Just need to clarify something for people who don't watch her streams. This woman's work is amazing. She is both streaming and doing all the coding for her character's world and she has done some really groundbraking stuff for the streaming community. I feel sad for her experiences and difficulties but at the same time I'm happy that it let her where she is now.
I mean people focus on the technical side, but she seems to be an absolute master at making super entertaining meme-able, clip-able moments. Her rise was so fast because she obviously has a great talent for entertaining. I would compare her to Ludwig in that sense.
her work on graphics design is good but her work as a streamer isn't. Her hole content is baiting kids that like anime tiddies. She seems very talented, just not to be a streamer.
The story about her Japanese friend is so relatable to me... In elementary school my best friend was from Korea, and we got along so well. We would hang out together almost every day for like 3-4 years and were very close. Then when we were in 6th grade his visa expired and he had to go back to Korea and I never heard from him after that, despite writing emails and letters and stuff. Like Miko I came up with all kinds of reasons why that might be, but there was definitely a part of me that thought he just didn't care. Two years later we moved away from that house. Maybe three more years later we came back to have a look at our old house (there was a major earthquake and the area got hit really hard), and we ran into our old neighbors, who told us that a Korean family had shown up on their doorstep 2 years ago looking for me, but the neighbors didn't know our new address so they had to leave empty handed. I think I cried for like a whole day after that, to think that they came all the way to New Zealand just to see me, and we missed each other.
You don’t need to know Korean well to use the alphabet. You can learn how to spell and sound out names quickly. Maybe-you can spell his name and find him on socials. Worth a try. I can help and you can confirm with google translate that it’s close for your own confirmation. Might be late but never know. Hope you have connected since!
second what this person said, the Korean alphabet is an alphabet, you could absolutely figure out his name and likely find him online. Hope youre able to find him and reconnect @rilwal
@@JaymieDornanVoice second what this person said, the Korean alphabet is an alphabet, you could absolutely figure out his name and likely find him online. Hope youre able to find him and reconnect @rilwal
I'm in school to become a counsellor so its pretty cool to have this channel as a learning tool. Its neat to see all concepts and techniques from my textbooks in action.
I'm really interested in it and was just wandering if there is any resources which I could learn from because I'm not too sure if college/university is for me but would to learn high level techniques and the theories behind them, I just don't know where to look?
@@Quiet_au They didn't say they were trying to get into the field, they said they were interested in learning the high level techniques and theories that you would learn if you were to go into the field.
@@philodemic8797 honestly getting books like "The Happiness Trap" or "DBT: An essential guide", in general books about the different modalities of therapy and how they work, can help a lot and are imo way more interesting and easier to read than textbooks. They can be written directed towards clients or towards therapists, imo its the easiest way to start learning
@@philodemic8797 a library would be a good start. Although "high level" techniques would probably require a high level of education. For basics though, active listening skills, empathy, and CBT are good search terms for finding educational tools. In terms of youtube therapy stuff, Daniel Meckler is one of my favourites.He is heavily critical of the mental health field in general, but he has a lot of interesting things to say. Although he is more of a philosopher on the subject and doesn't offer much in the way if technique.
it wasnt explicitly said but i think the TOS PTSD is either a result of or amplified by the fact that working is her safe place, if she gets banned, shes unable to retreat to her safe mode of being and forced to sit with feelings of poor performance, not being good enough, the same feelings she has when she socialises.
LEWISS 97, yes and her livelihood is in jeopardy. Really all her eggs are in that basket. Dr K got blindsided by this and didn't really get up to speed on it. Still an impressive interview by both of them.
Yeah it absolutely fits into everything else that she talked about. I don't get why K couldn't see that. Twitch is not just her career but a massive part of her identity and it's subject to the whims of an entity that she has no control over. It goes back to wanting to feel safe in an environment that she can control but unfortunately the reality of Twitch is that you never know where the next ban is gonna come from.
aspzx. It’s just my interpretation, but I thought he seemed to pick up on it and realize the importance. That’s when his demeanor changed and he suggested she see a therapist. That topic had the potential to reinforce some of the notions she already has and become really psychologically damaging.
I was thinking it had more to do with the 50k+ she spent on this project going to the trash. But what you said is also relevant and might as well be more accurate, money isn't everything after all. I guess the only one who knows is her.
Agree. I've tried many therapists, most of them were just ok, some outright bad. I've made the most progress on my own, but it would be nice not to have to.
I'd say awareness is half the battle like he said. And he's doing more here than he ever could being an individual therapist considering he's training other couches to do basically exactly this, and those people spread it from there. Imagine if this becomes common knowledge in a decade.
Technician is such a gentle soul. You can tell that she tries really hard to please everyone. I hope she's able to get through all her struggles. She is a dominating force on Twitch right now, with one of the most unique concepts on the platform - and she does pretty much ALL of it by herself. That's an incredible amount of work for one person. Dr K is honestly doing so much good in the world helping all of these streamers deal with really significant mental health struggles. Sometimes as viewers, we forget that they're actual people, and not just some image we watch on Twitch. The world needs more positivity, love and support.
@@ShugaBuns1 ik you might be joking but just in case you're genuinely confused: code mikos fanbase calls yuna, the person behind the persona, technician.
Dr. K is the real deal. It's so inspiring to see how he's able to help people identify and confront issues that they've been suffering from for so long.
Korea is really brutal for bullying so even if she had come forward about getting hit by the others kids to teachers they probably wouldn’t help, more like they’d try to cover it up.
@@lauryn2868 yeah take it from a korean, the hyper competitive nature of studying for a college entrance exam from middle school creates a culture in which people will try to sabotage and tear down the successes of those ahead of themselves for them to make it. Our countrys great at tech and adapting to trends fast, but we rly need to look back on what all our advances are for if our culture doesnt allow us to enjoy it
@@garden3818 I agree with that. People are living like life is a race and they must be number one. But being number one in the race that is life is good for a while until u realize what the finish line is… death. Like you said advancement for civilization can be good, but if you cannot enjoy it then what are you doing it for. Today is a gift, that is why we call it the present. thus money status and jobs are just tools to aid in living we do not live for those things and the sooner everyone realizes this people will be much kinder to them selves and others
Omg, it was so sweet when she started crying and getting upset then her cat came running to her to be by her, then the cat kept sitting next to her to make sure she was okay 😭♥️ animals are too good for us.
So many times she’s being asked a question, she seems scared of giving the wrong answer, not realising there are no wrong answers about how she feels. She answers but she’s unsure about if she’s giving the answer he wants or not. I feel so bad, cause I know exactly how that feels, and how hard it is to get away from that mindset when in a session like this, or being able to confidently say «I don’t know». This is very interesting but I also feel extremely bad for her. I hope she continues to try to understand her feelings with a psychiatrist going forward.
I thought the exact same thing! Sadly it's because I also know the feeling all too well so it clicked when I saw how carefully she was observing and analyzing his reactions while giving her answers and how sometimes she purposefully stayed vague and struggled with giving an answer in order to not say the wrong thing. I also know from my own experience just how much that habit and mindset limit the personal growth of a person and I truly hope one day she's able to move on from it.
I know. Me too. This is classic people pleasing. I too was and am (in the life long process) of unlearning that. It is exacerbated by other layers like a diminished sense of self-worth which in turn impacts self confidence and esteem. All of that, taught us and Yuna that we cannot trust ourselves to be right. On top of that, it has been proven to us time and time again that there is a right and wrong and that in our lifetime it has been "shown or proven" to us that we are usually wrong. I am so sad for her and I hope that this is her first step towards healing her trauma.
@@avolare Dont worry it isnt life long, and believe me that I am certain of that(since it happened to me recently...to be precise 1 to 1.5 month ago). That particular switch will just flip suddenly(for me was a sudden realization how I was used like a rag by people who I considered close...or even viewed them as family). I am still cordial in general communication with people, but I wont go out of my way for them to like me anymore, and if someone is a douche towards me I just cut them off. Had most of the problems Codemiko/technican had(feeling like a outsider, and at times like I want to shed my skin so to speak) which I managed to mostly resolve by my lonesome. From all the streams she posted/I saw live I can(or rather want to think) tell she is much stronger than it appears in this interview(then again I aint a certified professional so there is a possibility I am wrong). What I am certain is that she has astounding emotional intelligence. Everyone needs someone to listen to them from time to time, and doc K did a fantastic job of being a good listener. Take care and hopefully your switch flips soon...life is to short for us to waste pleasing others.
There are wrong answers when you're dealing with mega corporations such as Twitch/Amazon. Just look at how terrified she is about getting banned. People need to stop supporting censorship.
"When Im not working I feel like Im not progressing" I feel that as a fellow programmer. The tech field is so large that its impossible to know everything and I feel like there are unrealistic expectations of what a "good" programmer should be.
