Narcs are the equivalent of the sperm donor. They are not really fathers or mothers since they lack the basic capacities of what it means to be human (love, empathy, kindness).
I kind of experience both because my 4 yeat old son's "father" has NPD/Diagnosed Sociopath as well as addiction issues and as a result chose to walk away when I was pregnant and they've never met, likely never will. Unfortunately, the circumstances (along with others) meant I had to move back in with family. My Dad passed a year ago, so my Mim is the other live in, "supposed" primary caregiver according to my son and most everyone else she can manipulate. Ij reality, though, she's a covert narc who loves manipulation, and reactive abuse. ANYONE who COULD give me help in terms of even emotional support much less physically, she's long since turned into her flying monkey! HANDS DOWN I prefer the situation with my ex to the one with my Mom. IMHO, she will be the one who leafs to the most "damage" and cause pain and trauma to my baby. I pray that I can get us in a better situation and at least limit her access and influence. 😭😭😭😭😭
@Lusse FarI so understand! So is he still with a new woman while you guys have your child together and now it's like another woman being in the picture while you and him have a child together? Cause ya I'm going through something similar like...
@@n2ativebyn8ure83 Hi, so your ex is also with another woman while you two have a kid together but there is another woman in the picture now with your ex? Ya, Exactly like what you said about limiting her access to YOUR child. I totally get it like..
@@dolorescheatom2419 you nailed it. The system itself is narcissistic. They simply don't care about our children, only about themselves and their huge egoic roles "protecting the best interest of the children"
More and more lawyers and judges are understanding! If that’s the future we want we must hold that vision steady and not look at what is as that is the past! It’s already manifested! Hold your vision of fairness, children being protected and courts that take sick people’s manipulation into account. Daydream about it, visualize it and manifest it in your own life. Focus on the wins and ignore the loses, God says they aren’t really loses anyway. You have time with your child so you have control, make it count. You got this mama! ❤❤❤
I think it starts with knowledge of who they are and it's our responsibility to inform others...I intend to open a blog and also one-day venture into politics for the sole purpose to drive policy to cover all these areas...good always wins
Co-parenting with a narcissist can be a VERY LONELY PATH. As it was said perfectly by Dr, people don’t get it and don’t want to get it. So to all of you out there, I hear you, I’m with you, you are not alone. You can do it, you have the strength!
Thank you! It is also difficult to talk about since people don't understand. It sounds so bizarre to others who can't relate and often they believe we are over exaggerating.
I went through that with 4 kiddos of 5 to 10. He didn’t comparent while we were together so why now? To look good for any stranger. It’s more like obstacle avoidance . They are grown adults and did their own therapeutic journey.
CO-PARENTING WITH A NARC IS THE WORST. I learned to document everything, from texts, visitation drop offs and pick ups, taking pics, audio and video record. It may seem like a lot of work, but keeping that narc in check is priceless. I meet him at the sidewalk with our son in clear view of the neighbors so he can't lie about anything that transpired. He's a toxic mess that hates me because I had the audacity to leave, relocate and move on with my life. The key to co-parenting with a narc is to document, document, document. Once he realized how meticulous I was with it, the accusations, gaslighting, lies lessened. They didn't stop, but lessened. If he said I dropped off our son dirty, I'd send a pic, date and time stamped proving otherwise. If he said I didn't inform him of an appointment, I'd send a screenshot of a text showing that I did. If he said I lied about the time the school bus drops our son home, I'd send a video of the bus pulling up. Sometimes I don't respond at all and let him think he's had his "Gotcha" moment, only to embarrass him in court with evidence. He's lied about me abusing our son and had child services in my home, only for them to suspend his visitation. He was so busy trying to discredit me that he didn't pay attention to his own home. He tried to get custody to collect child support. When the judge told him he's the one to pay me, he then denied our son was his. Bitter men exist.
@@vegastylistawow I completely forgot I left this comment. What a difference 2 years makes. I’m happier now. Thanks for replying. It reminded me of how far I’ve come.
it is draining. you are not crazy. this is all deliberately done to you. the less you say, the better. don't give them information. they are uncovering your weak points, not whatever they are accusing you of or denying or lying about. etc. they see how strong you are and breaking that strength is their goal. they're all the same basically. God bless
it's remarkable really!! n it seems like what I'm dealing with that day there will b a video about it later! it really is good therapy n the questions I had made me embarrassed or sometimes ashamed but their brought up in these videos to!! thank god n thank u for your comment
I literally started tearing up when you mentioned how difficult the first few days are with the child, after getting them back from the narcissist. My son has a sweet and pure soul, but for at least two days, after he is with his dad, it is exhausting and horrible...horrible because I see how much pain my son is in without even understanding why he feels that way. He needs extra love and cuddles, but is extremely defiant, calls me stupid, the list goes on. I thought I was imagining it because of how much animosity I have for his dad but in my heart I knew it was true. His nanny also mentioned she noticed a behavioral difference. And even so, I am the one constantly being accused of being a bad parent; it's really a nightmare. It truly would be easier being a single parent. Thank you so much for this video!!!
@Britt Ritter I’m one minute into this video and seeing your comment - I want you to know how grateful I am to you at this very moment for gifting me with the knowing that I’m not alone. Not crazy. Not making this up. Not the bad guy. Your words are my own thoughts. Your heartache is mine. I know your pain and it is that of being ripped apart at the seems, unable to mend the tears fast enough before they are torn open again. I see my son being torn this way and I can feel it even more. I’ve questioned whether or not I’m in hell; this feels like mine. To not be able to help your child when they are so lost and unable to comprehend the games that are being played using them as the toy - we as adults can’t wrap our heads around the manipulation behind it - of course they can’t. I am being forced to watch my 5-year old son have his sense of safety, trust, and stability stolen from him without being able to help him. God knows I’m fighting like hell to try. It is my sacred responsibility to protect him and the court system took away my ability to do that - so easily - so swiftly, without a moment’s hesitation or thought as to the danger of their action. The system has failed my innocent child. I’m going to change that system or die trying. Thanks for the light - mine was just about out. 👊🏻☀️👩👦❤️
@Camilo Anton If you want expect to see incriminating evidence on your GF, why are you still with her? Seems like you should at least being up your suspicions before spying on her Kinda sketch...
I was married to a Narcissist for 58 years and we had 4 children, all of whom I raised as though I were a single parent for the most part. I came to realize that he preferred that I took most of the responsibility for raising the children so that in case anything went wrong, he could then put all the blame on me!! As an only child raised by a narcissistic Mother, I was the perfect target, as a lot of his behavior, especially in the earlier part of the marriage, were quite familiar. However, as the Narcissism progressed as he aged, it became so much worse, that I had the feeling something was not right. I never felt like an equal partner, he never took responsibility for anything and was an expert at twisting things around so that the blame was always on other people, especially on me!! I had never heard of the word Narcissist until about 17 years ago, when a brief article on the subject of BPD and NPD arrived together with his health insurance bill one month while he was overseas. I had to get out the dictionary and look it up, which provided me with a huge revelation. I began to read everything I could get my hands on on the subject and discovered videos like the ones you make, which have been very enlightening!! By then we were already grandparents, so although I did consider leaving him, it seemed more practical to stay, since we are immigrants to this country and I did not want to involve friends in what would have been a very ugly divorce. Because in spite of the contention between us, and there was a lot of that, he never wanted to separate, as that would have ruined the image of the happy family that he had created to show to the outside world!! Plus, knowing how vindictive and spiteful he was, I was afraid of what he would have done if I had left him. The only way would have been to have left the country, which was impossible, as he controlled the finances with an iron hand. Things got progressively worse when he retired and was home 24/7, but by then his health was deteriorating and he died 1 1/2 years ago, which was a huge relief for me. I am so enjoying my peaceful home and if I said I have missed him for even a minute I would be lying!! Thank you for these enlightening videos which bring me much validation, which, strangely enough, I seem to have a great need for!! Once I was onto what was going on, I withdrew from him emotionally, communicating with him only when necessary, and NEVER giving him any information about my family, knowing that it would have either been used against me or to embarrass me at a later date. Had I known earlier what I was dealing with I would have left, before there were the entanglements of insurance policies, grandchildren and the like. So my advice to anyone in this kind of situation is to get out while you can and don’t look back!! Don’t waste your life on a Narcissist. There is no reward and the stress of putting up with their BS can make you sick and can even lead to death.
Thank you soo much for giving me an insight into your experience. I recently left my husband of 32 years. We are now both in our 50’s and have been together since our teens. Right at the start of our relationship I knew my job was to look after him, and his vulnerable needs. That’s what kept me in it, that and the hope that he would see a calmer way of being and dealing with things if i kept showing him. I think I managed to smooth some parts of him! But then again I’m not sure too. He still managed to make everything or most situations quite stressful and feel pretty hollow. I to noticed his behaviour becoming worse as he got older. He was soo awkward about any change for us. Everything revolved around his likes and needs. Yet to the outside he appears like a hard working father who lives for his business & family. Yet for me he never once stuck up for me or defended me. Infact Ive known him to watch while his friends have poked at me at times over the years. I to feel like I brought the children up with out him. I found over the years that if he was involved in anything to do supporting me as a joint parent, that he would make a hash of it and I could always see how my children could sense just how unsafe he was for them. Therefore I just dealt with everything my self. All this said and much more besides Ive still struggled beyond words to leave. I’m not divorced yet either and feel that this may take another year to resolve. I filed for my divorce in sept 20. He has managed to drag it out this far, and is also trying extremely hard to be seen as a victim of my loss and has managed to pull 2 of my children away from me. I struggle every day to just be!! But you know what I know I’ll get past this. I put the work in every day. Listening to my therapy from dr Ramani and others also. When i think of my life before I know I could never go back to just being for someone else like I did. He never seemed to notice any of the good I did. But I know that he regrets what’s happened but will never let that be seen properly to others. Instead he makes up lies about why I left, and continues to live in his pretend world. It’s good to hear you have a last got some peace and I hope you can feel proud for the strength you’ve shown over the years.
My word, Vida - so many similarities between us. I am staying with my partner too, but, grew up abroad, with lots of upheaval, while he is a local with all the security that brings, I did have a very difficult mother. Like you, I felt in familiar territory, used to being held responsible, but unlike you, I have 4 siblings, 2 older and 2 younger. When I discovered narcissism a few years ago, it was after many years of prolonged difficulties from mother, siblings and partner whom I believe, all display narcissistic behaviours. I became a young, single parent and had a very close bond with my son - but he gradually developed a strong relationship with my younger sister and my younger brother too - they are twins. The same twins I looked after as their older sister, who came to me with their nightmares and problems - my son and those two twin siblings hate me so much, and my son has no problem pouring hate and blame on me as I try, unsuccesfully, to be a gran to his daughter. I hear him using the same words and phrases my young siblings used against me and he is abusive, manipulative and verbally violent towards me. It feels as if my son was stolen from me, I see my granddaughter watching her daddy, abusing his mother. Where does that go? I met my partner 28 years ago and had 4 children with him and just as you described, parenting was very single handed, I was held responsible for EVERYTHING that caused a problem while he claims ownership of all that he is proud of. I remember when the children were young, when we argued, he would hold the baby / toddlers close to him, as if protecting them from something dangerous and I wonder what affect that had on them, that he presented as their (completely unnecessary) protector - what does that say to them, that he had to do that? I was their mother, I breastfed them all, I looked after them 98% of the time. Insidious actions, words and outright lies. He has meted this behaviour out to them also, but they find excuses for him and I have to hope they will work things out for themselves. I worry that, in countering the narcissitic people in my life, I am becoming that bully instead. Like you, I have emotionally distanced myself and share NOTHING of my personal life so it cannot be used as a weapon next time we argue. You have stirred up so many things I can relate to - thank you for reminding me I am not alone.
This is me. I’m 38 and been married for 20 years 🥺🤔 I know I know. Church and religion told us that we would go to hell if we didn’t marry. One time I thought he’ll would be better than the hurt he so inflicts. I’m maturing and growing now but this is the so me today. The man I’m married to is scary, manipulative, ghosted us, BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING, gaslights me, betrays me before anyone - even a plumber who randomly came into our home. He is so scary. I am healing and journaling every night to deal with his mess. He won’t let me go and feels so powerful when he puts me down. My stumbling block is that I tried for years until last month, to fight with him. Yell at him, throw stuff at the wall, cry, scream it was driving me insane. It is. He wants to use the children in the middle where he now attacks our oldest to get a reaction out of her to show people how bad a parent/mother I am. I am training her to not respond. I apologized to her for my past reactions bc the way he treats them is horrifying to watch. To me it’s a spiritual attack. #imtired
I am SOOOO glad that a "highly educated professional" has enough common sense to see AND say what I've been saying for years about family law...THE COURTS DO.NOT.CARE about the children...they are viewed as an asset...not just in the court’s eyes on behalf of the parents, but also in the court’s eyes on what makes the family law area of practice a multi-billion dollar revenue generator for the legal system. It's RARE a judge does what's best for the kids and as Dr. Ramani said, it's usually AFTER the damage is done. The courts won't dare let that source of revenue diminish in any way so they need parents to keep coming back to court...it's one way the lawyers, judges, lawmakers, etc. keeps the money flowing in. And unfortunately, the foolish parents who love fighting in court are typically the poor and middle class with much lower income than those who work for legal system who can't see how they're part of feeding the 1%.
