"Most Men Who Take Their Life Had No History Of Mental Illness" - Dr K
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- Опубликовано: 27 мар 2024
- Dr K was on Diary Of A CEO to discuss some serious topics regarding mental health, redpill and many other things. • Dr K: "There Is A Cris...
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Previous commenter said (before deleting his comment) *"They were probably undiagnosed or didn’t say it, genius. this dude is a quack".*
If the difference between you offing yourself & living is having your kids in your life, financial ruin, ostracization, MAYBE you dont have a mental health disorder. You are dealing with difficult cirumstances and are caving to the pressure of walls closing in. Reducing all issues of self deletion to "MENTAL HEALTH DISORDER" is reductive and makes people suffering from these issues more isolated. Therapy and pills cannot save everyone. Many are just undiangosed yes, but many just have difficult life cirumstances so Its important to discuss that.
L take
Pin of 'bro really thought he could get away with it 💀'
Pin of "you thought you could delete that and run?"
I wanna off myself because im ugly af and women treat me like trash. I only live because i wanna box as a pro and i love my dad and grandma. Please show respect to my fallen brothers.
Bro deleted it. yall shouldve said his name too lmao
Mental health is more than mental illness. Great takes, thanks for sharing 🙏
You rock Dr K! Thank you for all you do.
Man himself.
The man, the myth, the legend.
Dr K is GOAT in the matters of psychology. Nowadays planet needs specialists in psychology who has a gamer's background. Especially if that specialist has experience of clan/guild membership/leadership. Listen to this man yall this is the next lvl psychology. All the book worms with 0 practice out there simply aint worth it.
People like you, Aba and Preach helped get me closer to understanding why I've failed and failed continuously in life.
Thank you.
Not everything is mental illness, sometimes shit sucks.
Indeed.
Goverment, women, doctors, therapists, and politicians: *we’re gonna pretend we didn’t see that comment*
💯
Inherently, suicide is a sign of mental illness.
@@morablaze486 Why put women in that? Generally not the issue (generally speaking) or doctors, or therapists
"hell is waking up every goddamn day not knowing why you're here" this is the thought that haunts me every day. you try to keep going but I guess eventually something's gotta give...
Dabu, a lot of us aren’t sure about our purpose but I’m here to let you know that Jesus loves you regardless. I’m happy that you felt brave enough to share this vulnerability and I will keep you in prayer.
Hope this gets better for you
I understand. It is crushing when you dont have a dream, or aspiration. Im in a situation thats very draining family-wise as well, so my options are limited, as well as the burnout of living like that.
I managed to think really hard about my meaning of being here, and looking at nature itself, everything is fighting to persevere and evolve. Maybe thats out calling, to leave this world a little better than we came from. We are too young to know the rules of the game called "The Universe", but if everything else is playing the "Survival of the fittest" gane, why shouldnt we?
In that, i thought about how could i help, and I realized that while I may not be a scientist or anything like that, we still need to work as a society, in order for society to advance.
I happened to be following a degree in journalism and it clicked.
I wanted to make a database of every single case of goverment corruption that happened, as it happens a lot in my country. I had means to start that, but I couldnt do it,alone. I couldnt find anyone that understood it, and sadly, life just got worse and worse.
Right now, im just hoping to be able to liv3 more than one day without hearing screams or mental breakdowns, so my biggest concern is my own tranquility and peace of mind, and then the rest.
Im stuck in a hole right now, honestly, and it feels like everyday you are just a punching bag. Hey, maybe i could have ran away, but idk, im scared. I dont want to abbandon my mom either, even if she is the cause of most of it.
Sorry to end on a sad note, but hey, at least someone like me, who was dreamless, managed to fabricate something. I might have dreamt to big, or i was not ready perhaps, but I was just hoping maybe that gives you an idea.
While he may be too deepninto the political sauce nowadays, it was Jordan Peterson who gave me the idea of "if you dont have a dream, find one".
Just separate his political views from his psychological advice. Perhaps you could find something of value there.
Im sorry for writing too much, and im sorry if i misunderstood your message. I hope its useful though, and I hope the best for you.
@@dellizhazell1888 Jesus is the One Thing that keeps me going every day. Without His love and Presence in my life, I would have been dead long ago.
I didn’t want to ruin the impact of your comment, but as someone who believes in the reality of hell I can say with confidence that you probably don’t get to sleep when you’re there.
Prolonged poverty is something that also needs to get addressed. Gaining just a little agency by having enough money to eat and have a roof over your head, is huge for fighting hopelessness.
Materialism is a poor substitute for purpose.
@@jgrif7891at a biological level, it kind of is. After a certain amount of materials, extra doesn't give you as much happiness as it gave you before, and you can't even pretend that it will anymore
@@acoolname2155 essentially, new problems take the old problems' places
@@jgrif7891 where does the line between materialism and meeting basic needs lie?
Having nothing is very different from choosing to have nothing.
@@Devonthe12thmoon and having something doesn't inform you of what you should be doing.
The amount of distain so many people show when someone tries to help men is disturbing.
Bro is everywhere
It’s over for men, we should retreat from society.
Maybe because it doesn't fit into the narrative. Men, specifically white men aren't meant to victims.
Only oppressors or perpetrators..
@@kw7814 25K subs because of commenting lmao
@@kw7814good lol
Demotivation can be more deadly than depression. When someone with depression seeks help and receives it, they have a chance. But when anyone seeks help and is ignored/denied, they struggle alone until they can't.
Yas, as Aba says five minutes in; The added factor of hopelessness, which is create by continuously seeking help and being rejected.
Thats me.
No one cares about Us especially therapists you ever been told your life sucks and doesn't seem like it's worth it once a therapist says that it's hard ASF to find help you have to be your own help because no one cares about us truly
Don't know about that, depression is a constant state, you just become depressed, like a hole you get stuck in while you can still be demotivated. Both are just trash because no good comes from there anyways.
No one cared about me either. Having a woomb didn't help. Dunno, maybe I'm not pretty enough? Maybe I was not asking for help in the wrong way? Maybe my problems were just an acceptable level of unhappiness?
Guys, it sounds combative, but I swear - I'm trying to stand shoulder to shoulder. MH doesn't care about either of us 😔
I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put onto antidepressants to manage it, but it was entirely caused by my life circumstances. I had contracted a debilitating disease that took years to recover from, my partner punished me constantly for being sick, my friends rejected me from the group and my mother kept trying to control my life with bullying. I was constantly on the verge of taking myself out.
When I left the toxic relationship, got a restraining order on my mother and changed friend groups, suddenly my mental health improved.
Shocker, I know.
it goes hand in hand. therapy doesnt change your life circumstances. It wont avoid rejection it will change your reaction to it. I am glad that you got out of your toxic situations but some people need help. Therapy will not get you restraining order but will help you get the courage to go for it. Therapy doesnt stop bad things from happening but it can help you react to it in a healthy way.
The point of therapy is to help with your own processing of things- that’s why it’s more effective than even medication for a slew of mental illnesses. Many people are trapped by their own circumstances and can’t even realize it. Or, even if they realize it, can’t bring themselves to change it. Circumstances can literally precipitated illness, mental or physical.
It’s the same way diabetes is reversible in the early stage. With weight loss and diet control, a “chronic” condition can be wiped out entirely so that the person can essentially live as if they never got the diagnosis while being aware to monitor for recurrence in the future (same idea as you prevent future meeting with a restraining order).
I felt the same way till a month ago, i was in a relationship with someone that never listened to me, every time i tried spending time with her she refused, i was living in a new country (moved there to be able to live with her) and i felt so isolated, so.... Depressed (inguess) and I couldn't see a way out, i felt unheard, unappreciated, unloved... And kept thinking about self-deletion. Till i managed to make the decision to ask for help, to my family and to my friends back in my home country.
The friends gave me the emotional support i needed, and my family helped me get out of that situation, i left my job in that county, and my parents drove cross country with a van to gather my belongings to be able to move back, stayed with them till i managed to get a job back in my home country and now i am living again, happily again.
Good to hear, keep going brother, be well and stay safe
Thank you for sharing
I'm glad you had people to lean on until you got out of that situation. Not only glad that you're still with us, but more so, glad things turned around for you.
Yep. Men get almost as little emotional support from women as they do from other men
This made me so happy, I just cried🥹 your family is gold🙏🏼
My older brother told me, “Why kill yourself? Just keep living to see what happens. You’re gonna die one day anyways, why speed up the process?” That line of reasoning helped me begin to get out of that mindset when I was a teenager. Might not work for everyone, but it definitely changed my perspective…
Had those thoughts as well. Was surprisingly helpful.
My father had the same reaction when a friend of his passed away. He was sickened. His friends wife was banging another guy and hounding him about divorce.
My father equated him to a quitter. Quit on his son. Quit on his family. Quit on the Lord(religious).
It works until you realize it dont matter what you do, things will either stay shit or become worse.
