I was dating a man who I thought at the time was a really nice guy. One night he got enraged and almost struck me after verbally degrading me. I didn't fight back. I actually became very passive. I let him have the last word and after he was done yelling at me, I picked up my keys and my purse and left. After that day, I never spoke to him again.
I was in a similar situation, dating a 32 year old V.P. of a bank my company did business with. One night, he just started to fall apart and repeatedly tried to start a fight but I would not engage. Finally I got up to collect my things and leave as he showed no intention of calming down. When I turned around the intense rage on his face was shocking and I watched as he raised the fist he had formed. He new my Dad was a police officer rather high on the local food chain. I stated calmly and firmly if he hit me he'd better kill me, because I'd make certain he'd do jail time and I'd destroy his career. He knew I could. He backed down. The bad part was I still had to conduct business with him.
If you're in abusive relationship leave asap! They will beg to be forgiven, you say it's ok. It'll happen again. If they were really sorry, they'd never do it again! They will not change, you can't make it right! Ice been there and done that! I spent so many days & nights in emergency rooms making excuses for this being! Finally he almost killed me by hanging me off a fifth floor roof 😠I left the next day! Stayed in hiding for 5 years. But I was so happy I lived with my mom and we were happy. I'm grateful to God I survived. 🙏🏼 🛐❤️👍
My uncle was like that. I am now 66 and he 89. Right after the storms Irma and Maria, we we at his house, just me and papa…his brother who is twin. He slapped and threw my aunt to the ground. I LOST IT. I jumped him and overpowered him, punched him for long minutes. Dad sat there in shock and his wife, screaming to stop!? I finally stopped and called the police, yes I pressed charges. He will not die intimidating us all! I had enough!
My father was like that but I got married and my mother came to my house with a black eye. I rang the police and he got hauled into jail. The judge was so angry and said at your age you should know you are a narcissist. He said to my mother if he threatens you or shouts or touches you let me know, he goes to jail and never comes out. It worked but he found other things to upset her. I danced when he died!
43 years? Unbelievable. In 1977, my mother's best friend tied her abusive husband (hands and feet) to a bed (with a promise of sex) and then took a baseball bat and broke BOTH of his femurs. She called the police and turned herself into and told the police that if he ever touched her again she would kill him. They didn't even arrest her (because they knew she was an abused wife) - they got divorced and he DIDN'T ever touch her again.
@@jeanettelebarron3306show me a jury that would convict her of something and I’ll show you 12 heartless souls. More women need to take a lesson from her and those women need to be protected!
I am so very proud of you Mary Lou. I stayed 18 years too long. I was shot at, more than twice. My son in law was screaming zig zag, zig zag. Domestic violence does not know status. My husband was one of the wealthiest men in our state. I didn’t stay for the status. I stayed because I had been raised to be a “good girl”. It will get better. My family finally saw the truth. I didn’t have the courage to leave. He died after a diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer in less than 2 weeks. I grieved so hard. I think I was brainwashed. Suddenly after 4 months, a light bulb went off. I was free. I think I cried more after that realization than I ever did grieving. Life is so different. Life is so wonderful. I pray for all still in a horrible situation.
The other realization comes when he passes from this life back to the Spirit World and realizes what he had done. That is when you truly realize the awful mistakes you had made. When he's asked how did he treat others, he'll have no choice but to put this thoughts to words. That goes for anyone who's painfully mistreated others.
Yes and why cant we name and shame them cause im sure every other woman who has been abused buy malignant narcs i married. and coverts. Would allso come forward. We should be able to do it they got so many people against them who hate them. How would we go about this just name them! What do you think?
You do your children NO FAVORS by staying with someone who abuses you, physically, emotionally, or sexually. I’m 65 and having grownup in domestic violence scars you for life. You can never outlive the traces of it. It’s never too late to reclaim your life.
@@tina8796True, but staying in an abusive relationship when children are involved means fear is more powerful than love. The love a parent would have to protect their children at all costs. There are public assistance services and hotlines for these kinds of situations. Even asking friends for support.
I know. My father was a short tempered man who often took his anger out on me when I was growing up. Even today if I hear a raised or angry voice my childhood abuse comes flooding back.
So you are shaming the victim for staying? Women do what they have to do to survive. You better believe her first thought was about doing the least damage to the children.
Please don’t blame people for staying … it took me 23 years to leave for fear of worse to come. Some men kill when women try to leave. When one feels paralysed, intimidated, threatened, in fear of one’s life, you do what you have to do stay alive.
I’m 62 and never been married. I remember my friend telling me about her friend who married right after we all graduated from college. At that time, this woman’s mother had died and the only immediate family she had was her brother and her father. Not long after her marriage, her brother took a job in another state and moved away. Then within about a year, her father died. One day, her husband argued with her after her father’s death. He slapped her so hard she fell across the room and hit her head by the fireplace. She felt dizzy. But when she looked up, her husband was rolling up his sleeves and coming at her with clinched fists, ready to do battle. Fortunately, she was able to get up and run out of the house. She returned a few days later with a good friend and the police. Her husband was at home. She went inside with the police and her friend, the police explained why they were there, that she wanted to get some of her things. She went into the bedroom and got some of her things and her purse and car keys. All the while her husband was in shock. She and her friend and the police then left. She moved to Hawaii and never saw that guy again. When I hear stories like this lady’s in the video, I feel so sad. These abusive men really seek out someone they think they can bully. My friend who told me about the her friend that ended up moving to Hawaii always said that this guy waited until this woman’s brother moved away and her father died. Only then did he hit her. He knew she had no family to protect her. That is often what these abusers are counting on. Either the woman has no family to come to her rescue OR the abuser frightens the woman into not telling anyone about what’s going on. I’ve never been married but I’ve been in some frightening situations. I say this to the young women out here. At the first sign of any abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, etc.) leave the relationship. Try not to have a child with someone until you really know who you are dealing with. Never think that a devil will behave themselves and be good. The abuse will only get worse. Make a plan to get out and don’t discuss it with the abuser or anyone who will tell the abuser. Just make a plan and leave. Life, especially your youth, is too precious to allow someone who is hell on earth make your life a living hell, too.
Absolutely true. My abusive husband did everything but hit me. Deep down I knew it was because I had 5 brothers nearby (two within walking distance). When my husband got sick, they came while he was at chemo and removed his pew pews. They said since he was dying, he might unalive me. Wow. He’s been gone for years now and I am grateful to be here.
She was a victim of a narcissist. They not only make you feel like you are worthless, but the narcissist can also get physically violence. Good luck to you for the peaceful days ahead and thank you for your honesty and sharing.
Yes! To them, the world revolves around them. It's all about their needs, their wants. And they're willing and able to crush anyone who doesn't go along with that. You can't just leave them. I know, I had to move to another state and change my name. He looked for me for a long time too...he had one thought, one purpose. To kill me. But God is good. I'm still here and our son? He's across the hall, snoring. 😏 I live alone but I always keep a spare bedroom for my kids and grandkids. None of them have a relationship with my abuser. I didn't tell them what a piece of work he is, I let them find out for themselves. I thought surely, he'll put on a front for them but no, he just had to show them his true colors. He's still alive, but having burned through a few women, he's very much alone. And even he can't stand his company. I pray he'll change and turn to Christ, but any mention of God and he goes into a blasphemous rave. I won't even tell you how vile he gets, but a mild thing he likes to say is that God is dog spelled backwards, and evil is live spelled backwards...yeah, he really desires hell... One note though about our veterans; we have failed them. His ptsd, his nightmares...it wasn't so much what he saw, it was what he did. He embraced killing. And that was something that all the alcohol in the world couldn't drown out. They created a killing machine...and women and children have suffered at his violent hands. We need to do better by the men and women who go into service for *us.* This is a case in point, when you harm a soldier you are hurting society...
It sounds to me the he was a psychopath. You’re so lucky that you finally got away. Nowadays, there are so many resources for domestic violence. I’m so glad found peace and happiness.
My dad was like this. My Mum put up with it for 42 years. He did everything he could to undermine her sense of self and her self confidence. He was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 71 (from WW2), which made sense. We just thought he was an arsehole. It still didn't make his behaviour toward us OK. Finally, after 42 years, he got sick through his own stupidity (decided he didn't need his warfarin tablets anymore and ended up with a blood clot in his mesenteric artery. He had his first surgery where he lost 80% of his bowel and Mum was terrified he'd want to come home and she'd have to look after him (he was NOT a good patient)). I told her not to worry. No matter what, he was NOT going home. He was either going into a nursing home or a coffin - depending on how things went. Turned out it was the latter. I've never seen her so relieved. We had quite a bit of trouble keeping our faces sombre at the funeral. I can assure you. After the dust had settled, she decided she was going to go on a cruise. She LOVED it. She found herself a friend who also wanted to go cruising (who was also a widow), and they've been all over the world together. Done the Pacific Ocean round-trip, all the way around South America (starting in Florida and ending in California), been up to Japan and China (we live in Australia) and been around New Zealand and Fixi three or four times each. She loves it and actually seems HAPPY. I'm so happy she's living her best life now. I'm just sorry it took so long for her to be able to do it.
Three years of really violent abuse here. It finally ended when he beat and kicked me so badly that at 7 month pregnant I went into labor and two hours later, my oldest son died. Listening to my baby boy struggle as he was dying is the cost of staying with a monster. The horror of what I accepted for the sake of twisted love and security lives with me still, 55 years later. Thank God I am happily married 52yrs to a wonderful man.❤️🙏🙏🙏God bless those who are still trapped in a relationship where they are being abused…..PLEASE GET OUT NOW.
I stand with you in this prayer Linda, in Jesus' name. How wonderful you have all these years in a loving & peaceful marriage~ that is absolutely where it's at! There is no greater gift than a string union with a real man...really thrilled for you. I also honor & pray for your momma's heart, in Jesus' name.Samantha in NV
Everyone must leave these monsters i married a malignant narc who used .e in every way beat me up just remember it never ends there new supply will get same beat up and the next and next it never ends till they die they lie cheat rob your money reck your stuff sell your stuff . They never loved you ever . The love bombing was fake to hook you they have sex with any one thousands during a life time. Do you really want to be involved with this satan. They dont love there own children they say they do .just like they told you they loved you they never did cant love no one ever get away now. Befor you get fatally hurt and your kids.
