I think the funniest (and saddest) situation of singlets not getting it was when we were in the car with our family and our dad was going on one of his long ableist tangents on how he can tell everyone who is mentally ill and dangerous or whatever and then he said that he could tell everyone who has "Multiple personalities"....while I was sitting behind him dissociating and internally communicating with my system mate who was co fronting with me, bleached the body's hair impulsively, and dressed us in entirely different clothes than I normally wear. Singlets think they're so good at telling who is plural but they don't know at all honestly.
May I respectfully ask y'all to please say "some singlets," rather than "singlets," which paints all singlets with the same brush? Not every singlet is clueless, ignorant, or whichever word best applies. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but I was going to comment on it as soon as it was mentioned in the video. Saying all singlets are a certain way is just as bad as some people who say all mentally ill people, or disabled people, or people of a certain age, et cetera are certain ways. It's very polarizing, imo. I would be responding as a singlet, but apparently am not one, so I'm speaking as a former singlet. lol
Yeah I agree. Still, I think I wouldn't notice just by someone dressing differently, but I think I'd get really suspicious if someone kept saying 'we' about themselves. (But I am close to a system, plus I'm really interested in DID\OSDD-1)
@@talacocheta9001 I know this comment is super old but this is why I disagree: Singlets *are* ableist, the same way white people are racist, the same way men are sexist. They’re born into a system that puts down plural people, we are erased from society. Sure, there’s some people that are good around systems, but singlets as a group aren’t. It’s not the same as saying “all disabled people” because disabled people are discriminated against. Singlets aren’t.
the funny thing about us is that we have never restricted ourselves to one style or personality even when we had NO idea we were a system. or at least I didn't :D so people just got used to us being weird af and now when we're more less living as a system, all of us can get away with looking and acting however we want and it's just regular Marina stuff. and I'm talking BIG differences like from ripped jeans with a hoodie and no makeup to a gothic lolita getup with a big bow in our hair and hearts drawn on our face and the next day we could sport a sexy witch look and then a conservative teacher and then a 90s lesbian and then a goth lesbian and sometimes we look like we escaped kindergarten. AND HOW WE ACT AND HOLD OURSELVES AND SPEAK MATCHES THOSE LOOKS. and nobody notices........ yea sure they comment on it but nobody thinks we're a system cause nobody ever considers that as an option. I myself didn't consider this as an option, I just thought I had a very diverse style and liked matching the mood of it????????????
People can be blind to scary ideas. Multiplicity is so alien to a singlet, some just can't see it, and when they can, some deny it anyway. Hence the stigma even in the medical profession. All arguments as to why multiplicity is not or cannot be real are junk thinking that you would not get away with if you were talking about *any* other condition. Some are just plainly false, and it's a wonder anybody believes it. People excuse that junk thinking without a second thought, because they're scared, and so they'll grab onto anything they can understand before they'll admit the possibility of the bizarre truth. So... No matter what, really, we go unnoticed to all, bar perhaps other systems and the odd professional. Sim
Similar with me and how my styles ranch from little girl, proactive model type, new age hippie, modest sophisticate, and super plain like sweats when I'm feeling confused and blurry. I always thought it odd but I just figured I was odd. I've even gotten rid of some favorite clothes when i was like what the hell is that i would never haha
I don't have DID/OSDD, but let me just say you are totally right about it not being a mental illness. A trauma survival mechanism shouldn't be labeled as such. And though I can't relate to being multiple, I can understand trying to look "normal". I have ADHD, multiple "invisible" chronic illnesses, and am on the autism spectrum. Any one of those things has stigma attached. Have all of those at once and people tend to think you're attention-seeking, when in reality I just have a brain/nervous system that didn't develop like other people and is now malfunctioning.
My girlfriend thought I was being silly when my little first fronted. She also can’t tell when I switch. She just thinks my mood changes suddenly. I’ve always talked to myself and the conversations are very in-depth so people constantly think I’m talking on the phone.
NTs almost ALWAYS write it off. They have to fill in all blanks with everything they already feel comfortable with. That should have been a big hint for ourselves growing up, lol
One time Greyson was at therapy(I'm so proud of them) and while leaving they didn't notice that in the waiting room area there were a person and they straight up said " now it is time to change from we/us to I/me" thinking that they were still talking to the therapist. Also while watching the video I got a notification about a interview that is coming up! My first interview! Everyone in the system seems to very excited or generally glad about this.-Ghost
Everytime one of my alters is out, just existing normally, in their normal mood, even happy maybe, our parents refuse to stop asking "why you're angry?" in an aggressive tone, and it annoys my alters so much. For them, it's like our parents were saying "you don't have the right to be here, I don't like you, I want the other child"
Thank you guys so much for making these videos. I haven't been diagnosed but we've been fighting hard to find a therapist/psychiatrist that would be able to screen us accurately. Everything y'all are discussing I can relate to so hard. I have alters that speak in a very gentle, feminine voice and then others that talk in a very deep, masc voice, and it shocks me that nobody (except for my other system friends) points it out. Whenever a singlet HAS pointed out these vocal changes, it's usually in a mocking tone that makes us feel embarrassed and try to mask ourselves more.
THe the showing no emotion thing?! it's a thing?!! holy moly i didn't even consider that before, i thought that when i got upset and then would just be 'blank' (kinda emotionless and defensive, somehow all my emotions and thoughts are shoved aside because i can't deal with them because they're overwhelming me rn), it was just me somehow dealing with it?! (although this wouldn't reallyyyy make sense in a lot of cases as I have ADHD and I struggle to manage emotions....) but holy macaroni it makes a lot more sense now that it could be someone stepping in to help... ...like everything feels glazed over and i have someone trying to calm me down while also wanting to protect me... and i feel kinda numb, but my emotions are still there... hmmm..... I now have loads to think about!!
woah this also happens to me since i was like eleven. i always described it as my brain dissociating as a defense mechanism. didnt realize it could be an alter coming forward.
