years. Csnt even repair or salvage 7 years. I took as not real love. When you love someone you dont do that.
She was at the top of her game for 1 year, sneaking around behind my back. She moved out and her lover wouldn’t leave his wife. Bridges burned, she threw a family away , kids are done with her…
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, I wasn't going to let my marriage of 18years crash
Relationships are hard, but I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we survived.
They do it because 1. They grieved the marriage to themselves and their best friends and mom months or years before you even were aware of it. 2. She fears giving you false hope during her departure.
This is sooooo spot on to what I went through just several weeks ago. Thanks to Racheal and her network I’m doing much better now. Keep it up Racheal. You make a difference!!!
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I must say the journey has definitely been an emotional roller coaster. In the beginning when she left my world was over and my mind could not push it down. I tried ohhh did I try. Then the gate broke with alllll that I’ve kept down for decades. I can say for anyone feeling that way now, that the sense of peace I have now by letting it alll go by way of talking, writing it down and screaming into our corn fields is refreshing and it does get better. If any of you guys just need a vent. Feel free to let me know. I can vouch for Racheal though. She’s the definition of life saver and she knows what I’m talking about!!!
@@chaneymcdonnell5567 I recently discovered this channel and since subscribing to it and watching her videos it has changed me going through my divorce. Almost all the videos I have watched has been my experience to a t. 20 year marriage and 27 year relationship ended after Easter this year. She said she’s been planning it for the last 2 years and didn’t even tell me she was unhappy or we needed to go to counseling. Tired to show her I can change and be better only made things worse and for her to resent me. 3 children as well. The last 3 months I have moved out of our family home. Bought a new home completely started over bought all new items, maintained a business, I took working out and going to the gym as my go to and it has paid off, now self focusing and self loving thriving while she is the same person as before. 💪🏻
What really appears to be upsetting to my ex was accepting her hostility. Over the years, she has made gestures of niceness I would reject. She sent information for the kids school photos, I simply in a business like manner informed her I didn't need her help on this. She became furious. "I was only trying to be nice to you!" My response was "You are not a nice person so your false niceness is rejected! No kind words from you! Ever! Feel free to be as mean as you like! This is who you are! This is what I accept! If you don't want to be mean, be formal and business like but NEVER nice!" She went crying to the court over this. The court laughed it off.
It isn’t that she hid her feelings and didn’t communicate. She likely did try to communicate for many years and was met with dismissiveness, defensiveness or explosive anger and called critical, a nag or a control freak every time she tried. After enough of that she realizes nothing is going to change and her feelings do not matter so she stops communicating because it didn’t get her anything but more misery. The man thinks things are fine because she is no longer “nagging”him. In reality she is now in the phase of evaluating how much longer she can tolerate the status quo and “going along to get along”. It is during this phase that she realizes that how the relationship is now, is how it is always going to be and the mourning of the relationship begins (or speeds up). When she has finally had enough of living like that, she decides to file for divorce. She actually is ok with the divorce because it means she will no longer have to just accept the status quo and go along to get along.
In my experience She is treating it like she did the relationship - inconsequential, hence the divorce. So sex, no affection, no effect because she simply really doesn't care unless it affects her safety and security. Totally "blindsided" after not touching for 15 years, completely surprised that he filed because he wanted to have intimacy, how crazy is that?
I'm really sorry to hear that this was your experience over the last 15 years together. It sounds like there is a lot going on under the surface between the two of you (and of course far more than can be shared in RUclips comments). Do you have some good support in exploring, unpacking and processing your marriage and this divorce as you move forward with your life?
This is the story of many. Typically it's just women...with the underlying issues. If you read the comments...men are not lying. Women are cold and calculated. They simply have no heart...Marry and have kids for the wrong reasons and really care about nothing. "Quite quitting " how sick does 1 have to be to do this? Women are the issue.
@RachelsloanRelationshipCoach. The woman acts like she’s fine during separation and divorce is because she has already monkeybranched with Chad. Once Chad pumps and dumps her, she will then feel regret and then try to come back to the man from whom she divorced.
Almost 2 month ago my wife, who was a single mother when we met, (together for 7 years, married for just 2 months shy of 3 years) is ending our marriage because the baby daddy had a sudden epiphany that he loves her and wants her back. Mind you, this man did not support her or the child for 7 years. The child even said I’m 100xs more her father than him. And yet….wife said they have a bond and wants to try again. Oh and did I mention the man still lives with his mother? He never moved out of his mother’s home and expressed he has a hard time saving money and is battling mental health issues. She makes it look so easy. We lived in a different state than him. Having him fly her out every freaking weekend to get away from me. Her going out on dates with him. I was just tossed aside like trash and I feel like it. Can’t make this shit up. Will never do that again. Learned my lesson.
that's just awful, I'm sorry she was so careless with your heart. It takes a good man to be a father to child who is not his biological child. That is a really horrible act from her, i bet she comes crawling back, be strong, if she did it once, she'll do it again.xx
I been through one divorce and I will never get married again. My now x-wife about 8 years ago after 32 years being married. She abandoned the house moved to south Florida and filed for divorce. Her intentions were clear from the start, she thought she was going to win the lottery off my hard work. First thing I did was find the best legal team of civil lawyers in my county and retained their service. (This is a must if your a man, hire the best lawyers because your going to need the best representation). It took two a half years to get my divorce finalized. My evil X received 50% less than she thought she would . Going through a divorce after being married this long, leave lasting scars and trauma. I thought I was going to die going through my divorce . I should not have loved her so much.
Mine called it quits. I immediately got online to check state laws. We’re both early retirees. Told her the next day “There will be no alimony”. After all, we literally have millions to split up. Her response? “well I have to look out for my own interests”. Yeah, like she should throw me away in a gray divorce she wanted and expect I’m going to support her AND she gets 1/2 of everything? The delusion of it all.
When you read some of the comments filled with anger towards women you realize how many men are hurting, thats why they are coming & commenting on a video designed to help heal their pain. It shows why someone like Rachel is needed today. So many hurt men looking for love & solace in a tough world
Omg this exactly explains so much. She has become someone I don’t recognize. She had an affair, still with them and now calls me a narcissist and acts like i’m a monster out of nowhere… i just put her needs always in front of everything else. This really explains a lot and makes me feel better knowing this is affecting her even though it seems like she’s moved on so quickly in less than 2 weeks of separation after 11 years together.
Great explanation of how stuff goes down. I’ve been telling my soon-to-be ex-wife you better live with your decision and quit blaming me for it. You wanted to be single so here you go.
Acting fine during the divorce is one of the diagnose criteria of : narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, dark triad and other pathologies. it shows lack of empathy. That makes any person unsuitable to long term relationship of a marriage. Recreational use only. Also, let’s call things how they are. What you call coping, hiding etc. is really past trauma, deceit etc. any passive-aggressive behavior is either manipulation, deceit or pathology. Or a combination of those. No exceptions.please don’t justify pathology.
Been married 25 years and just when i think i know who my wife is someone else shows up. If we were not devout christians we may have been divorced already. My secret for staying married is confidence and stable. Treat her with respect but she know i am not playing if she starts testing me with craziness. Too many men act like they have no options and women lose respect.
Yep!! If men would continue to take care of themselves during marriage, continue to stand up for themselves, and be willing to kick the women to the curb, most women would be more respectful. Women just lose all respect for their men.
Can’t believe how relatable this whole message was. I was blindsided and she seems totally fine and it is such a mind f**k like you said. “Who is this person” is something I ask myself all the time over the past year. This has really helped me think differently.
This is demonic behavior and please believe it is damaging her on the inside. Karma is coming, you may not be there to see it but trust karma is happening and she won’t be able to deal with it.
When I had to leave my ex-wife, it felt like mourning a death. The marriage had become so toxic, that I couldn't take it anymore after a decade. I haven't had the courage for 4 years to even entertain the idea of a new woman.