This is for me 16:40 cat 18:50 laughing, protective 21:40 friend 23:10 religion 24:50 loneliness, being accustomed to the bare minimum in life 27:00 should i make more friends 28:20 doing certain things until u become friends 30:10 work feels the safest 31:30 33:45 scared, seeing the punishment coming 34:30 work reduces fear 35:10 worth tied to work 35:40 emphasis 37:55 acceptance, judging urself for ur reaction/crying 39:40 judging urself, for being less accepting of urself 41:00 judging for judging ok to judge? ok to accept judging urself 43:30 proud but imposter 45:10 feeling its actually bad 46:10 not good enough 46:50 :( 48:00 interpreting, every time u do well, smth happens 54:40 pausing to process 56:30 is it ok to hang out w friends? feeling behind after 58:30 1:05:00 can depend on work 1:07:30 things in excess 1:08:30 what feels unsafe outside 1:10:50 doc ego haha 1:14:50 sitting w those feelings over avoiding 1:16:00 tos ptsd 1:20:00 being banned 1:22:40 1:24:20 thinking things are silly/stupid, but it being an actual issue affecting u 1:27:40 too interpretive 1:29:10 twitch mental health 1:30:50
omg i discovered her a month ago and was immediately impressed by what she's done. so crazy to hear the stuff she's dealing with, because what she creates is literally game changing for streamers, content creators etc.
@Rosa Barks the fact that she does it 98% by herself, the way she uses it, makes it interactive for viewers, her character even has a phone that receives notifications based on what’s happening in the chat...it’s also a podcast/interview format. Sometimes things aren’t innovative because of their elements, but because of HOW the elements are used. Your comment kinda came off as rude, maybe that wasn’t your intention, but it’s really tiring to hear the same 5head narrative that diminishes everything a person (especially female POC) does
@Rosa Barks its different from vtubing, she has a motion capture suit that allows more in depth movements. and she codes more add-ons and makes the chat interactive by allowing animations based on donations etc. So she is doing more creative work than most vtubers. She has whacky humor, including some sex jokes - but she is like 31, she is allowed to have such humor no. Dont worry about AI, her appeal is that she is a creative individual - people like her as a person and her story, not the animated character. She gets similar or even more views when she streams as herself. Its the same with other vtubers. It simply wouldn't be the same with an AI - since live streaming usually involves people liking the person. Also, about the corporations point, its good that animation is getting into individuals hands instead of being the exclusive property of corporations right.
@Rosa Barks yeah I get your point there, and it definitely is a risky direction society might go in, on a grand scale of things. It’s something I think about often as well, for example with that AI influencer lil miqaila (or something), I have a huge bias there however the difference in these contents are quite big - one is interactive, live, conversation, and the other is a photo often without captions and just purely relying on the viewers POV. Sorta how video vs photo is like dialog vs monologue IMO. But that’s a whole other discussion :D
A harsh truth of personal transformation is that the people closest to us will expect us to be that old version of ourselves and make us feel guilty- either consciously or unconsciously -for not being who we once were. It's possible that we provided a support for them in our former selves, but we now need that energy to protect ourselves and our own families. Don't feel guilty for tending to your own needs. Be very selective with who you surround yourself with. God speed!
I know she needed to work on herself and I had encouraged it too but it still hurt that one day she vanished. I hope she is working on her self or at least doing good.
I've been noticing this pattern in my life too : feeling safe while working but also feeling imposter syndrome and feeling anxious for spending time with my friends. This episode really hit home
I’ve felt like this when I was doing my PhD and honestly now that it’s finished i can say it was because I was putting to much time and my own value as a person in my work. I felt safe at work because I felt I needed to invest in my research, and anxious because I wasn’t working. Once I move away I realized that my priorities were not healthy and making me very unhappy. Not to read anything into what your saying, but I just wanted to put that here for people identifying with your comment (like I did).
Yes! And then that feeling of satisfaction that you get from solving the problem and having proof that you did it. It always makes me feel like maybe I do have some value to add to the world and I know it shouldn't.
Just lost a friend, good timing Edit: Haven’t checked this comment for months, and it got so many likes, thank all of you guys. Also no, my friend isn’t dead, we just stopped being friends.
Big doubt yes, but also a part of "yes they have to", they have to take care of streamers, especially big ones it's good for them and good for business.
Both are true Twitch cares and doesn't care at the same time. I assumed there pr team etc cares if only because it makes them look good at the same time I don't think the people handing out the bans give a shit
@@Murderbits Why shouldn't they care about the mental health of their contractors? A lot of the damage they do is due to, what they term here, TOS PTSD. It seems incredibly reasonable for them to be clear about why they hit people with bans.
Dr K didnt get that she would be a legal threat because twitch would be responsible for her ptsd... I've seen her cry because all these bans are telling her she is a bad person and it breaks my heart
It's really sad to see that ban=bad person, just like how I've seen people judge others who went to jail for whatever reason, and claiming that they're inherently bad. It breaks my heart.
@@gatsuyatsu ive always seen bans as vacations. Streamers usually come back stronger since they arent to blame for their own removal so their audiences dont feel abandoned. Would be nice if miko saw it like that instead of internalizing it. I do understand that after 3 bans, it becomes more 9f a stress
Oh, he totally got it. He was saying that Twitch wouldn't see those people as liabilities because they already have a mental health program they are subsidizing. He was trying to help dispel her of her thought which didn't have the benefit of his knowledge of Twitch's inner workings.
At first, I was extremely annoyed by the way she talked, but with each minute I felt more and more sorry for her, and near the end, I was so mad at myself for being annoyed ;.; This girl seriously needs help and friends. She seems like a wonderful person who got destroyed in her childhood.
OMG the crossover I needed is here! New to both of their channels and can't get enough. Now I can get a double whammy of these two. Can't wait to watch later.
I love listening to all the different content creators and their emotion and struggles. I feel there is always something every insightful in each episode, but by far this is the one that hits closest to home. That constant feeling of disappointment for not succeeding at school growing up is something i thought i had forgotten but never realized my drive to overwork myself might be just that, trying to not feel like I'm doing something wrong or failing.
I love how brave she is to push through what you can tell are difficult parts for her. I already enjoyed CodeMiko before but I really appreciate Yuna now. I hope she can continue to move forward and heal. She's overcome so much and she deserves so much more than she allows herself. ❤
I could relate to her so so much. Grew up with little to no friends my whole life. Had some trauma in my childhood. I cried this whole video. I cried so hard. It’s okay to cry when the world has been so unfair to some of us. 🥺😢
Yuna you are NOT silly for having PTSD symptoms as a result of your bans!!! I'm a therapist and I was screaming at the screen "working is how she creates safety!" Because if you keep ahead of the current, you won't be beat with a stick again :/ You know? Work definitely seems equivalent to safety and creating emotional safety for yourself so you won't be attacked or deemed "worthless." You're not crazy or silly!!! I love your work and your courage to be vulnerable here SO MUCH. 💙💙💙
I would recommend EMDR for you for your childhood school experiences though. That seems like a root of a lot of the topics you talked about here. Bless. 💙
Now I finally understand why she's one of the only streamers I can watch. She's funny, charming & her work is leaps ahead of other streamers in her burgeoning field. Imagine being so devoted to your work & suddenly having your future at risk & your hard work potentially erased for what amounts to accidents.
I think it is important to mention that if she gets banned another time she gets banned permanently, destroying her main purpose in life. It would be a workaholic getting fired from her dream job. This in a antagonistic pattern that surely caused trauma in her childhood and adolescence before. Some sort of PTSD with all this context in mind seems really reasonable to me.
That's very insightful, I think it's the most important part of it. She said earlier on that her job "will always be there". It's her safe space that won't leave her when everything else does. And now suddenly because it's difficult to follow the TOS, for the first time she is facing the risk that her job will leave her.
Yuna has an incalculable value as a human like everyone else. She is good enough in my opinion. Doesn’t need to be good enough for others just herself and it’s great that she can cried it out and let it all out and express her emotions too.
Coder imposter syndrome is super real. Every GOOD programmer I know suffers from it at some level, because knowing enough to grasp an idea of how much you still don't know is a two-edged sword. Layer that on top of horrific childhood abuse devaluing your self-measurement of worth, and that's gotta be one tough hill to climb.
Watching this makes me feel very greatful to have gotten in contact with some old High school friends, like they've always been there for me regardless how busy I've been with my 'former life'. They're great people. I wish that everyone could have at least one good friend to talk to and be with and I think it's highly possible. Have a wonderful day ☀️
@@ezaf5989 I am unapologetically cringelordly about cats. They are extremely wonderful animals and I am happy to be a crazy cat lady. All of mine comfort me whenever I have a bad day and it never ceases to cheer me up.