My kids are now all teenagers to early 20s and I’ve recently just blatantly gave it to them straight about there Dad. It was tough for them to hear but they have seen enough bs from him on their own over the years to know he is not a mature/responsible parent. After he physically assaulted me that was the last straw for me. I literally told all my kids I’m most definitely pressing charges against your abusive narcissistic father and I don’t care if you don’t like it!! Sometimes you have to give it to your kids straight after they get a level of maturity to understand consequences. They are sad that their Dad will more than likely go to jail but they now understand that this man does not keep getting passes to be a menace just because he is their father. I honestly have been through so much dealing with my ex trying to co parent, that i can honestly admit that I have came to a point where I don’t even care if my kids hate me for giving him consequences! If they choose to follow that reckless idiot then that’s on them and we just won’t be close. But im moving on and im not giving this man any more passes to keep disrupting our lives!
I am so proud of you… I’m just a stranger on the Internet… But I am so proud that you were taking bold steps to teaching your children about confidence, leadership, individuality and self-respect. No matter how they feel about the entire situation, you are teaching them that you don’t take shit from anybody. Well done!
Hopefully your children are old enough so the narcissist doesn't turn your children and potential grandbabies against you. Good boundaries aren't for the faint of heart.
Thank you for sharing! 8 years ago, after gaslighting me for 11 years (now 19 years), my narc told me I was crazy and needed help. So, I got help. After 2 months, my therapist finally convinced me to look up the word gaslighting. I cried for 2 days straight. Shortly afterward, I reconnected with some of the friends I had been isolated from and filed for divorce. He wasn't working, which made him the most available parent, so the GAL was going to recommend he have the kids 6 days a week. During this time, both he and his family tried to destroy me emotionally, socially, and financially. There was no way I was going to escape and leave my kids behind. I stopped the divorce to be with and protect my kids. I got my own checking account, my own job, my own money, and my own activities. Basically, I got my own life with my kids. I refused to have holidays with his family or allow my children much interaction with them, and then none after they told my kids to run away from home. In the last 8 years, he's not been allowed in my bed, and I've made it a mission to learn and heal. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've purposely made his life miserable. Hoping the misery he was living would outweigh his joy of trying to control me. When he took a great new job requiring him to relocate a few miles away, he told me I was not welcome to go unless I changed my ways. I again cried for 2 days until I realized he could not take my kids. This was my way out! That was 3 years ago. At first, the kids would visit him frequently, but soon, they saw him for what he is. Today, I'm in the process of divorcing him again. He thinks he's dodged child support cause my kids are now in high school. He doesn't realize since he is getting poor advice, plus, we are now in a different state than where he went through his 1st divorce, child support is to age 23 or longer when the kids are in college. My kids are going to college!!! It's not easy or over. He still threatens to take the kids, refuses to get a job since being fired, is blowing thru our retirement money, calls me names (the newest is POW, Piece Of Work), lies constantly, plays the victim, post derogatory stuff about me on fb, etc... In the end, I have always been a very happy person, and it kills him he can't take that or my kids from me!
The courts don’t care. There is a wealth of information in this video. This is one of the first things that became quickly obvious in my observation of the experience of a loved one going through the legal system. Survivors are desperate to believe that someone will hear them and acknowledge their pain at the hands of someone who constantly lies and is always verbally and sometimes physically abusive. Instead, they typically get dismissed and judged. Sadly, the courts don’t care. This has to change and I’m so glad that someone has implemented an initiative to educate court personnel regarding these matters.
No they do not. In my experience, they listen to the accusations of the narc before they listen to someone pointing out the narc behavior. Court is not the place for validation, unless you've done your due diligence. I'm letting my ex build up quite a few violations, keeping notes on Talking Parents, and expressing my objections, but also letting her get comfortable with doing so. I have the Petition for Contempt of Court on hand, and once I have enough proof of a track record, I'm taking it all to the court at once, rather than dealing with each individual incidence of violation.
I’m about to go for court very soon . Looks like my worst nightmare . If the court doesn’t care about how my ex partner affect me in a negative way . Accepting abuse and putting up fake smile for way too long. After how made me feel like. Then who does care ? Because I really need to know who should I seek help from?
Yes, part of the problem is that the narcissist comes off as a great guy (or girl) and NO ONE has any idea what they are really like. Hey it took me 10 years to peel back the mask, so I can't expect some passer by to figure it out quickly.
If only I had actually heard this from a survivor before it was too late. It’s absolutely the hardest pill to swallow. Nobody cares as to what this does to a person to include a child/children. Let alone the cycle that this perpetuates. All the while you see the toll it takes on your child/children.
I know we are still in the beginning stages of this psychotic situation, but I am so sick of obliging the narcissist! I'm tired of the need to document. These are my kids and I am protecting them. I refuse to let others into my life. The courts. The schools. I am so done with having to change my life because an abusive man wants to play games! I pray all the time that God will intervene on my behalf. My kids are so keen on the fact that their dad is immature and a liar. I don't have to do anything. We can't say narcissist... passive aggressive, not responsible, lack of communication... set up boundaries and a schedule. They can't cooperate with someone telling them what they will be doing. They want full control of everything. Just make a schedule that doesn't involve you. Don't tell them too much of what you want or prefer because it gives them ammo. Simple. Simple. Simple. and pray because they can't pull their s#$$ with God. This person is a cold pole to you.... nothing more. God is my husband, God is the father of my children. I keep telling myself that he will not get away with anything. I can do my best for me and he can be responsible to God. God help us and bless you for anything you are enduring. This is evil. It isn't impossible. It takes skill. Train. Train. Train.
I'd like to comment on the yellow-rock "explaining" part of this video. I work with a Parenting Coordinator with my son's father. She has been with us for 8 months. I have learned that yellow-rock and not explaining or communicating the "why's" is frowned upon, establishing personal boundaries and enforcing them is frowned upon, not communicating every detail of what you do and why you do it is frowned upon. Example: My mother, who he loathed and often accused of breaking us up and slandering him, became terminally ill and was in the hospital for 3 weeks until she passed. I was not able to facilitate phone calls between him and our son before. I explained that there was a family emergency anytime our son was unavailable. I did not feel safe disclosing that my mother was in the hospital, I can't even imagine how much fun he'd have with making that time more difficult for me emotionally. The PC said, by me not disclosing that, I was demonstrating poor communication and added to the dysfunction even though she knew how verbally and emotionally abusive he is. He did however take advantage of causing problems once he found out she passed away and as always used our son. It was then she understood why I did not disclose everything while she was sick, however, validated his claim that if he'd known, he would have respected that time and would have been understanding. Even though, his pattern of behavior demonstrates the complete opposite. So, everything that I was doing to survive before we were ordered to her, is the exact opposite of what she wants to see with a few exceptions. She wants to see us working together but deny the reality that this is not possible with our son's father. She has ordered us both to therapy. I am going along with it and am actually grateful for therapy. I am surviving by pretending this person is normal, so I interact with him as best as I can as I would anyone else. I can see that it may work in my favor over time, if I demonstrate cooperation and resolution the same as I would a co-worker while he's making that difficult. I have to withdraw my boundaries, which is causing me a lot of anxiety, in order for the PC to see that there is a defined demarcation line between us and who is the problem in our co-parenting relationship.
I can relate to this comment so much, which is why after having a child therapist work with our children, I decided not to pursue any coparenting therapy with him. Two people have to be HONEST and both have to do the work. I feel for your situation and hope it improves. 💞
I understand why you didn't want to reveal anything difficult happening in your life because that just gives him ways to enjoy using it against you. I'm going through it now , and very cautious in every conversation
Only 15 minutes in and already this is possibly the most important video I've watched in my life. Thank you so so so much from the bottom of my patched together heart following the hardest 6 months of my life.
What clear and practical information / summary on how to approach the most challenging of circumstances, when the kids are involved and one of Parents is a Narcissist. Thank you Dr. Romani.
Today was my 5 year old son's second visitation with his dad. My son's behavior changes are so different that I burst into tears. I truly am grieving my son because he normally is my sweet, loving, caring boy I raised for 5 years and now he shows anger, sadness, confusion, and fear. Dealing with his father who is not complying with the visitation orders making me drive from place to place to get my son is so cruel. As if that was not enough I got scolded because "I did not provide a Halloween costume" (I don't celebrate Halloween). Unfortunately even though there is a visitation order it cannot be enforced as it is not yet signed by a judge. To all the moms I just want to say, let's stay strong, get our children the help they need and lets get the help we need. I send you a strong hug!! you are not alone. Per court orders we are all being served on a silver platter to these narcissist/abusers. I am truly grateful for Dr. Ramani for posting this video. I immediately started to apply everything suggested and can't wait for the next court hearing sadly scheduled 3 months from today.
my child who is 11 has been thru the same verbal and mentally and emotionally, and due to his drinking and lying ,.. she doesn't want no part of him as he never comes thru. i am up for the fight and will not force her to go if she doesn't want to go as all he does it bash me, he is NOT supposed to not drink 24 hrs prior never happens, so i use my better judgement as per he is an alcoholic full time, doesn't pay child support. exactly fought for joint custody and legal and they gave it .. has NOTHING to do with her nor her treatment.
Oh, that sounds horrible but your child has a great mum and you can actually help him to understand what’s happening. He can always find shelter and firm ground in you. No child deserves that kind of treatment from its parent but you can be that wise parent who help your child getting emotionally mature and be aware of reality and don’t get overwhelmed by emotions. That’s what I am trying to do as well. I hope it will get better for you and your son soon 💗
I hate the fact that the legal system doesn't care about the damage or potential damage of Narc parent to the children, especially on custody ruling in this situation!
Omg thank you, With my ex husband i always ended up over explaining things and writing so much till I learned to do this trick: finish writing the text, then read it, delete it, and just stick to facts. He always made me feel like if I didn't attach receipts, dates, whys and hows it was gonna be a full on 3 hr phone conversation. Now i stick to facts and that's it.
i got to that as well. after one attack for taking a bent key of the keyring they kept using causing damage to the lock. i did this after it was left, stuck in the door for me to fix and the door was left open. by the end of the abuse i simply stated. "it is broken" then continued doing what i was doing completely indifferent to them and they said nothing, stormed off and haven't spoken to me since. 2 months of silence and one explosion. it's been awesome. i kicked them out today. caught them messing with the communal food and drink and a few other weird and creepy things. they have left ...but took the keys and they left a different door locked open. it needs a key to open and close. lmao, it never ends with these people God bless
As a therapist, I might add that "parallel parenting" is the most effective way to co parent with a narcissist. Thank you again Dr. Ramani, for the wonderful refresher
I got this down to a fine art during my divorce, to the extent that he now leaves me right alone. There's always pain involved with dealing with a narcissist, but if you do it right, they won't want to mess with you because you have developed strong boundaries and DON'T react so there's no supply to get from you. I don't ask him for anything, not even money. As a friend told me, you are now in effect a single parent with no help, and the sooner you accept that the better off you'll be. I prefer to do it myself anyway it's easier than having to deal with him. My ex now looks nervous when he has to talk to me because I've got the power back.
This is my life to a T, co-parenting with a grandiose AND malignant narcissist for the last decade. Thank you, Dr Ramani for so clearly putting words to a very frustrating, challenging time, and offering the tools to cope.
I’ve been watching Dr. Ramani for over a year and this is something I’ve been searching for the entire time because this is where I’m at with deal with the Narc… Never been married to him but we do have a child together.
This work that you do is Pure Gold Doctor Ramani. Thank you so much for this webinar. Parenting with a narcissist has to be the most difficult of all narcissistic relationships. X
I finally stood up to my ex narcs abuse and went to see a lawyer with evidence of the abuse. He no longer can contact me as I've gone no contact, and he refuses to agree to the terms outlined by my lawyer. So he hasn't seen our son in 2 months and honestly, part of me wishes he gives up. He's toxic and inconsistent with our son, he would be happier completely out.
