It’s very important to make clear that Asexuality is NOT a “lack of attraction”; it’s a “lack of SEXUAL attraction”. As an asexual myself I feel many kinds of attraction to others, just never sexual attraction.
Yess thank you for re-stating this! Lots of people have trouble wrapping their heads around that, and I feel like it's one of the most important things about being ace that needs to be talked about.
Yeah, it can be combined with a lack of other attractions, just as it can be combined with a lack of sex, arousal and libido, but it is a misconception, that all of those do and have to be linked...... Sensual and aesthetic attractions exist, and each of the other things can arise compleatly on their own or in any combination..... Very low or rare sexuall attraction still falls under the umbrella of ace, and while some are, not every ace is sex repulsed ..... So many many shades of ace ^^
Yeah, I'm asexual but NOT aromantic, and I've had people say really cruel things to me like I'm not capable Of romantic love or that I'm selfish for hoping for a sexless marriage. Also people telling me that I'm not actually human , that I'm broken, or that romantic love can't exist without sex. Wild stuff.
@@captainsawbones I'm sorry you've had such terrible experiences. People can be really shitty sometimes when they're confronted with things they don't understand ❤
Demi, but this explains so much. I have a very high libido, but never in regard to any person unless there are strong feelings towards them. I find people aesthetically pleasing but it's like looking at a work of art. There's no desire to do anything sexual with them
@jujubesification There are many ways to classify demisexual. the way it was explained to me is; you don't feel anything (or close to nothing) until you make an emotional connection with the person, or know them for a while. Meaning no "fall in love at first sight" it's a thing you build. it's like a locked door, and the person you like is the only one with the key. There can be more key holders than one, but it's just an example.
the aroace to artist pipeline is definitely a real thing!! I started an aroace group on my college campus and almost everyone is an artist or a creative in some way (and also I noticed a high percentage of us watch video essays? I’ve never had so many people know what I’m talking about when I randomly brought one up lol). My theory is that to most allo people sex and romance is basically a hobby.
Holy shit!! I've never thought of it that way before, but it totally makes sense. I know a LOT of allo people who are very preoccupied with sex in the same way that sewing occupies almost all of my waking thoughts. I guess not having that drive, we channel all that energy elsewhere?
Ahah wow, it makes me think about me 😅 I am new to this and trying to grasp it in a way. I do feel sexual attraction but my libido is really low. Like it rarely comes to me to bring myself that kind of pleasure, as if I didn’t need it? It’s just not that important to me once in a relationship, it’s great for connection and it’s binding for me but I am ok doing it rarely… I don’t know if it makes sense to you in ace kind of way? For such a long time I felt so broken because I just don’t need to climax or need that kind of connection. I do have platonic crushes constantly and I don’t feel much difference between a friend or a lover because I demand a certain kind of engagement from all the people in my life. I suppose sex could be there and it can be sensual but not necessarily sexual, does it make any sense? I shaved my head a couple of years ago and I realised thzt for half a year I didn’t feel a sexual being anymore because I didn’t feel pretty without hair. And it was crazy realising how my sexual drive or wanting for sex depended so much on the perception I thought that men and women could have about me, that it had nothing about sth that I naturally felt inside but that it was depended on an external gaze, be wanted and desired? So if I am not feeling I am considered sexy, I have no sex drive and need to initiate? I dunno, I find it wild, it’s as if it had really nothing to do with me but it was just a tool to get sth else…
Maybe neurodivergence is one reason - a lot of neurodivergent people are quite creative and have a good chance of being Ace/Aro or being part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'm Autistic who's also Ace + Demiromantic and very creative.
This is the first information on asexuality I've looked at. In a week I'll be 68, and for most of that time I thought something was wrong with me, and I suppose something could be wrong. My introduction to sex was in the dirt with a hideously unattractive, scary looking stranger with a knife at my neck, when I'd just turned 13. I suffered with PTSD in the form of flashbacks every 15 minutes for a good many years. The interval in between got slightly longer bit by bit till one day when I was 46, and I realized I'd gone the whole day before without it popping up in my head. But for whatever reason, I'm asexual. It was pretty recent when it occurred to me that I'm asexual, but I still hadn't heard it was an actual thing and I wasn't the only one. Your video was packed with good information, and I feel like I just saved a lot of time by not having to pick through a lot of not very helpful stuff to find a couple of answers. Thank you. I am going to watch it again though. That was a lot of info. BTW, I paint pictures. Maybe I'm another one with that connection. Although I realized some time ago that most of us are artists and creators, we all just haven't found that out yet.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you were able to find a good support system to help you deal with and process the aftermath of all that. It's horrible how a few minutes of violence can cause years and years of pain and trauma, but glad to hear that this was helpful for you!
One thing I want to put out there, is also that many of us (maybe far the most of us) don't consider people to be perverts or anything of the sort. There can be a misunderstanding that we consider others "disgusting" or "perverted" for sex having such a relatively big focus in their life. That is not the case. In fact, I get kind of an outside view and I understand many of the underlying feelings/attractions going on, because I have been pretending and analyzing how to behave for so long, just to learn how to fit in. It gives us a unique perspective on most fetishes that is otherwise considered "perverted" or bad in society. Now mind you, that is not to say that we can't detect or see those *actually* dangerous tastes or fetishes which hurts other people... those are not the ones I am talking about. I am talking about someone I know very well and how I wouldn't bat an eye if it was somehow revealed that they were into swinging, bdsm, roleplaying, or even much more hardcore consensual things. The people who are like me that I have spoken to, are not shy about these things and they would probably be the first to accept pretty much anything without anything but genuine interest in the lifestyle and how it is perceived.
I've never been in a relationship or had s3x because I kind of thought okay one day I will find someone that appeals to me but it just never did and I was always confused with why people are SO obsessed with boning when there are so many other things you could be spending your time with?! I only realized I'm ace in the last couple years. And I'm also very creative, I have so many hobbies and so many more I'd like to start. Maybe because our brains are not full of wanting to chase other people? All people that I followed online that turned out to be ace are some kind of creative (the reason I followed them in them first place), so this seems to be a thing!
I bet that has something to do with it for sure, when you're not thinking about sex all the time, there's a lot more space in your brain for other things!
For me, the spectrum aspect is pretty important. I think I have little to no motivation for sexual encounters but I can enjoy them with a partner who I like. However, I will still always need my partner. to "remind" me to have sex because I forget about that element of our relationship. I think even those people who I considered "romantic" partners in my past might be more of platonic relationships but sex was projected onto me. I always thought I was a homosexual man, then started calling myself homo-romantic as I was in relationships with other queer men only. I'm starting to think I might be asexual. Thank you for your video, wishing you only the best.
You can definitely enjoy sex with certain people and still be ace! I think a lot of allosexual people also primarily enjoy sex for the aspect of emotional intimacy and just don't realize that that's why they enjoy it. I think as asexual people we're more aware of that, because when you're not actually attracted to anyone, you need deeper motivation to be able to have sex.
Ace writer here! I appreciate you mentioning the topic of sex going right over your head during a simple conversation. Sometimes I learn that someone views me in a sexual way instead of just a general draw to be around me. Unfortunately it’s caused a lot of social anxiety and fear. Thank you for bringing up the fear of being touched, that has been something I never related to our situation but have struggled with my whole life.
I’m a STEM ace!! I love chemistry, biology, and math!! It’s so easy to lose myself in all the wonderful facts and stats of science!! ❤ we’re here too 🎉🎉
Great video! It has got to be way higher than 1%, just anecdotally based off my friend groups even factoring in "birds of a feather flock together" since a lot of us came out after becoming friends. Around half of us are ace and a good portion are aro as well. I think education that it is an option at all, and what it specifically is and isn't, is key - so thanks for doing that work!
Thank you! I think it's higher than 1% too, I bet there are tons of us out there in the wild who just don't have the words yet to describe what they're experiencing. Definitely agree that this is why education is important, because it clears up so much!
Agree, especially given how many people do not even know just what actually falls under the umbrella of ace so tons of people are living an ace experience without being aware, that it is one!
I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but what made me feel unsure is that I can be turned on from sexual things, like porn, stories (this activates it more than porn, becausethere is a story behind it and not just sex on its own) I read bit with time I realised that it doesn't contradict itself.
Exactly! Plenty of ace folk get turned on and have/enjoy sex. What makes someone ace depends on whether or not they experience sexual attraction towards a person, or groups of people.
This is the fourth or fifth video I've watched talking about asexuality and I still can't understand the difference between libido and sexual attraction. I'm starting to wonder if I'm so asexual that I can't understand attraction, or I'm just bad at words.
@@VullVull be fair to yourself, it's really really hard to parse these things out! As far as I can tell, I think the difference is that libido = that feeling when you're just horny and want to scratch an itch, but it's not necessarily directed at anyone. Sexual attraction is when you see someone and THEN your libido kicks in because you want to have sex with that person. Libido by itself is just a vague desire to have an orgasm.
@cary9479 Actually I am trying to figure things out, I am not sure if I´m ACE or if it is something else. One of my main doubts is what you described I can get turned on with stories or fantasies in my head but the occasions where I tried sex it didn´t really work for me. Even when I masturbate myself using porn I can arouse myself a little bit but I lose interest really quick ( like a few minutes).
I was pleasantly surprised when your video came up in my feed! It is SO important that there are out aces explaining asexuality on social media. I am so glad you explained the difference between sexual attraction and libido. That is one of the biggest reason I didn’t know I was Ace until I was 47 years old! I thought I couldn’t be asexual because I have a libido. Also the split attraction model is SO helpful!! I am sure you are helping many people figure things out!
Thank you so much for this comment! It's encouraging because this is exactly why I made this video, to help other Aces figure things out but also to help them explain their sexuality to others if they feel the need to. There's so much misinformation about asexuality out there, and it can get pretty complicated.
That's the reason why I am adamant, that the procentage has to be way way higher, most people plain do not know what plethora or different experiences falls under the umbrella or ace, of that it is an umbrella therm in generell!!! I have an extreamly sex positive bff who would never have considered herself to be ace on her own, but when I talked about some of the many many many variations we found, that she does very much fall into the spectrum, just a very different place, then I do ^^ Very happy, that you found your place and that it helped you! ^^
I just learned about asexuality this week, at 22 years old. It's hard to notice the absence of sexual attraction when you don't really know what it is and have no interest in knowing it. I didn't have any attraction of any sort until earlier this year when I had an online crush. It was entirely spiritual and emotional. Unfortunately it wasn't mutual. Perhaps it's better that way, since I would totally have panicked if my crush ever wanted to go further than just words. My friends can't believe there was something more than friendship, but I have no doubt because I was thinking about him all day. Now I'm starting my first ever mutual relationship. Though I initiated the conversation about getting into a relationship, he was the one starting all physical contact (so far only holding hands and hugging) with my permission. He has been very respectful and we've been taking it slowly. So far I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm still exploring myself. A few weeks ago, I would have labelled myself aromantic if I was shown the categories, but now I'm starting to think I may experience romatic feelings. Sex is a hard no, though. I can't see myself do it even when I'm enjoying the hugging. You video is very informative. Thank you for all the effort you put in!
I'm sorry your feelings weren't reciprocated. That's a really painful thing to deal with, but it sounds like you have a very supportive and loving partner now! Negotiating boundaries when you're ace is always tricky, but having a respectful and supportive partner helps a lot :)
Oh I've always assumed there was a link with writing simply because of the number of Ace characters in fiction. Like pay attention a little bit and you'll start to realize there are a ton of ace protagonist and I do not think that they're being written simply to make them child safe I think the authors are probably also ace. I think this also contributes a lot to people not realizing when they are ace. I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with my family but let's just say it's at least demisexual through almost the entire extended family. When I tried to explain to them that a significant portion of the population can be sexually attracted to things like pictures, it was an entirely foreign concept😂
I'm autistic and asexual...It makes it a bit more confusing because of the sensory aspects of autism. Makes the platonic situations more sensory fixed and feels like sexual attraction but, it isn't because it doesn't "activate" that engine that gets the bodies together i guess. So for example once i felt attracted to the smell of a dance partner in a class and it was totally platonic, my first kiss was after dancing sensually with a very sexual driven men and the experience was very underwhelming and didn't get better in my other 4 attempts. I've discovered my neurodivergency and sexual orientation at 39 years old, after cutting ties with my highly probably narcissistic siblings. I'm also very visually stimulated and has meant that i have a not shared erotic life...Very mild do 😊❤
I'm autistic as well and I can relate, like I can't quite pin point my sexuality. It's either asexual or gray ace. I have a hard time telling apart libido and sexual attraction.
Wait are people not thinking about the Plague of Justinian? First I find out everyone else is thinking about sex, now you tell me they're not thinking of Roman Empire. What next?
Great video, very comprehensive about the topic! I found out I'm aroace around two years ago, after breaking up with my boyfriend and asking myself, why the relationship didn't feel right. We never had sex, and for me, it always felt like more of a friendship. Turns out, there was actually an explanation for this lol I identify more as aro than ace ... I'm probably aegosexual, but I'm still not sure. I still "think" about stuff randomly, but I'm not attracted to anyone in real life. Realizing this is a spectrum is super helpful in finding the right labels. I'm actually a writer as well, and the main character of my detective novels is aroace. Writing my books really helped me with finding out who I am and how to categorize all of this. It's super interesting to incooperate this in art :D I wish more people could read them, because I feel like they are good representation ... but they are in German and currently not released xD Yeah, we need better representation!