Women view the relationship as basically a business deal, each supplies the other with something the other wants. When the woman views the husband as an underperforming asset then she cuts him loose, as one would discard a broken tool and proceeds to make plans to acquire another tool.
Accountability is kryptonite to women - Kevin Samuels She has to appear happy. She is attempting to portray she is free from the evil you put her through. If she was sad, it would be a sliver of possability she made a bad choice.
In some divorces this is a big part of the divorcing spouse's subconscious mindset. Unfortunately the accountability as kryptonite tends to apply across the board in divorce - it is a lot easier for both men and women to focus on villainizing their spouse rather than reflecting on and taking responsbility for the part they played in the dysfunction within the relationship. Healing for either party definitely involves learning to take on that accountability. Thank you for watching and for sharing your perspective!
This describes my wife of 16 years so perfectly. She told me today that divorce will make her happy after all I have done for her, financially and emotionally supporting her. She has her family to tell her how brave she is for filing for divorce and that she will be so much better off without me. I was never her top priority. It was always her mom and dad who I moved halfway across the country to live close to.
Well articulated truth regarding my “Christian” divorce. I would add that the necessity for having a villain has a lot to do with social acceptance in cultures that have high expectations for monogamy. There is the need to convince others that her desire for power or getting her way when it doesn’t happen, then the feelings of satisfaction in a relationship fueling her narcissistic supply plummet. There is the female desire of being allowed to be crazy equates to being highly wanted and valued. Thus the hot v. Crazy diagram. If a guy doesn’t bend over backwards when she demands it, it can easily be interpreted as him failing to perceive she is hot enough to get her way. So ego is controlling this person, self value through the lens of getting one’s way or entitlement. This perception of value is like the parable of a house built on sand, the person is shallow at best and their “life” meaning is self-love, getting versus giving, and they have no true comprehension of selflessness or love. It’s just transactional, and in their transaction it is perceived as a loss of the egotism / narcissistic supply is not met, so then they lose feelings for the person they sought supply from. I.e. you don’t value me, I’m not gonna value you. Except their partner could be very valuing, kind, patient, loving, but failing to stroke the ego. That’s why you gotta test your partner early on, don’t stroke the ego, see how they handle disappointment, do they honor their parents even if their parents aren’t respectable, do they treat others well that don’t recognize their power and opinion, or are they spiteful to their opponents. It’s a character issue, can they forgive?, do they voluntarily apologize, can they take responsibility for error, or do they reverse the narrative and seek victim status at every turn no matter how petty the injury they claim hurt them is.
Rachael - you nailed my wife 100%, on every point you talked about. WOW!!! Do you have a video on "When and How all her suppressed feelings and emotions come bubbling to the surface"? At some point, will she crash when everything she's been suppressing finally surfaces? How long does it take until such an event? What would that look like? Depression? Mental break-down?
I'm a man, and I have been absolutely delighted since leaving my abusive wife. Most of your videos don't really apply to my situation, but I think this one does actually have some good insights into *my* emotional state, so thanks.
I’ve noticed more who actually file for divorce are happier afterwards than many women are. I’m not talking about men whose wife divorce them. I sometimes wonder why that happens.
Absolutely one of the best discussions and explanations of what the person doing the divorcing is doing when they act like they are unaffected. 1. their survival self cannot acknowledge their own pain, probably a long-term coping strategy now run amok - 2. they need to convince themselves they are happy, again so they do not have to explore the true roots of their own unhappiness. 3. they "split," meaning they view their ex as the villain, so they can maintain themselves as a hapless victim who is "finally putting myself first" by getting a divorce.
This happened to me 💯 percent. My soon to be x wife sat on the couch and was scrolling on her phone and she acted like I wasn’t even there packing up to move. Very crushing.
Remember that when she tries to come back. The ex-wife here tried coming back two months later. Her boyfriend is an alcoholic and was on dialysis for failed kidneys. I said NO. I got the divorce done as quickly as possible. Take care of yourself. Exercise, even if it is walking. Do things you enjoy. Staying busy and reading Psalms kept depression away. It will get better, give it time.
Thank you for this one - I am trying to prepare myself. I am in a situation where I think I need to initiate the separation even though I think I could sustain a life with my current partner, it would be one of all too often misery, accusation and paranoia. I've never cheated on my wife, but in something as simple as liking a post or commenting on anything with a female I am labeled as such, with significant poison and vindictive actions that have become dangerous. I'm not going to proceed to separate to find someone "better", I am going to separate to survive, then become full time the person I am when I am alone or among friends. Strong, and happy.
When I try to talk to my wife she shuts down ghosts me for 3 days. Finally we separated and then She threatened me with divorce 19 times and never filed. She even kept some of my stuff told me to go get my storage stole it and folded a shirt in the middle of the floor just to get a reaction...... sounds narcissistic to me and it's a shame because I truly loved her with all my heart
My friend told me she planned the divorce from before the marriage. Her first marriage she says, was for money and property, her second marriage was for love. The first husband was totally destroyed and lost all his inheritance.
Nice video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her...
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
You never meant anything to her. The marriage never meant anything to her. She settled for you, now she wants to bed the men she actually wants. She needed your resources, she has them now, you’ve outlived your usefulness to her. Rebuild, repent, and come back wiser.
I am going through this the second time I’ve been separated from my wife for seven months. I have been mentally tortured I thought after my first divorce, it would never happen again I couldn’t of been more wrong and this time around it seems to be affecting me worse I really love her, but that is not the person I fell in love with Right now I am a crutch for her and still taking care of her hardest thing to deal with….
@saggie5261 I can't speak from personal experience with the years. But many men don't want anyone else. They want the woman they thought they married. It takes awhile to realize that the person they thought they married wasn't real? If that makes sense. And even then...many men value themselves on their word. Till death do you part in sickness and in health. I can't speak for all...but many would not sign up for it if they had to it again. It's why many women play the part they think the man wants in the beginning...and slowly start to change. From what others have told they change after the wedding day. Bait and switch.
@@saggie5261 a better question might be...why do men and women do this? They are everything the other person wants and more...can't get enough of each other in all ways...and after marriage commitment kids...they flip and can't stand the other...they become a chore?
@@wLBlue yes i have heard things change after the wedding day too. I never believed in marriage, so didn't do that. I think many women, especially younger women, maybe up to 40's believe in the fairy tale, ie, not being realistic. They want the big wedding and then the fantasy wears off, and what's left? I'm in my 50's and my partner was never really a partner, he was an island. I tried hard for a long time and once i gave up, we became house mates. Of course he wanted sex, but how do you want to do that with someone who you don't connect with anymore? Someone you don't feel supported by? Someone who wants what they want, but gives nothing in return? He has been indecisive about everything; I have had to take the responsibility for everything and I'm sick to death of it. He never stepped up, I did my grieving years ago, that's why i might seem cold now, referring back to the video topic, but i have told him that. We didn't have a relationship, we had a friendship, that was it, how can he be blindsided, i really can't understand that being perfectly honest. These are some of the reasons I'm leaving.
Wow, this makes so much sense. I'm blown away. Thank you for helping me to process this. What do you recommend I do to save my family. Thank you Rachael Stone.
So moving the goal post constantly lying and manipulation and zero communication but we are posed to notice and understand all this bs. She created the problem sustained it but it’s the man’s fault smh. Having a mask in a relationship is just faking your relationship
A few years before the end of our marriage, my wife declared that she wasn't happy. She then spent the next three years criticising everything about me, how I sleep, eat, drink, go to the toilet, drive, clean, shower, how much I earn, how long I worked, nothing I did was ever good enough and everything I did was the reason she wasn't happy, I endured this for 3 years for the sake of our children. She was seemingly happy for about 6 months after separation, and then was obviously miserable, ten years later, and she somehow still blames everyone else for her unhappiness and is still miserable. It's incredibly tragic. She broke up our family, and our children come from a broken home, and she still can't accept that other people are not responsible for our happiness. Other people can not make us happy. Happiness comes from within, without that inner happiness all others can do is temporarily distract us from our internal misery.
