It's sad that people who are nice to others actually lose respect in the process -- shouldn't respect be universal??? It's actually pathetic that attraction is actually increased and respect is decreased based on whether or not someone is nice or not :/
So I've actually had the same experiences as the caller in the video, but as I continue dating and meeting new people I realize it it has nothing to do with whether or not I'm a good person or nice. It's all about acknowledging that I should be valued because I'm a good person and that certain standards and expectations should be met. Being an A-hole only gets you so much attention, but being a good person with standards opens up opportunities for commitment.
But the niceness is superficial--you're not being nice because you're just a super nice person all the time. You're being nice because you're afraid--afraid of upsetting him, losing him--and that's not the same. Someone can be nice, be respectful and still stick to their guns when it comes to respecting themselves. The best people in the world are those who are confident but also kind and humble.
His tips are not only dating tips, they're life tips. I love it! My biggest problem is compromising my standards because the guy is attractive. I HAVE to stop. Thank You, Matthew.
The only problem is everyone's standards are different. What is a healthy standard? It's usually someone that matches your own, you agree with. But who's to say your standards healthy? And someone else's standard is unhealthy. Very few people catch my attention where I see them as extraordinary. And maybe that's a good thing.
Ladies take note.guys WILL rank you on how much effort they hav to put "in" to get what they want. If you act like you hav no life but will drop everything on a weeknd to be available to them ,you are practically a booty call. You want respect? Make him earn it.
irene kate enriquez no need for distance, or emotional black mail. The point here is to be a good friend with the added benefits of a romantic relationship. You’re nice to your friends, but you also let them know if they miss behave. You also bring something to the group dynamic, you don’t just show up and contribute nothing. In a healthy relation it’s much the same. You don’t want to be a pushover but you don’t want to be a very demanding person that contributes nothing and just expects to take. There’s a healthy balance that needs to be found.
You need to ask yourself: 1. What is the reason why you want to let him go? 2. What are the reason why you want to keep him? When you answer both look at the answers that makes more sense. Then you'll know what to do. Just have the Guts to do it. Which the hardest. But always remember your Reasons should be stronger than your Emotions. Goodluck
I know that Matthew is a professional, but no one can deny his dedication to his fans, he just puts his heart out there, and I learned so much from him all over the years.
This was me and i had the same thing going on , and it was the dumbest thing i did , i accepted all that bullshit , because i putted my self seconde and his needs before mine and now you know what , the guy doesn't even like me anymore , he's done with me and he ignores and after waiting and understanding and giving him excuses now i'm packing my hope and love and draging my sorry ass out of his life , and the worst part is i can't blame him , i have only me to blame for not demanding what i deserve , i'm sharing this so people in the same situation don't do the same mistake i did , be smart and go after what you deserve and never less ...good luck
i hear you. it's so counter-intuitive. Being "understanding and supportive', even if he asks for that, is exactly what you SHOULDN'T be when someone is disrespectful or pushing you away. It's hard to grasp when you were raised to care about people and give them the benefit of the doubt. Let's get in touch with our inner bitch more.
drama2u Your understanding and compassion do not need to be removed altogether: they just need to be removed from people like THAT. It's a little tricky b/c your default state is kindness. But, you can test yourself by asking "would I behave the way he is behaving right now?" and if the answer is "Nope...I wouldn't really do that..." then no kindness is needed: time to remove yourself altogether and reserve the kindness for someone else.
Aww sad to hear that but I've been there too. I've even tried to state my standards with my ex but it backfired.. and now I'm dating a guy who also just gives me crumbs but not asking out he should be so I'm dissapearing as a first step. if be asks why I might state my standards then. otherwise I will try to move on despite I got feelings for him
"You uphold your standards when it feels convenient for your emotions. You stick up for yourself when it feels like it can't go wrong. But when it feels like it could go wrong and sticking up for yourself would mean losing somebody, you definitely make sure you don't do that." I... how.. ok he just summarized the bulk of my problems in my romantic life within a few sentences. o_o
Keep your relationship in balance. It's wrong as a girl to make no effort in the relationship but don't over do it because it shows neediness. Being needy is really unattractive to look at because your happiness depends on the man which is wrong. Happiness should start from your self and everything else will follow.
watched this video at the right point in my life. I am exactly like the girl on the radio. and Matthew..hands down. Your advice hit the spot. Thanks a lot!!
Hi Matthew, I really liked this video..... I think a lot of women settle for less because they are afraid that if they lower their standards, they will either lose the guy. Or have no guy. And some people actually encourage women to let go of their standards because they might push men away. Thanks for encouraging women to keep their standards, especially when it comes to respect.
man, hussey you're brilliant. you changed my life right now. in 10 minutes!! that is crazy!!! how can you always find the exact right thing to say!! big applause!! :)
Ive done such stupid things in order to keep a guys interest none of which worked its insecurity..lack of self worth. Self respect is key, I knew that consciously but subconsciously I was repeating a pattern of lack of self respect acquired as a kid…..when people treated me very badly. its deep. It can be overcome though
thehoneyeffect yep and I kept making the same mistakes with every guy. It's a circle that can only be stopped once you gain genuine confindence and realise your self worth
you're right and it effects every part of your life whether you realise it or not. I've dated men that Ive put on a pedestal because I thought that they were beautiful, fit, sexy, clever, wealthy, do great things for their community, funny etc.... i tend to pick the same types of men ' bobby dazzlers' 'ballers' dj's, actors, designers, business men, movers shakers, with a lot to say for themselves. Even though I'm a talented person myself, often the leader, Im a plus size woman and I know that I'm attractive I get told i look like a young chaka khan... what more do i want? Im a designer, educated, i sing, write bla bla bla. I shrink. I forget. I turn them into deities and I know I'm wrong for that but noone would ever know that that was going on in my mind, teen insecurities pitifully stick like chewing gum on a pair of trainers, still! To increase my confidence Im trying new stuff, learning languages and traveling to new places meeting new people, performing in new ways and trying to let go of striving for perfection and being so hard on myself. im rambling lol. in summary self love and remembering your worth, priceless.
oh honey, once I went for a guy who wasn't my type/pattern and he kept telling me how unbelievably sexy I am, goddess, etc.. And this was a turning point for, because I never realized my worth myself or maybe did but still needed reassurance from a guy. This really added to my confidence and from now I carry myself as a goddess just as that guys said and believe me the guys can sense that and act accordingly :))) so my point is you can do self development, gym, etc etc, but once you meet a guy who puts You on pedestal then you'll never go back to putting yourself second
I actually teared up watching this bc the reality of how true this is in my relationship is eye opening. My boyfriend ALWAYS asks to go out the day of or calls and asks last minute. I usually give in bc I love spending time with him. I have felt that he takes our relationship/me for granted but geez, I'm the reason he does bc I allow it. Wow!!! Definitely going to start making changes and keep this video as a reminder to not give up when I want to give in. Thank you 😊
"you have far more of a chance of keeping people around and having them treat you right if you uphold your standards then if you allow yourself to be a pushover all the time. the fact is this: if you have attraction for someone, that's one thing; but respect will transform the amount of attraction you have for someone."
every time I feel disappointed about what's (not) happening in my love life, I come here and I get so enlightened and filled with good energy. thank you!
Men are so complicated. Why cant they love their women as much as they genuinely love them and more and just make them happy. A woman will love you if yoo worthy and will always believe in you to he a better man. Loyalty guysss!!!
