I pray you receive the man who wants to love you, not use you ❤️ Get your copy of the bestselling book "The Man God Has For You" here 👉 www.themangodhasforyou.com 👈 Women everywhere are calling this book a blessing to read!
A lot of people need to learn how to self Love, Therefore you don't feel like you need anybody. When I was single I was lonely all the time and I was making dumb decisions myself. When I realized I was just wasting my time and energy that's when I stopped and focused on me.
I'm sorry but a woman with goals & a positive aura will still attract broken men. That's facts.. There's always a spiritual leech trying to suck at your aura.
@TravelingDiva2018 they also are extremely envious and resentful of your success and try to destroy you!!! Evil. As if it's not hard enough being a woman trying to survive and build a good life. They are lowering your ability to survive and thrive. In essence, they are slowly killing you and would kill you quickly if they can get away with it.
I didn't know he was broken. He can across 100% together and I fell hard for him. That's when I started seeing the cracks, before I knew it he ghosted me. I thought it was another woman, his brother said he's scared to be happy, he wants it but then when it comes he runs. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to become a stronger version of myself. I haven't been in a relationship in so long I stopped counting the years. I let go of all I stressed out about not having ( relationship,kids) I learned how to stop letting family members make me feel inferior for not having those things. I fell in love with myself and my life and if a great man comes along and sees my worth great. But I no longer tolerate men who want a good women but doesn't appreciate when they have a ride or die in their corner. You just lost one!!!
Wow! I hear you. That is similar to my experience only he was and possibly still is allowing himself to be emotionally blackmailed. So I let go before things got too deep!
Nicole, you will find that special person. I went through the same thing recently. See when you are strong they will call you bossy. I was called bossy but I know I am strong and confident. I don't need a man who will let me walk over him. I need a man with a strong foundation. Who will know to be a man in the relationship. So darling you hold your head up and be strong and confident.
Some people shine like a candle in the dark. And everything within range will be attached to it good, and bad. But if you don’t have the tools necessary to decipher between the two, mistakes become pattern, and patterns can become habit. Learn patience, and trust your instincts, but most importantly learn to be your own Superman/ superwoman, situations can bend you, but hone you’re tools so they can’t break you. ☺️
Christina A I know about the “five love languages” but I’ve recently learned about “ attachment styles “ and the way people attach to their partner. I realize that I go between secure, and anxious attachment style in my dating life. I found that I keep attacking men with dismissive, and avoidant attachment styles, and wonder why after a period of time when or relationship is moving into a deeper stage like moving in, or saying yes we are in a relationship they spaz out, and leave. I’ve found out it’s because they are afraid of getting close emotionally, afraid of the next step, the next phase in a relationship, afraid to be vulnerable. So now I need to learn how to decipher between the broken, and healthy stable men. I pride myself on being emotionally, physically, and mentally healthy. I’m 32 120lbs toned Jamaican Indian who’s addicted to chocolate 🍫 financially independent, no kids, divorced, travel fanatic, with a cat 🐈 name Finn. But sometimes I fear I will end up alone, and most days I’m ok with that, but on the days like valentines etc... when I feel blah. I grab my chocolate, and a glass of wine 🍷 and appreciate who I am, how far I’ve come, and all the amazing people in my life. 😘
Beautiffully Spoken 😊 hey mama. Have you ever realize how people flock to really beautiful, sometimes out of this world gorgeous men, and women. When your healthy, happy, smile so beautiful, and bright you radiate like the sun☀️ people want to be with you more, they are happy to be around you because your happiness is addictive like a drug, they want some. Be careful who you share you light with, not everyone is a moth to your flame 🔥 some are wasps watch out for the stinger. And when you see it don’t makes excuses “well he’s good to me most of the time, he even changed my car tire that one time at Taco Bell” or “ she is abusive but deep down she cares” nope 👎🏻 hold your head high know you’re a queen 👸 who deserve love, and respect. 😘
Omg, Sasha!! You’re so spot on! Your life sounds so beautiful and peaceful-especially Finn, the cat. I think I’m going to settle for a few furry kids myself and call it one! ✨❤️
Sadé Jay 😊 thank you luv. Finn is so therapeutic for me, energetic, playful, esp since he learned the word “NO” I taught him to say “MAMA” now he goes to the laser pointer, look at it, and say mama. Not to me, to the laser pointer that’s his mama. 😩😂 My life is very peaceful because I make it so. I have my 9-5 mon-fri gym 3-4 nights a week. Yoga 🧘♀️ on weekends for 1 hr. I do a fun painting class, or restaurant hopping, if the weather is beautiful I scuba dive, snorkel or just layout on the beach 🏖 I find fun thinks to do that makes me happy. The best part is put money aside when you get paid, and book a trip that you can look forward to sometime within the year, a treat for yourself. This year I’m taking a cruise 🚢 to Grand Canyon- Roatan Honduras- Belize- Cozumel Mexico, and back to Miami. Pamper, love, indulge yourself ladies, life is way too short not to. 😘
The comment of the year: “It is not why are you attracting broken men.... but why are you ENTERTAINING broken men” I love this because it causes self reflection and self accountability and not point the finger and blame men. This just shifted my whole perception! When you uphold your value and worth, you won’t entertain what does not align with your values, standards, goals and destiny.
Awesome, I agree people don't attract what they are. If your aura is positive and strong people will gravitate to that energy, having discernment in place can sometimes help. I enjoy so much listening to you, good words!
Yes I just realized this and learning to use better judgment. Broken people like nice people but because they broken they don't know how to treat you. Reality check.
I kinda needed this. Because I’m a independent woman, but for some reason I was always attracting men that were desperate or, had no job,no car, low Insecurities and ext
I married my high school Sweetheart. We been together for 20 plus years. I come to realize people pay more attention to the packaging instead of what's on the inside. They have this fairy tale spouse that very few will find. Many work overtime living in misery to make people think they have it all. Women marry a man that absolutely adores you. Vanity fades guys. Men marry a lady that has your back. Together you'll bring out the best in each other. Not the worst. He that finds a wife finds a good thing. Women let the man find you it's scriptural. My now husband came to my house after school one day we had a class together. He has been with me through 3 child births, surgery, job loss, everything. We are powerful together. Most of all apart from God we can do nothing. I hope this Bless someone.
