Childhood Trauma, Lost Identity and RAGE
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- Опубликовано: 19 сен 2024
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People who were neglected in childhood often turn out with a false identity that they were pressured into by parents who couldn’t see who they were AT ALL. This a pattern I’ve come to recognize in hundreds of letters I receive. There’s a developmental delay, almost, in forming a sense of self - of knowing your preferences, what make you make happy, what you long for. Some people just imprint on another person, a boyfriend or girlfriend. Other people flame out, burning themselves out by trying and trying. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose parents still don't "see" her and she's enraged -- which is holding her back.
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👉And I (UNANNOUNCED) "cut ties" to my toxic family with the support of a great therapist, but I never told them, just was unavailable for MONTHS, and that space was the break I needed to finally begin putting myself first. Eventually I eased back into some contact, but no explanation beyond "busy with school/work" as they were NOT invited into the conversation about my recovery/healing. Hope this helps, Mercy! 🙏
Congratulations on making yourself a priority. Boundaries are important. I hope you found some healing during that time. 💜
Same here ❤
Mine won't answer the phone, even though I had a procedure I was terrified of, previous cancer-so I was scared.
I'm pulling back completely now.. I see I'm not wanted and they're not interested and won't bother them again
@@amyholcomb6484 Thanks, and yes, most important thing to come out of my (unsupported on every level) college experience. 🙏
I love this method!
My abuse went beyond parents, it was coaches, teachers and principals.
Glad you are here now.
Nika@TeamFairy
that is what "socialising" is all about: breaking people into submission, to WORK and breed and keep the met grinder of society going
I thought this was going to be about trauma with a lower case t, e.g. emotional neglect, but listening to dear Mercy's story that’s just pure abuse. Physical, psychological, social and financial. Her family destroyed every place and person she could find solace in. The strength of will it takes to build a life through that is staggering. The strength of character it takes not to take out all that pain on the rest of the world is Herculean. I hope she finds what she needs to nurture that wounded child so she can flourish
Mercy must be such a beautiful and special person for the enemy of our soul to use those close to her to try and hurt so much. Focus on who you are and how much God love and embrace each and every one of you. Discover who you really are is exciting and fun !
Nobody believes my story and I've never told the full story.
I'm 48 years old and still suffering with trauma daily.
I often wonder why I'm holding on.
I relate to Mercy 100% 😞
💯 agree. Well said. Keep going, Mercy, at your own pace, in your own way, whatever way you can. Listen to yourself and honor what you know you need. Please never feel selfish. Your own healing is what will serve others as well, others that are open to receiving all you wish to give.💕
Mercy, we all love you here. You're winning, you just don't know it yet.
Oh, dear child. Run. I'd live under a bridge before continuing one more day in that hellhole of a family. You are a saint for surviving it.
I pray Mercy finds the love she needs & deserves. I've been very little contact with my DNA relatives over 30 years & it's so freeing. I feel more lonely with my DNA relatives than without them. Freedom is beautiful!!!
It's so difficult coming from a highly dysfunctional family, Bridgette -- particularly when it gets to the point when you feel that you need to cut them out. It would be so nice to be able to convert to a secure attachment style and attract healthier people -- I've heard that that is possible.
Well, we all seem to have the same problem, and it's good that places such as this are helping us to heal. I'm glad that you feel free now.
@@PsychedToknow-qw7cb it'll get easier as time goes by. You'll realize they weren't real family anyway. I don't call my DNA Relatives family except my offsprings. U be Blessed. I don't have a lot of close friends because this is a very evil selfish self-centered world!! I pray that u will be set free & find true happiness!!!
@@bridgettetraveler658 Thank you so much, Bridgette. 🌼
Same!!
Agreed!!! You don't have to push fit to Bad People!!!
Mercy, don't beat yourself up for the childhood you didn't get to choose.... I was the family scapegoat. I was treated terribly, even though I was nothing compared to my ill-behaved siblings. I slowly left my family of origin. First by moving abroad, secondly by getting married, and now I'm no-contact with my parents and low-contact with my siblings. And I'm still healing from the all the trauma I had to endure with a highly narcissistic mother, enabling father, and flying monkey siblings. I wish life was easier for me, as a kid, but it wasn't, so I created it for myself as an adult.... And so can you.
❤🤗
🎉🎉🎉
The self critical judgement is hard to ignore along with low self esteem
Not me, I can't do shit
❤❤❤❤❤🎉 free a last
What’s worse is when you get rear-ended and injured in a car accident. My family are like sharks sniffing blood in the water, and even though I now live 1300 miles away, on bad pain days, all my symptoms get triggered. I can’t be safe. I hear my parents screaming at me for being “lazy” and telling me to get a job. It’s so hard to move on from “feeling helpless” when I am actually helpless. I’m stuck!
We're here to support you!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is all lies and cr*p about you. They were wrong. We have to adopt a new way of thinking and living. You are totally off to a good start. So many people won't look straight in the face of what happened to us when we were helpless victimized children. I always knew somehow I was loved even though my family did not act that out toward me thought they said and say they did. The Fairy committee loves you and it is hard work but we get through and become real people loved and able to love others. For real!! A miracle each time. You just watch.
@@marylouleeman591 Aww, thanks! You made my morning!
I agree with this 100%
Love and. Prayers to you ❤
Dear Mercy, when my mom died, I found this Scripture…. (Paraphrasing) In Psalm 27:10 “even if my mother and father forsake me/abandon me/reject me/mistreat me/despise me/use me/abuse me…. God will never leave me, God will sustain me, God will love me, God will accept me”
Our flawed parents are just the babysitters on this earth, God in Heaven is our outmost creator. He is our real father, He is the one that gives us a breath of Life each and everyday and He is the one that will never die. People, flawed people will come and go in our lives, only GOD stays with us through the length of our existence on earth to Eternal Life after this temporary life.
On that note. Life is precious to our Father God. And no human should have so much power over us that would lead us into not wanting to live anymore.
We understand what you are going through and know You Are NOT Alone for JESUS is with You at all times!!!! 🙏🥰❤️
Thank you so much for your encouragement and your relationship with God the Father. I love God he is amazing. I am going to help children not ever go through the trauma I went through. We are worth living and being here on this earth. God makes no mistakes. God created us so that he can get the glory out of our life. You are so worth being here.
Thank you for sharing this piece made me cry. ❤ I needed to see this tonight. Much love & light to you. 😊
Keep your imaginary friend bullshit to yourself. Shame on you.