This is so spot on for me. I’m definitely joining one of your programs. I feel like I’m making so much progress in my relationships whether personal or romantic but for some reason the ppl I truly don’t want to lose I can’t seem to maintain the same level of boundaries that are necessary and it’s driving me crazy. What I do like about myself is that I’m totally aware and I’m really good at reflecting. I just need a little bit more guidance so I can reach the quality of life I know I deserve. ❤️
How do you know if your standards are too high/ or non realistic. How do you know if the person only respects you because of your standards. I don't think I would really want to be with someone who only respects me, because of my standards, I think he should also have a good heart. How can I be vulnerable with someone if He is so naturally disrespectful. On one hand standards yes. But on the other hand I feel like I've lowered my standards at times, to see how he treats people when they lower their standards.(Or is in a more down to earth, giving state) It's like kind of testing him, to see if his good behavior is only a result of my standards and not his character. I wonder if this is common :P Because though, I agree that Mathew, your advice is most valuable. I'm still left with this predicament. You say you can only give to him fully Once you see he is deserving of this. But what if there was no way to see this before being committed. There must be dozens of men who respect women when they have standards, yet when they open up to them, and are vulnerable they are abusive, because this respect is not a character trait of theirs.
Yes, some people that appear to be worthy (for superficial personality traits) are actually pretty worthless deep down inside. That's if you value heart over ego. Their strong ego and self-entitlement give them solid standards, but like most people, they are also attracted to other people with strong self-identities and standards. If they end up abusing someone who opened himself or herself to abuse, there is no heart in them. They could choose to advice them, or simply walk away and not feed the other person's subconscious need to be abused, but most choose to take advantage of them and abuse because there is no heart in them. I don't think they are PURE evil, but mostly so. Their unconscious motto would be "if you open yourself to abuse, I WILL abuse you." When they get the chance to abuse they literally act like predators; preying on the vulnerable, weak, and needy. They act like this because their feelings of disgust and disregard towards that person are stronger than feelings of pity and compassion.
Character can't be changed, it can seem like at one point or situation they choose to act differently but that can be for inner or outside motives. Eventually you will know something isn't right or feels right, never second doubt it. Question it with a curious mind! Be honest with him, about what you want and needs! It's our needs that should be met or you are better off looking somewhere else. Respect is earned!!
Both Matt and the girl on the phone were so clear and articulate about the situation and the underlying issue of being afraid to show her standards to her new date.I can totally relate although I'm still not entirely sure how to go about showing standards without accidentally going too far and being too difficult (for example saying no to last minute date invitations because I'm trying to raise my standards so a guy will ask me a few days in advance... But then he gives up and I sit at home alone on a Saturday night)... Whenever this happens to me, deep down, I can't help but take it as must "just desserts" for trying to be high value. It's hard to hold a standard in the face of abandonment if any kind. Excommunication hurts even when I don't care that much for a guy.
"It's hard to hold a standard in the face of abandonment...". Exaclty. In order to "hold my standard" and not compromising myself I lost a guy I care so much for. I was so "uptight" to the point of hurting his feelings and letting him feel undesired and unloved. I felt so bad, so guilty and stupid, and even if I apologised later it was actually too late. God, how I wish I could go back in time and change my answer and speak openly and clearly about how I cared for him.
Wow. I feel as mind blown and freed as that girl on the call. I COMPLETELY AGREE. I do the same thing. Hate the people that are push overs but I hate those qualities in them because I recognize them subconsciously In Myself... then I praise those with high standards yet at the same time become resentful when they don’t give me the respect I feel I deserve.. however I struggle with carrying myself with respect... THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING GENUINE VALUE. ♥️😎♥️🙌🏽
This is so me! But... how do you transition from being that push-over that people are used to seeing? Because when I try to stand up for myself, people tend to push away even further, and I hate that, so I immediately backtrack and become the nice person they "need" in their life again, and get used and pushed over time and time again after that.
This is seriously life changing. This has completely changed the way I will view myself and up hold my standards. I've also been the nice friend who later ends up being pushed aside and called boring. Well, no more. Those days are over. A new me is born. Thank you!
Sigh. . . This. This is the issue that so many of us have. So many females, especially those born before 1985, were conditioned to be a "good girl" and "don't be greedy" and "put everyone else first" and then we are pushovers who don't get what we want out of life and don't get our needs met. Then, when we do the work on ourselves to become more assertive in mid-life, and start showing self respect, and having standards, the males of this age group are not really evolving to show us respect. Is the solution to try to date younger men who will act like a partner? Because the men who are born before 1985-ish still have some holdover mindsets that women should be submissive and do all the cleaning and cooking while they watch sports. When we know what the problem is and work on it, trying to get others to see us in a new light and respect us is as difficult as climbing Mt. Everest.
Matthew, you just make me all teary-eyed whenever you give advice. Just everything completely makes sense and having huge realizations in my life. I wish I could come to one of your retreats cos I'd just really like to hear more of your insights.
I got a 2nd date coming up in a couple of days a guy asked me out for. I said a time that was best for me and asked where but he hasn't suggested any place! what should I do?
You should let a man does not feel safe with you in the sense that he should not think that you do not hesitate to go unless he makes an effort to keep you
It was a mistake to confess to him that I feared losing him early and that I have nothing to look forward to when we stopped talking due to a misunderstanding. I feel embarrassed and pushy. Maybe he felt like I wasn't going anywhere because I said those things.
Yes, there should have been someone like you on the radio when I was in my 20s. It would have helped me out. I love on the young men on the radio teaching young women what they are doing wrong. Of course, helping the women find men helps men. When I was young we had the women's lib telling us the wrong direction to go in. Such a shame.
Don’t be afraid to lose someone 😂 I used to be like that but lol have the mindset of what comes comes what goes goes if it ain’t from God above it won’t work out it might but it won’t last and even if they come back don’t take them back know your worth !!!
HOW DO YOU CREATE STUPID DISTANCE IN ORDER TO TAKE THE STEPS TO ACQUIRE THEIR RESPECT BY NOT BEING AS AVAILABLE WHEN YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH THEM ON FACEBOOK AND THEY GET THEIR "FIX" EVERY TIME THEY SEE YOU POST?? Or does that not even matter, just don't interact? Or what? *serious question thou* Matthew, would you consider creating a few vids that address dealing w these sorts of things in the context of social media, specifically Facebook? How do you create allure being a commodity, and mystique when you also enjoy posting a good bit?
Loved this.... I'm in the exact same position as the caller it's crazy, theres a guy I'm seeing who's exactly the same. And my mind is literally blown because I just realised all the times I was all overly nice to get people to like me I was actually doing the opposite. But it's so hard not to do it, I've just always been like this is all I know. The fear of being alone is making me even more alone. And Mathew was right about it always bubbling away. I would keep it all in until I would just cry about it and feel sad for ages. Thankfully I'm getting better, but I'm definitely still not there yet.
