For an instant fix, do something for someone else. I was approached by a woman needed help with her car yesterday. It's Dallas...100+ degrees. I had my daughter with me. She asked for jumper cables and had a coworker to help her...two women that just got off shift (restaurant) and did not know how to open the car hood, let alone jump the car. I'll spare the details. A jump was not going to do it. I ended up installing a new battery for a hard working, very appreciative, single mom newly moved out from California where she was living in her car with her daughter. She did not ask for my labor or time, just cables. She was embarrassed by being a burden, but needed help. I felt an "ugh" when she approached me at first...and I ended up feeling pretty damned positive about my evening and still do today. I had purpose and value for something and someone beyond myself. No strings. No ask. No price. No catch. So...my recommendation is to go help someone out with something to help your state of mind.
Exactly, I'm a naturally selfish person and my initial reaction any time someone needs help and I'm the guy is "ugh", just like you said. But I force myself to do what I know is right and help and every single time I feel good about that choice in the end. Every time, even if the person I helped is ungrateful, I know I did the right thing, there's no replacement for that feeling.
Three thoughts: 1. You deserve to be happy. 2. Life is meant to be lived among others. You just need to find your "tribe". 3. You are far too young to determine what you're not good at. Ray Kroc, the guy who founded McDonald's was a poor travelling salesman until he was in his 50s. Give yourself time and go find your tribe.
Completely agree on your three points. There's just one four-letter word in there that really bugs me, because until we become aware of it, we tend to throw it around mindlessly much too frequently without realising the damage it can do.
I'm 57 and used to think that way. But I'm on this planet for one reason to save as many animals as I can in my lifetime, both domestic and wildlife. Everything I have done since I was 18 has revolved around both.
That is awesome and a worthy and honorable purpose. Have you heard of the White Coat Waste Project? They are an excellent animal rights organization that's stopping cruel & evil animal experimentation in govenment funded labs around the country. I donate & fill out and submit online petitions to senators & congressmen and also tell everyone else I can about it. Also PETA and ASPCA are both excellent animal rights organizations that I support and encourage others to as well. A very Worthy and Noble cause indeed. We Must do More. I consider it the most important issue on planet Earth, no matter what else is going on with the human race out of control. We Must stop these atrocities immediately and permenantly...it is an Abomination in the eyes of God! Let's do all we can to help these innocent animals and treat them with the dignity & respect they deserve and stop cruel unessessary inhumane evil experimentation on animals. Please look into this and try to inform others, we're the only hope they have. This is a very Worthy and Noble Purpose.
Nobody sees the things that happening “off camera”. The loneliness when it’s quiet in the evenings. I truly wish things get better for you, you deserve happiness. It WILL happen hang in there
I hear you. Here are my key learnings with my daughter: 1. She was feeling directionless, depressed without knowing how to redirect it. 2. Like you, she is extremely intelligent, self-aware, and was feeling pressured by herself and her support group (including me) who weren't using helpful words. 3. Like you, she was work in progress, collected a few really good tools, but hadn't yet collected enough tools related to curbing anxiety because she was still young. 4. She wasn't (and we weren't) giving her enough permission to take this time to find her niche. You might have this covered, but keep going if you haven't found it. So, what to put in action for you? Along with you're already doing, maybe a few more things to consider. 1. Remember that we attract people and opportunities to us when we''re authentically positive, inspiring, and making ourself happy. Happiness seems rare, but it's also just a choice. We wake up, and we choose it. Or we don't. When that nice looking fellow behind the grocery store check-out asks you "How are you?" Respond "happy". It throws people into a "thinking" mode because it's unexpected. The more you say it, the more it becomes a real thing. Choose happy and the world wants what you know. 2. Find the right mentor, even if a professional, including therapist-hopping until you find one that you looooooove. It made the difference for my daughter to have an external disinterested party who could brainstorm and teach real strategies, as well as show-stopping self-empowering phrases to use on us. Can't stress the importance of finding this as your initial "mentor". You'll find several mentors later for different aspects of your life, but pay to find the right therapist today, and soon. 3. Related to a therapist, I don't know (and don't need to know) your positions on situational brain chemistry assistance like Adderall or Prozac to help give you time to think, and I can't recall your age, but you seem right in the range where your brain may still not yet be fully developed, hence a possible root cause as to why it may not be making enough sense to you. Google pre-frontal cortex development and age ranges. It's not an excuse, but an explanation that may help how you communicate to those around you who developmentally can't understand your reasoning. I wish you the biggest of successes, kiddo. You have inspired me, so please keep it up.
I am sorry, Erika. Have you ever told us what you do for a living? I know you don't want my advice, but if you did, I'd say find a way to help another person. My life changed when I discovered this axiom: my self-esteem comes from getting out of myself, and helping others is the only way for me to do that. I had to get to AA to figure that out, I hope you don't have to! As with everything I say, take it with a grain of salt... also, almost nothing lasts forever.
I think it's not that simple. I think self isolation first of all shows what a bully and how destructive our mind really is. This is first of all separate of the brain. We isolate, because we're bullied by others. We're isolated... we keep bullying ourselves. Our ex, teacher, parents, whatever are gone. The war continues. I think this is an important insight to recognize. Otherwise Erika will just force herself into socializing and totally dismiss the reason why she isolated in the first place.
Not everyone. It depends on one's psychological makeup. This came into play with the onset of Charlie One-Niner a few years ago. For some the quarantine was unbearable to the point of being traumatic. Many of these rubber-banded and/or saught therapy once things lifted. For others, it was literally a non-issue. These made little or no alteration to their routine for the panda and pretty much always function that way without ill effect.
Based on a simple analysis, you need a "Sense of Purpose". Be it Job goals, experiential goals, Travel goals, dating goals, Social growth goals. If you wake up with no target, you will feel lost in the big lazy river of life slugging along confused where you are and no idea where you are going. Another great piece of advice given to me decades ago...What you focus on grows in your life, meaning if you focus on what you can't do that is what you will achieve. As far as the things that are not in your nature, get over that and fail forward fast. You have already reached the bottom, trying to make friends and getting rejected is unlikely but even if it does happen keep going it will eventually work out. I am guessing a lot of what you are going through are leftovers of how your lifestyle was impacted by the pandemic era, it did jack up the momentum of life for a lot of people. Go out and enjoy failing forward fast, eventually it will become more of a success and we will see a happy version of you show up on here with new friends etc..
“The saddest are what might have been.” I thought I understood that saying until my girlfriend passed away prior to our marriage. We even talked about children names. I still went to weddings, baptisms, family gatherings, and pretended to be happy. My family did not approve of her. For awhile I was in the doldrums. I did nothing but wallow in the past. I knew what I had to do, but I did not do it. Then one day after watching a few motivational videos your video came up. It was your vocabulary and introspection that caught my attention. It was not your first video, it was the first surfing one that woke me from the torpor I was in. You have affected me and all the people I associate with. It is great to among the living again. Thank you Erika. Take care Erika, do not give up. There are many others that need your help. Your Friend
Yeah.. I think role models and little sparks of motivation are so damn important. I think of life as some kind of hard drive with a lot of space and what we do is wandering around in some narrow place and we think this is all there is and some of it may be true limited by our genes or certain environmental factors that we cannot change. But sometimes somebody like Erika comes about and shows us a whole different spectrum and sometimes it's like a wake up call and we realize that that capacity is inside of us too.
You are in your discovery phase and you'll eventually find your purpose and motivation in life. We all go through this phase of discovery where many things feel pointless. Just know this is part of the process and by having these thoughts you're still moving forward.
if you are suffering or feeling shaky and unsure, it means that you are making progress, just look how many people come here just to listen to your thoughts, this is proof of your success, so keep going.
You're very good at being yourself and putting it on youtube. I look forward to your videos all the time. You also have a funny sense of humor that cheers me up.
You're going to be ok sweetie. I'm old and my body is falling apart but I'm still hanging on. When you are feeling low remember there cycles in all our lives. If things seem bad they can become very very good in what seems like an instant.
you have something that many many people lack: self awareness. that's a blessing and curse sadly. you are a precious soul and you're putting yourself out there in the most challenging way (IMO) so try not to beat yourself up so much. I think you'll eventually push through this sticking point in your life, and you'll find what you're looking for. If we were in the same area, we'd be friends :-)
Erika, I'm 58. I'm back in therapy, back on anti-depressants. Therapy and meds have their ups and downs. i don't know how you feel about those things but they are buoying me for the time being and that is enough while I'm working through the same feelings. Friends and family can only help to a certain point, and then you need professional guidance. There have been times when I've volunteered with events for Special Olympics, the local ambulance corps, and other organizations. You may not make friends but helping others feels pretty good. We all have moments when we throw crap at a wall to see what sticks. I hope you find something to focus on and it just grows. Depression is exhausting. Cognitively you understand that little actions are simple and take no time, and yet you aren't doing it. It's not because you are lazy. I know my brain has been conditioned to think the worst all too often and it just isn't the case but that IS the pattern I fall into. I hope I am making sense and that I'm reading your situation correctly. Tough to do on a social media platform. Sorry you are having a tough day. Sending digital, platonic, non-creepy hugs or pats on the back. I really wish you well.
Hi Erika. I felt the way you feel for a long time. Loneliness just about destroyed me. So, I want to share something with you. I believe God created every single person On Purpose for a Purpose. You are precious and valuable and there is a reason you are here. Your life matters. I found relief and deliverance from the feelings I had similar to yours in a relationship with Jesus. God does love you more than you can imagine and he cares about every detail of your life. I am 65 years old and I can say with confidence that TRUE, lasting joy can only be found in Jesus. Cry out to Him... He will hear you. I am praying for you. God bless you!
I wish I could say something to give motivation encouragement or inspiration. Everyone has value… you have value. For example this 14+ minute video got 10k views and 900+ people cared enough to comment. A quick calculation approximately 97 days combined worth of time spent by people watching your video. When I feel stuck I look for ways to be of service to others and/or find joy by being out among nature. It brings a sense of wonder and curiosity. I hope this helps. Blessings be yours!❤
I immigrated got married with the love of my life, lost her in 2008 trough suicide. Ever since I m on my own. Than got major heart surgery and not aloud to work. Just to boost ya up a bit. I can’t do much anymore but found positive thing in daily life.
I know this isn't helpful for you but it's so important that you share this kind of post. So many of us feel this from time to time, we feel trapped in executive paralysis and don't have the energy or the desire to fix it. It's a form of depression that a lot of experience but never talk about because we feel like it's a weakness and don't want to bother people people with it. Sharing this is important; thank you. ❤You're a beautiful human.
