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Coping with divorce | Life after divorce
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- No matter who you are, coping with divorce is hard. And as hard as you may try, life after divorce will never be quite the same. Although several studies suggest divorce rates have been on the decline for the past two decades, the fact remains it is still a reality of our lives. Somewhere north of 40% of all marriages end in divorce. The statistics are even higher for second and follow-on marriages. Is this the new American Dream? Marry once, marry twice, and keep going until you find the right partner? It’s hard to imagine divorce fitting into the American Dream, but that’s what we need to do if we are to adapt, move on, and still live happy and fulfilling lives.
Divorce hits people differently, but no matter who you are, it’s tough and it can hurt deeply. I know because I experienced it. Six years later, on the other side of a terrible moment in my life, I share with you a few things I learned. Hopefully none of you will ever have to experience divorce; but someone in your life will. Understanding what they’re going through, even if just a small understanding, may be just enough to help them get through it.
I know this is an old post, but I wanted to thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. My husband of 4 years left me last week, and I am pretty confident that this has been the hardest week I have ever experienced. I have gotten set up with a counselor, trying to surround myself with family, and trying my best to take care of myself but it is significantly harder than I ever could have anticipated. Found out yesterday that we would never reconcile due to him meeting another women. Feeling very lost. Seeing your content has helped a bit, so thank you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is not an experience I’d wish on my worst enemies. All I can tell you is this: it’s been 9 years for me since my divorce and I sincerely feel like I’m in a better place now than I’ve ever been. It was hard at first, but eventually I bounced back and rebuilt even better. Don’t give up on yourself and believe you can make it through…if you’re willing to put in the work. Good luck!
Hey, I can relate. My soon to be ex husband took all his stress out on me. From deployment, to me, to his mom.. we were all his stresses. And she didn’t like me anymore so the manipulations started happening and he was my life. I moved states for him. I gave up EVERYTHING because he begged me to. Just to be alone again. With nothing while he has everything. It’s been tough and he’s leaving on deployment soon. I’ve been up and down and down and up for the last 2 months. While he ignores me. It’s been tough af. So I understand
@@dessic6191 it's sad to say that your story is so familiar to me. Unfortunately, after 22 years of military service, I've seen these stories play out time and time again. If there's still hope for saving your marriage through counseling or other means, I hope that you do. Otherwise, I hope that you're able to move on and live the life you deserve. I wish you the very best as you figure this out.
@@LivingMAD I wish there was, but with his mom over his shoulder there’s no chance. She coddles and gets things done. She makes his appointments and does his paperwork again now that I’m gone. Schedules his life. Before I left I told her all the damage she helped do to our marriage. I’m willing to, but she already got him a lawyer and papers were delivered to me a month after I was gone (it’s going on 2 months apart). I hope he reaches out to me when he’s away from her. He hasn’t even replied to the messages I did send him. I don’t think there’s hope, especially is she’s there
@@dessic6191 Only knowing one side of the story, it sounds like he's involved in a toxic relationship with his own mother. That's unfortunate; but if that's the case, it's probably best you move away and carry on with your life. It will be difficult for sure, but in the end it may be the best thing for your own mental and emotional health.
I sincerely hope you figure it all out and find happiness at some point.
Sigh.....I don't even know where to start. My now ex-wife told me she didn't love me anymore one December morning in 2014. We had been married 14 years at that point. It was the beginning of the end for us. She officially left me in September of 2015, after I discovered her affair. I knew something was up, because none of her reasons for wanting out made sense. I'll spare you the emotional details but what I can tell you is that you are right on about the depression and emptiness feeling. We share four kids together, our youngest at the time was just two. It was, by FAR, the most painful heartbreak I've ever felt. Today, six years later, I am better, but still I think of what went wrong. In the end, I realize I did everything to make her happy, but there was no holding her back. Accepting defeat and letting her go was equivalent to mourning the death of a loved one. I cried, a lot, just like you and many others. I never want to experience that type of pain ever in my life again. Thank you for this video, It really hit home, even after six years alone; which tells me that these situations are not easy to recover from. Anyhow, today, after watching and listening to you, I am inspired to do great things and try and help others who are also on this heartbreak train. I've been wanting to start my own channel and speak about this big issue. I know there are millions out there suffering from a falling apart marriage or already in the divorce process. You've ignited a flame in me to seek out and suppot others in need. Thank you so much for sharing, you are helping and making a difference in people's lives.
@@rosnijonahs868 You are mistaken if you think I want my ex-wife back. She is a waste of my time and I have moved on.
Please ignore the comments asking you to call some random what's up #. It's all spam.
I'm sorry you ended up joining this miserable club of divorcees. If you decide to start your own channel about this, please send me a message and let me know. You will have a loyal follower from day one. We need more men sharing our stories so that we can help normalize everything we go through. Too many of us end up depressed and suicidal because we feel all alone and have no one to talk to. Maybe, just maybe, we can make a positive dent on this issue. Good luck brother.
The response to this video tells me there are many others dealing with similar situations. I hope sharing my experiences helps others; it has certainly helped me. It’s been a long journey, and the 2.5 years that have passed since I made this video have brought about many changes (some good…some bad). Soon, I will be making new videos sharing my journey the last few years in the hopes of connecting with you all and many others. They say that pain shared is pain halved and I can honestly say that sharing this video was helpful for me. It didn’t solve all my issues or make all my pain go away, but it did help me release some of my pain/frustrations. I welcome you all to check out my upcoming videos where I will try my best to remain vulnerable as I share more of my life with you. The first video will likely be out later today. Thank you everyone for your continued support and I hope to keep the conversations going.
divorce is like mourning the loss of your loved one. Especially if there is no contact at all, it’s as though they died. Thank you for your video. people always tell me my eyes look sad, looking at you, I can see what they mean, because your eyes look sad. I hope we all find happiness :)
I have to believe we will. I think the moment I lose hope, it’s over. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
How are you doing now ?
I have alot of hate for this women right now I'll be her second divorce her second but yet she doesn't want to work it out and I do I told her we can work it out but she just want her space right now so I told her I'm not getting the divorce and I'm not signing anything i just feel like she mess me up I married her from another country we have 2 beautiful children and we've been married for 6yrs and now she wants to end it she tells me to read between the lines I dont want this marriage she told me and was cold hearted about it I hate her for that but I still got my kids and that's what will keep me strong and alive along with trusting in the Lord for good health and and spritual knowledge. Its going to take the Lord to heal my heart and not hate her. But thanks for the video
@@LivingMAD your welcome 🙏🏻
@@theholymask3365 Hello you need to talk ? You Can email me
How relatable are my experiences? Have any of you experienced something similar?
Yes, very relatable. I was on my third marriage by age 27. I didn't deal with deep trauma in my life & was looking for anyone to love me. The first two marriages only lasted a number of months. My last, I was with him for a decade and he was my soulmate. But I still didn't deal with past trauma, and neither did he and we let it destroy our marriage. It's been 1.5 years since our divorce and I carry a lot of grief because I miss him very much. Still trying to figure out how to live without him. I carry deep shame for being married so many times and I won't do it again. But realizing I can't change the past and I have to stop judging myself and have some understanding of why that all happened and improve myself so those mistakes are never repeated again.
I'm currently separated and I can relate to dropping off the boys at my ex and the pain and loss I feel in the house when they are not there, the pain I feel when I phone them to say goodnight every day. Its hard AF. I'm sure anyone who's gone through this and own a firearm, have sat consideringly looking at it. That being said, I relate to you saying, hold on, keep trying because ultimately, we do still have those little lives to live for, if not anything else. Thank you for this video man, haha I felt like such a weakling balling my eyes out, feel a bit better about it now. Keep up the good work.
Eliscia, I find it is difficult to let go of the shame. After more than 6 years since my divorce, I still occasionally feel pain and shame. I struggle just to speak the words "I am a divorcee." Being divorced comes with a lot of stigma, but it shouldn't. I'm not saying being divorced is a great thing, but we need to change this cultural mindset that those of us who are divorced are failures. We are NOT! All I can tell you for now is: keep your head up and keep moving forward. Time will pass and so will the pain. Maybe not completely, but it will get easier.
FPV Addict, I have my son with me right now. Normally I have him all summer, but work has changed this summer so we've had to adjust. On the bright side, because of COVID I was able to have him with me for a month before the school year ended since he could home school from my house. I can't tell you that parenting after a divorce gets any easier. After more than 6 years doing this, all I can say is that as hard as it is, I still believe it's all worth it. His mother and I are happier and we are both working together to help raise him right. I hope you eventually reach a place where all of this doesn't feel so tough and crazy brother. Good luck.
This video needs several hundred thousand views because the info is spot on. I Separated Dec 2017, Divorced Oct 2018 and in July 2020 I'm still wrapping my head around the emotions. Thank you for sharing.
New video posted where I discuss my failed marriage and what led to its demise. I welcome you all to watch it and share your thoughts with the community. Thank you all for the support you've shown thus far. It means the world to me:
ruclips.net/video/3MDExnJQWms/видео.html
Thank you so much and god bless you this helped me a lot. I’m currently getting ready to go through an unwanted divorce and I have nobody that I can talk to or that understands how I feel. I wish I had a good friend
@@JacobPHX I'm glad this video helped, even if just in some small way. Stay strong and trust me when I say, it IS possible to make out of from under the pain. Please stay strong and find healthy ways to deal with it all.
You have a friend in me .. but most of all make God the most high your best friend.. give him praise for saving you from a marriage that doesn't serve you anymore.. when God shuts one door he opens a other.. just have faith and trust in him first above all things..repent prevention is better than cure.. take time to heal your self body soul and mind.. and find your self again and ask God to make you whole again because our wings are all broken.. we must love God and he will enable us to fly again..and heal our hearts. it's all a test from God. Please remember we all have a opposition so always take refuge in God Almighty.. two wholes in one.. chase for chased..stay blessed 🙌
@@sumaiyahakoojee5718 Thank you very much for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. I sincerely appreciate it.
I needed this comfort. Thank you. Wife left me yesterday. EDIT: thank you all for the amazing support. Brought tears to my eyes. Stay strong everyone....and thank you again.
I hope you get better
Hope it gets better bro mines asked for a separation yesterday
@@damoag2 I sincerely hope you're alright...
Do you wanna talk?
It’s been two months now. I hope you’re holding it together and making it through. Stay strong!
@@damoag2 I’m sorry. I’m keeping you in my thoughts. I hope my words helped somehow.
Thank you. I needed this. I’m 47, and I’ve been separated for 5 years and divorced for 3 years. My ex wife and kids live about 8 miles away, but I haven’t been able to see or talk to my kids for about 4 years. They refuse to talk to me because they are very mad I left their Mom. The court is leaving it up to the kids whether they want to see me or not. I feel pain every day, but there are days (like today - Father’s Day is tomorrow) where I get severely depressed and don’t know how to handle it. I had been thinking already about all the things you were saying. I started working out consistently about a year ago, and I’m trying to build my life again. I don’t make friends easy. I’ve lost contact with friends from my past. I’m planning to join some groups through Meetup, and I’m also looking for volunteer opportunities, but I’m struggling to find activities I enjoy. I will keep trying. I was in therapy a few years back, and I’m thinking of trying again. There is a therapist near me who does EMDR. I’m hoping that helps. Thank you again.