I understand exactly what you are saying. When you a nice person it is very hard. You do have to watch yourself around people. I'm like you too. But i do have one really good friend that is excatly like me. The nicer I am to her the nicer she is to me. Nicer a word? Anyhow only few people reciprocate that, So be conscious about it, but still live your life. If ppl don't treat you right, don't be afraid to let them go it's not worth it. Everything is always going to be alright. It's just fear that makes us keep ppl that don't treat us right around. One step at time.
tuszajnojneeg005 I'm one of the nice friend or there too.. I think we all should form a group here on RUclips and work on how to earn respect from people around us
I feel this as well. I don't get that level of commitment and or respect from even my "friends." And I get upset and wonder why those people aren't there for me the same way I am for them, and it's really simple! I am ALWAYS there when they need me, but when it goes the other way around, there's always an excuse of some sort. Very eye opening!
This is advice for normal men. Mine has Post incarceration syndrome and obviously I’m not his top priority and I’m always trying to understand his stress but when I try to put in practice what u guys say he gets upset and tells me I abandoned him. Losing my mind
It's like you always know what I need to hear! But it's really hard for me sometimes, because I always think people will find me awkward and avoid me. It's something really hard to control. Your videos have been helping me a lot. I've changed so much and all my friends noticed that. But I can't help but please people so they won't reject me. I'd love to hear more about this subject in the future! Thanks
I actually get attracted more to people who want to please me and make me happy. Who will go out of their way to spend time with me and who will make me a top priority and be there for me when really needed. I did not have this years ago, and really appreciate those who are like this with me now. I respect and care about their heart and can't help but feel love for them and warmth and tenderness.
I think that what you're saying doesn't exclude the person doing that having standards and not being a doormat/taking bullshit. For example, my best relationships were with people who made me a priority and made everything to make me happy, but those people had self respect and boundaries. I respected them and didn't see them as pushovers because they still kept their standards despite pleasing me and prioritising me.
I think it takes going through the phase of being over-pleasing and being taken advantage of to truly appreciate these kind of people. I agree, that I definitely get more attracted to people who do this kind of stuff now. Whether it be romantic or in a friend sense. It also makes me call-out people who take advantage of those people because I know how excessive mistreatment can break a person.
@@7Mushrooms7 yes absolutely, these people actually have higher standards now and more self respect that they had before they met me, because of me. They use to let people walk a over them and couldn't be themselves, or stick up for themselves, and they got used. Since they met me they now know how to have a healthy friendship relationship, with someone who genuinely loves and cares for them for who they are, and who doesn't take them for granted. You get back when you put out. We are there for each other virtually at the moment.
wow! this is a life-changing advice matthew! the nicest people are just the ones who are always taken for granted.. hmmm... being nice to people you love and forgetting yourself is a dangerous thing in a survival of the fittest world. the ones who are content and assertive are the ones that win the prize.
Tbh, the guy they’re talking about is more of a sugar daddy situation, not her boyfriend. I say let him pay and take you on dates and just date other guys too
WOW!!! WOW!!! wow!!! I was really frustrated today u uploaded this very helpful video !!! It fits into my situation. I read many books but this "Respect" thing opened my eyes!!! Now I get it... Now I get it why my boyfriend and ex boyfriends treated me bad at the end...! Thank you!!!
I first watched this video 6 years ago. It still comes to the front of my mind sometimes today. I even remember where I was and how I felt when I first heard it. I honestly think this might be your most impactful video ever Matthew. Especially the question you ask 5 mins in!!
Great that this is being addressed! Self respect and issuing your values, opinions and beliefs not only when convenient, but consistently, standing your ground is so important! Particularly when interested in someone! How are they to know you won't let them walk all over you? That you have a personality, history and opinions - you are interesting because of your differences as well! This video should be interesting to anyone who could identify with the woman in the interview like I did. ruclips.net/video/8hYTPl7MkiA/видео.html
+MatthewHussey, An incredibly valuable moment for your caller. I admire how you're able to dig deep in such a short amount of time. Your questioning is perfect. How you treat your callers with such respect and sensitivity makes me feel quite emotional actually. Powerful! I love your videos, but speaking directly to people who are lost and confused is where it's at! :) x x
This has resonated with me in ways I cannot even explain. I overbend for people, please them in many ways possible and I've been like that for as long as I can remember. I grew up as an obedient person, always ready to assist and offer service especially when I feel someone needs help (even when they don't ask for it). Now as an adult I am realising this affects me in my relationships and at work. Being constantly available makes people take you for granted. I have lost relationships because of that. Now I know they left.
After I watched this video I sat here and had to think about it for 30min. It fits so perfect to my current situation. Everything is making sense now ... Thank you for this video!
I really value Matthew Hussey's work. I only found him a few hours ago, and have been endlessly watching, ever since. : ) As a woman who got into a bad relationship and spent way too much time there-- and then spent years sorting through it-- I am left with a question: how could I possibly have felt genuine love and friendship, for a person who did not have my best interests at heart? I wish I understood that. That's the conundrum I cannot seem to unravel. In any case, Mr. Hussey, THANK YOU. I cannot wait to share your work with my friends. : )
N St For me it's simply because I never loved myself enough to think I deserved better. ( Subconsciously) I attracted the person who I thought I deserved. I have to Become a person that (I'm) attracted to. Until I become the woman that I want my partner to love and respect, I won't expect my relationships to be the other persons fault. First focus on you, if you spend all your energy on one person or situation (that isn't beneficial for you). Then if that person leaves what is left for you? Reciprocity is the answer. If you are the main person giving energy to the relationship then that makes the other person a user and you are the willing slave. You are the only person who can set your standards. Never expect someone to automatically have respect for you, until you show them you are worthy of it. I'm on my own learning journey and I still don't have full confidence aka trust in myself, so that is why I am remaing single until I'm able to sustain my life happily without someone to revolve around. Nothing in life comes without deep (iner)standing of the people and situations around you. The only thing in your control is your thoughts played out through your actions. Every problem we humans have is a problem we created in our minds that manifested into our reality. Once we take control of our minds and clean out the unessicarry trash, we can begin to go through life with ease. Evil is live backwards. Never stop becoming your greatest version. Everday ask yourcellf what can I do to help the the world I live in? How can I help everyone have love and understanding? Find the problems, focus and work towards the solution. All the answers are already within you. You just need to remind yourcellf of your immense infinte beauty, uniqueness, and intelligence . Just think there is a person who has the same goal in life as I do they are just taking a different journey to the same destination. You must respect yourcellf, but only you know what is worth respecting. Once you understand that the only permission you need is your own, you become free. Without you observing it nothing would exist; therefore nothing would matter. Everyone is a piece of this infinite puzzle. "You are not a drop of water in the ocean but you are the whole ocean in a drop" If you can just keep learning and growing daily then love will shower you. Nothing is personal but our interpretation of it is always going to make it feel deeply personal. Remember no one can make you do anything without your permission. Study yourcellf, get your natal chart done, study other people's natal charts around you. Once you know why, life is played out in this tune then everthing becomes exposed that's why children are smart because they are relentlessly asking why? As soon as people become satisfied without fully understanding why something is happening, then where are the guides for the next beings to learn from? All we have promised is this moment right now, the past wouldn't exsist without the present and neither would the future. This moment is granting you the gift of endless posibilities. Choose wisely where your focus is being directed towards. Every action has an equal reaction. What you think and do now matters. Every action you make today is an outcome you'll see tomorrow. Everyone has their greatest most complete version sleeping inside of them. That side of you that stands for righteousness, waiting to be awoken. Sometimes when you decide to take a different rought. You have to build a new foundation to see growth in different areas. "You can't solve a problem with the same thinking used that caused it in the first place" - Albert Einstien. Just breath, be choosy with the thoughts that you allow yourself to believe, go barefoot once a day, drink water untouched by man's tainted hearts, eat food that doesn't hurt you or anthing else, do things that make you happy as long as it's benefiting the world we live in, and become the person you want to attract into your life. This is a letter to mycellf. If anyone reads this please use any of these thoughts I expressed through language. "The future is just a continuation of present moments" - Ralph Smart. The seeds I plant today are the sprouts I'll see tomorrow. This is just what I've learned so far, but my journey will never end because there is no destination just endless growth. Impress yourcellf. What makes you feel alive? Love is understanding, and we live in the information age to awaken to the truth. We live in the abundance of of the truth (love) So anything that's the truth will feel right in your heart. Listen to your inner compass. That is what will guid you through any storm. Whether you know it or not when you want a relationship you are looking for someone to take care of you, but who was there when everyone was gone? Your inner voice. Everytime I try to depend on someone else I'm remineded of the harsh reality that I'm the only one capable of understanding my inner guidance. I'm the only person who can confort my cellf. Only you cab decide when you've healed enough to move on. Trust in yourcellf will take you anywhere, but doubt in yourcellf and trust is someone else will take you nowhere. Peace..... because we are all a piece of the infinite puzzle. Stay awake, stay aware, stay conscious. Peace.
