This is my mother. Luckily I have always been rebellious at heart so I always completely ignored her and learned how to do everything in my own. It’s the only way to be with these types of people
The worst thing is that often people will talk crap about the adult son/daughter by gossiping calling them a slacker, user, and saying things like, “oh she’s such a wonderful mother everything she does for her looser son, or daughter.” It’s disgusting. They get supply from that. They’ll also try to infantilize their children so they don’t accomplish anything nor do they feel competent in life to do anything bc they don’t believe in themselves as worthy individuals with capabilities. They do this sick shit for several reasons. First, when the child (if they are highly empathetic and easily manipulated by guilt tripping) feels shame, therefore, indebted bc of the pathological over giving and over doing so they’ll feel trapped as if they owe their angelic virtuous mother their life bc they’ve done so much for them. Second they don’t want them to succeed in life bc they may surpass or outshine their mother which she’ll make sure never happens bc it will trigger her disgusting envy as she has to be superior to everyone-even her own children. Third, they’ve been told forever that, “no, you can’t do that!” Or “here let me do that for you”, bc the mother hides behind a fake facade as though she just can help but be helpful only to try to make her son unloveable so that no woman would want a man baby who couldn’t provide-My MIL WOULD ACT LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO FREAKING CRY if I didn’t let her help. Fourth, it’s a way to control her kids and dehumanize them so that they never develop a sense of self respect or endurance among stressors in adult life that comes from learning from mistakes that every adult must have to function in healthy relationships and society as a whole. She can’t have her kids making mistakes bc she won’t look like a perfect freaking mother. There’s many other reasons-I’m just sick of typing on my phone lol. But thanks for the much needed knowledge, and for shedding light on a very insidious and dark issue. ♥️ It’s truly sadistic
I'm experiencing this every single day .My mother infantilizes me and I'm so overwhelmed and feel trapped in her home. I have tried so hard to get out. And yes, everyone views me as this loser who can't hold a job. they don't understand the extent of trauma and cptsd i experience on a daily basis...oh and the crying...so much crying. I've tried so hard in life and any time I try to move forward and better myself my mother and my 5 older siblings (flying monkeys) do things to sabotage me and get me back in my place as the dependent who must stay home and take care of her aging mother.
@@cindy7733wow exactly same for me ? Do you have any family like cousins and aunts you can stay with ? That should at least help you find some peace by getting away.. my mom broke her whole side of the family from talking to her/us smh..
Nope. Family is not trustworthy. I confided in 2 older cousins of mine. One of them I got really close to and ended up shaming me in front of about 20 other family members at a birthday celebration. My heart sank. I couldn't believe it. And unfortunately the other cousin, who's an absolute loving and caring person, is now close to my mother. As soon as my mother found out that I was getting close to her, she (mom) started calling her up and saying things like she was worried about me, etc, and looking like the wonderful and caring mother. She did that on purpose so that I would no longer confide in that cousin. And I don't anymore. Why would I when my cousin is now close to my mom. She NEVER was....until I started getting close to her. So family is not an option. I've been praying a LOT for an opportunity, some way to get out.@@johnnytsunami3558
@@cindy7733 wow I really hate that for you ! It's like you cant trust none of the family, and for the other cousin I wish she would have taken your side and believed everything you were saying before your mom polluted her minds.. these narcissist can be so evil smh.. but same best we can do is just pray to Jesus for a way out.. sometimes I wish us that been abused could all help each other , it's like no ever understand our situation
Yesterday, my dad came to visit for the first time in 3 years. He was telling me that he wanted to buy a house for me and I said no. He started saying that I'm already grown and that I can't live in this rental forever. There's no way I'm going to buy a house with him and be tied to him until he passes away. I get so angry whenever I have to have contact with him. Also, if anyone has a cellphone with a family plan, what you can do is go get a cellphone plan under your name and tell them afterwards that they need to cancel your old cell plan. Don't get anything joint with them such as a car, house, insurance etc. Make sure you have your legal documents such as your birth certificate, SSN, high school diploma etc.
Huge ex "mommys boy" here. Starting 2019 due to alcohol abuse I started digging into my past & woke up. Once I was certain that my mom was basically a covert npd & made it clear I was upset for her stunting me my whole life.. Since then Ive been enemy #1 to the point sometimes I feel like she wants me to off myself. So I cant imagine how vicious these ppl get as in-laws & step parents. Stay strong everyone & if youre new to this look up "grey rock" & if youre spiritually inclined "wetiko". There will be a day in the future these ppl are so exposed that this is common knowledge & they wont be able to do what they do.
Same here. I am autistic also. Alcohol abuse and my mother a covert narc. Luckily I got away. Been living in another country for ten years now. However the trauma came with me.
They say it feels like a success to these demons in human clothing, when their target commits suicide, because it proves to them their dominance and power, and the targets weakness, as unbelievable as that sounds, for a mother to do. I have heard accounts where the narcissist mother has allowed sexual predators to have access to their children. So sorry for your experience. They are only mothers by title. Narcissism is the spiritual scourge of humanity. The shadow elite that rule the world, are all of the same narcissistic ilk, loveless demons if you will. I havent heard of Wetiko before, but can say that my suffering due to the abuse and my natural empathetic feeling sensitivity drove me to discover the Truth of existence, that being the Primacy of Consciousness, C=E=mc2.