You attract who you are, you can be this amazing woman, that men are just attracted to. But it is who we allow to STAY thats says it. SOMEthing about me made me feel comfortable with something about a broken man. Later when things start going left it gets reveal. Still got some healing to do!! Thank you God, I have learned this from you lord!!
In many cases you don't know they are broken because they hide it on purpose until they gain your love, trust, etc. or until there is marriage or kids involved because they know these things will make you think twice about leaving.
I think the title should be, "Why do YOU CHOOSE broken men." As women we have all sorts of men approaching us. Rich, poor, broken ,whole, loving, abusive, etc. Its us who choose to carry on with the relationship. Why do we choose to carry on with the one that's broken and not the one that's whole?
So very true and the same goes for some men. Darkness seeks light, weakness seeks strength but it's up to us to recognize and CHOOSE someone who is filling us up not depleting us. Thanks for the great message.
I’m shook. You know it took me my whole life to start cutting people out my life who don’t serve my greater purpose. Now hearing what you said it’s like I unconsciously made the decision that I love myself more than everyone and I deserve better treatment than this
When I look back I can see why my ex husband chose me. Not because he loved me he knew I was a good kind person! He used me but I got my 3 sons and lessons I will never forget! Loving your self is vital!!! We must teach our children that
Amen. I. Agree. I. Addressed. Broken. Men. In. The. Past. I. Know. Better. Now. I'm. Going. To. Wait. On. God. Send. Me. Someone. I'm. A. Widow. I'm. Older. And. Wiser. I. Know. What. To. Look. For. Now.
#empathlife The cycle just ended. While I may likely continue to attract broken men, moving forward, as I continue to heal myself & evolve, I refuse to entertain broken men. Thank you!!💖💖💖
Secure your bag for you only. Independence mean being self-sufficient. I wouldn't entertain broke men. I cut off men who don't have cars, but want to borrow mines. Online dating that a man said he was homeless and looking for place to stay. I block him immediately and not respond. Relatives always mention " No woman wants no broke men." In other words, never settle for less.
Actually the number of “broken” people out there far outweighs the ones who are not. So it’s not just so much that one is attracting a “broken” individual but that the odds of dating a “broken” individual is higher. Also individuals who are broken often seek people who occur to them as strong.
It turns out that I am an empath, and tend to be overly accommodating even if it destroys me in the process. Having realised this, I realised that I need to draw the line much earlier than what my instinct tells me.
Healing, it felt strange being in my latest toxic relationship, I was vulnerable when we met and was just coming out of isolation after spending an enormous amount of time healing from the previous antics, it was more like a trauma bond and I got lost in old habits the more I entertained it, I was bored in life, I wasn’t taking the necessary steps to go with the momentum of what it was I truly wanted, this has gave me that extra motivation but I’m sure I can find healthier ways and people to be motivated around ❤️ the path will never leave you, if your on the wrong one then your scream from your inner person will do unimaginable things to make you realise this isn’t what you really want, just look at the reality and stop trying to convince yourself something that encourages you to abandon how you really feel inside and who you are at your core, and it’s never with someone who is abusive and neglectful, they can ignore their screams if they want but that’s not you if you are researching and looking within to find the ultimate solution, which is to move on ❤️📜 ps probably the kindest I have spoken to myself (in third person) in ages
Hell I just had another bad experience at work with one of them. And also last Friday Saturday and Sunday they're just so disrespectful! Black males only motivation is getting new pussy! And that's facts!
I needed to hear this today. This is really making me reflect on what has been going on in my life. I think I’m understanding why I chose the men in my life. Like they say when you know better you do better.
Thank you for challenging the mantra of "you attract what you are". I struggled with this as a belief system because although it makes sense, it did not feel all the way like truth! Especially when I took time to adequately reflected on personal relationships and realized that I had put in so much self work prior to (levels of healing, accountability, being supportive, learning how to push through with unconditional love...the hard stuff!, and somehow things still went south. That's when I remembered that 2 people play a role in the relationship. And you can have one attract the other because their light is on. And the other person can pretend and wear a mask of compatibility and emotional maturity etc. but then over time you learn it's not the case. To tell someone in this case, "you attract who you are " is a false and dangerous mindset. Bringing confusion!
It seems like when you have yourself together, the broken men will try all they can to get you. I've literally had to avoid these men at all costs. Because saying I'm not interested is not enough
In the past I have attracted the wrong kind,But as the saying goes When you learn better You Do Better..Thank you for this .Broken people attract Brokenness! .....
This is serious. Especially when they hide who they truly are. I've had to turn and run after lots of evaluating the situation. This video is great. Thanks Stephan Speaks 😊
Iv noticed the more I get in tune with myself, the more guys i attract. I used to get attached to "broken" men but realised I was allowing these men in. Not only was I allowing them in, it was the story I was telling myself to allow them in. Its bout learning to get picky with who you allow in, not in a arrogant way. In a love for self way. Iv also noticed that gaining feelings for someone doesn't always mean "love" there just feelings to allow yourself to have n letting them come n go. The one will make the effort, the conversation is free flowing, the connection is free of all conditioning, it's easy, its flowing, it feels secure, it feels right without a doubt. The attraction goes beyond the physical form of the person and most of all YOU BOTH FEEL IT. You then see how all the wrong ones were wrong. Sometimes you see it before the right one comes but you understand fully why all the other ones were wrong.
Thanks for that. It is quite clear we attract good and bad no matter what state we are in. The issue is whether one chooses to sustain and / enable the brokenness in oneself and / or others.
I totally agree with this video, I ask people around me this very question, who complain about how unhappy they are with the broken person in their lives. They usually don’t have an answer because they are on autopilot going with the flow instead of addressing the deeper reasons why they entertain them. Once I stopped entertaining less than what I felt I was worth , not only from intimate relationships but also friends and family my reality changed drastically. I no longer feel obligated or bound to anyone’s happiness except my own.
Your the first person to ever say you don't always attract what you are. For years I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Now I know...But I don't know how to stop.
It feels so good to hear someone say most of the world is broken. People hate the ugly truth, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. ONLY if those people want to change themselves.
My latest method is blocking out close friendships from these guys. I don’t have any guy friends anymore. My interactions with them are limited and professional. I blocked 🚫 one guy from contacting me too often with unnecessary messaging all hours the day. He came across as needy and clingy. I’d already told him I’m not interested in the kind of relationship he wanted
No one is picking the wrong ones on purpose, no one KNOWS that they have the wrong one as the wrong ones know how to play and act up a "good" front. Honestly your comment sounds like you are blaming women for getting into these kinds of situations when they really don't know who or what that man would be like.
