Are You Emotionally Unavailable? ❤️🩹 How To Tell and How To Become Emotionally Available Yourself
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- One of the main reasons we end up in relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable is due to our own emotional unavailability. I know how uncomfortable it is to realize this.
I know because I was emotionally unavailable for a long time.
In this video, I share my experience with emotionally unavailability, signs you may be emotionally unavailable and more importantly, how to shift it and open yourself up to true intimacy.
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I currently have feelings for someone who is emotionally unavailable.
According to a mutual friend, she doesn’t want to be in a relationship…
If this is happening to you, just move on. Do not put yourself in the same emotional pain that I am in.
For the record, I was also emotionally unavailable for quite a while - more than a decade.
So what is the best would you advice someone in your case to do with that person? Are you helping them figure their way out or??
Emotional unavailability is a description, not an indictment. It’s what happens from patterns and conditioning. Some of us have multiple protection layers like addictions and drama.
Can be unlearned!!❤❤❤❤
Absolutely!
This is the video I'm searching in Whole wide internet
Same!!! Just started listening to it and it is a game changer.
Yess, same💜
This is the real problem with today's society. I never knew i was stuck and this was the core of all my problems. Thank you
You’re welcome
So all of us dudes have been conditioned to bottle our emotions, which can make for some uncomfortable situations and unfortunately, burn bridges and cause chaos. It's kind of sad that I'm here, but also it confirms most of what I believed beforehand. The premise of opening up and expressing ourselves is something that is valuable and should be cherished. Thank for you wonderful content like this as always.
You’re so welcome. I’m glad you’re here!
As a man this hits home for me like nothing else. I've always naturally been open, trusting, and love with my whole heart when I meet someone that I really like. Even if they're unavailable. My last relationship really did me in as the breakup was not my decision. I'm realizing that many months later, I'm struggling with emotional availability for the first time I can remember. It definitely feels unsafe to open up and express my feelings, which is backwards from where I want to be. The world just feels like such a dangerous place after placing my heart into someone's hands and having them cut me out of their life. It's like they walked away with it.
I can understand, I’ve been there a few times myself. The good news is we can heal and feel whole again. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some help.
It sounds like you may need to "take a step back", create some regular space/time for solitude(time specifically for you and God-- and no one else), and deepen your faith whatever that may be in to give you greater clarity, perspective and lastly, insight into what your next steps relationship-wise should be.
If someone is intetested in you you get turned off by that .this is a key phrase in this videp .this is due to low srlf esteem (if they like me its because they are not good rnough).
Wow! Mind blown 🤯
this voice is so sad. i hear it too. why. its a sad self crying inside that they are unlovable
Becoming aware of the pattern 🙏🏼
I don't have problem with expressing emotions with my sister, or my friends but when it comes to relationship its difficult to explain. I have many crushes, and I don't have problem with finding people what I'm interested in, but when things get serious, I run. If someone shows interest in me and want to get serious, i lose interest.
I don't know what to do😖
That can be away emotional unavailability manifests for some people. Email me if you’d like some help! Lindsay@thereallovealchemist.com
Same here 😢
When she said to practice with a friend, I wrote up a script of me thanking my best friend for everything he's done for me. I did not expect to be drenched in tears by the end of it. I think this was a good first step. Thank you.
That’s an amazing first step 💙
This is spot on…. I’m definitely emotionally unavailable.
Because I’m like “I’m so pretty and smart and funny and I have a nice ass” but when someone I like says they like me my immediate reaction is “ew! lol anyway”
i finally realized that i am unavailable & my energy was attracting the toxic people then i found this video. thank you so much for breaking it down logically ! i’m now stepping into my healing journey.
Wonderful! 🙌🏻
Great content!
I think before sharing with others, in some cases it makes sense to start with journaling your feelings, or even checking in briefly with yourself a few times today and quickly recording how you feel. As someone who didn’t even understand their feelings, such exercises helped me learn to tune into myself and identify what was going on inside of me, so that eventually I could start sharing with others (which I am still working on).
This words it perfectly thank you :)
Beautiful!❤❤❤
Thank you for this video it’s truly enlightening. I’ve been emotionally unavailable after experiencing long periods of immense emotional trauma , which made me numb. It’s not that I don’t want to open up about my feelings , or I am incapable of showing love and affection , it’s just that my body can’t respond to romantic feelings yet.
You’re very welcome
I don’t know how I missed this, but I really understand myself & my unsafe choices so much better now
This is hands-down the best video on getting over emotional unavailability I've seen to date! Thank you so much for putting this information out there!
You’re welcome! Thank you so much for the support.
What you said is very painful, I needed it. Thank you
I get it. It can be uncomfortable to realize what’s going on.
What if you share and all you get is people being turned off or ending things with you altogether for even mentioning anything at all? Like being annoyed with something , don't even mean an argument. It's made me really unavailable
Those would not be the right people for you. I’m sorry that happened.