Loneliness is such an overwhelming feeling. I don't know your background and I don't want to recommend anything for fear of stirring up even more difficult stuff. One thing I can say is that you're not alone in feeling this way. I'm trained as a therapist and wish I could reach out
You are right. Life is pretty pointless for any other purpose than to exist. I think your issue is that you have the great quality of really wanting to do something great for the world. That is not easy. its trial and error and its a lonely journey. I have been there. The down days are normal. Just stand strong through them. Self doubt is normal. Self doubt means that you are pushing yourself beyond comfort zone. Self doubt doesn't become failure until you believe the self doubt. So stand strong keep trying to find the purpose you want to bring to the world. It will happen.
These videos are safe. You can talk without real connections, but it good that you are sharing. Depression, the feeling of anxiety, being lonely and of motivation is not unusual. The ability to be alone in the company of others is not unusual. Not doing simple things for no reason is not unusual. I have experienced all these things yet I somehow survived, finished stuff raised kids, somthere is hope Please continue with the channel. Don’t worry about what other people think because they don’t think. You have not wasted time. There is a saying “the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago the next best time is today” Don’t blame yourself and do not regret the past. One activity that teaches living in the moment is a combat sport with sparring like May Thai, Boxing, full contact Karate, etc. You will learn about yourself. Hitting something or someone might bring the motivation you seek. Progress can become RUclips postings. You don’t seem to be scared of testing . You will meet others on a similar journey.
I can relate, I'm in my early 40s. Over the years, my friends have started families and such, and now im just kinda alone. *shrug* Even my family has all moved all over the place, so family outings are pretty limited, if at all. I just make a to-do list on my phone and try to keep up on all the tasks. You do things for yourself, because hopefully someday you look back and seehow you have changed. Keep you head up that tomorrow will be better than the last .
Curiosity is a hell of a drug, so it’s totally okay if you're not finding your passion right now. Sometimes, as you explore what genuinely interests you, you might stumble upon passions that are dynamic and evolve over time. As you progress, you’ll achieve many great things that give you that dopamine boost to keep going into new areas. Remember, it’s about enjoying the process of discovering what makes you curious and happy along the way. And don’t forget the power of music, it can be a great companion on this journey. Taking risks, trying new things, and letting curiosity guide you can lead to rewarding sensations. You’ve got this! 👋
Bottom line is, you made a good start, the cooking and baking was a very good idea because its a life long skill that will not only benefit you, but your future husband/kids which is inevitably going to happen, at least if that's what you're aiming for. It's definitely something that is worth carrying on with and isn't a pointless waste of time. Second thing is your exercise is also something that will benefit for the rest of your life, so again that's your next non-pointless thing, yes it's hard to keep at it but that's where the self discipline comes in, and also develops, so yet another thing worth continuing/somewhat forcing yourself to do. Just remember to eat accordingly or else it will drain you as much if not more than benefit you. Third, what are your career goals? Do you have any? If so, what small, almost no effort things can you be chipping away at each day to work towards them? A woman of as high intelligence as you will have a natural edge in these things, once you've fixated onto something. And also, having friends is nice but nearly all of them will be situational, you will rarely find one that lasts for life and is the stable rock that you desire, at least a good 75% of that has to comes from yourself, you'll be the only true constant in your life. I'm the same age as you, 22 nearly 23, introverted as hell and have barely any friends, 3 maybe 4 that are close but it's more than enough, you don't need to find many. When you are as intelligent as you it's harder to find a genuine interesting friend because as you have said before, all the superficial social media crap that most our age are into, it's all meaningless so finding the connections you are after is going to be a little harder, it's something you will need to try to accept unfortunately As for having something that you will enjoy doing every single day for the rest of your life, that is simply not possible it's not really how our brains work sadly. As for the sort of social anxiety, if you want to "fix" it then a hospitality job is a good starting place, I was shy as hell too all through my teens but working in hospitality and being forced to talk to people you have never seen before helps quite a bit, best part is you will never see them again after they leave your work so if you mess it's no biggie. Good luck Erika!
I found that healthcare work helped me. It paid decent and forced me to interact with people on a more-than-superficial level. It also forced me to set boundaries and leave other peoples' problems with them when I went home. At the end of a shift I could be thankful that my life was not like any of my patients' and I appreciated what I had accomplished elsewhere much more.
You are there to make someone else feel loved. To make them feel like they are the one and only through his or hers best and worst. To be strong and understanding for them. To do special, thoughtful things for them. To not let them down and to be honest about behaviors of theirs that you like and dislike.
I feel the same way. Like nailed it 100% and I don’t know why. Stay strong and know you’re not alone. Always open to chat. Feel free to reach out at anytime and know that you are loved. ❤
I suggest getting a motorcycle. Take the beginner course in your city, get a small bike. I’m not sure how, but being on two wheels clears my head and improves my mental health like nothing else. 🏍️
The way this video touched and resonated with me validates your purpose. You may not feel it or know it but I'm telling you that I needed to hear this, it is hugely meaningfully and cathartic to me. Powerful beyond comprehension. Thank you.
You are absolutely unique and special. People who get to know you really enjoy you. There's a saying that it goes to have a friend you need to be a friend. So choose people that you genuinely enjoy to be around and try your best be of service to others who could use help. Sometimes getting your eyes of yourself and instead try helping others in need is very rewarding. You are extremely intelligent and you are wrong if you think we who follow you don't look forward to your next video. I would spend more time being positive rather than negative. If you spend more of your time being negative if course that's what will be manifested so stay positive instead! You're amazing in your own unique way and that makes you lucky!!!! 😍
An existential crisis at your age both sucks and is profound at the same time. It means you will be much further ahead in life instead of having this happen to you at 40 because this happens to EVERYONE, trust me. Its crazy how social media brings us together but at the same time we are all alone. You would be amazed at how many people are in your position. I have some ideas to help you but I dont even know if I am getting through or not due to the insane censorship. Ill send you an email.
@@XavierBasurto777 If you have been following her for awhile she posted her email awhile back to message her. Unfortunately google removed the ability to direct message a long time ago to protect creators. You have to talk in a 3rd party platform, which she doesn't have, only her email which is posted on one of her original videos.
@@John_Conner222 thank you for sharing, i was thinking something like that and watched her first video however didnt finish it as i was working on a few other things at same time. i wish people would type on youtube though instead of private because it seems like alot if not all creators dont communicate unless its live, its hard to get an answer it seems aswell as strange messages that always say text or something on some other link which i only have facebook and youtube eh.
@@XavierBasurto777 youtube doesnt like me and doesnt like long intricate posts. I'm trying to create something for Erika so that more people can communicate with her in a timely manner. Its foundational stuff that no one will care to read about and it will be lost in a sea of comments unless I can directly talk to her and guide her through the process. Its simple but a little technical. Her email is attached in her video description, its not in the video.
You are good and you are worthy. Just the fact that you show yourself vulnerable makes it visible to the all ones that connect and feel like you. So, you give hope. You show "You are not alone". It helps. And - all of us here - are thankfull that you share your thoughts and struggles with yourself (that we all have) so openly. You are amazing.
If there was a point to anything, the point would be pointless... You can keep tracing back the reason for doing things until you eventually will reach nothingness. And so the only reason to do something is because it is easier to do it than not to do it, otherwise known as "fun" . Sometimes nothing is fun. And that state of inspiration can't be forced, nor can it come about by analyzing the reason behind doing things. In fact, wondering what's the point of what you're doing will usually just prolong the state of disinterest. And also, when you do find something that IS inspiring or fun, once you begin trying to explain or justify if it is "relevant enough" you will slowly begin to lose the source of the joy that you had in that thing, which came from, you guessed it, nothing at all. That's just my experience so far in life. Thanks for your honesty, it is quite brave.
I am right there with you, I am in the same boat going through the exact same thing at the moment. As humans we need connection to other people and we all need purpose no matter what that means to you. And your not the only one with low self confidence I have been struggling with that most of my life.
I have been through years of these feelings of pointlessness but worse than that I have been seeing decay everywhere. I know how you feel and I also know there is always better ahead. Stop looking for purpose and just look for joy. Joy for yourself or joy from bringing joy for others.
Erika, I truly understand your pain; I have been going through similar things the last few years. I lack passion for most things, I have very few friends, and I don't feel necessary in this world. I commented on your very first video inviting you to be my friend, and I still would like to extend my friendship to you if you choose to take it. I am here for you
The feelings you're describing are not your fault. You are not to blame for feeling the way you do--and I mean both in the current moment, when you're feeling down, and in the bigger picture, when you're questioning your purpose. These feelings don't make you "less than". To quote one of my favorite songs of late, "Don't worry, it's all just a symptom of being human". You are not alone in feeling the way you have described; I have no doubt at all that millions of folks do. And you're correct that companionship--that personal connection--can make a tremendous difference in our day-to-day outlook. Having someone who needs you but will also care for you is a life changing experience. You mentioned a couple of times in this video that you don't feel like you have anything going for you. But there are reasons your videos have gotten thousands and thousands of views. I'm not here to slather you with praise that might seem insincere coming from a total stranger, but I've watched enough of your videos to know that you are very intelligent--which is huge--you are willing to try new and different things, which is more than I can say for myself, and you are clearly gorgeous. I landed on your very first video from seeing a screen capture of a beautiful woman, but I've kept watching your other videos because I'm rooting for you. I'm far from being any kind of expert on the subject, but I do think you're describing symptoms of clinical depression. If you haven't already, it might be beneficial to find a therapist you can trust to help you better understand what's going on, and learn coping mechanisms. Also, don't give up. I know you have massive anxiety, and that's also a clinical condition that's closely related to depression. I'm no therapist, but in my personal experience of anxiety, I suffered terribly for years. Looking back, it felt literally like all light around me had darkened just a tiny bit, as if a cloud were hanging over my head. I couldn't enjoy anything, even things I used to love. I would catch myself inwardly clamping down whenever I started to look forward to something, with a thought pattern like "how can you look forward to that, when you have this terrible XYZ hanging over your head"? I remember distinctly when I was in a group chat in a game, and two members of my group were discussing anxiety. One of them was a clinical therapist and she told the other, "you have to talk yourself out of it". I didn't believe it was possible. I suffered terribly from anxiety at night, alone. I didn't want to go to bed at night because with nothing to DO to take my mind off my anxiety, I would lay there awake all night feeling dread. Trying to talk myself out of it seemed to only fuel that fire. I literally couldn't believe it. I thought the advice was fake/faulty/incorrect, or at least that it didn't apply to me. But I'm here to tell you: It actually IS possible to overcome that anxiety. It truly IS possible to talk one's self out of it. It took me, personally, a long time, but I've learned how to basically control it now, like flipping a switch. I'm not exaggerating. I can still feel it in the back of my mind, that background process just SEARCHING for something to be afraid of, looking for something to worry about, and worrying when there's nothing to worry about. But I don't let it control me anymore. It doesn't ruin my life anymore. There is hope. Every person is a little different, and what works for some folks might not work as well for others. You might even have an easier route to overcoming it than I have had. This is one good reason to talk to a therapist if you haven't already done. I still have a lot of the same questions and feelings about my purpose as you have described. I'm not trying to tell you I'm floating around perpetually on Cloud 9. I'm an introvert, kind of like (I think) the way you're describing yourself. I don't have a practical means of going out and meeting other people, at least not anything that I can motivate myself to actually do. But if it's helpful, know that you're not alone. And if it's helpful, know that there *is* hope.
