'Pools Harbour is worth a visit, HMS Trincomalee now a permanent attraction. The 'Museum of the North is located at Beamish (you'll need a full day), close to Durham - then there's a walk along Hadrians Wall - before - the night life of Newcastle.....
Laugh till the tears roll down your cheeks ! Great comedy ! Clearly the commentator expressing his true feelings ! Brilliant Mel Smith RIP .......sadly missed !
rip to a true comedy genius,a grew up watching alas smith and jones and not the nine o clock news,even after 30yrs its still as funny today than most modern comedy shows
I remember as a kid that Dr Who was on the TV at 5:15 - after the football results. I really didn't want to miss Dr Who, it was the high point of the week, so I used to sit down and wait for it to come on. These football results went on FOREVER. There was page after page of them, countless divisions and leagues - then the Rugby results... It was sheer purgatory.
@@edweatherup3887 No. It was BBC. No adverts. Back then, not even any station preamble. Just straight from one programme to the next. Things have changed, sadly.
Saturday TV was the best back then, 70' and 80's. Dr Who, Basil Brush, Jim'll Fix It, The Generation Game, The Two Ronnies. Brilliant. I'll take all that instead of the tripe they churn out now.
Imagine how many people would get offended. And if by any chance there's a muslim district in one of the towns the author would get prosecuted for saying anything negative about it.
Having grown up in Swindon and escaped when I was 21, the description is quite kind tbh. Andy Partridge of XTC - who still lives there afaik - summed it up in an interview "“I must have done something terrible in a past life because I find myself living in Swindon. It's a punishment. So much ugliness crammed into such a small place -- how do they do it?”
I'm not from the UK but I love the way he seems to know so much about all these "meaningless, tiny, towns" and yet be utterly bored by the whole damned thing.
The whole glorious thing: "Depressing huddle of one-up two-downs and one Asian greengrocer dwarfed by a derelict dockyard and three giant electricity furnaces belching green smoke all day that's twinned with a town in Belgium that doesn't even exist: 1"
Coming from Birkenhead and growing up there at the time this sketch was originally broadcast, this is pretty much spot on for Tranmere, although if he'd have said French instead of Belgian, it would have been bullseye.
This sketch, perhaps more than anything, explains why the promotional play-off system had to happen in the first place; as at the time no non-league side had been elected to the Football League in place of another since 1978 - that's EIGHT YEARS when the likes of Crewe and Rochdale didn't have to surrender to the likes of Altrincham and Barnet
I love living in 'some anonymous barnacle off the A1'!. Glad I don't live in 'hideous East Midlands non-entity that doesn't even get signposted at Spaghetti junction' though!
No-one could insult like the old-school British comics. It didn't matter whether they were insulting the French, Germans, Irish, Belgians or themselves, it was always brilliant. But nowadays it's gone because it's "offensive".
Very funny not to overly complicated to be clever just something you probably actually think about when you have to listen to them and think of the places they are mentioning on a dreary Saturday afternoon great Stuff guys thank you for your hard work making these sketches great times for comedy no PC’s listening in to criticise 🏴💞✝️😘🤘💕
"Obscure (ex)- coalmining village". I used to go through Mansfield on the coach between Manchester and East Anglia nearly 20 years ago. It was probably the bleakest town on the entire route.
I remember how tedious Saturday afternoons were, with this on the telly going on for what seemed like hours as a boring narrator went through every single league table across England, Wales and Scotland. My dad wanted to hear every single one. Back in those days, if you were a kid and it was rainy outside you had to sit and watch whatever your parents had on. No other TVs, or computers, or games consoles.
This sketch was from about 1984/85. Home computers had been on the rise in the UK for 4 years by then, the Binatone TV Master had been around for nearly a decade, and the Atari 2600 was a couple of years old as well.
@@thelastmotel The average household did not have such things, and certainly when I was a kid we had a Mega Drive which we were allowed to use for 30 mins each (two kids) max a day. This required linking to the TV, which was used by my dad to watch the football scores, and before them, Grandstand, all Saturday afternoon.
One year on and not only are Tranmere back they are in the Top 6 of the 4th Tier! Burnley, in Europe this season and 7th in the Top Tier last year were in the 4th then and only stayed in the whole league on the last day !!!!!!!!!