She is such a great entertainer as codemiko and this just makes me realize how much work and talent has gone into that development, both technically and creatively. Very relatable discussion, I hope she comes back. Can't wait to see Dr. K on codemiko!
My story is kind of similar to her’s. Growing up, kids would move to my school and leave after like a week or two. I felt bad for kids who had to move a lot so I would make it my personal mission to become their best friend for that short about of time. So from like 1st to 6th grade, I would make a new really close friend in a few days and then they would move away. One friend actually stayed for a couple months, so when she had to leave, my little 3rd grade heart broke. I cried and cried for hours because I hurt so bad. I was a social butterfly then, but because all my friends ended up leaving, I started giving up on friends. My social circle shrunk and shrunk until it was just me and my friend who had been there since the beginning. In 7th grade, I made 2 more friends and we grew really close. That friend who had been there since the beginning moved at the beginning of 2020. Then my grandpa killed himself. That really broke me. I stopped eating much for a few days and barely slept. Things have gotten better, as those 2 friends I made in 7th grade have stayed with me. I’m 15, almost 16 now, so I’m hoping things will get better from now on.
I've been to a few therapists and it's never been as cathartic as what your process seems like. I never been able to just explor my life in an understanding environment.
I love how this guy can genuinely get me to think and reflect on my own experiences and traumas growing up. I don’t know if I’m getting over them though…
Absolutely love the work you do Dr. K, I think you doing this for gamers helps to reach more people like us gamers that find this more relatable from having that in common.
Note: Korean age numbers are weird af. You're considered "1" yo when you're born, and +1 at the start of the (lunar) new year. It's probably changed recently for various reasons, but the extra year from when you're born can get super confusing when they compare to people not from Korea.
So she got born right before the lunar year making here 2 as a tiny baby? A year difference in age is so big when your a kid. That first part just made me so sad as a parent with young children.
this was a great one and Dr. K you said something that really resonated with me. That you genuinely love video games, like I do, and that you have to be careful because it becomes an easy avenue to escape everything you want to avoid in real life. And I've been put down my whole life especially by abusive father figures so I try to avoid failure whenever possible, because subconsciously I feel like I'm going to be berated and belittled into nothing like it did during my younger period in life. I'm now in my 30's so my retreating into video games has been extremely detrimental. But I'm going to get off FF14 and actually work on my stuff, because I can't afford to run away forever.
I've had a problem with the idea of accepting yourself the way you are, because obviously it's good to try to be more than you were yesterday. The discussion at about 12:00 helped me understand that this idea of self-acceptance is more like aligning with the truth of your situation and being okay despite the shit. Separate that from your moral hierarchy, so you can step back and orient your actions to fit your values without drowning in emotion. Gets to the bones of the idea that "the truth will set you free".
This is so powerful. I relate to her so much more than I expected to, mostly in regards to the way she keeps saying "I shouldn't"/"i should" and is embarrassed about everything and laughing as a coping mechanism and feeling a mix of it's okay to cry and also it's "not necessary" to be crying ... And this is all just in the first like 40 min of the video
I'm an animator, streamer and content creator. The feelings she has of being a workaholic is pretty normal for us. Not healthy, but normal. I have felt the exact same way for years and through my own therapy, have come to see it's okay to take a break. Being a workaholic is all about the passion we have for what we do. But I believe there is a fear of losing it because it takes so much effort to build up. There is also alot of pressure from outside expectations, and what has happened to other content creators when they drop off the map for a bit. It is true, you can lose some of what you built when taking a break, but maybe that's a good thing because it's less to hold onto. Something that helped me get out of this cycle was the actually take an extended break (2 months) multiple times, and coming back to see that everybody that actually really cared, were still there when I got back. Those are the supporters you really want around you for the work you do. The ones that will show up even after you disappeared to simply take care of your other needs. Be okay with failure. Acceptance is key.
This was so cathartic for me (as so many of them are). I so relate to and see Yuna and completely relate to her. It brought me back to so much of the healing I need to do regarding my traumatic childhood and negative self-talk.
Its not about reading its about being distrustful about what are the lines that certain moderators pick or who have slightly different lines of understanding of the vague TOS tl:dr twitch tos is like common sense and respectful behavior you know it till you don't, but if you do something that seems to be lack of common sense or disrespectful you lose your job or you have an increasing chance of losing your job as you break tos on "purpose" more .
you guys put a smile on my face for the hole two hours. i appreciate how much you cared about her, and it was incredibly touching to hear her story. i could never put into words how grateful and proud i am for the way she opened up to share those things about herself
The painful things (outside of whatever distraction one has chosen/ adopted for oneself); wanting to genuinely connect to others and truly be yourself, but expecting to be judged/ rejected. Self-acceptance and love for oneself and one's struggles and strivings...can be the hardest thing there is.
The ToS PTSD isn't silly at all. You found something to put your passion in. You do it with love and it gives you a feeling of gratification. It's basically your spiritual child. And due to mistakes you made, some outside party will just take it away, if you mess up again. I would call that a serious event. It's not just some toy you are about to lose. It's something priceless. It can easily be interpreted as "a life" that will be taken away. At least, that how i see it.
Speechless. This one hit home. I feel safest when I am working. I really relate to a lot of what was explored. Shared this one with my patrons because it is just so important.
I moved a lot through out my life due to my dad's job, so it was routine for me to form friends and leave them. I didn't realize that I was causing real pain to the people I left behind until I met an old friend and she told me how difficult it had been for her after I left. Not like I could've done anything different, but at least I could've had a different attitude about moving.
It's really bad. It's very strict now it used to not be at all. They're trying to make twitch "kid friendly" I honestly blame fucking amazon because I think when amazon didnt own it, it was no where near as bad as it is now. We all know how shitty amazon is and It has to be one of the main reasons why twitch changed so much. I mean up till like a year and a half ago you could play any type of music. Now even if your playing a game with copyright music you have to either mute the game or hope the game has an option to make the music non copyright only. That's how bad it is.
I kinda relate to her about working hard only to be a disappointment in the end by getting shunned. Growing up was tough and it was why I don't have many friends until I started to do online stuff like chatrooms and games where I made a whole lot but eventually I get abandoned just for being me. I'm always doing the If's and Do's eg: "If I say this do my friends leave or comfort me?, If I try this do I get scolded at?" That's usually the reason why I don't like to talk to people for a fear of being rejected or shunned. It eats away at my self esteem that I rarely make friends or talk to my family about issues.
Another great interview. I hope she does start working with an excellent therapist that is knowledgeable about CPTSD (complex PTSD). She's doing amazing considering the levels of abuse she lived through in her early formative years but, definitely, her life could be a whole lot better with the right kind of help. Even YT has a ton of info on CPTSD and all it does and affects and it's pretty much everything. People just cope with it in different ways.
I can imagine anyone who has their livelihood threatened so intensely would have a similar feeling to TOS PTSD. I would be curious to hear more about it and if it's the same quality of fear as dropping off due to something like low viewership.
Yeah, it would be like if every time I went to work I had my manager say "I'm thinking about firing you, but I haven't decided yet". But of course that only affects you if you are stuck or you love your job, and in her case that might be both in her head.
50:57 I just got to this point and noticed how Dr. K does such a good job balancing between being sympathetic but not so much so that it sounds like he's talking to a child. I fear that my inexperienced social skills, if I were in his shoes, would have me accidentally lean too far into baby talk and then make everything awkward unintentionally.
I also think there is an element of “I have to love work” because that show’s I’m capable and responsible... that is respectful. Not being a workaholic means I’m irresponsible and that’s not respectable. True she probably does enjoy her work but being a workaholic proves she’s all the things her inner self doesn’t believe she is.
Imagine you work harder on something than you've ever worked; you've poured your soul into it through years of constant attention to detail. You've sacrificed, and created a symbol of worth that can be taken away permanently by outside forces because of an honest mistake. This is what creates PTSD in people who are their own worst critics. I genuinely hope she gets all the real love and support she deserves despite it being more than what she believes is deserved. You've done well for being so introspective.
Just found this channel. So wholesome and needed for the gaming/online world! Thanks Dr. K for making it. Hard to imagine what it's like to be so vulnerable with such a public image and career. Hats off to Miko for doing this
43:55 - 44:08 "It must no be that special because if I can't do it, anybody can do it" I'm sorry but... man, this is toxic when hearing it from someone who is an overachiever, both to the overachiever and anyone they beat. It comes down to a mindset of "If you work harder, you would be here instead of me" which both discredits the talent and ability of the overachiever uttering those blasphemous words and accuses the people who were beaten of being lazy. I know that this is something that is internal to them, but as an outsider looking in, it really has some negative implications if they happen to beat me in something, and is infuriating to hear. No amount of validation will help their inner lack of self-worth, but such vocalizations of their lack of self-worth can diminish the confidence of others. Just my 2 cents.
