Why Are We Here? [SFM]
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
- Be careful what you say within earshot of your friendly neighborhood Commissar.
Featuring Sketter as Stevicus the Guardsman.
Inspired by old Red vs Blue machinima and Warhammer 40k comics.
It's been a while and life gets messy, so here we are.
The plan is to continue chipping away at Unbelief, but I'll be uploading the occasional animation for my own (in)sanity and your enjoyment.
As for ideas, I'm thinking of making more shorts of these guardsman and their adventures in the grim darkness of the far future, so let me know what you think in the comments. I may do a poll for video ideas in the near future regardless.
Model creators: Nindzya Nub, Joazzz, SFM & Garry's Mod Steam Workshops
Audio: SFM & Garry's Mod Steam Workshops
DISCLAIMER: This video is unofficial and in no shape or form endorsed by Games Workshop Limited. Warhammer 40,000 franchise belongs to Games Workshop, and I am in no way or form affiliated. Models, audio, etc. in this video do not belong to me and belong to their respective owners.
![Death Korps of Krieg [WH40K SFM ANIMATION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hmv9YA2pS-g/mqdefault.jpg)
![Death Korps of Krieg [WH40K SFM ANIMATION]](/img/tr.png)
"Come get your desser-... I mean sugary treats!"
Commissar: 'WHO IS THE COWARD WHO ORDERED A RETREAT!?'
brilliant
Krieger behind commissar : retreat retreat retreat BLAM
Baked goods?
@@firstconsul7286 WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE HERETIC THAT SAID "FOR THE GODS"?!
Treat of sugary material.
I'm Guessing thhe Commissar later commits suicide when he found out he was eating a dessert
That’s the only use the guard has for cowards
He was eating "confectionaries".
Commissar's will never consort with dessert unless with a bolt pistol.
Your all wrong the commissar knew EXACTLY what the guardsman meant; he was trying to hoard the cake for himself, no need to share if everybody who knows of it is dead
@@crichtonvasmoya4290 you dare imply that a member of the Officio Perfectus would ever delve into such heretical acts of self enduldgence and deceit!?!?
*loads bolt pistol*
You have been charged with spreading disinformation and attempting to instill distrust within the ranks of the Astra Militarum!! This is a recognised treasonous act in which is punishable by summary execution!
Your heresy spreads no further, traitor!!!!
In the grim dark future there is no dessert.
That's right there called confectioneries.
Noooooooooooooooo!
Only confectionery's
That's why it's GRIM
There are truly really dark times.
In reality, the commissar was making sure that he can keep all of the dessert for himself
For some reason I just imagined him in his bathtub filled with chocolat pudding eating a pudding with cream on top. Next to his bathtub is a chair with his uniform on it.
Completely stained with blood.
Nice profile pic, looks familiar...
@@thelollygagger2126 yours looks familiar too, can't quite place it though...
@@haloreaper1018 guess we'll never know
@@thelollygagger2126 yeah, real shame ain't it
I HAVE NO TOLERANCE, AT ALL, YOURE ALL BEING ASSIGNED TO A PENAL BATTALION, AT ONCE!
*Confused Gasmask noises
"Sir, this IS a penal battalion... One I believe you were assigned to after killing an entire regiment... For eating Lemon Sponge Rations"
"Commissar, the Krieg Guardsman are willing to volunteer for that assignment."
We, The Death Korps of Krieg, shall be a new mine clearing, cheap, expendable Penal Battalions. We shall do Emperor's Will with utmost haste and willingness, Commissar!
hah PP legion
HE IS BACK THE EMPEROR PROTECTS
Comissar Gurke LIVES
*STOMP STOMP*
Hahaha
No I don't
@@godemperorofmankind129 Top 10 saddest anime moments
I feel like it should be noted that someone said “oh not again”. I mean, how many times has this happened?
Enough... Enough times for it to be a common occurrence.