Dr. Ramani is so right! I met my narcissistic first husband when we were sophomores in high school and I honestly never had a chance to even understand why he treated me so cruelly because I was so young and naïve. My friends tried to tell me and pulled away, but because of my own issues primarily with my narcissistic mother, I stuck by him. We married and had two children. I left him 32 years ago when our kids were 15 and 12 years old. Way too late! They are in their 40s now and both very damaged people. Once again I am estranged from my daughter, who is just like her father. Both of them have acknowledged that their father is a narcissist, but my daughter turned out just like him. My son is a gentle spirited person who was physically abused by his father. He gets it, but he is so wounded. I have been in the healing process through therapy and codependency groups for 40+ years. I am now a senior citizen, and the person who tormented, controlled and abused me beginning at the tender age of 15 years old still exists in my life, even though I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years. We don’t have a relationship, but his abuse lives on through my children. I am fine now,, but he managed to hurt me in the exact way he intended by hurting our children.
Susannah, your post caught my attention because my kids are 13 and 15. I separated from my husband of 27 years six months ago. I’m so scared for my kids but had to leave for my own sanity.
I am the mother watching my daughter going through her daily exhausting ritual of documenting every emotionally abusive text she receives. There are so many concerns we have. If he can destroy the self-esteem of an adult, we fear what he can do to a 2 year old when he gets visitation. The worst part, as you confirmed, is that the courts focus on parental rights rather than child safety. It's just another twist of the knife. My granddaughter is two and a half. We have never, nor will we ever, put thoughts in her head, but we witness her reaction when her dad picks her up for visits. She cries and says she doesn't want to go. The daycare has to pick her up and literally force her to go with him. There is a law that prevents child abuse from being brought out in the open. I have learned that recording the childs visit with a narcissist is illegal, and the person recording the visit can be jailed. Imagine, proven child abuse, and the person with proof is the criminal!! So we sit and wait for my two year old granddaughter to come home with "proof" of abuse. The laws need to be changed so that children under the age of 4 can be recorded during a visit.
Thank you! For this video. I honestly keep feeling like he is a narcissistic person because of how hard it is to coparent with my daughters dad. Now watching this video and relating to every single one of your topics, I know that he is a narcissist. It is sad. It is horrible. It would be easier to be a single parent. My poor baby
Thanks for this, I've studied narcissim for 4 years plus to understand what was happening to me. Now I'm onto co parenting and child access. This is so helpful. ❤️
Wow this is eye opening. She would actually call me a narcissist and I even considered it after a while but this video perfectly describes her behaviors and how I feel dealing with it. Crazy thing.. shes the one divorcing me. The gaslighting is so accurate. 7 years and never apologized for anything once. Ive explained my feelings but shed completely write me off fo so long. I cant even count the amount of times I've apologized and tried to talk things through. Atleast I understand now but still have to deal with her while we coparent. Shes incapable of taking any ownership and never has
I am so grateful every day, I am lucky to be surrounded by “unicorns” - including the judge who ordered supervised visits only. Thankfully my daughter is safe for now, but I know it’s not over.
i watch this video every few months to keep me sane......imagine having a narcissistic bipolar ex that is a domestic violence court clerk that files something every other month, living hell
As a father, I was listening this thinking there were some narcissistic is my soon-to-be co-parent, but wound up finding some of my own traits reflected back to me. Luckily I'm already in therapy and really trying to look at this stuff. It's really hard and I feel pulled 900 directions by my own desires and my co parents desires and my personal work... But regardless this was helpful. Thank you!
You are my personal hero, I don’t know if you are aware of the impact that you make in our lives you saved my mental health and my life and I can’t thank you enough
Having this information made available for the world is invaluable. With a two year old involved with whats going on with me, all I can say is thank you.
this helped so much and have forwarded to my grown children who are in the midst of their dad's true colors. The gas lighting, money manipulation during college and now with my daughter's wedding. He is severe bipolar, severe narcissistic....was diagnosed during the divorce due to child pornography and a gay relationship. The 17 year marriage was bad....coparenting post separation/divorce has been a nightmare and worse with his aging. I'm begging my children to seek counseling to stop the cycle for their future. thank you for giving this lesson!!!
I can sign up under every word you said! This is the best uncovering of blue print of co-parenting with a narc. I wish I knew earlier in life what narcs had taught me. Courts do need to be educated to prevent that “shredding” of kids during divorces. 👍
Excellent summary provided. Thank you so much and God bless . As a Christian in this upsetting situation I know of the upset, and accusations, breakthroughs, insights and of strength not despair ,are happening but prayers are being answered also in Christ. Thank you for yr excellent advice here.
Wow! Great way of explaining counterparenting with a Narc. Totally different angle compared to what i've learnt. Extremely helpful. I wish you also explained dealing with teenagers bcos their mindset is formed and their opinions might have been shaped by the malignant narcissist to see the alienated parent as evil.
I am in that situation. One of my kids was the golden child and the other was the scapegoat. I learned about narcs for about a year and I explained it to them when they were 15 and 13. It set the scapegoat free because she said his behavior just didn't make sense. The golden child took a little longer to accept it. I told their narc dad he could no longer be alone with them without me present. As I began to help them heal, they started telling me things the narc would do behind my back and how he would try to turn them against me. It took a long time to get my oldest daughter's trust back. I'm still working on her self image. Our faith has helped greatly. The church doesn't understand that the Bible describes narcs and says to avoid them. It gives absolutely no hope for them at all. My kids are now 17 and 15. The 17 year old will be 18 soon and she will NEVER seek him out or be a part of his life. I'm a lucky one. We had two houses so I was able to escape. He loves playing the victim so he leaves me alone. I believe he hasn't gone after the kids because he doesn't want to live with the embarrassment of their rejection. Instead he just trashes me to all who will listen as a wronged father. But I've always been a single parent. Tell your kids the truth if they are teens. Help them avoid the narc whenever possible. Limit family gatherings. Put them into activities that keep them away. Teach them how to keep their business and emotions from the narc. Give examples of how he triangulates them. Create an environment where they can freely express their feelings without consequences. Have them create a mood journal where they document their feelings and let them know that it's private and to keep it hidden from the narc. Start supporting the kids verbally when the narc tears them down. Expose the narc in such a way that they can see what's been done to them. They already know that something is wrong. Answer their questions. It's a long journey ahead but you are the only hope your kids have.
Thank you so much for this! Love your work! Many need this! I’m a Psychology degree student and a single parent with 2 ‘antagonistic’ fathers also. The world needs your knowledge. Many thanks 🙏
Dr. Romani thank you for sharing all your studies, You seriously have saved me! I wish I had this knowledge during the raising of my children, who now have nothing to do with me, my Ex has done a number on my adult children. I was definitely a enabler always tolerant of his violent out burst making excuses for him, because he had a extremely narcissistic father who was very abusive, but my Ex idolized him as far as even moving him down the street from us he would come over unannounced barge in rageful, rude, want you to drop everything for him all these years later I am watching the cycle repeat itself now my children idolize their father who would physically and emotionally abuse me and them! I could tell them so many stories but I don’t want to throw him under the bus he is the only father they have! I am finally living with peace of knowing I did the best I could at the time that I love my children but I will not tolerate them treating me like their father even though that’s all they know, I have created strong boundaries married a wonderful man and we are trying to leave the past in the past be happy and love our children despite how evil they treat us! Dr. Ramani one day I would like you to do one on why adult children can be so mean to the only mother or father that loved them unconditionally and defended them! Thank you so much, you are a rockstar!
Watching this today I am for the first time ever in 20 years of dealing with this hearing words of affirmation for the first time. I am the wife of a man who has a narcissist ex wife and mother to their three children. I had to deal with all of this without being prepared or warned of this situation until I was in too deep to back out. I did not know how bad this was going to be in the beginning. I think my husband tried to hide it because he was ashamed that he didn't have a handle on it. I think maybe a small part of him thought that she would calm down after he got re married. It actually got much worse. Everything described in this podcast is exactly to a T what we went through and still am going through with our now adult children and their spouses as well. At first I really thought the woman was just jealous or angry or overwhelmed. But she is actually a malicious narcissist. I know that now thanks to Dr Ramani. I have shared these videos with my husband and even though he doesn't want to re live what we went through, his eyes are open. I could write a book on all the things that happened over the last 20 years on how this "antagonistic" person has affected my life and used me and my husband as her personal punching bag. It was so completely unfair to do that to us and unnecessary. I wish I had Ramani as my personal therapist to talk to because getting this all out of me and my hubby would be just the medicine we need. Because this whole situation is still a bottled up mess in both of us waiting to be released somehow. And I wished my step kids could all see these videos and get the healing they need as well. Because God knows they probably need it more than I do. Our middle step daughter still has not spoken to us in years because of the Gaslighting. She used to look at me when she was little and tell me, "My Mom hates you". I used to go off into my room and cry alone. All we wanted was to be a big blended family. And this kids were never given the opportunity to love me or even like me at all. They have been poisoned. I hope and pray this all somehow turns around one day. I'm just not sure how. Also as for my sweet husband, I really want him to know that none of this was ever his fault. He couldn't control what his ex did. I know he feels guilty that maybe if he stayed in that marriage none of this would of happened. He is just as much a victim as the kids are. And for the record, no I had nothing to do with his divorce. I didn't even live in the same state as him. I didn't know him or anyone in this town. I moved here alone and met my husband 6 months after living here. And he had already been divorced from her for 4 years.
This is so so helpful. Thank you. All my questions well answered beyond what is thought of. Its such a sad thing for a child who is stuck in this situation.
Thinking forensicly.. I like to think like a judge is reading EVERY TEXT... or my daughter is reading them... I'm not perfect but that helps me... Great webinar!! Love what you put out! Thank you 🙌
When you said " parenting with a narcissist you have to think forensically. Hour by hour on how or what to get." I feel like a detective, my life spins around what I can get next. I feel like going crazy
I feel like I'm always 1 step behind. Not to mention the length of times I have to sit on all the orders that have been broke. By the time it gets to court it's like "they aren't doing it anymore" the problem is they did it 🙃 had I not caught them it'd still be going on
This video is packed with great information and advice. I wish I had heard this when I was raising my daughter and dealing with her Grandiose Narcissist father. Just as Dr. Ramani says, he succeeded in alienating me and my daughter with his money and power. I saw him chipping away at her respect for me over the years, but trusted that she would eventually see through it. Still waiting for that day to come.
This is the 1st time Ive seen this video and I cannot express how grateful I am to feel seen with this information. It’s all here. Everything I’ve been going thru the last 6 years. Thank you. This has been a big help! ❤
Thanks for sticking these videos up. Thanks for letting me know what I’ve gotten myself into. It’s hard dealing with narcissistic mother who is chipping away at alienating my son from me. The fella turn 18 in December and the day before his 18th, she was chipping away at him in that he doesn’t have to go to Dad’s anymore. The sick bit is she will use him to hit me over my head with medical issues. I don’t often seek help and I certainly do not have the money to burn to get help. It’s hard at times but I do shoot for the high road when things go south and I have had the satisfaction many times for doing that. Now that the fella is 18, and he is a type one diabetic, and he ‘can do what he wants’. It’s harder to ensure he takes ownership of his disease and all the other things that go on in his life. The fella is mummt cuddled, never worked a day in his life and from what I see coming from the mother home, that’s not going to happen. It’s a shame as she is destroying him and me..
I'm so glad to be listening to this. Until recently I've been 50/50 co parenting with a narcasist for 12 years and for 10 of those years his high functioning alcoholic partner. It is a nightmare!!! It's honestly like a perfect storm. I cannot even begin to start on the things that have happened over the last 12 years. Now our daughter has started hitting puberty he's started (predictably) turning it on her. She's hurting so bad it's heartbreaking. It resonating so much about the grieving because now I'm facing the fact my daughter does not get to have the childhood she deserves and although I know it isn't it feels like it's my fault. I'm trying my best to give her what she needs and mitigate for the abuse and neglect on their part but I have come to realise I can only do what I can do and it's not enough. I just hope she will come out OK but I also worry about the teenage years.
I am dealing with a malignant at the moment. Quite early in the process, but had to be off studies/work for a while to gain strength and mindfullness. I have been called in to police, social justice, tried to be cut off all my savings, homeless, hold the children away, talk behind my back to the children, flying monkeys. I still love a false image of her. It's insaine. I am winning though due to she has a ex with my bonus child where she did the exact same and used me as a flying monkey. Now she might loose all custody and even jail through the other custody battle. That has been going on for 7 years. It is truley chocking to go through. Best of luck to all of you and my biggest thanks for this channel and community. ❤
When you got to "Do-Gooder" narcissist, Dr.Ramani, I said out loud, "STOP." Because it's so eerily true. How are you so accurate every single time I watch your videos???!
