⚠ CORRECTION!!! In this video, I said "this video is brought to you by the Diamond Mind Foundation." Well, as of December 2022, that is no longer the case. Sense of Mind is now 100% dependent on viewers like you. So if you value this content, please go to www.patreon.com/senseofmind. For less than $5 a month, you'll get exclusive content and the satisfaction of knowing you're helping to keep Sense of Mind alive! 🧠
Great questions and knowledge of his work Andrew! This is changing some of my perspective on shame. Self hatred as a form of protection and allowing us to not risk surprise shame at the "risk of someone else's behavior". Wow.
Hardest part is continual narcissistic abuse, character assassinations etc - the the blame shifting that has had me neurotically defending myself ever since. Basically rumination / OCD, a mind continually unsettled. Admittedly due to my core inner shame being triggered. The powerlessness in their being no accountability towards the abuser. I tried to take him to court, I was further attacked for making a stand. In retrospect the only way to save yourself is to run butI was continually antagonised into reacting in anger only to then be blamed once again. Sadly memories can haunt you due to my inability at the time to set healthy boundaries and protect myself and my default coping mode when attacked was always to freeze - trauma is therefore trapped in my psyche due to those situations. I would say what leaves you with the most pain is the complete powerlessness / helplessness - no validation, only blame. Currently still the scapegoat victim but I’m working on my toxic inner shame from childhood (my father was a bullying narcissist)- it took many years to figure out that was the cause of my own suffering for most of my life, being shamed and not loved.
Very interesting. I am considering getting 3 books by Dr Burgo "Shame + Building Self Esteem + The Narcissist You Know". The book "Demonic Men" also looks like information that should be known. I have been "forced" into recovering from my core shame, childhood trauma because these terrible patterns just keep repeating themselves and I dont like it. The only way out of these cycles is going through, digging deeply inside my subconscience mind. Im so grateful to Dr Burgo and other psychologists who kindly share their work with the public. Thanks for this helpful video.
With the exception of the most truly egregious offences it's wise to never leave someone without a path of redemption lest you create a permanent enemy because without a path to reconnect what other option is there for them to save face. Once condemned to hell what's left but the refusal of heaven for the attempt to rule hell.
Thanks for your comment. I see what you mean, but the reason I do that is because Dr. Burgo does not really distinguish between shame and guilt. He explains this in more detail at 05:30 in the video.
@@senseofmindshow well, there is a difference gulit is about an action but shame is about who you are. And every one talked about shame lile brene brown or joe brandshaw explained that simple fact. Anyways, thanks for the interview.
How is shame different from guilt? It’s crucial to understand the distinction. Brown writes: “The majority of shame re-searchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the difference between ‘I am bad’ and ‘I did something bad.’ Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad.”4 Guilt is associated with actions while shame taints your entire identity. Ed Welch, a professor and counselor at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foun-dation (CCEF), fi lls this out in the following ways: • “Guilt can be hidden; shame feels like it is always exposed
@@dalastpharaoh I can be guilty of doing something that is against a set of values that are not my own. but if i am guilty of doing something against my own values then I feel ashamed. Maybe i can feel guilty because i am going against my parents values. but those are not my values. I do feel something but i dont feel shame. I can be a shop lifter. it is not a problem. The owner has plenty of money. You cannot be ashamed of something that is not against your own values. You can be guilty of something that does not particularly bother you personally. So I am in the same camp as Dr Burgo. The distinction is not very helpful? However Dr Burgo was wrong to say Bradshaw did not understand toxic shame and healthy shame.
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⚠ CORRECTION!!! In this video, I said "this video is brought to you by the Diamond Mind Foundation." Well, as of December 2022, that is no longer the case.
Sense of Mind is now 100% dependent on viewers like you. So if you value this content, please go to www.patreon.com/senseofmind.
For less than $5 a month, you'll get exclusive content and the satisfaction of knowing you're helping to keep Sense of Mind alive! 🧠
Finally! A perspective on shame as an emotion that is nuanced and can be useful, when not at the toxic end of the spectrum.
I agree! Thanks so much for checking it out.
Great questions and knowledge of his work Andrew! This is changing some of my perspective on shame. Self hatred as a form of protection and allowing us to not risk surprise shame at the "risk of someone else's behavior". Wow.
Thank you so much Drew! I feel the same way! A lot of my assumptions about shame were transformed after reading his book
Good chat. Thanks.
Hardest part is continual narcissistic abuse, character assassinations etc - the the blame shifting that has had me neurotically defending myself ever since. Basically rumination / OCD, a mind continually unsettled. Admittedly due to my core inner shame being triggered. The powerlessness in their being no accountability towards the abuser. I tried to take him to court, I was further attacked for making a stand. In retrospect the only way to save yourself is to run butI was continually antagonised into reacting in anger only to then be blamed once again. Sadly memories can haunt you due to my inability at the time to set healthy boundaries and protect myself and my default coping mode when attacked was always to freeze - trauma is therefore trapped in my psyche due to those situations. I would say what leaves you with the most pain is the complete powerlessness / helplessness - no validation, only blame. Currently still the scapegoat victim but I’m working on my toxic inner shame from childhood (my father was a bullying narcissist)- it took many years to figure out that was the cause of my own suffering for most of my life, being shamed and not loved.
Very interesting. I am considering getting 3 books by Dr Burgo "Shame + Building Self Esteem + The Narcissist You Know". The book "Demonic Men" also looks like information that should be known. I have been "forced" into recovering from my core shame, childhood trauma because these terrible patterns just keep repeating themselves and I dont like it. The only way out of these cycles is going through, digging deeply inside my subconscience mind. Im so grateful to Dr Burgo and other psychologists who kindly share their work with the public. Thanks for this helpful video.
Great interview!
Thank you for sharing and inviting such great person!
Thanks for watching! It was a really fun conversation.
With the exception of the most truly egregious offences it's wise to never leave someone without a path of redemption lest you create a permanent enemy because without a path to reconnect what other option is there for them to save face. Once condemned to hell what's left but the refusal of heaven for the attempt to rule hell.
I agree wholeheartedly. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment
I think ur in the introduction you confused shame with guilt. Shame is im wrong but guilt i did sth wrong.
Thanks for your comment. I see what you mean, but the reason I do that is because Dr. Burgo does not really distinguish between shame and guilt. He explains this in more detail at 05:30 in the video.
@@senseofmindshow well, there is a difference gulit is about an action but shame is about who you are. And every one talked about shame lile brene brown or joe brandshaw explained that simple fact. Anyways, thanks for the interview.
How is shame different from guilt? It’s crucial to understand the distinction. Brown writes: “The majority of shame re-searchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the difference between ‘I am bad’ and ‘I did something bad.’ Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad.”4 Guilt is associated with actions while shame taints your entire identity. Ed Welch, a professor and counselor at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foun-dation (CCEF), fi lls this out in the following ways:
• “Guilt can be hidden; shame feels like it is always exposed
@@dalastpharaoh I can be guilty of doing something that is against a set of values that are not my own. but if i am guilty of doing something against my own values then I feel ashamed. Maybe i can feel guilty because i am going against my parents values. but those are not my values. I do feel something but i dont feel shame. I can be a shop lifter. it is not a problem. The owner has plenty of money. You cannot be ashamed of something that is not against your own values. You can be guilty of something that does not particularly bother you personally. So I am in the same camp as Dr Burgo. The distinction is not very helpful? However Dr Burgo was wrong to say Bradshaw did not understand toxic shame and healthy shame.