If it feels a little bad. Think how badly, terribly badly others can have it. Then it immediately feels better. and you feel strong and satisfied with life. thumbs up
No idea why your video showed up in my suggestions, but everything you said, EVERYTHING, every word are the words in my own mind and heart. I truly feel for you and will keep you in my prayers. Keep breathing, Erika. Just. Keep. Breathing. We’re going to make it. Somehow. I promise.
Your story is very fascinating you’re able to articulate so much with a side of humor and humility that keeps me wanting to hear what’s next..I think you speak for hundreds of people who may feel the same way but don’t have the platform,bravery or articulation skill you have..
You have to realise how fortunate you are, travel gives you this. You will find inspiration. and direction. There is nothing so inspirational as seeing something that is 2000 years old, time is fleeting, grow up x And purpose
I have a thousand things I wish I could say to help but, you are right, reading it in a chat isn't the same. "Fake it til you Make it" is what I do. I'm shy and I hate talking to stangers but I pretend I'm good at it and now people think I'm good at it. Like when you force yourself to sit in front of a camera and talk. It's hard, it doesn't work, but you do it. Even it feels hollow. It's not. You might feel like you're a fake but you're making a good channel and people here genuinely love you. Oddly, the real world works the same way. If you force yourself to talk to someone, eventually someone will talk back. I wish I could be there in person so this could make more sense. It's hard to "know" you'll be ok but you'll be ok.
I went through feelings like this many times in my life. Most importantly … just take of yourself physically, keep exercising and eating healthy. Because eventually when you start feeling better emotionally you’ll at least be thankful you took care of yourself physically. As my Dad always said “ This will pass “ Meaning … you will get through the bad times. Heads up kiddo
On the days you don't feel like going,,is the day you have to push and pull yourself,, when the couch looks so inviting and AC feels so good,,thats the days you have to make yourself Go,,it may be the most important day of your Life!!
Sorry Erika, don’t be so hard on yourself! You need to put one foot forward and it will get better. Self confidence takes time and it will come. Believe in yourself!!!
I know what you are saying. I have never had a strong connection to anyone. I have no social life. My whole life has been a hopeless rut so far. We can't be the only ones. I'll bet many people have these struggles too.
Can relate on a deep level. I’m almost 50 and I’ve got no self confidence but lots of self loathing. I’ve got no ambition, no dreams and no energy. Never been in a relationship, I’m introverted and don’t trust people. I have no idea and I’ve got no advice as I’m someone who’s never gone out of my comfort zone basically.
Very recently I went through a very similar fase in life. My life got into a complete stalemate, I didn't had many goals, the ones I had although reasonable, seem unachievable. And I started getting that terrible "what's even the point" feeling. I felt like an hamster on a wheel, constantly running without really going anywhere. You're doing the same thing, you're "running" on that "wheel". You're trying all sorts of things in an attempt to get a sense of fulfillment. And that's not a bad thing, the problem is that it's not about quantaty, it's about quality. What do you truly desire? Friends? Meaningful connections with people? These are all very reasonable goals, that at the moment seem unachievable. Now, what you need to work on yourself is "what is making these reasonable goals so unachievable?". Lack of self confidence is clearly the main reason for it. And you need to tackle it. RUclips was a great idea for building up confidence, and it's working better than you probably realize. You are a lot more confident now that you were in the first videos. But you need to find the source of that lack of self confidence, in order to truly get over it. You're intelligent and good looking, so the two most common causes for lack of self confidence don't apply in your case, or at least they shouldn't apply. So it's most certainly something more profound. And the only person who can figure out what is it, is you, either by yourself or with help.
Erika, I always have sooo much to say every time I watch your videos. I can relate to everything you say. You are not alone or different. Existential questions like what the heck are we doing here are paralyzing to those of us who are emotional people. Most of my life I could have spent alone locked inside if it weren't for friends who would drag me out into the sunlight. I wrote to you once before about finding your niche and it isn't easy but eventually something will click. You can do it! I wrote you once before about me getting out of my basement by signing up for classes, volunteering for a non-profit and joining my Buddhist group (SGI-USA) - meditation is been my antidote to anxiety. Through these activities I have made new, life long friends. None of this happens overnight. You have a support group out here and you are loved.
Did you ever tried heroin? I think you and Erika could be very good candidate for this. It really forces you to get a goal in your life, like finding enough money for your next fix, etc... If you are alone and doesn't have any friends it's not important, you won't care about this kind of stuff anymore. As long as you have enough of your own stuff your don't really care about the other stuff... When I was younger I was getting depressed over many little stupid things just like Erika, but now I don't give a f about anything anymore, which I think is pretty nice. It's great to finally be able to relax a bit. I just do my fix in the bathroom of McDonald's and then I sit at a table and between every nods I'm analysing the people around me. There's a lot of pigs, especially at McDonalds, but if you know how to look carefully you will see a lot of interesting people. It's pretty easy to read through people's mind, of course with some people it can be harder but generally it is not, they're just like an open book... I think what I'm trying to say is that, it's not that hard to enjoy your life, you just need to find a good catalyst.
These feelings are common in many people, even I have times where I think there is no point, but there is much more to accomplish. A spark is what you need, just keep your mind open.
I recognise so much of what you say. I am not an extrovert, but have longed to be one, social, belonging… I have had deep depressions, feeling alone, out of place, unloved. But I am who I am. Learning that I have Aspergers helped me understand why I have not fit in well in social life. You are here simply to be yourself. There is no grand plan for us. I have been helped by just accepting being, not doing.
All I can say is something that I am struggling with myself SO MUCH: Things tend to take a LOT more time than we are willing to wait for. I am close to 50 yo now and still have many of the same issues that you talk about in the video and that I was already dealing with when I was much younger. Now, if you are already asking these kinds of questions at this point in your life, you are doing a lot better than I was back then, so don't conclude from the above that there's nothing to be done and you will be in the same state when you turn 50. The one thing that keeps me going more or less is the idea that, even if in the moment it doesn't necessarily look that way, I am a new person each day, learning, growing, adapting, changing, even without actively putting in effort - simply from slow changes over time, evolving perspectives from having more life to look back on, and new experiences from just daily living. So anything you can do to give yourself the patience needed to get through the particularly bad patches, do it - even if it's just to keep reminding yourself that a day without any deliberate accomplishments to your credit is still a day where your brain was active, a day that may possibly have a significant positive influence toward your future without really feeling like that in the moment.
"everything feels pointless and I don't have the self-confidence to fix it" ...everything is pointless, but you can give things meaning for yourself and that's all you can do.
I really hope we can all find comfort and satisfaction in our lives. As much as I tell myself that I don't really care, deep down I know I do, I just don't want to feel this way. In my case it has never been anything extreme but it's always been that constant feeling of emptiness, it's been like this for many years, I know I should seek some professional help at the very least, and there are more things I know I could at least try, but man, there are so many "simple reasons/excuses" why I don't...
Many people who feel this way, get into bad habits. This is essentially the same as digging the hole deeper than your in. For example, skipping a day at the gym- eventually you end up skipping a week, then a month, then you get unfit and anxious about returning, making a day at a gym being almost impossible. Its fine to skip a day, if and when you want to, just dont make a habit of it. (or any bad habit!) Dwelling on your value to the world and being negative about it, is fine to reflect occationally, but not healthy to do constantly. Remeber youre the main character of your own story and its hard to see others going through the same as you, but your not alone. Try things, go to events, eventually you'll meet others with similar interests. I never got on with anyone at school, jobs, pubs; and i didnt find any real connections until my early 30s. Be nervous, be sad, your allowed to feel down, but stay optimistic, these moments pass. Your videos are being an inspiration to many who feel similar, or even worse than you do. Stay positive, you will find your place in this world eventually until then you give much value to many.
You may have social anxiety which you may want to consider talking to a counselor about. I was very shy when I was a little kid which developed into social anxiety later (although no one called it that way back then.) One of the things that helped me was that I began to look at everything in life as a game. Doing new things - a game. Going to events - a game. Meeting people - a game. Asking a girl out - a game. Talking to a stranger - a game. Eventually I no longer cared what the particular outcome of any game was and lost my anxiety. On the flip side, it's also OK to be alone and recharge. It's OK to do nothing sometimes. It's OK to just chill at home. Hell, my favorite hobby is reading and when I'm out doing something or spending time with people, many times I'm thinking to myself "I kinda wanna just go home and continue reading that fantastic book I'm into." Anyway, good luck and just keep going but don't be too hard on yourself either.
Oh Erika. I think that everyone here would give you a hug if we could. What you're saying is so relatable. Please understand that you're not alone in feeling this way.
Hang in there kid. A lot of us were there, and sometimes still are. Everything is pointless for the most part, you got that figured out. You have a lot of time on your hands, the more in your head and not out in the world doing things, the more pointless it becomes. You have to be willing to throw yourself out of your comfort zone to get meaningful growth and break this cycle. I came from poverty/alcoholic home. I was meandering and going nowhere, joined the Army National Guard out of pure desperation, and it changed my life and gave me enough confidence/personal growth to break out of the completely hopeless cycles I trapped myself in. The longer you stew in this, the worse it gets. Good luck.
Ericka, I can certainly identify with what you're saying and most definitely have gone through the same many times. Two major things in my life helped me escape that feeling/mindset - helping others at the expense of my own time/resources, and a positive association of people who seek to lift each other up in times like these. Theres a famous saying - "you are what you eat", but I'd argue that moreso - "you are who you hang around with". I would genuinely love to show you around my association so you could get an idea of how winners in life overcome challenges. Let me know if that's something you'd be open to explore.
Having doubts is a normal part of living. Do not be so hard on yourself. I admire your courage to share your vulnerability and your feelings with the world. I give my full respect on that. When I have such days I have a place to go: I go to the stable where my 2 horses are waiting, cleaning it for them and hanging out with them. That takes the blues away, the clouds in the head. Every person is good at things, and rarely we are that self-observant to be able to name it. Let these emotions come in, see them and also let them pass out and away. This is transitional and makes us human. Only a programmed robot can function day over day. And even those have malfunctions from time to time. Greetings from Austria.