Oh wow, I hope your books get published!! We need MUCH more representation and I love reading things that other ace and aroace creators write because it's always so thoughtful and relatable :)
@@Madamekittylein Wow, eine Antwort! Ich hatte sie mal gepublished, aber wieder offline genommen. Die Idee bleibt, würde es gerne aber später anders umsetzen. Wünsche mir definitiv immer noch mehr aroace rep in Medien und denke, ich hab da eine coole Geschichte :D
@@Neko123Uchiha ich hab auch schon länger überlegt Geschichten über sowas zu schreiben, aber ich hab noch nie eine Zusammenhängende Geschichte geschrieben, es bleibt bei einer Grundidee und das wars -.-
Yeah, I'm an Ace and a Game Writer. I work at a small studio, and also sometimes get that kind of obsessive "work for hours after work on a small passion project" kind of feeling. XD I am also dating my D&D DM, who is also Ace. Her creative outlet is running (no joke) three whole sessions a week, all in the same world, where events that affect one party may affect the others. It's incredible how in-depth and alive she makes it feel.
@@meghansandor It really is. I have my dream job, working at a studio that genuinely cares about its people. I would not have moved 3 hours away from all my friends and family for anything less. :)
Hiii im aroace and an artist!!! And my experience being aroace has been kinda wacky cause for me, defining the lack of attraction is so much more confusing than defining attraction,,, it was so hard finding the right thing to describe what exactly I was missing. I figured out I was asexual pretty early on and then thought I was biromantic because I felt the same amount of romantic attraction to all genders… it took a while to realise that the same amount of attraction,, was no attraction at all😭😭 But also the aro/ace experience is so unique cause it can be soo hard to know what that attraction feels like if you’ve never felt it? Especially because there’s so many kinds of attraction you can confuse eachother for!!! If a girl is only attracted to girls she can understand the lack of attraction she feels to men by comparing it to what she feels for women ,,,,, but how do you understand the lack of attraction with nothing to compare??? I’ve struggled with this so much, especially with figuring out and defining myself as aro,,,, I’ve always felt more sure about my asexuality than my aromanticism. I’m borderline sex repulsed but I looove the idea of romance in media and that, along with trying to define what I DONT feel, made it so much harder to realise I just don’t like the idea of romance for myself😭 Also that bit about using labels as tools for yourself has really been something I’ve been trying to internalise cause I have a bad habit of psycho analysing myself and my feelings when it’s as simple as feeling a connection to a label and identifying with it!!! It’s not some rule book just a word you use to describe your current feelings and experiences ! This video would have saved me so much trouble 5 years ago!! I don’t usually comment anywhere but I haven’t really seen people talk about this kind of experience which is crazy cause it’s been my whole asexual aromantic journey so I wanted to put it out there! It’s so refreshing to see a video just talking about asexuality and being proud of it!!!!!! 🖤🩶🤍💜
I've only experienced physical attraction for a few seconds, at least I think I have. But it's never been about hating the idea of being intimate with another person, I just don't understand when people say they feel physical attraction.
I never knew any of this information and was blown away by how much their is to learn about Asexuality. So much work went into this Megan, so I hope the algorithm of this interest pops up so it can answer questions for people who need answers and settle some hearts who have been searching all their life. Also you mentioned you upcycle cloths to create others, so I hope you got to the Toronto Vintage Clothing Show last weekend. Keep up the wonderful work and thank you.
Interesting that you bring up Aces and artists. I don't know a lot of ace people but literally every single one of them is an artist in some way. My friend (who has talked about being ace but hasn't actually confirmed it, seems likely from my perspective lmao) is about to release his first single, which is a precursor to a black metal/drone/dark ambient album he's working on. I'm personally trying to learn harsh vocals to start up my own black/doom metal project in the future, which unfortunately isn't exactly going well, but I'd say it still counts to a degree. My other ace friend works on set design for plays and musicals. Hadn't really considered it before, but there's definitely a correlation in there somewhere.
I am a 35 year old biromantic ace from Ontario, Canada, who enjoys singing, writing, and wearing ultra feminine fashion pieces! 🥰 I love your informative and thought-provoking content as well as your gorgeous hand-sewn dresses! 😄
@@meghansandor Chris Evans in now right soon and I will do it next week on Thursday if you is good thanks you guys and morning do you in my life just me and
This was an outstanding breakdown that had me nodding and going "yup yup, this tracks!". It's going into my favourites and I'm going to pull this out anytime someone needs an in-depth analysis of what it means to be Ace! I really wish the language for this had existed in the early 2000s, it would have made things SO much clearer to me. I knew back then I wasn't interested, and I ended up letting society propagandize me into thinking "I really look forward to trying it once day"...Until I got unavoidable proof that I'm Ace and went "Man, SO many years of anxiety and confusion for nothing!"
I’m so happy that you found this useful and that’s exactly why I made it! So that we can refer people to it when we need to explain our sexuality because it can be sooo complicated and tricky for allo people to wrap their heads around
This is one of the most helpful videos (or any other media) I've seen yet for understanding asexuality as an allosexual person. I really appreciate the analogies and finding examples of different types of attraction etc that allo people experience to help us understand the different aspects. A lot of asexual material just feels like it's in a different language to me and it's given with a tone of annoyance and condescension towards allos rather than any attempt to explain things in a way that I can understand them. Not that I don't get the annoyance but also I really want to understand the nuances! I had started to think it was an understanding divide that was just uncrossable, so I really appreciate this.
Thank you so much, both for your thoughtful comment and for your thoughtfulness in seeking to understand the experiences of aspec people :) I made this video with the intention of helping allosexual people better understand what it's like to be ace, and I'm so happy it resonated!!
I’ve known I was aroace for a while so I don’t watch a lot of ace content on RUclips, but for some reason this popped up and it’s honestly a really good explanation of what asexuality is, in a way that’s easy for allo people to relate to. So I’m prob gonna steal some of your analogies XD. Thank you for putting your story out there!! Edit: and I want to add for anyone who’s questioning in the comments, labels are descriptive not prescriptive. They might never be perfect, but that doesn’t make them any less true. You can try on a label to see how it fits and change it if it doesn’t. Just bc it’s a phase doesn’t make it any less real. I mean, being alive is just a phase between death, but no one says that’s fake do they?
THANK YOU for this comment, and I love your analogy about life just being a phase. I'll trade you my analogies for that one ;) And also thank you for your kind words, this video was intended mostly for allo people, to help them understand asexuality, but I'm pleasantly surprised by how many aces found it validating and informative 💜🤍🩶🖤
As an older cis/ace male, you really did an excellent job explaining this... especially the libido part! I still have a fairly high libido, so many allos just don't get this part!
Pan Ace here, you gained a follower because it's been really hard to explain to people understand why I'm not sensually attracted to someone. I literally have to break up with my ex because he doesn't respect the fact that I'm not into that. I appreciate your videos, I feel very seen. I personally keep trying to tell my mom that just because I've never been interested in sex that it means I cannot be attracted to the opposite sex, she's very old fashioned and thinks that I'm confused and that there's no way I could be attracted to a female simply because i haven't hooked up with one. , I'm a bit discouraged. I was definitely born this way, for sure. Also, I'm a writer myself , I am a role-player
Omg, so many things are running in my head now. I don't know if I'm ace, or how I would be ace. I'm lost between what I want and don't want for me, and what others wish I would be. This video is helping a lot !!!
Hey, just wanted to say thank you for your videos! I've been watching them for the last days and remembered/realised how important this is! A few years ago I first discovered that I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum but I kind of pushed it back down because while the people around me tried to understand, they didn't really? I'm in my early twenties and I can't exactly get around feeling like I'm missing something when so many people around me are super into sex... So I'm really grateful for people sharing their stories, showing me that it's really fine to be myself and figure out what I want to try, what I don't want and what actually is right for me and not what I think should be (btw liked your comphet video as well) So thanks again!
Thank you for sharing your story! It's so important for us to do that, I definitely relate to feeling like you're an outcast or that people around you don't/won't understand. But you'll find your community! It takes a while but eventually you will :)
This video is filled with new and interesting information for me. I will have to watch it many more times to absorb it. Thank you for taking the time to share.
So, I’m new to realizing I’m ace. I was always in relationships but only was physical with them because I felt like it was expected of me. I always used to go through the motions to get to what I really wanted: the cuddling. It didn’t take away my love for the person, feeling pressured, but the happiest times in my life have been when I’m single. I’ve been single for 6 years now and thriving (I mean, I do have mental health issues but that’s it’s own thing). So, in reality, i have no idea if I’m actually ace or not. I’ve certainly dating a ton and been physical with all of them. But I never really enjoyed it and now that it’s gone, I don’t miss it. Ps. I’m an artist.
Sounds ace to me! 💜I resonated with a lot of that, and I think it comes down to your comfort level with choosing to identify as ace or not. We all arrive at that conclusion through very different paths, and all are valid! I love that you're an artist. What kind of art do you do??
@@meghansandor haha I have my MFA in painting and drawing but do very little of either. I usually just do crafty stuff now. Example, I play dungeons and dragons, so I started making my own dice out of resin. I paint my own miniatures as well. I also have been making mobiles out of resin lately. I love alcohol ink (try them if you can). I do love and miss oil painting and drawing with graphite or charcoal, I just rarely do it. As far as the ace thing goes, I’ve told some people and have had a drastically different reaction from everyone. Most of my friends were just confused but still in the positive spectrum. I found it was my male friends who mostly didn’t get it and disregarded me as just “needing a break from dating.” An ex-boyfriend (from 13 years ago) now best friend was insulted. Like there was something wrong with him.
@@vanessaaves3271 resin is SO COOL, especially if you're making custom dice. That's REALLY cool. I've always wanted to get into resin stuff, especially with making pendants, maybe I should look into it! A lot of straight guys are hostile to asexual women (and people in general). I get it though, it's hard to not take it personally when someone's not physically attracted to you. There's also that stereotype about women not wanting sex, so when you're actually an asexual woman, a lot of straight men think we're just "labelling" ourselves unnecessarily, and they get weird and hostile about it because they don't realize that being asexual is a legitimate orientation. That's why for me, learning more about my orientation has gone hand-in-hand with unlearning internalized misogyny and patriarchy, because women so often are stereotyped as being "frigid" and uninterested in sex.
@@meghansandor I very recently started getting into jewelry making with resin, mostly because I wanted to make something that would go with my Renaissance festival outfit lol it’s an expensive hobby! I’m also trying to get into cosplaying but me = bad at sewing.
@@vanessaaves3271 I wish we could trade hobbies for a day! I'm pretty good at sewing, I've been doing it every day for the past 3 years and I do a lot of cosplay. I wish I knew you IRL, we could trade skills!
this is SUCH a good video and helped me think through a lot of my confusion. I am ace and an artist too, I wonder why thats such a trend. I have always debated, especially with fictional characters, what was sexual attraction and what was just excitement for a good character especially since I am an illustrator.
@@JimMork that's what tipped me off that maybe something was going on with neurodivergence, because of my ability to hyperfocus and the fact that I have absolutely zero control over it at all
Thank you for articulating that "sexual attraction is not the same as libido." Because sex feels good...but I don't crave it out side of just getting physical contact.
I thought that was important to talk about, I think a lot of people confuse the two (or don't necessarily think to separate them) and that's why people get so confused by the existence of asexual people who enjoy sex.
As an asexual artist AND writer, I think a lot of it comes from feelings of alienation. Many asexuals feel like they are completely and totally alone in a world where people are expected to desire and enjoy sex, but they *don’t.* Art and writing can be incredibly freeing, because you have complete control of the world you create through these forms of expression. I experience alienation not just because of my asexuality, but also because I am neurodivergent (I have multiple disorders.) Both play a part though, there is a reason every single character I create is queer in some way. Whenever I draw or write, I can express myself without being judged for being too weird. I can also express my feelings of alienation through allegory, like creating a character who is a shapeshifter but forced to pretend they are a normal human. Essentially, I believe that the link between asexuality and creativity comes from a desire to express the feelings of loneliness, alienation, confusion, exhaustion, and many others that comes from living in a world where you are a freak.
This is a really important take, thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm going to chew on this because you're definitely onto something here. I', sorry you feel alienated, you're not alone and I hope you can find some community or a space where you feel accepted and loved for the wholeness of who you are ❤
Wow I rarely comment on RUclips but this video is SOOO eye opening for me and it answered tons of questions I’ve had about my possible asexuality, which most (alosexual) people I’ve inquired about would be weirded out by (because they probably experience attractions in that linear way you explained in the video and that makes so much sense to me now!!). And speaking to people about it only to be told that I probably just ‘haven’t found the right person yet’ or ‘you just have a really low libido’ have puzzled me for ages and have also made me quite insecure about my sexuality, being fairly inexperienced in sex probably has made it even more difficult for me to come to the conclusion that I’m actually on the asexual spectrum, because I do believe maybe I just haven’t found the right person yet due to my limited sexual experiences with people. TBH I was still having doubts about it until I watched your explanation of attraction, libido and desire. I’ve always been doubting my asexuality because I do have libido (as in when I’m home alone and I suddenly felt horny but not towards a person at all, the exact same scenario you gave in the video!). I guess I’ve confused libido with sexual desire/attraction for a long time and I thought I shouldn’t have that if I’m asexual. Asexuality is not a new concept to me but I’ve known nothing beyond the absence of sexual attraction bit of it. And I remember thinking to myself ‘what even is sexual attraction?’ the first time I looked asexuality up, because I’ve literally NEVER experienced that, of course I don’t know what it is! I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and self understanding recently, and I can’t thank you enough for this video!❤
Thank you so much for this. As a fellow Ace, coming out and having to explain it can be such a frustrating experience (given as you noted, it frequently requires getting into TMI territory). Something I also appreciate enormously was your discussion about not feeling like you entirely belong within the Queer community, as well as trying to explore your own Queer identity. Anyway, thank you so much for this video, it made my day!