💥You aren't alone. Going through substance abuse myself. I also spent a significant amount of years doing self reflection over events that didn't make sense in my life, and after connecting the dots it hits really hard‼️ 💢It's like all of the hopium that the Narc feeds the target ends up being a lie after the trophy child realizes that the narcs feel the same way that the real world treats them, which is like a weakling‼️ 🤬And to add insult to injury, the narcs will ridicule the target for the very same damage they caused to begin with, and will proceed in damage control with phrases like: "We're trying to help you!".......💢😠😡🤬😤 💢It also doesn't help when the father figure is present, but fails to put his foot down on what should take place in the household. It's a special kind of confusing when the father figure also takes jabs at the target's self esteem under the guise of "father". It's like being attacked on both sides, and the target is damned if they do and damned if they don't! 🤬The father is supposed to assist in helping the male develop healthy autonomy and masculinity. But in this kind of dynamic, the Narc mother will emotionally smother and enmesh with the male, and afterwards will be viewed and treated as if something is wrong with his sexual orientation by the father narc. However, he probably won't even know what took place, or he might know but won't own up to it and will proceed with the damage control phrases. 💢 It's extremely sick and toxic. It's definitely a war to get out of this kind of mental prison‼️And let's not even talk about the son-husband and husband-son drama cycle..... It's to the point to where it's like....🤔💭.... Yyyyyyeeeaaaahhhh I QUIT‼️
what you said is true. My mother's like this to me and my brother, but I was the one who received this treatment the most because I'm a daughter and the youngest. Realizing this now that I'm an adult, I feel resentment towards my mother.
@@sarahjessicatamon7083 The narcissist mother creates a family hierarchy, she is of course at the top, then her enabler partner, then the golden child, then the scapegoat. There are a few positions in between if there are more children. They are hardest on the scapegoat, and also permit and subtly encourage the rest of the family to also treat the scapegoat badly. The narcissist usually selects the most empathic child for scapegoat, but being young makes it easier for them of course. The reason they choose the most emotionally sensitive is that they are the easiest to manipulate with guilt and shame. Im not sure of your age, but if and when you can, secretly and quietly gain your independence (you and your brother), save money and plan your escape, save your soul, because that really is whats at stake.
This is my MIL. She infantalizes her son and once I married him, she took the saying "I gained a daughter" literally. She tried taking me under her wing to *raise* me as her own and show me how to cook, clean, do laundry, childcare, etc., all under my roof. She would even scold and yell at me for various things. She did everything she could to make me become dependant on her! But because I caught on and stopped playing her game, she went to her baby boy crying, claiming I was a disrespectful DIL. 🤣🤦♀️
Omg! My mother in law is exactly this tooo!!!! And whenever I tell her “I know how to do this” she would use it against me and tell me “You think you know everything in the world? Don’t sound so smart!!!!”
Mine kept me very close to her. Always doing my cleaning and everything. Fortunately, I had spent time away from her as a child with good foster parents, and in the Air Force four years, so although I would fall for the physical things, I had my own mind .. and that would frustrate and infuriate her. She never gave up trying to keep me under her wing and control. And wouldnt you know it, I ended up with a narcissistic wife, and after that, a narcissistic long term partner. AND mum's husband was trying to control me and coercively get me to enmeshed with him after mum went in care home with dementia. Sooo painful, keeping my independence and sense of self with ALL of them trying to keep me coercively and intimidatingly controlled
My mother made me have an abortion at 17. When I got married my inlaws absolutely loved me. Mother came and said if we wanted to buy a house now that I'm married that she would give us the money to get it and move in. Long story short... she always found something to be disappointed about. The yard. The laundry. My kids rooms. On top of her thinking she could just come tome once a week and get her hair done free. Which was against the rules at the placed I worked at the time. Anyway. My husband strangely started being paranoid and acting crazy and we ended up getting him help. His family and I did. Mom hating on me because I was sending him to places to get some help. I went back to my two children to spend time with them and be a mom. She would pick on me. Fight with me . Making up things to get my dad disappointed at me. They told me I couldn't stay since I couldn't get along with my mom. Had nowhere to go except inlaws but by then they wanted him to be better before anyone cam around. I wanted to be a mom but she would always answer the phone and deny me then she got temp custody cause I was unstable. She bullied me into believing they were gonna help me with my children. Lied to me. Took both my children that I planned to have both times. Moved away and told them I didn't want to be around them at all. I abandoned them because I didn't get a long with my mother. I never did anything to have my life stripped from me. I hurt every minute of every day. My own mother.
Dude, thank you SO FUCKING MUCH for this video. I have never heard someone describe the *EXACT* situation that is happening with my parents and me/my younger sister so fucking on point. This type of abuse is so covert that you'll almost feel crazy for thinking it's even happening. My parents have infantilized us like crazy--they've taught us absolutely nothing about life and give no shits about our future, but absolutely make sure that we're financially dependent on them by buying us whatever we want and paying all of our bills, and never coaxing us to go out and make our own money--and it makes me sick to think what would have happened if I hadn't become aware of it and saved myself in time. I'm lucky enough where I'm more stubborn and independent--thus have been scapegoated throughout my entire life--but the infantilization still affects me where I have to consciously make an effort to tear myself away from my parents' strategies to make me dependent on them and claim my own independence. Thankfully, me and my sister are both still young enough (early 20s) where we haven't gone beyond the point of no return. I'm going to show her this video and do everything that I can to make her aware of what's happening and save her from the abuse before it's too late, so we can escape and live our lives free of our sick narcissist parents' grasp. Thank you!!!
Oh, mother what did you do to me? I feel resentment towards you! but I won't lose hope! I will someday get out of this away from you, heal and learn and show you that I CAN live a life independently without you controlling me!
