I was a lost soul With no self control Struggled daily to maintain and cope Between my bipolar, and my depression I responded to fear with aggression And it seemed to me, like there was truly no hope Then Ren comes along Spilling his life into songs He mentions loosening the noose on the rope It opened my eyes Seeing his will and his drive To brush with a much broader stroke Now I’ve been creating, lifting, elevating With rhymes and with painting And my outlook on life, is bright, as a whole
It blows me away that Ren's story is my story, only i haven't found my way out yet. But finding Ren a year ago, brought color back into my life. I was literally only existing so my kids didn't have to go to their mothers funeral. I went to my mom's funeral, my dad's, and my best friend who was more of a sister to me. I was done. I had lost my last ounce of my soul. But then Ren happened. And he had autoimmune disease and M.C.A.S. too! I just hope i find my day to shine as well. Go through Ren's music, there isn't a single weak song. Much love 💜💜💜
Hang in there, it will get better. Your children love you and want you to be there for them. Ren fans are there for you. We are a tight community and support each other.
I don’t share a lot, and I don’t share often because I’m not into comparing misery. But I had cancer then I had long-term Covid and now I suffer from ME. Which to me manifest in constant pain and exhaustion. I’m only in year two. So I’m still figuring things out. But honestly, I think I’d trade cancer back. ME is physically spiritually and mentally crushing isolating and takes away your ability to hope. Anyway, thank you for your reaction. Ren has been huge help for me this year. Just listening to his music makes me feel like pushing on.
From ThriceTheThird: @leslieballard9709 Hello. I am glad you shared what you are going through with us. It sounds like it is extremely tough to go through, and unimaginably exhausting having to fight illness after illness, all in a row. I also had a lot of trouble when I first started sharing with people, feeling some similar feelings to you in regards to sharing misery, but I think that I have found that it's not so much about comparing any misery. It is more so having a safe outlet to be able to talk about my misery without having to feel guilty/judged/or like am comparing anything to anyone else. So that I have an outlet to safely let it out and not be judged for it, because I think letting it out can be therapeutic when people are actually just there to be supportive. So I thank you for finding our space safe enough for you to share in, and please feel free to continue share anything you are feeling/experiencing if you ever need/want to. We are here. I hope that you can have as good a day as possible given your circumstances. Stay strong. <3
From GaryYounOG: @leslieballard9709 Hello, I'm really sorry you're going through all this. You've been facing one challenge after another with cancer, long-term COVID, and now ME. It’s a lot to handle, and I can’t imagine how exhausting and overwhelming that must be. Being only in year two and still trying to figure things out must make it even more challenging, as the pain and exhaustion continue. It’s understandable to feel like this new illness is crushing you physically, mentally, and spiritually. I can see why you feel like you'd trade cancer back in a heartbeat. It's tough to explain how ME affects your day-to-day life to others, especially when it leaves you feeling so isolated and drained of hope. The constant pain and exhaustion make it hard to imagine things getting better, and when people don't understand or aren't able to offer support, it only adds to that sense of isolation. Your suffering is valid, and it's understandable that you would feel like it's taken away your ability to hope. I'm glad that Ren’s music has been a source of solace for you. When his lyrics resonate and help you feel like pushing on, it shows how powerful music can be. Finding something that connects with you like that is invaluable, especially when it feels like so much has been taken away. Even though it’s hard to share when you’re not into comparing misery, I'm grateful you're sharing your story here. It shows how much strength you have, even when everything feels like it's weighing down on you. If you ever want to talk more or just need someone to listen, I'm here. You deserve to be heard and supported through this, and your strength and resilience are inspiring. Even when it feels like hope is out of reach, you’re doing an incredible job holding on.
I'm sorry you have ME too. I don't know how severe you are affected but may 14th and 15th there's an international, free online conference on ME and LongCovid: unite2fight. They will make videos available on RUclips if you can't join online. This is the first time something so big is organised for lc and ME and I find hope in that. I have ME since 2017, and found some things that helped me. Just wanting to say, things can change and I know it's an awful illness. Sending love.
After my best friend died from su1c1d³, I went and got an MRI because she kept telling me to go get one. I finally got my 1st MRI in 2017. I found out I was born with a few congenital defects. I won't talk about 2 of them, but my main pain is from my spinal cord never fusing to my tailbone. So my lumbar spine never fused to my coccyx (sacrum). So my bones started rubbing and that caused inflammation and my spinal joints grew cysts where my nerves are being squished. I also was diagnosed with M.E. right after. I'm have been in constant excruciating pain daily for years! My other defects are smaller but just as painful. I just had a new MRI, my Spinal Surgeon said he can't do surgery to fix the hole in my spine, but I can get an ablation that I need 6 nerves that exit cut and cauterized. It lasts 12-18 months verses the shots that last 2-3 on me. He also wants me to get an implant on my back muscles because they have atrophied. Idk if my insurance will cover it. I'm on irrelevant Disability. My M.E. was misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia, but I had them do all the tests and then found out it was M.E. after talking to my pain doctor. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. My family doesn't understand chronic pain or chronic fatigue. My own mother and I are on the outs because she is tired of hearing about it??? Idk? I told her I thought she blamed herself because I was born with this, it's congenital. She makes it sound like it's my fault. I can't even talk to her anymore! 😢
So nice to have someone see the wonder in Ren !! And I am just a old retired rocker !! I have seen so many artist live in concerts for many years . No one like Ren !! He is needed in this world and I feel he is just getting started . Wishing him all the healing that will make him whole again !!
After having listened to Ren's Chapter Series Intently and multiple times, this track just encapsulates his story so well and serves as musical accompaniment for The Chapters. Ren's experiences are very familiar to me to say the least, as is often the case with many of his supporters. Ren's success is so deserved and I do truly hope it continues. Ren is the medicine many of us need. So raw and vibrant in color, combined with his naturally emotive performance! Indeed Ren....Your Limo has finally arrived.
I'm 55and.lived most my life with major depression disorder last year right before I found Ren and his music I was diagnosed with chronic lymphatic leukemia. Ren has brought a silver lining to my other wise crap life I relate so much toany of his struggles and seeing him carry on inspires me to do so
Ren helped me save myself. I have fibromyalgia, bipolar, severe anxiety, PTSD. After 15 years, I quit antidepressant, pain meds, xanax, ambien. I regained my sanity and decreased my pain. I fired doctors. Ren's testimonials showed me a cycle I was stuck in and a path forward. And he gave me HOPE.💜💜💜
mmmm "your pain will be exactly what your purpose needs". damn that line hit me hard. just lost my paps after a 2 yr battle with brain cancer, I lost myself during that time and felt lost in life for a while now. Those few words put alot of thoughts of mine into alignment and perspective.
I am a Veteran and have fought PTSD for so many years..... Hi Ren showed me that the struggle is the innermost of my spirit fighting against anything good that was left inside my head ... I am so thankful for that song ... I played it for my therapist.... We both cried ... So at my next weekly session he told me that another vet was in the afternoon that I shared that video with him ... He played it for that man and it began to break down his PTSD that he felt was no way out .... Thank you Ren for sharing your pain, struggle, and HOPE.... To loosen the nose in the rope, or in my case, the finger from the trigger .... I am now doing Ketamine therapy and am becoming ME again.... Taylor, thank you for your insight and words. This site is a lifesaver.
The "Missing" Chapters(8 of them), on his Ren Makes Stuff youtube channel, are really amazing to listen to, hear, and understand. Truly brings context and clarity to this track.
The words at the end "lord I forgive you" struck something so deep in me. For a year and a half I battled stage 3 cancer... And when finally finished treatment I thanked God... And I was and am grateful... But wow to say lord I forgive you... That struck somewhere new in my heart. As Christians we are always taught to ask forgiveness, but to say lord I forgive YOU for letting me go through this is so powerful.
I'm not religious in the slightest and don't believe, but I am a chronic illness survivor and I completely broke down at that line: Lord, I forgive you. So freaking powerful when you can bring an atheist to their knees with a line about God
With great power comes great responsibility, and Ren is truly a hero! He is using his growing powers and platform for so much more than simply creating brilliant music. Ren has said that he always had this feeling that he was meant to change the world for the better. So much that he defiantly yelled a challenge to evil into an empty room. And then he got sick… Ren has now shared the full story of his health journey in 8 video chapters leading up to the release of this song and what a journey it has been. If anyone hasn’t already watched them, I highly recommend you do. With all the chapters he is showing immense strength in sharing his story that is so hard to tell, being vulnerable and telling it because he hopes it will help others and raise awareness. And here he is with another rendition of that story, now told through music with a fire beat and delivering a message of hope. A beautiful hero that the world needs ❤️🐰🕳️
I have fibromyalgia, there is no cure , I live always with pain . There are a lot of times I don’t want to out of bed en face a new day . But there are still a lot of things I want and love . This number is so good and hopeful ❤️
Ren has great messaging. I've ME. What I personally find most challenging is getting others, be them doctors, family, or the general public, to understand the need of that empathy. Honestly, with conditions we suffer through, we become invisible to world. I end up isolated, left alone, and forgotten. Every doctor's visit is a fight to try to get them to understand that jars of pills have little effect. Pill X for Symptom B has no effectiveness, because what causes that symptom has nothing to do with what the pharmacology of the pill is designed to modify in the body. The fact that Ren lost Joe and others in his life is probably the ONLY reason he is still alive. He understands the pain he would cause others if he ended his own. These diseases are that insidious. The real tragedy is lack of empathy from those around use dealing with it. I'll always support Ren from here out, because he has a way of getting the voice out there. I've spent over a decade "fighting" my doctors on finding effective treatment.