This literally changed my life..the insight i have had from this is mind blowing. I will no longer blame anyone but myself, i have written down some new rules for myself to stick by. I have also decided not to entertain 'friends with benefits' situation as this is breaking my spirit as well. Great video and great insight, thank you Stephan
Self love is the key to avoid falling in the trap of entering into emotional and physical connections with broken men. I really enjoyed this video! Thank you!
Nope. I've done too many years doing inner healing to get involved with broken men again. It's like they show up in my life expecting me to heal them. You gotta work on yourself doesn't matter if you're a man or woman... yes it's painful emotionally and mentally... takes years sometimes decades to heal but in the end it will all be worth it.
I thought it was just because you were still broken from your past, and you let things of your past predict your future but this gave me much more insight..💯❤
You just preached my life right at this moment!!! I needed this to get rid of this broken man, love myself more, uncover the wound and just be patient and wait on God for the man IS for me! Never settle for less. I just have to do me and love me till my Husband comes. Thanks again! 🔥👏👏😍😍💕
I agree. I love listening to R.C. Blakes. It's like getting advice that I wish I could get from my grandfather who was a great man, father, provider, etc., but he passed before I was dating age. R.I.H.
Dang....you already know! Those three are the main men I subscribed & listen to on the regular for advice on the way men think in a relationship of the opposite sex.
That is so true. I was once pursuing a guy who was not treating me well. Yet I continued my effort despite knowing he was not the one. You know why because I was insecure . My relatives had made me believe that he was an ideal guy - good looking, nice, financially well off and blah blah. That was the premise and it was such a blatant lie. Actually that was my relatives insecurity which they were piling on me and I was buying it because of my unhealthy attachment. I wish I could have gotten rid of him much sooner than I actually did. But yes it stems from another issue. So damn right!!
I don't have any answers to relationships that's why I stay single and i don't look for a commitment or unrealistic relationships. its much safer to just be friends so I don't have to tolerated the nonsense. I'm still learning how to know me. I don't need additional trouble friends is just fine.
I think my issue is not entertaining anyone. Like you said when you are in a great place of healing you attract many, yet I seem to attract broken people. Friends tell me I am too picky, but I've had a habit of settling in the past and there are some things I choose not to settle on this time around. Let's see what happens
This is true. I feel that I am naturally a healer. I stopped thinking it was me that was still broken inside. I love to heal people but I know my limits now. It's not a bad thing. Thanks for the confirmation Stephan.
I am in love with a phenomenal man who is broken emotionally, partly because of me when I was young and dumb and not yet emotionally mature enough to process that rare unconditional love. Now that I’m a woman, I feel a bit responsible for emotionally building him back up but in order for that to be possible, I believe that I will have to love him with a selfless love and put his needs first until he trusts me again💛
Dammit why am I just now seeing this! This is honestly one of the best pieces of dating advice I've heard. You have to have the good self-esteem to know who you should let into your life and who not to. This is why healing and loving yourself first is so crucial. Thank you, a big aha for me today!
Also very relevant to those in a caring profession. As a Social Worker I find I carry that energy with me and tend to attracr certain types of people both male and female. Switching off that can be difficult but as said, it's about what I'm entertaining... I need to be conscious of the purpose of every interaction.
I needed to hear this I have been asking God whats wrong with me with these men finding me.. I was once told, I forgot until now, people want the God in you. But they may confuse it with wanting to be with you. I realize who I am called to be. I accept the call and guard my heart. Be blessed and know who/who's you are.
I love this truth. That’s what I always say that my attraction of broken men doesn’t define my stance as a woman, but becomes a problem if I entertain them 🤷♀️. Thank you sir
We are here to help them to unlock their inner power and thats why they attract me coz they can feel lighter in their self when they are around me and wondering what I have done..i just told them, I’m here to learn and help you.
Wow, I thought everything you said was true and on point. Thank you. Everyone attracts broken people, especially those who give off that positive, affirming, fun-loving and healing light. It’s up to all of us not to entertain or encourage bad behavior from anyone.
For me I think it’s the thought that I don’t have better options. My self worth. But I also wonder why the ones I feel most connected and attracted to are broken. I’m not scared to leave, but that doesn’t change that I cared for them and wished it was different.
It’s not that I entertain, I “get to know” them and find out their broken. Then move on. I’m realizing I’m attracting these men and wonder why God is sending me them…idk what the lesson is or what I did to get such bad karma. I honestly think I’m meant to be alone for the rest of my life and that’s fine. There’s always some dirt I find out. Shits getting real old.
You better say all that and I glad you expanded on "broken". No one IS broken but they have busted behavior patterns and thought patterns to a greater or lesser extent.
Love is no longer the main factor. Everything is about leveling up. A lot of people are out here leading with their resumes. I'm talking about their professional resumes. Thinking this will make them seem more appealing. We are living in different times and no one is willing to adjust. People are giving others the tools to use them. Love has turned into contractual agreements with no foundation. If he needs tweaking he's not for you. Everyone is out here trying to raise someone else's adult son. Sad part is most women draw up the contracts. A contract that is not beneficial to her. All in hopes that he will grow one day. Most men will tell you exactly who they are, if you choose to listen. Listen and choose wisely. Ask about his upbringing. Look for that spark of confidence, while he's explaining. If all someone has to share is their hard times and struggles. That is what you have to look forward to. You should exit. It's not about not being understanding. It's about self preservation. Nonproductive relationships will drain you of all of you positive energy and shut you down. Making it harder for you open up to the right person once he comes your way.
Thank you for this reminder. Spot on. I am quite sure of who I am and what I want, and I was really sure that I would never entertain anyone who didn’t “feel right” ever again. Sadly, it was much harder than I realized and I ended up compromising, quieting myself just to keep this person happy/comfortable. It ended terribly of course and I got nothing in the end. IT’s so much harder to practice but just showed me i still have some weak spots in that area even though I felt super sure of mysel and what I wanted. Hmmm...anyway, much needed wisdom right now 🙏🏻
Aaaaaaaaamen!!! I used to entertain them, I did a lot of work on self love and now I see a broken man and I'm like, go heal yourself but I'm not a healer or carer I'm looking for a man who's got his shit together. Not hung up on his ex or daddy issues or problems and regrets with his past....sooooooo many broken people. I am FAR from broken now and now I deserve someone great. He'll come along one day and I always have time to meet someone great but not time to waste on someone broken. I'm now single but I'm not alone, I get ME every day and that is more than enough.