Wow. What a relief to have these issues actually confirmed as “issues.” There was no good way of explaining the impact of speaking through our children, the picking up the pieces, feeling like a single parent w/ an elephant on my back.
When you mentioned talking about highlights and lowlights of the day, it takes me back to the constant talk of the co-parent towards our children: „what is your favorite?“ „who is your best friend“ „Cars are his best thing“ Hardly any sentence without this. It it always perfectionistic and I tend to avoid that in my parenting.
In a nutshell, the narc didn't care to have his kids or be involved. He was basically non-existent. It was his choice. After all he wasn't involved before divorcing him. He felt it was my job to raise them.
How do we co-parent when abuse has occurred? If a parent and children were abused and there is a longterm protective order but co-parenting via supervised visitation and coordinating finances and children’s info- how do we do this healthfully? Especially if the children were witness and subject to abuse, how do we shelter and protect them from being “put in the middle” while validating their concerns and feelings?
I don't know where you live and what services are available, but you don't coparent where there's been domestic violence. In an ideal world, the perpetrator should have supervised contact, if and when contact is appropriate. It depends entirely on individual circumstances, but there are cases where abusive parents are denied contact altogether and regardless of what some might say, I sincerely believe this is well within the best interests of the child. You cannot "co" anything with your abuser.
I just wanted to add, because it's commonly misunderstood, that parental alienation is NOT relevant to cases where there is a child protective issue. Parental alienation is specific to cases of an alienating parent systematically turning a/the child(ren) against the good enough parent without justification. I'm an adult survivor of parental alienation by a mother who exhibits all the characteristics of vulnerable/covert narcissistic personality disorder and I ended up having to escape a very violent abusive marriage to a person who was diagnosed by children's services/court psychologist with NPD verging on psychopathy. I do not co parent. My children were discarded by the abuser who didn't even bother engaging with the perpetrators programme or engage with children's services in order to get contact.
Dr. Ramani this is an amazing insight and great information. I am in the filed of being a mediator and a Professional Supervised Visitation Monitor and you have hit the bullseye with this video
Y'all...I'm back here years later reminding myself that I'm doing ok. My daughter is finally seeing her father's true colors and coming to stay with me after almost 3 years. Boy is it causing issues with the Narc. Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing your wisdom. So grateful for you ❤
So so helpful! My baby is only 10 months old. I want to raise her the best way possible so I’m trying to learn as much as I can. I’m scared! But I will do everything I can to make sure that she feels VALIDATED and not CRAZY like he tried to make me feel lol
Thank you for posting this. It is everything that I had to go through with my ex husband. During my divorce in 2009-2011 it was nothing but a nightmare, no one would listen to me when I explained the abuse I went through and at the time I didn't know there was a name for it. This abuse continued after our divorce and his antics would increase by using our children as a weapon to hurt me, use the children as a communication means, ect. The accusations, lies, triangulation, gaslighting, harassment to no end would get worse as time goes by. He even managed to manipulate our children to walk out of my life when they turned 12. I have no help and the lawyers I retained did nothing to protect me and my children's rights, they just took my money. Now I alrinated from my children and I'm trying my best not to go into a deep depression. Is there anyone who can help me either get help for my children and myself to reconnect from this horrible situation.
Maybe find a new lawyer or pro bono attorney who will help you enforce existing visitation and custody… if they are only 12 can they refuse to see you?
I feel so sad because my son is only 1y old. He will never know what his parents looked like when they were happy together. He will only be able to look at pictures and wonder. But you have given me hope that I will be able to teach empathy and understanding of feelings in my home away from the narc
I’ve listened to so many hours of information on the topic and I’ve personally found this hour is without a doubt the most helpful and applicable: thank you sincerely so much. If you’ve ever pondered it, I’m sure many would dearly appreciate a Part 2 covering more material on this very difficult topic… thanks again😊
I want to say YOU have given myself and my children a currency above all worth. You are of the highest value. You are above the notion of validation. You do not speak too long. You are not annoying. YOU are YOU. I see only the strength and intense beauty of the person that took up a topic no one touches with a ten ft pole. I want to acknowledge commend and exhort you. I say this because you have generously with kindness given content that is priceless. I heard you use the word junk in relation to your slides. Perhaps I notice myself use self-deprecating words as well and I do better advocating for others. You have done this for me unknowingly. Please do honor yourself in your speech. I may never meet you in person, but I see that perhaps the people in your circles that may have validated you did not hit home. Language is beautiful and you use it to give knowledge in a community of people who have been through hells and not been able to understand it. You should know you are better than you can imagine. Thank You for the work you do. It has given me tools and a new hope for myself with a future and therefore all of my children's future as well. -from someone who needs your work with gratitude
This is so validating. The courts with a mandated evaluation and after 5 missed evaluation appointments (with excuses of course), got a diagnosis of NPD and still forced to coparent with max time (50/50). Prove of psychological abuse, alienating behaviors, etc etc. Courts are perpetuating abuses. My greatest fear is that I will lose my baby to his NPD. She already “believes” him, calls me a liar, etc. and I can’t say anything or show her documentation.
@@cleverfoxz he asked for sole legal and physical. His argument was that I was emotionally abusing. Our child said “I’ll kill myself if you don’t let me go live with my dad.” DCF said I should let LO stay with Dad until they finished investigating and I felt like if I didn’t I’d be looking like I was resisting. I have a baby from my new marriage as well and was scared if I appeared to be resisting they’d take her too. He filed for “ex parte” or emergency custody so we had a hearing 2 days after evaluation for suicidal ideation. This was on a Thursday. No results were available at the time of the hearing. Only reason I was able to argue with my expensive lawyer was that Dad was nonparticipating parent-I was sole provider for 11yrs, the history helped me retain what little custody I was able to. The following Friday I got the results from the crisis eval and LO was never suicidal. LO disclosed, “I was told to say it like that.” This prompted me to look thru LO’s phone (13yo). I found texts from Dad and LO showing coaching and alienation behaviors for almost a year back, previous to DCF claim. I got a GAL and with those results plus DCF own results showing Dad was asking “can my owed monies be waived since he had more custody now” (he literally asked that according to DCF Investigator notes). Shows he was motivated by arrearages. Also have hundred of harassing texts which is almost too many bc courts don’t want to read pages and pages of it. But the short answer, I think/feel he got 50/50 bc he played off as being a “concerned father” and was charming about it. I think he wasn’t afraid to say any lie needed. I think he didn’t care if I had the evidence to disprove his lies…he had a goal and nothing was going to stop him from getting his way. And mostly I think his timing helped.
Just got the app. Narcissistic sons father showed up after being absent for 5 years and refusing to help in anyway. This is the beginning of my coparenting journey with a narcissist and I am scared. This video made me feel understood. The app is great so far.
Thank you for this very useful video. I cried a lot at the beginning because it was very painful to hear a lot of the bluntness and realities of the situation. I think it was important to hear the harsh reality of what is to come but it has given me some understanding and knowledge to feel more confident to ride the storm. Thank you. X
I wish my kids could watch this, to know and understand, but that won’t ever happen because I continue to protect them from more pain. The games of their narcissist father will never stop, as long as he is alive. I agree with absolutely everything you say here…it’s the story of my life! It hit me like a train. :-(
Same. Mine teens. I think they would benefit from this. I made the mistake of talking shit in begaining of nasty divorce.. trying to label ex/ their dad. They see it now after 2+ yrs of 50/50. They don't want to go back n forth now. Not wanting to live with him. Uggg
I am grateful that you brought up this topic Dr. Ramani. Co-parenting with a narcissist while living with them or while not living with them is so very stressful and at times can be dangerous depending on whatever comorbidities are present in the situation. Many of us who got through to the other side of that to see our adult children thriving sometimes wonder how any of us involved in the situation survived it at all.
I am grateful that you brought up this topic Dr. Ramani. Co-parenting with a narcissist while living with them or while not living with them is so very stressful and at times can be dangerous depending on whatever comorbidities are present in the situation. Many of us who got through to the other side of that to see our adult children thriving sometimes wonder how any of us involved in the situation survived it at all. I cannot imagine how painful it must be for survivors when instead their child or when their responsible parent dies long before reaching advanced old age. What about professionals who are being influenced by the narcissistic parent too? How do you work with them too? I remember once in the waiting room just before having to flee with my children being false accused of child abuse by the nurse/receptionist there right in front of my small toddler daughter who could understand what she was saying about me. Why? -- He often rode in the bus the father of that daughter of mine drove for her too on her way to work.
I had “the unicorn” happen to me in court but it took YEARS & the RIGHT judge. And stilll dealing with these issues but at least my daughter is more protected & I have learned so much, especially from Dr. Ramani. The courts do not prevent! You really do need to prepare for a marathon.
I stayed to mitigate his influence. I was not going to allow him extended time alone with our children. I would rather let them see me stand against his crippling contempt and selfishness. Sure it was hard on them, but now they realize my sacrifice and that I was the one who loved them. That his perspective and behavior is the way to end up alone.
This video is making me so emotional my daughters father is putting me thru absolute hell. Most recently has been withholding her meds for months when she’s with him because he was upset that I didn’t respond to a text message. He will look me in my face and lie about any and everything. I feel helpless
Thank you Dr Ramani for this invaluable information. I'll listen to you even on my death bed because you saved my life. I dodged a bullet by refusing to coparent completely. Peace is my portion everyday✌️✌️
I have been watching and learning about this for going on two years now and this is the most accurate most helpful most powerful RUclips I have landed on. Thank you so much for what you do
This is amazingly spot on what I'm dealing with. Had an episode last night of grief. We have split custody and every week it takes 2 days to re-establish my son when he comes back to me. A living nightmare but she wants me to give up. I WISH I could solo parent ... 🙏🙌
Thank you so much for making this video ♥ you feel so alone when going through this this, the inability of others to even comprehend the malignant treatment/behavior causes isolation and self-silencing.
May God bless you for every thing you do to help us. We are blessed because we are no longer blindfolded under the narcissistic spell, but we still need a lot of help and information, specially when we are co parenting. Thank you for being there for us all 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for saying that solo parenting is easier than co-parenting with a narcissist. It feels wrong to think it, but it absolutely would be easier.
Narcs are the equivalent of the sperm donor. They are not really fathers or mothers since they lack the basic capacities of what it means to be human (love, empathy, kindness).
I kind of experience both because my 4 yeat old son's "father" has NPD/Diagnosed Sociopath as well as addiction issues and as a result chose to walk away when I was pregnant and they've never met, likely never will. Unfortunately, the circumstances (along with others) meant I had to move back in with family. My Dad passed a year ago, so my Mim is the other live in, "supposed" primary caregiver according to my son and most everyone else she can manipulate. Ij reality, though, she's a covert narc who loves manipulation, and reactive abuse. ANYONE who COULD give me help in terms of even emotional support much less physically, she's long since turned into her flying monkey! HANDS DOWN I prefer the situation with my ex to the one with my Mom. IMHO, she will be the one who leafs to the most "damage" and cause pain and trauma to my baby. I pray that I can get us in a better situation and at least limit her access and influence. 😭😭😭😭😭
@Lusse FarI so understand! So is he still with a new woman while you guys have your child together and now it's like another woman being in the picture while you and him have a child together? Cause ya I'm going through something similar like...
@Lusse Far Cause this isn't going to be "let's decide who gets to play Mom!"
@@n2ativebyn8ure83 Hi, so your ex is also with another woman while you two have a kid together but there is another woman in the picture now with your ex? Ya, Exactly like what you said about limiting her access to YOUR child. I totally get it like..
I pray for the day the courts understand and are able to implement ways to protect kids from the narc parent.
They're not interested in protecting the child ( ren) they're only interested in protecting their system.
The courts are jammed up with narcissists disguised as judges.
@@dolorescheatom2419 you nailed it. The system itself is narcissistic. They simply don't care about our children, only about themselves and their huge egoic roles "protecting the best interest of the children"
More and more lawyers and judges are understanding! If that’s the future we want we must hold that vision steady and not look at what is as that is the past! It’s already manifested! Hold your vision of fairness, children being protected and courts that take sick people’s manipulation into account. Daydream about it, visualize it and manifest it in your own life. Focus on the wins and ignore the loses, God says they aren’t really loses anyway. You have time with your child so you have control, make it count. You got this mama! ❤❤❤
I think it starts with knowledge of who they are and it's our responsibility to inform others...I intend to open a blog and also one-day venture into politics for the sole purpose to drive policy to cover all these areas...good always wins
Co-parenting with a narcissist can be a VERY LONELY PATH. As it was said perfectly by Dr, people don’t get it and don’t want to get it. So to all of you out there, I hear you, I’m with you, you are not alone. You can do it, you have the strength!