I think it also massively helps that Ren is Welsh 🏴. For lots of other countries that stuff is mythology but for us it’s our mythology. Anglesey is often thought of as the Island they speak about often where Merlin lived and that’s exactly where Ren is from.
Ren has done more already than many in a full lifespan. He has gained resilience and wisdom beyond his years. The main take out of this song is that even when you don’t see the end of suffering or the solution or the meaning and no way out… that it’s not forever… especially hard to believe when in the spiralling PIT but oh so important to be reminded that there is a way out.
This is very rapidly rising up my list of tracks of Ren's that I admire immensely. From a fellow RENegade I love the infectious enthusiasm that you Taylor have for Ren and often the message that he is trying to send out into the world through his music. Having just finished Ren's spoken word story series chronicling his life and the effect of chronic illness (even though there were some hilariously funny in places that had me laughing) this was great.
Just wanted to say that I love your Ren content. Going through pretty much the toughest months/years of my life and Ren's music, his words and his message are part of what's pulling me through atm. Thank you for sharing his work, for adequate interpretations of his lyrics and the support you provide through your content. Lots of love.
Anyone who hasn't, needs to watch the Chapters. He opens up and tells his entire story, because, as he said, when he was going through it, there were no stories of hope so he wanted to give a story of hope to someone who may be going through the same struggles. He talks a lot about the struggle and hoping for it to all end. Its an amazing lead up to this release
As someone struggling with BPD and having a fiancee still fighting for her diagnosis, I love this channel! I watch your videos before work in the mornings and it reduces my stress. Keep up your healing work🥰🔥
This song has given me a little hope in my term oil with fibromyalgia I feel like given up on life almost every day ren is keeping me fighting, his chapters are amazing and heart breaking at times and this song made me cry with joy, hope and made me find a little hope
For those who haven't yet... ya Gotta watch his story... all 8 chapters! (Must watch... located in his Troubles Playlist!) His lyrics are Truly His Story... "clawed at the laminate"... I mean Come On!!!
In away that most feel ashamed and confusion,this man has shown away to turn the shame into a strength you can be proud of,and a path to understandin. Most of all he has given alot of hope to put take this barely standing frame of life and turn it into untouchable castle. Respect..
Such a lovely motivational message to echo Ren's- I especially love your suggestion for people to visualise (& sow the seeds to actualise) what their story would be like if built on a foundation of hope. If only everyone had easy access to someone like you who not only is absolutely excellent in understanding and validating people's feelings, but is also inspiring in ways to overcome and view things differently. In fact I think its so important, and could save so much suffering & feelings of isolation & hopelessness, it really ought to be part of the National Curriculum - MH awareness & CBT etc
Haha I was pretty excited 😁 I'm so proud of him right now for this one! My favorite premier! Not only did he get through a rough week with his chapters, but to have to go through all this in the 1st place and still have so much integrity through it all and for wanting to be the voice for the voiceless! This is why he's my favorite!❤ Thank you for reacting 😊😊
As someone who struggles with depression, and have done so for years. I can't even imagine struggling with a chronic illness as well. Really hope we as a society can work towards a solution for people like Ren
The more I listen to Ren, it seems to me his life is something like a modern day version of Job. This world tells you that hope is a "maybe" thing. Hope is a surety. Hang onto it. It'll come
I suggest you watch Rens chapters. There is 8 chapters each about 15 minutes he basically tells his whole story. Noneed to react but will give you all the insight you need to Ren. ❤
I agree! The chapters spell out his journey in detail. I cried every chapter.. my heart broke for him how much he suffered and then again for all the people still suffering . Sending love and light ❤️
I’ve been fighting for so long. Every doctor said I didn’t have anything and surprisingly enough I talked to a doctor in the VA and she started crying after I unloaded everything. I’d love for you to be my therapist, you actually analyze and interpret everything and hold things in such a positive manner.
I just stumbled across your channel. You seem like a very open-minded & welcoming therapist. I wish one of the dozens I've gone to were just half of what you seem to be. Maybe then I wouldn't be stuck in gray and so cold/numb. (severe depression & anxiety)
From GaryYounOG: @Fat_Sad_Bear Hello, I'm so glad you found the channel and that it resonates with you. It sounds like you've had a really challenging time finding the right support with therapists in the past, and I'm sorry to hear that it's been so difficult. Feeling stuck in a state of numbness and coldness can be incredibly tough, and it’s understandable to feel frustrated when the help you seek doesn’t meet your needs. It’s unfortunate that you haven’t found a therapist who you feel truly understands and supports you in the way you deserve. Everyone should have the opportunity to work with a mental health professional who makes them feel seen and valued, especially when dealing with severe depression and anxiety. If you're still open to it, don’t give up on finding the right therapist. Sometimes, it takes several tries to find someone whose approach and personality are the right fit for you. It’s a bit like finding a key that fits a lock perfectly. Meanwhile, finding small ways to express what you’re going through, whether through forums like this, journaling, or creative activities, might provide some outlet for your feelings. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and please feel free to continue expressing anything else on your mind here. This is a supportive space, and while I may not have all the answers, I'm here to listen and help as much as I can.
From Micro: @Fat_Sad_Bear Depression and anxiety definitely have a way to paint everything in grey-ish tones. I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, friend. These two struggles have been a part of my own journey for as long as I can remember, and it's hard to see beyond the walls it creates around our mind and body every day. I'm sorry to hear that your experiences with therapists were not bringing any help nor hope to you either. Somehow, the process of finding both the right therapist and the right therapy to us personally is such an ungrateful process. While you are already in pain and need to muster so much energy to ask for help, you soon realize that you might have to fiercely advocate for your needs and keep on trying to find the right person. It's discouraging at times. Although I would like to fully encourage you to not give up on the possibility to get help altogether. Unfortunately, finding a therapist that really connects with us personally is often meant with many try and fail before. It surely did for me - which was defeating at times and made me feel even worse, if not beyond help. However, through this process, we are doing something good: seeking support and help for ourselves IS a positive step, regardless of the result. We are saying to ourselves "I'm worth it" - and heck yeah we are .Each time you try, you are actively taking steps to walk away from your depression and anxiety. It's subtle, not immediately efficient, but it's worth it because it's about *you*, your well being and your future. You deserve to feel supported, heard and understood on this journey of yours. :heart:
Like Rocky lll, RENs is “a journey through hardship to beat his opponent. But within its initial layer, there is also a hidden theme of loss, motivation, fear, desire, and the fiery symbol of human hope.” I’m left with chills and tears streaming down my face. This feels very much like a companion to Hi Ren- which was created and released right before he left for Canada for treatment. Troubles was inspired by Trouble So Hard which Ren got the permission to sample for this song. It’s encapsulates his journey from Day one to now. I’m at the point of just waiting out my days. I’m 57 and this has gone on since before 2016. 2017 and I was bed bound. My family went about doing everything only I was left alone, in my bed tomb. I told my neurologist that I had zero quality of life and just wanted to die. Well, I ended up with an EMT and a cop to transport me to the hospital ( psych ward). As an American who isn’t self employed and therefore self insured who pays $24k / year just to be insured. So I ended up handcuffed behind my back and placed in the back of a police car and dumped in a back room of the ER- where I sat alone for 7+ hours before being admitted. The psych intake nurse stopped midway through ( because NONE of my meds were familiar because they were not psych meds , they were for cluster headaches, atypical migraines, and occipital neuralgia headaches ( aka, suicide headaches). My deductible was blown so I made an appointment with a top neurologist who specializes in headache disorders. MRI… 9mm brain bleed. The protocol I was on shot my bp so high that it was abruptly stopped for fear that I would have a stroke. Even with insurance, in the US doctor visit=$, specialists =$$, tests, tests, more tests = $$$. Answers = 0
I'm 44 yrs old, diagnosed fibro/rheumatoid arthritis in 2013 then adhd 2021, complex ptsd due to childhood abuse. I've lived in pain for so long, then I found Ren. The first artist to be able to explain in a beautiful way what goes on in my head, what I've been through. I'm a mother to a son with CF, adhd, autism. I feel like a failure most days because I can't be as active as other Mums, but now I know whatever we do, I'm leading him with love and compassion and a safe environment. That in itself has broken a cycle in my family. In that, I need compassion for myself too ! Say it loud ! Thank you Ren ! Thank you for this video and reaction ❤❤
Ren's Music has helped me so much. I'm the only one to care for my dad with Alzheimer's and it's been really hard on me trying to do everything and still work full time. I'm so stressed all the time, but Ren helps me cope a lot. Great new song and reaction loved it!
Thanks for a really great reaction. I'm also someone who has been helped by Ren and his music. I moved back to my mum and dads house after getting divorced and, at the beginning of 2020, I had to care for my dad through his last month of pancreatic and liver cancer on my own. Then I became my mums 24/7 carer for the next 3 years until she unfortunately passed away at the end of last year. Luckily I discovered Ren and his music which has been helping me deal with things so far. ❤
I relate so much. My chronic illness/disorder (chronic regional pain syndrome) just celebrated its 30th birthday (and I’m 43) so I empathize with his struggles, especially what it’s like to get so sick so young. That feeling of hopes and dreams slipping through your fingers as possibilities dwindle. Everyone around you participating in life while you’re relegated to being a spectator. And acceptance can be so hard. I’ve also found acceptance isn’t a one time thing. It’s something I keep going through over and over as circumstances change and I have to shift my perspective again to come to peace with it. My disorder has the tragic nickname of “the su!cide disease” because so many people end up killing themselves. Thankfully, I’ve found some things that work so life is okay. I’m so glad to hear Ren found treatments that have improved his quality of life and allowed those hopes and dreams to resurface. His music has touched so many.