43:00 - I'm so sorry for you Miko! Get it over with, pride is OKAY. You have one life, you work your ass off. You have all the right to be proud of what you've done! Everyone can improve code, sure, but those who improve code aren't always the ones who have the same creativity. Different fields, both appropriately mastered by the one and only, Miko.
The truth is, we become like the people we surround ourselves with and most people intuitively know this. They thus avoid people they don't want to become like
16:40 cat 18:50 laughing, protective 21:40 friend 23:10 religion 24:50 loneliness, being accustomed to the bare minimum in life 27:00 should i make more friends 28:20 doing certain things until u become friends 30:10 work feels the safest 31:30 33:45 scared, seeing the punishment coming 34:30 work reduces fear 35:10 worth tied to work 35:40 emphasis 37:55 acceptance, judging urself for ur reaction/crying 39:40 judging urself, for being less accepting of urself 41:00 judging for judging ok to judge? ok to accept judging urself 43:30 proud but imposter 45:10 feeling its actually bad 46:10 not good enough 46:50 :( 48:00 interpreting, every time u do well, smth happens 54:40 pausing to process 56:30 is it ok to hang out w friends? feeling behind after 58:30 1:05:00 can depend on work 1:07:30 things in excess 1:08:30 what feels unsafe outside 1:10:50 doc ego haha 1:14:50 sitting w those feelings over avoiding 1:16:00 tos ptsd 1:20:00 being banned 1:22:40 1:24:20 thinking things are silly/stupid, but it being an actual issue affecting u 1:27:40 too interpretive 1:29:10 twitch mental health 1:30:50
1:39:00 setting urself up for success, focusing on what u can control 1:43:35 1:44:50 that's what i convince myself stating what u felt without judging 1:46:45 tough to weigh it up 1:47:30 our brains have our own logic 1:48:00 more to say before the meditation 1:49:20 1:50:00 what do u feel? hunger 🤧😂 1:50:40 sometimes its not the right time to meditate 1:52:00 learn to let go of ur expectations 1:53:40 codemiko showw w dr k!
Fuck, I relate to having like one friend only and the abandonment so hard. The fear of shame in early childhood I feel like relates to me also. I wish I had a job that I enjoyed like her, but I feel like I have nothing.
Honestly, that feeling can overtake anything and everything, even if you have a job/hobby you like. In my experience, it takes deliberate action in some way to fight it and find something new.
I pick my friend carefully, a few good friend is enough, friend will come and go especially if you are teen you will go to a different path, it can be sad but it's a normal thing you can cry if you want to and that's okay you will find a new one
Wow this episode was intense, many interesting topics for me. Imposter syndrome is unfortunately really common among programmers. CodeMiko seems so sweet despite her tough past. I'm thankful she shared her story and experiences, already hoping for a part 2. Thank you both, bless you! ❤️
This one has tought me so much about myself, and remined me of my childhood 😭 i have never expected that stories of my childhood would have all this empact on my live
Damn, technician just sounds so broken that all i want is to hug her and hold to not let her fall apart to pieces, because i don't know how to help people fix themselves. I hope she is able to see her own value and learn to live with her past one day.
I imagine a workacholic being banned from twitch, which is part of their job would be very traumatic. Especially when it was something they did not do intentionally and didn't know in the moment why it was happening. The fear that your comfort zone can be taken away from you, and that comfort zone is also your source of income. This has been a fascinating conversation.
getting used to being alone is something that feels nice. as soon as I start talking to the person that I let in / managed to fully get in and slowly start feeling not alone again thats when being alone again feels the worst
@@t837qvhsdKJ I feel like it needs to be your choice. If somebody makes you be alone and you didn't choose that, it sucks. I have no problem being alone when I want to. Breakups, pandemic... breakups during lockdown.. that's a worst case scenario.
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
T
T
T pose king
T
o
T
/\
T
CodeMiko: **Gets emotional and leaves**
Dr. K: *_*Literally T-poses_** 50:05
dominance asserted
@@ereder1476 yes
Lmaooo whyy
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
@@ereder1476 Definetely!
Just need to clarify something for people who don't watch her streams. This woman's work is amazing. She is both streaming and doing all the coding for her character's world and she has done some really groundbraking stuff for the streaming community. I feel sad for her experiences and difficulties but at the same time I'm happy that it let her where she is now.
Whats her academic background? Does she learn it by herserlf or she go to uni?
@@silvervirio3642 I think her academic background was on graphics design possibly.
@@silvervirio3642 Its in 3d modeling and animation
I mean people focus on the technical side, but she seems to be an absolute master at making super entertaining meme-able, clip-able moments. Her rise was so fast because she obviously has a great talent for entertaining. I would compare her to Ludwig in that sense.
her work on graphics design is good but her work as a streamer isn't. Her hole content is baiting kids that like anime tiddies. She seems very talented, just not to be a streamer.
The story about her Japanese friend is so relatable to me... In elementary school my best friend was from Korea, and we got along so well. We would hang out together almost every day for like 3-4 years and were very close. Then when we were in 6th grade his visa expired and he had to go back to Korea and I never heard from him after that, despite writing emails and letters and stuff. Like Miko I came up with all kinds of reasons why that might be, but there was definitely a part of me that thought he just didn't care. Two years later we moved away from that house. Maybe three more years later we came back to have a look at our old house (there was a major earthquake and the area got hit really hard), and we ran into our old neighbors, who told us that a Korean family had shown up on their doorstep 2 years ago looking for me, but the neighbors didn't know our new address so they had to leave empty handed. I think I cried for like a whole day after that, to think that they came all the way to New Zealand just to see me, and we missed each other.
Nice profile pic
You don’t need to know Korean well to use the alphabet. You can learn how to spell and sound out names quickly. Maybe-you can spell his name and find him on socials. Worth a try. I can help and you can confirm with google translate that it’s close for your own confirmation. Might be late but never know. Hope you have connected since!
second what this person said, the Korean alphabet is an alphabet, you could absolutely figure out his name and likely find him online. Hope youre able to find him and reconnect @rilwal
@@JaymieDornanVoice second what this person said, the Korean alphabet is an alphabet, you could absolutely figure out his name and likely find him online. Hope youre able to find him and reconnect @rilwal
Damn
I'm in school to become a counsellor so its pretty cool to have this channel as a learning tool. Its neat to see all concepts and techniques from my textbooks in action.
Dr K saving everyone's asses
I'm really interested in it and was just wandering if there is any resources which I could learn from because I'm not too sure if college/university is for me but would to learn high level techniques and the theories behind them, I just don't know where to look?
@@Quiet_au They didn't say they were trying to get into the field, they said they were interested in learning the high level techniques and theories that you would learn if you were to go into the field.
@@philodemic8797 honestly getting books like "The Happiness Trap" or "DBT: An essential guide", in general books about the different modalities of therapy and how they work, can help a lot and are imo way more interesting and easier to read than textbooks. They can be written directed towards clients or towards therapists, imo its the easiest way to start learning
@@philodemic8797 a library would be a good start. Although "high level" techniques would probably require a high level of education. For basics though, active listening skills, empathy, and CBT are good search terms for finding educational tools. In terms of youtube therapy stuff, Daniel Meckler is one of my favourites.He is heavily critical of the mental health field in general, but he has a lot of interesting things to say. Although he is more of a philosopher on the subject and doesn't offer much in the way if technique.
it wasnt explicitly said but i think the TOS PTSD is either a result of or amplified by the fact that working is her safe place, if she gets banned, shes unable to retreat to her safe mode of being and forced to sit with feelings of poor performance, not being good enough, the same feelings she has when she socialises.
LEWISS 97, yes and her livelihood is in jeopardy. Really all her eggs are in that basket. Dr K got blindsided by this and didn't really get up to speed on it. Still an impressive interview by both of them.
Yeah it absolutely fits into everything else that she talked about. I don't get why K couldn't see that. Twitch is not just her career but a massive part of her identity and it's subject to the whims of an entity that she has no control over. It goes back to wanting to feel safe in an environment that she can control but unfortunately the reality of Twitch is that you never know where the next ban is gonna come from.
@@aspzx You can get banned by what your followers do too. Which is insane!!
aspzx. It’s just my interpretation, but I thought he seemed to pick up on it and realize the importance. That’s when his demeanor changed and he suggested she see a therapist. That topic had the potential to reinforce some of the notions she already has and become really psychologically damaging.