Her problem is HER, but she blames *you*. Then she tries to force herself to appear happy that she made the correct decision. Remember: accountability is kryptonite to women- and she will absolutely *refuse* to admit guilt or that she's wrong. She's mean to you because you are the main mirror that shows she's actually the bad person. But in classic projection, she paints you as the villain. Women ALWAYS *love* to play the victim.
My wife has experienced unconditional love from me flr 16 years. I have never experienced that from her. She kicked me to the curb and is breaking our family of 6. Our kids will be so devastated when they find out about the divorce.
When you have someone to blame its easy to think that all the problems are because of him. When he is gone you could realize that the problems are still there. Damn.
Went through divorce about 6 years ago, remarried in 22'. That is when I dicovered my ex-wife's survival self os a covert narcissist. She lost her shit over the remarry, and she took me to Child Support Enforcement because "she wanted fairness in child support." I was paying child support. In the end O got a revised parenting ageeement and $125 less a month I pay in child support because she was unwilling or unable to deal with me as a coparent. Have cut all contact with her personally except for absolutely ess ntial coparenting information.
By the time the woman gets to divorce, they're done!! They just want out! To them the relationship has been over for a long time. The guy just didn't know it!
Got divorced like 18 years ago... although she was unfaithful I noticed the court system don't care about men. Took me few years to forgive her, followed and focused on myself. I have to say now I'm happier and wealthy. Forgivesness is not for the other person, but to oneself to become better and move on.
Don't be gaslight, fellas it's cos she running off with cash and prizes at your expense via divorce court and the thought of it makes her happy and also she has someone else you don't know about.
A few years ago I told my husband of now 26 years that if I could afford to leave I would.....for MANY years before that I would tell him how unhappy and lonely I felt. Some men just dont listen and would rather tell others youre "moody".... 🤷♀️
Its a very depressing comment section here. Are you still together? Either everyone here is very badly matched or there is a communication problem. I know for me it was a communication problem, but when only one person wants to work on the communication to improve the relationship, nothing will get better. Many men seem incapable of listening it seems, that's why they are 'blindsided" when we tell them we are leaving.
I communicate with my ex wife every day and she is not hiding anything. And one thing is clear: she is not unhappy divorcing our 20 year marriage at all. Never been . She has not found another man etc she just is happy living without the marriage.
thats me too. looking forward to starting my own life. In my case i am sick of being the mother to everyone, i just want to selfishly care for myself like my ex has done his whole life. That would be nice.
Good insights Rachael. Curious, have you experienced a divorce yourself? Or is your experience and knowledge coming from working with others actively going through lost marriages? Survival self mask is absolutey true for both parties. Well said.
I wish when any man types in divorce anywhere on the internet, this video shows up. This is just… wow! Thank you thank you thank you! This makes so much sense, because I’ve struggled so much with trying to understand what the hell is going on with my ex wife. She is doing everything you described, and now I bet it..
I'm really glad it was helpful, thanks for watching! If you'd like to go further and gain a deeper understanding of how and why women (and men) act the ways that they do, check out my free masterclass: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
The average is 7 yrs. For me it was 10 yrs. All these men in the comments. I wonder how many have self reflected regarding their role in the relationship breakdown. Men take breakdowns about 3x harder than women do. Men are always blind sided. We told you 1000 times what we needed. You didn’t listen. We thought you would change and you didn’t. You thought we wouldn’t leave and we did. Did you stonewall your wife? We’re to open to vulnerable communication? Every relationship is different. We are all different. But it take two to Fk up the relationship
@@saggie5261you stuck around for a decade after deciding you wanted a divorce? That's reprehensible. You wasted a full decade of that man's life as a facade. Tons of wives claim to have tried for years but tons of husbands claim they were blindsided. Both things can't be true at the same time. Women claim to be amazing communicators when they are anything but.
I actually think both things are almost always true - women are trying to communicate for years, in ways that there husbands can't hear or understand. Most men have been conditioned since childhood to ignore emotions, and grow so good at pretending that they're fine that they believe it themselves, even if their suppressed pain is making them physically sick. Most women have been conditioned since childhood to avoid conflict at all costs, and try to softly talk about what they need, but when this isn't heard or acknowledged by their partner they end up either shutting down or lashing out instead of communicating clearly. Men are not the problem. Women are not the problem. The problem is the fucked up societal norms we're all raised with, and the incredible amount of trauma most people are carrying with them into their relationships from their childhoods. If we, men and women both, learned basic emotional regulation and communication skills in elementary school, the divorce rate would plummet, but these are not skills our society values.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach It's sort of an explanation. Thanks for the input. Anyway, for men, I strongly advise to NEVER marry. Don't sign that contract with the State involved.
Easier said that done, however, it's possible to recover. I am a living proof. You have to find a coping mechanism, close friends that are not closed to her. Find the things you love like educating and improving yourself, new hobby, relocate. If he or she is bad go no contact, best revenge.
Women are men's helpmeets. When things are pleasant. And when things are unpleasant they help a man identify his weak spots. The latter sucks. Nearly killed me. But have courage and faith, and even if that woman is no longer yours, you will secretly thank her for making you stronger and becoming someone very attractive for your character to another woman. Give yourself time to heal, and find the balance between forgiveness and resilience.
Its part of good communication if she uses bad coping mechanisms. Stone walls you etc etc its time to just let go and move on. Unfortunately you cant change people they might on their own time but it could be too late by then
You explain to a T. Its refreshing to hear what ive experienced myself and many other's it seems. The things i heard from her on her feeings towsrds ne after the divorce was soul ripping. Two faces is right. I felt like the villain, a piece of trash...i was all of a sudden abusive, neglectful...things i never heard once when we were married. I try to give room and understand but i rationalize and communicate...she ignores me.
She was hiding her feelings because she knew she couldn’t justify a divorce, and it’s easier to just dispose of her husband than try to convince him. She spent her whole life devaluing men because that is what she was taught by her mom, friends, schools, media and the government.
In the two years since I was served papers (God, please bring this awful divorce to a close!), one of the crucial things introduced to is the idea that a man isn't responsible for a woman's happiness (and vise-versa). Going forward, I am considering that crucial in my next relationship. That's a giant expectation to put on a spouse that will eventually and inevitably fail.
I am so confused by this, not only is she acting like nothing happened, she moved in with another guy a week later. Of course I hear they are just friends and she needed somewhere to stay, I am killed right now I just don't understand any of what is going on in my life right now.
Men are in love, women are in business .
Coach Gregg Adams said that.
It's fascinating for me as a coach working with men and also as a woman to see some of these comments. Many of my male clients actually express the opposite experience - they realize that they treated the marriage as a transaction, believing their role was to protect and provide. A lot of the healing many of them experience is learning how to give and receive love within themselves, and then within their external relationships. Not just romantically, but with their children and other loved ones as well. It sounds like that hasn't been your personal experience at all.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I am currently going through a divorce initiated by my ex-spose, married 8 years. I choose to give her my trust and she choose to sell her body online during our time dating, being fiances, and through out our marriage. Tell me how the OG comment is wrong. And before you say ""did you see the signs" of course i did not when the person you love and trust does not show you the 7 (literal number) other social media accounts showing off their body, both for free and for finance leading to her "modeling" site.
Btw I am currently putting myself out on the market and the last person i just was with told me something i have not heard or felt in my 33 years of life, not even from my wife of 8 years. She told me that she appreciated me for caring, actually wanting to listen to her and value her opinions and encourage her decisions, shame she is poly and i want a mono relationship (is what it is).