I left my 26 year abusive marriage 13 months and 16 days ago and have never once second guessed myself. It’s a huge adjustment that gets better with each passing day. Coercion, control, threats, physical violence, mental torture-there is nothing to miss. Stay strong Mary Lou, you got out, you are free to live with respect and integrity and you are a good person.Thank you for sharing your story, it will absolutely help others.
@@AmandaWRU Thank you so much for your encouragement, it’s been one year since I posted that comment and I am thriving. My life is unfolding beautifully and I continue to leave the past in the past.
I got chills when you described your feelings when you left! I also was in a violent relationship, and I had left, many many times. But I always went back. Then I had my daughter and when the abuse started again, I knew, sooner or later he’d hit her, so one weekend I was home alone, he hadn’t been home since Friday, I received a call from who I found out, his latest side piece, and the switch clicked OFF. I felt nothing for him anymore. I packed my car with as much of my babies furniture and belongings, my clothes, and left! I felt the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders! I knew then, I’d never go back, I’d never allow abuse again, and my daughter would never experience it from him. Abusers are BULLIES!
A women once told me about her daughter. Who got married after 3 years of dating. On their honeymoon he hit her for the first time and it continued. She was in shock cause he had hidden that side of him well. If course she left but it shocked every one. We never know do we.
My first husband backhanded me and I started failing down a flight of stairs: luckily I was able to grab the railing seven steps from the top. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. At that moment I knew the marriage was over. I had to stay for another six months to wait until I was awarded tenure in my teaching job. The very next day I put my baby son in his stroller and saw a divorce lawyer. Three years later I met a wonderful man who died the day before our 26th anniversary. My first husband, the abuser, died last week and I never sent flowers or attended the funeral. That slap over 55 years ago killed every bit of feelings I had for him.
We have to learn to replace the bad memories with the good. That blocks it from your mind, but you never really forget. My pain ended 26yrs ago when I left a 23 yr hellacious marriage???🎉
It will be 14 years in December that I left my abuser. It was a short marriage, after dating for a few years. He turned into someone I didn't know. I started planning my exit shortly after I saw that side of him. He didn't hit me, but he would have if I had stayed much longer. But there was lots of verbal, monetary, and emotional abuse. I could actually hear my late Dad say "You don't have to put up with this". I have never looked back, and finally got over the guilt of not seeing the signs sooner.
The only thing that came from the years I sacrificed myself to raise my ex-husband's children was that they all learned how not to treat your wife! They each came to me after I left the man who made my life hell. One by one, they told me they knew I had stayed for them and that they appreciated me showing them how to be good men, that their father showed them how not to be men at all. God bless you, Mary Lou, for being brave enough to save yourself. You are a survivor!
You did so much more than survive, my dear. You sacrificed. The children you raised had a wonderful mom who gave them a chance to be who they are today.
When I realized what was going on in my marriage, I tried to find a counselor but I couldn't find anyone who understood what domestic violence was, or verbal abuse. The best help I got was from a book by Patricia Evens, The Verbally abusive relationship. I finally finished my bachelor's degree at age 56, & was working on my master's in social work, a project we had to do was to write an educational plan for whatever we wanted. My dream was to teach a short class to high school students on what intimate partner violence is, how to recognize it & where to get help. I put together a power point & got 100% on it from the teacher.
YES!! Same!! I thought I was going crazy. I got to the point where I couldn’t swallow; therefore I couldn’t sleep. Patricia Evans. The Verbally Abusive Relationship. That book saved my sanity.
@@Jendromeda Yes, they keep finding victims. I believe my ex's fourth marriage broke up in the last year or so. I imagine he has moved on the the fifth one by now.
Wow! I can't imagine giving my entire life to an abusive person. I remember a man I had been dating for several weeks raised his voice to me. I was done. I Walked away from him and never even thought about looking back. So happy she got out.
Same here, I had a boyfriend who pushed me as i was walking along the street with him ,from that day on I would have nothing too do with him ,I think also it happens more too women that don't have a family too back them ,not that, that was my case .
@blkimble Girl, YOU are an inspiration. I’ve grown weary of women waiting until it gets really really really bad and then crying about it. I’m sorry. I’m over it. I get that no relationship is perfect, but if you respect him and love him, he should do the same thing for you. And that goes for men who are abused, as well. Rough handling - verbal, emotional, physical, or otherwise - is simply not something to be tolerated.
@joycemckeown789 I am so so happy for you that you made it abundantly clear that you will not tolerate him putting his hands on you. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 if more women followed your example, this issue wouldn’t be so prevalent. You have to train people how to treat you. I have literally seen a man who used to abuse one woman treat another woman like a treasure. We all have a responsibility for our own safety and sanity.
@@MethodiousMindThey don't even get a date with me when in just a few minutes of talking to them they blame the ex for everything. I'm done at that point. That is exactly what my ex husband did so I know what is going on! They never get that date question out!
That's because if she acknowledged the truth, guilt of allowing it to continue and it affect her kids, she couldn't bare it. She either stayed for selfish reasons because she like most women she wanted to stay and love her man or she truly was scared to try and take care of herself 🤷🏾♀️ either way, I'm sorry you all had to suffer your mother's choices and your father's selfish misogyny 😢🙏🏾
I thank God my mom had the bravery to escape with 4 small girls, aged 8-14, in 1960. No welfare benefits or child support. Very, very strong woman. My father would prob have killed us all. Crazy sob. Affected all of us.
As the main target for my father’s mainly emotional, but also physical abuse, I prayed every day that he would not come home from work. It didn’t occur to me until much later in life that my mother could have done something to shield me. It still hurts, but he is gone and I have severed all contact with her. The family probably think I’m cruel, even though they witnessed some of his behaviour. We only get one chance at this life and this is my time, even though it’s a bit late.
I left a five year marriage after five years of verbal and emotional abuse. I got my own apartment and the first night there, I just walked around my little apartment, touching everything, and grinning. I felt so happy, so free. No more eggshells to walk on. No more name-calling. No more anger. I was free, and it was glorious! That was 15 years ago. I am still single, own my own home, I’m retired now, and I am still gloriously happy! 🎉🎉
He wasn't capable. Most men aren't. In fact most men don't really like their partners at all. It is only held together by the fantasy in the partner's head. Once the spell is broken they can leave and get on with life. Reality is much different than we think it is. Childhood programming makes us run after the carrot. Sometimes forever.
I wanted to watch but after surviving abuse the first 50 years of my life it hurts too much. Thankful for therapy and been abuse free for 20 years. Sending hugs to all who have suffered abuse in their life.
I hope that any woman, young and old, will listen to this lady and get the courage to leave a situation like this... forever. I remember a friend telling me that the hardest decision to make is leaving! I didn't know that I COULD live well without him! I divorced him! He still can't believe it after35 years! Don't stay in a situation like this...
I’ve always been surprised more victims don’t kill their abusers. My mother was abused. I left young but moved back home at 20 within 2 days my step dad attracted my mother and my brother in front of me. They both just took it with no reaction I hadn’t lived with the abuse as much so I attacked my drunk stepdad back. Forced my mother to call cops thst was the last day he ever lived with my mother. He knew I would kill him
I am soooooo PROUD of Mary Lou for finding the courage and strength to finally break free of Domestic abuse such as I did 40 years ago which not only saved my life but allowed me to recreate myself anew ❤
It’s the insidiousness of it all, slow, steady, creeping. My ex strangled me just once and that was enough to keep me there for 23 years. He took my money, enslaved me by refusing to do anything to help, refused to drive and lost his temper at a moments notice. We all walked on eggshells, me and our daughters. Like Mary Lou I am a primary school teacher, and lived my life with rose tinted glasses on, trying to always see the positives, just like Pollyanna. I had a shock during counselling when I realised just how much I’d forgotten in order to survive. He’s gone now. Our abusive relationship was called out by the account manager at our bank…it was that obvious… We must continue to keep calling out these behaviours, and not tolerate IPV at any level. Mary Lou, you are inspiring
Oh mine strangled me, my 4 year old son walked in. Otherwise I would have been dead... That was enough for me to leave him and never look back! The 4 year old son, now 33 doesn't have a relationship with his father. He is my hero for walking in that room that day...
@@Jane-rc2rk Your story is remarkable. I am happy that you had angels watching over you! 💙 When I asked for help, the good Lord broke his foot at work that night to slow him down. I knew then I wasn't alone and that it was time to leave that hell behind. Thank you for sharing your story Jane. Love, Angela
@@1mourningdove54 absolutely! I didn’t even know we were doing it! I couldn’t be still, couldn’t rest, always had to be doing something when he was around. I lived my entire marriage in fear of upsetting him. He strangled me when our daughter was a baby but I had nowhere to go to … so I stayed and I’d my best. Put it down to his drinking and stress at work…he has a high powered job in finance. We were lucky … we got to keep our home and our daughters did well…the youngest has suffered the most as she was the golden child … he traded her in for a woman five years older than she. The woman looks the same but is from Ukraine ( we’re all British) … she is everything he said he disliked; she looks like a porn star, so his fantasy. He has money ( a lot less than used to have mind 😀) …. She will pay dearly for her greed. The irony is she thinks she won … she did us all a favour!
It took me several years after my marriage to understand that I was not the problem, he was. He had multiple mental health problems. I was not pysically abused but was verbally and emotionally abused. One of his favorite sayings to me was "don't talk to me about that". If I heard it once, I heard it thousands of times. After or during our divorce, I asked him why he divorced me and he said it was because I wouldn't talk to him! Once I realized what was happening to me, I made plans and got educataion that would land me a decent job so that I could support myself and the children. I didn't want to be a welfare mother. It took 13 years to get out of that situation and I am so glad that I did. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds familiar, my recent ex husband would never turn his head away from Facebook when I needed to talk to him, or our son. When he recently divorced me, he said I didn't love him unconditionally. The nerve of that rotten bastard. 55 yr old punk, man child!
Bravo! The shock of trying to understand that you had been actually abused all those years, is quite sobering when it sinks in. I woke up one day and said, "I want out and I want out now! No more chances!" I forged ahead with so many obstacles thrown in my way, by my ex. I did it! It was years of overcoming to get to a place of peace.