I was thinking it had more to do with the 50k+ she spent on this project going to the trash. But what you said is also relevant and might as well be more accurate, money isn't everything after all. I guess the only one who knows is her.
I wish Dr. K was my therapist. Such a master of his craft. Healthy Gamer is such an awesome tool for awareness. Love this for the community.
Yeah I've been thinking about how to trick him into doing a video with me.😂😅
@@nicholasjh1 lol
I don't but I wish there were more therapists like him, that tries to keep up with modern times and issues
Agree. I've tried many therapists, most of them were just ok, some outright bad. I've made the most progress on my own, but it would be nice not to have to.
I'd say awareness is half the battle like he said. And he's doing more here than he ever could being an individual therapist considering he's training other couches to do basically exactly this, and those people spread it from there. Imagine if this becomes common knowledge in a decade.
Technician is such a gentle soul. You can tell that she tries really hard to please everyone. I hope she's able to get through all her struggles. She is a dominating force on Twitch right now, with one of the most unique concepts on the platform - and she does pretty much ALL of it by herself. That's an incredible amount of work for one person.
Dr K is honestly doing so much good in the world helping all of these streamers deal with really significant mental health struggles. Sometimes as viewers, we forget that they're actual people, and not just some image we watch on Twitch.
The world needs more positivity, love and support.
who names their kid technician what the fuck
@@ShugaBuns1 ik you might be joking but just in case you're genuinely confused: code mikos fanbase calls yuna, the person behind the persona, technician.
Dr. K is the real deal. It's so inspiring to see how he's able to help people identify and confront issues that they've been suffering from for so long.
People pleasing is not healthy
Who Watches the Watchers? Who Heals the Healers? Dr K
Man, i teared up a bit when she mentioned that other kids would copy the teachers and hit her during break time.
Korea is really brutal for bullying so even if she had come forward about getting hit by the others kids to teachers they probably wouldn’t help, more like they’d try to cover it up.
@@lauryn2868 yeah take it from a korean, the hyper competitive nature of studying for a college entrance exam from middle school creates a culture in which people will try to sabotage and tear down the successes of those ahead of themselves for them to make it. Our countrys great at tech and adapting to trends fast, but we rly need to look back on what all our advances are for if our culture doesnt allow us to enjoy it
@@garden3818 I agree with that. People are living like life is a race and they must be number one. But being number one in the race that is life is good for a while until u realize what the finish line is… death. Like you said advancement for civilization can be good, but if you cannot enjoy it then what are you doing it for. Today is a gift, that is why we call it the present. thus money status and jobs are just tools to aid in living we do not live for those things and the sooner everyone realizes this people will be much kinder to them selves and others
Omg, it was so sweet when she started crying and getting upset then her cat came running to her to be by her, then the cat kept sitting next to her to make sure she was okay 😭♥️
animals are too good for us.
Underrated comment. Thought the same thing
cats know. and care. they just aren't overbearing about it. loved to see her cat just chillin with her during the convo.
It happened several times, several times when she starts an emotional story her cat comes up. It’s really touching
This is why I would rather talk to animals than humans
My dogs just sleeps 😂 she never cares
Damn, 6 minutes in and Dr. K dropping the "What's it like losing your friend to religious extremism?"
He doesn’t miss
"only" friend
@Mindless Beast spirits OMEGALUL
@Mindless Beast is not allowing your child to become friends with another because of their beliefs not extremism?
@Mindless Beast What's your point?
So many times she’s being asked a question, she seems scared of giving the wrong answer, not realising there are no wrong answers about how she feels. She answers but she’s unsure about if she’s giving the answer he wants or not. I feel so bad, cause I know exactly how that feels, and how hard it is to get away from that mindset when in a session like this, or being able to confidently say «I don’t know». This is very interesting but I also feel extremely bad for her. I hope she continues to try to understand her feelings with a psychiatrist going forward.
I thought the exact same thing! Sadly it's because I also know the feeling all too well so it clicked when I saw how carefully she was observing and analyzing his reactions while giving her answers and how sometimes she purposefully stayed vague and struggled with giving an answer in order to not say the wrong thing. I also know from my own experience just how much that habit and mindset limit the personal growth of a person and I truly hope one day she's able to move on from it.
I know. Me too. This is classic people pleasing. I too was and am (in the life long process) of unlearning that. It is exacerbated by other layers like a diminished sense of self-worth which in turn impacts self confidence and esteem. All of that, taught us and Yuna that we cannot trust ourselves to be right. On top of that, it has been proven to us time and time again that there is a right and wrong and that in our lifetime it has been "shown or proven" to us that we are usually wrong. I am so sad for her and I hope that this is her first step towards healing her trauma.
@@avolare Dont worry it isnt life long, and believe me that I am certain of that(since it happened to me recently...to be precise 1 to 1.5 month ago). That particular switch will just flip suddenly(for me was a sudden realization how I was used like a rag by people who I considered close...or even viewed them as family). I am still cordial in general communication with people, but I wont go out of my way for them to like me anymore, and if someone is a douche towards me I just cut them off. Had most of the problems Codemiko/technican had(feeling like a outsider, and at times like I want to shed my skin so to speak) which I managed to mostly resolve by my lonesome. From all the streams she posted/I saw live I can(or rather want to think) tell she is much stronger than it appears in this interview(then again I aint a certified professional so there is a possibility I am wrong). What I am certain is that she has astounding emotional intelligence. Everyone needs someone to listen to them from time to time, and doc K did a fantastic job of being a good listener. Take care and hopefully your switch flips soon...life is to short for us to waste pleasing others.
@@avolare what do you think is the solution to people pleasing?
There are wrong answers when you're dealing with mega corporations such as Twitch/Amazon. Just look at how terrified she is about getting banned. People need to stop supporting censorship.
"When Im not working I feel like Im not progressing" I feel that as a fellow programmer. The tech field is so large that its impossible to know everything and I feel like there are unrealistic expectations of what a "good" programmer should be.
wait till the robos take over
I hear you there. The field has grown so much in our lifetimes & it's still growing.
Isn’t a good programmer someone who can adapt themselves to solve the problem at hand?
A good programer is one that can help. Thats it.
speacialize on something, it's probably better than being just ok at everything. I'm usually the "ok at everything" and it hasn't improved my life.
This is for me
16:40 cat
18:50 laughing, protective
21:40 friend
23:10 religion
24:50 loneliness,
being accustomed to the bare minimum in life
27:00 should i make more friends
28:20 doing certain things until u become friends
30:10 work feels the safest
31:30
33:45 scared, seeing the punishment coming
34:30 work reduces fear
35:10 worth tied to work
35:40 emphasis
37:55 acceptance, judging urself for ur reaction/crying
39:40 judging urself, for being less accepting of urself
41:00 judging for judging
ok to judge?
ok to accept judging urself
43:30 proud but imposter
45:10 feeling its actually bad
46:10 not good enough
46:50 :(
48:00 interpreting, every time u do well, smth happens
54:40 pausing to process
56:30 is it ok to hang out w friends? feeling behind after
58:30
1:05:00 can depend on work
1:07:30 things in excess
1:08:30 what feels unsafe outside
1:10:50 doc ego haha
1:14:50 sitting w those feelings over avoiding
1:16:00 tos ptsd
1:20:00 being banned
1:22:40
1:24:20 thinking things are silly/stupid, but it being an actual issue affecting u
1:27:40 too interpretive
1:29:10 twitch mental health
1:30:50
Thank you.
omg i discovered her a month ago and was immediately impressed by what she's done. so crazy to hear the stuff she's dealing with, because what she creates is literally game changing for streamers, content creators etc.
@Rosa Barks the fact that she does it 98% by herself, the way she uses it, makes it interactive for viewers, her character even has a phone that receives notifications based on what’s happening in the chat...it’s also a podcast/interview format. Sometimes things aren’t innovative because of their elements, but because of HOW the elements are used. Your comment kinda came off as rude, maybe that wasn’t your intention, but it’s really tiring to hear the same 5head narrative that diminishes everything a person (especially female POC) does
@Rosa Barks its different from vtubing, she has a motion capture suit that allows more in depth movements. and she codes more add-ons and makes the chat interactive by allowing animations based on donations etc. So she is doing more creative work than most vtubers. She has whacky humor, including some sex jokes - but she is like 31, she is allowed to have such humor no. Dont worry about AI, her appeal is that she is a creative individual - people like her as a person and her story, not the animated character. She gets similar or even more views when she streams as herself. Its the same with other vtubers. It simply wouldn't be the same with an AI - since live streaming usually involves people liking the person. Also, about the corporations point, its good that animation is getting into individuals hands instead of being the exclusive property of corporations right.
