Do Narcissists Ever Feel Regret?
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
- Narcissistic personality is largely based on fantasy and delusion, and those delusions are very fragile. They believe themselves to be perfect, special and flawless which generally means they think they never do anything wrong.
This video outlines and gives examples of when, how and why narcissistic people experience regret, and how they typically express it.
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Transcript of the video available on Substack darrenfmagee.substack.com/p/do-narcissists-feel-regret-for-their
They only regret losing all that you did for them, not you the person. Never let these evil soul suckers back into your life.
regret for getting caught out not for doing it ie not regret but no remorse
Very true. They're miss everything they got, and was done for them, their wellbeing. They can't miss you, because there was never a "you" just a "me, and what I got". To cut such a relationship, stop doing, and giving. It will show you the real monster. But realistically, best to walk away, silently if possible.
They regret getting caught.
Regrets (like apologies) without change is just manipulation.
Absolutely……. Can see straight through them, and they feel no embarrassment at the repeated manipulative deceit.
Short answer is no- they do not have regret over what they did.
Just regret what they lost out on… sympathy vampires
They just miss having a scapegoat to gaslight. They're reduced to gaslighting themselves 🤮
Only when they get called out for it when someone realizes what their all about and who they are.
They only feel regret about the discomfort they inflict on themselves. Their self is so large, it has no room for any self awareness.
Exactly 💯
The narc can feel regret but it can never be allowed to land on them or percolate through their mind as that would show them that they had got something wrong, or had lied, and that road leads to a very dark place - a dungeon where The Big Lie lives, that they themselves are a lie, a construct, a false self.
Very well said ❤
Well said!
It's amazing I think that people (like me) misread the narcissist's expression of what seems like regret. My ex-partner became very depressed over employees who were leaving the company he owned, (said he) because he sold it and they didn't like the new owner. I thought well of course. he was feeling sad that his decision to sell the company had caused such turmoil for the devoted employees. BUT, in reality, it wasn't the turmoil experienced by the employees that was bothering him. It was the thought that the employees were holding him responsible for their turmoil.
....they regret that they were not more careful, which cost them the loss of their supplier🫣
Bingo
They actually don't give a s#@t. You've only ever been an object to them. Now just a faulty object.
@@JulianotKaren if you are a good supplier and stupid to give them what they want for such a longtime....they will regres losing you....
That exaggerated remorse is so familiar. My ex is Cluster B, more BPD with NPD, and whenever he was confronted with his past actions and behavior he "felt so horrible about it he wanted to die"... He managed to keep it all about him and then returned to repeating the same behaviors.
its true. once i confronted my narc brother about what he did to me, he said 'i didn't do it but i'm sorry you felt this way' instead of 'sorry for what i had done to you'... they never regret because they are self-righteous moron.
I love it: "self righteous *moron* " . 😹
Here's a non-pology I received "I didn't mean for *you to be hurt* by what I did." Not I'm sorry I hurt you, or I'm sorry for what I did. Not I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. Like Darren said, there's no admission to comprehension of the distress they caused (even though in the moment, in my case, they absolutely positively were gloating and smirking over it - disgusting) let alone admission of responsibility for it. Instead it's on me that I felt pain and extreme distress. *They* "didn't mean" for that to occur, it was entirely accidental, unintended, and therefore, not a cause for regret. Yeah right. Over and over, same old shit until I decided no contact was the only reasonable decision.
This was right on the money. My ex behaved exactly this way. Its so maddening and mentally exhausting to play this game with them.
Any apology you get is going to be more about you and less about them. Be sure to listen and read between the lines. It'll be more like "I'm sorry you feel that way,-" not "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."
I've found that many people use the "no one can MAKE you feel anything" defence in regard to being abusive, which causes more confusion! 🤯
They’ll stir up a malicious attack between two people in an effort to destroy their scapegoat’s relationships and support system and then when they’ve decided they want something, in order to have a better chance of gaining what they want, they’ll apologise years later for their actions and start naming their demands
My son to a tee……. And it’s getting worse in his mid-life. It’s my daughter-in-law and granddaughter Ifear for. Than you for your salient comment.