I got teary-eyed reading the verse 🥲 will remember the verse, thank you!
Amen! Never forsaken. It amazes me how many fee they are free to attack people for their faith. I am YHWHs daughter and am.lrarnibg to be a person of a holy priesthood and seek to act in the fruit if the spirit.
Love,
joy,
peace,
patience,
kindness,
goodness, gentleness, faithfulness,
and self control.
Peoole hate this new strong but humble person.
Mercy you are amazing!
I had similar but did not deal well as you did. I was underemployed my whole life and after a workplace injury, do not have much except some peace because I lost 3 x~150 pounds (siblings). Daily peace. No more goading.
Mercy, you are a heroine to look up to.
Mercy, I work independently for people who need in-home care. I used to work for awful and exhausting clients, in my 20s. Even into my 30s I chose bad jobs, feeling limited and stuck in spite of having a college degree. (not a nursing degree) Today, work only for clients I enjoy, who treat me respectfully. There's a lot of hope for your career, if you chose to remain working with people. Big giant hugs to you. Don't listen to haters.
I'm an independent caregiver as well. I used to accept, due to practically non existent self esteem, truly untenable low paying cases. After 25 years of experience and learning to really value my important services, I started commanding my own fee. I finally have financial breathing room.
Hey, I'm like mercy, about to do nursing. How do I get into the field of independent care? Does it require experience in nursing first?
@@amaraokolo1371
I'm not nor have I ever been a nurse, and I began caring for people in my late teens. You need to be patient and caring, and should be able to communicate well - with other caregivers, nurses, doctors, family.
My dad was abandoned at the age of 7. Ended up in a violent orphanage where he witnessed and experienced mental, physical and sexual abuse. He went on to become a professor. I dropped out of high school. Long story.
I've learned at the age of 52 about the concept of intergenerational trauma.
My dad once told me that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. No more apples. I love my dad, who died 8 years ago. Nobody is perfect. But my relationship with him was dark and difficult.
No more apples, indeed!
May you find healing and forgiveness towards yourself. I don't know you, but I am proud of you. (This comment came from my intuition).
Dear Mercy, so much of your story parallels mine. From the being moved around, super crappy parents, gaslighting, shaming and working in a career which strips your spirit to the core (teaching, in my case). Hearing your story was step by step, side by side, my story. Finding Anna has been the single most helpful thing for me. And I just found her at the age of 59. For the first time in my life I know I’m not crazy- I’m just really damaged and I can heal. You can heal, too. Stay here with those who share your agony and know that you’re not alone. Keep breathing. Stay alive. And step by step you can find a path to who you really are. And I’ll be doing all of this with you. And so will the rest of the Crappy team! We got this, loves! ❤
P.S. I’m writing this on my partner’s RUclips account, but I’m a female, not Steve. 😊
Wow, thank you for sharing this! I'm so glad Anna's work has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
My siblings could not break from that conformity. I left my hometown and had no communication for seven yrs.
I'm sorry that happened. I hope you are finding your way to a better life. I had the same junk but got strong enough to stay in town and reduce contact with them even though we all show up for holidays and birthdays. There is the next generation to consider and somehow they seem miraculously free of our nonsense. I also learned to stand up for myself and to call certain ones on their treatment of me!! Scary but it paid off. They leave me alone now. Hooray. No more childish brutal "teasing."
One of my brothers moved away, he has been the most successful. I wish I stayed away and didn't move back in my 30s.
Mercy, from one nurse to another, I can really relate to your experience. Please find a work environment that is more supportive towards your healing and less triggering. You can heal your heart and take care of yourself. Wishing you the best!
Cutting ties requires a lot. I underestimated it and learned the hard way. Despite I had plans to leave my family from ever since I was 11, 12 years old. The best way is to make the radical decision to start a new life, a clean slate. Before you do, get off social media. Go low profile. Nobody needs to know your next move. Keep it as much to yourself as you can but try to have one person you can trust with this. You will need:
-Money
-A good friend
-A new adress
-A new phone number
-A new job
Sounds simple, but this is a huge preparation and a huge change of mindset. Nobody in your family can know. Secrecy is key.
Going 'no contact' is a big decision. It's like giving birth or dying. You cannot take for granted that you'll be welcomed back or forgiven when you decide to reconnect. Some things are permanent.
@@JuneAdams-li9sy it sure is. Cutting ties with family and old friends is still one of the best decisions of my life. But then a new friend wanted to know me better. 16 years after the family breakdown, he asked me about my grandparents. Out of nowhere, I suddenly burst into tears with full weeps. My grandparents never did me anything wrong. In contrary to my mother, they allowed me to be a child. My grandparents are the best memory of my childhood. I did everything to not put them between me and my mother. We had no conflict. Only confusion about what now after such a family breakdown. So ultimately, we lost contact.
However 16, 17 years later, I'm actually preparing to meet my grandparents. My mother left the country years ago. My half brother is out of the picture. Chances are good my grandparents didn't fall for my mothers attempts to set them up against me with gaslighting and a smear campaign. However I'm not afraid for their rejection. Chances are good this could succeed, because my grandparents are by far, above and beyond all THE best memory of my complex traumatic childhood. It would actually be a crown achievement in my healing journey to tell my grandparents why the things are the way they are.
Moral of this story; don't ever forget those who were good to you.
I moved away from my whole extended family 27 years ago.
@@babayaga489 I hope it was the right decision for you.
@@JuneAdams-li9sy Goign no contact is sanity. Going back is not part of that. I never will and most people who've been driven to that point absolutely should not go back. Be aware that your comment sounds like gaslighting
Healthcare worker here too Mercy! Love you! Thank you for reaching out for help. It’s your life not your parents’.
49 years old and have just really put my idgaf foot down against mom over the last 5 years. It's too late for me to be anything other than I am, but still freeing to not be silent and eating my own thoughts anymore.
Kitty, idk what you might have in mind when you say it's too late for you to be anything other than what you are, but for SO MANY things, 49 is far from too late!
I'm not saying you'd have the same outcome as you might have if you'd pursued the same thing at an earlier part of your life, but it's so worth pursuing your dreams.
(51 and on Year 3 of slowly building up my now extensive regenerative ag gardening projects to market-garden scale while living on poverty-line Disability income).
Either way, I'm sending you love for the support and wisdom you're giving Mercy here today. ❤
I have narcissistic parents. I’m 51 and single and my mom has dementia now at 88. I am so happy now! I’m not getting into any more abusive relationships! Get to work on yourself and go low contact with your family, and learn all the signs of abuse in relationships! Boundaries are key💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Mercy I cried listening to your story. Not because of pity but because I cry when I'm angry and Even though you are not vindictive in your letter your anger and rage come through. You have a right to be angry, and I hope that anger end up helping you rather than destroying you!
