My ex basically left me for someone else. I'm starting to see what we could have fixed. They didn't want to work it out. Their fix was to leave....they did it via text. I didn't know what I did. I can only guess what we could of both done. I'm happy for them.
Do we really want to have a relationship with someone who comes back because they're sad/lonely? Surely you want the interest to be mutual and positive?
Nope nope nope, if it takes her to get into another relationship I’m not taking her back. Personally for me I just can’t accept another man was in her guts after we’ve already dated. Yeah maybe childish thinking, but it’s something I value so high in a person
What I learned from watching this video: my ex (dumper) who moved on from our relationship pretty much immediately is probably getting his emotional needs met and will not be reflecting on what went wrong for us, nor feeling regret over us in the way that he should. Shame.
Noelle Jones everything learned takes time. You have to be patient. Right now you’re the only concern in your life. I know it’s hard but we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost.
@@TruthofLove I completely agree. You right, I do need to mind my own business lol I'm on my own healing journey and I find videos like this which give perspective to a dumping situation helpful. The perspective and clarity this provides is conducive to healing for a dumpee, so thank you for this video!
Noëlle Lafille I understand how you feel because I was thinking the same thing, but I agree with Clutch - we will drive ourselves crazy by wondering what they are/aren’t doing or what they are/aren’t thinking - All we can do is self reflect to learn and heal.
How do you guys know your ex moved on to a new relationship. My ex broke it off with me. I usually block my exes from social media. I recently learned that you shouldn't because it makes you look weak and reacting on emotion and letting them know the break up is getting to you. So I didn't delete her, but I refuse to check her page and see what she's doing. I decided to take a break from social media. I post every now and then just to seem normal plus I know she still looks at my page. But I refuse to look at hers. Not driving myself crazy in doing so.
He left me for someone else. I did my best and I have no regrets. He ultimately left because I needed the same effort I was putting in. I think it made him feel inadequate so he allowed himself to cheat and leva eke for someone else once he was nice and ready to leave me.
My Ex is in a different country, social media is all we really had. she blocked me on Facebook but then kept watching me on instagram. I died inside every time I got a read receipt on my stories, so I took a break for a month and started to feel better, but when I came back I immediately crashed back down when she started watching to see what I was doing but not reaching out. I couldn't take it anymore and I blocked her. I have to heal, I want to ask me how I am doing and stop looking through the window. I may have screwed everything up. I have generally been feeling better, but I fear that blocking her is going to have the wrong affect. I hate this.
First off, sorry you're going through this. Second, if you needed to block this person for your own well being then you did the right thing. You didn't screw anything up, she chose (I am assuming) to leave, she lost the right to see what you're up to. If she wants to hear from you she can reach out. For the time being, you need to worry about you and you alone.
@@TruthofLove thank you, I can't even tell you how much hear someone say that helps. Yes, she left me, she didn't even say why and it's been eating at me
@@Zultchy No, I never heard from her. She checked out one of my stories (I had unblocked her several months ago) but that was all. I don't really know if I want to hear from her or not. I know I want an apology, bit also recognise that I most likely will never get it. Plus, I later learned that she monkey branched to her co-worker, and I don't think I could ever take her back. I hope to have a healthy relationship with someone else in the future who actually values me.
My ex cheated on me while I trusted him blindly after making sure he can get with other person he decided to break this to me and asking to keep texting but I walked away.even though it hurts not to text or talk but I am at peace plus it seems he has moved on so he doesn’t text me either. Basically monkey branched me, what hurts me he didn’t feel bad about losing our connection.
My husband and I separated , we have been married for 7 years. He left one day and never came back . It’s been a month exactly that he left. He still reaches out and blames me for him leaving . When he left he brought up many petty reasons from more than 5 years ago. He said he suffered very much and felt stuck. He claims he wasn’t enough for me and also wanted to be free and find himself. There was no cheating or abuse. He still watches my social media and does direct and indirect approaches but has not tried to come back . Sometimes he’s nice and asks if I’m ok and other days he doesn’t reach out at all. I don’t reach out I only respond if he initiates contact. I know I should move on bcuz this last month has been hell but his actions still spark a little hope. I know he’s trying his best to go out and distract himself as much as he can with this quarantine and posting on social media more than ever but it doesn’t seem genuine. Any advice?
well you're lucky enough that he didnt leave you for someone else. I would suggest you to do no contact and stick by it. The person that leaves always have this "i'm above you" attitude. so if you reach out or make it easy for him to be in contact, then he will use you as a backup plan because he knows whatever he's doing, if it fails, he has you to fall back on. In my case, my wife of 9 years left for a coworker within a month.... it's been very difficult for me to stomach. Be strong and stick to the game plan.