I'm with you, I haven't met any authentically open and friendly people since I was a child.
emotionally unavailable relationships feels safe in the bad sense. no depth to communication, all are just superficial chats. this was how i felt when i was an anxious. after a breakup, i self reflected and am im learning to open up. meeting different people. yes, some would be kinda put off by what i shared. but there are those who can reciprocate as well. i think these are emotionally available people who may be secure too.
Great work! You’re doing amazing 💙
What do you do with the wrong people? I want to express myself to someone but I know the person is going to respond negatively to me.
the way you explain this is so easily understandable for any maturity level. thank you for this. God bless.
You're very welcome!
Thank you! Explained so clearly and uncomplicated. I would like to share it with a friend that I really care about. But either way it always feels like I'm bothering him. Makes me feel guilty to contact him. I mean well 💘
You’re very welcome! It sounds like you do mean well. Generally, people aren’t open to information like this unless they’re ready to heal. You can always ask if he’s open to it before you share.
I have always been very guarded with my emotions and personal feelings. I can definitely trace it back to my childhood. I finally met a guy who seems genuinely nice and like he cares but my brain just wants me to protect myself and run. I want to learn to open up to him.
I get it, I’m here if you want some help!
I just appreciate a coach that wants to focus on ME and working on ME not the other people.
That’s what I’m all about here. We’re the only people we can change. 🙂
I am hypercognitive and when I open up, I unintentionally become cryptic and abstract.
That’s a common way emotional unavailability can show up.
@@thereallovealchemist I am also able to label what I feel and my emotions, yet metacognition kicks in and it usually ends in a cold hell of recursion.
My heart is encased in an icy fortress in an icy desert where a howling blizzard occurs.
Now it has become a ruin. It has to be rebuilt, not become an archaeological site.
I've had nearly the exact same experience as you with being emotionally unavailable. This video was really helpful to me and I appreciate you sharing your story 😊🙏💯
I’m so glad it helped!
The only emotions that i can recognize are sorrow and anger. I normally don't feel comfortable around people.
That’s a good start.
I am empathetic however I behave with people as they behave with me… so my partner was emotionally unavailable.. I couldn’t recognise that.. however when we got into serious relationship, he used to argue over small things and wanted to convince their point and if I got hurt then he was confused like why I am hurt and he himself later gave me hot and cold treatment
I’m so sorry you experienced that.
Thank you so much for this ! Listening to this gave me an understanding on the process of healing! I know it’s going to take some time but it’s worth it.
You’re so welcome! I’m very glad to hear it helped. You got this! 💪
Thank you for your insight
Thanks for watching!
Wow! I’m a man and relate to all of this. Thank you 🙏🏻
You’re welcome! I made this for men too 🙂
Thank you for this video, it’s helping a lot. I was wondering how we can get to the point to sense what we are actually allowed to share. For me I have the feeling that I know what’s appropriate or not to share. I generally feel „this is not worth sharing“ or „there’s no point“ in sharing this, also my body feels numb, i don’t feel what I can say.
That’s a great question. You’re allowed to share anything you want! If you were my client, I’d focus on helping you reconnect to your emotions so you can practice sharing how you feel. Your emotions and thoughts are always worth sharing. 💗
Thank you so much for this answer!
This is exactly what I experience. But I’m starting to realize that may be a sign that I’m emotionally unavailable (which I now realize I definitely am). Nothing seems appropriate to share if it actually makes me feel vulnerable
Been listening to you regullarly for two weeks now. THANK YOU
You’re welcome! I’m glad it’s been helpful. 💜
I’m aware enough to know I’m emotionally unavailable, I never been in a real relationship before because I know I never could give anyone the time, I’m 24 now, never dated, virgin and I’m hoping to climb out of it if it’s possible. Wish me luck 👍
You can definitely do it if you’re motivated. Good luck!
I’m exhausted of toxic and unavailable men but I’m not getting attracted (or even getting disgusted) by available man. Can’t even imagine them kissing me 🥹
I can relate. She said one sign was being frightened by emotionally available men and my thought was, "and if they have never tried? What does that mean?"
I can't think of any person who might have been available who has tried with me since high school. There might have been one in the past few months but I didn't notice until it was too late. (I wasn't frightened by him, I just didn't notice he might have been trying to be romantic). By the time I figured it out I couldn't ask him because I haven't seen him again, and I never got his number because I never took a small amount of interest in him. It's all frustrating.
It's kinda comforting how you kinda talk like Pam from The Office
Great content btw!
Thanks!
Yeah, i can say now that I've been emotionally unavailable
You’re in good company.
Thank you for making me aware of what’s going on in my mind…
You’re very welcome
Damn this sucks. Just now realizing after the loss of my ex that I am emotionally unavailable. Of course I justified running from the relationship and committing to moving in by saying there were too many red flags. And some of the flags were there, but I was ready to run at the drop of a dime. Logical justification of my fear of intimacy showed up by blaming her red flags instead of working together to grow. Now I realize I was honestly just hiding emotions and that’s why I was not willing to grow together. Guess I will be single until I can be honest and own my emotions.