Men are in love wo3men are in business. Remember this. A wo3mens worst nightmare is when a man because successful after she is no longer dating him
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach For men, protecting and providing is how we express love for a woman. It's a transaction in its coldest and simplest form, but so is everything else in life. Healing and loving within ourselves is for women, not men. We are external and women are internal. This misunderstanding is exactly why couples therapy fails - because the language and signalling are all based on how women communicate, and not men. The OP is 100% correct about men being in love and women being in business. Why? Because it is love that prompts the man to give away his resources to his woman without a struggle. This is why men get crushed during divorce and suffer the most psychologically. It's personal for us. But for women, it's just business.
Women have been planning on leaving you for a long time. She waited until she was in the best position which probably means there was something she could blame you for and she met somebody else already.
Women rarely leave to go be alone...
It was a set-up for me too! My children were happy we divorced as our last six months together were horrible. I finally discovered that whe was seeing someone! That person moved into our home about a month after I was evicted by the family judge. I had to pay for her, kids and loans for two years before the final papers were done. Great system!
Better to be alone, than be abused on a daily basis!
Most women aren’t abused.
This is very well presented and articulated. Im 9months in after 28yrs, agreed-very mistakenly-to leave our home and place of business. I stayed with friends and tried to find work and eventually had a complete break down, suicidal and broken. She has moved on quickly, after convincing me it was all my fault im starting to see some small pinholes of light through the darkness and grief. I was literally thrown out like i was garbage. I am not a villan, i dedicated my life to her and made the mistake of trusting her with mine, i would never treat anyone the way i have been.
I'm going through the same thing. My story is very similar to yours I was married for 23 years with her for 25 though.
my mistake was leaving our condo, too. 'just 2 weeks' became for forever.
Never leave the home. It will be framed as abandonment. But more importantly, do not dedicate your life to a woman - they will stop respecting you if you do this. Lead, don't follow. You can lure, but not chase. Women are cats, not dogs.
@@toadman5184 yes, after i did as she desired ie. 'stay somewhere else for 2 weeks' , she framed it as me abandoning her. in this time, she was coached by toxic women and became unrecognizable.
@toadman5184 little late for not leaving advice. But they make it so uncomfortable there, that it would be better for you to live on a leaking roof. And she stopped having sex with me first so that is marital abandonment as well.
After what mine just put me through....almost causing suicide....after ripping my children out of my life and falsely charged with assualt I can say with 100% certainty that as long as I live I will NEVER fall victim at the hands of any woman....ever again.
16 years out from same experience...calmly having boundaries is what women want, it actually creates attraction. You will be 100x in a better place than her in 5-10 years. Get red pill knowledge but not bitter.
I had the same, she falsely accused me of many things including assault and having an affair. Five years later, most of my family still won’t even talk to me. All of it was lies to hide a long term affair she was having. Everything about her was a lie. The night before she left, we went out for food and drinks and had a normal time. We were together for 15 years. I 100% will never date again.
Amen, my brothers.
Absolutely same scenario, even to amount of time in marriage.
- narcissistic women are absolutely unbelievable. It is not defined or bound to and culture, ethnicity, country, continent, morality, etc.
Someone in Chicago is having the same thing happen to him as someone in Dubai.
amen brother
Women act cold because they are not acting
All men have to realize. She’s not yours it’s just your turn
Amen
Facts
Could you clarify? What is it, specifically, that you believe is inherently different about women vs. men?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Upbringing and set moralities and strategies when dealing with the opposite sex. Example: Male self help is tell one's self they are nothing and need to be more, vs. how women self help with positive affirmation that avoid the deep roots of cause (manifest drizzle drizzle).
Women wear two masks. The first comes off after marriage. The second comes off after divorce.
You've seen her masks... have you become aware of your own? That's where the real capcity for healing lies, in recognizing our own masks and learning why we put them on in the first place.
his fault again eh rachel?
@@DanHoller-eb6xt I just can't see eye to eye at all with this content creator. I think many men based on the comments can't either. I think most men that are smart are avoiding marriage and relationships with women in general. I'm not going to try to reason with women who are mostly emotion and feeling based. The divorce courts could care less about that stuff. Stay single men. Focus on yourselves
@@stormchaser419 " I'm not going to try to reason with women who are mostly emotion and feeling based" Um, that is the basis of a woman. If you can't handle that, best you do focus on yourself as you are, but it sounds like its coming from a place of bitterness, not self improvement. I hope you can work towards understanding what each person brings to the relationship and that its a good thing if each person has self reflected, left their baggage in the past and doesn't blame the other one for their own inadequacies.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach bulshite
Guys, want to avoid all of this unnecessary drama, heartbreak and passive-aggressive abuse? It is simple. Avoid serious relationships with women. Protect your heart, your financial resources and your mental health. You don't have to trust me, just open your eyes and look around. The reason she is acting like you didn't mean anything to her is you didn't. The reason she is happy is because she is back on the hunt for a new simp and she is confident Mr. Next will be better than you.
100% fact
The fact that you are here watching Rachel & this video is a clear sign to everyone that you are hurting & so we understand & wish only the best for you. You will be ok
@@videogroovetoo bad he is really really right. I dont watch her videos anymore. Used to watch her videos, i used to hope, now im just watching the comments.
Women are unempathic egocentric little four year old children, some women like Rachel are less like that, but underneath there is still this "but it must be your fault" mentality.
Facts is correct. Never cohabitate. Never marry@@EricDraven-qd9pu
@dalord63
Everything you said is true. I went thru this years ago and haven’t looked back. It’s devastating at first but I’m 100% better. Each chance I get, I give these words to the younger fellas only because society doesn’t care for men. We’re all we got. Have a good day!
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
They are not worried because the court system is biased in their favor. It’s a win win.
You're right, especially when you have kids.I've seen how biased the courts can be towards mothers and against fathers
24 years marriage of taking care of my wife. Helped her through nursing school and a failed attempt at nurse anesthesia. Helped raise three kids to adulthood. Welcomed all the animals she brought home. Even took care of her while she struggled with mental and physical health issues over the past two years. I have started building a better life for myself and looking forward to not wasting my time on someone who threw me away.
I hear you there. I just don't understand how a woman can be so ungrateful for everything their husband's do for them and then one day decide to throw that marriage and that man in the trash. It is heartless.
Women show their true selves when she leaves.
Women show their true selves in court!
Men show their true selves when they treat their wife like a burden
@@PaulSullivan828 My wife treated me like a burden, like someone "she keeps around the house"!
17 ys married wife tells me she wants a divorce then leaves the house to stay at a friends 3 hrs later. Shocked I just try to keep up my spirits and go along. 5 yrs later She is remarried to the guy she met while we were married. I just didnt even believe it......and the more I tried to be rational with her the more angry she became. we had horses she told me to sell hers...when I found a good home for him I sent her the pic to see how nice it is going to be for him with the new owners... she blew up at me saying why are you trying to make me feel guilty? She said well I'm not...lose my number.....I did. It was like I never knew this person. I talked to a great therapist and she told me....she is not angry at you..... she is angry at what she has become.
@dcjocho1894- she does not need you anymore as she has a new man to provide and protect.
What happends to old replaced tools? You need to understand you need to move onwards for You. Forget her.
Strangers in the beginning, strangers in the finish.
@@dojocho1894 Put faith in God and not flesh. Flesh will abandon you. Your Heavenly Father won’t.
"The hardest thing you'll ever do is grieve someone who isn't dead." Somebodies really smart grandma said this. :)
Grieving the dead is worse.
@@gregorylatta8159its not
Def true. It's hard for many to understand this.
grandma was smart ,
grieving someone that lived a long good life doesn’t have to be “punishing”. rather you can celebrate the the good life they enjoyed. if it was a tragic death, the grieving hurts much more because you feel cheated for not having more time with them.
that is similar to the pain of divorce.
12 years ago, my ex met some guy on line, filed, and boarded a plane across the country to "Live happily ever after." She then convinced the kids to live with her. After 10 years of parental alienation, the kids are now saying mom is going crazy. They blame menopause
Mom is going crazy because her delusional fantasy is not working out and there is no "safety net" for her.
