Hey everyone hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 3 Steps to Heal Yourself after a Toxic Relationship Ends (Warning: Spots are limited) 🗒 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> www.healyourheart.school/webinar 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> www.healyourheart.school/guide 💕 Apply For Heal Your Heart School Here! www.healyourheart.school/call
I want to add something to this: When you do walk away, leave quietly. I used to want the catharsis of venting my feelings to avoidant or narcissistic men because I thought it would make me feel better and take my power back, but I learned that a man that doesn't care about your feelings when he's with you is not going to care about your feelings when you're leaving him either. AND! It is not your job to teach him how to be better for the next woman he's with. Do not give him value as you leave. Take ALL the value you were already giving right back and pour into yourself. Or, put more bluntly: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* Men like this need to go learn their lessons on their own.
I've struggled with this my whole life as a man. After ending my 6 years relationship, I promised myself to never enter any other relationship if I'm not healed on this myself. The thing now I believe about emotionally unavailability is that it's a co-creation like everything else. I've attracted an extremely unavailable woman and created a fantasy of a relationship and wasted both our time mostly because I am equally unavailable as her. For any person, man or woman, struggling with this, I'd recommend to work on becoming more emotionally available. As you become more emotionally available, people who are unavailable will not be drawn to you anymore. Good luck to everyone. Stay blessed.
One of my friends is Exactly like you! He’s been in therapy for 2 1/2 years. Now he’s doing therapy with his equally unemotionally girlfriend. It’s a disaster! 🙃 Praying that one of them ends it before they end up a Lifetime movie.😂
I feel like I am doing exactly that right now. Met a guy that is as unavailable as I am, I realized already so first step right? How did you become more emotionally available?
You can’t lose an emotionally unavailable man. They were never yours in the first place. Once you leave and heal you will see this so clearly. Don’t feel bad about staying for as long as you did. You needed to learn from this, so learn, forgive yourself, but most of all, love yourself. Love yourself so much that no man with anything less than what you deserve will get your attention. I wish you power and self love my sisters.🌸
Thank you so much for this, Amy. I actually walked away from this exact type of guy last week, after six months of highs and lows of his inconsistency. Even though I know it was the right thing for me, it certainly is validating to hear it all articulated. This also helps me put away any remaining doubts I had on whether I should have given him more time. I miss him terribly, but I feel so ready to move on. Oddly, I can’t seem to harbor any anger or bad feelings toward him. You’d think I’d be bitter. What can I say? I just love the guy and I don’t want anything bad for him. He is wounded enough. To anyone in this type of “relationship “, please, run for your life! Cheers!
Just walked away as well after 9 months I kept feeling bad for not giving more time but I know I made the right decision.. when they are emotionally unavailable they are not thinking of our needs just there’s unfortunately
I've been living with a guy like this for 16 years until a few months ago when he said I should get my own place and we could then still see eachother. I've gone along with this. It's so hard to do. I'm a wreck. Never been so sad
I came across your video because after 13 years of marriage, of which the last 8 years were spent begging for attention, for physical/sexual intimacy and wanting a child, for the last two years now I have been thinking more and more about leaving my husband. You have been spot on about difficulty in leaving especially when my husband throws breadcrumbs every time I tell him I am leaving, he wd tell me let's have a child, he will give me some small touches. But nothing is followed through once I decide to stay. Right now as I write this I am making another attempt to leave, toughening myself to stop falling for his gestures and promises which I know he won't follow through with. Can I just say here that emotional unavailability is so difficult a thing to explain to ppl as a reason for leaving someone because it's not out there like a domestic violence or cheating etc.
@@rixts6thank you so much for your support. I finally moved out of his house and am living on my own for the last 3 weeks. Is it weird that I am not really missing him? And he still keeps messaging me wanting to "catch up" on coffee. I have been ignoring the messages. I know I need to think of the next steps, but I feel like I need some time.
Ex broke up with me 5/3 after finally making the decision that she could no longer take my emotional unavailability towards her. Yes, this is my fault. I never made her feel secure, I was never loving towards her, I never showed her commitment, I never showed her the support she needed, I wasn't the go-to person when she had tough times, I never shared her on socials, never involved her with my family and friends (I was ashamed of doing so). We broke up 3 or 4 times for the same reason, every time I'd beg her and promised her I'd change. I didn't. This last time was a real life reflection for me. As a 40 year old man, it made me realize what a shitty person I really was. Every time she'd remind me of all the terrible things I've done to her, it made me disgusted, almost threw up. During this relationship, I was aware that I was trying to change, but it felt like I was strapped down and could not escape. I wanted to, but never got the right resources and help. I knew I had a problem. She finally had enough. I will never go back to the old version of myself and I am committed to prove the saying that says nobody changes - people do. I now have a weekly counselor and doing daily reading on how to change, also starting therapy. I am currently doing NC, but hope she comes back. I will not permit my old self to continue to damage. has anyone else been in my situation and gotten back together?
I really appreciate your honesty and insight you have now. It sounds like she tried a lot for you or at least gave multiple chances Idk if you've looked into attachment theory but that might be helpful in addition to the other work you're doing. Personal development school (channel on RUclips) has a lot of info Best of luck! ❤
She had enough of your lack of emotional unavailability. Why would you think no contact will make her come back? She is also probably doing no contact too. How do two people doing no contact get back together? They don’t because no one will contact the other person.
She had enough of your lack of emotional unavailability. Why would you think no contact will make her come back? She is also probably doing no contact too. How do two people doing no contact get back together? They don’t because no one will contact the other person.
@@JR-ze3nn I’m hoping no contact will help her heal and hopefully make her realize either she loves me or she doesn’t. I’m doing no contact to work on myself. Yes , I did too much damage, I’m doing the work (I started therapy, learning about my emotional unavailability- which is treatable, and reading all I can on relationships) to better myself weather it’s for her for my next relationship.
How are you doing? It’s been 35 yrs for me. I want to leave but have nothing. I raised 4 kids and have nothing. I am afraid he will be even worse if i leave
@MaryAnne22858 I'm doing really.good. it's been 9 months now. I got a protection order in tje beginning. which really helped. make sure to do no contact with him. Get the court involved.
When I first met him, we were both emotionally unavailable, so it almost worked for both of us, but now that I'm much more emotionally available, I see how this situation could be actually harmful to me. Is there a way to actually remain friends with someone emotionally unavailable without hurting yourself? I want to draw clear boundaries, but beyond the fact that he has this problem, & beyond my feelings towards him, I value him deeply as a person. Just cutting him off isn't an option for me, & without going into detail, him being like this is VERY explainable, he absolutely isn't in a situation right now to be able to grow past this, as I have.