Mercy, by you writing this letter you helped me understand something huge that has been destroying my life and I am 57. I could so relate to everything you wrote. It's soooo much. You keep blaming yourself but I could tell that you have a beautiful heart, no doubt about it. I have an on again off again relationship with God but right now, only since about two hours ago we are on again and here I get help with a highly debilitating problem I could not figure out for decades. I said a heartfelt prayer for God to hug you, hold you, comfort you. I would if I could. I really wish I knew you we could really share some stories and as a woman who's son died and daughter was stolen, I wish I could show you some motherly love. God bless and keep you child. You are truly lovely.
I'm game!
I didn't receive unconditional love from my mother.
She seriously could not (ever!) be bothered with me!
She was my source of emotional ab*se.
She's gone and I do not miss her!
She was on dr*gs while I was growing up and my dad was a raging alc*holic.
And I mean raging!
He was the punisher and used a fishing pole and we were pretty good kids except for fighting each other, older brother also being very ab*sive to me.
I'm a year younger than you and I'm very angry, hopeless, resentful and am plagued with intrusive thoughts.
I never have the right thing to say and most people don't seem to like me.
I've wished for de*th since I was about 12.
The only thing stopping me is the possibility of reincarnation.
And don't tell me reincarnation isn't a possibility as none of us here know 100% whether or not it is.
All I know is God promises everlasting life which leads me to believe reincarnation is a possibility.
I don't want to have do-overs!
I don't want to be here.
My mothers last parting gift was to leave me with $20,000 in outstanding debt to pay or lose my house (that I still owe $145,000 on) as both our names are on the house..
To the estate of...
Oh!
And not only did my mom hijack most of my birthdays and made them about her, now that she's gone, on my last birthday, her brother wanted to take me somewhere that my mother liked to go!
So even tho she's not here anymore, my birthday still isn't about me!
😠😤🤬
@@sweetmissypetuniawilson9206 You could be my twin. I don't even want everlasting life cuz so far I don't see the gift of it and I have tried real hard. I see other people having good lives but I lost both my children my husband, had an horrific childhood so bad I disassociate and can't remember but have hints and clues of some dark stuff, and everyone I have ever loved has betrayed me and I am not making this up, except for my son but he died as an infant. My own daughter don't get me started. i still dream about her all the time. In my dreams she is still my sweet little girl. I don't want sympathy from anyone, I am just worn out from trying to heal and getting no where. The last six years I have, not by choice, been in almost total isolation. Like Mercy said, all I ever wanted to do was be normal and I will add, have a family/be a mom. I have tried to escape and something crazy happens every time - I can't even choose to leave.
@@sweetmissypetuniawilson9206 Mine is kinda opposite. I was just finally getting to know my father. I was homeless (long story not drugs or booze) and he said tome, "I am going to show you how to live." and those were his last words. He left me enough money to buy a home (I never wanted to own a home) I bought this old farmhouse cheap and wanted to have a business - I did this cuz I thought it is what he would want. Now I am alone in this big house falling down around me exhausted and waiting for a miracle or to die. Plus it is in rural Vermont and the locals hate me because I am an outsider. All I want to do is go back to West Virginia where I had to leave at 11 but I can't even get a realtor to help me. I was happier homeless.
@@ellenlandowski1659 I don't use a version- had real bad teachings as a child I battle though.
Mercy, I left home and went low contact with my mother when I was 17, and no-contact with my father when I was 21 (they divorced when I was 14). I worked three jobs to put myself through school. I chose the degree they wanted for me, later, changed careers. They are not thrilled with my decisions, but I live on another continent now and take the work I want- even when said work is below my abilities or training; or aligned with my passions but low-paying. I have slowly rebuilt myself from decades upon decades of generational trauma. Each time I dig deeper, I learn about more. My last trip "home" was a disaster, and I made the painful decision to stay cordial but not heavily involved since that trip. There are so many of us out here like you, finding our stories and our way. In my 20s I had a lot of anger, and it still surfaces sometimes. One of my best friends had an abuse story at the level of yours, and like, you, she could not trust men, not to be friends, not hug, nothing. A few years and she married and is in a healthy relationship- after years of therapy that let her get to the point of trusting her own decisions again. You are not alone. My heart goes out to you.
We're cheering you on, Mercy❤️ I'm so sorry you've experienced such things.
Mercy you’re amazing woman ❤️. Thank you for your courage to share your story. 🤗
I'm so sorry all of those horrible things happened to you. Be proud of yourself, and how much you've accomplished in your life, in spite of all of that has happened to you. You deserved better parents. Period. I send you prayers, love and light 🕯️ Hugs 🤗
God, such a cogent topic for me.
Paradigm-shift developmental rupture , age twelve; Gargantuan betrayal, sabotage, neglect, gaslighting/deception and more -
The core identity is there in the form of values, ethics, judgement, intelligence, natural abilities and more, but from a pragmatic standpoint - making a living, further education and more, kind of … not even sure.
Ugh.
There is radical multi-generational “fragmentation, incompletion and (internal) disorganization”, as if there was never a family “identity”, culture or “brand”.
WOW, like being walloped over the head with a cast iron pipe.
~ Peter
*** I’d like to submit a letter, too, were that possible. Thank you.
When I was in first grade, I was placed in special needs classes due to my behavior. As a result, I began to believe that something was fundamentally wrong with me. Adding to that identity crisis was the fact that others around me began to see me that way, and other kids bullied me and my siblings for it. Over time, I internalized this identity--the identity of the one who has issues and needs help. In fact, I'm the only one out of my immediate family who's been in and out of therapy, to my knowledge, which only added to my belief that something was wrong. Also, it hasn't helped that my siblings seemed to have turned out just fine, but I somehow haven't.
Only recently have I begun revisiting all this and realized what was going on, and that it isn't just my problem.
Mercy, stay strong. You are amazing and eventually you will realize how amazing you are. Do what is best for you and remember that you define who you are.
I look at the world like everyone is ok but me, so I can relate. I was put in a special reading class that did the same to me. I forgot about it until you mentioned it. I remember feeling weird about it. Decades later I found out I had dyslexia from a boyfriend noticing it. Remember they thought Einstein was retarded. My mom told me my baby picture looked like I was retarded. I found out in 8th grade I had a 140 IQ. The high IQ only makes me better at screwing things up though it seems, lol. Thank you for sharing that!