Honestly. Thank you. It’s never ending and it IS lonely. People don’t understand how hard it truly is. Hugs stranger
Thank you! It is also difficult to talk about since people don't understand. It sounds so bizarre to others who can't relate and often they believe we are over exaggerating.
I went through that with 4 kiddos of 5 to 10.
He didn’t comparent while we were together so why now? To look good for any stranger.
It’s more like obstacle avoidance .
They are grown adults and did their own therapeutic journey.
Thank you! 💜
CO-PARENTING WITH A NARC IS THE WORST. I learned to document everything, from texts, visitation drop offs and pick ups, taking pics, audio and video record. It may seem like a lot of work, but keeping that narc in check is priceless. I meet him at the sidewalk with our son in clear view of the neighbors so he can't lie about anything that transpired. He's a toxic mess that hates me because I had the audacity to leave, relocate and move on with my life. The key to co-parenting with a narc is to document, document, document. Once he realized how meticulous I was with it, the accusations, gaslighting, lies lessened. They didn't stop, but lessened.
If he said I dropped off our son dirty, I'd send a pic, date and time stamped proving otherwise. If he said I didn't inform him of an appointment, I'd send a screenshot of a text showing that I did. If he said I lied about the time the school bus drops our son home, I'd send a video of the bus pulling up. Sometimes I don't respond at all and let him think he's had his "Gotcha" moment, only to embarrass him in court with evidence. He's lied about me abusing our son and had child services in my home, only for them to suspend his visitation. He was so busy trying to discredit me that he didn't pay attention to his own home. He tried to get custody to collect child support. When the judge told him he's the one to pay me, he then denied our son was his. Bitter men exist.
They’ll say anything won’t they? No matter how outrageous the lie
I'm so sorry
@@vegastylistawow I completely forgot I left this comment. What a difference 2 years makes. I’m happier now. Thanks for replying. It reminded me of how far I’ve come.
I've never felt so understood in my entire life. This is incredibly healing just to know I'm not alone thank you
it is draining.
you are not crazy.
this is all deliberately done to you.
the less you say, the better.
don't give them information.
they are uncovering your weak points,
not whatever they are accusing you of or denying or lying about. etc.
they see how strong you are and breaking that strength is their goal.
they're all the same basically.
God bless
💜
it's remarkable really!! n it seems like what I'm dealing with that day there will b a video about it later! it really is good therapy n the questions I had made me embarrassed or sometimes ashamed but their brought up in these videos to!! thank god n thank u for your comment
I feel the same way,, Have listened to this video 2 times this week.
I felt exactly the same way
I literally started tearing up when you mentioned how difficult the first few days are with the child, after getting them back from the narcissist. My son has a sweet and pure soul, but for at least two days, after he is with his dad, it is exhausting and horrible...horrible because I see how much pain my son is in without even understanding why he feels that way. He needs extra love and cuddles, but is extremely defiant, calls me stupid, the list goes on. I thought I was imagining it because of how much animosity I have for his dad but in my heart I knew it was true. His nanny also mentioned she noticed a behavioral difference. And even so, I am the one constantly being accused of being a bad parent; it's really a nightmare. It truly would be easier being a single parent. Thank you so much for this video!!!
Same thing here. Keep up the good, and very hard work, be who your child needs. Hugs!
@@sithappy 💜
@Britt Ritter I’m one minute into this video and seeing your comment - I want you to know how grateful I am to you at this very moment for gifting me with the knowing that I’m not alone. Not crazy. Not making this up. Not the bad guy. Your words are my own thoughts. Your heartache is mine. I know your pain and it is that of being ripped apart at the seems, unable to mend the tears fast enough before they are torn open again. I see my son being torn this way and I can feel it even more. I’ve questioned whether or not I’m in hell; this feels like mine. To not be able to help your child when they are so lost and unable to comprehend the games that are being played using them as the toy - we as adults can’t wrap our heads around the manipulation behind it - of course they can’t. I am being forced to watch my 5-year old son have his sense of safety, trust, and stability stolen from him without being able to help him. God knows I’m fighting like hell to try. It is my sacred responsibility to protect him and the court system took away my ability to do that - so easily - so swiftly, without a moment’s hesitation or thought as to the danger of their action. The system has failed my innocent child. I’m going to change that system or die trying. Thanks for the light - mine was just about out. 👊🏻☀️👩👦❤️
Same situation
@@erinhazlett8296 YES!!! Hugs love and keep that fight strong and aimed for your son - he deserves to thrive and you are his greatest asset
This is spot on! Single parenting with a elephant on your back is a brilliant metaphor, thank you!
That's exactly what it was like. Honestly I felt like I had an extra kid when my selfish ex was involved.
Yep took the words out of my mouth that I've been feeling for two years now !!
@Camilo Anton If you want expect to see incriminating evidence on your GF, why are you still with her? Seems like you should at least being up your suspicions before spying on her
Kinda sketch...
I was married to a Narcissist for 58 years and we had 4 children, all of whom I raised as though I were a single parent for the most part. I came to realize that he preferred that I took most of the responsibility for raising the children so that in case anything went wrong, he could then put all the blame on me!! As an only child raised by a narcissistic Mother, I was the perfect target, as a lot of his behavior, especially in the earlier part of the marriage, were quite familiar. However, as the Narcissism progressed as he aged, it became so much worse, that I had the feeling something was not right. I never felt like an equal partner, he never took responsibility for anything and was an expert at twisting things around so that the blame was always on other people, especially on me!! I had never heard of the word Narcissist until about 17 years ago, when a brief article on the subject of BPD and NPD arrived together with his health insurance bill one month while he was overseas. I had to get out the dictionary and look it up, which provided me with a huge revelation. I began to read everything I could get my hands on on the subject and discovered videos like the ones you make, which have been very enlightening!! By then we were already grandparents, so although I did consider leaving him, it seemed more practical to stay, since we are immigrants to this country and I did not want to involve friends in what would have been a very ugly divorce. Because in spite of the contention between us, and there was a lot of that, he never wanted to separate, as that would have ruined the image of the happy family that he had created to show to the outside world!! Plus, knowing how vindictive and spiteful he was, I was afraid of what he would have done if I had left him. The only way would have been to have left the country, which was impossible, as he controlled the finances with an iron hand. Things got progressively worse when he retired and was home 24/7, but by then his health was deteriorating and he died 1 1/2 years ago, which was a huge relief for me. I am so enjoying my peaceful home and if I said I have missed him for even a minute I would be lying!! Thank you for these enlightening videos which bring me much validation, which, strangely enough, I seem to have a great need for!! Once I was onto what was going on, I withdrew from him emotionally, communicating with him only when necessary, and NEVER giving him any information about my family, knowing that it would have either been used against me or to embarrass me at a later date. Had I known earlier what I was dealing with I would have left, before there were the entanglements of insurance policies, grandchildren and the like. So my advice to anyone in this kind of situation is to get out while you can and don’t look back!! Don’t waste your life on a Narcissist. There is no reward and the stress of putting up with their BS can make you sick and can even lead to death.
Thank you soo much for giving me an insight into your experience. I recently left my husband of 32 years. We are now both in our 50’s and have been together since our teens. Right at the start of our relationship I knew my job was to look after him, and his vulnerable needs. That’s what kept me in it, that and the hope that he would see a calmer way of being and dealing with things if i kept showing him. I think I managed to smooth some parts of him! But then again I’m not sure too. He still managed to make everything or most situations quite stressful and feel pretty hollow. I to noticed his behaviour becoming worse as he got older. He was soo awkward about any change for us. Everything revolved around his likes and needs. Yet to the outside he appears like a hard working father who lives for his business & family. Yet for me he never once stuck up for me or defended me. Infact Ive known him to watch while his friends have poked at me at times over the years. I to feel like I brought the children up with out him. I found over the years that if he was involved in anything to do supporting me as a joint parent, that he would make a hash of it and I could always see how my children could sense just how unsafe he was for them. Therefore I just dealt with everything my self. All this said and much more besides Ive still struggled beyond words to leave. I’m not divorced yet either and feel that this may take another year to resolve. I filed for my divorce in sept 20. He has managed to drag it out this far, and is also trying extremely hard to be seen as a victim of my loss and has managed to pull 2 of my children away from me.
I struggle every day to just be!! But you know what I know I’ll get past this. I put the work in every day. Listening to my therapy from dr Ramani and others also.
When i think of my life before I know I could never go back to just being for someone else like I did. He never seemed to notice any of the good I did.
But I know that he regrets what’s happened but will never let that be seen properly to others. Instead he makes up lies about why I left, and continues to live in his pretend world.
It’s good to hear you have a last got some peace and I hope you can feel proud for the strength you’ve shown over the years.
My word, Vida - so many similarities between us. I am staying with my partner too, but, grew up abroad, with lots of upheaval, while he is a local with all the security that brings, I did have a very difficult mother. Like you, I felt in familiar territory, used to being held responsible, but unlike you, I have 4 siblings, 2 older and 2 younger. When I discovered narcissism a few years ago, it was after many years of prolonged difficulties from mother, siblings and partner whom I believe, all display narcissistic behaviours. I became a young, single parent and had a very close bond with my son - but he gradually developed a strong relationship with my younger sister and my younger brother too - they are twins. The same twins I looked after as their older sister, who came to me with their nightmares and problems - my son and those two twin siblings hate me so much, and my son has no problem pouring hate and blame on me as I try, unsuccesfully, to be a gran to his daughter. I hear him using the same words and phrases my young siblings used against me and he is abusive, manipulative and verbally violent towards me. It feels as if my son was stolen from me, I see my granddaughter watching her daddy, abusing his mother. Where does that go?
I met my partner 28 years ago and had 4 children with him and just as you described, parenting was very single handed, I was held responsible for EVERYTHING that caused a problem while he claims ownership of all that he is proud of. I remember when the children were young, when we argued, he would hold the baby / toddlers close to him, as if protecting them from something dangerous and I wonder what affect that had on them, that he presented as their (completely unnecessary) protector - what does that say to them, that he had to do that? I was their mother, I breastfed them all, I looked after them 98% of the time. Insidious actions, words and outright lies. He has meted this behaviour out to them also, but they find excuses for him and I have to hope they will work things out for themselves.
I worry that, in countering the narcissitic people in my life, I am becoming that bully instead. Like you, I have emotionally distanced myself and share NOTHING of my personal life so it cannot be used as a weapon next time we argue.
You have stirred up so many things I can relate to - thank you for reminding me I am not alone.
This is me. I’m 38 and been married for 20 years 🥺🤔 I know I know. Church and religion told us that we would go to hell if we didn’t marry. One time I thought he’ll would be better than the hurt he so inflicts. I’m maturing and growing now but this is the so me today. The man I’m married to is scary, manipulative, ghosted us, BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING, gaslights me, betrays me before anyone - even a plumber who randomly came into our home. He is so scary.
I am healing and journaling every night to deal with his mess. He won’t let me go and feels so powerful when he puts me down. My stumbling block is that I tried for years until last month, to fight with him. Yell at him, throw stuff at the wall, cry, scream it was driving me insane. It is. He wants to use the children in the middle where he now attacks our oldest to get a reaction out of her to show people how bad a parent/mother I am. I am training her to not respond. I apologized to her for my past reactions bc the way he treats them is horrifying to watch. To me it’s a spiritual attack. #imtired
Wow!! So true!! I was married for 30 before I got out.
@@blessedandbeautiful8365 I’m so sorry sweetie!! 🥺❤️ I hope you can find peace soon.
I am SOOOO glad that a "highly educated professional" has enough common sense to see AND say what I've been saying for years about family law...THE COURTS DO.NOT.CARE about the children...they are viewed as an asset...not just in the court’s eyes on behalf of the parents, but also in the court’s eyes on what makes the family law area of practice a multi-billion dollar revenue generator for the legal system. It's RARE a judge does what's best for the kids and as Dr. Ramani said, it's usually AFTER the damage is done. The courts won't dare let that source of revenue diminish in any way so they need parents to keep coming back to court...it's one way the lawyers, judges, lawmakers, etc. keeps the money flowing in. And unfortunately, the foolish parents who love fighting in court are typically the poor and middle class with much lower income than those who work for legal system who can't see how they're part of feeding the 1%.
Spot on. Thank you. 🤢
You said it best!!!
I'm in this cycle now
I know right?? It’s soooo very sad. Here in CA it’s all about the mom. They DO NOT care about mental or emotional abuse, only physical.