Youre an advocate for older women Mary Lou. Thank you for putting positivity out there for other victims to encourage them to leave these desperate situations ❤
I've been in two abusive relationships. I couldn't tolerate it. I'm not the kind of person to be passive. I understand how other people are different but I'm just not that kind of person. The first one was a foot taller than me and incredibly strong. When he hurt me i told him 'it's ok, you'll not always be ready for me. You'll be vulnerable sometimes, ill get you then. Gotta sleep sometime' My now husband would never hurt me. That's partly down to him being a well raised, respectful, darling of a man and partly because i would never allow a man in my life again like what id experienced before. He knows i wouldn't stand for it but he's not like that anyway.
I am 65. I was so lucky to get through life without serious abuse or violence against myself. But I don’t have to look far: childhood friends, colleagues, even my daughter with an ex partner. She was the most aware: got out after the first assault, no contact, went for counselling.
I can totally relate to this story Over 40 years of abuse & being threatened, I finally called it too. He said right we are separating, I said yep I agree. I phoned a friend, a real estate agent and put the house on the market.
"Denial is a sedative." A great statement and very true. I'll remember that for the rest of my life. I can also relate to living two lives - the private and the public. When people told me what a nice man my ex was, I would agree, but in my head I was saying, "to everyone but me." Bravo, for mustering your courage to see things with clarity, Mary Lou!!
This is exactly why I stopped dating after my divorce 16 years ago. No more morons for me! I should have left him 2 years into the marriage. I stayed because of his 4 selfish children. It cost me my profession, savings, assets, financial security, and career. On my own now for 16 years, no savings, nothing for the future and no back up. Can't ever trust again.
I agree …I had that behaviour for 7 years . Unpredictable but charming to those outside …. A punch in the eye is painful physical…but words are instilled into your head that never ever leave .. ALL abuse foul bullying and degrading.. the clever abusers deserve knee capping for the head games they play and the life wrecking they do to people .
Wow, this is my exact story. I left after 48 years of marriage when I finally admitted to myself what was obvious to others, that I was in an abusive and toxic relationship. I live alone and love having my own space. For the first time in my life I am comfortable focusing on my health and needs and not worried about trying to maintain a facade. To not live each day walking on eggshells is so liberating, I lost 145 lb and am taking no prescription medication because I am healing myself with nutrition and exercise and have never felt stronger mentally and physically. My children are supportive even though they regret that l didn’t leave 35 years ago. My husband now has dementia, I am able to act as a caregiver because I finally took back my power, his words can no longer damage me.
Bless you, Mary Lou, for the important work you are doing in the world. Your message "No one deserves to be treated that way," is valuable beyond measure.
My husband used me like a servant, he slapped me and I went and started packing. He apologised. I waited till he went overseas and took the car and $30. 🎉🎉🎉
My situation exactly. I stayed 23 years. On my 20th anniversary I ask what we were going to do he told me "If I knew I could get away with it, I would blow your f***ing brains out". I still stayed but lived like a zombie knowing I would leave one day. I have been married to a wonderful man now for 26 years.This is the first time I have told anyone.
It's a very dangerous time when you leave. Some women dont survive it. The spouse will not stand for a person leaving. She is lucky she came out okay and got competent counseling.
Every time my husband hit me...he would say " you make me do it...because l never hit my first wife...so it's your fault" . After hearing that so many times...sadly l started to believe him.. 😢
@@christinecatt8039 It was never true Christine, & it sounds like you may be speaking in past tense, so I'm hoping you know this now. We do not have that kind of power~ to make someone hit us or say evil things to us, we simply do not. That is 100% on the other person, regardless of what they say in the moment. Seems that it's almost always coming from a place of utter weakness in them, that they choose to gain power & control by harming another~ such weakness. They also will try to make us feel sorry for them as well~ it's so sick & wrong! We can no more make it right for them than we could make them hit or verbally abuse, because it's really not about us~ we could be anybody~ it's about them. People who do these things cannot be helped or fixed by us. I pray you are already aware of this dear one, & I pray you are living a peaceful, joyful life.Samantha in NV
Let me explain why some people with children stay. While you're there you can protect your children from the abuser,either physical or sexual. But when you leave, the abuser gets "visitation" with your child and there's nothing you can do.
Make sure you let everyone you know of his brutality of abuse.... Family....neighbors....acquaintances....friends....Boss....coworkers which will be extremely helpful
@@teresafraser3049 if the abuser, abuses the kids they can't keep seeing them. You are correct supervised visitation. Personally I believe if you abuse the mother, you lose all rights to the children. Period
That’s why I’m still here. I have 2 young sons. I also have an adult son and I divorced his Dad, and I couldn’t protect him from bad things that happened to him when he wasn’t with me. Please pray for me, bc something has to change for me.
I, too, was a respected well-loved teacher who no one knew was a survivor of two violent marriages and a stalker of 30 years. I used to think I picked lousy men, but I now know they picked ME! God bless you for speaking out. I remember the dread I used to feel coming home from teaching, not knowing what was waiting for me behind my front door...awful days. Thank God they are over.
@@apebass2215I wish I knew. I probably didn't reject them at the first sign of a red flag. I had poor self-esteem at the time, too. But I'm older, wiser, and stronger these days. When I get any "off" feeling about a person now, I just move on and don't make up excuses for their behavior. By the way, I've been married to a wonderful, peaceful man for 20 years, so there is hope for those of us who were abused; we aren't fated to be victims forever.
@@chrishill3159 The same things that attracted the good guys probably attracted the bad ones. The bad ones just take out life's inevitable stressors and disappointments on others.
@chrishill3159 one of the big signals you may give is to be nice and acting concerned when the guy is complaining about something. If you show no interest to their grievance, they move to someone's else. For example, he'll complain about his boss and you'll ask about it, and let him vent. ON A FIRST DATE. Best thing to do is say that you didn't go on a date to be bored with problems. You'll keep the nasty ones away. Good guys won't do this.
Seeking counselling does not mean you are weak. I work as a receptionist in a counselling office and many new clients call to set up an appointment and tell me they've been trying to work up the courage for a long time to take that step. I am not privy to what is spoken about in the counsellor's office but I see the red faces and eyes swollen from crying when they see me after their session to set up follow up appointments. And then after they've seen the counsellor for a while they slowly begin to smile again. If you've been putting off that initial call I invite you to contact your local counselling centre. If it's too daunting to go in person for appointments many offices offer phone or video sessions. This works great for parents of littles or those with dependents, who can't leave the house. Yours in wellness, Angela
Mary Lou, I wish I could give you a hug for what you are doing. My father was abusive to my mother and when he drank, he could become violent to all of us. It would not be appropriate for me to detail what our family went through. This all happened many years ago and my father died when I was 13. I am now in my 70s and I cried when I heard your story because that is just how painful it is for everyone; from the abused to the bystanders..no one is immune to what domestic violence does to everyone involved. I am so grateful that you were able to make the decision to leave. Many abused victims have no family support and it can be terrifying. Thank you for your work against domestic violence. I long for the day when we don't have to hear about the tragedies associated with this issue. God bless you.
Mary Lu is a warrior. Thank you for sharing your story as it will help others. Narcissists are domestic abusers. Everyone should educate themselves about narcissistic abusers.
Mary Lou, what a beautiful intelligent lady thank God you are now free. I'm delighted and so proud of you, proud because you are brave and also your helping so many people in abusive relationships. God bless you and yours 🙏🏻❤️✝️❤️🙏🏻
I married a verbally abusive man. When I sought counseling, I told the counselor that my husband was threatening to leave me with no money and three small children she said nonsense. Nobody has to be afraid of men in this day and age! I never went back to her but it took a few more years before I could leave.
I finally walked out with 6 kids,and we lived in a camper until school started.And I'd do it again,talk about panic.And I never went back.I left him so many times I can't count that high.He'd cry ,I'm so sorry I'll never do it again.BS.It never stops.Mental is just as bad as physical abuse,I've had it all.My philosophy now,you better eat a box of Wheaties ,look in the mirror, and have your burial plot payed for.Come on make my day.
IPV affects the entire family. I witnessed my sister's and nephews' abuse through my teens and early adulthood. When I finally got a voice, her denial was impregnable and had dire consequences for our relationship. Thank-you for your message.
Not all are men, I was 64 and finally left. 43 years of black eyes, cuts, tazored, broken bones, and more emotional abuse than physical abuse. Hope to write my story some day. I agree best decision was to leave.
Thank you! Very well said...I was 18 and very naive when I married my first husband who was very charismatic..and was so happy I was going to marry him..a few months later he started out of the blue saying that he didn't trust me, that I thought I was better than him and so on..totally out of the blue and started kicking me, pushing, pulling my hair, smacking me around..I was in SHOCK! Afterwards he always cried on and on begging my forgiveness..I thought I was losing my mind! I left him a couple of months later..I was 3 months pregnant..I am now 74 and thinking of my life alot..I honestly wish I had fought back..yes he probably would have killed me but still my biggest regret is that I didn't protect myself..can't stop thinking about that..he really traumatized me 😢
He has been out of my life for 30 years, I still have night terrors when I get triggered by a memory or I run into him or see him across the street. Years of counseling and prayers have given me peace....but the memories remain deep in my mind and being.
Thank you for this story. Mary Lou’s story is in fact the passage from an abusive relationship to a life centered on healing. Glad she was able to get counseling and was finally, after hearing the words, “You are a victim of Domestic Abuse!” Those word, after years of counseling help d on he journey of healing. Leaving was the bravest thing she could do. Her daughter’s words helped her in her journey towards healing.
Oh how hard to hear this and to understand too well her pain and her denial. I went through a lot of the same sort of torment. Its hell on earth. I am free of it but the awful memories still haunt me to this day. So sad for all the poor women and kids still suffering and fearful. God help them to be free! God bless this brave woman for speaking out too! Brave!
I had a much older friend who was one of 9 children. She grew up in small town Pennsylvania with a deeply Catholic mom and a father who liked to drink with his friends after work and come home to scream and hit his wife and kids. Her mother stayed with him because of her religious beliefs. He suddenly died from a heart attack when my friend was 12, and she was so happy! They were all happy even though there mom had to go on relief/welfare, and they were poor. But life was so good without him, and the mom never remarried or even dated.
Yep. Sounds familiar. Seems like a very common pattern in that subculture. Drunk violent husbands, perpetually pregnant Catholic wives who are afraid to leave….
After 13 years I left, me, my children as adults have had many long term results. Would have been worse if did not leave and all of us went through therapy. Thank You Mary Lou for your strength.