Actually I'm a genealogist in Swindon and I can tell you that actually since less than 1% of the population can trace all four grandparents to within Swindon's boundaries we are in fact one of the least inbred places in the UK, mainly due to the influx of large numbers of people in Victorian times to feed our railway works and in the 1960s and 70s because of the industrial expansion and London overspill (I myself have a londonian mother although her ancestry is from far and wide too).
Great band, I uploaded their song Generals and Majors recently and made a video for it which is in my recent uploads if anyone wants to check it out. Over n out:)
I remember one where Griff was having great difficulty pronouncing the names of the players in a foreign football team. Then an Asian team came up with totally unpronounceable names and Griff said 'Oh bugger off!' Anyone got it?
"Dying market town, full of empty shops, and sprawling council estates, laughably applying for city status, with a shite football team who now have delusions of grandeur because Deadpool and his mate have inexplicably bought the club... 1" That'd be Wrexham's description these days!
@@eclectica1 Wow, I must've been in a crap mood that day! I especially take back what I said about the football team. Fair play to them. Respect where it's due there. It's defo not a city though! 😄
'Tranmere the only Norwegian Viking named club in the league, from the Glorious Wirral Peninsular - who are the only team with a 100% record against the Arsenal, at Highbury..............
@HarryWessex You'd have liked the BBC sport vidiprinter on the internet the other night then... they were covering the action from Carling Cup matches and mistyped Aldershot as Aldershit!!!
@stuffthefrankie - do you have the sketch to upload where Jones reads out the teams from South Korea v Bulgaria? I remember it distinctly that Jones struggles with the South Korean players names to hilarious effect and then he gets to the Bulgarian team and sees the names being even more unpronounceable and just says - "fcuk off!!!"
WELL I love living in 'hideous East Midlands non-entity that doesn't even get signposted at Spaghetti junction' though! AND I'm glad I don't live in 'some anonymous barnacle off the A1'! UP THE COBBLERSSS :D
I went to boarding school in Peterborough and have never heard it described in such a glowing and affectionate manner.
The way he says Aldershot with complete and utter contempt is the biggest insult - even greater than that given the 9 places previously mentioned.
Especially as they'd just been beaten by somewhere he _did_ insult.
Somehow, he manages to put more bile and vitriol into "Aldershot" than the rest of the places combined. :D
I'm from Norway and this skit actually makes me want me to visit some of these places.. Especially Hartlepool!
Mate, don't.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣...oh god, for your own sanity, don't...
'Pools Harbour is worth a visit, HMS Trincomalee now a permanent attraction. The 'Museum of the North is located at Beamish (you'll need a full day), close to Durham - then there's a walk along Hadrians Wall - before - the night life of Newcastle.....
Not from Hell are you?
I come from Aldershot - don't bother.
Laugh till the tears roll down your cheeks ! Great comedy ! Clearly the commentator expressing his true feelings ! Brilliant Mel Smith RIP .......sadly missed !
To be fair, he summed up Hereford, my home town absolutely perfectly. 😂
I used to live in Hereford. Thought it was lovely. Live in rochdale now and it's just a cold outdoor khasi
Best Aldershot joke ever!!!
Goodbye Mel Smith! I will miss you as no doubt other comedy fans will! You were a legend!
rip to a true comedy genius,a grew up watching alas smith and jones and not the nine o clock news,even after 30yrs its still as funny today than most modern comedy shows
I remember as a kid that Dr Who was on the TV at 5:15 - after the football results.
I really didn't want to miss Dr Who, it was the high point of the week, so I used to sit down and wait for it to come on.
These football results went on FOREVER. There was page after page of them, countless divisions and leagues - then the Rugby results...
It was sheer purgatory.
Did you have the "on the cheap, voice-over static image" local adverts as well? Extra pain!
@@edweatherup3887 No. It was BBC. No adverts. Back then, not even any station preamble. Just straight from one programme to the next. Things have changed, sadly.
@@qwadratix Of course it was BBC! I wonder what it was that I used to watch on the "other side" ??
Saturday TV was the best back then, 70' and 80's. Dr Who, Basil Brush, Jim'll Fix It, The Generation Game, The Two Ronnies. Brilliant. I'll take all that instead of the tripe they churn out now.
@@Ass_Burgers_Syndrome Might give "Jim'll Fix It" a miss.
Aldershot doesn't even get insulted..... perhaps the biggest insult of all :D
Indeed - we're meant to simply understand...:-)
Except by the tone of voice, utter contempt - and the fact that it's just been beaten by somewhere that did.
