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My precious ladies, men want more than just a pretty face, big booty, educated woman. They want kindness, genuiness, stability, intelligence, self controlled woman that are respectful that respect themselves. Meaning, getting counseling and dealing with my past traumas, and allowing myself to be single while I learn more about myself, and healing, choosing to forgive my ex’s took time but it’s worth it if we want a real man. Be patient with yourself, no more being ashamed about what happened to you. You have worth and value. God loves us more and wants a personal relationship with us.💖🙏🏽
@@georgie5404 I meant to say, “Real Men”Not grown boys. My ex’s weren’t ready. I stopped dating toxic men. Not men are the same. Not all women are the same but we must be patient and selective.
1.) Healthy nervousness 2.) tone (are they using the bedroom voice?) 3.) space (is he getting in your bubble?) 4.) compliments are they feel creepy? 5.) is he using your number to get to know you or just a date? 6.) curiosity he’ll ask you questions about you and what you want
@Anna Glad well, that’s great but I’d have to have the desire to want him back and I don’t want him back and using a bunch of hocus pocus crystals and what not is not how I’d want anyone back!
1. Approaches you too smooth (should be a little nervous) 2. Tone of voice ( lower voice or sound too sexual) 3. Personal space ( to close in your personal space) 4. Whats the conversation about ( shouldnt be sexual) 5. What is he offering you (shouldn't be anything else but companionship) 6. Wants to get to know you
This man is the best dating coach on youtube for me Hands down. Very proffesional, straight to the point, even his dressing very laid back and simple. Cause some of these dating coaches look like they are trying to seduce. I like how truly Decent and not pretentious decent or humble this man is. God bless him and his family.
That’s so funny, when I was growing up my mom would always say “NEVER go for the guy that’s the smoothest in the room. He will be a nightmare later on I promise you. Go for the man that’s confident but a bit awkward and nervous the first time he talks to you” and I must have really internalized it lol because even to this day if a guy comes at me too smooth and too easily I’m immediately turned off and put him in the “player” and “non-dateable” category.
I honestly don’t mind guys that are a little awkward, I prefer that over someone that has too much confidence approaching women. I almost find too much confidence unattractive because I know they’ve had too much practice. Also I’m into nerds in general so…..
Isn’t that the goal. I was told that’s the point. Nothing like the ex. He moved on and found his meal ticket best. At least that’s what a source told me. Hey idk know how true it was maybe her friend lied.
@@xxhpshrebyba everyone's relationships (romantic or not) are situational so it's best to stay on top of the good, bad, and the grey with kev's videos. I like to plan ahead and know things before they might happen (or they may not) for my own peace of mind.
@@xxhpshrebyba The best tips I can give you is to work on yourself and seek healing from all of your childhood wounds. I'm sure you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents who neglected your emotional needs. Focus on self care and self love. Strive to be a positive person in society. Be the type of woman who leaves everything in God's hands when faced with negative situations and negative people. Be willing to walk away or stay calm instead of, "I go do for you." You attract what you are. If you are like that you will attract toxic men. Those are the best tips that I can give you 🙂
I'm just gonna say this real quick - MEN or WOMEN who are confident in themselves does not equate to them being liars, cheaters, abusers, narcs, etc. Generalizing people based on their confidence level isn't always tied to experience at all. I've known FAR MORE cheaters and liars (both men and women) who were QUIET, SOFT-SPOKEN OR SHY in terms of approach. Don't judge a book by its cover. I.e. I'm always the confident woman in the room, but men (sometimes women) are often intimidated by me because they assume I'm probably a player given I can socialize with anyone. Which is complete BS and please don't assume this about people. It hurts and isn't fair to assume. Get to know someone before making judgements on their character.
can I just comment on Kev? I love that he doesnt have any antics and goes straight to the point. heck even his outfit in every video is just simple and no fuss its actually a breather from the other male "guide for relationships" videos have AND HE'S STRAIGHT TO BUSINESS Its great! :D keep it up!
Yes I agree, he appears down to earth and knowledgeable! What he says makes perfect sense! I look forward to seeing more of your videos! Thank you Kevin!!!🙏✨✨✨
The guy thats been crushing on me is so nervous around me, and its cute because he's loud and bubbly but he cant seem to find his voice around me.. after more than a month he has finally asked to take me out on a date and I dont remember ever being this excited
#1 is something I’m just starting to realize. After learning about and dealing with narcissism I really feel like the guys that come up to me with no hesitation, no inhibitions are more likely the narcissists (not to say all are). The more “respectable” guys tend to seem more nervous.
The worst narcissist I ever encountered was a shy nervous type .. some people get excited at the idea of pulling off the heist.. discernment is key ..there's no substitute for getting to really know who person is . What makes them nervous, what their Insecurities are and how they show up..how he handles conflict.
Amazing, spot on!!! I have had the smooth talker, who took me on a fancy expensive date. And tried to get physical so much so, it made me uncomfortable. I had to end the date. He reached out a few more times, but it was clear where his intentions were, he faded off. Then the nervous guy currently dating at 55yrs old, he was nervous about the 1st kiss, he snuck one on my cheek. It was really cute, still with him.😍
Your first point is absolutely spot on. I'd he's too smooth and lacks fear it's not a good sign. A lot of dating coaches tell women to ignore men who aren't very persistent. I think it's dangerous to do this because men that keep trying can be narcs.
Yessss. So scary. The nicer guys are at times reluctant to approach you if you look busy or don’t give them the go ahead. The issue is, in a sea of men say at a bar, I can’t tell just by looking who is good and who isn’t. It’s a catch 22 if you’re very attractive. You get approached by loads of handsome obnoxious narcs but the guy you’d probably want to speak to is intimidated.
@@jayc5756 I mean even books like "the rules" or movies like "he's just not that into you". Tactics used in the likes of these are recipes for getting narcisstic men to keep trying to soothe their ego.
@@fuckeries it's funny you should mention about being very attractive and what kind of men it attracts. My best friend has done professional modelling since her teens and is usually swamped by men everywhere she goes. She's lonely and miserable because she only attracts men that want her on his arm to make him look good in the eyes of others.
So true my ex approached me very overly confident/ sarcastic. On our first date I think he asked if I was nervous I said yes and I asked him he was like “No lol” he ended up being sarcastic the entire relationship and even verbally abusive at times always claiming he was “Joking”. So glad that relationship is over he had so much childhood trauma I should’ve ran when I found out he was not only abandoned by his mom and didn’t meet her till he was like 17 but also his dad he was raised by a toxic overly masculine grandfather that was a womanizer and basically just gave him a roof over his head anyways now I know what to watch for in the beginning and ladies we can’t save these men some need intensive therapy and even that can’t save them. I’m healthy I deserve a healthy man no settling ♥️🙏🏾
I'm almost nervous about my guy of 1 year when I listen to these videos. But I am proud to say that my guys' standards are matching the positive key points stated in this video. Ty😎
There was a guy who was always nervous when he approached me, I knew he liked me but I keep it in the friend zone because dressed shabby, never polished (deal breaker) but he had a calm pleasant personality and was nice looking. A fixer upper.