Thank you so much for your comment! It made MY day to know that my video resonated with you and was able to validate your experiences. And hello from a fellow Ace! :)
This so helpful -thank you! I discovered that I'm on the ace spectrum a few years ago, in my early 40's. So many things are making sense. Healing the young person that felt they were broken and had to "learn to be/feel like normal people do" 😢 I'm also relieved that there are so many more people who figured this out at a later age 😅
Im still discovering what my sexuality is because of videos like this, so thank you. I only recently discovered the term gray ace, and it's like everything makes sense and the fact I didn't consider it a possibility was why I assumed I was just hetero with low libido. I have had sexual desires directed at specific people in the past albeit rarely, so I wrote off asexuality as an option completely, yet I've never masturbated and porn doesn't particularly do anything for me. I get random sexual urges far more often than I get sexual urges directed at someone, but even those random ones are like a few times a month which I assumed was the norm because people rarely talk about sex but apparently it's just constantly on some peoples minds. I only had my first sexual partner a few years ago, while I had been confused about my sexuality for a long time before that, ultimately it just felt like a very stressful and exhausting experience for me but my partner really enjoyed it. The especially confusing part was that I did experience the longing to be close to someone and kiss and cuddle, and when I started clubbing it wasn't unusal for me to make out with people with no interest in going further. It even got to the point I went back with someone out of what I felt was obligation and because I'm male, she was expecting me to initiate but I had no idea what to do and we ended up just going to sleep on a very awkward note. But yeah, gray ace with hetero romantic attraction I feel describes me pretty well. And in case you're still gathering statistics, I'm in stem but I've long dabbled in art for fun, in fact I drew kink art on tumblr for a while before they nuked everything nsfw which I found interesting when I watched your ace and kink video before this one.
I am an artist and defo asexual. My fiancee is also ace. Both of us have a libido, but we don't have even the slightest interest in having sex with one another or other people. We see eachother... kinda like works of art? We love each other platonically and romantically, but there isn't any sexual attraction there. I'm grateful we never have to explain that to one another either. When I was in highschool (and was still unknowingly in the closet) and even into college, I was told by people I flirted a lot. To me, I was just being nice and friendly, but to them I was indicating attraction. Which always confused me... I've also been flirted with a lot, but I always think the person is being nice. Someone asked for my number once and I deadass thought they just wanted to hang out...
Thank you for this wonderful video that was so well thought out and beautifully said. My ace experience was very similar to yours, I actually laughed when you mentioned being confused by ‘celebrity crushes’ because that’s my go-to example when explaining my asexuality to others. I used to lie and just pick a generic celebrity when asked who my celebrity crushes were and for the longest time - I actually assumed everyone else was lying too! I never entertained the idea people were actually physically and sexually attracted to people they didn’t even know. I had the realization I was and always had been ace when I was 29. I stumbled upon the term when perusing the Internet and after reading about the experiences of other asexual people, I realized I related entirely. Describing the realization of being ace as a type of grief is accurate, at least for me. I cried, I lamented, I despaired. I also had the lightbulb moment of realization that my life would never look like those around me, and it made me distraught. Luckily I’ve since been able to sit with my acehood and not only come to terms with it, but even embrace and take pride in it. It is a part of who I am and that is enough to make it a beautiful thing. I am also an artist, likely (but undiagnosed) neurodivergent, and heteroromantic. Anyway, thank you again for making this video. Hearing the experiences and perspectives of other ace people has helped to bring a sense of belonging and pride for me.
My first reaction when told about the concept of sex was utter disgust… I later forced myself to try to adapt and develop a sexuality… It worked, but became an unhealthy obsession. I became a sex addict that could not sleep without it for many years. I was never lucky enough to have a partner… Many years later, after A LOT of therapy… I no longer have an obsession with it…
The gatekeeping in the queer community is soo wild to me 🤯 I see you and I value you so much my ace siblings and I'll always try to advocate for more ace and aro visibility. Sincerely, a bisexual & biromantic (as in attracted to more than one gender), polyamorous, potentially demi (trying to find this out now), k!nky $lut 💜
I am ace and also a seamstress. I dabble in gardening, knitting, crocheting, tatting, painting/drawing, and cooking/baking. I have two ace friends, one is a seamstress and cosplayer, the other is a painter, so I’m thinking that the anecdotal evidence lines up!
(raises hand) I'm aro-ace and my artsy hobbies include origami, sewing, music, and baking. I remember when I first discovered I was ace, it wasn't my *lack* of sexual attraction that clued me in (because how can I know what it's like to experience something I don't?), but the realization that almost everyone else *does* experience it and I have no idea what it feels like. It was like going your whole life thinking it's normal to have 2 thumbs that are different sizes because that's what your thumbs are like, only to realize at 21 that most people do, in fact, have thumbs that are the same size. I have never understood what it means to have a "nice butt," and I don't think I ever will (what are people seeing that I'm not?!). In short, how did I realize I was asexual? By realizing that everyone else isn't. ETA: I actually gave a lecture very similar to your video back when I was in medical school as part of our school's sex and gender medicine course. The irony is that I then spent the next 3 years effectively re-closeting myself while in residency. I guess the imposter syndrome is doubly severe when you're also a doctor lol. But I guess that's just what I reflexively do when people find out I'm pushing 30 and still single and tell me patronizing things like "you'll change your mind someday" or "you still have time." I also happen to be a WOC, so growing up it was "don't you dare get a boyfriend" until suddenly it was "*when* you get a boyfriend in college" and "isn't it about time you married her off?" Nevermind that I don't have the vocabulary to explain what I am in their language, and they would almost certainly assure me I'll change my mind even if I could explain it. Also wanted to clarify that the DSM-V lists female sexual interest/arousal disorder as a disorder but specifies that one of the diagnostic criteria is that it causes clinically significant distress or impairment, and self-identifying as ace actually precludes a diagnosis of FSIAD
Lol. Also aroace and crafty (sewing, baking, knitting, etc)...with thumbs that are 2 different sizes. Came out to myself at 20, although my realization was more along the lines of accepting that being straight wasn't going to be something I grew into and "hypothetically heterosexual" wasn't a thing. You don't happen to like the All For The Game series, do you?
@TriciawithaC Thank you so much for sharing your story 💜 I'm sorry you keep getting invalidated about your identity. That's extremely hurtful and frustrating, and I hope that you have a good community of friends or an online community where you can be accepted for who you are, in all the fullness and beauty of it. And thank you for clarifying about the DSM-V!! 😁 Origami?? That's so cool!! I love to bake and sew too, those are my two main hobbies. I love your analogy about the thumbs, and I feel exactly the same way about people's butts 😆For a long time I thought everyone was lying or exaggerating about finding people "hot" and I didn't even know what they meant by it. It IS really hard to know that you're experience is different from other peoples' when that's all you've ever known. It feels sometimes like trying to describe colours, you just can't really find the right words, but you know what you feel (and don't feel).
@@TriciawithaC No worries, then, more of an inside joke. It's a self-published trilogy about a fictional sport and the mafia with a demisexual MC. Don't know if I would recommend it, I just brought it up because I ended up in a craft group of fans of it and a startling proportion of us are some shade of ace, so I thought it would be really funny if we had that in common as well.
Thank you so much for this video. I was thinking about the connection you made between authors + artists and ace people... here are my two cents on it: Authors and artists tend to be relatively well-known people. In other words, people you can actively find out about. Maybe we've all become a bit more public figures since social media, but not to the extent that kings and scientists have...Smells like a bias to me, but isn't that the universal human experience ;)
Wow Meghan, so much to know about this topic, All I will say is remove the labels, labels are for clothing not people, no one should be in the closet just let people be who they are without labeling them. I'm a straight person who has been divorced since 1997 and to this day, I have never had sex and really don't care to. When ever someone hears this they are shocked! Meghan, you are a brave women, I have a lot of respect for you!
I have been struggling my entire life fitting into heteronormative society growing up. People have made it clear how different I am by aggressively arguing about my existence. I have been out for 4 years and life makes a lot more sense knowing nothing is wrong with me.
I appreciate you speaking about this. It really speaks directly to my heart. I really related to your feelings of not being queer ENOUGH and what being visible means for you and for others in the umbrella. I would love more content on different ways to handle ace-allo relationships if you have any recommendations. It feels yucky to me that the solution seems to so often be polyamory. That's great as one option (or one diverse set of a multitude of options) but I don't feel like I'm ready for or desirous of that and it would be cool to hear from others on how to have conversations and tools for navigating that.
I wish I had answers for you! It feels yucky for me too that poly is the only solution that’s usually proposed, because ace folk often get the short end of the stick when it comes to poly.
Woah. I had no understanding of the split attraction model!!! How is it that it's been so long in these odd feelings/incompatible to so many other people around me - and now I'm technically just realising there's different categories in understanding attraction and types!! Of attraction. (also, the split attraction model helped me realise the feelings that I have for my best friend and the confusion between alterous attraction that I've been having?! I've never heard of it before! It's so so relieving to think that... These feelings are stuck between romantic and platonic. Also that same distachment between celebs and crushes! It's so so nice to have that word for it! Thank you. Thank you so damn much. I literally came into this video thinking "I'm not properly ace, but I know my friends are and I wanna learn more.' And now I'm like... Holy shit, I'm on the ace spectrum, definitely demi.!! I think also now I realise I identify as demi, I felt like I'm not really ace enough to qualify... So you know, it's really nice to feel like I am. Like, being bi was so new of itself, but now understanding the demi side is so helpful and validating too!
Hi. Autistic Ace alloro het cis dude here. I would like to share something. I am afraid to be around women, even as friends. I have trouble socializing and reading people generally, and being ace just puts a huge blindspot in a very dangerous area. I feel like there is an assumption that if i am being emotionally available or open (i prefer fewer friends with deeper bonds) or displaying interest that i am trying to get in someone's pants. If i remove a female friend from my life for any reason, that is generally the accusation. That the whole friendship was an effort to get in their pants. Even if I've told them I'm ace. It's incredibly alienating and dangerous. Even asking "are you coming on to me?" As clarification and end up with me being accused of obscene things that i never even thought of. As this is a cis het ace place i... wanted to share my perspective as a het male ace. Thank you for reading.
Thank you for sharing your perspective, it's very much needed, as navigating life/relationships when you're ace is tricky and can be really hurtful sometimes. I'm sorry you've been so misunderstood. Hopefully with more education and awareness, there will be less damaging and hurtful assumptions made about ace people.
Amazing video! As an arro-ace I'm listening to your video while writing😅 I also sew! As well as wire wrapped jewelry and sculptures. I make the joke that since I'm not interested in anyone in any way, I have more time to make things. I'm a witch as well, and very blunt about everything, including my arro-ace aspect. I start the conversation and explain that I think sex is hilariously overblown(giggity) and I like to challenge people's perceptions about it. This serves 2 purposes, they get mad and leave me alone, or I educate someone for the next person. I've never had anyone get mad at me for being arro-ace, but I'm a 6 foot tall afab built like a brick wall, I feel I make them more nervous than mad, lol. I relized I was ace around 28 when I read through a LGBTQ IA+ magazine with the different pride flags and asexual was one. A lot of things clicked, I discovered something about myself and it helped with my anger. I'm neuro-spicy and the frustration of not knowing was a major issue.
I can relate to SO much of that. I'm neurospicy too, and also had a lot of anger until I realized I was queer and actually let myself embrace that. I also do wire wrapped sculptures and I'm witchy too! I love how you challenge peoples' perceptions of sex. That's so important, because our culture places so much emphasis on it.
Cool video, never seen your content before TBH, but I guess the algorithm got me here because I watch a lot of queer content, specially if they're talking about asexuality since I'm ace, going to go look at some of your fashion content too, but I appreciate you talking about this, because growing up I felt so alienated from humanity, I unironically believed I was not human at all because people claimed that sex and love were such fundamental parts of the human experience, and well, personally I am Aro Ace, but anyway it's good to talk about this because knowing about these things would have saved me a lot of existentially driven depression and mental breakdowns from feeling so disconnected from the rest of humanity.
It's so hard to feel like you're broken or like you don't belong, and not really know why. Having a word for it helps so much, and I'm glad you found your way to that word and found a community of others who are just like you! 💜🤍🩶🖤
Intensely heteroromantic and asexual. It is so liberating at 57 years of age to be able to explain why or how I feel about things. Married for 24 years, so it would seem that I "can't" be, but it was ALWAYS an issue (frequency, boring, etc) yet there I was perfectly satisfied and didn't really care if it never happened again. Left me for another woman. I started doing research about Asexuality and OMG--so much just clicked about every stage in my life. It is just amazing to be in an identity and not "broken" like I was convinced I was since childhood. Excellent video. Thank you for taking the time to educate. ❤
Thank you for doing this video. I’m a child of the 80s. Heterosexual cisgender female. I grew up around the “you’re a sl@t or you’re frigid” dichotomy. I’m a mom of 2 boys. Short story…. I did a lot of self discovery, and I’m pretty sure I’m Demi
I hate the Madonna/Whore thing, it's so damaging. I'm glad you were able to discover more of who you are, and congratulations! Self-discovery is a hard but very rewarding process and you deserve to be your full and authentic self :)
I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THIS VIDEO, ive been confused for so long as a homoromantic asexual and your descriptions of libido and such WE'RE SO AWAKENING
When I hear these explanations, I always find parts of it pretty relevant to the way I feel. But then I get confused by all the categories and I start to feel like I'm in a college course and I need to get out my notebook. So, I'll just say that I respect all of you aces out there. All the best in your wonderfully interesting lives.