💥 It's like as soon as the target takes steps to grow and evolve, here comes the hacker completely destroying and sabotaging the growth like the attack on Black Walk Street‼️ It's like Super Mario getting a mushroom, and getting shrunk back down to mini size right after on repeat‼️
Hello, this describes me (I'm female) and my mother. I'm 43 and only now just learning why I'm so depressed and anxious and "helpless" all the time. I don't live with my mother, but she constantly gives me money (puts money in my account w/o asking), and I've never learned how to manage bills, or cook, or manage a house. I learned that whatever I do is wrong so why bother. It happened with my brother, too ... he was an alcoholic and she kept giving him money and trying to run his life, so she sabotaged his recovery. He committed suicide 4 years ago. I disassociated all my life so made believe that nothing was wrong, but I had a full wakeup and am trying to learn and break away -- I think my survival depends on it. Thanks for this vid!
Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️I am so sorry you went through that :/ I hope you are getting all you need now in your healing process 🙏 Thank you for your words. Hopefully will be speaking more on this soon. I’ve seen this happen only from the point of view of a mother to her sons, so I thank you for giving a perspective as a daughter.
I recommend closing that bank account and opening a new one at a different company. You can keep it a secret until after it's closed. Then you can tell your mom that you closed the account and can't send money there anymore.
I swear that’s one reason why they do it. They’re thinking if he’s like a baby man that no woman would want him therefore she’ll always have them. So very disturbing 😳
My husband felt incompetent because his parents didn’t prepare him for anything. He started projecting this on my kids and I , interrupting all positivity that he didn’t have. He turned everything into a matter of perfectionism and training. Never allowed the kids to learn through trial and error. Criticized them but they did jobs as well as him. If I asked him to do anything. He spent so much time just organizing things before he did anything. His ways took forever…so annoying.
He knows what he is doing. I never excuse control and abuse just because you've been through it. His procrastination, stubbornness, and perfectionism says I want control all the time. The emotional stress can be brutal.
Confront him with his behavior, lay it all out. Copy and paste what resonates from the comments section, where other people are accurately describing your husband, who they have never met. Then you realize you are with a narcissistic pattern, a programme, rather than a real person. If he refuses to listen or self-reflect then take this as confirmation that you are about to waste your entire life banging your head against a door in hopefulness it will eventually open. It will eventually corrode your soul and damage your children. Lift them and yourself out of this situation. Be prepared for a fight in the family court, gather all the support you can from people that love you, and tell them everything, so they are on the same page. You can find lawyers who are specifically experienced in narcissism, because it is such a common occurrence. I have heard they exist, not sure how to find one though. Best wishes.
42yr the youngest in my family over time. Discovered my parents and my family are all narcissistic. I've been the main one for years to call the bullshit out.
My mom planted a lot of fears. Sometimes I would feel insecure about the things that I needed help with. The narcissist helped me until he realized that he wasn’t going to benefit the way he wanted and he cut me off cold turkey as if I hadn’t been on my own in the past. I had 5 kids I was responsible for now too. So rude. He blamed any setbacks on me. Like it was my fault …
My MIL made her kids very dependent on her. When I married my husband and me being a very independent person (I grew up with my parents training me to be as independent as I can be with their guidance of course) we tried to do things on our own as married couples should be, and she didn’t take that lightly. I am just glad thay my husband slowly is learning on his own..
This is my mother to a T she did everything in her power including witch craft all to stop me from prospering in life she never wanted me to figure her out my mom taught me nothing purposely I overcame a lot and I'm learning a lot of things in life late my mom did all of these things to me I stay far away from her
This is exactly what my exes narc mom did he was a narc too found out he had been cheating on me the entire time she wanted to know how much I made always wanted to know my check stubs always tried to act like she had pure intentions she acted like she was the realtor the relationship coach the premarital therapist the psychiatrist the everything she knew better than all the professionals
My Bro in law fits this category. 64 years old, never left the nest. The old woman asked my husband (he's middle child/scapegoat) to take him in after shes gone. She was told no way, got quite angry over it. Mind you, I'm the one who bought/paid for the home and in typical narcissist fashion, my input was totally disregarded. None of them ever treated me nicely, so theres no way I would house a lazy buffoon who is a cheauvenistic, narcissistic, condescending pig. His attitude is,if he doesn't own it, he shouldn't have to pay for anything. My husband told him to rent an Apartment, someones owns the building and he'd have to pay regardless. We are at no contact as we have had enough!
Parents who infantilise could ultimately put their adult children in danger. If the adult child is native and gets into dangerous situations unwittingly. What if the child of the narcissist is killed or injured by dangerous people they have unwittingly met? How does the parent react to the death or injury of the child?
If the parent has NPD the parent will only be upset that they have lost their narcissistic supply..they don’t see their children as children and they don’t have empathy at all for this children they see them as supply so if one dies..they’ll just get it over it and try to find a new supply eventually. They may act like they’re really hurt in front of others but that would be just to uphold their facade
This happened to me...just not to the point of death. I got caught up in a lot of bad situations, simply because I was so naieve and gullible. Narcissists have no souls. Therefore, they do not experience emotions and feelings like we do. They feel nothing, unless it is about themselves. They do not feel things like guilt, remorse, or empathy.
My MIL STALKS me at my job. She is sowing discord at my job. She logs into my computer at work to harass me on the internet to sell ads. She messes with my computer so I can’t do my work. She is sabotaging me at my job and she won’t let me have an independent life. She slanders me to my coworkers and boss. We are not even close or have a relationship yet she lies and tells people that I need to listen to her. She is a malignant narcissist.
