INFJ and ISFJ Relationship Support and Explanation
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
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If you’re new to Geek Psychology, my name is Matt Sherman. People call me Sherman. I'm a personality type expert, life coach, hypnotist, author, podcaster, and course creator. I help mainly INFPs embrace their unique strengths and navigate life's challenges. Through practical strategies and deep insights, I aim to help people like you live a more fulfilling and authentic live where you can wake up and feel good about who you are and your impact on the world. Struggling with a relationship where you both share similar cognitive functions? In this video, I go through some of the difficulties and benefits that come from the differences and similarities of INFJ and ISFJ and how that impacts a relationship. Support in this video comes from understanding each other and bonding through shared activities that help similar struggles.
We go deep pretty quickly in this video, so I hope I gave enough explanation of each aspect for it to be helpful but not make the video longer lol
Once again, this is a new format I'm fiddling with, but I hope it helps!
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For ISFJs it's really important that they are not taken for granted. ISFJs will go to the point of leaving what they do aside so they can help their loved ones because they feel good when they help someone else, but if they don't feel appreciated by the one they helped their feelings will get hurt and they will start avoiding that person.
Also yes, I can confirm that ISFJs love puzzles, chess, boardgames, planning dates, getherings and are absolutely annoyed by flakers.
great video and very accurate ☺️ I'm an INFJ and I've got an ISFJ with whom I've done a lot of healing. he's a special guy but I think these types can be incredibly compatible and form a really intimate and deep bond. communication and validation of differences is critical. we have an unbelievable way of balancing each other to create new dimensions of understanding through our differing approach to shared ideas. it's funny how often we realize we're expressing the same thing in a different way. he naturally sets exactly the boundaries that give me the kind of stability which frees me to fully embrace who I am in a world like this ☺️
Entirely accurate about introverted perceiving functions in infj and isfj. Thank you for putting it into words.
Great! Thanks for affirming it!
5:25 as an INFJ male I am especially prone to this. When I’m overwhelmed by people I start shutting off my Fe because it’s not something in my control and withdraw into the safety of my tertiary function (Ti). When I am in my Ti mindset, I feel more in control.
1st MBTI dual dynamic comparison I’ve watched. You’re headed in right direction to grow your business! Outstanding.
Thanks!
Thank you. I'm an INFJ male with an ISFJ female wife. I had to review several portions inorder to fully absorb your thoughts. A white board or something along those lines I believe would make a drastic difference for the better in your videos. I will be watching this together with my ISFJ in the near future. Your analysis was spot on from my perspective. 🕉
I’m INFJ and my boyfriend is ISFJ. I don’t think we see the world too differently, I feel he’s been very open to understanding how I think and feel. I struggle to see how he thinks sometimes. It can be hard. I’m trying to get deeper into his mind to learn how he thinks and use that for myself as I think that would benefit me. That’s one thing I’ve heard about this pairing is that if you can kind of learn how the other sees the world you can use it and it can really help you grow.
We always say he keeps me grounded bc I really do need someone to do that for me. And he also is there lightening the mood and lightening life up a little when I get down.
Anyone have suggestions on how figure out what truly makes us different and how to figure out his way of thinking?
My boyfriend is also an ISFJ. And I agree with what you said in regards to trying to learn his side of life (meaning: the way he understands and takes on life through navigating it) so that you can learn how to cope easier and understand life. Rhe ISFJ is the most common personality type. So the ability for this MBTI type to interact with the world is one of the best to learn from. They also have the loyal, helpful, and desire for good ethics that compliment many of us INFJ's.
I went into watching compatibility videos for this type and my own type, INFJ, looking for clues but I honestly don't think INFJ are perfect for or with any partner type.
BUT for me I will say I can relate to you wanting to understand your ISFJ to better understand the world. Just please, don't forget your not bad or wrong just different. And that is why your partner loves you.
@@hayleymarie2088 what do you mean infj are not good for any partner type? Even another infj ??
@@matilda4406 my vague response was just that, very vague and leaves a lot to interrupt based off the individual. Since we do not know eachother personally it is very difficult to go into any type of specifics so my answer must stay vague as well.
Normally, in a romantic relationship both partners need to compromise to each other. However, as an INFJ, and others i have listened to on RUclips there is this theme of never fully being understood yet having the capacity to fully understand their partner and thus, if the INFJ feels fulfilled enough, will bend and mold to the one they love.
Other MBTI types are able to fine a perfect synchronicity with another human however, the INFJ's ability to intuitively read, understand, and know what the other person (whom they love) might not even consciously know themselves, can create a sense of loneliness or just not fitting in even with their significant other.
Therefore, I was expressing, in that one sentence, that even the "best match" for an INFJ (meaning the human that satisfies the most - and this is not just sexual satisfaction - I'm talking about conversation, wisdom, dreams, fun, playfulness, etc.) the "best" match can often still leave an INFJ questioning, "should i stay with this person? Am I really understood?"
