Different ways of STAYING in narcissistic relationships
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- Опубликовано: 26 мар 2024
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Leaving doesn't mean they are not living in your head. Staying doesn't mean we're weak and not able to take good decisions.
❤
💜
Well said!!
I agree completely. I did have to stay with my ex for a few months after I decided to leave, and it was miserable. But finally leaving was amazing! Living separately with no strings attached gave me a level of peace and contentment that I never had in my life. I can't put a price on happiness and how much less anxiety and stress my body experiences. I wish every one of us experiencing this type of abuse could eventually leave their abusers.
Planning to leave is like an escape from Alcatraz. Good luck.
NO KIDDING
😂😂😂😂👍
And they never found the bodies of the ones who did.
lol
😂 I GOT OUT!!!! I just keep washing back up on the shore...😕
The only staying I’m doing in a narcissistic relationship, is staying no contact.
‼️
😂😂
A sign of intelligence.
Wise decision. You deserve to be safe.
How to stay in a narc relationship: do what they do: gaslight, triangulate, future fake, hoover, redirect, give high praise to another person in the room while ignoring them, never admit you are wrong, get some flying monkeys, let them do something for you but don't reciprocate, and laugh, laugh, laugh. This advice is only for advanced students in dealing with pathological creeps, otherwise grey rock, DEEP, distance, distance, distance.
Just be careful to not to catch narcissistic flees while mirroring their behaviour 😂 I think it’s low road to take
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I am so happy you are addressing this topic! Thank you. The only advise I have ever heard is that I must leave, and that is an impossibility. Because of my age, serious health issues that are disabling, and finances, I really don’t have a choice.
Stay with the narcissist, if you don't mind sleeping with one eye open every night.
Not all of them are a physical threat.
@@Floridafanatic28 I know that, but they're all thieves. I was sleeping and I caught her going through the pockets trying to steal my money.
@@youngblood8540 Astute observation! They go through absolutely everything! The last 7 years I had to deal with one I slowly moved most of my belongings to a secure storage site! He still tried to figure out where the storge bin was so he could break in!
@@Floridafanatic28 I have been hit in my sleep, and hit while breastfeeding a baby in the dark True psychopaths are a physical threat.
How do reconcile giving them your body? I wish Doc would talk about that. Probably would never be a video on that. There's literally no healthy answer.
Brilliant. Staying does not mean you are signing off on the abusive behavior, and you CAN heal if you stay. So looking forward to the Going video. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for everything you do for this community, Dr. Ramani!
Thank you Dr. Ramini. Unable to leave one relationship for several reasons, with your guidance I've been able to manage it to my benefit. It will never be a healthy relationship, but I will be healthier.
Also, I've been able to go no contact with several narcissists and my life is so much more serene.
I'll be forever grateful to you Dr. Ramini. ❤
Ditto to this comment.
Choose safety, sanity, peace, stability and your own sovereignty over chaos.
Unable to leave my narcissistic parent soon due to multiple factors including that mental health experts have mandated I stay with them. Otherwise would choose to be out and not return. I bought your most recent book to support you. I have tried to persuade these individuals otherwise but they are set in their opinion.
The place I would choose to move to has a housing crisis. I only learned about narcism after I returned to them amidst the pandemic. I realize that was a mistake now, as it took away the freedom I had. I can only move a short distance to begin with. Not what I would choose but my circumstances.
I feel this comment
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
I needed this , I felt so ashamed that I was yet unable to leave .
I do get surprised by their BS but I am getting better and seeing it for how it is , It's indeed painful and disgusting how they act l9ve bombing then hovering then back to their shit.
Still getting surprised happens less and less as we see the behavior for what it is. With practice we react less and less to any of it.
Please forgive yourself for tripping up on their shit. Plan to get out.😅
Yes exactly, that's why when planning on making that move ,you have to move smart because they're gonna go Insane once they see the moves being made🎯
I look back and am so still confused what happened to me for more than a decade. Why did I think I will be ok in sticking to get her to bring kids up. I think it was fear
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk
EDMR - somatic therapy is effective.
Thank you Dr Ramini. I fall into the volunteer group and have learned so many techniques and facts due to your episodes here. Tantrums are thrown and I easily walk away and remove myself without guilt or shame. I couldn’t do that 5 years ago. Thank you.