It really is about loving yourself. Because if not you're going to allow a whole bunch of BS come your way and tolerate it from these" broken men".....or women
Thank you Stephan for addressing that you aren’t what you attract! That was comforting. I did beat myself up and thought how in the heck did i attract someone broken! I am trying to learn from my former partner as much as i can to take with me for my next relationship
OOKKAAAYYYY STEPHAN👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I listen to a lot of your podcasts and a lot of your RUclips videos and I noticed that you mentioned the word healing a lot. I started to incorporate healing and making forgiveness a little more easier than before and I'm seeing some wonderful results. I definitely appreciate you man. Blessings🙌🏾
This has been my problem lately.. that Im wondering why do I keep attracting broken men who dont have their stuff together. But I quickly choose to not entertain this, often coming out as being difficult or asking for too much.. how is asking for a man to at least has an income/job, education, driving license and at least aspiring to get a car is too much ? Of course the inside counts.. but I cant keep sponsoring men.. Im sorry... I have to think about me first and I hope this new attitude will attract the RIGHT man. Thank you for this video !
I came across your video it's very rare you hear people speak on men that are broken!! Hopefully you will continue to speak about men that are broken and why in the near future®™®
You brought some valuable insight out in this video. I never thought about we will attract people who are dysfunction or broken some time or another. I do agree, I need to find out why I keep entertaining the wrong type of men. 1 thing I know for sure , I feel like I cannot get many options. I am working on myself though. Thank you, because without truths such as these, we cannot always see the bigger picture, self. I needed this and I need more of your counseling and wisdom. Keep coming back please. God's blessings upon you.
Even good people are broken. I don't see how better relationship experiences could be had aside from platonic friendship. The dating world is just an ugly mess. You can be wonderful and the right people just won't look your way. There's no greater love than that of a small child.
I really needed to see this video, I'm glad RUclips recommended it. On Sunday I got assistance to deal with and finally ward off a very broken man who had been stalking me for over 7 months. It messed with my mental health a bit, but I am better.
Omg 🤐U SAID A COMPLETE MOUTH FULL. I HAVE LEARNED TO BE MORE CHOICEY WHEN IT COMES TO MEN. IM DEALING WITH SOMEONE RIGHT NOW AND WE ARE TAKING IT SLOWER THAN HIS AND MINE PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. ITS GOOD TO JUST GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER. THANK U FOR THIS VIDEO IT MAKES SO MUCH SINCE. 😁💯
I never could identify how to fix this issue but i guess the key is to absolutely love yourself enough to reject such guys, no matter if you need to be single...
I pray you receive the man who wants to love you, not use you ❤️ Get your copy of the bestselling book "The Man God Has For You" here 👉 www.themangodhasforyou.com 👈 Women everywhere are calling this book a blessing to read!
Very true bro good adviser i was rape and abuse i dont even date
You can’t control who you attract sometimes but you can control who you entertain
I like that! Can I pass that on?
DaPhlyymamee absolutely!
@@THeelOlaMONROe Thanks!💗
Yassss
Hell yes
Loneliness makes you vulnerable
Facts💯
A lot of people need to learn how to self Love, Therefore you don't feel like you need anybody. When I was single I was lonely all the time and I was making dumb decisions myself. When I realized I was just wasting my time and energy that's when I stopped and focused on me.
That's why I have avoided relationships for 7 years.
so true
Yes i noticed that too
Most people don't attract who they are, they attract what they tolerate.
Ossie Wright wooooo
Bingo.
EXACTLY
This!!!
You got it right on the head 👌🏾
Healers always attract broken PEOPLE. It's a spiritual thing. #Empath #overstoodyou
Especially narcissists.
@@grandlakeparanormalsociety9110 I agree, unfortunately that has been my experience. Emotional and spiritual vampires. Never again.
I've been told this before. 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Exactly my dear
Nisheljais LLC. I agree!
I'm sorry but a woman with goals & a positive aura will still attract broken men. That's facts.. There's always a spiritual leech trying to suck at your aura.
More like steal your happiness if they can....
My #struggle unfortunately....
Earth Angel I believe he means attract and proceed to date one. If you date one then you still have healing to do.
@TravelingDiva2018 they also are extremely envious and resentful of your success and try to destroy you!!! Evil. As if it's not hard enough being a woman trying to survive and build a good life. They are lowering your ability to survive and thrive. In essence, they are slowly killing you and would kill you quickly if they can get away with it.
I agree to this 💯💯
Yes, I will not entertain broken men in 2019. ✊✊🙏
See my BroFIRST playlist videos
Amen, I'm right with you on this.
agree
Yes Chile 🙋🏽♀️!
royaldestiny
Very good points and perspective. WOW!
I didn't know he was broken. He can across 100% together and I fell hard for him. That's when I started seeing the cracks, before I knew it he ghosted me. I thought it was another woman, his brother said he's scared to be happy, he wants it but then when it comes he runs. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to become a stronger version of myself. I haven't been in a relationship in so long I stopped counting the years. I let go of all I stressed out about not having ( relationship,kids) I learned how to stop letting family members make me feel inferior for not having those things. I fell in love with myself and my life and if a great man comes along and sees my worth great. But I no longer tolerate men who want a good women but doesn't appreciate when they have a ride or die in their corner. You just lost one!!!
Wow! I hear you. That is similar to my experience only he was and possibly still is allowing himself to be emotionally blackmailed. So I let go before things got too deep!
THE ALMIGHTY FATHER has someone SPECIAL for you... #ITSCOMING I went thru dating someone who was scared to be happy.... #NOTCOOL
Nicole, you will find that special person. I went through the same thing recently. See when you are strong they will call you bossy. I was called bossy but I know I am strong and confident. I don't need a man who will let me walk over him. I need a man with a strong foundation. Who will know to be a man in the relationship. So darling you hold your head up and be strong and confident.
@Nycloe.. You betta PREACH.. Yes.. Ride or die and they. RUN and hide.. Little boys!!