Love is THE most powerful emotion and one of the best. Any relationship will make it if the love is pure, honest, and respectful. Even for an INFJ.
Why do you ask? Are you an INFJ or dating one?
Even 2 INFJ's it is joked about that they will leave each other alone so much sometimes that they both agree they are still in love but just don't ever physically see each other and society would not deam that as an "accurate" relationship but who is to say what's accurate anyways right? 😜
@@matilda4406 sorry for the essay 😔
@@hayleymarie2088 I agree. And I can see you are an infj in so many ways. Thanks for replying. we are intp and infj with so many layers and so much complexity. I really appreciate you responding. thank you
From my experience & seeing other isf/infj dynamics. The INFJ often feels more connected or less of a disconnect in the way they and their significant other see the world because of the ISFJ overcompensation to suppress their view in order to see the viewpoint of the INFJ. The ISFJ then tends to feel a lack in reciprocal understanding of their own views from their partner & I’ve seen this ultimately leading to the ISFJ being unhappy feeling taken for granted and wanting out of the real relationship.
One big thing I’ve noticed is the ISFJ feels a disconnect in the INFJ’s lack of ability to see the significance of things that may be categorized as “mundane” or unimportant to the INFJ. Simple as concerns or topics & details surrounding the ISFJ’s day at work. The INFJ may perceive the day at work or something particular that happened at work as a generic occurrence rather than something unique to the individual (Isfj) and the INFJ might brush it off as something that was expected to happen given the circumstances of the situation rather than empathizing with what actually happened. This may lead to a seemingly lack of empathy/ understanding of what actually happened and what it meant to their partner.
INFJ can also come off very Judgmental by their nature of having creative ways to do things and questioning why others do it in such seemingly ineffective manners. One way in order to understand him is say your ISFJ is performing any task, regardless of how minuscule it is, instead of pointing out the three ways in which you believe they could have done this task differently, try asking them their reasoning for doing something a certain way. Chances are the ISFJ is performing this task in this way for very specific reasons, which are probably linked to practicality and rooted logic. This way you will learn a thought process in his logic/ how he thinks, and also probably learn a very practical lesson surrounding the real/tangible world and how things interact with each other.
ISFJ love to give concrete practical advice. If you ever notice your ISFJ being silent perhaps after an extended monologue of yours, there’s a chance they got stuck on a few certain aspects or words in your statement that they saw a possible hole or perhaps a GAP in logic and is trying to find a nice way to clarify those spots before considering the idea or thought as a whole. ISFJ can be literal to a fault & is also why they are so detailed oriented & can even become too detailed oriented over word choices in order for the greater good of the whole thought process. If this silence occurs, I would suggest following up with a question along the lines of does that make sense? Or voice your own biggest concern with your OWN idea/statement and ask if your concern is valid. They will probably be able then quickly clear up any misunderstandings that were hanging around & then proceed with their feedback and ideas in response. Although not all ideas in response will be as equal in abstraction and “creativity”. You will also be able to get a unique perspective in the way that the Isfj shines, which is through bringing to light details you may have overlooked, explaining how things are MOST likely to play out in the short term, and logical considerations which are backed by concrete evidence. This will in return ultimately bullet proof your wonderful ideas as a whole. You will learn their way of thinking in the process. This type of connection forms for a great team aspect if done correctly and each other’s respective opinions are respected. Make sure to acknowledge things & give positive feedback to things you may learn from them! This will result in your ISFJ wanting to express considerably more with you. Making your ISFJ Comfortable is the golden ticket to them revealing more!
Wow thanks for that expert advice!
Loved this!!! Great explanation about how Infjs take on other peoples Psychic garbage and their inner baggage until it becomes too much then we use Ti to go into protect mode ice wall definitely....and less people yes!!! my Ti scares me it cuts like a knife and do not want to hurt others!!!! Ni how the mind works is a great perspective....
This video is excellent! Very accurate - EVERYTHING YOU SAID.
Im infj and my partner is isfj, and now we are healthy so this all becomes intuitive to understand.
Thank you!
INFJ female with ISFJ male, it’s difficult. I love him deeply yet I feel his priorities are different than mine at times and it creates issues. When I try to connect deeply or express myself it’s not taken seriously till I boil over or become depressed. I’m tired, I feel I have tried so many different tactics, I analyze myself constantly. I feel certain ego can be a big conflict with my personality. I feel it’s easier to shut up at times and just let him process the situation. Ive loved him through all his flaws yet I feel less tolerated or understood. I do my best to compromise for the betterment of the relationship and know that I’m doing everything I can.