To all the young women and older: Please listen and trust everything he is saying. It will save you a lot of heart ache and pain. I wish I had someone telling me this when I was younger. I had to learn all these lessons the hard way, from experience. So I can assure you his videos are about as accurate as you can get. Forward his videos to your daughters, nieces, cousins and friends. And remember dont ever ever ever settle for less.
💝Thank you for caring so much to say this. 💕I hope your life is going very well how you would like it to now! 🧡 I'll add this to a playlist so I can find it again.🗒🖊
Thank you Kev! I am loosing interest in a guy because all he wants to do is text or go for walks. I am not a dog and I really want to have those deep long conversations over the phone or at a cafe. Thank you for these videos. You are a star!
Lol. I love walks but dang. How long are they tho and what do you talk about on these walks or no talking just walking. A walk is a great way to get to know someone actually... you're supposed to be relaxed plus you pass plenty of social places like cafes etc you can say you wanna go to or bring a picnic n have a nice fun time n get to talking. Maybe he's just broke or awkward
@@misselle1430 No, barely talk about anything other then himself. He did not want to get to know me. Whenever I asked a question to get to know him, he'd dodge it and rake about something he likes. Plus he would walk so fast in front of me I'd have to jog to keep up. It bothered me that he kept saying "my place aint far from here", hinting to go to his. I use to change the subject to something I'd like to know about him to which he'd get mad. Plus, if he is broke, he should be focused on stabilizing his finances and himself, not dating. I like coffee, hot chocolate dates. But just always having walking as a dates in the same park is just boring and cheap. I would not mind if it were somewhere new or in a historical or national park. But not the same park near where he lives! Not for me. If that works for you thats cool. It just does not work for me. I love a man who puts in the effort in both dates and getting to know me :D
Kev, you should write a book, if you haven’t already- your points are valid and very sound. I especially appreciate the maturity and growth I’m seeing in you since your earlier videos- you were always well spoken, but you’ve cleaned up your delivery and your use of “choice/colorful” words (a few of those past videos had my ears ringing from the unexpected bombs that were dropped😬) and I’m so blessed by that because I hated the idea of having to abandon decent and helpful content due to its uncomfortable packaging, so-to-speak😂 Keep up the good work, and God bless you!!
Hey Kev. I use to know this group of guys, in which one I dated. He use to be talkative and the man around his friends. But when I was around he acted nervous and was not the same when I came around. He was a player, but his friend was like, he said he love you, and he never said he loves any woman. But he wasn't use to nothing real. 🙄no currently not together. I feel people come in people life for a reason. I think I made him feel. I'm spiritual so very different.
When I started dating when I was young, my dad always said....When out on a date with a man, listen to your inner voice because your first reaction is usually the correct one.
Was curious so I watched this video. I’m glad that I know all of this already. If all these fail to present themselves . Energy and vibes NEVER lie. If it doesn’t feel right it ISN’T.
Dont gotta block everybody. But know your value. Its hard if you haven’t learned it yet. But realize if you allow someone to abuse you and brush it off like a joke. The jokes on you. You just showed him he can disrespect you. The truth is often funny. So listen to those jokes with a serious ear. They came from his thought process
Recently started dating a guy and our first conversation was over 5 hours before our first date. The conversation flowed and was inquisitive about my views on many topics. So far so good. Thanks for video
@@isla24bonita because really, no one should have hours to chat and it dusturbs the mystery part of the relstionship. Im not suggesting one play games, but, unviel yourself with caution. (Like the gift that ke keeps on giving)
I call the ultra-smoothies the front-liners. Ya gotta push thru the front-liners to get to the good ones Smaller meat?! 😂😂😂 The "too intimidated to step back" from an aggressive man was my tendency and I still need to watch my boundaries. I'm far less apt to be taken all the way, however, I still react (mostly internally),like a deer in headlights. Building one's self-esteem is an inside job.
Your videos always make sense Kevin but unfortunately there are some of that naturally adhere to these rules just no one cares to get to know us. I’m feminine, CLEAN, intelligent, classy, warm, a big picture thinker, I have a good job etc. I feel like I live in a permanent space of disappointment.
@@jayc5756 Not men that are equipped to settle down. They still live at home at 31. They still need a couple years. I’m 32. I don’t have time for that.
@@kokolatte825 lol imagine. I’m stable thanks. The only thing I would say on my end is that I don’t go out enough and if it’s a weekday chances are I’m dressed modestly. I show out when I go out.
You have some great advice. One thing I would add is truth. These guys want to live double lives literally dragging corpses behind them and “don’t want to talk about it”. The last guy I went out with was “estranged” (strange all right) for seven years his wife living out of state with no plans for divorce but “didn’t want to talk about it” and hounded me for two months thinking some how him being a “good guy” added up to a sexual reward.😂 puhleeez🙄
Many things that you tell are hard to accept, but if you really want to change things and see progress, have a better life in general, it won't be an easy and pleasant way. You give motivation and inspiration, thanks! ❤️
you are freaking right!!!! im a woman and self assured, but when i care and been foored, all my intelligence thrown out the window, im became mute and static lol.. ive became so nervous i couldnt eat in front of that person. but i realized its all about intimidation. hes somehow out of my league thats why.
Kevin, a lot of these male content creators say that men don’t approach women because they want to get to know them. They will always want sex and don’t actually care about the woman. That men should never pay for a date unless she sleeps with him.
Thank you! I have just started seeing someone over the last month, and he's ticking all the 'Good Man' boxes so far. Great to know his nervousness is a good sign. 🙏❤❤
Man I started seeing tells me he likes me everyday....so I think he likes me LOL He freaked out and apologized so much when he didn't open the door for me because he thought it was automatic. I'm like it's ok, relax. lol
I did not date for a long time been single for a very long time busy getting my children grown and did not realize the whole dating scene has changed people are doing things that are not normal to me
Can you do a high value man version of this cuz the guy I’m dating completely lacks the ability to have self doubt 😩 he’s mastered Psychology 🥴 and consciously changes his tone to seem less intimidating due to his line of work & naturally deep voice 😩
"It's easier for them to throw you away after sex"... Man.. it is sad how men look at women nowadays like disposable cups. SMH... Thank God for Kev exposing the B.S of Players at least now it is no longer just us overthinking it because it's a reality. I hate it when a man says women are crazy for hearing their intuition when the truth is Men are foolish to think all women don't listen to their intuition. :)
I have childhood trauma that almost always seems to make me freeze up when guys enter my personal space... like I completely freeze up and can't move.. usually get pretty rough in posture..idk if that makes a difference..I know guys tend to take it to their advantage though..then get upset when they first out I'm not interested or not wanting sex...
The best thing you can do right now is to focus on self care, self love and healing. Take a break from relationships to heal from your childhood wounds. Put yourself first and learn to say no.
That's what I've been doing, it's just a slow process I fear ☹️ I can say no, and hold my boundaries, I just can't seem to lose the trigger when guys enter my personal space. And when I freeze, they seem to get the wrong idea, like I have a thing for them or something ☹️ I was just saying, the stuff he goes over in the video can be a little difficult sometimes because of it.