Sending you a virtual hug. I've never had a ton of friends, but I've been lucky enough at almost any given point in my life to have a 1,2, or 3 people I could call friends and they 'got me'. I'm shy and introverted as well, so putting myself out there to others isn't natural. The only way it's going to happen naturally is being in situations that force you to interact with others. Take a cooking class, an art class, learn a musical instrument, book club, join a kick ball league, anything. Don't worry about being good at these things, it's just putting yourself out there. I can't speak to the lack of motivation, but I get it, and it's easy to feel utterly defeated. There have been times in my life that I felt the world didn't give a damn about me at all, but those feelings were fleeting, and someone would usually step in and take an interest in me at some level. I'm a musician who performs locally so it forces me in situations where I'm around kindred spirits. Find your kindred spirits. It only takes 1, 2, or 3 to lift you up. It doesn't take a herd, but you have to put yourself in group situations in order for it to happen naturally. Not meaning to sound preachy, really hoping you can find your happiness. Wishing you the best.
Don’t worry; not everything in everyday life needs to have a specific purpose. We can’t always be productive. We try hard to fit in and develop ourselves, but there should also be time to simply lay down, relax, and daydream. Not everyone is fortunate enough to meet their second half early in life. I don’t think tension will help here. You’re an honest, authentic, lovely person, and I’m sure you’ll find happiness in no time. Love and Peace.✌
A peaceful, quiet life is a blessing. Focus on growing. Read literature. Grow to appreciate it. It's work, but it is enriching. Read some criticism, A critical analysis of what you just read. Be true to yourself. You're awesome! Sometimes the best exercise for the human heart is to give someone a hand up. 🌜🔭🌌
Everything is pointless... until you give it meaning. Give it enough meaning to be worth doing, but not so much that it breaks you. Advice from a stranger that felt the same way when he was around your age. Lots of good advice from others too. Choose what fits your worldview, if it doesn't work, try something else. Give it time. You'll find your way.
Hi there, I feel for you there are so many of us out here that feel the same way but it sounds like your trying to reach out to people and find some answers and that's a good thing the bravest thing you can do in life is say help, and asking for help isn't weakness, it's just saying I refuse to give up and I want to move forward, it's just about finding the right path for you. I can also tell you the longer you stay on your own in seclusion the harder it is to break back out into the world again days turn to weeks and weeks turn into months and so on. as you begin to get older and mature more , things change, priorities change , you mind set changes and it's a matter of finding the new path to push forward on, and in this time of social media where it's easier to plop down in front of a computer and talk to people doesn't get out back out into the real world and the fresh air and sunshine and spending time with family and friends and enjoying life and building new friendships, but it starts with baby steps, putting one foot in front of the other and finding a new path and finding something each day that makes you happy and makes you smile and try to do what makes your life the best one for you
For me I get this way sometimes. I've learned that depression isn't always easy to overcome. It is kind of a "worthless" feeling and lonely. For me joining group therapy has helped a great deal. I guess there are 12 step programs for improvement. There are also health issues that can affect me as well. I have to admit that this isn't easy. Wish you better and hope that things improve. I can say you aren't alone in feeling this way.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have the same feelings. I am much older so I have the added feeling that "At my age I should know better how to deal with this." In my case the lack of motivation seems to stem from clinical depression that started back in 2005 when my ex- and I split up. Psychologists, psychiatrists and much therapy later has brought me to the point where I don't feel so very down all the time, But the lack of motivation is still there and I can't seem to get anything done unless I "have" to do so. Usually because someone else is counting on me to get something done. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you. I pray a lot and that seems to help, IF I COULD KEEP IT UP. I guess i just wanted to commiserate. I hope you feel better.
Barbara Sher has a good book, "Refuse to Choose", about floating from one interest to another by keeping different projects going all the time. I need to read it again and make it my own.
I often felt this way. I solved it by just not giving a damn. YOLO as the kids used to say. We are here for only a billionth of a millisecond compared to the age of the universe. Yet we ARE here. I slowly shifted my view to "as long as I get to experience life, I’m good" I don’t care if I’m living in a cardboard box. Am I here? I could have been born a rock, but I wasn’t. Thats amazing. I also do a lot of things. Game Design...Animation.....3d modeling. Art. Running social media pages. Just things I like and keep me sane. I think the answer is that you are demanding yourself to have more meaning than what you’re experiencing. Life changes constantly so riding out the down times leads to new exciting things to come. Could be a new friend. A marriage. College. For me I felt like I wasn’t progressing. I happened to work at a university, so I decided to sign up at 41 years old for my dream since I was a kid.... Animation. I don’t know if it will lead anywhere but I’m going to just do it. Take control. At the same time, I started working out. These are things I don’t do so it was a drastic change, but it really made me feel accomplished. Tossed out smoking cigs too. Little tiny changes like that make you feel that accomplishment. You will read 9000 suggestions or ideas from people. Maybe that will be good.... but out of everything in my opinion.....stop giving a shit about some things and start giving a shit about other things. For me that was to stop giving a shit about feeling helpless. I’m alive. I’ve achieved something rare in what seems to be a dead universe. I started giving a shit about schooling. Even if I don’t land a job as an animator, I am working on my own show to maybe upload or pitch to Netflix or something. Even if I don’t achieve it.... don’t care. I have a goal. It keeps me busy. In a nutshell, you’re setting the bar way up in the clouds. Start setting realistic bars lower...achieve them then inch your way up. I’ve obsessed with the idea that I am here. So much so that if I was locked in a room for the rest of my life, I would be more likely to be fine with it. I won the lottery already by having the universe create me. I’m not a rock. You’re doing fine. This is normal. This is you evaluating everything in your life. Now, it’s time to rearrange things. Step 1 step 2 step 3. Even rich people have these thoughts from time to time. Even people with 100 friends have them. You will have them again in the future. It’s just an alert inside you telling you to make a move. So, make a move. You don’t NEED to have great success. You WANT to. You don’t NEED to have 99 friends, you WANT to. Also, take chances. Find a DnD group or something in your area. Good luck!
You're doing a good job analyzing and observing yourself to understand why. Answers come to us when we can observe and listen. Here are somethings I'm learning as I work through my lonely times. The Mediterranean diet has been very helpful in my feeling good and sleeping good. Eating too much meat and fats and oils can slow me down too much make me feel unmotivated. If I have alcohol, it will be on weekends and not alone but with good company. Getting too much exercise can lead me to burn out. Being alone can be unmotivating but being in bad company can be disappointing. Find someone to be in love with. It's very inspiring and motivating. Pray for understanding, guidance, and personal adjusting to help shape and mold yourself to the person that is blessed with good people and loving relationships.
It's normal totally normal. Culture and media condition us to think otherwise. I've been alone most of my life. Everything you are saying is what most people feel around your age. Being aimless and not having direction is normal. Embrace it; the small victories. You woke up today. Sometimes that plenty and enough. When I felt bad about it like you do now, I started partying. It was an adventure and a blast. But I ended up creating more problems for myself. *Don't inadvertently create problems when there aren't any. We are conditioned to think something always has to be wrong with us. It's a lie. You're normal.
Erika, we all feel this way from time to time, please don’t give up. We all love and appreciate you. Finding your place takes time. Keep plugging away and you will find your niche. I’ve been plagued with low self esteem all my life. I’m the same way with exercise. I flip flop on hobbies too. No, you’re an introvert. You don’t thrive in chaos. As far as friends go, you’ve got us!! I know it’s not the same but it’s something. And we’re all here for you. I pray you find your place. Don’t be embarrassed. I wish I could be there for you. To talk, and connect and give you a big hug 🤗 I feel for you. ❤
Everyone is different when it comes to these things. Isolation is really difficult. Getting out there and being social can be ten times more difficult.
Looking for a way to help or serve others is a great way to find purpose. You'll be amazed how being a blessing to others, will impact your own life in such a positive way. Keep up the great work with your videos!
I can't do the randomly talking to people, so I have to do something that makes me talkt to people. Having something to talk about and a reason to talk is a great icebreaker. Try volunteering! Does not matter what, but something that interests you ( gardening, animals, working on cars whatever).
I'm so sorry you've had to feel this week. But there's so much truth and light in you. Do you think maybe you want to feel or be loved? not just romantically, but love from a friend, parent, bf/gf, yourself? It is really helpful to ask yourself questions. These days a lot of people have questions, about religion, race, culture, family, mental health, their place in this world etc etc. Also nose-breathing/buddhist breathing has helped me with crippling anxiety :) PS: YOU HAVE NOT WASTED ANY TIME!!
For an instant fix, do something for someone else. I was approached by a woman needed help with her car yesterday. It's Dallas...100+ degrees. I had my daughter with me. She asked for jumper cables and had a coworker to help her...two women that just got off shift (restaurant) and did not know how to open the car hood, let alone jump the car. I'll spare the details. A jump was not going to do it. I ended up installing a new battery for a hard working, very appreciative, single mom newly moved out from California where she was living in her car with her daughter. She did not ask for my labor or time, just cables. She was embarrassed by being a burden, but needed help. I felt an "ugh" when she approached me at first...and I ended up feeling pretty damned positive about my evening and still do today. I had purpose and value for something and someone beyond myself. No strings. No ask. No price. No catch. So...my recommendation is to go help someone out with something to help your state of mind.
Exactly, I'm a naturally selfish person and my initial reaction any time someone needs help and I'm the guy is "ugh", just like you said. But I force myself to do what I know is right and help and every single time I feel good about that choice in the end. Every time, even if the person I helped is ungrateful, I know I did the right thing, there's no replacement for that feeling.
If making friends was easy, we'd all be surrounded by friends and millions of people wouldn't be lonely.
Three thoughts: 1. You deserve to be happy.
2. Life is meant to be lived among others. You just need to find your "tribe".
3. You are far too young to determine what you're not good at. Ray Kroc, the guy who founded McDonald's was a poor travelling salesman until he was in his 50s.
Give yourself time and go find your tribe.
I'm taking this with me too😅
He was actually old before he damaged the world with his crap food and maybe exploitation.
Completely agree on your three points. There's just one four-letter word in there that really bugs me, because until we become aware of it, we tend to throw it around mindlessly much too frequently without realising the damage it can do.
This is true, We all need to be in our tribe. Like minded people.
I'm 57 and used to think that way. But I'm on this planet for one reason to save as many animals as I can in my lifetime, both domestic and wildlife. Everything I have done since I was 18 has revolved around both.
true😁
are you a vegan?