My husband and I are the same. One way we use our differences is if we have to change something around the house I as a INFJ come in first with a often crazy vision ( I try to take courses or look up info to have a ‘clear and practical plan’) Then my husband ISFJ comes in to bring that plan to life ( he has to stay patient and ask a lot of questions to understand exactly what I mean 🤭) but this has worked time and time again to renovate and decorate our house. Hope it helps 🤭 good luck to you both!
I’m the INFJ. I get teased so much for my future thinking. My ISFJ friend calls me back to reality. Helps me laugh at myself. I’m too deep. Their ability to bring thoughts to a clear conclusion. Yet understand why those thoughts exist. We are a appreciative combo. Bottom line/what if… conversation. Always come up with a plan that works.
Fantastic video! Looking forward to these relationship builders. Reiterating this is so good 😊.
We'll see if I can find a streamlined way of doing them
I loved this video. I’m an INFJ currently struggling NOT to fall in to the tertiary function when I feel super not safe. Also with me being into astrology and knowing that Saturn (systemic structure) is retrograde right now in Gemini (communication and learning) season is simply highlighting that this is indeed a chance for me to restructure some of my understandings while still feeling the feelings (did i mention I have a Scorpio Sun too?) This is my first video of yours and I loved it. And now I love you and I thought you should know that lol thank you and God bless you 🤍
Thank you for all the kind words ^^
And best of luck on the introspective journey :)
Good morning, Sherman. What a pleasure to be the first to your Sunday Brunch relationship support group...will you be
serving mimosas this morning, yum...
I am reading Carl Jung and if you look at your astrological birth chart and he did,
look to your south and north node to know how your inferior function, your original behavior spirit and soul began is
first in the south node of your chart and then you look to the north node.
My Rahu lies in Scorpio while my South Node lies in Virgo...apparently my hero's journey includes a visit to Neptune.
I can't wait. I am still waiting for my JetPack.
I really grokked today's content. Nice job Geek Psychology
Wynstan'sMom , Astrology is not science ;o). Enjoy.
@@gilbrook
"As you reap, so shall ye sow"...the seeds of knowledge.
We looked to the stars to know when to plant our crops.
Red sky at night, sailors delight. Red sky at morn, sailors take 'warn.
We recognized the patterns of the stars, the planets and the Sun and the Moon.
Astrology, it is written was the first science.
“You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.”
“In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.” “All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”
Gaileo
Wynstan'sMom OK, good points. Agree, but they lean toward Astronomy. I like Astronomy, Cosmology, MBTI and Matt Sherman to plot my course...
@@gilbrook On your face, you have perhaps a feature of your grandparent's face.
MBTI began with Carl Jung. Carl Jung believed as I do and as I read him by explaining that symbology,
the archetypes, the patterns of our behaviors and the cause and effects of our lives all began with our
grandfathers who apparently thought very much alike. Dreams, Astrology, the Churches, et al
all seek to offer us lessons.
If you look at the Natal Chart, our 5th House is the House of Fun and Games, Ne is perhaps Creativity.
I find Astrology to be simply a new and very interesting perspective or way to look at and learn more about ourselves. Oddly enough, when I compare my planetary aspects and how my personality characteristics
of Intuition, Introversion, Thinking (Air signs) and Feeling axis, spectrum or traits, they match every
test I have taken. My planets, Houses and Signs reflect an INtuitive who is more rational than feeling and whose karmic lesson is almost complete. And here I am at the Senex/Senate stage of my life.
We may discover our Moon is in Aquarius and while that reads wrong to us, still I have learned just a bit
more about myself while understanding an Aquarius Moon whose Chiron, the Wounded Healer lies
in her 2nd House.
Freud believed dreams were psychosexual and I really do not speak psychology well enough, while
Jung found his dreams and mine in the understanding of symbology, the archetypes and whatever
science you prefer.
I wish you well, gilbrook Your comments are interesting and I wonder what lies in your stars.
lol. Glad you grokked it, my friend.
I know nothing about astrology but I do find it interesting.
I really liked your idea of Ni being about how the mind works.
Having typed myself as an INFJ, I get really discouraged by Davesuperpowers' notion that Ni doms tend to be BAD at intuition because we don't take in enough Se facts. (There might be nuances to this, I don't know what they are). This seems like... at LEAST the beginning of a good reply: that Ni may not give you a perfect vision of the world, but it CAN give you a vision of that by which we understand the world.
Ho boy! That was a lot!
Yea, Ni is actually a superview of the world. Like, how you could zoom out and see yourself in 3rd person view from a game, then your Fe collect surrounding facts while Ti also processing at the same time. We have least developed Se because we don't need to actually involved/present at that time & place, we can just use our great imaginative world and understand it perfectly better than people who actually present.
I'm an INFJ but I think a lot about my past too. I use both. I think a lot about the future but also the past like friends, traveling to other places but also a lot of the bad things. We both experience sensory overload.