Father’s Day is always a difficult day. My son is a teenager now which means he’s getting to the point where he wants to spend more time with his friends than with his parents. Being a parent is hard, but it’s so much harder for us divorcees. I feel you brother. All I can say, which is also my hope for myself, is to keep at it with the hope that your children someday come around when they’re adults and do their part to help build a relationship with you.
Hi Brother! I am your age 47 and you know I am trying to cope with the same depression because my wife just left me 2 months ago and now I have not contact with my daughter since separation . I am trying to keep myself busy, but all my thoughts about my child .I am sure that you and me we are both need time for recovery. I hope that we got divorced for better life!!! Best regards from Kazakhstan. Sorry for bad English.
@@talgatkarsybayev498 It is tough. It gets better though. Try to focus on yourself because that is what you have control over.
@@talgatkarsybayev498 your English is just fine, don’t be embarrassed. Stay strong brother. We got this.
@@Stay___Strong you’re so right. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I appreciate what you are saying and think your insights are true.
However, I’m not going to enter another relationship. This was and is too brutal. I was married for close to 17 years and knew her for a few years before hand. So closer to 20 years.
Thought my marriage was forever.
God bless you for this video. I do appreciate it. It is very hard to find information that comes from the heart. Obviously this is coming from your heart.
Thank you for watching. It was hard sharing this on such a public forum. But us men tend to have a hard time sharing our vulnerabilities. I hope you got something out of it and I’m sorry to hear about your own divorce. I hope you eventually reach the other side and can move past the pain of divorce.
Gregory Hill I agree. Unfortunately too many of us, both men and women, stay in marriages that are not meant to last. I’m not saying that’s what happened in his case, but highlighting the fact that marriages can fail at many stages of life. It sucks and hurts no matter what.
Wow Scott my wife just left 5 days ago after 17 years of marriage and I feel completely empty and worthless. I haven’t cried this much since I was a baby.
Same. My wife and I are divorcing after 17 years of being together. I’m a mess, I can’t bear the thought of not being around my kids every day. Thanks for the video though, I really feel a bit better after listening to that.
therock007dmx it’s amazing how much a man can cry until crying feels like it’s all we can do. Some might see it as weakness, but I think there are definitely times when it’s more than appropriate for us to cry and release some of the pain we feel.
The couch is the universal recovery spot. I probably should get a new one because of the sleepless nights and night sweat.
Well said. Sometimes the bed is just a trigger for memories we don’t want to think about.
The couch or the bed, staring at the wall or phone for hours on end...
@@abrahamwalton8244 I remember those days when it seemed pointless to get up and go to bed. Sleeping alone on the couch didn’t feel quite as lonely as sleeping alone on the bed. I feel for you bro. All I can say is focus on getting through each day, focus on making yourself better little by little, and trust that you’ll make it through.
I so understand these comments about the couch
Link updated!
Finally made a new video. A lot has changed in the last 2.5 years. I’m amazingly nervous to share more of my life with you, but if it connects with people the way this video has, then it’s all worth it. Here goes nothing 😬
ruclips.net/video/rMbqrjBm6CQ/видео.html
@@Jaysarr sorry! I brought my brother in for that video, but he was embarrassed after we uploaded it, so he asked that I make it private. That said, I uploaded a new video last night and will be doing more in the coming weeks. Just head over to the channel to check them out. Thank you very much for the support. It sincerely means the world to me.
Thanks for the video. Married 28 years and we separated in November 2020. Thought time apart would give us time to reflect and maybe start over. But just 2 months after our separation she started dating and sleeping with others. I can never go back. Now I have to figure out a way to leave the past behind and start again. This is the most painful experience I've ever had to face. My thoughts and visions won't stop. I know time heals but feel like time is moving very slowly. This is extremely difficult especially when you still love your former life partner. Trying to survive!
28 years? Wow! That’s incredible. On top of everything we’ve had to endure this past year, divorce can’t possibly make it any better. I’m sorry brother. Please stay strong and keep moving forward. As hard as all this is, you can’t give up. The pain can subside, but you’ve got to put in the work to make that happen.
Hmm. Sorry about that Sir. With time, you will get completely healed.
Just go somewhere and do something with your best friends,trust me! Wish you all the best!
Hi Jerry, unfortunately this is the problem with men. Once men love a women the bond is strong permanently in a way.
Women never love men but they look at you as a provider and protector. They can easily move on since they don't love you.
Just focus on your work and rebuild your foundation. There is a 30 yr old girl out there who wants to be with a man who's 50. So always look on the brighter side on bad situations.
@@befree9579 we need to stop being simps and giving them attention!! Then they will realize that pussy doesn't rule the world!
Thank you sir for your service and for your honesty about real life. I'm going through divorce after 31 years of marriage. Inconceivable. Pain is unreal. I am leaning on the Lord and his word. Psalms in particular. Davis was a great warrior and yet wrote about pain and fear in his life.
31 years is an amazingly long time for a marriage to end. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I hope you’re managing and making it thorough. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It really means a lot to know my words are helping others in as small a way as that may be. I know how hard this was for me, so I just hope to be able to help others by sharing my experience.
@@donnabobonna8249 Change that feeling you are not a failure, keep finding positive material that will help you cope with this situation
Sorry to hear that, I never understand “grey divorces” what’s the point of splitting up after all that time. What was her given reaaon
Thank you for this. I’ve been divorced for 5 months and it seems like the Lord has been the only consistent person in my life during this time. I pray that the Lord will continue to help us all, because it isn’t easy….
My husband who is in the army, took on recruiting duty and became miserable, we are so close to retirment, and had our future planned and our kids are teens, and he just blames me for all his failures in life, and childhood as he cant confront his dead mom, or ill dad now. He feels like he needs to fill voids to make himself look good, he feels like his kids would love to see him work xyz job, because hes doing something to change the world. Not him being with his wife, and trying to save our marriage, 15 years 6 duty stations and 3 deployments we were very young when we married (18) and we fought a lot, but no one ever tried together. I beg him to try, and he just resents me so much and regrets and says such hurtful things, such as he would sit at JAG to divorce me, he even made comments of never wanting me to there at his return of deployments. The hurt of his words is awful.
I hadn't seen this message until now. I'm sorry you're having to go through such abuse. No one deserves to be treated as such. Military life can be hard, but it's no excuse to take it out on our spouses. I don't know his story so there may be something there besides the family issues you mentioned (e.g. PTSD from the military), but it sounds like counseling for all of you would be beneficial. Counseling for him, for you, and for both of you together. Doing so may seem overwhelming but it can pay off big dividends. That said, if he's not willing to try, you're unlikely to be able to fix things on your own. In the end, you'll both end up miserable and your kids will likely see it which can lead to them making similar relationship mistakes in the future.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Thank you for watching and I'm wishing you all the best.
mam how are you now ?
I can't sleep right now, this feels like a nightmare I'm gonna wake from.. She finally admitted to me that she cheated although it was just a kiss that happened 18 months ago, I sensed something was going on and I'm pretty sure that she's done more than just that.. We were at the point of life getting good.. She graduates in a couple of months..
Half my life spent with this woman, 2 small children.. I feel alone, my friends are far away.
I am broken
Oh so sorry about that. Follow the video. Do things that makes you happy.
I'm sorry you went through such a traumatic experience brother. I feel your pain. Good luck moving forward.
You're absolutely right, being happy on our own is a big part of overall happiness.
Dude that was 16 minutes of the best condensed counseling I have heard. Separated and she is just starting with a new man. I have a five year old boy who couldn’t be a better boy or son. I haven’t seen them “together” but I have seen her car parked next his. And she has admitted it.
I am going to write down this stuff and try it. I have had 3 plus hours with two counselors in the last 2 days who listened but didn’t give me what this Marine did. Maybe my dad who was a Marine and died 13 months ago helped me find this video. I was suicidal this past weekend but am on new medicine and counselor therapy. Off work with short term disability to straighten my life out enough to get back at it.
I wish I could shake this Marines hand or get a hug because this has helped a lot. At least tonight I can go to sleep and think about something positive.
Good night all
Thanks Man.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m so glad it helped you. Stay strong brother.
For those of you reading this and dealing with a separation/divorce, lifting y’all up in prayers for comfort, peace, and strength.
Literally going through it now.. this is gonna be a terrible NYE. 😔🤦🏾♂️
@@theprtillierypodcast My heart is breaking for you right now and lifting you up in prayers.
@@lynncook8196 thank you.. literally living hour to hour at this moment, lost and feeling like I failed my mission in life.
Thank you. Appreciate the kind words
This is very kind of you. Thank you for putting out some positivity into the world.
Me and my husband have been married for 29 years. Divorce has come up several times. By the grace of god we are still going strong. The Bible teaches to love ❤️ the lord thy god with all of your heart ,mind, soul, and strength. When you obey God word you will be able to conquer anything that life throws at you. Sometimes you can love a person with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength. God commands that we love him like that. What lm saying is trust God in all things and God will give you the peace that you need to endure in every situation. Amen 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment.
I layed my hand on my husband's shoulder and said to him, "Be born again in the name of Jesus." And he's been believing in God ever since. He's been changed for the good ever since.
pray for my situation!
I'm praying for you brother. Stay strong.
Is painful when I realized that l didn't appreciate my wife ( soon ex wife) l had everything with her a beautiful daughter, l didn't listened to her l didn't supported her the way she wanted, now is to late she doesn't love me anymore and l still love her
It’s great that you’re able to recognize your failures brother. That’s not an easy thing to do. Maybe it’s not too late to repair your marriage, but if it is, you recognizing where you went wrong is still a big accomplishment that will help you be a better man in the future.
Man I'm literally going through the same thing. Me and my wife been together since high school have 2 kids our son is a sophomore in university and our daughter is 11. I felt comfortable believing shed always be there no matter what I did and basically I didn't show her enough love or anything, even tho I love her more than anything.
Hey bro In the same situation I hope you are doing well and wish you the best
I am going thru the same thing. I didn't treat her right and now she's lost all the love she had for me. She walked out on me and she's blocked me on social media and her phone. I am so torn and broken 😢
@@supermushroom3175 everything is going to be ok man , l went through the same thing and now l am feeling better, good luck
I still don’t understand why people getting married when it’s a well known fact that in this day of age your marriage won’t last. I’ve met people and they’ve confessed that they are not in happy marriages, none of them has said anything positive about marriages none of them said “you should get married, I highly recommended it”. Yet people still get married.
I’ve also met unhappy married women, they were very inviting, they never said “sorry, I’m married”, I can see what these married women can do, they all could have cheated on their husbands with me.
I’m 29 and I’m seeing my high school friends got married; in the back of my mind I thought I’ve met all divorced people, people in unhappy marriages, do they really think their marriages will last forever??? Why the parents allowing their kids to get married? Didn’t the parents warned them? Have they ask advice from established married people or divorced people for marriage advice and what to expect in marriage. It boggles me.
If marriages last forever why do divorce lawyer and marriage therapists exists? Why do people write books about marriage an divorce? Why do they publish about research and statistics about divorce? Why can’t people see the logic and still get married?
Usually, it’s the men who confessed to me about their fail marriages. But, there were also women who warned me about marriage. I find this quite ironic, because it’s usually women who wants me the marriage, but there are women who warned me not to get married. A women told me to stay single and not to get married, as marriages has too much responsibility. Another women, my colleague warned his son not to get married as she said I don’t care what your religion you are, what your culture is, you don’t need to get married.