I never comment on videos, but my husband of 6 years came home one day like yours and said he needed to find himself…. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but I’m sure he found somebody else. My ex-husband not only found someone else but had gotten her pregnant. You can only protect yourself, I hope you have a supportive group you can lean on. Most men usually don’t leave unless there’s someone else waiting in the wings. I’m so sorry, I do understand your pain, but in time you will thank him. You don’t want to be in a marriage with someone who just decides they can leave because they want to “go find themselves.” You deserve better than that! Take it from someone who’s lived that.
Not all dumpers dump because they wanted someone else. Sometimes its just too painful to stay where your needs and wants are not met or even considered.
Some dump because they don't want to work, and want to depend on their women for everything,and as soon as they can't get it, they monkey branch to greener pastures,or so they think
How selfish is that ? That's just princess or prince mindset... Relationships are meant to face hard times too... breaking up or walking away because needs haven't been fulfilled in a short run, shows that the dumper can't take care of the personal needs themselve... think about it... a need is sth in the moment and changes, but breaking up is a sentimental /mental aggression with wounds for life... the dumpee moves on , but the wounds keeps them remembering...
What if the EX is a DA, and they just are uncomfortable with being intimate, vulnerable, and expressing their needs, so they come up with a random reason to dump u. Is it still possible to get her back?
I haven't met you and I assume one thing. You bring something to this world; especially if you attracted someone. My question to you is why would you want someone back who doesn't see your value? Relationships take work; even in my current relationship my spouse and I don't always see eye to eye. In the end it takes both people to make it work. Could they come back? Sure....I think the better question you should ask is if you want them back. In the end that is determine by several things, the main one being; do they value you?
My ex reached out to comment pissed off because of the email I sent the day she broke up with me the second time. That was 2 months ago. The email was saying that the breakup was not all my fault. Guess what she did it via email. She is also a dismissive avoidant. Watch the DAs I loved mine very much 4 years second breakup. Even if she wants to come back. I don't trust her to stay.
Mine did reach out 3 weeks after a break up saying he misses me but then after 3 weeks of us talking where 80% was him starting conversations with me, he stopped replying and my message is unread for a month now. Obviously I am not going to send him messages about him ignoring me (even tho I am extremely hurt and annoyed he is taking me for granted and using when he wants) or anything but what do I do or how do I talk with him once he contacts me again? Or what should I do in general?
It would depend how things ended, who broke up with who; there being escalation for 3 weeks is kinda prolonged, you gotta strike while the iron is hot. Either way if there has been no contact I wouldn't recommend reaching out; if he does reach out again the important thing is to set a date; not right away but within reason. Good luck.
@@TruthofLove this is the story actually: We were in a long distance relationship and everything was perfect even tho we didn’t even get to meet each other yet because of corona but we would always plan it out and everything between us was amazing, we haven’t even fought, not even once. He started going to his own problems and depression bc of those problems and bc of it got distant with me. One day I wrote him an essay on how he doesn’t care anymore and he dumped me. I apologized saying that it was impulsive and I diddidn’t mean it and after did a no contact rule on him. He came back 3 weeks later, starting 80% of our conversations, asking what I’ve been doing, saying he didn’t want to break up but was busy, that he missed me and just talkative kind of but after 3 weeks on the last message where he started conversation, he just didn’t reply to mine and it’s been a month. He is active on that app but he just isn’t opening my messages. Idk what to do, I want him back and his posts are kinda depressing, he was never that active idk I’ll leave him but idk if no contact will work again, maybe through those 3 weeks of us talking again he realized he doesn’t want me anymore?? But again once we talked on the phone, one time after a break up when he called me after no contact he would ask me when will I come to Korea (bc I am supposed to move there where he lives after I graduate in 2022) and was excited about us hanging out but then he left me hanging idk idk what are his emotions. I don’t wanna mess up and lose him before we even meet (before 2022) but it’s hard to wait and not talk to him, he makes me so happy So to not make it confusing Break up Septembar 16th 2020 Him contacting me October 9th Ignores me from the end of October so a month Corona and timing had to ruin everything 😪
@@TruthofLove so getting back together now can be a bad idea and maybe separate us again before even getting to meet but my feelings are so strong I can’t handle not having him back soon and him moving on But then again maybe it’s the best to be patient for when I move there so I don’t regret messing up again But it’s too long until then to wait since I love himm
What of my ex dumped me after 2 yrs and went immediately bk to his ex fr 3 yrs ago who was toxic! Will that last or will he go through these emotions and realizes what we had?