We actually will pull out our cell phone and pretend to be on the phone if we really need to have a discussion amongst ourselves. 😄 Talking out loud to ourselves is a thing that happens aaall the time. I think having a cell phone out can actually make you less conspicuous, but I can definitely see the appeal of a wireless device! - Cameron
A theory I came up with is the body is like a variable. Inside alters can be fully themselves and when they're out they mash with the body's chemistry so someone could easily say it was the host but they just seemed off. Part of it cause of did/osdd being a survival mechanism and it helps alters stay hidden unless you pay attention to the little details. Hopefully what I came up with makes sense -- Lumine
it's the opposite for us, one of our gatekeepers said that he takes Atlas out of the body because when he's fronting, the body produces too much cortisol. So I imediately asked about it and he said "of course, we're in different emotional states, and different emotional states produce different hormones". They don't match the mood of the body, they get afraid of people finding out the switch, because our whole lives we were aggressively forced to behave the same, so they have this fear that, if they behave like themselves, people will punish them for it. It's hard for the host to notice this since the host is normally the one considered to be "the normal" by outside people, but all other alters generally have this fear of being punish for acting like themselves. Also, singlets never considered DID/OSDD as a possibility, so they'll tell you "why are you angry?" "why are you different?" "what happened" "stop acting differently" "but you're not like this" but will never point out DID/OSDD.
This was a really great discussion! I feel like you all touched on a lot of thoughts and anxieties that I have on the daily. Especially with the fear of accidentally outing yourselves at work. And it's kinda sad that we have to feel that way, but...it's a very common and real fear among systems. So thank you for voicing that in more detail. Maybe someday we can all live openly without fear. I try to remain hopeful of that. - Raynia
Oh god, just a couple days ago we had a situation where an alter accidentally said “we” aloud when referring to ourself! Not totally sure who was fronting at the time, since we were quite panicky and on-edge, and we tend to feel “scrambled” when we’re anxious like that. It’s probably the whole reason why we let a “we” accidentally slip out in the first place; we weren’t paying careful attention to what we were saying aloud. It was embarrassing, but our dad just brushed it off and forgot about it because there were more important matters to attend to. (the thing that caused anxiety in the first place, got a flat tire and it was a struggle to get it fixed lol.) We’ve also been trying to drop subtle signals to close friends about being plural. I don’t think anyone has figured it out yet though. But that’s okay. We’re not ready to be more direct about it anyways, even if keeping it a secret is kind of lonely. - Ky 💚
If anyone asks us while we're talking out loud to each other (we have really strong internal communication but I have the habit of talking outloud for my part of the convo) I just say that I'm "thinking outloud" because that's generally more accepted? So it's an easy go to excuse.
Jay literally told their parents that when they were panicking their friends who live in their head would help calm them down and would go talk to their parents for them- they had no clue and just continued on with telling us to scribble bc that’s gonna cure all our anxiety and depression
oh damn, if yall made a podcast or did more videos like this i would love to watch/listen to stuff like this in the morning or something. i like the conversation flow and on-camera chemistry that both silver and sandra have. system friends IRL are honestly a blessing to see almost and i hope to have some some day :D -teef
🦄tbh I think we have talked about that a little, like a joint channel for discussion. Regardless of the format we're definitely gonna keep working together! Also your user name rocks
@@WeAreAlexandra that would def be super cool. also thanks, our host (FTM) picked it because this is kinda a backup account/side account for DID stuff and it fits pretty well. -teef
Before I forget: The part where you talk about mentioning DID and dissociating in public, I don't think that people really care about the actual things you are talking about, but possibly the way you are talking about it? I mean, I have had some really long looks from random people when I've talked about something with passion ^^' And that's all. They might be having a rough day or just are surprised by the tone or whatnot, you know. So, don't you worry about people looking weirdly, they're just most possibly having their own moment ;)
we grew up talking to ourselves and it became known as just a thing "I" did. I wanna say my mom talked to herself sometimes, thought not like... full length conversations usually. We are constantly talking to ourselves and if people ask we just said straight up, "oh i'm just talking to myself."
3:41 that’s 100% Selene in our system. She has a British accent, stands up incredibly straight, is incredibly graceful, and has very little expression... where our host Parker is American, slouches, and is clumsy and very expressive... It’s quite funny watching Selene try to be Parker at work and around family ~ Siren
i’ve noticed that my close family and friends have seemingly never noticed (or just wrote it off) when very weird things have happened to me. it’s why i don’t really want to talk to them about my DID. things like, subconsciously changing my accent (i’ve moved around a lot, a lot of us in the system naturally lean towards different accents) or the way i speak, completely stopping what i’m doing and staring into space for minutes at a time. one of the most obvious examples was i was with my family and we apparently switched in the middle of whatever we were talking about. my mum and sister both said i was like “a completely different person” but never thought that, y’know, maybe that’s a sign something’s going on. it’s weird. looking back there’s so many instances where someone could’ve picked up that there’s *some* kind of mental issue going on but that’s never happened. singlets really are a different breed.
I know this feeling so well. This anxiety when you think you just got outet. We use a white board for external communication. Ones a musician we work with was at our home for rehearsal. We didn't think of cleaning the white board before she came over, cause we were to busy. But of cause she saw what there was written and started to ask questions about it. I think who ever was out got red like a tomato and didn't know what to say. So we saved us just saying I don't know how to explain. Maybe we better talk in some month about it.^^
Hi!!! Im so glad i found you all! This video is so relatable. I think no one ever noticed our changes before except 1 time! We rode in a car with a friend for 6 hours to a concert several years back and just a few months ago my best friend was talking to that person and told me about it later and they said “when i talked to her it seemed like i was talking to different people sometimes” but that is the only time anyone noticed (to my knowledge). That was before we got diagnosed and became aware. But other times i think ive watched the others come out and be pretty overt and people just commented that im more talkative or more shy at times. So weird! I dont know how i didnt notice before!
