How To Make A Big Decision When You Don't Know What to Do
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2023
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Decision making is an essential part of being human - but that doesn't mean that making hard or big decisions is always easy - especially when we don't know exactly what we should do. The good news is, there are a few important ways of seeing the decision you're trying to make in a new light that will help you make the decision when you don't know what to do, and here I teach them to you.
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Hi! Glad you're here. What was one of your takeaways from this talk?
Control what you can control. Find a focus. Reprogram your mind. And surround yourself with the right people. Maybe more importantly than anything else, hone your belief system.
10:03 My problem I guess others have too is that the way I feel changes, and depending on what I remember about the thing can flip 180 degrees, it's terrifying.
I like the point about being compassionate to yourself. I wish I knew how to feel secure enough to do that. The world just seems like such a nasty place - it feels like going against the grain to be truly nice to myself. It's not how a lot of people I know treat me.
What if the security was built by taking the action of being kinder to yourself?
@@juliakristinamah Perhaps that's the answer. I just meant that it feels so unnatural to be vulnerable like that with anyone else. To show compassion to myself is to treat myself a way few people have treated me for a long time.
self trust is difficult when you aren't confident in achieving a goal/decision due to mental illness
I think if a person’s even wondering on their wedding day if they shouldn’t walk down the aisle, they deep down already know the answer: “Don’t do it!”
Hi Julia! Senior Shifter Chris here!
I do have a takeaway, but I am going to share that withing our groups. I will, however, share my notes here.
Here are my notes:
What to do:
*Take a deep breath & offer yourself words of compassion.
*It is not about making the "wrong" decision that we are afraid of, it is how you are going talk to and treat yourself and what you are going to make it mean about you, if you do. Make a commitment that if you don't know what the outcome will be and if it isn't the desirable outcome you wanted, to give yourself compassion and be kind to yourself. Learn from any decision making.
*There is no "right" or "wrong" decision, just decisions based on the reasons that you like best.
*If you make a pro and con list, look at the weight that each pro holds. Noticed what it feels like when you go through each pro and con and notice ones that have the reasons you like best and the consequences and work through if you are willing to accept if they happen.
*If you are not ready to make a big decision yet, then close it off and put it aside and decide when to go back to it. (A week, month, year…etc.)
*A lot of pressure we have is our own pressure we are putting on ourselves.
*Learn to trust yourself more.
Beautiful and helpful as always Chris. Thank you!
@@juliakristinamah Thanks, coach! My pleasure!
It's how you treat yourself, your right.😊,I do that beat myself cause it didn't go right.commiting to be kind and nice.
Take aways,
"Outcome you want or the lesson that you need"
"Catching yourself instead of kicking yourself if you fall"
"Perfectionist idea that there's always a right or wrong decision" when it isn't clear.
Excellent talk, Julia. I've heard similar talks in your previous videos and this one complements them alot and really helps it sink in.
Thank you!
really glad you got some good takeaways from this one John.
Great vid, Julia!! 💞💚
I loved this, thank you! ❤
Thank you
What a helpful video, thank you so much for the clarity and guidance.
social comparison is a huge factor too.. on self hate
Thank you Julia I need to make a big decision now.
Great tips! In addition, I think it would be helpful to figure out why you are afraid of making decisions. It is because you were punished for making the wrong decision? Were you taught that there are right and wrong decisions? Then dispute those beliefs by saying, "how someone treated me for making the wrong decision is not helpful. I can decide now how I want to think of myself."
Takeaway from this talk- I learned I’m really hard on myself and sometimes don’t even acknowledge my own feelings (or strengths)
This video is so true, thanks Julia! 🎉 (This is life changing info.)
Wonderful Jay - really glad you got some important shifts from it.
Hi Julia. Loved the video. Being afraid of making a big mistake and no such thing as a right or wrong decision. Those two were take aways for me. Sometimes we're not too sure when make the right decision but we just have to find out but don't be hard on yourself when things don't go your way.
❤ Good stuff.
Thank you so much for this, Julia. I have to make a decision tomorrow morning about whether to get a diagnostic mammogram six months after the mammogram that diagnosed my breast cancer. I am to start radiation treatment in two weeks. My doctors support my decision to do this before radiation if my gut is telling me that there is something wrong. I am having the same sort of breast pain I had before my cancer diagnosis. But they also said if there is a finding of something abnormal, then my radiation treatment will be delayed until we can do a biopsy and get the results. Biopsies are very invasive, take time to heal, and create more scar tissue and potential complications for radiation treatment. I also don’t want to launch into radiation and wait another six months for a mammogram only to learn that I did have another tumor, potentially, and the other breast. I’ll make the best decision I can tomorrow.
We could start SOMEWHERE ... here and now !😊😊
Amen!
This video comes at the right time. I’m going back to uni and I can‘t decide on a major even tough I got a direction. I feel so anxious and under pressure because I decided not to go to med school at 23 after going to nursing school. I am afraid I only got that second chance to change careers and not find the right path.