When a true artist is blessed, by the Lord, with the most powerful gift of creativity, he / she selflessly wraps this beautiful gift and passes it on; truly understanding the joy is in the giving as well as the receiving. Ren fully understands, from personal experience, the divine power of resurrection. He is an earth angel, doing God's work. 🙏
Ren is magical and this song definitely brings hope. I am not as sick as Ren was but have similar conditions and am using this song to try to see the happiness and light rather than the darkness 💜💜
Late to the video but the comment about self harm. I hadn’t had a way to really explain it before, like why I did it and why I struggle with trying not to relapse. But it really is the relief in being the one to inflict my own pain in a world of uncontrollable stuff, thank you for allowing me a way to better communicate my feelings.
I would 100% tune into a livestream of you watching his deep dive into his story (Chapter 1-8). It’s sad, ugly, beautiful, funny, and raw. Or don’t react, but just watch…you’ll leave a better person. 🖤
I have rheumatoid arthritis Which is autoimmune disease My body is fiercely attacking itself I can barely walk most days or grip my cup of coffee I hate having to explain my pain because I’m slow and sometimes just can’t do things I’ll be crippled one day My boss always rolls her eyes and says It’s always something with you I also live with her I’m a live in housekeeper I don’t talk about my pain with her anymore but I always feel the need to because i simply cannot do anymore I don’t have ins and suffer without medication She really affects me more than I say Idk if I’ll ever have relief But depression just follows hopelessness But ren does give me hope I’m so proud of him
From ThriceTheThird: @user-ou9it2oh5u Hello! I think it is important that you find the space to discuss your illness with your employer, if they are not being understanding of what it is you are going through, but also perhaps the "it's always something with you" is just their way of trying to be sarcastically endearing? As you are still employed, so I would hope that they are at least somewhat empathetic towards your situation, and illness. It must be very hard not having insurance and the medication that you need to feel better. I'm not sure of your circumstances, or where you live, but are there any forms of government aid, or disability you could look into applying for? These could potentially lead to you at least having some form of coverage and medication availability if there are any social service programs available in your state/country. Thanks for sharing what you are going through with us. Feel free to share more if you ever want/need. <3 I hope you can find some relief to some of the things you are going through in time.
From Shan: @user-ou9it2oh5u Hi Friend, Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your experience with this condition and the toll that is taking not just on your body but mentally, emotionally, and in other areas of your life as well. It must be hard to have to endure the comments and attitude of your boss whilst in so much pain. And though she may not respect it or show value for what you do, I want to let you know that your actions show your dedication and your strength, and hard-working nature. Every day you are finding it within yourself to continue and keep going despite the pain and I am proud of you for doing so. Conditions such as these can be really difficult to manage, especially without medication, and others make it harder when they show a lack of empathy, care, or concern for what you are going through. I'm sorry to hear that your boss has been affecting you so deeply and that makes for a toxic work environment where you don't feel emotionally safe. This adds a pressure and weight on your shoulders when it comes to performing your job, that should not be there. Despite this all, I am glad that you are able to find some solace and hope from Ren's music! I hope that one day things can workout for you to be able to have some relief from the pain and the stressors of your current boss. :white_heart:
From Micro: @user-ou9it2oh5u Sending so much love your way today. It is so hard when your own body is fighting against itself, making your life impossible. Please know that even though people might not understand around you, we see you here and we hear your pain. You don't have to justify or explain anything. Arthiritis is awfully painful. It's not something you've asked to have nor something you can control. You are not at fault for struggling, and there is no doubt that you are doing what you can to keep on living despite the obstacles and pain that this condition brings. You are enough just as you are. :heart:
I have not found my hope yet. My depression and anxiety still define my life. Anxiety fear of something that probably won't happen. So stupid. But I feel it all the time. Chock outlines always makes me cry.
From GaryYounOG: @JerimiahHarwood Hey, I’m so sorry that you haven’t found your hope yet, and it sounds like you're going through a really tough time. I just wanted you to know that it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by depression and anxiety. It's not stupid at all; these feelings are powerful and real, and they can make everyday life very challenging. Anxiety, especially, can be incredibly hard because it creates a lot of fear over things that may never happen, yet those fears feel as real and immediate as if they were happening. Finding hope when you're in the midst of these feelings can seem almost impossible, but it's important to remember that your current state does not define your entire future. It's a part of your journey, but not the entirety of it. The fact that you can articulate how you feel is a step toward finding ways to manage these overwhelming emotions. While I know that it doesn’t replace therapy, sometimes starting with small, manageable steps towards self-care can help create spaces in your life where anxiety and depression are not in full control. What I found helpful in this situation was taking small notes, whether its a nice day out or discovering a song that synchronized with me. This could also be through simple daily routines, spending time in nature, or any small activity that brings you even a moment of peace or a slight shift in mood. Also, connecting with others, whether through online communities like HeartSupport or in safe social settings, can help you feel less alone with your struggles. It's okay to be in this tough spot right now. You're doing your best, and that's enough for the moment. If you're open to it, and when you feel ready, seeking out mental health professionals who offer sliding scale payments or considering online therapy platforms that might be more affordable could be helpful. Many people find some relief in sharing their experiences with peers who are going through similar challenges. It’s perfectly fine to have days where you can't find hope. It’s part of the process for many dealing with anxiety and depression. Be kind to yourself on these days. You're not alone in this, and there is support available when you're ready to take the next steps.
From Micro: @JerimiahHarwood Yes, it's hard to see the light when anxiety and depression are intertwined together and making your life hell. Sitting on the same struggle bus, friend, and sending so much love your way today. You will rise through this. You will find and cultivate hope open, in a garden that will be yours only. These struggles may be a part of your life and impacting it massively, they do not define you, they don't define the person you are. You are so, so much more. You hold a spark within that nothing will ever be able to erase or diminish. Even in the midst of the chaos that depression and anxiety create, you are loved, you are beautiful, and you are enough just as you are. Thank you for being here and sharing who you are with this world. :heart:
This song has ALOT of similarities with my life. My father got put in hospital with a multitude of psychopatic traits when I was in third grade. I have several autoimmune diseases, and are rapid cycling bipolar. After being treated for PTSD in my late thirties I managed to turn things around. Now I have a drivers licence, work nightshifts in healthcare and so on. I'm Norwegian, and I have benefited greatly from our safety net.
I’m 63 years old I lost my dad about six months ago changed my life completely. My oldest son when he was 18 died from sudden cardiac arrhythmia and pretty much crying like a baby.
From GaryYounOG: @ricksurratt9034 Hey, I'm deeply sorry for the pain you're going through with the loss of your father and the memory of your son's passing. Grieving such significant losses can be incredibly overwhelming and bring about a sense of vulnerability. I understand some of what you might be feeling. I lost my great-grandma a few years back, and it really shifted my world. She was a cornerstone of my life, and her passing left a void that felt impossible to fill. Just like you, I found myself breaking down and crying at moments when the weight of her absence became too much. It was during those times that I truly realized the impact she had on my life and how much I missed her. It's natural to feel like you're crying "like a baby," as you mentioned, because these moments reflect the deep connections we had with those we loved. It's a testament to your love and the meaningful relationships you shared with your dad and your son. Please remember, it's okay to feel and express your grief-there's no need to hold back or walk this path alone. Finding support through friends, family, or support groups can also be a soothing balm during these tough times, and this is what helped me when my great-grandma passed away. Sharing your story, like you did here, and hearing others' can sometimes make the burden a little lighter. If you haven't considered it yet, joining a grief support group could offer you a space to connect with others who understand the depths of such losses. You’re not alone in your grief, and it’s perfectly okay to give yourself as much time as you need to heal and find your way through this. Me, among your friends and family members, are all here for you, and I sincerely wish you all the best.
From Micro: @ricksurratt9034 It's okay to let it all out, friend. Somehow, these tears are a manifestation of the love you have for them. Losing your dad and your oldest son must have felt absolutely devastating, and it's understandable that your heart would feel so much pain, regardless of how much time has passed. As you've said, it changes your life completely. Losing people we love is like losing a signicant part of ourselves, of our own soul - there is a before and an after, which feels like being pushed into a completely different world. One where silence feels particularly heavy and time feels like a curse. Nothing could prepare you to face such heartbreak, and it's okay to allow yourself to feel what's inside, as much as you need. I am truly sorry for your losses and am sending much love your way today. Your dad and your oldest son keep on living through you. The love that exists between you will never be extinguished. :heart:
today is the first day that i felt happy 62 years vs 1 day i just woke up happy never felt that before i think it was because some where deep down i said fuck this noise REN helped i do not know how but he helped
Loved your reaction. Hope your next couple of reaction will be "For Joe," "Humble," and "Do you believe". "Seven sins" is also worth your time for sure. Keep up the great work
A couple of yrs ago, the PA of the neurosurgeon my dr sent me to ultimately told me he thought my pain and muscle weakness were mostly due to 'stress'. It messed me up. He was so condescending. Two yrs later, and I can barely walk around the house. I'm dizzy all the time, my weight nosedived, so many things. Then I got tick bite 6 mos, was tentatively dx'd with Lyme disease. I got so much worse after that. I'm amazed at how many of my symptoms are the same as his.