the caller is the needy type. I can relate to her. can’t have others jump through a thousand hoops for you. Hopefully, she has done a lot of internal emotional work to focus on herself more.
I had to pause this video multiple times just to process. Mathew, you have the kindest soul. It shows, you genuinely want to help people. Why can't all men be like this?
Matthew has such a brilliant understanding of people's interactions and communication psychology. I sometimes think how many crying beaten souls he cured and calmed with his wisdom, and prey he can keep sharing it for years to come..
so I've met a guy that for the first time since my divorce 6 years ago that finally makes me want to fall head over heels in love. When we are actually together the connection is great! I know that I touch him emotionally in a way that he misses as well. However he is in the rebound state and wants to see what happens but move very slow. on the other hand I'm ready to settle down and focus on just him... which he isn't ready for. I've tried to continue dating but find him on my mind during those dates which is not fair to the other people. How do I give him the space he needs with out setting myself up to get hurt in the end. He is worth the patients....
Wow 5 years later and this is still me. I am too nice. I don't create boundaries and I'm left without respect because of fear that I'm going to lose them. Wow. Thank you,
Matthew I'm in the same boat as raquel, I really need to make a change, but I can't take your retreats because I'm in Argentina... there is another way to get the same result as if I'd gone to the retreats?
Well i feel my bf (1year) reaches me when he needs me to be there for him, otherwise i reach him all the time and i feel exhausted of being investing so hard. (he says is not how i think and that i think too much.. Besides he loves to be the bossy or the one directing things) right now I know he has lots of huge troubles(is true he has been 1hard year but ive been there the whole time) but he says he gets distracted and dont reach me bcause of that.. I ve tried to be supportive he say he will try harder but that was only last 2days then he said: for me nothing is enough. But then weeks ago i said we cant be that way and he (being on a party wich i didnt knew he was at.. He could wrote me and didntif.. i didnt wrote i wouldnt knew..so i was angry but i didnt wanted to loose him) he said "yeah i mean im know im not ideal for you for the amount the time you need i dont want to upset you daily like it seem i do".. I was pissed.. So we didnt broke up.. he txtd me last tuesday when he needed to feel i were with him in his activity he hate(he says ive helped him more that i imagine),well once it ended, he didnt even say gnite or read me, until next day at afternoon when he read i did wrote the night bfore: "ok good luck with the rest of everything" and i havent wrote him back.. Neither him(friday). I feel pissed and sad confused and lonely. Is like i gave him what he wanted.. and i dont want to talk to him cause im angry(sorta)But i love him.. What should i do if he txt back? Or Should i end the relationship cause he is been so into him? I want to send him to the moon with a kick on his butt but i love him :( Btw i dnt have friends to hang out with in a possible breakup or a family.. So im trying really hard to not fall apart, he is sorta my only family and where i live is almost impossible to have a normal life and do things we like.. For now im hearing books and videos to distract myself but my heart and stomach are broken.. I dont wanna loose him deep down cause when he didnt had those issues he was amazing but very different.. And he says im wonderfully amazingbut he dont act like he knows that.. Can you give me advice please @matthew btw you are hot aNd that accent is amazing
What if we've been honest that he can't see me more than 3 days a week. For him who label himself as independent for long and cannot see me as much as I wanted to.
Wow. I never realized what a pushover I've been. I am TOO nice. I related to this girl 100%
I too.. been too nice and taken advantage of by many.
Long story short,men are attracted to bitchy women/girls lol!!
same..
Sophia Cabais works the complete opposite way too
Me too i am just that girl... too nice ...
It's sad that people who are nice to others actually lose respect in the process -- shouldn't respect be universal??? It's actually pathetic that attraction is actually increased and respect is decreased based on whether or not someone is nice or not :/
So I've actually had the same experiences as the caller in the video, but as I continue dating and meeting new people I realize it it has nothing to do with whether or not I'm a good person or nice. It's all about acknowledging that I should be valued because I'm a good person and that certain standards and expectations should be met. Being an A-hole only gets you so much attention, but being a good person with standards opens up opportunities for commitment.
It's because we put greater value on things we have to earn and work for. It's just human nature.
But the niceness is superficial--you're not being nice because you're just a super nice person all the time. You're being nice because you're afraid--afraid of upsetting him, losing him--and that's not the same. Someone can be nice, be respectful and still stick to their guns when it comes to respecting themselves. The best people in the world are those who are confident but also kind and humble.
i know right :'(
It's not about being nice or not. It's good to always be nice. But being nice and having someone with no standard, and no self respect is different.
"What if I lose this person because I uphold my standards?" Omg that cuts to the core of my issue. It is all about a fear of loss. Wow...
His tips are not only dating tips, they're life tips. I love it! My biggest problem is compromising my standards because the guy is attractive. I HAVE to stop. Thank You, Matthew.
The only problem is everyone's standards are different. What is a healthy standard? It's usually someone that matches your own, you agree with. But who's to say your standards healthy? And someone else's standard is unhealthy. Very few people catch my attention where I see them as extraordinary. And maybe that's a good thing.
Weronika Krähe same...this is so senseless...we need to stop.
Ladies take note.guys WILL rank you on how much effort they hav to put "in" to get what they want. If you act like you hav no life but will drop everything on a weeknd to be available to them ,you are practically a booty call. You want respect? Make him earn it.
Not always.
Games of Difficult are not fun.
Attention is good,interests are good,everything needs to go in a flow,give space but be there.
The same applies for most women in my experience. I guess its a human thing
its like "IM IN A DILEMMA BETWEEN WANTING TO DISTANCE MYSELF FROM YOU AND NOT WANTING TO LOSE YOU" 😰😥🤕
irene kate enriquez no need for distance, or emotional black mail. The point here is to be a good friend with the added benefits of a romantic relationship. You’re nice to your friends, but you also let them know if they miss behave. You also bring something to the group dynamic, you don’t just show up and contribute nothing. In a healthy relation it’s much the same. You don’t want to be a pushover but you don’t want to be a very demanding person that contributes nothing and just expects to take. There’s a healthy balance that needs to be found.