My takeaways are being kind and compassionate with myself, allowing time to give clarity, and deciding which set of consequences I am willing to accept and live with. Once I make the big decision before me, I cannot go back and undo it.
Wonderful video , Julia! Im gonna commit to work on the 1st option. I commit to being kind , compassionate and gentle with myself when it all comes crashing down on me. Often my judgement can be clouded due to some reasons and the risk of making a wrong decision is real for me .
Great! Keep me posted on how it goes.
@@juliakristinamah Ok.Thank you!
Where have you been over the years - did I need you!!! You explain this simply! Question, I’m 55 on my own with no children and I have wasted years not making decisions and it’s frustrating to me (ie staying with narcissistic husband for 25 yrs) and now trying to make a decision for the last 3 yrs between a bf and my ex wanting to come back. … I NEEDED THIS!!! Thank you!!!
Jeez hope ya did not go with ex, look how long it took to get out of that one. 25 years! best of luck,
thank u. first time listing to u. wish I could call u for advice. from okla
Right the consequences, financial ect.
A decision classified as BIG needs the approaches JK outlined for sure, but maybe I'm a wimpy kid, the courage to actually push the button is proportionate... Feels like jumping off a cliff. The crazy thing is even good stuff feels like this! Change is tough, for me anyway.
The example of marriage is huge, not an expert (only done it once!) but if you have any doubts at all at that point, time to bail!
This also sounds like the high pressure sales tactic of an artificial deadline, the stress lobotomizes you and the unscrupulous sales guy will do anything to make you sign up... It's his payday after all.
Big decisions are rarely taken without the involvement or interference of others, and you might be tempted to do it to please THEM. Even if it's your friends, family or partner, not usually a good idea.
The opposite of marriage is even worse, and a breakup has it's own special category of hell, not just for the dumped but the instigator too. Deciding to reject someone you previously loved is the hardest thing. I guess there are some who can suppress their emotions. It should be easier if the partner had done something egregious like have an affair, but that doesn't make your own feelings of impending loss any easier.
The timeframe needs to be proportional to the risk / cost / value, so sometimes it's better to cut your losses asap. Like entrepreneurs say, fail fast, (so you can pivot to the good solution sooner). The lost cause fallacy and other cognitive biases are a nightmare to negotiate. Like you are at war with your own mind...
Right, I hate hasty decisions.
Love this 💟 Thoughts on making a video "Difference between extrovert and codependent" would be super interested! 😊
This is interesting - one doesn't necessarily have to do anything with the other. Can you explain more what prompted this question?
@@juliakristinamah I was thinking about it the other day that I used to be an extrovert and now I'm an introvert. Doing some self observation (with help from your vids) you helped me overcome co dependency and seeing if there is a correlation with people who are co dependent then it makes them extrovert? Just thought it would be interesting video.... Just all along being an introvert but because of the co decency we become extrovert. Difference between an actual extrovert vs introvert with co dependency that is an extrovert because of it.
Love this, so helpful! Shifter here 😊 my takeaway is what consequences can I live with? What decision will bring this/these consequences? These assist with my decisions regarding upcoming retirement
Thanks for receiving my messenger bird 🐦 ❤😂
Hi Helen - glad you're here. Yes, looking at the whole picture is really helpful in making big decisions. Keep me posted on how it goes.
@@helenquiroz1835 you are so welcome! lol
Sometimes we feel pressed to make an early decision because of time limit, if a decision is not made within a certain time limit then an opportunity will be lost. This creates an extra pressure.
But also extra incentive. If not for those external pressures I would hardly made any decisions myself.
The timing of your video is uncanny. Thank goodness for Google's RUclips algorithm, which proposed it to me. I have to decide if I want to give up everything (friends, family, job) and follow my partner to Europe (#3 applies most to me). Thank you for this video, it is excellent!
for me it is not really the decison , I am ready to go to the next one but what if it makes me without any money for rent, or food, or housing
What if one indefinitely pushes back important decisions… In order to make even a medium decision I need pretty strong arguments and usually external pressure…
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So it is fear based?
Pros cons weightbmatters
Good enough
Be kind to self
What consequences you willing to accept if they were to happen
It seems to me to make decisions to be nice and kind to others doesn't seem to work for me. Is it taken as a weakness? So tired of ignorant all about me people. I wonder if I stooped down to their level would work better?
And its ok if I am not ready
11:58 again, I hope this isn't drawing from personal experience!
Lol messaging birds
glad you liked that one ;-)
Stopped the video at 4:50 because NOPE that's not what I'm afraid of. I really hoped this video would help, but alas.
I'm never stuck. Lol
so glad to hear it Steve!
@@juliakristinamah what did you do today? I listened to Julia Kristina what the hell did you do?
8:09 I hope this example isn't based on personal experience... but that's a relationship red flag.
Constructive criticism. Bear in mind I'm fragile. I like your content but for me it sounds like you going over and over and over the challenges. I'm fully aware of my struggles. I feel like I'm losing out on your content because of this matter. Hope this helps.