AuDHD and Ace here and yes I’m a writer as well as a dancer, actress, and DJ! I have also found a huge crossover with other ND and Ace people not only being super creative but also their creative pursuits being one of their main focuses as well! And the flirting thing has gotten me so many times. I think it’s partially because I’m autistic and partially because I’m ace but I seem to always come off as flirting to people when I had no intention of doing that, it’s definitely created some interesting situations.
Very nice presentation. I'm proud to be ACE. I have many hobbies and interests that continually keeps me active. I'm not going to chase after anyone. As a male, I have female friends. Would never even fathom the notion of them crossing the friend boundary line.
This is so good to educate yourself, even when having already researched the labels under the ace spectrum. I really don't know what label fits me best, so I just conform with being in the aroace spectrum and that's it. Don't wanna go insane labeling everything about me (don't get me wrong, if you want to label everything abt yourself, that's completely fine!) Unrelated, but I love your chest tattoo! Looks really nice on you :) Also, the pride barbies are so cool ^_^
Thank you so much for your video!! I'm asexual girly from Russia, of all places! And even though I have known about my orientation for 2 years now, your video was still very informative for me! I didn't know that romantic and sensual attraction are different, for example, so.. Yeah!! I'm also an artist too, so that tracks X) I will definitely watch more of your content, you are such charming person to be honest! And yeah, sorry if my english was a bit clumsy, I just reeeeally wanted to leave a comment!
this was a very informative video! i didn't know all that much about asexuality, and it was really interesting to learn about the different attraction types and especially the difference between libido and sexual attraction. thank you for laying out this information so concisely!
Just seeing this video now, and it is so eye-opening! I think I am still demi, but the differences among different things was really useful, and I'll probably watch this again sometime because it put into words things I didn't even think about before. Thank you so much for making and sharing this video. It has meant so much!
I consider myself asexual, still learning about what all of that means but the more I learn the more I see the importance of sexual orientations. Anyway, I’m asexual and I consider myself also an artist and writer. So that’s neat to think about. Last time I was with someone, I couldn’t stop thinking about my projects I’d rather have been doing than the act I was in.
Actually it's not just grayaces that are into kinks like BDSM. One study found that asexuals in general have about the same interest in BDŚM and such as allosexuals. I personally like to read about certain BDSM aspects. One thing that I'd also like to mention, is that based on some study, they found no significant difference in the libidos of asexuals and allosexual. Last thing I'd like to add, is that some people can lose their sexual attraction for the rest of their lives due to trauma. Human sexuality is very complex
Thank you for making this and sharing about yourself! I am both autistic and asexual and I am blown away by how many autistics are aces and vice versa. It makes me wonder if the two are connected. Something I sit and ponder A LOT!! Understanding myself and my identity has been the most difficult thing I have ever attempted, and the way you put some of these almost-abstract concepts has really helped me wrap my head around things! Especially the breakdown of different kinds of attractions! Very very interesting and I am going to have a lot of fun processing these new-to-me concepts!! 🖤🩶🤍💜
@@meghansandor have you even gone really deep into comphet and how it affects aces? I have a very hard time separating desire and human value - as in, my entire life I have felt like I am not "worthy" unless someone desires me. Although finding out that I am actually autistic later in life has helped me to seek internal validation rather than external, I am still incredibly confused about desires and inherent value, or "worthiness" as a human. If I don't have the desire to engage in sex, why do I desire to be desired by people who want to have sex with me? I just can't seem to separate value as a human from sex and I really really hate it! It's the most confusing thing ever!!!! I am SO glad to have found you and your content and am gonna goo get caught up on your stuff today!! So glad you exist!!
Oh god i think im aroace. this video actually really opened my eyes i never got attracted to anyone sexually or romantically and i hate the thought of having sex myself it makes me feel uneasy and squeamish. i always thought that when someone said "oh they look hot" it meant that they just thought that person looked good like how you compliment a friend. i can't believe i never realized this before, i feel really stupid now.
Thanks, this helped me understand I'm actually ace. I'm also a designer and have a lot of aesthetic attraction so uh... I think you're on to something.
hey just ran across this, and ohh how its weird how much i feel this. lots of hugs for you (i watched your other video first, lol) also sewing rocks! i'll have to see your stuff
I definitely feel like my adolescence was plagued with attempts to fit the straight male stereotype, but the pursuit always ended in a huge let down. I found myself chasing something I could never achieve and hurting a lot of people I really cared about in the process. Realizing I've always been asexual was a life changing revelation for me, but I originally wasn't comfortable labeling myself as such because my experiences didn't neatly fit into the broader definitions of asexuality. So thank you for clarifying the ideas and questions I've been wrestling with for the last couple of years now. Just knowing that there are different types of attraction helps me put everything into perspective, and I love the comment about asexual people being very "mechanically" good at sex. Can confirm, is true.
im Asexual im not attracted to men or women ive had relationships with both genders thinking im either gay or straight or bi but always broke it off after having sex it repulses me to the point where it makes me have anxiety and feel like im going to pass out just by the thought of it ive even tried masturbation even that doesn't do it for me.
Meghan..... Have you ever the cliched expression... "You Go Girl"..... This vlog is to be cherished!.... Excellent!... The opening segment is seriously a grandslam.... Myself, being Austic, I find it difficult to READ people.... So, there is something about ME showing YOU I am being honest... I Like girls... But I find it difficult to READ body language at times... I am a little weird, Meghan!.... Anyway, this vlog is to be cherished!... Excellent!
This video helps a lot with my understanding. My wife who thought she was asexual before we got together was very passionate about the subject and frustrated with my inability to understand what she was saying. Granted that was 6 years ago and I've since realized I was bi as well as having transitioned but still. Btw starting estrogen teaches you FAST that libido is separate from attraction but destroying the former lol
This is exactly how I feel... I've just had to come to terms with the fact that I gotta be open to dating ppl from ALL around the country... so, I gotta use apps. If only we HAD dating apps meant for aces, tho...
Contrary to what I heard you say at the beginning of the video, not all ARO/ACE people are born this way. In fact, we can arrive to asexuality in a number of different ways, one of them being mental trauma. I did years of research because this is what happened to me after enduring a 22-year abusive marriage and considering myself a cis female for six decades. While I appreciate beauty in men and enjoy their friendship, I have no interest or appetite whatsoever in/for any kind of sexual activity or intimacy. This is not an age related problem or forced celibacy on my part, as many females do enjoy and seek s*x after menopause, it is an absolute disinterest in anything related to it, which makes me part of the ARO/ACE collective.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, and you’re right that sometimes asexuality can be a result of trauma; however, I was careful not to pathologize it in this video because aspec people have their identity invalidated and dismissed all the time, and one of the ways that acephobia manifests is through people saying that it’s not a legitimate sexual orientation, it’s just a result of trauma. I didn’t want to perpetuate that stereotype, so I didn’t mention it. Not to invalidate your experience AT ALL, just my goal with this video was to help people see asexuality and aromanticism as legitimate orientations that belong under the queer umbrella.
You mentioning that many of the Ace ppl you know are Artists and/or artists💀💀 and then me realizing that I’m Ace and an artist and every Ace friend I have is also an artist or a writer or both 💀💀 Like- I could be that just most of my friends are artists or writers or voice actors but the fact that you said it got me thinking about it now too💀💀
I’m glad that I found this video. I will watch it later since I don’t have time now. Maybe this video has some answers to my insecurities so I will definitely watch it. I think I am an ACE AND I wanna be in a relationship. However, I feel super insecure and feel like I will never find someone that likes me unless I find someone who is OK w not having s*x. And it’s really hard. I have never met w an ACE. I feel like I will d*e alone.. I started to hate myself because of not being like others who are super ok w s*x. Btw I watched the video partially. My major is Communication and Design. Which means I’m a Fine Arts student. And I like writing scripts. Maybe ACE people are really artistic people!! 💓💓
I've been in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who's not ace for 4 years now. It is possible! Just takes a lot of courage, communication, compromise and consistency, but it definitely is possible. Don't let being ace stop you from going after what you want :)
Thank you for this video which to me as an extremely unaware asexual person was basically just a "this is how other people feel and how they assume you're 'supposed to' feel kind of video", lmao
21:10 - yooo, what's the origin of this super-detailed Ace Flag graphic?? This is totally stimulating my must-read-everything brain, and all the text got so smushed! Where did it come from?
Having an unspecified inkling of being somewhat on the outside of this whole human sexual experience bubble, it was genuinely hilarious to realize after the fact that each protagonist i've brought up to life was unintentionally, though implicitly, asexual ;D However, as an aftermath of being forced to deal with men's projections, unfortunately even as a kid, i grew up hyper-aware and über-instinctive about people's thoughts..
I think I'm Aromantic, and I've been drawing since I was a little kid. One of the things that muddles it a bit is that I'm also autistic and hyperfocus on anime, comics, games, ect (basically anything I could get a story from or tell a story with). It's hard to say if it comes from one specific source or a combination of my sexuality, disability, and personality (I was bullied a lot and really severely so I'm not all that attached to people in general).
There's a huge crossover between autism and asexuality. Not to perpetuate stereotypes but I have noticed that a lot of autistic people are asexual/aromantic. That being said, not every ace/aro person is autistic! I might actually do a video about this at some point.
I'm aroace, it took me a long time to believe it. When I got in a serious relationship, I realized that I was basically wearing a mask when I was with this person. I was in a relationship because I was supposed to be, I made the first move and put in a lot of effort. But my feelings weren't there in reality, no matter how much I thought they were. I am used to masking, because I have other stuff going on, but I understood that it wasn't right to pretend to love someone, and that there was no way I would be able to put on an act in my own home for years. It was not fair to that other person, so I ended the relationship. Being single since then has been fantastic, actually living my best life 😊
The way I realised I am ace was through a celebrity crush discussion in the 8th grade. The girlies were like "oh I like this guy" "oh I like this one" and I said I liked the guy who played Paul Atreides in the old Dune movie specifically in the poster because he was good looking. I hadnt seen the movie at that point and they knew. And they started berating me "cmon youre lying, you dont even know how he plays the character, yet alone his name" and that was the moment I realised... maybe thats NOT what they meant. Like I had been an avid Episode player at that point, like I knew I could have a libido only in the specific scenario of imagining whats happening and not showing, and I was already having a complicated, not-quite-romantic-but-more-than-best-friends relashionship with one of them, so I had a tad of affection in me. I just supposed I was gay for a lack of other words, and then I found out in the 10th grafe about asexuality through an insta meme and its been a kicker ever since. That was the weirdest part of my teenagehood
![Lil Uzi Vert - Chill Bae [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/D7F42F_JM3U/mqdefault.jpg)
It’s very important to make clear that Asexuality is NOT a “lack of attraction”; it’s a “lack of SEXUAL attraction”. As an asexual myself I feel many kinds of attraction to others, just never sexual attraction.
Yess thank you for re-stating this! Lots of people have trouble wrapping their heads around that, and I feel like it's one of the most important things about being ace that needs to be talked about.
I enjoy being ACE. Don't like parenthood. Family of 10, I wish to go the opposite direction.
Yeah, it can be combined with a lack of other attractions, just as it can be combined with a lack of sex, arousal and libido, but it is a misconception, that all of those do and have to be linked......
Sensual and aesthetic attractions exist, and each of the other things can arise compleatly on their own or in any combination..... Very low or rare sexuall attraction still falls under the umbrella of ace, and while some are, not every ace is sex repulsed .....
So many many shades of ace ^^
Yeah, I'm asexual but NOT aromantic, and I've had people say really cruel things to me like I'm not capable Of romantic love or that I'm selfish for hoping for a sexless marriage. Also people telling me that I'm not actually human , that I'm broken, or that romantic love can't exist without sex. Wild stuff.
@@captainsawbones I'm sorry you've had such terrible experiences. People can be really shitty sometimes when they're confronted with things they don't understand ❤
Demi, but this explains so much. I have a very high libido, but never in regard to any person unless there are strong feelings towards them. I find people aesthetically pleasing but it's like looking at a work of art. There's no desire to do anything sexual with them
Same! Its hard to explain to others and hard to even understand myself sometimes.
I can relate
Would that qualify as demi-sexual?
@jujubesification There are many ways to classify demisexual. the way it was explained to me is; you don't feel anything (or close to nothing) until you make an emotional connection with the person, or know them for a while. Meaning no "fall in love at first sight" it's a thing you build. it's like a locked door, and the person you like is the only one with the key. There can be more key holders than one, but it's just an example.
@@jujubesification I literally said I was demi in the post
the aroace to artist pipeline is definitely a real thing!! I started an aroace group on my college campus and almost everyone is an artist or a creative in some way (and also I noticed a high percentage of us watch video essays? I’ve never had so many people know what I’m talking about when I randomly brought one up lol). My theory is that to most allo people sex and romance is basically a hobby.
Holy shit!! I've never thought of it that way before, but it totally makes sense. I know a LOT of allo people who are very preoccupied with sex in the same way that sewing occupies almost all of my waking thoughts. I guess not having that drive, we channel all that energy elsewhere?