@@LilCraftyNook same in ms. They barely care about physical
My kids are now all teenagers to early 20s and I’ve recently just blatantly gave it to them straight about there Dad. It was tough for them to hear but they have seen enough bs from him on their own over the years to know he is not a mature/responsible parent. After he physically assaulted me that was the last straw for me. I literally told all my kids I’m most definitely pressing charges against your abusive narcissistic father and I don’t care if you don’t like it!! Sometimes you have to give it to your kids straight after they get a level of maturity to understand consequences. They are sad that their Dad will more than likely go to jail but they now understand that this man does not keep getting passes to be a menace just because he is their father. I honestly have been through so much dealing with my ex trying to co parent, that i can honestly admit that I have came to a point where I don’t even care if my kids hate me for giving him consequences! If they choose to follow that reckless idiot then that’s on them and we just won’t be close. But im moving on and im not giving this man any more passes to keep disrupting our lives!
I am so proud of you… I’m just a stranger on the Internet… But I am so proud that you were taking bold steps to teaching your children about confidence, leadership, individuality
and self-respect. No matter how they feel about the entire situation, you are teaching them that you don’t take shit from anybody. Well done!
Good luck. I hope you get out soon.
Hopefully your children are old enough so the narcissist doesn't turn your children and potential grandbabies against you. Good boundaries aren't for the faint of heart.
Thank you for sharing! 8 years ago, after gaslighting me for 11 years (now 19 years), my narc told me I was crazy and needed help. So, I got help. After 2 months, my therapist finally convinced me to look up the word gaslighting. I cried for 2 days straight. Shortly afterward, I reconnected with some of the friends I had been isolated from and filed for divorce. He wasn't working, which made him the most available parent, so the GAL was going to recommend he have the kids 6 days a week. During this time, both he and his family tried to destroy me emotionally, socially, and financially. There was no way I was going to escape and leave my kids behind. I stopped the divorce to be with and protect my kids. I got my own checking account, my own job, my own money, and my own activities. Basically, I got my own life with my kids. I refused to have holidays with his family or allow my children much interaction with them, and then none after they told my kids to run away from home.
In the last 8 years, he's not been allowed in my bed, and I've made it a mission to learn and heal. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've purposely made his life miserable. Hoping the misery he was living would outweigh his joy of trying to control me.
When he took a great new job requiring him to relocate a few miles away, he told me I was not welcome to go unless I changed my ways.
I again cried for 2 days until I realized he could not take my kids. This was my way out! That was 3 years ago. At first, the kids would visit him frequently, but soon, they saw him for what he is. Today, I'm in the process of divorcing him again. He thinks he's dodged child support cause my kids are now in high school. He doesn't realize since he is getting poor advice, plus, we are now in a different state than where he went through his 1st divorce, child support is to age 23 or longer when the kids are in college. My kids are going to college!!!
It's not easy or over. He still threatens to take the kids, refuses to get a job since being fired, is blowing thru our retirement money, calls me names (the newest is POW, Piece Of Work), lies constantly, plays the victim, post derogatory stuff about me on fb, etc...
In the end, I have always been a very happy person, and it kills him he can't take that or my kids from me!
The courts don’t care. There is a wealth of information in this video. This is one of the first things that became quickly obvious in my observation of the experience of a loved one going through the legal system. Survivors are desperate to believe that someone will hear them and acknowledge their pain at the hands of someone who constantly lies and is always verbally and sometimes physically abusive. Instead, they typically get dismissed and judged. Sadly, the courts don’t care. This has to change and I’m so glad that someone has implemented an initiative to educate court personnel regarding these matters.
No they do not. In my experience, they listen to the accusations of the narc before they listen to someone pointing out the narc behavior. Court is not the place for validation, unless you've done your due diligence. I'm letting my ex build up quite a few violations, keeping notes on Talking Parents, and expressing my objections, but also letting her get comfortable with doing so. I have the Petition for Contempt of Court on hand, and once I have enough proof of a track record, I'm taking it all to the court at once, rather than dealing with each individual incidence of violation.
I’m about to go for court very soon .
Looks like my worst nightmare .
If the court doesn’t care about how my ex partner affect me in a negative way .
Accepting abuse and putting up fake smile for way too long.
After how made me feel like.
Then who does care ?
Because I really need to know who should I seek help from?
@@scottmatznick3140 ESPECIALLY WHEN THE NARC IS A CHARISMATIC LIAR WHO CAN CRY AT THE DROP OF A HAT.
Yes, part of the problem is that the narcissist comes off as a great guy (or girl) and NO ONE has any idea what they are really like. Hey it took me 10 years to peel back the mask, so I can't expect some passer by to figure it out quickly.
If only I had actually heard this from a survivor before it was too late. It’s absolutely the hardest pill to swallow. Nobody cares as to what this does to a person to include a child/children. Let alone the cycle that this perpetuates. All the while you see the toll it takes on your child/children.
I know we are still in the beginning stages of this psychotic situation, but I am so sick of obliging the narcissist! I'm tired of the need to document. These are my kids and I am protecting them. I refuse to let others into my life. The courts. The schools. I am so done with having to change my life because an abusive man wants to play games! I pray all the time that God will intervene on my behalf. My kids are so keen on the fact that their dad is immature and a liar. I don't have to do anything. We can't say narcissist... passive aggressive, not responsible, lack of communication... set up boundaries and a schedule. They can't cooperate with someone telling them what they will be doing. They want full control of everything. Just make a schedule that doesn't involve you. Don't tell them too much of what you want or prefer because it gives them ammo. Simple. Simple. Simple. and pray because they can't pull their s#$$ with God. This person is a cold pole to you.... nothing more. God is my husband, God is the father of my children. I keep telling myself that he will not get away with anything. I can do my best for me and he can be responsible to God. God help us and bless you for anything you are enduring. This is evil. It isn't impossible. It takes skill. Train. Train. Train.
I'd like to comment on the yellow-rock "explaining" part of this video. I work with a Parenting Coordinator with my son's father. She has been with us for 8 months. I have learned that yellow-rock and not explaining or communicating the "why's" is frowned upon, establishing personal boundaries and enforcing them is frowned upon, not communicating every detail of what you do and why you do it is frowned upon.
Example: My mother, who he loathed and often accused of breaking us up and slandering him, became terminally ill and was in the hospital for 3 weeks until she passed. I was not able to facilitate phone calls between him and our son before. I explained that there was a family emergency anytime our son was unavailable. I did not feel safe disclosing that my mother was in the hospital, I can't even imagine how much fun he'd have with making that time more difficult for me emotionally. The PC said, by me not disclosing that, I was demonstrating poor communication and added to the dysfunction even though she knew how verbally and emotionally abusive he is. He did however take advantage of causing problems once he found out she passed away and as always used our son. It was then she understood why I did not disclose everything while she was sick, however, validated his claim that if he'd known, he would have respected that time and would have been understanding. Even though, his pattern of behavior demonstrates the complete opposite.
So, everything that I was doing to survive before we were ordered to her, is the exact opposite of what she wants to see with a few exceptions. She wants to see us working together but deny the reality that this is not possible with our son's father. She has ordered us both to therapy. I am going along with it and am actually grateful for therapy. I am surviving by pretending this person is normal, so I interact with him as best as I can as I would anyone else. I can see that it may work in my favor over time, if I demonstrate cooperation and resolution the same as I would a co-worker while he's making that difficult. I have to withdraw my boundaries, which is causing me a lot of anxiety, in order for the PC to see that there is a defined demarcation line between us and who is the problem in our co-parenting relationship.
I can relate to this comment so much, which is why after having a child therapist work with our children, I decided not to pursue any coparenting therapy with him. Two people have to be HONEST and both have to do the work. I feel for your situation and hope it improves. 💞
I understand why you didn't want to reveal anything difficult happening in your life because that just gives him ways to enjoy using it against you. I'm going through it now , and very cautious in every conversation
Only 15 minutes in and already this is possibly the most important video I've watched in my life. Thank you so so so much from the bottom of my patched together heart following the hardest 6 months of my life.
What clear and practical information / summary on how to approach the most challenging of circumstances, when the kids are involved and one of Parents is a Narcissist. Thank you Dr. Romani.
Appreciate your view I
Might message you for fellow
Bro parent updates and ideas was Destroyed before I saw this
So true, I was 9 out of 10 times underminded. Hurts deeply watching my son being mentally and emotional ly abused.
Today was my 5 year old son's second visitation with his dad. My son's behavior changes are so different that I burst into tears. I truly am grieving my son because he normally is my sweet, loving, caring boy I raised for 5 years and now he shows anger, sadness, confusion, and fear. Dealing with his father who is not complying with the visitation orders making me drive from place to place to get my son is so cruel. As if that was not enough I got scolded because "I did not provide a Halloween costume" (I don't celebrate Halloween). Unfortunately even though there is a visitation order it cannot be enforced as it is not yet signed by a judge. To all the moms I just want to say, let's stay strong, get our children the help they need and lets get the help we need. I send you a strong hug!! you are not alone. Per court orders we are all being served on a silver platter to these narcissist/abusers. I am truly grateful for Dr. Ramani for posting this video. I immediately started to apply everything suggested and can't wait for the next court hearing sadly scheduled 3 months from today.
my child who is 11 has been thru the same verbal and mentally and emotionally, and due to his drinking and lying ,.. she doesn't want no part of him as he never comes thru. i am up for the fight and will not force her to go if she doesn't want to go as all he does it bash me, he is NOT supposed to not drink 24 hrs prior never happens, so i use my better judgement as per he is an alcoholic full time, doesn't pay child support. exactly fought for joint custody and legal and they gave it .. has NOTHING to do with her nor her treatment.
Oh, that sounds horrible but your child has a great mum and you can actually help him to understand what’s happening. He can always find shelter and firm ground in you. No child deserves that kind of treatment from its parent but you can be that wise parent who help your child getting emotionally mature and be aware of reality and don’t get overwhelmed by emotions. That’s what I am trying to do as well. I hope
it will get better for you and your son soon 💗
I hate the fact that the legal system doesn't care about the damage or potential damage of Narc parent to the children, especially on custody ruling in this situation!
Omg thank you, With my ex husband i always ended up over explaining things and writing so much till I learned to do this trick: finish writing the text, then read it, delete it, and just stick to facts. He always made me feel like if I didn't attach receipts, dates, whys and hows it was gonna be a full on 3 hr phone conversation. Now i stick to facts and that's it.
Thank you!
i got to that as well.
after one attack for taking a bent key of the keyring they kept using causing damage to the lock.
i did this after it was left, stuck in the door for me to fix and the door was left open.
by the end of the abuse
i simply stated.
"it is broken"
then continued doing what i was doing completely indifferent to them and they said nothing, stormed off and haven't spoken to me since.
2 months of silence and one explosion.
it's been awesome.
i kicked them out today.
caught them messing with the communal food and drink and a few other weird and creepy things.
they have left ...but took the keys and they left a different door locked open.
it needs a key to open and close.
lmao, it never ends with these people
God bless
OMG thank YOU so much for saying this! That is so me and what I do. It's exhausting! And would like to learn that it is unnecessary! How?
As a therapist, I might add that
"parallel parenting" is the most effective way to co parent with a narcissist.
Thank you again Dr. Ramani, for the wonderful refresher
You would think. But the kids are still in a way suffering.
Always
I got this down to a fine art during my divorce, to the extent that he now leaves me right alone. There's always pain involved with dealing with a narcissist, but if you do it right, they won't want to mess with you because you have developed strong boundaries and DON'T react so there's no supply to get from you. I don't ask him for anything, not even money. As a friend told me, you are now in effect a single parent with no help, and the sooner you accept that the better off you'll be. I prefer to do it myself anyway it's easier than having to deal with him. My ex now looks nervous when he has to talk to me because I've got the power back.
Good for you! Please let me know how you managed to get your power back!
This is my life to a T, co-parenting with a grandiose AND malignant narcissist for the last decade. Thank you, Dr Ramani for so clearly putting words to a very frustrating, challenging time, and offering the tools to cope.
I just wanted to reach through and hug you when you said "it s their responsibility to go get help in adult hood"
I’ve been watching Dr. Ramani for over a year and this is something I’ve been searching for the entire time because this is where I’m at with deal with the Narc… Never been married to him but we do have a child together.
This work that you do is Pure Gold Doctor Ramani. Thank you so much for this webinar. Parenting with a narcissist has to be the most difficult of all narcissistic relationships. X
Absolutely 💯
I finally stood up to my ex narcs abuse and went to see a lawyer with evidence of the abuse. He no longer can contact me as I've gone no contact, and he refuses to agree to the terms outlined by my lawyer. So he hasn't seen our son in 2 months and honestly, part of me wishes he gives up. He's toxic and inconsistent with our son, he would be happier completely out.