What about if the breakup happened 5.5 months ago and he seems really cold, distant and even annoyed? Told me that he doesn't care what I talk about anymore . & In my oppinion he might be totally over me?
The best thing we can do when people tell us what they believe is respect them. Like I said in the video, you can't convince someone on a belief based on emotion. They need to come to a conclusion on their own. The best thing you can do is move on. If he returns after some hindsight then you can have the discussion then.
If it has been almost six months you need to seriously consider moving on. It's your life. Don't waste it on someone that considers you an option. You have more value than that. :)
@@donkndave7811 Let's try to mind read in the opposite direction either :) Remember some people take months if not year to realize something. With this quarantine we are trending in interesting waters. I try my best to tell people this is a blanket statement what I mention in these videos, but overall situations change on a case by case basis. It isn't about giving people solutions per say. It's about provide perspective and letting them come to their own conclusions.
DonknDave yes i was thinking about it. At the same time because 95% of my market share tend to be dumped i have to be very careful on how I cover denial and projection.
What if she like your post a lot on social media and is the second or first person to do it? And watches your stories since the break up and reaching out to family members? Even tho she claim she in a rebound but i think it’s a cover up to be closer to me.
Leon T Work on yourself like you do. Keep doing you. The least she can do if you got dumped is send a private message. After that don't be all to eager but let it play out. She uses a few words you mirror that etc. Eventually if the pm is going on a good notion and you feel she's engaged in the conversation you can ask her out like "hey wanna hang out just the 2 of us" or in any form of that. Casual but playfull no strings attached. If she rejects just say don't worry get back to me when you want to and go on with your day. Be polite firm and athentic to you. Don't put your ex on the pedestle you're equils. You have feelings and value to. So with that in mind work on your goals and let life happen. In the end you'll be doing better than ever! :) good luck!
I’ve always loved your content too, but will say it’s hard to listen to sometimes. It sounds like I’m listening through water and your sentences trail off at the end. I spend time ‘rewinding’ because parts are hard to understsnd😕
Yeah I have been playing with the audio to try to resolve the issue. I am in a country in complete lockdown right now, so I can't go out and buy new hardware just yet :) I ask for patience :)
My ex basically left me for someone else. I'm starting to see what we could have fixed. They didn't want to work it out. Their fix was to leave....they did it via text. I didn't know what I did. I can only guess what we could of both done. I'm happy for them.
same here. I swear we are all out here living the same lives
Mine dumped me by text as well. Hugely disrespectful and hurtful
Why aren't you happy for yourself? Their emotional experience, good or bad, is theirs; yours is yours.
Same here! They're in the rebound relationship because they're suppressing their emotions. Band aid solutions.
I had to ask my ex if she was dumping me because she couldn’t say it herself
If she left you, why would you want her back . They abandoned you
Oh, the lies we receive and the lies we tell...all to protect ourselves..
Best relationship coach on the net! I've listened to all of them. Explains everything perfectly
That means a lot :)
Do we really want to have a relationship with someone who comes back because they're sad/lonely? Surely you want the interest to be mutual and positive?
Nope nope nope, if it takes her to get into another relationship I’m not taking her back. Personally for me I just can’t accept another man was in her guts after we’ve already dated. Yeah maybe childish thinking, but it’s something I value so high in a person
Same we have a kid and she let another man next to him nope never taking her back
That’s ok! You have standards.