TO MANY TIMES, JUST TO MANY TIMES "Guardman yellin after being 3 Hours in Trench 11"
Every time they get a new cook I'd imagine.
It's the guard, it happens every 5 seconds
@@TheHandofDestiny some guard regiments pride themselves in their ability to maintain order, discipline and upholding the standards enforced by the Commasariat. The 101st "Hells Last" Cadian managed to go months without any blemishes on thier records. This was mainly from the commanders being closely knit and able to shut down any issues internally before it would ever be brought to the attention of the Commasariat. Although, if you wanted a far easier example, I can't imagine the Mordian Iron Guard having any issues maintaining discipline and order.
The guardsman on the right is a true imperial soldier: he doesn't question his duty, he isn't intimidated by a freaking Commissar and when weird stuff happens in his camp he just rolls his eyes, shakes his head and goes back to watch for incoming enemies.
He is most likely a veteran who knows the Imperium well and just realized that the best way to stay alive in the Astra Militarum is to ignore all the crazy shit happening around you and just focus on your job.
The empire sure is a bad place to develop critical thinking. Best to stick to your job.
bro survived 16 hours, he's now offically a veteran
The best way to survive the Imperial Guard: You don't!!
@@ThatOneElfEnjoyer *You Survived the First wave? CONGRATS YOU'RE A VETERAN. ENJOY THE PTSD.*
Commissars aren’t really THAT intimidating, for the simple fact that if he steps out of line too much, the regiment will make sure to remind him he’s outnumbered 1.000.000/1
Simmons: _"Hey, Grif, you ever wonder why we're here?"_
**BLAM**
Commissar: *_"You had best not. Now get ready for the next bayonet charge."_*
Grif: _"YES SIR!"_
Sarge: Dammit you should've shot Grif.
It really show, how dumb is their tactics 🤣👌
Commissar: dammit, is trooper Grif possessed by the ruinous powers? I keep shooting him, but he just won't die!
Sarge: that's just his fat. Trooper Grif, you should be ashamed of yourself! Taking all of trooper Simmon's extra rations for yourself!
Grif: well, looks like my fat ass just saved my life!
Sister Texas: allow me.
Grif: OHGODNOTTHEBAL-
*SMACK*
*BLAM*
Sarge: "NO ONE SHOOTS MY MEN BUT ME, DIRTBAG!"
Simmons: "Ow, Jeez, the front of my frontal lobe..."
wut
Korthis was weird, apparently we were sent in after *picks up and reads report* after “Lord Commissar of the 203rd infantry regiment misheard a local guardsman and went on a fervent rampage killing over 2/3rds of the regiment after they tried to stop him.”
These reports have been revised and clarified, it seemed 2/3rds of the 203rd Cadian Infantry Regiment had shown cowardice and spread mass panic amongst the ranks of the other guardsmen. The Lord Commissar had salvaged what little he could of the men and has since been re-asigned for his dilligant efforts. However, due to the disgrace of allowing such fear and panic to spread under his watch, his new charges are a penal unit deploying to bolster Kriegsmen in a stalemate against Necrons.
@@uh57tissues42 OH NO
@@uh57tissues42 What ? He was not inquisitor you know, commissars can do mistakes. Besides are not Kriegsmen like anti-necron specialists ?
I would question the skills of that Commissar because seeing how many a Regiment is....
He REALLY have to had godlike level of brutality and skills to kill 2/3rd of that.
Black Iron Tarkus and a lot of bolt rounds.
Gaurdsman 1: "You ever wonder why we're here?"
Gaurdsman 2: Its one of life's great mysteries isn't it.
Man what a deep message it delivers.
"We won't be much longer if you keep asking that"
"For the glory of the emperor!"
Background noise : Desert ,desert ,desert...
Commissar : "My commissar sense is tingling"
poor comisars that are assigned to desert planets
But that can only mean one thing.
Someone said the word dessert sounding like they're talking about deserting.