Don't give up on relationships, there are good ones out there. Learn the lesson, discard the pain and move on not off
Some people shine like a candle in the dark. And everything within range will be attached to it good, and bad. But if you don’t have the tools necessary to decipher between the two, mistakes become pattern, and patterns can become habit. Learn patience, and trust your instincts, but most importantly learn to be your own Superman/ superwoman, situations can bend you, but hone you’re tools so they can’t break you. ☺️
Christina A I know about the “five love languages” but I’ve recently learned about “ attachment styles “ and the way people attach to their partner. I realize that I go between secure, and anxious attachment style in my dating life. I found that I keep attacking men with dismissive, and avoidant attachment styles, and wonder why after a period of time when or relationship is moving into a deeper stage like moving in, or saying yes we are in a relationship they spaz out, and leave. I’ve found out it’s because they are afraid of getting close emotionally, afraid of the next step, the next phase in a relationship, afraid to be vulnerable. So now I need to learn how to decipher between the broken, and healthy stable men.
I pride myself on being emotionally, physically, and mentally healthy. I’m 32 120lbs toned Jamaican Indian who’s addicted to chocolate 🍫 financially independent, no kids, divorced, travel fanatic, with a cat 🐈 name Finn. But sometimes I fear I will end up alone, and most days I’m ok with that, but on the days like valentines etc... when I feel blah. I grab my chocolate, and a glass of wine 🍷 and appreciate who I am, how far I’ve come, and all the amazing people in my life. 😘
Sasha Brown 🗣 Come On Holy Ghost!!!!!! I know that statement was from God! 💪🏽 Lol
Beautiffully Spoken 😊 hey mama.
Have you ever realize how people flock to really beautiful, sometimes out of this world gorgeous men, and women. When your healthy, happy, smile so beautiful, and bright you radiate like the sun☀️ people want to be with you more, they are happy to be around you because your happiness is addictive like a drug, they want some. Be careful who you share you light with, not everyone is a moth to your flame 🔥 some are wasps watch out for the stinger. And when you see it don’t makes excuses “well he’s good to me most of the time, he even changed my car tire that one time at Taco Bell” or “ she is abusive but deep down she cares” nope 👎🏻 hold your head high know you’re a queen 👸 who deserve love, and respect. 😘
Omg, Sasha!! You’re so spot on! Your life sounds so beautiful and peaceful-especially Finn, the cat. I think I’m going to settle for a few furry kids myself and call it one! ✨❤️
Sadé Jay 😊 thank you luv.
Finn is so therapeutic for me, energetic, playful, esp since he learned the word “NO” I taught him to say “MAMA” now he goes to the laser pointer, look at it, and say mama. Not to me, to the laser pointer that’s his mama. 😩😂
My life is very peaceful because I make it so. I have my 9-5 mon-fri gym 3-4 nights a week. Yoga 🧘♀️ on weekends for 1 hr. I do a fun painting class, or restaurant hopping, if the weather is beautiful I scuba dive, snorkel or just layout on the beach 🏖 I find fun thinks to do that makes me happy.
The best part is put money aside when you get paid, and book a trip that you can look forward to sometime within the year, a treat for yourself.
This year I’m taking a cruise 🚢 to Grand Canyon- Roatan Honduras- Belize- Cozumel Mexico, and back to Miami. Pamper, love, indulge yourself ladies, life is way too short not to. 😘
A broken man who tells a woman that she’s broken is probably the one who’s really broken.
It's called projecting...
The comment of the year: “It is not why are you attracting broken men.... but why are you ENTERTAINING broken men” I love this because it causes self reflection and self accountability and not point the finger and blame men.
This just shifted my whole perception!
When you uphold your value and worth, you won’t entertain what does not align with your values, standards, goals and destiny.
❤❤❤❤❤
Being alone and Being happy SINGLE,Is better than Trying to heal a Broken partner...
I totally agree!
@@sangheetakambel2895 ✌
Preach 👏🏾👏🏾
@@itz_amara4417 😃
Awesome, I agree people don't attract what they are. If your aura is positive and strong people will gravitate to that energy, having discernment in place can sometimes help. I enjoy so much listening to you, good words!
Yes I just realized this and learning to use better judgment. Broken people like nice people but because they broken they don't know how to treat you. Reality check.
He's right. You better heal that wounded inner child. Self love is selfless and true love isn't selfish.
Finally someone who sees it for what it is!!!! It’s like you have to filter it out and stop entertaining the brokenness.
Stephan Speaks Correct!!!! It starts with making sure as a woman that you are not broken so you can see other brokenness clearly.
YES! I grew on that one!
I kinda needed this. Because I’m a independent woman, but for some reason I was always attracting men that were desperate or, had no job,no car, low Insecurities and ext
Nothing to offer
I married my high school Sweetheart. We been together for 20 plus years. I come to realize people pay more attention to the packaging instead of what's on the inside. They have this fairy tale spouse that very few will find. Many work overtime living in misery to make people think they have it all. Women marry a man that absolutely adores you. Vanity fades guys. Men marry a lady that has your back. Together you'll bring out the best in each other. Not the worst. He that finds a wife finds a good thing. Women let the man find you it's scriptural. My now husband came to my house after school one day we had a class together. He has been with me through 3 child births, surgery, job loss, everything. We are powerful together. Most of all apart from God we can do nothing. I hope this Bless someone.
You attract who you are, you can be this amazing woman, that men are just attracted to. But it is who we allow to STAY thats says it. SOMEthing about me made me feel comfortable with something about a broken man. Later when things start going left it gets reveal. Still got some healing to do!! Thank you God, I have learned this from you lord!!
It's the "savior complex"
Great women attract everyone...however, THEY CHOOSE broken people.
japango1 I agree
Agreed
And sometimes women wanna fix a brother, nuture him to a healthy place. I say run like the wind, don't!
@japango great comment👌🏽
In many cases you don't know they are broken because they hide it on purpose until they gain your love, trust, etc. or until there is marriage or kids involved because they know these things will make you think twice about leaving.
I think the title should be, "Why do YOU CHOOSE broken men."
As women we have all sorts of men approaching us. Rich, poor, broken ,whole, loving, abusive, etc.
Its us who choose to carry on with the relationship. Why do we choose to carry on with the one that's broken and not the one that's whole?