@Rosa Barks yeah I get your point there, and it definitely is a risky direction society might go in, on a grand scale of things. It’s something I think about often as well, for example with that AI influencer lil miqaila (or something), I have a huge bias there however the difference in these contents are quite big - one is interactive, live, conversation, and the other is a photo often without captions and just purely relying on the viewers POV. Sorta how video vs photo is like dialog vs monologue IMO. But that’s a whole other discussion :D
A harsh truth of personal transformation is that the people closest to us will expect us to be that old version of ourselves and make us feel guilty- either consciously or unconsciously -for not being who we once were. It's possible that we provided a support for them in our former selves, but we now need that energy to protect ourselves and our own families. Don't feel guilty for tending to your own needs. Be very selective with who you surround yourself with. God speed!
I know she needed to work on herself and I had encouraged it too but it still hurt that one day she vanished. I hope she is working on her self or at least doing good.
cheers
what family
@@vivvy_0 then yourself is what you will do
em dash master race.
I've been noticing this pattern in my life too : feeling safe while working but also feeling imposter syndrome and feeling anxious for spending time with my friends. This episode really hit home
Imposter syndrome? That’s sus
@@kadenfinley1025 time to vote her out
I’ve felt like this when I was doing my PhD and honestly now that it’s finished i can say it was because I was putting to much time and my own value as a person in my work.
I felt safe at work because I felt I needed to invest in my research, and anxious because I wasn’t working. Once I move away I realized that my priorities were not healthy and making me very unhappy.
Not to read anything into what your saying, but I just wanted to put that here for people identifying with your comment (like I did).
@@llllKyonllll I can definitely relate to this and putting my worth into my work
Work is always there for me - hits home for me. I can always distract myself from a bigger problem by fabricating an insignificant one.
Yes! And then that feeling of satisfaction that you get from solving the problem and having proof that you did it. It always makes me feel like maybe I do have some value to add to the world and I know it shouldn't.
Big Oof, making up an insignificant problem is big relatable Oof
I wouldn't say all work is insignificant
"It's okay to judge yourself for judging yourself." *mind explosion*
Just lost a friend, good timing
Edit: Haven’t checked this comment for months, and it got so many likes, thank all of you guys. Also no, my friend isn’t dead, we just stopped being friends.
Finneas - I lost a friend, good song
same
hope you find him soon
ruclips.net/video/96etssDazC4/видео.html
@@nisgurnis5749 good song, cheers
"Twitch is very supportive about their streamer's mental health..."
*Insert BIG doubt*
Big doubt yes, but also a part of "yes they have to", they have to take care of streamers, especially big ones it's good for them and good for business.
Both are true Twitch cares and doesn't care at the same time. I assumed there pr team etc cares if only because it makes them look good at the same time I don't think the people handing out the bans give a shit
Twitch can't even get a competent copyright system.
@@Murderbits Why shouldn't they care about the mental health of their contractors? A lot of the damage they do is due to, what they term here, TOS PTSD. It seems incredibly reasonable for them to be clear about why they hit people with bans.
The deer
This was such a good interview. Dr K has got to be one of the most respected people in the community....Surely has my respect anyway, thanks Dr K.
I loved this interview with CodeMiko, i think she did a great job looking introspectively and getting to the root of why she does certain things
its true shes very good at it
She has mad vulnerability skills
Dr. K is in for a world of hurt when he gets interviewed by Miko
dude he was talking a lot with a dude who suicided later and was his friend. That guy was in a true world of hurt. This is nothing compared with him.
@@Jeed92 RIP I remember that. I watched all of them and cried after
What do you mean by this?
@@ToriKo_ reckful
@@ElleirbagOat I was replying to the op
Dr K didnt get that she would be a legal threat because twitch would be responsible for her ptsd... I've seen her cry because all these bans are telling her she is a bad person and it breaks my heart
It's really sad to see that ban=bad person, just like how I've seen people judge others who went to jail for whatever reason, and claiming that they're inherently bad. It breaks my heart.
@@gatsuyatsu ive always seen bans as vacations. Streamers usually come back stronger since they arent to blame for their own removal so their audiences dont feel abandoned. Would be nice if miko saw it like that instead of internalizing it. I do understand that after 3 bans, it becomes more 9f a stress
@@rhyno5357 y
Oh, he totally got it. He was saying that Twitch wouldn't see those people as liabilities because they already have a mental health program they are subsidizing. He was trying to help dispel her of her thought which didn't have the benefit of his knowledge of Twitch's inner workings.
@@ShimrraJamaane twitch banning her many times is like getting beat with stick many times = her PTSD in abusive twitch relationship
1:27:30
"If you were a sexy hot lady"
Are you implying Dr. Chad Thundercock isn't sexy or hot?
Chad has shoes on so its fine :)
No shes implying he isnt a lady
Or a lady
@@RodMaximilian I was gonna type that, gonna file Intellectual Property case against you and call you the gamer word
I believe Matt Mercer got Critical Role banned when sitting in a chair barefoot. So lady is optional
Watching Dr. K help people with their problems is some of the best free therapy you can get.
I'm here for the wholesome T-pose.
What does it mean
@@ajmosutra7667 make a T with ur body
@@ajmosutra7667 it's a sign of dominance
T
@@ajmosutra7667 it’s the default pose for character design in video games & animation, it’s become a meme
the way these sessions are layed out and properly discussed is just fucking phenomenal. even i learned some things about me that i wasnt aware of
At first, I was extremely annoyed by the way she talked, but with each minute I felt more and more sorry for her, and near the end, I was so mad at myself for being annoyed ;.; This girl seriously needs help and friends. She seems like a wonderful person who got destroyed in her childhood.
She was a girl raised in one child policy times
OMG the crossover I needed is here! New to both of their channels and can't get enough. Now I can get a double whammy of these two. Can't wait to watch later.
I love listening to all the different content creators and their emotion and struggles. I feel there is always something every insightful in each episode, but by far this is the one that hits closest to home. That constant feeling of disappointment for not succeeding at school growing up is something i thought i had forgotten but never realized my drive to overwork myself might be just that, trying to not feel like I'm doing something wrong or failing.
I love how brave she is to push through what you can tell are difficult parts for her. I already enjoyed CodeMiko before but I really appreciate Yuna now. I hope she can continue to move forward and heal. She's overcome so much and she deserves so much more than she allows herself. ❤
I could relate to her so so much. Grew up with little to no friends my whole life. Had some trauma in my childhood. I cried this whole video. I cried so hard. It’s okay to cry when the world has been so unfair to some of us. 🥺😢
Yuna you are NOT silly for having PTSD symptoms as a result of your bans!!! I'm a therapist and I was screaming at the screen "working is how she creates safety!" Because if you keep ahead of the current, you won't be beat with a stick again :/ You know? Work definitely seems equivalent to safety and creating emotional safety for yourself so you won't be attacked or deemed "worthless." You're not crazy or silly!!! I love your work and your courage to be vulnerable here SO MUCH. 💙💙💙
I would recommend EMDR for you for your childhood school experiences though. That seems like a root of a lot of the topics you talked about here. Bless. 💙
And of course to the traumatized neural network in your brain, it seems inevitable and like a pattern. That network needs a lot of love and healing. 💙
Now I finally understand why she's one of the only streamers I can watch. She's funny, charming & her work is leaps ahead of other streamers in her burgeoning field. Imagine being so devoted to your work & suddenly having your future at risk & your hard work potentially erased for what amounts to accidents.
I think it is important to mention that if she gets banned another time she gets banned permanently, destroying her main purpose in life. It would be a workaholic getting fired from her dream job.
This in a antagonistic pattern that surely caused trauma in her childhood and adolescence before. Some sort of PTSD with all this context in mind seems really reasonable to me.
That's very insightful, I think it's the most important part of it. She said earlier on that her job "will always be there". It's her safe space that won't leave her when everything else does. And now suddenly because it's difficult to follow the TOS, for the first time she is facing the risk that her job will leave her.
Twitch would make a show of it but right now she's worth too much and isn't making the sort of trouble that's bad for business.
dont worry youtube still exists
If i were her i would just stream on youtube tbh
@@dynaa4168 youtube pays significantly less and takes half of a stream's donations. Its hard to make it streaming on youtube.
Yuna has an incalculable value as a human like everyone else. She is good enough in my opinion. Doesn’t need to be good enough for others just herself and it’s great that she can cried it out and let it all out and express her emotions too.
Coder imposter syndrome is super real. Every GOOD programmer I know suffers from it at some level, because knowing enough to grasp an idea of how much you still don't know is a two-edged sword. Layer that on top of horrific childhood abuse devaluing your self-measurement of worth, and that's gotta be one tough hill to climb.