I think it takes a deep level of self honesty to know if you can show up as a friend whom you’ve got feelings for (if I read your comment correctly?). I think drawing and maintaining clear boundaries is the only way to transition to friendship ❤️
This one is tough! I was in the same position and once I did the work on myself and drew clear boundaries with him- he is still the most amazing human and friend and we openly talked about each of our issues and pasts etc. However - aside from it yes being very confusing possibly in that you end up giving even so much energetic space to someone if you’re close and it still sort of mimics a relationship- and can definitely get in the way of being open to/feeling as strongly about new ones. Not to mention if you have great chemistry- it is a lot tougher to uphold those boundaries. I would also ask if you are in that position - how you will feel if he does start doing the work or in the process (or even with out it) meets someone else, that isn’t you? Because this happened to me, and I think some part of me had written him off in the unavailability department but actually just being so close to me helped him open up a lot and also explore his own avenues of healing. So lucky me- after 4 years of being extremely close best friends with someone I loved, after some time apart while I was traveling/we were in sep cities-he met someone and fell in love. And by then without my even seeing it, had really mad so many changes and to this day credits me with that (and him eventually going to therapy etc). Things didn’t work out with that woman but The pain of the experience genuinely traumatized me. It felt like a betrayal somehow which makes no sense but it was a very private loss to mourn. So even if you do have clear boundaries - are you 100% ok with him seeing other people even if you think that’s not possible or likely? (In my situation this man had a life 180 out of nowhere due to circumstances and went from never seeing anyone to being like- the man in demand). Is that comfortable for you? Are you clear enough with your feelings to be genuinely open to and available for other connections? Are you sure that the bond you have over your own isssues or just in general won’t lead you to backslide or stay stagnant in your own life? Because all of those things happened to me when remaining ‘friends’.. in retrospect I was a girlfriend with training wheels while he got his life back together, I was unknowingly shutting myself off to other opportunities because we were so close, and the interest was just never quite there because my emotional needs were being met by this friend in many ways and it pretty much in essence, made me energetically unavailable. Even if I had done so much work to be available, heal my traumas etc. Soooo all of this to say 5 years after we first met - he is living his best life, has his artwork on display at galleries all over LA and his business is booming (my support and companionship over the years while he was rebuilding after a divorce was integral to that, and he’s thanked me for it). He lives in a new house, has work that he loves, and is dating someone new now who I get to see photos of on Instagram while he sends me texts about how he’s happier than ever! And of course, our friendship is now like number 100 on his list to the point where I finally had to actually cut off contact because I was feeling just destroyed. I am happy for his progress in life, but I would remind you that putting one’s self first involves not being friends with someone you have any sort of genuine feelings or attraction for, unless you are VERY clear about the meaning and ok with whatever happens. I am currently crawling out of depression from the falling out that we had, other life issues that he was not there for (when it was my turn to need help and support with) that I’ve been dealing with alone because I’m single. And spent 5 of my best dating years on building up the confidence and being a loving friend to the formerly emotionally unavailable man in my life. Not to deter you- just a heads up in case it helps you consider! He recently asked to work on our friendship again but I’m honestly at this point needing to feel 100% great in my own life, and likely have a partner before I’m open to that. This is a form of unavailability that I hadn’t realize I was doing to myself. And it. Is brutal. I resent him every day. And that is mainly a self resentment for putting myself in that position that I need to forgive. Good luck either way but please, I assure you I get it- but please go into it with a LOT of awareness, and checking in with yourself. In the end I felt like I inadvertently nurtured a baby bird back to life just with my presence (his words, your love made me a better man..) and in that process, as he as taken flight.. I am drained, alone, and was very much turned away from when I needed presence and support recently in my own ways. That is a tough pill to swallow. It is a daily conscious act to heal from this.
I really don't think friendship is a good idea, unless there is no attraction between you. You can wish him well and now put you first. Being his therapist to help him be better for someone else is very damaging
@kinteresting, so sorry what you went through. Your ex probably doesn't realize how much you felt for him or the pain he put you through. Because maybe you didn't fully tell him? In any case, don't be friends with him, leave it completely behind. Do this for you, not for him. And don't go on FB, IG, etc. - why subject yourself to that? Don't Google. Block it all out so that you can heal and open yourself to finding an emotionally available guy.
Gosh...I was well aware of the emotional unavailability early on but due to my own trauma, I thought that they were probably the best I could get - so I stayed... for 22 years. I am seeing that I cannot do it anymore. I am working on my trauma and it's getting clearer and clearer.
I think when we sleep with someone at the beginning of a relationship can create bonding with no perspective..I have decided that I won't be doing that anymore..and when I date again I really hope it's not as confusing!
Absolutely…I think the same. That was my last mistake and I got totally blind cos I got deeply emotional attached. The usual advice it’s to meet them for 3 months, or at least 2 and then decide if to have s3x with them or not. There you will be able to discern, and in the meantime there’s plenty of time to see possible red flags.
Everyone should do that. Just don't make the mistake of telling them you "won't be doing that anymore", just say you're not ready. If they think you used to do that but you aren't with them, they will think you don't like them as much, or you're not over your past relationship.
24 years of living with a man who gaslights me, refuses my assistance or support in any fashion and no empathy or compassion. He surprisingly has valid feedback regarding life challenges if it doesn’t involve him but he can’t handle working through issues between us. He seems numb and like there’s a wall between us. If we’re working well he can be kind but it’s like a friend, not a spouse. I have two young sensitive (empathic) children so I doubt it’s feasible for me to leave my husband as I need to ensure that they aren’t victims of abandonment trauma…but it’s hard.
Please leave, if you can. Trust me, your kids can heal from divorce trauma. You can NEVER recover the time you have given him. I speak from experience. And my kids thank me for finally ending things with him.
@@GloriaPrice-g4y we underwent couples counseling and it made a significant improvement in our relationship. Knock on wood, things have been good between us.
I had had enough after 6 months. Left with no confidence and feeling worthless. Im healing but never ever again. My lists will be pinned to my wall for future use
Very helpful, clear guidance! I came upon this video because I've been working through my own abandonment wounds from an emotionally unavailable father. 2 unhappy marriages. Years alone, then I met who I thought was "the one." Turned out that he was emotionally unavailable. I've now taken 5 years to go through the painful process of digging deep into my own wounds. I'm hopeful that my next relationship will be a healthy one. Thank you for sharing your story and insights! ❤
Why did a woman I’ve started dating say she feels pressure because I’m quite emotionally available? I thought being emotionally available was good? I’m confused. She then said she feel better having told me. And wants to keep dating.. but I’m not sure of things now. Can you explain to me? Ironically I think I’m unavailable due to childhood violent trauma.. your second type is me.
It sounds like she has some avoidant/trauma energy in her that means she may be emotionally unavailable herself, people with that typically push away healthy partners. With regards to your trauma, the first step is awareness so it's great you now have that!
I feel there could be multiple and different contributing factors. I personally believe in pace also , being too open too soon aka not showing ‘healthy skepticism’ is a 🚩 sometimes even the way people generally operate could be very different - a slower softer communicator may find fast communication as pressure 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve listened to so many videos about my hot and cold ex, but this one actually helped me understand him, and confirm that my choice to leave was the right one. Thank you.
I feel sick to my stomach. This hurts so much. I don't think I'll ever get him to admit he intentionally faked his feelings for me. It's cold and this hurts on so many levels. 💔
@@miraclestivender651 I forgot I wrote this. He told me he wasn't here for me he's here for the kids. Love bombed me in the beginning and then started chipping away at our connection and insulting me to drop my confidence. On a much happier note I'm not im that relationship anymore, and come to terms with everything.
@@syzygy4365 I'm sorry you went through that I didn't know what that meant faking your feelings for someone now I understand. Damn that's messed up it's like they didn't even care. I'm sorry you went through that. Yes I'm definitely going to be single for a while.
Your videos make me feel so much better. I broke up multiple times with my EU ex and I keep wondering if I made the right decision, then I watch your videos and I KNOW I definitely made the right decision. Thank you.
Great message. I'm honestly in this place, 13 years of marriage and I don't want to continue. But, when I think about leaving, all I can think about is being with someone not like them and better... it feels like my outward expression of unhappiness and sadness are causing me to react out of fear, anxiety, and humbling them, but on the other hand, I feel pushed into a state of vengeance rather making a choice from the right place. We really must heal ourselves before getting into a long-term relationships, looking toward others to deal with or heal us.
