The lie they (Dumpers) tell themselves

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  • Опубликовано: 1 янв 2025

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  • @mzeye
    @mzeye 4 года назад +79

    My ex basically left me for someone else. I'm starting to see what we could have fixed. They didn't want to work it out. Their fix was to leave....they did it via text. I didn't know what I did. I can only guess what we could of both done. I'm happy for them.

    • @destinyzakiahirl8539
      @destinyzakiahirl8539 4 года назад +9

      same here. I swear we are all out here living the same lives

    • @JD-dv9kc
      @JD-dv9kc 4 года назад +13

      Mine dumped me by text as well. Hugely disrespectful and hurtful

    • @notmyrealpseudonym6702
      @notmyrealpseudonym6702 4 года назад +4

      Why aren't you happy for yourself? Their emotional experience, good or bad, is theirs; yours is yours.

    • @imperfectlyperfect2461
      @imperfectlyperfect2461 4 года назад +9

      Same here! They're in the rebound relationship because they're suppressing their emotions. Band aid solutions.

    • @DukeBlueDevilFan08
      @DukeBlueDevilFan08 4 года назад +2

      I had to ask my ex if she was dumping me because she couldn’t say it herself

  • @upupandaway5646
    @upupandaway5646 Год назад +2

    If she left you, why would you want her back . They abandoned you

  • @roivosemraiva
    @roivosemraiva 4 года назад +19

    Oh, the lies we receive and the lies we tell...all to protect ourselves..

  • @kevinroosen6199
    @kevinroosen6199 4 года назад +22

    Best relationship coach on the net! I've listened to all of them. Explains everything perfectly

  • @MFHighlander93
    @MFHighlander93 3 года назад +31

    Do we really want to have a relationship with someone who comes back because they're sad/lonely? Surely you want the interest to be mutual and positive?

  • @ICRichTian
    @ICRichTian 2 года назад +29

    Nope nope nope, if it takes her to get into another relationship I’m not taking her back. Personally for me I just can’t accept another man was in her guts after we’ve already dated. Yeah maybe childish thinking, but it’s something I value so high in a person

    • @ChanChan-jk8pc
      @ChanChan-jk8pc 2 года назад +5

      Same we have a kid and she let another man next to him nope never taking her back

    • @Tiabiacha1
      @Tiabiacha1 2 года назад

      That’s ok! You have standards.

  • @randysonkin3769
    @randysonkin3769 2 года назад +4

    This past June, my 8 1/2 year relationship ended. It lasted longer then my first marriage.
    I really miss her.

  • @noellejones1614
    @noellejones1614 4 года назад +58

    What I learned from watching this video: my ex (dumper) who moved on from our relationship pretty much immediately is probably getting his emotional needs met and will not be reflecting on what went wrong for us, nor feeling regret over us in the way that he should. Shame.

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +27

      Noelle Jones everything learned takes time. You have to be patient. Right now you’re the only concern in your life. I know it’s hard but we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost.

    • @noellejones1614
      @noellejones1614 4 года назад +6

      @@TruthofLove I completely agree. You right, I do need to mind my own business lol I'm on my own healing journey and I find videos like this which give perspective to a dumping situation helpful. The perspective and clarity this provides is conducive to healing for a dumpee, so thank you for this video!

    • @laurarodriguez2548
      @laurarodriguez2548 4 года назад +9

      Noëlle Lafille I understand how you feel because I was thinking the same thing, but I agree with Clutch - we will drive ourselves crazy by wondering what they are/aren’t doing or what they are/aren’t thinking - All we can do is self reflect to learn and heal.

    • @mzeye
      @mzeye 4 года назад +2

      @@laurarodriguez2548 yep

    • @hennylo68
      @hennylo68 4 года назад +8

      How do you guys know your ex moved on to a new relationship. My ex broke it off with me. I usually block my exes from social media. I recently learned that you shouldn't because it makes you look weak and reacting on emotion and letting them know the break up is getting to you. So I didn't delete her, but I refuse to check her page and see what she's doing. I decided to take a break from social media. I post every now and then just to seem normal plus I know she still looks at my page. But I refuse to look at hers. Not driving myself crazy in doing so.

  • @jaycreativenyc1582
    @jaycreativenyc1582 4 года назад +52

    My ex was writing celebrating on Twitter. Next thing you know. She was writing “ This pain hits different “ lol.