Mine is sabotaging my life currently. Called Social Services last week bc my wife wouldn’t sign a protective order against me bc my wife and kids are safe. I could go on and on. Your not alone. She told social services that showed up I keep my wife pregnant not working so she couldn’t leave. Crazy shit. I wanted a couple kids, my wife wants 10! There is so much more.
I loved this but it is NOT more so in sons than daughters. But if it were, accentuating that it's worse in boys, makes it seem like it wasn't so bad for the abused female who is watching this.
also, I think that infantilization is something that has permeated society and that Art even indicates that the use of cartoon aesthetics is appealing to the masses and that is refelction of our mass infantilization.
No, unfortunately parents with NPD do not have empathy for anyone. Even their own children. They only see their children as supply and to be used; they’re emotionless and could care less
@@stayawayfromnarcs1409 I am not a parent but I very much doubt I could bring a child into the world to destroy. if I had NPD I would be desperate for healing.
@@kr1221E that is what a healthy parents would want to do, but unfortunately people with narcissistic personality disorder do not ever take accountability and do not think they have any issues at all.. even if they are forced into therapy they will act like nothing is wrong with them and that everyone else is the problem in life. They lie their way out of their wrong, because they believe they are superior no matter what. it is evil.
I know, right?! I’ve thought about that before too thinking, my gosh I wouldn’t be able to rest in peace knowing my son couldn’t live without me bc they’ve crippled him so much he can’t function without her. It’s Heartbreaking and utterly disturbing on so many levels. 💔
Mine wants kids doing what a twenty year old should do, but if I need their help I am abusing them for getting help in skills that they have. He doesn’t want me depending on anyone. I cook, clean, homeschool, drive them everywhere and I can’t make use of them to make appointments driving down the road or anything like that. My eldest is 16 btw. She has helped me for years signing up for things, etc.
My “friend” continues to infantilize her son, and he’s almost 35 years old! He was given a house, and these people are not ultra rich, just normal people, that is close to where his mother and father live. She goes over and cleans his house, brings meals over every day, she decorates his house for the holidays, it is so cringe! And the icing on the cake is she is an elementary school teacher and he is as well. She helps him with his lesson plans every Sunday. She’s around 67 years old and I’ve asked her what is he going to do after she passes away. Her answer was her mother did all these things for her so now she’s doing it for him. Clueless as to how she’s ruined her son. She thinks he’s going to get married one day, nope! No woman would put up with that! At least I wouldn’t!
Okay I wasn't there but I do not think making you dependent was her primary goal. I think it was competing with and outshining you. I also don't think infantilization worse her primary goal with him nearly so much as seeing herself as the only competent one to do what he would just mess up. At least, if she was a narcissist. Narcissists have abandonment issues but primarily it's control and superiority. What you described sounds (to me) more like a borderline which is no picnic either.
Nope, she definitely infantilized him I was there and she was also competing with me while trying to infantilize me it can be both..she also could have had borderline issues as people can have a dual diagnosis with narcissism..but she was definitely a narc
@@stayawayfromnarcs1409 yeah all of the B-Cluster disorders are narcissistic (mal)adaptations inasmuch as their boundary porosities are outward-facing so definitely the important thing is to avoid those people. It's too bad it didn't work out all around, though particularly insofar as she was willing to settle for subjecting you to her petty dysfunctional exaggeration of fairly stereotypical mother-in-law tedium but instead got the whole unconscious wish behind that daughter-in-law directed behavioral distortion. I guess to infantilize someone can be just a way of interacting with them socially, though I was thinking of it as creating a dependency in someone. She can't inculcate a groomed dependency into a healthy outside adult who doesn't allow her to, though of course narcissistic mothers are wack as hell and that's exactly the type of shit one might try. Regardless whether we call it infantilization or the Man in the Moon though she can only do the same thing to an outside adult who's not her own adult kid if the outsider allows her to. Nobody wants to offend their potential future mother-in-law and even fewer than nobody spots and semi-mischaracterizes a toxic behavior BEFORE they've fallen for it. Ain't nobody coulda infantilized shit because your boundary integrity was apparently in place, so the only thing being salty about it afterward rather than just recognizing and taking the lesson adds up to is your OWN narcissistic defense. As you said, you're the one who was there
This is my mother. Luckily I have always been rebellious at heart so I always completely ignored her and learned how to do everything in my own. It’s the only way to be with these types of people
The worst thing is that often people will talk crap about the adult son/daughter by gossiping calling them a slacker, user, and saying things like, “oh she’s such a wonderful mother everything she does for her looser son, or daughter.” It’s disgusting. They get supply from that. They’ll also try to infantilize their children so they don’t accomplish anything nor do they feel competent in life to do anything bc they don’t believe in themselves as worthy individuals with capabilities.
They do this sick shit for several reasons. First, when the child (if they are highly empathetic and easily manipulated by guilt tripping) feels shame, therefore, indebted bc of the pathological over giving and over doing so they’ll feel trapped as if they owe their angelic virtuous mother their life bc they’ve done so much for them. Second they don’t want them to succeed in life bc they may surpass or outshine their mother which she’ll make sure never happens bc it will trigger her disgusting envy as she has to be superior to everyone-even her own children. Third, they’ve been told forever that, “no, you can’t do that!” Or “here let me do that for you”, bc the mother hides behind a fake facade as though she just can help but be helpful only to try to make her son unloveable so that no woman would want a man baby who couldn’t provide-My MIL WOULD ACT LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO FREAKING CRY if I didn’t let her help. Fourth, it’s a way to control her kids and dehumanize them so that they never develop a sense of self respect or endurance among stressors in adult life that comes from learning from mistakes that every adult must have to function in healthy relationships and society as a whole. She can’t have her kids making mistakes bc she won’t look like a perfect freaking mother.