@christinetuttle8975 No problem. We're all in this healing journey together 💪
so sorry for what happened to you. wishing you the best ❤
This was me for over 5 decades. I’m finally seeing all the masks I have worn throughout my life trying to belong somewhere, anywhere after growing up neglected and abused. Dissociating was my go to with a deep sadness and deeper rage. I’ve been working on it for over 2 years now. I hope to discover my true self as I live the childhood I never had at 60. I have much less contact with my overbearing mother and have gone no contact with the paternal side of the family altogether. They abandon me at 6. Losing 14 loved ones in less than 3 years beginning in 2021 brought all the grief from childhood and repressed memory to light. I know now how strong I am, considering everything I have been through. I realize I can change and go on. Sending love to all healing from old traumas. Don’t give up on yourself.
Wonderful you're healing and choosing you at 60!
I think having a narcissistic parent causes borderline tendencies. That and severe trauma.
😢I feel so much for her. Sounds like she is hurting so much!!
Being a quiet or regular borderline person is so so painful!! It’s just like have c-ptsd. I actually have a ptsd diagnosis. I very frequently isolate too!! I don’t really feel connected to anyone. I don’t feel like I matter to anyone either. It hurts SO much. I feel it everyday. It steals any capacity for joy.
Thank you fairy for the help you give us!! You are making a big difference!
Thank you for being a part of our community. We're here to support you!
Nika@TeamFairy
I feel this
Just days ago, my narcissistic sperm donor used the exact word: "conform", after kicking out my little sister from our home for getting a piercing. He came to my room as I was asleep the next morning, yelling: "where is she?" I said: "not here." the previous night, they'd had an argument about the piercing and he said and I quote: "Either you stay here or I make your life difficult, or you leave." So, she left. I asked him why he said that and he responsed: "Because she wouldn't conform. She has to conform!" I miss my sister and it hurts not being able to see her. But I'm happy she got out of that suffocating household. I'm not financially stable, so I can't, but I'll join her one day. Wish me luck, as I am tired.
I’ll continue praying for your freedom and for your sister as she’s unfairly having to live independently and that you both recover and heal fully
Mercy, you don’t have to fix all the things at once. Take a deep breath, 😮💨 choose a small part of your life you want to be different, and do it every day. Eventually, you will feel less overwhelmed and have space to take on more ❤
"Choose a small part of your life you want to be different..." Thx 💚🍀👩🌾
Thank you for these words.
Nika@TeamFairy
Sound advice!
Go into Interventional Cardiology or Interventional Radiology as a nurse. Patients love nurses in these two specialties. I was in this specialty for 15 years and it’s not easy because you take call unless you have teams to work 3 shifts but it’s very rewarding! My heart goes out to this gal. I have been through similar circumstances.
Mercy, listening to your story, it is evident that despite everything in your past, you are still resilient and are a survivor. Keep up your spirit!!
Thank you for sharing these kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy
Sending Mercy a virtual hug. I understand because that used to be me. She was the rescuer at home then went into a rescue profession. I hear you. Love from another family rescuer/ scapegoat. The Daily Practice, cutting out goofballs, finding decent people, and therapy helped, but it took years to find the right one. I used to take Mommy vacations which she hated but was like a day at the spa for me 💗❤💗🌹🌹🌹
Mercy, you deserve peace, joy, balance, and to have all of your needs met. Please know there is a better life waiting for you, though YOU have to be the one to walk toward it, step by step. A bright happy life IS POSSIBLE for you Mercy and you have a community of people who are rooting for you right here, who know the tough path you're on right now. I can relate to wanting to "check out" of life, I wanted to for decades and I cry tears of joy today for having made it through to what feels like the best I've ever felt. I think this quote might be helpful for you "Decide on what kind of life you want, and say NO to everything that isn't that". I'm proud that I've let go of my family relationships that held me from my healing, I started 12-step for codependence just 6 months ago and do daily somatic practices. You can do it Mercy, choose you!!
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Dear Mercy, please accept a hug from a stranger on the internet 💕 You came to the right place for help and advice, and I hope you can really absorb all that Anna has said in this video. She understands what you've been through and she knows what she's talking about when she offers suggestions. I hope you will take her advice to heart. I wish we could hear an update from you in a year or so... I'd bet money your life will be 100% improved. Take good care of yourself - you deserve it 💝
Such kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Mercy, you have the right to choose your supporters, your "family." Sometimes, our families of origin cause so much harm that we at least need a rest from them. I hope you find the space to find yourself. I send love and hope to you.
Sending you love Mercy. You are strong!! Sending you a giant hug
Dearest Mercy,
When all is said and done, you have the perspective of a young woman with a broken 💔 heart. How wonderful that you know these various people and incidents were horrible. Because of your ability to see the cruelty of your family, you will never ever be like them. This is how I have overcome my CPTSD in my life. I will not share this as this comment is FOR YOU. Don't try to figure out these people. Your job is to be kind to yourself and be the mother to your needs that were not fulfilled. You deserve the very best of care. I am now 74 years old and thankful for this channel that helps and informs those of us that had a
"Crappy Childhood " Please take care and know that your heart is precious and so 💖 needed in this world.
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
When I graduated from college, I had a nice job, my dream car and a nice apartment. I was where she was there.
Dear Mercy! My heart aches for you in all that you’ve experienced! Especially hearing that your dad was like wearing sheep’s clothing! How sad and ugly! Real genuine Christianity is not a cult, it’s the most authentic divine LOVE there is.
I was neglected as a child and it has taken me years to recover!
I too grew up in a religious household where Christian was only in name. I was at a point of giving up many times myself, to be honest, people can be very cruel when they may want to fix us with throwing bible verses at me.
I became so angry and I felt rage like I didn’t know existed!
Unfortunately
Only years and years after I had attempted to take my own life several times, I ended up in the hospital and I received what I needed. I changed church from what I grew up in!Thankfully my pastor is a very genuine Christian who loves to help people and cares to learn, went alongside me and to this day he is still very kind in helping me in my healing journey, even after I was about to give up on life and didn’t see if I could ever believe in the love of God, but by demonstrating and being a father figure I never had and just listening to me, has brought so much healing and peace already! After so many years of grief and loss with relationships, I’m finally getting it! It’s because I’m valued and loved by this beautiful couple that treat me like their own daughter.
This has changed my whole perspective on the love of Jesus and that God even rejoices over me with singing and that he thinks that I am wonderful!