What helped me persevere is envisioning my own funeral. What would my family think/feel about me when I commit the deed?
@@Sira_Kackavaljof course with that mindset you are not gonna get anywhere
This really resonated with me. I had a family member self delete last year, he was 16 years old. It was absolutely heart shattering, but it made sense. His home life sucked, his parents are separated and treat each other like crap and used him as a means of treating each other like crap. He lived with his mom who had two kids with a different man and treated them great, his dad had a new family as well and no matter what he did, it always seemed like it was a burden for his dad to care. He was such a good kid too, played on the football team, had a sweet girlfriend, stayed out of trouble. When he passed I felt so much sadness for the pain he must’ve felt, and so much angry for the people who failed him time and time again. There’s a lot of times I wish I could’ve talked to him at least once about understanding what it was like having a hard relationship with family. He was my boyfriend’s cousin, but more like a brother to him bc of the time they spent together. His self deletion shook me to the core bc I could see so much of that pain in what I had endured, I felt like I failed him. I miss him, I miss the milestones in life he’ll never get to experience. Sorry if this was really sad, he was a good guy and I think about him often and this really hit home for me.
I am so so sorry for you but I am happy for him. I know it sounds wrong but i wish I would have when I was 16, everyone told me it gets better but they don’t know about how many men it doesn’t get better for including me. I know he’s in a better place than a world that doesn’t care about him. The world didn’t deserve him and I’m glad he’s free from this hell hole
This is dystopia
What's even more messed up is the parents of course won't see any fault in themselves for this, they'll just use his loss as another arguing point to throw at each other. 😡
This is why i say people should have to take a test to become a parent, because there's way too many abusive or narcissistic parents out there that are ruining these childrens lives before they can even begin....
I’m so sorry for your loss 😢
@@notreallyafamousartist695 That's effed up. Someone cared about him they said as much in their comment. It's effed up supporting someone's selfish decision to self delete. People that find people that self delete often literally get PTSD. And then you have their families and friends that suffer while they took the easy way out.
I’m so sorry for your loss and for what life has put him through at such a young age I hope things get better for people in general so the same thing doesn’t happen to more people.
I have a sense of relief knowing that currently my depression is very situational.
I got into a car accident alone. Head-on to a tree. It was due to a snow storm and ice underneath the snow on a hill i had to take to get to my destination. I lost my brand new car and my job in that instant. No insurance would pay because i was online for lyft and since i couldnt work, i couldnt pay for it and had to get the car taken back by the bank. I have been in a rut ever since. Not eating. Sleeping all day. Staying up night. Not taking care of my hygiene. Isolated myself from family and friends. This has lasted for the last 3 months. I just started to feel more like myself. At least i have family around me who cares too much to allow me to be by myself. They ask me to come out of my room to participate with them.❤ I am very lucky to have people like that around me. I wish for everyone to have at least one person who can do that for them. Even if they resist it. I tried to resist but i love my family and dont want their efforts to go to waste so i compromise for them. We all need that kind of support. Its crucial.
i'm and adjuster licensed in several states i honestly want to talk to you about this.
Heyya , how are you doing now? Please talk to me
@@user-fm4rn3mn9o still not back on my feet just yet. Im getting better little by little. Massively in debt rn. Trying not to think about it.
@@fightingblindly I'm from Pennsylvania. My insurance was National General. A sister-branch of All State. 🤦🏽♀️
As someone who was DEEP into the self deletion train for years, the best thing BY FAR that you can do for someone in that hole (besides guiding them to professional help that is OFC) is just set them up to do something that can at least take their mind off from the dark thoughts or at best giving them something that can give them a little taste of happiness.
Like what you ask, its very case by case basis but for example: "hey man lets go to the beach/hiking/outdoors activity tomorrow" maybe introduce them to someone new that may become a geniune friend, as Aba said a job that isnt miserable would be huge, hell even just getting laid or finding a hobby they be good at does way WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than a thousand chants of "this too shall pass". Listening and actions are the best solution for this if you REALLY care for that person, Dont tell, SHOW IT.
For what it's worth mate, I'm glad you're still here. Whatever is going on in life, it's a sad end to self terminate. Won't try and tell you that "the grass is greener" because I've been going through some stuff myself but I like to think that life is like seasons and we will all get through them at some point in our lives
I'm 39, and I've been struggling since i was a teen, there has been periods where I felt amazing and never thought of offing myself or self harm, when I lost my dad 2 years ago I went down a very dark place...the scars I have on my body looks like tattoos, I completely lost it and went nuts with a very sharp object...I played with my blood smeared on my bedroom door...I don't know how I snapped out of it, but I did. I still have thoughts of self harm, I don't know how long I can stop myself, even at work I think of grabbing a knife and putting it to my throat...I know I should talk to a therapist or put myself in a hospital, I just don't have the courage to do it.
what breaks me the most is being ghosted by so many of my "friends". So many of these fools came crying to me when they were at their lowest. They were suicidal and crying their eyes out and I was there for them, listened to them, helped them as best as I could. Now when I ask them for even the slightest bit of help all I get is radio silence. You can't trust anyone nowadays. All a bunch of selfish ass mfs. I don't even want friends anymore cos of this ghosting bs. So cowardly and pathetic. Would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be surrounded by trash.
Heavy on this but remember not everyone is a piece of sh*t
Maybe they’re isolating bc they’re depressed too and turn to people when they’re actually at their lowest point? It isnt always about you
That’s why i don’t usually ask for help. Better off doing shit yourself. Don’t isolate yourself or you’ll end up surrounding yourself with bottles or other place holders.
Just be realistic in your expectations i guess.
@@hotmess9640no reason for ghosting tho.
A « I. Can’t help you sry » is worth a thousand silences.
you are the trash lol
One of my classmates took his life this year(last year of high school),what Dr k is saying about trying to connect to others and belong to a group is very true.He was always trying to form friendships with everyone around him, everybody was nice to him but nobody considered him a "friend" and it think he knew that and it affected him.For a young guy to take his life so early shows how much of an issue male suicide is and how much it needs to be addresed.
Having someone to talk to is really important, especially men. I remember back in high school, my buddy was going through some stuff. To top it off, he was having relationship issues. We were on the phone and it was late and we had been talking for a few hours. I ended up passing out while we were still on the phone. I remember waking up with the biggest sense of dread because I didn’t know where his head was at or what he must’ve thought when he realized I had fallen asleep. I was so relieved when I saw him at school the next day. He said having someone to just listen helped so much. Thankfully, he’s in a much better place today.
As Marcus Aurelius said in Meditations, all we have at the end of the day is our own mind and character. Learning how to be content by yourself - without any external validation - is the ultimate goal.
EDIT: “It’s you STFU and listening to the person.” Perfectly said, Preach. I’ve found that most people don’t really want to help people feeling hopeless/depressed. They just want them to perk up and act more upbeat so they don’t feel burdened by it.
And its cause of that I tend not to tell my friends my issues. I don't want to burden them with how often I'm not okay.
Edit: As an addition, this is just me voicing why I tend not to. I still tell them when I absolutely need to.
@@dalodulo1373Reddit man can always share and omit personal info and rephrase however you want but there’s people who can help you just gotta find them
That’s a valid point, but having a social network is a fundamental human need, so it’s good to not mistake the yearning for community for external validation(speaking from personal experience).
@@dalodulo1373 sorry about that. Wishing you the best and hopefully the opportunity to be able to share your burdens
Unfortunately, Marcus failed to import that perspective to his own son, Commodus, to his own peril
I know first hand men who struggled against self delete or who are no longer with us that had no illness except poverty. Drowning in it they saw no way out, no future. Poverty kills men
Poor and ugly yes, but if you re attractive and poor, then women will give you money. Just search Jeremy Meeks story.
Yep. I knew someone who ended themselves it and it turned out he had a massive amount of debt and didn’t know how to deal with it.
Even the poor in America are richer than most of rest of the world. We're also richer than we've ever been throughout human history. It's not a 'lack of money' that kills people. It's the worship of money and material possessions. When materialism is your god, and your god isn't delivering, you feel like a failure and it's that feeling that takes lives.
@@GameOn0827 Thats not enitelytru becvayse in poorer countries, land costs, housoing costs are much lower. Things are rapidlygoing downhill where I live in the UK.
You can find yourself in a situatiopn where you live in a very expensive area. the cost of living is ridiculous.
@@GameOn0827 Cut the pretentious and ignorant bullcrap. Poor people in America are poor IN AMERICA. Today you learned that poverty and wealth is relative to where you live and that poor people have it better in some places than others. For example, poor people in the EU are generally poorer than in the US BUT they generally have more support than those in the US.
God doesn't feed you.
ngl.. when bro started talking about the feeling of being a burden to others I felt like a deer caught in the headlights.. I've struggled with this for many years now and to hear someone articulate it so well really made me feel.. not crazy. but understood.. awesome video man, seriously.
Hugs you do deserve attention especially when you are not well.