Posted a suggestion for Erika to volunteer at a shelter to make a difference and find purpose.
Repent
Read Your Holy Bible
King James Version
Every Day and Night 📖
And Pray Always 🙏 🪔
It Gets Better
That is awesome and a worthy and honorable purpose. Have you heard of the White Coat Waste Project? They are an excellent animal rights organization that's stopping cruel & evil animal experimentation in govenment funded labs around the country. I donate & fill out and submit online petitions to senators & congressmen and also tell everyone else I can about it. Also PETA and ASPCA are both excellent animal rights organizations that I support and encourage others to as well. A very Worthy and Noble cause indeed. We Must do More. I consider it the most important issue on planet Earth, no matter what else is going on with the human race out of control. We Must stop these atrocities immediately and permenantly...it is an Abomination in the eyes of God! Let's do all we can to help these innocent animals and treat them with the dignity & respect they deserve and stop cruel unessessary inhumane evil experimentation on animals. Please look into this and try to inform others, we're the only hope they have. This is a very Worthy and Noble Purpose.
Nobody sees the things that happening “off camera”. The loneliness when it’s quiet in the evenings.
I truly wish things get better for you, you deserve happiness. It WILL happen hang in there
I hear you. Here are my key learnings with my daughter: 1. She was feeling directionless, depressed without knowing how to redirect it. 2. Like you, she is extremely intelligent, self-aware, and was feeling pressured by herself and her support group (including me) who weren't using helpful words. 3. Like you, she was work in progress, collected a few really good tools, but hadn't yet collected enough tools related to curbing anxiety because she was still young. 4. She wasn't (and we weren't) giving her enough permission to take this time to find her niche. You might have this covered, but keep going if you haven't found it. So, what to put in action for you? Along with you're already doing, maybe a few more things to consider. 1. Remember that we attract people and opportunities to us when we''re authentically positive, inspiring, and making ourself happy. Happiness seems rare, but it's also just a choice. We wake up, and we choose it. Or we don't. When that nice looking fellow behind the grocery store check-out asks you "How are you?" Respond "happy". It throws people into a "thinking" mode because it's unexpected. The more you say it, the more it becomes a real thing. Choose happy and the world wants what you know. 2. Find the right mentor, even if a professional, including therapist-hopping until you find one that you looooooove. It made the difference for my daughter to have an external disinterested party who could brainstorm and teach real strategies, as well as show-stopping self-empowering phrases to use on us. Can't stress the importance of finding this as your initial "mentor". You'll find several mentors later for different aspects of your life, but pay to find the right therapist today, and soon. 3. Related to a therapist, I don't know (and don't need to know) your positions on situational brain chemistry assistance like Adderall or Prozac to help give you time to think, and I can't recall your age, but you seem right in the range where your brain may still not yet be fully developed, hence a possible root cause as to why it may not be making enough sense to you. Google pre-frontal cortex development and age ranges. It's not an excuse, but an explanation that may help how you communicate to those around you who developmentally can't understand your reasoning. I wish you the biggest of successes, kiddo. You have inspired me, so please keep it up.
I hope she reads your comment 💯
I am sorry, Erika. Have you ever told us what you do for a living? I know you don't want my advice, but if you did, I'd say find a way to help another person. My life changed when I discovered this axiom: my self-esteem comes from getting out of myself, and helping others is the only way for me to do that. I had to get to AA to figure that out, I hope you don't have to! As with everything I say, take it with a grain of salt... also, almost nothing lasts forever.
I was just clicking on the comments to say something like this!
Little bit personal (hope you don’t mind), but what was AA like for you? I’m in recovery myself and thinking of joining a group, but ppl be scary
Self isolation, for extended periods of time, does major damage to the brain. We all must have some sort of socialization, even introverts.
I think it's not that simple. I think self isolation first of all shows what a bully and how destructive our mind really is. This is first of all separate of the brain. We isolate, because we're bullied by others. We're isolated... we keep bullying ourselves. Our ex, teacher, parents, whatever are gone. The war continues. I think this is an important insight to recognize. Otherwise Erika will just force herself into socializing and totally dismiss the reason why she isolated in the first place.
💯
If this is true then my brain is sevely damaged beyond repair.
Not everyone. It depends on one's psychological makeup.
This came into play with the onset of Charlie One-Niner a few years ago. For some the quarantine was unbearable to the point of being traumatic. Many of these rubber-banded and/or saught therapy once things lifted.
For others, it was literally a non-issue. These made little or no alteration to their routine for the panda and pretty much always function that way without ill effect.
Unless your a total kang who handles things alone like me, but it's not for every one. Oh yeah largely true though what you said at the end.
Based on a simple analysis, you need a "Sense of Purpose". Be it Job goals, experiential goals, Travel goals, dating goals, Social growth goals. If you wake up with no target, you will feel lost in the big lazy river of life slugging along confused where you are and no idea where you are going. Another great piece of advice given to me decades ago...What you focus on grows in your life, meaning if you focus on what you can't do that is what you will achieve. As far as the things that are not in your nature, get over that and fail forward fast. You have already reached the bottom, trying to make friends and getting rejected is unlikely but even if it does happen keep going it will eventually work out. I am guessing a lot of what you are going through are leftovers of how your lifestyle was impacted by the pandemic era, it did jack up the momentum of life for a lot of people. Go out and enjoy failing forward fast, eventually it will become more of a success and we will see a happy version of you show up on here with new friends etc..
“The saddest are what might have been.” I thought I understood that saying until my girlfriend passed away prior to our marriage. We even talked about children names. I still went to weddings, baptisms, family gatherings, and pretended to be happy. My family did not approve of her. For awhile I was in the doldrums. I did nothing but wallow in the past. I knew what I had to do, but I did not do it. Then one day after watching a few motivational videos your video came up. It was your vocabulary and introspection that caught my attention. It was not your first video, it was the first surfing one that woke me from the torpor I was in. You have affected me and all the people I associate with. It is great to among the living again. Thank you Erika.
Take care Erika, do not give up. There are many others that need your help.
Your Friend
Yeah.. I think role models and little sparks of motivation are so damn important. I think of life as some kind of hard drive with a lot of space and what we do is wandering around in some narrow place and we think this is all there is and some of it may be true limited by our genes or certain environmental factors that we cannot change. But sometimes somebody like Erika comes about and shows us a whole different spectrum and sometimes it's like a wake up call and we realize that that capacity is inside of us too.
You are in your discovery phase and you'll eventually find your purpose and motivation in life. We all go through this phase of discovery where many things feel pointless. Just know this is part of the process and by having these thoughts you're still moving forward.
Your track record of getting through tough days is 100% so far. That’s impressive!
I love your brave heart for telling us what you are going thru.
if you are suffering or feeling shaky and unsure, it means that you are making progress, just look how many people come here just to listen to your thoughts, this is proof of your success, so keep going.
You're very good at being yourself and putting it on youtube. I look forward to your videos all the time. You also have a funny sense of humor that cheers me up.
You're going to be ok sweetie. I'm old and my body is falling apart but I'm still hanging on. When you are feeling low remember there cycles in all our lives. If things seem bad they can become very very good in what seems like an instant.
you have something that many many people lack: self awareness. that's a blessing and curse sadly. you are a precious soul and you're putting yourself out there in the most challenging way (IMO) so try not to beat yourself up so much. I think you'll eventually push through this sticking point in your life, and you'll find what you're looking for. If we were in the same area, we'd be friends :-)
Erika, I'm 58. I'm back in therapy, back on anti-depressants. Therapy and meds have their ups and downs. i don't know how you feel about those things but they are buoying me for the time being and that is enough while I'm working through the same feelings. Friends and family can only help to a certain point, and then you need professional guidance. There have been times when I've volunteered with events for Special Olympics, the local ambulance corps, and other organizations. You may not make friends but helping others feels pretty good. We all have moments when we throw crap at a wall to see what sticks. I hope you find something to focus on and it just grows. Depression is exhausting. Cognitively you understand that little actions are simple and take no time, and yet you aren't doing it. It's not because you are lazy. I know my brain has been conditioned to think the worst all too often and it just isn't the case but that IS the pattern I fall into. I hope I am making sense and that I'm reading your situation correctly. Tough to do on a social media platform.
Sorry you are having a tough day. Sending digital, platonic, non-creepy hugs or pats on the back. I really wish you well.
And the wonderful thing about helping others is that you don't have to be that good at it as long as you try and keep going
Hi Erika. I felt the way you feel for a long time. Loneliness just about destroyed me. So, I want to share something with you. I believe God created every single person On Purpose for a Purpose. You are precious and valuable and there is a reason you are here. Your life matters. I found relief and deliverance from the feelings I had similar to yours in a relationship with Jesus. God does love you more than you can imagine and he cares about every detail of your life. I am 65 years old and I can say with confidence that TRUE, lasting joy can only be found in Jesus. Cry out to Him... He will hear you. I am praying for you. God bless you!
I wish I could say something to give motivation encouragement or inspiration. Everyone has value… you have value. For example this 14+ minute video got 10k views and 900+ people cared enough to comment. A quick calculation approximately 97 days combined worth of time spent by people watching your video. When I feel stuck I look for ways to be of service to others and/or find joy by being out among nature. It brings a sense of wonder and curiosity. I hope this helps. Blessings be yours!❤
I immigrated got married with the love of my life, lost her in 2008 trough suicide. Ever since I m on my own. Than got major heart surgery and not aloud to work. Just to boost ya up a bit. I can’t do much anymore but found positive thing in daily life.
I know this isn't helpful for you but it's so important that you share this kind of post. So many of us feel this from time to time, we feel trapped in executive paralysis and don't have the energy or the desire to fix it. It's a form of depression that a lot of experience but never talk about because we feel like it's a weakness and don't want to bother people people with it. Sharing this is important; thank you. ❤You're a beautiful human.
Baby! You are SOO Beautiful and such an inspiration! 🥰 Please don’t stop! We all want to do many things with you and your heart of gold!🙏
Nice comment
Loneliness is such an overwhelming feeling. I don't know your background and I don't want to recommend anything for fear of stirring up even more difficult stuff. One thing I can say is that you're not alone in feeling this way. I'm trained as a therapist and wish I could reach out
You are right. Life is pretty pointless for any other purpose than to exist. I think your issue is that you have the great quality of really wanting to do something great for the world. That is not easy. its trial and error and its a lonely journey. I have been there. The down days are normal. Just stand strong through them. Self doubt is normal. Self doubt means that you are pushing yourself beyond comfort zone. Self doubt doesn't become failure until you believe the self doubt. So stand strong keep trying to find the purpose you want to bring to the world. It will happen.