I understand your point of view, but most of us still desire to get married. Of course, that shouldn’t imply everyone needs to get married. I think it’s perfectly fine for people to stay single if that’s what they want. In the end, I think we should all do what makes us happy.
Thanks for sharing. I've been separated a year. Divorcing soon. Some days I'm fine, some days I'm not. It's sad to know that the feeling of lose will always be there but I guess it'll just be something I live with.
I can't honestly say the feelings of loss go away, but it does get easier with time. It has for me and I think if you focus on the future, it can for you as well. Take care and good luck moving forward brother.
My wife and I have been married for two years. We hit it off on the first date and have known each other since elementary school. We grew up a lot as a team when we first got together, even moved into our first house together for the first time on our own.
We have had minor up and down issues here and there but nothing truly dreadful or bad fights. She had been asking me for many things. More time in bed together, more time in general together doing things, to lose weight, and to stop weed and alcohol. I was also being very controlling and manipulative trying to map out the relationship to what I had wanted and had never stopped to asked what she wanted to do in our life next. One thing she had wanted was to go to the military. At first I was very open to the idea, but as the time ticked closer to when she was going to sign up and get deployed I was scared. I don't know if it was me being controlling or myself just being scared of change. Either way I was not supportive as I should have been and this caused some major tension because of how dedicated she is to bettering herself and wanting to do this goal of hers.
I dismissed many of her concerns and had not thought much of it even though she had mentioned it countless times and on many occasions I had said I would change things. I never did and always found excuses for it. Hindsight is always 20/20 and looking back on it I have never felt more dumb in my entire life.
She recently asked me to spend the night at her parents and have a break. Naturally I wanted to talk with her and balled my eyes out trying to express how deeply sorry I was and blowing up her phone with please come back messages. At the time I wasn't truly sorry. How could I be? I barely was beginning to grasp the issues that I have if at all. She had told me she was really unhappy with our relationship and where everything was going and that she did not want to be stuck anymore.
The next day we talked again and she came to grab some of her things along with both our pets. I once again talked with her about our relationship and where it was going to go. This was not very fruitful either as it only left me with more questions. She was not sure if she wanted a divorce or what to do with the baggage that I brought with me. She wanted a week long break to think over things which led to me asking for her back again.
The following day I told her I was going to give her as much space as she wanted and if she needed anything that I would be here. She texted me back telling me that this wasn't going to work out and she did not want to string me along. It hurt a lot to realize just how much pain I had caused her, to push her to this point.
I had found myself asking why I did all these terrible things to her and why I wasn't a good enough husband to see all the issues. I've thought about that a lot recently, and I have realized as a whole I have very many flaws that need to change. Not just minor personality issues but addictions of laziness and stillness that I just couldn't shake.
I will not blame her if she does not come back to me. I have been a terrible partner and person in general and truly I am not sure of whether I should even be forgiven. I was given a chance with the most amazing and perfect woman I had ever met and I blew it. All I can hope is that she finds her happiness.
After thinking about many of these root issues and realizing how toxic I am I have decided to work on myself. My change has not been drastic so far and won't be for a long period of time, but I truly am dedicated to making myself better. Whether we end up together again or not, I need to be better for me. I just can't believe I had become so toxic and was completely unaware of any of these issues I was causing.
This was the biggest wake up call I have ever had and that's for my life as a whole. I'm just grateful to have realized all the mistakes I have made and have been working out on a daily basis. I've also been more expressive with other people about the mistakes I myself made and no one else and have been working on communicating better as a whole. I know that if I tackle these issues one at a time that I will change. This will be a long road, but I know I can do this.
Wow, this is one of the most personal and vulnerable messages I've seen on this video. Thank you for being so open and sharing your experience with us. I also have to commend you for acknowledging your part in this mess. Too often people are quick to blame their partner without taking the time to look within and figure out what they did wrong. Sure, there are some relationships where the bad is mostly one sided (e.g. physically or emotionally abusive relationships), but for most of us, when the marriage ends it's because both partners failed to give the best version of themselves. The fact you recognize this now leads me to believe you will be better off in the long run. Maybe you won't get her back, and that will hurt terribly, but you will be a better person in the future.
One thing I encourage you to remembers is that the process of being better never ends. This is not to say you should feel depressed all the time thinking that you suck. What I am saying is that we should not become complacent with who we are. As we navigate through life, different events will affect us in various ways. These circumstances have the potential to change us in both positive and negative ways. My ex and I split up 9 years ago. I am now happily remarried (2 years now). I've noticed that some of the personal issues I deal with now, are new. For example, I have less patience with my current wife than I did with my ex. This is not a good thing obviously, and it's something I'm trying to work on; but this new version of me is a product of my growth post divorce. Although I worked hard to become a better version of me, I am now realizing that there are some things that changed during my time being single that do not help me in the here and now. So although I feel like I'm a much better man now than I've ever been, the personal work doesn't stop.
Good luck brother. I sincerely wish you the best.
Thanks brother for sharing I was with my wife for 30 years and out of the blue she told me she was getting divorced this came just six months after I lost my mother and father to cancer my world just fell apart. I have depression anxiety PTSD life is just so hard
Thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment. I remember all too well how it felt when all this first happened. I'm sorry you're going through this. Keep your head up brother. Your situation is even more difficult than my own after 30 years of marriage and losing your parents, but I'd like to believe there's still a chance for us to live happy lives. I wish you the best brother.
Living MAD Thanks Bro you know last year July last year I tried to take my own life and my wife constantly calls me a chicken a card because I never went through with it she doesn’t understand how hard it is for me but I’ll be okay thanks again brother much love 🇬🇧 🤝 🇺🇸
Baba Yaga wow. That’s wild brother. I’ve lost many friends in the service due to suicide. For us men, it can sometimes seem like the best and only way out, but I sincerely hope you hold out bro. All this divorce stuff is hard, but we can get through it. Believe me. Find someone to talk to, engage in hobbies that help out your mind at ease...anything that is positive and helps you cope. But please don’t take your own life. Stay safe brother 🙏🏼
A persons mind is stronger than most people realize. It learns to cope. It will just take time.
@@dwightlollar7661 they say time heals all pain. Let’s hope that’s true for all of us.
I love seeing all the comments from others offering words of advice of support. It’s a gentle reminder that the internet doesn’t always have to be a place of hate and discontent.
So so true
Just a few months into my divorce. I've gotten so low, I've thought about how many ways I can end it. But we have 4 kids together. I can't leave them. She's gone and it feels like I lost my best friend in this world. Every day is a uphill climb but I try to find solace in the little things. I get to see my kids on the weekends, it's my only light it seems. I'm so alone. I feel so very alone. I hope it gets better.
I hope you are doing well brother, and I hope that what a lot of the other other guys on here say is true that it gets better. I'm currently going through now and not knowing what I'm going to do
@@bobbywillmac5275 you stay strong, I've found leaning on my friends has helped immensely. Getting outside and grounding myself. It's a technique of kind of narrating what you're doing in that moment. Like feel how your feet against the pavement. Identifying what you see, it helps bring you to that moment. You're focusing on that and not so much what's bothering you.
Did she cheat and find someone else?
She was never your best friend, you were too reliant on her affection and "love". I guess you were a needer. That's why men hurt so much, we feel souldbound to our women and get caught in the fairytale, women were really never there. To save a marriage a man must snap out of this idea and grow as a person and not be too needy and reliant on the affection from his wife. And breakups get easier with the next relationships. I'm not saying this to be mean, but if you get this perspective, everything will get easier in the future. It's very important to live like your single when you are in a relationship, with that I mean you need to do the cleaning, dishes, get the kids from school because this is something you will need to do anyways as single. Many men stop doing a lot of these things when in a relationsship.
No. I wish it was that simple. We had issues from the very beginning and simply grew apart over time. I just posted a new video where I talk about some of the mistakes I made that led to the divorce. I welcome you to go to my channel and check it out.
I'm a women who lost my marriage after23yrs 4 kids. I feel all you feeling. Your emotion is so visually versatile. You can clearly you feel have real emotional response to your loss . My Ex says he did does but I can literally see nothing in him. No emotional side no accepting his part. I said my faults flaws what I did. Not just sorry but what I did. No but to follow up sorry cause your not sorry if you excuse it. I wish I had the switch to turn it off like him. It's been a long 9yrs it's like he died. He is the only person I had ever and still outside my kids 4 family members I don't get cl8se often. Let alone find myself wanting someone around that I feel like I can love him. He about killed me more times then I can count. I still tried to just do better do more. I know now I can't do it all alone. I feel like my time is past. This is it for me. I'm 44 and I'm sick and every day is a battle for my life. Nobody wants the sick girl who is gonna loose their life to health issue at a young age. I just wanted you to know it's not often I see this really remarkable vulnerability in men it's good it shows it does actually exist. So ty for sharing your a very gifted speaker. The way you do it so true authentic and vulnerable and with empathy and humility. Just wonderfully refreshing. I'm watching your other stuff also same thing there feeling wise. I really enjoy your side the male side of it. I agree theres three side yours hers and in the middle the fundamental truth of it all. Thank you God bless.
Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.
Absolutely we gotta stick together all of us a club we didn't pick.
i was married for 23 years, gave her 3 homes,faithful,luxury cars,clothes,vacations and she was never happy and after she turned 40 it got much worst, when i finally stood up to her verbal abuse towards me she handed me the divorce papers, i never shed a tear and promptly signed the divorce papers back to her, she applied parental alienation on me and got my children against me and i left to mexico and found a beautiful younger woman that is ALWAYS happy, go to mexico and find a traditional old fashion wife and don't waste your time with these modern US woman, i am more happy living in mexico
That's terrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If she wasn't happy and you were giving it your all, that's not on you. It's different if you are the reason for her unhappiness, but if you're a good husband and she's unhappy, then the issue might lie within her. We all bear responsibility for our own happiness.
Being in the military I've had a lot of friends marry women from other countries. Some have worked out well, others have been a complete failure. Still, it's certainly an option worth considering for some. I'm happy to see it's worked out so well for you. I met my current wife in the U.S., but she too is Mexican.
I do believe there are some good women in the U.S. Every country has its fair share of good and bad people. Sometimes it's a matter of figuring out what it is we're looking for and being the kind of person that draws that kind of person toward you.
Thanks for watching my video and for taking the time to comment. Your support is much appreciated.
I didn't cry for maybe 10yrs, now I am daily. Like many of you I am here after 15+yr relationship. I have children whom I used to live with and see daily. I was very involved as I worked part time. Now it will all change. I wasn't perfect, there was an element of taking things for granted after such a long time. I would never have ended it, but my wife did so I have no choice but to try and move on in some form...absolutely devastated 😭
It's amazing how divorce can bring us all to tears. I feel for you brother. Thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment.
Same here brother, worst of all is, she did not want to seek help with me, she wanted to be divorced the next day if possible
How are you now?
This month we would have our 10 year anniversary. We have a little boys. She anounced this week we're getting divorced. I can hardly think straight or function but there's so much I need to take care of (we just moved, company crashed, I need to look for another form of income).
Will stay in the game for my kids but other that I gotta say, don't feel excited about the future.