So very true and the same goes for some men. Darkness seeks light, weakness seeks strength but it's up to us to recognize and CHOOSE someone who is filling us up not depleting us. Thanks for the great message.
I’m shook. You know it took me my whole life to start cutting people out my life who don’t serve my greater purpose. Now hearing what you said it’s like I unconsciously made the decision that I love myself more than everyone and I deserve better treatment than this
Muse Verdant thank you, you beautiful human being 🙏🏾💫
When I look back I can see why my ex husband chose me. Not because he loved me he knew I was a good kind person! He used me but I got my 3 sons and lessons I will never forget! Loving your self is vital!!! We must teach our children that
Rachel Beal I agree!
Amen. I. Agree. I. Addressed. Broken. Men. In. The. Past. I. Know. Better. Now. I'm. Going. To. Wait. On. God. Send. Me. Someone. I'm. A. Widow. I'm. Older. And. Wiser. I. Know. What. To. Look. For. Now.
#empathlife The cycle just ended. While I may likely continue to attract broken men, moving forward, as I continue to heal myself & evolve, I refuse to entertain broken men. Thank you!!💖💖💖
Secure your bag for you only. Independence mean being self-sufficient. I wouldn't entertain broke men. I cut off men who don't have cars, but want to borrow mines. Online dating that a man said he was homeless and looking for place to stay. I block him immediately and not respond. Relatives always mention " No woman wants no broke men." In other words, never settle for less.
Actually the number of “broken” people out there far outweighs the ones who are not. So it’s not just so much that one is attracting a “broken” individual but that the odds of dating a “broken” individual is higher. Also individuals who are broken often seek people who occur to them as strong.
I have never thought about that before, I was thinking I can fix all men
Don't waste your time, sis. 😔
Don’t
I was in a relationship with one 4 10 years
Nope. That's a sure fire way to lose yourself...
No lady can fix a man. Only jesus can change, fix him when he ready to give his life over to the lord
It turns out that I am an empath, and tend to be overly accommodating even if it destroys me in the process. Having realised this, I realised that I need to draw the line much earlier than what my instinct tells me.
Healing, it felt strange being in my latest toxic relationship, I was vulnerable when we met and was just coming out of isolation after spending an enormous amount of time healing from the previous antics, it was more like a trauma bond and I got lost in old habits the more I entertained it, I was bored in life, I wasn’t taking the necessary steps to go with the momentum of what it was I truly wanted, this has gave me that extra motivation but I’m sure I can find healthier ways and people to be motivated around ❤️ the path will never leave you, if your on the wrong one then your scream from your inner person will do unimaginable things to make you realise this isn’t what you really want, just look at the reality and stop trying to convince yourself something that encourages you to abandon how you really feel inside and who you are at your core, and it’s never with someone who is abusive and neglectful, they can ignore their screams if they want but that’s not you if you are researching and looking within to find the ultimate solution, which is to move on ❤️📜 ps probably the kindest I have spoken to myself (in third person) in ages
I either attract broken, mentally unstable men or men I'm not attracted too. Leaving very few options in the dating world
Me too! On the daily . And it's so freaking depressing 😔! And it always BLACK guys! 😤
@@serenatate2672 yeah that's why I stopped messing with them...no matter how much I love them the most but they will never appreciate that
Serena Tate reading this I don’t feel so bad now. I love my kings god knows I do but they have given me the most problems 😢
Hell I just had another bad experience at work with one of them. And also last Friday Saturday and Sunday they're just so disrespectful! Black males only motivation is getting new pussy! And that's facts!
@@serenatate2672 and the most exotic ones they can find too...its hopeless sometimes 😤🙄
I needed to hear this today. This is really making me reflect on what has been going on in my life. I think I’m understanding why I chose the men in my life. Like they say when you know better you do better.
I wished I watched this before I married a broken man.
Totally true. Many are broken and they still have to heal.
I like the use of the word "entertain" broken men. It has the perfect shade of meaning.
Thank you for challenging the mantra of "you attract what you are". I struggled with this as a belief system because although it makes sense, it did not feel all the way like truth! Especially when I took time to adequately reflected on personal relationships and realized that I had put in so much self work prior to (levels of healing, accountability, being supportive, learning how to push through with unconditional love...the hard stuff!, and somehow things still went south. That's when I remembered that 2 people play a role in the relationship. And you can have one attract the other because their light is on. And the other person can pretend and wear a mask of compatibility and emotional maturity etc. but then over time you learn it's not the case. To tell someone in this case, "you attract who you are " is a false and dangerous mindset. Bringing confusion!
It seems like when you have yourself together, the broken men will try all they can to get you. I've literally had to avoid these men at all costs. Because saying I'm not interested is not enough
My daddy always says. "The worst man in the world wants a good woman"...Thanks Stephan...
Truth
In the past I have attracted the wrong kind,But as the saying goes When you learn better You Do Better..Thank you for this .Broken people attract Brokenness! .....
This is serious. Especially when they hide who they truly are. I've had to turn and run after lots of evaluating the situation. This video is great. Thanks Stephan Speaks 😊
This is completely true!! You have to know, love and respect yourself to choose the right man.
Iv noticed the more I get in tune with myself, the more guys i attract. I used to get attached to "broken" men but realised I was allowing these men in. Not only was I allowing them in, it was the story I was telling myself to allow them in. Its bout learning to get picky with who you allow in, not in a arrogant way. In a love for self way.
Iv also noticed that gaining feelings for someone doesn't always mean "love" there just feelings to allow yourself to have n letting them come n go.
The one will make the effort, the conversation is free flowing, the connection is free of all conditioning, it's easy, its flowing, it feels secure, it feels right without a doubt. The attraction goes beyond the physical form of the person and most of all YOU BOTH FEEL IT.
You then see how all the wrong ones were wrong. Sometimes you see it before the right one comes but you understand fully why all the other ones were wrong.
Yes like attracts like but as a healer of a kind and loving nature.. your going to attract broken people who are drawn to your gentle loving nature.
become an educated empath/light worker
Goddess Divine I do massage therapy and energy healing
ashley huss that’s true but we have to be careful who we comfort because broken people will brake you.
Yep.. Story of my life unfortunately!!
I definitely needed this word right here. Keep dropping these jewels King!
Thanks for that. It is quite clear we attract good and bad no matter what state we are in. The issue is whether one chooses to sustain and / enable the brokenness in oneself and / or others.