I just came across Ren recently and I wish I would’ve found him sooner because (not self promoting) I have dabbled in making my own music before and his songs inspired some of mine…. And his songs are relatable in so many ways…..When I heard the lyric about finding comfort in cold steel that hit hard….I ain’t proud of what I’ve done……but I didn’t have a choice….I didn’t have anyone…..I don’t wanna get into it because I know it’d burden everyone….plus RUclips deletes certain comments…..but music has saved me from a lot so finding Ren only recently is shocking because his songs hit so deep for me in ways I can’t explain….
I can tell by the way you are that my problems are insignificant compared to those are assisting. If I ever scheduled a session with you I'd be taking away from those who need it more than I.
Thank you for sharing. I am a 60 year old man who has been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was a child. It is only recently that I have accepted anxiety and depression as just a part of my life. A part of my life that I can, and will, live with in peace. It's a struggle many days but it was also just recently that I realized that I have been writing and creating artwork most of my life as a way to cope with what I used to think were demons. Thank to you and many others who have broke down the wall for many of us. If it is ok I would like to share a little something I wrote recently after a couple hard days. My family's all here yet I'm still alone all night Breaths becoming harder, my chest is squeezing tight Palms sweating like a river Thoughts racing with the flow Miles on my feet Wall to wall nowhere to go Sadness steps up and quickly reveals It's evil, ugly head Depression and anxiety Fill the emptiness with dread Slowly the darkness of day draws near With notions of pending doom Outside a world brightly shines Yet I'd rather not leave the room A fluttering chest Catching breaths when I can Light stays dark, hope stays lost Feeling much less like a man Anxiety screams drowning out Every sane thought Depression whispers to my soul In a bottomless pit I am caught No decision I make is right Hollered between my ears You'll never get out, you're stuck for life Mutters confirm my fears Telling me I'm never right Urging me not to fight Slowly the evil convincing me Every day will be dark as night No place to go, nothing to do No one understands and they never will One more tab, another capsule Go ahead and try one more pill It's a vicious cycle, been there to long I don't want it to end like this But I'd take it all from everyone The world would be better if we still had Chester and Chris But I can't take it all Only mine is for me And I can't save the world That's a fact I now see It's so hard to face the anxiety Forever on my back It seems so relentless, so evil A never ending attack And the depression I live is constantly Stealing all my joys So hard to get out and do the things I once did with my boys But I know I can push through this Fight it with so many tools I'm not letting anxiety and depression Keep making me feel like a fool I have opened my mind New ways to be freed I am no longer running No hiding, no weed Now seeing the worries as senseless Self made woes Anxiety and depression No longer my personal foes They are part of me Something I should not hate It's just how I was created A simple matter of fate So I'll move forward now Practicing what others preach I'll face these troubled traits Through lessons survivors teach I know I'll never be totally free But a happy future is now what I choose To those who are fighting the same battle Don't ever give up, we don't have to lose.
King Arthur and Excalibur are recurring themes in Ren's music, kinda like Lord of the Rings is a frequent reference. Murderer and The Hunger are two that immediately come to mind (I pull Excalibur right out the stone and King call me Arthur respectively)
I can relate. I lived with a damaged nerve for over 10 years. Over those 10 years I visited countless doctors, most which more or less called my a liar. When I finally met a doctor that took me serious, the nerve was too damaged to be fixable. After 2 surgeries they just removed it and I was left with a phantom pain that was nearly as bad as the pain before. The solution to that was to give me limitless access to morphine and tell me that I wouldn't be able to work again (at the age of 32). This could have ended really bad, which it usually does when you sit at home alone day in and day out, with free unlimited access to high class drugs. I eventually said that I wanted to find something I could work with and get off the meds (they didn't really do much for the pain anyway). I eventually got help and got through the university and got a degree in psychology and later on ended up working with kids which families had psychosocial issues.
I'm stuck in the place Ren talks about here. Fifteen years ago I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, ten years ago I began to develop bulging discs in my back, five years ago they started to develop in my neck. My UC is now under control mostly, but no one can give me answers as to what's going on with my spine. I've been tested for EVERYTHING and it's all been ruled out. My rheumatologist recently discharged me with an unceremonious "I think it's just wear and tear" so I'm back to square one again. I currently have five herniations. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well. Today is a particularly bad day for me. I did a little housework yesterday because the house is wrecked and that's not helping my mood. Today I woke up and my right leg barely supports my weight. My son broke down into tears earlier because I had to miss his last band performance of the school year. I don't know what to do. It's been ten years since I could work, and I'm still fighting for disability. My wife's income is our only income. Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way.
'm so sorry, for your hard life, your hard day, and your uncaring doctors. Have you looked at Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome? I know the connective tissues it affects sometimes include vertebral discs. Forgive me if I'm off base -- I really hope things get better for you soon.
From GaryYounOG: @kennethriddle433 Hello, I'm really sorry to hear about all the challenges you're facing. It sounds incredibly tough to manage not only the physical pain from your spinal issues but also the emotional and psychological stress that comes with it, especially when your conditions impact important family moments like your son's band performance. That you've been dealing with these health issues for years without clear answers or effective solutions must feel frustrating and disheartening. Hearing that you've been ruled out for everything and left with "wear and tear" as an explanation can feel like a dismissal of the seriousness of your pain. It’s tough when you’re doing your best to keep things going at home, and then to face such significant physical repercussions the next day. On top of that, the ongoing battle for disability support in the absence of a work income adds another layer of stress. It's clear that life has thrown a lot at you, and it's okay to acknowledge that it's not how you envisioned things would be. The feelings of being stuck and not knowing what to do next are completely valid under these circumstances. It’s important to recognize the strength it takes to cope with these daily challenges, even when it might not always feel like you are managing well. On days like today, when everything seems overwhelming, it might help to focus on small, manageable tasks or activities that can offer some relief or distraction. Perhaps spending time on something you enjoy, or finding small ways to connect with your son and wife could provide some comfort. It's also important to allow yourself to feel these difficult emotions; acknowledging them is a step toward processing them. If you haven’t already, it might be helpful to seek support from a counselor or therapist who can offer strategies to manage the emotional aspects of living with chronic pain and illness. They can provide a space to explore these feelings and develop coping strategies that are tailored to your situation. Please know that your efforts and your struggles are seen, and you're doing a lot more than you might feel you are on the hard days. Your resilience is evident, even when it feels like you're at a standstill. I’m here to listen if you need to talk more about what you’re going through. You're not alone in this.
Ren was the angel who basically saved my life during my worst period of PTSD. 2 years later my life has completely changed. Ren saved me from myself.
It wasn’t you , it was the trauma.. Really glad that you have healed and doing good.. Stay blessed!!
Keep safe and be strong brother!
I was a lost soul
With no self control
Struggled daily to maintain and cope
Between my bipolar, and my depression
I responded to fear with aggression
And it seemed to me, like there was truly no hope
Then Ren comes along
Spilling his life into songs
He mentions loosening the noose on the rope
It opened my eyes
Seeing his will and his drive
To brush with a much broader stroke
Now I’ve been creating, lifting, elevating
With rhymes and with painting
And my outlook on life, is bright, as a whole
Hey Jason! I've seen u on other reactors comments. You are very talented and I enjoy your art as well ❤❤❤ Wishing you all the best
To paint with broader strokes. That's beautiful ❤
❤🧡💛💚💙
You've got talent... I hope you hold onto that and keep crafting.
Beautiful Jason. Keep going with your talent #hope
It blows me away that Ren's story is my story, only i haven't found my way out yet. But finding Ren a year ago, brought color back into my life. I was literally only existing so my kids didn't have to go to their mothers funeral. I went to my mom's funeral, my dad's, and my best friend who was more of a sister to me. I was done. I had lost my last ounce of my soul. But then Ren happened. And he had autoimmune disease and M.C.A.S. too! I just hope i find my day to shine as well.
Go through Ren's music, there isn't a single weak song.
Much love 💜💜💜
🙏❤🙏
Hope..🤗
Much love #Hope
Hang in there, it will get better. Your children love you and want you to be there for them. Ren fans are there for you. We are a tight community and support each other.
Thank you guys!! I've been a Renegade for over a year now, my fellow Renegades are the most beautiful souls in the world!! Love to all!
I’m so glad that Ren has found the way out, because he is a lyrical genius with a tragic story few bring to light. Ren is magic.
His music is so amazing and his story gives hope.
Modern Day Bard. Bardcore if you will :)
I don’t share a lot, and I don’t share often because I’m not into comparing misery. But I had cancer then I had long-term Covid and now I suffer from ME. Which to me manifest in constant pain and exhaustion. I’m only in year two. So I’m still figuring things out. But honestly, I think I’d trade cancer back. ME is physically spiritually and mentally crushing isolating and takes away your ability to hope. Anyway, thank you for your reaction. Ren has been huge help for me this year. Just listening to his music makes me feel like pushing on.