Thanks for this video. Rough seas ahead for me but this gave me some inspiration
Can't believe this comment was 2yrs ago. I don't see my children. Unfortunately it's a case of alienation and there is little I can do until they are old enough to realise I'm not the bad guy. I still have my ex-wife dragging it on even trying to change my kids surname from mine to hers. I basically pay her for the kids every month and don't see them. I've just tried to keep busy and live my own life, I expect my kids to be back in my life one day. I also expect them to have a few issues with what they have been through. I'm seeing another woman but to some degree I'm still healing. Trying to better myself in the gym and making more money. I have to keep busy and plan everything because I hate time where the mind can wonder. I'm focused on a side hustle and want to get rich. Grinding and staying busy.
My ex fiancé split recently. I loved him deeply. And I still do honestly. He was abusive and Thing became really between us. I broke it off in April. It still hurts. I was with him since I was 18 and I’m 22 now. I miss him a lot. But I know I can’t be with him. I’ve been dealing with depressing since I left him. We weren’t married but it feels like I went through a divorce. I know it’s for the best because he said and did some pretty hurtful things that made it hard for us to move forward. I’m praying God will provide me with a husband and we stay together until death. I just want a faithful,honest,responsible,respectful man who loves God and values marriage. I don’t believe in divorce. God hates them. I will never divorce unless he becomes abusive. My mom and dad are going through a divorce. Even though I’m older it still hurts to see my parents split. I never want to have to divorce and pray that God blesses me with a man who also doesn’t believe in divorces and commits to God.
You were smart to leave an abusive relationship despite how long you were together. No person deserves to put up with abuse of any kind. I hope you find what you're looking for. You're still very young so be patient and don't compromise your morals or yourself for anyone. If you stick by your standards and treat others with love and respect, eventually the right man will come around. It may be soon, it may be in 15 years. Nobody knows so don't feel rushed and just enjoy life as you move through it.
Thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment.
I'm currently going through divorce and it's really hurting than I thought 😥
It’s by far one of the toughest experiences we can go through. I’m sorry you’re having to live it now. Stay strong and believe there can be a light on the other side.
I don't want her back period.
Being Divorced 3 times it does not get any easier. I have lost everything through Divorce? Married now again 4th time and feel more content with life. You talk about the American Dream stop looking for it be happy with your dream be happy with yourself. I chased wealth big house new cars.
Now I live a simple life and feel much happier.
You Sir being a Marine I take my hat of to you sir. Being in the Military is hard and the % of divorce is high.
Your talking in 100% true. Yes talk to people, I tried to run away from my problem loosing my wife loosing my kids going through bankruptcy in other words a perfect storm. My boss at work called me into the office who had gone through Divorce and we sat for 2 hrs he showed me the way to move forward. To your viewers listen to Divorced people who have been there and talk from experience.
Good luck with your channel. You do learn from relationships.
Thank you for your comments. All well said.
Lol 4 times dam
I appreciate this. My wife is divorcing me after only 2 years of marriage. It has crushed me in so many ways. Im not used to living alone or having to be independent like this. Its a really tough transition. I feel im doing well, i have a job for the forst time in a long time, im seeing 2 wonderful therapists who have really helped me a ton, and i have a plan for a future career in IT. Just time to start grinding and stay motivated. Im just worried about the times i will get sad or think about good memories with her and how to cope with that and not let it drag me down and lose motivation.
I'll be honest with you, 8 years later there are still times when I get caught up thinking about it. That said, I feel like I'm in a much better place now and I do notice that year after year it gets easier. My thoughts and prayers go out to you brother. Thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other & stay busy doing things you like or, pick up something you use to enjoy but stopped doing once you were married.
You will get past the sadness and the loneliness. It just takes time. I now enjoy having my own place and not have to worry about trying to make another human being happy. That's a chore I definitely do not miss.
That maybe why she left 😕 if you saying you have a job for the 1st time in a long time
I, I, I, me, me, me. All about you isnt it
So tough to hear, thanks for sharing. Living this reality now, been together since we were 20, married for last 6 years. 36yrs old now & learning more about how hard this will be is even harder to imagine. Divorce is really like a death with no funeral.
after a 12-year marriage to my wife. our daughter graduated and she wanted to get a divorce. I have never experienced so much emotion in my life, but what you said has me thinking. I know what I could have done differently. I know what I did wrong. 6 months of being separated and yes I still get depressed and cry and all that. in your video you said to find something that makes you happy and do it. I'm trying to figure this out. all my years of life I have done for everyone else and not myself. I am a people pleaser and never really thought of myself and what i would like to do. that's the battle I have now. Trying to Think of me first. Thank you for this video!!!
It’s always heartbreaking to think of others going through something like this because I still remember how hard it was for me. But I’m glad this video is helping some of you consider your options and see a possibly brighter future. Good luck brother. My thoughts and best wishes to out to you.
@@LivingMAD I am making it a point to watch most of your videos. I've learned that it's easier to listen to someone who is or has gone thru the same exact thing I'm
going thru because they know the emotional roller coaster you are on and they get it. I want to thank you with a sincere heart for your videos. they do help
@@garrelsisson Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it.
What you said was perfect. I have been divorced 8 years and at times it still hurts a little. Was married 28 years. I thought that i could never live without her, but trust me you can and all that horrible pain is gone.. I would have done anything to take her back once but now I love my dog way more. She left me for another guy. It is not her I miss but everything else. I thought I was family after 30 years. She poisoned me to them and I have not talked to them. Now I don't want to. Divorce is a mess I was 56 at the time and thought the pain would kill me.
Don't take drugs and sleep all day get out there and work out. Nothing will really help but time. Good luck.
28 years is practically a lifetime compared to many other marriages. I’m sorry it ended for you, but it sounds like you’ve been able to cope. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Thanks for sharing! My story is remarkably similar except I was with her for 37 years and married 25. She was showing signs of infidelity but didn't want the shame so started the narcissist smear campaign against me now I don't get to see 90% of people who were in my life. But life changes. We have to let go of the narc and let go as painful as it is. Putting ourselves first. I just wish I was a little younger. Hardest thing not ruminating! God bless
Wow, this was so important what you said at about 9 minutes. I refused to forgive my husband for getting addicted to pornography and refusing to get help, so I left him. I am a born again Christian, so I believe in order for me to be forgiven...I need to forgive no matter what. Well, I was so very very angry and I had no desire to forgive and I had no desire to ask God to even help me forgive him. So one day I prayed and I told God, "I have no desire to forgive that man (and I did relate to him as 'that man'), but I want to be obedient. So, I lay both of those issues at Your feet because I don't know what to do." He answered my prayer very quickly. As the gentleman that God Almighty is, He began showing me that I was not the perfect wife I thought I was. So much so, I emailed my ex-husband asking him to forgive me for not being the wife I should have been. He was taken aback and asked me what caused me to write him this. But truly I say, God set me free because I had the desire to be obedient even though I had absolutely no desire to forgive. I knew I needed to give it to Him. God is so very awesome. Just be 100% honest with Him and He will be there for you. I encourage you to go to Him when all else fails.
Prayer is a powerful thing. I’m glad you were able to forgive and move on. That’s not an easy thing to do.
@@LivingMAD I mean it when I say, I had NO desire to even ask God to help me forgive him. I laid it at His feet ONLY because I wanted to be obedient and God really did do the rest...I take no credit whatsoever, it would have been impossible for me to forgive without His intervention.
Thanks so much for your comment.
@@DA-jw4lx lol, you left your husband because he looked at porn? and asks God for strength to forgive your ex-husband? that's nuts... I wonder why so many get divorced if women are this crazy
@@harmonichighways Mr. Sam, you have failed to see the entire picture. First of all, there is nothing funny about this, I have no idea what your 'lol' is for (unless you are really young, then I understand). Looking at porn and being ADDICTED to porn are two different things. It's just like comparing someone who has a couple of glasses of wine a couple of times a year to someone who has 2 bottles EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I stayed with him for over a year to give him time to get his life straight. I left him thinking that for sure would give him a wake-up call. He chose porn, HE filed for divorce instead of changing. And you're calling me nuts?? Oh, wait...you must be addicted yourself and you are in denial. I apologize if I am incorrect.
@@DA-jw4lx Correct me if I'm wrong. Your ex-husband was watching porn, you got angry and accused him of doing wrong things, that what he is doing is a shame and that he should be ashamed. Did your ex-husband really say it was wrong? why should he be ashamed to look at god's creations? It's completely natural, that's why men have testosterone. It feels like you are blaming a "sick" behavior just because YOU think it is sick. You have every right to leave for whatever reason you want, but personally, I would not care if my wife watched porn every night, I would not blame her and call her sick. I do not understand why you felt the need to force him to quit, it's strange behavior and somewhat narcissistic. Women do not understand how testosterone affects men and then they start blaming them, just as men don't understand some women's feelings, women do not understand men's feelings and hormones. Stop blaming men for being sexual. Some men actually psychically need the relief of masturbation 2-3 times a day, and that's normal, maybe it removed some stress in his life. Or maybe he got more stressed with a nagging wife and that was the real problem. There are so many problems that are worse than this, it just feels like an excuse from your side to be a b**** and to be controlling. All this God stuff is also really annoying, God let women and small children die every day,.God doesn't care about prayers about masturbation and porn, it's just so narcissistic I can't stand it. You made him believe he was addicted and there was something wrong with him, it's just so artificially made up it's scary. If I ever met your husband/ex-husband I would tell him not to be so hard on himself and being a sexual creature looking for relief is completely normal. We are descendants of the great apes, we have 98% common DNA with chimps, an animal that loves having sex and do it a lot. And if you didn't know: humans are animals too.
I live in India. I get what you are saying and I feel there are certain things that are common among all of us no matter where we come from. Emotional breakdown is one aspect. I haven't been married but was left by my gf after 8 years of relationship. People change with time and there can be differences in goals and perspectives which could lead to situations that are simply irreconcilable. Crying does help because sometimes the stress simply becomes too much and it needs to be released. Tears clean the windows of our soul.
Based on my observation, I think in the present times it has become much more easier for people to simply kick someone out of their lives. I rarely saw that in my parents generation. Here in our country, we have always been family oriented. So going back to family gives a lot of relief as we feel like a kid in front of them. I personally feel that if one has great parents, they should always try to make good relations with them. It does helps a lot when such kind of situation arises.
I wish you for a better life ahead.
Emotional pain is a universal language. Thanks for watching and commenting.
Hi I don’t know if you’re ever gonna read this comment but my mum and dad just recently got divorced after my dad caught my mum cheating and I’m 15 oldest of all my siblings and I am living with my father and I feel so hurt especially for my siblings and my father. He sleeps on the couch most of the time and It hits me every night thinking about it because my mum and dad always slept in their room. But I can relate to this video because I sometimes see my dad cry and it would make me depressed. But I want to help out my dad and be a good role model to my siblings. Thank you for this video
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I have a 16 year old from my divorce, so you being 15 hits close to home. I sincerely admire your desire to want to serve as a positive role model for your siblings, beyond that, I encourage you to not try and take too much on all by yourself. Be there for your father and help him as best you can, but please don’t feel as though all of this falls on your shoulders. I can relate to how your father is feeling, so I know this is hard for him, but I’m sure like any father, he does not want you stressing over the pain he’s feeling. Although it reflects well on you that you want to take this on, it is not your responsibility to fix this for your parents.