People having to use words like “self deleting” or “unalive” to describe this is a really bad development. What is the point of a world where we can’t even describe things the way they are.
Rejection, burdensomness, and hopelessness is such a great way to articulate it. I've lived it but never broke it down like that
Live it to and have felt all this at some point. I just had people say they still love me that broke me out of burdensome. I'm lucky. Felt them all too but never seen them said like that. Pretty cool to know.
I've struggled with this most of my life. I nearly followed through with it a couple years ago. It's rough out here when you're on your own. I have family and a handful of friends, but really I'm on my own. No one actually has my back, no one even wants to know or hear about my struggles. People would rather pretend everything's fine because acknowledging that it's not fine is uncomfortable. I'm working hard to create a purpose and make a life worth living for, but sometimes it does feel hopeless.
Holy fuck you 2 have hit this on the head so well. As someone who feels like this alot, you are right on the money. The burdensomeness is huge but once hope is gone that's when you start trying to delete it all.
Thanks for talking about this, it is helping at least 1 person. Much love.
Good to hear, keep going brother, be well and stay safe.
I think perceived burdensomeness goes hand in hand with the feeling of worthlessness. "I'm worthless, thus, I'm just a burden," and then "I'm just a burden, so I'm worthless." It's a cyclical thought. What Aba said, that just having a job, being able to contribute just a little, makes a world of difference - this is very true.
Perception is everything when dealing with negative thoughts, feelings and emotion. When you feel left behind in life, our cognitive bias will find validation to objectively confirm it to be true. Social media makes this process easy to loop over and over again where success is glorified. It's harder to pick yourself back up and engage with society in a prolonged state of delusion. Everyone has value they can give to this world in their own way, but not everyone have equal opportunities to do so. Life is inherently unfair in this sense which is why the path of least resistance follows through.
It's tough because the flip side of burden and worthless is helpful/reliable and being needed. Which for both men and women is the key to fulfillment a sense of being valued/needed, so it's such a dangerous line where on one hand you have the ultimate fulfillment and on the other if it goes wrong you have the ultimate depression. Or you can stay closed off and not risk either in which case you are safe but never really happy. I think that's why people get so destroyed after they finally feel safe to devote to a partner and then get cheated on, in one brief moment you whole brain went from ultimate fulfillment to ultimate depression.
Feeling worthless and useless as a man, is probably the worst feeling a man could have in life. Not being capable or adaptable enough to deal with work, family issues, financial hardship, etc. I believe a lot of men just feel useless and they don’t know if they’ll ever be capable enough to get stronger and be of value to society
It's harder when you hear that coming from you're family or your partner. It really fucks your self esteem and makes the cycle feel more real and valid. I'm still recovering from that cycle of thought but building myself back up is hard because you self doubt ALOT and isolate so i don't hurt/burden anyone else with our problems. It's very hard these days to find people who are willing to be patient and understanding.
@@KhalifBeatsif men were selfish and ruthless, this feeling wouldn’t exist. Men are too soft and able to be guilt tripped easily
There is definitely an issue with the lack of concern for men's emotional wellbeing. After we lost my husband's father to cancer and we had to cut-off contact with my MIL, for a multitude of reasons, my husband struggled with the loss of both his parents. He needed someone besides me to tell him he made the right choice in going no contact with his mom and that his feelings matter so I made an appointment with a therapist and took him there because I knew he wouldn't have gone otherwise. As someone who struggles with depression I couldn't watch him fall into that dark place. We have to lookout for each other.
Another idiot that thinks therapy works.
If there is a god, may he bless you!
Probably because men look to women to help them instead of getting help for themselves
So a spouse shouldn’t look to the other spouse for help? Or men never help women?
@@messyangel1169I don’t see that happening, generally I don’t think men ask for help; usually the woman can see the man struggle and voluntarily helps them without being asked for help. And that’s only men who are in healthy supportive relationships, a lot of men aren’t and often don’t have that someone to look out for them emotionally.
Exclent topic and great video as always. As a person that has felt much of what you talked about and still struggle with even with the help of therapy I feel it’s great to hear others talk about it. I’m stubborn so therapy didn’t help me as much as I hoped at first but I have found work arounds. I often had thoughts of worthlessness and I have been working on why I often feel that way. What helped me was finding ways I could feel that way. Volunteer work has been a big help and I never thought I could do anything like it but for me that changed how I view things. I started off at a local pet shelter just cleaning or helping bottle feed kittens. The first day was such a turn around for me.
Sometimes being there for someone isn't enough. They have to want (at least a little bit) to climb out of that hole. I spent a year trying to help someone and all I accomplished was the ruin of my own health. They wouldn't agree to professional help or any help at all, they would write these "comforting fantasies" where the character who wanted to unalive themselves would be the center of attention and would keep hurting themselves while people who care about them drop everything and watch them day and night to make sure they're alright but in the end the character always managed to self-delete. This scared me so much that I had to step back because I couldn't deal with the thought that they might go through with it and I'd have a front-row seat to it.
It might be concerning that i'm relating the person you talked about...but i'm more self aware about it. In my understanding of myself, it's also about narcissism, proportional to the intensity of self-harm. Very difficult to deal with the 'too deep into it' person, specially for a loved one as they care.
Totally relate to the doc in the video and what they discussed. I'm figuring it out myself but the expectations of being a man by the family n society won't give me the room for it. The psychological and economic bondage can drain anyone of their 'self'.
I'd like to come out of this sooner or later. Hope it goes well!
(omitted half of it as i realised it was getting more about myself and my situation...lol talking about narcissistic tendencies...or maybe i don't let myself express even a bit, who knows)
@@user-em7oz5pv8o I don't know if it was narcissism. Maybe on a subconscious level because they didn't want to put in the effort to change their situation, stated loud and clear that they didn't think they deserved help but all they did was fantasize about being the object of unconditional and unending care from others while still being able to hold on to their destructive tendencies. In any case, I'm no therapist so labelling them feels wrong when all of it was just my perspective.
The fact that you recognize that part of yourself and the fact that you said that you'd like to come out of your situation sooner or later is miles beyond the person I was talking about. I hope you'll find the best path through your difficulties and back to a life you can enjoy. I don't think there's anyone "too far gone", just more or less work to get back and the only question is if one is willing to work that hard or for that long to get there. I wish you the best of luck!
For me, the moment I stopped having even a shred of hope for an external fix, I started to change my mindset, lifestyle etc. to mostly beat depression. Controversial take maybe, but I think a lot of people aren't helped by being helped.
I had a conversation with a guy in high school who I hadn't previously met. He seemed like a great guy and was pleasant to talk to, totally seemed normal when we briefly spoke. Two weeks later...he took his own life. I've also had friends who had psycho girlfriends who threatened to kill themselves when it was simply to get attention and manipulate them into remaining in the relationship through guilt & shame. Sometimes...the ones who are quiet or the ones you'd least expect are the ones who actually go through with it.
Yep either quiet or they seem too happy. Rip Robin Williams
Me fr 😂😶
I mean calling them psycho is dismissive. Theres clearly something wrong with them if they are threatening to do that. I knew a gilr in HS who did the same and then she actually did it. So to be dismissive is just as bad. Because to be able to threaten that as some sort of control over relationships is a sign of mental illness in itself.
My first time commenting on this channel after I’ve been watching for a long time.
Man this hit hard for me. My dad died in 2020 when I was 16 graduating high school. There was no other father figure in my life. I had a mom and 2 other younger siblings so I am the oldest. I remember some family friends telling me to stop crying as it’s not what a man should do. Mind you I’m freaking 16 at that time. My emotions were all over the place. They told me to condor my mom instead and I should take care of her. Throwing away my own pain.
Then everything went south for me when there would be family issues and my mom was making it worse for me. I’ll get reported to her family and they all made me into something I’m not. Told me always that I was always at fault for anything. Doesn’t matter if I did it or not. It sent me down a bad path and I didn’t know how to deal with it. It felt like I was all alone. Isolated in my own family, with no one to help me. I tried to talk to people but it always ended up in sex or people making me feel worse. I became something I never wanna see again. I didn’t care about living anymore.
I tried to off myself multiple times but it took my little brother crying to begin with me not to do it cuz he would miss me. It made me feel worse cuz I’m leaving him a year after my dad died. So from then on I tried to battle it. I took up acting and started doing it and I fell in love with it. I got depressed last year and wanted to off myself cuz I felt like I wasn’t in the best place in my life. But I fought it and told myself that the only person who I can confide in is myself and that I’m young so shit is gonna happen. I went to therapy and I found out I had BPD but I didn’t let that control me. I wanted to change really bad.
I turn 21 tomorrow and looking back on it now I’m happy I didn’t go through with it and I’m starting to feel a lot better. I’m no longer mad at the world or myself. I’m taking things slow and at my own pace. I’m gonna push through and make a name for myself. I’m still acting and still enjoying life. So my advice to anyone out there going through some shit, don’t give up on yourself and love yourself. Sex, drugs, self deletion is never the answer. You got a lot to live for. Now I just try to spread positivity through my channel and hopefully help someone out there.