❤❤❤❤❤
From ThriceTheThird: @leslieballard9709 Hello. I am glad you shared what you are going through with us. It sounds like it is extremely tough to go through, and unimaginably exhausting having to fight illness after illness, all in a row. I also had a lot of trouble when I first started sharing with people, feeling some similar feelings to you in regards to sharing misery, but I think that I have found that it's not so much about comparing any misery. It is more so having a safe outlet to be able to talk about my misery without having to feel guilty/judged/or like am comparing anything to anyone else. So that I have an outlet to safely let it out and not be judged for it, because I think letting it out can be therapeutic when people are actually just there to be supportive. So I thank you for finding our space safe enough for you to share in, and please feel free to continue share anything you are feeling/experiencing if you ever need/want to. We are here. I hope that you can have as good a day as possible given your circumstances. Stay strong. <3
From GaryYounOG: @leslieballard9709
Hello,
I'm really sorry you're going through all this. You've been facing one challenge after another with cancer, long-term COVID, and now ME. It’s a lot to handle, and I can’t imagine how exhausting and overwhelming that must be. Being only in year two and still trying to figure things out must make it even more challenging, as the pain and exhaustion continue. It’s understandable to feel like this new illness is crushing you physically, mentally, and spiritually. I can see why you feel like you'd trade cancer back in a heartbeat.
It's tough to explain how ME affects your day-to-day life to others, especially when it leaves you feeling so isolated and drained of hope. The constant pain and exhaustion make it hard to imagine things getting better, and when people don't understand or aren't able to offer support, it only adds to that sense of isolation. Your suffering is valid, and it's understandable that you would feel like it's taken away your ability to hope.
I'm glad that Ren’s music has been a source of solace for you. When his lyrics resonate and help you feel like pushing on, it shows how powerful music can be. Finding something that connects with you like that is invaluable, especially when it feels like so much has been taken away. Even though it’s hard to share when you’re not into comparing misery, I'm grateful you're sharing your story here. It shows how much strength you have, even when everything feels like it's weighing down on you.
If you ever want to talk more or just need someone to listen, I'm here. You deserve to be heard and supported through this, and your strength and resilience are inspiring. Even when it feels like hope is out of reach, you’re doing an incredible job holding on.
I'm sorry you have ME too. I don't know how severe you are affected but may 14th and 15th there's an international, free online conference on ME and LongCovid: unite2fight. They will make videos available on RUclips if you can't join online. This is the first time something so big is organised for lc and ME and I find hope in that. I have ME since 2017, and found some things that helped me. Just wanting to say, things can change and I know it's an awful illness. Sending love.
After my best friend died from su1c1d³, I went and got an MRI because she kept telling me to go get one. I finally got my 1st MRI in 2017. I found out I was born with a few congenital defects. I won't talk about 2 of them, but my main pain is from my spinal cord never fusing to my tailbone. So my lumbar spine never fused to my coccyx (sacrum). So my bones started rubbing and that caused inflammation and my spinal joints grew cysts where my nerves are being squished. I also was diagnosed with M.E. right after. I'm have been in constant excruciating pain daily for years! My other defects are smaller but just as painful. I just had a new MRI, my Spinal Surgeon said he can't do surgery to fix the hole in my spine, but I can get an ablation that I need 6 nerves that exit cut and cauterized. It lasts 12-18 months verses the shots that last 2-3 on me. He also wants me to get an implant on my back muscles because they have atrophied. Idk if my insurance will cover it. I'm on irrelevant Disability. My M.E. was misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia, but I had them do all the tests and then found out it was M.E. after talking to my pain doctor. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. My family doesn't understand chronic pain or chronic fatigue. My own mother and I are on the outs because she is tired of hearing about it??? Idk? I told her I thought she blamed herself because I was born with this, it's congenital. She makes it sound like it's my fault. I can't even talk to her anymore! 😢
So nice to have someone see the wonder in Ren !! And I am just a old retired rocker !! I have seen so many artist live in concerts for many years . No one like Ren !! He is needed in this world and I feel he is just getting started . Wishing him all the healing that will make him whole again !!
After having listened to Ren's Chapter Series Intently and multiple times, this track just encapsulates his story so well and serves as musical accompaniment for The Chapters. Ren's experiences are very familiar to me to say the least, as is often the case with many of his supporters. Ren's success is so deserved and I do truly hope it continues. Ren is the medicine many of us need. So raw and vibrant in color, combined with his naturally emotive performance! Indeed Ren....Your Limo has finally arrived.
I'm 55and.lived most my life with major depression disorder last year right before I found Ren and his music I was diagnosed with chronic lymphatic leukemia. Ren has brought a silver lining to my other wise crap life I relate so much toany of his struggles and seeing him carry on inspires me to do so
Rens chapters there are 8 of them please check them out ,Thank you for reacting to this one always love your reactions and breakdown ❤❤❤
Ren helped me save myself. I have fibromyalgia, bipolar, severe anxiety, PTSD. After 15 years, I quit antidepressant, pain meds, xanax, ambien. I regained my sanity and decreased my pain. I fired doctors. Ren's testimonials showed me a cycle I was stuck in and a path forward. And he gave me HOPE.💜💜💜
mmmm "your pain will be exactly what your purpose needs". damn that line hit me hard. just lost my paps after a 2 yr battle with brain cancer, I lost myself during that time and felt lost in life for a while now. Those few words put alot of thoughts of mine into alignment and perspective.
I am a Veteran and have fought PTSD for so many years..... Hi Ren showed me that the struggle is the innermost of my spirit fighting against anything good that was left inside my head ...
I am so thankful for that song ... I played it for my therapist.... We both cried ... So at my next weekly session he told me that another vet was in the afternoon that I shared that video with him ... He played it for that man and it began to break down his PTSD that he felt was no way out .... Thank you Ren for sharing your pain, struggle, and HOPE.... To loosen the nose in the rope, or in my case, the finger from the trigger .... I am now doing Ketamine therapy and am becoming ME again....
Taylor, thank you for your insight and words. This site is a lifesaver.
The "Missing" Chapters(8 of them), on his Ren Makes Stuff youtube channel, are really amazing to listen to, hear, and understand. Truly brings context and clarity to this track.
The words at the end "lord I forgive you" struck something so deep in me. For a year and a half I battled stage 3 cancer... And when finally finished treatment I thanked God... And I was and am grateful... But wow to say lord I forgive you... That struck somewhere new in my heart. As Christians we are always taught to ask forgiveness, but to say lord I forgive YOU for letting me go through this is so powerful.
I'm not religious in the slightest and don't believe, but I am a chronic illness survivor and I completely broke down at that line: Lord, I forgive you. So freaking powerful when you can bring an atheist to their knees with a line about God
You should watch all of Ren's "Chapters". It's quite a journey.
Find them under.... Renmakesstuff
Done too. After that the songs go even deeper ;)
With great power comes great responsibility, and Ren is truly a hero! He is using his growing powers and platform for so much more than simply creating brilliant music. Ren has said that he always had this feeling that he was meant to change the world for the better. So much that he defiantly yelled a challenge to evil into an empty room. And then he got sick…
Ren has now shared the full story of his health journey in 8 video chapters leading up to the release of this song and what a journey it has been. If anyone hasn’t already watched them, I highly recommend you do. With all the chapters he is showing immense strength in sharing his story that is so hard to tell, being vulnerable and telling it because he hopes it will help others and raise awareness. And here he is with another rendition of that story, now told through music with a fire beat and delivering a message of hope. A beautiful hero that the world needs ❤️🐰🕳️
I have fibromyalgia, there is no cure , I live always with pain . There are a lot of times I don’t want to out of bed en face a new day . But there are still a lot of things I want and love . This number is so good and hopeful ❤️
Ren has great messaging. I've ME. What I personally find most challenging is getting others, be them doctors, family, or the general public, to understand the need of that empathy. Honestly, with conditions we suffer through, we become invisible to world. I end up isolated, left alone, and forgotten. Every doctor's visit is a fight to try to get them to understand that jars of pills have little effect. Pill X for Symptom B has no effectiveness, because what causes that symptom has nothing to do with what the pharmacology of the pill is designed to modify in the body. The fact that Ren lost Joe and others in his life is probably the ONLY reason he is still alive. He understands the pain he would cause others if he ended his own. These diseases are that insidious. The real tragedy is lack of empathy from those around use dealing with it. I'll always support Ren from here out, because he has a way of getting the voice out there. I've spent over a decade "fighting" my doctors on finding effective treatment.
Our Shakespearean Bard has done it again ! Another lyrical *Masterpiece* !
Ren never ceases to amaze me.
Thank you so much for reacting to Ren and also helping me in life to take one step further.
So amazing... love your reactions! Ren is truly special! Thank you for your beautiful words!
Ren has mentioned King Arthur or Excaliber in about 5-6 songs. Same goes for Lord of the Rings. He is a nerd and we love it.
I think it also massively helps that Ren is Welsh 🏴. For lots of other countries that stuff is mythology but for us it’s our mythology. Anglesey is often thought of as the Island they speak about often where Merlin lived and that’s exactly where Ren is from.
Ren has done more already than many in a full lifespan. He has gained resilience and wisdom beyond his years. The main take out of this song is that even when you don’t see the end of suffering or the solution or the meaning and no way out… that it’s not forever… especially hard to believe when in the spiralling PIT but oh so important to be reminded that there is a way out.
the speed of this reaction, yes. Love it
This is very rapidly rising up my list of tracks of Ren's that I admire immensely. From a fellow RENegade I love the infectious enthusiasm that you Taylor have for Ren and often the message that he is trying to send out into the world through his music. Having just finished Ren's spoken word story series chronicling his life and the effect of chronic illness (even though there were some hilariously funny in places that had me laughing) this was great.