I have been there,,,it is so sad
Yes!
You need to ask yourself:
1. What is the reason why you want to let him go?
2. What are the reason why you want to keep him?
When you answer both look at the answers that makes more sense. Then you'll know what to do.
Just have the Guts to do it. Which the hardest. But always remember your Reasons should be stronger than your Emotions.
Goodluck
Im in that stage now.. So confusing..
not only does he talk sense, but he is also so so hawt!!
IKR!
That's more than half of girls and women are here cause he is hawt.
I know that Matthew is a professional, but no one can deny his dedication to his fans, he just puts his heart out there, and I learned so much from him all over the years.
Absolutely!
Loved this!
This was me and i had the same thing going on , and it was the dumbest thing i did , i accepted all that bullshit , because i putted my self seconde and his needs before mine and now you know what , the guy doesn't even like me anymore , he's done with me and he ignores and after waiting and understanding and giving him excuses now i'm packing my hope and love and draging my sorry ass out of his life , and the worst part is i can't blame him , i have only me to blame for not demanding what i deserve , i'm sharing this so people in the same situation don't do the same mistake i did , be smart and go after what you deserve and never less ...good luck
i hear you. it's so counter-intuitive. Being "understanding and supportive', even if he asks for that, is exactly what you SHOULDN'T be when someone is disrespectful or pushing you away. It's hard to grasp when you were raised to care about people and give them the benefit of the doubt. Let's get in touch with our inner bitch more.
***** it sucks that we can't be ourselves.. That being nice goes against us..
drama2u Your understanding and compassion do not need to be removed altogether: they just need to be removed from people like THAT. It's a little tricky b/c your default state is kindness. But, you can test yourself by asking "would I behave the way he is behaving right now?" and if the answer is "Nope...I wouldn't really do that..." then no kindness is needed: time to remove yourself altogether and reserve the kindness for someone else.
Aww sad to hear that but I've been there too. I've even tried to state my standards with my ex but it backfired.. and now I'm dating a guy who also just gives me crumbs but not asking out he should be so I'm dissapearing as a first step. if be asks why I might state my standards then. otherwise I will try to move on despite I got feelings for him
how can this "backfire"? Do you mean he disappeared when you stated your standards? How is this a bad thing :-) I think it saved you time.
"You uphold your standards when it feels convenient for your emotions. You stick up for yourself when it feels like it can't go wrong. But when it feels like it could go wrong and sticking up for yourself would mean losing somebody, you definitely make sure you don't do that." I... how.. ok he just summarized the bulk of my problems in my romantic life within a few sentences. o_o
And if yoy lose someone when you uphold your standarts he isnt the one anyway
Colinda Teeuwisse trueee
periodt.
"difference between liking someone and respecting someone" LOVE IT!
Undoing years of conditioning is a torture when you are really falling in love with someone.
Keep your relationship in balance. It's wrong as a girl to make no effort in the relationship but don't over do it because it shows neediness. Being needy is really unattractive to look at because your happiness depends on the man which is wrong. Happiness should start from your self and everything else will follow.
watched this video at the right point in my life. I am exactly like the girl on the radio. and Matthew..hands down. Your advice hit the spot. Thanks a lot!!
Hi Matthew, I really liked this video..... I think a lot of women settle for less because they are afraid that if they lower their standards, they will either lose the guy. Or have no guy. And some people actually encourage women to let go of their standards because they might push men away. Thanks for encouraging women to keep their standards, especially when it comes to respect.
man, hussey you're brilliant. you changed my life right now.
in 10 minutes!! that is crazy!!! how can you always find the exact right thing to say!!
big applause!! :)
Wow Matt you are so good, saying all the ringht things.
So true. The fear to lose a guy brings out the worst behaviour in women...
true
Ive done such stupid things in order to keep a guys interest none of which worked its insecurity..lack of self worth. Self respect is key, I knew that consciously but subconsciously I was repeating a pattern of lack of self respect acquired as a kid…..when people treated me very badly. its deep.
It can be overcome though
thehoneyeffect yep and I kept making the same mistakes with every guy. It's a circle that can only be stopped once you gain genuine confindence and realise your self worth
you're right and it effects every part of your life whether you realise it or not.
I've dated men that Ive put on a pedestal because I thought that they were beautiful, fit, sexy, clever, wealthy, do great things for their community, funny etc.... i tend to pick the same types of men ' bobby dazzlers' 'ballers' dj's, actors, designers, business men, movers shakers, with a lot to say for themselves.
Even though I'm a talented person myself, often the leader, Im a plus size woman and I know that I'm attractive I get told i look like a young chaka khan... what more do i want? Im a designer, educated, i sing, write bla bla bla.
I shrink. I forget. I turn them into deities and I know I'm wrong for that but noone would ever know that that was going on in my mind, teen insecurities pitifully stick like chewing gum on a pair of trainers, still!
To increase my confidence Im trying new stuff, learning languages and traveling to new places meeting new people, performing in new ways and trying to let go of striving for perfection and being so hard on myself.
im rambling lol. in summary self love and remembering your worth, priceless.
oh honey, once I went for a guy who wasn't my type/pattern and he kept telling me how unbelievably sexy I am, goddess, etc.. And this was a turning point for, because I never realized my worth myself or maybe did but still needed reassurance from a guy. This really added to my confidence and from now I carry myself as a goddess just as that guys said and believe me the guys can sense that and act accordingly :)))
so my point is you can do self development, gym, etc etc, but once you meet a guy who puts You on pedestal then you'll never go back to putting yourself second
I actually teared up watching this bc the reality of how true this is in my relationship is eye opening. My boyfriend ALWAYS asks to go out the day of or calls and asks last minute. I usually give in bc I love spending time with him. I have felt that he takes our relationship/me for granted but geez, I'm the reason he does bc I allow it. Wow!!! Definitely going to start making changes and keep this video as a reminder to not give up when I want to give in. Thank you 😊
I can totally relate. I'm too nice and in the end I'm taken for granted
This is wat is happening to me right now and now I'm in bed crying I want to change this
Me too
"you have far more of a chance of keeping people around and having them treat you right if you uphold your standards then if you allow yourself to be a pushover all the time.
the fact is this: if you have attraction for someone, that's one thing; but respect will transform the amount of attraction you have for someone."
No sweetheart! If you're not getting that commitment, drop him! He's not into you even if he pays for dates. You're way too available.
every time I feel disappointed about what's (not) happening in my love life, I come here and I get so enlightened and filled with good energy. thank you!
Men are so complicated. Why cant they love their women as much as they genuinely love them and more and just make them happy. A woman will love you if yoo worthy and will always believe in you to he a better man. Loyalty guysss!!!
The caller always sounds the same
Li v American girls sound the same.
Yea I noticed that too haha
Can't believe the timing of this video. Absolutely perfect. I learn so much from you Matthew and it's turning me into a better woman.
This is so spot on for me. I’m definitely joining one of your programs. I feel like I’m making so much progress in my relationships whether personal or romantic but for some reason the ppl I truly don’t want to lose I can’t seem to maintain the same level of boundaries that are necessary and it’s driving me crazy. What I do like about myself is that I’m totally aware and I’m really good at reflecting. I just need a little bit more guidance so I can reach the quality of life I know I deserve. ❤️
My god the dating process is soo hard and exhausting!