Mary Lou, you are a lovely lady, and your husband was a complete idiot to treat you that way and lose you. So glad you are okay now. Husbands are supposed to cherish their wives. You deserve better.
At 69, I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend (an acquaintance of 50 years). His assault left me with a severe back injury and I am now disabled. He left soon after and blames dementia, but is an international cyber nomad. He was escaping prosecution.
I was in an abusive relationship - and I truly understand the denial.... still not past it but I do live alone now but my embarrassment has me isolated. its lonely.
Well done Mary Lou for leaving your cruel and unworthy ex. I hope you find the happiness you so deserve - which was denied you for so long. You seem like a lovely lady. Love and best wishes from the UK.
Very good video - congratulations to Mary Lou for being a survivor - so many things she said had me shaking my head up and down. I encountered so much of the same in my abusive relationship. Only, my ex tried (and was successful to a degree) to turn my family against me. I had the BEST counselor and she helped me through so many issues. The decisions were always mine to make and the sessions were very, very tough. I never wanted to be "one of those" women who was a victim of DM. Thank God for my amazing counselor and the friends who really stood by me when I needed them the most.
Good on you Mary Lou. That took so much to make that decision. You are doing so much good speaking out. There is no place in the world for Domestic Abuse.
Therapy is the most beautiful form of self-care one can give to one's self. Marylou's story is very similar to my own. I'm grateful she shared and I plan to share this with others who have been on a similar journey who might need to hear it. Finding one's truth and then finding one strength is truly a journey of self-care and growth.
My mother was all about the image of the perfect family but the reality was she was an emotionally unstable abusive person who would just start wailing on me until I was back, blue and bleeding from eelts from my shoulders to my knees. My father stayed with her because she threatened to kill me and then herself, in those days dad’s DID not get custody if he mother was not in jail 😢
So glad she got out. This was like my childhood with my parent. Black eye. Beatings. Unknown moods. Always popping any good mood I had. But pretending to be perfect to the outside.
I really could have used a healthy dose of denial as a sedative when I was a kid. It never came for me or my late sister. We felt every physical and verbal injury and knew that we were living with insane parents and no way out until we were old enough to move out. Our only saving grace was our grandparents, who did all they could to protect us. They lived with us and would take the blame for all of the petty infractions that come from being a kid. One day I was "in for it" for not cleaning up after the dog fast enough and my grandfather just begged my dad over and over to try and talk him down, telling him it's no big deal, that he will clean up after the dog instead of me. My dad insisted that I needed to be taught a lesson. Yep, no denial in our house.
I’m glad that you found your way out of an abusive situation. It takes a lot of courage to leave such a long relationship. But, any amount of time not being abused is wonderful! Prayers to you and your family ❤
......brave lady.....I so remember my five year old saying.....Is Dad in a bad mood or a good mood ....when I picked her up from school.....I got out when she was nearly six and it was hard and terrifying.....I was 33 and I can't imagine how hard it would have been at 65....which is my age now.....I have an Aunt that got out in her 50's after a life time of spousal abuse.....from New Zealand
These people make you feel as if you're a split personality/schizophrenic. I am a child of such a union and have had years of personal self-help and outside therapy as a result. I am so glad that Mary Lou finally got out, but am sad that her kids would carry the abuse into their own relationships... Please, anyone that is going through this, please consider what your kids are going through... xxxxxx
Mary Lou I am so proud you are telling your story it is quite impactful ❤ My father was abusive towards my mother. I am the youngest of 10 children. When I was 9 my mum finally separated from my father. I think my mum's divorce finally came through when I was 14. I had seen and been through so much then that I prayed I would escape. Many of my sister's all got pregnant at a young age. I think they werre looking for love. Unfortunately the pattern of abuse never ended for them as they too had abusive marriages. I didn't want this life so I got my qualifications and went to university. I don't know if it is luck or fate. But I met my now husband 17 years ago. It wasn't all plain sailing as I had lived through so much and learning to trust him was a big thing. Thankfully due to four and a half years of trauma therapy I have realised that out of all my family I have as close to normal a relationship than anyone else. I hope I can always be with my husband as I love him so much. I think your story has really shown me and reminded me of my childhood. Please keep sharing as your life I know has been a hard one but your courage to live life your way is so inspiring ❤
To say she is a Strong woman , is not giving her enough credit. Extraordinarily powerful fits this better. He feared you. He was an inadequate , sounds like a controlling bully. A nasty narcissist. Im so glad you escaped his wicked clutches and influence. 🙏♥️.
A year ago, after having had a bad marriage for 40 years, my husband was harassing me the whole month of June and I finally had had enough and I started to ignore him after he was yelling at me about finances and he threatened to pull the TV down on me as I was ironing in my sewing room and I picked up the hot steaming iron and told him to back off and later we went to my brother in laws birthday party and he wanted me to drive so that he could stop by a liquor store to get a tall one and the night just kept getting worse until I said I needed to go to the ER because I was so stressed out and I told him not to follow me there and he did and my daughter called the police and after he went home, they came to our house and cuffed him and he spent the night in jail. That was 14 mos ago and he still thinks I was in the wrong.
Same here but 43 yr marriage. Think you re husband needs say you re wrong and maybe always will. Does NOT mean you re wrong. Me too but 43 yr marriage . I realized, I m afraid won t be able to be alone. I m trying to change that outlook. Try something different for a lifestyle is what I tell myself. Good luck
My Father was a violent man. He was an egg shell person, we did not know which way to be "around my Father". He would beat my Mother, my oldest brother and myself. The other three kids were spared the abuse b/c he was getting too old and too fat to jump up to hit them. Unfortunately, the abusive pattern carried on in the lives of the youngest kids and their others in their life. Violence is a learned behaviour.
I would think it best just to leave when he is not there, rather than telling the spouse you are going to leave. He might try to prevent you...or worse.
Good for you, May Lou! I have had more than one abuser, beginning with the parentals. Dad was physically and verbally abusive. He broke my back when I was a child and I was not taken to a doctor, so it healed that way. There were many other instances, and then as an adult, I chose partners poorly. I got out of all that many years ago and therapy was wonderful. As you said, it is a sign of strength and growth and positive change and momentum towards a better future. In my experience, my therapist didn't make any decisions for me or even try to persuade me one way or the other, she just knew how to get me to open up and view things from different perspectives and make my own best decisions for myself. If you are reading this and you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to seek out a therapist and a support system that your abuser doesn't know or know about.
I was dating a man who I thought at the time was a really nice guy. One night he got enraged and almost struck me after verbally degrading me. I didn't fight back. I actually became very passive. I let him have the last word and after he was done yelling at me, I picked up my keys and my purse and left. After that day, I never spoke to him again.
Well done, you did the very best thing
I was in a similar situation, dating a 32 year old V.P. of a bank my company did business with. One night, he just started to fall apart and repeatedly tried to start a fight but I would not engage. Finally I got up to collect my things and leave as he showed no intention of calming down. When I turned around the intense rage on his face was shocking and I watched as he raised the fist he had formed. He new my Dad was a police officer rather high on the local food chain. I stated calmly and firmly if he hit me he'd better kill me, because I'd make certain he'd do jail time and I'd destroy his career. He knew I could. He backed down. The bad part was I still had to conduct business with him.
Good for you. You didn’t need further proof he wasn’t worth your safety or sanity.
Good for you! Ice been there and left that too. They don't change, you can't make them better! They'll beg and apologize and it means nothing! 💔😠❤️🙏🏼🛐
If you're in abusive relationship leave asap! They will beg to be forgiven, you say it's ok. It'll happen again. If they were really sorry, they'd never do it again! They will not change, you can't make it right! Ice been there and done that! I spent so many days & nights in emergency rooms making excuses for this being! Finally he almost killed me by hanging me off a fifth floor roof 😠I left the next day! Stayed in hiding for 5 years. But I was so happy I lived with my mom and we were happy. I'm grateful to God I survived. 🙏🏼 🛐❤️👍
When woman get up in the morning and say " I am free of narcissistic abuse ". It's a major life accomplishment!
A-Men
The women are narcissistic themselves. Like attracts like.
@smelltheair8311 so you are the idiot who stayed with him for that long. U must of got off on it. Congratulations.
@L.L.Mill566 you women are laughable. You play the victim but were some sought of weird masochist who liked it.
@@smelltheair8311❤
My uncle was like that. I am now 66 and he 89. Right after the storms Irma and Maria, we we at his house, just me and papa…his brother who is twin. He slapped and threw my aunt to the ground. I LOST IT. I jumped him and overpowered him, punched him for long minutes. Dad sat there in shock and his wife, screaming to stop!?
I finally stopped and called the police, yes I pressed charges. He will not die intimidating us all! I had enough!
Good for you. The bastard deserved it. Probably got the shock of his life
Like I said, abusers are BULLIES!
Thank you for your service ❤
What I do not understand is why men that are like that don't go somewhere and die.
My father was like that but I got married and my mother came to my house with a black eye. I rang the police and he got hauled into jail. The judge was so angry and said at your age you should know you are a narcissist. He said to my mother if he threatens you or shouts or touches you let me know, he goes to jail and never comes out. It worked but he found other things to upset her. I danced when he died!
43 years? Unbelievable. In 1977, my mother's best friend tied her abusive husband (hands and feet) to a bed (with a promise of sex) and then took a baseball bat and broke BOTH of his femurs. She called the police and turned herself into and told the police that if he ever touched her again she would kill him. They didn't even arrest her (because they knew she was an abused wife) - they got divorced and he DIDN'T ever touch her again.
I’m shocked this doesn’t happen more often.
Good for HER😅
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She's very lucky she's not in jail
@@jeanettelebarron3306show me a jury that would convict her of something and I’ll show you 12 heartless souls. More women need to take a lesson from her and those women need to be protected!
When I left my husband a couple months later he asked me to come back and I laughed and said are you kidding I’m lucky I escaped from you.
Be careful what you say to your ex, can cost your life or the life of somebody you love. Cut off any connection.
Better be far away with no noise.
I am so very proud of you Mary Lou. I stayed 18 years too long. I was shot at, more than twice. My son in law was screaming zig zag, zig zag. Domestic violence does not know status. My husband was one of the wealthiest men in our state. I didn’t stay for the status. I stayed because I had been raised to be a “good girl”. It will get better. My family finally saw the truth. I didn’t have the courage to leave. He died after a diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer in less than 2 weeks. I grieved so hard. I think I was brainwashed. Suddenly after 4 months, a light bulb went off. I was free. I think I cried more after that realization than I ever did grieving. Life is so different. Life is so wonderful. I pray for all still in a horrible situation.