This video and the equations is spot on!! I just ended (or rather he ended) our 2 year "magical" relationship. However, he still sends texts every day but stated he doesn't want to talk to me or see me. I'm ok with that. I won't respond to his texts and hopefully he will soon get tired of it and move on. Your equations could so easily have been written by me. It matches exactly what I have gone through with this man...and the previous one. I'm done with men. I'm done dating and will live out my life alone. The pain is too great. Thank you Amy for all you do. Much love
It's amazing to see you stand strong amidst such confusing behaviour from someone you no doubt had strong feelings for. It feels like rest and recovery for your heart is exactly what you need at this time! ❤️
Wow wow wow!!!! I sure wished I would’ve run across your video 1000 tarot readings ago, embarrassed to say…however, I learned quite a lot…. about myself and others regarding so many different issues, including this big one, huge lessons learned!! Now I can actually move on in peace, forgiveness with clear understanding and know that I did not miss out on anything. If….. we are meant to be and this is my twin flame he will have done all the hard work!! Thanks a million and God bless❣️❣️❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Girl you have to be careful with online tarot. There are so many shady readers (as well as viewers) that prey on the hurting & vulnerable souls. I personally know someone with a channel that feeds people BS to keep them coming back and purchasing more readings to suit his narcissistic needs.
Amy, I left a 13 year relationship recently. Of all of the videos I’ve watched, this one hit home. It describes my ex-partner. I needed to hear this. Thank you.
I left my emotionally unavailable bf. Unfortunately, when I left, I found out I was pregnant. This didn't change my mind about leaving him. But it seems it might have shocked him up. But also I'm so use to hearing words and seeing no action that it makes it hard to believe anything he says. He is in therapy now, and I can see he is trying to be self aware. But it's just so hard for me to believe him. I'm the situation where he is a good guy and has treated me good. But it's when it comes to opening up or being emotional. Where he fails to meet my needs. He is trying and I have recently seen him cry. Which I've never seen before. But idk I'm afraid that I am making a mistake by giving him a chance.
@MaddyDoesMusic yes, he is still the same. Haha. I have since accepted that we don't have a relationship. I had the baby. He is 6 months old. Having the baby didn't change anything in his dad. His dad is involved when I ask him to be. Otherwise, he doesn't take the initiative to help me. He recently told me he still loved me and wanted to be with me. I was shocked as he had not made any effort since I posted this. But yeah. I'm not getting back with. Ever.
@LoveByDesign I had the baby and said good bye to my relationship with him. He made it pretty easy as he didn't do anything to improve our relationship. O well.
@@vegone8894I am sorry to hear that, I was wondering, if something changed in him since starting the therapy or because of the baby, but doesn't seem so, it's really hard to change and people tend to behave still the same way. I wish you all the best with the baby and hopefully one day you will get a partner that you deserve
Spot on!!! & Soul crushing!!! Just went through for 4.5 years ....running back to an ex when i questioned his UNAVAILABILITY or why is this happening/questioning. ...yet charasmatic to others that werent close .....so painful!!! OMFG! Its like u are talking about me!!....All of this i went through.....then he would creep back in after disappearing .....on/off couldnt believe it....i was so attatched/fooled.....only to be totally abandoned anyway!!! Killed me!! 6 months later hes back.....no answers/apology .....unbelievable!!! My resentment is obvious.....so hes keeping his distance 😢😢
I can’t wait to take this up with my therapist. I’m so sad because this is my husband and the father of my children. I feel forced to just accept it meanwhile I really need more.
This is really wonderful. So clear. I was listening to it after a client sent it to me and I realize that some of this actually applies to me as well...and my son who is notoriously attracted unavailable young women. I plan to pass on this great content. Thank you for the blessed work that you are doing to help people to heal their hearts and attract what they deserve!
You should walk away when you set boundaries and clearly explain them and they refuse to respect them. They may not even be intentional things but if they cant respect your needs and you are reasonable then how could you even give them any respect bc they arent respecting you.
He didn't propose until he thought of what life would be like without me. We had already been having issues with him being emotionally available. I have given it my all to get the change needed for 1/2 of a 9 yr relationship and it seems like we are now more roommates than a couple. I dont want to lose a friend, but I would rather gain myself back. We both accepted that we were emotionally unavailable to start, but I can't stand that I feel like I literally have to beg for kisses and hugs. The simplest of actions to show someone you actually care, but unless he is getting laid, he isint interested.
This video is gold! Thank you so much. I walked away, when I realized he was emotionally unavailable and had not intentions on chaning anything. I felt used. Hurts very much, but I see now, it was the right decision.
I’m listening to this only because I feel like I’ve just gone through a situation where the guy was completely unavailable. BUT everything that’s being said is describing me! I’m so confused
Yes - it's often the case that unavailable attract the unavailable. If you more clarity on how to move forward, I'd love to jump on a free call with you: www.healyourheart.school/call
I’ve been through a lot the past 4 years dealing with a emotionally unavailable man. I was 22 when I first met him and had no real experience or guidance on relationships and how to properly vet a man. Had I known what I know today we wouldn’t gotten past the initial phone conversation lol. With all this being said, this 45 year old man has so many walls, obstacles, and levels for his suitors to reach that it’s almost impossible to ever get him to let them down and be open/vulnerable enough to commit to 1 woman . As of today, I’m tired. I had to leave this situation permanently alone after our last indifference with him not feeling “comfortable” giving me his garage code to prevent inconveniences of coming over and he’s not there. After 4 years he’s not comfortable lol. I knew my end goal of marriage was not achievable with this guy👎🏼 a learning lesson to say the least.
WOW this video is amazing, thank you so much. I have just ended a 2month relationship with an emotionally unavailable man and this information has really helped. Thank you so much 💓
Can someone be emotionally available at the beginning and then become emotionally unavailable during the relationship? Or was he emotionally unavailable from the beginning and fooled me?
I came across your channel and you’ve already helped me so much. I LOVE the “homework” part of this with the T-charts! When I have been in therapy, I always ask them to give me homework, something concrete I can do to make sure I follow through with the strategies we discuss to break bad patterns of thought etc. This is exactly what I needed. THANK YOU!!! Wish you could be my therapist!
One of the challenges that I’ve faced and still do is that mentally and emotionally I understand they’re not good for me and I stay away from them but physically I’m still turned on thinking about them. How can we get ourselves to a point where “we lose the attraction mentally emotionally and physically too” ? Would really appreciate if anyone can help answer/resolve this.
Re it's hard to leave... It genuinely is difficult to meet someone who is right. You have to dig deep and be brave and cut the cord. Each month you are with someone who can't or doesn't want to meet mutual needs, the more dispirited you become
It's hard but it's possible. If you'd like to see if I can help you further, you're welcome to book a free consultation here: www.healyourheart.school/call
Thanks Amy, I find your videos incredibly helpful. I’ve really needed this shake up. I hopefully your well articulated advice will keep me in my sovereignty. 🙏🥰
I'm so glad to hear this! If you'd like to see if I can help you further, you're welcome to book a free consultation here: www.healyourheart.school/call
All narcissists are emotionally unavailable, but not all emotionally unavailable people are narcissists. Great question, I might make a video on this topic to expand! 🙏
My emotionally unavailable boyfriend of 2 years and I had an argument over 3 weeks ago. It was mainly my fault, and I did apologize the next day. I tried to fix it and communicate with him; however, he said he needed some time and space to think and process everything, and he’d just chat with me in a week. I respected it, so the space was supposed to be over by March 30th, but I noticed he still hasn’t reached out. I ended up sending him a text asking how he was doing. He then replied and said he’s sorry but he’s really stressed out with his research, and that he’ll just chat with me. I told him it’s okay; he can take his time, and that was it. I haven’t heard from him for 19 days now, and I don’t know what to do. I’m confused about everything.
I’m sorry to hear this, it feels like he isn’t showing up for this relationship anymore. Did you go through the two equations at the end? Did they give you any clarity?