This past June, my 8 1/2 year relationship ended. It lasted longer then my first marriage.
I really miss her.
What I learned from watching this video: my ex (dumper) who moved on from our relationship pretty much immediately is probably getting his emotional needs met and will not be reflecting on what went wrong for us, nor feeling regret over us in the way that he should. Shame.
Noelle Jones everything learned takes time. You have to be patient. Right now you’re the only concern in your life. I know it’s hard but we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost.
@@TruthofLove I completely agree. You right, I do need to mind my own business lol I'm on my own healing journey and I find videos like this which give perspective to a dumping situation helpful. The perspective and clarity this provides is conducive to healing for a dumpee, so thank you for this video!
Noëlle Lafille I understand how you feel because I was thinking the same thing, but I agree with Clutch - we will drive ourselves crazy by wondering what they are/aren’t doing or what they are/aren’t thinking - All we can do is self reflect to learn and heal.
@@laurarodriguez2548 yep
How do you guys know your ex moved on to a new relationship. My ex broke it off with me. I usually block my exes from social media. I recently learned that you shouldn't because it makes you look weak and reacting on emotion and letting them know the break up is getting to you. So I didn't delete her, but I refuse to check her page and see what she's doing. I decided to take a break from social media. I post every now and then just to seem normal plus I know she still looks at my page. But I refuse to look at hers. Not driving myself crazy in doing so.
My ex was writing celebrating on Twitter. Next thing you know. She was writing “ This pain hits different “ lol.
Man I’m 2 weeks in and it was hard now I could care less. I see her trying to sneak her way back in . But nah homie I’m good
Lmao best
Mine 2 weeks sense she dump me, she is know kind of celebrating on twitter haha. Just close Social Media and using that time for better things
He left me for someone else. I did my best and I have no regrets. He ultimately left because I needed the same effort I was putting in. I think it made him feel inadequate so he allowed himself to cheat and leva eke for someone else once he was nice and ready to leave me.
My Ex is in a different country, social media is all we really had. she blocked me on Facebook but then kept watching me on instagram. I died inside every time I got a read receipt on my stories, so I took a break for a month and started to feel better, but when I came back I immediately crashed back down when she started watching to see what I was doing but not reaching out. I couldn't take it anymore and I blocked her. I have to heal, I want to ask me how I am doing and stop looking through the window. I may have screwed everything up. I have generally been feeling better, but I fear that blocking her is going to have the wrong affect.
I hate this.
First off, sorry you're going through this. Second, if you needed to block this person for your own well being then you did the right thing. You didn't screw anything up, she chose (I am assuming) to leave, she lost the right to see what you're up to. If she wants to hear from you she can reach out. For the time being, you need to worry about you and you alone.
@@TruthofLove thank you, I can't even tell you how much hear someone say that helps. Yes, she left me, she didn't even say why and it's been eating at me
@@BigBlobProductions so... did they ever reach out?
@@Zultchy No, I never heard from her. She checked out one of my stories (I had unblocked her several months ago) but that was all. I don't really know if I want to hear from her or not. I know I want an apology, bit also recognise that I most likely will never get it. Plus, I later learned that she monkey branched to her co-worker, and I don't think I could ever take her back. I hope to have a healthy relationship with someone else in the future who actually values me.
@@BigBlobProductions poggers dude. Find someone who dances to the same tune. Wish you luck and God bless
My ex cheated on me while I trusted him blindly after making sure he can get with other person he decided to break this to me and asking to keep texting but I walked away.even though it hurts not to text or talk but I am at peace plus it seems he has moved on so he doesn’t text me either. Basically monkey branched me, what hurts me he didn’t feel bad about losing our connection.