We have had similar experiences, like me I’m the only one in my system who stutters. My stutter is pretty severe and when I switch out after anyone there’s a clear difference.-Hart
One of us has a slight stutter as well, it gets worse the more anxious they are. But people around us seems to think that it's something Karolin does when she's nervous, and we're happy with letting them think that (: Also, not that it matters maybe, but I think stutter is something very normal, if people feel the need to react to it in mean or weird ways, they got their own problems they should focus on instead. Take care ♡
When our alter Haila switches out, her personality is so drastic that I'm so surprised no one around us notices. Singlets are a whole different breed 😳
im sorry but like- Dice is such a cute name- someone must let them know thats adorable- we just found your channel and love it so yee also comments on the alter accents and speach patterns we relate so anyway I'm peter and i have a New york accent and sometimes use outdated slang as for another alter Beast has a very feminine voice in great contrast to Our protector Aaron who has a very masculine flat tone eventhough he seems to be alot more layed back than most protectors i see but probably cause we have a seconday protector/acedemic named Doc who sounds pretty cold and emotionless yet our mother never noticed at all
Definitely recognising a lot of all this. Like how didn’t anyone notice it. We’ve conversations out loud... also our host thought for a while there was something dissociative going on but knowing we’re a system is a very recent thing. Less than a month. However, we’ve been using “we” to mention ourselves for literal years. And nobody pointed it out before. We use it on social media a lot too and now we’re doubting whether we should or if we stop, people might notice. Additionally near the end, I don’t think we would describe being multiple as disability, however we’re physically disabled so using disabled in general feels right.
We have literally talked to each other out loud (we switch a lot/co-front a lot) among other things and singlet are like “oh adhd and just that totally nothing else”. It’s really hard for us to notice if we have control over the mouth usually so we end up speaking out loud *a lot* (it’s like having a mic that constantly turns on and off even if you are backstage) ALSO we have seen SO MANY people who are probably systems because they make it very obvious (at least it seems) but we are just to scarred to ask lol.
Finding out that singlets have one functioning self and no consistent identity /memory switching was wild to me and it was only recently I found out through therapy. I spent so long trying to relate any system related thing to singlets like "oh this is fine i'm normal because someone who's a singlet said it's normal" before realizing the experiences I thought I shared with them are just not the same.
We don't even try to hide and people still don't notice, we only came out to our parents a few weeks ago (it went horrible) and they had no idea that the kid talking to different people with names aloud, using "we" was plural.
...just remembered a moment of our little being out when our partner-at-the-time was just going to sleep. The little wasn't tired the slightest and were being their energetic self instead, so they decided to place a plushie on a pillow and slammed the pillow from both sides in a way the plush _shot to the sky like POOOF_ and... yeah. Then I was like "hehe sorry okay I'll let you sleep now". I was perhaps like 27 years old at the time. So, ehhh, just... normal behaviour. I'm glad he was accepting with me and my wildly different personas. We're still friends, and honestly I think I gotta ask him if he ever noticed anything.
I always noticed that "I'm" only able to make the pretty handwriting in very specific occasions no matter how much I tried and it was never based on mood. But DID would never ever pass any near my head. Suspect a disorder as _big_ as this because of handwriting would be overkill. We have so much fear of people finding us out because of the little things but the truth is that nobody is gonna call this possibility because of the small things like handwriting.
It's a survival mechanism, it's there to make life possible, not harder. Sometimes even the word Disorder sounds weird, we're pretty ordered and organised
oh wow - i am interested to learn more about ableism and "the control" stuff that you mentioned near the end - i have a really hard time letting go of control of the noodles. i need to find this video.
I'm so thank you for your and rings videos. I'm starting at the moment to find out what happens to me at the moment. Im was thinking I'm gonig crazzy when my alter started to text a few freinds and than deleted the messages. And the ableism kicked me very hard. And i still have a ton of fear that i might have one or even more alter. Your videos are helping me to understand this stuff. I'm so greatfull. I think that a few diagnosis i have could be wrong but covering the memoryloss to well when my alter where there.
We ourself managed to stay in denial for some time even after recognising that we have very peculiar and suggestive emotional needs, including plural first-person pronouns. If we were able to stay right in there with all the crocodiles and hippos and stuff while doing THAT, it prolly shouldn't be surprising that when coworkers ask if we're trying to talk to them and we reply, "Nah, we're just talking to ourself," most outsiders just roll with it. It's easier to get away with more eccentricity, it seems, the more our bubbly aspects are piloting. Normal human diversity really ought be socially acceptable in polite company, in public and in professional environments, so we stubbornly refuse to pander to the notion that WE have some obligation to walk on eggshells and play along with some unrealistic fantasy that every human is almost exactly the same. In large groups, most normies seem to get a strong vibe that they'd open themselves up to othering if they became "that one person" who makes a big deal of anything about "the weird girl who's always blowing sunshine up our arses," but encountering near-strangers one-on-one can be an excruciating reminder that lotsa peops find us intimidating, even frightening.
I agree so much, I don't understand why humans complicate things so much, why make up a bunch of social norms that doesn't apply to the majority if people, that only makes life harder and means that no one can be themselves and feel comfortable with that?! Dumb adult ideas.
@@missundies Most of us are culturally conditioned with some maladaptive moral standards, perhaps the most proximate to your particular question being how we're socially permitted to hold fearful impulses to a low standard of justification and critical thinking, and that we're often even _actively encouraged_ by peer pressure (and prolly also laziness) to dismiss as "radical" the recognition of pursuing epistemic rationality as an ethical imperative. Less proximate but just as salient, we believe, is the punitive moral paradigm. Besides guilt and shame making up a huge exploitable attack surface, accepting and internalising the perverse notion that people can be "bad" and "deserve to suffer" _really_ makes it harder to grow as a person when it means recognising our failures, very especially big ethical ones such as mistreating people for embarrassingly dumb reasons. Wethinks it's important to remember exactly what it is which we refer to as "Humanism," because that is rather clueful as to what our deepest nature is like. ;) Really, we don't think it is possible to overstate how amazingly harmful those moral standards are, and how important it is to be mindful of what we're accepting into our minds and how exacting or lax our standards are for such things.