Ahah wow, it makes me think about me 😅 I am new to this and trying to grasp it in a way. I do feel sexual attraction but my libido is really low. Like it rarely comes to me to bring myself that kind of pleasure, as if I didn’t need it? It’s just not that important to me once in a relationship, it’s great for connection and it’s binding for me but I am ok doing it rarely… I don’t know if it makes sense to you in ace kind of way? For such a long time I felt so broken because I just don’t need to climax or need that kind of connection. I do have platonic crushes constantly and I don’t feel much difference between a friend or a lover because I demand a certain kind of engagement from all the people in my life. I suppose sex could be there and it can be sensual but not necessarily sexual, does it make any sense? I shaved my head a couple of years ago and I realised thzt for half a year I didn’t feel a sexual being anymore because I didn’t feel pretty without hair. And it was crazy realising how my sexual drive or wanting for sex depended so much on the perception I thought that men and women could have about me, that it had nothing about sth that I naturally felt inside but that it was depended on an external gaze, be wanted and desired? So if I am not feeling I am considered sexy, I have no sex drive and need to initiate? I dunno, I find it wild, it’s as if it had really nothing to do with me but it was just a tool to get sth else…
lmaooooo and I'm a composer
Hey, who's got the ace dragon obsession
Maybe neurodivergence is one reason - a lot of neurodivergent people are quite creative and have a good chance of being Ace/Aro or being part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
I'm Autistic who's also Ace + Demiromantic and very creative.
This is the first information on asexuality I've looked at. In a week I'll be 68, and for most of that time I thought something was wrong with me, and I suppose something could be wrong. My introduction to sex was in the dirt with a hideously unattractive, scary looking stranger with a knife at my neck, when I'd just turned 13. I suffered with PTSD in the form of flashbacks every 15 minutes for a good many years. The interval in between got slightly longer bit by bit till one day when I was 46, and I realized I'd gone the whole day before without it popping up in my head. But for whatever reason, I'm asexual. It was pretty recent when it occurred to me that I'm asexual, but I still hadn't heard it was an actual thing and I wasn't the only one. Your video was packed with good information, and I feel like I just saved a lot of time by not having to pick through a lot of not very helpful stuff to find a couple of answers. Thank you. I am going to watch it again though. That was a lot of info. BTW, I paint pictures. Maybe I'm another one with that connection. Although I realized some time ago that most of us are artists and creators, we all just haven't found that out yet.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you were able to find a good support system to help you deal with and process the aftermath of all that. It's horrible how a few minutes of violence can cause years and years of pain and trauma, but glad to hear that this was helpful for you!
One thing I want to put out there, is also that many of us (maybe far the most of us) don't consider people to be perverts or anything of the sort. There can be a misunderstanding that we consider others "disgusting" or "perverted" for sex having such a relatively big focus in their life. That is not the case.
In fact, I get kind of an outside view and I understand many of the underlying feelings/attractions going on, because I have been pretending and analyzing how to behave for so long, just to learn how to fit in.
It gives us a unique perspective on most fetishes that is otherwise considered "perverted" or bad in society. Now mind you, that is not to say that we can't detect or see those *actually* dangerous tastes or fetishes which hurts other people... those are not the ones I am talking about.
I am talking about someone I know very well and how I wouldn't bat an eye if it was somehow revealed that they were into swinging, bdsm, roleplaying, or even much more hardcore consensual things. The people who are like me that I have spoken to, are not shy about these things and they would probably be the first to accept pretty much anything without anything but genuine interest in the lifestyle and how it is perceived.
I've never been in a relationship or had s3x because I kind of thought okay one day I will find someone that appeals to me but it just never did and I was always confused with why people are SO obsessed with boning when there are so many other things you could be spending your time with?!
I only realized I'm ace in the last couple years. And I'm also very creative, I have so many hobbies and so many more I'd like to start. Maybe because our brains are not full of wanting to chase other people?
All people that I followed online that turned out to be ace are some kind of creative (the reason I followed them in them first place), so this seems to be a thing!
I bet that has something to do with it for sure, when you're not thinking about sex all the time, there's a lot more space in your brain for other things!
Think the causality goes the other way ^^
I so did not get it either.... 😅
Same
For me, the spectrum aspect is pretty important. I think I have little to no motivation for sexual encounters but I can enjoy them with a partner who I like. However, I will still always need my partner. to "remind" me to have sex because I forget about that element of our relationship. I think even those people who I considered "romantic" partners in my past might be more of platonic relationships but sex was projected onto me. I always thought I was a homosexual man, then started calling myself homo-romantic as I was in relationships with other queer men only. I'm starting to think I might be asexual.
Thank you for your video, wishing you only the best.
You can definitely enjoy sex with certain people and still be ace! I think a lot of allosexual people also primarily enjoy sex for the aspect of emotional intimacy and just don't realize that that's why they enjoy it. I think as asexual people we're more aware of that, because when you're not actually attracted to anyone, you need deeper motivation to be able to have sex.
I think i prefer the emotional aspect and the fact that i can provide happiness and satisfaction for someone i love:)
Ace writer here! I appreciate you mentioning the topic of sex going right over your head during a simple conversation. Sometimes I learn that someone views me in a sexual way instead of just a general draw to be around me. Unfortunately it’s caused a lot of social anxiety and fear. Thank you for bringing up the fear of being touched, that has been something I never related to our situation but have struggled with my whole life.
I’m a STEM ace!! I love chemistry, biology, and math!! It’s so easy to lose myself in all the wonderful facts and stats of science!! ❤ we’re here too 🎉🎉
Love that!! So good to hear from the STEM folk :)
Same here! Professional scientist and ace 🧬🧪
Great video! It has got to be way higher than 1%, just anecdotally based off my friend groups even factoring in "birds of a feather flock together" since a lot of us came out after becoming friends. Around half of us are ace and a good portion are aro as well. I think education that it is an option at all, and what it specifically is and isn't, is key - so thanks for doing that work!
Thank you! I think it's higher than 1% too, I bet there are tons of us out there in the wild who just don't have the words yet to describe what they're experiencing. Definitely agree that this is why education is important, because it clears up so much!
Agree, especially given how many people do not even know just what actually falls under the umbrella of ace so tons of people are living an ace experience without being aware, that it is one!
@NotVille_ Why would you be proud of maps we have GPS now
I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but what made me feel unsure is that I can be turned on from sexual things, like porn, stories (this activates it more than porn, becausethere is a story behind it and not just sex on its own) I read bit with time I realised that it doesn't contradict itself.
Exactly! Plenty of ace folk get turned on and have/enjoy sex. What makes someone ace depends on whether or not they experience sexual attraction towards a person, or groups of people.
This is the fourth or fifth video I've watched talking about asexuality and I still can't understand the difference between libido and sexual attraction. I'm starting to wonder if I'm so asexual that I can't understand attraction, or I'm just bad at words.
@@VullVull be fair to yourself, it's really really hard to parse these things out! As far as I can tell, I think the difference is that libido = that feeling when you're just horny and want to scratch an itch, but it's not necessarily directed at anyone. Sexual attraction is when you see someone and THEN your libido kicks in because you want to have sex with that person. Libido by itself is just a vague desire to have an orgasm.
@cary9479 Actually I am trying to figure things out, I am not sure if I´m ACE or if it is something else. One of my main doubts is what you described I can get turned on with stories or fantasies in my head but the occasions where I tried sex it didn´t really work for me. Even when I masturbate myself using porn I can arouse myself a little bit but I lose interest really quick ( like a few minutes).
I was pleasantly surprised when your video came up in my feed! It is SO important that there are out aces explaining asexuality on social media.
I am so glad you explained the difference between sexual attraction and libido. That is one of the biggest reason I didn’t know I was Ace until I was 47 years old! I thought I couldn’t be asexual because I have a libido. Also the split attraction model is SO helpful!! I am sure you are helping many people figure things out!
Thank you so much for this comment! It's encouraging because this is exactly why I made this video, to help other Aces figure things out but also to help them explain their sexuality to others if they feel the need to. There's so much misinformation about asexuality out there, and it can get pretty complicated.
That's the reason why I am adamant, that the procentage has to be way way higher, most people plain do not know what plethora or different experiences falls under the umbrella or ace, of that it is an umbrella therm in generell!!!
I have an extreamly sex positive bff who would never have considered herself to be ace on her own, but when I talked about some of the many many many variations we found, that she does very much fall into the spectrum, just a very different place, then I do ^^
Very happy, that you found your place and that it helped you! ^^
Same here, I just realized I am ace because of this video. I'm 21
This video feels very affirming and I'm incredibly happy i stumbled upon it. Thank you for making it!
I just learned about asexuality this week, at 22 years old. It's hard to notice the absence of sexual attraction when you don't really know what it is and have no interest in knowing it.
I didn't have any attraction of any sort until earlier this year when I had an online crush. It was entirely spiritual and emotional. Unfortunately it wasn't mutual. Perhaps it's better that way, since I would totally have panicked if my crush ever wanted to go further than just words. My friends can't believe there was something more than friendship, but I have no doubt because I was thinking about him all day.
Now I'm starting my first ever mutual relationship. Though I initiated the conversation about getting into a relationship, he was the one starting all physical contact (so far only holding hands and hugging) with my permission. He has been very respectful and we've been taking it slowly. So far I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm still exploring myself. A few weeks ago, I would have labelled myself aromantic if I was shown the categories, but now I'm starting to think I may experience romatic feelings. Sex is a hard no, though. I can't see myself do it even when I'm enjoying the hugging.
You video is very informative. Thank you for all the effort you put in!
I'm sorry your feelings weren't reciprocated. That's a really painful thing to deal with, but it sounds like you have a very supportive and loving partner now! Negotiating boundaries when you're ace is always tricky, but having a respectful and supportive partner helps a lot :)
Ace, artist, And writer here! I had no idea this was a thing lol ❤
Me too, I'm AroAce and I enjoy drawing and making stories since the youngest age I remember and I'm never planning to stop!😋
Oh I've always assumed there was a link with writing simply because of the number of Ace characters in fiction. Like pay attention a little bit and you'll start to realize there are a ton of ace protagonist and I do not think that they're being written simply to make them child safe I think the authors are probably also ace. I think this also contributes a lot to people not realizing when they are ace. I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with my family but let's just say it's at least demisexual through almost the entire extended family. When I tried to explain to them that a significant portion of the population can be sexually attracted to things like pictures, it was an entirely foreign concept😂
I'm autistic and asexual...It makes it a bit more confusing because of the sensory aspects of autism. Makes the platonic situations more sensory fixed and feels like sexual attraction but, it isn't because it doesn't "activate" that engine that gets the bodies together i guess. So for example once i felt attracted to the smell of a dance partner in a class and it was totally platonic, my first kiss was after dancing sensually with a very sexual driven men and the experience was very underwhelming and didn't get better in my other 4 attempts. I've discovered my neurodivergency and sexual orientation at 39 years old, after cutting ties with my highly probably narcissistic siblings. I'm also very visually stimulated and has meant that i have a not shared erotic life...Very mild do 😊❤
I'm autistic as well and I can relate, like I can't quite pin point my sexuality. It's either asexual or gray ace. I have a hard time telling apart libido and sexual attraction.
Wait are people not thinking about the Plague of Justinian? First I find out everyone else is thinking about sex, now you tell me they're not thinking of Roman Empire. What next?
Great video, very comprehensive about the topic! I found out I'm aroace around two years ago, after breaking up with my boyfriend and asking myself, why the relationship didn't feel right. We never had sex, and for me, it always felt like more of a friendship. Turns out, there was actually an explanation for this lol I identify more as aro than ace ... I'm probably aegosexual, but I'm still not sure. I still "think" about stuff randomly, but I'm not attracted to anyone in real life. Realizing this is a spectrum is super helpful in finding the right labels.
I'm actually a writer as well, and the main character of my detective novels is aroace. Writing my books really helped me with finding out who I am and how to categorize all of this. It's super interesting to incooperate this in art :D I wish more people could read them, because I feel like they are good representation ... but they are in German and currently not released xD Yeah, we need better representation!
Oh wow, I hope your books get published!! We need MUCH more representation and I love reading things that other ace and aroace creators write because it's always so thoughtful and relatable :)
@@meghansandor Thanks! I'm thinking about translating them to reach a bigger audience :) More representation by actual aspec people is SO important.
I'd love to read them, Im from Germany btw ;)
@@Madamekittylein Wow, eine Antwort! Ich hatte sie mal gepublished, aber wieder offline genommen. Die Idee bleibt, würde es gerne aber später anders umsetzen. Wünsche mir definitiv immer noch mehr aroace rep in Medien und denke, ich hab da eine coole Geschichte :D
@@Neko123Uchiha ich hab auch schon länger überlegt Geschichten über sowas zu schreiben, aber ich hab noch nie eine Zusammenhängende Geschichte geschrieben, es bleibt bei einer Grundidee und das wars -.-
Yeah, I'm an Ace and a Game Writer. I work at a small studio, and also sometimes get that kind of obsessive "work for hours after work on a small passion project" kind of feeling. XD
I am also dating my D&D DM, who is also Ace. Her creative outlet is running (no joke) three whole sessions a week, all in the same world, where events that affect one party may affect the others. It's incredible how in-depth and alive she makes it feel.
That’s so cool! Game writer sounds like a really fun job ☺️
@@meghansandor It really is. I have my dream job, working at a studio that genuinely cares about its people.