Yuup. You can hear her when she comes back from getting a tissue. So many layers
Watching this makes me feel very greatful to have gotten in contact with some old High school friends, like they've always been there for me regardless how busy I've been with my 'former life'. They're great people. I wish that everyone could have at least one good friend to talk to and be with and I think it's highly possible. Have a wonderful day ☀️
When she first became upset and her kitty came to comfort her..
@@ezaf5989 I am unapologetically cringelordly about cats. They are extremely wonderful animals and I am happy to be a crazy cat lady. All of mine comfort me whenever I have a bad day and it never ceases to cheer me up.
Cats really are awesome, they've got some keen senses when the person they respect is hurting and want to comfort them 👍
@@ezaf5989 Only thing cringe here is you pal.
Cats are absolute teddy bears when you love them right. All this stuff about them being cold and selfish is propaganda.
Dr. K is slowly becoming more ... uh memey? In a wholesome way though.
We're corrupting him
@HarveyBirdman Meme-y
He is learning
Definitely more dank
BOOBA entered his dictionary today
She is such a great entertainer as codemiko and this just makes me realize how much work and talent has gone into that development, both technically and creatively. Very relatable discussion, I hope she comes back. Can't wait to see Dr. K on codemiko!
@Shotgun47 are you autistic?
50:00 absolute dominance achieved
You watching at 5 times speed?
@@eduardop2111 he is speed
@@eduardop2111 they were probably at the stream and skimmed through the vid to timestamp
My story is kind of similar to her’s. Growing up, kids would move to my school and leave after like a week or two. I felt bad for kids who had to move a lot so I would make it my personal mission to become their best friend for that short about of time. So from like 1st to 6th grade, I would make a new really close friend in a few days and then they would move away. One friend actually stayed for a couple months, so when she had to leave, my little 3rd grade heart broke. I cried and cried for hours because I hurt so bad. I was a social butterfly then, but because all my friends ended up leaving, I started giving up on friends. My social circle shrunk and shrunk until it was just me and my friend who had been there since the beginning. In 7th grade, I made 2 more friends and we grew really close.
That friend who had been there since the beginning moved at the beginning of 2020. Then my grandpa killed himself. That really broke me. I stopped eating much for a few days and barely slept. Things have gotten better, as those 2 friends I made in 7th grade have stayed with me. I’m 15, almost 16 now, so I’m hoping things will get better from now on.
Hope things are going your way now
Prayers to you❤🕊! Relatable.
That's a lot for a 15-year-old. I hope things will be easier from now on.
I've been to a few therapists and it's never been as cathartic as what your process seems like. I never been able to just explor my life in an understanding environment.
Yeah he seems so amazingly skilled at this
I love how this guy can genuinely get me to think and reflect on my own experiences and traumas growing up.
I don’t know if I’m getting over them though…
Absolutely love the work you do Dr. K, I think you doing this for gamers helps to reach more people like us gamers that find this more relatable from having that in common.
Note: Korean age numbers are weird af. You're considered "1" yo when you're born, and +1 at the start of the (lunar) new year. It's probably changed recently for various reasons, but the extra year from when you're born can get super confusing when they compare to people not from Korea.
So she got born right before the lunar year making here 2 as a tiny baby? A year difference in age is so big when your a kid.
That first part just made me so sad as a parent with young children.
I was tearing up constantly throughout this video. So sad background, yet so heartwarming to see her get some understanding behind her feelings.
I’m glad I saw this. Made me realize I’m not alone in having a messed up childhood.
1:07 can really relate to the "escaping life with gaming" part. Very true and see myself in this absolutely
this was a great one and Dr. K you said something that really resonated with me. That you genuinely love video games, like I do, and that you have to be careful because it becomes an easy avenue to escape everything you want to avoid in real life. And I've been put down my whole life especially by abusive father figures so I try to avoid failure whenever possible, because subconsciously I feel like I'm going to be berated and belittled into nothing like it did during my younger period in life. I'm now in my 30's so my retreating into video games has been extremely detrimental. But I'm going to get off FF14 and actually work on my stuff, because I can't afford to run away forever.
I've had a problem with the idea of accepting yourself the way you are, because obviously it's good to try to be more than you were yesterday. The discussion at about 12:00 helped me understand that this idea of self-acceptance is more like aligning with the truth of your situation and being okay despite the shit. Separate that from your moral hierarchy, so you can step back and orient your actions to fit your values without drowning in emotion. Gets to the bones of the idea that "the truth will set you free".
This is so powerful. I relate to her so much more than I expected to, mostly in regards to the way she keeps saying "I shouldn't"/"i should" and is embarrassed about everything and laughing as a coping mechanism and feeling a mix of it's okay to cry and also it's "not necessary" to be crying ... And this is all just in the first like 40 min of the video
I'm an animator, streamer and content creator. The feelings she has of being a workaholic is pretty normal for us. Not healthy, but normal. I have felt the exact same way for years and through my own therapy, have come to see it's okay to take a break. Being a workaholic is all about the passion we have for what we do. But I believe there is a fear of losing it because it takes so much effort to build up. There is also alot of pressure from outside expectations, and what has happened to other content creators when they drop off the map for a bit. It is true, you can lose some of what you built when taking a break, but maybe that's a good thing because it's less to hold onto. Something that helped me get out of this cycle was the actually take an extended break (2 months) multiple times, and coming back to see that everybody that actually really cared, were still there when I got back. Those are the supporters you really want around you for the work you do. The ones that will show up even after you disappeared to simply take care of your other needs. Be okay with failure. Acceptance is key.
Miko feels like Sykunnos evil twin but still somehow such a precious wholesome bean. I love her, she is really just a sweetheart.
This was so cathartic for me (as so many of them are). I so relate to and see Yuna and completely relate to her. It brought me back to so much of the healing I need to do regarding my traumatic childhood and negative self-talk.
Been waiting for this one for a while
I'm actually interested in TOS PTSD, Twitch just casually bans streamers and ruin their lives for the most pointless things.
well they need to read the thing and be careful i guess
When Dr. K said twitch legitimately cares about mental health I was laughing so hard
Its not about reading its about being distrustful about what are the lines that certain moderators pick or who have slightly different lines of understanding of the vague TOS tl:dr twitch tos is like common sense and respectful behavior you know it till you don't, but if you do something that seems to be lack of common sense or disrespectful you lose your job or you have an increasing chance of losing your job as you break tos on "purpose" more .
Doxing someone is not pointless it's a huge issue to do that. That being said I feel like they should break her out of jail eventually.
@@nicholasjh1 who went to jail?
Wow so deep... and I relate so much at the crying part, I'm a very broken person... but it's okay because I'm working on healing.
you guys put a smile on my face for the hole two hours. i appreciate how much you cared about her, and it was incredibly touching to hear her story. i could never put into words how grateful and proud i am for the way she opened up to share those things about herself
I am very hyped for dr K coming on to a codemiko stream
Wait, is that confirmed to happen? Because that would be awesome if so.
Edit: Oh Dr. K mentioned it at the very end.
The painful things (outside of whatever distraction one has chosen/ adopted for oneself); wanting to genuinely connect to others and truly be yourself, but expecting to be judged/ rejected. Self-acceptance and love for oneself and one's struggles and strivings...can be the hardest thing there is.
Honestly, I commend Miko for continuing to talk and wanting to let things out, she did a good job of keeping her composure
The ToS PTSD isn't silly at all. You found something to put your passion in. You do it with love and it gives you a feeling of gratification. It's basically your spiritual child. And due to mistakes you made, some outside party will just take it away, if you mess up again. I would call that a serious event. It's not just some toy you are about to lose. It's something priceless. It can easily be interpreted as "a life" that will be taken away. At least, that how i see it.
Another episode that made me cry.
uh oh 30 mins in and she is gaining new perspectives! i love what you do Dr. K
She's so goddamn precious.
i was just thinking the exact same
yaaassssss
@Shotgun47 damnit you're the reason people try to kill that word. It's a really useful word but you're fucking it up for the rest of us
@Shotgun47 just say you like men lol
@@bobobsen it’s the same energy as people who use “white knight” for anyone who speaks up about anything regarding a woman
Speechless. This one hit home. I feel safest when I am working. I really relate to a lot of what was explored. Shared this one with my patrons because it is just so important.
I enjoy your work I can relate to a lot of these streamers and its nice to see them as a person and not just a character.
I moved a lot through out my life due to my dad's job, so it was routine for me to form friends and leave them. I didn't realize that I was causing real pain to the people I left behind until I met an old friend and she told me how difficult it had been for her after I left. Not like I could've done anything different, but at least I could've had a different attitude about moving.
damn my friends just left me a few days ago and this was literally the first video recommended
wanna be friends
@@kg7111 why not
sorry to hear that, friend
just leaving a comment to let you know that I hear you and i hope it gets better
@@jake.speare Lol I appreciate it
She is so authentic , honest so refreshing
First case of TOS PTSD in the world. Good job, Twitch.