How do you know if your standards are too high/ or non realistic. How do you know if the person only respects you because of your standards. I don't think I would really want to be with someone who only respects me, because of my standards, I think he should also have a good heart. How can I be vulnerable with someone if He is so naturally disrespectful. On one hand standards yes. But on the other hand I feel like I've lowered my standards at times, to see how he treats people when they lower their standards.(Or is in a more down to earth, giving state) It's like kind of testing him, to see if his good behavior is only a result of my standards and not his character. I wonder if this is common :P
Because though, I agree that Mathew, your advice is most valuable. I'm still left with this predicament. You say you can only give to him fully Once you see he is deserving of this. But what if there was no way to see this before being committed. There must be dozens of men who respect women when they have standards, yet when they open up to them, and are vulnerable they are abusive, because this respect is not a character trait of theirs.
Yes, some people that appear to be worthy (for superficial personality traits) are actually pretty worthless deep down inside. That's if you value heart over ego. Their strong ego and self-entitlement give them solid standards, but like most people, they are also attracted to other people with strong self-identities and standards. If they end up abusing someone who opened himself or herself to abuse, there is no heart in them. They could choose to advice them, or simply walk away and not feed the other person's subconscious need to be abused, but most choose to take advantage of them and abuse because there is no heart in them. I don't think they are PURE evil, but mostly so. Their unconscious motto would be "if you open yourself to abuse, I WILL abuse you." When they get the chance to abuse they literally act like predators; preying on the vulnerable, weak, and needy. They act like this because their feelings of disgust and disregard towards that person are stronger than feelings of pity and compassion.
Character can't be changed, it can seem like at one point or situation they choose to act differently but that can be for inner or outside motives. Eventually you will know something isn't right or feels right, never second doubt it. Question it with a curious mind! Be honest with him, about what you want and needs! It's our needs that should be met or you are better off looking somewhere else. Respect is earned!!
Both Matt and the girl on the phone were so clear and articulate about the situation and the underlying issue of being afraid to show her standards to her new date.I can totally relate although I'm still not entirely sure how to go about showing standards without accidentally going too far and being too difficult (for example saying no to last minute date invitations because I'm trying to raise my standards so a guy will ask me a few days in advance... But then he gives up and I sit at home alone on a Saturday night)... Whenever this happens to me, deep down, I can't help but take it as must "just desserts" for trying to be high value. It's hard to hold a standard in the face of abandonment if any kind. Excommunication hurts even when I don't care that much for a guy.
"It's hard to hold a standard in the face of abandonment...". Exaclty. In order to "hold my standard" and not compromising myself I lost a guy I care so much for. I was so "uptight" to the point of hurting his feelings and letting him feel undesired and unloved. I felt so bad, so guilty and stupid, and even if I apologised later it was actually too late. God, how I wish I could go back in time and change my answer and speak openly and clearly about how I cared for him.
Wow. I feel as mind blown and freed as that girl on the call. I COMPLETELY AGREE. I do the same thing. Hate the people that are push overs but I hate those qualities in them because I recognize them subconsciously In Myself... then I praise those with high standards yet at the same time become resentful when they don’t give me the respect I feel I deserve.. however I struggle with carrying myself with respect... THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING GENUINE VALUE. ♥️😎♥️🙌🏽
This is so me! But... how do you transition from being that push-over that people are used to seeing? Because when I try to stand up for myself, people tend to push away even further, and I hate that, so I immediately backtrack and become the nice person they "need" in their life again, and get used and pushed over time and time again after that.
If those people turn into jerks they are using you and not your friends. Dump em. A true friend wants you happy,loves and supports you.
Me too.. We should get all the nice friends here into a group and help each other turn things around
This is seriously life changing. This has completely changed the way I will view myself and up hold my standards. I've also been the nice friend who later ends up being pushed aside and called boring. Well, no more. Those days are over. A new me is born. Thank you!
Matthew you are an incredible person. Thank you for posting these videos
This was me my entire life. Rejection and loss from early on resulted in a scarcity mentality. NO MORE. I can be happy by myself.
He's taking a day off for you. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE. HE HAVE A LIFE
Ok now how do I fix this without going on a retreat?
+Jen Belgarde i'd like to know that too.
By making sure your needs will be met in a relationship before you try meeting all of theirs.
set standards. Ie. ask for specific time and place for dates.
this sounds like the same girl from other talks he's had... set up? :/
Illuminati confirmed
BlinkinFirefly omg I was thinking the same thing
Sigh. . . This. This is the issue that so many of us have. So many females, especially those born before 1985, were conditioned to be a "good girl" and "don't be greedy" and "put everyone else first" and then we are pushovers who don't get what we want out of life and don't get our needs met. Then, when we do the work on ourselves to become more assertive in mid-life, and start showing self respect, and having standards, the males of this age group are not really evolving to show us respect. Is the solution to try to date younger men who will act like a partner? Because the men who are born before 1985-ish still have some holdover mindsets that women should be submissive and do all the cleaning and cooking while they watch sports.
When we know what the problem is and work on it, trying to get others to see us in a new light and respect us is as difficult as climbing Mt. Everest.
Matthew, you just make me all teary-eyed whenever you give advice. Just everything completely makes sense and having huge realizations in my life. I wish I could come to one of your retreats cos I'd just really like to hear more of your insights.
Self-Evaluation. Very simple. The hard part is admitting it in the mirror.
By the way, congratulations on hitting 100.000 subscribers! You deserve it.
This is saving my relationship.
He ALWAYS needs to give you the plans in advance!
I got a 2nd date coming up in a couple of days a guy asked me out for. I said a time that was best for me and asked where but he hasn't suggested any place! what should I do?
You should let a man does not feel safe with you in the sense that he should not think that you do not hesitate to go unless he makes an effort to keep you
It was a mistake to confess to him that I feared losing him early and that I have nothing to look forward to when we stopped talking due to a misunderstanding. I feel embarrassed and pushy. Maybe he felt like I wasn't going anywhere because I said those things.
Yes, there should have been someone like you on the radio when I was in my 20s. It would have helped me out. I love on the young men on the radio teaching young women what they are doing wrong. Of course, helping the women find men helps men. When I was young we had the women's lib telling us the wrong direction to go in. Such a shame.
wooow mind blown. Now I know the difference between the girl i was then and the woman that I have become!!! haha
Don’t be afraid to lose someone 😂 I used to be like that but lol have the mindset of what comes comes what goes goes if it ain’t from God above it won’t work out it might but it won’t last and even if they come back don’t take them back know your worth !!!
HOW DO YOU CREATE STUPID DISTANCE IN ORDER TO TAKE THE STEPS TO ACQUIRE THEIR RESPECT BY NOT BEING AS AVAILABLE WHEN YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH THEM ON FACEBOOK AND THEY GET THEIR "FIX" EVERY TIME THEY SEE YOU POST?? Or does that not even matter, just don't interact? Or what?
*serious question thou*
Matthew, would you consider creating a few vids that address dealing w these sorts of things in the context of social media, specifically Facebook? How do you create allure being a commodity, and mystique when you also enjoy posting a good bit?
Loved this.... I'm in the exact same position as the caller it's crazy, theres a guy I'm seeing who's exactly the same. And my mind is literally blown because I just realised all the times I was all overly nice to get people to like me I was actually doing the opposite. But it's so hard not to do it, I've just always been like this is all I know. The fear of being alone is making me even more alone. And Mathew was right about it always bubbling away. I would keep it all in until I would just cry about it and feel sad for ages. Thankfully I'm getting better, but I'm definitely still not there yet.