I would not have moved 3 hours away from all my friends and family for anything less. :)
Hiii im aroace and an artist!!! And my experience being aroace has been kinda wacky cause for me, defining the lack of attraction is so much more confusing than defining attraction,,, it was so hard finding the right thing to describe what exactly I was missing. I figured out I was asexual pretty early on and then thought I was biromantic because I felt the same amount of romantic attraction to all genders… it took a while to realise that the same amount of attraction,, was no attraction at all😭😭
But also the aro/ace experience is so unique cause it can be soo hard to know what that attraction feels like if you’ve never felt it? Especially because there’s so many kinds of attraction you can confuse eachother for!!! If a girl is only attracted to girls she can understand the lack of attraction she feels to men by comparing it to what she feels for women ,,,,, but how do you understand the lack of attraction with nothing to compare???
I’ve struggled with this so much, especially with figuring out and defining myself as aro,,,, I’ve always felt more sure about my asexuality than my aromanticism. I’m borderline sex repulsed but I looove the idea of romance in media and that, along with trying to define what I DONT feel, made it so much harder to realise I just don’t like the idea of romance for myself😭
Also that bit about using labels as tools for yourself has really been something I’ve been trying to internalise cause I have a bad habit of psycho analysing myself and my feelings when it’s as simple as feeling a connection to a label and identifying with it!!! It’s not some rule book just a word you use to describe your current feelings and experiences ! This video would have saved me so much trouble 5 years ago!!
I don’t usually comment anywhere but I haven’t really seen people talk about this kind of experience which is crazy cause it’s been my whole asexual aromantic journey so I wanted to put it out there! It’s so refreshing to see a video just talking about asexuality and being proud of it!!!!!! 🖤🩶🤍💜
I've only experienced physical attraction for a few seconds, at least I think I have. But it's never been about hating the idea of being intimate with another person, I just don't understand when people say they feel physical attraction.
I never knew any of this information and was blown away by how much their is to learn about Asexuality. So much work went into this Megan, so I hope the algorithm of this interest pops up so it can answer questions for people who need answers and settle some hearts who have been searching all their life. Also you mentioned you upcycle cloths to create others, so I hope you got to the Toronto Vintage Clothing Show last weekend. Keep up the wonderful work and thank you.
Thank you so much! I hope so too, I really want to raise awareness about asexuality as an orientation because not a lot of people know about it!
Interesting that you bring up Aces and artists. I don't know a lot of ace people but literally every single one of them is an artist in some way. My friend (who has talked about being ace but hasn't actually confirmed it, seems likely from my perspective lmao) is about to release his first single, which is a precursor to a black metal/drone/dark ambient album he's working on. I'm personally trying to learn harsh vocals to start up my own black/doom metal project in the future, which unfortunately isn't exactly going well, but I'd say it still counts to a degree. My other ace friend works on set design for plays and musicals. Hadn't really considered it before, but there's definitely a correlation in there somewhere.
I am a 35 year old biromantic ace from Ontario, Canada, who enjoys singing, writing, and wearing ultra feminine fashion pieces! 🥰 I love your informative and thought-provoking content as well as your gorgeous hand-sewn dresses! 😄
Hello there! We’re neighbours, I also live in Ontario!
@@meghansandor Chris Evans in now right soon and I will do it next week on Thursday if you is good thanks you guys and morning do you in my life just me and
This was an outstanding breakdown that had me nodding and going "yup yup, this tracks!". It's going into my favourites and I'm going to pull this out anytime someone needs an in-depth analysis of what it means to be Ace!
I really wish the language for this had existed in the early 2000s, it would have made things SO much clearer to me. I knew back then I wasn't interested, and I ended up letting society propagandize me into thinking "I really look forward to trying it once day"...Until I got unavoidable proof that I'm Ace and went "Man, SO many years of anxiety and confusion for nothing!"
I’m so happy that you found this useful and that’s exactly why I made it! So that we can refer people to it when we need to explain our sexuality because it can be sooo complicated and tricky for allo people to wrap their heads around
4:20 -what is asexuality
6:31 - asexuality in history
12:19 - the split attraction model
This is one of the most helpful videos (or any other media) I've seen yet for understanding asexuality as an allosexual person. I really appreciate the analogies and finding examples of different types of attraction etc that allo people experience to help us understand the different aspects. A lot of asexual material just feels like it's in a different language to me and it's given with a tone of annoyance and condescension towards allos rather than any attempt to explain things in a way that I can understand them. Not that I don't get the annoyance but also I really want to understand the nuances! I had started to think it was an understanding divide that was just uncrossable, so I really appreciate this.
Thank you so much, both for your thoughtful comment and for your thoughtfulness in seeking to understand the experiences of aspec people :) I made this video with the intention of helping allosexual people better understand what it's like to be ace, and I'm so happy it resonated!!
I’ve known I was aroace for a while so I don’t watch a lot of ace content on RUclips, but for some reason this popped up and it’s honestly a really good explanation of what asexuality is, in a way that’s easy for allo people to relate to. So I’m prob gonna steal some of your analogies XD.
Thank you for putting your story out there!!
Edit: and I want to add for anyone who’s questioning in the comments, labels are descriptive not prescriptive. They might never be perfect, but that doesn’t make them any less true. You can try on a label to see how it fits and change it if it doesn’t.
Just bc it’s a phase doesn’t make it any less real. I mean, being alive is just a phase between death, but no one says that’s fake do they?
THANK YOU for this comment, and I love your analogy about life just being a phase. I'll trade you my analogies for that one ;) And also thank you for your kind words, this video was intended mostly for allo people, to help them understand asexuality, but I'm pleasantly surprised by how many aces found it validating and informative 💜🤍🩶🖤
As an older cis/ace male, you really did an excellent job explaining this... especially the libido part!
I still have a fairly high libido, so many allos just don't get this part!
They really don't!
Pan Ace here, you gained a follower because it's been really hard to explain to people understand why I'm not sensually attracted to someone.
I literally have to break up with my ex because he doesn't respect the fact that I'm not into that.
I appreciate your videos, I feel very seen.
I personally keep trying to tell my mom that just because I've never been interested in sex that it means I cannot be attracted to the opposite sex, she's very old fashioned and thinks that I'm confused and that there's no way I could be attracted to a female simply because i haven't hooked up with one. , I'm a bit discouraged.
I was definitely born this way, for sure.
Also, I'm a writer myself , I am a role-player
Omg, so many things are running in my head now. I don't know if I'm ace, or how I would be ace. I'm lost between what I want and don't want for me, and what others wish I would be. This video is helping a lot !!!
I'm glad it helped you!
Hey, just wanted to say thank you for your videos! I've been watching them for the last days and remembered/realised how important this is! A few years ago I first discovered that I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum but I kind of pushed it back down because while the people around me tried to understand, they didn't really? I'm in my early twenties and I can't exactly get around feeling like I'm missing something when so many people around me are super into sex...
So I'm really grateful for people sharing their stories, showing me that it's really fine to be myself and figure out what I want to try, what I don't want and what actually is right for me and not what I think should be (btw liked your comphet video as well)
So thanks again!
Thank you for sharing your story! It's so important for us to do that, I definitely relate to feeling like you're an outcast or that people around you don't/won't understand. But you'll find your community! It takes a while but eventually you will :)
This video is filled with new and interesting information for me. I will have to watch it many more times to absorb it. Thank you for taking the time to share.
Thank you for your wonderful feedback! I'm glad I was able to add some value with it :)
So, I’m new to realizing I’m ace. I was always in relationships but only was physical with them because I felt like it was expected of me. I always used to go through the motions to get to what I really wanted: the cuddling. It didn’t take away my love for the person, feeling pressured, but the happiest times in my life have been when I’m single. I’ve been single for 6 years now and thriving (I mean, I do have mental health issues but that’s it’s own thing).
So, in reality, i have no idea if I’m actually ace or not. I’ve certainly dating a ton and been physical with all of them. But I never really enjoyed it and now that it’s gone, I don’t miss it.
Ps. I’m an artist.
Sounds ace to me! 💜I resonated with a lot of that, and I think it comes down to your comfort level with choosing to identify as ace or not. We all arrive at that conclusion through very different paths, and all are valid!
I love that you're an artist. What kind of art do you do??
@@meghansandor haha I have my MFA in painting and drawing but do very little of either. I usually just do crafty stuff now. Example, I play dungeons and dragons, so I started making my own dice out of resin. I paint my own miniatures as well. I also have been making mobiles out of resin lately. I love alcohol ink (try them if you can). I do love and miss oil painting and drawing with graphite or charcoal, I just rarely do it.
As far as the ace thing goes, I’ve told some people and have had a drastically different reaction from everyone. Most of my friends were just confused but still in the positive spectrum. I found it was my male friends who mostly didn’t get it and disregarded me as just “needing a break from dating.” An ex-boyfriend (from 13 years ago) now best friend was insulted. Like there was something wrong with him.
@@vanessaaves3271 resin is SO COOL, especially if you're making custom dice. That's REALLY cool. I've always wanted to get into resin stuff, especially with making pendants, maybe I should look into it!
A lot of straight guys are hostile to asexual women (and people in general). I get it though, it's hard to not take it personally when someone's not physically attracted to you. There's also that stereotype about women not wanting sex, so when you're actually an asexual woman, a lot of straight men think we're just "labelling" ourselves unnecessarily, and they get weird and hostile about it because they don't realize that being asexual is a legitimate orientation.
That's why for me, learning more about my orientation has gone hand-in-hand with unlearning internalized misogyny and patriarchy, because women so often are stereotyped as being "frigid" and uninterested in sex.
@@meghansandor I very recently started getting into jewelry making with resin, mostly because I wanted to make something that would go with my Renaissance festival outfit lol it’s an expensive hobby! I’m also trying to get into cosplaying but me = bad at sewing.
@@vanessaaves3271 I wish we could trade hobbies for a day! I'm pretty good at sewing, I've been doing it every day for the past 3 years and I do a lot of cosplay. I wish I knew you IRL, we could trade skills!
as an asexual who only recently figured it out, thank you so much for making this video.
You're welcome! I'm so glad you found something useful in it :)
this is SUCH a good video and helped me think through a lot of my confusion. I am ace and an artist too, I wonder why thats such a trend. I have always debated, especially with fictional characters, what was sexual attraction and what was just excitement for a good character especially since I am an illustrator.
Thank you!! Your comment just made my day, that's exactly why I made this video 💜 Glad that it helped you think through things!
Meghan makes great lifestyle videos. I'm suspecting she's Aspergers, but I only label myself that way.
@@JimMork I suspect I am as well!
@@meghansandor You do show that focus.
@@JimMork that's what tipped me off that maybe something was going on with neurodivergence, because of my ability to hyperfocus and the fact that I have absolutely zero control over it at all
Thank you for articulating that "sexual attraction is not the same as libido." Because sex feels good...but I don't crave it out side of just getting physical contact.
I thought that was important to talk about, I think a lot of people confuse the two (or don't necessarily think to separate them) and that's why people get so confused by the existence of asexual people who enjoy sex.
Same. I honestly had a hard time telling if I'm asexual or not, but I am most certain I am gray asexual
As an asexual artist AND writer, I think a lot of it comes from feelings of alienation. Many asexuals feel like they are completely and totally alone in a world where people are expected to desire and enjoy sex, but they *don’t.* Art and writing can be incredibly freeing, because you have complete control of the world you create through these forms of expression.
I experience alienation not just because of my asexuality, but also because I am neurodivergent (I have multiple disorders.) Both play a part though, there is a reason every single character I create is queer in some way. Whenever I draw or write, I can express myself without being judged for being too weird. I can also express my feelings of alienation through allegory, like creating a character who is a shapeshifter but forced to pretend they are a normal human.
Essentially, I believe that the link between asexuality and creativity comes from a desire to express the feelings of loneliness, alienation, confusion, exhaustion, and many others that comes from living in a world where you are a freak.
This is a really important take, thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm going to chew on this because you're definitely onto something here. I', sorry you feel alienated, you're not alone and I hope you can find some community or a space where you feel accepted and loved for the wholeness of who you are ❤
Out here in the wild as an Ace Artist and Illustration, SLAY!
Wow I rarely comment on RUclips but this video is SOOO eye opening for me and it answered tons of questions I’ve had about my possible asexuality, which most (alosexual) people I’ve inquired about would be weirded out by (because they probably experience attractions in that linear way you explained in the video and that makes so much sense to me now!!). And speaking to people about it only to be told that I probably just ‘haven’t found the right person yet’ or ‘you just have a really low libido’ have puzzled me for ages and have also made me quite insecure about my sexuality, being fairly inexperienced in sex probably has made it even more difficult for me to come to the conclusion that I’m actually on the asexual spectrum, because I do believe maybe I just haven’t found the right person yet due to my limited sexual experiences with people. TBH I was still having doubts about it until I watched your explanation of attraction, libido and desire. I’ve always been doubting my asexuality because I do have libido (as in when I’m home alone and I suddenly felt horny but not towards a person at all, the exact same scenario you gave in the video!). I guess I’ve confused libido with sexual desire/attraction for a long time and I thought I shouldn’t have that if I’m asexual. Asexuality is not a new concept to me but I’ve known nothing beyond the absence of sexual attraction bit of it. And I remember thinking to myself ‘what even is sexual attraction?’ the first time I looked asexuality up, because I’ve literally NEVER experienced that, of course I don’t know what it is! I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and self understanding recently, and I can’t thank you enough for this video!❤
Thank you so much for this. As a fellow Ace, coming out and having to explain it can be such a frustrating experience (given as you noted, it frequently requires getting into TMI territory).
Something I also appreciate enormously was your discussion about not feeling like you entirely belong within the Queer community, as well as trying to explore your own Queer identity.
Anyway, thank you so much for this video, it made my day!