I don’t need to hear anymore. If she can’t regulate her emotional state and be willing to take accountability for her behavior. I am tired of being treated like crap and constantly getting blamed for everything. Good luck to anyone that wants to go through this.. all the effort and sacrifices will end with splitting the family up, assets and the money. Don’t get married.
As for the video, I thought it was very accurate and spot on.
Hi Ben, thanks for watching and for commenting. It sounds like you are putting up some important boundaries - you're right. Ultimately it doesn't really matter why she's acting this way, you don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm glad that you're able to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough.
@@BenWyatt05 exactly right love shouldn't feel like this and we do not deserve to be treated like this we don't we just don't !!!!!!!!
Women live by feelings yet live by spite. Genesis 3 shows why women act peacefully yet act in total outrage toward her husband. Eve was a totally different person at marriage than when she was with Satan. Many men rediscover this when they find the woman they married isn't the same woman in their divorce.
This video is excellent and so refreshing to hear someone discuss. I'm going through the actual divorce now after being separated for almost 15 months. To the entire world she's the happiest person alive but like you said she kept every single thought to herself that led to our divorce. She never once told me she needed anything other than what I was providing, I even asked her occasionally what I could do better and her answer was always "You're amazing and I could never ask for more." Looking back that obviously wasn't the truth because we're here now. Comparing the way she's acting now to the way she must have hid everything during our marriage is SOOOO eye opening and helpful. Occasionally during child exchanges she's let slip how stressed she is, how tired and overwhelmed but 99% of the time she's GREAT! lol...Stay strong everyone. Every hard thing we go through with this situation can make you stronger if you do the healing and repair the proper way.
More often than not a woman left because of things which are out of your control. Things could range from you are not blessed with the best genes, you're not her first choice or she was bored. Most of the time a woman will guilt trip you into thinking there are something wrong with you, something you did, or didn't do, but believe me, the only reason she left is to satisfy her hypergamous nature. There will always be someone better than you.
Thank you for watching and for sharing some of your story. Honestly, what she told you may well be true. What you're describing isn't a problem with you. It's a problem with her - perhaps low self esteem, lots of self judgment or even self loathing. These feelings are sadly common in men and women both because of childhood trauma. If she hated or hates herself, there is nothing you can do to make her happy. That is her healing work to do, and it may well be that your marriage ended because she wasn't able or didn't know how to do that work within herself.
Thank you again for watching, commenting and sharing here. Your posts help others in this little youtube community :)
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Thank you....Not to keep this comment going but what you're explaining about her is mostly correct. She had some very traumatic things happen before we got together....Self harm, attempted to take her life at one point, bulemia...But she was an amazing woman and I loved her to death, hoping I could help her through it but I wasn't able to do the work for her. She did tell me after she left "This isn't about you." It's just hard to hear.
I love your content and you've helped me a ton. At some point I will reach out to you for after care. I already have went through and get your emails. Thank you so much.
@@sstevo4066 I'm so glad that the videos and emails have been helpful. It's really hard to watch someone you love suffering and not be able to be fix it or change it for them... especially if the end result is losing them. There is a lot of grief to process there. Sometimes the brain holds on to the belief that it was somehow about you, because if that were true you have some sense of control or agency. The alternative, that it isn't about you, leaves you in a position where the only thing you can do is grieve both your loss and her pain. I hope you have some good support for yourself as you process that grief. Thank you for watching and sharing some of your experience here.
My exwife was a mute spectator in our marriage as well.
Exactly what I'm in the middle of after 22.....almost 23 yrs of marriage. She's in business mode, and I'm a wreck. Such an insightful message in this video.
I'm glad this video was helpful, though I'm sorry you're going through this all right now. Do you have a good support system?
She's in cash and prizes mode, that is what she is living for now. Protect yourself. In time reality will dawn on her.
@@John_Wood_
My soon to be x is the same. She has spent 1000 of dollars this summer going to concerts and staying in hotels with her divorced g\fs. We have 3 children together and I go over to the home we were married home or the holy matrimony home I lived in for 13 years to put our dog down for the night and I noticed a couple of Louis Vuitton small hand bags she had purchased. Couldn’t believe it.
@@davemedlock6329 they are soulless creatures trying to find meaning. All the fancy handbags in the world won't help them.
sorry buddy, but we’re nothing but sperm donors & the indentured servants until the discard.
rachel always attempts to rationalize a woman’s behavior as simply normal course of husm interaction between a man & a woman. she never addresses why a woman’s need to be so overly vicious & destructive. i’ve listened to plenty of these and it always comes down to you can’t blame a woman for her actions, you just have to accept it.
“Married for a long time and didn’t know the divorce was coming” . Stay single forever guys! It’s not worth it.
My partner of over 7 years. Was going out with her so called friends. Then found out it was a guy, she monkey branched and cheated on me while we were together. Never talked to me about her feelings or wanting to end. i have been trying to improve our relationship and life and she already emotionally detached long time ago it appears. A women who does this is a monster. She alsowanted for me to still be in her life after the fact. I said thats not how it works. I said good luck and sll the best. She is still with the guy she cheated me with. Why not communicate and end it if all failed? Why did she need to use me as security to find herself another person while having me as a fall protection. Pure evil and it destroyed everything i thought of the relationship after 7 years. Csnt even repair or salvage 7 years. I took as not real love. When you love someone you dont do that.
She was at the top of her game for 1 year, sneaking around behind my back. She moved out and her lover wouldn’t leave his wife. Bridges burned, she threw a family away , kids are done with her…
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser, I wasn't going to let my marriage of 18years crash
Relationships are hard, but I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but
we survived.
Amazing, I am kind of in a similar situation, how did you handle it?
well not the orthodox way but I was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer
please how can I get in touch with the spiritual adviser?
Her name is Quelani Eileen Freja, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster
They do it because 1. They grieved the marriage to themselves and their best friends and mom months or years before you even were aware of it. 2. She fears giving you false hope during her departure.
This is sooooo spot on to what I went through just several weeks ago. Thanks to Racheal and her network I’m doing much better now. Keep it up Racheal. You make a difference!!!
Hi Chaney! It's great to see you here. Thanks for continuing to watch and for commenting. Your journey is inspiring :)
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I must say the journey has definitely been an emotional roller coaster. In the beginning when she left my world was over and my mind could not push it down. I tried ohhh did I try. Then the gate broke with alllll that I’ve kept down for decades. I can say for anyone feeling that way now, that the sense of peace I have now by letting it alll go by way of talking, writing it down and screaming into our corn fields is refreshing and it does get better. If any of you guys just need a vent. Feel free to let me know. I can vouch for Racheal though. She’s the definition of life saver and she knows what I’m talking about!!!
@@chaneymcdonnell5567
I recently discovered this channel and since subscribing to it and watching her videos it has changed me going through my divorce. Almost all the videos I have watched has been my experience to a t. 20 year marriage and 27 year relationship ended after Easter this year. She said she’s been planning it for the last 2 years and didn’t even tell me she was unhappy or we needed to go to counseling. Tired to show her I can change and be better only made things worse and for her to resent me. 3 children as well. The last 3 months I have moved out of our family home. Bought a new home completely started over bought all new items, maintained a business, I took working out and going to the gym as my go to and it has paid off, now self focusing and self loving thriving while she is the same person as before. 💪🏻
What really appears to be upsetting to my ex was accepting her hostility. Over the years, she has made gestures of niceness I would reject. She sent information for the kids school photos, I simply in a business like manner informed her I didn't need her help on this. She became furious. "I was only trying to be nice to you!" My response was "You are not a nice person so your false niceness is rejected! No kind words from you! Ever! Feel free to be as mean as you like! This is who you are! This is what I accept! If you don't want to be mean, be formal and business like but NEVER nice!" She went crying to the court over this. The court laughed it off.