I totally agree with this video, I ask people around me this very question, who complain about how unhappy they are with the broken person in their lives. They usually don’t have an answer because they are on autopilot going with the flow instead of addressing the deeper reasons why they entertain them.
Once I stopped entertaining less than what I felt I was worth , not only from intimate relationships but also friends and family my reality changed drastically. I no longer feel obligated or bound to anyone’s happiness except my own.
Your the first person to ever say you don't always attract what you are. For years I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Now I know...But I don't know how to stop.
It feels so good to hear someone say most of the world is broken.
People hate the ugly truth, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
ONLY if those people want to change themselves.
My latest method is blocking out close friendships from these guys. I don’t have any guy friends anymore. My interactions with them are limited and professional. I blocked 🚫 one guy from contacting me too often with unnecessary messaging all hours the day. He came across as needy and clingy. I’d already told him I’m not interested in the kind of relationship he wanted
You attract men from all walks of life...you’re just PICKING the wrong ones.
foranimalwelfare facts
PREACH!!!!!!!!
Heck yeah.. Would've saved me a lot of heartache AND mental, physical,emotional, psychological and verbal abuse!!
A lot of them is like an actor..they know how to lie to get what they want.
No one is picking the wrong ones on purpose, no one KNOWS that they have the wrong one as the wrong ones know how to play and act up a "good" front. Honestly your comment sounds like you are blaming women for getting into these kinds of situations when they really don't know who or what that man would be like.
This literally changed my life..the insight i have had from this is mind blowing. I will no longer blame anyone but myself, i have written down some new rules for myself to stick by. I have also decided not to entertain 'friends with benefits' situation as this is breaking my spirit as well. Great video and great insight, thank you Stephan
Not even a four minute video and you have just explained why I am struggling and why I entertain these men. Thank you 💜🙌🏽
Self love is the key to avoid falling in the trap of entering into emotional and physical connections with broken men. I really enjoyed this video! Thank you!
Nope. I've done too many years doing inner healing to get involved with broken men again. It's like they show up in my life expecting me to heal them. You gotta work on yourself doesn't matter if you're a man or woman... yes it's painful emotionally and mentally... takes years sometimes decades to heal but in the end it will all be worth it.
Wow.
I swear this touches very deep. I seemed to become certain broken men "Hero" SMH
Girl me too!!
I thought it was just because you were still broken from your past, and you let things of your past predict your future but this gave me much more insight..💯❤
You just preached my life right at this moment!!! I needed this to get rid of this broken man, love myself more, uncover the wound and just be patient and wait on God for the man IS for me! Never settle for less. I just have to do me and love me till my Husband comes. Thanks again! 🔥👏👏😍😍💕
People should listen to... You....😊
And Derrick Jaxn...😊.and
R.C. Blake's Jr 😊
On...You Tube👍👍
FIRE SIGN I agree!
I agree. I love listening to R.C. Blakes. It's like getting advice that I wish I could get from my grandfather who was a great man, father, provider, etc., but he passed before I was dating age. R.I.H.
Dang....you already know! Those three are the main men I subscribed & listen to on the regular for advice on the way men think in a relationship of the opposite sex.
@@royaldestiny 🤔
@@Brooklynsho 👍👍
Amen!!! I GOTTA STOP ENTERTAINING starting now!!!🤞🏽😊❤
That is so true. I was once pursuing a guy who was not treating me well. Yet I continued my effort despite knowing he was not the one. You know why because I was insecure . My relatives had made me believe that he was an ideal guy - good looking, nice, financially well off and blah blah. That was the premise and it was such a blatant lie. Actually that was my relatives insecurity which they were piling on me and I was buying it because of my unhealthy attachment. I wish I could have gotten rid of him much sooner than I actually did. But yes it stems from another issue. So damn right!!
I don't have any answers to relationships that's why I stay single and i don't look for a commitment or unrealistic relationships. its much safer to just be friends so I don't have to tolerated the nonsense. I'm still learning how to know me. I don't need additional trouble friends is just fine.
I think my issue is not entertaining anyone. Like you said when you are in a great place of healing you attract many, yet I seem to attract broken people. Friends tell me I am too picky, but I've had a habit of settling in the past and there are some things I choose not to settle on this time around. Let's see what happens
This is true. I feel that I am naturally a healer. I stopped thinking it was me that was still broken inside. I love to heal people but I know my limits now. It's not a bad thing. Thanks for the confirmation Stephan.
I am in love with a phenomenal man who is broken emotionally, partly because of me when I was young and dumb and not yet emotionally mature enough to process that rare unconditional love. Now that I’m a woman, I feel a bit responsible for emotionally building him back up but in order for that to be possible, I believe that I will have to love him with a selfless love and put his needs first until he trusts me again💛
Dammit why am I just now seeing this! This is honestly one of the best pieces of dating advice I've heard. You have to have the good self-esteem to know who you should let into your life and who not to. This is why healing and loving yourself first is so crucial. Thank you, a big aha for me today!
I would always wonder why I attract broken men like I'm too good for this. Thank you so much for explaining.
Also very relevant to those in a caring profession. As a Social Worker I find I carry that energy with me and tend to attracr certain types of people both male and female. Switching off that can be difficult but as said, it's about what I'm entertaining... I need to be conscious of the purpose of every interaction.
Thank you. "allows you to have a companion without being completely vulnerable" WOW truth hit my spirit hard
We need more! That wasn’t enough for me to get my life, but GREAT word though.😁😩😭
I needed to hear this I have been asking God whats wrong with me with these men finding me.. I was once told, I forgot until now, people want the God in you. But they may confuse it with wanting to be with you. I realize who I am called to be. I accept the call and guard my heart. Be blessed and know who/who's you are.
I love this truth. That’s what I always say that my attraction of broken men doesn’t define my stance as a woman, but becomes a problem if I entertain them 🤷♀️. Thank you sir
We are here to help them to unlock their inner power and thats why they attract me coz they can feel lighter in their self when they are around me and wondering what I have done..i just told them, I’m here to learn and help you.
Wow, I thought everything you said was true and on point. Thank you. Everyone attracts broken people, especially those who give off that positive, affirming, fun-loving and healing light. It’s up to all of us not to entertain or encourage bad behavior from anyone.