First case that we know about
Definitely not the first
That's dirty Capitalism for you
Not the first just one of the first to come out about it sounds like rape tbh
It's really bad. It's very strict now it used to not be at all. They're trying to make twitch "kid friendly" I honestly blame fucking amazon because I think when amazon didnt own it, it was no where near as bad as it is now. We all know how shitty amazon is and It has to be one of the main reasons why twitch changed so much. I mean up till like a year and a half ago you could play any type of music. Now even if your playing a game with copyright music you have to either mute the game or hope the game has an option to make the music non copyright only. That's how bad it is.
Dr. K saying “chat poggers” is all i needed today.
I kinda relate to her about working hard only to be a disappointment in the end by getting shunned. Growing up was tough and it was why I don't have many friends until I started to do online stuff like chatrooms and games where I made a whole lot but eventually I get abandoned just for being me. I'm always doing the If's and Do's eg: "If I say this do my friends leave or comfort me?, If I try this do I get scolded at?" That's usually the reason why I don't like to talk to people for a fear of being rejected or shunned. It eats away at my self esteem that I rarely make friends or talk to my family about issues.
Another great interview. I hope she does start working with an excellent therapist that is knowledgeable about CPTSD (complex PTSD). She's doing amazing considering the levels of abuse she lived through in her early formative years but, definitely, her life could be a whole lot better with the right kind of help. Even YT has a ton of info on CPTSD and all it does and affects and it's pretty much everything. People just cope with it in different ways.
I can imagine anyone who has their livelihood threatened so intensely would have a similar feeling to TOS PTSD. I would be curious to hear more about it and if it's the same quality of fear as dropping off due to something like low viewership.
Yeah, it would be like if every time I went to work I had my manager say "I'm thinking about firing you, but I haven't decided yet".
But of course that only affects you if you are stuck or you love your job, and in her case that might be both in her head.
50:57 I just got to this point and noticed how Dr. K does such a good job balancing between being sympathetic but not so much so that it sounds like he's talking to a child. I fear that my inexperienced social skills, if I were in his shoes, would have me accidentally lean too far into baby talk and then make everything awkward unintentionally.
I also think there is an element of “I have to love work” because that show’s I’m capable and responsible... that is respectful. Not being a workaholic means I’m irresponsible and that’s not respectable. True she probably does enjoy her work but being a workaholic proves she’s all the things her inner self doesn’t believe she is.
Imagine you work harder on something than you've ever worked; you've poured your soul into it through years of constant attention to detail. You've sacrificed, and created a symbol of worth that can be taken away permanently by outside forces because of an honest mistake. This is what creates PTSD in people who are their own worst critics. I genuinely hope she gets all the real love and support she deserves despite it being more than what she believes is deserved. You've done well for being so introspective.
When she said "My code sucks".
I immediately understood half of why she feels the way she does.
Just found this channel. So wholesome and needed for the gaming/online world! Thanks Dr. K for making it. Hard to imagine what it's like to be so vulnerable with such a public image and career. Hats off to Miko for doing this
43:55 - 44:08
"It must no be that special because if I can't do it, anybody can do it"
I'm sorry but... man, this is toxic when hearing it from someone who is an overachiever, both to the overachiever and anyone they beat. It comes down to a mindset of "If you work harder, you would be here instead of me" which both discredits the talent and ability of the overachiever uttering those blasphemous words and accuses the people who were beaten of being lazy.
I know that this is something that is internal to them, but as an outsider looking in, it really has some negative implications if they happen to beat me in something, and is infuriating to hear. No amount of validation will help their inner lack of self-worth, but such vocalizations of their lack of self-worth can diminish the confidence of others.
Just my 2 cents.
43:00 - I'm so sorry for you Miko! Get it over with, pride is OKAY. You have one life, you work your ass off. You have all the right to be proud of what you've done! Everyone can improve code, sure, but those who improve code aren't always the ones who have the same creativity. Different fields, both appropriately mastered by the one and only, Miko.
The truth is, we become like the people we surround ourselves with and most people intuitively know this. They thus avoid people they don't want to become like
Your profile pic reminded me of I Am Truth by The Gentlemen (penguinz0) and the first thing you said is "the truth'"
@@CycleOfJudges ;D
@Narkata then you'll become me. Dont go down that road
@Narkata well... that's also not so nice for different reasons XD
when i surround myself with.. cats?
16:40 cat
18:50 laughing, protective
21:40 friend
23:10 religion
24:50 loneliness,
being accustomed to the bare minimum in life
27:00 should i make more friends
28:20 doing certain things until u become friends
30:10 work feels the safest
31:30
33:45 scared, seeing the punishment coming
34:30 work reduces fear
35:10 worth tied to work
35:40 emphasis
37:55 acceptance, judging urself for ur reaction/crying
39:40 judging urself, for being less accepting of urself
41:00 judging for judging
ok to judge?
ok to accept judging urself
43:30 proud but imposter
45:10 feeling its actually bad
46:10 not good enough
46:50 :(
48:00 interpreting, every time u do well, smth happens
54:40 pausing to process
56:30 is it ok to hang out w friends? feeling behind after
58:30
1:05:00 can depend on work
1:07:30 things in excess
1:08:30 what feels unsafe outside
1:10:50 doc ego haha
1:14:50 sitting w those feelings over avoiding
1:16:00 tos ptsd
1:20:00 being banned
1:22:40
1:24:20 thinking things are silly/stupid, but it being an actual issue affecting u
1:27:40 too interpretive
1:29:10 twitch mental health
1:30:50
1:39:00 setting urself up for success, focusing on what u can control
1:43:35
1:44:50 that's what i convince myself
stating what u felt without judging
1:46:45 tough to weigh it up
1:47:30 our brains have our own logic
1:48:00 more to say before the meditation
1:49:20
1:50:00 what do u feel?
hunger 🤧😂
1:50:40 sometimes its not the right time to meditate
1:52:00 learn to let go of ur expectations
1:53:40 codemiko showw w dr k!
I relate to her so much it hurts a little.
The breakdown of the psychology is literally my brain and this really helped me find where I got stuck. Thank you so much for sharing 💕
Fuck, I relate to having like one friend only and the abandonment so hard. The fear of shame in early childhood I feel like relates to me also. I wish I had a job that I enjoyed like her, but I feel like I have nothing.
Honestly, that feeling can overtake anything and everything, even if you have a job/hobby you like. In my experience, it takes deliberate action in some way to fight it and find something new.
Dr K you bring me such joy!
I pick my friend carefully, a few good friend is enough, friend will come and go especially if you are teen you will go to a different path, it can be sad but it's a normal thing you can cry if you want to and that's okay you will find a new one
Wow this episode was intense, many interesting topics for me. Imposter syndrome is unfortunately really common among programmers. CodeMiko seems so sweet despite her tough past. I'm thankful she shared her story and experiences, already hoping for a part 2. Thank you both, bless you! ❤️
No wonder her comedy feels reminiscent of space ghost or eric andre. She's about my age (30s). I thought she was so much younger
@Cristian Araujo And you like Tiktok cringe humor instead?
People have different taste in comedy. You bigot.
@@nguyendi92 thank you.
@@matasuki ur welcome.
@Cristian Araujo Millennial are boomers now apparently.
I’m waiting to see how many more years Eric Andre can keep up his act before cracking.
This one has tought me so much about myself, and remined me of my childhood 😭 i have never expected that stories of my childhood would have all this empact on my live
Damn, technician just sounds so broken that all i want is to hug her and hold to not let her fall apart to pieces, because i don't know how to help people fix themselves. I hope she is able to see her own value and learn to live with her past one day.
I imagine a workacholic being banned from twitch, which is part of their job would be very traumatic. Especially when it was something they did not do intentionally and didn't know in the moment why it was happening. The fear that your comfort zone can be taken away from you, and that comfort zone is also your source of income. This has been a fascinating conversation.
getting used to being alone is something that feels nice.
as soon as I start talking to the person that I let in / managed to fully get in and slowly start feeling not alone again
thats when being alone again feels the worst
life lately... loneliness sucks.
@@noclipXii y the shit going on lately makes it wors for a lot of people
worse or not, suffer welcomes all.
@@t837qvhsdKJ I feel like it needs to be your choice. If somebody makes you be alone and you didn't choose that, it sucks. I have no problem being alone when I want to. Breakups, pandemic... breakups during lockdown.. that's a worst case scenario.
this is fascinating. I am a big Code Miko fan and this in no way diminishes her ability and creativity. Thanks for posting!