Keep your spirits up, help your siblings do the same, but please don’t be afraid to ask for help if needed. There are many professionals and resources out there to help you. If you’re not sure where to go, I suggest starting with a counselor at school.
You can all get through this as long as everyone commits to living a better future. My thoughts are with you and I wish you nothing but the best.
@@LivingMAD all you can do is be there for your dad. Seat with him. Listen to him. And hang out with him. But don’t take on his problems. He wouldn’t like that and would only make his misery worse. I’m sure as bad as he feels, your happiness is the only happiness in his life.
I appreciate your transparency and willingness to share your testimony. It is hard . I've been a divorcee for 1 year but he left me 2 years ago and married the women he cheated on me with. 23 years of marriage smh. I wish them well but I'm praying the Lord will heal this wounded heart quickly. I can say God is my refuge and Strength and I couldn't have done it without him . I appreciate people sharing their experiences it helps me get through it .
this is so sad,i wish you all the best! one man or one woman aren't everything in this world,give yourself a chance and live again,do what makes YOU happy! god bless you susan
It’s always so incredible to believe that someone could cheat on their partner after such a long time. I believe that happens because they’re more unhappy with themselves than with their partner. In any case, you do not deserve that. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for taking the time to watch my video and comment.
@@CShine333 It sounds like you had a tough situation to deal with all around. Some of us try to stay in the relationship for the kids, but I've now realized that for too many of us that is not the answer. I know some people can be fine staying together for the kids and once the kids leave they are comfortable enough in their lives to stay together, but I don't believe that's the best way to go for all couples. It's all situational dependent.
I hope you're feeling better Christie. The fact you are here watching videos tells me you likely want something better for yourself and the fact you are engaging in a small conversation tells me you have the inner courage and strength to achieve it. Not everyone can open up about their inner demons, even when it's just a comment on a YT channel; so for that, I commend you.
Thank you for sharing this and the financial information videos even if it’s one person watching.
I’m doing my best to move forward from my marriage of 27+years. Smh....
This experience and all what lead up to it has rocked our families life to the core!!! Smh...It’s been like witnessing a death, tearing my spirit in half.
I agree the American dream is not perfect, and is different for everyone. My heart goes out to others wanting to come here for a opportunity for a better life for them and their children. This really hits very close to home for me. Smh...
Most people want the basics and to live in peace, however, it seams like that is increasingly more difficult to sustain every day.
I like how you mentioned about being “consistent” with positive actions.
This has been a major reoccurring issue in my life for decades. I’d like to think my life would be entirely different if I had begun and remained being consistent in several areas of my life. It continues to be the long pole in the tent.
Thank you for shay and being transparent. Much respect for all you do, and thank you for your continued service.
Antonio
27 years. Wow. As hard as my own divorce was, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. Thank you for watching. I can’t tell you how to live and get past losing a 27 year marriage. All I can say is, keep your head up and don’t give up. There is an end to the pain, you just have to keep moving forward until you reach that point.
Much appreciated for your honesty. Wish more men were like this. Thank you sir!
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm realizing now that this is a big issue for many men, not just me.
Currently been sitting on my couch crying all day myself. Good days and bad days.
The bad days will likely continue for a while. Just hold on long enough to the next good day. One good day at a time, with the hope that the good days begin to outnumber the bad.
Hope you get through the bad days...I went through divorce last month and have been crying more and more as the days pass by
Hello Olivia how are you doing today ?
@@hamedm.5761 same here,Im an immigrant no family or friends in the US
@@hamedm.5761 I'm in the same situation. I have no friends or family where I live. I feel so broken, lonely, depressed and have major anxiety attacks. I don't know how much more of this pain I can take ☹️
Why get married? Stay single!!! Hv a live in instead or lose ur money. Dont commit suicide 🙏 i knw someone who did
Many people would agree with you and live perfectly happy, but I don’t think that’s the answer for everyone. It’s all an individual choice. Unfortunately, for many of us, it ends in divorce.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment.
I’ve been separated 18 months after a 22 year stint, married for ten years, 3 sons. Million dollar estate fleeced, cut down to the ground. The emotions of hate, discord and even vengeance arise daily still. In the last year I have worked very hard to restore my path to return to wealth. It is on track better than it has ever been. The critical advice I can give is that you must rewind your mind to the day and days prior to when you met her. Try to remember the things that made you tick before you knew her. You must have a clear cut plan with everyday of your life, because the moment you give your mind 2 minutes of downtime, you descend deeper. You have to keep yourself busy. The mere distraction is the start to keeping the negatives out of your head. I have a long way to go, but I need to tell you guys my methods as I am getting results. Cheers and God bless..
Keep the vengeance out ..... it just make things worse.
Thanks for the advice brother. Trying to avoid the negativity of our minds is difficult, but an important part of the process for sure. Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment.
Money is the root of all evil and your words tell me all I need to know
I feel for you brother. The American dream I had was my business and my family. My wife had a midlife crisis and walked out. I lost my home, my success, my business and I only get my kids half the time. She still makes a 100k a year and I used to make more. After divorce I had to start a job I hate, not be my own boss ,make half the money and take it in the ass. But I have a plan and the experience to get above were I was before. I won’t let my situation discourage me and I’ll get back on top as a single father. Just makes me wanna work harder. Best of luck to you and thank you for your service sir!
I'm sorry you had to go through all that brother. How did the divorce cause you to lose your business? It's crazy how messy these divorces can get sometimes. Since I started sharing my story, I have heard some wild stories from others that seem like they were written for Hollywood.
I wish you the best going forward brother. The way out won't be easy, but there is a way...as long as you don't stop.
I’m at the very beginning of this awful journey right now. And at this point it all seems pretty f***ing insurmountable, I gotta say. Thank you for posting your experience/insights; I really need to see post-divorce success stories right now because I tell you I’m having a hard time seeing how mine is going to look
Hey man, I'm recently separated after 27 years. I spoke to a therapist who recommended that (after we reflected on the marriage and what went wrong) I make a list of the what I want. That was February. I then signed up for several dating apps and started chatting, speaking and meeting potential dates. I'm 57 and my wife was ten years younger and very attractive, so by searching for something similar to what I was used to the pickings were not that great online. I did meet some fantastic women who became friends and we helped each other a lot emotionally. Now after four months I met two really great women (I'm an American living in Europe) and I'm now deciding on which one fits me better so that I can move forward with one. It's not easy, mainly because I have two kids and still live with my ex (four months). The real pain will be when I move out, but I have to say, speaking to family, friends and meeting new people helps immensely. You can do this. Fortunately my ex and i are amicable. I wish you the best.
If it helps at all, I am now ten years post divorce and happily remarried. It took years of personal growth, counseling, and dating to find my way back, but I can honestly say my marriage now is a million times better than my last. A huge part of that is the growth I went through after my divorce. Good luck brother!
I'm on your timeline Devin Farney as well. It's overwhelming at moments. It's sucks. And I was going thru other life changing news, when I overheard a convo about "the sheriff coming to serve papers to me." I knew I needed to talk, so I found a realistic therapist. I went to a health and wellness coach, and took care of me. And it's been worth every dime. Can't imagine the bullshit that would pile up in my head, the stress I would feel (more than what I already still experience), or how I would be coping thru this. Plus I've been following a few online divorce "advisors", both male and female. Not like it's gone from my life, but the situation has a bit more clarity. And this. Typing this in groups of others in the same boat. Perhaps it's a form of journaling.....some say it's good. 20 years ago I thought it was called writing letters to yourself LOL
Hang in there. I am two years into divorce. It's a nightmare but things are evolving forward. Things will progress for you too. Just be strong for yourself and your kids if you have them. Taking care of your health and staying busy is key, I believe.
@@rojachi7847 I am trying to stay busy, while telling myself I'm not just sticking my head in to forget about it. Therapy is helping. I hope your journey continues to get better! Hang tough!
Just divorced at Christmas after 40 yrs of marriage. My heart is devastated.
There’s no ideal time to go through divorce, but the holidays certainly make it much harder. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Damn. I’m going through this right now
This is 6 years later and I don't know if anyone's asked, but how are you doing now after looking back on this?
I just filed for divorce from my wife for unrelated reasons. But I'm deciding to keep it that way and not remarry her. 8 years. No cheating. No abuse. My first marriage. Her second. It was the result of neglect, estrangement, depression, and work relationship ethics. I feel like someone's spinning me and I don't know when they will stop and let me stumble in a random direction.. at least then I could focus on picking myself up.
Thank you so much for asking. You’re right, people rarely ask. This summer made 9 years since my ex and I split up. I’m in a much better place now. I remarried two years ago after spending several years as a single man. Those years being single really helped me get back to a place where I was happy with my life and where I was headed. Once I finally felt at peace with everything, I started dating again with the hope of finding my forever love. Although I feel much better prepared to make this marriage work, nothing in life is guaranteed. Nevertheless, I am happy and optimistic about the future. Thanks again for asking.
I’m sorry to know you’re joining this miserable club of ours. My thoughts go out to you brother. Good luck!
Thank you so much for sharing Sir. I watched a few other people videos today, but this one reached me right were I needed. Thanks!
Tony, thank you for commenting and I'm glad you were able to connect with some of what I said. Navigating life after divorce is a tough journey, but if we are open and talk to each other about it, I think it helps tremendously.
I’m 24 going thru an a divorce. And times are hard, but this video literally saved me! So much great advice, as well as wisdom. Thank you for this video!!
Me too..I’m 29 and been with my recently divorce wife for 6yrs..I’m sick and have been losing weight but I’m trying too get better
Django Freeman I’m sorry bro! I was the same way. Even though we both seen it coming, and it still didn’t stop the love that I built for her tearing me up, and our memories. But sometimes it’s easy to just say you’re too good people who are not meant to be together. Well not easy but the best decision. It took me about 3 1/2 weeks to finally be able to stomach something down. I’m not saying force-feed yourself bro, but you have to keep yourself healthy! Best of luck to you bro and keep your head up!
I definitely understand where you guys are coming from, I've been separated for a month. Just go get some protein shakes or replacement meals, that way you can just drink it quick to have something in your stomach.
Same here!
@@jaydeejonesy3858 please take care of yourself. As hard as divorce is, we have to believe we can make it through to the other side. But to do so, we have to take care of our bodies as we go through the grieving process.
you're talking on a subject live that can help people.
My wife vanished from our home in the last four months of pregnancy.
Her daughter who lived with us was then sent back to her dad.
It took five months to even find my wife.
a stranger told me she was with somebody else and having our baby. Turned out she had been living a second life. And this man naturally assumed it was his boy.
When I found her she allowed me see our boy for six weeks and she told me he was definitely my boy. But she didn't want to tell the other man.
I got a DNA dont also and this was confirmed.
After the six weeks she vanished again, and blocked me out completely.
Eventually i went to court and the process went on for two years, the courts gave me all sorts of strong rights but she abducted our boy to the other side of the world. The police informed the other man of the situation.
My CEO called me in whilst i was dealing with all this and fired me.
I had a complete mental and physical breakdown and never recovered.
Wow brother. That is one hell of a story. You’ve been put through some serious S$&*. I hope you’ve somehow found a way to keep it together and keep pushing through. We’re all with you, even if only in spirit.
Living MAD
I haven't found a way at all
The decline is serious and think it may be over soon.
@@Onlinesully No! I'm praying for you. Please God guide, protect n bless this person with everything they need.