I'd love to see this sketch remade to reflect today's changes in society.
Imagine how many people would get offended. And if by any chance there's a muslim district in one of the towns the author would get prosecuted for saying anything negative about it.
Having grown up in Swindon and escaped when I was 21, the description is quite kind tbh. Andy Partridge of XTC - who still lives there afaik - summed it up in an interview "“I must have done something terrible in a past life because I find myself living in
Swindon. It's a punishment. So much ugliness crammed into such a small place -- how do they do it?”
I'm not from the UK but I love the way he seems to know so much about all these "meaningless, tiny, towns" and yet be utterly bored by the whole damned thing.
"Twinned with a town in Belgium that doesn't even exist" is maybe the best municipal insult ever made.
The whole glorious thing:
"Depressing huddle of one-up two-downs and one Asian greengrocer dwarfed by a derelict dockyard and three giant electricity furnaces belching green smoke all day that's twinned with a town in Belgium that doesn't even exist: 1"
@@WG55 It's poetry, isn't it?
Can't argue with art.
Municipal insults would be a great category for Jeopardy
Coming from Birkenhead and growing up there at the time this sketch was originally broadcast, this is pretty much spot on for Tranmere, although if he'd have said French instead of Belgian, it would have been bullseye.
TRFC SWA
Very accurate description of my home town. It's sprawled a lot more since.
I'm from Northampton and can testify that Peterborough is indeed a barnacle off the A1 😂😂😂😂
I'm from a barnacle off the A1 and can confirm we call it Peterborough
The emphasis he puts on 'Barnacle' gets me every time.
He sums up Swindon perfectly!
Nick Forbes-Warren At least we won lol
I got offered a job in Swindon and my father warned me that there is nothing to do there. I never got to find out.
For the benefit of those born in the 90s division four is now league 2
Reminds me of my thoughts as a child in the 1970s when waiting for Dr Who (which was still good back then) to come on after the football scores.
you old bugger! remember when bubble wrap came out and they had the "monster" covered in it and painted green? Those were the days!
RIP Mel. I grew up in Peterborough, so this was the most memorable of all the Smith and Jones sketches.
I'm from Northampton and he was right then, and he's still right.
I'm from Aldershot.
Thank goodness Scunthorpe was the very first one he read out!
Ahhh Scunthorpe - scourge of the online profanity filter!
Had to watch this, as I'm from the godforsaken fishing port.
I'm surprised he didn't mention the 'Monkey'
@@mikesaunders4775 Not forgetting Peter Mandelson's encounter with Hartlepool guacamole (mushy peas)
Ah, for me I'm from boring old market town in the middle of nowhere
Send HMS Trincomalee down South to give the tossers a broadside, smug gits.
I lived there for 5 months. It inspired me to leave the country and travel around Asia and Australia for a year!
Always makes me chuckle when Scunthorpe comes on the TV.
.we can only dream of playing Crewe now.....😊
I love the fact Aldershot doesn't get a battering even though its possibly the shittest place there.
I think the point is that Aldershot doesn't have to be described, the very name is enough.
r/whoooooooooooooooooooosh
@@pipster1891 I would have barracked Aldershot...
Very Good Me..
I know , my friend which is why I said BARRACKed.....lol
This sketch, perhaps more than anything, explains why the promotional play-off system had to happen in the first place; as at the time no non-league side had been elected to the Football League in place of another since 1978 - that's EIGHT YEARS when the likes of Crewe and Rochdale didn't have to surrender to the likes of Altrincham and Barnet
anyone else looked this classic up following the announcement that national radio will stop the results round up at 5pm on Saturday?!
I love living in 'some anonymous barnacle off the A1'!. Glad I don't live in 'hideous East Midlands non-entity that doesn't even get signposted at Spaghetti junction' though!
I remember this, loved it. Born not too far from Tranmere, made up just to hear it mentioned, even if it was an insult...and true!
WOW.. It's sooo long since I saw this, it's like it's from another lifetime! Thanks for uploading. :D
which is why I too watched!
Rip the wonderful Mel, always thought colin`s sandwich was wonderful, truly will be sadly missed
Yeah CS was great.
God I remember back in the 80's my father would listen to all the football scores on BBC 1 on a Saturday evening from where he'd done the pools
You can tell this is unbelievable comedy, since when did Halifax Town win a match, that’s truly unbelievable.