I’m proud of you
Thank you for hanging in there
Sex and drugs are very bad coping mechanisms when you are severely depressed.
Buuuut, when you aren't depressed and are mentally okay, sex and drugs are definitely a great little hobby, as long as its just a small pass time when you have the time after actually living your normal life :)
cringe
@@joelcowan2568bruh
I'm proud of you too bud. Even if I'm just some stranger on the internet, I'm rooting for you. I've struggled with this too, and I understand what you've been through. I appreciate your faith in me, and I have faith in you too. I'll be praying for you brother!
Aba is referring to the Joiner interpersonal theory of suicide which states that an individual will not die by suicide unless they have the desire to die and the ability. The desire to die is made up of two psychological states of mind including perceived burdensomeness and a thwarted sense of belonging leading to isolation. While ability refers to the capability of overcoming one’s sense of self preservation. These 3 factors thus together increase suicidal action.
I think this is one of your best videos. During covid I had similar issues, and isolated from almost everyone due to the measures at that time, I was lucky to be with my family, not just physically but mentally in my corner, checking in on me every day.
Preach's advice of truly listening to them and letting them be heard makes sense, and he hit the nail on the head with why some people really devote themselves to a cause. Aba really carried across that notion of where someone's head might be at and why labelling it all as mental illness isn't helpful. Great video, as always.
When I was 18 and going through the hardest time of my life up until then, Jordan Peterson taught me that I didn't have a mental problem I had a life problem. My life sucked. That was really freeing because it is much easier to organise your life and strive for better circumstances than it is to fix a chemical imbalance of the brain. It's been a wild ride since I made that change.
Would love to hear more. Good job, man. The world needs you
I’m personally not a JP fan, but I don’t get the hate from leftists. He may be a bit kookie and deviates into subjects he has no business commenting about, but his psychology advice has helped a lot of people
That's great to hear. I respect people's choice to self delete when living well just isn't in the cards for them, but when someone does it whilst in a life crisis it's tragic.
Lol it's exactly for the things you mentioned. It's a bad pipeline because ppl, especially the type that make use of his good advice, are vulnerable to forming para social relationships and just accepting him at face value for everything.
It's difficult for the average person to separate wisdom from knowledge. @@awill3454
@@awill3454 I agree. I think if JP never got involved in the culture war, his psychological work could have helped heal a lot of the people he is warring against. But then again, he probably wouldn't have been as popular as he is. Either way, when I picked up his book, I had no idea who he was. I took in the book without any biases and I will always be grateful for it. It might have saved my life and in any case, it made my life far better than it was.
My boyfriend struggles with this. It's heartbreaking. He's 33, and he has no real friends.. no one that he really cares besides me and maybe his father.
He was so ashamed that he lied to me about having friends for 2 years.
Now he's doing a lot better.. and I'm trying my best to make that change..
But I can't imagine what he would do if we ever breakup.. which I hope never happens, but if it did happen i don't want him to kill himself over it.
Why do yall always ask do we have any friends when first getting to know eachother ? I always thought that was a random question to ask but it comes up .
@@kwilliams3161oh no I've never asked.. but he would lie to me like.. "oh I'm going to have a beer with my friend" and things like that. It was all a lie.. after 2 years he broke down and told me everything.. he also told me about his suicidal thoughts.
He was just so ashamed of being 33 and not having friends that he lied. (I'm 25, and he is currently 35)
girl u're in deep shit .hope it all turns out well
Suggest he get a hobby like martial arts or hiking club
@@billusher2265 Is it really that easy though?
"thwarted belongingness" perfect term for it. Excellent video! This NEEDS to be discussed more!!! It's tragic and needs to be addressed. Also sooo true how sometimes people get severely depressed due to circumstances and regardless of the cause, people who feel hopeless need WAY more support.
Thank you gentlemen so much for having this conversation. You helped take a weight off my heart for how I have been feeling about the loss of my friend. Your ability to speak to men, about men's thoughts and feelings is truly remarkable and absolutely needed by us these days. I started watching your content for the humor but your willingness to tackle tough topics like "self deletion" is more important than you may realize. You are appreciated by so many people you will never meet and that is incredible indeed.
Men aren't allowed to suffer. We had two groups at a local support center. A young men's group and a women's group. Both had their own timeslots and their own spaces.
Guess which group thought it was dangerous to allow the other group to meet? The young men's group was then not allowed to gather at the support center anymore after that.
And the community allowed that?
No one cares about men. My female that had depression. Told her about my depression. And became ur not depressed. U can't be depressed. Aka men aren't allowed to be depressed. We should just get over it
We are so not ready as a society for men to start venting and letting out their emotions. Many married women are not ready for that and would not handle it well.
What justification did they give to keep the men's group away? A support center should allow everyone to be there. That's like a library saying you can't have a book club there. I hope that group found a better spot.
first day on earth ?@@theezenriarinze9203
I was suicidal for a very long time. Abusive mother. No friends growing up. Went a whole 3 years where I had no friends at all, had nobody to even say hello to for weeks on end, and not a single person touched me outside of a handshake every several months. My sister attempted to rape me and my family chose her over me. Finally found a woman just for her to be ridiculously abusive after 3 months of living with eachother. I had nobody for virtually my whole life, even early childhood as my parents didn't care for me. When I did have somebody, I had an abuser. I tried to break this cycle, but it never worked out. I couldn't even go online for validation. I'm a short white guy and this was before the manosphere. When I went online all I found was half the country didn't care about me and the other half wanted the worst for me. I literally had to leave the country to get out of this. When I left, I found I was valued not by a fee people, but by a ridiculous amount. Hell, when I went to Asia I was of a normal height for once AND the women threw theirselves at me. Europe wasn't as nice, but it was still so much better than back home. All I needed was for somebody to care about me. Not to talk about my feelings, but for my life to be worth living. After that, I continued traveling, eventually found my wife, and learned so much along the way. I tell people it felt like I emotionally and mentally grew by 30 years within 5. I grew less anxious, finally understood relaxation, felt love for the first time, and grew to a place in my life where I can say not only am I happy for the first time, but it will actually stay that way too.
The solution for many of us is to just leave for a little while. Find a cheap country to go to and go there for just a short time and witness how much others actually value you. Eat rice and beans for a month or two, do not go out, just work and save all you can. It's fucked how this is the solution, but holy shit did it save my life.
Similar background, moved countries since turning 18. Still looking for my place in the world 15years later.
Thank you for sharing hope that it is possible🌻
no friends for 3 years!?!?? no way thats so crazy tough I literally cant believe it 🙀
..... no disrespect but all I hear is victim talk.... many people with a story like this usually have a lot they are leaving out.
I'm glad you found whatever you are looking for though....
@@justinkozak7779 I can't see this at all, I don't know how having an abusive mother, a messed in the head sister trying to SA you, and your first relationship being reminiscent of all the abuse in your life... is well, victimizing oneself..? That's just ridiculous.
@@justinkozak7779bruh he is literally the definition of a victim. He’s just telling his story. He overcome it
Thank you for covering this topic, guys. This was something I needed to listen to this week… especially after dealing with some misandry at the workplace. I have my days where it’s hard to be a man here at work. Long story short, they hate men at this place.
I have gone through other things as well, even wanting to self-checkout. But that’s been something I’ve been working on for a long time. And on the other end of this, I’m helping my closest ones with this as well. Doing our best everyday to keep as whole as possible. But I know that I’m not alone. And you guys aren’t alone. We’re all here for each other as a collective.
I just wanna say really happy you guys are bringing light to these issues, i have struggled with this my whole life (and still do) and this is a belonging for me to know that we are not alone in our suffering and you both have such good back and forth in your discussions, thank you Aba and Preach
I'm a woman and I know this post is about men, but as someone who struggled with self deletion, burdensomeness and hopelessness.... everything you guys said is true. I still in some ways struggle with the latter two but I hope for any man who struggles with any/all of these are able to get the help and support they need. 💙
Be that help and support to those around you.
Tbh idk why alot of these talks are mostly focused on men instead of the entire group of people who struggle with self deletion
I feel all of this.
Your struggle is not getting the attention of the atrractive guy you like. You have no idea about our struggles.
@@michealsmith4629Because the reason men self delete are different from women.
Also, the biggest cause of death for young men is self deletion, so kinda important to single out the men.
This really hits home for me because I struggle with anxiety and depression and it has really hindered my ability to go out and connect with people. When I go out, meeting people is not much of a challenge, it’s the ability to connect with them that really throws me off, as I tend to be very socially awkward. Plus what makes this worse for me is that it’s not always easy for me to talk about my struggles with my mental health as a lot of people don’t understand what it’s like to be in my shoes, hence they’ll get dismissive and will even shame me, calling me “weak” or “lazy.” It’s a sad reality when someone is suffering and unable to connect or find compassion from others, they can feel incredibly isolated, and it’s a reminder of the importance of empathy and understanding in creating meaningful connections with one another.