I was born into an entire narcissistic family who made me the black sheep..trauma bonded. After going through a severe depression, I can’t care about them anymore. I Hate Them🖤
@@Te.le.gra.m_Doctor_Ramani Hi Dr. Ramani, are you doing a Live Tonight?
It's ok to hate them after all you have reason. Acceptance is the next step which is really hard
Thank you for seeing beyond the “black & white” of these relationships. Staying physically doesn’t mean staying psychologically. People think my marriage lasted two decades. Truth I mentally checked out 1 year in.
You're future faking yourself when you think that that given relationship that is called a narcissistic one is going to get better.
It also feels like even if you LEAVE you will be shamed by people who don't get it -- there's a Dr. Ramani video in my sidebar that tries to caution the world about people who shame survivors, so we know it happens; I wish we could just all acknowledge that even leaving is not a remedy, and doesn't mean that most people in the world still won't treat survivors terribly
My heart goes out to Anyone That has to still be around that wicked energy!!🫂🫂🫂💞💞💞🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I don't think leaving is ever as simple as we'd prefer. I made the choice to leave/go no-contact with my abusive father. He chose to hold on by continuing to manipulate others' perception about who I am. He says I was the abuser. Of course he would. I was taking care of a man I thought I knew while he abused me all my life. Before l left, fear held me back from reaching out. If it got back to him, I'd pay. I didn't know I might lose my whole family. I had no time for contemplating potential outcomes, or complex reasoning. I was afraid to file police reports. My nephew's fathers work in the district. What he did was so sadistic and evil. I learned he began creating narratives prior to my moving in, prepared for potential scenarios and outcomes. He'd done it for decades. I found his notebooks in the basement while I was moving.
I think I was a hybrid of voluntary and trauma bonded. I said I was very unhappy but I did not see myself leaving. I needed a straw to break my camel’s back. I finally got it and that’s when the de facto separation & then divorce started. I credit Al-Anon with giving me the courage to change my marital status.
Same here! I learned a lot from Al-Anon. Attending those meetings really helped me to uplevel my situation.
❤❤I hope, everyone here find happiness every day just like I found happiness every time I remember I've got good home, $83,000 bi-weekly, good wife and daughters!!!!
Wow that's huge, how do you make that much monthly?
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Can I also do it??? My life is facing lots of challenge lately.
I Thank God for Bringing Mrs Renee Marie Harisson brokage service into my life, I'm happy for God's grace have found me ..Amen ❤❤❤
Oh wow!! .I don't know anything about diggital invetstments. What are your strategies?
I have heard a lot of wonderful things about this woman on the news but didn't believe it until now.
Definitely belong to the first group.
I came back to Spain after 4 years away from my son (who stayed in this mad house). I'm working in low income jobs whenever I'm hired and it's not enough money to rent a place for the two of us. I can't study to better our situation because retaining information seems to have become too difficult for my brain, and procrastination is a mayor issue I have to fight daily.
If I could leave I would do it right now and my narcissistic parents would stay as far away from us as possible. I'm still trying my best though. I need to show my son there's hope.
Staying almost killed me. Unless you manage to change your reaction to the abuse through education AND manage your stress AND have a reliable support network, staying in a narcissistic relationship WILL make you sick. Tip: Watch Dr. Ramani's videos about the healh impacts of narcissistic relationships and read the comments. Very enlightening. ❤
Thank you! I also fall in the volunteer group and have learned many tools from you and no longer feel like I’m crazy! You’ve helped me tremendously to get to this point! THANK YOU!
I have a kid, we live together because I feel it's best for my daughter. I could be wrong. I used honesty and met them head on and laid it out after a period of gray rocking while seeking professional help. They copped to their behavior after i wouldnt budge and I hold them accountable to their actions and won't be fooled. It takes a clarity and discipline more difficult then any I have done before. Have to live a perfect life, to maintain the sense of reality. I have given up every vice and cannot let down my gaurd for even a moment they are around. I live my own life independently with them in the house and expect nothing. Live like you are a single parent and understand they are in charge of their own emotions and hope they don't do something extreme. It's really wild but possible with extreme authenticity, no bs, you have to own your issues 100 percent to blame shifting, you may have not known what you were in for, but it's your choice to stay. The relashonship is over, they know it, and it is your job to survive, be healthy, and provide a healthy environment for your child. Get a support system.