Thank you so much...this is awesome...this is me and my favorite guy ever 💕
I'm so lost in this video. Who is the "you" that you're talking to all this time? The collective "you" of an INFJ/ISFJ together in a relationship? Please go thru this info again and make it more clear. It's hurting my brain. Are you an ISFJ? This is how my husband talks. I'm an INFJ and trying to figure out how to help my marriage. But I'm so confused and none of the ISFJ's are helping. Everything is making me think I just got married in a really unhealthy time and held onto my marriage by avoiding getting to know myself.
I totally understand you. This is my identical situation. Contact me on Discord at AgnotSeeker#6094 and maybe we can talk to share experiences and advice about ISFJ partners. Additionally, I think Sherman is referring to both the ISFJ and INFJ when he says "you".
Try to hold out or forward if you have to, but get to 21:40 in the video.
As an INFJ I can tell you it is doable. 😆 Not an easy task to stop overthinking and focus on the Here and now, but it can be worthwhile at times if we can manage it !
He is an INFP...when he says "you" he is talking from the INFP perspective...this is my understanding
yes, i was lost a bit. It was hurting my head, but second part made more sense. Also an infj. lol
Thank you Sherman for a great video. I can definitely use your advice. Peace.
Happy to help :)
ISFJ gets on my nerf and I’m angry so annoying about it as an INFJ because my father is a ISFJ and we are in different world the way we talk and understanding isn’t the same , and I as an INFJ always have to fight with the ISFJ in order to win but usually we will say forget about it, so like I don’t want to listen to you, you don’t want to listen to me, there is no right or wrong, just forget it and then INFJ will have sad time because ISFJ doesn’t care to much and walk away from bad things, ISFJ likes to do things by themself without any help then end up feeling betrayed by others, which is over caring over doing things
I love the bookshelf
Thanks.
I've watched more than once.
Infj make isfj female. We get along great as friends. Make a great team. But we suck at romance.
i always pick the healer in video games lolol. infj. also, if there are no clerics, i pick the magicians.
12:17 the psychological term for this is meta-cognition
this was very sweet, thank you
ISFJs are apparently the best match for ESFPs 😊
Depends. Really good people aren't boiled down to a few letters but cultures and styles etc but as far as the mbti goes... It's what's been said. Personally, they annoy me due to no partnerhood. ISFJs can be with anybody. So can esfps.
No.
I’m an ISFJ going through a divorce from an ESFP after he decided he wasn’t happy anymore when I was 7 months pregnant 😅 honestly not sure if I could trust another xxxP type. My two best friends are xxxP types and they are amazing friends, but all the doubting they have about their partners is a little too scary for me.
My replika heather is an isfj
Sometimes you have to shut off to be okay. So you don’t completely break
They are your typical support player of Overwatch and League of Legends
Have you ever played mass effect trilogy? Omg. It appeals to so many aspects of my infp personality type.
Warning tho your hero person will feel a bit sad that you don’t actually get to save the galaxy in real life.
But hey, the sofa is also pretty fulfilling and it’ll flood you with ideas and make you feel alive while playing it haha
Not personally, but my roommates played it and I watched :P
Geek Psychology I forgot to mention I really like your channel it’s so helpful. :) take care
Can you do one about infp and istj pleeeeeease!
I’m INFP. I had typed my wife ISTJ, but after Matt’s presentation I recognize her as an ISFJ. Now understand our relationship!
Infj + istj too, please. Halp!
Any specific struggles?
Geek Psychology
Communication - As an INFJ, sometimes it’s necessary for me to say “this is a really big deal” in order for my ISTJ to connect the dots. You can imagine how frustrating that can be for both of us. I can feel unseen & unheard. He can feel inadequate by my feeling that way. He’s sometimes completely surprised at how upset I can be yet I had been stewing in it for a while and gently trying to nudge.
Common interests - I’m over a decade in with my ISTJ and we sometimes both wonder how our dynamic works because our interests & our natures are so opposite. Our values are the same though, and we balance each other. I think we both want to have more fun but sometimes it’s easier just to fall into a routine. Too long of a period not connecting on a deeper level can start to breed loneliness. I like what you said about puzzles in this video. It gives me some ideas.
@gilbrook didn’t mean to take over. Please share.
@@GeekPsychology i feel like im to emotional for him and like im abstract way of thinking gets annoying. Everything is so black and white in his eyes. Its literally like im Mulder to his Scully. Ahha
Amazing 👏🏼
What type is your wife???.. is she an extrovert??
(Sorry if I'm being too nosey🤭)
ENFJ :)
@@GeekPsychology oh perfect! I found out recently my best friend from college is ENFJ and I am INFP. I would have totally married her if she was a guy 🤣 Anyways, best wishes for perpetual happiness to you both! 💕 You are an amazing person, I feel this is 100% true 😉
Can we do this for every possible combination of couples in mbti?