No-one could insult like the old-school British comics. It didn't matter whether they were insulting the French, Germans, Irish, Belgians or themselves, it was always brilliant. But nowadays it's gone because it's "offensive".
....I find your comment offensive.....😊😊
Would love an up to date version of this, imagine the (Easily Offended Brigade) outrage. Biblical salt mining possibilities 😂😂Rip Mel...
Still remember this one. And still funny
If Jeremy Paxman read out Final Score it would sound like this
There was another football scores sketch where the newsreader almost won a lot of money gambling but the final games did him in
Brilliant.... Legend
The end of the segment with "And Here Is Your Host!"
Scunthorpe got off quite lightly...
Years ago one couldn't search for Scunthorpe online as there were massive word filters and most rude words resulted in a void search.
@@TheManwithaview no dreary old east coast grubby fishing town called grimsby not included, they was lucky then. 🤣😅😃🤪😁🤤🙄 march 2021
@@paulcrisp9861 I blame Harry the Haddock
@@TheManwithaview that sounds like the grimsby town fc mascot to me something fishy about it. 🤣😅😃🤪😁🤤
@@paulcrisp9861 When Spurs came to the town the club sold 10k of these inflatable haddocks. All the home fans were waving them. Spurs lost.
My mate told me his favourite team is Brazil because it's got 'Bra' in it.
I said, "Christ, you should really love Scunthorpe then!"
No mention of 'Arsenal' then........
@@williamanderson5437 or Titchfield...
He must visit Piazza Bra in Verona, Italy! 😂
Very funny not to overly complicated to be clever just something you probably actually think about when you have to listen to them and think of the places they are mentioning on a dreary Saturday afternoon great Stuff guys thank you for your hard work making these sketches great times for comedy no PC’s listening in to criticise 🏴💞✝️😘🤘💕
Can't beleive the writer resisted to fit in the word 'Cobblers' when describing Northampton. Up the Cobblers btw! : )
superb!
Brilliant. Great to see my home town of Mansfield get a mention. :-)
yeah i was surprised to see them on there
"Obscure (ex)- coalmining village".
I used to go through Mansfield on the coach between Manchester and East Anglia nearly 20 years ago. It was probably the bleakest town on the entire route.
Peter Shilton was motivated by having to play a Mansfield while at Stoke to move to Nottingham Forest.
@@normanby100
Stoke and Nottingham are pretty bleak and didn't Shilton know Mansfield is only a few miles away from Nottingham?
Interesting to see how many teams are still in the football league today. Many are playing in the conference, soon to be joined by Rochdale.
I remember how tedious Saturday afternoons were, with this on the telly going on for what seemed like hours as a boring narrator went through every single league table across England, Wales and Scotland. My dad wanted to hear every single one. Back in those days, if you were a kid and it was rainy outside you had to sit and watch whatever your parents had on. No other TVs, or computers, or games consoles.
This sketch was from about 1984/85. Home computers had been on the rise in the UK for 4 years by then, the Binatone TV Master had been around for nearly a decade, and the Atari 2600 was a couple of years old as well.
@@thelastmotel The average household did not have such things, and certainly when I was a kid we had a Mega Drive which we were allowed to use for 30 mins each (two kids) max a day. This required linking to the TV, which was used by my dad to watch the football scores, and before them, Grandstand, all Saturday afternoon.
Brilliant
So many teams no longer playing in the football league, Stockport, Tranmere, Chester City, Wrexham, Torquay, Halifax Town.
gsf67 And Burnley in Division 4( League 2 now)!!!!
One year on and not only are Tranmere back they are in the Top 6 of the 4th Tier!
Burnley, in Europe this season and 7th in the Top Tier last year were in the 4th then and only stayed in the whole league on the last day !!!!!!!!!
Tranmere only out for a couple of seasons - Promoted back to League 2, then following year promoted again to League 1.
Actually I'm a genealogist in Swindon and I can tell you that actually since less than 1% of the population can trace all four grandparents to within Swindon's boundaries we are in fact one of the least inbred places in the UK, mainly due to the influx of large numbers of people in Victorian times to feed our railway works and in the 1960s and 70s because of the industrial expansion and London overspill (I myself have a londonian mother although her ancestry is from far and wide too).
Is it also true that Swindon people have no sense of humour?
my funniest comedy moment was the 2 darts drinkers lol
I love Swindon, one reason being its the home of XTC!