Just for kicks because i knew i was done with the guy, i told him he was emotionally unavailable to me for some of the reasons you described. He came back with, "Well, YOU are the one who's emotionally unavailable for not having your ringer on. I dated a girl like and that shi. pissed me off. It always takes you more than an hour to respond to my [attention-seeking] texts and pics [where I'm begging you for compliments and validation]." I literally walked away dumbfounded at his response.
I wonder why is that they reject you that much?? Or is it their emotional unavailability that we feel? Because they “want to be with you” but with their behaviour and “priorities”, so in a way it’s YOU who have to follow through with that. But the rejection is constant, and one of the most contradictory things, like…they really don’t want to be with you and they really don’t like you 💁🏻♀️ Then YOU don’t like them when you see all of this.
It's because they can only love the way they love. And often what they say doesn't match their actions - but in their mind it makes sense. But the kind of love they offer is just not enough for most people. Make sense?
Honestly I agree with everything you say here..I just ended a very similar relationship recently with someone..I was so on the edge of mental sanity. But you gave up after only 4 weeks?? That's really no time at all when dating. Just an observation
Great advice Amy - yet where do we meet these emotionally available men as a single woman at 42? The men mostly have children by this age, and that means emotionally unavailable. I want to see a RUclips video that tells women at 40 the truth, that there are no available men at this age. That would be an emotionally authentic and honest video.
Continue to focus on yourself. As you heal from the attachment patterns and liberate your heart (aka become emotionally available ) you'll discover other available people gravitate towards. More importantly, it won't matter then as you'll have you.
My problem isnt "oh ill never get love from someone like that again". There are plenty of good partners out there but I just dont feel the same for any of them...its been 5 years and ive met MANY great men but ive only felt love for my toxic selfish ex. I guess im EU too now.
If good partners aren’t attractive to you there may be deeper wounding and nervous system wiring keeping you emotionally unavailable. I talk more about how to heal in this free training: www.healyourheart.school/webinar
I've been with my guy for 6 years!! I'm so entrenched and its so hard to give up on him. Is there a difference between emotionally unavailable men and an avoidant?
Great question! An avoidant can be, but not always is, emotionally unavailable. But if you’re not getting your needs met, they can be neither but still not a good match for you.
I think neurodivergent behaviour is another conversation (not for this channel as I am neurotypical). I would take their behaviours at face value, however, and if you aren't able to form intimacy (regardless of neuro state) that is a clear sign 🙏
If it’s a toxic relationship it’s a Karmic relationship. It’s a life lesson to learn. That person isn’t your Soulmate & Definitely Not your Twin Flame!
Reminds me of me. I was self-aware too but that didn't do much good to the relationship except that it didn't get worse. But, the pain, for both of us, was still much. We both had to let go eventually to finally recieve the space to heal.
Not at all. But it sounds like you might need some more clarity. If you more help, I'd love to jump on a free call with you: www.healyourheart.school/call
Hey everyone hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 3 Steps to Heal Yourself after a Toxic Relationship Ends (Warning: Spots are limited)
🗒 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> www.healyourheart.school/webinar
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Going through this currently. This definitely resonates with me.
15:50 15:56 16:17
Leave ASAP. Ask yourself, " How much of my life do I want to lose?
How much time do I want to waste?"
Spot On !!!
This was HUGELY helpful... thank you!!!
I want to add something to this: When you do walk away, leave quietly. I used to want the catharsis of venting my feelings to avoidant or narcissistic men because I thought it would make me feel better and take my power back, but I learned that a man that doesn't care about your feelings when he's with you is not going to care about your feelings when you're leaving him either. AND! It is not your job to teach him how to be better for the next woman he's with. Do not give him value as you leave. Take ALL the value you were already giving right back and pour into yourself. Or, put more bluntly: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* Men like this need to go learn their lessons on their own.
Yes, everyone who doesn't see you as a good prospect for a partner is a "narcissist". Trendy word at the minute, isn't it? 😂
Weirdo@@bewilderedbrit8928
💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥
Yes queen. 💕
❤❤❤❤❤❤ I agree! I did that mistake but will never do it again. Leave him quietly.
I've struggled with this my whole life as a man. After ending my 6 years relationship, I promised myself to never enter any other relationship if I'm not healed on this myself.
The thing now I believe about emotionally unavailability is that it's a co-creation like everything else. I've attracted an extremely unavailable woman and created a fantasy of a relationship and wasted both our time mostly because I am equally unavailable as her.
For any person, man or woman, struggling with this, I'd recommend to work on becoming more emotionally available. As you become more emotionally available, people who are unavailable will not be drawn to you anymore. Good luck to everyone. Stay blessed.
You’re totally right the content is brilliant but I have no idea whey it has to be gendered.
One of my friends is Exactly like you! He’s been in therapy for 2 1/2 years. Now he’s doing therapy with his equally unemotionally girlfriend. It’s a disaster! 🙃 Praying that one of them ends it before they end up a Lifetime movie.😂
@@macm2373 It must be hard to watch them going through this. Hope your friend finds his peace soon.
So astute and self aware! Thanks for sharing that 🙏 law of attraction and how our vibration dictates what we attract!
I feel like I am doing exactly that right now. Met a guy that is as unavailable as I am, I realized already so first step right? How did you become more emotionally available?
You can’t lose an emotionally unavailable man. They were never yours in the first place.
Once you leave and heal you will see this so clearly.
Don’t feel bad about staying for as long as you did. You needed to learn from this, so learn, forgive yourself, but most of all, love yourself.
Love yourself so much that no man with anything less than what you deserve will get your attention.
I wish you power and self love my sisters.🌸
Great advice ❤
I am 44 and I don't want to say this but It feels impossible to find a man that's available emotionally.
😢
Amen thank you
44 years!
Thank you so much for this, Amy. I actually walked away from this exact type of guy last week, after six months of highs and lows of his inconsistency. Even though I know it was the right thing for me, it certainly is validating to hear it all articulated.
This also helps me put away any remaining doubts I had on whether I should have given him more time. I miss him terribly, but I feel so ready to move on. Oddly, I can’t seem to harbor any anger or bad feelings toward him. You’d think I’d be bitter. What can I say? I just love the guy and I don’t want anything bad for him. He is wounded enough.
To anyone in this type of “relationship “, please, run for your life! Cheers!
Good on you for having the courage to walk away ❤️
Just walked away as well after 9 months I kept feeling bad for not giving more time but I know I made the right decision.. when they are emotionally unavailable they are not thinking of our needs just there’s unfortunately
I've been living with a guy like this for 16 years until a few months ago when he said I should get my own place and we could then still see eachother. I've gone along with this. It's so hard to do. I'm a wreck. Never been so sad
@@sandrawright8109 probably time to move on, friend. 🙏🏻
I came across your video because after 13 years of marriage, of which the last 8 years were spent begging for attention, for physical/sexual intimacy and wanting a child, for the last two years now I have been thinking more and more about leaving my husband. You have been spot on about difficulty in leaving especially when my husband throws breadcrumbs every time I tell him I am leaving, he wd tell me let's have a child, he will give me some small touches. But nothing is followed through once I decide to stay. Right now as I write this I am making another attempt to leave, toughening myself to stop falling for his gestures and promises which I know he won't follow through with. Can I just say here that emotional unavailability is so difficult a thing to explain to ppl as a reason for leaving someone because it's not out there like a domestic violence or cheating etc.
It is still toxic!! Just remember that. It is still dysfunctional behaviour.....be strong....listen to YOUR gut!!! ❤❤❤
You know what don't think much it's going to be difficult in the beginning but once you'll get over it you'll thank yourself trust me just go for it.
Update?