Horray🎉😅
God works in strange ways 🤍
The other realization comes when he passes from this life back to the Spirit World and realizes what he had done.
That is when you truly realize the awful mistakes you had made.
When he's asked how did he treat others, he'll have no choice but to put this thoughts to words.
That goes for anyone who's painfully mistreated others.
I hope you're spending all his money!
Lucky you to survive.Blessed! Sounds like Murdoch case.
These abusers should be named and shamed. Mary Lou is a beautiful, strong and courageous woman.
"YELL AND TELL."
No. She was a willing participant in an abusive relationship.
@@lucylovic for whatever reasons, people get sucked into abusive relationships. some are willing to be deceived, but some are not.
Yes and why cant we name and shame them cause im sure every other woman who has been abused buy malignant narcs i married. and coverts. Would allso come forward. We should be able to do it they got so many people against them who hate them. How would we go about this just name them! What do you think?
Oh, I guess you think that comment helps. Ignorance is not an excuse. @lucylovic
You do your children NO FAVORS by staying with someone who abuses you, physically, emotionally, or sexually. I’m 65 and having grownup in domestic violence scars you for life. You can never outlive the traces of it. It’s never too late to reclaim your life.
@@tina8796True, but staying in an abusive relationship when children are involved means fear is more powerful than love. The love a parent would have to protect their children at all costs. There are public assistance services and hotlines for these kinds of situations. Even asking friends for support.
I know. My father was a short tempered man who often took his anger out on me when I was growing up. Even today if I hear a raised or angry voice my childhood abuse comes flooding back.
So you are shaming the victim for staying? Women do what they have to do to survive. You better believe her first thought was about doing the least damage to the children.
@@yw2274 Staying in an abusive relationship is not survival, it’s denial - a freeze response from intense fear. Fear puts children in danger.
Please don’t blame people for staying … it took me 23 years to leave for fear of worse to come. Some men kill when women try to leave. When one feels paralysed, intimidated, threatened, in fear of one’s life, you do what you have to do stay alive.
I’m 62 and never been married. I remember my friend telling me about her friend who married right after we all graduated from college. At that time, this woman’s mother had died and the only immediate family she had was her brother and her father. Not long after her marriage, her brother took a job in another state and moved away. Then within about a year, her father died. One day, her husband argued with her after her father’s death. He slapped her so hard she fell across the room and hit her head by the fireplace. She felt dizzy. But when she looked up, her husband was rolling up his sleeves and coming at her with clinched fists, ready to do battle. Fortunately, she was able to get up and run out of the house. She returned a few days later with a good friend and the police. Her husband was at home. She went inside with the police and her friend, the police explained why they were there, that she wanted to get some of her things. She went into the bedroom and got some of her things and her purse and car keys. All the while her husband was in shock. She and her friend and the police then left. She moved to Hawaii and never saw that guy again. When I hear stories like this lady’s in the video, I feel so sad. These abusive men really seek out someone they think they can bully. My friend who told me about the her friend that ended up moving to Hawaii always said that this guy waited until this woman’s brother moved away and her father died. Only then did he hit her. He knew she had no family to protect her. That is often what these abusers are counting on. Either the woman has no family to come to her rescue OR the abuser frightens the woman into not telling anyone about what’s going on. I’ve never been married but I’ve been in some frightening situations. I say this to the young women out here. At the first sign of any abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, etc.) leave the relationship. Try not to have a child with someone until you really know who you are dealing with. Never think that a devil will behave themselves and be good. The abuse will only get worse. Make a plan to get out and don’t discuss it with the abuser or anyone who will tell the abuser. Just make a plan and leave. Life, especially your youth, is too precious to allow someone who is hell on earth make your life a living hell, too.
Absolutely true. My abusive husband did everything but hit me. Deep down I knew it was because I had 5 brothers nearby (two within walking distance). When my husband got sick, they came while he was at chemo and removed his pew pews. They said since he was dying, he might unalive me. Wow. He’s been gone for years now and I am grateful to be here.
She was a victim of a narcissist. They not only make you feel like you are worthless, but the narcissist can also get physically violence. Good luck to you for the peaceful days ahead and thank you for your honesty and sharing.
Yes! To them, the world revolves around them. It's all about their needs, their wants. And they're willing and able to crush anyone who doesn't go along with that. You can't just leave them. I know, I had to move to another state and change my name. He looked for me for a long time too...he had one thought, one purpose. To kill me.
But God is good. I'm still here and our son? He's across the hall, snoring. 😏 I live alone but I always keep a spare bedroom for my kids and grandkids. None of them have a relationship with my abuser. I didn't tell them what a piece of work he is, I let them find out for themselves. I thought surely, he'll put on a front for them but no, he just had to show them his true colors. He's still alive, but having burned through a few women, he's very much alone. And even he can't stand his company. I pray he'll change and turn to Christ, but any mention of God and he goes into a blasphemous rave. I won't even tell you how vile he gets, but a mild thing he likes to say is that God is dog spelled backwards, and evil is live spelled backwards...yeah, he really desires hell...
One note though about our veterans; we have failed them. His ptsd, his nightmares...it wasn't so much what he saw, it was what he did. He embraced killing. And that was something that all the alcohol in the world couldn't drown out. They created a killing machine...and women and children have suffered at his violent hands. We need to do better by the men and women who go into service for *us.* This is a case in point, when you harm a soldier you are hurting society...
YEP!!
It sounds to me the he was a psychopath. You’re so lucky that you finally got away. Nowadays, there are so many resources for domestic violence. I’m so glad found peace and happiness.
No. She was a willing participant.
@miapdx503 rubbish. Not worth the read. You women play the victim but will not take any responsibility for your own actions.
My dad was like this. My Mum put up with it for 42 years. He did everything he could to undermine her sense of self and her self confidence.
He was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 71 (from WW2), which made sense. We just thought he was an arsehole. It still didn't make his behaviour toward us OK.
Finally, after 42 years, he got sick through his own stupidity (decided he didn't need his warfarin tablets anymore and ended up with a blood clot in his mesenteric artery. He had his first surgery where he lost 80% of his bowel and Mum was terrified he'd want to come home and she'd have to look after him (he was NOT a good patient)). I told her not to worry. No matter what, he was NOT going home. He was either going into a nursing home or a coffin - depending on how things went.
Turned out it was the latter. I've never seen her so relieved.
We had quite a bit of trouble keeping our faces sombre at the funeral. I can assure you.
After the dust had settled, she decided she was going to go on a cruise. She LOVED it.
She found herself a friend who also wanted to go cruising (who was also a widow), and they've been all over the world together. Done the Pacific Ocean round-trip, all the way around South America (starting in Florida and ending in California), been up to Japan and China (we live in Australia) and been around New Zealand and Fixi three or four times each. She loves it and actually seems HAPPY. I'm so happy she's living her best life now. I'm just sorry it took so long for her to be able to do it.
Three years of really violent abuse here. It finally ended when he beat and kicked me so badly that at 7 month pregnant I went into labor and two hours later, my oldest son died. Listening to my baby boy struggle as he was dying is the cost of staying with a monster. The horror of what I accepted for the sake of twisted love and security lives with me still, 55 years later. Thank God I am happily married 52yrs to a wonderful man.❤️🙏🙏🙏God bless those who are still trapped in a relationship where they are being abused…..PLEASE GET OUT NOW.
I stand with you in this prayer Linda, in Jesus' name. How wonderful you have all these years in a loving & peaceful marriage~ that is absolutely where it's at! There is no greater gift than a string union with a real man...really thrilled for you. I also honor & pray for your momma's heart, in Jesus' name.Samantha in NV
My heart is grieved for you having to lose your son due to abuse and cruelty. So glad you left this monster and are now happy.
Everyone must leave these monsters i married a malignant narc who used .e in every way beat me up just remember it never ends there new supply will get same beat up and the next and next it never ends till they die they lie cheat rob your money reck your stuff sell your stuff . They never loved you ever . The love bombing was fake to hook you they have sex with any one thousands during a life time. Do you really want to be involved with this satan. They dont love there own children they say they do .just like they told you they loved you they never did cant love no one ever get away now. Befor you get fatally hurt and your kids.
Aww bless you ❤❤❤
3 years of someone beating you and still had sex with him?! WTF?!
I left my 26 year abusive marriage 13 months and 16 days ago and have never once second guessed myself. It’s a huge adjustment that gets better with each passing day. Coercion, control, threats, physical violence, mental torture-there is nothing to miss. Stay strong Mary Lou, you got out, you are free to live with respect and integrity and you are a good person.Thank you for sharing your story, it will absolutely help others.
❤
Well done, it takes time to recover but you're on the right road x
@@AmandaWRU Thank you so much for your encouragement, it’s been one year since I posted that comment and I am thriving. My life is unfolding beautifully and I continue to leave the past in the past.
I got chills when you described your feelings when you left! I also was in a violent relationship, and I had left, many many times. But I always went back. Then I had my daughter and when the abuse started again, I knew, sooner or later he’d hit her, so one weekend I was home alone, he hadn’t been home since Friday, I received a call from who I found out, his latest side piece, and the switch clicked OFF. I felt nothing for him anymore. I packed my car with as much of my babies furniture and belongings, my clothes, and left! I felt the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders! I knew then, I’d never go back, I’d never allow abuse again, and my daughter would never experience it from him. Abusers are BULLIES!
Smart and brave woman! Thank goodness you rescued your daughter from the madness.
Good for you! Glad you and your daughter escaped.
A women once told me about her daughter. Who got married after 3 years of dating. On their honeymoon he hit her for the first time and it continued. She was in shock cause he had hidden that side of him well. If course she left but it shocked every one. We never know do we.
My first husband backhanded me and I started failing down a flight of stairs: luckily I was able to grab the railing seven steps from the top. I was
7 1/2 months pregnant. At that moment I knew the marriage was over. I had to stay for another six months to wait until I was awarded tenure in my teaching job. The very next day I put my baby son in his stroller and saw a divorce lawyer.
Three years later I met a wonderful man who died the day before our 26th anniversary.
My first husband, the abuser, died last week and I never sent flowers or attended the funeral. That slap over 55 years ago killed every bit of feelings I had for him.
My mum always warned me that if he hits you once, he’ll hit you again.