Honestly yeah nothing has made me feel worse than the feeling of isolation
This is where I am right now too. A lot of people don't understand how debilitating depression can be. I didn't. Until I got it.
Don't think of it as "Alone", think of it as "All One"...As long as you can find a way to like yourself, even when Alone you are in good company. & if ever you have a bad day know this, I do not know you but I am very happy you are here ❤ Life can go from 0 to 100 in a week & always choose "hope", Hope tomorrow will be better & even if it takes 100 days, that 101th day when things Do get better, You will be very happy you stuck it out 🕊 I need you here, I'm sure others do too❤ Stay hopeful 🙏🌹
Don't talk to strangers about your problems. Only do that shit with close family or friends. Strangers do not give 2 shits about your mental issues they have their own things they are going through
Have you ever heard of inner child work? I think MOST if not all of us could benefit from looking into ways that shame hinder us. It might help you to look into that.
You guts take this piss out of a lot of stuff for comedy value, but this video is such an intelligent, both socially and emotionally and taken from an extremely respectful point of view. Massive amount of respect for you guys for this. Hitting the marks for the every man
Thank you so much for having this conversation.
Man, there's so much I want to say, but I'm afraid it'll wind up doing more harm than good; just know that it's a super good and helpful video, and I appreciate you guys for putting this out there.
My older brother, may God rest his soul, he unalived himself nearly 5 years ago had bouts of schizophrenia and paranoia. He suffered through these issues, and was afraid to seek help. I still think about it to this day, he was his happiest the day he passed. He said he’s going to be lit and have fun. It’s a shame I found him the way I did later that night.
Check up on your loved ones. I did and it was still not enough.
im sorry for your loss, my brother was in a similiar situation and it was terrifying and the feeling of helplessness is something i will never forget. wise words, if anyone is reading this, use it as a sign to take another minute out of your day and text someone you havent spoken with in a while and remind them you love them. thank you
So sorry for your loss man
It's not your fault, man.
It's not your fault. ❤
This is a known phenomenon of people who do go through. They are so hopeless, completely lost in thought, but when they finally decide and make a plan, it is true bliss... in their mind anyway.
I've heard people say if a person in the midst of depression, suddenly has elation, THAT is when you need to worry and stay by them.
It is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done more than love them fully like you did.
This hits hard. I'm saddened to know that this has happened to you and your family - most of all, that your brother felt so out of options.
My 12 year old son came to me to tell me he was feeling this way. I can't even type what he said because it hurts so bad, but he just let me know all he was feeling.
I connected with him and told him I understand he feels the pressure of starting middle school and fitting in.
I told him it's OK to feel frustrated, upset and just overwhelmed.
As a parent it's SO HARD TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! On one hand I take it extremely seriously but I also know how detrimental it would be if I called a doctor and then he gets labeled and then the entire process that would come about in the aftermath of getting others involved.
But I know I felt feelings of overwhelm as a preteen myself and I too had the strange hard feelings.
I connected with him to let him know yes, what you feel is real just don't act on it. You hear people casually talk about self deletion. And I told him many of your peers may even feel similar to what you feel.
Kids have it hard too and it's just so common to hear suicide. I wish there were a new word for that hopeless feeling. Because "suicidal" is a bit of a catch all feeling with a very heavy consequence.
I think you did an excellent job
Just remember how you would want to be talked to and taught as a kid and do the same for your child compassion and communication after all they're just little people great job
It helped alot when I was a preteen to play sports with my father when I didn't have much friends in middle school. Maybe engaging in those actives outside of school would help too. I hope all goes well for him❤.
he's very lucky to have you in his life
The word is "burnout" Which shouldn't be something children feel. Yet I remember it myself, getting tired of the same BS day in day out and nobody listening that I wasn't happy and I wasn't learning anything new in school. They just chalked it up as me being lazy when I was burntout and tired. Since I would have the NASTIEST headaches when leaving school. Post school never had a headache like those again unless I had caught the flu.
School isn't good for kid's health, we know it. yet it's too hard for us to change it. Yet it needs to change.
something that's hard for some people to accept is that for some people life can be absolutely awful while nothing is wrong with them.
💯
Just cause youve had a bad life doesnt mean it has to be bad forever most people have been through bad shit but we keep going. Life in general is a mindset a good life is not HANDED TO YOU OR GIVEN its something you work everyday for
@HDGaminTutorials yeah. I agree. But there are people out there who do everything right, put in the work, and by circumstance alone get nowhere. Telling someone in that position "oh just have a better mindset a good life won't drop onto your lap" is not only profoundly unhelpful but will probably make it worse
Facts. Sometimes the cards were never in your favor to begin with
@@bobowon5450 It's simplistic, but there is some truth to it. Changing how I look at things made a massive difference for me.
Recent story with some background, I'm legally blind, back injury, was literally on the edge of deletion, had already acquired the tools necessary, resigned from my job and gave away all my belongings 2 days before my due date I had an eye appointment that someone made me to to and found out correction is now available within my budget it's only going to take me a year to save for it. What people don't realize is when your isolated completely, you go out you specialize, you help but no one ever reaches out to you and your only time if hanging out etc. Is someone needs help moving needs help painting etc. But your never invited to the beer party, your employer doesn't promote you because they think "oh but what about your eyes" you can't get a date because I'd never date a guy without a car, and you deal with this stuff long enough you grt it in your head that your at a complete dead end, you go to a therapist and they say we'll it sounds like you've jad a shifty life there's nothing I can so for you other than listen, you have no direction and no matter how much you try and do opportunities never come your way and nothing ever works out, you ask people to hang out to do something bit they never have the time it's never convenient for them, but your still the 1st person they call if something bad happens because they know your reliable, it breeds an overwhelming sense of loneliness and emptiness and the only way you get through any day is sheer willpower alone, but given enough time that erodes completely, and any alternative to having to deal with that level of misery feels like the only way out, when you belong no where then why nor go nowhere. I'm back to throwing myself 100 percent into a new career option and saving for the eye tech, I can't guarantee I'll make it but I'll keep trying for now, but this is the kind of thing dr k was talking about.
17.25 that’s what a felt aba just a year ago “burdensomeness”, “lack of connection”, “useless”, “hopeless” these are some really tough feelings and thoughts to express! I feel for all who are in that situation right now!
This topic hits close to home for me. Because I'm about a month out from a when I when I attempt. The only thing that stopped me was my daughter looking for me. You see I had it in my mouth, I was ready. I heard it coming up the stairs but I couldn't. I couldn't let her be the one to see it. She was a reason that saved me. I know it was selfish to even get that far but I couldn't take any more. The feeling of worthlessness, and the burden that I was putting my family through. That pain is still there, and I'm getting help for it. Theirs always someone to listen, because sometimes you have to find them because they can't find you. Hopefully this helps someone
You can't logic someone out of suicide. Emotions are the only way. Your child brought your emotions back. If you ever see someone struggling, you need to make them emotionally involved.
Don't ever go through that path again. You have a Daughter for godsake.
@@Ghostyboydeadif it was that easy he wouldn't have gotten there in the first place. Having kids doesn't make you immune to thoughts of self deletion
@@drdepression4605 I never said it did. Im saying to focus on his path of fatherhood only. He brought a kid into this world he has a purpose in life. It's good that he realizes it would've been selfish if he went through with it which means he's already in the right track. Im just saying he should capitalize on that.
@@Ghostyboydead you should listen to DR Ks mental health videos on suicide. Your logic is derived from emotions and they attack the host in vicious ways. Emotions actually are stronger then logic. Despite what his status is. Mental health doesn’t necessarily care if you’re a father or not. Its extremely difficult to get out that mental state.
Man! Aba said hopelessness and that hit me like a truck. My mom got Breast Cancer for the 3rd time when I was in my Senior year of College. This was after one of my cousins received news that they had Stage 4 terminal cancer. She fought it off and is still around, but doctors will tell you that is very rare. The mentality behind breast Cancer is 3 strikes your out. For 2 weeks, I felt that hopelessness after hearing the news about my mom. I didn't feel the other 2 factors that he had mentioned, but hopelessness was the only way I could describe my mentality. I skipped class for 2 weeks and was putting myself in rough shape for graduation, but I didn't care. Nothing in that moment mattered except what was essential to survive. Which was work and my wife. It was only through the encouragement of my wife to get back to class because it was a necessity did I start getting back to class.
Hopelessness sucks. If you are experiencing that emotion/mindset, reach out to someone for help or just to talk. Staying in that pit of despair is not healthy and only leads to worse things.
Good to hear things are on the mend, keep going brother, be well and stay safe.