We tried to come out to our mom 4 years ago (she has pretty much forgotten by now), and her reaction was “well… are you still a girl?” (Yes) “ok, do you still like boys?” (Yes) “are all the other voices female?” (I lied and said yes cuz I was scared) then she continued to say basically “in that case you are probably just having anxiety and intrusive thoughts and need some therapy to get these voices in your head to go away.” We haven’t tried to bring it up to her or anyone else ever since.
We like talking aloud and honestly always having headphones is like great. I prefer it the most because too many people talking inside makes it really hard to focus and I wanna vocalize stuff.
Can't even fault singlets for not seeing the "overt" signs of plurality when I didn't realise I was plural until maybe a year ago 😬 confused host here 😅
I have a question about accents and voices: Has anyone experienced an alter speaking differently in headspace but unable to speak the same way outwardly? Mark has the same accent as me when he's fronting, but he has an American accent inwardly.
Ethan in our system doesn't want to use feminine word forms in Russian as he's male. So he'll try his best to paraphrase, but sometimes he just slips up and says something as a male. Our therapist noticed that immediately, but he wasn't trying to hide, but my husband he normally just doesn't notice. When Ethan is fronting , my husband just knows overall that there is something wrong with me, like I'm not in the mood, so he just doesn't questions me using masculine words from time to time.
Another overt moment for us, is when you're talking to someone, and your head-mate is co-fronting and commenting inside. Like, what the heck, tell them this and that. And then you say to them - just shut up for a second. And then it turns out you said it out loud to whoever you were talking too. That's really awkward and you have to apologise and explain it in some crazy way.
we switched today to an ish who pretty much never fronts and is not good at masking RIGHT in front of someone who KNOWS we're a system and ze did not notice lmao
Aussi nous sommes nouveaux dans cette thème et nous avons trés peures parce-que cette thème es très difficile pour nous. C'est difficile connaitre une seule personne et qui nous sommes, mais decouvrir que nous sommes beaucoup de personnes... Nous ne savons pas qu'est-ce autre personnes qui sentent le même comme nous. Aidez-nous trouver notre place dans cette communité.
Even though we work with mentally and physically adults, we still don’t wanna our ourselves. We already came out as trans and we don’t think they’d understand.
I noticed that y’all say “DID” quite a bit and I’m new to this channel but from what I understand the ring system “officially” has OSDD. Do people just tend to use DID as an umbrella term or has something changed I wasn’t aware of? I ask because I don’t have a specific diagnosis within the dissociative disorder umbrella yet and I find DID easy to say and a recognizable term, but without consistent amnesia I feel awkward claiming it when it’s not medically accurate terminology for me
Yeah basically it's an umbrella term for all medical multiplicity, we technically have OSDD as well. We actually have a video on why we use DID and OSDD interchangeably!
Nous sommes une système aussi et beaucoup personnes croient que notre "main-fronter" est fou. C'est trop triste parce-que nous arrêtons être une système et beaucoup des personnes partent notre système et vaient dans d'autre pais. 😔 Pourquoi est-ce les singletts croient que nous sommes fou?
my young alters, "the boys", say that outside people are stupid, and that it's a consequence of not talking to anyone inside their heads. Because outside people don't pick obvious signs that they're a different person and that they're talking their alters inside the head. And because you have to detailedly draw stuff for outside people to understand the "obvious" and they still don't understand.
very specially when they're out and say something to our parents and our parents are completely unable to understand what is what, because the thing they're talking about happened years in the past for the parents, but are present stuff for the boys that happened yesterday, so the parents keep making horrible guesses that the boys' complaints are about things that are happening right now and refuse to listen to them and understand them and what they're actually talking about.
You know that our society is fucked up when even LITTLE children call OTHER children insane for experiencing things differently than how it is expected. It's more fucked up, that teens call other teens insane and ripe for the psychiatry, if they are talking to themselves. That teaches us from the crib that we should shun mentally ill people instead of talking to them and that every deviation from the neurotypical norm needs to be treated.
Can I/We be your friends? I need friends with systems and you all would be so fun to talk to. I am desperate for support, so much so that I am commenting on this vid from a year ago
Hey! I understand needing the support badly! Message us on twitter or Instagram (@wearealexandra on both) and we can give you a link to a community discord!
people think that it's extremely disabling and that people with it would be uncapable of living in society because of the media representation of it. So that's why the possibility never flies any closer to their heads. People know us as very functional people, thay'd never suspect unless we clearly tell them.
Gauging my mom on DID stuff and her being like "well I'm not sure it's not demons" really made me uncomfortable because I was hoping I could have an honest conversation with her about it.
I think the funniest (and saddest) situation of singlets not getting it was when we were in the car with our family and our dad was going on one of his long ableist tangents on how he can tell everyone who is mentally ill and dangerous or whatever and then he said that he could tell everyone who has "Multiple personalities"....while I was sitting behind him dissociating and internally communicating with my system mate who was co fronting with me, bleached the body's hair impulsively, and dressed us in entirely different clothes than I normally wear. Singlets think they're so good at telling who is plural but they don't know at all honestly.
Yep, singlets really just are like that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
May I respectfully ask y'all to please say "some singlets," rather than "singlets," which paints all singlets with the same brush? Not every singlet is clueless, ignorant, or whichever word best applies. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but I was going to comment on it as soon as it was mentioned in the video. Saying all singlets are a certain way is just as bad as some people who say all mentally ill people, or disabled people, or people of a certain age, et cetera are certain ways. It's very polarizing, imo.
I would be responding as a singlet, but apparently am not one, so I'm speaking as a former singlet. lol
Yeah I agree. Still, I think I wouldn't notice just by someone dressing differently, but I think I'd get really suspicious if someone kept saying 'we' about themselves.