It isn’t that she hid her feelings and didn’t communicate. She likely did try to communicate for many years and was met with dismissiveness, defensiveness or explosive anger and called critical, a nag or a control freak every time she tried. After enough of that she realizes nothing is going to change and her feelings do not matter so she stops communicating because it didn’t get her anything but more misery. The man thinks things are fine because she is no longer “nagging”him. In reality she is now in the phase of evaluating how much longer she can tolerate the status quo and “going along to get along”. It is during this phase that she realizes that how the relationship is now, is how it is always going to be and the mourning of the relationship begins (or speeds up). When she has finally had enough of living like that, she decides to file for divorce. She actually is ok with the divorce because it means she will no longer have to just accept the status quo and go along to get along.
You vampire.
Most women go through the heartbreak while in the relationship so by the time she strikes she has already mourned and you are caught by surprise
In my experience She is treating it like she did the relationship - inconsequential, hence the divorce. So sex, no affection, no effect because she simply really doesn't care unless it affects her safety and security. Totally "blindsided" after not touching for 15 years, completely surprised that he filed because he wanted to have intimacy, how crazy is that?
I'm really sorry to hear that this was your experience over the last 15 years together. It sounds like there is a lot going on under the surface between the two of you (and of course far more than can be shared in RUclips comments). Do you have some good support in exploring, unpacking and processing your marriage and this divorce as you move forward with your life?
This is the story of many. Typically it's just women...with the underlying issues. If you read the comments...men are not lying. Women are cold and calculated. They simply have no heart...Marry and have kids for the wrong reasons and really care about nothing. "Quite quitting " how sick does 1 have to be to do this? Women are the issue.
@RachelsloanRelationshipCoach. The woman acts like she’s fine during separation and divorce is because she has already monkeybranched with Chad. Once Chad pumps and dumps her, she will then feel regret and then try to come back to the man from whom she divorced.
Almost 2 month ago my wife, who was a single mother when we met, (together for 7 years, married for just 2 months shy of 3 years) is ending our marriage because the baby daddy had a sudden epiphany that he loves her and wants her back. Mind you, this man did not support her or the child for 7 years. The child even said I’m 100xs more her father than him. And yet….wife said they have a bond and wants to try again.
Oh and did I mention the man still lives with his mother? He never moved out of his mother’s home and expressed he has a hard time saving money and is battling mental health issues.
She makes it look so easy. We lived in a different state than him. Having him fly her out every freaking weekend to get away from me. Her going out on dates with him. I was just tossed aside like trash and I feel like it. Can’t make this shit up. Will never do that again. Learned my lesson.
that's just awful, I'm sorry she was so careless with your heart. It takes a good man to be a father to child who is not his biological child. That is a really horrible act from her, i bet she comes crawling back, be strong, if she did it once, she'll do it again.xx
I been through one divorce and I will never get married again. My now x-wife about 8 years ago after 32 years being married. She abandoned the house moved to south Florida and filed for divorce. Her intentions were clear from the start, she thought she was going to win the lottery off my hard work. First thing I did was find the best legal team of civil lawyers in my county and retained their service. (This is a must if your a man, hire the best lawyers because your going to need the best representation). It took two a half years to get my divorce finalized. My evil X received 50% less than she thought she would .
Going through a divorce after being married this long, leave lasting scars and trauma. I thought I was going to die going through my divorce . I should not have loved her so much.
Mine called it quits. I immediately got online to check state laws. We’re both early retirees. Told her the next day “There will be no alimony”. After all, we literally have millions to split up. Her response? “well I have to look out for my own interests”.
Yeah, like she should throw me away in a gray divorce she wanted and expect I’m going to support her AND she gets 1/2 of everything? The delusion of it all.
I made the mistake of loving my wife too much and I continue making that mistake. I still love her, but she has already filed for divorce.
When you read some of the comments filled with anger towards women you realize how many men are hurting, thats why they are coming & commenting on a video designed to help heal their pain. It shows why someone like Rachel is needed today. So many hurt men looking for love & solace in a tough world
Well said, some of my best friends in the agony of separation and divorce have been women
You must be a woman
@@Boxcar808they break their marriage and then ACT all heartbroken. The pinnacle of narcissism
@@Boxcar808 How many of your best friends initiated their divorce because they thought they found someone better?
@@racebannon96 zero
Men, this advice here is gold. This counselor gets it for sure. Keep your heads up, there are brighter days ahead.
Omg this exactly explains so much. She has become someone I don’t recognize. She had an affair, still with them and now calls me a narcissist and acts like i’m a monster out of nowhere… i just put her needs always in front of everything else. This really explains a lot and makes me feel better knowing this is affecting her even though it seems like she’s moved on so quickly in less than 2 weeks of separation after 11 years together.
If she is cold, turn around, move on, replace her; you deserve better.
Don't replace, stay away from women period!
Great explanation of how stuff goes down. I’ve been telling my soon-to-be ex-wife you better live with your decision and quit blaming me for it. You wanted to be single so here you go.
Acting fine during the divorce is one of the diagnose criteria of : narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, dark triad and other pathologies. it shows lack of empathy. That makes any person unsuitable to long term relationship of a marriage. Recreational use only.
Also, let’s call things how they are. What you call coping, hiding etc. is really past trauma, deceit etc. any passive-aggressive behavior is either manipulation, deceit or pathology. Or a combination of those. No exceptions.please don’t justify pathology.
Been married 25 years and just when i think i know who my wife is someone else shows up.
If we were not devout christians we may have been divorced already.
My secret for staying married is confidence and stable.
Treat her with respect but she know i am not playing if she starts testing me with craziness.
Too many men act like they have no options and women lose respect.
Yep!! If men would continue to take care of themselves during marriage, continue to stand up for themselves, and be willing to kick the women to the curb, most women would be more respectful. Women just lose all respect for their men.
Can’t believe how relatable this whole message was. I was blindsided and she seems totally fine and it is such a mind f**k like you said. “Who is this person” is something I ask myself all the time over the past year. This has really helped me think differently.
This is demonic behavior and please believe it is damaging her on the inside. Karma is coming, you may not be there to see it but trust karma is happening and she won’t be able to deal with it.
When I had to leave my ex-wife, it felt like mourning a death. The marriage had become so toxic, that I couldn't take it anymore after a decade. I haven't had the courage for 4 years to even entertain the idea of a new woman.
Women view the relationship as basically a business deal, each supplies the other with something the other wants. When the woman views the husband as an underperforming asset then she cuts him loose, as one would discard a broken tool and proceeds to make plans to acquire another tool.
Yep, us men are just disposable tools to our wives.
Only thing I would say differently is this is all under the assumption that one’s wife is not mentally ill. Mine was a borderline.
Accountability is kryptonite to women - Kevin Samuels
She has to appear happy. She is attempting to portray she is free from the evil you put her through. If she was sad, it would be a sliver of possability she made a bad choice.
In some divorces this is a big part of the divorcing spouse's subconscious mindset. Unfortunately the accountability as kryptonite tends to apply across the board in divorce - it is a lot easier for both men and women to focus on villainizing their spouse rather than reflecting on and taking responsbility for the part they played in the dysfunction within the relationship. Healing for either party definitely involves learning to take on that accountability.
Thank you for watching and for sharing your perspective!
almost all divorce is the woman’s fault
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoachwomen are
Women are wired to leave you and move on and “find someone better “
@@troygriffen9200 Samuels died unmarried with a one night stand. Not the best relationship guru.
I’m going through a separation right now. Your channel has really been helping me through this.
He left me years before I moved away. I LOVED him.
He didn't even like me, but lacked the courage to tell me.
I will never get over it.
Immensely, immensely helpful and insightful - needed this today. Thank you, Rachael.
You're welcome, I'm really glad it was helpful and timely for you. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment here.
This describes my wife of 16 years so perfectly. She told me today that divorce will make her happy after all I have done for her, financially and emotionally supporting her. She has her family to tell her how brave she is for filing for divorce and that she will be so much better off without me. I was never her top priority. It was always her mom and dad who I moved halfway across the country to live close to.