For me I think it’s the thought that I don’t have better options. My self worth. But I also wonder why the ones I feel most connected and attracted to are broken. I’m not scared to leave, but that doesn’t change that I cared for them and wished it was different.
It’s not that I entertain, I “get to know” them and find out their broken. Then move on. I’m realizing I’m attracting these men and wonder why God is sending me them…idk what the lesson is or what I did to get such bad karma. I honestly think I’m meant to be alone for the rest of my life and that’s fine. There’s always some dirt I find out. Shits getting real old.
Thank you Stephan, healing everyday 💚💛
You better say all that and I glad you expanded on "broken". No one IS broken but they have busted behavior patterns and thought patterns to a greater or lesser extent.
Love is no longer the main factor. Everything is about leveling up. A lot of people are out here leading with their resumes. I'm talking about their professional resumes. Thinking this will make them seem more appealing. We are living in different times and no one is willing to adjust. People are giving others the tools to use them. Love has turned into contractual agreements with no foundation. If he needs tweaking he's not for you. Everyone is out here trying to raise someone else's adult son. Sad part is most women draw up the contracts. A contract that is not beneficial to her. All in hopes that he will grow one day. Most men will tell you exactly who they are, if you choose to listen. Listen and choose wisely. Ask about his upbringing. Look for that spark of confidence, while he's explaining. If all someone has to share is their hard times and struggles. That is what you have to look forward to. You should exit. It's not about not being understanding. It's about self preservation. Nonproductive relationships will drain you of all of you positive energy and shut you down. Making it harder for you open up to the right person once he comes your way.
Thank you for this reminder. Spot on.
I am quite sure of who I am and what I want, and I was really sure that I would never entertain anyone who didn’t “feel right” ever again. Sadly, it was much harder than I realized and I ended up compromising, quieting myself just to keep this person happy/comfortable. It ended terribly of course and I got nothing in the end. IT’s so much harder to practice but just showed me i still have some weak spots in that area even though I felt super sure of mysel and what I wanted. Hmmm...anyway, much needed wisdom right now 🙏🏻
Aaaaaaaaamen!!! I used to entertain them, I did a lot of work on self love and now I see a broken man and I'm like, go heal yourself but I'm not a healer or carer I'm looking for a man who's got his shit together. Not hung up on his ex or daddy issues or problems and regrets with his past....sooooooo many broken people. I am FAR from broken now and now I deserve someone great. He'll come along one day and I always have time to meet someone great but not time to waste on someone broken. I'm now single but I'm not alone, I get ME every day and that is more than enough.
Thanks!
I may not have control over who I attract but I certainly can determine who I entertain!
It’s so true but I have been blocking them out of life left and right. I’ll be friends but that’s it anything else is very draining!!!
I swear to God brother that you speak words that I have been speaking with myself alone and I thank God for your message I thank God for you
I love it-“Situationships”. No longer entertaining non-present, I’m only having a bad life men. No more situationships. I can only fix me.
It really is about loving yourself. Because if not you're going to allow a whole bunch of BS come your way and tolerate it from these" broken men".....or women
Idk how this video popped up on my notifications when I wasn’t subscribed but the timing is impeccable
They come but when I see signs of brokenness I jump ship. I need to be uplifted too.
Lol I read this as “broke men” when I first saw it 😂
Naturally Me Naomi same thing yes 😂
Me too lol
Thank you Stephan for addressing that you aren’t what you attract! That was comforting. I did beat myself up and thought how in the heck did i attract someone broken! I am trying to learn from my former partner as much as i can to take with me for my next relationship
OOKKAAAYYYY STEPHAN👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I listen to a lot of your podcasts and a lot of your RUclips videos and I noticed that you mentioned the word healing a lot. I started to incorporate healing and making forgiveness a little more easier than before and I'm seeing some wonderful results. I definitely appreciate you man. Blessings🙌🏾
This is so true!! Thank You For This Nugget of Wisdom!
Straight, no chaser but still eloquent and well thought out. Just how I like it! 👍🏽
This has been my problem lately.. that Im wondering why do I keep attracting broken men who dont have their stuff together. But I quickly choose to not entertain this, often coming out as being difficult or asking for too much.. how is asking for a man to at least has an income/job, education, driving license and at least aspiring to get a car is too much ? Of course the inside counts.. but I cant keep sponsoring men.. Im sorry... I have to think about me first and I hope this new attitude will attract the RIGHT man. Thank you for this video !
Thank you I just posted this the other day!!
It's not what you attract... It's what you entertain!!
Thank you bless man of God
I came across your video it's very rare you hear people speak on men that are broken!! Hopefully you will continue to speak about men that are broken and why in the near future®™®
You brought some valuable insight out in this video. I never thought about we will attract people who are dysfunction or broken some time or another. I do agree, I need to find out why I keep entertaining the wrong type of men. 1 thing I know for sure , I feel like I cannot get many options. I am working on myself though. Thank you, because without truths such as these, we cannot always see the bigger picture, self. I needed this and I need more of your counseling and wisdom. Keep coming back please. God's blessings upon you.
Even good people are broken. I don't see how better relationship experiences could be had aside from platonic friendship. The dating world is just an ugly mess. You can be wonderful and the right people just won't look your way. There's no greater love than that of a small child.
Cynthia C. Castellano 👍🏾I agree
Cynthia C. Castellano on point
Truth
100. I need to do a better job at not engaging with broken men. I truly need to work on my boundaries. Thank you💕
Looking back, I am not a victim. I tolerated bad treatment so I got it. Had I stood up for myself, it wouldn’t have happened
Me and my mom was talking about this today! I needed to hear this.
I really needed to see this video, I'm glad RUclips recommended it. On Sunday I got assistance to deal with and finally ward off a very broken man who had been stalking me for over 7 months. It messed with my mental health a bit, but I am better.
Omg 🤐U SAID A COMPLETE MOUTH FULL. I HAVE LEARNED TO BE MORE CHOICEY WHEN IT COMES TO MEN. IM DEALING WITH SOMEONE RIGHT NOW AND WE ARE TAKING IT SLOWER THAN HIS AND MINE PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. ITS GOOD TO JUST GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER. THANK U FOR THIS VIDEO IT MAKES SO MUCH SINCE. 😁💯
My eyes have been opened wider. Thank you, Mr.Labossiere
I never could identify how to fix this issue but i guess the key is to absolutely love yourself enough to reject such guys, no matter if you need to be single...