Great band, I uploaded their song Generals and Majors recently and made a video for it which is in my recent uploads if anyone wants to check it out. Over n out:)
I used to drop ecstasy in the late 80s in Swindon. Good days
@@graham2sexy955 In or on Swindon?
Well he nailed Southend and Stockport 🤣
Great away win for Chester 👏
I remember one where Griff was having great difficulty pronouncing the names of the players in a foreign football team. Then an Asian team came up with totally unpronounceable names and Griff said 'Oh bugger off!' Anyone got it?
I remember that. Czechoslovakia in the world cup???
@@Sheza58 Something like that.
@@Nooziterp1 Bulgaria vs South Korea from the 1986 World Cup. The sketch is on here somewhere.
@@davidpascoe6161 Tried to find it. Wish I could as I recall it was hilarious.
"Dying market town, full of empty shops, and sprawling council estates, laughably applying for city status, with a shite football team who now have delusions of grandeur because Deadpool and his mate have inexplicably bought the club... 1"
That'd be Wrexham's description these days!
Damn, say what you really mean. Don't hold back!
@@eclectica1 Wow, I must've been in a crap mood that day! I especially take back what I said about the football team. Fair play to them. Respect where it's due there.
It's defo not a city though! 😄
Tranmere Rovers pride of Merseyside!💕💕
Slightly better than Marine...& Everton, granted.
I wish someone would do this for the current 92 plus the National League Premier, North and South.
That was genius. That really was brilliant.
Aldershot at it’s finest😅😅😅
They did another one of these which included team names such as "Is He Cool Cahoun Cahoun" and "Skipping On A Ford Cortina".
Sleep well Mel, never forgot Not The Nine O'Clock News :(.
Rather than saying the hard words "good bye" to Mel... let's just saayy... Kinda Lingers..! 😉
today the bbc would probably ban this skit on the grounds it would "upset" the residents of these towns.
brilliant
'Tranmere the only Norwegian Viking named club in the league, from the Glorious Wirral Peninsular - who are the only team with a 100% record against the Arsenal, at Highbury..............
Arsenal Stadium.
I've always felt that the name "Southend" is latent with potential embarrassment if you finish at the bottom of the table.
Southend is such a dump now. Full of druggies shouting at each other from noisy little cars.
I wonder what description Basingstoke would have received.
I for one do take an interest in results like these.
Me too....:)
I know and there's no help for it either
@@normanmeharry58 It saved a lot of money on care in the community on a weekend .LOL
Very good :)
Great comedy Rip mel
Who else wanted him to roast their home town?
RIP Mel
Good away win for Halifax
Rip mel thanks for the laughs
RIP big man
At least we can say the name of the river properly!
UP THE POSH!
@HarryWessex You'd have liked the BBC sport vidiprinter on the internet the other night then... they were covering the action from Carling Cup matches and mistyped Aldershot as Aldershit!!!
Some anonymous barnacle off the A1 - how right they are Peterborough, a blight on the countryside! 😂
RIP Mel Smith......
Good result for County though . . .
Have you got the One where they read out the names of the South Korea v Bulgaria team sheet?
Brilliant comedy stetch
not bad graphics for 1986 for the final scores
Before that they were etched onto granite and wheeled in to the studio.
ALDERSHOT !... nil
Haha. Exactly!
8 of these teams not in the league now and Burnley in Premiership.
Aww poor old Stockport!
True though.
That describes Peterborough perfectly lol
LOL very funny !!!!
...and the 'Magic Roundabout'
@stuffthefrankie - do you have the sketch to upload where Jones reads out the teams from South Korea v Bulgaria? I remember it distinctly that Jones struggles with the South Korean players names to hilarious effect and then he gets to the Bulgarian team and sees the names being even more unpronounceable and just says - "fcuk off!!!"
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00897vt
WELL I love living in 'hideous East Midlands non-entity that doesn't even get signposted at Spaghetti junction' though!
AND I'm glad I don't live in 'some anonymous barnacle off the A1'!
UP THE COBBLERSSS :D
If you still hate posh clap your hands 😂😂😂👏
Burnley have really gone up in the world since then.
Hideous East Midlands non entity that doesn't even get a signpost at Spaghetti Junction .....That's my town
But it does get 3 junctions on the M1....hmmm?!
Genius
It must be a joke, Swindon Town actually won 🤣
Great result Shaymen 😉
No way - "urban barnacle" for the win!
Good result for the Iron