I hope that if any one is reading this, if you come from a Christian background, I just want to say that there’s real healing in Jesus, sometimes the only way for people like us, is for people to be demonstrating that love to us! Don’t give up my dear!
Anna, you are definitely doing what your gift is and what you're supposed to do in this life. ❤
Dear Anna,
I think that your advice to cut off people one day at a time is excellent. It leaves the traumatized person in control.
I made the mistake, long ago, of announcing that I was cutting off people. It was pleasant to watch them be upset (after all the misery they had caused me), but then they had the ability to try to change my mind, and get others to contact me to plead their cause/yell at me and blame me for upsetting them with my ingratitude.
It's much better to maintain control and monitor the situation for yourself. No big drama, just gentle self-protection as needed, for as long as needed. More subtle, no angry door slams. It also can be healing to sometimes send them a text to say "hello," without taking it any further; that can be a reminder that YOU have control of the relationship now.
You're doing important work, Anna. I learned about C-PTSD from you, and it has helped open the door to self-understanding and some healing even as I am entering my senior years.
So many of us don't understand that we were emotionally abused/neglected, etc. For us, it was just the ways our lives were. Especially when teachers, who are trained in basic psychological development and see us daily, don't intervene. I know that I rationalized that I was the problem and that the situation and home environment were normal.
This sets a person up to continue the role they're used to playing, and to be grateful for "crumbs" into adulthood, rather than believing they can have the "whole cake."
Mercy,
You are so brave to be headstrong continuing your life in the way that you are dealing with it.
I hope that you find that true authentic alignment with your true authentic self.
It will be an emotional journey though with many feelings of fullfillment along the way.
I wish you every personal fulfillment in truly being "you" in every hearty and authentic way.
❤
Mercy, you have a lot of strength and wisdom at this young age. What happened to you was terrible. I am glad you are learning to heal and starting to live your life differently. It will get better for you because you are already taking charge of your healing. I wish you well and have complete confidence you will get better, just be patient with yourself. Draw those tough boundaries.
Thanks for sharing these words of encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Mercy, I am a mental health therapist and want to tell you a story about a lady I know who went through a similar situation to your experience in her childhood and teen years. This lady (Dawna) was constantly emotionally drained, depressed, anxious, had thoughts of self-harm, was self-abusive (thoughts of mutilation), had eating issues that suggested an eating disorder, and could not seem to feel emotionally calm or happy in her life. Many different kinds of social and emotional interactions with other people (friends, family members, strangers) would trigger feelings of anxiety, panic, lingering feelings of abandonment, worthlessness, and confusion for Dawna.
Although she didn't know it at the time, all of these struggles that she was having were directly related to how she had been treated during childhood and also how she was still being treated by her parents as an adult. She was the scapegoat and often her adult siblings would also punch her emotionally when she was at family gatherings and in her experience it felt like there was some kind of unwritten rule in her family that she was the family punching bag.
Dawna didn't know what was wrong with her "crazy" brain and so entered counseling with a therapist who specialized in childhood abuse and neglect issues and was skilled in helping those with complex ptsd. This brought a lot of peace and calm back into her life. It was a slow process and Dawna was in counseling for quite a while working with her therapist to "rewrite" her internal script about past and present events in her life. She emotionally had to distance herself from her family for awhile and this physical and emotional distancing helped reinforce in her mind that her thoughts and feelings (her very being) really did matter after all.
Her anxiety and depression (including thoughts of self-harm) was so hard-wired into her brain that when anything happened in her personal adult relationships, with friends or co-workers, she wondered if she somehow had caused the problem. This thought often caused feelings of panic and she was never quite sure if her relationships would turn quickly and become emotionally abusive (like her parents) or if they would be stable and supportive. This fear made her decide that distancing herself from others was the safest course of action and she made sure that all of her "friendships" were very casual and not deep relationships. This made her feel very lonely at times.
The solution for Dawna was to connect with a skilled counselor who spent several years helping her navigate her dark past and helping her reclaim an identity different from the one her parents imposed upon her (as problem child of the family). During the first few counseling sessions, Dawna was gently led to see that many of her "ordinary" childhood experiences were also abusive (besides the obviously abusive ones). This was eye-opening to Dawna because her parents had so normalized their poor behavior that Dawna believed she was at least partially at fault for the punishments she received for things as normal as showing sadness.
The reason Dawna had difficulty accepting that she was a victim of abuse at the beginning of counseling is because Dawna's abuse had primarily been psychological in nature. There had been significant physical punishments in her childhood but Dawna was pretty terrified of displeasing her parents who had threatened abandonment. Because of her psychological abuse and threats of abandonment she had learned as a child to be careful to do everything her parents asked or wanted her to do (even rediculous requests). This "perfect child" behavior was still not good enough for her parents and Dawna was frequently chastised or punished for behavior that her siblings were allowed to get away with without punishment or censure.
Mercy, the abuse that you experienced by your parents was not just inappropriate requirements (pushing you into a certain career) or punishing you for crying (showing negative emotions). Their behavior has caused significant PTSD in your life because they have violated a fundamental need that you had as a child, a very deep emotional need which they were not aware of nor cared about. Your very significant PTSD is about the violation of this deep emotional need.
What need am I talking about? All humans (children and adults) have the emotional (and sense of security) need to be seen as a unique and beautiful person with a vibrant emotional identity that should not be discounted, made fun of, or punished. When the very core of who you are (your unique identity and emotional makeup) is discounted, ridiculed, punished, made fun of, then the result is often complex PTSD and deep insecurity. Anxiety and depression is nearly always the result.
When a child is taught that what they think, feel, believe is somehow invalid, stupid or wrong, then the child learns to not only discount their own internal experiences (thoughts and feelings as valid and beautiful), but also can go as far as to mentally, emotionally, or physically "punish" themselves for being who they naturally are. This is perhaps the greatest type of mental abuse one can suffer and complex PTSD is the expected outcome.
In some cases adults of childhood abuse, adopt the same thinking as their parents and invalidate their own feelings (punish themselves mentally), or go as far as physically abusing themselves (self-neglect, thoughts of self-harm, self-mutilation, etc). In a weird way, feelings of self-abandonment, and self-contempt (which leads to emotional disregulation, panic attacks, etc) are a way to try to stay connected to the parents who emotionally abandoned and abused you. All of this internal struggle is more than most people can bear and often adults abused as children are drawn to forms of escape (drugs, unhealthy relationships, etc) to 'numb out' their internal emotional craziness.