There’s many other reasons-I’m just sick of typing on my phone lol. But thanks for the much needed knowledge, and for shedding light on a very insidious and dark issue. ♥️
It’s truly sadistic
I'm experiencing this every single day .My mother infantilizes me and I'm so overwhelmed and feel trapped in her home. I have tried so hard to get out. And yes, everyone views me as this loser who can't hold a job. they don't understand the extent of trauma and cptsd i experience on a daily basis...oh and the crying...so much crying. I've tried so hard in life and any time I try to move forward and better myself my mother and my 5 older siblings (flying monkeys) do things to sabotage me and get me back in my place as the dependent who must stay home and take care of her aging mother.
@@cindy7733wow exactly same for me ? Do you have any family like cousins and aunts you can stay with ? That should at least help you find some peace by getting away.. my mom broke her whole side of the family from talking to her/us smh..
Everything you said is spot on !! How'd you manage to escape ?
Nope. Family is not trustworthy. I confided in 2 older cousins of mine. One of them I got really close to and ended up shaming me in front of about 20 other family members at a birthday celebration. My heart sank. I couldn't believe it. And unfortunately the other cousin, who's an absolute loving and caring person, is now close to my mother. As soon as my mother found out that I was getting close to her, she (mom) started calling her up and saying things like she was worried about me, etc, and looking like the wonderful and caring mother. She did that on purpose so that I would no longer confide in that cousin. And I don't anymore. Why would I when my cousin is now close to my mom. She NEVER was....until I started getting close to her. So family is not an option. I've been praying a LOT for an opportunity, some way to get out.@@johnnytsunami3558
@@cindy7733 wow I really hate that for you ! It's like you cant trust none of the family, and for the other cousin I wish she would have taken your side and believed everything you were saying before your mom polluted her minds.. these narcissist can be so evil smh.. but same best we can do is just pray to Jesus for a way out.. sometimes I wish us that been abused could all help each other , it's like no ever understand our situation
Yesterday, my dad came to visit for the first time in 3 years. He was telling me that he wanted to buy a house for me and I said no. He started saying that I'm already grown and that I can't live in this rental forever. There's no way I'm going to buy a house with him and be tied to him until he passes away. I get so angry whenever I have to have contact with him.
Also, if anyone has a cellphone with a family plan, what you can do is go get a cellphone plan under your name and tell them afterwards that they need to cancel your old cell plan.
Don't get anything joint with them such as a car, house, insurance etc.
Make sure you have your legal documents such as your birth certificate, SSN, high school diploma etc.
Huge ex "mommys boy" here. Starting 2019 due to alcohol abuse I started digging into my past & woke up. Once I was certain that my mom was basically a covert npd & made it clear I was upset for her stunting me my whole life.. Since then Ive been enemy #1 to the point sometimes I feel like she wants me to off myself. So I cant imagine how vicious these ppl get as in-laws & step parents.
Stay strong everyone & if youre new to this look up "grey rock" & if youre spiritually inclined "wetiko". There will be a day in the future these ppl are so exposed that this is common knowledge & they wont be able to do what they do.
Same here. I am autistic also. Alcohol abuse and my mother a covert narc. Luckily I got away. Been living in another country for ten years now. However the trauma came with me.
They say it feels like a success to these demons in human clothing, when their target commits suicide, because it proves to them their dominance and power, and the targets weakness, as unbelievable as that sounds, for a mother to do.
I have heard accounts where the narcissist mother has allowed sexual predators to have access to their children.
So sorry for your experience. They are only mothers by title. Narcissism is the spiritual scourge of humanity.
The shadow elite that rule the world, are all of the same narcissistic ilk, loveless demons if you will.
I havent heard of Wetiko before, but can say that my suffering due to the abuse and my natural empathetic feeling sensitivity drove me to discover the Truth of existence, that being the Primacy of Consciousness, C=E=mc2.
@@HeartFeltGesture so well put. thank u❤️
@@aroguereptilian All good my brother, peace.
💥You aren't alone. Going through substance abuse myself. I also spent a significant amount of years doing self reflection over events that didn't make sense in my life, and after connecting the dots it hits really hard‼️
💢It's like all of the hopium that the Narc feeds the target ends up being a lie after the trophy child realizes that the narcs feel the same way that the real world treats them, which is like a weakling‼️
🤬And to add insult to injury, the narcs will ridicule the target for the very same damage they caused to begin with, and will proceed in damage control with phrases like: "We're trying to help you!".......💢😠😡🤬😤
💢It also doesn't help when the father figure is present, but fails to put his foot down on what should take place in the household. It's a special kind of confusing when the father figure also takes jabs at the target's self esteem under the guise of "father". It's like being attacked on both sides, and the target is damned if they do and damned if they don't!
🤬The father is supposed to assist in helping the male develop healthy autonomy and masculinity. But in this kind of dynamic, the Narc mother will emotionally smother and enmesh with the male, and afterwards will be viewed and treated as if something is wrong with his sexual orientation by the father narc. However, he probably won't even know what took place, or he might know but won't own up to it and will proceed with the damage control phrases.
💢 It's extremely sick and toxic. It's definitely a war to get out of this kind of mental prison‼️And let's not even talk about the son-husband and husband-son drama cycle..... It's to the point to where it's like....🤔💭.... Yyyyyyeeeaaaahhhh I QUIT‼️
This happens among young girls and women too.