    • @wraprap1674
      @wraprap1674 4 года назад +6

      Man I’m 2 weeks in and it was hard now I could care less. I see her trying to sneak her way back in . But nah homie I’m good

    • @Vashali_vlog
      @Vashali_vlog 4 года назад +1

      Lmao best

    • @roquevelasco2605
      @roquevelasco2605 4 года назад +2

      Mine 2 weeks sense she dump me, she is know kind of celebrating on twitter haha. Just close Social Media and using that time for better things

  • @nameavailable987
    @nameavailable987 2 года назад +2

    He left me for someone else. I did my best and I have no regrets. He ultimately left because I needed the same effort I was putting in. I think it made him feel inadequate so he allowed himself to cheat and leva eke for someone else once he was nice and ready to leave me.

  • @BigBlobProductions
    @BigBlobProductions 4 года назад +17

    My Ex is in a different country, social media is all we really had. she blocked me on Facebook but then kept watching me on instagram. I died inside every time I got a read receipt on my stories, so I took a break for a month and started to feel better, but when I came back I immediately crashed back down when she started watching to see what I was doing but not reaching out. I couldn't take it anymore and I blocked her. I have to heal, I want to ask me how I am doing and stop looking through the window. I may have screwed everything up. I have generally been feeling better, but I fear that blocking her is going to have the wrong affect.
    I hate this.

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +17

      First off, sorry you're going through this. Second, if you needed to block this person for your own well being then you did the right thing. You didn't screw anything up, she chose (I am assuming) to leave, she lost the right to see what you're up to. If she wants to hear from you she can reach out. For the time being, you need to worry about you and you alone.

    • @BigBlobProductions
      @BigBlobProductions 4 года назад +4

      @@TruthofLove thank you, I can't even tell you how much hear someone say that helps. Yes, she left me, she didn't even say why and it's been eating at me

    • @Zultchy
      @Zultchy 4 года назад +1

      @@BigBlobProductions so... did they ever reach out?

    • @BigBlobProductions
      @BigBlobProductions 4 года назад +4

      @@Zultchy No, I never heard from her. She checked out one of my stories (I had unblocked her several months ago) but that was all. I don't really know if I want to hear from her or not. I know I want an apology, bit also recognise that I most likely will never get it. Plus, I later learned that she monkey branched to her co-worker, and I don't think I could ever take her back. I hope to have a healthy relationship with someone else in the future who actually values me.

    • @Zultchy
      @Zultchy 4 года назад +4

      @@BigBlobProductions poggers dude. Find someone who dances to the same tune. Wish you luck and God bless

  • @Vashali_vlog
    @Vashali_vlog 4 года назад +9

    My ex cheated on me while I trusted him blindly after making sure he can get with other person he decided to break this to me and asking to keep texting but I walked away.even though it hurts not to text or talk but I am at peace plus it seems he has moved on so he doesn’t text me either. Basically monkey branched me, what hurts me he didn’t feel bad about losing our connection.

  • @sheilacortez6783
    @sheilacortez6783 4 года назад +10

    My husband and I separated , we have been married for 7 years. He left one day and never came back . It’s been a month exactly that he left. He still reaches out and blames me for him leaving . When he left he brought up many petty reasons from more than 5 years ago. He said he suffered very much and felt stuck. He claims he wasn’t enough for me and also wanted to be free and find himself. There was no cheating or abuse. He still watches my social media and does direct and indirect approaches but has not tried to come back . Sometimes he’s nice and asks if I’m ok and other days he doesn’t reach out at all. I don’t reach out I only respond if he initiates contact. I know I should move on bcuz this last month has been hell but his actions still spark a little hope. I know he’s trying his best to go out and distract himself as much as he can with this quarantine and posting on social media more than ever but it doesn’t seem genuine. Any advice?

    • @djcalvin408
      @djcalvin408 4 года назад +7

      well you're lucky enough that he didnt leave you for someone else. I would suggest you to do no contact and stick by it. The person that leaves always have this "i'm above you" attitude. so if you reach out or make it easy for him to be in contact, then he will use you as a backup plan because he knows whatever he's doing, if it fails, he has you to fall back on. In my case, my wife of 9 years left for a coworker within a month.... it's been very difficult for me to stomach. Be strong and stick to the game plan.

    • @marlapeters9359
      @marlapeters9359 3 года назад +5

      I never comment on videos, but my husband of 6 years came home one day like yours and said he needed to find himself…. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but I’m sure he found somebody else. My ex-husband not only found someone else but had gotten her pregnant. You can only protect yourself, I hope you have a supportive group you can lean on. Most men usually don’t leave unless there’s someone else waiting in the wings. I’m so sorry, I do understand your pain, but in time you will thank him. You don’t want to be in a marriage with someone who just decides they can leave because they want to “go find themselves.” You deserve better than that! Take it from someone who’s lived that.