Most of us are not that crazy (in back round) who the fuck said that I’m going to blow his head off my hat is FINE) yes as I was saying
@@steveisthecommissar4013 uhhhh
@@steveisthecommissar4013 you should know the difference between the words, desert(retreat) and the word dessert (sweet food like ice cream or cake or cupcakes and so on).... THERE TWO SEPARATE WORDS OK.....sir"
I'm more surprised that the commissar understand what the guardsmen with the binoculars was saying because I definitely had trouble understanding.
Just put captions on bud 👍
If you couldn't understand him, you didn't get enough Caboose from RVB...just a thought.
It just takes some time, I’ve never watched RvB (probably for the same reasons I can’t watch South Park) but was able to understand what was being said after a bit.
yeah the VA is really bad
The commissar probably read the subtitles. ;)
0:08 I just love how the Commissar just creep up like that, it's like he is just waiting for this moment...
"The troops report 1000 casulties."
"But the enemy didn´t fire a single shot?!"
"The Guard made dessert."
"Ohhh."
Only 1000? Thank the Emperor for this good day
"Scheming Alpha Legion snickering"
"Mother how did my great great grandfather die?"
"He took a bolt round to the face over a bowl of reconstituted vanilla ice cream."
" thats why you call them confectionaries now"
"WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT DEFECTION!?!?!"
@@TheSYLOH suggary food products
@@Ghostx357 YES!!
@@Ghostx357 slaaneshi foods???
Dainties
They should really issue a pamphlet to the Guardsmen thats says "How not to be Blamed : Words not to say when your commissar is in earshot". Dude should've said "Sugar Paste" instead of dessert.
Ah yes, can't wait to get my daily ration of *S U G A R P A S T E*
@@matthewholehouse2718 Well when in the grimdark of the far future that is the 40k universe I think the Guard would get used to alot of oddities in they're life and this Sugar Paste is one of them.
@@owenhammond1880 I agree
Sugar Paste? Bah! I prefer my corpse starch. Hmm.. it taste like misery and pain.
@@cavareenvius7886 Well it's the imperial guard. They'll take what they can get.
The Guardsmen really need a new term for desserts so that the Commissar can stop shooting the camp cook.
After dinner snack
Sweets
There will be no deserting here guardsman! BLAM!
I believe the standard term is "Confectionary".
We just call them on my area of Krieg sugar snacks.
"Why are we still here? Just to suffer?" Some random soldier from Krieg.
Other Krieg: "yes"
Random krieg soldier: "Truly, Emperor has blessed us!"
@@Warhamer116 quick brother hand me the shovel. The *HEAVY* shovel
Yeis
“Choose your next words carefully guardsmen.”
“What if I put a bayonet on my bayonet?”
“That’s the Kriegman’s job.”
*shoots*
some reason i now just imagine a krieg battalion singing "they were only playing leap frog"
“Why are we here if there’s NO heretics to purge?”
By the emperor!
No that’s more of trying to put a shovel onto a bayonet
@@sircarl2stlordofcarltoncou74 the shovel is their bayonet
@@Awfulfeature true
I love how the alpha legion member is watching
I went through and watched it again just to find him.
Good eye took me awhile to find him lol
Hmm, I don't see any blueish green.
Must be doing his job well
I spotted him, he's the little object on the building in the background?
Good eyes completely missed him until I read your comment 😂👍 awesome Easter egg 🔥🤘😎👍🔥
"Why are we in this war?"
"Hmm?"
"I mean what's the point? It can't be for land because everything's either bombed, burned,or polluted. It can't be for money because there's nothing left to spend it on. So what is it, religion?"
"Why do we fight?"
"To win the war"
-GWTBW #1
It's probably because there's an ancient necron tombworld though
Комикс:
"Унесённые взрывом."
"GWTBW"?
@@EvilPaladin11 "Gone With The Blastwave", a webcomic. this is how page 1 starts
That's what i was thinking about clicking on this video x)
“Work for me”
“Why Touros, sir?”
“You see these hooks? They look like Tusks. And what animal has tusks?”