@@E.Nobody When predators see an animal 'freeze' they 'know' and sense, you are an easy target. Men know very well the difference between a woman who freezes or is really open to be approached closely. Never undereztimate the animalistic instincts of any animal, als the humam animal. I have the same problem like you from childhood age. Also from certain traumas. Read the book THE GIFT OF FEAR, written by Gavin De Becker. Read the book BECOMMING BULLETPROOF ( I THINK THAT IS THE TITLE ) and see youTube video's with Evy Poumpouras. See youtube and also read the books, written by Dr. Ramani Durbasula. I struggled a lifetime with freezing and i had to learn to get out and stand up and leave the scenery. Even lying...sometimes to protect myself. Like getting and saying...I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM and after that sentence to distract the man and just disapear! A lawjer told me, this type of guys see it in your eyes and body. From a mile away, that you are such and such. It opened my eyes too and i have never forgotten what he saw, the moment i came to him for advice! Please lady, do lie sometimes, when you feel in your gut, you can not handle the situation. Do not be honest and allways transparent, so ' the man's feeling get hury when you do not want, whst they want from you'. Even crossing your physical space! I saved myself many times, by just disapearing and never seeing them after that. Even with basically strangers. It is a long process. Selfrespect and learning that you matter the most basically, not the men in the world or humanity. You can not take risks with your life. You also waste time, you never get back. Everytime you need to recover from the chronuc stress, because people cross your boundaries and invading your space, territory and survival. Please, make good choices in life and show them as soon as possible, you read their intentions. After a while you get better at this. P.S. also follow your gut and instinct. These are your weapons and antennas to spot something is not right. Kind regards.
Man... I'm going to start praying and thanking God for all the wisdom, knowledge & experience that He has given you & you are sharing it with our people. I think this generation will get saved ONE AT A TIME... Amen !
Well it really depends because my narcissist baby daddy approached me with all the right moves and it was one of the worst relationships of my existence , right now I have this boyfriend who is completely attracted to me and call my sexy and beautiful but he also talked marriage only after barely a month..so..watch out for the narcs they are expert in making you believe they are the right one for you...
I agree with the KSAO's (Knowledge, skills and abilities) approach to dating lol. And on point about finding a partner with same rigor as you would filling a job position! Great content!
Oh wow I just had a huge realization about a man who’s been using a bedroom voice. He’s actually my lawyer. He’s only interested in me physically . It’s been months since the case is closed and I’m still noticing that he’s now using a bedroom voice. I’m so glad I watched this video. I just blocked him on FB. He’s been watching my Facebook Stories more than any other person. I’m glad I didn’t let him get any closer.
I was like not the “hufff”😂😂😂big bro is tired of saying the same damn things because too many women don’t want to listen 🤦🏽♀️😩but still going true dedication 🙏🏽✨
My guy approached me at work as I was coming in I was a new hire, & he said "hi crystal" the first thing I asked was how u know my name, he did tell how, what a time we had back then , fun 😊 It's
The thing about using the phone to set up dates is also what's being taught in online content. They say things like "she doesn't want to have a phone relationship with you or else she just has you as a text buddy. You have to use it to set up dates or she'll lose attraction for you." Ladies is that true?
This was a good video.. helped validate what I thought. Was dealing with someone who I wasnt sure about. He was on and off thought he was being a player. But thi k he was just nervious. And the on and off was work related lol
Damn. Now this spoke to me. You spoke to me. So many light bulbs just went off watching this. Now I Just need to process it all. You’re good. 1st time seeing you on here too. So Glad I did. Thank you for sharing your powerful knowing-ness with us all. I felt such a strong sense of real, honest , loving divine protection from you and I appreciate that so very much. exactly when I needed it too You definitely helped me out a lot today. Grateful tor you. 🙏🏼 And thank you again. 💯
I had a guy pursue me for 5 months. I didn’t pay much attention to him until he started becoming consistent with it. So I finally gave him my phone number. He’s never called? It’s been 2 weeks. I’m so confused.
I really gotta look at these videos.....the graphics/words on the side have me dying🤣🤣🤣....those are the bonus gems 💎....I appreciate all your content!
Where have I been that I didn't find you sooner!?! Oh yeah, in an undervalued relationship, thats right. 3 days out and struggling to not look back and 2 videos in I think I found my way of pushing on thru and finding myself and happiness again. Thank~You
You have to be careful with the getting to know everything about you especially if he doesn’t truly reciprocate and become and share as well, it’s part of guy with NPD’s playbook but your often don’t recognize that you are not really learning much about him other than, especially covert and vulnerable narcissist with share their “victim hood” story which at first may look like vulnerability. Sometimes when you are bombarded with surface level compliments that everyone loves to hear let’s face it, and he texting throughout the day first thing in the morning and the last at night too, you can be easily duped. All of this is part of him setting the stage for manipulation and devaluation. And love bombing for a vulnerable covert narcissist looks very different than the showering of gifts and dinners from the grandiose type which helps you fall trap to the victim story, which in many cases is true because all narcissist are made not born, but it is what makes you overlook red flags like him living with friend’s 80 yr old mother at 44 bc he has no other place to go, or why he doesn’t seem to grow in his career (called failure to launch). So he very careful with this type. I’m a high value, generally emotionally intelligent, self sufficient single mother, homeowner, no debt, with a Master’s plus 30 and I feel for probably because I work in public education and am a natural helper and teacher, they often pray on woman from certain professions that they know their giving altruistic nature is not only part of their job description but who they are to the core. Believe me, they will take a kind, emphatic person who wants to naturally help or being accepting and kind rip you apart. Because normal healthy people are not going to be well informed of the 3 stages in the relationship cycle of those with NPD.(and it’s the same cycle regardless of the type of narcissist) so you are not expecting or aware or even looking for them. So when what you shared about yourself will be used against you during the discard phase and smear campaign, you will be devalued regardless of how wonderful of a person you are and often you don’t even realize when it’s happening - it can be form something as small as you ordered him the wrong drink, or didn’t become reactionary when he tries to triangulate you against his ex bc you know there are always two sides to stories, it can a silly as you looking at him, or turning the volume down on the tv, with them who knows. So when you think you are still in the honeymoon phase because the morning he discards by text later that afternoon, he’s sent 3 I love you and good morning text. And it’s always something along the lines of “I’m just not in a good place in my head right now, I think we be better just being friends but I think I need 2-3 weeks of no contact to sort myself out. Mind you this all through text, you are not giving the opportunity to respond in any way, and then when they break their own know contact rule, which they do for a few reasons - sometimes it’s bread crumbing or sometimes to inflict more pain by saying they never loved you(even though said it first and honestly too soon), that they learned a lot but were not going to change because all they have ever known is promiscuity, or that they cheated, and worst of all, is it was all an illusion. And that’s where the pain comes for you. Because naturally we look for the whys. And often their abnormal disordered way of thinking, creates an abnormal reaction in you, which by the way(as told by my therapist and Dr. Ramini) is normal, but these abnormal behaviors and reactions are what sets the stage for more abusive behavior through the smear campaign which is where they literally smear your name to anyone they