You just described my current situation..injust wasn't conscious that that's all exactly what I've been doing.
Youngest is 9 and I also wonder if its in his best interests but financially I have to wait
Not an easy road, keep your head up. Took me a long time to come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do to fix it, but damn did I try. It's on them, they can know it's wrong and try to act nice, but if they are virulently against getting help for themselves what else are you going to do. It feels selfish to focus on yourself, but that's what I needed and continue to need to do.
I know it's a sensitive topic but how have you been dealing with things in the bedroom. As a "single parent" doing your own thing...
Be on the watch for parental alienation as well.
@yvescloutier3835 i dont break the marrige vows or talk to other women in a non platonic manner if that's what you mean. That would be a firestorm regardless of how clearly you lay it. As for the hoovering/love bombing. Yeah i am human and struggle with that working out helps. But yeah be s monk as well, and if you slip be honest, this doesnt mean anything to me anymore as nicely as possible. But any sort of rejection like that to someone whose entire existance is an image only they can see, they dont deal well. Its a huge crack in the facade.
Awareness is the key as long as you know what is going on and know who you are dealing with will help you take your own precautions and plan accordingly.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani
I am just hoping that my narc moves out of MY apartment…but he is giving me the silent treatment 😢
That is a tough one. I have been there before. Best of luck to you.
Congratulations on book 📖
The local library has to order more and more of your books. So many people are waiting to read it!!!
Thank you Dr Ramani 💐
I stayed but with help of the therapist, my support system and distance. I am now slowly healing. Your content opened my eyes and helped me understand and survive. I thank you very much for this ❤
Just got your book. You’re changing the world. Thank you for all you do. You have helped me in so many ways over the years. You’ve been a lifeline.
I stayed for 26 years for my children -it was absolutely the right decision decision. I understand the gray rocking, keeping your guard constantly up not giving any emotion living single while married.
Now that my kids are grown and out of college and on their own, I think I could’ve endured that pattern until a long-term affair emerged. When I confronted him on the affair, not only did he defend the other woman, but he told me that I was crazy and needed therapy. To punish me for not fawning he has removed all of his money from the joint account and wants me to 100% support him while he continues to date this other woman. There will never be an apology. My narcissist simply doesn’t care how I feel. Since I’m not giving him narcissistic supply, he’s getting it from this other woman.
I’m in my 60s, I filed for divorce. It’s time.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Please address how Narcissism and Misogyny and Patriarchy are interrelated ,,adrress how Patriarchy causes narcissism.
Yes, it truly does. In families that embrace misogyny and patriarchy (even the women) they all behave Narcissistically (if not psychopathic). I believe this must be how slave owning families operated. Everyone accepts abuse from those "higher" than themselves in this human constructed hierarchy, and they take out their pent up hurt and anger on those "beneath" them in the structure. Everyone punches down. It's horrific.
@@harmonyvaneaton4101 am glad you realise this as well,,the toxicity of this human hierarchy and how people in families and in society are upholding this psychological sickness is terrifying,, I have been saying Misogyny is a psychological sickness like psychopathy I even started a channel on this since no one even this psychologists are talking about it ,
I can trace generational trauma back 150 years through mother/daughter, because these are the mothers. No one seems to notice how each was domestically abused..often had died..many of my grandmothers extended 'greats' were replacement wives..women didn't live longer than men like they do now. I am from almost an all-female Irish Catholic family, and I have gotten to know a few women in families from India and the Middle East. It seems the more oppressive the culture is to women, the more I see similar psychopathy traits in the women and my own family. I was amazed when I saw this. I guess a society is only as good as it treats its weakest members.
@@maggamoosie801 I think as a society we need to stop calling women weak this is what has lead to women being actually stigmatized and subjugated ,,passing on this generational traumas of the girl child being weak or vulnerable is what has kept this toxic human hierarchal systems in place,,its time for genders to be abolished,,that would be a start ,,we are human we are equal,
Dr R has video about “cultural narcissism” that touches on this. I also HIGHLY suggest you watch the new Ava DuVernay movie “Origin” which is based on a book that traces the origins of caste systems and those at the bottom of the totem pole and the rules of caste systems all of the world. It’s a breathtaking movie
This is me atm this very moment.
So I can’t wait to hear of your guidance and knowledge.