We have to learn to replace the bad memories with the good. That blocks it from your mind, but you never really forget. My pain ended 26yrs ago when I left a 23 yr hellacious marriage???🎉
You saved your child! Well done!
It will be 14 years in December that I left my abuser. It was a short marriage, after dating for a few years. He turned into someone I didn't know. I started planning my exit shortly after I saw that side of him. He didn't hit me, but he would have if I had stayed much longer. But there was lots of verbal, monetary, and emotional abuse. I could actually hear my late Dad say "You don't have to put up with this". I have never looked back, and finally got over the guilt of not seeing the signs sooner.
The only thing that came from the years I sacrificed myself to raise my ex-husband's children was that they all learned how not to treat your wife! They each came to me after I left the man who made my life hell. One by one, they told me they knew I had stayed for them and that they appreciated me showing them how to be good men, that their father showed them how not to be men at all.
God bless you, Mary Lou, for being brave enough to save yourself. You are a survivor!
How do you go on to continue to have more children to someone like this
You did so much more than survive, my dear. You sacrificed. The children you raised had a wonderful mom who gave them a chance to be who they are today.
@cathycupcake6849 so brainwashed, stupid, then trapped
@sharondoan1447 ask yourself where was his first wife, died,, divorced,,
When I realized what was going on in my marriage, I tried to find a counselor but I couldn't find anyone who understood what domestic violence was, or verbal abuse. The best help I got was from a book by Patricia Evens, The Verbally abusive relationship. I finally finished my bachelor's degree at age 56, & was working on my master's in social work, a project we had to do was to write an educational plan for whatever we wanted. My dream was to teach a short class to high school students on what intimate partner violence is, how to recognize it & where to get help. I put together a power point & got 100% on it from the teacher.
You should've published it and petition to have it added to high school curriculum nationwide, it's not too late🤷🏾♀️🙏🏾
YES!! Same!! I thought I was going crazy. I got to the point where I couldn’t swallow; therefore I couldn’t sleep.
Patricia Evans. The Verbally Abusive Relationship. That book saved my sanity.
i bought that book also...i believe around 1980. The verbally abusive man i married never changed...he got worse.
I wasn't able to afford a counselor. I was on my own, and got myself out of the situation. Thank God.
@@Jendromeda Yes, they keep finding victims. I believe my ex's fourth marriage broke up in the last year or so. I imagine he has moved on the the fifth one by now.
Wow! I can't imagine giving my entire life to an abusive person. I remember a man I had been dating for several weeks raised his voice to me. I was done. I Walked away from him and never even thought about looking back. So happy she got out.
Same here, I had a boyfriend who pushed me as i was walking along the street with him ,from that day on I would have nothing too do with him ,I think also it happens more too women that don't have a family too back them ,not that, that was my case .
ABSOLUTELY.
@blkimble Girl, YOU are an inspiration. I’ve grown weary of women waiting until it gets really really really bad and then crying about it. I’m sorry. I’m over it. I get that no relationship is perfect, but if you respect him and love him, he should do the same thing for you. And that goes for men who are abused, as well. Rough handling - verbal, emotional, physical, or otherwise - is simply not something to be tolerated.
@joycemckeown789 I am so so happy for you that you made it abundantly clear that you will not tolerate him putting his hands on you. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 if more women followed your example, this issue wouldn’t be so prevalent. You have to train people how to treat you. I have literally seen a man who used to abuse one woman treat another woman like a treasure. We all have a responsibility for our own safety and sanity.
@@MethodiousMindThey don't even get a date with me when in just a few minutes of talking to them they blame the ex for everything. I'm done at that point. That is exactly what my ex husband did so I know what is going on! They never get that date question out!
Bless you for your final decision to save yourself. My mother is 84 and still denies the emotional and physical abuse my father gifted to all us.
That's because if she acknowledged the truth, guilt of allowing it to continue and it affect her kids, she couldn't bare it. She either stayed for selfish reasons because she like most women she wanted to stay and love her man or she truly was scared to try and take care of herself 🤷🏾♀️ either way, I'm sorry you all had to suffer your mother's choices and your father's selfish misogyny 😢🙏🏾
I thank God my mom had the bravery to escape with 4 small girls, aged 8-14, in 1960. No welfare benefits or child support. Very, very strong woman. My father would prob have killed us all. Crazy sob. Affected all of us.
As the main target for my father’s mainly emotional, but also physical abuse, I prayed every day that he would not come home from work. It didn’t occur to me until much later in life that my mother could have done something to shield me. It still hurts, but he is gone and I have severed all contact with her. The family probably think I’m cruel, even though they witnessed some of his behaviour. We only get one chance at this life and this is my time, even though it’s a bit late.
My mother was the same. She just asoon I got hit instead of her starting when I was 3. I disowned both of them.
I left a five year marriage after five years of verbal and emotional abuse. I got my own apartment and the first night there, I just walked around my little apartment, touching everything, and grinning. I felt so happy, so free. No more eggshells to walk on. No more name-calling. No more anger. I was free, and it was glorious! That was 15 years ago. I am still single, own my own home, I’m retired now, and I am still gloriously happy! 🎉🎉
The fact that he could do a 180 turn when company arrives tells me he could control himself if he was capable of any kind of love at all.
He wasn't capable. Most men aren't. In fact most men don't really like their partners at all. It is only held together by the fantasy in the partner's head. Once the spell is broken they can leave and get on with life. Reality is much different than we think it is. Childhood programming makes us run after the carrot. Sometimes forever.
@@Edelwiess1066many men confuse love with sex.
My husband wasn’t physically abusing it was mental
@@livefromtheground7274 I hope you are free now ❤️
@@Edelwiess1066 Most BAD men, anyway. Good men are not like that.
I wanted to watch but after surviving abuse the first 50 years of my life it hurts too much. Thankful for therapy and been abuse free for 20 years. Sending hugs to all who have suffered abuse in their life.
I was scared to watch, too, but I decided to go ahead. He can't hurt you anymore. 🤗
I hope that any woman, young and old, will listen to this lady and get the courage to leave a situation like this... forever.
I remember a friend telling me that the hardest decision to make is leaving!
I didn't know that I COULD live well without him!
I divorced him! He still can't believe it after35 years!
Don't stay in a situation like this...
I’ve always been surprised more victims don’t kill their abusers. My mother was abused. I left young but moved back home at 20 within 2 days my step dad attracted my mother and my brother in front of me. They both just took it with no reaction I hadn’t lived with the abuse as much so I attacked my drunk stepdad back. Forced my mother to call cops thst was the last day he ever lived with my mother. He knew I would kill him
Go Ed!!
I know what you mean about nearly killing them. I just stopped myself.
I am soooooo PROUD of Mary Lou for finding the courage and strength to finally break free of Domestic abuse such as I did 40 years ago which not only saved my life but allowed me to recreate myself anew ❤
Thank you for reminding me that being alone is not bad. I get lonely some days but thank God Almighty the cruel men are gone.
Being alone is freedom...alone and lonely are 2 different separate things btw
@@ykook7000 yes you are right!
It’s the insidiousness of it all, slow, steady, creeping. My ex strangled me just once and that was enough to keep me there for 23 years. He took my money, enslaved me by refusing to do anything to help, refused to drive and lost his temper at a moments notice. We all walked on eggshells, me and our daughters. Like Mary Lou I am a primary school teacher, and lived my life with rose tinted glasses on, trying to always see the positives, just like Pollyanna. I had a shock during counselling when I realised just how much I’d forgotten in order to survive. He’s gone now. Our abusive relationship was called out by the account manager at our bank…it was that obvious…
We must continue to keep calling out these behaviours, and not tolerate IPV at any level. Mary Lou, you are inspiring
Oh mine strangled me, my 4 year old son walked in. Otherwise I would have been dead... That was enough for me to leave him and never look back! The 4 year old son, now 33 doesn't have a relationship with his father. He is my hero for walking in that room that day...
@@eyesofamessenger what a brave little boy. These monsters deserve a miserable old age. I’m pleased to read all is well now.
@@Jane-rc2rk Your story is remarkable. I am happy that you had angels watching over you! 💙 When I asked for help, the good Lord broke his foot at work that night to slow him down. I knew then I wasn't alone and that it was time to leave that hell behind.
Thank you for sharing your story Jane.
Love, Angela
Isn't it ironic that most of us didn't know what "walking on eggshells" felt like until we were with these creeps!
@@1mourningdove54 absolutely! I didn’t even know we were doing it! I couldn’t be still, couldn’t rest, always had to be doing something when he was around. I lived my entire marriage in fear of upsetting him. He strangled me when our daughter was a baby but I had nowhere to go to … so I stayed and I’d my best. Put it down to his drinking and stress at work…he has a high powered job in finance. We were lucky … we got to keep our home and our daughters did well…the youngest has suffered the most as she was the golden child … he traded her in for a woman five years older than she. The woman looks the same but is from Ukraine ( we’re all British) … she is everything he said he disliked; she looks like a porn star, so his fantasy. He has money ( a lot less than used to have mind 😀) …. She will pay dearly for her greed. The irony is she thinks she won … she did us all a favour!
It took me several years after my marriage to understand that I was not the problem, he was. He had multiple mental health problems. I was not pysically abused but was verbally and emotionally abused. One of his favorite sayings to me was "don't talk to me about that". If I heard it once, I heard it thousands of times. After or during our divorce, I asked him why he divorced me and he said it was because I wouldn't talk to him! Once I realized what was happening to me, I made plans and got educataion that would land me a decent job so that I could support myself and the children. I didn't want to be a welfare mother. It took 13 years to get out of that situation and I am so glad that I did. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds familiar, my recent ex husband would never turn his head away from Facebook when I needed to talk to him, or our son. When he recently divorced me, he said I didn't love him unconditionally. The nerve of that rotten bastard. 55 yr old punk, man child!
Bravo! The shock of trying to understand that you had been actually abused all those years, is quite sobering when it sinks in. I woke up one day and said, "I want out and I want out now! No more chances!" I forged ahead with so many obstacles thrown in my way, by my ex. I did it! It was years of overcoming to get to a place of peace.
Youre an advocate for older women Mary Lou. Thank you for putting positivity out there for other victims to encourage them to leave these desperate situations ❤
Yay, Mary Lou! Counseling is not a crutch. It is wonderful when you find the right therapist.
So glad you got away from that man!