can and often accuse you of the things they are guilty of or they really believe their own lies and tell everyone your obsessed with them, crazy, something along those lines bc what he presents to his acquaintances and friends and coworkers is a very different version that what you know to be true. They continue the manipulation through the smear campaign, hoovering , breadcrumbing etc so they can keep you in that abnormal reactionary state bc they don’t want you to heal bc then you may become a threat to the existence they have created. And at the core of it all for the person with NPD is fear, guilt and shame and anger as this is pretty all they can identify with. I will tell you, a 4 month long relationship that leaves you trauma bonded, anxious, and going WTF caused far more pain than my divorce with a emotionally healthy person who we coparent together wonderfully now. For some, especially the longer you are in this type of relationship it can literally cause CPTSD, depression, mental breakdown etc. I was lucky, about two weeks after the discard, I begin seeing actually two therapist as I wanted a male perspective too, that were very knowledgeable on the many and complex intricacies of NPD and NPD abuse. So once they explained the cycle I very quickly turned my healing inward an blocked and no contacted correctly and have a wonderful support network of people family and friends. But you have to be careful, when I thought I was ok to unblock as I was indifferent had started seeing a healthy individual etc, that it would be ok to speak once around the holidays. Big mistake. I immediately blocked on everything including any of the few people that were associated with him, have had to explain to the person I’m now dating that he might try to slip into his DMs on social media etc(which he has several FB and Instagram pages and I found out later 3 phones) which was not a conversation I wanted to have to have this early on in dating. I’ve gone no contact to the point that I changed my email address, phone number etc These folks see in black and hire only so once they no longer idealize you like in the love bombing phase, you go from the best person they ever met to the most hated individual on the planet. Thank goodness as part of my healing process, I made a Google folder that includes every text, DM or otherwise that he ever sent me. I did so because I did not want to gaslight myself and continually see the situation for exactly what is was. Im learning that might be the smartest thing I ever did should something else occur. Here’s the sad part, even if he read the truth verbatim it would not resonate. However, it’s wise to have if the smear campaign goes into legal areas such as defaming your character, slander, lies to an employer etc. My particular ex was non violent so I honestly do not feel threatened in the slightest and I will thank him for the valuable lessons this journey he took me on taught me about myself. And there is never any need for revenge because they are their own karma, especially the quiet, vulnerable type. They live in a world with the main things they identify with almost 100% percent of the time are angry, envious, anxious, depressed continually churning with their own internal guilt and shame(not in reference to you and what they did of course). Mine did I think have a moment of honest sincerity when he told me he literally felt empty inside and that his heart had turned black. A life where they will never get to fully love or be loved, experience real intimacy and the strength vulnerability is a life less lived, and it’s sad bc in his case it’s generational and a manifestation of his childhood trauma. But you can not love it out if them or fix them in any way or anyone for that matter and who am I to try to change his journey and path in life , that’s God’s choice not mine. Sorry for the long post, I just don’t want anyone on this thread to endure the pain that I did and the aftermath. I love your videos by the way. They help reinforce my healthy way of thinking in my current dating situation. ❤️
I met someone else and he talked normally with me like we knew each other and best friends then he started talking about his personal life to me and he said he feels comfortable with talking to me but he seems cool tho
They definitely do. My boyfriend did that. That's how they get to know you and learn about you. They do that to figure out the type of person that you are. Observing yes, testing you not so much 🤔
I truley appreciate you and the vids you put out wish i would have had this video and the ghosted video a few months ago i wouldn't feel as stupid and saved a whole lot of heart ach
This guy I met won't leave me alone. I blocked about 3 numbers he called from and he still finds other numbers to call me on because he doesn't wanna stop talking to me. He wants me to pay his bills and live with him and he's not affectionate he doesn't like to kiss and other things I don't wanna mention on social media but I might have to change my phone number next
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Bloody Hell - this is beyond wise! ;)
My precious ladies, men want more than just a pretty face, big booty, educated woman. They want kindness, genuiness, stability, intelligence, self controlled woman that are respectful that respect themselves. Meaning, getting counseling and dealing with my past traumas, and allowing myself to be single while I learn more about myself, and healing, choosing to forgive my ex’s took time but it’s worth it if we want a real man. Be patient with yourself, no more being ashamed about what happened to you. You have worth and value. God loves us more and wants a personal relationship with us.💖🙏🏽
A pastor I watch said "you don't go swimming when you're bleeding" and THIS comment reminded me of his sermon. God bless you sister 🙏
@@ShawnaHill83 ooh chile, THAT'S a Word!!
If you go swimming while bleeding you'll only attract sharks. 🙏🏽
AGREE!!..for those that are HIS (JESUS)..We BELONG to the KING 1ST.!!!.."I DO". 👑💖
Please they don’t want any of the qualities that you mentioned
@@georgie5404 I meant to say, “Real Men”Not grown boys. My ex’s weren’t ready. I stopped dating toxic men. Not men are the same. Not all women are the same but we must be patient and selective.
1.) Healthy nervousness
2.) tone (are they using the bedroom voice?)
3.) space (is he getting in your bubble?)
4.) compliments are they feel creepy?
5.) is he using your number to get to know you or just a date?
6.) curiosity he’ll ask you questions about you and what you want
@Anna Glad well, that’s great but I’d have to have the desire to want him back and I don’t want him back and using a bunch of hocus pocus crystals and what not is not how I’d want anyone back!
1. Approaches you too smooth (should be a little nervous)
2. Tone of voice ( lower voice or sound too sexual)
3. Personal space ( to close in your personal space)
4. Whats the conversation about ( shouldnt be sexual)
5. What is he offering you (shouldn't be anything else but companionship)
6. Wants to get to know you
I hate the men who start talking about sex only after few days I meet them. I block them immediately because I know that they want only sex.
@@Thegazelle1000 ikr it's so annoying
You are saying after few days? I mean someone immediately it’s sex sex sex wants to even video chat I see his rubish
Tx youuuu for taking time to annotate.
be blessed ! I always look for summaries in the comments 🌹🌹🌹🌹
This man is the best dating coach on youtube for me Hands down. Very proffesional, straight to the point, even his dressing very laid back and simple. Cause some of these dating coaches look like they are trying to seduce. I like how truly Decent and not pretentious decent or humble this man is. God bless him and his family.
I appreciate that. Thank you!
That’s so funny, when I was growing up my mom would always say “NEVER go for the guy that’s the smoothest in the room. He will be a nightmare later on I promise you. Go for the man that’s confident but a bit awkward and nervous the first time he talks to you” and I must have really internalized it lol because even to this day if a guy comes at me too smooth and too easily I’m immediately turned off and put him in the “player” and “non-dateable” category.
I honestly don’t mind guys that are a little awkward, I prefer that over someone that has too much confidence approaching women. I almost find too much confidence unattractive because I know they’ve had too much practice. Also I’m into nerds in general so…..
💯
Girl I Love Them 😍 Nerds to ✔️
Hi Kev Hick
💯💯💯
Confidense or pride..it can look like confidense but it can be pride,and pride also comes from insecurity.
It is so uncomfortable when they’re too comfortable initially. Sometimes it’s almost aggressive.
Totally agree it’s way better if they’re a bit nervous to be honest.
I just went through my phone and blocked dudes after this.
Me too
😂😂😂
Kev's videos will do this to you😂😂😂😂
😩
😂😂😂 Yes!