Most definitely it does. I will be making a video on this soon as I only told it from the perspective of a son and mother dynamic
what you said is true. My mother's like this to me and my brother, but I was the one who received this treatment the most because I'm a daughter and the youngest. Realizing this now that I'm an adult, I feel resentment towards my mother.
@@sarahjessicatamon7083 The narcissist mother creates a family hierarchy, she is of course at the top, then her enabler partner, then the golden child, then the scapegoat. There are a few positions in between if there are more children. They are hardest on the scapegoat, and also permit and subtly encourage the rest of the family to also treat the scapegoat badly. The narcissist usually selects the most empathic child for scapegoat, but being young makes it easier for them of course. The reason they choose the most emotionally sensitive is that they are the easiest to manipulate with guilt and shame.
Im not sure of your age, but if and when you can, secretly and quietly gain your independence (you and your brother), save money and plan your escape, save your soul, because that really is whats at stake.
This is my MIL. She infantalizes her son and once I married him, she took the saying "I gained a daughter" literally. She tried taking me under her wing to *raise* me as her own and show me how to cook, clean, do laundry, childcare, etc., all under my roof. She would even scold and yell at me for various things. She did everything she could to make me become dependant on her! But because I caught on and stopped playing her game, she went to her baby boy crying, claiming I was a disrespectful DIL. 🤣🤦♀️
They all play victim these narc MILS smh I am glad you caught on to it 🙌
Hopefully you showed her the door to the nursing home
Omg! My mother in law is exactly this tooo!!!! And whenever I tell her “I know how to do this” she would use it against me and tell me “You think you know everything in the world? Don’t sound so smart!!!!”
Mine kept me very close to her. Always doing my cleaning and everything. Fortunately, I had spent time away from her as a child with good foster parents, and in the Air Force four years, so although I would fall for the physical things, I had my own mind .. and that would frustrate and infuriate her. She never gave up trying to keep me under her wing and control. And wouldnt you know it, I ended up with a narcissistic wife, and after that, a narcissistic long term partner. AND mum's husband was trying to control me and coercively get me to enmeshed with him after mum went in care home with dementia. Sooo painful, keeping my independence and sense of self with ALL of them trying to keep me coercively and intimidatingly controlled
It’s horrible. My mom “thinks” ppl are asking her for help/advice. When no one is. She turned her awesome, attractive son who is 37 into a dependent.
I’m so sorry to hear that 😞
My mother made me have an abortion at 17. When I got married my inlaws absolutely loved me. Mother came and said if we wanted to buy a house now that I'm married that she would give us the money to get it and move in. Long story short... she always found something to be disappointed about. The yard. The laundry. My kids rooms. On top of her thinking she could just come tome once a week and get her hair done free. Which was against the rules at the placed I worked at the time. Anyway. My husband strangely started being paranoid and acting crazy and we ended up getting him help. His family and I did. Mom hating on me because I was sending him to places to get some help. I went back to my two children to spend time with them and be a mom. She would pick on me. Fight with me . Making up things to get my dad disappointed at me. They told me I couldn't stay since I couldn't get along with my mom. Had nowhere to go except inlaws but by then they wanted him to be better before anyone cam around. I wanted to be a mom but she would always answer the phone and deny me then she got temp custody cause I was unstable. She bullied me into believing they were gonna help me with my children. Lied to me. Took both my children that I planned to have both times. Moved away and told them I didn't want to be around them at all. I abandoned them because I didn't get a long with my mother. I never did anything to have my life stripped from me. I hurt every minute of every day. My own mother.
😮
Dude, thank you SO FUCKING MUCH for this video. I have never heard someone describe the *EXACT* situation that is happening with my parents and me/my younger sister so fucking on point.
This type of abuse is so covert that you'll almost feel crazy for thinking it's even happening. My parents have infantilized us like crazy--they've taught us absolutely nothing about life and give no shits about our future, but absolutely make sure that we're financially dependent on them by buying us whatever we want and paying all of our bills, and never coaxing us to go out and make our own money--and it makes me sick to think what would have happened if I hadn't become aware of it and saved myself in time. I'm lucky enough where I'm more stubborn and independent--thus have been scapegoated throughout my entire life--but the infantilization still affects me where I have to consciously make an effort to tear myself away from my parents' strategies to make me dependent on them and claim my own independence. Thankfully, me and my sister are both still young enough (early 20s) where we haven't gone beyond the point of no return. I'm going to show her this video and do everything that I can to make her aware of what's happening and save her from the abuse before it's too late, so we can escape and live our lives free of our sick narcissist parents' grasp. Thank you!!!
Update? Did you manage to escape with your sister and enlighten her to the abuse? It would make my day to hear you guys are good.
And they will want to get rid of the daughter in law
absolutely.
Oh, mother what did you do to me? I feel resentment towards you! but I won't lose hope! I will someday get out of this away from you, heal and learn and show you that I CAN live a life independently without you controlling me!
Everything makes since now, now i understand why mom didn't teach me anything. IT ALL MAKE SINCE!
💥 It's like as soon as the target takes steps to grow and evolve, here comes the hacker completely destroying and sabotaging the growth like the attack on Black Walk Street‼️ It's like Super Mario getting a mushroom, and getting shrunk back down to mini size right after on repeat‼️
Hello, this describes me (I'm female) and my mother. I'm 43 and only now just learning why I'm so depressed and anxious and "helpless" all the time. I don't live with my mother, but she constantly gives me money (puts money in my account w/o asking), and I've never learned how to manage bills, or cook, or manage a house. I learned that whatever I do is wrong so why bother. It happened with my brother, too ... he was an alcoholic and she kept giving him money and trying to run his life, so she sabotaged his recovery. He committed suicide 4 years ago. I disassociated all my life so made believe that nothing was wrong, but I had a full wakeup and am trying to learn and break away -- I think my survival depends on it. Thanks for this vid!
Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️I am so sorry you went through that :/ I hope you are getting all you need now in your healing process 🙏 Thank you for your words. Hopefully will be speaking more on this soon. I’ve seen this happen only from the point of view of a mother to her sons, so I thank you for giving a perspective as a daughter.
There’s so many videos on RUclips about going “No Contact”. Save all that money and run.
I recommend closing that bank account and opening a new one at a different company. You can keep it a secret until after it's closed. Then you can tell your mom that you closed the account and can't send money there anymore.
They don't want the son to get married
I swear that’s one reason why they do it. They’re thinking if he’s like a baby man that no woman would want him therefore she’ll always have them. So very disturbing 😳
My husband felt incompetent because his parents didn’t prepare him for anything. He started projecting this on my kids and I , interrupting all positivity that he didn’t have. He turned everything into a matter of perfectionism and training. Never allowed the kids to learn through trial and error. Criticized them but they did jobs as well as him. If I asked him to do anything. He spent so much time just organizing things before he did anything. His ways took forever…so annoying.
He knows what he is doing. I never excuse control and abuse just because you've been through it. His procrastination, stubbornness, and perfectionism says I want control all the time. The emotional stress can be brutal.
Confront him with his behavior, lay it all out. Copy and paste what resonates from the comments section, where other people are accurately describing your husband, who they have never met. Then you realize you are with a narcissistic pattern, a programme, rather than a real person. If he refuses to listen or self-reflect then take this as confirmation that you are about to waste your entire life banging your head against a door in hopefulness it will eventually open.
It will eventually corrode your soul and damage your children. Lift them and yourself out of this situation.
Be prepared for a fight in the family court, gather all the support you can from people that love you, and tell them everything, so they are on the same page. You can find lawyers who are specifically experienced in narcissism, because it is such a common occurrence. I have heard they exist, not sure how to find one though. Best wishes.
Spot on!
42yr the youngest in my family over time. Discovered my parents and my family are all narcissistic. I've been the main one for years to call the bullshit out.
Its a terrible life if you don’t gossip and basically a truth teller. I have bc a loner bc of this.
You’re not alone In that feeling
They do the same thing to their daughters.
Yes they do
My mom planted a lot of fears. Sometimes I would feel insecure about the things that I needed help with. The narcissist helped me until he realized that he wasn’t going to benefit the way he wanted and he cut me off cold turkey as if I hadn’t been on my own in the past. I had 5 kids I was responsible for now too. So rude. He blamed any setbacks on me. Like it was my fault …
So sorry you went through this 🙏 and for your children. It was not your fault ❤️
My MIL made her kids very dependent on her. When I married my husband and me being a very independent person (I grew up with my parents training me to be as independent as I can be with their guidance of course) we tried to do things on our own as married couples should be, and she didn’t take that lightly. I am just glad thay my husband slowly is learning on his own..
This is my mother to a T she did everything in her power including witch craft all to stop me from prospering in life she never wanted me to figure her out my mom taught me nothing purposely I overcame a lot and I'm learning a lot of things in life late my mom did all of these things to me I stay far away from her
Thank you for sharing. And I am thankful you saw the truth.
I see this happening to my wife
This is exactly what my exes narc mom did he was a narc too found out he had been cheating on me the entire time she wanted to know how much I made always wanted to know my check stubs always tried to act like she had pure intentions she acted like she was the realtor the relationship coach the premarital therapist the psychiatrist the everything she knew better than all the professionals
They are so cruel and covertly manipulative ugh omg
Narc. Mothers will ALWAYS mold their sons.
Even when fathers are present.
This all makes me so sad.
My BD is 39... and his mom is doing this to him
My Bro in law fits this category. 64 years old, never left the nest. The old woman asked my husband (he's middle child/scapegoat) to take him in after shes gone. She was told no way, got quite angry over it. Mind you, I'm the one who bought/paid for the home and in typical narcissist fashion, my input was totally disregarded. None of them ever treated me nicely, so theres no way I would house a lazy buffoon who is a cheauvenistic, narcissistic, condescending pig. His attitude is,if he doesn't own it, he shouldn't have to pay for anything. My husband told him to rent an Apartment, someones owns the building and he'd have to pay regardless. We are at no contact as we have had enough!
I know some people in my life who are like this. Very accurate!
My story belongs in a book. You would think I made this up.
That's what we say too!
Parents who infantilise could ultimately put their adult children in danger. If the adult child is native and gets into dangerous situations unwittingly. What if the child of the narcissist is killed or injured by dangerous people they have unwittingly met? How does the parent react to the death or injury of the child?
If the parent has NPD the parent will only be upset that they have lost their narcissistic supply..they don’t see their children as children and they don’t have empathy at all for this children they see them as supply so if one dies..they’ll just get it over it and try to find a new supply eventually. They may act like they’re really hurt in front of others but that would be just to uphold their facade
This happened to me...just not to the point of death. I got caught up in a lot of bad situations, simply because I was so naieve and gullible.
Narcissists have no souls. Therefore, they do not experience emotions and feelings like we do. They feel nothing, unless it is about themselves. They do not feel things like guilt, remorse, or empathy.
My mom kicked me out and now she’s trying very hard to get me to move back in 👀👀👀
Your channel really helps me!
Happy to help! Thank you for your kindness!