😭
30 years , I feel like she passed away ...its awful.
Worst part , she don't care and she meant it ...
I had the American Dream...
It's the hardest thing I've ever been through .
I am in Therapy once a week ...
A couple great friends that are always there , but only by phone , they are far away.
There is no "people contact " anymore , kids are gone ...
PTSD , SCS in my spinal cord for pain ...
Ruminations are hard and I'm stuck.
The pain is unbearable.This is my 2nd and final marriage.
Both cheated ....
I always get ," you have a big heart but..."
Both say it?
I'm never doing that again.
57 years old and wasted all that time committed to a woman for 30 years the 2nd time ...
Nope no more .
@John Smith I agree with you there , they definitely do not understand how vested we have to be to commit to one person for the rest of our lives , where we have to go in our minds to constantly be in that " happy wife happy life " mode all the time just for that one person . I believe men feel love much different than women especially at a certain age when we are just done with all the games and need to get serious about life and those morals?
Accountability? I'm not sure what happened to women but they sure became Entitled ...nope no more .
30 years. That is incredible. I can only begin to imagine how difficult this must have been for you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment.
I hear you brother. This is just my opinion, so please take it with a grain of salt. I believe that there are just as many women, if not more, that suffer due to the consequences of love and specifically divorce. Yes, men love differently, and so we feel pain differently. It takes a lot for men to open up and give ourselves over completely. I believe this is because men are raised to be big and "tough," so we don't always know how to express our emotions. When we do choose to open up, we don't know how to deal with the emotional trauma that comes with heartbreak. This is where being big and strong fails us. As an active duty Marine with now 22 years of continued service, I understand all too well the importance of being tough. But I also believe we must understand women and their point of view. Some women break our hearts without giving a crap, but some men do the same and worse. We can't generalize the actions of some and say it applies to all women. Again, this is just my opinion and I sincerely appreciate you sharing yours. Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment.
My partner/wife sort of got me to agree that we go our separate ways. I agreed at that time, but I am regretting. It's been 6 months now and I am angry all the time. I don't see myself getting into marriage ever again.
@Elim Murphy I remember having those feelings as well. All I can say is keep pushing forward. Maybe someday you’ll want to marry again, maybe you won’t. What matters is you find your way to peace and happiness in whatever form that may be. Good luck!
My wife and I went through the same. She got me to agree for a mutual divorce. It’s been 2 months now and I feel I made a mistake. I should’ve held my ground and said NO. I agreed thinking if she’s unhappy with me then why make her suffer. We’ve had no contact since 2months and it feels like a part of me has died. Her things are spread all over the house and I feel sad.
@@CitiesPC I'm really sorry you're going through all of that! Try doing more of the things you individually love...
@@CitiesPC how are you doing? It’s been a few weeks now so I wanted to check in on you and make sure you’re getting through this mess.
@@CitiesPC I hope you’re well brother. I know it’s been a few months, so hopefully you’ve managed to sort some things out.
I’m sorry for you 😭 glad you got help with your life 😄. Your very brave for posting this as well, very admirable 😇
Thank you! I still feel a little self conscious about having posted this video; but it helps to know that so many people have connected with it.
Hi there 👋
Can we connect on Instagram here's my id
@george_emma22
i am 43; I get laid every time a woman sees my house.
HER : "You live here alone?"
'Yeah''.
One week later, "We should take our relationship to the next level.......i can move in."
My reply :
''What relationship?''
LoL
I’m glad you’ve found happiness brother. That said, there are still some of us who want to get married after a divorce. It’s not for everyone, but each of us had to pursue what makes us happy. Take care and thanks for taking the time to comment.
@@LivingMAD I have known Men who start dating within weeks of splitting up with the wife. Madness.
I still cant believe it to this day- A Man gets kicked out of his house by his wife (ex-wife), and he starts a relationship with another woeman, & he thinks she is different.....or maybe he is getting sex for the first time in years.
Bad craziness
"Don't give up on love". I agree with this advice, but I think it requires a caveat. I think that in the West, most people don't really understand what love is. Love is NOT what they promote in Disney movies. That is marketing. It's NOT what you saw in "Pretty Woman". That is also marketing. It is great at selling films, but it has nothing to do with building a life with someone and raising your children in a safe environment. Love, really, is a mutual respect and understanding that marriage is hard work. It's often not fun, and sometimes it is just plain grueling. But if both people know their role, are committed, and work hard at it consistently, it will work. This understanding of love is basically gone in the west, unfortunately. I think this is one of the reasons that most marriages here are doomed from the start. Your "head over heels" feeling won't last, and it really isn't worth much. It isn't what families are built on...
Love spell help
Spell to bring back lost marriage
whatsap number
Your comments regarding what love really is ring so true to me. I wish I'd had this insight as a young 19 year old planning to get married. At that age I was too immature to listen to any of that and definitely bought into the movie concept of love. Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment on my video. Your support is much appreciated.
Thank you.. first two weeks seperated. No friends in this state so im alone and pretty Depressed..Hearing your story makes me feel a little better. Thanks again
I completely understand. Living overseas for two years immediately after my divorce made it so much harder. But I made it bro. You can too.
Hey Emanuel, im in the same boat. Hope things get better for you.
@@Korezbot Room for one more in that boat? Because I'm there too.
@@thnzxc Definitely brother. Im sorry to hear that. Its hard, some days get better some days get worse. Its important to remember WE DESERVE BETTER.
@@Korezbot You're absolutely like man, we DO deserve better. I think it's great guys like us can come together like this and talk. It helps so much knowing someone else knows our pain and wants to support us just as they're going through it also.
I'm going through the loneliness, depression, and shock of knowing the stages of splitting are happening and the divorce is coming. She is growing apart from me and I her. It's like a train coming and I can't get out of the way. Financially its going to be devastating and emotionally its going to be dark. Excellent video. All happens for a reason...hope its for all the right reasons.
Life after divorce is hard to say the least. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
I know how you feel mate, the writing has been on the wall for a long time in my relationship also and a couple of days ago she asked for a trial separation. Good times. Yep, finances are going to suck but my biggest sadness is for my 18-month year old son. I feel I failed him and he won't get to experience those movie like happy family moments. My son is so amazing and such a joy, if I get separated from him I don't know how I will cope.
"we have this idea of what the American dream is, for real, life's not like that. real life is messy and it will kick you hard when you least expect it and it will knock you down when you least expect it, but part of living the American dream is being able to get back up to rise up from the ashes when everything's trying to hold you down, that's part of the American dream"
Sage advice right there. Putting that in my saved motivational quotes.
Thank you for saying this. I truly appreciate it. I like to think that more of us will learn to accept the imperfections of life and be ok with it.
I’m 37 going through a very difficult time, I still love him so much and he left me after 5 years of marriage, feel my life is over, have depression and very sad💔💔
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There’s nothing I can say at this point that will make it all go away. All I can honestly say is, I’ve made it through, and so have thousands of others. It’s a terrible situation to be in, and it hurts like hell. But please remember that you’re not alone in this feeling, and know that you’re stronger than you believe. My heart goes out to you.
I'm sorry
I keep hearing that 40 is the new 30. I jest, but only to tell you that you’re still young. Younger than me even. As hard as this must be for you, you’ve got a long life ahead of you. Stay strong and take your time to heal. No need to rush the process.
Is the divorce rate in the military about 80 percent?
Military men should be told the facts.
Divorce in the military is high, but it’s not that high. That said, I don’t know the exact stats on it. Sorry 😞
Wow…..what an inspirational video that explains the roller coaster journey of divorce - and recovery. One thing I learned, you get it back plus more….eventually . But, you do! Counseling helped, of course. But joining divorce groups helped the best. There you are with others that are going through what you are going through. Never dwell, and realize that all too often the actual person you though you married is too often not the person who really exists.
.
It takes time, but I agree, we can make it to the other side; and often times we come out even stronger. Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment.
Reading the comments bellow is heartbreaking. I think as men, when we commit our hearts to being in love with our family and when it falls apart, we carry that weight fully on our shoulders and in our hearts. Like we failed at protecting our love ones. And to some degree this is the truth. But I believe we are also contending with multiple forms of subversive, cultural sabotage of the family as well as male/female dynamics. Men are being more and more feminized and women more masculinized, and in the wrong ways. I know I fell into thinking I was doing all the right things as father and husband, but in hindsight, I wasn't being enough of "the man" in the relationship. I see it happen to many me as well. Stay strong.
We're living in a new world for sure. I don't feel it's all a bad thing. I do believe many of the changes happening are for the better, but for those of us who grew up in different times it is difficult to adjust. I know I for one am certainly struggling with it. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I sincerely appreciate it.
Thank you for a video that needed to be made. Divorce is devastating and heartbreaking for all involved. My divorce was 25 years ago. At the time I thought it was the end of my world. Little did I know that it was the beginning of an incredible new life for me.
OMG! I had not seen this comment. You are right on the mark. It is so helpful to have someone in your position (25 years post divorce) tell the rest of us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 8 years post divorce and I feel like I'm in a much better place now, but there are still a lot of fears that plague me because of the trauma and feelings I went though during that process. Reading your comment gives me hope that things will continue to improve (of course I'll still have to do my part to keep heading in the right direction, but it's good to see that it's possible). Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment. I sincerely appreciate it.
I’m still currently married but on verge of divorce things r not going well feel defeated but watching vids like this are comforting to know I’m not alone, hopefully we can work things out
@@degoek Hang in there. I held out for a long time hoping things would work out. They didn't. What at the time was a volcano of emotions is now just a distant memory for me.
@@degoek I'm sorry you're going through this brother. If you're not divorced yet and you still want to make things work, I encourage you to give it all you've got. Barring domestic violence or other extreme cases where a marriage is not healthy at all, I do believe people should try and stay married. Although my marriage ended in divorce and I'm doing well now, I don't share my story to tell others that divorce is the answer. It is what was best for me and my ex, and things have worked out for us after 8 years post divorce; but divorce is not the answer for everyone. If you still want to, and there's still a chance to save your marriage, TRY to save it! If things don't work out and you still end up divorced, at least you'll have the comfort of knowing you did your best. My thoughts and prayers go out to you bro. Good luck!
@@LivingMAD blessings bro appreciate the response I totally agree I can sleep well knowing I did everything to salvage the marriage but giving up for right now isn’t in my interest I would like to try and save it, if not other fish in the sea.
Thank you Marine, I needed this. Your on point brother!
Thank you! It was very awkward sharing my experience, but I think it’s necessary to show we are not alone in feeling this way.
*hello friend i feel your pains 😥😥😥*
*do you want to free from this struggle that you are right now*
*I know of a spiritual man that can help you☺️*
*💕Whats@pp him now*
*💕Whats@pp him now*
From a man going thru a divorce, and someone that's going thru range of emotions, thank you brother.
I still remember how tough it was to get through it. Good luck brother. Stay strong, but seek help when necessary.
How are you doing? I have been going through this for exactly 1 year so far with no end in sight.
I'm 41 going thru a separation at the moment after 19 yrs of marriage, I have 2 boys. I've tried everything in my power last month in a way we both decided to separate (will eventually divorce). we haven't tell anyone for the sake of our boys, we still living under the same roof separate rooms. Every day I ask God to continue giving me strength to make the right moves because my emotions are just going crazy, and I started to have anxiety. I've been doing medication to keep me calm. at least husband and I trying to keep a safe environment with the boys, we have a business together :( I'm a believer that God doesn't give us more that we can handle and also everything happens for a reason. I hope time passes by quick, so I can heal and move on.
thank you for sharing your story.