The guy that’s been crushing on me is always alittle nervous when he approaches me. He is a awesome guy. Nothing like my ex’s. Yaaay!!!🙌🙏🏽💕
Congrats 👏🎉🎈
Isn’t that the goal. I was told that’s the point. Nothing like the ex. He moved on and found his meal ticket best. At least that’s what a source told me. Hey idk know how true it was maybe her friend lied.
SAME woohoo
All your tips legit work. I am now a taken lady 🥰
any tips?
Glad to hear it 💪🏾👏🏽👏🏽
@@xxhpshrebyba everyone's relationships (romantic or not) are situational so it's best to stay on top of the good, bad, and the grey with kev's videos. I like to plan ahead and know things before they might happen (or they may not) for my own peace of mind.
@@gingerlemon865 Exactly
@@xxhpshrebyba The best tips I can give you is to work on yourself and seek healing from all of your childhood wounds. I'm sure you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents who neglected your emotional needs. Focus on self care and self love. Strive to be a positive person in society. Be the type of woman who leaves everything in God's hands when faced with negative situations and negative people. Be willing to walk away or stay calm instead of, "I go do for you."
You attract what you are. If you are like that you will attract toxic men. Those are the best tips that I can give you 🙂
I'm just gonna say this real quick -
MEN or WOMEN who are confident in themselves does not equate to them being liars, cheaters, abusers, narcs, etc. Generalizing people based on their confidence level isn't always tied to experience at all. I've known FAR MORE cheaters and liars (both men and women) who were QUIET, SOFT-SPOKEN OR SHY in terms of approach. Don't judge a book by its cover.
I.e. I'm always the confident woman in the room, but men (sometimes women) are often intimidated by me because they assume I'm probably a player given I can socialize with anyone. Which is complete BS and please don't assume this about people. It hurts and isn't fair to assume. Get to know someone before making judgements on their character.
can I just comment on Kev? I love that he doesnt have any antics and goes straight to the point. heck even his outfit in every video is just simple and no fuss its actually a breather from the other male "guide for relationships" videos have AND HE'S STRAIGHT TO BUSINESS
Its great! :D
keep it up!
Yup my boyfriend's dresses very simple and I love him for him. He's a simple guy😍😍😍🥰
Get to it
Thank you. I hate videos where they ramble and beat around the bush.
Yes I agree, he appears down to earth and knowledgeable! What he says makes perfect sense! I look forward to seeing more of your videos! Thank you Kevin!!!🙏✨✨✨
The guy thats been crushing on me is so nervous around me, and its cute because he's loud and bubbly but he cant seem to find his voice around me.. after more than a month he has finally asked to take me out on a date and I dont remember ever being this excited
Kev is like the big brother I always needed in my life.
Facts! I have an older brother but he's a narc.
#1 is something I’m just starting to realize. After learning about and dealing with narcissism I really feel like the guys that come up to me with no hesitation, no inhibitions are more likely the narcissists (not to say all are). The more “respectable” guys tend to seem more nervous.
The worst narcissist I ever encountered was a shy nervous type .. some people get excited at the idea of pulling off the heist.. discernment is key ..there's no substitute for getting to really know who person is . What makes them nervous, what their Insecurities are and how they show up..how he handles conflict.
There are also covert narcissistic men, they are emotional manipulators and not at all like the overt narcissist.
@@fitnessfoodflow3785well the one I was with was emotionally manipulative and also pretty overt. Pretty sure he’s a malignant narcissist.
Amazing, spot on!!!
I have had the smooth talker, who took me on a fancy expensive date. And tried to get physical so much so, it made me uncomfortable. I had to end the date. He reached out a few more times, but it was clear where his intentions were, he faded off.
Then the nervous guy currently dating at 55yrs old, he was nervous about the 1st kiss, he snuck one on my cheek.
It was really cute, still with him.😍
Congratulations 👏👏👏☺️
Your first point is absolutely spot on. I'd he's too smooth and lacks fear it's not a good sign. A lot of dating coaches tell women to ignore men who aren't very persistent. I think it's dangerous to do this because men that keep trying can be narcs.
Yessss. So scary. The nicer guys are at times reluctant to approach you if you look busy or don’t give them the go ahead. The issue is, in a sea of men say at a bar, I can’t tell just by looking who is good and who isn’t. It’s a catch 22 if you’re very attractive. You get approached by loads of handsome obnoxious narcs but the guy you’d probably want to speak to is intimidated.
True. Yeah, idk who yall be watching and listening to...but yeah, they are Definitely wrong.
I wish I was told this at 15 and 18 🤦🏽♀️
@@jayc5756 I mean even books like "the rules" or movies like "he's just not that into you". Tactics used in the likes of these are recipes for getting narcisstic men to keep trying to soothe their ego.
@@fuckeries it's funny you should mention about being very attractive and what kind of men it attracts. My best friend has done professional modelling since her teens and is usually swamped by men everywhere she goes. She's lonely and miserable because she only attracts men that want her on his arm to make him look good in the eyes of others.
So true my ex approached me very overly confident/ sarcastic. On our first date I think he asked if I was nervous I said yes and I asked him he was like “No lol” he ended up being sarcastic the entire relationship and even verbally abusive at times always claiming he was “Joking”. So glad that relationship is over he had so much childhood trauma I should’ve ran when I found out he was not only abandoned by his mom and didn’t meet her till he was like 17 but also his dad he was raised by a toxic overly masculine grandfather that was a womanizer and basically just gave him a roof over his head anyways now I know what to watch for in the beginning and ladies we can’t save these men some need intensive therapy and even that can’t save them. I’m healthy I deserve a healthy man no settling ♥️🙏🏾
Whoever reading this, I hope your wishes come true. ❤️ Remember that you are beautiful inside and outside!!
Thank you
The guy I just met recently tells me that he is in awe of my beauty. (As I am of his good looks)
Feeling an element of wonder and elation!
If you believe it, it will be so, and no one can take that away from you. Peace always ✨️
Even players ask the right questions. To know that he is serious you need to wait.
I'm almost nervous about my guy of 1 year when I listen to these videos.
But I am proud to say that my guys' standards are matching the positive key points stated in this video. Ty😎
The guy secretly cryshing on me is married. And Lord he is fine but i keep my distance.
@@Safire-ji1vl I won't. Not gonna do it. Thanks sis
@@Safire-ji1vl thank you I appreciate it!
You are messing with God when you go down that road, don't do it!
@@jessicawestbrook3730 no I am not doing it. Trust me. My mind is stronger in this than the heart.
Run!!!!!
There was a guy who was always nervous when he approached me, I knew he liked me but I keep it in the friend zone because dressed shabby, never polished (deal breaker) but he had a calm pleasant personality and was nice looking. A fixer upper.
Brother, you are so wise beyond your years. Keep up the good work. Written by an elder who appreciates your advice.
I am learning so much from you. The hard truths are needed and appreciated even if they are painful to hear. Thanks for everything you do 😉
To all the young women and older: Please listen and trust everything he is saying. It will save you a lot of heart ache and pain. I wish I had someone telling me this when I was younger. I had to learn all these lessons the hard way, from experience. So I can assure you his videos are about as accurate as you can get. Forward his videos to your daughters, nieces, cousins and friends. And remember dont ever ever ever settle for less.