They regret being caught out.
Yes, they feel regret, over losing their supply, when one of us gets out. •After 25 years, as a disabled senior needing to escape the financial trap, as much as the abuse, I’m out.
•After 2 months, it’s actually going better than I expected. Still exhausted, but I’m beginning to raise my head and look around. There will be other stages, ups and downs, I’m sure. But nothing can replace the experience of being out.
•One of the interesting freedoms has to do with the waste basket. That’s a funny thing to associate with joy, and relief. After 25 years of being told what I could and couldn’t throw away, and thousands of times 😖 being told what I had to throw away, and could or couldn’t own, now what I throw away in the waste basket is my own business.
•I wish so much relief and freedom for all of us.
Thank you Darren so well said when talking about narcissists. They only care about themselves. Lack of empathy with these toxic individuals... It's all a game to them and one that they have to win. A covert narcissists once told me that...Unreal!!! 😮😳😶
That's exactly right and some highly narcissistic, or worse, individuals I've known over the years have given away their "secrets" and it's even more helpful to hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak! 😊
Sorry I got caught. Also saying sorry for optics and not changing their behaviour
And the cycle never ends.
One thing I’ve come to do, is to not have much of a conscience for narcissists. It’s not really their language. Sure, I may feign emotions, like grief, sympathy, empathy, etc. But, as they’re not feeling it, what’s the diff? I just won’t spend it on them.
"Don't take it so personally"
In the end, their regret is either meaningless words/thoughts or a thinly-veiled hoovering and a late 'n lazy attempt to draw you back in.
Late “n” lazy
Genius! This is a great saying, just in general, thanks man
Darn good, Darren, thanks as always.
Their wording is actually honest and telling that they don't feel regret. They would say: "I apologize if you think that I did something wrong". Because they didn't do anything wrong so they are just sorry for you who think that way.
Exactly! Just so it's clear, it's *your* fault you're hurting. OMG.
Thanks to you, Darren, Dr Les Carter and Clarisse, and to everyone who commented on their many videos, I am now completely sure that my X feels a lot of regret because I definitely know who he is! As smart as he thinks he is, he must not be very good with math, because he is cold, but terrible at calculating. You've confirmed what I surmised.
So well summarized.
Exactly so. Thank You! It is so painful having a relationship with someone who has BDP and covert narcissism. It was a shocker for me as I never knew someone can be like that. Highly abusive. My person cheated on me and ghosted me for 2 yrs. Now he wants to see me and says he misses me. We met and yet he just sweeps the unforgivable issues under the rug. So broken up again. He was a very abandoned child.
That horrible ex of theirs....the one that dumped them....for their muppetry! Hilarious and yet, sadly true.
Wow, this video is spot on. I go through this daily with my spouse. Yes, I'm working in getting out.
Your future is bright. Wishing you the best
Ok I think my mom a narcissist or someone who has borderline personality disorder or possibly a mood disorder, but I can’t tell if she is genuine or not. She’s the only one who said I love you but that’s all she says, and I came out because of repressed memories and pointed out that I remember being hit with a stud belt in the closet when I was younger, and it wasn’t like an abnormal thing to be hit about as a kid in the south, but it was a metal belt even though it wasn’t super sharp studs, but I’m realizing that my people pleasing and codependency tendencies may have childhood neglect whether it was emotional or physical because I show all the signs of someone who had childhood abuse and I didn’t know why and I didn’t remember much of my childhood bits and pieces but I’m starting realize there’s huge gaps. I don’t remember even in my teenage years, my sister was abused by being hit and even jumped on and actually when she was a teenager in the teenage years probably around 1716 years old, maybe younger, but I can’t seem to figure out another thing that happened to my sister that I would think my mom would mention she didn’t. She told my sister not to say anything that made me instantly question her logic of why would my mom do this, why would my mom not tell and it makes me straight up look at her and go is she a covert narcissist my sister would probably agree with me. How do I tell if she’s genuine I can’t tell.