I understand exactly what you are saying. When you a nice person it is very hard. You do have to watch yourself around people. I'm like you too. But i do have one really good friend that is excatly like me. The nicer I am to her the nicer she is to me. Nicer a word? Anyhow only few people reciprocate that, So be conscious about it, but still live your life. If ppl don't treat you right, don't be afraid to let them go it's not worth it. Everything is always going to be alright. It's just fear that makes us keep ppl that don't treat us right around. One step at time.
tuszajnojneeg005 I'm one of the nice friend or there too.. I think we all should form a group here on RUclips and work on how to earn respect from people around us
that's so me... time to change
I feel this as well. I don't get that level of commitment and or respect from even my "friends." And I get upset and wonder why those people aren't there for me the same way I am for them, and it's really simple! I am ALWAYS there when they need me, but when it goes the other way around, there's always an excuse of some sort. Very eye opening!
This is advice for normal men. Mine has Post incarceration syndrome and obviously I’m not his top priority and I’m always trying to understand his stress but when I try to put in practice what u guys say he gets upset and tells me I abandoned him. Losing my mind
It's like you always know what I need to hear! But it's really hard for me sometimes, because I always think people will find me awkward and avoid me. It's something really hard to control. Your videos have been helping me a lot. I've changed so much and all my friends noticed that. But I can't help but please people so they won't reject me. I'd love to hear more about this subject in the future! Thanks
6:17 omg I'm dead 💀 💀 THATS SO FREAKING TRUE!!! then she says, "but how do I change that though?" 😂 😂
I actually get attracted more to people who want to please me and make me happy. Who will go out of their way to spend time with me and who will make me a top priority and be there for me when really needed. I did not have this years ago, and really appreciate those who are like this with me now. I respect and care about their heart and can't help but feel love for them and warmth and tenderness.
I think that what you're saying doesn't exclude the person doing that having standards and not being a doormat/taking bullshit. For example, my best relationships were with people who made me a priority and made everything to make me happy, but those people had self respect and boundaries. I respected them and didn't see them as pushovers because they still kept their standards despite pleasing me and prioritising me.
This tells that you have a low self-esteem and those who want to please you have an even lower self-esteem.
I think it takes going through the phase of being over-pleasing and being taken advantage of to truly appreciate these kind of people. I agree, that I definitely get more attracted to people who do this kind of stuff now. Whether it be romantic or in a friend sense. It also makes me call-out people who take advantage of those people because I know how excessive mistreatment can break a person.
Me too!!
@@7Mushrooms7 yes absolutely, these people actually have higher standards now and more self respect that they had before they met me, because of me. They use to let people walk a over them and couldn't be themselves, or stick up for themselves, and they got used. Since they met me they now know how to have a healthy friendship relationship, with someone who genuinely loves and cares for them for who they are, and who doesn't take them for granted. You get back when you put out. We are there for each other virtually at the moment.
5 1/2 years later and this video is still reaching ppl - it just helped me ❤
wow! this is a life-changing advice matthew! the nicest people are just the ones who are always taken for granted.. hmmm... being nice to people you love and forgetting yourself is a dangerous thing in a survival of the fittest world. the ones who are content and assertive are the ones that win the prize.
Tbh, the guy they’re talking about is more of a sugar daddy situation, not her boyfriend. I say let him pay and take you on dates and just date other guys too
WOW!!! WOW!!! wow!!! I was really frustrated today u uploaded this very helpful video !!! It fits into my situation. I read many books but this "Respect" thing opened my eyes!!! Now I get it... Now I get it why my boyfriend and ex boyfriends treated me bad at the end...! Thank you!!!
litterally changed my life. this video was for me......... wow. how on point is this man!
I first watched this video 6 years ago. It still comes to the front of my mind sometimes today. I even remember where I was and how I felt when I first heard it. I honestly think this might be your most impactful video ever Matthew. Especially the question you ask 5 mins in!!
I can resonate so much with this. I've been like this lady all my life. Now I have to change. I can't thank you enough Matthew!
Upholding the standards, this tip is not only apply for dating but for other areas of life. Thank you.
Great that this is being addressed! Self respect and issuing your values, opinions and beliefs not only when convenient, but consistently, standing your ground is so important! Particularly when interested in someone! How are they to know you won't let them walk all over you? That you have a personality, history and opinions - you are interesting because of your differences as well! This video should be interesting to anyone who could identify with the woman in the interview like I did. ruclips.net/video/8hYTPl7MkiA/видео.html
..that was exactly my last "friend"..and guess what there was another girl inovolved...I found out by his mistake...he wrote me by her name....
+MatthewHussey, An incredibly valuable moment for your caller. I admire how you're able to dig deep in such a short amount of time. Your questioning is perfect. How you treat your callers with such respect and sensitivity makes me feel quite emotional actually. Powerful! I love your videos, but speaking directly to people who are lost and confused is where it's at! :) x x
Working on ur self is kinda hard... so much self reflecting 😩😤
Wow.....just wow-that opened up my eyes! Thank you! 😃
Situation that you've created and allowed!
So very true 👍
This has resonated with me in ways I cannot even explain. I overbend for people, please them in many ways possible and I've been like that for as long as I can remember. I grew up as an obedient person, always ready to assist and offer service especially when I feel someone needs help (even when they don't ask for it). Now as an adult I am realising this affects me in my relationships and at work.
Being constantly available makes people take you for granted. I have lost relationships because of that. Now I know they left.
lmao the girl's voice last video is exactly the same as this one
This really applies to me in every aspect of my life. Thank you so much Matthew!
Thank you So Much for keeping it Real with us Matthew!!! Peace & Blessings to You & Your Loved Ones Always!!!
After I watched this video I sat here and had to think about it for 30min. It fits so perfect to my current situation. Everything is making sense now ...
Thank you for this video!
I really value Matthew Hussey's work. I only found him a few hours ago, and have been endlessly watching, ever since. : ) As a woman who got into a bad relationship and spent way too much time there-- and then spent years sorting through it-- I am left with a question: how could I possibly have felt genuine love and friendship, for a person who did not have my best interests at heart? I wish I understood that. That's the conundrum I cannot seem to unravel.