Me too. I lost my mom when I was 19 (first year of college). That was very hard, I went to therapy for that. It helped me a lot. Have you seek help, therapy for that ?
it comes from climbing so high and then having the floor ripped from under your feet, been there, stay strong boys
@5:06 nailed it on the head! Hearing you explain it like this just makes sooo much sense to me now as an adult and wondering why I never had the 'strength' to go through with it. Also might explain why I can so vividly remember people commenting on my personality about having an optimistic mindset. That was literally why!!, and everyone was pointing it out to me, and after 20+ yrs, it finally clicks.
Don’t let people tell you the lie that male self-delete is increasing because of “toxic masculinity”or “men not taking enough”.
Every article I’ve seen about male self-deletion in the last decade makes that claim, that men “not taking enough” or “men telling other men to ‘man up’” is the main reason. Those are incredibly minor factors compared to alienation.
As someone who has worked on the mental health field for 20 years, it’s mind-numbing how little progress is made with male mental health. The funding gap is huge, way less funding for male programs and services. Similar to how female homeless shelters get over 10X the funding of male shelters, despite males making up 85-90% of the homeless population.
Glad you guys are covering this.
I think it partially points to the same issue. Men are not advocating for themselves in this area in the same way that women do.
I can provide support to the men closest to me, but that’s not always enough. Women turn to other women and we also speak out on these issues a lot and push for change when it comes to our healthcare.
I’m glad more men are talking about this, bc it is an important part of the change!
Thanks for sharing your perspective. Our society is kinda messed up. There's more funding for woman's mental health but very little funding and research for woman's physical health. There's more funding for men's physical health and less funding for men's mental health. If society could bring all of these things into balance...
Yup. Social isolation is the *number one* factor. Ironically, this tiresome pull-yourself-by-your-bootstraps "advice" about how men _just_ need to _talk_ about their feelings only increases their feeling of "burdensome-ness" and feeling of failure. Without support from society at large, there is no hope for men.
@@nikhilajith8880 we socially isolate because society today sucks in a lot of different ways though.
Like…for example, it doesn’t take men’s problems’ seriously 😂😂😂❤ in some cases, self isolation is the BEST THING for some dudes. Just saying.
It's almost like telling men to men up contributes to their alienation significantly, it's almost like there are studies that prove that this type of mindset contributes heavily to their suicide rate
I lost a friend to self deletion in 2023. All I think about is how i should of been there for him more. I think of how I could see him slowly fading and I felt like I couldn't do anything to help him.
Dont ignore your male friends/family members. They need us, they need support, and they need to be able to cry, they need their parents, they need to be loved just like any other human being.
I think one of the most helpful things I've learnt in life when talking with someone about any of this stuff, is exactly what you guys have said here. "I have no idea how hard that must be, you have every right to feel how you are" validating someone's emotions is one of the most powerful gifts you can give in those moments. It doesn't glorify self deletion, it helps them to not feel like they're even crazier. It helps them to not feel so alone. Sympathy is offering the ladder out of the pit "it will pass" Empathy is getting down in the pit with them and just keeping them company while they're there.
"You have a right to feel the way you feel, (it doesn't mean that you are right.)" - and to that I say, "Amen." Having a few issues I've dealt with over the years, (and even currently) similar words from friends of mine have pulled me from dark places. Thank you for repeating that @AbaNPreach , because sometimes that subtle affirmation is enough. A tear hit my eye at that wisdom, because my own friends were kind enough to give me that reminder in the past. Hearing it helps me again in my current situation, so from my heart, thank you!!!! Thank you for tackling this tough subject!
I relate to this so much. I had a lot of family members and people to talk at school. Although I always injore or a bore to them. Most of my interactions with people were them laughing at failures as a kid. They used to say 'your not good at anything.'And that shit stuck in my head. It froce me to stop trying in all areas of life and just delete myself. There's obviously more things, but what helped me was making an effort to connect with the people who appreciated me from the jump. My girlfriend definitely helped as well.
I relate SO much.
We’ve evolved to be social animals- having a good support system is paramount to living one’s best life. That’s why it’s much more powerful to transcend the need to rely on others. Being your best company regardless of external hostility (usually from broken people) is the superior way.
Do tell oh wise master how I’m suppose to make an effort to connect with people, oh and get a girlfriend. Can’t wait to learn how my quasi motto looking ass can be normal like yall.
The your not good at anything fr nikkas dunno how much that Fs u up
I feel this, I am actually depressed I'm 24 don't really have a career but when I tell people about it, it feels like I get "oh that's sad" or "it will get better".
I wake up everyday with nothing to live for or achieve because I've grown up being told I'm worthless and basically too stupid to do anything.
I've unfortunately gotten to the point I really don't see any meaning and find life over all pointless and in finding less and less of a reason... To care anymore.
Learn a trade. They aren’t hard to learn and have high demand / make good money.
You could be working towards something. Learn a trade. Go to school. Take a class in something. Become a phlebotomist or something.
I think it's best to keep yourself busy. It's not a outright solution but a temporary one. Like the comments above said, it's best to get into a trade or enroll into something that can better your future.
If you haven’t dug into philosophy yet, do so. It’ll remind you that everything does suck and sometimes feels that it isn’t worth living. Check out the channel Sisyphus55 for quick but poignant dives on philosophy.
It’s never an end all be all, but I think continuing to pursue meaning when everything already feels meaningless is a good way to rebel against your condition.
If you’re already versed in philosophy well then shit idk go york your peanits or something
Every answer in this thread is go into debt. Just go into debt and see what happens. Hopefully you’ll like the trade you choose because if not you’re screwed. 😂
I only made it to eighth grade and I was making 80 K by my 20th birthday. With absolutely no education, no experience in the field and no work experience really at all.
Sales my friend -> Sales.
A kid of only 19 did $400,000 in sales this year. His very first year. That’s not the norm of course but there are people absolutely freaking killing it with no degrees, no experience excepting awards at huge conventions.
Not only is sales a great way to make money but it’s a good environment for growth. The individuals that will surround you will help encourage your mindset, help teach you about financial literacy, perseverance/hard work ethic in give you the surrounding support you need to continue.
My best advice is don’t give up in only a couple of weeks. The turnover rate is very high. Most people give up in the first two weeks and never really give it a chance. The people who stick it through are usually making 100,000 after their first year easy. EASY.
Wow,this one hit home!! Thanks for touching on this this topic!!
I love Dr. K's work. I've been watching him for quite some time now and seeing him getting more attention is amazing. I love that you guys are spreading this important information, too. Thank you for that. 🙏🏻
Preach put it very well when he said that he's listening, validating the person's feelings, and directing them to a professional. That's exactly what you're supposed to do. Don't try to fix them, just be there and help them get professional help.
As someone who's struggled with Suicide ideation (mainly derived from childhood trauma). I can say that when you hit rock bottom, sometimes the only logical thing to do is "fall asleep and never wake up." There's nothing wrong with me physically, but mentally, I've fought wars while also having to face the harsh reality of being in a society that consistently tells you that I'm not enough. Faith and hope for a better future keeps me from committing the ultimate sin. Anyone suffering from suicidal thought, I beg of you to find something you really enjoy and focus on that. It's not easy, not supposed to be, but it'll be worth it. Life is full of Ups and Downs. We all have issues in some capacity. How we address the situation is what defines us. I love yall. God loves you, and there's someone in your life who cares dearly for you I'm sure.
Have you found something you truly enjo? Because everytime I do, the circumstances(economic or social) ruin it for me.
@eternalcosmo I have! Working out, doing some landscape in my yard, laying underneath a tree listening to some lofi, little bit of Gospel. As mentioned earlier, my relationship with God. Little bit of painting also. I have 10 plus years of therapy, also. So, I've been blessed with the opportunity to have different avenues to battle my depression. I'm at the point where social or financial issues don't affect as much anymore. I'm not materialistic, and I find joy in solitude often.
@@eternalcosmo
For me it’s people.
The only thing left is video games pretty much. And most of the time it’s more of a distraction than something enjoyable.
Either that or getting wasted. Just gets the time to go by faster.
Bro i layed in bed for 3 weeks untill moving wasn't a chore and managed to sleep none of it off
@reedy_9619 Well, it's a good thing there will always be people around, my friend. And like the saying goes, "Time Heals all wounds" hang in there 🙏
I definitely feel y'all on this one; when I was diagnosed as degeneratively ill and my friends didn't want to be around a sickly+ and dying person at our age I had a hard time justifying continuing to live because I'm only a parasite on my loved ones. I still struggle with that guilt but am just too cowardly and stubborn to pull the trigger. lol
The worst part is that you can't tell professionals about it because they immediately try to commit you and that just makes it worse.
Thanks for talking about this so maturely guys most people don't get the logic behind the decision.
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What do you have if you don’t mind me asking??
One of the take aways I received from this is every major move in a persons life is reasoned out of perspective. We make permanent decisions from temporary situations and it’s so unfortunate because nothing is permanent. The good times end as well as the bad times. It’s a matter of perseverance and perspective. You might get rejected from a group. Find a new group. Some people may find you as a burden. Find other people. However, hopelessness is perceived. As long as you live you can rebuild. It may not be want you expected. It may even be exponentially difficult, but don’t quit on yourself or self-delete. If you haven’t heard someone say they love you know there is someone that does. Please don’t rob someone of the opportunity to appreciate you. I may not know you but that doesn’t stop me from saying I love you and I care for you. Please live.