The solution for you Mercy is to learn to reclaim your true God-given identity. I would suggest working with a Christian counselor who is a mental health therapist with training in Child Abuse issues and Complex PTSD. The reason I suggest working with a Christian counselor is because you mentioned that your family had some connection with a Christian church when you were a child. A Christian counselor who is also a mental health therapist could really help you separate the abuse you experienced as a child, from the loving God presented in the Bible. This is much more important than you might initially think! With a little help from a Christian therapist you can see that your identity as a beautiful person (created in the image of God) was wrongfully attacked by abusive parents who acted like they owned you but did not have permission by God to treat you poorly. Learning and internalizing this new identity (that you don't belong to your parents) but to God is the biggest piece of advice I can give you. Your parents didn't "own" you as a child and you don't "owe" them anything, espcially self abandonment (that leads to depression and anxiety) which you are now experiencing.
Find a good therapist that can help you with all of these issues. Don't get discouraged if it takes a while to deal with the anxiety, depression, and craziness that you feel inside. Your brain is working perfectly well, and anyone else who had gone through your same experience would also be experiencing PTSD as you are. Don't let this issue rest but start searching for a good mental health therapist (right now) who can take you step-by-step through the process of reclaiming your true identity. Once you have a more solid emotional foundation internally, you can begin to set boundaries by recognizing when others are infringing on your identity. You will see that maintaining clear boundaries with others who treat you poorly is working out God's will for your life. We need you in this world! Don't let anything stand in the way of showing the rest of us how beautiful you are!
We love you! Don't get discouraged!
I would suggest getting away from ALL religion and talking to some of the incredible people who help people leave cults. Steven Hassen's website has several resources. Religion will not save you from a cult-like family. Only sanity and people who have also escaped can give you the accurate feedback and insights you need to survive and heal. You WILL have a good life, I promise it is possible
Wow, this advice was not intended for me but it spoke directly to my own tattered soul. So grateful for this gift you gave without knowing who the recipient might be . God bless you stranger ❤🙏
Thank you. This helps me, too. And I am glad Dawna had a lovely and brilliant therapist. We should shop till we find one like that or at least close, or whatever works to get us "there" (to our real selves!!)
Dear Mercy, you are not alone. I'm praying for you.
Mercy, I understand when you connect with a patient in a good way and that you wish you and your mom could have. I am assuming that the good patients were older ladies maybe your moms age. It really affected you that your mom was not nurturing to you. Hopefully you can heal some with a motherly figure in your life. I experienced a similar mother who has not given me 5 seconds of love in 58 years, and this really messes a person up. I think she (my mother) has undiagnosed mental problems. Please dont give up because you are doing so well. If you dont like nursing ( its a very difficult job) your degree can open up other doors for you. We will pray for you darling. ❤
It still stupefies me that I never got a hug from my Mom past the care she did give me as an infant.
I love that you brought The Bear into the conversation.
Another thought for Mercy. This is what I realized after I'd learned the full extent of my horrific parents' abusiveness towards me:
"Unfortunately no one ever gets to pick their parents. One is born into a completely unfamiliar group of people that one may have very little in common with.
Sometimes people are born into terrible marriages and families that no sane person would choose to associate with.
When one is born to deliberately destructive parents, one has NO obligation to fix them. It is far better for the healthy child (often the scapegoated child) to walk away and leave such families to their fate."
Thank you, Crppy Childhood Fairy, for the heart!
Praying for you Mercy, and sending much love and light. So many of us have been through some version of this painful Hell. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you are strong. We all are supporting you, please do not give up hope.
Mercy, I am so sorry that you have had such a difficult path. I see you as an incredibly strong, bright, compassionate, beautiful person. You are truly one of the people who is working towards our greater good, by being vulnerable & still working towards a life of dignity, even as those around you are trying to keep you in dysfunction, because they lack your strength & that deep yearning you have for life. I think those of us who are the black sheep are the most dangerous to the dysfunction, because we want a better life. It is not because we were the worst, but the ones who have the terrible gift of higher awareness & a yearning to be free of pain through facing it.
I use IFS and it has transformed my life. What I know is that I have always been on my own side. & I know that you have been on your own side too.
I send you so much love & compassion.
Mercy, I heard 2 things that very much resonated with me and I think it shows what a strong person you are and you are already on the right path to heal. Don't give up, please don't! It's an uphill battle, but God it feels so powerful and amazing when you overcome it and you can look back and see the heights you've surmounted...Now things that I observed and heard from your letter:
1) you write amazingly! and that's no small trivia. You were able to communicate your history and feelings altogether in such clear and touchable way that I was instantly there with you, and I am sure many others felt the same. That's not just a writing talent, that shows you're very much in touch with your feelings and thoughts, and also more importantly it shows you've already processed it a lot, and are capable of sitting and writing the most painful things. Throughout my childhood and teenage years writing was one of my coping mechanisms. I notice a good writing that has that healing power when I hear it. You have it. I hope you have a habit of writing, and if you don't I suggest you consider it, whether it's a diary, blog or even a book
2) you mentioned you feel like it's your job to save your family from what has been a pattern. What I heard was the voice of a child who still blames herself for what happens to them, and that's why she's still feeling responsible to undo what she's caused. Again, maybe I am too much comparing your situation with mine, but from personal experience, once I accepted deeply that I am not responsible for a lot of things related to my family's state of mental and emotional well-being, the dynamic in our relationships changed considerably, not completely, but it definitely got better. That was actually when I could see some of them started to take some responsibility and go through self healing too. I think you have unconsciously noticed it yourself too, and you are definitely ready to take that step.
I was moved to tears after a few minutes. My heart goes out to the strong and wonderful Mercy. ❤
Thank you for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
"Mercy" should look into Balint Groups, which are like group therapy/supervision for medical professionals and their interactions with patients. She could speak about her feelings to people who get it and also see that other nurses have similar feelings.
How does it work out when your own doctor asks you out (I am a patient)? Guess he wasn't going to this group.
@@SirenaSpades report him ASAP. That is as unethical as it is creepy. Was this a mental health professional? There is a support group called TELL that you can contact if you need a safe space to sort out what happened.
Mercy, I'm sending you love and encouragement. You've taken a first step writing your letter. You're on your way to healing. Keep going.
I have a friend who was an er nurse in a busy hospital. It was something she always wanted. She loved her job and was great at it, but after a few years, felt burnt out. The adrenal rush of dealing with patients in a life and death crisis became too much. She became affected, as anyone could imagine, but also because her own nervous system was dysregulated from childhood trauma. She went on anxiety meds, and it was ok for a short while. But then that became a problem, because she became dependent and her anxiety became worse. She eventually left the hospital, and now that she is in a more calm environment, is also busy tapering off the anxiety meds.