Well articulated truth regarding my “Christian” divorce. I would add that the necessity for having a villain has a lot to do with social acceptance in cultures that have high expectations for monogamy. There is the need to convince others that her desire for power or getting her way when it doesn’t happen, then the feelings of satisfaction in a relationship fueling her narcissistic supply plummet. There is the female desire of being allowed to be crazy equates to being highly wanted and valued. Thus the hot v. Crazy diagram. If a guy doesn’t bend over backwards when she demands it, it can easily be interpreted as him failing to perceive she is hot enough to get her way. So ego is controlling this person, self value through the lens of getting one’s way or entitlement. This perception of value is like the parable of a house built on sand, the person is shallow at best and their “life” meaning is self-love, getting versus giving, and they have no true comprehension of selflessness or love. It’s just transactional, and in their transaction it is perceived as a loss of the egotism / narcissistic supply is not met, so then they lose feelings for the person they sought supply from. I.e. you don’t value me, I’m not gonna value you. Except their partner could be very valuing, kind, patient, loving, but failing to stroke the ego. That’s why you gotta test your partner early on, don’t stroke the ego, see how they handle disappointment, do they honor their parents even if their parents aren’t respectable, do they treat others well that don’t recognize their power and opinion, or are they spiteful to their opponents. It’s a character issue, can they forgive?, do they voluntarily apologize, can they take responsibility for error, or do they reverse the narrative and seek victim status at every turn no matter how petty the injury they claim hurt them is.
Rachael - you nailed my wife 100%, on every point you talked about. WOW!!! Do you have a video on "When and How all her suppressed feelings and emotions come bubbling to the surface"? At some point, will she crash when everything she's been suppressing finally surfaces? How long does it take until such an event? What would that look like? Depression? Mental break-down?
Women never take accountability and never regret anything.
I'm a man, and I have been absolutely delighted since leaving my abusive wife. Most of your videos don't really apply to my situation, but I think this one does actually have some good insights into *my* emotional state, so thanks.
I’ve noticed more who actually file for divorce are happier afterwards than many women are. I’m not talking about men whose wife divorce them. I sometimes wonder why that happens.
Thank you so much for this video. It really helped me understand the situation
Absolutely one of the best discussions and explanations of what the person doing the divorcing is doing when they act like they are unaffected. 1. their survival self cannot acknowledge their own pain, probably a long-term coping strategy now run amok - 2. they need to convince themselves they are happy, again so they do not have to explore the true roots of their own unhappiness. 3. they "split," meaning they view their ex as the villain, so they can maintain themselves as a hapless victim who is "finally putting myself first" by getting a divorce.
This happened to me 💯 percent. My soon to be x wife sat on the couch and was scrolling on her phone and she acted like I wasn’t even there packing up to move. Very crushing.
mine did the very same ! and in the end she said YOUHAD TO KNOW , i didn’t
@@davegayaldo
Sorry it’s terrible I’m 3 months in and my court date is the 31. The divorce is amicable but still hurts.
Remember that when she tries to come back. The ex-wife here tried coming back two months later. Her boyfriend is an alcoholic and was on dialysis for failed kidneys. I said NO. I got the divorce done as quickly as possible. Take care of yourself. Exercise, even if it is walking. Do things you enjoy. Staying busy and reading Psalms kept depression away. It will get better, give it time.
@@davegayaldo same mate…
Very helpful, 32 years blindsided this describes my x perfectly....thank God I was scooped up by a kind woman
thanks for the insight. i felt the same way that it was a surprise , she feels like she expressed her feelings to me.
Thank you for this one - I am trying to prepare myself. I am in a situation where I think I need to initiate the separation even though I think I could sustain a life with my current partner, it would be one of all too often misery, accusation and paranoia. I've never cheated on my wife, but in something as simple as liking a post or commenting on anything with a female I am labeled as such, with significant poison and vindictive actions that have become dangerous. I'm not going to proceed to separate to find someone "better", I am going to separate to survive, then become full time the person I am when I am alone or among friends. Strong, and happy.
When I try to talk to my wife she shuts down ghosts me for 3 days. Finally we separated and then She threatened me with divorce 19 times and never filed. She even kept some of my stuff told me to go get my storage stole it and folded a shirt in the middle of the floor just to get a reaction...... sounds narcissistic to me and it's a shame because I truly loved her with all my heart
Sounds like BPD
@@ssshhellbbyy wow I didn't even know this was a thing I just looked it up you might be onto something. She definitely has the signs.... Thank you
My friend told me she planned the divorce from before the marriage. Her first marriage she says, was for money and property, her second marriage was for love. The first husband was totally destroyed and lost all his inheritance.
Nice video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her...
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach her.?
Her name is maurice gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...
Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
You never meant anything to her. The marriage never meant anything to her. She settled for you, now she wants to bed the men she actually wants. She needed your resources, she has them now, you’ve outlived your usefulness to her. Rebuild, repent, and come back wiser.
I am going through this the second time I’ve been separated from my wife for seven months. I have been mentally tortured I thought after my first divorce, it would never happen again I couldn’t of been more wrong and this time around it seems to be affecting me worse I really love her, but that is not the person I fell in love with Right now I am a crutch for her and still taking care of her hardest thing to deal with….
how long were you with your first and now how long with the second. i FEAR doing it again.
@@WhiteGhost21 both believe it or not seven years
@@allseeingeye2491 that is on average how long most last these days
No she is cold because she checked out the marriage weeks or months ago.
Sometimes years...no soul
@@wLBlue if it is years and often is, why do YOU stay? serious question, im trying to understand the male perspective
@saggie5261 I can't speak from personal experience with the years. But many men don't want anyone else. They want the woman they thought they married. It takes awhile to realize that the person they thought they married wasn't real? If that makes sense. And even then...many men value themselves on their word. Till death do you part in sickness and in health. I can't speak for all...but many would not sign up for it if they had to it again. It's why many women play the part they think the man wants in the beginning...and slowly start to change. From what others have told they change after the wedding day. Bait and switch.
@@saggie5261 a better question might be...why do men and women do this? They are everything the other person wants and more...can't get enough of each other in all ways...and after marriage commitment kids...they flip and can't stand the other...they become a chore?
@@wLBlue yes i have heard things change after the wedding day too. I never believed in marriage, so didn't do that. I think many women, especially younger women, maybe up to 40's believe in the fairy tale, ie, not being realistic. They want the big wedding and then the fantasy wears off, and what's left? I'm in my 50's and my partner was never really a partner, he was an island. I tried hard for a long time and once i gave up, we became house mates. Of course he wanted sex, but how do you want to do that with someone who you don't connect with anymore? Someone you don't feel supported by? Someone who wants what they want, but gives nothing in return? He has been indecisive about everything; I have had to take the responsibility for everything and I'm sick to death of it. He never stepped up, I did my grieving years ago, that's why i might seem cold now, referring back to the video topic, but i have told him that. We didn't have a relationship, we had a friendship, that was it, how can he be blindsided, i really can't understand that being perfectly honest. These are some of the reasons I'm leaving.
Wow, this makes so much sense. I'm blown away. Thank you for helping me to process this. What do you recommend I do to save my family. Thank you Rachael Stone.
So moving the goal post constantly lying and manipulation and zero communication but we are posed to notice and understand all this bs. She created the problem sustained it but it’s the man’s fault smh. Having a mask in a relationship is just faking your relationship
Glad I found this channel. I'm to need to content on this here journey of mine
This was spot-on to my situation. I really appreciate this insight!
A few years before the end of our marriage, my wife declared that she wasn't happy. She then spent the next three years criticising everything about me, how I sleep, eat, drink, go to the toilet, drive, clean, shower, how much I earn, how long I worked, nothing I did was ever good enough and everything I did was the reason she wasn't happy, I endured this for 3 years for the sake of our children.
She was seemingly happy for about 6 months after separation, and then was obviously miserable, ten years later, and she somehow still blames everyone else for her unhappiness and is still miserable. It's incredibly tragic.