“A Mawloc”
“Didn’t I just tell you to stop making up animals!”
Nice
My God, I just realized that the reds could be an actual Cadian squad...
*And it'll make fucking sense.*
That Commissar sounds exactly like victor salzpire which is fucking perfect
I was thinking that too. Nice to see more people noticed it.
I always thought saltzpyre's voice was the perfect match for a commissar
@@kingcolyx3671 Maybe because Saltzpyre is the Fantasy equivalent of a commissar.
A witch hunter embedded in one of the Empire's armies would do similar or worse.
god the way the commissar just rises from behind the sandbag like some goblin waiting to jump on some unsuspecting victim with that deadpan expression lol.
That's one of those outstanding Commissars who ends up finding a way to give their life in service to The Emperor, whilst miles from the nearest enemy action.
We meet again! Small universe! Also that link got my video removed since it counted as a prawn link. Man furrys are weird and I just wanted to see if it was male of not.
@@AceOfBlackjack The only image I ever link here is a dropbox link to what my avatar is cropped from, and that is completely SFW to the point of being safe for children. If someone called THAT porn something is seriously wrong.
degenerate
Imagine if this were the Death Korps and they used the offer of "Dessert", unaware that it's a name for sweets, as an excuse to weed out cowards, and the Commissar is the first one in line.
You mean if he doesn't immediately execute the kreigerwho even said the word, but then you could argue both the Commissar and other kreigers would try to kill the unlucky guy who mentioned desert.
I always wondered how Commissars would sound.
This confirms it.
We call them, “post dinner confectioneries” now.
That sounds like defection so no
Just call them sweets or dairy sweets or just snack or dairy snack
Or
@@aymanelkadouri8235 how about "commissar's delights"
"Why are we here?"
The famous and memorable words from Red vs. Blue.
Yes! Im start thinking what nobody in comment section cant undestand this reference)
"Why Are We Here?"
to insure that the Commissar will do his duties well
I expected you to be back after I was done sieging this entire planet
What? SIEGE?! SIEGE? WHERE? I NEED IT! SIEEEEGGGEEE! AHHHH!
Clenches trench shovel tightly.
"Where do you need me sir"
*ahem* sir, if i may, don't you and your regiments specialize in defence and wars of attrition sir? I feel as if we are ill prepared for this assault.
@@orinb8654 we are never I'll prepared when we have 10,000 earthshaker rounds
@@deathkorpswatchmaster2414 *sigh* where should i be assigned?
Absolutely amazing! That’s exactly how i imagine some commissars would be.
*Well, lesson learned, we'll call them “confectionaries“ from now on!*
No confectioneries sounds like defection Look at the imperial guardsman’s handbook it was issued it to you for a reason
@@steveisthecommissar4013 Guardsman: Commisar, they din't give those to us, the munitorum said that they rather use the paper to make sigil and, in their words, "collect important data about xeno anatomy"
@@medic8125 damed higher ups well now know know guardsmen
@@steveisthecommissar4013 also commisar, i've seen some of the empereor angels of death on the Battlefield today, although they wore a strange pinkish armor with a peculiar symbol, like the gender identity symbol.... But i guess its just one of the glorius astartes chapter, they are so loyal that their warcry was "For the Emperor!Death to his foe!"
@@medic8125 simply know that they are not one of his angels and what ever you do not be taken alive you’ll wish you’d have tanken heed if you are
an important guardsmen rule, Use the word Pudding, instead of dessert.
Yea, but then you have to eat your meat to get it...
You think this is bad I once told a Commissar I wanted a "Hershey's" bar
At first I didn't get it then I realized it sounds like heresy, OHH SHIT THE COMMISAR HEARD ME HIS EYES ARE GLOWING RED
@@dionwoollaston5717 GET BACK HERE HERETIC
@@dionwoollaston5717 wait his eyes are glowing? he must be infected with chaos
@@spacewizard1860 purge?