My MIL STALKS me at my job. She is sowing discord at my job. She logs into my computer at work to harass me on the internet to sell ads. She messes with my computer so I can’t do my work. She is sabotaging me at my job and she won’t let me have an independent life. She slanders me to my coworkers and boss. We are not even close or have a relationship yet she lies and tells people that I need to listen to her. She is a malignant narcissist.
I’m sorry your going through this. Is there any way you can get your work computer password protected? These narcs are insane and sabotage everything
Mine is sabotaging my life currently. Called Social Services last week bc my wife wouldn’t sign a protective order against me bc my wife and kids are safe. I could go on and on. Your not alone. She told social services that showed up I keep my wife pregnant not working so she couldn’t leave. Crazy shit. I wanted a couple kids, my wife wants 10! There is so much more.
💜💜💜💜
Sadly that's how my mom is
💜💜💜
I loved this but it is NOT more so in sons than daughters. But if it were, accentuating that it's worse in boys, makes it seem like it wasn't so bad for the abused female who is watching this.
I appreciate your talk. You talk about Narcissicists and Co-Dependency and that is absolutely the right correlation. Look into Pia Mellody's books.
also, I think that infantilization is something that has permeated society and that Art even indicates that the use of cartoon aesthetics is appealing to the masses and that is refelction of our mass infantilization.
What if the parent dies, doesn't the parent care if the son is totally lost in life?
No, unfortunately parents with NPD do not have empathy for anyone. Even their own children. They only see their children as supply and to be used; they’re emotionless and could care less
@@stayawayfromnarcs1409 I am not a parent but I very much doubt I could bring a child into the world to destroy. if I had NPD I would be desperate for healing.
@@kr1221E that is what a healthy parents would want to do, but unfortunately people with narcissistic personality disorder do not ever take accountability and do not think they have any issues at all.. even if they are forced into therapy they will act like nothing is wrong with them and that everyone else is the problem in life. They lie their way out of their wrong, because they believe they are superior no matter what. it is evil.
I know, right?! I’ve thought about that before too thinking, my gosh I wouldn’t be able to rest in peace knowing my son couldn’t live without me bc they’ve crippled him so much he can’t function without her. It’s Heartbreaking and utterly disturbing on so many levels. 💔
I am a womem and my mother was like that whith me..
I've been through the exact same thing as you...
I don’t know how to escape. I am screwed.
I think your on point but it matters if the child is the Golden Child or the Scapegoat.
Great point. Do u believe it is worse for the scapegoat?
My ex narc MIL had a golden child and scapegoat and did it with pretty much both of them, plus her husband
Mine wants kids doing what a twenty year old should do, but if I need their help I am abusing them for getting help in skills that they have. He doesn’t want me depending on anyone. I cook, clean, homeschool, drive them everywhere and I can’t make use of them to make appointments driving down the road or anything like that. My eldest is 16 btw. She has helped me for years signing up for things, etc.
I was almost murdered by a npd ex golden child n his incestuous mother not only that her own mother does it to a son it's sickening
Omg i am so sorry to hear that. So thankful are safe!! They are cruel and stop at nothing to hurt others. and by "does it" what exactly do you mean?
My “friend” continues to infantilize her son, and he’s almost 35 years old! He was given a house, and these people are not ultra rich, just normal people, that is close to where his mother and father live. She goes over and cleans his house, brings meals over every day, she decorates his house for the holidays, it is so cringe! And the icing on the cake is she is an elementary school teacher and he is as well. She helps him with his lesson plans every Sunday. She’s around 67 years old and I’ve asked her what is he going to do after she passes away. Her answer was her mother did all these things for her so now she’s doing it for him. Clueless as to how she’s ruined her son. She thinks he’s going to get married one day, nope! No woman would put up with that! At least I wouldn’t!
Okay I wasn't there but I do not think making you dependent was her primary goal. I think it was competing with and outshining you. I also don't think infantilization worse her primary goal with him nearly so much as seeing herself as the only competent one to do what he would just mess up. At least, if she was a narcissist. Narcissists have abandonment issues but primarily it's control and superiority. What you described sounds (to me) more like a borderline which is no picnic either.
Nope, she definitely infantilized him I was there and she was also competing with me while trying to infantilize me it can be both..she also could have had borderline issues as people can have a dual diagnosis with narcissism..but she was definitely a narc
@@stayawayfromnarcs1409 yeah all of the B-Cluster disorders are narcissistic (mal)adaptations inasmuch as their boundary porosities are outward-facing so definitely the important thing is to avoid those people. It's too bad it didn't work out all around, though particularly insofar as she was willing to settle for subjecting you to her petty dysfunctional exaggeration of fairly stereotypical mother-in-law tedium but instead got the whole unconscious wish behind that daughter-in-law directed behavioral distortion.
I guess to infantilize someone can be just a way of interacting with them socially, though I was thinking of it as creating a dependency in someone. She can't inculcate a groomed dependency into a healthy outside adult who doesn't allow her to, though of course narcissistic mothers are wack as hell and that's exactly the type of shit one might try. Regardless whether we call it infantilization or the Man in the Moon though she can only do the same thing to an outside adult who's not her own adult kid if the outsider allows her to.
Nobody wants to offend their potential future mother-in-law and even fewer than nobody spots and semi-mischaracterizes a toxic behavior BEFORE they've fallen for it. Ain't nobody coulda infantilized shit because your boundary integrity was apparently in place, so the only thing being salty about it afterward rather than just recognizing and taking the lesson adds up to is your OWN narcissistic defense. As you said, you're the one who was there