The first step to change is awareness of our patterns. It takes a lot of courage to see this. Great work. 💪
@@thereallovealchemist appreciate yah
My patents passwd away when i was 12. Now im 41. I think i have struggled with separation/abandonment issues. I have falsly accused my ex in the past. Always kinda live in fear. So now im happy being single until i learn to be happy and love myself. I dont need a bad attachment style.
I too was emotionally unavailble. I put these walls up. I hid myself. But my relationship failed.
I’m sorry about your parents. All the best on your healing journey 💙
u look like ur from the sims4 not a bad or good thing just an insane observation like ur makeup n simplicity
Excellent video! you're great to listen to and super insightful
I've been going through a "breakup" which looks like an intense situationship being downgraded to a "casual" thing. I had feelings for this girl, and it hurt a lot when she told me she can't be my "primary romantic interest." Now I feel extremely emotionally unavailable to other people. Thing is... I have lots of friends I can share my emotions with. I become vulnerable with my friends all the time. Should I expect to be emotionally unavailable for just a temporary period? Feel like whenever someone is available for me, I'm unavailable for them and vice versa.
It’s normal to go through a temporary period of unavailability with potential romantic partners while you’re working through the feelings you have for this person. My recommendation would be to work with a professional so the unavailability doesn’t turn into a long-term thing, which it sometimes does.
I Can totally relate fully.
This is brilliant! Thanks
This is an excellent video.
Thank you. I’m glad you liked it.
Wow great information and examples!
Glad it was helpful!
this was very powerful thank u.
You’re welcome!
Thank you
You’re welcome!
thank you so much🥰😇
You’re very welcome 💗
Thank you🌸
Thank you soo much for this
You're so welcome!
Thank you for sharing this incredibly valuable content.
Glad it was helpful!
I always assume 'the girl is autistic' if she's coming across 'cold.'
My social scene involves people who attend live music events when we're performing (I play guitar in rock bands). Most women are pretty open because they are the ones who put themselves in my scene, they are there voluntarily. So if a girl is around and is always 'clammed up' I just figure 'autistic'
And maybe other women who come across 'cold' are at the edges of the autism 'spectrum' I don't know. Is it normal to 'clam up'?
1) autistic?
2) depression, including mild depression
3) high IQ
4) wealthy
People with above normal intelligence - that can be 'socially isolating.' It feels like watching people write 4+4=8 on a white board as if they don't already realize that. Hard to be patient when you feel like the people around you face 'intellectual hurdles' that you do not.
Wealthy women and the wealthy in general learn to be 'on guard' and may come across 'cold.'
If you're depressed, hit the track and run some laps. Get in top physical shape.
Good luck out there!
How do you open up and become more vulnerable without taking on a codependent mindset?
You can share how you feel while also knowing that you are 100% responsible for how you feel. It’s up to you to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to heal.
If we're emotionally available, life goes by fast if it goes good, keeps going slow if hellish whether with someone or not. There's pros and cons to both sides, just be yourself/ your best possible self. All im trying to say
Tots relate...
my girlfriend is emotionally unavailable and idk if i should send her this video. i fear she would see it in an negative way
You can start the conversation by being vulnerable yourself and sharing your feelings about the relationship.
@@thereallovealchemist THANK YOU
Please protect yourself . You can endup with an anxious attachement if you are not already .
If people are not aware of their traumas and chose ro be in denial they won't chose the healing path and the only person that is going to suffer is YOU .
My only advice is to leave the relationship if she sees this as negative .
I do share, I am vulnerable but I make up for the lack from my partner by becoming the gushingly emotional one. My partner becomes flooded and I look like a nut. What is this? I feel like I’m trying to heal the other person.
This is a common dynamic when your partner is emotionally unavailable.
@@thereallovealchemist Thank you! I am looking into your program.
I'm emotionally unavailable
Should I hugg people more, even I feel uncomfortable doing it?
Do you want to hug more people?
What if both partners are emotionally unavailable? Especially when one partner is specifically unavailable with certain subjects?
That’s usually how these relationships are. Did you have a specific question?
I notice i withhold love cause i dont believe theres someone to receive it
That’s a common experience
So...
What happens when I'm already able to dump all my trauma on my friends(and even some strangers), but I don't feel anything even remotely like intimacy?
I just feel like I'm annoying them😓
(Spoilers, autism)
If you are emotionally available would interacting with an emotionally unavailable person feel uncomfortable?
I wouldn’t say it’s uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t enjoy it very much. You wouldn’t be drawn to it.
But whats the difference between emotional unavailability vs wanting to pace it/take it slow?
Great question, I may make a video on it. It would look like sharing gradually about yourself as the person proves to be trustworthy and empathetic.
Brilliant. That makes sense Cause moving at a crazy pace and trusting too soon always crashes and burns me 😢
I want to be emotionally available to this person I like, and they like me too but I'm trying to overcome what I think is emotional unavailable to anyone besides my best friend?
I’d be happy to help. Please send me an email at Lindsay@thereallovealchemist.com to schedule a session.
Fml you just described me
U r so beautiful
remove thier image in your head. thik of something bad about them.
Glad I found you on Instagram. Excited to see your videos!
Thank u
Thank you,
You’re welcome!
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you.
You're welcome!