Domestic & emotional abuse never get better, they always gets worse.
I've been in two abusive relationships. I couldn't tolerate it. I'm not the kind of person to be passive. I understand how other people are different but I'm just not that kind of person. The first one was a foot taller than me and incredibly strong. When he hurt me i told him 'it's ok, you'll not always be ready for me. You'll be vulnerable sometimes, ill get you then. Gotta sleep sometime'
My now husband would never hurt me. That's partly down to him being a well raised, respectful, darling of a man and partly because i would never allow a man in my life again like what id experienced before. He knows i wouldn't stand for it but he's not like that anyway.
I am 65. I was so lucky to get through life without serious abuse or violence against myself. But I don’t have to look far: childhood friends, colleagues, even my daughter with an ex partner. She was the most aware: got out after the first assault, no contact, went for counselling.
I can totally relate to this story
Over 40 years of abuse & being threatened, I finally called it too.
He said right we are separating, I said yep I agree. I phoned a friend, a real estate agent and put the house on the market.
"Denial is a sedative." A great statement and very true. I'll remember that for the rest of my life. I can also relate to living two lives - the private and the public. When people told me what a nice man my ex was, I would agree, but in my head I was saying, "to everyone but me." Bravo, for mustering your courage to see things with clarity, Mary Lou!!
This is exactly why I stopped dating after my divorce 16 years ago. No more morons for me! I should have left him 2 years into the marriage. I stayed because of his 4 selfish children. It cost me my profession, savings, assets, financial security, and career. On my own now for 16 years, no savings, nothing for the future and no back up. Can't ever trust again.
But you are free ...live in the moment
Good for you
You are alive. ❣️
Sometimes I think emotional abuse is just as bad. It’s hard to leave.
I agree …I had that behaviour for 7 years . Unpredictable but charming to those outside …. A punch in the eye is painful physical…but words are instilled into your head that never ever leave .. ALL abuse foul bullying and degrading.. the clever abusers deserve knee capping for the head games they play and the life wrecking they do to people .
@@lifeslessons9889 For absolute sure. The words, actions and put downs stay with you forever.
So true. I dealt with it for 16 years. I & my 2 kids finally got away from him.
@@rocker76m88 I’m 64. I’m so unhappy I just want to walk away.
@@rebeccabamford5505I hope you get away.
Wow, this is my exact story. I left after 48 years of marriage when I finally admitted to myself what was obvious to others, that I was in an abusive and toxic relationship. I live alone and love having my own space. For the first time in my life I am comfortable focusing on my health and needs and not worried about trying to maintain a facade. To not live each day walking on eggshells is so liberating, I lost 145 lb and am taking no prescription medication because I am healing myself with nutrition and exercise and have never felt stronger mentally and physically. My children are supportive even though they regret that l didn’t leave 35 years ago. My husband now has dementia, I am able to act as a caregiver because I finally took back my power, his words can no longer damage me.
Bless you, Mary Lou, for the important work you are doing in the world. Your message "No one deserves to be treated that way," is valuable beyond measure.
My father was like this he knew mum could not leave. I grew up in violent house.i am 71 and its like yesterday in my mind.
That’s exactly what a lot of men are wishing for today. To have the right to keep women permanently trapped with them. Scary times.
My husband used me like a servant, he slapped me and I went and started packing. He apologised. I waited till he went overseas and took the car and $30. 🎉🎉🎉
Good for you! Live your best life!
It's sick. It really is, when one partner is the loving, kind, selfless giver, and the other is a bully, cruel, selfish and a taker.
My situation exactly. I stayed 23 years. On my 20th anniversary I ask what we were going to do he told me "If I knew I could get away with it, I would blow your f***ing brains out". I still stayed but lived like a zombie knowing I would leave one day. I have been married to a wonderful man now for 26 years.This is the first time I have told anyone.
the takers target the givers. I've seen it happen many times. Givers commonly have rough lives.
It's a very dangerous time when you leave. Some women dont survive it. The spouse will not stand for a person leaving. She is lucky she came out okay and got competent counseling.
Every time my husband hit me...he would say " you make me do it...because l never hit my first wife...so it's your fault" .
After hearing that so many times...sadly l started to believe him..
😢
@@christinecatt8039 It was never true Christine, & it sounds like you may be speaking in past tense, so I'm hoping you know this now. We do not have that kind of power~ to make someone hit us or say evil things to us, we simply do not. That is 100% on the other person, regardless of what they say in the moment. Seems that it's almost always coming from a place of utter weakness in them, that they choose to gain power & control by harming another~ such weakness. They also will try to make us feel sorry for them as well~ it's so sick & wrong! We can no more make it right for them than we could make them hit or verbally abuse, because it's really not about us~ we could be anybody~ it's about them. People who do these things cannot be helped or fixed by us. I pray you are already aware of this dear one, & I pray you are living a peaceful, joyful life.Samantha in NV
@@christinecatt8039he hits me and I immediately leave!
Let me explain why some people with children stay. While you're there you can protect your children from the abuser,either physical or sexual. But when you leave, the abuser gets "visitation" with your child and there's nothing you can do.
Disappear you don't have to let them see the kids
I would then demand mediation while he had his visitation with the children by building a case that will grant you this
Make sure you let everyone you know of his brutality of abuse....
Family....neighbors....acquaintances....friends....Boss....coworkers which will be extremely helpful
@@teresafraser3049 if the abuser, abuses the kids they can't keep seeing them. You are correct supervised visitation. Personally I believe if you abuse the mother, you lose all rights to the children. Period
That’s why I’m still here. I have 2 young sons. I also have an adult son and I divorced his Dad, and I couldn’t protect him from bad things that happened to him when he wasn’t with me. Please pray for me, bc something has to change for me.
I, too, was a respected well-loved teacher who no one knew was a survivor of two violent marriages and a stalker of 30 years. I used to think I picked lousy men, but I now know they picked ME! God bless you for speaking out. I remember the dread I used to feel coming home from teaching, not knowing what was waiting for me behind my front door...awful days. Thank God they are over.
Why did they pick you? What signals were you giving them that you were vulnerable and easy prey?
@@apebass2215I wish I knew. I probably didn't reject them at the first sign of a red flag. I had poor self-esteem at the time, too. But I'm older, wiser, and stronger these days. When I get any "off" feeling about a person now, I just move on and don't make up excuses for their behavior. By the way, I've been married to a wonderful, peaceful man for 20 years, so there is hope for those of us who were abused; we aren't fated to be victims forever.
I was also told these men picked me and I stilll wonder what signals I gave off
@@chrishill3159 The same things that attracted the good guys probably attracted the bad ones. The bad ones just take out life's inevitable stressors and disappointments on others.
@chrishill3159 one of the big signals you may give is to be nice and acting concerned when the guy is complaining about something. If you show no interest to their grievance, they move to someone's else. For example, he'll complain about his boss and you'll ask about it, and let him vent. ON A FIRST DATE. Best thing to do is say that you didn't go on a date to be bored with problems. You'll keep the nasty ones away. Good guys won't do this.
I hope somebody got a chance to beat the sh*t out of this abuser somewhere along the line. Thank you lovely lady for sharing your story.
Seeking counselling does not mean you are weak. I work as a receptionist in a counselling office and many new clients call to set up an appointment and tell me they've been trying to work up the courage for a long time to take that step. I am not privy to what is spoken about in the counsellor's office but I see the red faces and eyes swollen from crying when they see me after their session to set up follow up appointments. And then after they've seen the counsellor for a while they slowly begin to smile again. If you've been putting off that initial call I invite you to contact your local counselling centre. If it's too daunting to go in person for appointments many offices offer phone or video sessions. This works great for parents of littles or those with dependents, who can't leave the house. Yours in wellness, Angela
Unfortunately, I think this is so much more common than anyone thinks.
I wish Mary Lou and all the others like her a peaceful life.
No one needs to put up with abuse
Mary Lou, I wish I could give you a hug for what you are doing. My father was abusive to my mother and when he drank, he could become violent to all of us. It would not be appropriate for me to detail what our family went through. This all happened many years ago and my father died when I was 13. I am now in my 70s and I cried when I heard your story because that is just how painful it is for everyone; from the abused to the bystanders..no one is immune to what domestic violence does to everyone involved. I am so grateful that you were able to make the decision to leave. Many abused victims have no family support and it can be terrifying. Thank you for your work against domestic violence. I long for the day when we don't have to hear about the tragedies associated with this issue. God bless you.
Mary Lu is a warrior. Thank you for sharing your story as it will help others. Narcissists are domestic abusers. Everyone should educate themselves about narcissistic abusers.
I have one
Mary Lou, what a beautiful intelligent lady thank God you are now free. I'm delighted and so proud of you, proud because you are brave and also your helping so many people in abusive relationships. God bless you and yours
🙏🏻❤️✝️❤️🙏🏻
I married a verbally abusive man. When I sought counseling, I told the counselor that my husband was threatening to leave me with no money and three small children she said nonsense. Nobody has to be afraid of men in this day and age! I never went back to her but it took a few more years before I could leave.
I finally walked out with 6 kids,and we lived in a camper until school started.And I'd do it again,talk about panic.And I never went back.I left him so many times I can't count that high.He'd cry ,I'm so sorry I'll never do it again.BS.It never stops.Mental is just as bad as physical abuse,I've had it all.My philosophy now,you better eat a box of Wheaties ,look in the mirror, and have your burial plot payed for.Come on make my day.
IPV affects the entire family. I witnessed my sister's and nephews' abuse through my teens and early adulthood. When I finally got a voice, her denial was impregnable and had dire consequences for our relationship.
Thank-you for your message.
Not all are men, I was 64 and finally left. 43 years of black eyes, cuts, tazored, broken bones, and more emotional abuse than physical abuse. Hope to write my story some day. I agree best decision was to leave.
Ones trouble garm. Do it! We need to hear this story from a different perspective. I'd listen to it.
Mary Lou, you were so brave, thank you allowing your therapist to share her insight and observations too, it was very interesting 💜🤍💚
I’m sure this video will help others who are in the same situation Mary Lou once was. What a brave and resilient lady she is 🫶.