These videos are safe. You can talk without real connections, but it good that you are sharing. Depression, the feeling of anxiety, being lonely and of motivation is not unusual. The ability to be alone in the company of others is not unusual. Not doing simple things for no reason is not unusual. I have experienced all these things yet I somehow survived, finished stuff raised kids, somthere is hope
Please continue with the channel. Don’t worry about what other people think because they don’t think.
You have not wasted time. There is a saying “the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago the next best time is today”
Don’t blame yourself and do not regret the past. One activity that teaches living in the moment is a combat sport with sparring like May Thai, Boxing, full contact Karate, etc. You will learn about yourself. Hitting something or someone might bring the motivation you seek. Progress can become RUclips postings. You don’t seem to be scared of testing . You will meet others on a similar journey.
I can relate, I'm in my early 40s. Over the years, my friends have started families and such, and now im just kinda alone. *shrug* Even my family has all moved all over the place, so family outings are pretty limited, if at all. I just make a to-do list on my phone and try to keep up on all the tasks. You do things for yourself, because hopefully someday you look back and seehow you have changed. Keep you head up that tomorrow will be better than the last .
Curiosity is a hell of a drug, so it’s totally okay if you're not finding your passion right now. Sometimes, as you explore what genuinely interests you, you might stumble upon passions that are dynamic and evolve over time. As you progress, you’ll achieve many great things that give you that dopamine boost to keep going into new areas. Remember, it’s about enjoying the process of discovering what makes you curious and happy along the way.
And don’t forget the power of music, it can be a great companion on this journey. Taking risks, trying new things, and letting curiosity guide you can lead to rewarding sensations. You’ve got this! 👋
Bottom line is, you made a good start, the cooking and baking was a very good idea because its a life long skill that will not only benefit you, but your future husband/kids which is inevitably going to happen, at least if that's what you're aiming for. It's definitely something that is worth carrying on with and isn't a pointless waste of time.
Second thing is your exercise is also something that will benefit for the rest of your life, so again that's your next non-pointless thing, yes it's hard to keep at it but that's where the self discipline comes in, and also develops, so yet another thing worth continuing/somewhat forcing yourself to do. Just remember to eat accordingly or else it will drain you as much if not more than benefit you.
Third, what are your career goals? Do you have any? If so, what small, almost no effort things can you be chipping away at each day to work towards them? A woman of as high intelligence as you will have a natural edge in these things, once you've fixated onto something.
And also, having friends is nice but nearly all of them will be situational, you will rarely find one that lasts for life and is the stable rock that you desire, at least a good 75% of that has to comes from yourself, you'll be the only true constant in your life. I'm the same age as you, 22 nearly 23, introverted as hell and have barely any friends, 3 maybe 4 that are close but it's more than enough, you don't need to find many. When you are as intelligent as you it's harder to find a genuine interesting friend because as you have said before, all the superficial social media crap that most our age are into, it's all meaningless so finding the connections you are after is going to be a little harder, it's something you will need to try to accept unfortunately
As for having something that you will enjoy doing every single day for the rest of your life, that is simply not possible it's not really how our brains work sadly. As for the sort of social anxiety, if you want to "fix" it then a hospitality job is a good starting place, I was shy as hell too all through my teens but working in hospitality and being forced to talk to people you have never seen before helps quite a bit, best part is you will never see them again after they leave your work so if you mess it's no biggie.
Good luck Erika!
I found that healthcare work helped me. It paid decent and forced me to interact with people on a more-than-superficial level. It also forced me to set boundaries and leave other peoples' problems with them when I went home. At the end of a shift I could be thankful that my life was not like any of my patients' and I appreciated what I had accomplished elsewhere much more.
You are there to make someone else feel loved. To make them feel like they are the one and only through his or hers best and worst. To be strong and understanding for them. To do special, thoughtful things for them. To not let them down and to be honest about behaviors of theirs that you like and dislike.
When the family unit and sense of community is destroyed by the modern world this is normal to feel.
No guaranteed strategy but helping others sometimes helps you. Stay strong.
We have to figure out a way to break the cycle.
well said.
You sound like a politician.
@@feoxorus yep paramedic with 24 years of service
I feel the same way. Like nailed it 100% and I don’t know why. Stay strong and know you’re not alone. Always open to chat. Feel free to reach out at anytime and know that you are loved. ❤
I suggest getting a motorcycle. Take the beginner course in your city, get a small bike. I’m not sure how, but being on two wheels clears my head and improves my mental health like nothing else. 🏍️
The way this video touched and resonated with me validates your purpose. You may not feel it or know it but I'm telling you that I needed to hear this, it is hugely meaningfully and cathartic to me. Powerful beyond comprehension. Thank you.
Strong men used to inspire and lead our women. Our society is lacking strong men, unfortunately.
Blame men. Peak.
@@robmarshall6387
No. Blame single mothers. Destroying society. Look it up.
Strong women used to inspire and lead our men.
@@EPiXNiCROS give examples?
You don't need men to do that
You are absolutely unique and special. People who get to know you really enjoy you. There's a saying that it goes to have a friend you need to be a friend. So choose people that you genuinely enjoy to be around and try your best be of service to others who could use help. Sometimes getting your eyes of yourself and instead try helping others in need is very rewarding. You are extremely intelligent and you are wrong if you think we who follow you don't look forward to your next video. I would spend more time being positive rather than negative. If you spend more of your time being negative if course that's what will be manifested so stay positive instead!
You're amazing in your own unique way and that makes you lucky!!!! 😍
An existential crisis at your age both sucks and is profound at the same time. It means you will be much further ahead in life instead of having this happen to you at 40 because this happens to EVERYONE, trust me. Its crazy how social media brings us together but at the same time we are all alone. You would be amazed at how many people are in your position. I have some ideas to help you but I dont even know if I am getting through or not due to the insane censorship. Ill send you an email.
im just curious if i may, how do you send an email on youtube?
@@XavierBasurto777 If you have been following her for awhile she posted her email awhile back to message her. Unfortunately google removed the ability to direct message a long time ago to protect creators. You have to talk in a 3rd party platform, which she doesn't have, only her email which is posted on one of her original videos.
@@John_Conner222 thank you for sharing, i was thinking something like that and watched her first video however didnt finish it as i was working on a few other things at same time. i wish people would type on youtube though instead of private because it seems like alot if not all creators dont communicate unless its live, its hard to get an answer it seems aswell as strange messages that always say text or something on some other link which i only have facebook and youtube eh.
@@XavierBasurto777 youtube doesnt like me and doesnt like long intricate posts. I'm trying to create something for Erika so that more people can communicate with her in a timely manner. Its foundational stuff that no one will care to read about and it will be lost in a sea of comments unless I can directly talk to her and guide her through the process. Its simple but a little technical. Her email is attached in her video description, its not in the video.
You are good and you are worthy. Just the fact that you show yourself vulnerable makes it visible to the all ones that connect and feel like you. So, you give hope. You show "You are not alone". It helps. And - all of us here - are thankfull that you share your thoughts and struggles with yourself (that we all have) so openly. You are amazing.
Ask God why and He will show you
If there was a point to anything, the point would be pointless... You can keep tracing back the reason for doing things until you eventually will reach nothingness. And so the only reason to do something is because it is easier to do it than not to do it, otherwise known as "fun" . Sometimes nothing is fun. And that state of inspiration can't be forced, nor can it come about by analyzing the reason behind doing things. In fact, wondering what's the point of what you're doing will usually just prolong the state of disinterest. And also, when you do find something that IS inspiring or fun, once you begin trying to explain or justify if it is "relevant enough" you will slowly begin to lose the source of the joy that you had in that thing, which came from, you guessed it, nothing at all. That's just my experience so far in life. Thanks for your honesty, it is quite brave.
I am right there with you, I am in the same boat going through the exact same thing at the moment. As humans we need connection to other people and we all need purpose no matter what that means to you. And your not the only one with low self confidence I have been struggling with that most of my life.
I have been through years of these feelings of pointlessness but worse than that I have been seeing decay everywhere. I know how you feel and I also know there is always better ahead. Stop looking for purpose and just look for joy. Joy for yourself or joy from bringing joy for others.
Erika, I truly understand your pain; I have been going through similar things the last few years. I lack passion for most things, I have very few friends, and I don't feel necessary in this world. I commented on your very first video inviting you to be my friend, and I still would like to extend my friendship to you if you choose to take it. I am here for you
The feelings you're describing are not your fault. You are not to blame for feeling the way you do--and I mean both in the current moment, when you're feeling down, and in the bigger picture, when you're questioning your purpose. These feelings don't make you "less than". To quote one of my favorite songs of late, "Don't worry, it's all just a symptom of being human".
You are not alone in feeling the way you have described; I have no doubt at all that millions of folks do. And you're correct that companionship--that personal connection--can make a tremendous difference in our day-to-day outlook. Having someone who needs you but will also care for you is a life changing experience.
You mentioned a couple of times in this video that you don't feel like you have anything going for you. But there are reasons your videos have gotten thousands and thousands of views. I'm not here to slather you with praise that might seem insincere coming from a total stranger, but I've watched enough of your videos to know that you are very intelligent--which is huge--you are willing to try new and different things, which is more than I can say for myself, and you are clearly gorgeous. I landed on your very first video from seeing a screen capture of a beautiful woman, but I've kept watching your other videos because I'm rooting for you.
I'm far from being any kind of expert on the subject, but I do think you're describing symptoms of clinical depression. If you haven't already, it might be beneficial to find a therapist you can trust to help you better understand what's going on, and learn coping mechanisms.
Also, don't give up. I know you have massive anxiety, and that's also a clinical condition that's closely related to depression. I'm no therapist, but in my personal experience of anxiety, I suffered terribly for years. Looking back, it felt literally like all light around me had darkened just a tiny bit, as if a cloud were hanging over my head. I couldn't enjoy anything, even things I used to love. I would catch myself inwardly clamping down whenever I started to look forward to something, with a thought pattern like "how can you look forward to that, when you have this terrible XYZ hanging over your head"?
I remember distinctly when I was in a group chat in a game, and two members of my group were discussing anxiety. One of them was a clinical therapist and she told the other, "you have to talk yourself out of it". I didn't believe it was possible. I suffered terribly from anxiety at night, alone. I didn't want to go to bed at night because with nothing to DO to take my mind off my anxiety, I would lay there awake all night feeling dread. Trying to talk myself out of it seemed to only fuel that fire. I literally couldn't believe it. I thought the advice was fake/faulty/incorrect, or at least that it didn't apply to me.