I'm a 38 year old male that used to have it all before I became disabled. After years of chronic pain and chronic illness to no avail, with seemingly no end in sight, I am beyond depressed, beyond lonely, and most definitely have all 3 traits of a man that has attempted and have thought about attempting again you know what because I am truly suffering day in and day out. The only reason I'm still here is knowing what not being here would do to my family and the fear of God's punishment.
in terms of fear of God's punishment
don't keep living out of fear of punishment
keep living out of appreciation for His Love
You are not your body. You are you. Your body is an avatar. A machine you drive. If it got fukd, that just makes the game more interesting. Gives a little challenge to spice things up. Have fun with it. Appreciate God. His invisible instructions gave you & I the gift of spawning as a human. Look around us. Look how many bugs there are. How many mice. How many grains of sand. Blades of grass. Trillions upon trillions. There's only 9 billion people. We won the fkn lottery. Even if you're in a wheelchair with no limbs and a feeding straw, we fkn won and we won BIG. So be proud. Be proud and defend your victory. You were chosen to be here. When God wants you to level up, he will retire you from the realm. But if the realm's circumstances or any of its lesser-than-God inhabitants (including me or your ownself) attempt to convince you to exit early, tell em to go suck a fkn fat one.
“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth”…
yes blame ur problems on other ppl
@@thereallazygirl you can blame problems on other people if it's the environment they raised those kids that turned into adults.
@@thereallazygirl Your mind is lazy. Good username then
An old African proverb.
Damn, that is one hell of a saying.
Young me relate to this. Not being able to connect with anyone really messes you up
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Yup tried having friends and succeeded, but I failed at maintaining them didn't call them often to set up hangouts etc now we just don't talk i messaged some saying I would like to reconnect and hangout and didn't respond
Thank you for covering this topic. I hope this helps people to have more understanding & compassion for people who are faced with invasive thoughts and are living in dificult situations. 🙏
My mother (+ others I've known) committed this act, so it's great to see you promoting awareness of this humanitarian crisis and encouraging people to be more mindful about the subject.
I think Doc wanted to open the table for discussion. I wouldn't harp on the specifics when this subject has many variables to touch on. Let's continue to create more solutions where people can experience peace and a reason to live with value⚡️🖤💪🏾
When there's a lack of purpose or true meaning in one's own life, this also attributes to self deletion.
A lot of these men who end up self deletion have a rough upbringing, OR gone through an event/s that was traumatic enough that led them to believe ceasing to exist is better than to carry on living.
Just because there is no definitive clinical term for this, that doesn’t mean really there is no cause behind the self deletion
not to mention that no man will ever turn toward self deletion until they've been burned by love
do they? my guy, go to the poorest countries in the world where poverty is at an all time high, gang wars and drugs and self deletion isn't as rampant as it is is in some of these 1st world countries. I don't mean to be mean but in some ways this feels like entitlement.
That's not what he's saying. His point is that the cause is a legitimately bad life, not an irregularity or disfunction in the brain. The brain is reacting accordingly, but to shit circumstances.
@@gemelwalters2942I wouldn’t say that since collecting stats in a lot of these third world countries are very difficult if not outright impossible.
Unalive rates in India, Bangladesh is record breaking yet both countries ranks outside of top 50
The cause isn't mental health. That'sthe whole point.
Nobody says its random. Of course there's a cause. Nobody's claiming there's no cause.
Super glad you guys are bringing more attention to this. VERY important conversation.
I actually appreciate you guys covering this topic. I suffer from the same things and I agree 100% hope really is the only thing keeping me alive. I know there are others out there that feel the same thing. Just know I’m with you and I hope you make it out of the war you are having with yourself. I’m rooting for you. 💪🏽
Good to hear, keep going brother, be well and stay safe.
Its that men don't wanna show any weakness because most of the time they won't be taken seriously. And after a while of cropping up your emotions your just reaching your limit
Sadly this is what's taught at a young age. I hope our society spreads awareness and breaks cycles to our younger generations. I also hate that young girls are shamed for different reasons. We’re suffering on both sides.
THIS!!!🎯🏆
Our value to others especially women is solving probelms or overcoming.
Us displaying weakness make them distrust or lookdown on us.
Us talking about past issues make them proud or see us as reliable.
that won't change, bruv. Society, especially nowadays, will shame and disregard these blokes when they pour their hearts out.
@@mallyb132 you hear theres a problem, but arent listening to it. This another reason why guys do not talk. Yes theres a lot of issues, but we are talking about guys
Something to expand upon regarding topic is that a frequent cause of all these problems is an unhealthy amount of self-preservation.
The reason a lot of people are lonely and find themselves in these scenarios is because they're afraid of being hurt and have been told by society that they're fundamentally evil for wanting to seek connections with people. As a result, they end up being too guarded to seek out relationships because they fear social prosecution.
Darn that social media bit hits so close to home. Unplugging is such a tough thing to do when you've been tapped in for a long time, and that requires help to do. Immensely too. Man!
Wow! Thanks, Aba, for explaining that. I really needed this video.
my aunt died last year. i was very close with her. she was like a second mother to me. and i had to mourn for her by myself because no one really checked up on me and asked how i was holding up. i was there for my mom and family when they couldn't handle it but i felt like i had no support system for me. (single, no kids). then a few months ago, my best friend nearly killed himself and i had to talk him out of putting the gun to his head.
my point is people need support from those who are suppose to be their support. something as simple as a phone call or a message to ask "how are you doing" can really make someone's day and drive away those thoughts of suicide and depression.
Sadly family does not support like we want too. I have a mom and dad and I feel like an orphan. I have a daughter with severe depression and self harms. My only support is a counselor I’ve been with since my divorce in 2017. My daughter has a counselor she sees once a month with kaiser, I just gave a testimony to a panel for her to get services outside kaiser so she can be seen weekly.
@@girlLives___ similar with friends. i barely see my IRL friends, especially when my aunt passed.
it feels terrible when it feels like no one has your back. and it make make you feel like no one cares.
Isolation hits extroverts a lot harder than Introverts. Isolation doesn't feel good for anyone but introverts has a much higher tolerance.
Thank god I have a good tolerance for isolation. I’m an extrovert but multiple personality tests confirm I’m the most introverted of the extrovert types.
If I didn’t have this tolerance for isolation I’m almost certain I would’ve tried to check out by now.
Yes...also, there are different levels of loneliness
@janelleg597 Agree. What makes one person feel lonely and isolated makes another feel content and happy. It just depends on the person.
introverts can just in general be more tolerant of isolation, but it also means that introverts can suffer from the burdensomness and the rejection of feelings fear more because they make fewer efforts to get out there, so each time they try is valuable
On the other hand introverts are more likely to be isolated
I struggle with these things daily tbh, especially after my partner died, lack of hope or seeing any way for positive change, feelings of burdensomeness, the consistent rejections and inability to connect. I have to fight myself daily to make sure I don’t take that way out, and that’s even with regularly seeing a mental health professional. I’ve won the fight so far day by day, which is about the only thing I can say I feel proud of myself for since I feel like an utter failure with basically everything in life at every turn, and I’m going to continue doing my best to not fall into taking that decision, but god damn is it difficult a lot of the time. Hell, when I’ve tried to talk to people I care about about this (because I’ll be honest, pouring my heart out to people that get paid to listen doesn’t exactly feel good), I’ve gotten yelled at and basically made to feel bad for “talking that way”. The main reasons I’m still here is not wanting to further hurt my loved ones like like mother, or leave my pets alone and confused, and that I fear oblivion (not death, oblivion, the idea of possibly simply ceasing to exist scares the hell out of me). Hell, I’m a man with BDD (on top of other disorders and disabilities which I never wanted, which is probably why people who glamorize disorders is irritating) and having that as a man tends to get you turned on, even by people who claim to want to help these things. Im in poverty, but due to various reasons, Im unable to crawl myself out of it. Beyond just my own personal issues, I’m increasingly seeing the world getting more and more hostile, feeling less and less wanting to be hear, but I keep chugging along simply because it’s a decision you can’t take back. I’m not even on social media beyond RUclips, life just sucks. All I want in life is some cold hard evidence that there will be opportunities for me to actually make my life better, but there aren’t really ever any indications of that, and on rare occasions that they seem to present themselves, the other shoe drops. I don’t really see any scenario in life where life will be better or even tolerable, but I keep trying to move forewarn because I don’t feel I have any other choice, even if part of me wishes every single day that it would end while I’m asleep or something.
Preach is touching on what it means to have empathy (sitting with/acknowledging the person and their pain) vs silver lining everything trying to force a solution without giving space for the person to process their feelings.