@@rixts6thank you so much for your support. I finally moved out of his house and am living on my own for the last 3 weeks. Is it weird that I am not really missing him? And he still keeps messaging me wanting to "catch up" on coffee. I have been ignoring the messages. I know I need to think of the next steps, but I feel like I need some time.
I’m just reading this and your update now. It is such a difficult thing to explain, I understand! So glad to hear you’re moving on ❤️
She's dead on on every word. Well spoken, kind but factual about dealing with any person who is emotionally unavailable. Listen!
I appreciate the kind words ❤️
+1
Ex broke up with me 5/3 after finally making the decision that she could no longer take my emotional unavailability towards her. Yes, this is my fault. I never made her feel secure, I was never loving towards her, I never showed her commitment, I never showed her the support she needed, I wasn't the go-to person when she had tough times, I never shared her on socials, never involved her with my family and friends (I was ashamed of doing so). We broke up 3 or 4 times for the same reason, every time I'd beg her and promised her I'd change. I didn't. This last time was a real life reflection for me. As a 40 year old man, it made me realize what a shitty person I really was. Every time she'd remind me of all the terrible things I've done to her, it made me disgusted, almost threw up. During this relationship, I was aware that I was trying to change, but it felt like I was strapped down and could not escape. I wanted to, but never got the right resources and help. I knew I had a problem. She finally had enough. I will never go back to the old version of myself and I am committed to prove the saying that says nobody changes - people do. I now have a weekly counselor and doing daily reading on how to change, also starting therapy. I am currently doing NC, but hope she comes back. I will not permit my old self to continue to damage. has anyone else been in my situation and gotten back together?
I really appreciate your honesty and insight you have now. It sounds like she tried a lot for you or at least gave multiple chances
Idk if you've looked into attachment theory but that might be helpful in addition to the other work you're doing. Personal development school (channel on RUclips) has a lot of info
Best of luck! ❤
@@Rissy617Thank you! Will check it out
She had enough of your lack of emotional unavailability. Why would you think no contact will make her come back? She is also probably doing no contact too. How do two people doing no contact get back together? They don’t because no one will contact the other person.
She had enough of your lack of emotional unavailability. Why would you think no contact will make her come back? She is also probably doing no contact too. How do two people doing no contact get back together? They don’t because no one will contact the other person.
@@JR-ze3nn I’m hoping no contact will help her heal and hopefully make her realize either she loves me or she doesn’t. I’m doing no contact to work on myself. Yes , I did too much damage, I’m doing the work (I started therapy, learning about my emotional unavailability- which is treatable, and reading all I can on relationships) to better myself weather it’s for her for my next relationship.
I left my husband last year . I wished I had known this 46 years ago when we first met . This described my relationship in every detail 😢
I'm glad that you know it now 🙏
39 for me. Just realizing this after blaming myself to the point of thinking of suicide. Trying to detach emotionally.
I left mine after 25 years. we can't regret the past because we learned from it. however I do wish I had learned a lot quicker!
How are you doing? It’s been 35 yrs for me. I want to leave but have nothing. I raised 4 kids and have nothing. I am afraid he will be even worse if i leave
@MaryAnne22858 I'm doing really.good. it's been 9 months now. I got a protection order in tje beginning. which really helped. make sure to do no contact with him. Get the court involved.
When I first met him, we were both emotionally unavailable, so it almost worked for both of us, but now that I'm much more emotionally available, I see how this situation could be actually harmful to me. Is there a way to actually remain friends with someone emotionally unavailable without hurting yourself?
I want to draw clear boundaries, but beyond the fact that he has this problem, & beyond my feelings towards him, I value him deeply as a person. Just cutting him off isn't an option for me, & without going into detail, him being like this is VERY explainable, he absolutely isn't in a situation right now to be able to grow past this, as I have.
I think it takes a deep level of self honesty to know if you can show up as a friend whom you’ve got feelings for (if I read your comment correctly?). I think drawing and maintaining clear boundaries is the only way to transition to friendship ❤️
This one is tough! I was in the same position and once I did the work on myself and drew clear boundaries with him- he is still the most amazing human and friend and we openly talked about each of our issues and pasts etc.
However - aside from it yes being very confusing possibly in that you end up giving even so much energetic space to someone if you’re close and it still sort of mimics a relationship- and can definitely get in the way of being open to/feeling as strongly about new ones. Not to mention if you have great chemistry- it is a lot tougher to uphold those boundaries. I would also ask if you are in that position - how you will feel if he does start doing the work or in the process (or even with out it) meets someone else, that isn’t you? Because this happened to me, and I think some part of me had written him off in the unavailability department but actually just being so close to me helped him open up a lot and also explore his own avenues of healing. So lucky me- after 4 years of being extremely close best friends with someone I loved, after some time apart while I was traveling/we were in sep cities-he met someone and fell in love. And by then without my even seeing it, had really mad so many changes and to this day credits me with that (and him eventually going to therapy etc).
Things didn’t work out with that woman but The pain of the experience genuinely traumatized me. It felt like a betrayal somehow which makes no sense but it was a very private loss to mourn.
So even if you do have clear boundaries - are you 100% ok with him seeing other people even if you think that’s not possible or likely? (In my situation this man had a life 180 out of nowhere due to circumstances and went from never seeing anyone to being like- the man in demand). Is that comfortable for you?
Are you clear enough with your feelings to be genuinely open to and available for other connections? Are you sure that the bond you have over your own isssues or just in general won’t lead you to backslide or stay stagnant in your own life?
Because all of those things happened to me when remaining ‘friends’.. in retrospect I was a girlfriend with training wheels while he got his life back together, I was unknowingly shutting myself off to other opportunities because we were so close, and the interest was just never quite there because my emotional needs were being met by this friend in many ways and it pretty much in essence, made me energetically unavailable. Even if I had done so much work to be available, heal my traumas etc.
Soooo all of this to say 5 years after we first met - he is living his best life, has his artwork on display at galleries all over LA and his business is booming (my support and companionship over the years while he was rebuilding after a divorce was integral to that, and he’s thanked me for it). He lives in a new house, has work that he loves, and is dating someone new now who I get to see photos of on Instagram while he sends me texts about how he’s happier than ever! And of course, our friendship is now like number 100 on his list to the point where I finally had to actually cut off contact because I was feeling just destroyed.
I am happy for his progress in life, but I would remind you that putting one’s self first involves not being friends with someone you have any sort of genuine feelings or attraction for, unless you are VERY clear about the meaning and ok with whatever happens. I am currently crawling out of depression from the falling out that we had, other life issues that he was not there for (when it was my turn to need help and support with) that I’ve been dealing with alone because I’m single. And spent 5 of my best dating years on building up the confidence and being a loving friend to the formerly emotionally unavailable man in my life.
Not to deter you- just a heads up in case it helps you consider! He recently asked to work on our friendship again but I’m honestly at this point needing to feel 100% great in my own life, and likely have a partner before I’m open to that. This is a form of unavailability that I hadn’t realize I was doing to myself. And it. Is brutal. I resent him every day. And that is mainly a self resentment for putting myself in that position that I need to forgive. Good luck either way but please, I assure you I get it- but please go into it with a LOT of awareness, and checking in with yourself.
In the end I felt like I inadvertently nurtured a baby bird back to life just with my presence (his words, your love made me a better man..) and in that process, as he as taken flight.. I am drained, alone, and was very much turned away from when I needed presence and support recently in my own ways. That is a tough pill to swallow.
It is a daily conscious act to heal from this.
I really don't think friendship is a good idea, unless there is no attraction between you. You can wish him well and now put you first. Being his therapist to help him be better for someone else is very damaging
@kinteresting, so sorry what you went through. Your ex probably doesn't realize how much you felt for him or the pain he put you through. Because maybe you didn't fully tell him?