💝Thank you for caring so much to say this. 💕I hope your life is going very well how you would like it to now! 🧡 I'll add this to a playlist so I can find it again.🗒🖊
Thank you Kev! I am loosing interest in a guy because all he wants to do is text or go for walks. I am not a dog and I really want to have those deep long conversations over the phone or at a cafe. Thank you for these videos. You are a star!
Lol. I love walks but dang. How long are they tho and what do you talk about on these walks or no talking just walking. A walk is a great way to get to know someone actually... you're supposed to be relaxed plus you pass plenty of social places like cafes etc you can say you wanna go to or bring a picnic n have a nice fun time n get to talking. Maybe he's just broke or awkward
@@misselle1430 No, barely talk about anything other then himself. He did not want to get to know me. Whenever I asked a question to get to know him, he'd dodge it and rake about something he likes. Plus he would walk so fast in front of me I'd have to jog to keep up. It bothered me that he kept saying "my place aint far from here", hinting to go to his. I use to change the subject to something I'd like to know about him to which he'd get mad. Plus, if he is broke, he should be focused on stabilizing his finances and himself, not dating. I like coffee, hot chocolate dates. But just always having walking as a dates in the same park is just boring and cheap. I would not mind if it were somewhere new or in a historical or national park. But not the same park near where he lives! Not for me. If that works for you thats cool. It just does not work for me. I love a man who puts in the effort in both dates and getting to know me :D
@@vikki8699 like I said walks are great ways to build any types of friendships if done right. Good luck.
@@vikki8699 you already know. Period. You've spotted the red flags. Your time/life is too precious for that.
@@najaahamari4199 thank you lovely! ❤😘
Kev, you should write a book, if you haven’t already- your points are valid and very sound. I especially appreciate the maturity and growth I’m seeing in you since your earlier videos- you were always well spoken, but you’ve cleaned up your delivery and your use of “choice/colorful” words (a few of those past videos had my ears ringing from the unexpected bombs that were dropped😬) and I’m so blessed by that because I hated the idea of having to abandon decent and helpful content due to its uncomfortable packaging, so-to-speak😂 Keep up the good work, and God bless you!!
I 2nd everything in this comment
Throwback video in case you missed it two years ago.
This only works if it’s a in person approach correct? Can’t tell these things via a dating app or via text…🥴🤦♀️
@@julez1091 I use dating apps and a lot of what he said is what I look for when talking to guys online.
You be goin in😭😭😭☠️
Hey Kev. I use to know this group of guys, in which one I dated. He use to be talkative and the man around his friends. But when I was around he acted nervous and was not the same when I came around. He was a player, but his friend was like, he said he love you, and he never said he loves any woman. But he wasn't use to nothing real. 🙄no currently not together. I feel people come in people life for a reason. I think I made him feel. I'm spiritual so very different.
Subscribed because you’re very respectful to women whilst also being honest. This is how you do it 👏🏾👏🏾
Narcissists are the most curious when they first you
When I started dating when I was young, my dad always said....When out on a date with a man, listen to your inner voice because your first reaction is usually the correct one.
Was curious so I watched this video. I’m glad that I know all of this already. If all these fail to present themselves . Energy and vibes NEVER lie. If it doesn’t feel right it ISN’T.
Dont gotta block everybody. But know your value.
Its hard if you haven’t learned it yet.
But realize if you allow someone to abuse you and brush it off like a joke.
The jokes on you. You just showed him he can disrespect you.
The truth is often funny.
So listen to those jokes with a serious ear. They came from his thought process
Recently started dating a guy and our first conversation was over 5 hours before our first date. The conversation flowed and was inquisitive about my views on many topics. So far so good.
Thanks for video
👏👏👏
You actually gotta be careful with the long convos too. Best to you!
@@moresingingandstuff8485 why?
@@isla24bonita because really, no one should have hours to chat and it dusturbs the mystery part of the relstionship. Im not suggesting one play games, but, unviel yourself with caution. (Like the gift that ke keeps on giving)
You’re beautiful, you’re attractive, you’re gorgeous. Duh.
Or not duh, if you’re not used to hearing it.
🤣🙏💜💜
I call the ultra-smoothies the front-liners. Ya gotta push thru the front-liners to get to the good ones
Smaller meat?! 😂😂😂
The "too intimidated to step back" from an aggressive man was my tendency and I still need to watch my boundaries. I'm far less apt to be taken all the way, however, I still react (mostly internally),like a deer in headlights. Building one's self-esteem is an inside job.
Your videos always make sense Kevin but unfortunately there are some of that naturally adhere to these rules just no one cares to get to know us. I’m feminine, CLEAN, intelligent, classy, warm, a big picture thinker, I have a good job etc. I feel like I live in a permanent space of disappointment.
Idk. I'm sure some good men have approached you sometimes. Idk
@@jayc5756 Not men that are equipped to settle down. They still live at home at 31. They still need a couple years. I’m 32. I don’t have time for that.
@@fuckeries Oh ok. I hear ya.
@@fuckeries have you had therapy?
@@kokolatte825 lol imagine. I’m stable thanks. The only thing I would say on my end is that I don’t go out enough and if it’s a weekday chances are I’m dressed modestly. I show out when I go out.
I love how your videos are brief yet thorough 💗
You are probably one of the most refreshing and honest men on this topic. What a solid dude you are.
Thanks for watching
This is platinum advice. Thank you Kev.
You have some great advice. One thing I would add is truth. These guys want to live double lives literally dragging corpses behind them and “don’t want to talk about it”. The last guy I went out with was “estranged” (strange all right) for seven years his wife living out of state with no plans for divorce but “didn’t want to talk about it” and hounded me for two months thinking some how him being a “good guy” added up to a sexual reward.😂 puhleeez🙄
Many things that you tell are hard to accept, but if you really want to change things and see progress, have a better life in general, it won't be an easy and pleasant way. You give motivation and inspiration, thanks! ❤️
you are freaking right!!!! im a woman and self assured, but when i care and been foored, all my intelligence thrown out the window, im became mute and static lol..
ive became so nervous i couldnt eat in front of that person. but i realized its all about intimidation. hes somehow out of my league thats why.
Kevin, a lot of these male content creators say that men don’t approach women because they want to get to know them. They will always want sex and don’t actually care about the woman.
That men should never pay for a date unless she sleeps with him.
Forget those men. IJS
Do not listen to that nonsense, it should be against the law, to even promote such content, on ways to treat women horrible.
Yh one of these days they’re gonna get charged for hate speech.
Thank you! I have just started seeing someone over the last month, and he's ticking all the 'Good Man' boxes so far. Great to know his nervousness is a good sign. 🙏❤❤
Keep saying it, Kev. Please keep on saying it, in every way you can think of. Blessings on you. Namastè.
😊As always, GREAT advice👊🏿Thanks Kev!
I wish my father taught me these things about men when I was teenager.
Awesome video. Every girl should watch your videos to protect herself & value herself...
You’re saving a lot of women with this one. You’d make a great dad one day!
“If all a man offers you is the D, and you take it, then you have your reward.” Love this !
Meaning? Some women only want the d after dealing with men who belittle them and were rude etc
But yes this is an informative video and I enjoyed it
That's right ! A lot of these women are looking for just that, they have no respect for themselves.