@Sean Jamieson Baldwin good call brother *purges the commissar with the heavy flamer*
We need a new name for after dinner sweet items. For I do not wish to be found wanting by the commissar when I'm lining up for ration of iced cream
The term "confectionaries" may assist you well in that regard.
Confections and confectionary sounds too close to defections
Maybe "extra rations" works?
Taste bud rewards?
Confectionariums! If it’s not BS latin, it’s not imperial.
The captions are fucking great, "More screams, shots and heresy"
All the enemy has to do is shout to the commissar that his troops are deserting and relax as he does the work for them.
The cut off scream at the end was perfect.
“30 prayers a day keeps the heresy away” I’m dead XD
The key difference between this guy and Sarge, obviously, is that Sarge likes to play with his food FAR more than he does eating it.
*[More screams, shots and heresy]*
Man... not even dessert in the Imperium... truly Grim Dark
Meanwhile on the ork side of the line....
"Oye Grok you think we oughta desert and go krump some elderlydar?"
"Nah Krog, done ate me lunch."
"Hey, I just killed someone with a shovel"
"Cool"
I like how someone in the back yells "oh not again" as if the commissar executing the cook is commonplace
In the camp I was in it happend at least once a week Cornelius was an odd fellow but a damn good commissar
The red vs blue flashbacks are hitting hard
When the shooting started...did someone say "Again" ?! Truly a worthy Commisar.
“Oh not again!”
No Cadian guardsmen were killed during this video's creation.
Guardsman "I haven't prayed to the Emperor for 32 seconds, I think I'm having withdrawal sympto-"
Commissar: *WHO ORDERED A WITHDRAWAL!*
"The executions will continue until morale improves!" - Unknown Commissar, explaining his decisions to the Imperial Guardsman Unit Company he is attached to.
MY GOD!
THE CAPTIONS MAKE THIS AT LEAST 36% MORE GLORIOUS!
It blows my mind that turning on their Commissar isn't more common amongst guardsmen.
That's what the commissarial artillery divisions are for: wiping out retreating regiments.
Also, kreigers kill comissars all the time. Sometimes it's because they aren't pious enough, other times it's because the comissar' s an idiot. No joke, they blew one's head off for shooting at them for falling back from a demonic incursion. Getting shredded by a bloodletter helps no-one and is just a waste of resources. Let it be know that Kreigers aren't suicidal, they're just not afraid of death.
Its probobly because most.of them arnt like this. The ones that dont get shot in the back tend to be the ones with commem sense
How much you want to bet he didn’t even kill that guy who said DESSERT or anyone else. Just mortally wounded them.
...that's killing them.
“Ever wonder why we’re here?”
I heard from a certain someone that it’s one of life’s greatest mysteries
"Do you ever wonder why we are here?"
"Nope"
Reminds me of when Eisenhorn was on Cadia, for like 70 days he went through the same checkpoint every day at the same time and every time he had to go through the same procedure as the first time, every document checked, details voxed, rosette examined...
When he asked a guardsman if this doesn't ever bore him, he looked at Eisenhorn little confused and asked "doesn't what bore me, sir?"
a Red vs Blue style comedy series set in the Warhammer universe centering around a squad of guardsmen is something I never knew i needed until today...
If this was Krieg... Choosing your Words would only be "Fix Bayonettes, Charge *Whistle, Dig, and More Charging"
"Commissar, the orks want to desert the combat!"
How this campaign was won in one day.
Dessert: A post meal food Item, usually of the sweet variety meant as a treat.
Desserting: The act of consuming Desert.
Dessertion: The state of having consumed desert.
Heresy: EVEN CONSIDERING DESERT!!!
Commissar: NO ONE'S DESERTS ON MY WATCH
The long-term Irony here is that the commissar in this clip is doing exactly what GW is doing to it's fans now.
And people wonder why some go heretic, They are not allowed to get desserts.
We really have to start calling them confectionaries. Thats the third cook this week... and its tuesday.