Just wanted to say that I love your Ren content. Going through pretty much the toughest months/years of my life and Ren's music, his words and his message are part of what's pulling me through atm. Thank you for sharing his work, for adequate interpretations of his lyrics and the support you provide through your content. Lots of love.
I feel the whole song. Been ill my whole life. But since i found ren, i don't feel as much alone as before.❤to everybody
Anyone who hasn't, needs to watch the Chapters. He opens up and tells his entire story, because, as he said, when he was going through it, there were no stories of hope so he wanted to give a story of hope to someone who may be going through the same struggles. He talks a lot about the struggle and hoping for it to all end. Its an amazing lead up to this release
That video you did with Richard's Tale was amazing. Thank you.
As someone struggling with BPD and having a fiancee still fighting for her diagnosis, I love this channel! I watch your videos before work in the mornings and it reduces my stress. Keep up your healing work🥰🔥
This song has given me a little hope in my term oil with fibromyalgia I feel like given up on life almost every day ren is keeping me fighting, his chapters are amazing and heart breaking at times and this song made me cry with joy, hope and made me find a little hope
For those who haven't yet... ya Gotta watch his story... all 8 chapters! (Must watch... located in his Troubles Playlist!)
His lyrics are Truly His Story... "clawed at the laminate"... I mean Come On!!!
In away that most feel ashamed and confusion,this man has shown away to turn the shame into a strength you can be proud of,and a path to understandin. Most of all he has given alot of hope to put take this barely standing frame of life and turn it into untouchable castle. Respect..
Music cleans the soul from the dust of everyday life.
Such a lovely motivational message to echo Ren's- I especially love your suggestion for people to visualise (& sow the seeds to actualise) what their story would be like if built on a foundation of hope.
If only everyone had easy access to someone like you who not only is absolutely excellent in understanding and validating people's feelings, but is also inspiring in ways to overcome and view things differently. In fact I think its so important, and could save so much suffering & feelings of isolation & hopelessness, it really ought to be part of the National Curriculum - MH awareness & CBT etc
“Hope is defiant” thank you. Needed Ren’s song and your words today. Got my sub! 🙋🏻♀️❤️
At 8:55 ... couldnt be more obvious... smiling so big to keep from crying! 😊
Haha I was pretty excited 😁 I'm so proud of him right now for this one! My favorite premier! Not only did he get through a rough week with his chapters, but to have to go through all this in the 1st place and still have so much integrity through it all and for wanting to be the voice for the voiceless! This is why he's my favorite!❤ Thank you for reacting 😊😊
Great positive reaction, I loved Ren smile when the limo photo bombed the filming 😊 with his crew
As someone who struggles with depression, and have done so for years. I can't even imagine struggling with a chronic illness as well. Really hope we as a society can work towards a solution for people like Ren
The more I listen to Ren, it seems to me his life is something like a modern day version of Job. This world tells you that hope is a "maybe" thing. Hope is a surety. Hang onto it. It'll come
just found this channel. love the whole thing but the your message at the end hit me.
I suggest you watch Rens chapters. There is 8 chapters each about 15 minutes he basically tells his whole story. Noneed to react but will give you all the insight you need to Ren. ❤
I agree! The chapters spell out his journey in detail. I cried every chapter.. my heart broke for him how much he suffered and then again for all the people still suffering . Sending love and light ❤️
Great reaction, as usual.
One song that always "thaws" me is the Mtv unplugged version of A-Ha Take on me.
It gets me every time.
I’ve been fighting for so long. Every doctor said I didn’t have anything and surprisingly enough I talked to a doctor in the VA and she started crying after I unloaded everything. I’d love for you to be my therapist, you actually analyze and interpret everything and hold things in such a positive manner.
I just stumbled across your channel.
You seem like a very open-minded & welcoming therapist. I wish one of the dozens I've gone to were just half of what you seem to be. Maybe then I wouldn't be stuck in gray and so cold/numb. (severe depression & anxiety)
From GaryYounOG: @Fat_Sad_Bear
Hello,
I'm so glad you found the channel and that it resonates with you. It sounds like you've had a really challenging time finding the right support with therapists in the past, and I'm sorry to hear that it's been so difficult. Feeling stuck in a state of numbness and coldness can be incredibly tough, and it’s understandable to feel frustrated when the help you seek doesn’t meet your needs.
It’s unfortunate that you haven’t found a therapist who you feel truly understands and supports you in the way you deserve. Everyone should have the opportunity to work with a mental health professional who makes them feel seen and valued, especially when dealing with severe depression and anxiety.
If you're still open to it, don’t give up on finding the right therapist. Sometimes, it takes several tries to find someone whose approach and personality are the right fit for you. It’s a bit like finding a key that fits a lock perfectly. Meanwhile, finding small ways to express what you’re going through, whether through forums like this, journaling, or creative activities, might provide some outlet for your feelings.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and please feel free to continue expressing anything else on your mind here. This is a supportive space, and while I may not have all the answers, I'm here to listen and help as much as I can.
From Micro: @Fat_Sad_Bear Depression and anxiety definitely have a way to paint everything in grey-ish tones. I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, friend. These two struggles have been a part of my own journey for as long as I can remember, and it's hard to see beyond the walls it creates around our mind and body every day.
I'm sorry to hear that your experiences with therapists were not bringing any help nor hope to you either. Somehow, the process of finding both the right therapist and the right therapy to us personally is such an ungrateful process. While you are already in pain and need to muster so much energy to ask for help, you soon realize that you might have to fiercely advocate for your needs and keep on trying to find the right person. It's discouraging at times. Although I would like to fully encourage you to not give up on the possibility to get help altogether. Unfortunately, finding a therapist that really connects with us personally is often meant with many try and fail before. It surely did for me - which was defeating at times and made me feel even worse, if not beyond help. However, through this process, we are doing something good: seeking support and help for ourselves IS a positive step, regardless of the result. We are saying to ourselves "I'm worth it" - and heck yeah we are .Each time you try, you are actively taking steps to walk away from your depression and anxiety. It's subtle, not immediately efficient, but it's worth it because it's about *you*, your well being and your future. You deserve to feel supported, heard and understood on this journey of yours. :heart:
Thank you for this. I came back for a second view because I needed to hear your words at the end. For that, thank you.
Like Rocky lll, RENs is “a journey through hardship to beat his opponent. But within its initial layer, there is also a hidden theme of loss, motivation, fear, desire, and the fiery symbol of human hope.” I’m left with chills and tears streaming down my face. This feels very much like a companion to Hi Ren- which was created and released right before he left for Canada for treatment. Troubles was inspired by Trouble So Hard which Ren got the permission to sample for this song. It’s encapsulates his journey from Day one to now.
I’m at the point of just waiting out my days. I’m 57 and this has gone on since before 2016. 2017 and I was bed bound. My family went about doing everything only I was left alone, in my bed tomb. I told my neurologist that I had zero quality of life and just wanted to die. Well, I ended up with an EMT and a cop to transport me to the hospital ( psych ward). As an American who isn’t self employed and therefore self insured who pays $24k / year just to be insured. So I ended up handcuffed behind my back and placed in the back of a police car and dumped in a back room of the ER- where I sat alone for 7+ hours before being admitted. The psych intake nurse stopped midway through ( because NONE of my meds were familiar because they were not psych meds , they were for cluster headaches, atypical migraines, and occipital neuralgia headaches ( aka, suicide headaches). My deductible was blown so I made an appointment with a top neurologist who specializes in headache disorders. MRI… 9mm brain bleed. The protocol I was on shot my bp so high that it was abruptly stopped for fear that I would have a stroke.
Even with insurance, in the US doctor visit=$, specialists =$$, tests, tests, more tests = $$$.
Answers = 0
😢
Astounding song from Ren!! Amazing reaction!!❤
"Pain dies in the face of hope" Seven powerful words that really landed with me. Thank you for doing these and sharing a message of hope!
So glad I found your channel! Love your reactions and your insight 😊
Please watch Ren's Chapter's 1-8. You can react or not! Just watch them! This man has literally changed my life!
I'm 44 yrs old, diagnosed fibro/rheumatoid arthritis in 2013 then adhd 2021, complex ptsd due to childhood abuse. I've lived in pain for so long, then I found Ren. The first artist to be able to explain in a beautiful way what goes on in my head, what I've been through.
I'm a mother to a son with CF, adhd, autism. I feel like a failure most days because I can't be as active as other Mums, but now I know whatever we do, I'm leading him with love and compassion and a safe environment. That in itself has broken a cycle in my family.
In that, I need compassion for myself too ! Say it loud !
Thank you Ren ! Thank you for this video and reaction ❤❤
Thanks Taylor, love your insight and your passion for helping others.
Ren's Music has helped me so much. I'm the only one to care for my dad with Alzheimer's and it's been really hard on me trying to do everything and still work full time. I'm so stressed all the time, but Ren helps me cope a lot. Great new song and reaction loved it!