In any case, don't be friends with him, leave it completely behind. Do this for you, not for him. And don't go on FB, IG, etc. - why subject yourself to that? Don't Google.
Block it all out so that you can heal and open yourself to finding an emotionally available guy.
Gosh...I was well aware of the emotional unavailability early on but due to my own trauma, I thought that they were probably the best I could get - so I stayed... for 22 years. I am seeing that I cannot do it anymore. I am working on my trauma and it's getting clearer and clearer.
I’m so glad to hear this! Have you watched my webinar? I go into how to heal it in more detail: www.healyourheart.school/webinar
I will watch this today! Thank you 😊
Yes
Same!
This is my marriage also 😢
I think when we sleep with someone at the beginning of a relationship can create bonding with no perspective..I have decided that I won't be doing that anymore..and when I date again I really hope it's not as confusing!
Absolutely…I think the same. That was my last mistake and I got totally blind cos I got deeply emotional attached. The usual advice it’s to meet them for 3 months, or at least 2 and then decide if to have s3x with them or not. There you will be able to discern, and in the meantime there’s plenty of time to see possible red flags.
Everyone should do that. Just don't make the mistake of telling them you "won't be doing that anymore", just say you're not ready. If they think you used to do that but you aren't with them, they will think you don't like them as much, or you're not over your past relationship.
Immediately. You walk away immediately.
24 years of living with a man who gaslights me, refuses my assistance or support in any fashion and no empathy or compassion. He surprisingly has valid feedback regarding life challenges if it doesn’t involve him but he can’t handle working through issues between us. He seems numb and like there’s a wall between us. If we’re working well he can be kind but it’s like a friend, not a spouse.
I have two young sensitive (empathic) children so I doubt it’s feasible for me to leave my husband as I need to ensure that they aren’t victims of abandonment trauma…but it’s hard.
I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this 🙏
Please leave, if you can. Trust me, your kids can heal from divorce trauma. You can NEVER recover the time you have given him. I speak from experience. And my kids thank me for finally ending things with him.
@@GloriaPrice-g4y we underwent couples counseling and it made a significant improvement in our relationship. Knock on wood, things have been good between us.
This is my situation and it's sad.. really draining
@@SonnieRoymy situation too and it's really draining. Working on my exit
I had had enough after 6 months. Left with no confidence and feeling worthless. Im healing but never ever again. My lists will be pinned to my wall for future use
Good on you. Why don't we speak on a call together, I can help: www.healyourheart.school/call
Very helpful, clear guidance! I came upon this video because I've been working through my own abandonment wounds from an emotionally unavailable father. 2 unhappy marriages. Years alone, then I met who I thought was "the one." Turned out that he was emotionally unavailable. I've now taken 5 years to go through the painful process of digging deep into my own wounds. I'm hopeful that my next relationship will be a healthy one. Thank you for sharing your story and insights! ❤
You are so welcome! ❤️
Why did a woman I’ve started dating say she feels pressure because I’m quite emotionally available? I thought being emotionally available was good? I’m confused. She then said she feel better having told me. And wants to keep dating.. but I’m not sure of things now. Can you explain to me? Ironically I think I’m unavailable due to childhood violent trauma.. your second type is me.
It sounds like she has some avoidant/trauma energy in her that means she may be emotionally unavailable herself, people with that typically push away healthy partners. With regards to your trauma, the first step is awareness so it's great you now have that!
I feel there could be multiple and different contributing factors. I personally believe in pace also , being too open too soon aka not showing ‘healthy skepticism’ is a 🚩 sometimes even the way people generally operate could be very different - a slower softer communicator may find fast communication as pressure 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve listened to so many videos about my hot and cold ex, but this one actually helped me understand him, and confirm that my choice to leave was the right one. Thank you.
I'm glad to hear this ❤️
This is excruciatingly too close to home right now. But I feel alot less like I'm crazy now
I can help! Reach out: www.healyourheart.school/call
Yep…my heart palpitations and anxiety is off the chart rn
You hit the nail on the head and really helped me to understand what I left but keep dwelling on. Thank you so much!
You are so welcome! ❤️
I feel sick to my stomach. This hurts so much. I don't think I'll ever get him to admit he intentionally faked his feelings for me. It's cold and this hurts on so many levels. 💔
When you say fake your feelings.so they liked you was interested in you but never loved you?
@@miraclestivender651 I forgot I wrote this. He told me he wasn't here for me he's here for the kids. Love bombed me in the beginning and then started chipping away at our connection and insulting me to drop my confidence. On a much happier note I'm not im that relationship anymore, and come to terms with everything.
@@miraclestivender651 emotion wise it I was feeling a lot of pain at the time, and betrayal from the deceit. I'm much happier now. Lonely, but happy.
@@syzygy4365 I'm sorry you went through that I didn't know what that meant faking your feelings for someone now I understand. Damn that's messed up it's like they didn't even care. I'm sorry you went through that. Yes I'm definitely going to be single for a while.
What if he did admit it. It would change nothing for you.
Your videos make me feel so much better. I broke up multiple times with my EU ex and I keep wondering if I made the right decision, then I watch your videos and I KNOW I definitely made the right decision. Thank you.
I am so glad to hear this video gave you that extra verification! ❤️
Great message. I'm honestly in this place, 13 years of marriage and I don't want to continue. But, when I think about leaving, all I can think about is being with someone not like them and better... it feels like my outward expression of unhappiness and sadness are causing me to react out of fear, anxiety, and humbling them, but on the other hand, I feel pushed into a state of vengeance rather making a choice from the right place. We really must heal ourselves before getting into a long-term relationships, looking toward others to deal with or heal us.
I can help, reach out: www.healyourheart.school/call
Leaving is the best option! The other person hopely begins to reflect!!
this is sooooo accruate and legit my experience with an emotionally unavailable nice guy
This video and the equations is spot on!! I just ended (or rather he ended) our 2 year "magical" relationship. However, he still sends texts every day but stated he doesn't want to talk to me or see me. I'm ok with that. I won't respond to his texts and hopefully he will soon get tired of it and move on. Your equations could so easily have been written by me. It matches exactly what I have gone through with this man...and the previous one. I'm done with men. I'm done dating and will live out my life alone. The pain is too great. Thank you Amy for all you do. Much love
It's amazing to see you stand strong amidst such confusing behaviour from someone you no doubt had strong feelings for. It feels like rest and recovery for your heart is exactly what you need at this time! ❤️
With love and having experienced the chronic: Best thing to do is block and delete so you have no choice in moments of weakness. 😍.
Same. I am done.
Wow wow wow!!!! I sure wished I would’ve run across your video 1000 tarot readings ago, embarrassed to say…however, I learned quite a lot…. about myself and others regarding so many different issues, including this big one, huge lessons learned!! Now I can actually move on in peace, forgiveness with clear understanding and know that I did not miss out on anything. If….. we are meant to be and this is my twin flame he will have done all the hard work!! Thanks a million and God
bless❣️❣️❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I'm so glad this has helped you to move on ❤️
Girl you have to be careful with online tarot. There are so many shady readers (as well as viewers) that prey on the hurting & vulnerable souls. I personally know someone with a channel that feeds people BS to keep them coming back and purchasing more readings to suit his narcissistic needs.
Amy,
I left a 13 year relationship recently. Of all of the videos I’ve watched, this one hit home. It describes my ex-partner. I needed to hear this.
Thank you.
I’m really glad this video helped ❤️
Just by chance this video appeared and i can't believe how it describes my exact situation!!! Thank you :0)
That is amazing! Reach out if I can help any further ❤️
fully spot on. I had some strong abandonment wound and thanks for highlighting the point. I have tears but this is eye opening.