I’m glad to hear you’re both trying to keep things calm for your boys. Having children adds a whole new dimension to divorce. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your boys.
@@LivingMAD Thank you so much for opening yourself and explaining your situation. it totally made me feel I'm not alone and eventually I will get to a better phase :)
Fantastic video!!!
I'm currently going through my 4th divorce. I'm 63.
I don't think marriage is cut out for me. I'm prior Air Force
4th divorce...that’s tough brother. I’m really sorry you’ve had to go through all this. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I hope you’re able to figure out a better way going forward. Maybe you’re right and marriage isn’t for you...or maybe you need to figure out what’s been tearing your marriages apart, and work to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Whatever the case is, I hope you find happiness brother.
@@LivingMAD
Thanks bro
Wait on the lord to choose your spouse not us or ourselves only God can choose your spouse and his way is the right and best way.
Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment.
This was very helpful to me and helpful to be able to understand the emotions and feelings that I'm feeling. I got divorced yesterday and everything that you just said I'm feeling. So this video has helped me understand the emotions and feelings that I'm feeling and to know that I don't have to give up or live the emotions and feelings long. Thank you sir for this. Semper fi.
I can recommend you to a man who restore my marriage back within two days after two years of separation ?
Whatsapp him ?
Thank you for sharing your own story and feelings. I find that sharing my pain with others helps reduce its burden on me.
Hi sir I just wanted to say thank you for your video and your words of wisdom and I do understand that divorce is definitely hard and they’re different for each person. In my position I had a stroke a year and a half ago which wiped out my entire short-term memory so every day that I wake up and my wife is not laying in the bed beside me I have to ask my daughter where is your mom and every day she has to re-explain it to me that my wife is gone and I start the hurting all over again. I don’t know if you can help me but if you have any advice for me sir my ears are wide open.
Wow. My heart breaks reading about your situation. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have to be reminded about this every day.
Have you considered keeping a journal? Maybe it will help to be able to go back and read your thoughts from day’s past as you process this information each time. I think it’s worth a shot. Especially if you’re able to fill it with some positivity from time to time. Good luck brother.
@@LivingMAD A journal is a great suggestion!
I went through divorce 9 months ago. I was emotionally abused my entire marriage but prayed the whole time to save our family. He told my children he only married me because I got pregnant 18 years ago. I was crushed to be starved of love this whole time. I know God has a better plan. A family that prays together will stay together. It is hard to hate someone you pray for. I appreciate your heart very much and know your pain. You are a strong man to do this video and I respect you for it.
I believe to put up with abuse of any kind takes a lot of strength. Some people say it takes strength to leave an abusive relationship, and I believe that's true; but I also believe it takes strength to take it and still fight for your marriage. I'm sorry you had to go through that; but if you could make it through that, then you certainly have the inner strength to make it through the rebuilding phase of life after divorce. I wish you nothing but the best. You certainly deserve it.
@@LivingMAD thank you! It has definitely taught me how to love my enemy and pray for those who hurt me. I have also learned to praise God in the storms of life. What doesn’t break you makes you stronger. I know My God has big plans for me. Learning to be alone has been the hardest. It is getting easier. Your advice on keeping yourself busy and doing things you love is on point. I started dance lessons and going to do art sometime this summer but in school right now. I didn’t know what to do when my 3 teenager wanted to live with him. I was a good mom with boundaries and rules he had money I have God and love. Everyone says they will come around. I understand you when you say your wart breaks dropping your child off. I had to leave mine last March never to do anything for them again. I try but if the father finds out my kids get heat. I know they love me but they can’t show it.
@@tonyamiller7035 It is so amazingly difficult when the ex uses the children against you. Even in the most amicable divorces, the process and aftermath can bring out the worst in us. I try to stay positive about my relationship with my son, but none of us know the future. All we can do is keep giving our best. If you believe in God, put your faith in him that he will lead you and your children down the right path, even if it's not the path you wanted or expected.
I recently started making videos again and one of the things I talked about was the struggles of being a long distance parent. I'm 8 years post divorce and I feel like I've made it past the pain of the divorce. Now my struggles deal with parenting. But I have faith that whatever happens will be right for all of us involved.
Check out my parenting video if interested. I got super busy in 2019 due to grad school, but now that I have free time again I plan to come back to this mission of making videos sharing my experiences. Connecting with others who have gone or are going through my struggles actually helps me deal with mine; but it also seems to help others. So I plan to keep making more.
@@LivingMAD It is so good that you can at least do what is best for your son. I wish I could do that. I want peace between us. This was one of the ways he kept me in a prison of abuse. I new he would treat me like this and parent alienated my kids so I put up and tried to shut up and it wasn’t the right thing to do. It hurt me and my kids. What your doing to help people through your pain is so great! I am in a divorce recovery group and we support each other.
@@tonyamiller7035 hopefully your ex will someday move past the hate. I commend you for participating in a support group. Too many of us don't take advantage of such things and we suffer because of it. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Just watched your video
What you shared was so real
Thank you so much great insight in to what time I'm in to I was thinking 5 years but looks like it stays with you for life .
I'm only 2 month's in so have a long way to go
Thank you again
I just subscribed
It's just my opinion and experience thus far, but I don't think we ever completely get over a divorce. I think we just learn to move on from it; or at least some of us do. There will always be a part of me that hurts knowing a marriage ended, but I try not to give that part of me too much power and instead focus on the here and now as well as rebuilding my life for a better future. Stay strong and good luck moving forward.
so im going throught divorce.....im so scared lost and ansious but above all sad and comfused,and ultimately i dont know how to grab 24 years of marriage and throw it on the garbage...how do you let go from all the moments all the memories and all the dreams all the content from my story and chop it???...i will be empty i feel like a empty book a empty person,worthless i really dont know what to expect and im so scared and lost..I wish all the very best to all broken hearts out there
Damn man this my reality. Scared and confused. I want this nightmare to be over. Somedays I’m suicidal.
It’s been six months since you left this comment. How are you coping now? I hope you’re making it through and staying in the fight somehow. 24 years is a very long time to have to start over. As hard as it was for me, I can only imagine what it’s like for you. I’m keeping you in my thoughts.
Very realistic video and listening to this video helps more than listening to a professional motivational speaker’s talk, because this video has got genuine emotions in it. May Allah bless all and I wish no one’s marriage ever breaks especially when kids are involved.
IT’S VERY PAINFUL TO FACE DIVORCING FROM KIDS AND WIFE especially when you love 💕 them both.
My advice to all of you is; if you love someone, tell them and show them how much you love them and never hold your emotions, be around them and share their life’s problems and concerns with happy heart especially when they expect you to do so, make them feel and believe by your actions that they are not alone and that you’ll always be with them in their hard times.
Most important things, don’t expect that your partner will understand your point of view by themselves without you explaining it to them. This will cause misunderstandings and grief which will eventually kill beautiful relationships.
I wish again no one has to go through the pain of Divorce.
This is all great advice brother. Thank you for sharing it.
This was a tough video to make. It took me almost a month to work up the courage to publish it after I recorded it. That said, it has reached a lot of people like you so I'd like to believe it was all worth it. After a long pause from making videos, I've finally decided to start making new videos again. I welcome you to check out my channel and see some of my new content. Not all of the videos are divorce related, but I'll be making more about this subject as I continue to move forward with my life.
I would go my own way as a man and enjoy my own life. Marriage isn’t worth it in this day of age, divorce rates are too high it’s like walking on a land mine eventually you’ll end up stepping on one. Divorce is not a good deal for men due to family court system being bias think of child support, alimony etc. not a good deal. Marriage, young love, playing white night only exists in Disney movies not real life. In the end of the day it’s about trade-offs and choices.
I hear you brother, but some of us still want to have a wife. For those that do, it's important that we figure out how to do things better.
Thank you for sharing....divorce sucks....😔
It sure does 😔 Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment.
Thanks for sharing this... divorce has to be the most painful experience I’ve ever felt... sad times 😢... hoping to feel normal one day again .
Hey Roger!
You'll pull through it all, trust me!❤
Try practicing self love and doing more of what you personally enjoy...
I have a few tips if you don't mind...
@@peaceandhumanity5705 That would be great, I’m a total wreck...
@@rogereales You'll be fine!❤
Okay! So are you on Instagram?
@@rogerealesHey Buddy!
I sent you a message, I'm yet to get a response...
If you keep moving forward and focus on doing healthy and positive things to help you move forward, I sincerely believe you’ll move past it. I don’t think things can ever be normal again, but normal is overrated. Just work toward being happy again, in whatever form that may be. Good luck brother.
Glad i found this video. Currently dealing with the end of a 10 year relationship with the father of my 2 boys. We were never married but he was my husband. Im just trying to keep doing the things that i love and pick up some things that i felt like i had to give up. He was controling and abusive and it made me controling and abusive. We are complete opposites and, while that may work for some couples, it didnt for us. I loved him more than words could possibly express but it doesnt change the fact that i ended up not really liking him at all. Im in pain but i also feel strangely free.
Kay, it sounds like you were in a very difficult situation with your partner. Some may wonder how you can say you loved someone who treated you as he did, but love and relationships are complicated in so many ways, that it’s difficult to judge from the outside. Still, I venture to say you’ll be better off without him. No one should have to tolerate abuse for the sake of love. Stay strong. You’ll find someone who will respect you and treat you right if you focus on just being the happiest version of you that you can be.
Atimes even if you had to leave, maybe you should try to know he's reasons
1) SEEK HELP!! Speak to a counselor. Don't be afraid to feel your emotions. Rely on your friends also. You can't do it alone.
2) FIND SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!! A hobby. Anything to fill up your free (alone) time. Work out, etc. Get something in your life that makes you feel positive about yourself & life.
3) ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY. There are usually faults on both sides. Think about what happened and why the relationship ended. What could you do better in future relationships? If YOU don't change, you may repeat the same mistakes in the future.
4) UNDERSTAND THAT THE AMERICAN DREAM IS NOT PERFECT. But don't give up. If you want another relationship, it may take some work to find the right person, especially if you are older. Give it time. Just don't give up!!
🤜🤛
Good luck gentlemen!!
Exactly! Thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment.
Great reading of what happens! Awesome advices! I'm 43 y/o, it's been 5years I'm divorced. I'm currently going through a break up with a long term relationship and that same feeling of failure is coming by. The time passes and the feeling of ending alone just increases. Never give up, persistence! This is what I think everyday. It is tough though. I'm also an immigrant, every move I made I lost my partner. Sometimes, it is not only about us, but also all the network and environment around us.
Great video! Hope you have someone good in your life now.
Please ignore the spam messages left on your thread. It’s an unfortunate side effect of this virtual world.
In any case, thank you for taking the time to comment on my video. I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing I went though, but please remember that you’re not alone. All of us that have been thought it are with you, even if only in spirit. Stay strong brother.