  • @sahilkanetkar3832
    @sahilkanetkar3832 4 года назад +24

    Not all dumpers dump because they wanted someone else. Sometimes its just too painful to stay where your needs and wants are not met or even considered.

    • @Rawyalty220
      @Rawyalty220 3 года назад +3

      Yes but that’s just a less common situation

    • @kessiangeorge4367
      @kessiangeorge4367 2 года назад +4

      Some dump because they don't want to work, and want to depend on their women for everything,and as soon as they can't get it, they monkey branch to greener pastures,or so they think

    • @charlesdc1233
      @charlesdc1233 2 года назад +5

      How selfish is that ? That's just princess or prince mindset... Relationships are meant to face hard times too... breaking up or walking away because needs haven't been fulfilled in a short run, shows that the dumper can't take care of the personal needs themselve... think about it... a need is sth in the moment and changes, but breaking up is a sentimental /mental aggression with wounds for life... the dumpee moves on , but the wounds keeps them remembering...

    • @ChanChan-jk8pc
      @ChanChan-jk8pc 2 года назад

      Work on it than sound like a quitter

  • @CommandoMaster
    @CommandoMaster Год назад +1

    What if the EX is a DA, and they just are uncomfortable with being intimate, vulnerable, and expressing their needs, so they come up with a random reason to dump u. Is it still possible to get her back?

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  Год назад

      I haven't met you and I assume one thing. You bring something to this world; especially if you attracted someone. My question to you is why would you want someone back who doesn't see your value? Relationships take work; even in my current relationship my spouse and I don't always see eye to eye. In the end it takes both people to make it work. Could they come back? Sure....I think the better question you should ask is if you want them back. In the end that is determine by several things, the main one being; do they value you?

  • @JD-dv9kc
    @JD-dv9kc 4 года назад +11

    Does this hold true when they monkey branch and are immediately with another???

    • @barflin
      @barflin 4 года назад +2

      Yuck! it is truly game over if this happened. Hell No!

  • @harrisonayodi1529
    @harrisonayodi1529 3 года назад +2

    Very insightful 🇰🇪

  • @wutabeta1187
    @wutabeta1187 2 года назад +2

    This was great!

  • @hootieshorsehavenhootiesho8932
    @hootieshorsehavenhootiesho8932 3 года назад +2

    Very good advice

  • @MTG9878
    @MTG9878 4 года назад +6

    My ex reached out to comment pissed off because of the email I sent the day she broke up with me the second time. That was 2 months ago. The email was saying that the breakup was not all my fault. Guess what she did it via email. She is also a dismissive avoidant. Watch the DAs I loved mine very much 4 years second breakup. Even if she wants to come back. I don't trust her to stay.

  • @katarina9168
    @katarina9168 4 года назад +7

    Mine did reach out 3 weeks after a break up saying he misses me but then after 3 weeks of us talking where 80% was him starting conversations with me, he stopped replying and my message is unread for a month now. Obviously I am not going to send him messages about him ignoring me (even tho I am extremely hurt and annoyed he is taking me for granted and using when he wants) or anything but what do I do or how do I talk with him once he contacts me again? Or what should I do in general?

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +2

      It would depend how things ended, who broke up with who; there being escalation for 3 weeks is kinda prolonged, you gotta strike while the iron is hot. Either way if there has been no contact I wouldn't recommend reaching out; if he does reach out again the important thing is to set a date; not right away but within reason. Good luck.

    • @katarina9168
      @katarina9168 4 года назад

      @@TruthofLove this is the story actually:
      We were in a long distance relationship and everything was perfect even tho we didn’t even get to meet each other yet because of corona but we would always plan it out and everything between us was amazing, we haven’t even fought, not even once. He started going to his own problems and depression bc of those problems and bc of it got distant with me. One day I wrote him an essay on how he doesn’t care anymore and he dumped me. I apologized saying that it was impulsive and I diddidn’t mean it and after did a no contact rule on him. He came back 3 weeks later, starting 80% of our conversations, asking what I’ve been doing, saying he didn’t want to break up but was busy, that he missed me and just talkative kind of but after 3 weeks on the last message where he started conversation, he just didn’t reply to mine and it’s been a month. He is active on that app but he just isn’t opening my messages. Idk what to do, I want him back and his posts are kinda depressing, he was never that active idk
      I’ll leave him but idk if no contact will work again, maybe through those 3 weeks of us talking again he realized he doesn’t want me anymore?? But again once we talked on the phone, one time after a break up when he called me after no contact he would ask me when will I come to Korea (bc I am supposed to move there where he lives after I graduate in 2022) and was excited about us hanging out but then he left me hanging idk idk what are his emotions. I don’t wanna mess up and lose him before we even meet (before 2022) but it’s hard to wait and not talk to him, he makes me so happy
      So to not make it confusing
      Break up Septembar 16th 2020
      Him contacting me October 9th
      Ignores me from the end of October so a month
      Corona and timing had to ruin everything 😪