I’m so glad this is helpful! ❤️
I left my emotionally unavailable bf. Unfortunately, when I left, I found out I was pregnant. This didn't change my mind about leaving him. But it seems it might have shocked him up. But also I'm so use to hearing words and seeing no action that it makes it hard to believe anything he says. He is in therapy now, and I can see he is trying to be self aware. But it's just so hard for me to believe him. I'm the situation where he is a good guy and has treated me good. But it's when it comes to opening up or being emotional. Where he fails to meet my needs. He is trying and I have recently seen him cry. Which I've never seen before. But idk I'm afraid that I am making a mistake by giving him a chance.
How did you go implementing the two equations into your situation?
Do you have any update?
@MaddyDoesMusic yes, he is still the same. Haha. I have since accepted that we don't have a relationship. I had the baby. He is 6 months old. Having the baby didn't change anything in his dad. His dad is involved when I ask him to be. Otherwise, he doesn't take the initiative to help me. He recently told me he still loved me and wanted to be with me. I was shocked as he had not made any effort since I posted this. But yeah. I'm not getting back with. Ever.
@LoveByDesign I had the baby and said good bye to my relationship with him. He made it pretty easy as he didn't do anything to improve our relationship. O well.
@@vegone8894I am sorry to hear that, I was wondering, if something changed in him since starting the therapy or because of the baby, but doesn't seem so, it's really hard to change and people tend to behave still the same way. I wish you all the best with the baby and hopefully one day you will get a partner that you deserve
This is so good and describes my last relationship. He also occassionally said things that were hurtful. Surprised I wasted my time.
It's so good to have this awareness now ❤️
Spot on!!! & Soul crushing!!! Just went through for 4.5 years ....running back to an ex when i questioned his UNAVAILABILITY or why is this happening/questioning. ...yet charasmatic to others that werent close .....so painful!!!
OMFG! Its like u are talking about me!!....All of this i went through.....then he would creep back in after disappearing .....on/off couldnt believe it....i was so attatched/fooled.....only to be totally abandoned anyway!!! Killed me!! 6 months later hes back.....no answers/apology .....unbelievable!!! My resentment is obvious.....so hes keeping his distance 😢😢
I’m sorry you went through this 💔
oh my gosh, this was so good to do & see it in black and white, THANKYOU
You are so welcome ❤️
I can’t wait to take this up with my therapist. I’m so sad because this is my husband and the father of my children. I feel forced to just accept it meanwhile I really need more.
It is sad - and we need to grieve the person we thought they were, in order to move on ❤️
This video was everything for me right now. You were spot on and I feel I made the best decision to leave. Thank you!
Wow, that is amazing!! I’m so glad this info helped you make the right decision for you 🙏
This video is much needed in this phase n time of my life i love of u for doing n sharing this info❤
This is really wonderful. So clear. I was listening to it after a client sent it to me and I realize that some of this actually applies to me as well...and my son who is notoriously attracted unavailable young women. I plan to pass on this great content. Thank you for the blessed work that you are doing to help people to heal their hearts and attract what they deserve!
Wow thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback very much, and thank you for spreading the word 😌
You should walk away when you set boundaries and clearly explain them and they refuse to respect them. They may not even be intentional things but if they cant respect your needs and you are reasonable then how could you even give them any respect bc they arent respecting you.
Yes
He didn't propose until he thought of what life would be like without me.
We had already been having issues with him being emotionally available. I have given it my all to get the change needed for 1/2 of a 9 yr relationship and it seems like we are now more roommates than a couple. I dont want to lose a friend, but I would rather gain myself back.
We both accepted that we were emotionally unavailable to start, but I can't stand that I feel like I literally have to beg for kisses and hugs. The simplest of actions to show someone you actually care, but unless he is getting laid, he isint interested.
This video is gold! Thank you so much. I walked away, when I realized he was emotionally unavailable and had not intentions on chaning anything. I felt used. Hurts very much, but I see now, it was the right decision.
How do you know if they’re being emotionally abusive? Leaving was so hard I was so anxious and trauma bonded after 2 years
Take a look through Lindsay Gibbons’ book: *how to leave an emotionally immature relationship*
I’m listening to this only because I feel like I’ve just gone through a situation where the guy was completely unavailable. BUT everything that’s being said is describing me! I’m so confused
Yes - it's often the case that unavailable attract the unavailable. If you more clarity on how to move forward, I'd love to jump on a free call with you: www.healyourheart.school/call
I’ve been through a lot the past 4 years dealing with a emotionally unavailable man. I was 22 when I first met him and had no real experience or guidance on relationships and how to properly vet a man. Had I known what I know today we wouldn’t gotten past the initial phone conversation lol. With all this being said, this 45 year old man has so many walls, obstacles, and levels for his suitors to reach that it’s almost impossible to ever get him to let them down and be open/vulnerable enough to commit to 1 woman . As of today, I’m tired. I had to leave this situation permanently alone after our last indifference with him not feeling “comfortable” giving me his garage code to prevent inconveniences of coming over and he’s not there. After 4 years he’s not comfortable lol. I knew my end goal of marriage was not achievable with this guy👎🏼 a learning lesson to say the least.
Have you been able to walk away and heal?
@@LoveByDesign yes hun! I recently walked away and told him I’m moving on and I hope he heals 🙏🏽😅
He too old for you anyway…stay away from old washed up men. Live your life 🎉
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’ve had a year on and off with an unavailable man and it hurts and it’s confusing.
I can’t believe on point this is
I’m so glad to hear this ❤️
Wow, this is so heartbreaking ! 💔
Especially when it hits so close to home.
This is information is exactly what I have been searching for! It's terrible but true!
I'm so glad this has helped ❤️
WOW this video is amazing, thank you so much. I have just ended a 2month relationship with an emotionally unavailable man and this information has really helped. Thank you so much 💓
I’m so thrilled this information has helped save you some time, energy and heartbreak! 💜
Thank you. I wish I could have found your videos these past three years, they are very helpful !
You are so welcome! ❤️
Thank you for the work you do - I wish I knew this 3 years ago
You are so welcome. Better late than never ❤️
Are you sure they know that? I feel like they don't always know, and aren't self aware about their lack of unavailability
Oftentimes, no - people who are emotionally unavailable are unaware of this.
Wow great ❤ thanks I move on
I’m glad this helped! ❤️
Can someone be emotionally available at the beginning and then become emotionally unavailable during the relationship? Or was he emotionally unavailable from the beginning and fooled me?
Yes - unavailable people can appear available at the beginning. The only thing that’s concrete is how they show up over time ❤️
I came across your channel and you’ve already helped me so much. I LOVE the “homework” part of this with the T-charts! When I have been in therapy, I always ask them to give me homework, something concrete I can do to make sure I follow through with the strategies we discuss to break bad patterns of thought etc. This is exactly what I needed. THANK YOU!!! Wish you could be my therapist!
Would love to work with you!! www.healyourheart.school/call
One of the challenges that I’ve faced and still do is that mentally and emotionally I understand they’re not good for me and I stay away from them but physically I’m still turned on thinking about them. How can we get ourselves to a point where “we lose the attraction mentally emotionally and physically too” ? Would really appreciate if anyone can help answer/resolve this.
This is one of the most helpful videos I’ve ever watched.