The first step in helping ourselves is identifying the problem.
We waste so much time trying to please other people. We don't even know what is going on inside us, we are so used to suppressing our emotions and numbing ourselves. We can't even formulate coherent sentences because we are in a dark fog of stress, anxiety, depression.
Don't lose hope. Keep listening and learning, and never feel that you're not important. You are! Peace and love ❤🤗
Take courage, Mercy! Sometimes keeping a diary or journal helps to sort out the messy feelings, like doing a “brain dump” on paper. The best thing that you can do is eat a healthy diet to support the brain-gut biome connection and try to get enough rest. Go easy on yourself as you continue to reduce the disregulation, you will have good days and bad days. Also keep lists of what delights you, what interests you, what is captivating and what you want and need. I know your schedule probably doesn’t allow you to do that much now, but use it as a reference to your “future self”. Continue the activities that feed your soul and/or calm you down. Seek and build relationships when you feel more stable inside. Perhaps you can meet an older woman to role model or who offers comfort, support, laughter and understanding. I always wished that I had a mentor when I was your age. You are courageous! Stay the course and believe in yourself. May God bless and protect you and offer guidance in your life. You have all of the time in the world. I wish you all of the best in your life journey. Your self awareness is a great start, as is Anna’s advice. Peace.
Mercy, I am so sorry to hear about the horrible abuse you have endured. I am inspired by your resilience. I hope your life gets a lot better - you are an incredible and remarkable person and you deserve the very best in life.
Mercy, I relate❗️Healing and recovery ARE possible. Don’t give up. You are NOT alone ❤️😘💝
It is unbelievable how video after video you’re able to describe my (and so many people’s) life experience and inner struggles. Thank you so much for making me feel seen and a little less lost❤
Mercy, thank you for having the courage to show us how to be honest. Bless you, sister!💜💜💜
Thank you for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Darcy Sims made a good comment about comparing injury (she was talking about grief). It doesn't matter if you've lost a partner, parent, child, sibling . . . No one loss is any more terrible than another. It's All Too Much To Go Through Alone
Mercy, when I heard about you moving around and taking drawing and books with you, I wished we were friends! So much of your story is relatable, and it sounds like you have done some amazing, wise things to keep yourself going - like the physical activity and creativity. I hope you feel the love from this community, because I felt it for you hearing your letter. I cut off half of my family in my 20's, and I know I missed out on some things, but it had to happen. There is still sadness about it, but the space was instead filled with some amazing, dedicated, understanding friends.
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You are loved and not alone! I know it’s overwhelming now but you have splendidly with what happened all through the years! I wish you well as you make the changes you need. Even little changes puts you ahead. ❤
Mercy you are a miracle that has made it through some really horrible things that happened to you that were not your fault. You are reaching out and doing an amazing job to help yourself. Much love to you!
What a kind comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Oh dear, I want to give Mercy a long and warm hug! My childhood was not so bad as hers, but I understand the alientation from the Job and the wish for deep and healthy connection. I hope she can let Love and passion enter her life!
Just saw snippets of the christmas episode and boy did it trigger me! The rage was overwhelming. You're doing vital work Anna, thanks so much.
I am so sorry you went through all of that Mercy. Please believe in yourself, connect with support groups and therapy and invest in yourself. You are worth it, and you can build a different future for yourself.
Lifting you up Mercy.. with love and light! You seeking support says so much about who you are.. you can heal friend. You’re so strong and have overcome so very much. It’s your time babes!❤😘💕
Mercy, I’m sorry you had to go through such a terrible childhood into this your adult life. It can be truly bittersweet to have great interactions with strangers after a lifetime of toxicity from family. Just know that you put positive energy out into the world and you will find your way with the work you’re doing emotionally, you are loved.
Mercy, you are not alone. There are many of us who can relate to you and have had similar family dynamics and struggles. I was the black sheep of the family, spend more time with friends than with family. You want to give yourself permission to be free and healed.
Love yourself and seek good people to be your support system.
Look for the beauty in the world.
Poverty is the most brutal form of trauma. A poor man should never try to be "friends" with a rich man.
Ultra sound is the best job in the hospital. According to my retired nurse friend. Your in and your out with your little rolling machine. I will pray for you. You are doing great. You are getting help. I started online.
Be strong. Be weak. Cry if you want to. You're so brave in being so honest about your life. I thank you for your the letter and for the much I identify with you and I wish you to feel free and at peace and loved.
24 seconds in, and I already had to stop a minute, breathe and cry a little. As I know this pertains to me. Mutlutple times in the past I judged myself feeling behind. Not so much now, but anyway.
Mercy, I wish there was something I could say to make this better. You may be further along than you know. The way you've voiced yourself in your letter and sent it to this knowledgeable, helpful being...you know where and what the troubles are, and why they exist. And are actually able to voice them knowingly and articulately. Which is incredibly good.
I do know how it feels to be at a similar point, to even be practicing differently, the "good" things the "right" ways, but not seeming to be able to bring results. The changes still not occurring as you'd like them to be.
The "you" you created over time to survive was not developed in a day. And not only do we have to unravel and uncreate that, but then we have to create who really are. This takes time, appreciation of the version we were, forgiveness of ourself, and the appreciation of who we will be. Boundaries. Saying no. Even when it is uncomfortable. Especially when it is uncomfortable.
I am at a point now experiencing physical injury from times I should have said no. And now I have no choice but to do so.
I wish you every wellness on your path and journey that you are experiencing, and what lies ahead. Thank you for sharing, shining light, being a light, and for not giving up!
Mercy, there's a tie, a bondage to your family that's already been cut. Against terrible circumstances, you have been managing on your own for a long time. Your family is just the bus on which you came into town, and you have gotten off the bus. They're not making the decisions in your life anymore. You make the decisions, now. That's the bondage that's broken. It's your life, now. Your mind is open. You're open to knowing yourself. Your way will open to you. When I felt lost, the best thing I learned was the power of waiting for knowing to come. It will come. You are a wonder, and someday you will know.
@BigSky000, What beautiful words that you wrote for Mercy.
Mercy, I wish I could give you a big hug. I was a missionary kid of strict fundamentalist parents, and my father committed suicide when I was 16. I struggle with a lot of similar issues to you, and my heart goes out to you. Hang on. You're not alone.