Thank you so much for your comment! It made MY day to know that my video resonated with you and was able to validate your experiences. And hello from a fellow Ace! :)
@meghansandor479 thank you for the response! I'll share your video with my friends who want to understand it more.
@@andrewpotts87 thank YOU! I appreciate the share and the support :)
This so helpful -thank you! I discovered that I'm on the ace spectrum a few years ago, in my early 40's. So many things are making sense. Healing the young person that felt they were broken and had to "learn to be/feel like normal people do" 😢 I'm also relieved that there are so many more people who figured this out at a later age 😅
Im still discovering what my sexuality is because of videos like this, so thank you.
I only recently discovered the term gray ace, and it's like everything makes sense and the fact I didn't consider it a possibility was why I assumed I was just hetero with low libido. I have had sexual desires directed at specific people in the past albeit rarely, so I wrote off asexuality as an option completely, yet I've never masturbated and porn doesn't particularly do anything for me. I get random sexual urges far more often than I get sexual urges directed at someone, but even those random ones are like a few times a month which I assumed was the norm because people rarely talk about sex but apparently it's just constantly on some peoples minds.
I only had my first sexual partner a few years ago, while I had been confused about my sexuality for a long time before that, ultimately it just felt like a very stressful and exhausting experience for me but my partner really enjoyed it. The especially confusing part was that I did experience the longing to be close to someone and kiss and cuddle, and when I started clubbing it wasn't unusal for me to make out with people with no interest in going further. It even got to the point I went back with someone out of what I felt was obligation and because I'm male, she was expecting me to initiate but I had no idea what to do and we ended up just going to sleep on a very awkward note. But yeah, gray ace with hetero romantic attraction I feel describes me pretty well.
And in case you're still gathering statistics, I'm in stem but I've long dabbled in art for fun, in fact I drew kink art on tumblr for a while before they nuked everything nsfw which I found interesting when I watched your ace and kink video before this one.
I am an artist and defo asexual. My fiancee is also ace. Both of us have a libido, but we don't have even the slightest interest in having sex with one another or other people. We see eachother... kinda like works of art? We love each other platonically and romantically, but there isn't any sexual attraction there. I'm grateful we never have to explain that to one another either.
When I was in highschool (and was still unknowingly in the closet) and even into college, I was told by people I flirted a lot. To me, I was just being nice and friendly, but to them I was indicating attraction. Which always confused me... I've also been flirted with a lot, but I always think the person is being nice. Someone asked for my number once and I deadass thought they just wanted to hang out...
Oof I relate to that way too much!
Thank you for this wonderful video that was so well thought out and beautifully said. My ace experience was very similar to yours, I actually laughed when you mentioned being confused by ‘celebrity crushes’ because that’s my go-to example when explaining my asexuality to others. I used to lie and just pick a generic celebrity when asked who my celebrity crushes were and for the longest time - I actually assumed everyone else was lying too! I never entertained the idea people were actually physically and sexually attracted to people they didn’t even know.
I had the realization I was and always had been ace when I was 29. I stumbled upon the term when perusing the Internet and after reading about the experiences of other asexual people, I realized I related entirely. Describing the realization of being ace as a type of grief is accurate, at least for me. I cried, I lamented, I despaired. I also had the lightbulb moment of realization that my life would never look like those around me, and it made me distraught.
Luckily I’ve since been able to sit with my acehood and not only come to terms with it, but even embrace and take pride in it. It is a part of who I am and that is enough to make it a beautiful thing. I am also an artist, likely (but undiagnosed) neurodivergent, and heteroromantic.
Anyway, thank you again for making this video. Hearing the experiences and perspectives of other ace people has helped to bring a sense of belonging and pride for me.
Thank you for sharing a bit about your journey! It sounds similar to mine and I can totally relate!
My first reaction when told about the concept of sex was utter disgust… I later forced myself to try to adapt and develop a sexuality… It worked, but became an unhealthy obsession. I became a sex addict that could not sleep without it for many years. I was never lucky enough to have a partner…
Many years later, after A LOT of therapy… I no longer have an obsession with it…
The gatekeeping in the queer community is soo wild to me 🤯 I see you and I value you so much my ace siblings and I'll always try to advocate for more ace and aro visibility.
Sincerely,
a bisexual & biromantic (as in attracted to more than one gender), polyamorous, potentially demi (trying to find this out now), k!nky $lut 💜
This is awesome and we love you too!❤️❤️
I am ace and also a seamstress. I dabble in gardening, knitting, crocheting, tatting, painting/drawing, and cooking/baking. I have two ace friends, one is a seamstress and cosplayer, the other is a painter, so I’m thinking that the anecdotal evidence lines up!
(raises hand) I'm aro-ace and my artsy hobbies include origami, sewing, music, and baking. I remember when I first discovered I was ace, it wasn't my *lack* of sexual attraction that clued me in (because how can I know what it's like to experience something I don't?), but the realization that almost everyone else *does* experience it and I have no idea what it feels like. It was like going your whole life thinking it's normal to have 2 thumbs that are different sizes because that's what your thumbs are like, only to realize at 21 that most people do, in fact, have thumbs that are the same size. I have never understood what it means to have a "nice butt," and I don't think I ever will (what are people seeing that I'm not?!). In short, how did I realize I was asexual? By realizing that everyone else isn't.
ETA: I actually gave a lecture very similar to your video back when I was in medical school as part of our school's sex and gender medicine course. The irony is that I then spent the next 3 years effectively re-closeting myself while in residency. I guess the imposter syndrome is doubly severe when you're also a doctor lol. But I guess that's just what I reflexively do when people find out I'm pushing 30 and still single and tell me patronizing things like "you'll change your mind someday" or "you still have time." I also happen to be a WOC, so growing up it was "don't you dare get a boyfriend" until suddenly it was "*when* you get a boyfriend in college" and "isn't it about time you married her off?" Nevermind that I don't have the vocabulary to explain what I am in their language, and they would almost certainly assure me I'll change my mind even if I could explain it.
Also wanted to clarify that the DSM-V lists female sexual interest/arousal disorder as a disorder but specifies that one of the diagnostic criteria is that it causes clinically significant distress or impairment, and self-identifying as ace actually precludes a diagnosis of FSIAD
Lol. Also aroace and crafty (sewing, baking, knitting, etc)...with thumbs that are 2 different sizes. Came out to myself at 20, although my realization was more along the lines of accepting that being straight wasn't going to be something I grew into and "hypothetically heterosexual" wasn't a thing. You don't happen to like the All For The Game series, do you?
@@ariadne0w1I've never heard of it
@TriciawithaC Thank you so much for sharing your story 💜 I'm sorry you keep getting invalidated about your identity. That's extremely hurtful and frustrating, and I hope that you have a good community of friends or an online community where you can be accepted for who you are, in all the fullness and beauty of it. And thank you for clarifying about the DSM-V!! 😁
Origami?? That's so cool!! I love to bake and sew too, those are my two main hobbies. I love your analogy about the thumbs, and I feel exactly the same way about people's butts 😆For a long time I thought everyone was lying or exaggerating about finding people "hot" and I didn't even know what they meant by it. It IS really hard to know that you're experience is different from other peoples' when that's all you've ever known. It feels sometimes like trying to describe colours, you just can't really find the right words, but you know what you feel (and don't feel).
@@TriciawithaC No worries, then, more of an inside joke. It's a self-published trilogy about a fictional sport and the mafia with a demisexual MC. Don't know if I would recommend it, I just brought it up because I ended up in a craft group of fans of it and a startling proportion of us are some shade of ace, so I thought it would be really funny if we had that in common as well.
@@meghansandor ACERS are the opposite of Incels. Seems to me.
Thank you so much for this video. I was thinking about the connection you made between authors + artists and ace people... here are my two cents on it: Authors and artists tend to be relatively well-known people. In other words, people you can actively find out about. Maybe we've all become a bit more public figures since social media, but not to the extent that kings and scientists have...Smells like a bias to me, but isn't that the universal human experience ;)
That could definitely be it! Just more exposure = more correlation. Love that perspective! :)
Wow Meghan, so much to know about this topic, All I will say is remove the labels, labels are for clothing not people, no one should be in the closet just let people be who they are without labeling them. I'm a straight person who has been divorced since 1997 and to this day, I have never had sex and really don't care to. When ever someone hears this they are shocked! Meghan, you are a brave women, I have a lot of respect for you!
Thank you! It's definitely a big topic to cover and I was a bit nervous to post this for sure! Thanks for the support 💜
I have been struggling my entire life fitting into heteronormative society growing up. People have made it clear how different I am by aggressively arguing about my existence. I have been out for 4 years and life makes a lot more sense knowing nothing is wrong with me.
Nothing is wrong with you and you are valid!
I appreciate you speaking about this. It really speaks directly to my heart. I really related to your feelings of not being queer ENOUGH and what being visible means for you and for others in the umbrella. I would love more content on different ways to handle ace-allo relationships if you have any recommendations. It feels yucky to me that the solution seems to so often be polyamory. That's great as one option (or one diverse set of a multitude of options) but I don't feel like I'm ready for or desirous of that and it would be cool to hear from others on how to have conversations and tools for navigating that.
I wish I had answers for you! It feels yucky for me too that poly is the only solution that’s usually proposed, because ace folk often get the short end of the stick when it comes to poly.
Woah. I had no understanding of the split attraction model!!!
How is it that it's been so long in these odd feelings/incompatible to so many other people around me - and now I'm technically just realising there's different categories in understanding attraction and types!! Of attraction.
(also, the split attraction model helped me realise the feelings that I have for my best friend and the confusion between alterous attraction that I've been having?! I've never heard of it before! It's so so relieving to think that... These feelings are stuck between romantic and platonic.
Also that same distachment between celebs and crushes! It's so so nice to have that word for it! Thank you.
Thank you so damn much. I literally came into this video thinking
"I'm not properly ace, but I know my friends are and I wanna learn more.'
And now I'm like... Holy shit, I'm on the ace spectrum, definitely demi.!!
I think also now I realise I identify as demi, I felt like I'm not really ace enough to qualify... So you know, it's really nice to feel like I am.
Like, being bi was so new of itself, but now understanding the demi side is so helpful and validating too!
Hi. Autistic Ace alloro het cis dude here.
I would like to share something. I am afraid to be around women, even as friends. I have trouble socializing and reading people generally, and being ace just puts a huge blindspot in a very dangerous area.
I feel like there is an assumption that if i am being emotionally available or open (i prefer fewer friends with deeper bonds) or displaying interest that i am trying to get in someone's pants. If i remove a female friend from my life for any reason, that is generally the accusation. That the whole friendship was an effort to get in their pants. Even if I've told them I'm ace.
It's incredibly alienating and dangerous. Even asking "are you coming on to me?" As clarification and end up with me being accused of obscene things that i never even thought of.
As this is a cis het ace place i... wanted to share my perspective as a het male ace.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for sharing your perspective, it's very much needed, as navigating life/relationships when you're ace is tricky and can be really hurtful sometimes. I'm sorry you've been so misunderstood. Hopefully with more education and awareness, there will be less damaging and hurtful assumptions made about ace people.
thank you for sharing! I'm sorry for you :/
Aroace artist/writer here, great video!!
Amazing video! As an arro-ace I'm listening to your video while writing😅 I also sew! As well as wire wrapped jewelry and sculptures. I make the joke that since I'm not interested in anyone in any way, I have more time to make things. I'm a witch as well, and very blunt about everything, including my arro-ace aspect. I start the conversation and explain that I think sex is hilariously overblown(giggity) and I like to challenge people's perceptions about it. This serves 2 purposes, they get mad and leave me alone, or I educate someone for the next person. I've never had anyone get mad at me for being arro-ace, but I'm a 6 foot tall afab built like a brick wall, I feel I make them more nervous than mad, lol. I relized I was ace around 28 when I read through a LGBTQ IA+ magazine with the different pride flags and asexual was one. A lot of things clicked, I discovered something about myself and it helped with my anger. I'm neuro-spicy and the frustration of not knowing was a major issue.
I can relate to SO much of that. I'm neurospicy too, and also had a lot of anger until I realized I was queer and actually let myself embrace that. I also do wire wrapped sculptures and I'm witchy too! I love how you challenge peoples' perceptions of sex. That's so important, because our culture places so much emphasis on it.
Meghan I will share this on Twitter and Facebook right now.
Thanks for the support, Dave! 💖
Cool video, never seen your content before TBH, but I guess the algorithm got me here because I watch a lot of queer content, specially if they're talking about asexuality since I'm ace, going to go look at some of your fashion content too, but I appreciate you talking about this, because growing up I felt so alienated from humanity, I unironically believed I was not human at all because people claimed that sex and love were such fundamental parts of the human experience, and well, personally I am Aro Ace, but anyway it's good to talk about this because knowing about these things would have saved me a lot of existentially driven depression and mental breakdowns from feeling so disconnected from the rest of humanity.
It's so hard to feel like you're broken or like you don't belong, and not really know why. Having a word for it helps so much, and I'm glad you found your way to that word and found a community of others who are just like you! 💜🤍🩶🖤
Intensely heteroromantic and asexual. It is so liberating at 57 years of age to be able to explain why or how I feel about things. Married for 24 years, so it would seem that I "can't" be, but it was ALWAYS an issue (frequency, boring, etc) yet there I was perfectly satisfied and didn't really care if it never happened again. Left me for another woman. I started doing research about Asexuality and OMG--so much just clicked about every stage in my life. It is just amazing to be in an identity and not "broken" like I was convinced I was since childhood. Excellent video. Thank you for taking the time to educate. ❤
Thank you for doing this video. I’m a child of the 80s. Heterosexual cisgender female. I grew up around the “you’re a sl@t or you’re frigid” dichotomy. I’m a mom of 2 boys.