Thanks for a really great reaction. I'm also someone who has been helped by Ren and his music. I moved back to my mum and dads house after getting divorced and, at the beginning of 2020, I had to care for my dad through his last month of pancreatic and liver cancer on my own. Then I became my mums 24/7 carer for the next 3 years until she unfortunately passed away at the end of last year. Luckily I discovered Ren and his music which has been helping me deal with things so far. ❤
I relate so much. My chronic illness/disorder (chronic regional pain syndrome) just celebrated its 30th birthday (and I’m 43) so I empathize with his struggles, especially what it’s like to get so sick so young. That feeling of hopes and dreams slipping through your fingers as possibilities dwindle. Everyone around you participating in life while you’re relegated to being a spectator. And acceptance can be so hard. I’ve also found acceptance isn’t a one time thing. It’s something I keep going through over and over as circumstances change and I have to shift my perspective again to come to peace with it. My disorder has the tragic nickname of “the su!cide disease” because so many people end up killing themselves. Thankfully, I’ve found some things that work so life is okay. I’m so glad to hear Ren found treatments that have improved his quality of life and allowed those hopes and dreams to resurface. His music has touched so many.
Weird how you popped up on my feed when I needed it most. So hope less right and tired of everything. Thank you
Great reaction. So many people are getting the message of hope from Ren.💕👍🦇
Ren talks about excalibur in Murderer I believe?
Indeed. "And I pull Excalibur right out the stone. Rocky, keep it cocky I'll be Al Capone."
He mentions King Arthur and Excalibur in many different songs.
@@joshuawiedenbeck6944 That's the bar I was thinking of.
yeah he’s used it multiple times
YESSSS THANK YOU!! I knew it was in there somewhere - T
Great reaction. Appreciate how openly you express your emotion on these.
Taylor, you are such a beautiful person. Please keep helping those less fortunate who need guidance. Bless you.🙏🌈💜
I have an autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis, Ren really resonates with me.
👍Ren keeps it real. 🖖❤
When a true artist is blessed, by the Lord, with the most powerful gift of creativity, he / she selflessly wraps this beautiful gift and passes it on; truly understanding the joy is in the giving as well as the receiving. Ren fully understands, from personal experience, the divine power of resurrection. He is an earth angel, doing God's work. 🙏
Ren is magical and this song definitely brings hope. I am not as sick as Ren was but have similar conditions and am using this song to try to see the happiness and light rather than the darkness 💜💜
This music there's just something about it that gives me a sence of release in my head. Keep reacting ty
you should listen to the chapters he posted.
They really show why he made these songs like they are.
Tears are quite sure to flow.
I love how “hope” ties this all back into “Hi Ren.” “Some people know me as hope…”
Love your reactions to Ren.. Big hug from Italy! ❤
Late to the video but the comment about self harm. I hadn’t had a way to really explain it before, like why I did it and why I struggle with trying not to relapse. But it really is the relief in being the one to inflict my own pain in a world of uncontrollable stuff, thank you for allowing me a way to better communicate my feelings.
I'm right where his been. I can't express myself as good as Ren do in his music
A well thought and beautiful reaction. Thank you!!
I would 100% tune into a livestream of you watching his deep dive into his story (Chapter 1-8). It’s sad, ugly, beautiful, funny, and raw. Or don’t react, but just watch…you’ll leave a better person. 🖤
Yes - Ren's "Chapters..." Worth a listen. He's such a prolific writer. This song is a compilation of the chapters. Thx for your great reactions!
I have rheumatoid arthritis
Which is autoimmune disease
My body is fiercely attacking itself
I can barely walk most days or grip my cup of coffee
I hate having to explain my pain because I’m slow and sometimes just can’t do things
I’ll be crippled one day
My boss always rolls her eyes and says
It’s always something with you
I also live with her
I’m a live in housekeeper
I don’t talk about my pain with her anymore but I always feel the need to because i simply cannot do anymore
I don’t have ins and suffer without medication
She really affects me more than I say
Idk if I’ll ever have relief
But depression just follows hopelessness
But ren does give me hope
I’m so proud of him
From ThriceTheThird: @user-ou9it2oh5u Hello! I think it is important that you find the space to discuss your illness with your employer, if they are not being understanding of what it is you are going through, but also perhaps the "it's always something with you" is just their way of trying to be sarcastically endearing? As you are still employed, so I would hope that they are at least somewhat empathetic towards your situation, and illness. It must be very hard not having insurance and the medication that you need to feel better. I'm not sure of your circumstances, or where you live, but are there any forms of government aid, or disability you could look into applying for? These could potentially lead to you at least having some form of coverage and medication availability if there are any social service programs available in your state/country. Thanks for sharing what you are going through with us. Feel free to share more if you ever want/need. <3 I hope you can find some relief to some of the things you are going through in time.
From Shan: @user-ou9it2oh5u Hi Friend,
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your experience with this condition and the toll that is taking not just on your body but mentally, emotionally, and in other areas of your life as well. It must be hard to have to endure the comments and attitude of your boss whilst in so much pain. And though she may not respect it or show value for what you do, I want to let you know that your actions show your dedication and your strength, and hard-working nature. Every day you are finding it within yourself to continue and keep going despite the pain and I am proud of you for doing so.
Conditions such as these can be really difficult to manage, especially without medication, and others make it harder when they show a lack of empathy, care, or concern for what you are going through. I'm sorry to hear that your boss has been affecting you so deeply and that makes for a toxic work environment where you don't feel emotionally safe. This adds a pressure and weight on your shoulders when it comes to performing your job, that should not be there.
Despite this all, I am glad that you are able to find some solace and hope from Ren's music! I hope that one day things can workout for you to be able to have some relief from the pain and the stressors of your current boss. :white_heart:
From Micro: @user-ou9it2oh5u Sending so much love your way today. It is so hard when your own body is fighting against itself, making your life impossible. Please know that even though people might not understand around you, we see you here and we hear your pain. You don't have to justify or explain anything. Arthiritis is awfully painful. It's not something you've asked to have nor something you can control. You are not at fault for struggling, and there is no doubt that you are doing what you can to keep on living despite the obstacles and pain that this condition brings. You are enough just as you are. :heart:
So pleased you did this one early, what a beautifully expressed song!
I love your reactions soooo much!!! You have so much empathy and it shows!
Love this channel
I have not found my hope yet. My depression and anxiety still define my life. Anxiety fear of something that probably won't happen. So stupid. But I feel it all the time. Chock outlines always makes me cry.
From GaryYounOG: @JerimiahHarwood
Hey,
I’m so sorry that you haven’t found your hope yet, and it sounds like you're going through a really tough time. I just wanted you to know that it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by depression and anxiety. It's not stupid at all; these feelings are powerful and real, and they can make everyday life very challenging. Anxiety, especially, can be incredibly hard because it creates a lot of fear over things that may never happen, yet those fears feel as real and immediate as if they were happening.
Finding hope when you're in the midst of these feelings can seem almost impossible, but it's important to remember that your current state does not define your entire future. It's a part of your journey, but not the entirety of it. The fact that you can articulate how you feel is a step toward finding ways to manage these overwhelming emotions.
While I know that it doesn’t replace therapy, sometimes starting with small, manageable steps towards self-care can help create spaces in your life where anxiety and depression are not in full control. What I found helpful in this situation was taking small notes, whether its a nice day out or discovering a song that synchronized with me. This could also be through simple daily routines, spending time in nature, or any small activity that brings you even a moment of peace or a slight shift in mood. Also, connecting with others, whether through online communities like HeartSupport or in safe social settings, can help you feel less alone with your struggles.
It's okay to be in this tough spot right now. You're doing your best, and that's enough for the moment. If you're open to it, and when you feel ready, seeking out mental health professionals who offer sliding scale payments or considering online therapy platforms that might be more affordable could be helpful. Many people find some relief in sharing their experiences with peers who are going through similar challenges.
It’s perfectly fine to have days where you can't find hope. It’s part of the process for many dealing with anxiety and depression. Be kind to yourself on these days. You're not alone in this, and there is support available when you're ready to take the next steps.
From Micro: @JerimiahHarwood Yes, it's hard to see the light when anxiety and depression are intertwined together and making your life hell. Sitting on the same struggle bus, friend, and sending so much love your way today. You will rise through this. You will find and cultivate hope open, in a garden that will be yours only. These struggles may be a part of your life and impacting it massively, they do not define you, they don't define the person you are. You are so, so much more. You hold a spark within that nothing will ever be able to erase or diminish. Even in the midst of the chaos that depression and anxiety create, you are loved, you are beautiful, and you are enough just as you are. Thank you for being here and sharing who you are with this world. :heart:
This song has ALOT of similarities with my life. My father got put in hospital with a multitude of psychopatic traits when I was in third grade. I have several autoimmune diseases, and are rapid cycling bipolar.
After being treated for PTSD in my late thirties I managed to turn things around. Now I have a drivers licence, work nightshifts in healthcare and so on.
I'm Norwegian, and I have benefited greatly from our safety net.
I’m 63 years old I lost my dad about six months ago changed my life completely. My oldest son when he was 18 died from sudden cardiac arrhythmia and pretty much crying like a baby.
From GaryYounOG: @ricksurratt9034
Hey,
I'm deeply sorry for the pain you're going through with the loss of your father and the memory of your son's passing. Grieving such significant losses can be incredibly overwhelming and bring about a sense of vulnerability.
I understand some of what you might be feeling. I lost my great-grandma a few years back, and it really shifted my world. She was a cornerstone of my life, and her passing left a void that felt impossible to fill. Just like you, I found myself breaking down and crying at moments when the weight of her absence became too much. It was during those times that I truly realized the impact she had on my life and how much I missed her.