The world constantly moves forward when you're feeling stuck in your pain. Sometimes having someone simply *see* you can help the person see themselves and take the steps to get themselves out of the hole when they're ready.
I’ve tried to explain this to people before.. like my father, or when I was in rehab my therapist. I’m like wouldn’t you be depressed and shit goes wrong? There’s nothing wrong with me.. sometimes bad things happen and it takes a while for me to come back out of it.
I remember my wife criticized me on how I handled our child. To the point she said that her and her mother were the only ones raising her. I was in a depressed state, until she wanted me to snap out of it. Instead of trying to understand why I was upset nor depressed, she made it about her and said some more crazy things, making me more depressed. At this point, she doesn’t know how I feel because I don’t allow the access for her and she don’t know there are days that I want to off myself but I can’t because I love myself and I have a child that love me as well. This is extremely difficult
That means there's something wrong with you. The physical being healthy doesnt mean that you're mentally exhausted which can lead to you not taking care of yourself which throws you into a spiral convincing yourself that its oke to do it because you're at "peace" with it.
Watched this entire interview with Dr K, and his work is so underrated. He needs more attention and people need to appreciate what he's trying to do. Dude is trying to save people who think their lives are worthless. That's a really noble effort.
Watch Democrats start treating him like Jordan Peterson
Dr k mentions a perceived inability to change one's circumstance, I'd say that's a long winded way of saying hopelessness. It's the same picture.
And both of your points on social media is spot on. It's worse for kids cause they don't have the tools necessary, but abas point about adults being just as bad because they may have the tools, but they don't know how to use them properly.
Man this gave me so much perspective on my mind/mindset and my own personal issues this is by and far one of this channels best videos and it only works because they both take a real pragmatic consistent approach to topics that give a certain sense of familiarity and allows this convo to happen without shame or judgement! Thanks for the hardwork Aba and Preach 🙏
Good to hear, keep going brother, be well and stay safe.
Thank you for this. I was really needing this to better understand and encourage my partner. He lost his job 5 months ago and he just isn’t the same man. He’s lost so much along with his job and now he’s pushed away his family and friends because he’s become grumpy and mean at times. I’ve stuck around and tried to give financial, emotional and mental support but he won’t accept most times. I have to remind myself daily it’s not about my feelings and just sitting with him and listening.
Thank you for covering this topic.
This is what I am seeing with my husband. He only recently said to me I think I'm depressed and felt hopeless1 week ago, he got a diagnosis. It turns out He was diagnosed with chronic heart disease, which correlates with a depression. He is feeling so hopeless right now. He knows that I have lost my entire family, yet he worries about me. My nephew, to self deletion. My brother passed away from a heart attack. He was also depressed. My sister struggled with mental illness and also passed. The difference is that women have their circles, their friends, their family, and we talk.
Men truly suffer in silence. I know my husband did for a while now, especially as we are aging.
Please get help if you are struggling. You are not alone.
I follow your videos for 2-3 years and this is one of the best videos i've ever seen on this platform all love to you guys I feel like you talked out of so many souls who be going through some of this and it really helped me personally
I know from dealing with a lot of societal pressures as of late stemming from a financial and physical aspect these things have had an impact on my mental health and made me go through the exact mental process abba was speaking of in that exact order. The conclusion I came to in my head is that I feel like a burden to everyone, I don’t have a stable support system and don’t have many people I can speak to about the way I feel without feeling like I’m being patronized, belittled, or wrong about the way I feel and sometimes for me and people who think, or feel in the same way or are in a similar situation as I am we don’t want answers we just want to be heard, and understood and to know if what we feel is valid. To simplify I don’t advocate for everyone to go here and be unlicensed therapists attempt figure out your friends problems but just listen to what your friends want to vent sometimes it’ll help more than you know. Oh and to all my real ones like preach who are supportive thank y’all for being understanding ✌🏾
Dr. K. Hell yeah. I wish he had a bigger platform. It really seems like the algorithm is against him. I'm subscribed to him and never see his videos in my feed.
Same I have to look him up to see his content
I’ve occasionally seen his videos through YT shorts
I've watched his video's and they're mostly good but I have the same problem with his outlook as I do some of those "red pill" ppl. It's that idea that these men should feel like they are entitled to all these things that they feel they are missing. There's no sense of responsibility. It's the same way we criticize some feminists for treating women like they have no agency. Get off social media, find something to give yourself purpose.
It's not like that foe me. But yeah youtube is favoring shorts more now.
That 'some depression comes from circumstances' thing you said Aba is so true. When I was in secondary school (high school for y'all, although confusingly my school was named Shirley High School) it was the most depressing time of my life, and that seemed to melt away literally on the first day of college (which over here means something different, we call university what you call college) simply because everyone was too mature to be running around wild creating the environment where you have to look over your shoulder and people poke you with metaphorical sticks. So I know for a fact what you said is true.
I'm glad Preach specified listening vs waiting for a rebuttal. I make sure when folks are venting to ask do you want me to listen or give advice. Sometimes my friends or family can figure out the issue on their own and just want to get it off their chest. What I would hate to do is to give advice and block them from releasing their frustration as keeping it in can lead to self deletion.
in my lowest moments where i think id be better off not existing at least i can see people going through the same and i know im not alone and not insane,thanks for thw video i really needed it today
1:30
he said some real stuff right there and I myself go through that a lot. trying to connect with others but constantly rejected. I try to belong but always feel rejected or thwarted by those I want to be friends with. Often times I feel extremely lonely, like theirs something inherently wrong with me that I deserve to suffer for because If I was a good person I would belong to a group and not be rejected.
It's very hard. I often dream about deleting but trying to find hope, courage, or faith helps me face each day.
preach always so wise. as someone who used to battle with kermit sewerside thoughts, it went from me being a burden and unable to progress in life and then when i finally did i said i had done everything i wanted to do in life, experienced everything there was to experience. i realise living through the suffering and for the sake of seeing tomorrow, at least right now is the best remody i have. ive made a new friend group, and done new things. still am looking at the past and living with old traumas.
used to live in my room for 7 years with no physical ailment that was the cause, my family/extended family always just smeared their oblivious optimism on me which made my feelings of guilt only weigh down on me more. every day id look outside and say tomorrow ill do this and that and then the next day would come and id say the same things over agian.
sewerside can be an answer, but suffering can bring better days.
Speaking from my own personal experience I will say, that last point of feeling hopeless is honestly the biggest thing for me. I noticed that after the initial time I got that to that point as long as I had a tangible goal or some kind of plan whether it's a 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 5 year. It makes shit so much more bearable bc it's got a light at the end of tunnel effect. When I put all my eggs into one basket and everything caved in that shit was dark man. Ya gotta find SOMETHING at all to just keep gas in the tank so you can keep pushin, keep fighting.
This video was a huge W! So deep and introspective,.and so much truth to it. I love you guys for this content!!❤
agreed, I was also in the boat of self deletion. constantly thinking about it because of all the fucked up shit a had to go through in life. I ended up trying to better myself (not because I wanted to but because I wanted to be with someone but eventually I decided to just do it for me) I went to talk to someone to dump all of my trauma on to even the therapist began to cry she talked to me helped me where she can and I started to work on myself. there's times where those thoughts begin to creep back up but I manage to always get over those issues. it's been about 5ish years since I stopped self harming myself im exercising trying to eat healthier and doing what I can to stay positive.
Good to hear, keep going brother, be well and stay safe
You’re doing so well! Im proud of you! 🥺
Proud of you brother, please keep it up. You never know how many other lives you've positively impacted or even saved by just doing what you are doing, a shining example to those who are in a dark place and need some light.
Good on you Nooba!
I hope you have a great day.
Im glad this upload came up.... im definitely stressed and feeling like theres no way out. Its comforting to know others can relate. The isolation and impulsiveness is what takes you out
One day at a time fam. Keep going, we appreciate you for sharing.
Preach! I agree with your points and you set them out so eloquently! Then comes the gun!! Shot down! He didn't understand your point. Age does matter at how you deal with things and the many choices available. As a child if you're confused about reading roots or seeing something on a website you're kinda isolated in how you find truths but as an adult if you're confused you have access to help etc without having to go through a parent to get the help you might need ... cos you might feel burdensome to your parents... why does he have to shut you down I really related to what you said and he's response was from a different pov. Apart from that I thought the whole video was thought provoking in a deep and really interestingly explored way.
When I was cutting, I remember feeling like I was alone and didn’t matter. Its tunnel vision especially when you didn’t learn or see how to handle strong emotions. As i’ve grown and had more struggles in my life. Now that i’m stable home, I see that I wanted “OUT” of my feeling, out of this world and my life . Thankfully I was too afraid of death to go through with self deletion. But I did drink my severe emotions away.. which i’ve grown from. I have to learn that my failures aren’t my whole being, it’s just a fraction of my life.
Look y’all it’s okay to be scared but you need to face your feelings and learn to feel and know it’s a fleeting moment in your life journey.