But I'm here to tell you: It actually IS possible to overcome that anxiety. It truly IS possible to talk one's self out of it. It took me, personally, a long time, but I've learned how to basically control it now, like flipping a switch. I'm not exaggerating. I can still feel it in the back of my mind, that background process just SEARCHING for something to be afraid of, looking for something to worry about, and worrying when there's nothing to worry about. But I don't let it control me anymore. It doesn't ruin my life anymore. There is hope.
Every person is a little different, and what works for some folks might not work as well for others. You might even have an easier route to overcoming it than I have had. This is one good reason to talk to a therapist if you haven't already done.
I still have a lot of the same questions and feelings about my purpose as you have described. I'm not trying to tell you I'm floating around perpetually on Cloud 9. I'm an introvert, kind of like (I think) the way you're describing yourself. I don't have a practical means of going out and meeting other people, at least not anything that I can motivate myself to actually do.
But if it's helpful, know that you're not alone. And if it's helpful, know that there *is* hope.
Love that Erika says what a ton of other people are feeling! Yeah, also definitely been tired lately. Even after workouts??? Season change?
If it feels a little bad. Think how badly, terribly badly others can have it. Then it immediately feels better. and you feel strong and satisfied with life. thumbs up
Its made better by faith! By knowing and having relationship with the ONLY one who can give you what you NEED!
No idea why your video showed up in my suggestions, but everything you said, EVERYTHING, every word are the words in my own mind and heart. I truly feel for you and will keep you in my prayers. Keep breathing, Erika. Just. Keep. Breathing. We’re going to make it. Somehow. I promise.
Your story is very fascinating you’re able to articulate so much with a side of humor and humility that keeps me wanting to hear what’s next..I think you speak for hundreds of people who may feel the same way but don’t have the platform,bravery or articulation skill you have..
You have to realise how fortunate you are, travel gives you this.
You will find inspiration.
and direction.
There is nothing so inspirational as seeing something that is 2000 years old, time is fleeting, grow up x
And purpose
I have a thousand things I wish I could say to help but, you are right, reading it in a chat isn't the same.
"Fake it til you Make it" is what I do. I'm shy and I hate talking to stangers but I pretend I'm good at it and now people think I'm good at it. Like when you force yourself to sit in front of a camera and talk. It's hard, it doesn't work, but you do it. Even it feels hollow. It's not.
You might feel like you're a fake but you're making a good channel and people here genuinely love you. Oddly, the real world works the same way. If you force yourself to talk to someone, eventually someone will talk back.
I wish I could be there in person so this could make more sense. It's hard to "know" you'll be ok but you'll be ok.
I went through feelings like this many times in my life.
Most importantly … just take of yourself physically, keep exercising and eating healthy.
Because eventually when you start feeling better emotionally you’ll at least be thankful you took care of yourself physically.
As my Dad always said “ This will pass “
Meaning … you will get through the bad times.
Heads up kiddo
Listen, you help me get through my days, period. Keep up the video's pls.
On the days you don't feel like going,,is the day you have to push and pull yourself,, when the couch looks so inviting and AC feels so good,,thats the days you have to make yourself Go,,it may be the most important day of your Life!!
Because we live in a world where people do pointless to get pointless pieces of paper, separated from all love or rootedness, just material
Sorry Erika, don’t be so hard on yourself! You need to put one foot forward and it will get better. Self confidence takes time and it will come. Believe in yourself!!!
Little one there is a million reasons why you should be happy don't let the one "bad" reason defines your life. You are gorgeous and I mean that.
I know what you are saying. I have never had a strong connection to anyone. I have no social life. My whole life has been a hopeless rut so far. We can't be the only ones. I'll bet many people have these struggles too.
Can relate on a deep level. I’m almost 50 and I’ve got no self confidence but lots of self loathing. I’ve got no ambition, no dreams and no energy. Never been in a relationship, I’m introverted and don’t trust people. I have no idea and I’ve got no advice as I’m someone who’s never gone out of my comfort zone basically.
Very recently I went through a very similar fase in life.
My life got into a complete stalemate, I didn't had many goals, the ones I had although reasonable, seem unachievable. And I started getting that terrible "what's even the point" feeling.
I felt like an hamster on a wheel, constantly running without really going anywhere.
You're doing the same thing, you're "running" on that "wheel". You're trying all sorts of things in an attempt to get a sense of fulfillment. And that's not a bad thing, the problem is that it's not about quantaty, it's about quality.
What do you truly desire?
Friends? Meaningful connections with people?
These are all very reasonable goals, that at the moment seem unachievable.
Now, what you need to work on yourself is "what is making these reasonable goals so unachievable?".
Lack of self confidence is clearly the main reason for it.
And you need to tackle it.
RUclips was a great idea for building up confidence, and it's working better than you probably realize. You are a lot more confident now that you were in the first videos.
But you need to find the source of that lack of self confidence, in order to truly get over it.
You're intelligent and good looking, so the two most common causes for lack of self confidence don't apply in your case, or at least they shouldn't apply.
So it's most certainly something more profound.
And the only person who can figure out what is it, is you, either by yourself or with help.
Erica I got life-stuck for a long time, trying to make sense of my emotions - I hear the frustration in your voice -
Erika, I always have sooo much to say every time I watch your videos. I can relate to everything you say. You are not alone or different. Existential questions like what the heck are we doing here are paralyzing to those of us who are emotional people. Most of my life I could have spent alone locked inside if it weren't for friends who would drag me out into the sunlight. I wrote to you once before about finding your niche and it isn't easy but eventually something will click. You can do it! I wrote you once before about me getting out of my basement by signing up for classes, volunteering for a non-profit and joining my Buddhist group (SGI-USA) - meditation is been my antidote to anxiety. Through these activities I have made new, life long friends. None of this happens overnight. You have a support group out here and you are loved.
Did you ever tried heroin? I think you and Erika could be very good candidate for this. It really forces you to get a goal in your life, like finding enough money for your next fix, etc... If you are alone and doesn't have any friends it's not important, you won't care about this kind of stuff anymore. As long as you have enough of your own stuff your don't really care about the other stuff... When I was younger I was getting depressed over many little stupid things just like Erika, but now I don't give a f about anything anymore, which I think is pretty nice. It's great to finally be able to relax a bit. I just do my fix in the bathroom of McDonald's and then I sit at a table and between every nods I'm analysing the people around me. There's a lot of pigs, especially at McDonalds, but if you know how to look carefully you will see a lot of interesting people. It's pretty easy to read through people's mind, of course with some people it can be harder but generally it is not, they're just like an open book... I think what I'm trying to say is that, it's not that hard to enjoy your life, you just need to find a good catalyst.
@@Alfred-Neuman WTF lol
@@Alfred-Neuman say NO to drugs !
@@Alfred-Neuman Thanks for that well thought and helpful comment. It also apparently gives you lots of free time too!
@@Alfred-Neuman Thank you for that well thought out and helpful comment, apparently it also gives you lots of free time too!
These feelings are common in many people, even I have times where I think there is no point, but there is much more to accomplish. A spark is what you need, just keep your mind open.
I recognise so much of what you say.
I am not an extrovert, but have longed to be one, social, belonging…
I have had deep depressions, feeling alone, out of place, unloved.
But I am who I am. Learning that I have Aspergers helped me understand why I have not fit in well in social life.
You are here simply to be yourself.
There is no grand plan for us.
I have been helped by just accepting being, not doing.
All I can say is something that I am struggling with myself SO MUCH: Things tend to take a LOT more time than we are willing to wait for. I am close to 50 yo now and still have many of the same issues that you talk about in the video and that I was already dealing with when I was much younger. Now, if you are already asking these kinds of questions at this point in your life, you are doing a lot better than I was back then, so don't conclude from the above that there's nothing to be done and you will be in the same state when you turn 50.
The one thing that keeps me going more or less is the idea that, even if in the moment it doesn't necessarily look that way, I am a new person each day, learning, growing, adapting, changing, even without actively putting in effort - simply from slow changes over time, evolving perspectives from having more life to look back on, and new experiences from just daily living.
So anything you can do to give yourself the patience needed to get through the particularly bad patches, do it - even if it's just to keep reminding yourself that a day without any deliberate accomplishments to your credit is still a day where your brain was active, a day that may possibly have a significant positive influence toward your future without really feeling like that in the moment.
"everything feels pointless and I don't have the self-confidence to fix it"
...everything is pointless, but you can give things meaning for yourself and that's all you can do.
I really hope we can all find comfort and satisfaction in our lives. As much as I tell myself that I don't really care, deep down I know I do, I just don't want to feel this way. In my case it has never been anything extreme but it's always been that constant feeling of emptiness, it's been like this for many years, I know I should seek some professional help at the very least, and there are more things I know I could at least try, but man, there are so many "simple reasons/excuses" why I don't...
I find that my meaning is tied to my family and friends. Without a sense of community it’s difficult to find purpose to be selfless for.
Friends and interaction provide the boost that everyone needs from time to time. And, yes, everyone needs it. Cannot survive without it.
Many people who feel this way, get into bad habits. This is essentially the same as digging the hole deeper than your in. For example, skipping a day at the gym- eventually you end up skipping a week, then a month, then you get unfit and anxious about returning, making a day at a gym being almost impossible. Its fine to skip a day, if and when you want to, just dont make a habit of it. (or any bad habit!)
Dwelling on your value to the world and being negative about it, is fine to reflect occationally, but not healthy to do constantly. Remeber youre the main character of your own story and its hard to see others going through the same as you, but your not alone.
Try things, go to events, eventually you'll meet others with similar interests. I never got on with anyone at school, jobs, pubs; and i didnt find any real connections until my early 30s. Be nervous, be sad, your allowed to feel down, but stay optimistic, these moments pass.
Your videos are being an inspiration to many who feel similar, or even worse than you do. Stay positive, you will find your place in this world eventually until then you give much value to many.
You may have social anxiety which you may want to consider talking to a counselor about. I was very shy when I was a little kid which developed into social anxiety later (although no one called it that way back then.) One of the things that helped me was that I began to look at everything in life as a game. Doing new things - a game. Going to events - a game. Meeting people - a game. Asking a girl out - a game. Talking to a stranger - a game. Eventually I no longer cared what the particular outcome of any game was and lost my anxiety. On the flip side, it's also OK to be alone and recharge. It's OK to do nothing sometimes. It's OK to just chill at home. Hell, my favorite hobby is reading and when I'm out doing something or spending time with people, many times I'm thinking to myself "I kinda wanna just go home and continue reading that fantastic book I'm into." Anyway, good luck and just keep going but don't be too hard on yourself either.
Oh Erika. I think that everyone here would give you a hug if we could. What you're saying is so relatable. Please understand that you're not alone in feeling this way.