It's natural to feel like you're crying "like a baby," as you mentioned, because these moments reflect the deep connections we had with those we loved. It's a testament to your love and the meaningful relationships you shared with your dad and your son. Please remember, it's okay to feel and express your grief-there's no need to hold back or walk this path alone.
Finding support through friends, family, or support groups can also be a soothing balm during these tough times, and this is what helped me when my great-grandma passed away. Sharing your story, like you did here, and hearing others' can sometimes make the burden a little lighter. If you haven't considered it yet, joining a grief support group could offer you a space to connect with others who understand the depths of such losses.
You’re not alone in your grief, and it’s perfectly okay to give yourself as much time as you need to heal and find your way through this. Me, among your friends and family members, are all here for you, and I sincerely wish you all the best.
From Micro: @ricksurratt9034 It's okay to let it all out, friend. Somehow, these tears are a manifestation of the love you have for them. Losing your dad and your oldest son must have felt absolutely devastating, and it's understandable that your heart would feel so much pain, regardless of how much time has passed. As you've said, it changes your life completely. Losing people we love is like losing a signicant part of ourselves, of our own soul - there is a before and an after, which feels like being pushed into a completely different world. One where silence feels particularly heavy and time feels like a curse. Nothing could prepare you to face such heartbreak, and it's okay to allow yourself to feel what's inside, as much as you need.
I am truly sorry for your losses and am sending much love your way today. Your dad and your oldest son keep on living through you. The love that exists between you will never be extinguished. :heart:
Thank you 🙏
Incredible insight and thoughts!
Ren says this in "Suicide" "Draw for the sword then drive through the armor"
Wow!!! You’re a great therapist! Thanks!
Loved this! Thank you!
today is the first day that i felt happy 62 years vs 1 day i just woke up happy never felt that before i think it was because some where deep down i said fuck this noise REN helped i do not know how but he helped
Loved your reaction. Hope your next couple of reaction will be "For Joe," "Humble," and "Do you believe". "Seven sins" is also worth your time for sure. Keep up the great work
#ren #troubles #verahall #lymedisease
Ren is our inspirational angel of hope 💗
I like the Moby vibe to this one. Takes me back a few years.
A couple of yrs ago, the PA of the neurosurgeon my dr sent me to ultimately told me he thought my pain and muscle weakness were mostly due to 'stress'. It messed me up. He was so condescending. Two yrs later, and I can barely walk around the house. I'm dizzy all the time, my weight nosedived, so many things. Then I got tick bite 6 mos, was tentatively dx'd with Lyme disease. I got so much worse after that. I'm amazed at how many of my symptoms are the same as his.
I just came across Ren recently and I wish I would’ve found him sooner because (not self promoting) I have dabbled in making my own music before and his songs inspired some of mine…. And his songs are relatable in so many ways…..When I heard the lyric about finding comfort in cold steel that hit hard….I ain’t proud of what I’ve done……but I didn’t have a choice….I didn’t have anyone…..I don’t wanna get into it because I know it’d burden everyone….plus RUclips deletes certain comments…..but music has saved me from a lot so finding Ren only recently is shocking because his songs hit so deep for me in ways I can’t explain….
I highly recommend reacting to Dominoes (Full lyric video) by Ren. It is an older song but has a VERY important message that everyone needs to hear.
I can tell by the way you are that my problems are insignificant compared to those are assisting. If I ever scheduled a session with you I'd be taking away from those who need it more than I.
In Pain perhaps, reluctantly ,we can aiiow god to connect to us
Thank you for sharing. I am a 60 year old man who has been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was a child. It is only recently that I have accepted anxiety and depression as just a part of my life. A part of my life that I can, and will, live with in peace. It's a struggle many days but it was also just recently that I realized that I have been writing and creating artwork most of my life as a way to cope with what I used to think were demons. Thank to you and many others who have broke down the wall for many of us. If it is ok I would like to share a little something I wrote recently after a couple hard days.
My family's all here
yet I'm still alone all night
Breaths becoming harder,
my chest is squeezing tight
Palms sweating like a river
Thoughts racing with the flow
Miles on my feet
Wall to wall nowhere to go
Sadness steps up and quickly reveals
It's evil, ugly head
Depression and anxiety
Fill the emptiness with dread
Slowly the darkness of day draws near
With notions of pending doom
Outside a world brightly shines
Yet I'd rather not leave the room
A fluttering chest
Catching breaths when I can
Light stays dark, hope stays lost
Feeling much less like a man
Anxiety screams drowning out
Every sane thought
Depression whispers to my soul
In a bottomless pit I am caught
No decision I make is right
Hollered between my ears
You'll never get out, you're stuck for life
Mutters confirm my fears
Telling me I'm never right
Urging me not to fight
Slowly the evil convincing me
Every day will be dark as night
No place to go, nothing to do
No one understands and they never will
One more tab, another capsule
Go ahead and try one more pill
It's a vicious cycle, been there to long
I don't want it to end like this
But I'd take it all from everyone
The world would be better if we still had Chester and Chris
But I can't take it all
Only mine is for me
And I can't save the world
That's a fact I now see
It's so hard to face the anxiety
Forever on my back
It seems so relentless, so evil
A never ending attack
And the depression I live is constantly
Stealing all my joys
So hard to get out and do the things
I once did with my boys
But I know I can push through this
Fight it with so many tools
I'm not letting anxiety and depression
Keep making me feel like a fool
I have opened my mind
New ways to be freed
I am no longer running
No hiding, no weed
Now seeing the worries as senseless
Self made woes
Anxiety and depression
No longer my personal foes
They are part of me
Something I should not hate
It's just how I was created
A simple matter of fate
So I'll move forward now
Practicing what others preach
I'll face these troubled traits
Through lessons survivors teach
I know I'll never be totally free
But a happy future is now what I choose
To those who are fighting the same battle
Don't ever give up, we don't have to lose.
So very talented.... Thanks for this. 😊
Ren is absolutely amazing ❤
King Arthur and Excalibur are recurring themes in Ren's music, kinda like Lord of the Rings is a frequent reference. Murderer and The Hunger are two that immediately come to mind (I pull Excalibur right out the stone and King call me Arthur respectively)
I can relate. I lived with a damaged nerve for over 10 years. Over those 10 years I visited countless doctors, most which more or less called my a liar. When I finally met a doctor that took me serious, the nerve was too damaged to be fixable. After 2 surgeries they just removed it and I was left with a phantom pain that was nearly as bad as the pain before. The solution to that was to give me limitless access to morphine and tell me that I wouldn't be able to work again (at the age of 32). This could have ended really bad, which it usually does when you sit at home alone day in and day out, with free unlimited access to high class drugs. I eventually said that I wanted to find something I could work with and get off the meds (they didn't really do much for the pain anyway). I eventually got help and got through the university and got a degree in psychology and later on ended up working with kids which families had psychosocial issues.
I'm stuck in the place Ren talks about here. Fifteen years ago I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, ten years ago I began to develop bulging discs in my back, five years ago they started to develop in my neck. My UC is now under control mostly, but no one can give me answers as to what's going on with my spine. I've been tested for EVERYTHING and it's all been ruled out. My rheumatologist recently discharged me with an unceremonious "I think it's just wear and tear" so I'm back to square one again. I currently have five herniations. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well. Today is a particularly bad day for me. I did a little housework yesterday because the house is wrecked and that's not helping my mood. Today I woke up and my right leg barely supports my weight. My son broke down into tears earlier because I had to miss his last band performance of the school year. I don't know what to do. It's been ten years since I could work, and I'm still fighting for disability. My wife's income is our only income. Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way.
'm so sorry, for your hard life, your hard day, and your uncaring doctors. Have you looked at Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome? I know the connective tissues it affects sometimes include vertebral discs. Forgive me if I'm off base -- I really hope things get better for you soon.
From GaryYounOG: @kennethriddle433
Hello,
I'm really sorry to hear about all the challenges you're facing. It sounds incredibly tough to manage not only the physical pain from your spinal issues but also the emotional and psychological stress that comes with it, especially when your conditions impact important family moments like your son's band performance. That you've been dealing with these health issues for years without clear answers or effective solutions must feel frustrating and disheartening.
Hearing that you've been ruled out for everything and left with "wear and tear" as an explanation can feel like a dismissal of the seriousness of your pain. It’s tough when you’re doing your best to keep things going at home, and then to face such significant physical repercussions the next day. On top of that, the ongoing battle for disability support in the absence of a work income adds another layer of stress.
It's clear that life has thrown a lot at you, and it's okay to acknowledge that it's not how you envisioned things would be. The feelings of being stuck and not knowing what to do next are completely valid under these circumstances. It’s important to recognize the strength it takes to cope with these daily challenges, even when it might not always feel like you are managing well.
On days like today, when everything seems overwhelming, it might help to focus on small, manageable tasks or activities that can offer some relief or distraction. Perhaps spending time on something you enjoy, or finding small ways to connect with your son and wife could provide some comfort. It's also important to allow yourself to feel these difficult emotions; acknowledging them is a step toward processing them.
If you haven’t already, it might be helpful to seek support from a counselor or therapist who can offer strategies to manage the emotional aspects of living with chronic pain and illness. They can provide a space to explore these feelings and develop coping strategies that are tailored to your situation.
Please know that your efforts and your struggles are seen, and you're doing a lot more than you might feel you are on the hard days. Your resilience is evident, even when it feels like you're at a standstill. I’m here to listen if you need to talk more about what you’re going through. You're not alone in this.
All strength is born from struggle