My husband and I separated , we have been married for 7 years. He left one day and never came back . It’s been a month exactly that he left. He still reaches out and blames me for him leaving . When he left he brought up many petty reasons from more than 5 years ago. He said he suffered very much and felt stuck. He claims he wasn’t enough for me and also wanted to be free and find himself. There was no cheating or abuse. He still watches my social media and does direct and indirect approaches but has not tried to come back . Sometimes he’s nice and asks if I’m ok and other days he doesn’t reach out at all. I don’t reach out I only respond if he initiates contact. I know I should move on bcuz this last month has been hell but his actions still spark a little hope. I know he’s trying his best to go out and distract himself as much as he can with this quarantine and posting on social media more than ever but it doesn’t seem genuine. Any advice?
well you're lucky enough that he didnt leave you for someone else. I would suggest you to do no contact and stick by it. The person that leaves always have this "i'm above you" attitude. so if you reach out or make it easy for him to be in contact, then he will use you as a backup plan because he knows whatever he's doing, if it fails, he has you to fall back on. In my case, my wife of 9 years left for a coworker within a month.... it's been very difficult for me to stomach. Be strong and stick to the game plan.
I never comment on videos, but my husband of 6 years came home one day like yours and said he needed to find himself…. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but I’m sure he found somebody else. My ex-husband not only found someone else but had gotten her pregnant. You can only protect yourself, I hope you have a supportive group you can lean on. Most men usually don’t leave unless there’s someone else waiting in the wings. I’m so sorry, I do understand your pain, but in time you will thank him. You don’t want to be in a marriage with someone who just decides they can leave because they want to “go find themselves.” You deserve better than that! Take it from someone who’s lived that.
Not all dumpers dump because they wanted someone else. Sometimes its just too painful to stay where your needs and wants are not met or even considered.
Yes but that’s just a less common situation
Some dump because they don't want to work, and want to depend on their women for everything,and as soon as they can't get it, they monkey branch to greener pastures,or so they think
How selfish is that ? That's just princess or prince mindset... Relationships are meant to face hard times too... breaking up or walking away because needs haven't been fulfilled in a short run, shows that the dumper can't take care of the personal needs themselve... think about it... a need is sth in the moment and changes, but breaking up is a sentimental /mental aggression with wounds for life... the dumpee moves on , but the wounds keeps them remembering...
Work on it than sound like a quitter
What if the EX is a DA, and they just are uncomfortable with being intimate, vulnerable, and expressing their needs, so they come up with a random reason to dump u. Is it still possible to get her back?
I haven't met you and I assume one thing. You bring something to this world; especially if you attracted someone. My question to you is why would you want someone back who doesn't see your value? Relationships take work; even in my current relationship my spouse and I don't always see eye to eye. In the end it takes both people to make it work. Could they come back? Sure....I think the better question you should ask is if you want them back. In the end that is determine by several things, the main one being; do they value you?
Does this hold true when they monkey branch and are immediately with another???
Yuck! it is truly game over if this happened. Hell No!
Very insightful 🇰🇪
This was great!
Very good advice
My ex reached out to comment pissed off because of the email I sent the day she broke up with me the second time. That was 2 months ago. The email was saying that the breakup was not all my fault. Guess what she did it via email. She is also a dismissive avoidant. Watch the DAs I loved mine very much 4 years second breakup. Even if she wants to come back. I don't trust her to stay.
Update?
Mine did reach out 3 weeks after a break up saying he misses me but then after 3 weeks of us talking where 80% was him starting conversations with me, he stopped replying and my message is unread for a month now. Obviously I am not going to send him messages about him ignoring me (even tho I am extremely hurt and annoyed he is taking me for granted and using when he wants) or anything but what do I do or how do I talk with him once he contacts me again? Or what should I do in general?
It would depend how things ended, who broke up with who; there being escalation for 3 weeks is kinda prolonged, you gotta strike while the iron is hot. Either way if there has been no contact I wouldn't recommend reaching out; if he does reach out again the important thing is to set a date; not right away but within reason. Good luck.