Hang in there kid. A lot of us were there, and sometimes still are. Everything is pointless for the most part, you got that figured out. You have a lot of time on your hands, the more in your head and not out in the world doing things, the more pointless it becomes. You have to be willing to throw yourself out of your comfort zone to get meaningful growth and break this cycle. I came from poverty/alcoholic home. I was meandering and going nowhere, joined the Army National Guard out of pure desperation, and it changed my life and gave me enough confidence/personal growth to break out of the completely hopeless cycles I trapped myself in. The longer you stew in this, the worse it gets. Good luck.
Ericka,
I can certainly identify with what you're saying and most definitely have gone through the same many times. Two major things in my life helped me escape that feeling/mindset - helping others at the expense of my own time/resources, and a positive association of people who seek to lift each other up in times like these.
Theres a famous saying - "you are what you eat", but I'd argue that moreso - "you are who you hang around with".
I would genuinely love to show you around my association so you could get an idea of how winners in life overcome challenges. Let me know if that's something you'd be open to explore.
Having doubts is a normal part of living. Do not be so hard on yourself. I admire your courage to share your vulnerability and your feelings with the world. I give my full respect on that. When I have such days I have a place to go: I go to the stable where my 2 horses are waiting, cleaning it for them and hanging out with them. That takes the blues away, the clouds in the head. Every person is good at things, and rarely we are that self-observant to be able to name it. Let these emotions come in, see them and also let them pass out and away. This is transitional and makes us human. Only a programmed robot can function day over day. And even those have malfunctions from time to time. Greetings from Austria.
Sending you a virtual hug. I've never had a ton of friends, but I've been lucky enough at almost any given point in my life to have a 1,2, or 3 people I could call friends and they 'got me'. I'm shy and introverted as well, so putting myself out there to others isn't natural. The only way it's going to happen naturally is being in situations that force you to interact with others. Take a cooking class, an art class, learn a musical instrument, book club, join a kick ball league, anything. Don't worry about being good at these things, it's just putting yourself out there. I can't speak to the lack of motivation, but I get it, and it's easy to feel utterly defeated. There have been times in my life that I felt the world didn't give a damn about me at all, but those feelings were fleeting, and someone would usually step in and take an interest in me at some level. I'm a musician who performs locally so it forces me in situations where I'm around kindred spirits. Find your kindred spirits. It only takes 1, 2, or 3 to lift you up. It doesn't take a herd, but you have to put yourself in group situations in order for it to happen naturally. Not meaning to sound preachy, really hoping you can find your happiness. Wishing you the best.
Don’t worry; not everything in everyday life needs to have a specific purpose. We can’t always be productive. We try hard to fit in and develop ourselves, but there should also be time to simply lay down, relax, and daydream. Not everyone is fortunate enough to meet their second half early in life. I don’t think tension will help here. You’re an honest, authentic, lovely person, and I’m sure you’ll find happiness in no time. Love and Peace.✌
A peaceful, quiet life is a blessing. Focus on growing. Read literature. Grow to appreciate it. It's work, but it is enriching. Read some criticism, A critical analysis of what you just read.
Be true to yourself. You're awesome!
Sometimes the best exercise for the human heart is to give someone a hand up.
🌜🔭🌌
Everything is pointless... until you give it meaning. Give it enough meaning to be worth doing, but not so much that it breaks you. Advice from a stranger that felt the same way when he was around your age. Lots of good advice from others too. Choose what fits your worldview, if it doesn't work, try something else. Give it time. You'll find your way.
Hi there, I feel for you there are so many of us out here that feel the same way
but it sounds like your trying to reach out to people and find some answers and that's a good thing
the bravest thing you can do in life is say help, and asking for help isn't weakness, it's just saying I refuse to give up
and I want to move forward, it's just about finding the right path for you.
I can also tell you the longer you stay on your own in seclusion the harder it is to break back out into the world again
days turn to weeks and weeks turn into months and so on.
as you begin to get older and mature more , things change, priorities change , you mind set changes and it's a matter of finding
the new path to push forward on, and in this time of social media where it's easier to plop down in front of a computer and talk to people
doesn't get out back out into the real world and the fresh air and sunshine and spending time with family and friends
and enjoying life and building new friendships, but it starts with baby steps, putting one foot in front of the other and finding a new path
and finding something each day that makes you happy and makes you smile and try to do what makes your life the best one for you
For me I get this way sometimes. I've learned that depression isn't always easy to overcome. It is kind of a "worthless" feeling and lonely. For me joining group therapy has helped a great deal. I guess there are 12 step programs for improvement. There are also health issues that can affect me as well. I have to admit that this isn't easy. Wish you better and hope that things improve. I can say you aren't alone in feeling this way.
Just think positive! Just know you're important too! Keep focused on positive things!😊
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have the same feelings. I am much older so I have the added feeling that "At my age I should know better how to deal with this." In my case the lack of motivation seems to stem from clinical depression that started back in 2005 when my ex- and I split up. Psychologists, psychiatrists and much therapy later has brought me to the point where I don't feel so very down all the time, But the lack of motivation is still there and I can't seem to get anything done unless I "have" to do so. Usually because someone else is counting on me to get something done. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you. I pray a lot and that seems to help, IF I COULD KEEP IT UP. I guess i just wanted to commiserate. I hope you feel better.
I’m going through that mentality myself right now. I know it’ll pass soon. hope you are doing better! !
Rule of thumb do NOT have children you are blessed not to have children so that’s one great thing
Barbara Sher has a good book, "Refuse to Choose", about floating from one interest to another by keeping different projects going all the time. I need to read it again and make it my own.
I hear you. I’m 36 and I feel the same way. There are plenty of things that I’m good at, but I don’t know what the point of any of it is.
Lots of young people have no hope because they don't know God. Jesus will lead your life.
I often felt this way. I solved it by just not giving a damn. YOLO as the kids used to say. We are here for only a billionth of a millisecond compared to the age of the universe. Yet we ARE here. I slowly shifted my view to "as long as I get to experience life, I’m good" I don’t care if I’m living in a cardboard box. Am I here? I could have been born a rock, but I wasn’t. Thats amazing. I also do a lot of things. Game Design...Animation.....3d modeling. Art. Running social media pages. Just things I like and keep me sane. I think the answer is that you are demanding yourself to have more meaning than what you’re experiencing. Life changes constantly so riding out the down times leads to new exciting things to come. Could be a new friend. A marriage. College. For me I felt like I wasn’t progressing. I happened to work at a university, so I decided to sign up at 41 years old for my dream since I was a kid.... Animation. I don’t know if it will lead anywhere but I’m going to just do it. Take control. At the same time, I started working out. These are things I don’t do so it was a drastic change, but it really made me feel accomplished. Tossed out smoking cigs too.
Little tiny changes like that make you feel that accomplishment. You will read 9000 suggestions or ideas from people. Maybe that will be good.... but out of everything in my opinion.....stop giving a shit about some things and start giving a shit about other things. For me that was to stop giving a shit about feeling helpless. I’m alive. I’ve achieved something rare in what seems to be a dead universe. I started giving a shit about schooling. Even if I don’t land a job as an animator, I am working on my own show to maybe upload or pitch to Netflix or something. Even if I don’t achieve it.... don’t care. I have a goal. It keeps me busy. In a nutshell, you’re setting the bar way up in the clouds. Start setting realistic bars lower...achieve them then inch your way up. I’ve obsessed with the idea that I am here. So much so that if I was locked in a room for the rest of my life, I would be more likely to be fine with it. I won the lottery already by having the universe create me. I’m not a rock.
You’re doing fine. This is normal. This is you evaluating everything in your life. Now, it’s time to rearrange things. Step 1 step 2 step 3. Even rich people have these thoughts from time to time. Even people with 100 friends have them. You will have them again in the future. It’s just an alert inside you telling you to make a move. So, make a move. You don’t NEED to have great success. You WANT to. You don’t NEED to have 99 friends, you WANT to. Also, take chances. Find a DnD group or something in your area. Good luck!
💋💋🤗🤗💞💞life can be a struggle at times Erika, your on the right track I feel.
You're doing a good job analyzing and observing yourself to understand why. Answers come to us when we can observe and listen. Here are somethings I'm learning as I work through my lonely times. The Mediterranean diet has been very helpful in my feeling good and sleeping good. Eating too much meat and fats and oils can slow me down too much make me feel unmotivated. If I have alcohol, it will be on weekends and not alone but with good company. Getting too much exercise can lead me to burn out. Being alone can be unmotivating but being in bad company can be disappointing. Find someone to be in love with. It's very inspiring and motivating. Pray for understanding, guidance, and personal adjusting to help shape and mold yourself to the person that is blessed with good people and loving relationships.
It's normal totally normal. Culture and media condition us to think otherwise. I've been alone most of my life. Everything you are saying is what most people feel around your age. Being aimless and not having direction is normal. Embrace it; the small victories. You woke up today. Sometimes that plenty and enough. When I felt bad about it like you do now, I started partying. It was an adventure and a blast. But I ended up creating more problems for myself. *Don't inadvertently create problems when there aren't any. We are conditioned to think something always has to be wrong with us. It's a lie. You're normal.
Erika, we all feel this way from time to time, please don’t give up. We all love and appreciate you. Finding your place takes time. Keep plugging away and you will find your niche. I’ve been plagued with low self esteem all my life. I’m the same way with exercise. I flip flop on hobbies too. No, you’re an introvert. You don’t thrive in chaos. As far as friends go, you’ve got us!! I know it’s not the same but it’s something. And we’re all here for you. I pray you find your place. Don’t be embarrassed. I wish I could be there for you. To talk, and connect and give you a big hug 🤗 I feel for you. ❤
Everyone is different when it comes to these things. Isolation is really difficult. Getting out there and being social can be ten times more difficult.
Looking for a way to help or serve others is a great way to find purpose. You'll be amazed how being a blessing to others, will impact your own life in such a positive way. Keep up the great work with your videos!
I can't do the randomly talking to people, so I have to do something that makes me talkt to people. Having something to talk about and a reason to talk is a great icebreaker. Try volunteering! Does not matter what, but something that interests you ( gardening, animals, working on cars whatever).
It's totally valid to feel life is pointless but one should avoid quit trying so that you allow yourself a change. Be brave! :)
I'm so sorry you've had to feel this week. But there's so much truth and light in you. Do you think maybe you want to feel or be loved? not just romantically, but love from a friend, parent, bf/gf, yourself? It is really helpful to ask yourself questions. These days a lot of people have questions, about religion, race, culture, family, mental health, their place in this world etc etc. Also nose-breathing/buddhist breathing has helped me with crippling anxiety :)
PS: YOU HAVE NOT WASTED ANY TIME!!