Thank you! Very well said...I was 18 and very naive when I married my first husband who was very charismatic..and was so happy I was going to marry him..a few months later he started out of the blue saying that he didn't trust me, that I thought I was better than him and so on..totally out of the blue and started kicking me, pushing, pulling my hair, smacking me around..I was in SHOCK! Afterwards he always cried on and on begging my forgiveness..I thought I was losing my mind! I left him a couple of months later..I was 3 months pregnant..I am now 74 and thinking of my life alot..I honestly wish I had fought back..yes he probably would have killed me but still my biggest regret is that I didn't protect myself..can't stop thinking about that..he really traumatized me 😢
He has been out of my life for 30 years, I still have night terrors when I get triggered by a memory or I run into him or see him across the street.
Years of counseling and prayers have given me peace....but the memories remain deep in my mind and being.
Thank you for this story. Mary Lou’s story is in fact the passage from an abusive relationship to a life centered on healing. Glad she was able to get counseling and was finally, after hearing the words, “You are a victim of Domestic Abuse!” Those word, after years of counseling help d on he journey of healing. Leaving was the bravest thing she could do. Her daughter’s words helped her in her journey towards healing.
Oh how hard to hear this and to understand too well her pain and her denial.
I went through a lot of the same sort of torment. Its hell on earth. I am free of it but the awful memories still haunt me to this day. So sad for all the poor women and kids still suffering and fearful. God help them to be free! God bless this brave woman for speaking out too! Brave!
People ask me how did I “start over” and I tell them that I just continue on in my better life.
I had a much older friend who was one of 9 children. She grew up in small town Pennsylvania with a deeply Catholic mom and a father who liked to drink with his friends after work and come home to scream and hit his wife and kids. Her mother stayed with him because of her religious beliefs.
He suddenly died from a heart attack when my friend was 12, and she was so happy! They were all happy even though there mom had to go on relief/welfare, and they were poor. But life was so good without him, and the mom never remarried or even dated.
Yep. Sounds familiar. Seems like a very common pattern in that subculture. Drunk violent husbands, perpetually pregnant Catholic wives who are afraid to leave….
I was married to an abusive alcoholic for a year! I can’t imagine living with it for decades
After 13 years I left, me, my children as adults have had many long term results. Would have been worse if did not leave and all of us went through therapy. Thank You Mary Lou for your strength.
Glad you made it out Mary Lou! Wish you peace and contentment all the rest of your life ❤
This lady was so lucky that when she said she was leaving he didn't kill her. Never tell the abuser anything. It's too dangerous.
Mary Lou, you are a lovely lady, and your husband was a complete idiot to treat you that way and lose you. So glad you are okay now. Husbands are supposed to cherish their wives. You deserve better.
At 69, I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend (an acquaintance of 50 years). His assault left me with a severe back injury and I am now disabled. He left soon after and blames dementia, but is an international cyber nomad. He was escaping prosecution.
I was in an abusive relationship - and I truly understand the denial.... still not past it but I do live alone now but my embarrassment has me isolated. its lonely.
Well done Mary Lou for leaving your cruel and unworthy ex. I hope you find the happiness you so deserve - which was denied you for so long. You seem like a lovely lady. Love and best wishes from the UK.
Very good video - congratulations to Mary Lou for being a survivor - so many things she said had me shaking my head up and down. I encountered so much of the same in my abusive relationship. Only, my ex tried (and was successful to a degree) to turn my family against me. I had the BEST counselor and she helped me through so many issues. The decisions were always mine to make and the sessions were very, very tough. I never wanted to be "one of those" women who was a victim of DM. Thank God for my amazing counselor and the friends who really stood by me when I needed them the most.
Denial is a sedative for traumatic experiences. Wow. Very powerful statement
I work in a DV shelter and will be using this with my clients. Powerful.
Good on you Mary Lou. That took so much to make that decision. You are doing so much good speaking out. There is no place in the world for Domestic Abuse.
Therapy is the most beautiful form of self-care one can give to one's self. Marylou's story is very similar to my own. I'm grateful she shared and I plan to share this with others who have been on a similar journey who might need to hear it. Finding one's truth and then finding one strength is truly a journey of self-care and growth.
My mother was all about the image of the perfect family but the reality was she was an emotionally unstable abusive person who would just start wailing on me until I was back, blue and bleeding from eelts from my shoulders to my knees. My father stayed with her because she threatened to kill me and then herself, in those days dad’s DID not get custody if he mother was not in jail 😢
I'm so sorry you went thru that horrible experience. Please take care of yourself
🧡🙏🏻
So glad she got out. This was like my childhood with my parent. Black eye. Beatings. Unknown moods. Always popping any good mood I had. But pretending to be perfect to the outside.
More people need to talk about their abusive experiences. Talk to others, share your thoughts and how you are healing. Therapy is guidance 😊
I really could have used a healthy dose of denial as a sedative when I was a kid. It never came for me or my late sister. We felt every physical and verbal injury and knew that we were living with insane parents and no way out until we were old enough to move out. Our only saving grace was our grandparents, who did all they could to protect us. They lived with us and would take the blame for all of the petty infractions that come from being a kid. One day I was "in for it" for not cleaning up after the dog fast enough and my grandfather just begged my dad over and over to try and talk him down, telling him it's no big deal, that he will clean up after the dog instead of me. My dad insisted that I needed to be taught a lesson. Yep, no denial in our house.
So sorry about that and I hope that you are in a good place now.
I’m glad that you found your way out of an abusive situation. It takes a lot of courage to leave such a long relationship. But, any amount of time not being abused is wonderful! Prayers to you and your family ❤
What a heroic story , so glad you got out ! And are living a happier & more fullfiling life , 🙏❤️
......brave lady.....I so remember my five year old saying.....Is Dad in a bad mood or a good mood ....when I picked her up from school.....I got out when she was nearly six and it was hard and terrifying.....I was 33 and I can't imagine how hard it would have been at 65....which is my age now.....I have an Aunt that got out in her 50's after a life time of spousal abuse.....from New Zealand
From one Mary Lou to another I am so sorry all the abuse you went through. It has. taken me 5 years to heal. It's a day at a time. God bless you.
So grateful you made it out and found the support you needed to move from surviving to thriving. Thank you for sharing your story of overcoming ❤
These people make you feel as if you're a split personality/schizophrenic. I am a child of such a union and have had years of personal self-help and outside therapy as a result. I am so glad that Mary Lou finally got out, but am sad that her kids would carry the abuse into their own relationships... Please, anyone that is going through this, please consider what your kids are going through... xxxxxx
I’m happy for you Mary Lou! When you have the Lord, you can do anything!
I'm so happy she finally got out, thank goodness she found the help with the progress. May God bless all people involved and Mary Lou too😊
Mary Lou you nailed it with public and private. Blessings to all with health and happiness 🙏🏼♥️🙏🏼
Mary Lou I am so proud you are telling your story it is quite impactful ❤ My father was abusive towards my mother. I am the youngest of 10 children. When I was 9 my mum finally separated from my father. I think my mum's divorce finally came through when I was 14. I had seen and been through so much then that I prayed I would escape. Many of my sister's all got pregnant at a young age. I think they werre looking for love. Unfortunately the pattern of abuse never ended for them as they too had abusive marriages. I didn't want this life so I got my qualifications and went to university. I don't know if it is luck or fate. But I met my now husband 17 years ago. It wasn't all plain sailing as I had lived through so much and learning to trust him was a big thing. Thankfully due to four and a half years of trauma therapy I have realised that out of all my family I have as close to normal a relationship than anyone else. I hope I can always be with my husband as I love him so much. I think your story has really shown me and reminded me of my childhood. Please keep sharing as your life I know has been a hard one but your courage to live life your way is so inspiring ❤
To say she is a Strong woman , is not giving her enough credit. Extraordinarily powerful fits this better. He feared you. He was an inadequate , sounds like a controlling bully. A nasty narcissist. Im so glad you escaped his wicked clutches and influence. 🙏♥️.
Not strong at all, weak could/should have left , said she was a teacher mabey the school would have frowned on divorce,, who knows why she stayed,
@@juliehurst3846 yes, she must be strong to withstand that!
A year ago, after having had a bad marriage for 40 years, my husband was harassing me the whole month of June and I finally had had enough and I started to ignore him after he was yelling at me about finances and he threatened to pull the TV down on me as I was ironing in my sewing room and I picked up the hot steaming iron and told him to back off and later we went to my brother in laws birthday party and he wanted me to drive so that he could stop by a liquor store to get a tall one and the night just kept getting worse until I said I needed to go to the ER because I was so stressed out and I told him not to follow me there and he did and my daughter called the police and after he went home, they came to our house and cuffed him and he spent the night in jail. That was 14 mos ago and he still thinks I was in the wrong.
Same here but 43 yr marriage. Think you re husband needs say you re wrong and maybe always will. Does NOT mean you re wrong. Me too but 43 yr marriage . I realized, I m afraid won t be able to be alone. I m trying to change that outlook. Try something different for a lifestyle is what I tell myself. Good luck
My Father was a violent man. He was an egg shell person, we did not know which way to be "around my Father". He would beat my Mother, my oldest brother and myself. The other three kids were spared the abuse b/c he was getting too old and too fat to jump up to hit them. Unfortunately, the abusive pattern carried on in the lives of the youngest kids and their others in their life. Violence is a learned behaviour.
What a strong and precious lady. I pray her healing continues, and she enjoys every moment of her life from here on out. ❤
I would think it best just to leave when he is not there, rather than telling the spouse you are going to leave. He might try to prevent you...or worse.
Not too bright , is she?
Never threaten to leave. Just make a plan in silence. When everything is arranged, leave quickly .and quietly.
@@MeTreesndirtshe’s thriving and shining.
Very bright.
@@MeTreesndirt Why even comment something so mean? Save your bitterness for yourself and stop spreading it like a disease. Thank you.
I was married for 10 yrs. & saw multiple therapists who never identified my situation as domestic abuse. But, once I did, I left.
Sending my love Mary Lou ❤
Good for you, May Lou! I have had more than one abuser, beginning with the parentals. Dad was physically and verbally abusive. He broke my back when I was a child and I was not taken to a doctor, so it healed that way. There were many other instances, and then as an adult, I chose partners poorly. I got out of all that many years ago and therapy was wonderful. As you said, it is a sign of strength and growth and positive change and momentum towards a better future. In my experience, my therapist didn't make any decisions for me or even try to persuade me one way or the other, she just knew how to get me to open up and view things from different perspectives and make my own best decisions for myself. If you are reading this and you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to seek out a therapist and a support system that your abuser doesn't know or know about.