Thank you Dr. Ramini 🙏🏻
Me too! ❤
You have added so much value to the world with the things you explain and teach, truly one of the most important people alive today. Thank you!
I wish i could leave the planet... 👍❤❤❤
Thank you Dr.Ramani, love you and your insight and community. Prayers and blessings everyone 🙏 ❤
I’m a voluntary stayer. My mother is a narcissist, and I’m no longer surprised or hurt by her behaviors. We’re low contact now.
My husband racked up $30,00 in my name in credit cards…with out me knowing! I have no words…then he asked me to claim bankrupt! Hell no!! But I’m screwed either way!!
Hell yeah. Like in the Sparks song 'I'm gonna stay just to annoy them/I'm gonna stay just to piss them off/I'm gonna stay just to amuse myself/I'm gonna stay, I'm gonna stay'...
Narc are truly creeps
I respect your thoughts on this. I have seen comments proving leaving does not resolve bitterness. Thank you 🌹
(getting ahead of a possible physical retaliation is a different thing)
You are a life saver! I am a voluntary stayer, I think so many people in our society have these traits, I have survived! I know of two suicides, I believe they where subjected to this form of abuse, one a son one a husband. Keep doing this brilliant work Dr Ramani ,best wishes from Wales
This is a much needed and appreciated series Dr. Ramani! I can't wait to learn more. Thank you! ❤
Thank you for this video. Almost all videos say go no contact and that’s not always possible. Gray rocking and having the necessary tools of knowledge make it possible to still have contact and stay strong at the same time. They know you know, and it drives them crazy but an educated empath stays calm and unaffected. You only become stronger.
Thankyou really helpful to hear and helps with the decisions I have made . It’s very hard but once you see the situation for what it is then it’s less confusing as you realise you’re not going to get truth .
I will never judge anyone who chooses to stays. God knows I stayed long enough myself, hoping for things to change. However, I speak from experience when I say that when it comes to romantic relationships, staying is usually not a long-term solution (unless the Narc is very low on the spectrum + either benign, negligent or self-righteous).
There will come a point when you realize there's nothing there and you're sacrificing yourself, your life, your health and your spirit out of guilt and/or fear.
Best of luck to all in your healing journey. ❤
Can you make a video on how to deal with suicidal thoughts from feeling “stuck” but simultaneously like it’s my own doing in a self sabotaging way, but also trauma bonded and feeling a sense of panic when thinking about leaving. At this point it feels easier to end my life than make a decision regarding leaving or attempt it. If I cannot end the relationship, if I feel like I am stuck and cannot break my trauma bond, how can I not think of suicide as the next best option?
You need JESUS, you’re not alone and if you seek him with your whole heart he will show you the way… PLEASE do not take your life, what you are dealing with or going through is not worth you giving up your life… I love you and want you to live!
Loved the video! I am a voluntary stayer at a job with narc boss situation. Nothing they do surprises me, and i deal with it with the help of all the coping techniques i have learned from your excellent videos through the years.
You’re on fire, Dr R. Keep these videos coming
Staying, I don't have anyone else to talk to. The thought of being in a house completely alone is daunting. It's always awkward meeting new people, and trying to have conversations feels incredibly unrelatable. I'm 37 years old and still don't even have one friend. People just don't seem to understand my situation. While I can empathize with others and their experiences, it's difficult for them to comprehend why I'm single, why I still live at home, and why my family environment isn't the standard one. Unfortunately, some view this as an insult to their perspectives..
This is one of the most needed topics of narcissistic relationships thank you!
I’m fired up … i just bought IT’S NOT YOU … Thanks for all you Do Dr Ramani
Dr. Ramani,
Thank you for your topic today.
I binged eating because I gave "in" by giving my daughter insurance papers for my truck and went out of my way to buy groceries for my husband.
Both are NARCISSISTS.
Listening to you, I forgave myself and continue to plan.
God bless you as soon as I get money I will join your program ❤️ 🙏
Dear dr Ramani, could you please do a video that discusses the final healing stages in more detail - in particular, once the self-blaming and the harsh inner critic are gone but despite this - there is still some trauma bonding and rumination. What concrete steps can we take then to finally terminate the invisible link (for us who were able to leave and go full no-contact). Thank you ❤
I am a volunteer stayer at the moment only speaking with my brother. If I havn't had a huge financial backlog due to the break-up with my ex narcissist and I need some support from my family. I would have gone completely no contact. So I am not kidding when I say I wish I won the eurojackpot lottery.