Short story…. I did a lot of self discovery, and I’m pretty sure I’m Demi
I hate the Madonna/Whore thing, it's so damaging. I'm glad you were able to discover more of who you are, and congratulations! Self-discovery is a hard but very rewarding process and you deserve to be your full and authentic self :)
@@meghansandor I agree. I despise that dichotomy. Purity culture and heteronormative stuff is awful.
Ace, writer and artist here LOL
ace and i do art, mostly drawing but sculpting, model making, miniature painting, 3d printing, and starting to learn to code now.
I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THIS VIDEO, ive been confused for so long as a homoromantic asexual and your descriptions of libido and such WE'RE SO AWAKENING
I’m so glad that it helped you, that warms my heart to hear!❤️❤️
Same, well about the libido part. I'm either aro ace or gray ace
When I hear these explanations, I always find parts of it pretty relevant to the way I feel. But then I get confused by all the categories and I start to feel like I'm in a college course and I need to get out my notebook. So, I'll just say that I respect all of you aces out there. All the best in your wonderfully interesting lives.
pretty sure i'm ace and i'm generally quite a creative person, so i'm adding to that statistic
AuDHD and Ace here and yes I’m a writer as well as a dancer, actress, and DJ! I have also found a huge crossover with other ND and Ace people not only being super creative but also their creative pursuits being one of their main focuses as well!
And the flirting thing has gotten me so many times. I think it’s partially because I’m autistic and partially because I’m ace but I seem to always come off as flirting to people when I had no intention of doing that, it’s definitely created some interesting situations.
Very nice presentation. I'm proud to be ACE. I have many hobbies and interests that continually keeps me active. I'm not going to chase after anyone. As a male, I have female friends. Would never even fathom the notion of them crossing the friend boundary line.
Blown away! You speak so well, so glad I found this! You are underrated 🌟💫
Thank you! Tell all your friends😉
This is so good to educate yourself, even when having already researched the labels under the ace spectrum. I really don't know what label fits me best, so I just conform with being in the aroace spectrum and that's it. Don't wanna go insane labeling everything about me (don't get me wrong, if you want to label everything abt yourself, that's completely fine!) Unrelated, but I love your chest tattoo! Looks really nice on you :) Also, the pride barbies are so cool ^_^
Thank you so much for your video!! I'm asexual girly from Russia, of all places! And even though I have known about my orientation for 2 years now, your video was still very informative for me! I didn't know that romantic and sensual attraction are different, for example, so.. Yeah!! I'm also an artist too, so that tracks X)
I will definitely watch more of your content, you are such charming person to be honest! And yeah, sorry if my english was a bit clumsy, I just reeeeally wanted to leave a comment!
Thank you so much for your comment and welcome to the channel! Very happy to have you here ☺️
this was a very informative video! i didn't know all that much about asexuality, and it was really interesting to learn about the different attraction types and especially the difference between libido and sexual attraction. thank you for laying out this information so concisely!
Just seeing this video now, and it is so eye-opening! I think I am still demi, but the differences among different things was really useful, and I'll probably watch this again sometime because it put into words things I didn't even think about before. Thank you so much for making and sharing this video. It has meant so much!
I consider myself asexual, still learning about what all of that means but the more I learn the more I see the importance of sexual orientations. Anyway, I’m asexual and I consider myself also an artist and writer. So that’s neat to think about. Last time I was with someone, I couldn’t stop thinking about my projects I’d rather have been doing than the act I was in.
Actually it's not just grayaces that are into kinks like BDSM. One study found that asexuals in general have about the same interest in BDŚM and such as allosexuals. I personally like to read about certain BDSM aspects. One thing that I'd also like to mention, is that based on some study, they found no significant difference in the libidos of asexuals and allosexual. Last thing I'd like to add, is that some people can lose their sexual attraction for the rest of their lives due to trauma. Human sexuality is very complex
Ace writer reporting lol great video! Subscribed!
Thank you!!! Welcome on board the Ace train, fellow writer :)
Thank you for making this and sharing about yourself! I am both autistic and asexual and I am blown away by how many autistics are aces and vice versa. It makes me wonder if the two are connected. Something I sit and ponder A LOT!! Understanding myself and my identity has been the most difficult thing I have ever attempted, and the way you put some of these almost-abstract concepts has really helped me wrap my head around things! Especially the breakdown of different kinds of attractions! Very very interesting and I am going to have a lot of fun processing these new-to-me concepts!! 🖤🩶🤍💜
I'm so glad it was helpful! I definitely think there's a correlation between autism and asexuality!
@@meghansandor have you even gone really deep into comphet and how it affects aces? I have a very hard time separating desire and human value - as in, my entire life I have felt like I am not "worthy" unless someone desires me. Although finding out that I am actually autistic later in life has helped me to seek internal validation rather than external, I am still incredibly confused about desires and inherent value, or "worthiness" as a human. If I don't have the desire to engage in sex, why do I desire to be desired by people who want to have sex with me? I just can't seem to separate value as a human from sex and I really really hate it! It's the most confusing thing ever!!!!
I am SO glad to have found you and your content and am gonna goo get caught up on your stuff today!! So glad you exist!!
Oh god i think im aroace. this video actually really opened my eyes i never got attracted to anyone sexually or romantically and i hate the thought of having sex myself it makes me feel uneasy and squeamish. i always thought that when someone said "oh they look hot" it meant that they just thought that person looked good like how you compliment a friend. i can't believe i never realized this before, i feel really stupid now.
Thanks, this helped me understand I'm actually ace. I'm also a designer and have a lot of aesthetic attraction so uh... I think you're on to something.
hey just ran across this, and ohh how its weird how much i feel this. lots of hugs for you (i watched your other video first, lol) also sewing rocks! i'll have to see your stuff
Hey there! Thanks for dropping by, and welcome to the channel! ☺️
I can't stop looking at your tattoo. It's absolutely gorgeous
Oh thank you!! I just got it finished a couple of weeks ago and I want to just wear strapless things forever and ever haha.
Ace artist here, for the survey o7 (mostly music and animation, but also tech stuff like gamedev)
I just finished the video, now I am more educated. And I felt validated. Thank u for this video!
Glad it was helpful!
I definitely feel like my adolescence was plagued with attempts to fit the straight male stereotype, but the pursuit always ended in a huge let down. I found myself chasing something I could never achieve and hurting a lot of people I really cared about in the process. Realizing I've always been asexual was a life changing revelation for me, but I originally wasn't comfortable labeling myself as such because my experiences didn't neatly fit into the broader definitions of asexuality. So thank you for clarifying the ideas and questions I've been wrestling with for the last couple of years now. Just knowing that there are different types of attraction helps me put everything into perspective, and I love the comment about asexual people being very "mechanically" good at sex. Can confirm, is true.
im Asexual im not attracted to men or women ive had relationships with both genders thinking im either gay or straight or bi but always broke it off after having sex it repulses me to the point where it makes me have anxiety and feel like im going to pass out just by the thought of it ive even tried masturbation even that doesn't do it for me.
A lot of aces are sex-repulsed and that's totally valid!
Meghan..... Have you ever the cliched expression... "You Go Girl"..... This vlog is to be cherished!.... Excellent!... The opening segment is seriously a grandslam.... Myself, being Austic, I find it difficult to READ people.... So, there is something about ME showing YOU I am being honest... I Like girls... But I find it difficult to READ body language at times... I am a little weird, Meghan!.... Anyway, this vlog is to be cherished!... Excellent!
Aww thank you!! I can relate, I have a hard time reading people too!
Thank you for the comprehensive learning moment! I hope this will reach many.
I hope so too!
This video helps a lot with my understanding. My wife who thought she was asexual before we got together was very passionate about the subject and frustrated with my inability to understand what she was saying.
Granted that was 6 years ago and I've since realized I was bi as well as having transitioned but still. Btw starting estrogen teaches you FAST that libido is separate from attraction but destroying the former lol
Hi, I'm an artist and a writer, and also asexual as you recently made me realize :)
Ohmygod ONE PERCENT?! 😭 ARUGRHRBBBBB WHYYYYYY I'm never gonna find someone LMAO
I’m sure it’s actually higher than that!
Keep in mind that one percent is literally 80 million people!
that is a big number!
You still have a chance 💛💛
This is exactly how I feel... I've just had to come to terms with the fact that I gotta be open to dating ppl from ALL around the country... so, I gotta use apps. If only we HAD dating apps meant for aces, tho...
I’m ace (recently figured it out lol) and I’m an artist and a writer:)
Contrary to what I heard you say at the beginning of the video, not all ARO/ACE people are born this way. In fact, we can arrive to asexuality in a number of different ways, one of them being mental trauma. I did years of research because this is what happened to me after enduring a 22-year abusive marriage and considering myself a cis female for six decades. While I appreciate beauty in men and enjoy their friendship, I have no interest or appetite whatsoever in/for any kind of sexual activity or intimacy. This is not an age related problem or forced celibacy on my part, as many females do enjoy and seek s*x after menopause, it is an absolute disinterest in anything related to it, which makes me part of the ARO/ACE collective.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, and you’re right that sometimes asexuality can be a result of trauma; however, I was careful not to pathologize it in this video because aspec people have their identity invalidated and dismissed all the time, and one of the ways that acephobia manifests is through people saying that it’s not a legitimate sexual orientation, it’s just a result of trauma. I didn’t want to perpetuate that stereotype, so I didn’t mention it. Not to invalidate your experience AT ALL, just my goal with this video was to help people see asexuality and aromanticism as legitimate orientations that belong under the queer umbrella.
I actually heard someone else say his sexuality changed from trama too. Got hit in the head so hard it turned him gay.
You mentioning that many of the Ace ppl you know are Artists and/or artists💀💀 and then me realizing that I’m Ace and an artist and every Ace friend I have is also an artist or a writer or both 💀💀
Like- I could be that just most of my friends are artists or writers or voice actors but the fact that you said it got me thinking about it now too💀💀
I swear there's something to this!
I’m glad that I found this video. I will watch it later since I don’t have time now. Maybe this video has some answers to my insecurities so I will definitely watch it. I think I am an ACE AND I wanna be in a relationship. However, I feel super insecure and feel like I will never find someone that likes me unless I find someone who is OK w not having s*x. And it’s really hard. I have never met w an ACE. I feel like I will d*e alone.. I started to hate myself because of not being like others who are super ok w s*x.
Btw I watched the video partially. My major is Communication and Design. Which means I’m a Fine Arts student. And I like writing scripts. Maybe ACE people are really artistic people!! 💓💓
I've been in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who's not ace for 4 years now. It is possible! Just takes a lot of courage, communication, compromise and consistency, but it definitely is possible. Don't let being ace stop you from going after what you want :)
Thank you for this video which to me as an extremely unaware asexual person was basically just a "this is how other people feel and how they assume you're 'supposed to' feel kind of video", lmao
21:10 - yooo, what's the origin of this super-detailed Ace Flag graphic?? This is totally stimulating my must-read-everything brain, and all the text got so smushed! Where did it come from?
Having an unspecified inkling of being somewhat on the outside of this whole human sexual experience bubble, it was genuinely hilarious to realize after the fact that each protagonist i've brought up to life was unintentionally, though implicitly, asexual ;D However, as an aftermath of being forced to deal with men's projections, unfortunately even as a kid, i grew up hyper-aware and über-instinctive about people's thoughts..
I think I'm Aromantic, and I've been drawing since I was a little kid. One of the things that muddles it a bit is that I'm also autistic and hyperfocus on anime, comics, games, ect (basically anything I could get a story from or tell a story with). It's hard to say if it comes from one specific source or a combination of my sexuality, disability, and personality (I was bullied a lot and really severely so I'm not all that attached to people in general).
There's a huge crossover between autism and asexuality. Not to perpetuate stereotypes but I have noticed that a lot of autistic people are asexual/aromantic. That being said, not every ace/aro person is autistic! I might actually do a video about this at some point.
@meghansandor I find videos like that can be really helpful in breaking down the stereotypes. It's a lot better than relying on a game of telephone.
@@NegaHumanX I agree. Maybe I'll do that one next. Thanks for the idea! :)
I'm aroace, it took me a long time to believe it.
When I got in a serious relationship, I realized that I was basically wearing a mask when I was with this person.
I was in a relationship because I was supposed to be, I made the first move and put in a lot of effort. But my feelings weren't there in reality, no matter how much I thought they were.
I am used to masking, because I have other stuff going on, but I understood that it wasn't right to pretend to love someone, and that there was no way I would be able to put on an act in my own home for years. It was not fair to that other person, so I ended the relationship.
Being single since then has been fantastic, actually living my best life 😊
The way I realised I am ace was through a celebrity crush discussion in the 8th grade. The girlies were like "oh I like this guy" "oh I like this one" and I said I liked the guy who played Paul Atreides in the old Dune movie specifically in the poster because he was good looking. I hadnt seen the movie at that point and they knew. And they started berating me "cmon youre lying, you dont even know how he plays the character, yet alone his name" and that was the moment I realised... maybe thats NOT what they meant. Like I had been an avid Episode player at that point, like I knew I could have a libido only in the specific scenario of imagining whats happening and not showing, and I was already having a complicated, not-quite-romantic-but-more-than-best-friends relashionship with one of them, so I had a tad of affection in me. I just supposed I was gay for a lack of other words, and then I found out in the 10th grafe about asexuality through an insta meme and its been a kicker ever since. That was the weirdest part of my teenagehood