Hi Mercy, I’m so sorry you were treated that way. Please know we are all here to support your journey. You are reaching out which is the best first step on your new chapter.
All the best to you, Mercy. You can do this. You will live a better life, free of such a heavy burden. We are all cheering you on.
Sending love and connection to you, Mercy. We hear you and we are here with you ❤️
Mercy, my heart goes out to you and what you've suffered in your life. I know you are strong and can heal. Don't give up! ❤
Hey Mercy, the truama which causes your pain is the same truama which allows you to bond with strangers. You have a thirst for connection and although it was formed by trauma it is your tool to use in adulthood. Using the desire for connection to bring good into the world gives meaning to the pain. The meaning, aka purpose, makes the pain tolerable.
*BLESSINGS TO YOU MERCY!* 😍🙏🕊️ Just had a dream last night that ended with me shouting: I CAN'T KEEP CURATING MY EMOTIONS AND WORDS FOR YOUR COMFORT! Hope you find a space where your feelings matter! 😍
Wow wow wow wow Anna, I'm the male version of this young ladies life..... my father was the one who piled on physical and psychological punishment for not living up to his idea of what my life should be, my mother permanently in fear of my father did what she could to protect us three kids... sadly my sister became the very unpleasant psychological part of my father which took me to mid 40's to realise the very unpleasant narcissistic ways my sis had been manipulating my brother and I... since then I've kept her at Arms length but she's never out of touch for long making further attacks...I never inform her of what's happening in my life so she can't distort anything....I'm now 66 and still working on myself.
But back to the young lady featured here....what an incredible woman she is.....has totally got a feel of it all knowing what's happening...just needing more knowhow to get through it... I really proud of her and other young adults working through this stuff...you'll go far and it'll all work out 🙏🙏🙏 blessings John 🙏
Mercy, you are not alone! Your letter and voice and story helps to lift up so many other people who have also suffered and feel lost. That validation is the bridge to sovereignty and healing.
Mercy, I can relate to so much of your story. Please know that you are not alone & I wish you peace & all the love in the world. It will get easier. In my 20s I was a mess! Didn't trust anyone & yet wanted to trust everyone. 2 books that really helped me were the dance of anger & be here now. With them I slowly learned to stop living in the past & to live in the present. Hope that helps. Much love❣️
Mercy, please don't give up! You are needed here and loved xxx
Mercy, you are seen and loved💙Many of there things you described, I can completely relate to. The trauma does make life harder sometimes, but in my experience, there is a slow and steady way out and up🌟
Mercy, I think they directed their anger, that needed to be directed at someone else, at you because they could sense they had the upper hand on you. They knew your sister would fight back. They didn't want a fight they might lose. The only way for them to feel a win was to go for someone they knew wouldn't fight back-unfortunately, you. You got a lot of sh*t you didn't deserve.
Now, you are doing SOOO much right!! Look at you being a hard working adult, being successful in a super hard profession, being financially independent, taking care of yourself every day!! You've boldly stepped out and asked for help!! Your survival skills have brought you to this community. And now, in your vulnerability and sharing, you have touched others and empowered them to say, "yes, I can ask for the help I need too."
You have done SO MUCH right!
Now sit back, give yourself a mental hug, and let it sink in that you are now in a place that cares for YOU and you are taking the right steps to experience YOUR healing process. Connect with yourself the way you've connected with patients.
I wish you much peace and healing.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Mercy, my heart pours out for you. You are so brave and courageous. You are a fighter and you have got this! You are beautiful and bold, creative inventive, brave and a hero. Nothing less ♡ find your joy incredible soul ♡♡♡ you are on the journey now ♡
Hi Marcy. I went no contact with my own mother seven years ago and up and quit my insurance job instead of unaliving myself. That was the start of things getting better.
I'm proud of you for staying! I hope you stay, and are able to find the support you need. You have value and are worth the effort to heal. 💜
Mercy dear heart its such an unfair life and you have had more than your share. I am 71 and resonated with so much of what you say. As Anna said 20s and 30s are incredibly difficult years. Our mormal development has been obliterated. All i can say at my age i understand myself better and whdt happened to me and one thing it does do for you is make you extremely resilient eventually to all knocks in life. You learn to rely on yourself most and first as no one from our primary family will show up. If tgey do the criticism will shred you. I have a lot of grief over my sister as she betrayed me and sided with my narcistic mother but as painful as it is it beats constant contact which is damaging. I too was a nurse and found much reward in grateful patients and doing something for people who were so defenceless when sick. I am still damaged and will always be and i have avoided all relationships with men as i take my wounds with me and chose the wrong ones. I think you have to be extremely judicious in who you pick as a partner as it can further traumatise you. I so looked for a man to love me but definetly picked the wrong ones. I also left home very young. I think you are so young and have the insight to have therapy for complex trauma and get healed. Its not easy but its doable. Hold on tight its a rocky journey. I apologise to you on behalf of your parents. Just be kind to yourself and practise self care as much as you can. Go well.
Hang in there, I didn’t even make it to nursing, that was my dream, mental illness and ptsd kept me from going forward , be proud of yourself! ❤
When I was in a community college I had to retake math 108 and there were a lot of nursing majors in that class and they made it no secret that they were a nursing major because it had the least amount of math. I'm not saying this is true for every nurse but when I had my daughter and we ended up back in the hospital a few days after she was born I could tell the difference between the women who wanted to be nurses and the women who either felt like they had to or they thought it was just easier.
Mercy sounds like she is a good nurse but she needs love and support.
Mercy, your 30 year old self wants you yo give yourself some grace today. You are stronger than you know, right now! Listen to Anna and the beautiful people here, and lean forward into an amazing life!
Sorry Mercy. My heart goes out to you. I trust that your life gets better as you heal from all that pain coz you are strong.
Mercy, your story resonated with me. I hope you know you're loved and heard here.
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Awww Mercy! Thank you for your service as a nurse. As someone who has spent many years sick & in hospital, I thank you! There is no shame is knowing that something isn’t working for you right now.
I worked as a human service counselor for 12 years, but there came a point when I couldn’t do it any more. It became too much because I didn’t have good boundaries with regard to my mental/emotional health. Now that I have better boundaries, I have ZERO desire to do that any more. I’m still figuring out what to do and where to go next but I’m hopeful I can find something better suited to my talents, and I believe Mercy can too.
Mercy, you can get through this. You are a survivor ❤
You deserve better! Change the job, change the people, change the scenery... Whatever it takes to make your life into life you want ❤