Dr. Ramani is so right! I met my narcissistic first husband when we were sophomores in high school and I honestly never had a chance to even understand why he treated me so cruelly because I was so young and naïve. My friends tried to tell me and pulled away, but because of my own issues primarily with my narcissistic mother, I stuck by him. We married and had two children. I left him 32 years ago when our kids were 15 and 12 years old. Way too late! They are in their 40s now and both very damaged people. Once again I am estranged from my daughter, who is just like her father. Both of them have acknowledged that their father is a narcissist, but my daughter turned out just like him. My son is a gentle spirited person who was physically abused by his father. He gets it, but he is so wounded. I have been in the healing process through therapy and codependency groups for 40+ years. I am now a senior citizen, and the person who tormented, controlled and abused me beginning at the tender age of 15 years old still exists in my life, even though I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years. We don’t have a relationship, but his abuse lives on through my children. I am fine now,, but he managed to hurt me in the exact way he intended by hurting our children.
Susannah, your post caught my attention because my kids are 13 and 15. I separated from my husband of 27 years six months ago. I’m so scared for my kids but had to leave for my own sanity.
I am the mother watching my daughter going through her daily exhausting ritual of documenting every emotionally abusive text she receives. There are so many concerns we have. If he can destroy the self-esteem of an adult, we fear what he can do to a 2 year old when he gets visitation. The worst part, as you confirmed, is that the courts focus on parental rights rather than child safety. It's just another twist of the knife. My granddaughter is two and a half. We have never, nor will we ever, put thoughts in her head, but we witness her reaction when her dad picks her up for visits. She cries and says she doesn't want to go. The daycare has to pick her up and literally force her to go with him. There is a law that prevents child abuse from being brought out in the open. I have learned that recording the childs visit with a narcissist is illegal, and the person recording the visit can be jailed. Imagine, proven child abuse, and the person with proof is the criminal!! So we sit and wait for my two year old granddaughter to come home with "proof" of abuse. The laws need to be changed so that children under the age of 4 can be recorded during a visit.
protecting children should be the priority of a society
Thank you! For this video. I honestly keep feeling like he is a narcissistic person because of how hard it is to coparent with my daughters dad. Now watching this video and relating to every single one of your topics, I know that he is a narcissist. It is sad. It is horrible. It would be easier to be a single parent. My poor baby
Thank you so much for sharing. This is exactly what I am dealing with every single thing you mentioned I am going through.
Thanks for this, I've studied narcissim for 4 years plus to understand what was happening to me. Now I'm onto co parenting and child access. This is so helpful. ❤️
Dr. Ramani in addition to being THE expert on narcissists, is one of the best teachers ever. Thank you for posting her workshop. She is brilliant.
Wow this is eye opening. She would actually call me a narcissist and I even considered it after a while but this video perfectly describes her behaviors and how I feel dealing with it. Crazy thing.. shes the one divorcing me. The gaslighting is so accurate. 7 years and never apologized for anything once. Ive explained my feelings but shed completely write me off fo so long. I cant even count the amount of times I've apologized and tried to talk things through. Atleast I understand now but still have to deal with her while we coparent. Shes incapable of taking any ownership and never has
Nick man
I'm going
Through this and I was almost
Broken this saved
Me , can
I message you for
Advice or
Support
And never will.
I am so grateful every day, I am lucky to be surrounded by “unicorns” - including the judge who ordered supervised visits only. Thankfully my daughter is safe for now, but I know it’s not over.
i watch this video every few months to keep me sane......imagine having a narcissistic bipolar ex that is a domestic violence court clerk that files something every other month, living hell
And this right here is the reason why a lot of people stay in these abusive relationships until the kids are old enough
As a father, I was listening this thinking there were some narcissistic is my soon-to-be co-parent, but wound up finding some of my own traits reflected back to me. Luckily I'm already in therapy and really trying to look at this stuff. It's really hard and I feel pulled 900 directions by my own desires and my co parents desires and my personal work... But regardless this was helpful. Thank you!
You are my personal hero, I don’t know if you are aware of the impact that you make in our lives you saved my mental health and my life and I can’t thank you enough
I feel the same way!
Having this information made available for the world is invaluable. With a two year old involved with whats going on with me, all I can say is thank you.
this helped so much and have forwarded to my grown children who are in the midst of their dad's true colors. The gas lighting, money manipulation during college and now with my daughter's wedding. He is severe bipolar, severe narcissistic....was diagnosed during the divorce due to child pornography and a gay relationship. The 17 year marriage was bad....coparenting post separation/divorce has been a nightmare and worse with his aging. I'm begging my children to seek counseling to stop the cycle for their future. thank you for giving this lesson!!!
I can sign up under every word you said! This is the best uncovering of blue print of co-parenting with a narc. I wish I knew earlier in life what narcs had taught me. Courts do need to be educated to prevent that “shredding” of kids during divorces. 👍
Excellent summary provided. Thank you so much and God bless . As a Christian in this upsetting situation I know of the upset, and accusations, breakthroughs, insights and of strength not despair ,are happening but prayers are being answered also in Christ. Thank you for yr excellent advice here.
Wow! Great way of explaining counterparenting with a Narc.
Totally different angle compared to what i've learnt. Extremely helpful.
I wish you also explained dealing with teenagers bcos their mindset is formed and their opinions might have been shaped by the malignant narcissist to see the alienated parent as evil.
I am in that situation. One of my kids was the golden child and the other was the scapegoat. I learned about narcs for about a year and I explained it to them when they were 15 and 13. It set the scapegoat free because she said his behavior just didn't make sense. The golden child took a little longer to accept it. I told their narc dad he could no longer be alone with them without me present. As I began to help them heal, they started telling me things the narc would do behind my back and how he would try to turn them against me. It took a long time to get my oldest daughter's trust back. I'm still working on her self image. Our faith has helped greatly. The church doesn't understand that the Bible describes narcs and says to avoid them. It gives absolutely no hope for them at all. My kids are now 17 and 15. The 17 year old will be 18 soon and she will NEVER seek him out or be a part of his life. I'm a lucky one. We had two houses so I was able to escape. He loves playing the victim so he leaves me alone. I believe he hasn't gone after the kids because he doesn't want to live with the embarrassment of their rejection. Instead he just trashes me to all who will listen as a wronged father. But I've always been a single parent. Tell your kids the truth if they are teens. Help them avoid the narc whenever possible. Limit family gatherings. Put them into activities that keep them away. Teach them how to keep their business and emotions from the narc. Give examples of how he triangulates them. Create an environment where they can freely express their feelings without consequences. Have them create a mood journal where they document their feelings and let them know that it's private and to keep it hidden from the narc. Start supporting the kids verbally when the narc tears them down. Expose the narc in such a way that they can see what's been done to them. They already know that something is wrong. Answer their questions. It's a long journey ahead but you are the only hope your kids have.
Thank you so much for this! Love your work! Many need this! I’m a Psychology degree student and a single parent with 2 ‘antagonistic’ fathers also. The world needs your knowledge. Many thanks 🙏
Dr. Romani thank you for sharing all your studies, You seriously have saved me! I wish I had this knowledge during the raising of my children, who now have nothing to do with me, my Ex has done a number on my adult children. I was definitely a enabler always tolerant of his violent out burst making excuses for him, because he had a extremely narcissistic father who was very abusive, but my Ex idolized him as far as even moving him down the street from us he would come over unannounced barge in rageful, rude, want you to drop everything for him all these years later I am watching the cycle repeat itself now my children idolize their father who would physically and emotionally abuse me and them! I could tell them so many stories but I don’t want to throw him under the bus he is the only father they have!
I am finally living with peace of knowing I did the best I could at the time that I love my children but I will not tolerate them treating me like their father even though that’s all they know, I have created strong boundaries married a wonderful man and we are trying to leave the past in the past be happy and love our children despite how evil they treat us! Dr. Ramani one day I would like you to do one on why adult children can be so mean to the only mother or father that loved them unconditionally and defended them!
Thank you so much, you are a rockstar!
Watching this today I am for the first time ever in 20 years of dealing with this hearing words of affirmation for the first time. I am the wife of a man who has a narcissist ex wife and mother to their three children. I had to deal with all of this without being prepared or warned of this situation until I was in too deep to back out. I did not know how bad this was going to be in the beginning. I think my husband tried to hide it because he was ashamed that he didn't have a handle on it. I think maybe a small part of him thought that she would calm down after he got re married. It actually got much worse. Everything described in this podcast is exactly to a T what we went through and still am going through with our now adult children and their spouses as well. At first I really thought the woman was just jealous or angry or overwhelmed. But she is actually a malicious narcissist. I know that now thanks to Dr Ramani. I have shared these videos with my husband and even though he doesn't want to re live what we went through, his eyes are open. I could write a book on all the things that happened over the last 20 years on how this "antagonistic" person has affected my life and used me and my husband as her personal punching bag. It was so completely unfair to do that to us and unnecessary. I wish I had Ramani as my personal therapist to talk to because getting this all out of me and my hubby would be just the medicine we need. Because this whole situation is still a bottled up mess in both of us waiting to be released somehow. And I wished my step kids could all see these videos and get the healing they need as well. Because God knows they probably need it more than I do. Our middle step daughter still has not spoken to us in years because of the Gaslighting. She used to look at me when she was little and tell me, "My Mom hates you". I used to go off into my room and cry alone. All we wanted was to be a big blended family. And this kids were never given the opportunity to love me or even like me at all. They have been poisoned. I hope and pray this all somehow turns around one day. I'm just not sure how. Also as for my sweet husband, I really want him to know that none of this was ever his fault. He couldn't control what his ex did. I know he feels guilty that maybe if he stayed in that marriage none of this would of happened. He is just as much a victim as the kids are. And for the record, no I had nothing to do with his divorce. I didn't even live in the same state as him. I didn't know him or anyone in this town. I moved here alone and met my husband 6 months after living here. And he had already been divorced from her for 4 years.
This is so so helpful. Thank you. All my questions well answered beyond what is thought of. Its such a sad thing for a child who is stuck in this situation.
Thinking forensicly..
I like to think like a judge is reading EVERY TEXT...
or my daughter is reading them...
I'm not perfect but that helps me...
Great webinar!! Love what you put out! Thank you 🙌
When you said " parenting with a narcissist you have to think forensically. Hour by hour on how or what to get." I feel like a detective, my life spins around what I can get next. I feel like going crazy
I feel like I'm always 1 step behind. Not to mention the length of times I have to sit on all the orders that have been broke. By the time it gets to court it's like "they aren't doing it anymore" the problem is they did it 🙃 had I not caught them it'd still be going on
This!! My husband has to stay on top and is constantly thinking this way because of my stepdaughters mother.
So true
This video is packed with great information and advice. I wish I had heard this when I was raising my daughter and dealing with her Grandiose Narcissist father. Just as Dr. Ramani says, he succeeded in alienating me and my daughter with his money and power. I saw him chipping away at her respect for me over the years, but trusted that she would eventually see through it. Still waiting for that day to come.
This is so sad. It's not what I wanted to hear because I too have been recently alienated. She won't even respond to me. She has hurt me so bad. 😪
This is the 1st time Ive seen this video and I cannot express how grateful I am to feel seen with this information. It’s all here. Everything I’ve been going thru the last 6 years. Thank you. This has been a big help! ❤
Thanks for sticking these videos up. Thanks for letting me know what I’ve gotten myself into. It’s hard dealing with narcissistic mother who is chipping away at alienating my son from me. The fella turn 18 in December and the day before his 18th, she was chipping away at him in that he doesn’t have to go to Dad’s anymore. The sick bit is she will use him to hit me over my head with medical issues.
I don’t often seek help and I certainly do not have the money to burn to get help. It’s hard at times but I do shoot for the high road when things go south and I have had the satisfaction many times for doing that. Now that the fella is 18, and he is a type one diabetic, and he ‘can do what he wants’. It’s harder to ensure he takes ownership of his disease and all the other things that go on in his life. The fella is mummt cuddled, never worked a day in his life and from what I see coming from the mother home, that’s not going to happen. It’s a shame as she is destroying him and me..
I'm so glad to be listening to this. Until recently I've been 50/50 co parenting with a narcasist for 12 years and for 10 of those years his high functioning alcoholic partner. It is a nightmare!!! It's honestly like a perfect storm. I cannot even begin to start on the things that have happened over the last 12 years. Now our daughter has started hitting puberty he's started (predictably) turning it on her. She's hurting so bad it's heartbreaking. It resonating so much about the grieving because now I'm facing the fact my daughter does not get to have the childhood she deserves and although I know it isn't it feels like it's my fault. I'm trying my best to give her what she needs and mitigate for the abuse and neglect on their part but I have come to realise I can only do what I can do and it's not enough. I just hope she will come out OK but I also worry about the teenage years.
dish the father and get a step father…
Great information. Shared immediately with a few single parents friends who are experiencing this.