I would have helped some friends who are in the same position as me and get more treatment for my ADHD. Deep tissue massage and buy furniture for the appartment I rent.
All of these finances my siblings have access too. I don't think it's fair that they go on vacation, wining and dining and I spend almost all my money on getting theraphy and treatment for ADHD. It's not fair.
I am forever grateful for all of the knowledge I have gained 🙏❤️
I'm having a hard time navigating and keeping a relationship with my oldest son.
I love him but, the way he relates with me is very toxic to me.
I don't want to completely cut him out of my life... Because I have been pretty much no contact with him for the last year.
I worry that the more time that elapses with no contact... He will no longer care about having a relationship with me. Which as a mother is heartbreaking 🥺
I'm trying to set boundaries but to him I think that makes me difficult to get along with... Because as we know they don't have a problem... It's all your fault!
@@Te.le.gra.m_Doctor_Ramani I live in Florida. Originally from Michigan.
Hold your boundaries but still love. He may eventually come around.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
I remember Dr. Ramani saying in one of her past videos that for people who don’t have the financial resources to get out of their narcissistically abusive situations, (and I quote): “the term ‘radical acceptance’ can become another version of STUCK - like really, really stuck.” I don’t hear her referring to these people in this video.
Thank you so much Dr Ramani ❤️
Am so grateful for this information. NSW AUSTRALIA
Thank you for great observations and advice dr Ramani.😊 your help and support are invaluable. God bless you ❤
"If you stay in a narcissistic relationship you can heal" directly contradicting your own previous statements
Just like banging your head against a wall, feels good when you stop; got your audio books!
i'm in the i can't afford to excape yet. i'm so isolated, i get blamed for everything, even get blamed for him being overweight. he's an alcoholic, so i can't i can't tell if his toxic behaviour is from his abuse of alcohol or if he's a narc or both. but anyways it's all very stressfull to deal with. how did i get here? 😓😔
Beautiful. So correctly explained. Thank you Dr. Ramani❤
I started my healing journey when I was still with my narcissist. Radical acceptance was a huge part of that. Other people might be able to heal completely in the relationship, but that wasn't the case for me. I was afraid of my abuser, even though he was never physical with me. The gray rocking helped, but didn't stop my fear. I still had anxiety attacks and adrenaline rushes when he was around. My doctor told me it would take at least 18 months for my nervous system to calm down after I had left. I still struggle with stress and it has been over 5 years since I left. I do feel content and safe for the first time in my life, and I don't startle easily anymore. My doctor was correct, it took about 18 months for my body to adjust after leaving my narc.
Thank you. This is very helpful.
I still get blindsided even though I like to think I'm in the "voluntary" group. It doesn't hurt, but I do get angry and upended. How does one continue to help when he/she gets treated with contempt and disdain in front of others if the narcissist isn't feeling like the center of attention? Is instead feeling left out, incapable, and not being fawned over in that moment? There's me, little miss helper, agreeing to meet contractors in order to ask questions, oblivious to any silly insecurity going on and instead focused on the job at hand, when I get dealt a snarky remark because the narcissist is feeling "left out." Then apologies and I-love-yous ensue (cuz I'm the only good little doobie helper around and she needs me), and so again I "volunteer." This scenario has now happened 3 times in as many weeks, and so I've told her that nothing is pressing and that I'm taking a break. (Second break since Dad passed 3 months ago.) But my "breaks" are fraught with anxiety about the next time I have to visit.
I took my abuser if 39 years on holiday, paid every penny.
In the evening having a drink in the site club watching entertainment, having a good first night when she kicked off at me over nothing.
I was so upset, I couldn't take it anymore, I went off for a midnight walk to the sea below the cliff top, determined to drown myself, I had enough of this misery.
I was just focused on ending my life.
I couldn't find the footpath down to the sea in the dark when all of a sudden I stepped off of a 40 foot cliff, I hit a part of the cliff going down and did head over heels.
I had a small break of my leg.
She had to push me in a wheelchair for the rest of the holiday.