(But I am close to a system, plus I'm really interested in DID\OSDD-1)
@@talacocheta9001 I know this comment is super old but this is why I disagree: Singlets *are* ableist, the same way white people are racist, the same way men are sexist. They’re born into a system that puts down plural people, we are erased from society. Sure, there’s some people that are good around systems, but singlets as a group aren’t. It’s not the same as saying “all disabled people” because disabled people are discriminated against. Singlets aren’t.
also informing bystanders about DID by having conversations near them is A+ real activism
It's true!!
the funny thing about us is that we have never restricted ourselves to one style or personality even when we had NO idea we were a system. or at least I didn't :D so people just got used to us being weird af and now when we're more less living as a system, all of us can get away with looking and acting however we want and it's just regular Marina stuff.
and I'm talking BIG differences like from ripped jeans with a hoodie and no makeup to a gothic lolita getup with a big bow in our hair and hearts drawn on our face and the next day we could sport a sexy witch look and then a conservative teacher and then a 90s lesbian and then a goth lesbian and sometimes we look like we escaped kindergarten. AND HOW WE ACT AND HOLD OURSELVES AND SPEAK MATCHES THOSE LOOKS.
and nobody notices........ yea sure they comment on it but nobody thinks we're a system cause nobody ever considers that as an option. I myself didn't consider this as an option, I just thought I had a very diverse style and liked matching the mood of it????????????
People can be blind to scary ideas. Multiplicity is so alien to a singlet, some just can't see it, and when they can, some deny it anyway.
Hence the stigma even in the medical profession. All arguments as to why multiplicity is not or cannot be real are junk thinking that you would not get away with if you were talking about *any* other condition. Some are just plainly false, and it's a wonder anybody believes it.
People excuse that junk thinking without a second thought, because they're scared, and so they'll grab onto anything they can understand before they'll admit the possibility of the bizarre truth.
So... No matter what, really, we go unnoticed to all, bar perhaps other systems and the odd professional.
Sim
We are the same... people see us as one (very eclectic) person
This!!!
Similar with me and how my styles ranch from little girl, proactive model type, new age hippie, modest sophisticate, and super plain like sweats when I'm feeling confused and blurry. I always thought it odd but I just figured I was odd. I've even gotten rid of some favorite clothes when i was like what the hell is that i would never haha
I thought I was personality fluid.
But people didn't accept that so well.
I don't have DID/OSDD, but let me just say you are totally right about it not being a mental illness. A trauma survival mechanism shouldn't be labeled as such. And though I can't relate to being multiple, I can understand trying to look "normal". I have ADHD, multiple "invisible" chronic illnesses, and am on the autism spectrum. Any one of those things has stigma attached. Have all of those at once and people tend to think you're attention-seeking, when in reality I just have a brain/nervous system that didn't develop like other people and is now malfunctioning.
Cat Lynn the only reason it has to be a mental illness is so people with DID can get treatment and help from a professional
My girlfriend thought I was being silly when my little first fronted. She also can’t tell when I switch. She just thinks my mood changes suddenly.
I’ve always talked to myself and the conversations are very in-depth so people constantly think I’m talking on the phone.
my ex used to regularly say 'why do you suddenly act like a little girl sometimes?'...
NTs almost ALWAYS write it off. They have to fill in all blanks with everything they already feel comfortable with. That should have been a big hint for ourselves growing up, lol
Dumb question what’s a NT?
@@Taquinquanot dum. it means neurotypical
@@NixinVictus thanks!
🤣
Its like when nonmagical folk see unicorns or ogres, their brain writes it off as something they understand.
One time Greyson was at therapy(I'm so proud of them) and while leaving they didn't notice that in the waiting room area there were a person and they straight up said " now it is time to change from we/us to I/me" thinking that they were still talking to the therapist. Also while watching the video I got a notification about a interview that is coming up! My first interview! Everyone in the system seems to very excited or generally glad about this.-Ghost
🦄 Congratulations! Good luck with your interview!
Everytime one of my alters is out, just existing normally, in their normal mood, even happy maybe, our parents refuse to stop asking "why you're angry?" in an aggressive tone, and it annoys my alters so much. For them, it's like our parents were saying "you don't have the right to be here, I don't like you, I want the other child"
and it reminds them of all the times our parents tried to force us to be the same person
That definitely sounds like it can be hurtful and painful
REAL. Whenever someone else is out, my mom will say "is something wrong?"
As a system that struggles with accepting that we *are* a system, this helped so much. Thank you so much to both of your systems!
Thank you guys so much for making these videos. I haven't been diagnosed but we've been fighting hard to find a therapist/psychiatrist that would be able to screen us accurately. Everything y'all are discussing I can relate to so hard. I have alters that speak in a very gentle, feminine voice and then others that talk in a very deep, masc voice, and it shocks me that nobody (except for my other system friends) points it out. Whenever a singlet HAS pointed out these vocal changes, it's usually in a mocking tone that makes us feel embarrassed and try to mask ourselves more.
Totally same.
Sim
why is everybody randomly saying "Sim" now?
THe the showing no emotion thing?! it's a thing?!! holy moly i didn't even consider that before, i thought that when i got upset and then would just be 'blank' (kinda emotionless and defensive, somehow all my emotions and thoughts are shoved aside because i can't deal with them because they're overwhelming me rn), it was just me somehow dealing with it?! (although this wouldn't reallyyyy make sense in a lot of cases as I have ADHD and I struggle to manage emotions....) but holy macaroni it makes a lot more sense now that it could be someone stepping in to help...
...like everything feels glazed over and i have someone trying to calm me down while also wanting to protect me... and i feel kinda numb, but my emotions are still there... hmmm.....
I now have loads to think about!!
woah this also happens to me since i was like eleven. i always described it as my brain dissociating as a defense mechanism. didnt realize it could be an alter coming forward.
relatable
We actually will pull out our cell phone and pretend to be on the phone if we really need to have a discussion amongst ourselves. 😄 Talking out loud to ourselves is a thing that happens aaall the time. I think having a cell phone out can actually make you less conspicuous, but I can definitely see the appeal of a wireless device! - Cameron
Just remember to turn off the sound of the phone... 🤭
A theory I came up with is the body is like a variable. Inside alters can be fully themselves and when they're out they mash with the body's chemistry so someone could easily say it was the host but they just seemed off. Part of it cause of did/osdd being a survival mechanism and it helps alters stay hidden unless you pay attention to the little details. Hopefully what I came up with makes sense -- Lumine
it's the opposite for us, one of our gatekeepers said that he takes Atlas out of the body because when he's fronting, the body produces too much cortisol. So I imediately asked about it and he said "of course, we're in different emotional states, and different emotional states produce different hormones".