I am dealing with a malignant at the moment. Quite early in the process, but had to be off studies/work for a while to gain strength and mindfullness. I have been called in to police, social justice, tried to be cut off all my savings, homeless, hold the children away, talk behind my back to the children, flying monkeys. I still love a false image of her. It's insaine.
I am winning though due to she has a ex with my bonus child where she did the exact same and used me as a flying monkey. Now she might loose all custody and even jail through the other custody battle. That has been going on for 7 years.
It is truley chocking to go through. Best of luck to all of you and my biggest thanks for this channel and community. ❤
When you got to "Do-Gooder" narcissist, Dr.Ramani, I said out loud, "STOP." Because it's so eerily true. How are you so accurate every single time I watch your videos???!
Wow. What a relief to have these issues actually confirmed as “issues.” There was no good way of explaining the impact of speaking through our children, the picking up the pieces, feeling like a single parent w/ an elephant on my back.
Never saw such a great breakdown of the 'Types' of Narcissist until you broke it down!
Came back a year later to listen again... and it's a great refresher and I've learned how to apply to my situation today instead of last year.
When you mentioned talking about highlights and lowlights of the day, it takes me back to the constant talk of the co-parent towards our children: „what is your favorite?“ „who is your best friend“ „Cars are his best thing“ Hardly any sentence without this. It it always perfectionistic and I tend to avoid that in my parenting.
In a nutshell, the narc didn't care to have his kids or be involved. He was basically non-existent. It was his choice. After all he wasn't involved before divorcing him. He felt it was my job to raise them.
This is probably one of the hardest thing anyone could go through. Parental alienation attacks the fundamentals of life. NPD is on the rise too.
I am dealing with this my son won't hardly even see me it's rare we were unseperable,he is brainwashed and I don't even know anymore..I'm heart broken
How do we co-parent when abuse has occurred? If a parent and children were abused and there is a longterm protective order but co-parenting via supervised visitation and coordinating finances and children’s info- how do we do this healthfully? Especially if the children were witness and subject to abuse, how do we shelter and protect them from being “put in the middle” while validating their concerns and feelings?
I don't know where you live and what services are available, but you don't coparent where there's been domestic violence. In an ideal world, the perpetrator should have supervised contact, if and when contact is appropriate. It depends entirely on individual circumstances, but there are cases where abusive parents are denied contact altogether and regardless of what some might say, I sincerely believe this is well within the best interests of the child. You cannot "co" anything with your abuser.
I just wanted to add, because it's commonly misunderstood, that parental alienation is NOT relevant to cases where there is a child protective issue. Parental alienation is specific to cases of an alienating parent systematically turning a/the child(ren) against the good enough parent without justification. I'm an adult survivor of parental alienation by a mother who exhibits all the characteristics of vulnerable/covert narcissistic personality disorder and I ended up having to escape a very violent abusive marriage to a person who was diagnosed by children's services/court psychologist with NPD verging on psychopathy. I do not co parent. My children were discarded by the abuser who didn't even bother engaging with the perpetrators programme or engage with children's services in order to get contact.
You can’t.
Bless you. God bless any parents having to deal with this . Peace to our children. ♥️🕊🌟
I have been unable to find a friend or therapist who truly understands my experience. Its incredibly isolating. Thank you for this!
Dr. Ramani this is an amazing insight and great information. I am in the filed of being a mediator and a Professional Supervised Visitation Monitor and you have hit the bullseye with this video
This is the most important video for parents to watch - it is accurate.
Y'all...I'm back here years later reminding myself that I'm doing ok. My daughter is finally seeing her father's true colors and coming to stay with me after almost 3 years. Boy is it causing issues with the Narc. Thank you Dr Ramani for sharing your wisdom. So grateful for you ❤
I have to meet you! This is BLOWING MY MIND HOW YOU ARE SPEAKING MY MIND!
So so helpful! My baby is only 10 months old. I want to raise her the best way possible so I’m trying to learn as much as I can. I’m scared! But I will do everything I can to make sure that she feels VALIDATED and not CRAZY like he tried to make me feel lol
Thank you for posting this. It is everything that I had to go through with my ex husband. During my divorce in 2009-2011 it was nothing but a nightmare, no one would listen to me when I explained the abuse I went through and at the time I didn't know there was a name for it. This abuse continued after our divorce and his antics would increase by using our children as a weapon to hurt me, use the children as a communication means, ect. The accusations, lies, triangulation, gaslighting, harassment to no end would get worse as time goes by. He even managed to manipulate our children to walk out of my life when they turned 12. I have no help and the lawyers I retained did nothing to protect me and my children's rights, they just took my money. Now I alrinated from my children and I'm trying my best not to go into a deep depression. Is there anyone who can help me either get help for my children and myself to reconnect from this horrible situation.
Maybe find a new lawyer or pro bono attorney who will help you enforce existing visitation and custody… if they are only 12 can they refuse to see you?
I feel so sad because my son is only 1y old. He will never know what his parents looked like when they were happy together. He will only be able to look at pictures and wonder. But you have given me hope that I will be able to teach empathy and understanding of feelings in my home away from the narc
This was fantastic. You hit the head on the nail with certain specifics in my situation, along with giving simple ways for improvements.
Thank you.
I’ve listened to so many hours of information on the topic and I’ve personally found this hour is without a doubt the most helpful and applicable: thank you sincerely so much. If you’ve ever pondered it, I’m sure many would dearly appreciate a Part 2 covering more material on this very difficult topic… thanks again😊
I want to say YOU have given myself and my children a currency above all worth. You are of the highest value. You are above the notion of validation. You do not speak too long. You are not annoying. YOU are YOU. I see only the strength and intense beauty of the person that took up a topic no one touches with a ten ft pole. I want to acknowledge commend and exhort you. I say this because you have generously with kindness given content that is priceless. I heard you use the word junk in relation to your slides. Perhaps I notice myself use self-deprecating words as well and I do better advocating for others. You have done this for me unknowingly. Please do honor yourself in your speech. I may never meet you in person, but I see that perhaps the people in your circles that may have validated you did not hit home. Language is beautiful and you use it to give knowledge in a community of people who have been through hells and not been able to understand it. You should know you are better than you can imagine. Thank You for the work you do. It has given me tools and a new hope for myself with a future and therefore all of my children's future as well. -from someone who needs your work with gratitude
I’ve not met my daughter for 2 months already. I messaged her today, “ When I see my daughter? “ no answer still my ex
This is very factual and realistic and not dressed in idealistic fairy dust;thank you for this accurate and useful information.
This is so validating. The courts with a mandated evaluation and after 5 missed evaluation appointments (with excuses of course), got a diagnosis of NPD and still forced to coparent with max time (50/50). Prove of psychological abuse, alienating behaviors, etc etc. Courts are perpetuating abuses.
My greatest fear is that I will lose my baby to his NPD. She already “believes” him, calls me a liar, etc. and I can’t say anything or show her documentation.
Why would they have given him 50/50?
@@cleverfoxz he asked for sole legal and physical. His argument was that I was emotionally abusing. Our child said “I’ll kill myself if you don’t let me go live with my dad.” DCF said I should let LO stay with Dad until they finished investigating and I felt like if I didn’t I’d be looking like I was resisting. I have a baby from my new marriage as well and was scared if I appeared to be resisting they’d take her too. He filed for “ex parte” or emergency custody so we had a hearing 2 days after evaluation for suicidal ideation. This was on a Thursday. No results were available at the time of the hearing. Only reason I was able to argue with my expensive lawyer was that Dad was nonparticipating parent-I was sole provider for 11yrs, the history helped me retain what little custody I was able to.
The following Friday I got the results from the crisis eval and LO was never suicidal. LO disclosed, “I was told to say it like that.” This prompted me to look thru LO’s phone (13yo). I found texts from Dad and LO showing coaching and alienation behaviors for almost a year back, previous to DCF claim. I got a GAL and with those results plus DCF own results showing Dad was asking “can my owed monies be waived since he had more custody now” (he literally asked that according to DCF Investigator notes). Shows he was motivated by arrearages. Also have hundred of harassing texts which is almost too many bc courts don’t want to read pages and pages of it.
But the short answer, I think/feel he got 50/50 bc he played off as being a “concerned father” and was charming about it. I think he wasn’t afraid to say any lie needed. I think he didn’t care if I had the evidence to disprove his lies…he had a goal and nothing was going to stop him from getting his way. And mostly I think his timing helped.
This is so helpful! Dr. Durvasula gives priceless advice and it's so helpful to have someone in our corner who just gets it!
Dr Ramini you are such a blessing.
Just got the app. Narcissistic sons father showed up after being absent for 5 years and refusing to help in anyway. This is the beginning of my coparenting journey with a narcissist and I am scared. This video made me feel understood. The app is great so far.
I’m constantly asking my children are you ok? How are you feeling? 😭 I ache for them.
Thank you for this very useful video. I cried a lot at the beginning because it was very painful to hear a lot of the bluntness and realities of the situation. I think it was important to hear the harsh reality of what is to come but it has given me some understanding and knowledge to feel more confident to ride the storm. Thank you. X
Every point is so true and on point ! No one knows except the co-parents and Dr Ramani. I am eternally grateful for your understanding and help.
I wish my kids could watch this, to know and understand, but that won’t ever happen because I continue to protect them from more pain. The games of their narcissist father will never stop, as long as he is alive. I agree with absolutely everything you say here…it’s the story of my life! It hit me like a train. :-(
Same. Mine teens. I think they would benefit from this. I made the mistake of talking shit in begaining of nasty divorce.. trying to label ex/ their dad. They see it now after 2+ yrs of 50/50. They don't want to go back n forth now. Not wanting to live with him. Uggg
I needed to be introduced to your studies. Thank you for existing
I am grateful that you brought up this topic Dr. Ramani. Co-parenting with a narcissist while living with them or while not living with them is so very stressful and at times can be dangerous depending on whatever comorbidities are present in the situation. Many of us who got through to the other side of that to see our adult children thriving sometimes wonder how any of us involved in the situation survived it at all.
I am grateful that you brought up this topic Dr. Ramani. Co-parenting with a narcissist while living with them or while not living with them is so very stressful and at times can be dangerous depending on whatever comorbidities are present in the situation. Many of us who got through to the other side of that to see our adult children thriving sometimes wonder how any of us involved in the situation survived it at all. I cannot imagine how painful it must be for survivors when instead their child or when their responsible parent dies long before reaching advanced old age. What about professionals who are being influenced by the narcissistic parent too? How do you work with them too? I remember once in the waiting room just before having to flee with my children being false accused of child abuse by the nurse/receptionist there right in front of my small toddler daughter who could understand what she was saying about me. Why? -- He often rode in the bus the father of that daughter of mine drove for her too on her way to work.
I had “the unicorn” happen to me in court but it took YEARS & the RIGHT judge. And stilll dealing with these issues but at least my daughter is more protected & I have learned so much, especially from Dr. Ramani. The courts do not prevent! You really do need to prepare for a marathon.
I stayed to mitigate his influence. I was not going to allow him extended time alone with our children. I would rather let them see me stand against his crippling contempt and selfishness. Sure it was hard on them, but now they realize my sacrifice and that I was the one who loved them. That his perspective and behavior is the way to end up alone.
This video is making me so emotional my daughters father is putting me thru absolute hell. Most recently has been withholding her meds for months when she’s with him because he was upset that I didn’t respond to a text message. He will look me in my face and lie about any and everything. I feel helpless
Thank you Dr Ramani for this invaluable information. I'll listen to you even on my death bed because you saved my life. I dodged a bullet by refusing to coparent completely. Peace is my portion everyday✌️✌️
I have been watching and learning about this for going on two years now and this is the most accurate most helpful most powerful RUclips I have landed on. Thank you so much for what you do
Omg nailed every single tiny detail. Thank you for all this amazing help.
This is amazingly spot on what I'm dealing with. Had an episode last night of grief. We have split custody and every week it takes 2 days to re-establish my son when he comes back to me. A living nightmare but she wants me to give up. I WISH I could solo parent ... 🙏🙌
Tina’s book is the first I picked up in 2014. But you’re still telling people it’s okay to stay? I do love the rest of the video. Thank you
Thank you. This is one of, if not, the best videos in dealing with co-parenting and dysfunctional families. God bless you ✝️
Thank you so much for making this video ♥ you feel so alone when going through this this, the inability of others to even comprehend the malignant treatment/behavior causes isolation and self-silencing.
May God bless you for every thing you do to help us. We are blessed because we are no longer blindfolded under the narcissistic spell, but we still need a lot of help and information, specially when we are co parenting. Thank you for being there for us all 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Only 5 minutes in and you explained exactly what I'm dealing and have dealt with. Thank you.
Wow, this is literally my day-to-day reality. Thank you for this