Trust your intuition. They try to derail that with confusion. You know what happened to you. Emracing the truth makes it possible to heal from it✌️
So so sorry for what you'd been through! Listening to these videos, I've been seeing myself so clearly as in a mirror.. I get it! Covert..vulnerable..whatever it's called! But now what...? Don't even know where to start with healing for my family! I do feel utter regret, shame, etc etc!! Even feeling and saying this could suggest me to make me feel the 'victim', but I know Im not!! I'm not the victim... I've been binging on these videos, late last night I went to my youngest sons room, sincerely appologizing for the impact my actions had on him..fir the times he would say sorry, where I was the one who should have said sorry!😥 How do I go from here??? Some might see this as 'looking for attention', or hoping someone would make me the 'victim'. It's not that, It's not that! and I don't know how to change... I just don't know...
only for theirselves
Very well explained!
Really learning a lot from these videos.
Excellent video- you are my favorite to learn about nar. Great format & examples. THANKYOU!
you sure nailed that one, the superficial is mere profundity... sad story
An apology is a form of manipulation. Still self serving
Dear Sir, you have been a life-saver for a long time in coming to painful terms with my son’s worsening toxic pathology. My valiant daughter-in-law and granddaughter are presently in the thick of it. With deep appreciation, Miss Jenny
Narcisists feel regret because they suffer from the consequences not for what they did.
Thank you Darren for another very clear video. 🤗👍❣️
I haven't watched the video yet, but I'm going to guess the only regret they feel is regret for getting called out or caught in the act. I don't think they have the capability to feel genuine regret because their emotional range is so stunted.
On with the video.
Thank you, Darren.
Seriously doubt that! Ha! Probably should watch the video
So I think this is saying they _are_ sorry, just not for you.
They regret not to have found a more efficient manipulation strategy to keep the ball (= your supply) rolling at the time. They regret that their supply was just not quite stupid enough to buy their lies. They regret that unfortunately their supply understood what happened and put a stop to it. That work was needed to find and condition a new supply.
That's about as far as their 'regrets' go, I'd say.
…I have the feeling you know my sister very well!
….hahahah
I'm sorry that I lost control
of you.
"I don't know what I did but I'll always love you". CRINGE 🥶
Darren how do you KNOW they have a core sense of shame?? I know this is the accepted version.
I NEVER saw any shame in mine in 24 yrs,could it have been hidden that well?
Yep! Why would you think you'll ever get to see it? Everything you get to see and hear is FAKE! You don't get it yet
Ok, but do you never get a sense of "there's an elephant in the room " that the person is doing everything possible to dance around while pointedly ignoring it? If you ever did, that's the shame. It's not hidden...it's an elephant! But even narcissists aren't all the same. Maybe for some, there's no elephant because memory, cognition, capacities for insight and empathy and basic understanding are so extremely impaired. In other words, too many deficits (too stupid?) for shame to exist.
@@lisbethbird8268 they're dancing around something to be sure but maybe it's the "forbidden fruit" of evil and adism/salaciousness that is so tempting but they know morally unacceptable.
If someone was desperately trying to avoid feelings of shame, would they ever display it outwardly? The absence of visible shame is what's conspicuous.
Does Donald Trump feel regret? I doubt it
That he lost & didn’t succeed in overturning the election so now he’s going after the constitution because he owns congress as well as the judiciary
Does Biden? Most modern politicians are on the spectrum of narcissism imo. This is why there is no cooperation nor respect for the other side. Imo. Narcissistic spectrum is pervasive in our society imo.
A pox on our house. He’ll destroy us.
DJT feel regret?? You’ve got to be kidding
@@rhondamock7628oh please, what's left to destroy? Did Biden miss something? Geeeez