In any case, Mr. Hussey, THANK YOU. I cannot wait to share your work with my friends. : )
N St For me it's simply because I never loved myself enough to think I deserved better. ( Subconsciously) I attracted the person who I thought I deserved. I have to Become a person that (I'm) attracted to. Until I become the woman that I want my partner to love and respect, I won't expect my relationships to be the other persons fault. First focus on you, if you spend all your energy on one person or situation (that isn't beneficial for you). Then if that person leaves what is left for you? Reciprocity is the answer. If you are the main person giving energy to the relationship then that makes the other person a user and you are the willing slave. You are the only person who can set your standards. Never expect someone to automatically have respect for you, until you show them you are worthy of it. I'm on my own learning journey and I still don't have full confidence aka trust in myself, so that is why I am remaing single until I'm able to sustain my life happily without someone to revolve around. Nothing in life comes without deep (iner)standing of the people and situations around you. The only thing in your control is your thoughts played out through your actions. Every problem we humans have is a problem we created in our minds that manifested into our reality. Once we take control of our minds and clean out the unessicarry trash, we can begin to go through life with ease. Evil is live backwards. Never stop becoming your greatest version. Everday ask yourcellf what can I do to help the the world I live in? How can I help everyone have love and understanding? Find the problems, focus and work towards the solution. All the answers are already within you. You just need to remind yourcellf of your immense infinte beauty, uniqueness, and intelligence . Just think there is a person who has the same goal in life as I do they are just taking a different journey to the same destination. You must respect yourcellf, but only you know what is worth respecting. Once you understand that the only permission you need is your own, you become free. Without you observing it nothing would exist; therefore nothing would matter. Everyone is a piece of this infinite puzzle. "You are not a drop of water in the ocean but you are the whole ocean in a drop" If you can just keep learning and growing daily then love will shower you. Nothing is personal but our interpretation of it is always going to make it feel deeply personal. Remember no one can make you do anything without your permission. Study yourcellf, get your natal chart done, study other people's natal charts around you. Once you know why, life is played out in this tune then everthing becomes exposed that's why children are smart because they are relentlessly asking why? As soon as people become satisfied without fully understanding why something is happening, then where are the guides for the next beings to learn from? All we have promised is this moment right now, the past wouldn't exsist without the present and neither would the future. This moment is granting you the gift of endless posibilities. Choose wisely where your focus is being directed towards. Every action has an equal reaction. What you think and do now matters. Every action you make today is an outcome you'll see tomorrow. Everyone has their greatest most complete version sleeping inside of them. That side of you that stands for righteousness, waiting to be awoken. Sometimes when you decide to take a different rought. You have to build a new foundation to see growth in different areas. "You can't solve a problem with the same thinking used that caused it in the first place" - Albert Einstien. Just breath, be choosy with the thoughts that you allow yourself to believe, go barefoot once a day, drink water untouched by man's tainted hearts, eat food that doesn't hurt you or anthing else, do things that make you happy as long as it's benefiting the world we live in, and become the person you want to attract into your life. This is a letter to mycellf. If anyone reads this please use any of these thoughts I expressed through language. "The future is just a continuation of present moments" - Ralph Smart. The seeds I plant today are the sprouts I'll see tomorrow. This is just what I've learned so far, but my journey will never end because there is no destination just endless growth. Impress yourcellf. What makes you feel alive? Love is understanding, and we live in the information age to awaken to the truth. We live in the abundance of of the truth (love) So anything that's the truth will feel right in your heart. Listen to your inner compass. That is what will guid you through any storm. Whether you know it or not when you want a relationship you are looking for someone to take care of you, but who was there when everyone was gone? Your inner voice. Everytime I try to depend on someone else I'm remineded of the harsh reality that I'm the only one capable of understanding my inner guidance. I'm the only person who can confort my cellf. Only you cab decide when you've healed enough to move on. Trust in yourcellf will take you anywhere, but doubt in yourcellf and trust is someone else will take you nowhere. Peace..... because we are all a piece of the infinite puzzle. Stay awake, stay aware, stay conscious. Peace.
Matthew
Please create information on gaining respect ,and gaining self respect
It's TRUE. My husband drove 2 hr almost everyday for me to come to see me.
Waaw that is so cute ! You’re a lucky girl !
Couldnt watch this at a more perfect time! This man has so much knowledge, and I love he is using this to help women!
the caller is the needy type. I can relate to her. can’t have others jump through a thousand hoops for you. Hopefully, she has done a lot of internal emotional work to focus on herself more.
5:58 the measure of your character is how you treat the most vulnerable.
there is a difference between kind people and people with low self esteem.
Yes!
Every video of his that i watch I get called out 😭😭😭 I definitely have abandonment issues that keep me from standing up for myself
I had to pause this video multiple times just to process. Mathew, you have the kindest soul. It shows, you genuinely want to help people. Why can't all men be like this?
5:34 Hearing this is healing. Fear of loss thus lowing my standards. Thank you Matthew.
Upholding the standards, this tip is not only apply for dating but for other areas of life. Thank you.
I cant believe so many people are going through what I am and that Matthew actually gets it
Matthew has such a brilliant understanding of people's interactions and communication psychology. I sometimes think how many crying beaten souls he cured and calmed with his wisdom, and prey he can keep sharing it for years to come..
so I've met a guy that for the first time since my divorce 6 years ago that finally makes me want to fall head over heels in love. When we are actually together the connection is great! I know that I touch him emotionally in a way that he misses as well. However he is in the rebound state and wants to see what happens but move very slow. on the other hand I'm ready to settle down and focus on just him... which he isn't ready for. I've tried to continue dating but find him on my mind during those dates which is not fair to the other people. How do I give him the space he needs with out setting myself up to get hurt in the end. He is worth the patients....
katie dangelo keep on dating girl
Until he is ready !!! Do it !Do not put ur life on hold!!!
Wow 5 years later and this is still me. I am too nice. I don't create boundaries and I'm left without respect because of fear that I'm going to lose them. Wow. Thank you,
:( Brilliant! I wish I had seen this some months ago... thank you
As an Unattractive dude chasing girl that I would do anything for this is offensive to me
Matthew I'm in the same boat as raquel, I really need to make a change, but I can't take your retreats because I'm in Argentina... there is another way to get the same result as if I'd gone to the retreats?
Wow, I really needed this advice!
Well i feel my bf (1year) reaches me when he needs me to be there for him, otherwise i reach him all the time and i feel exhausted of being investing so hard. (he says is not how i think and that i think too much.. Besides he loves to be the bossy or the one directing things) right now I know he has lots of huge troubles(is true he has been 1hard year but ive been there the whole time) but he says he gets distracted and dont reach me bcause of that.. I ve tried to be supportive he say he will try harder but that was only last 2days then he said: for me nothing is enough. But then weeks ago i said we cant be that way and he (being on a party wich i didnt knew he was at.. He could wrote me and didntif.. i didnt wrote i wouldnt knew..so i was angry but i didnt wanted to loose him) he said "yeah i mean im know im not ideal for you for the amount the time you need i dont want to upset you daily like it seem i do".. I was pissed.. So we didnt broke up.. he txtd me last tuesday when he needed to feel i were with him in his activity he hate(he says ive helped him more that i imagine),well once it ended, he didnt even say gnite or read me, until next day at afternoon when he read i did wrote the night bfore: "ok good luck with the rest of everything" and i havent wrote him back.. Neither him(friday). I feel pissed and sad confused and lonely. Is like i gave him what he wanted.. and i dont want to talk to him cause im angry(sorta)But i love him.. What should i do if he txt back? Or Should i end the relationship cause he is been so into him? I want to send him to the moon with a kick on his butt but i love him :( Btw i dnt have friends to hang out with in a possible breakup or a family.. So im trying really hard to not fall apart, he is sorta my only family and where i live is almost impossible to have a normal life and do things we like.. For now im hearing books and videos to distract myself but my heart and stomach are broken.. I dont wanna loose him deep down cause when he didnt had those issues he was amazing but very different.. And he says im wonderfully amazingbut he dont act like he knows that.. Can you give me advice please @matthew btw you are hot aNd that accent is amazing
Attraction + Respect= 💯
this was very good for me
What if we've been honest that he can't see me more than 3 days a week. For him who label himself as independent for long and cannot see me as much as I wanted to.