I recovered in 3 months
The narcissist I am related to is my 56 year old Son. I am alredy staying, voluntarily, and it is so reassuring to know that staying, but with minimal contact, is an ok thing to do. I think he secretly needs my support, but I can’t condone the way he treats people. I’m finding it hard… what did I do wrong?… but this does help. Thank you.
I bought the book submitted the form for my bonus I haven’t received any email yet❤
Is being in a relationship with a narcissist the same as being in a relationship with a BPD?
Some will stay in that kind of marriage for ever.
PERFECT!
Thank you Dr Ramani. I'm confused about the difference between the first and third categories. I mean, unless you mean someone might be mandated and still not see it, or maybe they do?
Thanks. I've seen my situation and consciously recognize my wife's vulnerable narcissistic traits when they show up- thanks to educational videos like this one. We'll never have an in depth relationship because that's clearly not what she wants. I accept this. I'm focused on making myself better without her input, which would be a luxury at this point. It's not my fault that she behaves this way. I no longer show anger towards her like I once did. I just tell myself that she's 'retarded', even though that's not politically correct language. I'm dedicated to learn and apply coping skills that actually work. I meditate, write, and plan to learn more breathing techniques that amazingly soothes my emotions. My take is that I'm saving myself from acting recklessly because she doesn't bond with me. I'm 65 and we've been married for 38 years with two grown daughters who are Registered Nurses. This video reassures me that I'm on the right path to healing. Yes, I quit alcohol and other things as coping mechanisms and they made things worse for me. Like I mentioned, she seemingly could care less one way or the other. She's perfected her victim role to a science, so I don't give her ammo. Thanks for reading.
I got your book 🌟
Being around that demonic spirit after the 💩 hit the fan was arguably one of the most challenging and hurtful things that o have EVER experienced! Being discarded and witnessing this demonic, sociopathic covert narcissist completely drop her mask was sooo hurtful while having to remain under the same roof was NOT okay, so i don't know about that one Doc!! My suggestion, the MOMENT you get the chance, GET THE F OUTTA there!!
I have to learn how to disconnect from a parent. Elderly and no contact isn't an option.
My Narc (86yo) MoMster has almost behaved for a Whole Year sorta! Other than BEING left out of my nephew's wedding where she flipped the bill for my brothers FAMILY plus 2 unrelated guests that took month long around the world trip by Sea, train & plane... She-Satan is back to the cover of darkness
....
Thanks,,,🙏
You know I’m not moving to the English country side - I’m not buying a villa in Italy or an abandoned Chateau! Nor am I looking for a tiny home! Who put this malware in this account!! The abuse community needs to stop bothering me!
Are there videos that explain yellow rocking, grey rocking more? I could use use more info on what these terms mean. Thank you in advance for any references or leads to videos that'll help me! I'd GREATLY appreciate the help😊
You get it. Your held to a different standard if you ask for same as others your being selfish . So I've done like you say , left me alone , by myself. Which I cannot deal with, but I get. Myself in a way we're I'm void of resources. Left feeling depressed and sooomewhat bitter becouse. Others seen to ask the same thing and get a plate full. It's just life I guess .my life and I would like something good to happen..
❤❤❤
As you are talking I am going through all the different scenarios of staying in contact with my sisters now that our parents are gone. They were very extreme narcissists, for 50 years at a large university in Marion Indiana...thus all 3 of us have an extreme sense of entitlement, superiority, grandiose and vanity. I don't want to leave but I would like to become much more authentic thus helping them soften their tone and asking questions rather than demand. Is that even possible?
Family system makes it quite chalking. Get a therapist and gave supportive people in your life.
Yeah heal ing
What’s is if there is physical abuse too? I went through Marac in the UK, and the result was that in my relationship I am at high risk of serious harm or homicide. Can I stay despite this? How do I stay despite this? What is the advice on this if there isn’t just emotional abuse but bad physical violence as well?
Feel so alienated, there is barely any advice on the physical abuse aspect, neither on how to deal with the ptsd from it. So frustrating to feel like it’s taboo to talk about and like I can never get support for that aspect of the abuse.
Hey can you do a video on enabler parents who decide their kids are narcs because the kids stay in contact with the narc? Or if the adult child pulls away from the enabler? Can a parent who stays with a narc and gets abused be an equal victim to the children they bring into the situation?