    • @katarina9168
      @katarina9168 4 года назад +1

      @@TruthofLove so getting back together now can be a bad idea and maybe separate us again before even getting to meet but my feelings are so strong I can’t handle not having him back soon and him moving on
      But then again maybe it’s the best to be patient for when I move there so I don’t regret messing up again
      But it’s too long until then to wait since I love himm

  • @krisg2640
    @krisg2640 3 года назад +1

    What of my ex dumped me after 2 yrs and went immediately bk to his ex fr 3 yrs ago who was toxic!
    Will that last or will he go through these emotions and realizes what we had?

  • @jessteubner9928
    @jessteubner9928 4 года назад +6

    What about if the breakup happened 5.5 months ago and he seems really cold, distant and even annoyed? Told me that he doesn't care what I talk about anymore . & In my oppinion he might be totally over me?

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +10

      The best thing we can do when people tell us what they believe is respect them. Like I said in the video, you can't convince someone on a belief based on emotion. They need to come to a conclusion on their own. The best thing you can do is move on. If he returns after some hindsight then you can have the discussion then.

    • @donkndave7811
      @donkndave7811 4 года назад +8

      If it has been almost six months you need to seriously consider moving on. It's your life. Don't waste it on someone that considers you an option. You have more value than that. :)

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +12

      @@donkndave7811 Let's try to mind read in the opposite direction either :) Remember some people take months if not year to realize something. With this quarantine we are trending in interesting waters. I try my best to tell people this is a blanket statement what I mention in these videos, but overall situations change on a case by case basis. It isn't about giving people solutions per say. It's about provide perspective and letting them come to their own conclusions.

  • @donkndave7811
    @donkndave7811 4 года назад +20

    What is the lie the Dupees tell themselves? Good subject for another video.

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +9

      DonknDave yes i was thinking about it. At the same time because 95% of my market share tend to be dumped i have to be very careful on how I cover denial and projection.

  • @leont4062
    @leont4062 4 года назад +4

    What if she like your post a lot on social media and is the second or first person to do it? And watches your stories since the break up and reaching out to family members? Even tho she claim she in a rebound but i think it’s a cover up to be closer to me.

    • @Elmaffo2008
      @Elmaffo2008 4 года назад +2

      Leon T Work on yourself like you do. Keep doing you. The least she can do if you got dumped is send a private message. After that don't be all to eager but let it play out. She uses a few words you mirror that etc. Eventually if the pm is going on a good notion and you feel she's engaged in the conversation you can ask her out like "hey wanna hang out just the 2 of us" or in any form of that. Casual but playfull no strings attached. If she rejects just say don't worry get back to me when you want to and go on with your day. Be polite firm and athentic to you.
      Don't put your ex on the pedestle you're equils. You have feelings and value to. So with that in mind work on your goals and let life happen. In the end you'll be doing better than ever! :) good luck!

    • @captaint1180
      @captaint1180 4 года назад +1

      Let her be the one to directly contact you

    • @akshaykumar-ex4bc
      @akshaykumar-ex4bc 3 года назад +1

      Update?

  • @carmensanchez7514
    @carmensanchez7514 4 года назад +13

    I’ve always loved your content too, but will say it’s hard to listen to sometimes. It sounds like I’m listening through water and your sentences trail off at the end. I spend time ‘rewinding’ because parts are hard to understsnd😕

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +4

      Yeah I have been playing with the audio to try to resolve the issue. I am in a country in complete lockdown right now, so I can't go out and buy new hardware just yet :) I ask for patience :)

  • @Yoya290
    @Yoya290 4 года назад +3

    I am interested in a coaching session but not sure what is your schedule like?

    • @TruthofLove
      @TruthofLove  4 года назад +1

      Miss Cement if you want to go to my website, thetruthoflove.net send me an email and we can coordinate from there :)

  • @electriceelentertainment7730
    @electriceelentertainment7730 3 года назад +2

    So I dumped my ex in April 2019. I thought she was too fat although she was pretty. Now I’m all alone and I miss her terribly. What do I do?

  • @karlashmeedavlasta6365
    @karlashmeedavlasta6365 4 года назад +8

    Aboident dumper partying for years....uh...I've heard enough....
    Hard to watch in real life.

  • @mellis9143
    @mellis9143 3 года назад

    13:31