So for me I found out after a year and half after divorce that my Ex wife is now in a relationship. And I’m here still working on my self and yet I feel like I’m back at square one. I feel that I should be farther ahead than her yet I am not..very discouraging. But your Video did help me. Thanks
I remember those feelings. At one point after my divorce, my ex was dating someone who also happened to be a Marine like me. My son really liked him, which I knew was a good thing because I wouldn't want someone around my son that treated him badly, but it also hurt to know there was another man spending time with my son in a sort of fatherly role. It was hard to think about and many times I cried over it, but in the end I had to accept that it was part of the process. The one thing I had to remind myself is that it was not a competition. Her finding love before me was not an indication of a failure on my part. It's hard to accept, but it's what I kept telling myself. At the time it was important for me to think about that because I did not want to rush into another marriage. I knew that I needed time to myself before I tried to get serious with anyone again. I hope you feel better and get through this brother. I know it's not easy, but if I'm any proof, there is light at the end of the tunnel as long as you keep moving forward.
Living MAD thank you so much! I’m honestly surprise that you responded back! I spent 8 years in the service. And getting advice from you and your whole issues with them and not being afraid of true emotion is really empowering! Especially with the whole Machismo mentality of the military especially for men. I was young when this happened to me...too young however I’m now 26 and I do have a lot more to live for. Your right that I shouldn’t feel like a failure for my ex to have a new relationship still a bit of a punch to the gut! Your right it’s not a competition, guess it’s more human nature.
Ricardo Rivera you know exactly what I’m talking about being a service member. It’s hard for men like us to talk about these things, but it’s important that we do. I wish you the best brother.
Wow. You seem lovely. Very reflective and positive. Not bitter. That’s great. You seem like a nice person. It’s refreshing to hear. A lot of divorced men seem to be bitter but you aren’t. Well done.
To be honest, I was bitter at first. I had to force myself to confront my reality and deal with the emotions stirring up inside me. I can sincerely say I’ve made it to the other side a better man for the experience, but it was tough when I was in it. Thanks for watching!
Thanks for sharing this and for your service to our country. I'm sorry that you had to go through this pain and that life brings you happiness going forward.
Thank you so much for your well wishes. I really appreciate it.
*hello friend i feel your pains 😥😥😥*
*do you want to free from this struggle that you are right now*
*I know of a spiritual man that can help you☺️*
*💕Whats@pp him now*
*💕Whats@pp him now*
Forgiveness is the key to free oneself from resentment. Either it be reconciliation or not, forgiveness is crucial. Forgive.
Undoubtedly
This is so absolutely true. Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment.
Very True...
Divorced after 16 yrs. I'm 43 now dissbled with 3 kids. It's a scary world out there for me. Trying to take it one day at a time!
It sounds like you're in an incredibly difficult position. I feel for you. I'm truly sorry you're going through this. As you said, all we can do is take it one day at a time. We must also hold on to hope that if we keep trying, things will get better. The way I see it, if we don't try, things will definitely not get better. If I try, they may not get better either, but at least there's a chance, so I might as well try to improve my situation. Good luck moving forward.
Thanks so much for this post. After hearing you and reading all the comments I can see so many of us are hurting. For me it was a 3 year relationship where we part time cohabitated at each other's homes. We had become like one. It's been 7 months now since I was blindsided by him breaking it off. I think if it had been rough the last months I could find at least a little relief in it. But it wasn't. I'm 51 years old and thought this would be the person I would grow old with. I'm still dealing with the grief which has been hard. However, what's worse during this time my job became permanent remote since the pandemic started. It was always a dream of mine to have a remote job. I was loving it until October when the break up happened. I communicate and see friends on some weekends but I still feel isolated and lonely. During lock down I never felt alone even when we were not together because I felt like I'll be seeing him soon. I was so independent before this relationship and enjoyed my own company. This was not the world I was living in before I met him. So really in some ways was blind to the reality of how the world changed because I felt secure. It feels like everything in my life has changed and trying to find solid ground again.
This pandemic has disrupted many of our lives in such drastic ways. It's hard to imagine us ever going back to how things used to be. I just tell myself that's ok. We don't need to go back to the old ways. The old ways were great, but maybe we can create a new life for ourselves that is just as great, even if not the same. I had to figure it out after my divorce, and I'm figuring it out after this pandemic again. It's hard and extremely frustrating, but the only other option is to be sad about what's lost instead of focusing on what can still be. At least that's the way I'm trying to look at things; and for me it's giving me a sense of peace. I've come out of dark times before; I have to believe I can do it again.
I'm sincerely sorry you're going through this. I know how hard and painful it all is. I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope you find happiness in your future.
I am currently going through a divorce, my husband is impotent which he kept from me, we waited till marriage to have sex. He can fix his issue by doing surgery, however, he has refused to get help stubbornly. He has now started dating others and says he will do the surgery next year. We have been together for 5 years and married for 3 years. I am an immigrant to this country and faced emotional and financial abuse, he is also very unkind daily. I can't get an annulment in Ohio as I missed the deadline to file which was 2 years. It's very devastating as I have to start again career rise, right now I'm in an Airbnb and everyone is treating me like a villain for leaving the situation. My in-laws are toxic and my family is overseas, it's very isolating I am 29.
I’m so sorry you’re going through such a horrific ordeal. Although it’s wrong that his family is treating you poorly, it makes sense that when forced to choose sides they are choosing one of their own. It sucks, but such is life when emotions and loved ones are involved.
I only know a very small part of your side of the story, but based on this snippet of information I do not believe you’re a bad person. Marriages require compromise and open communication. There’s more to it than that, but these two ingredients are crucial to a happy and long lasting marriage. If you and your husband couldn’t have that, then at some point you have to ask if it’s time to call it quits.
I always advise to seek counseling and other methods of reconciliation before divorcing, and I don’t know if you’ve done that. Either way, you have to make a choice that protects you and your mental well being. You can’t put up with abuse indefinitely hoping your partner will change.
Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this. But please believe me when I tell you: you have the strength to get through this. Please don’t give in to the negative emotions that will surely swell up inside you over the next few months or years. It’s ok to feel bad from time to time, but you can’t let those feelings completely take over. Stay strong and have faith that eventually things can get better for you.
Good luck 🫶🏽
@@LivingMAD thank you! we have gone to many counselors including sex therapists but to no avail. It is as you said the emotions come in waves! Some days are better than others.
@@MixedAfro If you already tried counseling and it didn’t help, it may be time to move on. But only you know when it’s time to make that choice. I wish you the best as you grapple with this difficult life choice 🫶🏽
I relate, still dealing with my wife walking out leaving me with kids draining our accounts telling me she was coming back just needed time for herself. gaslighting me. reality she moved in with her boyfriend, never had another meal, drink or even sat together to discuss what's happening after 2 1/2 yrs, I'm just able to talk about it without breaking down into a sobbing mess. I'm 57 having to start over emotionally and financially. thank you for sharing very personal part of your life. it's sharing that helps us all to realize that we are not alone. thank you again
Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment. It's good knowing we're not alone in these feelings, but it's also saddening to know others are struggling as well. I hope things get better for you.
Hey Devil Dog your helping a newly separated and a soonly divorced marine vet. Im trying to comprehend this new part of my life. And this helped alot. Thank you devil Semper Fi brotha
Divorce is without a doubt one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with. That said, 7 years after my separation and divorce I can sincerely say I’ve come through to the other side. It wasn’t always easy, but looking back I can now see how the experience and thoughtful process helped me cope and survive the emotional difficulties.
My wife walked out after 25 years together....15 year's ago now....
My life has never been the same since....it's a deviating thing to deal with....to this day she can not will talk with me...it's like my life was a lie....she told me she was going through something....it took my a while to realize that she was going through her second husband....she discarded me...I can only assume she is a narcissist....and never loved me....she just loved the idea... untill she didn't.....90% of women initiate divorce...she moved out of our home..only a few miles away...would come back for sex,,or whatever else she could get from me...I had to tell her .if your not coming home...don't come back at all....this was the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my life time....it's been 15 year's now,,and it still effects me today... sometimes the sadness is overwhelming....the dreams.. nightmares still haunt me after all this time.....no closer no understanding of why ... It's unhealthy and life destroying....
At times I wish we never met....
It's like I wasted so much of my life being with her...but wouldn't trade it for anything... It's confusing...it's deviating....it's tragic....idk if I can't move on or just don't want to.....lost in my own life.....
Wow! What an in terrible story of tragedy and loss. I’m sorry you had to go through that brother. I’m just an outsider who knows very little about your life, but I ask that you please do your best to put it behind you. Losing it all after 25 years has to be one of the hardest things ever, but if you let that continue to control how you feel, the rest of your life will feel unfulfilled. I don’t have the answers bro. I can’t give you a magic pill to make it all better. It’s all going to depend on you to figure out the way ahead. Because even after all these years, you still CAN overcome it. I sincerely believe that. Good luck brother.
I recommend a man who will help you get your ex back ❤❤❤❤
he was the man who brought my ex husband back 3 days ago without delay ❤🙏❤🙏
Send him a message by whatsapp.....❤❤❤
@✛2349124259701👈⏩⏩눈‸눈.ሰላም ውድ
Divorce or separation is the same or probably worse than a death of a loved one. At least u can't bring back the dead but the ex will always be there with a new partner or not but you suffer. I'm not going to say be positive because no one wants to hear that. But you have to cry it out, go through it and ACCEPT it and move on. Make the best version of yourself, keep busy and slowly but surely cut off contact or answer hours later. She or he will call or text back, and if they don't, you will still be the best version of yourself and get someone new.
Great advice. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your experience 💙 I wish more men would be strong enough to open up like this. Your perspective is valuable and I know it will help others
Lissa K Thank you for taking the time to watch my video and comment. It was a tough video to make, but I hope people watch and understand it’s ok to struggle, as long as they keep pushing through and keep their head up.
My wife of 8 years left me when I was in Syria. I miss her deeply yet feel numb. I contemplate ending it all because I lost my azimuth. God help us all during these crazy times.
Please don't ! I WILL PRAY FOR YOU !
stay strong
I'm sorry you had to experience such a terrible thing brother. Please do all you can to stay in the fight. Do not give up.
This was a tough video to make. It took me almost a month to work up the courage to publish it after I recorded it. That said, it has reached a lot of people like you so I'd like to believe it was all worth it. After a long pause from making videos, I've finally decided to start making new videos again. I welcome you to check out my channel and see some of my new content. Not all of the videos are divorce related, but I'll be making more about this subject as I continue to move forward with my life.
Thankyou for sharing it’s such a difficult topic. Loved your journey thru the pivotal memories with us
Divorcetv, thank you for taking the time to comment. Being back in that city brought up a lot of memories and I wasn't sure I was going to share the video, but I'm glad I did because too many of us struggle with the same feelings and pain.
Hello there, when did you get a divorce?
Dwayne Armstrong I separated from my ex in 2013 and we officially divorced in 2014.
@@LivingMAD okay,nice to meet you.
And how have you manage to move on?
Can we be friends, am also divorce.
I just want to feel happy again. Like when I was a kid I woke up happy now I roll out of bed looking for an excuse to keep living. Recently I started using Forwago and I think it helps me. I feel that I am on a good path to become a happier person. Wish me luck!
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I know exactly what you mean. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.
I love your transparency and your compassion. Great points! Anyone can see that you are loving and caring person and Father. May God's healing be upon you and all the fathers who share our experiences.
Thank you for watching and for taking the time to comment.
Thank you for your video. It was helpful in helping me process emotions of my own. You come across very genuine and intelligent. Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you! It means a lot to know this video is helping others.