My narc mom has lost her ability to abuse everyone due to health and now my enabler dad (who benefited from having an unhinged wife even though it also hurt him) has decided we are survivor buddies (although he thinks he had it worse). As if we had equal power to leave or stop her abuse, me a child and him a grown man with the only job in the home.
Now he's claiming I'm cold and heartless because I don't want to be best buds when he made my childhood that way and I was at their mercy as a child.
This seems to be common. Especially with enabler who "stayed for the kids" but then leave as soon as the last one is 18 and then when the kids don't immediately side with the enabler the enabler freaks out like they are the victim.
Is there anyway to communicate with these former enablers? Or are they as lost as the narc with their "we were both helpless victims of the narc back then" narrative?
For the sake of respect i had to stop❤ the relationship......hardest mive I ever made.Its ruined mem
Iv been in a barc marriage for 16 years. In 2021 we moved 1500 miles away from her family and it got 5x better.
But iv waited for her to leave to go threw the cycle and it never has happened. I got fired from a job bc they called in 2016. Well i caught wind that they cheated in 2019. And i brought it to them. Then all of sudden they started getting calls for my wife at my place of work. It ls semding alarm bells for me. I honestly dont know what to do. If its her doing it in gonna loose it.
If you leave he will not only completely abandon his kids, he will do everything in his power to destroy them to get back at you, if you think it’s bad with him you ain’t seen nothing yet, it’s vindictiveness on steroids. You can’t save your kids from that so you wait until they’re older and more established in the world. The lesser of 2 evils.
Hey 👋🏻
Hi 👋
Hula-Hula to all Warriors of Survival
What if they are both narcissist, one covert...and one overt.
What if your daughter is an extreme taker narcissist, but you want to stay in your grandchildrens' lives? Yes, they threaten to pull visitation, even though my ex doesn't have to lift a finger or wallet to get respect. Even though my SIL's parents give no financial help and have no problem saying no to babysitting. I've been too accommodating and it's killing me. I fell, got another concussion and, scared, asked her to check on me that night. Although she always has a phone in her hand, and promised, she didn't check in. I'm amazed how much she can take from me while lacking empathy and respect, nevermind gratitude!! The new me wants to set self-love boundaries that aren't appreciated. I will no longer give money and all my weekends babysitting so they can go spend my money on fun things instead of the car repairs i thought i was helping with--that they promise to pay back but don't. Trying to balance my sanity and not get discarded. 😢
I dont belive in marriage ,but some seem to manage .
You can still be in a narcissitic relationship outside the context of marriage or any kind of romantic relationship
Are narcissists proud of how they treat people in a relationship? If they know what they are doing is wrong, why are they so comfortable making other people's lives a living hell?
Hi Doc, I really hope one of your comments monitors on your team sees this. This is crazy when it comes to untimate relationships. How on earth as a woman do we reconcile giving a narc our body? How? There's no healthy answer! Will we ever see a video on the deep disgusted sadness that comes with the sexual act. We cant NOT do it. So tbh how can u say we will heal? So are we to float above our bodies during the act? Thats what victims of sexual abuse describe about how they coped. So whats the answer to that one? 🤔
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
@sherriflemming3218 I went to the Hoffman institute. Frigging amazing. Unfortunately my ex wouldn't follow suit. If I had a choice to be rich with the condition of not being able to attend Hoffman, I'd stay poor forever, real talk. Best therapy ever. I never had anxiety after that. I suffered with horrible anxiety my whole life. Now its gone. Unless its real of course...like going on a huge roller-coaster or something.
I think I belong to the group of the "mandated staying". I simply cannot leave the relationship with my own narcissistic daughter because that would mean stop seeing and enjoy being with my grandchildren, whom I adore. But I have stopped having any expectations regarding my daughter's change of bahavior....
51st, 27 March 2024
ruclips.net/user/shortsVu7O15tYTaU?si=7NX8lH5ES3kyxvKp
Is there anything behind it? Looks a bit like a Rohrschach Test.. ( my dad had horses)😂😂😂😂😂😂 or a seal?????
ruclips.net/user/shorts1dMzlmxBAqA?si=p-R5aErvwivjSG1_
He believes the stuff that Joe Rogan talks. It's folklore
Dr. Ramani, please get into this topic. I am certain that for a large percentage of alcoholics - the alcohol changes their brain - they become sociopaths. You could never convince me otherwise, I am sure alcohol causes NPD. This matters.