@@TruthofLove this is the story actually:
We were in a long distance relationship and everything was perfect even tho we didn’t even get to meet each other yet because of corona but we would always plan it out and everything between us was amazing, we haven’t even fought, not even once. He started going to his own problems and depression bc of those problems and bc of it got distant with me. One day I wrote him an essay on how he doesn’t care anymore and he dumped me. I apologized saying that it was impulsive and I diddidn’t mean it and after did a no contact rule on him. He came back 3 weeks later, starting 80% of our conversations, asking what I’ve been doing, saying he didn’t want to break up but was busy, that he missed me and just talkative kind of but after 3 weeks on the last message where he started conversation, he just didn’t reply to mine and it’s been a month. He is active on that app but he just isn’t opening my messages. Idk what to do, I want him back and his posts are kinda depressing, he was never that active idk
I’ll leave him but idk if no contact will work again, maybe through those 3 weeks of us talking again he realized he doesn’t want me anymore?? But again once we talked on the phone, one time after a break up when he called me after no contact he would ask me when will I come to Korea (bc I am supposed to move there where he lives after I graduate in 2022) and was excited about us hanging out but then he left me hanging idk idk what are his emotions. I don’t wanna mess up and lose him before we even meet (before 2022) but it’s hard to wait and not talk to him, he makes me so happy
So to not make it confusing
Break up Septembar 16th 2020
Him contacting me October 9th
Ignores me from the end of October so a month
Corona and timing had to ruin everything 😪
@@TruthofLove so getting back together now can be a bad idea and maybe separate us again before even getting to meet but my feelings are so strong I can’t handle not having him back soon and him moving on
But then again maybe it’s the best to be patient for when I move there so I don’t regret messing up again
But it’s too long until then to wait since I love himm
What of my ex dumped me after 2 yrs and went immediately bk to his ex fr 3 yrs ago who was toxic!
Will that last or will he go through these emotions and realizes what we had?
What about if the breakup happened 5.5 months ago and he seems really cold, distant and even annoyed? Told me that he doesn't care what I talk about anymore . & In my oppinion he might be totally over me?
The best thing we can do when people tell us what they believe is respect them. Like I said in the video, you can't convince someone on a belief based on emotion. They need to come to a conclusion on their own. The best thing you can do is move on. If he returns after some hindsight then you can have the discussion then.
If it has been almost six months you need to seriously consider moving on. It's your life. Don't waste it on someone that considers you an option. You have more value than that. :)
@@donkndave7811 Let's try to mind read in the opposite direction either :) Remember some people take months if not year to realize something. With this quarantine we are trending in interesting waters. I try my best to tell people this is a blanket statement what I mention in these videos, but overall situations change on a case by case basis. It isn't about giving people solutions per say. It's about provide perspective and letting them come to their own conclusions.
What is the lie the Dupees tell themselves? Good subject for another video.
DonknDave yes i was thinking about it. At the same time because 95% of my market share tend to be dumped i have to be very careful on how I cover denial and projection.
What if she like your post a lot on social media and is the second or first person to do it? And watches your stories since the break up and reaching out to family members? Even tho she claim she in a rebound but i think it’s a cover up to be closer to me.
Leon T Work on yourself like you do. Keep doing you. The least she can do if you got dumped is send a private message. After that don't be all to eager but let it play out. She uses a few words you mirror that etc. Eventually if the pm is going on a good notion and you feel she's engaged in the conversation you can ask her out like "hey wanna hang out just the 2 of us" or in any form of that. Casual but playfull no strings attached. If she rejects just say don't worry get back to me when you want to and go on with your day. Be polite firm and athentic to you.
Don't put your ex on the pedestle you're equils. You have feelings and value to. So with that in mind work on your goals and let life happen. In the end you'll be doing better than ever! :) good luck!
Let her be the one to directly contact you
Update?
I’ve always loved your content too, but will say it’s hard to listen to sometimes. It sounds like I’m listening through water and your sentences trail off at the end. I spend time ‘rewinding’ because parts are hard to understsnd😕
Yeah I have been playing with the audio to try to resolve the issue. I am in a country in complete lockdown right now, so I can't go out and buy new hardware just yet :) I ask for patience :)
I am interested in a coaching session but not sure what is your schedule like?
Miss Cement if you want to go to my website, thetruthoflove.net send me an email and we can coordinate from there :)
So I dumped my ex in April 2019. I thought she was too fat although she was pretty. Now I’m all alone and I miss her terribly. What do I do?
Help me out Clutch
Towards the end of this I get lost
Stay alone. Too fat but pretty.. Pff. She is a human being with a heart.
@@Alieortwo you’re right. I had to change
@@electriceelentertainment7730 ahh that is good. Just send her a letter with how you feel and excuses.
Aboident dumper partying for years....uh...I've heard enough....
Hard to watch in real life.
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