Seeing it on paper helps so much ❤ thank you
You are so welcome!! ❤️
Re it's hard to leave... It genuinely is difficult to meet someone who is right. You have to dig deep and be brave and cut the cord. Each month you are with someone who can't or doesn't want to meet mutual needs, the more dispirited you become
It's hard but it's possible. If you'd like to see if I can help you further, you're welcome to book a free consultation here: www.healyourheart.school/call
A friend sent this to me excellent 👍
i hope you keep this friend around if they're right. everyone needs a friend like that
Your vids are priceless thank you
Oh you are so welcome! ❤️
@LoveByDesign ❤❤❤
Thanks Amy, I find your videos incredibly helpful. I’ve really needed this shake up. I hopefully your well articulated advice will keep me in my sovereignty. 🙏🥰
I’m so glad to hear this!! If I can help any more, please reach out ❤️
Thank you 🙏
I find the advice in this video particularly helpful as it keeps me on track if I lose focus.
Excellent video
Thank you! ❤️
20:35 I don't see how all these can happen or not happen in only 4 weeks
4 weeks is only a guideline, use your own discernment here
Good, thank you. It's good experience to see it written out. Thanks again.
I'm really glad to hear this!! ❤️
Thank you very much. I needed to hear this.
You are so welcome!!
Fantastic video. One of the best out there on the subjects
Thank you so much! If you'd like to see if I can help you further, you're welcome to book a free consultation here: www.healyourheart.school/call
I have walked away buut not healed.stiill my heart waits
What do you need to truly heal?
Something about your videos just make sense.
Hey, this is gonna be hard but thank you.
You are welcome ❤️
Woooahhhhh!! This is so spot on.. Thank you for this video.. I needed this! Thank you.
That is amazing to hear! Reach out if I can help further ❤️
Thanks a lot Amy! This is basically what i really wanted to hear right now ❤ very helpful! Keep it up! 😊
So glad it’s helpful! 🙏
This is such a good video. It explains a lot for me.
I'm so glad to hear this! If you'd like to see if I can help you further, you're welcome to book a free consultation here: www.healyourheart.school/call
Wowwwww I feel so heard and validated, thank you so much
What's the difference between a narcissist and an emotional unavailable person?
All narcissists are emotionally unavailable, but not all emotionally unavailable people are narcissists. Great question, I might make a video on this topic to expand! 🙏
Thank you. Very helpful
You are so welcome ❤️
Hard hitting facts
My emotionally unavailable boyfriend of 2 years and I had an argument over 3 weeks ago. It was mainly my fault, and I did apologize the next day. I tried to fix it and communicate with him; however, he said he needed some time and space to think and process everything, and he’d just chat with me in a week. I respected it, so the space was supposed to be over by March 30th, but I noticed he still hasn’t reached out. I ended up sending him a text asking how he was doing. He then replied and said he’s sorry but he’s really stressed out with his research, and that he’ll just chat with me. I told him it’s okay; he can take his time, and that was it. I haven’t heard from him for 19 days now, and I don’t know what to do. I’m confused about everything.
I’m sorry to hear this, it feels like he isn’t showing up for this relationship anymore. Did you go through the two equations at the end? Did they give you any clarity?
Girl the Golden advice is moved on, his actions is telling you he doesn't care anymore. Go no contact
Thx Amy, it was very helpful and insightful for me
You are so welcome ❤️
You hit the nail on the head. This was very helpful. Thank you.
You are so welcome ❤️
This video is SO AMAZING
I’m so glad you find it useful! ❤️
Epic video !! Topic & activity..suggestion😮😮👏🏼👏🏼
This was SO helpful🙏Much gratitude
You are so welcome 🙏
very help[ful indeed and definitely describes myself when I was with my now ex
I'm glad you found this helpful!
You’re brilliant! Thank you ❤
You are so welcome!! ❤️
Just for kicks because i knew i was done with the guy, i told him he was emotionally unavailable to me for some of the reasons you described. He came back with, "Well, YOU are the one who's emotionally unavailable for not having your ringer on. I dated a girl like and that shi. pissed me off. It always takes you more than an hour to respond to my [attention-seeking] texts and pics [where I'm begging you for compliments and validation]." I literally walked away dumbfounded at his response.
Sounds like he didn't know what emotional availability is. So many of us have to learn what it is if we haven't had emotional support growing up
Some people aren’t ready to hear it.
So helpful 🙏🏻
I wonder why is that they reject you that much?? Or is it their emotional unavailability that we feel? Because they “want to be with you” but with their behaviour and “priorities”, so in a way it’s YOU who have to follow through with that. But the rejection is constant, and one of the most contradictory things, like…they really don’t want to be with you and they really don’t like you 💁🏻♀️ Then YOU don’t like them when you see all of this.
It's because they can only love the way they love. And often what they say doesn't match their actions - but in their mind it makes sense. But the kind of love they offer is just not enough for most people. Make sense?
THANK YOU!❤
You are so welcome! If you'd like to see if I can help you further, you're welcome to book a free consultation here: www.healyourheart.school/call
Honestly I agree with everything you say here..I just ended a very similar relationship recently with someone..I was so on the edge of mental sanity. But you gave up after only 4 weeks?? That's really no time at all when dating. Just an observation
It’s enough time ☺️
@LoveByDesign OK cool. That's good to know!
Very helpful, so articulate, thank you.
That has been so helpful 🙏
I’m so glad 🙏
Great advice Amy - yet where do we meet these emotionally available men as a single woman at 42? The men mostly have children by this age, and that means emotionally unavailable. I want to see a RUclips video that tells women at 40 the truth, that there are no available men at this age. That would be an emotionally authentic and honest video.
Why are all men that have children emotionally unavailable?
I have great luck with widowers.
Continue to focus on yourself. As you heal from the attachment patterns and liberate your heart (aka become emotionally available ) you'll discover other available people gravitate towards. More importantly, it won't matter then as you'll have you.
You can keep trying or just not even give yourself a chance.
My problem isnt "oh ill never get love from someone like that again". There are plenty of good partners out there but I just dont feel the same for any of them...its been 5 years and ive met MANY great men but ive only felt love for my toxic selfish ex. I guess im EU too now.
If good partners aren’t attractive to you there may be deeper wounding and nervous system wiring keeping you emotionally unavailable. I talk more about how to heal in this free training: www.healyourheart.school/webinar
I've been with my guy for 6 years!! I'm so entrenched and its so hard to give up on him. Is there a difference between emotionally unavailable men and an avoidant?
Great question! An avoidant can be, but not always is, emotionally unavailable. But if you’re not getting your needs met, they can be neither but still not a good match for you.
No, they're pretty much interchangeable. Emotional avoidance is a form of emotional unavailability
How does having Asperger's relate to being emotionally unavailable?
One opinion based on experience….They might have a insecure attachment style and other issues, but not necessarily emotionally unavailable.
I think neurodivergent behaviour is another conversation (not for this channel as I am neurotypical). I would take their behaviours at face value, however, and if you aren't able to form intimacy (regardless of neuro state) that is a clear sign 🙏
Emotionally unavailable, that's what results in problems with NT,s
If it’s a toxic relationship it’s a Karmic relationship. It’s a life lesson to learn. That person isn’t your Soulmate & Definitely Not your Twin Flame!
I understand some people see things through the lens of karma 😌
Great video
Thank you! ❤️
My emotionally unavailable friend is very self aware and acknowledges their hot and cold temperament which feels worse than someone who is clueless.
Reminds me of me. I was self-aware too but that didn't do much good to the relationship except that it didn't get worse. But, the pain, for both of us, was still much. We both had to let go eventually to finally recieve the space to heal.
At least they are being honest ❤️
Spot on......Thank you
You are so welcome!
Absolutely spot on
Absolutely perfect said! But unfortunately I’m living like this with Alan that’s still not divorced after 4 years??? Am I stupid for staying?
Not at all. But it sounds like you might need some more clarity. If you more help, I'd love to jump on a free call with you: www.healyourheart.school/call
Doesn't this apply to women as well ?
I speak about men because I speak from my own experience.
You are describing my estranged husband, sadly :-(
That is difficult ❤️