She broke up our family, and our children come from a broken home, and she still can't accept that other people are not responsible for our happiness. Other people can not make us happy. Happiness comes from within, without that inner happiness all others can do is temporarily distract us from our internal misery.
Her problem is HER, but she blames *you*. Then she tries to force herself to appear happy that she made the correct decision. Remember: accountability is kryptonite to women- and she will absolutely *refuse* to admit guilt or that she's wrong.
She's mean to you because you are the main mirror that shows she's actually the bad person. But in classic projection, she paints you as the villain. Women ALWAYS *love* to play the victim.
Rachel is the 🐐 of meaningful explanations of perplexing wife behaviors.
My wife has experienced unconditional love from me flr 16 years. I have never experienced that from her. She kicked me to the curb and is breaking our family of 6. Our kids will be so devastated when they find out about the divorce.
I can accept this explanation. I experienced this. For the first time in my life being the bad guy made me feel great.
When you have someone to blame its easy to think that all the problems are because of him. When he is gone you could realize that the problems are still there. Damn.
This has been so helpful, thank you
"our unhappiness is caused by our beliefs" ..... I gotta let that sink in.
That’s not being good at coping. That’s being good at lying. People who are good at coping grow from their challenges.
You ever want to know and understand the coldness of a woman...be the side dude.
Never love a woman more than yourself.
Went through divorce about 6 years ago, remarried in 22'. That is when I dicovered my ex-wife's survival self os a covert narcissist. She lost her shit over the remarry, and she took me to Child Support Enforcement because "she wanted fairness in child support." I was paying child support. In the end O got a revised parenting ageeement and $125 less a month I pay in child support because she was unwilling or unable to deal with me as a coparent. Have cut all contact with her personally except for absolutely ess ntial coparenting information.
By the time the woman gets to divorce, they're done!! They just want out! To them the relationship has been over for a long time. The guy just didn't know it!
yes this is 100% correct
Great insight. I would have NEVER figured this out by myself. Thank you so much.
Got divorced like 18 years ago... although she was unfaithful I noticed the court system don't care about men. Took me few years to forgive her, followed and focused on myself. I have to say now I'm happier and wealthy. Forgivesness is not for the other person, but to oneself to become better and move on.
Don't be gaslight, fellas it's cos she running off with cash and prizes at your expense via divorce court and the thought of it makes her happy and also she has someone else you don't know about.
A few years ago I told my husband of now 26 years that if I could afford to leave I would.....for MANY years before that I would tell him how unhappy and lonely I felt. Some men just dont listen and would rather tell others youre "moody"....
🤷♀️
Its a very depressing comment section here. Are you still together? Either everyone here is very badly matched or there is a communication problem. I know for me it was a communication problem, but when only one person wants to work on the communication to improve the relationship, nothing will get better. Many men seem incapable of listening it seems, that's why they are 'blindsided" when we tell them we are leaving.
I just tell them from the start when you get unhappy move on dont stay if you are not happy
Wow. This describes my separation and divorce to a T.
I communicate with my ex wife every day and she is not hiding anything. And one thing is clear: she is not unhappy divorcing our 20 year marriage at all. Never been . She has not found another man etc she just is happy living without the marriage.
thats me too. looking forward to starting my own life. In my case i am sick of being the mother to everyone, i just want to selfishly care for myself like my ex has done his whole life. That would be nice.
@@saggie5261 But she is still using my care and resources every way.
@@saggie5261 my ex is abusing my care and love on and on. Women are into consuming and abusing a lot.
Good insights Rachael.
Curious, have you experienced a divorce yourself? Or is your experience and knowledge coming from working with others actively going through lost marriages?
Survival self mask is absolutey true for both parties. Well said.
I wish when any man types in divorce anywhere on the internet, this video shows up. This is just… wow! Thank you thank you thank you! This makes so much sense, because I’ve struggled so much with trying to understand what the hell is going on with my ex wife. She is doing everything you described, and now I bet it..
Brilliant explanation of what I've seen first hand!
I'm really glad it was helpful, thanks for watching! If you'd like to go further and gain a deeper understanding of how and why women (and men) act the ways that they do, check out my free masterclass: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach will do
You, ma'am, have a higher level of thinking. Cheers to you!
Women usually decide to divorce a year or two before they do it
The average is 7 yrs.
For me it was 10 yrs.
All these men in the comments.
I wonder how many have self reflected regarding their role in the relationship breakdown.
Men take breakdowns about 3x harder than women do.
Men are always blind sided.
We told you 1000 times what we needed. You didn’t listen.
We thought you would change and you didn’t.
You thought we wouldn’t leave and we did.
Did you stonewall your wife?
We’re to open to vulnerable communication?
Every relationship is different. We are all different.
But it take two to Fk up the relationship
@@saggie5261you stuck around for a decade after deciding you wanted a divorce? That's reprehensible. You wasted a full decade of that man's life as a facade.
Tons of wives claim to have tried for years but tons of husbands claim they were blindsided. Both things can't be true at the same time.
Women claim to be amazing communicators when they are anything but.
@@saggie5261 Why do you want to change your husband? He was good enough when you met him...
I actually think both things are almost always true - women are trying to communicate for years, in ways that there husbands can't hear or understand. Most men have been conditioned since childhood to ignore emotions, and grow so good at pretending that they're fine that they believe it themselves, even if their suppressed pain is making them physically sick. Most women have been conditioned since childhood to avoid conflict at all costs, and try to softly talk about what they need, but when this isn't heard or acknowledged by their partner they end up either shutting down or lashing out instead of communicating clearly.
Men are not the problem. Women are not the problem. The problem is the fucked up societal norms we're all raised with, and the incredible amount of trauma most people are carrying with them into their relationships from their childhoods. If we, men and women both, learned basic emotional regulation and communication skills in elementary school, the divorce rate would plummet, but these are not skills our society values.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach It's sort of an explanation. Thanks for the input. Anyway, for men, I strongly advise to NEVER marry. Don't sign that contract with the State involved.
Easier said that done, however, it's possible to recover. I am a living proof. You have to find a coping mechanism, close friends that are not closed to her. Find the things you love like educating and improving yourself, new hobby, relocate. If he or she is bad go no contact, best revenge.
Women are men's helpmeets. When things are pleasant. And when things are unpleasant they help a man identify his weak spots. The latter sucks. Nearly killed me. But have courage and faith, and even if that woman is no longer yours, you will secretly thank her for making you stronger and becoming someone very attractive for your character to another woman. Give yourself time to heal, and find the balance between forgiveness and resilience.
never choose a woman and try to make her happy,
choose a happy woman.
and vice versa
Its part of good communication if she uses bad coping mechanisms. Stone walls you etc etc its time to just let go and move on. Unfortunately you cant change people they might on their own time but it could be too late by then
You explain to a T. Its refreshing to hear what ive experienced myself and many other's it seems. The things i heard from her on her feeings towsrds ne after the divorce was soul ripping. Two faces is right. I felt like the villain, a piece of trash...i was all of a sudden abusive, neglectful...things i never heard once when we were married. I try to give room and understand but i rationalize and communicate...she ignores me.
She was hiding her feelings because she knew she couldn’t justify a divorce, and it’s easier to just dispose of her husband than try to convince him. She spent her whole life devaluing men because that is what she was taught by her mom, friends, schools, media and the government.
In the two years since I was served papers (God, please bring this awful divorce to a close!), one of the crucial things introduced to is the idea that a man isn't responsible for a woman's happiness (and vise-versa). Going forward, I am considering that crucial in my next relationship. That's a giant expectation to put on a spouse that will eventually and inevitably fail.
We need more videos on this survival self mask stuff…my wife has had hers on for months…
I am so confused by this, not only is she acting like nothing happened, she moved in with another guy a week later. Of course I hear they are just friends and she needed somewhere to stay, I am killed right now I just don't understand any of what is going on in my life right now.