They don't match the mood of the body, they get afraid of people finding out the switch, because our whole lives we were aggressively forced to behave the same, so they have this fear that, if they behave like themselves, people will punish them for it. It's hard for the host to notice this since the host is normally the one considered to be "the normal" by outside people, but all other alters generally have this fear of being punish for acting like themselves.
Also, singlets never considered DID/OSDD as a possibility, so they'll tell you "why are you angry?" "why are you different?" "what happened" "stop acting differently" "but you're not like this" but will never point out DID/OSDD.
This was a really great discussion! I feel like you all touched on a lot of thoughts and anxieties that I have on the daily. Especially with the fear of accidentally outing yourselves at work. And it's kinda sad that we have to feel that way, but...it's a very common and real fear among systems. So thank you for voicing that in more detail. Maybe someday we can all live openly without fear. I try to remain hopeful of that. - Raynia
Oh god, just a couple days ago we had a situation where an alter accidentally said “we” aloud when referring to ourself! Not totally sure who was fronting at the time, since we were quite panicky and on-edge, and we tend to feel “scrambled” when we’re anxious like that. It’s probably the whole reason why we let a “we” accidentally slip out in the first place; we weren’t paying careful attention to what we were saying aloud. It was embarrassing, but our dad just brushed it off and forgot about it because there were more important matters to attend to. (the thing that caused anxiety in the first place, got a flat tire and it was a struggle to get it fixed lol.)
We’ve also been trying to drop subtle signals to close friends about being plural. I don’t think anyone has figured it out yet though. But that’s okay. We’re not ready to be more direct about it anyways, even if keeping it a secret is kind of lonely. - Ky 💚
If anyone asks us while we're talking out loud to each other (we have really strong internal communication but I have the habit of talking outloud for my part of the convo) I just say that I'm "thinking outloud" because that's generally more accepted? So it's an easy go to excuse.
Jay literally told their parents that when they were panicking their friends who live in their head would help calm them down and would go talk to their parents for them- they had no clue and just continued on with telling us to scribble bc that’s gonna cure all our anxiety and depression
Wow! That's rough :/
Loved this! Funny parts too! "Singlets TM"
Singlets™
oh damn, if yall made a podcast or did more videos like this i would love to watch/listen to stuff like this in the morning or something. i like the conversation flow and on-camera chemistry that both silver and sandra have. system friends IRL are honestly a blessing to see almost and i hope to have some some day :D -teef
🦄tbh I think we have talked about that a little, like a joint channel for discussion. Regardless of the format we're definitely gonna keep working together! Also your user name rocks
@@WeAreAlexandra that would def be super cool. also thanks, our host (FTM) picked it because this is kinda a backup account/side account for DID stuff and it fits pretty well. -teef
Listening to you talking together is so normalising for us and I’m so grateful!
Yeah, I wish I could get to meet people like this irl.
Before I forget:
The part where you talk about mentioning DID and dissociating in public, I don't think that people really care about the actual things you are talking about, but possibly the way you are talking about it? I mean, I have had some really long looks from random people when I've talked about something with passion ^^' And that's all. They might be having a rough day or just are surprised by the tone or whatnot, you know. So, don't you worry about people looking weirdly, they're just most possibly having their own moment ;)
we grew up talking to ourselves and it became known as just a thing "I" did. I wanna say my mom talked to herself sometimes, thought not like... full length conversations usually. We are constantly talking to ourselves and if people ask we just said straight up, "oh i'm just talking to myself."
Also a good strategy!
3:41 that’s 100% Selene in our system. She has a British accent, stands up incredibly straight, is incredibly graceful, and has very little expression... where our host Parker is American, slouches, and is clumsy and very expressive... It’s quite funny watching Selene try to be Parker at work and around family ~ Siren
Thank you for this wonderful conversation. It’s beautiful to see such honesty and what you share is making a big difference. 💗
Thank you! Honest sharing is what we strive for here :)
i’ve noticed that my close family and friends have seemingly never noticed (or just wrote it off) when very weird things have happened to me. it’s why i don’t really want to talk to them about my DID.
things like, subconsciously changing my accent (i’ve moved around a lot, a lot of us in the system naturally lean towards different accents) or the way i speak, completely stopping what i’m doing and staring into space for minutes at a time. one of the most obvious examples was i was with my family and we apparently switched in the middle of whatever we were talking about. my mum and sister both said i was like “a completely different person” but never thought that, y’know, maybe that’s a sign something’s going on.
it’s weird. looking back there’s so many instances where someone could’ve picked up that there’s *some* kind of mental issue going on but that’s never happened. singlets really are a different breed.
"singlets are blind"
-our system freind
I know this feeling so well. This anxiety when you think you just got outet. We use a white board for external communication. Ones a musician we work with was at our home for rehearsal. We didn't think of cleaning the white board before she came over, cause we were to busy. But of cause she saw what there was written and started to ask questions about it. I think who ever was out got red like a tomato and didn't know what to say. So we saved us just saying I don't know how to explain. Maybe we better talk in some month about it.^^
Hi!!! Im so glad i found you all! This video is so relatable. I think no one ever noticed our changes before except 1 time! We rode in a car with a friend for 6 hours to a concert several years back and just a few months ago my best friend was talking to that person and told me about it later and they said “when i talked to her it seemed like i was talking to different people sometimes” but that is the only time anyone noticed (to my knowledge). That was before we got diagnosed and became aware. But other times i think ive watched the others come out and be pretty overt and people just commented that im more talkative or more shy at times. So weird! I dont know how i didnt notice before!
We have had similar experiences, like me I’m the only one in my system who stutters. My stutter is pretty severe and when I switch out after anyone there’s a clear difference.-Hart
One of us has a slight stutter as well, it gets worse the more anxious they are. But people around us seems to think that it's something Karolin does when she's nervous, and we're happy with letting them think that (: Also, not that it matters maybe, but I think stutter is something very normal, if people feel the need to react to it in mean or weird ways, they got their own problems they should focus on instead. Take care ♡
You definitely deserve love, and being a system isn't something you should be ashamed of.