You and I think alike Kev. Saw your content by accident, but I feel like you are speaking my mind. Keep up the good work.
Man I started seeing tells me he likes me everyday....so I think he likes me LOL
He freaked out and apologized so much when he didn't open the door for me because he thought it was automatic. I'm like it's ok, relax. lol
I did not date for a long time been single for a very long time busy getting my children grown and did not realize the whole dating scene has changed people are doing things that are not normal to me
Normal at all….
Can you do a high value man version of this cuz the guy I’m dating completely lacks the ability to have self doubt 😩 he’s mastered Psychology 🥴 and consciously changes his tone to seem less intimidating due to his line of work & naturally deep voice 😩
"It's easier for them to throw you away after sex"...
Man.. it is sad how men look at women nowadays like disposable cups. SMH...
Thank God for Kev exposing the B.S of Players at least now it is no longer just us overthinking it because it's a reality.
I hate it when a man says women are crazy for hearing their intuition when the truth is Men are foolish to think all women don't listen to their intuition. :)
Cautious = respect
That’s so great!!!!
I can’t stand over aggressive over cocky men etc
I have childhood trauma that almost always seems to make me freeze up when guys enter my personal space... like I completely freeze up and can't move.. usually get pretty rough in posture..idk if that makes a difference..I know guys tend to take it to their advantage though..then get upset when they first out I'm not interested or not wanting sex...
Consider inner healing work before getting bck out in the dating space.
The best thing you can do right now is to focus on self care, self love and healing. Take a break from relationships to heal from your childhood wounds. Put yourself first and learn to say no.
That's what I've been doing, it's just a slow process I fear ☹️ I can say no, and hold my boundaries, I just can't seem to lose the trigger when guys enter my personal space.
And when I freeze, they seem to get the wrong idea, like I have a thing for them or something ☹️ I was just saying, the stuff he goes over in the video can be a little difficult sometimes because of it.
@@E.Nobody
When predators see an animal 'freeze' they 'know' and sense, you are an easy target.
Men know very well the difference between a woman who freezes or is really open to be approached closely.
Never undereztimate the animalistic instincts of any animal, als the humam animal.
I have the same problem like you from childhood age. Also from certain traumas.
Read the book THE GIFT OF FEAR, written by Gavin De Becker.
Read the book BECOMMING BULLETPROOF ( I THINK THAT IS THE TITLE ) and see youTube video's with Evy Poumpouras.
See youtube and also read the books, written by Dr. Ramani Durbasula.
I struggled a lifetime with freezing and i had to learn to get out and stand up and leave the scenery. Even lying...sometimes to protect myself.
Like getting and saying...I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM and after that sentence to distract the man and just disapear!
A lawjer told me, this type of guys see it in your eyes and body. From a mile away, that you are such and such. It opened my eyes too and i have never forgotten what he saw, the moment i came to him for advice!
Please lady, do lie sometimes, when you feel in your gut, you can not handle the situation. Do not be honest and allways transparent, so ' the man's feeling get hury when you do not want, whst they want from you'. Even crossing your physical space!
I saved myself many times, by just disapearing and never seeing them after that. Even with basically strangers.
It is a long process. Selfrespect and learning that you matter the most basically, not the men in the world or humanity. You can not take risks with your life. You also waste time, you never get back. Everytime you need to recover from the chronuc stress, because people cross your boundaries and invading your space, territory and survival.
Please, make good choices in life and show them as soon as possible, you read their intentions. After a while you get better at this.
P.S. also follow your gut and instinct. These are your weapons and antennas to spot something is not right.
Kind regards.
Man... I'm going to start praying and thanking God for all the wisdom, knowledge & experience that He has given you & you are sharing it with our people. I think this generation will get saved ONE AT A TIME... Amen !
Well it really depends because my narcissist baby daddy approached me with all the right moves and it was one of the worst relationships of my existence , right now I have this boyfriend who is completely attracted to me and call my sexy and beautiful but he also talked marriage only after barely a month..so..watch out for the narcs they are expert in making you believe they are the right one for you...
Thanks a lot Kevin to share with us your incredible thoughts 🥰👌😘🇲🇫
I agree with the KSAO's (Knowledge, skills and abilities) approach to dating lol. And on point about finding a partner with same rigor as you would filling a job position! Great content!
Shoooottt, I gotta take notes 📝 on this stuff!! LOL It’s too good not too! 💯👏🏼🙌🏼
Thank You!
It helps. I remember taking notes on this video when it first came out
Oh wow I just had a huge realization about a man who’s been using a bedroom voice. He’s actually my lawyer. He’s only interested in me physically . It’s been months since the case is closed and I’m still noticing that he’s now using a bedroom voice. I’m so glad I watched this video. I just blocked him on FB. He’s been watching my Facebook Stories more than any other person. I’m glad I didn’t let him get any closer.
The sigh at the end 🤣😂🤣😂
Great advices tho!!! 👊
I was like not the “hufff”😂😂😂big bro is tired of saying the same damn things because too many women don’t want to listen 🤦🏽♀️😩but still going true dedication 🙏🏽✨
Good shi+ I get the guys interested in me ask all the questions and still wanna fux 🤔🤦🏻♀️
My guy approached me at work as I was coming in I was a new hire, & he said "hi crystal" the first thing I asked was how u know my name, he did tell how, what a time
we had back then , fun 😊
It's
The thing about using the phone to set up dates is also what's being taught in online content. They say things like "she doesn't want to have a phone relationship with you or else she just has you as a text buddy. You have to use it to set up dates or she'll lose attraction for you." Ladies is that true?
integrity what a word undervalued in love.
This was a good video.. helped validate what I thought. Was dealing with someone who I wasnt sure about. He was on and off thought he was being a player. But thi k he was just nervious. And the on and off was work related lol
Good advice . You are on point .
Damn. Now this spoke to me. You spoke to me. So many light bulbs just went off watching this. Now I Just need to process it all. You’re good. 1st time seeing you on here too. So Glad I did. Thank you for sharing your powerful knowing-ness with us all. I felt such a strong sense of real, honest , loving divine protection from you and I appreciate that so very much. exactly when I needed it too You definitely helped me out a lot today.
Grateful tor you. 🙏🏼
And thank you again. 💯
This is great. A bit irritated that woman go through a lifetime before being taught the proper keys to vetting out men
" Point out the obvious, " you're adorable. 💞
Great video, again!😊thanks!
It’s the pop ups for me on this video😂😂😂. I get a lot of wyd sexy texts so this got me questioning
I had a guy pursue me for 5 months. I didn’t pay much attention to him until he started becoming consistent with it. So I finally gave him my phone number. He’s never called? It’s been 2 weeks. I’m so confused.
Don't bother wondering. Just move on.
Thank you I needed to hear these tips it's an eye opener
I really gotta look at these videos.....the graphics/words on the side have me dying🤣🤣🤣....those are the bonus gems 💎....I appreciate all your content!
Where have I been that I didn't find you sooner!?! Oh yeah, in an undervalued relationship, thats right. 3 days out and struggling to not look back and 2 videos in I think I found my way of pushing on thru and finding myself and happiness again. Thank~You
Stay strong!!