Its okay folks!
That guardsman certainly survived before.
(I take a look around the battlefield and see a vast ton of dead body's) me"yeahhhhhhh...survived huh"
You know it's bad when the Commissar kills more of your fellow men then any xenos.
And things are REALLY bad when he kills more xenos than guardsmen.
I loved the closed captioning "screams, gunshots, possible heresy"
You know he saved more lives by walking off and killing others, that guardsmen would have kept that thought in his mind all day afterwards but the fear of death made him forget it ironically a demonic incursion would kill only a few more than him tho.
I think I have watched this a dozen times and I get a smile every time. From the Commissar raising his head to the "Thirty Prayers a Day keeps the Hersey Away." I am going to put "Commissar Noise of Suspicion" in my work email
I like how the masked guardsman sounds so much like Caboose.
Honestly Caboose could make for a good Ogryn lmao
Meanwhile in Death Korps of Krieg : Commissar : HOLD ON DON'T CHARG--
*Choose your next words carefully, Commissar.*
- Tons of suicidal people with lazguns and finger on the trigger.
This commissar must have used that bolt gun far to often. His akustic capabilities must have suffered so much that he misheard the guardsman
Noted for future reference
Never ask a commissar whats on the menu for desert
Lol the trooper with the rifle "Hmmmm nope..." thats a good guardsman right there.
Subtitles:
[MORE SCREAMS, SHOTS, AND HERESY]
great stuff
I love how the captions say [more screams, shots, and heresy]
"Alright men, we've been ordered to advance through... the... hot arid region."
"Where to exactly?"
"To... the south.. you know, the place with a lot of sand, little water, and the neo-cacti."
"You mean through the desert?"
*BLAM*
"Sigh, every time."
God emperor: I love des-
*BLAM*
Commisar: NO ONE IS ABOVE HERESY
Over in trench 8 Cain is enjoying a cup of tea certain that he chose the trench that won't be attacked by the Chaos cult. In this he is correct, he is in the trench that the tyranids are going to attack
Recaf...it's recaf...tea does not exist anymore in this grim dark universe...look up the dark age of technology ok
Guardsman should have a 2 second lifespan at best with how they are portrayed. This is clearly a training exercise.
Why are we here?, just to suffer?!
Dessert? How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!
Ork squeezes head into Imperial Guard helmet: "FOR DA EMPRUH!"
Guardsmen: "FOR DA EMPRUUUH!!!"
They should probably start calling desserts, treats or something.
Oh I love this so much. I can imagine an RvB style show but set in Warhammer 40k
I love how he has some sort of super sonic thing for anything that sounds like something heretical. It’s also funny because of how much you know he loves doing this.
0:24 Alpha Legion in background, laughing in [Redacted]
It's funny how every Commisar sounds like Victor Saltzpyre
“Commissar could you repeat th...” *boom*
NOBODY RETREATS ON MY WATCH
I was expecting the sniper to respond with "it's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here?"
I think If I was a guardsman, and the Commisar kept on hounding me about whether or not I feel like deserting, I'd turn around very slowly, and say to him "Choose your words carefully, or I'm throwin you out there commisar... well, I'm waiting" (In other words, mental warfare)
Turning on subtitles made this even better.
Commissar hearing the word dessert: WHAT IN THE NAME OF SAM HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE
Comissar Sarge, is that you?
Sam hell"who called my name"?
The sad part is nobody is questioning the ridicularity of this. Its just what youd expect from a commisar.
Loving this animation. Hope to see more of this Trio. And nice pun with the desert xD. NOBODY IS DESERTING ON MY WATCH !!
Commisar: Choose your next words very carefully guardsman.
Guardsman: Uhh, 20 prayers a day keep the heresy away.
That's what I heard
It's a purity seal a day keeps the heresy away...that is the saying ok
Nice Red vs blue reference!
Guardsman: If you do not finish your rations you do not get any dessert.
Commissar Deserters WHERE!?