100% support from this singlet.
When our alter Haila switches out, her personality is so drastic that I'm so surprised no one around us notices. Singlets are a whole different breed 😳
im sorry but like- Dice is such a cute name- someone must let them know thats adorable-
we just found your channel and love it so yee
also comments on the alter accents and speach patterns we relate so anyway I'm peter and i have a New york accent and sometimes use outdated slang as for another alter Beast has a very feminine voice in great contrast to Our protector Aaron who has a very masculine flat tone eventhough he seems to be alot more layed back than most protectors i see but probably cause we have a seconday protector/acedemic named Doc who sounds pretty cold and emotionless
yet our mother never noticed at all
Definitely recognising a lot of all this. Like how didn’t anyone notice it. We’ve conversations out loud... also our host thought for a while there was something dissociative going on but knowing we’re a system is a very recent thing. Less than a month. However, we’ve been using “we” to mention ourselves for literal years. And nobody pointed it out before. We use it on social media a lot too and now we’re doubting whether we should or if we stop, people might notice.
Additionally near the end, I don’t think we would describe being multiple as disability, however we’re physically disabled so using disabled in general feels right.
We have literally talked to each other out loud (we switch a lot/co-front a lot) among other things and singlet are like “oh adhd and just that totally nothing else”. It’s really hard for us to notice if we have control over the mouth usually so we end up speaking out loud *a lot* (it’s like having a mic that constantly turns on and off even if you are backstage)
ALSO we have seen SO MANY people who are probably systems because they make it very obvious (at least it seems) but we are just to scarred to ask lol.
the royal we saving the day, yet again
Finding out that singlets have one functioning self and no consistent identity /memory switching was wild to me and it was only recently I found out through therapy. I spent so long trying to relate any system related thing to singlets like "oh this is fine i'm normal because someone who's a singlet said it's normal" before realizing the experiences I thought I shared with them are just not the same.
We don't even try to hide and people still don't notice, we only came out to our parents a few weeks ago (it went horrible) and they had no idea that the kid talking to different people with names aloud, using "we" was plural.
...just remembered a moment of our little being out when our partner-at-the-time was just going to sleep. The little wasn't tired the slightest and were being their energetic self instead, so they decided to place a plushie on a pillow and slammed the pillow from both sides in a way the plush _shot to the sky like POOOF_ and... yeah. Then I was like "hehe sorry okay I'll let you sleep now". I was perhaps like 27 years old at the time. So, ehhh, just... normal behaviour.
I'm glad he was accepting with me and my wildly different personas. We're still friends, and honestly I think I gotta ask him if he ever noticed anything.
Vampi talked out loud, loudly, to the rest of us while walking all through Walgreens.😮
Consistently writing in different handwriting in our notes. Nobody asks or seems to notice. It’s interesting. -Gio
I always noticed that "I'm" only able to make the pretty handwriting in very specific occasions no matter how much I tried and it was never based on mood. But DID would never ever pass any near my head. Suspect a disorder as _big_ as this because of handwriting would be overkill. We have so much fear of people finding us out because of the little things but the truth is that nobody is gonna call this possibility because of the small things like handwriting.
It's a survival mechanism, it's there to make life possible, not harder. Sometimes even the word Disorder sounds weird, we're pretty ordered and organised
I agree! Tbh we probably couldn't even be considered to have OSDD anymore since it doesn't distress us much
Sad to admit I watch these types of videos that cause me to want to scream “help me” and I have to prevent myself from blurting it out loud....
oh wow - i am interested to learn more about ableism and "the control" stuff that you mentioned near the end - i have a really hard time letting go of control of the noodles. i need to find this video.
I love this
Much younger alters that almost never front filling in at at work in a emotional crisis : it’s as funny as you think (years later in retrospect).
I'm so thank you for your and rings videos. I'm starting at the moment to find out what happens to me at the moment. Im was thinking I'm gonig crazzy when my alter started to text a few freinds and than deleted the messages. And the ableism kicked me very hard.
And i still have a ton of fear that i might have one or even more alter.
Your videos are helping me to understand this stuff.
I'm so greatfull.
I think that a few diagnosis i have could be wrong but covering the memoryloss to well when my alter where there.
I'm glad our videos help!
We ourself managed to stay in denial for some time even after recognising that we have very peculiar and suggestive emotional needs, including plural first-person pronouns. If we were able to stay right in there with all the crocodiles and hippos and stuff while doing THAT, it prolly shouldn't be surprising that when coworkers ask if we're trying to talk to them and we reply, "Nah, we're just talking to ourself," most outsiders just roll with it. It's easier to get away with more eccentricity, it seems, the more our bubbly aspects are piloting.
Normal human diversity really ought be socially acceptable in polite company, in public and in professional environments, so we stubbornly refuse to pander to the notion that WE have some obligation to walk on eggshells and play along with some unrealistic fantasy that every human is almost exactly the same. In large groups, most normies seem to get a strong vibe that they'd open themselves up to othering if they became "that one person" who makes a big deal of anything about "the weird girl who's always blowing sunshine up our arses," but encountering near-strangers one-on-one can be an excruciating reminder that lotsa peops find us intimidating, even frightening.
I agree so much, I don't understand why humans complicate things so much, why make up a bunch of social norms that doesn't apply to the majority if people, that only makes life harder and means that no one can be themselves and feel comfortable with that?! Dumb adult ideas.
@@missundies Most of us are culturally conditioned with some maladaptive moral standards, perhaps the most proximate to your particular question being how we're socially permitted to hold fearful impulses to a low standard of justification and critical thinking, and that we're often even _actively encouraged_ by peer pressure (and prolly also laziness) to dismiss as "radical" the recognition of pursuing epistemic rationality as an ethical imperative.