You have to be careful with the getting to know everything about you especially if he doesn’t truly reciprocate and become and share as well, it’s part of guy with NPD’s playbook but your often don’t recognize that you are not really learning much about him other than, especially covert and vulnerable narcissist with share their “victim hood” story which at first may look like vulnerability. Sometimes when you are bombarded with surface level compliments that everyone loves to hear let’s face it, and he texting throughout the day first thing in the morning and the last at night too, you can be easily duped. All of this is part of him setting the stage for manipulation and devaluation. And love bombing for a vulnerable covert narcissist looks very different than the showering of gifts and dinners from the grandiose type which helps you fall trap to the victim story, which in many cases is true because all narcissist are made not born, but it is what makes you overlook red flags like him living with friend’s 80 yr old mother at 44 bc he has no other place to go, or why he doesn’t seem to grow in his career (called failure to launch). So he very careful with this type. I’m a high value, generally emotionally intelligent, self sufficient single mother, homeowner, no debt, with a Master’s plus 30 and I feel for probably because I work in public education and am a natural helper and teacher, they often pray on woman from certain professions that they know their giving altruistic nature is not only part of their job description but who they are to the core. Believe me, they will take a kind, emphatic person who wants to naturally help or being accepting and kind rip you apart. Because normal healthy people are not going to be well informed of the 3 stages in the relationship cycle of those with NPD.(and it’s the same cycle regardless of the type of narcissist) so you are not expecting or aware or even looking for them. So when what you shared about yourself will be used against you during the discard phase and smear campaign, you will be devalued regardless of how wonderful of a person you are and often you don’t even realize when it’s happening - it can be form something as small as you ordered him the wrong drink, or didn’t become reactionary when he tries to triangulate you against his ex bc you know there are always two sides to stories, it can a silly as you looking at him, or turning the volume down on the tv, with them who knows. So when you think you are still in the honeymoon phase because the morning he discards by text later that afternoon, he’s sent 3 I love you and good morning text. And it’s always something along the lines of “I’m just not in a good place in my head right now, I think we be better just being friends but I think I need 2-3 weeks of no contact to sort myself out. Mind you this all through text, you are not giving the opportunity to respond in any way, and then when they break their own know contact rule, which they do for a few reasons - sometimes it’s bread crumbing or sometimes to inflict more pain by saying they never loved you(even though said it first and honestly too soon), that they learned a lot but were not going to change because all they have ever known is promiscuity, or that they cheated, and worst of all, is it was all an illusion. And that’s where the pain comes for you. Because naturally we look for the whys. And often their abnormal disordered way of thinking, creates an abnormal reaction in you, which by the way(as told by my therapist and Dr. Ramini) is normal, but these abnormal behaviors and reactions are what sets the stage for more abusive behavior through the smear campaign which is where they literally smear your name to anyone they can and often accuse you of the things they are guilty of or they really believe their own lies and tell everyone your obsessed with them, crazy, something along those lines bc what he presents to his acquaintances and friends and coworkers is a very different version that what you know to be true. They continue the manipulation through the smear campaign, hoovering , breadcrumbing etc so they can keep you in that abnormal reactionary state bc they don’t want you to heal bc then you may become a threat to the existence they have created. And at the core of it all for the person with NPD is fear, guilt and shame and anger as this is pretty all they can identify with. I will tell you, a 4 month long relationship that leaves you trauma bonded, anxious, and going WTF caused far more pain than my divorce with a emotionally healthy person who we coparent together wonderfully now. For some, especially the longer you are in this type of relationship it can literally cause CPTSD, depression, mental breakdown etc. I was lucky, about two weeks after the discard, I begin seeing actually two therapist as I wanted a male perspective too, that were very knowledgeable on the many and complex intricacies of NPD and NPD abuse. So once they explained the cycle I very quickly turned my healing inward an blocked and no contacted correctly and have a wonderful support network of people family and friends. But you have to be careful, when I thought I was ok to unblock as I was indifferent had started seeing a healthy individual etc, that it would be ok to speak once around the holidays. Big mistake. I immediately blocked on everything including any of the few people that were associated with him, have had to explain to the person I’m now dating that he might try to slip into his DMs on social media etc(which he has several FB and Instagram pages and I found out later 3 phones) which was not a conversation I wanted to have to have this early on in dating. I’ve gone no contact to the point that I changed my email address, phone number etc These folks see in black and hire only so once they no longer idealize you like in the love bombing phase, you go from the best person they ever met to the most hated individual on the planet. Thank goodness as part of my healing process, I made a Google folder that includes every text, DM or otherwise that he ever sent me. I did so because I did not want to gaslight myself and continually see the situation for exactly what is was. Im learning that might be the smartest thing I ever did should something else occur. Here’s the sad part, even if he read the truth verbatim it would not resonate. However, it’s wise to have if the smear campaign goes into legal areas such as defaming your character, slander, lies to an employer etc. My particular ex was non violent so I honestly do not feel threatened in the slightest and I will thank him for the valuable lessons this journey he took me on taught me about myself. And there is never any need for revenge because they are their own karma, especially the quiet, vulnerable type. They live in a world with the main things they identify with almost 100% percent of the time are angry, envious, anxious, depressed continually churning with their own internal guilt and shame(not in reference to you and what they did of course). Mine did I think have a moment of honest sincerity when he told me he literally felt empty inside and that his heart had turned black. A life where they will never get to fully love or be loved, experience real intimacy and the strength vulnerability is a life less lived, and it’s sad bc in his case it’s generational and a manifestation of his childhood trauma. But you can not love it out if them or fix them in any way or anyone for that matter and who am I to try to change his journey and path in life , that’s God’s choice not mine. Sorry for the long post, I just don’t want anyone on this thread to endure the pain that I did and the aftermath. I love your videos by the way. They help reinforce my healthy way of thinking in my current dating situation. ❤️
A week ago i met a guy and he was literally shaking and sweating meeting me. Later i ask him why. I told me i made him nerves, in a good way😉🙃.
All Facts!!!
Wow you’re literally consolidating everything I’ve learnt in the past. Where were you then?!😆
I be seeing people trying to get in my personal space .😁
Great advice! Loud and clear..Thank you
You are. Your acumen is smart on this subject. Thanks.
Excellently stated- Thanks Kev!!!
I met someone else and he talked normally with me like we knew each other and best friends then he started talking about his personal life to me and he said he feels comfortable with talking to me but he seems cool tho
Thanks Kev! Appreciate this insight!
11:30 don’t guys vet sometimes even without asking you questions, but instead by observing and testing you?
They definitely do. My boyfriend did that. That's how they get to know you and learn about you. They do that to figure out the type of person that you are. Observing yes, testing you not so much 🤔
That approach thing is the truth 💯
I truley appreciate you and the vids you put out wish i would have had this video and the ghosted video a few months ago i wouldn't feel as stupid and saved a whole lot of heart ach
Thanks Kev. Love your videos. Hugs🤗
This guy I met won't leave me alone. I blocked about 3 numbers he called from and he still finds other numbers to call me on because he doesn't wanna stop talking to me. He wants me to pay his bills and live with him and he's not affectionate he doesn't like to kiss and other things I don't wanna mention on social media but I might have to change my phone number next
Definitely gained yourself a new subscriber 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙏🏾🙏🏾
Awesome video Kev.