Less proximate but just as salient, we believe, is the punitive moral paradigm. Besides guilt and shame making up a huge exploitable attack surface, accepting and internalising the perverse notion that people can be "bad" and "deserve to suffer" _really_ makes it harder to grow as a person when it means recognising our failures, very especially big ethical ones such as mistreating people for embarrassingly dumb reasons. Wethinks it's important to remember exactly what it is which we refer to as "Humanism," because that is rather clueful as to what our deepest nature is like. ;)
Really, we don't think it is possible to overstate how amazingly harmful those moral standards are, and how important it is to be mindful of what we're accepting into our minds and how exacting or lax our standards are for such things.
I also often refer to myself as we omg I didnt even realize til now. The brain really is trying to hide this from me huh
We tried to come out to our mom 4 years ago (she has pretty much forgotten by now), and her reaction was “well… are you still a girl?” (Yes) “ok, do you still like boys?” (Yes) “are all the other voices female?” (I lied and said yes cuz I was scared) then she continued to say basically “in that case you are probably just having anxiety and intrusive thoughts and need some therapy to get these voices in your head to go away.”
We haven’t tried to bring it up to her or anyone else ever since.
that's invalidating as hell.
We like talking aloud and honestly always having headphones is like great. I prefer it the most because too many people talking inside makes it really hard to focus and I wanna vocalize stuff.
AirPod vs Bluetooth 😂
Can't even fault singlets for not seeing the "overt" signs of plurality when I didn't realise I was plural until maybe a year ago 😬 confused host here 😅
I have a question about accents and voices:
Has anyone experienced an alter speaking differently in headspace but unable to speak the same way outwardly? Mark has the same accent as me when he's fronting, but he has an American accent inwardly.
Vocal cords.
Dude, I can't even talk to people sometimes without my alters blocking me, how do you expect me to commit a crime? :v
Ethan in our system doesn't want to use feminine word forms in Russian as he's male. So he'll try his best to paraphrase, but sometimes he just slips up and says something as a male. Our therapist noticed that immediately, but he wasn't trying to hide, but my husband he normally just doesn't notice. When Ethan is fronting , my husband just knows overall that there is something wrong with me, like I'm not in the mood, so he just doesn't questions me using masculine words from time to time.
I loved this thankQ
Hot take, singlets that care about the crazies are the real crazies.
Another overt moment for us, is when you're talking to someone, and your head-mate is co-fronting and commenting inside. Like, what the heck, tell them this and that. And then you say to them - just shut up for a second. And then it turns out you said it out loud to whoever you were talking too. That's really awkward and you have to apologise and explain it in some crazy way.
💜! Feel that a lot
we switched today to an ish who pretty much never fronts and is not good at masking RIGHT in front of someone who KNOWS we're a system and ze did not notice lmao
Aussi nous sommes nouveaux dans cette thème et nous avons trés peures parce-que cette thème es très difficile pour nous. C'est difficile connaitre une seule personne et qui nous sommes, mais decouvrir que nous sommes beaucoup de personnes... Nous ne savons pas qu'est-ce autre personnes qui sentent le même comme nous. Aidez-nous trouver notre place dans cette communité.
*Yep, just talkin' to myself.* r/technicallycorrect 😂😂😂
Me realizing that “[my name] is reading No Bad Parts because IFS it’s their hyperfocus” to our boss today probably didn’t come from me 😅😅😅
Even though we work with mentally and physically adults, we still don’t wanna our ourselves. We already came out as trans and we don’t think they’d understand.
I noticed that y’all say “DID” quite a bit and I’m new to this channel but from what I understand the ring system “officially” has OSDD. Do people just tend to use DID as an umbrella term or has something changed I wasn’t aware of? I ask because I don’t have a specific diagnosis within the dissociative disorder umbrella yet and I find DID easy to say and a recognizable term, but without consistent amnesia I feel awkward claiming it when it’s not medically accurate terminology for me
Yeah basically it's an umbrella term for all medical multiplicity, we technically have OSDD as well. We actually have a video on why we use DID and OSDD interchangeably!
The Alexandrite System cool! I’ll check it out when I have a chance. Thanks!
Great video!! Thought you should know- the link in the description to the other half of the collab is broken
Thank you!!
Nous sommes une système aussi et beaucoup personnes croient que notre "main-fronter" est fou. C'est trop triste parce-que nous arrêtons être une système et beaucoup des personnes partent notre système et vaient dans d'autre pais. 😔 Pourquoi est-ce les singletts croient que nous sommes fou?
All of my headmates are female except for one (carter), so it's kind of obvious when he fronts 😅
my young alters, "the boys", say that outside people are stupid, and that it's a consequence of not talking to anyone inside their heads. Because outside people don't pick obvious signs that they're a different person and that they're talking their alters inside the head. And because you have to detailedly draw stuff for outside people to understand the "obvious" and they still don't understand.
very specially when they're out and say something to our parents and our parents are completely unable to understand what is what, because the thing they're talking about happened years in the past for the parents, but are present stuff for the boys that happened yesterday, so the parents keep making horrible guesses that the boys' complaints are about things that are happening right now and refuse to listen to them and understand them and what they're actually talking about.
Oh no :(
You know that our society is fucked up when even LITTLE children call OTHER children insane for experiencing things differently than how it is expected. It's more fucked up, that teens call other teens insane and ripe for the psychiatry, if they are talking to themselves. That teaches us from the crib that we should shun mentally ill people instead of talking to them and that every deviation from the neurotypical norm needs to be treated.
I can think back to little clues and I always decided on, it's all in my imagination. It's not lol
Can I/We be your friends? I need friends with systems and you all would be so fun to talk to. I am desperate for support, so much so that I am commenting on this vid from a year ago
Hey! I understand needing the support badly! Message us on twitter or Instagram (@wearealexandra on both) and we can give you a link to a community discord!
people think that it's extremely disabling and that people with it would be uncapable of living in society because of the media representation of it. So that's why the possibility never flies any closer to their heads. People know us as very functional people, thay'd never suspect unless we clearly tell them.
Agreed!
Gauging my mom on DID stuff and her being like "well I'm not sure it's not demons" really made me uncomfortable because I was hoping I could have an honest conversation with her about it.